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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,121 --> 00:00:03,019 2 00:00:03,020 --> 00:00:04,509 Dude, you live in here? 3 00:00:04,735 --> 00:00:06,615 Yeah, check it out. 4 00:00:08,427 --> 00:00:11,266 Oh, dude, you live in here! 5 00:00:11,291 --> 00:00:12,460 - Yeah. - What the f... 6 00:00:12,461 --> 00:00:14,270 - [chuckles] - How? 7 00:00:14,271 --> 00:00:15,419 So, back in the '90s, 8 00:00:15,420 --> 00:00:17,714 I registered a whole bunch of celebrity domain names 9 00:00:17,716 --> 00:00:19,050 and then I sold them off years later 10 00:00:19,075 --> 00:00:20,378 - and made a fortune, man. - Oh. 11 00:00:20,378 --> 00:00:21,507 Yeah, crazy. 12 00:00:21,508 --> 00:00:23,547 ShannenDoherty.com paid for this carpet here. 13 00:00:23,548 --> 00:00:26,387 Regis Philbin paid for the entire kitchen remodel. 14 00:00:26,388 --> 00:00:27,477 - And Zac Efron... - That's nice. 15 00:00:27,478 --> 00:00:29,166 Thank you... paid for all of my pants. 16 00:00:29,167 --> 00:00:30,286 He wasn't even a thing in the '90s. 17 00:00:30,287 --> 00:00:31,366 Yeah, no, I know. I mean, sometimes I would 18 00:00:31,367 --> 00:00:33,176 just make up a name and get lucky. 19 00:00:33,177 --> 00:00:34,336 - Nice. - Yeah. 20 00:00:34,337 --> 00:00:36,192 Oh, that's a two-man bong. 21 00:00:36,193 --> 00:00:37,615 - Built it myself. - No way. 22 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:39,346 Yeah. Here, let me show you something. 23 00:00:39,347 --> 00:00:41,326 Something better than that? 24 00:00:41,707 --> 00:00:43,676 This is my bong collection. 25 00:00:43,845 --> 00:00:45,295 [whispering] Oh, my God, Clyde. 26 00:00:45,787 --> 00:00:47,796 Oh, my God! Is everything in here smokable? 27 00:00:47,821 --> 00:00:49,236 I mean, can you smoke everything? 28 00:00:49,237 --> 00:00:52,156 This right here plays music when you rip it. 29 00:00:52,157 --> 00:00:54,196 Well, I'm pretty jazzed about that. 30 00:00:54,330 --> 00:00:56,339 And this is the first bong I actually ever made 31 00:00:56,364 --> 00:00:58,302 - back in sixth grade. - Wow. Oh, holy shit! 32 00:00:58,303 --> 00:00:59,372 There's whole half a nug in here. 33 00:00:59,373 --> 00:01:00,452 - There is? - Yeah. [sniffs] 34 00:01:00,453 --> 00:01:02,452 Oh, man, that's from middle school. 35 00:01:02,876 --> 00:01:04,865 - We gotta hit that. - Yes, sir. 36 00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:05,974 - Yes Sir. - [chuckles] 37 00:01:05,975 --> 00:01:08,661 [chanting] Hit it, hit it, hit it, hit it. 38 00:01:09,143 --> 00:01:11,113 [water bubbling] 39 00:01:14,265 --> 00:01:16,264 [coughing] 40 00:01:16,290 --> 00:01:17,440 Yeah! 41 00:01:19,044 --> 00:01:21,069 You okay? 42 00:01:21,070 --> 00:01:23,371 - [gags] - Hey, Clyde. 43 00:01:23,652 --> 00:01:25,681 Clyde! Is it okay if I hit this? 44 00:01:25,706 --> 00:01:28,134 - [coughs] - He seems cool. 45 00:01:29,184 --> 00:01:32,003 Oh, shit. 46 00:01:32,638 --> 00:01:33,687 Can I help you? 47 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:35,044 You mean 48 00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:36,707 "May I help you?" 49 00:01:36,866 --> 00:01:38,714 - What? - May I help you? 50 00:01:38,739 --> 00:01:40,556 You may, I guess. What? 51 00:01:40,612 --> 00:01:42,164 [coughing] Oh. 52 00:01:45,452 --> 00:01:47,331 What are you... 53 00:01:47,356 --> 00:01:48,455 you know him or something? 54 00:01:49,045 --> 00:01:51,025 Know him? 55 00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:54,463 He's the one who did this to me. 56 00:01:58,004 --> 00:02:00,154 57 00:02:02,535 --> 00:02:05,122 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com - 58 00:02:33,506 --> 00:02:34,565 Oh, shit. 59 00:02:34,590 --> 00:02:36,640 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 60 00:02:38,831 --> 00:02:41,800 Are you telling me that Clyde did that to you? 61 00:02:41,825 --> 00:02:43,764 - What? - Did he do that to you? 62 00:02:43,765 --> 00:02:45,090 Oh, no. No, no. 63 00:02:45,091 --> 00:02:46,859 I was torn apart by guerillas in Africa. 64 00:02:46,884 --> 00:02:48,101 - Oh, thank God. - Yeah. 65 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,100 Oh, thank God. [chuckles] 66 00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:51,639 Shit. 67 00:02:51,664 --> 00:02:54,251 For a second there I was like, "I am a fucking shit magnet 68 00:02:54,276 --> 00:02:55,678 for people these days." 69 00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:57,242 Okay, good. Okay. 70 00:02:57,266 --> 00:02:59,599 So, uh... okay, so how do you know Clyde? 71 00:02:59,624 --> 00:03:01,497 I was his middle school guidance counselor. 72 00:03:01,522 --> 00:03:02,395 Oh. 73 00:03:02,396 --> 00:03:04,335 Most of the children I worked with 74 00:03:04,336 --> 00:03:06,255 - were... - Pieces of shit? 75 00:03:06,256 --> 00:03:07,405 Far below average intelligence. 76 00:03:07,406 --> 00:03:09,305 But once in a blue moon, 77 00:03:09,306 --> 00:03:12,345 a child would come along who had the potential 78 00:03:12,346 --> 00:03:14,355 to change the world. 79 00:03:14,356 --> 00:03:16,782 And Clyde was, like, that student? 80 00:03:16,862 --> 00:03:18,445 He wasn't "like" that student. 81 00:03:19,036 --> 00:03:21,576 - He was. - He's a genius. 82 00:03:21,711 --> 00:03:23,345 - Kind of. - Whoa. 83 00:03:23,346 --> 00:03:24,670 - Pac? - Hey. 84 00:03:24,734 --> 00:03:26,385 - What are you doing? - Well... 85 00:03:26,386 --> 00:03:29,255 Ooh! You're talking to a ghost, aren't you?! 86 00:03:29,256 --> 00:03:31,265 Aren't you?! Oh, oh, oh, oh! 87 00:03:31,266 --> 00:03:32,425 - Calm down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Ooh, what happened? 88 00:03:32,426 --> 00:03:35,770 - Uh, actually, it's... - Wait, don't tell me! 89 00:03:35,795 --> 00:03:37,275 - Shit! - Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. 90 00:03:37,276 --> 00:03:40,395 Uh, okay. Is it, uh... is it, uh... uh... 91 00:03:40,396 --> 00:03:43,803 - is it Ethel Merman? - Who... who's Ethel Merman? 92 00:03:44,121 --> 00:03:45,933 - "Who's Ethel Merman?" - Is she merfolk? 93 00:03:45,973 --> 00:03:48,335 - Seriously? - Okay, well, it's not her. 94 00:03:48,336 --> 00:03:50,221 Oh, I give up, then. Who is it? 95 00:03:50,222 --> 00:03:53,350 It is the ghost of your middle school guidance counselor. 96 00:03:53,430 --> 00:03:54,211 Mr. Faggy? 97 00:03:54,521 --> 00:03:55,660 "Mr. Faggy"? 98 00:03:56,234 --> 00:03:57,416 Is that your name? 99 00:03:59,202 --> 00:04:00,331 It's Fa-jzeh! 100 00:04:00,734 --> 00:04:02,733 The "G" is soft. You know that! 101 00:04:02,758 --> 00:04:04,726 He says it's Fa-jzeh with a soft "G" or whatever. 102 00:04:04,751 --> 00:04:06,211 - Oh, shit, it's him! - Yeah! 103 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:07,789 Well, whatever happened with that guy? 104 00:04:07,790 --> 00:04:08,780 I haven't thought about him in years. 105 00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:11,200 You got me fired, that's what happened! 106 00:04:11,225 --> 00:04:12,978 You got him fired, that's what happened. 107 00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:14,444 Oh, yeah! 108 00:04:14,445 --> 00:04:16,414 Yeah. 109 00:04:16,415 --> 00:04:19,364 Oh, I think I may have told the principal 110 00:04:19,365 --> 00:04:21,641 that he had... he had showed me his balls. 111 00:04:21,666 --> 00:04:24,244 Ugh. I had "shown" you my balls. 112 00:04:24,245 --> 00:04:26,294 - You did?! Oh! - What? 113 00:04:26,295 --> 00:04:28,025 - Why? - No, no, no! 114 00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:29,111 He made that up! 115 00:04:29,111 --> 00:04:31,445 Look, I wasn't trying to get him fired, okay? 116 00:04:31,470 --> 00:04:33,468 I was just sick of him always trying to correct my grammar 117 00:04:33,493 --> 00:04:34,746 and motivate me and stuff. 118 00:04:34,771 --> 00:04:36,774 Right, well, you got him sent away to Africa. 119 00:04:36,799 --> 00:04:39,670 Okay, okay, I chose to go to Africa. 120 00:04:39,671 --> 00:04:41,184 What, he get eaten by a lion or something? 121 00:04:41,184 --> 00:04:43,203 - Uh, no. A gorilla, actually. - Whoa. 122 00:04:43,204 --> 00:04:44,303 - Right? - Actually, 123 00:04:44,304 --> 00:04:45,957 it was a band of guerilla fighters. 124 00:04:45,958 --> 00:04:47,396 I got caught in the middle of a political coup. 125 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,290 Holy shit, it was a band of guerillas. 126 00:04:49,291 --> 00:04:50,380 Oh, shit. What kind of music? 127 00:04:50,381 --> 00:04:52,390 I don't know. He did not specify. 128 00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:54,135 Wait a second. If Mr. Faggy died in Africa, 129 00:04:54,235 --> 00:04:55,948 - what's he doing here? - Good question. 130 00:04:56,048 --> 00:04:58,067 Even as the guerillas were ripping me to shreds 131 00:04:58,068 --> 00:05:01,485 and feeding me to actual gorillas, 132 00:05:01,485 --> 00:05:03,544 all I could think about 133 00:05:03,545 --> 00:05:05,564 - was Clyde. - That's weird. 134 00:05:06,110 --> 00:05:07,494 No. 135 00:05:07,495 --> 00:05:09,474 I can't leave 136 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:12,991 until he has lived up to his full potential. 137 00:05:12,991 --> 00:05:15,180 Okay, I got it. It's making sense now. 138 00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:17,754 All right, so how does he make that happen? 139 00:05:17,874 --> 00:05:20,169 By winning first place 140 00:05:20,717 --> 00:05:21,857 at that. 141 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,209 "Sexy singles in your area"? 142 00:05:25,503 --> 00:05:27,603 - Is that a contest? - Oh, wait. 143 00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:31,189 Oh. Oh! 144 00:05:31,190 --> 00:05:33,269 "Big Apple Idea Fair, 145 00:05:33,270 --> 00:05:35,644 where imagination meets wonder and blows your mind." 146 00:05:35,744 --> 00:05:37,769 Oh, okay. 147 00:05:37,818 --> 00:05:39,877 What... what happens if he doesn't win? 148 00:05:39,878 --> 00:05:42,867 There will be consequences. 149 00:05:42,868 --> 00:05:46,768 - Like... aw, shit! - Whoa! 150 00:05:47,818 --> 00:05:48,867 Wait a second, is that a bong? 151 00:05:48,868 --> 00:05:51,310 Okay, Idea Fair, 152 00:05:51,311 --> 00:05:55,290 where imagination eats wonder and blows your mind. 153 00:05:55,291 --> 00:05:57,280 [sighs] 154 00:05:57,927 --> 00:05:59,096 I have an idea. 155 00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:03,286 What if we smoke weed to come up 156 00:06:03,287 --> 00:06:05,277 - with some great ideas? - Great idea. 157 00:06:07,387 --> 00:06:10,296 What about... 158 00:06:10,297 --> 00:06:11,356 lasers? 159 00:06:11,357 --> 00:06:12,456 - Damn it! - What? 160 00:06:12,457 --> 00:06:15,346 You said lasers and I... obviously, lasers, 161 00:06:15,347 --> 00:06:16,757 - and I fucking forgot... - Hey. 162 00:06:16,759 --> 00:06:18,367 What I was gonna say. I'm sorry for yelling. 163 00:06:18,367 --> 00:06:19,495 No, sorry. I'm a blurter. I didn't mean 164 00:06:19,496 --> 00:06:21,365 - to blurt that out. - No, I just... my bad. 165 00:06:21,366 --> 00:06:22,495 Listen... oh, I got it. I have something. 166 00:06:22,496 --> 00:06:25,365 What about... fuck. 167 00:06:25,548 --> 00:06:27,547 Oh! What about a device 168 00:06:27,628 --> 00:06:29,757 that helps you remember ideas that you just forgot 169 00:06:29,758 --> 00:06:32,451 - in your brain? - Holy shit, yes! 170 00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:34,425 - Yeah? - Yes! 171 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,019 - So how would that work? - I don't know. 172 00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:37,838 You know, they say that, uh... 173 00:06:37,863 --> 00:06:39,883 that most people get their best ideas... 174 00:06:39,883 --> 00:06:41,158 - On the shitter? - Close. 175 00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:43,743 Whoa, what is this, pomegranate? 176 00:06:43,784 --> 00:06:45,178 Oh, my God! I think I got it! 177 00:06:45,179 --> 00:06:47,128 Okay, look, even if we have this trampoline here, 178 00:06:47,129 --> 00:06:48,228 it still doesn't take care of the problem. 179 00:06:48,229 --> 00:06:50,138 I knew you were gonna say that, so I propose 180 00:06:50,139 --> 00:06:53,158 we put a second trampoline right here. 181 00:06:53,159 --> 00:06:55,188 Sounds like you boys are onto something. 182 00:06:55,189 --> 00:06:57,083 Mr. Faggy, hi. Yeah, almost. 183 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,218 Not quite there yet. 184 00:06:58,219 --> 00:07:00,149 Ugh, no. 185 00:07:01,229 --> 00:07:03,158 What is this? 186 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,995 The cure for cancer? 187 00:07:05,020 --> 00:07:06,734 That's me, 188 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,688 uh, knocking your reefer device 189 00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:12,889 onto a trampoline. 190 00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,456 This is just an idea 191 00:07:14,457 --> 00:07:16,366 to avoid coming up with an idea! 192 00:07:16,367 --> 00:07:17,496 We're sorry, Mr. Faggy! 193 00:07:17,497 --> 00:07:19,556 - Ideas are hard! - It's Fa-jzeh. 194 00:07:19,557 --> 00:07:22,386 - The "G" is soft. - Fa-jzeh. 195 00:07:22,387 --> 00:07:23,456 - Tell him we're trying. - We're trying! 196 00:07:23,457 --> 00:07:25,376 You're not trying! 197 00:07:25,377 --> 00:07:28,051 You're smoking reefer 198 00:07:28,051 --> 00:07:31,150 and showering together. 199 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:34,130 Now stop farting around! 200 00:07:34,131 --> 00:07:36,558 [groans] That guy! 201 00:07:36,749 --> 00:07:39,050 Fucking... [blows raspberry, growls] 202 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,700 Did he see the trampoline floor idea? What did he say? 203 00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:43,749 Ugh, he thinks we're smoking too much pot. 204 00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:45,749 - [groans] - [laughs] 205 00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:47,699 Actually, he might... 206 00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:48,749 he might be right about that. 207 00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:49,925 Huh? 208 00:07:50,020 --> 00:07:52,476 I mean, ever since I started smoking weed, all of my ideas 209 00:07:52,476 --> 00:07:54,274 are either half-baked or they're about weed. 210 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,273 Now, hang on a second, Clyde. 211 00:07:56,567 --> 00:07:58,550 It sounds to me like you're talking about 212 00:07:59,082 --> 00:08:00,232 giving up the weed. 213 00:08:00,233 --> 00:08:01,342 No! 214 00:08:01,418 --> 00:08:02,703 What? Hell no! No! 215 00:08:02,728 --> 00:08:05,122 All I'm saying... jeez, really? 216 00:08:05,222 --> 00:08:06,602 - That's what you thought? - Yeah. 217 00:08:06,602 --> 00:08:08,101 - For a second I was like... - Fuck! No, no, no. 218 00:08:08,076 --> 00:08:09,793 - All I'm saying is... - this guy is not... 219 00:08:10,135 --> 00:08:11,925 No, what I'm saying is that we have to find 220 00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:13,150 the inventions and ideas that I had 221 00:08:13,150 --> 00:08:14,209 before I started smoking. 222 00:08:14,210 --> 00:08:16,497 Sure, sure, sure. Okay, so, uh... 223 00:08:16,522 --> 00:08:19,600 how do we find the ideas from before you started... 224 00:08:19,601 --> 00:08:21,224 I wrote them all down in a notebook. 225 00:08:21,224 --> 00:08:23,057 Notebook. Okay, where do we get the notebook? 226 00:08:24,154 --> 00:08:26,294 - Buried. - Alive? 227 00:08:29,274 --> 00:08:32,214 228 00:08:33,811 --> 00:08:35,430 I get it. So you just dug a bunch of holes 229 00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:36,560 and buried all your shit in the park? 230 00:08:37,626 --> 00:08:38,530 It's time capsules, man. 231 00:08:38,531 --> 00:08:40,430 You never know when you're gonna need something from your past. 232 00:08:40,431 --> 00:08:42,460 - Time capsule? - Here. Yeah, here we go. 233 00:08:42,461 --> 00:08:44,480 What's a time capsule? 234 00:08:44,481 --> 00:08:46,480 Oh, my God! Is that a Smash Mouth CD? 235 00:08:46,481 --> 00:08:48,480 - [blows] - Huh. 236 00:08:48,481 --> 00:08:50,540 This is the wrong box. This is from high school. 237 00:08:50,541 --> 00:08:52,570 I used to love this album so hard. 238 00:08:52,571 --> 00:08:54,470 Come here. 239 00:08:54,471 --> 00:08:56,361 - Can I keep this? - Yeah. 240 00:08:59,521 --> 00:09:01,085 Okay, so apparently, this is from 241 00:09:01,085 --> 00:09:03,184 your second tour in Afghanistan. 242 00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:05,214 - I don't remember any of this. - Oh. 243 00:09:05,215 --> 00:09:07,075 Okay. 244 00:09:09,255 --> 00:09:11,104 What is this? 245 00:09:11,105 --> 00:09:13,244 Oh, yeah. That. 246 00:09:13,245 --> 00:09:16,244 That was a letter from jail last week when I met you. 247 00:09:16,245 --> 00:09:18,174 Shut up. 248 00:09:18,175 --> 00:09:20,155 Clyde! [laughs] 249 00:09:23,115 --> 00:09:24,234 [blows] 250 00:09:24,235 --> 00:09:26,084 That one's not mine. 251 00:09:26,085 --> 00:09:27,215 Ew! 252 00:09:33,085 --> 00:09:35,114 - What the... - Hold on. Wait, wait. 253 00:09:35,115 --> 00:09:37,144 What is that? 254 00:09:37,145 --> 00:09:39,875 Oh, dude, that's a tiny, little baby skull. 255 00:09:40,089 --> 00:09:41,458 Oh, it's so cute. 256 00:09:41,987 --> 00:09:43,164 - All right, just keep digging. - All right. 257 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:45,094 You can bust through that. 258 00:09:45,095 --> 00:09:47,204 - Aha! - Is this it? 259 00:09:47,205 --> 00:09:49,800 - Oh, no. This is the map. - What map? 260 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,890 The map to where all the capsules are buried. 261 00:09:53,367 --> 00:09:54,456 Say what? 262 00:09:54,870 --> 00:09:56,909 Here it is! Okay. 263 00:09:56,910 --> 00:09:58,719 - That's it? - For real this time. 264 00:09:58,720 --> 00:09:59,307 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 265 00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:00,919 And here's my idea journal. 266 00:10:01,125 --> 00:10:02,425 - Let's do it! - Oh, man, 267 00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,266 no wonder we didn't find it. There used to be a tree here. 268 00:10:04,267 --> 00:10:05,416 - Oh, shit. - I had so many great ideas 269 00:10:05,417 --> 00:10:07,396 back in the day. This is a car 270 00:10:07,397 --> 00:10:09,386 that runs on gas and electricity. 271 00:10:09,716 --> 00:10:11,775 Cool. I think that's already a thing, though. 272 00:10:11,776 --> 00:10:13,715 - Oh, yeah, of course. Um... - Yeah. 273 00:10:13,948 --> 00:10:15,047 What do you got? 274 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,725 This is a... this is a phone 275 00:10:16,726 --> 00:10:19,164 that also has a camera and a computer inside of it. 276 00:10:19,189 --> 00:10:20,775 That is one smart phone. 277 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,745 Shit, you're right. 278 00:10:22,746 --> 00:10:23,765 - What? - Uh... 279 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,140 That's a smart phone, man! 280 00:10:25,165 --> 00:10:27,675 Oh! This is a... a... 281 00:10:27,676 --> 00:10:29,168 a pussy that you keep in your pocket. 282 00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:30,795 - A pocket pussy? - Yeah. 283 00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:32,382 - And you fuck it? - Yeah. 284 00:10:32,383 --> 00:10:33,520 Holy shit. 285 00:10:34,147 --> 00:10:35,390 That's already a thing. I have one. 286 00:10:35,391 --> 00:10:36,550 - It is? - Yeah. 287 00:10:37,394 --> 00:10:39,340 You can order it online. I got a few of them. 288 00:10:39,341 --> 00:10:40,470 - Fuck! - What? 289 00:10:40,471 --> 00:10:42,320 What... okay, what about this? 290 00:10:42,321 --> 00:10:43,430 That's just my school yearbook. 291 00:10:43,431 --> 00:10:44,916 This is a fucking yearbook? 292 00:10:44,941 --> 00:10:47,173 Oh, my God, I've never actually seen one of these. 293 00:10:47,198 --> 00:10:49,350 Back in the orphanage, they just put us in catalogues. 294 00:10:49,351 --> 00:10:52,440 Why'd you cross your photo out? 295 00:10:52,441 --> 00:10:53,470 Uh, I... I didn't. 296 00:10:53,471 --> 00:10:55,370 Why would you do that, Clyde? 297 00:10:55,371 --> 00:10:56,430 [sighs] Let's just go, all right? 298 00:10:56,431 --> 00:10:58,350 Wait, hold on, hold on. What... what? 299 00:10:58,351 --> 00:10:59,895 Who scribbled out your yearbook photo, man? 300 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,440 You wouldn't understand, man. 301 00:11:01,441 --> 00:11:04,381 I mean, I'm sure you were one of the cool kids. 302 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,440 Yeah, of course. 303 00:11:07,441 --> 00:11:09,470 Cooler than you. 304 00:11:09,471 --> 00:11:13,440 Well, not all of us had special powers like you did. 305 00:11:13,441 --> 00:11:16,420 All I had was this bully. 306 00:11:16,778 --> 00:11:19,857 - Brody Keller. - Fucking grody Brody Keller. 307 00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,400 That's exactly what I used to call him. 308 00:11:21,377 --> 00:11:23,070 That guy dunked my head in the toilet so many times, 309 00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:24,129 I got swimmer's ear. 310 00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:26,109 Why do you think I started smoking weed? 311 00:11:26,110 --> 00:11:27,949 'Cause you couldn't hear them telling you not to? 312 00:11:27,974 --> 00:11:29,804 Because I wanted to be cool. 313 00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:33,344 I wanted to stop getting stuffed in my own locker. 314 00:11:33,369 --> 00:11:35,688 You know, Brody left me in there over a long weekend once. 315 00:11:35,713 --> 00:11:38,307 I had to eat my own pet snake 316 00:11:38,332 --> 00:11:40,512 - just to survive. - Ew, raw? 317 00:11:40,910 --> 00:11:42,100 - Hey, that's it. - What? 318 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,240 That's it! That's how we're gonna win the Idea Fair! 319 00:11:44,265 --> 00:11:45,169 - Snake snacks? - No! 320 00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:47,159 We need to put a stop to bullying 321 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,149 - before it even starts. - I like it. 322 00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:52,883 We need to invent a line of bully-proof clothing 323 00:11:52,883 --> 00:11:54,687 - and accessories! - What the fuck, man! 324 00:11:54,687 --> 00:11:56,506 Yes! 325 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:57,606 Wait, Clyde! 326 00:11:57,607 --> 00:11:59,586 You gotta say break right or break left! 327 00:11:59,587 --> 00:12:02,507 328 00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,627 [toilet flushes] 329 00:12:24,557 --> 00:12:25,567 Ah! 330 00:12:28,637 --> 00:12:29,696 Oh. 331 00:12:29,697 --> 00:12:31,667 332 00:12:35,717 --> 00:12:37,666 Yo mama is so ugly 333 00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:39,687 that people forget how fat she is. 334 00:12:40,687 --> 00:12:42,546 Yeah, I can read lips. 335 00:12:42,547 --> 00:12:44,607 - Shit, I'm sorry, man. I... - Fucker. 336 00:12:47,697 --> 00:12:48,737 [grunts] 337 00:12:53,627 --> 00:12:55,637 338 00:13:06,587 --> 00:13:08,626 Only one thing left to do. 339 00:13:08,627 --> 00:13:10,666 Win that Idea Fair. 340 00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:12,726 No. We gotta test this out in the field. 341 00:13:12,727 --> 00:13:14,557 Oh, yeah. 342 00:13:15,717 --> 00:13:20,606 [doorbell chiming rapidly] 343 00:13:21,117 --> 00:13:23,236 God, my heart is beating so fast right now. 344 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,596 It's probab... probably all the Adderall. 345 00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,527 I got it, too. 346 00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:30,676 - Can I help you? - Brody Keller. 347 00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:33,536 Clyde Shapiro. Let's do this. 348 00:13:33,537 --> 00:13:35,526 Clyde Shapiro? 349 00:13:35,527 --> 00:13:37,576 From Don Quixote Middle School? 350 00:13:37,577 --> 00:13:38,716 No way! 351 00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:40,566 Hey, man! 352 00:13:40,567 --> 00:13:42,606 - It's been a long time. - Maybe for you. 353 00:13:42,607 --> 00:13:44,004 What? I don't understand. 354 00:13:44,004 --> 00:13:45,801 Hasn't it been the same amount of time for both of you? 355 00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:47,844 - I was trying to be mouthy. - Oh, fuck. Okay. 356 00:13:47,845 --> 00:13:50,511 - Brody, dinner! - Yeah, coming! 357 00:13:50,511 --> 00:13:53,500 Sorry, guys. Just about to sit down to dinner with the fam. 358 00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:55,460 Oh, hey, you two wanna join? 359 00:13:55,461 --> 00:13:56,480 - Yeah, sure. - What? 360 00:13:56,481 --> 00:13:57,520 - No, wait. - What, no! 361 00:13:57,858 --> 00:13:59,196 Don't you wanna give me a noogie 362 00:13:59,196 --> 00:14:02,027 or tell me my mom has AIDS and I caught it from her 363 00:14:02,027 --> 00:14:03,672 when I was coming out of her vagina 364 00:14:03,673 --> 00:14:05,622 and now it's only a matter of time before I die? 365 00:14:05,623 --> 00:14:07,612 [sighs] Jeez, man. 366 00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:08,722 I was pretty awful, huh? 367 00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,350 Regularly. 368 00:14:10,375 --> 00:14:12,354 You know, I was just a lost kid. 369 00:14:12,831 --> 00:14:14,248 I was just trying to gain some control 370 00:14:14,273 --> 00:14:15,553 by keeping you down. 371 00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:17,562 So you have no desire to bully me right now? 372 00:14:17,563 --> 00:14:18,672 No, I'm a changed man, Clyde. 373 00:14:18,673 --> 00:14:20,632 I'm a father now. 374 00:14:20,633 --> 00:14:23,448 I'm married. I work with autistic kids. 375 00:14:23,449 --> 00:14:26,084 Okay, so you have no urge to say, 376 00:14:26,673 --> 00:14:29,512 I don't know, punch Clyde right in his big, dumb face? 377 00:14:29,513 --> 00:14:30,987 None whatsoever. 378 00:14:30,988 --> 00:14:32,600 - Just a tap on the chin? - Nah. 379 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:33,718 Dude, it would really help us out right now. 380 00:14:33,718 --> 00:14:36,387 - Nah, - I just, you know... sorry, guys. 381 00:14:36,388 --> 00:14:38,053 I... I can't. 382 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,548 All right. 383 00:14:39,548 --> 00:14:41,487 - Okay. - Thanks, asshole. 384 00:14:41,488 --> 00:14:43,537 Shitballs. 385 00:14:43,538 --> 00:14:45,587 What do we do now? 386 00:14:45,588 --> 00:14:47,809 Hey, girls, I know what we could do now. 387 00:14:47,809 --> 00:14:49,748 [groaning] 388 00:14:49,749 --> 00:14:52,728 - Oh, that's familiar. - Ah! 389 00:14:52,729 --> 00:14:54,668 [groaning] Oh, shit. 390 00:14:54,669 --> 00:14:58,649 - Oh, the anus. - Oh, so exposed. 391 00:15:00,669 --> 00:15:02,629 The anus. 392 00:15:03,629 --> 00:15:04,819 All right. 393 00:15:06,759 --> 00:15:09,808 Okay, you ready? 394 00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:11,192 I'm ready. 395 00:15:11,192 --> 00:15:13,131 [screaming] 396 00:15:13,132 --> 00:15:14,191 - Oh! - Did it hurt? 397 00:15:14,192 --> 00:15:17,071 No, it was, uh... 398 00:15:17,738 --> 00:15:18,907 it was refreshing. 399 00:15:18,953 --> 00:15:20,150 Pac, 400 00:15:20,152 --> 00:15:22,201 we're literally sitting on a million-dollar idea. 401 00:15:22,202 --> 00:15:24,071 [grunts] 402 00:15:24,072 --> 00:15:26,478 - Oh, it was refreshing! - Right? 403 00:15:26,503 --> 00:15:27,271 Yeah. 404 00:15:27,272 --> 00:15:30,222 - Oh, it smells like money. - Yeah, right? 405 00:15:32,142 --> 00:15:34,192 406 00:15:53,092 --> 00:15:54,141 Good morrow, milady. 407 00:15:54,142 --> 00:15:56,251 We are here to win the pres... 408 00:15:57,345 --> 00:15:59,479 prestigious Big Apple Idea Fair. 409 00:15:59,504 --> 00:16:01,633 Ooh, I like your enthusiasm! 410 00:16:02,658 --> 00:16:04,544 Believe me, enthusiasm has nothing to do with it. 411 00:16:04,544 --> 00:16:06,300 Except for when we came up with the idea. 412 00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:06,795 Obviously. 413 00:16:06,937 --> 00:16:09,259 Okay, well, I will be happy to sign you in. 414 00:16:09,284 --> 00:16:10,420 Where is your child? 415 00:16:10,422 --> 00:16:12,401 [children playing] 416 00:16:12,402 --> 00:16:14,371 My what? 417 00:16:14,372 --> 00:16:15,552 Your child. 418 00:16:17,412 --> 00:16:19,412 [children continue playing] 419 00:16:22,452 --> 00:16:25,382 Oh, you mean one of these? 420 00:16:28,482 --> 00:16:30,601 421 00:16:30,602 --> 00:16:32,541 This is... this... ugh! 422 00:16:32,939 --> 00:16:36,344 Where in the fart are we gonna find a kid on such short notice? 423 00:16:36,345 --> 00:16:38,353 Pac, even if we had ample notice, 424 00:16:38,354 --> 00:16:39,423 it would still be a whole thing. 425 00:16:39,424 --> 00:16:40,503 Yeah, all right. 426 00:16:40,504 --> 00:16:42,403 What... all right, spitballing here. 427 00:16:42,404 --> 00:16:44,396 What about this... we lift a kid from the street. 428 00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,173 We gotta keep this professional. 429 00:16:46,198 --> 00:16:47,818 - Okay? - Yes. Yeah. 430 00:16:47,819 --> 00:16:49,233 Professional. Agreed. 431 00:16:49,233 --> 00:16:52,202 - What do you have in mind? - Craigslist. Let's go. 432 00:16:52,203 --> 00:16:53,352 Yeah. 433 00:16:54,278 --> 00:16:55,910 Okay, Craigslist. Here we go. 434 00:16:55,911 --> 00:16:58,778 Wedgie-proof underwear inventeurs 435 00:16:58,779 --> 00:16:59,878 - looking for... - Wait, hold on. 436 00:16:59,879 --> 00:17:02,100 Pac, this is a multimillion-dollar idea. 437 00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:04,299 We can't just put this online for some schmuck to steal. 438 00:17:04,299 --> 00:17:06,578 - Oh, fuck. You're right. - We have to be very specific 439 00:17:06,603 --> 00:17:07,692 - about how we word this, right? - [clears throat] 440 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,198 - Just the basics. - Okay, here we go. 441 00:17:09,198 --> 00:17:11,326 - Try again. - Uh, how about 442 00:17:11,327 --> 00:17:14,316 "men seeking boy for underwear experiment"? 443 00:17:14,317 --> 00:17:15,920 - Perfect. - Right? 444 00:17:15,992 --> 00:17:17,246 Yeah. 445 00:17:17,247 --> 00:17:19,386 - [mouse clicks] - And there it goes. 446 00:17:19,918 --> 00:17:21,888 Okay. 447 00:17:23,317 --> 00:17:25,256 - [exhales] - Hey, Clyde, uh... 448 00:17:25,927 --> 00:17:26,896 you remember earlier 449 00:17:26,897 --> 00:17:27,870 when you were telling me about getting bullied 450 00:17:27,871 --> 00:17:30,197 and you assumed that I was one of the cool kids? 451 00:17:30,222 --> 00:17:31,301 - Yeah. - [computer chimes] 452 00:17:31,302 --> 00:17:33,261 You were right! Look, there's an email. 453 00:17:33,262 --> 00:17:37,201 Look at that. His name is Dustin. 454 00:17:37,293 --> 00:17:39,576 I like him already. He loves "pizzah." 455 00:17:39,611 --> 00:17:41,282 - So do I. - Amazing. 456 00:17:41,282 --> 00:17:42,858 I'm gonna see if he can meet right now. 457 00:17:42,883 --> 00:17:44,763 Sweet, good idea. 458 00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:46,371 [email whooshes] 459 00:17:46,372 --> 00:17:49,331 - Done. - Phew! 460 00:17:49,332 --> 00:17:51,371 - [computer chimes] - Whoa. 461 00:17:52,089 --> 00:17:52,913 He's in! 462 00:17:52,961 --> 00:17:54,307 And such a fast emailer. 463 00:17:54,332 --> 00:17:56,291 - Wow! - [knocking on door] 464 00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,251 Hey, fellas, come on in! 465 00:17:59,261 --> 00:18:01,062 Okay. Actually, man, we should probably get going 466 00:18:01,062 --> 00:18:02,552 if we're gonna make it to the fair in time. 467 00:18:02,553 --> 00:18:03,544 No problemo. 468 00:18:03,544 --> 00:18:05,443 I just gotta feed my hamster upstairs first. 469 00:18:05,445 --> 00:18:06,584 Make yourselves comfy. 470 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:09,494 - Yeah. Oh. - Oh, that is springy. 471 00:18:09,495 --> 00:18:11,554 - Hey, he's cute, right? - Yeah, he's super cute. 472 00:18:11,555 --> 00:18:13,434 - Yeah. - I didn't expect that. 473 00:18:13,435 --> 00:18:15,089 - Yeah. - He's really well-mannered, too. 474 00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:16,808 He is. I like that he's going up to feed his hamster. 475 00:18:16,808 --> 00:18:19,083 - It shows responsibility. - That is true. 476 00:18:19,108 --> 00:18:20,494 Yeah. You know what? 477 00:18:20,748 --> 00:18:22,707 I think we kind of hit the jackpot here. 478 00:18:22,708 --> 00:18:23,807 - Yep. - Cha-ching! 479 00:18:23,808 --> 00:18:26,372 Right? I'm excited! 480 00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:28,224 - [grunts] - Hello, gentlemen. 481 00:18:28,486 --> 00:18:30,450 - Sir. - Oh, herro! 482 00:18:30,452 --> 00:18:31,511 Do you know who I am? 483 00:18:31,512 --> 00:18:33,332 Uh, I presume Dustin's dad. 484 00:18:33,427 --> 00:18:35,491 - Try again. - Dustin's grandfather? 485 00:18:35,492 --> 00:18:37,501 My name is Chris Andersen. 486 00:18:37,502 --> 00:18:41,441 I'm the host of the show "America's Dumbest Predators." 487 00:18:41,442 --> 00:18:45,502 [singing theme song] 488 00:18:47,572 --> 00:18:50,461 No? 489 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,561 Pac, this guy's creeping me out. 490 00:18:52,562 --> 00:18:54,971 Do you know how old Dustin is? 491 00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:57,908 Uh, yeah, nosey. 492 00:18:57,933 --> 00:19:00,421 - He's 12, I think. - He's actually 11. 493 00:19:00,422 --> 00:19:01,302 Sweet. 494 00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:02,901 You know that makes what you're doing here illegal? 495 00:19:02,902 --> 00:19:03,949 Uh, no. We were told 496 00:19:03,950 --> 00:19:05,742 that any child up to and including the age of 12 497 00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:07,608 - was totally fine. - Fair game. 498 00:19:07,648 --> 00:19:09,627 Soliciting sex from a minor? 499 00:19:09,628 --> 00:19:10,875 That's not what's going on here! 500 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,207 Sex?! What?! No! 501 00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:15,389 We just... listen. We just needed to get this kid 502 00:19:15,414 --> 00:19:16,503 to come back down to the city with us 503 00:19:16,504 --> 00:19:17,851 so we can test out a pair of underwear 504 00:19:17,876 --> 00:19:19,652 that rips off of his body easily. 505 00:19:20,141 --> 00:19:22,160 Okay, I'm hearing how that sounds now. 506 00:19:22,185 --> 00:19:23,841 I have here your email exchange 507 00:19:23,866 --> 00:19:25,845 - with young Dustin. - Good. Proof. 508 00:19:25,846 --> 00:19:27,248 Here you ask him, 509 00:19:27,248 --> 00:19:30,185 "Are you cute in a way that adults would find appealing?" 510 00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:32,097 Yeah, because the judges of the competition... 511 00:19:32,098 --> 00:19:35,793 Here you ask, "Do you have good oral skills?" 512 00:19:35,896 --> 00:19:37,745 Well, yeah. One of the categories 513 00:19:37,746 --> 00:19:39,060 - includes an oral presentation. - Yeah. 514 00:19:39,085 --> 00:19:42,131 And here you ask, "Dustin, if we go all the way, 515 00:19:43,055 --> 00:19:46,024 could you fit the two of us into your mouth?" 516 00:19:46,025 --> 00:19:48,934 Yeah, becau... wait. What? 517 00:19:48,935 --> 00:19:50,065 Let me see that. 518 00:19:53,257 --> 00:19:54,974 Oh, that was meant to say, 519 00:19:54,999 --> 00:19:56,505 "Could you fit the two of us into your month?" 520 00:19:56,506 --> 00:19:58,466 Your month meaning that if we actually win the Idea Fair, 521 00:19:58,467 --> 00:20:00,436 it'll probably be, like, a month of meeting with investors. 522 00:20:00,437 --> 00:20:02,496 Hey, Clyde? I think we should make a run for it. 523 00:20:02,497 --> 00:20:04,447 - Yeah. - Yeah. 524 00:20:05,567 --> 00:20:07,506 - Oh! - Oh, no, no! 525 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,486 Okay. All right, I'm going! 526 00:20:09,487 --> 00:20:11,476 I'm gonna... ow, ow! 527 00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:13,446 Why does Clyde get to stand up? 528 00:20:13,447 --> 00:20:15,446 Ah, okay, all right. 529 00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:18,446 - [laughing] - Oh, God! 530 00:20:18,447 --> 00:20:20,376 I got ya, 531 00:20:20,377 --> 00:20:22,366 you lying motherfucker! 532 00:20:22,367 --> 00:20:25,649 How does it feel to be accused of pedophilia 533 00:20:25,674 --> 00:20:27,416 on national TV? 534 00:20:27,417 --> 00:20:30,376 You human sack of shit! 535 00:20:30,377 --> 00:20:31,796 Hey, Clyde! 536 00:20:31,876 --> 00:20:34,755 Now you really can say 537 00:20:34,780 --> 00:20:37,382 I've shown you my balls! 538 00:20:37,407 --> 00:20:39,556 [screams] 539 00:20:39,557 --> 00:20:42,557 Technically, Clyde can't see those, Mr. Fa... 540 00:20:45,497 --> 00:20:47,446 - Oh, never mind. - What? 541 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,566 I'll tell you later. 542 00:20:48,567 --> 00:20:50,476 Okay, let's get up. 543 00:20:50,477 --> 00:20:52,466 [grunts] 544 00:20:52,467 --> 00:20:54,457 [groans] 545 00:20:58,417 --> 00:21:02,436 You're going away for a long time, slutboy. 546 00:21:02,437 --> 00:21:05,728 547 00:21:06,035 --> 00:21:08,422 Dude, we are so lucky we're not in prison right now. 548 00:21:08,447 --> 00:21:09,506 Yeah, I know. 549 00:21:09,507 --> 00:21:12,376 Buying ChrisAndersen.com eight years ago 550 00:21:12,377 --> 00:21:13,496 was the smartest thing I've ever done. 551 00:21:13,497 --> 00:21:16,386 - Yeah. - Well, second smartest thing. 552 00:21:16,387 --> 00:21:17,546 What? What are you talking about? 553 00:21:17,547 --> 00:21:20,376 I think I finally cracked the trillion-dollar idea. 554 00:21:20,599 --> 00:21:22,718 Oh, yeah, man, maybe we should just drop 555 00:21:22,761 --> 00:21:25,006 the whole wedgie-proof underwear thing. 556 00:21:25,007 --> 00:21:26,458 I'm not talking about wedgie-proof underwear. 557 00:21:26,483 --> 00:21:28,473 I'm talking about this. 558 00:21:30,513 --> 00:21:32,622 What do you say, partner? 559 00:21:33,824 --> 00:21:36,402 Wanna go into unfinished business with me? 560 00:21:36,403 --> 00:21:39,572 561 00:21:39,573 --> 00:21:42,512 - Come here, man! - Aw! [chuckles] 562 00:21:42,513 --> 00:21:44,532 [grunts] 563 00:21:44,533 --> 00:21:46,452 How about we hit that two-man bong? 564 00:21:46,453 --> 00:21:48,482 - I thought you'd never ask. - Yes! 565 00:21:48,483 --> 00:21:50,513 566 00:21:56,473 --> 00:21:58,483 567 00:21:58,507 --> 00:22:03,507 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com - 568 00:22:03,557 --> 00:22:08,107 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39406

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