subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Avanti.1972.720p.BluRay.X264-AMIABLE

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech Download

Danish

Dutch

English Download

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish Download

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish Download

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,161 Attention, please. 2 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,567 Alitalia announces the immediate departure... 3 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:39,515 of flight AZ-611 nonstop New York to Rome. 4 00:06:05,838 --> 00:06:08,904 Ladies and gentlemen, we are now approaching... 5 00:06:08,942 --> 00:06:10,983 Leonardo Da Vinci Airport near Rome. 6 00:06:11,023 --> 00:06:14,951 Please fasten your cigarettes and extinguish your seat belts. 7 00:06:14,990 --> 00:06:16,453 We thank you for your patronage... 8 00:06:16,495 --> 00:06:19,311 and sincerely hope that you have enjoyed your flight. 9 00:06:19,344 --> 00:06:20,554 Thank you. 10 00:06:40,115 --> 00:06:41,773 Your name, please. 11 00:06:41,811 --> 00:06:44,113 Armbruster. Wendell Armbruster Jr. 12 00:06:44,148 --> 00:06:46,536 - You are from where? - Baltimore. 13 00:06:46,579 --> 00:06:48,490 It says all that right on the... 14 00:06:48,532 --> 00:06:50,572 - Your profession? - Executive. 15 00:06:50,612 --> 00:06:52,205 If you must know, I'm vice president... 16 00:06:52,244 --> 00:06:54,132 of Armbruster Industries. 17 00:06:54,165 --> 00:06:56,685 What is purpose of your visit to Italy? 18 00:06:56,724 --> 00:06:58,284 To pick up a body. 19 00:06:58,325 --> 00:06:59,887 A body? 20 00:06:59,926 --> 00:07:01,813 A corpse. 21 00:07:01,846 --> 00:07:04,051 Whose corpse? Maybe Dr. Fleischmann? 22 00:07:04,087 --> 00:07:05,810 Dr. Fleischmann? 23 00:07:05,847 --> 00:07:08,213 The man whose passport you are using. 24 00:07:08,246 --> 00:07:10,800 Wait a minute. I can explain that. 25 00:07:10,839 --> 00:07:13,359 He and I exchanged clothes. We forgot to exchange passports. 26 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,287 He must be around here somewhere. 27 00:07:23,737 --> 00:07:25,526 I was on the golf course... 28 00:07:25,562 --> 00:07:27,602 when I got the bad news about my father. 29 00:07:27,641 --> 00:07:29,648 He was killed in an automobile accident in Ischia. 30 00:07:29,689 --> 00:07:30,803 I only had 30 minutes... 31 00:07:30,842 --> 00:07:32,118 to make the funeral arrangements... 32 00:07:32,154 --> 00:07:34,357 if I was to catch the plane. I had no time to change. 33 00:07:34,394 --> 00:07:36,053 And how would it look if I showed up here... 34 00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:38,000 in plaid pants and a red cardigan? 35 00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,258 This way, Dr. Fleischmann. 36 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:49,780 I am not Dr. Fleischmann. I'm Mr. Armbruster! 37 00:07:49,821 --> 00:07:53,945 I'm not Mr. Armbruster. I'm Dr. Fleischmann. 38 00:07:53,981 --> 00:07:55,671 I just did this guy a favor. 39 00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:58,743 Tells me his father is dead. What am I going to do? 40 00:07:58,781 --> 00:08:00,854 There he is. 41 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,706 That's him! 42 00:08:04,671 --> 00:08:07,191 What the hell did you get me into? 43 00:08:07,230 --> 00:08:08,922 I'm sorry. 44 00:08:08,959 --> 00:08:10,999 This is his passport. 45 00:08:11,039 --> 00:08:12,446 Here. 46 00:08:12,479 --> 00:08:14,170 That is mine. 47 00:08:17,183 --> 00:08:19,191 - OK? All clear? - Yes. 48 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,240 - May I go now? - No. 49 00:08:21,281 --> 00:08:22,208 Why not? 50 00:08:22,241 --> 00:08:23,769 Because passport must be stamped. 51 00:08:23,810 --> 00:08:24,792 Then stamp it. 52 00:08:24,834 --> 00:08:27,834 You have to go back to end of line. 53 00:08:27,873 --> 00:08:29,662 Look, I know you foreigners. 54 00:08:29,698 --> 00:08:31,585 I know how you love to push Americans around... 55 00:08:31,618 --> 00:08:34,586 but my father's lying in a morgue someplace! 56 00:08:34,627 --> 00:08:36,481 I've got to get a train to Naples... 57 00:08:36,514 --> 00:08:37,659 and a boat to Ischia... 58 00:08:37,698 --> 00:08:39,225 and if you guys give me a bad time... 59 00:08:39,266 --> 00:08:41,275 if there is the slightest hitch... 60 00:08:41,316 --> 00:08:42,461 if I don't get him back to Baltimore... 61 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:43,961 in time for that funeral on Tuesday... 62 00:08:44,004 --> 00:08:46,426 there's going to be such a scandal! 63 00:09:01,319 --> 00:09:02,846 God almighty. 64 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,455 Eulogy, first draft. 65 00:09:18,249 --> 00:09:22,985 We have gathered here to bid good-bye to a good man... 66 00:09:23,018 --> 00:09:25,832 a rare man, a much-beloved man. 67 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,288 Wendell Armbruster Sr... 68 00:09:28,330 --> 00:09:29,923 was an old-fashioned man. 69 00:09:29,962 --> 00:09:32,897 I mean that in the noblest sense of the word. 70 00:09:32,938 --> 00:09:35,524 In these days of defeatism and disillusionment... 71 00:09:35,563 --> 00:09:38,018 he was one who believed in duty to his country... 72 00:09:38,059 --> 00:09:42,665 devotion to his family, and dedication to his work. 73 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:43,846 Not bad. 74 00:09:45,389 --> 00:09:50,507 He died suddenly and tragically... 75 00:09:50,542 --> 00:09:52,516 far away from his loved ones... 76 00:09:52,557 --> 00:09:55,722 alone in a distant land where he used to go... 77 00:09:55,757 --> 00:09:58,823 to rest his mind and heal his body. 78 00:10:07,472 --> 00:10:11,629 He was a philanthropist, a pillar of the church... 79 00:10:11,665 --> 00:10:14,414 a tireless crusader of all that is decent... 80 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,296 and an ensign in the Coast Guard during World War II. 81 00:10:17,328 --> 00:10:20,426 Friends, if I may borrow... 82 00:10:20,464 --> 00:10:21,709 Yes? 83 00:10:21,745 --> 00:10:24,528 I was wondering, are you Mr. Armbruster? 84 00:10:24,562 --> 00:10:26,154 I'm certainly not Dr. Fleischmann... 85 00:10:26,194 --> 00:10:27,623 so don't you start now. 86 00:10:27,667 --> 00:10:28,943 Why are you shouting at me? 87 00:10:28,978 --> 00:10:31,466 Yes, my name is Armbruster, but what about it? 88 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:33,001 I thought that's what you'd look like... 89 00:10:33,043 --> 00:10:35,410 but I didn't expect you to be so rude. 90 00:10:39,891 --> 00:10:41,069 What the... 91 00:10:42,548 --> 00:10:46,345 Friends, if I may borrow the words of a famous poet... 92 00:10:46,388 --> 00:10:49,618 "Lives of great men all remind us..." 93 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:27,090 Excuse me, but are you following me? 94 00:11:27,131 --> 00:11:28,854 No, not really. 95 00:11:28,890 --> 00:11:31,313 Yes, and how come you know my name? 96 00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:32,850 I know a lot of things about you. 97 00:11:32,891 --> 00:11:35,825 You're 42, you live in Baltimore... 98 00:11:35,867 --> 00:11:37,460 you have a wife and two children... 99 00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:38,612 and you're a former president... 100 00:11:38,651 --> 00:11:41,073 of the Junior Chamber of Commerce. 101 00:11:41,115 --> 00:11:43,483 You read the Newsweek article, right? 102 00:11:43,516 --> 00:11:44,662 Business and Finance. 103 00:11:47,645 --> 00:11:49,587 Incredible, isn't it? 104 00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:51,320 The weather, I mean. 105 00:11:51,358 --> 00:11:53,627 Especially to someone who lives in London. 106 00:11:53,662 --> 00:11:55,418 Last year, summer was two days in June... 107 00:11:55,454 --> 00:11:57,757 and three days in August. 108 00:11:57,790 --> 00:11:59,579 Have you ever been to Italy before? 109 00:11:59,614 --> 00:12:01,883 - No. - Neither have I. 110 00:12:01,919 --> 00:12:05,433 As a matter of fact, I've never been anyplace. 111 00:12:05,471 --> 00:12:06,715 It's a little frightening... 112 00:12:06,752 --> 00:12:09,535 first time in a strange country. 113 00:12:09,568 --> 00:12:12,983 In Italian, everything sounds like it's from an opera. 114 00:12:16,513 --> 00:12:17,974 Do you know what that means? 115 00:12:18,017 --> 00:12:19,195 What? 116 00:12:19,233 --> 00:12:22,048 There's no soap in the bathroom. 117 00:12:22,082 --> 00:12:23,325 How about that? 118 00:12:23,361 --> 00:12:24,922 And when you're in a ristorante... 119 00:12:24,962 --> 00:12:26,719 that's a restaurant... 120 00:12:26,755 --> 00:12:30,017 do you know there are sixteen different kinds of pasta? 121 00:12:30,051 --> 00:12:32,440 Spaghetti, spagatini, macaroni... 122 00:12:32,483 --> 00:12:35,779 cannelloni, rigatoni, tortellini, fettuccini... 123 00:12:35,812 --> 00:12:39,107 manicotti, gnocchi, linguini, ravioli... 124 00:12:40,388 --> 00:12:43,137 Of course, I can't eat any of that. 125 00:12:43,172 --> 00:12:45,059 I don't know if you noticed... 126 00:12:45,092 --> 00:12:47,549 but I have this weight problem. 127 00:12:47,590 --> 00:12:49,412 I noticed that. 128 00:12:53,030 --> 00:12:56,227 And in the hotel, before a maid enters your room... 129 00:12:56,263 --> 00:12:59,044 she asks,"Permesso?" 130 00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,453 And if you want her to come in... 131 00:13:00,487 --> 00:13:02,822 you say, "Avanti." 132 00:13:02,855 --> 00:13:03,870 Forward. 133 00:13:05,383 --> 00:13:08,385 You should really get yourself this little book. 134 00:13:08,425 --> 00:13:11,491 I know all the Italian I need. 135 00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:07,243 My name is Carlucci. Carlo Carlucci. 136 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,037 I am the director of the hotel. 137 00:14:09,073 --> 00:14:10,447 How do you do? 138 00:14:10,481 --> 00:14:12,075 I sorrow for you in your bereavement. 139 00:14:12,113 --> 00:14:13,095 Thank you. 140 00:14:13,137 --> 00:14:15,887 My deepest condolences... and my apologies. 141 00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:17,896 What are you apologizing for? 142 00:14:17,938 --> 00:14:20,872 That it should happen in Italy... 143 00:14:20,913 --> 00:14:22,769 on an Italian road in an Italian car. 144 00:14:22,803 --> 00:14:26,599 - He was a bad driver. - No. It was a bad curve. 145 00:14:26,642 --> 00:14:28,335 As Verdi said... 146 00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:33,105 An act of God. 147 00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:34,700 Where did they put him? Where is he? 148 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:38,483 A very nice place. The municipal morgue. 149 00:14:38,517 --> 00:14:40,818 - What are we waiting for? - Your luggage. 150 00:14:40,853 --> 00:14:41,868 This is it. 151 00:15:15,386 --> 00:15:16,913 How far is the morgue? 152 00:15:16,954 --> 00:15:18,863 It is in the other direction. First we go to the hotel. 153 00:15:18,906 --> 00:15:20,281 Hold it. I want to see the old boy. 154 00:15:20,315 --> 00:15:21,809 The morgue, I'm afraid she is closed. 155 00:15:21,850 --> 00:15:23,825 It is the lunch hour. 156 00:15:23,866 --> 00:15:25,590 It's 2:30. 157 00:15:25,628 --> 00:15:27,962 In Italy, the lunch hour is from 1:00 to 4:00. 158 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,785 Three hours for lunch? 159 00:15:32,285 --> 00:15:34,456 Here we do not rush to drugstore... 160 00:15:34,492 --> 00:15:37,078 for chicken sandwich and Coca-Cola. 161 00:15:37,117 --> 00:15:38,939 Here we take our time. 162 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:42,551 We cook our pasta. We sprinkle our parmigiano. 163 00:15:42,590 --> 00:15:45,906 We drink our wine. We make our love. 164 00:15:45,949 --> 00:15:47,608 What do you do in the evening? 165 00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:50,516 In the evening, we go home to our wives. 166 00:16:00,511 --> 00:16:02,366 Crazy. 167 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:06,585 Exactly how did the accident happen? 168 00:16:06,624 --> 00:16:08,567 I don't know exactly. 169 00:16:08,609 --> 00:16:11,228 It was a dark night, and there was that bad curve. 170 00:16:11,265 --> 00:16:13,754 Maybe he did not see it. Maybe he lost control. 171 00:16:13,794 --> 00:16:16,892 The car plunged straight down a vineyard... 200 meters. 172 00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:18,818 They must have been killed instantly. 173 00:16:18,851 --> 00:16:19,778 They? 174 00:16:19,810 --> 00:16:21,239 The police came, the fire department... 175 00:16:21,282 --> 00:16:22,591 were at the wreck. 176 00:16:22,627 --> 00:16:24,384 It took them hours to get the corpses out. 177 00:16:24,419 --> 00:16:27,583 What do you mean, corpses? How many were there? 178 00:16:29,027 --> 00:16:31,549 - Just two. - Two? 179 00:16:31,588 --> 00:16:34,435 You see, your father... 180 00:16:34,468 --> 00:16:36,673 he was not alone in the car when it happened. 181 00:16:36,709 --> 00:16:38,116 Who was with him? 182 00:16:38,149 --> 00:16:40,353 Nobody, really. Just an acquaintance. 183 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,659 Another guest at the hotel. They went for a ride. 184 00:16:42,694 --> 00:16:44,516 It's beautiful out there. 185 00:16:44,550 --> 00:16:46,143 You can see the whole Bay of Naples... 186 00:16:46,182 --> 00:16:49,498 and Mount Vesuvius and Pompeii. 187 00:16:51,272 --> 00:16:52,799 Here we are. 188 00:17:09,353 --> 00:17:11,558 It sure doesn't look like a Hilton. 189 00:17:11,594 --> 00:17:13,089 I accept the compliment. 190 00:17:17,867 --> 00:17:20,005 This place will never be the same... 191 00:17:20,042 --> 00:17:22,530 now that your father has left us. 192 00:17:22,570 --> 00:17:23,848 I am Bruno, the valet. 193 00:17:23,883 --> 00:17:28,073 I hope you have a pleasant stay, considering. 194 00:17:28,107 --> 00:17:29,090 Thank you. 195 00:17:39,502 --> 00:17:41,606 I will take you to your father's suite. 196 00:17:41,646 --> 00:17:44,516 It is on the main floor because of his bad back. 197 00:17:44,558 --> 00:17:46,467 Sometimes he would get one of his spasms... 198 00:17:46,511 --> 00:17:48,615 and we had to carry him down to the mud bath. 199 00:17:48,654 --> 00:17:51,622 Poor bastard. He really suffered. 200 00:17:51,663 --> 00:17:55,047 It is the price you executives pay for success... 201 00:17:55,088 --> 00:17:57,641 decisions, pressures, anxieties. 202 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,365 Naturally, the batteries wear out. 203 00:18:00,401 --> 00:18:02,572 The transistors break down. 204 00:18:05,392 --> 00:18:07,303 121-122. 205 00:18:09,841 --> 00:18:10,954 If you please. 206 00:18:36,885 --> 00:18:38,315 Nothing has been touched. 207 00:18:39,414 --> 00:18:41,651 He always had this suite for ten years... 208 00:18:41,686 --> 00:18:43,988 July 15th to August 15th. 209 00:19:07,353 --> 00:19:09,874 You must be tired. It's a long trip. 210 00:19:09,914 --> 00:19:10,841 I'm OK. 211 00:19:10,874 --> 00:19:12,051 While you are here... 212 00:19:12,090 --> 00:19:13,846 maybe you should take some mud baths. 213 00:19:13,883 --> 00:19:15,291 No, thanks. I had one on the train. 214 00:19:15,323 --> 00:19:16,403 On the train? 215 00:19:16,443 --> 00:19:18,199 I drank it. They call it espresso. 216 00:19:21,723 --> 00:19:25,203 Your father, he certainly blossomed here. 217 00:19:25,244 --> 00:19:26,673 And the day he would leave... 218 00:19:26,717 --> 00:19:29,466 he would put his arm around me and say, "Carlo..." 219 00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,509 He always called me Carlo... 220 00:19:31,549 --> 00:19:34,069 "What an idiot I am to go back to that rat race. 221 00:19:34,108 --> 00:19:35,603 "I wish I could stay here forever." 222 00:19:35,645 --> 00:19:37,686 To tell you the truth, when he first started coming here... 223 00:19:37,726 --> 00:19:39,133 I thought the place was a phony. 224 00:19:39,166 --> 00:19:40,343 A phony? 225 00:19:40,382 --> 00:19:42,968 All this nonsense about mud and underwater massages... 226 00:19:43,006 --> 00:19:45,079 and radioactive springs. Come on. 227 00:19:46,846 --> 00:19:48,341 You may not know it... 228 00:19:48,383 --> 00:19:51,165 but Ischia has been a health resort for 2,000 years. 229 00:19:51,199 --> 00:19:53,850 The emperor Tiberius came here for the gout. 230 00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:57,369 And De' Medici and Caruso and Sophia Loren. 231 00:19:57,408 --> 00:19:59,798 Sophia Loren has the gout? 232 00:19:59,841 --> 00:20:02,230 No. Here we cure everything. 233 00:20:02,273 --> 00:20:06,070 Take Michelangelo. He had trouble with his kidneys. 234 00:20:06,113 --> 00:20:08,153 He took the waters here and passed three stones. 235 00:20:08,193 --> 00:20:09,983 They're in the local museum. 236 00:20:18,948 --> 00:20:20,442 Shall I unpack for you? 237 00:20:20,484 --> 00:20:22,623 Just put it anywhere. 238 00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:30,116 Operator, I'd like to make... 239 00:20:30,149 --> 00:20:31,872 You're not out to lunch, are you? 240 00:20:31,909 --> 00:20:33,949 Good. I'd like to make an overseas phone call... 241 00:20:33,988 --> 00:20:36,161 to the United States... Baltimore, Maryland. 242 00:20:36,199 --> 00:20:37,824 Maryland. 243 00:20:39,430 --> 00:20:42,595 "M" as in Michelangelo. He used to stay here. 244 00:20:42,630 --> 00:20:44,518 You got it? 245 00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:47,169 Operator? Hello, operator? 246 00:20:47,208 --> 00:20:48,385 You still there? 247 00:20:50,279 --> 00:20:54,622 The number is 426-9956, area code... 248 00:20:56,072 --> 00:20:58,080 All right, I'll give it to you slowly. 249 00:21:02,793 --> 00:21:04,801 How you doing so far? 250 00:21:04,842 --> 00:21:07,744 Good. Area code 301. 251 00:21:07,787 --> 00:21:11,910 I want to speak to Mrs. Wendell Armbruster Jr. 252 00:21:14,091 --> 00:21:17,769 Yes, it was a great loss. That's very kind of you. 253 00:21:17,804 --> 00:21:19,844 Would you call me back, please? 254 00:21:26,733 --> 00:21:29,636 They must have liked my father around here. 255 00:21:29,677 --> 00:21:33,703 Yes. When the news came, everybody was crying. 256 00:21:33,742 --> 00:21:35,335 The orchestra in the restaurant... 257 00:21:35,374 --> 00:21:36,803 they stood around his empty table... 258 00:21:36,847 --> 00:21:38,702 and played all his favorite tunes. 259 00:21:38,734 --> 00:21:42,051 Is that so? As soon as the morgue opens... 260 00:21:42,095 --> 00:21:43,655 we'll go over and claim the body... 261 00:21:43,695 --> 00:21:45,256 and next, we'll make arrangements... 262 00:21:45,295 --> 00:21:46,637 First... 263 00:21:46,671 --> 00:21:48,100 there are certain formalities we must comply with. 264 00:21:48,143 --> 00:21:49,420 What formalities? 265 00:21:49,455 --> 00:21:51,496 You cannot walk into a foreign country... 266 00:21:51,536 --> 00:21:53,423 point to a body, and say, "That's my father..." 267 00:21:53,456 --> 00:21:54,700 and walk out with him. 268 00:21:54,736 --> 00:21:58,218 Why not? Do they think I go around collecting dead fathers? 269 00:21:58,257 --> 00:22:00,779 You have to fill out some official papers. 270 00:22:00,818 --> 00:22:03,119 Regulations about exporting a corpse, they are very strict. 271 00:22:03,218 --> 00:22:04,712 Everything must be in triplicate. 272 00:22:04,753 --> 00:22:06,664 A lot of crap. You fill them out, and I'll sign them. 273 00:22:06,707 --> 00:22:07,917 Certainly. And then there is... 274 00:22:07,954 --> 00:22:10,704 some additional crap to be dealt with. 275 00:22:10,738 --> 00:22:12,528 Such as? 276 00:22:12,563 --> 00:22:14,352 We will need a certificate that he did not die... 277 00:22:14,387 --> 00:22:16,722 from an infection or a contagious disease. 278 00:22:16,756 --> 00:22:18,000 Like what, mumps or measles? 279 00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:20,425 He died from driving over a cliff. 280 00:22:20,468 --> 00:22:21,515 Then we will need a certificate... 281 00:22:21,556 --> 00:22:24,110 that the body has been properly embalmed. 282 00:22:24,148 --> 00:22:26,766 We also need a mortuary passport... 283 00:22:26,805 --> 00:22:28,845 but this has to be issued by the authorities in Naples. 284 00:22:28,886 --> 00:22:31,252 Don't bother me with details. Just do it. 285 00:22:31,285 --> 00:22:34,285 You're exactly like your father. 286 00:22:34,326 --> 00:22:35,755 Then you will have to pay for the road sign... 287 00:22:35,798 --> 00:22:38,068 he knocked over... you know, "bad curve ahead." 288 00:22:38,103 --> 00:22:39,118 Pay it. 289 00:22:39,159 --> 00:22:41,526 Also, you will have to settle with the Trotta brothers. 290 00:22:41,559 --> 00:22:42,803 Who are they? 291 00:22:42,839 --> 00:22:44,880 They own the vineyard where the car went down. 292 00:22:44,919 --> 00:22:46,293 They want damages. 293 00:22:46,328 --> 00:22:48,401 Settle with them. 294 00:22:48,441 --> 00:22:50,350 They're asking 2 million lira. 295 00:22:50,392 --> 00:22:52,017 How much is that? 296 00:22:52,056 --> 00:22:53,813 $3,500. 297 00:22:53,849 --> 00:22:55,824 $3,500 for a bunch of lousy grapes? 298 00:22:55,865 --> 00:22:57,239 No. Let them sue. 299 00:22:57,273 --> 00:22:58,997 I agree. They are crooks. 300 00:22:59,033 --> 00:23:01,751 Then there is the problem with the coffin. 301 00:23:01,786 --> 00:23:03,477 What's the problem? 302 00:23:03,513 --> 00:23:06,384 For export, a special casket is required. 303 00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:08,281 It must be lined with zinc. 304 00:23:08,314 --> 00:23:10,900 It must be absolutely airtight. It must be... 305 00:23:10,940 --> 00:23:12,183 Get one. 306 00:23:12,219 --> 00:23:15,700 There are none in Ischia, but fortunately... 307 00:23:15,740 --> 00:23:17,747 I have located one in Amalfi. 308 00:23:18,716 --> 00:23:21,238 Then there's no problem, is there? 309 00:23:21,277 --> 00:23:22,739 Another thing... I want a helicopter standing by... 310 00:23:22,781 --> 00:23:24,188 to take me and the casket to Rome, so there won't be... 311 00:23:24,221 --> 00:23:25,628 any delay in catching the plane to Baltimore. 312 00:23:25,661 --> 00:23:27,003 The funeral's Tuesday. 313 00:23:27,038 --> 00:23:28,663 Tuesday? 314 00:23:28,701 --> 00:23:31,222 In the morning, 11:00, First Presbyterian Church. 315 00:23:31,262 --> 00:23:32,855 Impossible. You must postpone it. 316 00:23:33,982 --> 00:23:36,852 I what? What do you mean, postpone it? 317 00:23:38,142 --> 00:23:40,990 So many things to do. This is Saturday. 318 00:23:41,023 --> 00:23:43,096 Tomorrow is Sunday. Nobody works. 319 00:23:43,136 --> 00:23:45,339 Somebody will work. 320 00:23:45,376 --> 00:23:48,060 This is a Catholic country. 321 00:23:48,096 --> 00:23:51,031 Then we'll get a dispensation from the pope. 322 00:23:51,072 --> 00:23:53,113 For a Presbyterian? 323 00:23:53,153 --> 00:23:55,520 Get this... come hell or high water... 324 00:23:55,553 --> 00:23:56,731 I'm getting out of here by Monday... 325 00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:58,679 because at precisely 11:00 Tuesday... 326 00:23:58,721 --> 00:24:00,511 work at every Armbruster plant in the country... 327 00:24:00,546 --> 00:24:03,809 will come to a stop so that 216,000 employees... 328 00:24:03,843 --> 00:24:05,250 can watch the services... 329 00:24:05,283 --> 00:24:07,322 on closed-circuit television... in color... 330 00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:09,567 except for Puerto Rico. They get it in black and white. 331 00:24:09,604 --> 00:24:11,775 And there'll be governors there and senators and congressmen... 332 00:24:11,811 --> 00:24:14,234 and supreme court judges, the AFL-CIO... 333 00:24:14,276 --> 00:24:16,447 the glee club from the Coast Guard Academy. 334 00:24:16,483 --> 00:24:18,370 The White House is sending Dr. Kissinger... 335 00:24:18,403 --> 00:24:21,918 and you want me to postpone it? No way. 336 00:24:28,965 --> 00:24:31,333 Excuse me. I'm looking for Signore Carlucci. 337 00:24:31,366 --> 00:24:33,854 - They told me at the desk... - I am Signore Carlucci. 338 00:24:33,894 --> 00:24:36,000 How do you do? I'm Pamela Piggott. 339 00:24:38,407 --> 00:24:41,191 You are not supposed to be here. You are in 126. 340 00:24:41,224 --> 00:24:43,046 I know, but I need some help. 341 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:44,738 All these questions, all in Italian. 342 00:24:44,776 --> 00:24:46,752 I will be glad to help, but not now. 343 00:24:46,793 --> 00:24:48,353 I will see you later. 344 00:24:48,392 --> 00:24:49,985 Damn it! 345 00:24:51,209 --> 00:24:54,504 The faucet says cold, and I burn my hands. 346 00:24:54,537 --> 00:24:55,911 So did I. 347 00:24:57,546 --> 00:24:59,585 Then I looked it up in my book. 348 00:24:59,626 --> 00:25:01,536 "C" stands for caldo... 349 00:25:01,578 --> 00:25:03,783 but that doesn't mean cold; it means hot. 350 00:25:03,819 --> 00:25:05,346 Freddo means cold. 351 00:25:05,387 --> 00:25:07,973 - It's you again. - Hello. 352 00:25:08,012 --> 00:25:10,215 - You know each other? - No, we don't. 353 00:25:10,251 --> 00:25:12,553 Yes, we do. We've been traveling together. 354 00:25:12,588 --> 00:25:14,955 On a train or a boat, there's nothing I can do about it... 355 00:25:14,988 --> 00:25:16,875 but when you come barging into my room... 356 00:25:16,908 --> 00:25:20,324 I assure you, I'm not trying to pick you up. 357 00:25:20,364 --> 00:25:22,786 I'm here to pick up my mother. 358 00:25:22,830 --> 00:25:25,700 They tell me I can't see her until after lunch. 359 00:25:25,742 --> 00:25:28,612 That's right. The place opens at 4:00. 360 00:25:29,934 --> 00:25:32,301 I hate going there. 361 00:25:32,334 --> 00:25:35,880 I'd much rather remember her the way she was... 362 00:25:35,919 --> 00:25:37,708 but I suppose it has to be done. 363 00:25:40,271 --> 00:25:42,246 Wait a minute. 364 00:25:46,193 --> 00:25:48,876 Your mother... where is she? 365 00:25:48,912 --> 00:25:50,604 In the morgue. 366 00:25:50,641 --> 00:25:53,194 What's she doing in the morgue? 367 00:25:53,233 --> 00:25:55,055 What do people usually do in the morgue? 368 00:25:55,089 --> 00:25:56,846 She's lying there... 369 00:25:56,882 --> 00:25:59,784 side by side with your father, I expect. 370 00:25:59,825 --> 00:26:02,893 Side by side with my father? Why? 371 00:26:02,931 --> 00:26:05,200 Because that's the way they were in the car... 372 00:26:05,235 --> 00:26:06,762 when the accident happened. 373 00:26:06,803 --> 00:26:09,138 I told you he was not alone. Don't you remember? 374 00:26:09,172 --> 00:26:10,699 My father and your mother? 375 00:26:10,739 --> 00:26:13,522 Why not? You know how it is in a resort hotel. 376 00:26:13,556 --> 00:26:16,109 People meet in the dining room or play backgammon or... 377 00:26:16,147 --> 00:26:19,214 I'm terribly sorry. I had no idea. 378 00:26:19,253 --> 00:26:20,659 Of course you didn't. 379 00:26:20,693 --> 00:26:22,636 I must have seemed like some sort of monster. 380 00:26:22,677 --> 00:26:24,914 Please forgive me, Miss... I don't even know your name. 381 00:26:26,774 --> 00:26:29,524 If there's anything at all that I can do for you... 382 00:26:29,558 --> 00:26:31,827 There is. Could I have some Kleenex? 383 00:26:31,862 --> 00:26:33,488 I will get it. 384 00:26:33,528 --> 00:26:36,015 Would you like some brandy? Perhaps you'd like to lie down. 385 00:26:36,055 --> 00:26:37,462 Please, don't worry about me. 386 00:26:37,495 --> 00:26:39,983 I don't know what to say. Somehow I feel responsible... 387 00:26:40,024 --> 00:26:42,325 because if my father hadn't been driving the car... 388 00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:44,216 You mustn't feel that way. 389 00:26:45,177 --> 00:26:47,730 If it had to happen, it was more or less ideal. 390 00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:53,265 Warm night, full moon, island in the Mediterranean. 391 00:26:53,305 --> 00:26:55,989 At the height of the season. What more could anyone ask? 392 00:26:56,954 --> 00:26:59,638 Of course, I'm completely at your disposal. 393 00:26:59,674 --> 00:27:02,129 Any difficulties, any expenses involved... 394 00:27:02,171 --> 00:27:03,153 Thank you. 395 00:27:03,194 --> 00:27:04,821 Wait until you hear about all the red tape. 396 00:27:04,861 --> 00:27:05,940 I heard. 397 00:27:05,980 --> 00:27:08,565 For instance, you need a coffin lined with some sort of metal. 398 00:27:08,603 --> 00:27:10,873 Zinc. You better get a couple of those. 399 00:27:10,909 --> 00:27:12,283 I had trouble finding one. 400 00:27:12,316 --> 00:27:14,934 Come on. You can dig up a couple of coffins. 401 00:27:14,972 --> 00:27:16,947 You want secondhand coffins? 402 00:27:20,061 --> 00:27:21,971 Is that Mrs. Armbruster Sr.? 403 00:27:22,013 --> 00:27:25,626 Yes. They would've been married forty-five years this fall. 404 00:27:25,662 --> 00:27:27,386 How sad. 405 00:27:28,318 --> 00:27:31,068 That's my wife Emily and the two boys. 406 00:27:32,032 --> 00:27:34,333 That's one thing I envy you Americans for. 407 00:27:34,368 --> 00:27:37,881 You're all so thin. How do you manage it? 408 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,308 Swimming, horseback riding, golf. 409 00:27:40,351 --> 00:27:42,010 I've tried jogging on Hampstead Heath... 410 00:27:42,049 --> 00:27:43,837 at seven o'clock in the morning in a sweat suit... 411 00:27:43,872 --> 00:27:47,834 but I never worked up a sweat. I just worked up an appetite. 412 00:27:50,338 --> 00:27:52,247 Worked up an appetite. 413 00:27:54,658 --> 00:27:56,087 What's that? 414 00:27:57,058 --> 00:27:59,230 It's a nightgown. 415 00:28:00,098 --> 00:28:01,985 What's the meaning of that? 416 00:28:02,018 --> 00:28:03,579 - Of what? - That. 417 00:28:03,620 --> 00:28:06,238 That. It's a mistake. 418 00:28:10,116 --> 00:28:11,643 Here's another mistake. 419 00:28:11,684 --> 00:28:14,140 I want to know what those things are doing in here. 420 00:28:14,181 --> 00:28:15,742 If I am to get that second coffin... 421 00:28:15,781 --> 00:28:16,926 I had better call Amalfi. 422 00:28:16,965 --> 00:28:18,558 Hold it. I want an explanation. 423 00:28:18,596 --> 00:28:21,379 An explanation? Now, let me think. 424 00:28:21,414 --> 00:28:23,007 I'll help you. 425 00:28:23,045 --> 00:28:24,507 The valet forgot to pack these things... 426 00:28:24,550 --> 00:28:27,617 when he moved my mother's suitcases into room 126. 427 00:28:27,655 --> 00:28:28,603 Right? 428 00:28:29,703 --> 00:28:31,843 You just cannot get decent help these days. 429 00:28:31,879 --> 00:28:32,827 Time! 430 00:28:35,208 --> 00:28:36,670 You mean her mother and my father... 431 00:28:36,712 --> 00:28:37,825 were shacked up together? 432 00:28:37,864 --> 00:28:40,231 I don't particularly care for your choice of words. 433 00:28:40,264 --> 00:28:43,112 All right, they were making it. Is that any better? 434 00:28:43,145 --> 00:28:45,348 Just because two people are sharing the same suite... 435 00:28:45,384 --> 00:28:46,880 or the same... 436 00:28:46,922 --> 00:28:49,475 that does not mean there was anything improper going on. 437 00:28:49,514 --> 00:28:52,297 Now you're being insulting to my mother. 438 00:28:52,331 --> 00:28:54,469 She was a very beautiful woman. 439 00:28:54,507 --> 00:28:55,684 She was. 440 00:28:55,722 --> 00:28:57,665 And a lady. 441 00:28:57,707 --> 00:28:59,233 And your father was a gentleman. 442 00:28:59,274 --> 00:29:02,821 No matter how bad things look, you must believe me. 443 00:29:02,859 --> 00:29:04,768 I have an uncle who is in the college of cardinals. 444 00:29:04,811 --> 00:29:05,924 Would I lie to you? 445 00:29:05,963 --> 00:29:08,354 You're goddamned right. 446 00:29:10,540 --> 00:29:12,198 They were making it. 447 00:29:12,237 --> 00:29:14,539 Son of a bitch! 448 00:29:16,557 --> 00:29:18,216 Do you know how old he was? 449 00:29:18,254 --> 00:29:21,101 67. A grandfather... with a bad back, yet. 450 00:29:21,134 --> 00:29:22,759 I would be proud if my father was... 451 00:29:22,798 --> 00:29:24,457 Shut up. 452 00:29:24,494 --> 00:29:27,310 As for your mother, she ought to be ashamed of herself. 453 00:29:27,343 --> 00:29:28,838 My mother had nothing to be ashamed of. 454 00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:30,604 She was the perfect lady. 455 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:32,200 Meets a rich elderly American in the lobby. 456 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,062 One hour later, she's having drinks with him in the bar. 457 00:29:34,096 --> 00:29:35,819 Two hours later, she moves her things into his suite... 458 00:29:35,856 --> 00:29:37,099 and then... 459 00:29:37,136 --> 00:29:40,235 They didn't meet in the lobby. They met in the souvenir shop. 460 00:29:40,273 --> 00:29:42,989 What the hell difference does it make? 461 00:29:43,888 --> 00:29:45,961 That was ten years ago. 462 00:29:49,586 --> 00:29:50,961 Ten years? 463 00:29:52,850 --> 00:29:55,437 This has been going on for ten years? 464 00:29:55,475 --> 00:29:59,533 Every summer, July 15th to August 15th. 465 00:29:59,571 --> 00:30:00,782 You mean all the time that we thought... 466 00:30:00,819 --> 00:30:03,241 he was over here getting cured, he was getting laid? 467 00:30:04,340 --> 00:30:06,926 This is neither the time nor the place. 468 00:30:06,964 --> 00:30:09,169 Goddamn fool! 469 00:30:09,205 --> 00:30:11,310 Didn't he care what people think or say? 470 00:30:11,349 --> 00:30:13,172 Not to worry. It was all handled very discreetly. 471 00:30:13,205 --> 00:30:15,114 They were registered as Mr. And Mrs. Armbruster. 472 00:30:15,158 --> 00:30:17,362 Mr. And... Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. 473 00:30:17,398 --> 00:30:18,739 Yes? 474 00:30:18,774 --> 00:30:20,716 What? Am I ready to talk to Baltimore? 475 00:30:20,758 --> 00:30:22,253 No, I'm not ready to talk to Baltimore. 476 00:30:22,294 --> 00:30:24,814 Who's calling? I'm calling. 477 00:30:24,854 --> 00:30:26,742 Put her on. 478 00:30:28,376 --> 00:30:29,969 Hello, Emily. I'm fine. 479 00:30:30,935 --> 00:30:32,845 The trip? It's fine. 480 00:30:34,904 --> 00:30:37,424 It was just one of those unfortunate accidents. 481 00:30:37,464 --> 00:30:39,188 For whatever it's worth, you can tell mother... 482 00:30:39,224 --> 00:30:40,980 he didn't suffer towards the end. 483 00:30:42,137 --> 00:30:43,632 I'm working on it. 484 00:30:43,673 --> 00:30:45,648 There's no problems, just red tape. 485 00:30:45,690 --> 00:30:48,538 Questionnaires, permits. 486 00:30:48,570 --> 00:30:50,742 Where do you suddenly find two zinc-lined coffins? 487 00:30:52,603 --> 00:30:54,971 Two? I didn't say two! It must be the connection! 488 00:30:55,003 --> 00:30:56,792 What would I do with two coffins? 489 00:30:58,555 --> 00:30:59,985 No! I'm sorry. 490 00:31:00,028 --> 00:31:01,621 No, I didn't call the embassy. 491 00:31:01,659 --> 00:31:02,706 They're in Rome, and I'm in Ischia. 492 00:31:02,748 --> 00:31:04,340 What are they going to do for me? 493 00:31:04,380 --> 00:31:06,868 How's mother holding up? 494 00:31:08,316 --> 00:31:09,943 And how are the kids? 495 00:31:09,981 --> 00:31:12,502 - Good-bye. - Good-bye. 496 00:31:12,541 --> 00:31:14,068 Just a minute. Where are you going? 497 00:31:16,511 --> 00:31:18,420 See you at the morgue. 498 00:31:22,879 --> 00:31:24,788 How are the funeral arrangements coming? 499 00:31:26,527 --> 00:31:28,796 What? Who's Miss who? 500 00:31:28,831 --> 00:31:30,174 Piggott? 501 00:31:32,481 --> 00:31:35,198 She's... in the hotel. 502 00:31:35,232 --> 00:31:36,279 Works here. 503 00:31:37,409 --> 00:31:39,678 As an interpreter. 504 00:31:39,712 --> 00:31:40,956 Of course you need an interpreter... 505 00:31:40,993 --> 00:31:42,422 even when you go to the bathroom. 506 00:31:42,466 --> 00:31:44,887 In this country, caldo means hot. 507 00:31:57,700 --> 00:31:59,107 This is the morgue? 508 00:31:59,140 --> 00:32:01,376 Yes, sir. Seventeenth century. 509 00:32:01,412 --> 00:32:05,853 The walls are that thick. The coolest place in town. 510 00:32:34,025 --> 00:32:36,840 Good afternoon. 511 00:32:36,873 --> 00:32:39,906 So nice to see you again. 512 00:32:39,945 --> 00:32:41,375 How do you feel? 513 00:32:42,762 --> 00:32:46,723 That's a silly question. You feel the way I feel... rotten. 514 00:32:50,922 --> 00:32:52,898 We will have to wait. He is not here yet. 515 00:32:52,939 --> 00:32:54,914 - Who? - The... 516 00:32:57,484 --> 00:32:58,793 How do you say it? 517 00:32:58,828 --> 00:33:00,170 - The coroner? - That's it. 518 00:33:00,204 --> 00:33:01,448 Don't tell me he's still at lunch. 519 00:33:01,484 --> 00:33:02,564 Very likely. 520 00:33:02,605 --> 00:33:06,052 A coroner, he eats very well. He knows all the widows. 521 00:33:08,365 --> 00:33:10,732 Pretty flowers. What are they? 522 00:33:10,765 --> 00:33:12,654 In Italian, they're called tromboncini. 523 00:33:12,686 --> 00:33:15,534 You don't say. What are they called in English? 524 00:33:15,567 --> 00:33:16,941 Daffodils. 525 00:33:22,798 --> 00:33:24,654 Now... 526 00:33:24,687 --> 00:33:27,535 when it comes to dealing with the authorities... 527 00:33:27,567 --> 00:33:30,285 whatever happened between your mother and my father... 528 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,492 we're going to have to be a little careful, aren't we? 529 00:33:32,529 --> 00:33:34,023 Don't worry about the hotel register. 530 00:33:34,065 --> 00:33:36,041 We fixed it. No more "Mr. And Mrs." 531 00:33:36,082 --> 00:33:39,213 Let me ask you... moneywise, how are you fixed? 532 00:33:39,249 --> 00:33:41,039 What do you do for a living? 533 00:33:41,074 --> 00:33:43,179 I work in a boutique on the Kings Road. 534 00:33:45,106 --> 00:33:46,732 I'm sure you could use a little money. 535 00:33:46,770 --> 00:33:48,363 I mean, anything within reason. 536 00:33:48,402 --> 00:33:49,417 You'll find I'm pretty generous. 537 00:33:49,458 --> 00:33:51,401 You will keep in mind, won't you... 538 00:33:51,443 --> 00:33:52,721 what's been happening to the stock market? 539 00:33:52,756 --> 00:33:54,185 Since January, Armbruster Industries... 540 00:33:54,228 --> 00:33:56,138 has dropped 141/2 points. 541 00:34:40,506 --> 00:34:42,033 Like music. 542 00:34:51,931 --> 00:34:52,946 OK. 543 00:35:46,851 --> 00:35:48,378 Do you, Wendell Armbruster Jr... 544 00:35:48,420 --> 00:35:50,459 swear that you are Wendell Armbruster Jr... 545 00:35:50,499 --> 00:35:52,387 and this is the body of your father... 546 00:35:52,419 --> 00:35:53,980 Wendell Armbruster Sr.? 547 00:36:01,957 --> 00:36:03,069 I do. 548 00:36:04,038 --> 00:36:05,150 OK. 549 00:36:09,638 --> 00:36:11,296 Do you, Pamela Piggott... 550 00:36:11,334 --> 00:36:12,959 swear that you are Pamela Piggott... 551 00:36:12,998 --> 00:36:16,033 and this is the body of your mother, Catherine Piggott? 552 00:36:28,297 --> 00:36:30,534 It is necessary for you to swear. 553 00:36:39,402 --> 00:36:41,159 I do. 554 00:36:42,955 --> 00:36:44,417 OK. 555 00:37:52,084 --> 00:37:54,637 - Thank you. - Not at all. 556 00:38:14,487 --> 00:38:16,723 I'm sorry. Go right ahead. 557 00:38:16,758 --> 00:38:17,774 OK. 558 00:38:29,210 --> 00:38:30,900 Any luck with the coffins? 559 00:38:30,938 --> 00:38:34,004 Yes, sir. My brother-in-law in Bologna... 560 00:38:34,042 --> 00:38:35,503 who happens to be an undertaker... 561 00:38:35,546 --> 00:38:36,920 he has two of those caskets... 562 00:38:36,954 --> 00:38:38,865 and he is sending them out on the first train. 563 00:38:41,148 --> 00:38:42,642 You can sign now. 564 00:38:57,117 --> 00:38:59,387 Come on. Just sign, please. 565 00:39:41,284 --> 00:39:43,390 Not if I can help it. 566 00:40:01,126 --> 00:40:02,882 All right, what happens next? 567 00:40:02,919 --> 00:40:05,570 The red papers go to Naples for the export license. 568 00:40:05,607 --> 00:40:07,614 The white papers go to Dr. Galupo... 569 00:40:07,655 --> 00:40:10,176 to certify there are no communicable diseases. 570 00:40:10,215 --> 00:40:11,873 And the green papers, they stay here... 571 00:40:11,912 --> 00:40:14,246 until we get the coffins from Bologna. 572 00:40:14,279 --> 00:40:17,346 That's all. But we have a small problem with Naples. 573 00:40:17,384 --> 00:40:18,398 Like what? 574 00:40:18,439 --> 00:40:19,967 They are closed on Sunday. 575 00:40:20,008 --> 00:40:21,984 But fortunately, I have a nephew... 576 00:40:22,025 --> 00:40:24,097 who knows an official in the license bureau... 577 00:40:24,137 --> 00:40:27,750 and if he can get him to open the office right after mass... 578 00:40:27,785 --> 00:40:30,601 If you ask me, any foreigner who dies in Italy... 579 00:40:30,634 --> 00:40:32,936 is out of his friggin' skull. 580 00:40:32,970 --> 00:40:36,102 - May I make a suggestion? - No. 581 00:40:36,139 --> 00:40:38,342 - I have a super idea, I think. - Save it. 582 00:40:38,379 --> 00:40:39,655 With all this nasty business... 583 00:40:39,691 --> 00:40:41,580 zinc coffins and health certificates... 584 00:40:41,613 --> 00:40:44,514 and export licenses... why subject them to that? 585 00:40:44,557 --> 00:40:46,729 Why don't we bury them here? 586 00:40:46,765 --> 00:40:48,553 Why don't we what? 587 00:40:48,589 --> 00:40:51,458 There's a lovely old cemetery up on the hill. 588 00:40:51,500 --> 00:40:53,061 They could be there together. 589 00:40:53,101 --> 00:40:54,889 - They'd like that. - They would? 590 00:40:54,925 --> 00:40:56,615 It would solve all the headaches. 591 00:40:56,653 --> 00:40:59,239 Absolutely. The Carlucci family... 592 00:40:59,277 --> 00:41:02,595 we have a large plot up there. They would be welcome. 593 00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,061 Better yet, why don't we bury them... 594 00:41:05,103 --> 00:41:07,307 in the blue grotto at high tide... 595 00:41:07,343 --> 00:41:09,067 or in Venice, like Romeo and Juliet? 596 00:41:09,104 --> 00:41:10,052 Verona. 597 00:41:10,095 --> 00:41:11,339 Or we could build a shrine for them... 598 00:41:11,376 --> 00:41:12,652 with an eternal flame. 599 00:41:12,687 --> 00:41:13,833 It was just an idea. 600 00:41:13,872 --> 00:41:15,814 They were not the unknown soldier. 601 00:41:15,856 --> 00:41:17,382 They were the unknown lovers. 602 00:41:17,424 --> 00:41:19,432 Let's just keep it that way, shall we? 603 00:41:23,281 --> 00:41:24,711 Let's go. 604 00:41:31,314 --> 00:41:34,380 Ask fat-ass if she wants a ride. 605 00:41:34,418 --> 00:41:36,307 Tell him no, thank you. 606 00:42:50,718 --> 00:42:54,875 He died suddenly and tragically... 607 00:42:54,910 --> 00:42:57,528 far from his loved ones... 608 00:42:57,566 --> 00:43:01,047 alone in a distant land where he used to go... 609 00:43:01,087 --> 00:43:03,640 to rest his mind and heal his body. 610 00:43:03,678 --> 00:43:04,955 Bullshit. 611 00:43:04,992 --> 00:43:08,309 He was a philanthropist, a pillar of the church... 612 00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:11,702 a tireless crusader for all that is decent... 613 00:43:11,745 --> 00:43:14,330 and an ensign in the Coast Guard during... 614 00:43:14,368 --> 00:43:16,508 Dirty old man. That's what he was. 615 00:43:16,545 --> 00:43:18,072 Eulogy, second draft. 616 00:43:21,089 --> 00:43:24,319 Friends, coworkers, stockholders... 617 00:43:24,354 --> 00:43:27,257 we come to bury Wendell Armbruster Sr... 618 00:43:27,299 --> 00:43:28,641 not to praise him. 619 00:43:28,675 --> 00:43:32,898 The evil men do... Ignore that. 620 00:43:34,563 --> 00:43:38,687 Wendell Armbruster Sr. Was a man for all seasons. 621 00:43:41,731 --> 00:43:43,041 I mean, avanti. 622 00:43:48,294 --> 00:43:50,399 The suit, I pressed it. 623 00:43:50,438 --> 00:43:52,379 The shirt, it's like new. 624 00:43:52,422 --> 00:43:55,292 Drip and dry... great invention. 625 00:43:55,334 --> 00:44:00,037 Like electric toothbrush, roller derby, Alka-Seltzer. 626 00:44:00,071 --> 00:44:02,210 I love America. 627 00:44:02,246 --> 00:44:04,254 That's a switch. 628 00:44:04,295 --> 00:44:08,071 I lived in America. Wonderful people. 629 00:44:08,104 --> 00:44:10,407 So friendly, so kind. 630 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:12,807 When I left New York... 631 00:44:12,841 --> 00:44:15,078 they took me to airport in limousine. 632 00:44:15,113 --> 00:44:18,528 They put me on plane. They waved good-bye. 633 00:44:18,569 --> 00:44:21,886 - Who's they? - The immigration department. 634 00:44:21,930 --> 00:44:25,246 - You were deported? - Yes, but first-class. 635 00:44:25,289 --> 00:44:29,033 In America when they deport you, they know how to do it. 636 00:44:29,067 --> 00:44:31,751 Big 747. 637 00:44:31,788 --> 00:44:33,217 Window seat. 638 00:44:33,260 --> 00:44:36,075 Beautiful blond stewardess... 639 00:44:36,108 --> 00:44:40,002 feeding me with a spoon all the way across. 640 00:44:40,044 --> 00:44:41,507 Handcuffs, you know? 641 00:44:41,549 --> 00:44:44,483 Who'd you work for over there... Mafia, Cosa Nostra? 642 00:44:44,525 --> 00:44:46,020 Only part-time. 643 00:44:46,061 --> 00:44:49,128 By profession, I am a photographer. 644 00:44:49,166 --> 00:44:50,954 That's very interesting. 645 00:44:52,942 --> 00:44:56,619 You are exactly like your father. 646 00:44:56,654 --> 00:44:58,477 Not exactly! 647 00:44:58,511 --> 00:45:01,031 I mean the size. 648 00:45:01,070 --> 00:45:03,788 So I thought if you wanted to change... 649 00:45:03,824 --> 00:45:05,928 here are all your father's clothes. 650 00:45:06,896 --> 00:45:08,872 This is what he wore? 651 00:45:08,913 --> 00:45:11,116 Plaids, bellbottoms, two-tone shoes? 652 00:45:11,153 --> 00:45:12,876 He had one conservative suit... 653 00:45:12,913 --> 00:45:15,728 but he's wearing it now. 654 00:45:15,762 --> 00:45:18,128 He was a real sport. 655 00:45:18,161 --> 00:45:19,984 See this watch? 656 00:45:20,017 --> 00:45:23,727 He left it for me last year. Spiro Agnew. 657 00:45:23,761 --> 00:45:28,781 And he gave me this lighter. Zippo. 658 00:45:28,819 --> 00:45:31,023 - And a camera. - Is that so? 659 00:45:31,060 --> 00:45:35,916 A Polaroid. Never served a nicer guy. 660 00:45:35,956 --> 00:45:39,338 And as for the lady, she was a pussycat. 661 00:45:39,380 --> 00:45:43,439 Natural blonde. Skin like vanilla ice cream. 662 00:45:43,476 --> 00:45:45,997 Here they are all like black olives. 663 00:45:46,038 --> 00:45:49,551 I prefer vanilla ice cream. 664 00:45:50,903 --> 00:45:53,139 Here. Get yourself some ice cream. 665 00:45:54,103 --> 00:45:59,471 They were such a swell couple. Always laughter, always wine... 666 00:45:59,511 --> 00:46:03,636 and always the sign outside the door, "No disturbare." 667 00:46:03,672 --> 00:46:05,395 They never get up until four in the afternoon. 668 00:46:05,432 --> 00:46:08,979 What's there to get up for? Nothing's open. It's lunchtime. 669 00:46:09,017 --> 00:46:13,109 And every night, the orchestra would have to work overtime... 670 00:46:13,145 --> 00:46:15,567 because they would dance until dawn. 671 00:46:15,609 --> 00:46:17,879 And then you know what they would do? 672 00:46:17,914 --> 00:46:19,638 No, and I don't care. 673 00:46:19,674 --> 00:46:22,391 When the sun came up over Mount Vesuvius... 674 00:46:22,425 --> 00:46:26,452 they would go swimming... no bathing suit, no nothing. 675 00:46:26,490 --> 00:46:27,505 No nothing? 676 00:46:27,546 --> 00:46:29,337 Like the man says on TV... 677 00:46:29,372 --> 00:46:31,793 "In life you only go around once... 678 00:46:31,836 --> 00:46:34,520 "so grab all the gusto you can." 679 00:46:35,965 --> 00:46:39,282 They were swimming naked right outside this hotel? 680 00:46:39,325 --> 00:46:40,754 Why not? 681 00:46:44,765 --> 00:46:48,027 Everybody asleep. Nobody watching. 682 00:46:50,559 --> 00:46:52,381 Except you, I imagine. 683 00:46:52,415 --> 00:46:54,651 I always get up very early to shine the shoes. 684 00:46:54,686 --> 00:46:57,469 And that's where the Polaroid comes in, I guess. 685 00:46:57,503 --> 00:47:00,765 I couldn't help it. It was so spectacular... 686 00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:03,287 the sun coming up on the Bay of Naples. 687 00:47:03,328 --> 00:47:06,296 I know, yes, and Mount Vesuvius and Pompeii. 688 00:47:06,337 --> 00:47:09,371 I am not a landscape man. 689 00:47:09,409 --> 00:47:11,036 Only portraits and figures. 690 00:47:11,074 --> 00:47:12,219 How is your focus? 691 00:47:12,257 --> 00:47:14,330 Perfect. Color perfect. 692 00:47:14,370 --> 00:47:18,626 And the water here, it is perfectly transparent. 693 00:47:18,658 --> 00:47:20,065 So are you, buddy. 694 00:47:21,026 --> 00:47:23,002 Maybe you want to see the pictures. 695 00:47:23,043 --> 00:47:25,312 - Maybe. - Maybe I can find them. 696 00:47:25,346 --> 00:47:27,234 I'll bet you a hundred bucks you can. 697 00:47:27,267 --> 00:47:29,154 It's not a question of money. 698 00:47:29,187 --> 00:47:31,075 I just think that any time one American... 699 00:47:31,108 --> 00:47:33,629 can help another American... 700 00:47:36,389 --> 00:47:38,113 I'm sorry to intrude... 701 00:47:38,149 --> 00:47:40,058 but there are important developments. 702 00:47:42,628 --> 00:47:44,091 What is it now? 703 00:47:44,134 --> 00:47:45,989 I have good news, and I have bad news. 704 00:47:46,021 --> 00:47:48,989 About the coffins, there is a railroad strike in Bologna... 705 00:47:49,030 --> 00:47:50,592 so they put the coffins on a plane... 706 00:47:50,631 --> 00:47:52,191 and now the airport is fogged in. 707 00:47:52,231 --> 00:47:54,598 - Naturally. - But they say it will fog out. 708 00:47:54,632 --> 00:47:56,671 About the health certificate, I finally reached Dr. Galupo... 709 00:47:56,712 --> 00:47:58,337 on the phone in the operating room. 710 00:47:58,376 --> 00:47:59,620 He cannot come. 711 00:47:59,656 --> 00:48:01,663 Why not? How long does it take him to operate? 712 00:48:01,704 --> 00:48:03,940 You do not understand. They are operating on him. 713 00:48:03,976 --> 00:48:05,221 Double hernia. 714 00:48:05,257 --> 00:48:08,039 So now we are trying to get the municipal doctor from Capri. 715 00:48:08,072 --> 00:48:10,944 - About the export license... - Go ahead. Pour it on. 716 00:48:10,986 --> 00:48:12,262 You know my nephew in Naples. 717 00:48:12,298 --> 00:48:14,272 He is not in Naples. He is in Firenze. 718 00:48:14,313 --> 00:48:15,721 But he is going to help us. 719 00:48:15,755 --> 00:48:18,537 So he will take a plane from Firenze to Naples... 720 00:48:18,570 --> 00:48:21,156 that is, unless the fog moves from Bologna to Firenze. 721 00:48:21,195 --> 00:48:23,104 All right, let's have the good news. 722 00:48:23,147 --> 00:48:26,792 That was the good news. The bad news is... 723 00:48:27,755 --> 00:48:29,642 Something mysterious has happened. 724 00:48:29,675 --> 00:48:30,602 What? 725 00:48:30,635 --> 00:48:33,157 You remember the bodies in the mortuary? 726 00:48:33,197 --> 00:48:34,953 Of course I remember them. 727 00:48:36,878 --> 00:48:38,633 They're not there anymore. 728 00:48:40,653 --> 00:48:43,752 What do you mean, "They're not there anymore"? 729 00:48:45,580 --> 00:48:47,337 They are missing. 730 00:48:47,372 --> 00:48:50,023 Signore Cipriani informs me that when he locked up the place... 731 00:48:50,060 --> 00:48:51,305 the bodies were gone. 732 00:48:51,342 --> 00:48:53,993 Gone? Gone where? 733 00:48:54,029 --> 00:48:55,436 That is the mystery. 734 00:48:55,470 --> 00:48:57,926 When he looked in at 5:00, the bodies were still there... 735 00:48:57,967 --> 00:48:59,243 and so was Miss Piggott. 736 00:49:11,215 --> 00:49:13,672 He saw her pull up the shade and open the window. 737 00:49:15,408 --> 00:49:20,744 That kook. That sentimental idiot. 738 00:49:20,785 --> 00:49:23,818 Please. You don't really think she took the bodies? 739 00:49:23,857 --> 00:49:25,199 That's preposterous. 740 00:49:25,234 --> 00:49:26,892 Preposterous to you, preposterous to me... 741 00:49:26,929 --> 00:49:28,839 but not to her, because she's off her rocker! 742 00:49:28,882 --> 00:49:30,606 Hello. Get me Miss Piggott's room. 743 00:49:30,642 --> 00:49:33,131 - I don't know the number. - 126. 744 00:49:33,171 --> 00:49:34,415 Just get her. 745 00:49:34,451 --> 00:49:36,819 Let us be logical. How could she manage? 746 00:49:36,852 --> 00:49:39,307 A little girl like that? Two bodies? 747 00:49:39,348 --> 00:49:41,137 Little girl? She's built like a Japanese wrestler. 748 00:49:41,173 --> 00:49:43,409 What? Try the lobby. Try the souvenir shop. 749 00:49:43,444 --> 00:49:45,452 How the hell should I know? Get her paged! 750 00:49:45,492 --> 00:49:46,867 Signore Cipriani tells me... 751 00:49:46,900 --> 00:49:48,209 he will have to report this to the police. 752 00:49:48,245 --> 00:49:49,489 No police. We don't want any police. 753 00:49:49,524 --> 00:49:50,768 We don't want any reports. 754 00:49:50,804 --> 00:49:52,147 We're gonna handle this ourselves. 755 00:49:52,181 --> 00:49:54,484 Here. Get yourself some ice cream. Bye-bye. 756 00:49:54,518 --> 00:49:55,662 You'd better start checking... 757 00:49:55,702 --> 00:49:57,491 on that family plot up at the cemetery. 758 00:49:57,527 --> 00:49:58,574 I don't believe it. 759 00:49:58,614 --> 00:49:59,727 There must be some other explanation. 760 00:49:59,767 --> 00:50:00,879 What other explanation? 761 00:50:00,919 --> 00:50:02,861 Who the hell else is gonna want those two bodies... 762 00:50:02,904 --> 00:50:04,245 Dr. Christian Bernard? 763 00:50:05,623 --> 00:50:07,729 Goddamn you, Miss Piggott. 764 00:50:07,767 --> 00:50:09,677 Hello, Emily. How are you? 765 00:50:09,720 --> 00:50:10,702 It's Baltimore. 766 00:50:12,087 --> 00:50:15,831 I'm sorry. I thought you were Miss Piggott... 767 00:50:15,865 --> 00:50:18,287 the interpreter. Ding-a-ling. 768 00:50:18,329 --> 00:50:20,085 She keeps fouling everything up. 769 00:50:20,122 --> 00:50:22,031 I can't fire her. I need her. 770 00:50:23,610 --> 00:50:26,293 No problems. Just a few loose ends here and there... 771 00:50:26,330 --> 00:50:28,371 but I am on top of the situation. 772 00:50:28,411 --> 00:50:32,207 Yes, I'm positive. There will be no postponement. 773 00:50:32,250 --> 00:50:33,746 The State Department? Don't bother. 774 00:50:33,788 --> 00:50:36,471 I don't need any help from the State Department. 775 00:50:36,508 --> 00:50:40,121 Yes. I saw him this afternoon at the mortuary. 776 00:50:40,156 --> 00:50:42,228 I haven't seen him lately. 777 00:50:42,269 --> 00:50:44,057 How's mother? 778 00:50:44,092 --> 00:50:46,481 I hope she's all right for the services. 779 00:50:46,525 --> 00:50:47,768 We certainly don't want any hysterics... 780 00:50:47,805 --> 00:50:49,748 with television and everything. 781 00:50:49,790 --> 00:50:51,284 Thank God it'll be a closed casket. 782 00:50:51,325 --> 00:50:52,786 Have you heard from Billy Graham? 783 00:50:52,830 --> 00:50:54,391 That's good. Listen. 784 00:50:54,430 --> 00:50:57,180 What do you think if he did the eulogy? 785 00:50:57,215 --> 00:50:59,124 Because I'm so emotionally involved. 786 00:50:59,166 --> 00:51:02,167 Ask him. What's all the noise in the background? 787 00:51:02,207 --> 00:51:04,793 Kids are watching the Baltimore Orioles. 788 00:51:04,831 --> 00:51:06,425 What's the score? 789 00:51:08,032 --> 00:51:10,519 Give them my love... between innings. 790 00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:12,087 And kiss-kiss. 791 00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:14,747 Where the hell is that Piggott? 792 00:51:17,794 --> 00:51:19,485 I checked with the cemetery. 793 00:51:19,521 --> 00:51:20,895 No bodies. As for Miss Piggott... 794 00:51:20,929 --> 00:51:22,817 - What about her? - She's in her room. 795 00:51:22,850 --> 00:51:24,126 She will not answer the telephone. 796 00:51:24,163 --> 00:51:25,439 She will not open the door. 797 00:51:25,474 --> 00:51:27,548 She won't? 798 00:51:32,548 --> 00:51:35,844 Please, no violence. This is a first-class hotel. 799 00:51:35,876 --> 00:51:36,891 Sure. 800 00:51:36,932 --> 00:51:39,835 And if she really is a kook, one wrong move, one push... 801 00:51:39,877 --> 00:51:41,884 and she will fall off that rocker. 802 00:51:41,924 --> 00:51:43,616 God knows what she will do. 803 00:51:43,653 --> 00:51:46,336 I better play it cool. Watch me. Caldo. 804 00:51:46,373 --> 00:51:48,578 I mean, freddo. 805 00:51:56,199 --> 00:51:57,410 Go away. 806 00:51:58,855 --> 00:52:02,172 Would you please open the door? 807 00:52:02,215 --> 00:52:03,197 Go away. 808 00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:04,963 I have this problem... 809 00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:07,650 because there's no saponi in my bagno. 810 00:52:07,688 --> 00:52:09,280 There's no soap in my bathroom. 811 00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:10,695 Please. 812 00:52:10,728 --> 00:52:11,776 No. 813 00:52:11,816 --> 00:52:12,896 No? 814 00:52:24,714 --> 00:52:26,242 Cool. 815 00:52:26,283 --> 00:52:27,941 You promised. 816 00:52:33,132 --> 00:52:34,626 Where are you? 817 00:52:38,157 --> 00:52:40,261 Did I wake you up? 818 00:52:40,301 --> 00:52:44,491 If you don't leave immediately, I shall call the concierge. 819 00:52:44,525 --> 00:52:48,649 I've been giving a great deal of thought to our relationship. 820 00:52:48,686 --> 00:52:49,634 Operator. 821 00:52:49,677 --> 00:52:50,855 And I have a sneaking suspicion... 822 00:52:50,893 --> 00:52:52,071 there's something wrong with it. 823 00:52:52,109 --> 00:52:53,572 Operator, get me the concierge. 824 00:52:53,614 --> 00:52:55,915 The trouble is, we got off on the wrong foot. 825 00:52:55,950 --> 00:52:58,090 I've been called plump, I've been called pudgy... 826 00:52:58,128 --> 00:52:59,557 I've been called chubby... 827 00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:01,672 but I've never been called fat-ass! 828 00:53:05,232 --> 00:53:07,882 - Did I say that? - You certainly did. 829 00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:10,441 Shame on me. 830 00:53:10,481 --> 00:53:12,303 The truth of the matter is... 831 00:53:12,337 --> 00:53:14,509 I kind of like girls with a little upholstery... 832 00:53:14,545 --> 00:53:16,848 here and there. I think most men do. 833 00:53:16,882 --> 00:53:19,665 I know we have this chemical plant in New Jersey. 834 00:53:19,698 --> 00:53:22,698 And you know what our fastest-moving item is? 835 00:53:22,738 --> 00:53:25,161 Silicone for injections. 836 00:53:28,467 --> 00:53:32,778 Take those models in "Vogue," like Twiggy and all the rest... 837 00:53:32,820 --> 00:53:34,380 nothing but skin and bones. 838 00:53:34,419 --> 00:53:37,585 A man gets lucky, and he ends up black and blue. 839 00:53:37,621 --> 00:53:39,182 You could even cut yourself. 840 00:53:39,221 --> 00:53:41,775 Like making it with a pogo stick. 841 00:53:44,053 --> 00:53:45,744 Are you looking for something? 842 00:53:45,782 --> 00:53:49,262 When you first brought up this notion... 843 00:53:49,301 --> 00:53:50,862 in the morgue this afternoon... 844 00:53:50,902 --> 00:53:51,885 What notion? 845 00:53:51,926 --> 00:53:53,715 About having the two buried together. 846 00:53:53,750 --> 00:53:56,817 I didn't think you were really serious. 847 00:53:56,855 --> 00:53:59,092 I'm as sentimental as the next man... 848 00:53:59,128 --> 00:54:00,535 but we're grownup people... 849 00:54:00,567 --> 00:54:02,423 and if you look at this thing realistically... 850 00:54:11,384 --> 00:54:14,068 What I'm trying to say is I can take a joke. 851 00:54:14,106 --> 00:54:16,626 A joke? Lovers resting in peace, side by side? 852 00:54:16,665 --> 00:54:18,390 Is that your idea of a joke? 853 00:54:18,427 --> 00:54:19,987 All right, damn it! Where are they? 854 00:54:20,026 --> 00:54:21,433 What the hell did you do with them? 855 00:54:21,467 --> 00:54:22,612 I don't know what you mean. 856 00:54:22,650 --> 00:54:24,407 Yes, you do! Come on! Quit horsing around! 857 00:54:24,443 --> 00:54:25,850 I am not to be shouted at. 858 00:54:25,883 --> 00:54:27,955 I am under orders of my psychiatrist. 859 00:54:27,995 --> 00:54:30,036 You got a psychiatrist. I'm not surprised. 860 00:54:30,075 --> 00:54:31,384 It's because of my weight problem. 861 00:54:31,420 --> 00:54:33,362 He's got me on a diet and pills... 862 00:54:33,404 --> 00:54:34,812 and self-hypnosis and sleep therapy. 863 00:54:34,844 --> 00:54:36,186 He wants me to sleep a lot... 864 00:54:36,220 --> 00:54:37,714 because you can't eat while you're sleeping. 865 00:54:37,756 --> 00:54:39,164 Sometimes I sleep around the clock. 866 00:54:39,198 --> 00:54:41,499 Good for you. Right now all I want to know... 867 00:54:41,534 --> 00:54:43,923 Right now, I'm going to have my dinner... 868 00:54:43,966 --> 00:54:45,276 I'm going to hypnotize myself... 869 00:54:45,310 --> 00:54:47,132 and if you want to have any further discussion... 870 00:54:47,166 --> 00:54:48,507 come back tomorrow afternoon. 871 00:54:48,542 --> 00:54:50,910 Tomorrow afternoon? For Christ's sake! 872 00:54:50,943 --> 00:54:52,830 Don't you understand? I'm on a schedule! 873 00:54:52,863 --> 00:54:54,521 You're shouting again. 874 00:54:54,558 --> 00:54:57,341 And in my weakened condition... an apple three times a day... 875 00:54:57,375 --> 00:54:59,164 and a teaspoonful of honey. 876 00:55:07,457 --> 00:55:09,017 Get me the dining room. 877 00:55:09,057 --> 00:55:11,741 Please call from your own phone. 878 00:55:12,993 --> 00:55:15,360 I'd like to make a reservation for two. 879 00:55:15,394 --> 00:55:18,264 The name is Armbruster... Armbruster Jr. 880 00:55:18,306 --> 00:55:21,853 Really? That would be nice. 881 00:55:21,891 --> 00:55:24,444 Shall we say in about 20 minutes? 882 00:55:25,860 --> 00:55:27,387 Guess what table we got. 883 00:55:27,428 --> 00:55:29,403 Just turn off the light and go. 884 00:55:29,444 --> 00:55:30,906 Where they had dinner every night. 885 00:55:30,948 --> 00:55:32,475 I thought that would be kind of nice... 886 00:55:32,517 --> 00:55:36,029 if we had the same table, same wine, same music. 887 00:55:36,069 --> 00:55:37,792 You should have heard the maitre d'... 888 00:55:37,828 --> 00:55:39,236 when I made the reservation. 889 00:55:39,269 --> 00:55:41,212 He had tears in his voice. 890 00:55:43,910 --> 00:55:46,757 This is no time to be stubborn or selfish. 891 00:55:46,790 --> 00:55:48,678 This has nothing to do with you or me. 892 00:55:48,711 --> 00:55:52,507 It's more like a farewell gesture to them. 893 00:55:52,550 --> 00:55:54,274 They would like that! 894 00:56:00,905 --> 00:56:03,108 Shall we say in about 20 minutes? 895 00:56:24,395 --> 00:56:26,818 The fog in Bologna, it has moved out... 896 00:56:26,860 --> 00:56:28,453 and the coffins are on the way. 897 00:56:28,492 --> 00:56:30,248 Great. First we had bodies and no coffins. 898 00:56:30,284 --> 00:56:31,659 Now we have coffins and no bodies. 899 00:56:31,693 --> 00:56:34,246 I have searched the hotel with fine-tooth comb... 900 00:56:34,285 --> 00:56:36,008 even the mud baths. 901 00:56:51,055 --> 00:56:53,423 Of course, you must be. 902 00:56:53,455 --> 00:56:55,244 Same face, same suit. 903 00:56:55,279 --> 00:56:56,359 Good evening. 904 00:56:56,399 --> 00:56:57,381 The table is ready. 905 00:56:57,424 --> 00:56:59,083 Not yet. I'm waiting for the young lady. 906 00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:01,192 Of course. You will wait at the bar. 907 00:57:01,232 --> 00:57:03,535 Everything has been anticipated. 908 00:57:04,977 --> 00:57:06,733 - Here you are. - What's that? 909 00:57:06,770 --> 00:57:09,007 A whisky sour on the sour side... 910 00:57:09,042 --> 00:57:11,725 and for the lady, a Bacardi on the sweet side. 911 00:57:11,762 --> 00:57:14,218 - That's what they used to have? - Always. 912 00:57:14,258 --> 00:57:15,665 Always. 913 00:57:48,631 --> 00:57:50,998 That's Baron Forshmetelli. 914 00:57:51,031 --> 00:57:52,494 He's ninety years old. 915 00:57:52,536 --> 00:57:55,569 Been coming here since before World War I. 916 00:57:55,607 --> 00:57:58,390 Remarkable. This place must take years off your life. 917 00:57:58,424 --> 00:57:59,765 It certainly does. 918 00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:04,373 Every year his nurses, they keep getting younger and younger. 919 00:58:34,686 --> 00:58:36,278 I'm sorry to be late. 920 00:58:36,318 --> 00:58:38,968 I had trouble getting into my dress. 921 00:58:39,005 --> 00:58:40,948 Actually, it's my mother's dress. 922 00:58:40,990 --> 00:58:43,641 That's only fair. Actually, this is my father's suit. 923 00:58:43,679 --> 00:58:45,687 Here's your drink. 924 00:58:45,727 --> 00:58:47,134 What's this? 925 00:58:47,167 --> 00:58:49,534 It's a Bacardi for you and a whiskey sour for me. 926 00:58:49,567 --> 00:58:51,029 That's what they always had. 927 00:58:51,072 --> 00:58:52,566 I don't drink. 928 00:58:52,608 --> 00:58:55,510 Look, Miss Piggott... Pamela... 929 00:58:55,553 --> 00:58:58,716 if this evening is to be a salute to them... 930 00:58:58,753 --> 00:59:00,541 then please don't louse it up. 931 00:59:00,576 --> 00:59:02,071 Of course not. 932 00:59:06,210 --> 00:59:08,250 To mother and father. 933 00:59:08,290 --> 00:59:10,592 Wherever they may be. 934 00:59:24,453 --> 00:59:28,348 I think the captain is signaling. Table twelve. 935 00:59:28,389 --> 00:59:29,982 Yes. Thank you. 936 00:59:35,782 --> 00:59:37,789 Welcome. I welcome you. 937 00:59:37,829 --> 00:59:39,586 The orchestra welcomes you. 938 00:59:39,622 --> 00:59:41,793 That was their favorite tune. 939 00:59:41,830 --> 00:59:43,587 How very thoughtful. 940 00:59:57,000 --> 00:59:59,456 Madam always sat on your father's left. 941 00:59:59,498 --> 01:00:02,148 Of course. It was his good ear. 942 01:00:07,210 --> 01:00:09,861 Shall we start with a little pasta? 943 01:00:09,898 --> 01:00:12,866 We have spaghetti, spaghettini, spaghettoni, macaroni... 944 01:00:12,907 --> 01:00:15,176 cannelloni, rigatoni, tortellini, fettuccine... 945 01:00:15,211 --> 01:00:17,667 tagliarini, buccatini, manicotti, bumbalotti... 946 01:00:17,707 --> 01:00:19,682 cappelotti, crosetti, fuccitti, tranetti... 947 01:00:19,723 --> 01:00:21,480 pappadelli, tagliatelli... 948 01:00:21,516 --> 01:00:23,850 Tell me, what would they have had? 949 01:00:23,884 --> 01:00:26,668 A few gnocchi, a few ravioli... 950 01:00:26,701 --> 01:00:28,938 and some green noodles for color. 951 01:00:28,973 --> 01:00:29,900 Perfect. 952 01:00:29,933 --> 01:00:31,177 As for the wine... 953 01:00:31,213 --> 01:00:34,629 they would always have a Bianco Lela 1961 with the pasta... 954 01:00:34,670 --> 01:00:38,729 and the Carba De Salaparucta with the entree. 955 01:00:38,766 --> 01:00:40,773 Any special entree that they liked? 956 01:00:40,814 --> 01:00:43,368 Indeed. I have taken the liberty... 957 01:00:43,407 --> 01:00:45,262 of ordering duck a I'orange for two. 958 01:00:45,294 --> 01:00:47,368 Super. 959 01:00:47,408 --> 01:00:50,474 Not for me. I brought my dinner. 960 01:00:56,368 --> 01:00:58,257 In that case, I'll have the duck a I'orange... 961 01:00:58,289 --> 01:00:59,566 for two for one. 962 01:00:59,601 --> 01:01:02,667 Would madam like a little cheese with that? 963 01:01:02,705 --> 01:01:04,364 No, thank you. 964 01:01:04,402 --> 01:01:07,217 Shall I take it out to the kitchen and have it peeled? 965 01:01:07,251 --> 01:01:08,461 I'll manage. 966 01:01:08,498 --> 01:01:09,873 Very good. 967 01:01:18,035 --> 01:01:20,556 I admire your willpower. 968 01:01:20,596 --> 01:01:23,596 Do you know how much I weigh? 969 01:01:23,636 --> 01:01:27,533 91/2 stone. That's 133 pounds. 970 01:01:27,574 --> 01:01:30,160 I'm determined to lose at least 2 stone. 971 01:01:30,198 --> 01:01:33,711 You came to the right place. Michelangelo lost 3 stones here. 972 01:01:41,719 --> 01:01:43,607 Bertram and I, we used to go... 973 01:01:43,639 --> 01:01:45,428 to an Italian restaurant in Soho... 974 01:01:45,463 --> 01:01:48,116 but it was nothing like this. 975 01:01:48,152 --> 01:01:51,152 The waiters were all Greek, and the cook was Chinese. 976 01:01:52,761 --> 01:01:54,866 Who's Bertram? 977 01:01:54,905 --> 01:01:56,880 My boyfriend. 978 01:01:56,922 --> 01:01:58,961 We've been together now for a year and a half. 979 01:01:59,002 --> 01:02:00,911 What you would call shacked up. 980 01:02:00,953 --> 01:02:03,507 Would you like to see his picture? 981 01:02:03,546 --> 01:02:04,626 Sure. 982 01:02:04,666 --> 01:02:06,771 That's Bertram, the one in the middle. 983 01:02:06,809 --> 01:02:09,462 - Plays lead guitar. - Is that so? 984 01:02:09,499 --> 01:02:11,409 They're a terrific group. 985 01:02:11,451 --> 01:02:13,306 They call themselves the Four Apostles. 986 01:02:13,340 --> 01:02:14,834 Matthew, Mark, Luke... 987 01:02:14,876 --> 01:02:16,786 And Bertram. 988 01:02:16,828 --> 01:02:19,065 He's also a terrific composer. 989 01:02:19,100 --> 01:02:23,377 Right now, he's writing a rock musical called Splash. 990 01:02:23,420 --> 01:02:25,013 Splash? 991 01:02:25,053 --> 01:02:27,638 Yes. It's about the sinking of the Titanic. 992 01:02:46,208 --> 01:02:51,163 You know, I must admit, I feel rather guilty. 993 01:02:51,201 --> 01:02:52,379 Why? 994 01:02:52,417 --> 01:02:54,206 You're not eating. 995 01:02:54,241 --> 01:02:55,704 I mean about mother and father. 996 01:02:55,746 --> 01:02:58,015 Really? Why? What about them? 997 01:02:58,049 --> 01:02:59,959 Here we are at their table... 998 01:03:00,002 --> 01:03:03,351 enjoying ourselves while they're lying there... 999 01:03:03,394 --> 01:03:05,979 Yeah, lying where? 1000 01:03:06,018 --> 01:03:07,481 On the other hand... 1001 01:03:07,523 --> 01:03:10,207 they would have hated tears and wailing. 1002 01:03:10,243 --> 01:03:12,252 They weren't exactly a conventional couple... 1003 01:03:12,292 --> 01:03:13,536 were they? 1004 01:03:13,572 --> 01:03:16,922 Maybe I'll just have one ravioli. 1005 01:03:16,965 --> 01:03:18,787 Certainly. 1006 01:03:23,717 --> 01:03:26,051 You know what they would do sometimes at dawn? 1007 01:03:26,084 --> 01:03:27,646 Go swimming in the bay. 1008 01:03:27,686 --> 01:03:30,686 Yes, I heard. In the bay and in the nude. 1009 01:03:30,727 --> 01:03:32,385 Then they'd lie on a rock... 1010 01:03:32,422 --> 01:03:34,943 basking in the sun like two baby seals. 1011 01:03:34,983 --> 01:03:36,062 Baby seal... 1012 01:03:36,103 --> 01:03:39,551 That gray-haired, self-righteous son of a... bitch. 1013 01:03:39,591 --> 01:03:41,566 You keep calling him that. 1014 01:03:41,607 --> 01:03:45,186 I have nothing against sex... premarital, extramarital. 1015 01:03:45,224 --> 01:03:46,850 You name it, and I'm for it. 1016 01:03:46,888 --> 01:03:49,736 Just because a man's married, that doesn't... 1017 01:03:49,769 --> 01:03:51,657 mean that he can't have a... 1018 01:03:51,690 --> 01:03:53,096 thing, you know, with a secretary... 1019 01:03:53,129 --> 01:03:54,657 or with an airline stewardess. 1020 01:03:54,698 --> 01:03:56,388 Let's say that you're at a convention in Hawaii... 1021 01:03:56,426 --> 01:03:57,670 and you meet some chick. 1022 01:03:57,706 --> 01:03:59,462 OK, swell. You swing for a couple of nights... 1023 01:03:59,497 --> 01:04:01,408 but then aloha. 1024 01:04:01,451 --> 01:04:05,794 I see. You can swing with ten chicks a year. That's OK. 1025 01:04:05,835 --> 01:04:07,657 But if you're in love with the same woman for ten years... 1026 01:04:07,691 --> 01:04:09,381 that makes you a son of a bitch. 1027 01:04:09,419 --> 01:04:11,657 Love is for filing clerks... 1028 01:04:11,692 --> 01:04:12,969 but not for the head of a conglomerate. 1029 01:04:13,004 --> 01:04:14,281 Thirty-seven companies the man had. 1030 01:04:14,316 --> 01:04:16,706 Can I have a couple of those green noodles? 1031 01:04:16,749 --> 01:04:17,731 For color? 1032 01:05:02,930 --> 01:05:04,841 That's Italian for my mother's name. 1033 01:05:05,971 --> 01:05:07,858 Figures. 1034 01:05:07,891 --> 01:05:09,899 Your father used to call her Kate... 1035 01:05:09,939 --> 01:05:12,526 and she called him Willie. 1036 01:05:16,181 --> 01:05:18,766 What do you know? 1037 01:05:18,805 --> 01:05:20,399 Sorry you never met her. 1038 01:05:20,438 --> 01:05:22,347 She was a bloody marvelous woman. 1039 01:05:22,389 --> 01:05:25,140 Yes, I'm sure she was. Look, Miss Piggott... 1040 01:05:25,174 --> 01:05:28,021 I appreciate how you feel about your mother. 1041 01:05:28,054 --> 01:05:29,996 If you want to bury her in Ischia, why not? 1042 01:05:30,038 --> 01:05:32,560 But when it comes to Willie... when it comes to my father... 1043 01:05:32,599 --> 01:05:34,355 Basically, it's a question of weather. 1044 01:05:34,391 --> 01:05:37,359 In England, people should be buried indoors. 1045 01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:39,821 How's the weather in Baltimore? 1046 01:05:39,864 --> 01:05:41,555 Not very good, really. 1047 01:05:41,593 --> 01:05:42,607 There you are. 1048 01:05:42,648 --> 01:05:45,299 Here you have the sun twelve months a year. 1049 01:05:45,336 --> 01:05:48,239 There's no need to lie in a damp grave. 1050 01:05:48,281 --> 01:05:52,243 It gets so cold and... so lonely. 1051 01:06:43,201 --> 01:06:46,049 Do you mind if we speak English? 1052 01:06:46,081 --> 01:06:47,772 Why English? 1053 01:06:47,809 --> 01:06:51,006 I do not want anybody to hear this. 1054 01:06:51,042 --> 01:06:53,376 It is confidential. 1055 01:06:53,410 --> 01:06:54,588 Who are you? 1056 01:06:54,627 --> 01:06:56,188 Let us say I am... 1057 01:06:56,227 --> 01:06:58,136 from the lost-and-found department. 1058 01:06:58,179 --> 01:07:00,633 From where? 1059 01:07:00,675 --> 01:07:06,142 Tell me, Mr. Armbruster... is he perhaps, by any chance... 1060 01:07:06,179 --> 01:07:08,122 missing something? 1061 01:07:08,164 --> 01:07:12,256 Or should I say two somethings from the morgue? 1062 01:07:22,886 --> 01:07:25,701 I hate to break the spell... 1063 01:07:25,734 --> 01:07:27,621 but before you've lost yourself completely... 1064 01:07:27,654 --> 01:07:30,721 could I ask you just for one moment to be reasonable? 1065 01:07:30,759 --> 01:07:32,101 I'll try. 1066 01:07:32,134 --> 01:07:34,590 Just think. 1067 01:07:34,631 --> 01:07:37,501 Come Tuesday, there will be 216,000 people... 1068 01:07:37,544 --> 01:07:39,432 watching that funeral in Baltimore. 1069 01:07:39,464 --> 01:07:42,312 What will it look like if there's no corpse? 1070 01:07:42,344 --> 01:07:43,752 That would look bad. 1071 01:07:43,785 --> 01:07:45,509 It would be a catastrophe. 1072 01:07:49,898 --> 01:07:51,392 Hello. 1073 01:07:51,433 --> 01:07:53,408 Mr. Carlucci's trying to catch your eye. 1074 01:07:56,555 --> 01:07:58,464 You don't know the people in Baltimore. 1075 01:07:58,506 --> 01:08:00,580 What was a beautiful romance... 1076 01:08:00,620 --> 01:08:02,824 they'd twist into something ugly and sordid. 1077 01:08:02,859 --> 01:08:04,386 We can't let that happen. 1078 01:08:04,427 --> 01:08:06,981 I'm glad you're beginning to see things my way. 1079 01:08:08,748 --> 01:08:10,854 But why should there be no corpse? 1080 01:08:10,892 --> 01:08:13,575 No reason, if you'll just cooperate. 1081 01:08:13,613 --> 01:08:15,500 But what can I do? 1082 01:08:20,174 --> 01:08:22,728 Excuse me. 1083 01:08:24,590 --> 01:08:26,248 What's so important? 1084 01:08:26,286 --> 01:08:27,848 I was finally getting somewhere. 1085 01:08:27,887 --> 01:08:30,221 You're wasting your time. She didn't take the bodies. 1086 01:08:30,255 --> 01:08:31,182 What? 1087 01:08:31,214 --> 01:08:32,622 I kept telling you. 1088 01:08:32,656 --> 01:08:35,045 But there is a man in the lobby. He knows where they are. 1089 01:08:35,088 --> 01:08:37,937 He assured me they are in excellent condition... 1090 01:08:37,969 --> 01:08:39,213 and he wants to know if you're interested... 1091 01:08:39,249 --> 01:08:40,492 in getting them back. 1092 01:08:40,529 --> 01:08:42,416 - Who is he? - He won't say. 1093 01:08:42,450 --> 01:08:44,424 He won't? He won't? 1094 01:08:57,523 --> 01:08:59,663 You must not antagonize him, or the price will go up. 1095 01:08:59,700 --> 01:09:00,747 What price? 1096 01:09:00,788 --> 01:09:02,697 I don't know yet, but I'm sure there is a price. 1097 01:09:03,893 --> 01:09:05,747 All right, you creep, where are they? 1098 01:09:05,780 --> 01:09:07,373 It's going to be more expensive. 1099 01:09:07,412 --> 01:09:12,082 If you'd care to come with me... my car is outside. 1100 01:09:38,521 --> 01:09:40,463 This is where the accident happened. 1101 01:09:47,707 --> 01:09:50,292 We were all asleep in the house... 1102 01:09:50,330 --> 01:09:52,884 when there was this terrible noise. 1103 01:09:52,923 --> 01:09:54,833 So we ran to bottom of vineyard... 1104 01:09:54,875 --> 01:09:57,396 and the car, it was smashed. 1105 01:09:57,435 --> 01:10:00,469 And the two, they are dead. 1106 01:10:00,509 --> 01:10:03,291 And she is holding him like this. 1107 01:10:03,325 --> 01:10:07,154 And the radio, it's playing "Hello, Dolly." 1108 01:10:09,758 --> 01:10:11,383 I think that's very touching. 1109 01:10:11,421 --> 01:10:13,332 It sure is. 1110 01:10:13,374 --> 01:10:14,552 This way, please. 1111 01:10:38,305 --> 01:10:39,735 This is Alberto Trotta. 1112 01:10:48,259 --> 01:10:50,201 This is Papa Trotta. 1113 01:10:50,242 --> 01:10:52,098 And Uncle Trotta. 1114 01:10:52,131 --> 01:10:55,131 This is Grandpapa Trotta. 1115 01:10:55,171 --> 01:10:57,027 And I am Armando Trotta. 1116 01:10:57,059 --> 01:10:58,685 That's a lot of Trottas. 1117 01:10:58,724 --> 01:11:01,573 You bet your sweet patootie. 1118 01:11:01,606 --> 01:11:04,126 Arnoldo and I... 1119 01:11:04,165 --> 01:11:08,257 we used to work with American armed forces. 1120 01:11:08,293 --> 01:11:10,115 Black market. 1121 01:11:10,149 --> 01:11:12,484 What's your racket now? Body-snatching? 1122 01:11:14,341 --> 01:11:17,604 We sit down and write you nice business letter... 1123 01:11:17,638 --> 01:11:21,054 asking for damages, and the Signore Carlucci... 1124 01:11:21,095 --> 01:11:24,293 he calls on telephone and tells me to "screw." 1125 01:11:24,328 --> 01:11:30,308 I did not say screw. I said sue. 1126 01:11:30,344 --> 01:11:34,884 Sue? You take bodies out of country... 1127 01:11:34,921 --> 01:11:36,709 we take case to court. 1128 01:11:36,745 --> 01:11:39,877 It takes many years, and in the end... 1129 01:11:39,914 --> 01:11:41,769 all the money, it goes to lawyers. 1130 01:11:41,802 --> 01:11:43,111 So you just stole them? 1131 01:11:43,146 --> 01:11:46,146 Stole? That is such an ugly word. 1132 01:11:46,186 --> 01:11:50,017 Let us say we are keeping them temporarily in... escrow? 1133 01:11:50,060 --> 01:11:51,008 Where? 1134 01:11:51,051 --> 01:11:53,920 They are very comfortable... 1135 01:11:53,963 --> 01:11:57,127 with candles all around and a baby-sitter. 1136 01:11:57,164 --> 01:12:00,099 And you will get them back as good as new... 1137 01:12:00,140 --> 01:12:01,897 for 2 million lira. 1138 01:12:01,933 --> 01:12:04,235 2 mil... They think I'm some kind of a sucker. 1139 01:12:04,269 --> 01:12:06,571 2 million lira for a piece of broken wall... 1140 01:12:06,605 --> 01:12:07,914 and some crushed grapes? 1141 01:12:07,950 --> 01:12:09,259 That's nothing. 1142 01:12:09,293 --> 01:12:12,164 But when there has been death in vineyard... 1143 01:12:12,206 --> 01:12:14,889 the wine turns sour. 1144 01:12:14,926 --> 01:12:18,091 - Who says so? - Is old Italian proverb. 1145 01:12:18,126 --> 01:12:19,687 I never heard of it. 1146 01:12:19,727 --> 01:12:21,222 All right, all right. 1147 01:12:21,264 --> 01:12:23,719 Let us ask some old Italians. 1148 01:12:29,937 --> 01:12:31,628 Don't believe a word they say. 1149 01:12:31,664 --> 01:12:34,250 Neapolitans, you know. Let me deal with them. 1150 01:12:34,289 --> 01:12:35,598 Neapolitans? That's bush-league. 1151 01:12:35,633 --> 01:12:37,357 I've bargained with the teamsters union. 1152 01:12:37,394 --> 01:12:38,888 Watch me handle this. 1153 01:12:38,930 --> 01:12:41,002 Hey, you. Big Trotta. 1154 01:12:43,411 --> 01:12:45,134 There you are. 1155 01:12:45,171 --> 01:12:46,415 They know the proverb. 1156 01:12:46,451 --> 01:12:48,077 The hell with that. I'm a very busy man. 1157 01:12:48,116 --> 01:12:49,392 I don't want any haggling or dickering. 1158 01:12:49,428 --> 01:12:52,624 Here's my offer, fast, firm, nonnegotiable. 1159 01:12:52,659 --> 01:12:53,707 A million lira. 1160 01:12:56,852 --> 01:12:58,860 Our family, it is big. 1161 01:12:58,900 --> 01:13:02,795 Our vineyard, it is small. It cannot support us. 1162 01:13:02,837 --> 01:13:06,001 Three of our brothers, they work in Carrara... 1163 01:13:06,038 --> 01:13:07,499 digging for marble... 1164 01:13:08,661 --> 01:13:10,255 With all the dust in the lungs. 1165 01:13:13,270 --> 01:13:15,311 All right, a million and a half. 1166 01:13:15,351 --> 01:13:19,955 Two of our sisters are prostitutes in Milano. 1167 01:13:19,991 --> 01:13:21,169 Other prostitutes... 1168 01:13:21,207 --> 01:13:23,575 they use Ferraris and Alfa Romeos... 1169 01:13:23,608 --> 01:13:27,285 but our sisters, they have to work on bicycles. 1170 01:13:27,321 --> 01:13:31,544 OK, 2 million lira, but not one cent more. 1171 01:13:35,737 --> 01:13:38,323 I could not have handled it better myself. 1172 01:13:42,715 --> 01:13:46,195 And now we'll have some wine and some goat cheese... 1173 01:13:46,235 --> 01:13:48,243 and play bocce, yes? 1174 01:13:51,067 --> 01:13:52,890 All right, here you are. 1175 01:13:54,492 --> 01:13:56,052 $3,500? 1176 01:13:56,092 --> 01:13:57,816 That's 2 million lira, isn't it? 1177 01:13:57,853 --> 01:13:59,925 We cannot take this from you. 1178 01:13:59,965 --> 01:14:01,590 Why not? 1179 01:14:01,628 --> 01:14:07,511 You are such a good man, so simpatico. 1180 01:14:07,550 --> 01:14:09,111 We do not want this. 1181 01:14:09,150 --> 01:14:11,190 What do you mean, you don't want it? Come on. 1182 01:14:11,230 --> 01:14:14,362 We want it, but not in dollars. 1183 01:14:14,399 --> 01:14:16,886 We take Swiss francs, we take German marks... 1184 01:14:16,927 --> 01:14:18,487 we take Japanese yens... 1185 01:14:18,527 --> 01:14:22,968 but with your economy sick like a dog, no dollars. 1186 01:14:38,466 --> 01:14:42,973 To repeat... at noon, we meet behind the morgue. 1187 01:14:43,010 --> 01:14:45,150 You will bring the German marks. 1188 01:14:45,187 --> 01:14:46,911 We will bring bodies. 1189 01:14:46,948 --> 01:14:50,657 We will also bring fresh flowers... no charge. 1190 01:14:58,597 --> 01:15:01,598 Do you realize I've gone forty hours without sleep? 1191 01:15:01,638 --> 01:15:03,743 I'm gonna hit the sack and just flake out. 1192 01:15:03,781 --> 01:15:05,440 - I envy you. - When do you sleep? 1193 01:15:05,479 --> 01:15:06,908 In the winter. 1194 01:15:45,740 --> 01:15:48,326 Your crepes suzette. I've kept them warm. 1195 01:15:54,572 --> 01:15:55,850 Good morning. 1196 01:16:04,046 --> 01:16:05,935 I hope you're not angry with me. 1197 01:16:05,968 --> 01:16:07,790 Angry with you? 1198 01:16:07,823 --> 01:16:10,027 I ordered some champagne for the gentlemen. 1199 01:16:10,062 --> 01:16:11,110 Why not? 1200 01:16:11,152 --> 01:16:13,039 I'm sorry I suddenly disappeared like that. 1201 01:16:13,071 --> 01:16:14,184 It was a minor crisis. 1202 01:16:14,223 --> 01:16:15,630 As long as you're not too late. 1203 01:16:15,663 --> 01:16:17,868 Yes, I had to straighten something out. 1204 01:16:17,904 --> 01:16:20,359 The curve in the road where the accident happened... 1205 01:16:20,400 --> 01:16:21,862 You don't happen to have a shoehorn, do you? 1206 01:16:21,904 --> 01:16:23,814 - What? - Never mind. 1207 01:16:24,944 --> 01:16:28,426 I've been thinking about that funeral in Baltimore. 1208 01:16:28,466 --> 01:16:30,091 Where's it going to be? 1209 01:16:30,129 --> 01:16:31,787 First Presbyterian Church. Why? 1210 01:16:31,826 --> 01:16:33,485 Because I want to send a wreath. 1211 01:16:33,522 --> 01:16:34,864 A wreath? 1212 01:16:34,898 --> 01:16:38,161 With some ribbons and something printed on it in gold. 1213 01:16:38,195 --> 01:16:39,537 Like what? 1214 01:16:39,571 --> 01:16:41,327 I thought you might have some suggestions. 1215 01:16:41,363 --> 01:16:43,251 - No. - What, no suggestions? 1216 01:16:43,283 --> 01:16:44,690 No wreath. 1217 01:16:44,724 --> 01:16:47,507 How about a simple, "Ciao, Willie"? 1218 01:16:47,540 --> 01:16:49,003 Nobody would ever know. 1219 01:16:49,045 --> 01:16:51,411 The family has specifically requested... 1220 01:16:51,445 --> 01:16:53,332 Why don't you just give a small contribution... 1221 01:16:53,365 --> 01:16:55,220 to your favorite charity? 1222 01:16:55,253 --> 01:16:56,911 Shall I serve the crepes suzette? 1223 01:16:56,949 --> 01:16:57,964 Not now. 1224 01:16:58,005 --> 01:17:00,210 If we don't hurry, we'll miss it. 1225 01:17:00,245 --> 01:17:03,212 - What? Miss what? - The sunrise. 1226 01:17:03,254 --> 01:17:04,498 I don't know why I'm bothering with these. 1227 01:17:04,535 --> 01:17:05,964 I'll just have to take them off anyway. 1228 01:17:06,006 --> 01:17:07,894 What was that with the sunrise? 1229 01:17:07,927 --> 01:17:10,895 Over Mount Vesuvius and swimming out to the rock. 1230 01:17:10,936 --> 01:17:12,975 You mean, you and me... 1231 01:17:13,016 --> 01:17:14,576 Wasn't that the whole idea? 1232 01:17:14,615 --> 01:17:15,860 Fat chance! 1233 01:17:15,896 --> 01:17:17,554 I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. 1234 01:17:17,592 --> 01:17:19,926 It's nothing personal, you understand. 1235 01:17:25,529 --> 01:17:27,472 Could you help me with my zip, please? 1236 01:17:27,514 --> 01:17:28,659 Certainly. 1237 01:17:30,303 --> 01:17:32,158 If you'll just give me a minute... 1238 01:17:32,191 --> 01:17:34,231 I'm sure I could find us a couple of bathing suits. 1239 01:17:34,271 --> 01:17:35,547 But why bother? 1240 01:17:36,896 --> 01:17:39,830 I don't want you to think that I'm stuffy or uptight. 1241 01:17:39,871 --> 01:17:41,782 I'm considered a pretty groovy catch. 1242 01:17:41,825 --> 01:17:43,351 You know, tuned in. 1243 01:17:43,393 --> 01:17:45,727 Like when I'm on business in Los Angeles... 1244 01:17:45,760 --> 01:17:48,664 I always have lunch at a topless... place. 1245 01:17:50,273 --> 01:17:52,478 Just because I don't have the long sideburns... 1246 01:17:52,514 --> 01:17:54,401 that doesn't mean that... 1247 01:17:54,434 --> 01:17:56,059 Did you ever hear of "Old Calcutta"? 1248 01:17:56,098 --> 01:18:00,321 I've seen it twice, and "Carnal Knowledge," too. 1249 01:18:00,355 --> 01:18:01,664 Yeah, the permissive society... 1250 01:18:01,698 --> 01:18:03,608 age of Aquarius, sexual revolution... 1251 01:18:03,651 --> 01:18:05,724 I'm into all of that. 1252 01:18:05,763 --> 01:18:07,672 Take the secretaries in our home office... 1253 01:18:07,715 --> 01:18:09,571 always wearing those hot pants. 1254 01:18:09,605 --> 01:18:11,034 There's nothing wrong with that... 1255 01:18:11,077 --> 01:18:14,722 just as long as they're worn by consenting adults. 1256 01:18:14,757 --> 01:18:17,692 Please keep in mind that it's Sunday... 1257 01:18:17,733 --> 01:18:19,294 and this is a Catholic country... 1258 01:18:19,333 --> 01:18:22,083 and they may think it's in very poor taste. 1259 01:18:28,934 --> 01:18:30,942 Can you hear me? 1260 01:18:45,448 --> 01:18:46,911 Oh, my God. 1261 01:20:22,390 --> 01:20:24,277 Are you all right? 1262 01:20:24,310 --> 01:20:26,863 I'm fantastic. 1263 01:20:26,902 --> 01:20:28,790 I'll give you one minute to catch your breath. 1264 01:20:28,823 --> 01:20:30,350 Then we're gonna swim back. 1265 01:20:30,391 --> 01:20:32,115 What's the rush? 1266 01:20:32,152 --> 01:20:35,600 No rush. Just a little cold in here in the water. 1267 01:20:35,640 --> 01:20:38,324 Nice and warm here, just lying in the sun... 1268 01:20:38,361 --> 01:20:40,303 with your eyes closed. 1269 01:20:40,345 --> 01:20:42,232 Yeah? Are your eyes closed? 1270 01:20:42,265 --> 01:20:43,313 Why? 1271 01:20:43,353 --> 01:20:46,582 Nothing. Just asking. 1272 01:21:02,715 --> 01:21:05,236 Here we are... 1273 01:21:05,276 --> 01:21:08,243 basking like two baby seals. 1274 01:21:14,141 --> 01:21:17,819 Wonder what they talked about... Willie and Kate. 1275 01:21:17,854 --> 01:21:20,091 I'm sure they didn't talk at all. 1276 01:21:20,126 --> 01:21:21,916 They would just listen. 1277 01:21:21,951 --> 01:21:23,860 To the wind and the waves... 1278 01:21:23,902 --> 01:21:27,449 and the beat, beat, beat of their foolish hearts. 1279 01:21:27,487 --> 01:21:29,210 Why not? 1280 01:21:29,247 --> 01:21:31,614 When you're in love, you don't need words. 1281 01:21:31,648 --> 01:21:36,253 A look, a touch, a sigh... you've said it all. 1282 01:21:37,537 --> 01:21:41,279 That's not bad. I should try that on my wife. 1283 01:21:41,312 --> 01:21:43,135 Every time I come home from work completely pooped... 1284 01:21:43,170 --> 01:21:46,682 she always wants to know why I don't talk to her. 1285 01:21:48,514 --> 01:21:52,409 Do you and Bertram... 1286 01:21:52,451 --> 01:21:54,240 Do you communicate much? 1287 01:21:54,275 --> 01:21:55,901 We haven't talked for six months. 1288 01:21:55,939 --> 01:21:59,355 Beautiful. You must really dig each other. 1289 01:21:59,396 --> 01:22:00,705 The fact of the matter is... 1290 01:22:00,740 --> 01:22:03,293 we haven't seen each other for six months. 1291 01:22:03,333 --> 01:22:05,242 The bastard walked out on me... 1292 01:22:05,284 --> 01:22:07,324 stole my telly, two Picasso posters... 1293 01:22:07,364 --> 01:22:09,220 and my hairdryer. 1294 01:22:09,252 --> 01:22:11,162 There's an apostle for you. 1295 01:22:11,205 --> 01:22:15,036 Moved in with some skinny girl in Kensington. 1296 01:22:15,078 --> 01:22:16,736 When I found out, would you believe... 1297 01:22:16,775 --> 01:22:18,498 I tried to commit suicide? 1298 01:22:18,534 --> 01:22:20,739 - No. - Yes. 1299 01:22:20,774 --> 01:22:22,268 I took my week's salary... 1300 01:22:22,311 --> 01:22:24,318 bought myself a suitcase full of fish and chips... 1301 01:22:24,359 --> 01:22:26,116 and a dozen bottles of Guinness stout... 1302 01:22:26,151 --> 01:22:28,191 and tried to eat myself to death. 1303 01:22:28,231 --> 01:22:30,337 Took them hours to pump my stomach out. 1304 01:22:30,375 --> 01:22:32,514 Was it worth it for a guy like that? 1305 01:22:32,551 --> 01:22:35,869 It was stupid, but I've learned my lesson. 1306 01:22:35,913 --> 01:22:36,928 Good. 1307 01:22:36,969 --> 01:22:38,878 No more fish and chips. 1308 01:22:42,634 --> 01:22:44,259 I guess there is something... 1309 01:22:44,297 --> 01:22:46,371 to what it says in the tourist guide. 1310 01:22:46,410 --> 01:22:48,646 What does it say? 1311 01:22:48,682 --> 01:22:51,682 It says, "ltaly is not a country. 1312 01:22:51,723 --> 01:22:53,184 "It's an emotion." 1313 01:22:53,226 --> 01:22:55,878 It's certainly been an experience. 1314 01:23:03,852 --> 01:23:06,951 I'm afraid we have some sightseers. 1315 01:23:25,904 --> 01:23:29,450 Please. Where's your British reserve? 1316 01:23:39,282 --> 01:23:40,624 Here. 1317 01:23:40,658 --> 01:23:42,251 Maybe you can use these. 1318 01:24:24,152 --> 01:24:27,501 That was quite the loveliest night of my life. 1319 01:24:27,544 --> 01:24:28,853 Thank you. 1320 01:24:28,888 --> 01:24:31,473 You're entirely welcome. See you around. 1321 01:25:06,366 --> 01:25:07,478 What's up? 1322 01:25:07,517 --> 01:25:09,372 It's an emergency. The Baron Forshmetelli's suite. 1323 01:25:09,405 --> 01:25:11,096 I hope it's not a heart attack. 1324 01:25:11,134 --> 01:25:12,443 That old crock, I wouldn't be surprised. 1325 01:25:12,478 --> 01:25:16,221 No, it's not the baron. It's one of the nurses. 1326 01:25:40,386 --> 01:25:41,848 Good night, Willie. 1327 01:25:44,130 --> 01:25:45,243 Good night, Kate. 1328 01:26:25,897 --> 01:26:27,751 Good morning, sir. Are you all right? 1329 01:26:27,784 --> 01:26:28,766 What? 1330 01:26:28,808 --> 01:26:30,183 Because they told me, at seven this morning... 1331 01:26:30,217 --> 01:26:31,810 you asked for two bottles of aspirin. 1332 01:26:31,849 --> 01:26:33,954 Oh, that. I just needed the cotton. 1333 01:26:33,993 --> 01:26:35,881 Damn bells. You talk about noise pollution. 1334 01:26:35,914 --> 01:26:39,330 There are 68 churches in Ischia. They all want the business. 1335 01:26:39,370 --> 01:26:40,647 How's that nurse? She all right? 1336 01:26:40,683 --> 01:26:42,144 Yes. Just a slipped disk. 1337 01:26:42,187 --> 01:26:44,804 The three of them, they were playing frogleap. 1338 01:26:44,843 --> 01:26:46,218 The word is leapfrog. 1339 01:26:46,252 --> 01:26:48,390 I would rather not know. 1340 01:26:48,427 --> 01:26:49,769 I have come to give a progress report. 1341 01:26:49,804 --> 01:26:51,909 - How we doing? - We are making progress. 1342 01:26:51,948 --> 01:26:53,736 I have met with the Trotta brothers. 1343 01:26:53,772 --> 01:26:55,178 I gave them German marks. 1344 01:26:55,212 --> 01:26:56,773 The bodies are back in the morgue. 1345 01:26:56,813 --> 01:26:57,740 Good. 1346 01:26:57,772 --> 01:26:59,180 The doctor from Capri has examined them. 1347 01:26:59,213 --> 01:27:00,522 I have the health certificates right here. 1348 01:27:00,557 --> 01:27:01,572 What about the coffins? 1349 01:27:01,613 --> 01:27:04,102 They arrived this morning, all three of them. 1350 01:27:04,142 --> 01:27:05,222 Three? 1351 01:27:05,262 --> 01:27:07,335 The two from Bologna and that first one... 1352 01:27:07,374 --> 01:27:09,927 that I ordered from Amalfi, remember? 1353 01:27:09,967 --> 01:27:11,821 There is no refund, no exchange. 1354 01:27:11,854 --> 01:27:14,756 No big deal. Make a lamp out of it. 1355 01:27:14,799 --> 01:27:16,075 About my nephew. 1356 01:27:16,111 --> 01:27:17,517 He got to Naples, and his friend... 1357 01:27:17,551 --> 01:27:19,013 let him into the license bureau... 1358 01:27:19,055 --> 01:27:20,431 even though it's closed on Sunday... 1359 01:27:20,464 --> 01:27:21,741 and he got the export license. 1360 01:27:21,776 --> 01:27:23,020 Then we're all set. 1361 01:27:23,056 --> 01:27:25,904 Yes and no, because this nephew... 1362 01:27:25,937 --> 01:27:27,879 he gets tickets for speeding all the time... 1363 01:27:27,920 --> 01:27:29,328 and while he was in that empty building... 1364 01:27:29,361 --> 01:27:30,605 he got to the file... 1365 01:27:30,642 --> 01:27:32,943 and he removed ten of his traffic citations... 1366 01:27:32,977 --> 01:27:34,352 and now he's in jail. 1367 01:27:34,385 --> 01:27:35,760 What about the export license? 1368 01:27:35,794 --> 01:27:37,103 They're holding that as evidence. 1369 01:27:37,138 --> 01:27:38,283 But not to worry. 1370 01:27:38,322 --> 01:27:40,364 When the court opens in the morning... 1371 01:27:40,403 --> 01:27:41,613 I have a cousin who is a lawyer. 1372 01:27:41,651 --> 01:27:43,539 I will get to him straightaway. 1373 01:27:43,571 --> 01:27:45,677 He is the worst lawyer in Naples... 1374 01:27:45,715 --> 01:27:47,177 but fortunately, he and the judge... 1375 01:27:47,219 --> 01:27:48,593 they have the same mistress. 1376 01:27:48,628 --> 01:27:52,207 Is that what you call Italian justice? 1377 01:27:52,244 --> 01:27:55,561 What about Sacco and Vanzetti? 1378 01:29:10,399 --> 01:29:11,740 When are you people going to learn... 1379 01:29:11,775 --> 01:29:13,182 how to make a decent cup of coffee? 1380 01:29:13,215 --> 01:29:15,157 You know what I had for breakfast? 1381 01:29:15,198 --> 01:29:17,021 Hot Pepsi-Cola. 1382 01:29:17,056 --> 01:29:18,998 - What's that? - Your shorts. 1383 01:29:19,039 --> 01:29:20,731 They washed up on the beach. 1384 01:29:20,768 --> 01:29:23,103 My shorts? What makes you think they're my shorts? 1385 01:29:23,137 --> 01:29:24,216 Maybe I am wrong. 1386 01:29:24,257 --> 01:29:26,363 Maybe they belong to the young lady. 1387 01:29:26,402 --> 01:29:28,060 Just put them down, will you? 1388 01:29:29,345 --> 01:29:31,582 About those photographs I mentioned... 1389 01:29:31,619 --> 01:29:33,626 your father and his friend. 1390 01:29:33,666 --> 01:29:36,513 I have searched and searched and searched... 1391 01:29:36,546 --> 01:29:39,034 - And? - I found them. 1392 01:29:39,074 --> 01:29:42,304 Of all places, they were inside my mattress. 1393 01:29:45,860 --> 01:29:47,421 Is this the complete set? 1394 01:29:47,461 --> 01:29:50,144 Absolutely. That's the beauty of Polaroid... 1395 01:29:50,180 --> 01:29:52,449 no negatives and just one print. 1396 01:29:52,485 --> 01:29:54,940 Fair enough. What was our deal? I owe you a hundred bucks? 1397 01:29:54,981 --> 01:29:55,963 No, please... 1398 01:29:56,005 --> 01:29:57,728 You want Swiss francs or German marks? 1399 01:29:57,765 --> 01:30:00,154 I told you, it's not a question of money. 1400 01:30:00,197 --> 01:30:03,297 I don't need money. What I need is... 1401 01:30:04,935 --> 01:30:06,844 A visa. 1402 01:30:06,887 --> 01:30:08,294 A visa? 1403 01:30:08,326 --> 01:30:10,596 Yes. I want to go back to America... 1404 01:30:10,631 --> 01:30:12,005 and you can help me. 1405 01:30:12,040 --> 01:30:13,283 How? 1406 01:30:13,319 --> 01:30:15,010 You know all the big shots... 1407 01:30:15,048 --> 01:30:16,804 senators, the State Department... 1408 01:30:16,840 --> 01:30:19,261 Dr. Kissinger. You can pull strings. 1409 01:30:19,304 --> 01:30:20,287 Not a chance. 1410 01:30:20,329 --> 01:30:21,855 Not once you've been deported as a criminal. 1411 01:30:21,897 --> 01:30:23,807 A criminal? I'm not a criminal. 1412 01:30:23,849 --> 01:30:25,443 I'm a patriot. 1413 01:30:25,482 --> 01:30:27,587 You know why they deported me? 1414 01:30:27,625 --> 01:30:29,698 There were all these hippies... 1415 01:30:29,737 --> 01:30:32,105 demonstrating in Washington Square... 1416 01:30:32,138 --> 01:30:34,472 calling our President filthy names... 1417 01:30:34,506 --> 01:30:37,060 and burning the American flag... 1418 01:30:37,099 --> 01:30:41,671 on July 4th, with police all around doing nothing. 1419 01:30:41,708 --> 01:30:44,359 So I got pissed off... 1420 01:30:44,396 --> 01:30:47,495 and pulled my gun out of my holster... 1421 01:30:47,532 --> 01:30:49,769 and what do you think happened? 1422 01:30:49,804 --> 01:30:54,856 The cops arrested me. It was a bum rap. 1423 01:30:54,893 --> 01:30:57,993 Give me all the details, and then when I get back... 1424 01:30:58,030 --> 01:30:59,917 This can't wait. 1425 01:30:59,950 --> 01:31:03,431 You know that maid Anna... with the mustache? 1426 01:31:03,470 --> 01:31:06,471 - What about her? - She wants me to marry her. 1427 01:31:06,511 --> 01:31:07,439 Congratulations. 1428 01:31:07,472 --> 01:31:08,748 God forbid. 1429 01:31:08,784 --> 01:31:11,434 If there is one thing worse than a Sicilian woman... 1430 01:31:11,472 --> 01:31:14,506 it's a Sicilian woman who's pregnant. 1431 01:31:14,544 --> 01:31:17,839 I must get out of here fast. 1432 01:31:17,872 --> 01:31:20,775 I sympathize with you, and I'll do all I can... 1433 01:31:20,817 --> 01:31:23,118 but I can't make you any promises. 1434 01:31:23,152 --> 01:31:26,350 I am counting on you. 1435 01:31:28,465 --> 01:31:30,288 Because, you see... 1436 01:31:30,322 --> 01:31:33,071 I have other photographs... 1437 01:31:33,106 --> 01:31:35,824 taken this morning. 1438 01:31:35,859 --> 01:31:39,471 Same rock, same sunrise... 1439 01:31:39,508 --> 01:31:42,225 different bodies. 1440 01:31:42,259 --> 01:31:45,676 So you better try very hard. 1441 01:31:49,653 --> 01:31:51,595 Wait a minute. 1442 01:31:53,653 --> 01:31:54,897 Where are those pictures? 1443 01:31:54,933 --> 01:31:56,494 They are not in my mattress. 1444 01:31:56,534 --> 01:31:59,403 You miserable little crook, I'll beat the bejesus out of you! 1445 01:32:01,814 --> 01:32:03,276 What a day. Do you believe it? 1446 01:32:03,319 --> 01:32:06,102 And how about all those bells? Smashing, aren't they? 1447 01:32:06,136 --> 01:32:07,663 Smashing is right. 1448 01:32:07,704 --> 01:32:09,973 If you need me, just ring. 1449 01:32:11,415 --> 01:32:13,456 Is it all right if I go into your bathroom? 1450 01:32:13,496 --> 01:32:14,772 Yeah, by all means. 1451 01:32:17,337 --> 01:32:19,224 Don't let me interrupt. Go ahead and finish your breakfast. 1452 01:32:19,257 --> 01:32:21,645 Isn't the coffee here fabulous? 1453 01:32:27,290 --> 01:32:28,567 What happened? 1454 01:32:30,170 --> 01:32:32,177 What's the matter? Did you burn yourself? 1455 01:32:32,219 --> 01:32:33,299 Guess what. 1456 01:32:33,339 --> 01:32:34,549 I weighed myself on my own scales... 1457 01:32:34,587 --> 01:32:36,726 but I didn't believe it, so I came here to check. 1458 01:32:36,763 --> 01:32:38,804 - I've lost three pounds. - Really? 1459 01:32:38,844 --> 01:32:40,437 After that enormous meal last night... 1460 01:32:40,475 --> 01:32:42,101 and strawberries and cream this morning... 1461 01:32:42,139 --> 01:32:44,660 and bacon and eggs and croissant and butter. 1462 01:32:44,700 --> 01:32:46,107 Wait till I see Dr. Shaftsbury. 1463 01:32:46,140 --> 01:32:47,548 They should defrock him or disbar him... 1464 01:32:47,581 --> 01:32:48,826 or whatever they do. 1465 01:32:48,861 --> 01:32:50,683 - Who's Dr. Shaftsbury? - My psychiatrist. 1466 01:32:50,718 --> 01:32:51,645 Him, yeah. 1467 01:32:51,678 --> 01:32:54,548 He kept telling me I was unhappy because I was overweight. 1468 01:32:54,590 --> 01:32:56,379 Rubbish! Obviously I was overweight... 1469 01:32:56,414 --> 01:32:57,908 because I was unhappy. See what I mean? 1470 01:32:57,949 --> 01:32:59,378 Yes, I do. I think I do. 1471 01:32:59,421 --> 01:33:00,535 How long will it take you? 1472 01:33:00,574 --> 01:33:01,818 Because I can be ready in no time. 1473 01:33:01,854 --> 01:33:02,782 Why? 1474 01:33:02,814 --> 01:33:04,341 You know those carts with the horses... 1475 01:33:04,382 --> 01:33:05,757 with the feathers on their heads? 1476 01:33:05,791 --> 01:33:07,614 I thought maybe we could take a ride around the island... 1477 01:33:07,648 --> 01:33:10,682 and stop for a late lunch somewhere. 1478 01:33:10,721 --> 01:33:11,768 I'm starved again. 1479 01:33:11,808 --> 01:33:13,564 I'd like to, but there's so many things... 1480 01:33:13,601 --> 01:33:16,219 I have to take care of here at the hotel. 1481 01:33:16,257 --> 01:33:19,006 - It's our last day. - There's still tonight. 1482 01:33:19,041 --> 01:33:20,447 Same program? 1483 01:33:20,481 --> 01:33:22,391 Dinner downstairs and sunrise and... 1484 01:33:23,841 --> 01:33:25,564 Last night, that was their thing. 1485 01:33:25,601 --> 01:33:27,326 I thought maybe tonight we'd do something different... 1486 01:33:27,363 --> 01:33:28,857 an our thing. 1487 01:33:28,899 --> 01:33:30,393 Surprise me. 1488 01:35:18,770 --> 01:35:21,159 You can do my room now. 1489 01:41:30,309 --> 01:41:31,770 Here you are. 1490 01:41:31,813 --> 01:41:33,702 You call this a first-class hotel? 1491 01:41:33,734 --> 01:41:35,621 If it is about the bed not being made, I can explain. 1492 01:41:35,654 --> 01:41:37,061 Who cares about the bed? 1493 01:41:37,093 --> 01:41:38,753 It's about the valet on this floor... Bruno. 1494 01:41:38,791 --> 01:41:40,035 You know about it? 1495 01:41:40,071 --> 01:41:41,478 I know he's a goddamn blackmailer. 1496 01:41:41,511 --> 01:41:42,789 I ought to kill that dirty little fink. 1497 01:41:42,824 --> 01:41:45,279 - It has all been taken care of. - What has? 1498 01:41:45,319 --> 01:41:48,070 - The dirty little fink is dead. - Dead? 1499 01:41:48,104 --> 01:41:49,348 Murdered. He's lying in room 126... 1500 01:41:49,384 --> 01:41:50,595 with three bullets in his chest. 1501 01:41:50,632 --> 01:41:52,323 Miss Piggott's room? 1502 01:41:52,360 --> 01:41:54,750 She had nothing to do with it. It was the maid Anna. 1503 01:41:54,793 --> 01:41:56,200 She killed him, and then she ran away. 1504 01:41:56,232 --> 01:41:58,120 That is why your bed has not been made. 1505 01:41:58,153 --> 01:41:59,081 Terrible. 1506 01:41:59,114 --> 01:42:00,521 It's a tragedy. 1507 01:42:00,554 --> 01:42:02,343 If you lose a guest, you can always replace him. 1508 01:42:02,378 --> 01:42:05,248 But to lose a valet and a maid in the middle of the season... 1509 01:42:05,291 --> 01:42:08,258 Listen, that character Bruno, he took some photographs. 1510 01:42:08,299 --> 01:42:10,122 Perfectly innocent, mind you... 1511 01:42:10,155 --> 01:42:11,813 but if they fell into the wrong hands... 1512 01:42:11,851 --> 01:42:15,299 Don't worry. They fell into the right hands. 1513 01:42:15,339 --> 01:42:17,990 I'm sorry. I had to look just for a second... 1514 01:42:18,027 --> 01:42:21,706 but I had to make sure who they belonged to. 1515 01:42:21,741 --> 01:42:22,789 Thanks. 1516 01:42:22,829 --> 01:42:25,547 There is just one thing that puzzled me. 1517 01:42:25,582 --> 01:42:27,884 The black socks... 1518 01:42:27,917 --> 01:42:30,153 Is it because you are in mourning? 1519 01:42:44,720 --> 01:42:47,176 - What's this? - Miss Piggott's things. 1520 01:42:47,216 --> 01:42:49,605 We are moving them in here temporarily, as a precaution. 1521 01:42:49,648 --> 01:42:51,983 - What precaution? - The police will arrive... 1522 01:42:52,017 --> 01:42:53,423 and we do not want her involved. 1523 01:42:53,457 --> 01:42:55,824 They will start asking all kinds of questions. 1524 01:42:55,856 --> 01:42:58,061 And who knows what may come out. 1525 01:42:58,097 --> 01:43:00,203 What would I do without you? 1526 01:43:00,243 --> 01:43:02,731 I have often wondered about that. 1527 01:44:33,919 --> 01:44:37,083 I'm sorry, but you have been moved. 1528 01:44:37,119 --> 01:44:38,613 Moved? Why? 1529 01:44:38,654 --> 01:44:42,398 I just follow orders. You are now in 121-122. 1530 01:44:42,432 --> 01:44:44,221 But I was perfectly happy... 1531 01:44:45,345 --> 01:44:46,806 121-122? 1532 01:44:46,849 --> 01:44:48,409 Mr. Armbruster's suite. 1533 01:44:54,978 --> 01:44:58,294 I'm sorry for the inconvenience. 1534 01:44:58,338 --> 01:44:59,418 Don't be. 1535 01:45:44,489 --> 01:45:46,277 It's me... Pamela. 1536 01:45:46,313 --> 01:45:47,425 Hi! 1537 01:45:51,081 --> 01:45:53,799 I'm in the tub. Make yourself at home. 1538 01:45:55,242 --> 01:45:59,018 I must say, you do have some cheek. 1539 01:45:59,050 --> 01:46:00,992 I do? 1540 01:46:01,034 --> 01:46:03,970 Aren't you taking rather a lot for granted? 1541 01:46:04,011 --> 01:46:05,899 Just what made you think that I would have... 1542 01:46:05,932 --> 01:46:09,347 the slightest interest in this arrangement? 1543 01:46:09,388 --> 01:46:11,331 Did you say something? 1544 01:46:11,372 --> 01:46:13,543 Not that I expected any subtlety from you. 1545 01:46:13,580 --> 01:46:14,988 After all, you're American. 1546 01:46:15,021 --> 01:46:17,704 You're accustomed to having everything your own way. 1547 01:46:17,740 --> 01:46:21,385 You see something you want, and you just grab it. 1548 01:46:21,421 --> 01:46:22,566 Come again? 1549 01:46:22,605 --> 01:46:24,711 London Bridge, for instance. 1550 01:46:24,750 --> 01:46:27,239 You simply took it apart stone by stone... 1551 01:46:27,279 --> 01:46:29,734 and shipped it off to someplace in the wild west. 1552 01:46:29,774 --> 01:46:32,710 Or the Queen Mary, with all that tradition... 1553 01:46:32,751 --> 01:46:35,140 sitting there off the coast of California... 1554 01:46:35,183 --> 01:46:37,639 reduced to a floating cafeteria. 1555 01:46:37,680 --> 01:46:39,054 What the hell are you talking about? 1556 01:46:39,088 --> 01:46:41,990 Such conceit, such arrogance. 1557 01:46:42,033 --> 01:46:44,455 You act as though you own the world. 1558 01:46:44,497 --> 01:46:47,793 Playing golf on the moon. Now, really. 1559 01:46:47,826 --> 01:46:50,247 Me, I play golf at the country club. 1560 01:46:50,289 --> 01:46:51,304 Twelve handicap. 1561 01:46:51,345 --> 01:46:54,193 And then you wonder why people don't like you. 1562 01:46:54,226 --> 01:46:56,331 Because you're like spoiled children... 1563 01:46:56,370 --> 01:46:59,687 no manners, no consideration. 1564 01:46:59,730 --> 01:47:02,315 You don't just pick up the phone and say... 1565 01:47:02,354 --> 01:47:05,323 "Move that bird in here from 126." 1566 01:47:05,364 --> 01:47:07,251 If I'm to have an affair with someone... 1567 01:47:07,284 --> 01:47:08,692 I'd like to know it first... 1568 01:47:08,724 --> 01:47:11,724 and not hear about it from the concierge. 1569 01:47:13,749 --> 01:47:15,604 Oh, my god. The bags. 1570 01:47:15,637 --> 01:47:17,044 Wait a minute! 1571 01:47:17,077 --> 01:47:18,222 A girl likes to be asked. 1572 01:47:18,261 --> 01:47:20,171 She should be given a chance to say no. 1573 01:47:20,213 --> 01:47:21,141 Miss Piggott... 1574 01:47:21,173 --> 01:47:22,897 She wants to be talked into it. 1575 01:47:22,933 --> 01:47:25,804 What we have here is a failure of communication. 1576 01:47:31,223 --> 01:47:34,070 It's not that I'm women's lib or anything. 1577 01:47:34,103 --> 01:47:37,268 I don't mind being treated as a sex object... 1578 01:47:37,304 --> 01:47:39,159 but it's like any other game. 1579 01:47:39,191 --> 01:47:40,981 You have to play according to the rules... 1580 01:47:41,016 --> 01:47:42,576 or it takes all the fun out of it. 1581 01:47:42,617 --> 01:47:46,196 Hang on a minute before things get out of hand! 1582 01:47:56,539 --> 01:47:59,538 Hello? Hello? 1583 01:47:59,579 --> 01:48:00,506 Baltimore? 1584 01:48:00,538 --> 01:48:03,409 Yes, this is Mr. Armbruster's suite. 1585 01:48:03,451 --> 01:48:06,266 Could you speak up a bit, please? 1586 01:48:06,300 --> 01:48:08,188 I'm sorry. Wendell can't come to the phone right now. 1587 01:48:08,221 --> 01:48:09,977 He's in the bathroom. 1588 01:48:10,013 --> 01:48:11,769 Can I help you? 1589 01:48:11,804 --> 01:48:13,910 This is Miss Piggott. 1590 01:48:13,949 --> 01:48:15,705 Am I the what? 1591 01:48:15,741 --> 01:48:17,497 The interpreter? 1592 01:48:18,461 --> 01:48:21,527 Whatever gave you that idea? 1593 01:48:21,565 --> 01:48:24,730 Hello? Hello? 1594 01:48:52,963 --> 01:48:55,352 - This... - You're dripping. 1595 01:48:57,763 --> 01:49:00,130 Whatever you may think of Americans... 1596 01:49:00,162 --> 01:49:02,051 I do not consider you "a bird." 1597 01:49:02,083 --> 01:49:03,971 - I do not take you for granted... - Thank you. 1598 01:49:04,003 --> 01:49:05,410 About your things being here... 1599 01:49:05,443 --> 01:49:06,851 there was no time to ask you. 1600 01:49:06,884 --> 01:49:08,772 You were out of the hotel, and under the circumstances... 1601 01:49:08,805 --> 01:49:10,365 it seemed the most practical thing to do. 1602 01:49:10,404 --> 01:49:12,772 - I understand. - No, you don't. 1603 01:49:12,805 --> 01:49:14,496 You were moved out of your room... 1604 01:49:14,533 --> 01:49:16,444 for your own protection, for our protection. 1605 01:49:16,486 --> 01:49:18,209 We do have to be very careful. 1606 01:49:18,246 --> 01:49:21,661 I said surprise me, and you certainly did. 1607 01:49:21,703 --> 01:49:23,590 You're taller than I thought. 1608 01:49:28,647 --> 01:49:31,265 What... The bed. 1609 01:49:31,304 --> 01:49:32,865 Have you noticed it's not been made up? 1610 01:49:32,904 --> 01:49:34,148 I'll do it later. 1611 01:49:34,184 --> 01:49:35,591 That's because of Anna, the maid. 1612 01:49:35,624 --> 01:49:38,472 It seems that she was pregnant by Bruno, the valet. 1613 01:49:38,504 --> 01:49:41,471 The things that go on on this floor. 1614 01:49:41,513 --> 01:49:43,269 She wanted to get married, but he didn't. 1615 01:49:43,305 --> 01:49:45,192 He wanted to go back to America... 1616 01:49:45,225 --> 01:49:47,112 but there was a problem because he'd been deported. 1617 01:49:47,145 --> 01:49:49,601 So he wanted me to help him, and she found out about it... 1618 01:49:49,643 --> 01:49:51,781 Is this going to be a long story? 1619 01:49:51,819 --> 01:49:54,721 Anyway, the maid... she's Sicilian, you know... 1620 01:49:54,764 --> 01:49:57,032 she got a gun, and she shot him just like that. 1621 01:49:57,067 --> 01:49:59,140 Three bullets right through the photographs. 1622 01:49:59,180 --> 01:50:01,067 And that's why your bags... 1623 01:50:04,588 --> 01:50:06,475 All clear. The body has been removed. 1624 01:50:06,508 --> 01:50:08,516 The police have left the hotel. 1625 01:50:08,557 --> 01:50:10,630 So we can now take Miss Piggott's luggage... 1626 01:50:10,670 --> 01:50:12,099 back to her room. 1627 01:50:13,549 --> 01:50:15,460 I'll take care of that. 1628 01:50:23,151 --> 01:50:25,517 As I was trying to tell you... 1629 01:50:25,550 --> 01:50:27,438 The murder... She shot him in your room. 1630 01:50:27,471 --> 01:50:29,359 We had to move you out of there fast... 1631 01:50:29,391 --> 01:50:31,759 before the police got there. 1632 01:50:31,793 --> 01:50:36,135 Then this was not exactly an... invitation? 1633 01:50:36,176 --> 01:50:37,159 Not really. 1634 01:50:37,201 --> 01:50:40,681 As a matter of fact, it was Carlucci's idea. 1635 01:50:40,720 --> 01:50:41,998 How stupid. 1636 01:50:42,033 --> 01:50:44,073 No, it wasn't. Because the Italian police... 1637 01:50:44,113 --> 01:50:45,771 once they start asking questions... 1638 01:50:45,810 --> 01:50:48,177 Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! 1639 01:50:48,210 --> 01:50:51,375 It's just one of those things. It's nobody's fault. 1640 01:50:51,411 --> 01:50:53,616 Fortunately, I'm only half unpacked. 1641 01:50:55,252 --> 01:50:57,074 These things happen. 1642 01:50:58,452 --> 01:51:00,556 I remember I was invited... 1643 01:51:00,596 --> 01:51:02,963 to a New Year's Eve party in New York. 1644 01:51:02,996 --> 01:51:05,843 3 East 72nd Street. I had a ball! 1645 01:51:05,876 --> 01:51:07,436 It wasn't until the next morning... 1646 01:51:07,476 --> 01:51:09,299 I found out I was at the wrong party. 1647 01:51:09,333 --> 01:51:11,952 It was 3 West 72nd Street. 1648 01:51:11,989 --> 01:51:15,023 Don't you think that's funny? 1649 01:51:22,295 --> 01:51:24,434 Put it through. Baltimore. 1650 01:51:24,471 --> 01:51:26,609 They called you before. 1651 01:51:28,855 --> 01:51:30,450 Hello. 1652 01:51:30,488 --> 01:51:32,430 Hello, Emily. How are you? 1653 01:51:33,784 --> 01:51:35,695 Is something wrong? 1654 01:51:35,738 --> 01:51:37,843 What was that? 1655 01:51:37,881 --> 01:51:39,506 Wait a minute. Miss Piggott? 1656 01:51:39,545 --> 01:51:41,880 I told you before, she's the interpreter. 1657 01:51:41,913 --> 01:51:44,280 Who says she isn't? 1658 01:51:44,314 --> 01:51:45,393 She did? 1659 01:51:46,586 --> 01:51:49,008 I can explain that. 1660 01:51:52,219 --> 01:51:55,219 She's English, and we're in Italy. 1661 01:51:55,259 --> 01:51:56,754 She can't get a labor permit... 1662 01:51:56,796 --> 01:51:58,585 and naturally, she's not going to admit... 1663 01:51:58,620 --> 01:52:01,937 What do you mean, she's in my room all the time? 1664 01:52:01,980 --> 01:52:04,369 I don't mind you getting a little jealous now and then... 1665 01:52:04,412 --> 01:52:05,721 but isn't this ridiculous? 1666 01:52:05,756 --> 01:52:08,058 Do you think that I, at a time like this... 1667 01:52:08,093 --> 01:52:09,619 What music? 1668 01:52:09,661 --> 01:52:11,003 OK, all right! 1669 01:52:11,038 --> 01:52:12,632 Go ahead! Have it your way! 1670 01:52:12,671 --> 01:52:14,558 I've got a gypsy band up here... 1671 01:52:14,591 --> 01:52:16,663 incense is burning, the booze is flowing! 1672 01:52:16,702 --> 01:52:20,019 Miss Piggott and I are playing frogleap bare-assed! 1673 01:52:20,063 --> 01:52:21,753 Is that any better? 1674 01:52:26,239 --> 01:52:28,793 Just to put your mind at rest... 1675 01:52:28,832 --> 01:52:30,555 you needn't be worried one bit... 1676 01:52:30,592 --> 01:52:32,960 because if you saw me, I'm short, I'm fat... 1677 01:52:32,992 --> 01:52:35,360 and I'm not very attractive. OK? 1678 01:52:38,561 --> 01:52:41,147 All right, Emily, you satisfied now? 1679 01:52:41,185 --> 01:52:44,251 Let's just forget the whole incident. 1680 01:52:44,290 --> 01:52:46,330 Yes, I should be out of here by tomorrow. 1681 01:52:46,371 --> 01:52:47,799 Everything's all wrapped up. 1682 01:52:47,843 --> 01:52:50,843 One small snag in Naples... the export license. 1683 01:52:50,882 --> 01:52:53,371 Blodgett? Jo Jo Blodgett? 1684 01:52:53,411 --> 01:52:56,227 Yes, I know he's with the State Department. 1685 01:52:56,260 --> 01:52:57,820 A friggin' bore. 1686 01:52:57,860 --> 01:53:00,063 He's stationed in Paris? 1687 01:53:00,100 --> 01:53:02,719 There is no reason to contact... 1688 01:53:02,756 --> 01:53:05,123 all right, if worse comes to worst. 1689 01:53:05,156 --> 01:53:07,012 Yeah, I'll tell her. 1690 01:53:07,046 --> 01:53:08,256 Kiss-kiss. 1691 01:53:12,103 --> 01:53:14,242 Mrs. Armbruster said to apologize to you. 1692 01:53:14,278 --> 01:53:15,293 No need. 1693 01:53:15,335 --> 01:53:17,124 Personally, I thought you overdid it a little. 1694 01:53:17,159 --> 01:53:18,435 I was just telling the truth. 1695 01:53:18,472 --> 01:53:20,064 Come on. Stop putting yourself down. 1696 01:53:20,103 --> 01:53:21,510 I'm sure there's any number of men... 1697 01:53:21,543 --> 01:53:23,104 who'd find you very attractive. 1698 01:53:23,144 --> 01:53:26,439 Oh, yes. No-good bastard Bertram... 1699 01:53:26,471 --> 01:53:28,741 and some sex-starved sardine fishermen... 1700 01:53:28,776 --> 01:53:31,329 and the local coroner, who took me for a ride on his scooter... 1701 01:53:31,368 --> 01:53:33,158 and then pinched my behind. 1702 01:53:35,305 --> 01:53:37,028 If it's of any interest to you... 1703 01:53:37,066 --> 01:53:40,383 you know who finds you attractive? Me. 1704 01:53:40,426 --> 01:53:42,182 I find you attractive. 1705 01:53:42,218 --> 01:53:43,812 Don't bother. I'll survive. 1706 01:53:43,850 --> 01:53:46,665 This isn't the first time I've made a fool of myself. 1707 01:53:55,212 --> 01:53:56,422 Excuse me. 1708 01:53:56,461 --> 01:53:58,348 Would you consider it impertinent... 1709 01:53:58,380 --> 01:54:01,196 if I asked you to step on the scales? 1710 01:54:01,229 --> 01:54:03,465 - Yes, I would. - Please? 1711 01:54:03,500 --> 01:54:04,908 I really don't care anymore. 1712 01:54:04,942 --> 01:54:08,105 It's not the weight, it's the height. 1713 01:54:16,687 --> 01:54:18,574 Why don't you just make a contribution... 1714 01:54:18,607 --> 01:54:20,363 to your favorite charity? 1715 01:54:59,925 --> 01:55:02,740 Are you guys sure this is Ischia? 1716 01:55:02,772 --> 01:55:04,562 Reasonably sure, sir. 1717 01:55:04,597 --> 01:55:06,866 Because I don't want to land in Africa. 1718 01:55:06,902 --> 01:55:09,074 That would be bigger, sir. 1719 01:55:09,110 --> 01:55:11,598 Maybe it's one of those Greek islands. 1720 01:55:11,638 --> 01:55:14,803 No, sir. Greece is way to the left. 1721 01:55:14,840 --> 01:55:18,003 Not as long as I'm with the State Department. 1722 01:55:54,332 --> 01:55:57,050 Go away! Go away! 1723 01:55:57,086 --> 01:55:59,191 What the hell is the name of this place? 1724 01:55:59,229 --> 01:56:02,197 Ischia, but you cannot land. 1725 01:56:02,238 --> 01:56:04,093 What do you mean, we can't land? 1726 01:56:04,125 --> 01:56:07,421 It is lunchtime. Come back later. 1727 01:56:07,455 --> 01:56:10,553 My good man, do you know to whom you're talking? 1728 01:56:10,590 --> 01:56:12,630 I do not talk to anybody. 1729 01:56:12,671 --> 01:56:14,099 Lunchtime! 1730 01:56:14,143 --> 01:56:16,151 Let me make one thing perfectly clear. 1731 01:56:16,192 --> 01:56:18,648 I am Joseph J. Blodgett... 1732 01:56:18,688 --> 01:56:20,957 United States Government, State Department... 1733 01:56:20,992 --> 01:56:23,065 and I'm here on an emergency mission... 1734 01:56:23,104 --> 01:56:25,974 concerning an American citizen. 1735 01:56:26,016 --> 01:56:28,056 OK, boys, stand by. 1736 01:56:28,096 --> 01:56:30,366 And you better start clearing some of these seats out... 1737 01:56:30,401 --> 01:56:32,288 so we have room for the coffin. 1738 01:56:32,321 --> 01:56:33,815 Roger. 1739 01:56:33,857 --> 01:56:38,680 Tell me, how far is this hotel? 1740 01:56:38,723 --> 01:56:41,341 Grand Hotel Excelsior, five kilometers. 1741 01:56:41,379 --> 01:56:44,696 OK, OK. What do we do about transportation? 1742 01:56:44,740 --> 01:56:48,514 No transportation. Lunchtime! 1743 01:56:48,547 --> 01:56:52,093 What the hell is going on in this country? 1744 01:56:52,132 --> 01:56:55,613 This wouldn't have happened in the old days. 1745 01:56:55,653 --> 01:57:00,542 You remember Mussolini? 1746 01:57:05,158 --> 01:57:07,298 Christ. 1747 01:57:07,335 --> 01:57:08,415 What's the matter? 1748 01:57:08,454 --> 01:57:09,828 Just thinking about going back home. 1749 01:57:09,863 --> 01:57:11,587 I hate the whole idea. 1750 01:57:11,623 --> 01:57:13,598 - Thank you. - Right after the funeral... 1751 01:57:13,639 --> 01:57:15,526 there's going to be a board of directors meeting... 1752 01:57:15,559 --> 01:57:16,967 and probably a proxy fight... 1753 01:57:16,999 --> 01:57:18,887 and I'll have to spend a week in Washington... 1754 01:57:18,920 --> 01:57:21,767 because they're investigating the Armbruster Foundation. 1755 01:57:21,800 --> 01:57:23,208 And there's that strike... 1756 01:57:23,241 --> 01:57:25,445 at our electronics plant in Wisconsin. 1757 01:57:25,480 --> 01:57:27,391 And we'll probably have to recall... 1758 01:57:27,434 --> 01:57:29,921 250,000 square feet of artificial turf... 1759 01:57:29,961 --> 01:57:31,368 because they said... 1760 01:57:31,401 --> 01:57:33,769 there's too much lead in the green paint. 1761 01:57:33,802 --> 01:57:35,689 Goddamn Ralph Nader. 1762 01:57:35,722 --> 01:57:37,151 Who asked him? 1763 01:57:39,116 --> 01:57:41,450 Guess we all have our problems. 1764 01:57:41,483 --> 01:57:44,331 I have to pick up my cat from the vet's in Bayswater. 1765 01:57:44,364 --> 01:57:48,161 Hope the garage will have my Mini Morris fixed by now. 1766 01:57:48,204 --> 01:57:50,539 And I really should repaint my kitchen. 1767 01:57:52,076 --> 01:57:53,603 Can I have your croissant? 1768 01:57:53,644 --> 01:57:57,092 Of course. You can have anything you want. 1769 01:57:59,822 --> 01:58:01,513 About your flat in London... 1770 01:58:01,550 --> 01:58:03,939 Won't you need a new television and hairdryer... 1771 01:58:03,982 --> 01:58:07,049 all that stuff that your apostle ran off with? 1772 01:58:07,086 --> 01:58:09,639 Don't bother. I dry my hair in the oven... 1773 01:58:09,679 --> 01:58:11,141 and I really don't watch the telly. 1774 01:58:11,183 --> 01:58:12,590 It's always the same... 1775 01:58:12,623 --> 01:58:14,030 northern Ireland and Princess Anne... 1776 01:58:14,063 --> 01:58:15,438 and the Common Market. 1777 01:58:20,721 --> 01:58:23,274 Pamela... my father and your mother... 1778 01:58:23,313 --> 01:58:28,464 Now, during all those years, didn't he ever give her any... 1779 01:58:30,161 --> 01:58:33,871 He must have helped her out from time to time. 1780 01:58:33,906 --> 01:58:35,051 Financially. 1781 01:58:37,075 --> 01:58:40,556 You want to know whether my mother was a kept woman? 1782 01:58:40,595 --> 01:58:43,792 After all, a man likes to show his gratitude. 1783 01:58:43,828 --> 01:58:45,715 Maybe an occasional present? 1784 01:58:45,748 --> 01:58:47,636 Every Christmas, he would send her... 1785 01:58:47,669 --> 01:58:50,930 a dozen long-stemmed roses to the Savoy hotel. 1786 01:58:50,964 --> 01:58:52,754 Your mother was well-to-do? 1787 01:58:52,789 --> 01:58:56,782 No. She was making �15 a week and tips. 1788 01:58:56,821 --> 01:58:59,954 On �15 a week, she was living at the Savoy? 1789 01:58:59,990 --> 01:59:02,292 She wasn't living there. She was working there... 1790 01:59:02,326 --> 01:59:03,756 as a manicurist. 1791 01:59:08,887 --> 01:59:10,098 Did my father know that? 1792 01:59:10,135 --> 01:59:12,884 She didn't want him to know. 1793 01:59:12,919 --> 01:59:14,610 Why not? 1794 01:59:14,648 --> 01:59:16,535 I told you the first day. 1795 01:59:16,568 --> 01:59:19,634 She loved him. She didn't want any tips. 1796 01:59:28,729 --> 01:59:30,290 That'll be Carlucci. 1797 01:59:30,331 --> 01:59:31,989 "I have good news. 1798 01:59:32,026 --> 01:59:35,409 "The arrangements, they have all been made." 1799 01:59:39,131 --> 01:59:41,882 I guess it's checking-out time. 1800 01:59:45,596 --> 01:59:46,524 Yes. 1801 01:59:46,557 --> 01:59:49,753 Did Miss Piggott enjoy her kippers? 1802 01:59:49,789 --> 01:59:51,349 No, that's not why I called. 1803 01:59:51,389 --> 01:59:54,040 I called to tell you that Anna the maid... 1804 01:59:54,077 --> 01:59:56,052 she has been arrested by the police... 1805 01:59:56,093 --> 01:59:58,483 in a rowboat trying to escape to Sicily. 1806 01:59:58,526 --> 02:00:00,763 And the bodies, they are in the coffins... 1807 02:00:00,798 --> 02:00:02,621 and all ready for shipment. 1808 02:00:02,655 --> 02:00:04,378 Let me see... there was something else. 1809 02:00:04,415 --> 02:00:07,349 The judge in Naples, he has had a slight stroke. 1810 02:00:07,391 --> 02:00:09,279 Wait a minute. What judge? 1811 02:00:09,311 --> 02:00:10,805 I don't know any judge in Naples. 1812 02:00:10,847 --> 02:00:13,466 Yes, you do. 1813 02:00:13,504 --> 02:00:16,373 The one with the same mistress as my cousin the lawyer... 1814 02:00:16,416 --> 02:00:18,457 who was going to get my nephew out of jail. 1815 02:00:18,497 --> 02:00:21,148 She was going to help him, but she helped him too hard... 1816 02:00:21,185 --> 02:00:23,607 and the judge, he always had high blood pressure. 1817 02:00:23,650 --> 02:00:26,498 What are you trying to tell me? 1818 02:00:27,457 --> 02:00:29,695 We have no export license, is that it? 1819 02:00:31,235 --> 02:00:32,860 More or less. 1820 02:00:32,899 --> 02:00:35,103 Now they will have to appoint a new judge. 1821 02:00:35,139 --> 02:00:36,764 That may take a day or two. 1822 02:00:36,802 --> 02:00:39,388 We sure are running in bad luck. 1823 02:00:39,427 --> 02:00:41,697 It's not your fault. It's the way it goes. 1824 02:00:43,620 --> 02:00:46,620 Don't worry about it. I still like you. 1825 02:00:46,661 --> 02:00:48,416 Problems? 1826 02:00:48,453 --> 02:00:50,875 We may be stuck here for another couple of days. 1827 02:00:50,917 --> 02:00:52,324 That's terrible. 1828 02:00:52,358 --> 02:00:53,764 Yeah. 1829 02:00:53,797 --> 02:00:55,204 What about the funeral? 1830 02:00:55,237 --> 02:00:57,605 Oh, boy! All those people... 1831 02:00:57,638 --> 02:01:00,637 the closed-circuit TV, glee club... 1832 02:01:00,678 --> 02:01:02,567 I'll just have to call Baltimore. 1833 02:01:02,599 --> 02:01:05,282 If it has to be postponed, it has to be postponed. 1834 02:01:05,319 --> 02:01:07,207 - I'm so sorry. - What can I do? 1835 02:01:07,240 --> 02:01:09,606 You've certainly done everything you could. 1836 02:01:09,640 --> 02:01:11,615 How about you and your plans? 1837 02:01:13,160 --> 02:01:15,843 We're not that busy in the shop. 1838 02:01:15,880 --> 02:01:18,728 I'm sure mother won't mind. She's in no hurry... 1839 02:01:18,761 --> 02:01:20,932 to get back to the rain and the cold. 1840 02:01:23,850 --> 02:01:26,239 I guess dad wouldn't mind, either. 1841 02:01:26,282 --> 02:01:28,322 They deserve another couple of days together... 1842 02:01:28,363 --> 02:01:29,791 don't you think? 1843 02:01:48,589 --> 02:01:49,931 Thank you. 1844 02:01:49,966 --> 02:01:51,275 My pleasure! 1845 02:02:06,799 --> 02:02:08,108 What room is he in? 1846 02:02:08,144 --> 02:02:11,941 Just a moment. Your name, please? 1847 02:02:11,985 --> 02:02:15,465 Here. I'll talk to him. 1848 02:02:15,505 --> 02:02:17,098 Wendell, boy? 1849 02:02:17,137 --> 02:02:19,144 Jo Jo Blodgett, State Department. 1850 02:02:19,184 --> 02:02:22,032 How are you, kid? Emily called me last night... 1851 02:02:22,065 --> 02:02:23,625 told me about your little problem. 1852 02:02:23,667 --> 02:02:26,515 Damn it. I told her not to bother you. 1853 02:02:26,547 --> 02:02:28,434 I'm sorry, Jo Jo. I realize you've got... 1854 02:02:28,467 --> 02:02:30,289 more important things to do in Paris. 1855 02:02:30,323 --> 02:02:31,730 Sure do. That's why I grabbed... 1856 02:02:31,763 --> 02:02:33,105 the first plane to Rome this morning. 1857 02:02:33,139 --> 02:02:35,310 Borrowed a helicopter from the sixth fleet. 1858 02:02:35,348 --> 02:02:38,829 You're on Ischia? Where? At the airport? 1859 02:02:38,868 --> 02:02:41,901 Better than that, kiddo. I'm right here in the lobby. 1860 02:02:41,939 --> 02:02:45,170 You're in the lobby! 1861 02:02:45,205 --> 02:02:46,611 That's great. 1862 02:02:46,645 --> 02:02:48,369 That's what I really call service. 1863 02:02:48,406 --> 02:02:50,609 Why don't you just check in, wash up... 1864 02:02:50,646 --> 02:02:52,468 and we'll have a drink later in the afternoon. 1865 02:02:52,501 --> 02:02:54,390 What drink? What later? 1866 02:02:54,422 --> 02:02:56,113 I got to get back to Paris tonight. 1867 02:02:56,150 --> 02:02:58,518 I'm taking Julie and David Eisenhower... 1868 02:02:58,550 --> 02:03:01,812 to dinner at Maxim's. So we got to get cracking. 1869 02:03:01,846 --> 02:03:03,571 We haven't got a minute to lose. Be right with you. 1870 02:03:03,607 --> 02:03:06,161 What's that room number? 1871 02:03:44,028 --> 02:03:45,938 What are we going to do with this? 1872 02:03:46,910 --> 02:03:48,982 What are we going to do with you? 1873 02:03:53,407 --> 02:03:55,992 I am Carlo Carlucci, director of the hotel. 1874 02:03:56,030 --> 02:03:57,918 Such a pleasure to have you here. 1875 02:03:57,951 --> 02:03:59,031 Thank you. 1876 02:03:59,071 --> 02:04:00,794 It may interest you to know we once had... 1877 02:04:00,831 --> 02:04:02,719 another famous American diplomat staying here once... 1878 02:04:02,752 --> 02:04:04,475 Mr. Benjamin Franklin. 1879 02:04:04,511 --> 02:04:06,552 Franklin? Yes, Ben Franklin. 1880 02:04:06,592 --> 02:04:08,087 A good man for his time. 1881 02:04:08,128 --> 02:04:09,535 Of course, today I'm not sure... 1882 02:04:09,569 --> 02:04:10,910 he could pass the security check. 1883 02:04:10,945 --> 02:04:12,472 Would you like to see his room? 1884 02:04:12,513 --> 02:04:14,237 It is in the old part of the building. 1885 02:04:14,273 --> 02:04:15,735 Not now! 1886 02:04:15,777 --> 02:04:18,144 Excuse me. I would like your advice about something... 1887 02:04:18,177 --> 02:04:20,066 straight from the horse's mouth. 1888 02:04:20,098 --> 02:04:22,432 Do you think there will be a war in the Middle East? 1889 02:04:23,553 --> 02:04:26,555 We don't give out that kind of information. 1890 02:04:26,595 --> 02:04:28,002 I have been offered a job... 1891 02:04:28,035 --> 02:04:31,451 with a chain of American hotels... the Sheraton. 1892 02:04:31,491 --> 02:04:34,656 There are a couple of openings, and one of them is in Damascus. 1893 02:04:37,700 --> 02:04:39,937 Don't quote me on this, but with the Russian presence... 1894 02:04:39,972 --> 02:04:41,533 escalating in the Mediterranean... 1895 02:04:41,573 --> 02:04:43,460 and the military posture of the Arabs stiffening... 1896 02:04:43,493 --> 02:04:46,560 and the first-strike capability of the Israelis at its peak... 1897 02:04:46,597 --> 02:04:48,256 the whole place is a powder keg. 1898 02:04:48,294 --> 02:04:50,182 Could blow up in your face any second. 1899 02:04:50,214 --> 02:04:52,102 My advice is forget Damascus. 1900 02:04:52,135 --> 02:04:55,451 Thank you. In that case, I had better take the other job. 1901 02:04:55,494 --> 02:04:59,292 - What's that? - The Sheraton in New York. 1902 02:04:59,335 --> 02:05:01,190 Take the one in Damascus. 1903 02:05:03,656 --> 02:05:06,209 - One more question. - No more questions! 1904 02:05:10,057 --> 02:05:11,518 Come in. 1905 02:05:13,129 --> 02:05:15,812 Jo Jo Blodgett, if I ever saw one. 1906 02:05:15,849 --> 02:05:17,759 Hi there. 1907 02:05:19,690 --> 02:05:21,861 How are you? Been a long time. 1908 02:05:21,898 --> 02:05:24,648 I haven't been back to the States since '67. 1909 02:05:24,683 --> 02:05:26,570 That's it. Halloween of '67. 1910 02:05:26,603 --> 02:05:29,539 Party at the country club. You came dressed as Batman. 1911 02:05:29,580 --> 02:05:32,776 I'm sorry about what happened to your father. 1912 02:05:34,381 --> 02:05:38,123 Look, it's 2:00 in the afternoon. 1913 02:05:38,156 --> 02:05:39,783 At 11:00 tomorrow morning... 1914 02:05:39,821 --> 02:05:41,959 you have a funeral 4,000 miles away... 1915 02:05:41,997 --> 02:05:43,972 and you're sitting here getting a manicure? 1916 02:05:46,733 --> 02:05:51,852 This is Miss Tromboncino. She works in the barber shop. 1917 02:05:55,727 --> 02:05:58,148 Could you possibly speed it up a little? 1918 02:05:59,984 --> 02:06:02,798 She doesn't speak any English. 1919 02:06:05,936 --> 02:06:07,398 I get that all over the world. 1920 02:06:07,440 --> 02:06:08,848 Mind you, I don't object... 1921 02:06:08,881 --> 02:06:10,769 to foreigners speaking a foreign language. 1922 02:06:10,802 --> 02:06:13,835 I just wish they'd all speak the same foreign language. 1923 02:06:17,970 --> 02:06:20,075 - Odd. - What's odd? 1924 02:06:20,114 --> 02:06:23,530 If I didn't know how straight-laced you were... 1925 02:06:23,570 --> 02:06:26,418 and if I didn't know that you were in mourning... 1926 02:06:26,451 --> 02:06:29,485 and if that dame were about 20 pounds lighter... 1927 02:06:29,524 --> 02:06:31,891 - I would sort of suspect... - Suspect what? 1928 02:06:31,925 --> 02:06:36,147 Mr. Blodgett, please. That dame, she is my niece. 1929 02:06:36,181 --> 02:06:39,051 She was brought up by the Carmelite sisters. 1930 02:06:43,221 --> 02:06:44,879 I was only kidding. 1931 02:06:44,918 --> 02:06:46,925 It is forgotten. 1932 02:07:02,104 --> 02:07:03,763 How many more fingers has she got to go? 1933 02:07:03,800 --> 02:07:05,426 Relax, will you? 1934 02:07:05,464 --> 02:07:07,831 Relax nothing. You're screwing up my timetable. 1935 02:07:07,864 --> 02:07:09,754 I've got that helicopter standing by. 1936 02:07:09,786 --> 02:07:11,990 - Can I use your can? - What for? 1937 02:07:12,025 --> 02:07:13,432 To wash my hands. 1938 02:07:13,466 --> 02:07:14,874 I mean, what's the helicopter for? 1939 02:07:14,906 --> 02:07:17,110 To pick up the old boy. We're going to fly him to Rome. 1940 02:07:17,146 --> 02:07:19,219 Then I'm going to put you on the night plane to Baltimore. 1941 02:07:21,531 --> 02:07:23,385 - Tonight? - Sure. 1942 02:07:23,419 --> 02:07:24,826 That's what you think. 1943 02:07:24,858 --> 02:07:26,550 This is Italy. Nothing's that simple. 1944 02:07:26,587 --> 02:07:28,213 We're still hassling over the export license. 1945 02:07:28,251 --> 02:07:29,593 Emily told me all about that. 1946 02:07:29,627 --> 02:07:31,287 It looks like we can't get out of here before Wednesday. 1947 02:07:31,389 --> 02:07:33,690 I was about to phone home, tell them to postpone the ceremony. 1948 02:07:33,725 --> 02:07:36,573 Postpone nothing. Batman is here. 1949 02:07:36,605 --> 02:07:38,493 We don't need an export license. 1950 02:07:38,525 --> 02:07:40,216 We're gonna bypass all that bull. 1951 02:07:40,253 --> 02:07:41,661 Bypass? How can you do it? 1952 02:07:41,694 --> 02:07:44,060 No sweat. We're appointing your father... 1953 02:07:44,094 --> 02:07:46,298 commercial attach� to the embassy in Rome. 1954 02:07:46,333 --> 02:07:48,570 And that entitles him to all the rights... 1955 02:07:48,606 --> 02:07:50,199 and immunities of a diplomat. 1956 02:07:50,238 --> 02:07:52,411 Wait a minute. You're going to appoint him... 1957 02:07:52,447 --> 02:07:54,335 - Why not? - A dead man? 1958 02:07:54,367 --> 02:07:57,215 Just proves that we don't discriminate against anybody... 1959 02:07:57,248 --> 02:08:00,957 for reasons of race, creed, color, or state of health. 1960 02:08:00,992 --> 02:08:04,789 You mean we handle him just like a diplomatic pouch? 1961 02:08:04,832 --> 02:08:07,287 You bet. He goes right through customs... 1962 02:08:07,328 --> 02:08:11,291 sealed coffin, no inspection, no formalities at either end. 1963 02:08:11,330 --> 02:08:13,535 - That's kind of cute. - That's nothing. 1964 02:08:13,570 --> 02:08:16,919 Someday I'll tell you how we got Batista out of Cuba. 1965 02:08:18,242 --> 02:08:20,926 First on the agenda... 1966 02:08:20,963 --> 02:08:22,621 First, you wanted to go to the can. 1967 02:08:22,659 --> 02:08:24,122 Can. That's right. 1968 02:08:31,108 --> 02:08:35,844 I'm sorry. Mother would never forgive me. 1969 02:08:35,877 --> 02:08:39,521 Look at the wretched job I did on your nails. 1970 02:08:52,552 --> 02:08:53,959 Tell me something. 1971 02:08:53,992 --> 02:08:55,715 Bruno's body. What did they do with it? 1972 02:08:55,752 --> 02:08:58,119 It is lying in the morgue, unclaimed. No family. 1973 02:08:58,152 --> 02:08:59,559 - Interesting. - In what way? 1974 02:08:59,592 --> 02:09:01,251 We may have a use for that third coffin. 1975 02:09:01,289 --> 02:09:03,077 That is very generous of you. 1976 02:09:03,113 --> 02:09:06,047 Your family plot, does that offer still stand? 1977 02:09:06,088 --> 02:09:07,780 You're not suggesting we bury Bruno there! 1978 02:09:07,817 --> 02:09:10,151 The Carluccis, they would turn over in their graves. 1979 02:09:10,185 --> 02:09:12,642 I wasn't thinking of Bruno. 1980 02:09:12,683 --> 02:09:13,960 No? 1981 02:09:13,995 --> 02:09:16,067 You were thinking of somebody else? 1982 02:09:17,195 --> 02:09:19,912 Maybe... two somebody elses? 1983 02:09:25,516 --> 02:09:28,364 My ancestors, they will be honored. 1984 02:09:28,397 --> 02:09:30,284 We're not there yet. There's a time element. 1985 02:09:30,316 --> 02:09:32,204 And we'll need some transportation. 1986 02:09:32,236 --> 02:09:33,645 Transportation? No sweat. 1987 02:09:33,678 --> 02:09:35,106 I will call the Trotta brothers. 1988 02:09:37,517 --> 02:09:38,925 You know you got... 1989 02:09:38,959 --> 02:09:40,846 a plate of scrambled eggs in the bathtub? 1990 02:09:40,878 --> 02:09:43,431 - I do? - And half a herring. 1991 02:09:43,469 --> 02:09:46,765 Now you understand why I want that job with Sheraton. 1992 02:09:46,799 --> 02:09:50,477 OK, kid, here is the game plan. 1993 02:09:52,175 --> 02:09:54,991 You get dressed and packed. Next, we collect your father. 1994 02:09:55,025 --> 02:09:57,643 Sure thing. As soon as they open the morgue. 1995 02:09:57,680 --> 02:10:00,048 And I want some officials at that airport. 1996 02:10:00,081 --> 02:10:02,448 I want the mayor and what-have-you. 1997 02:10:02,481 --> 02:10:03,888 Of course. Right after lunch. 1998 02:10:03,921 --> 02:10:05,809 - That will be 4:00. - 4:00? 1999 02:10:05,842 --> 02:10:08,209 That's when they open the mortuary. 2000 02:10:08,241 --> 02:10:10,609 That goddamn lunchtime again. 2001 02:10:10,642 --> 02:10:14,440 We pour in millions of dollars of foreign aid... 2002 02:10:14,483 --> 02:10:17,833 just so they can sit on their butts and... 2003 02:10:22,644 --> 02:10:25,905 What the hell is there to do around here for two hours? 2004 02:10:25,940 --> 02:10:27,980 Tell him about the mud baths. 2005 02:10:28,021 --> 02:10:29,449 Mud baths? 2006 02:10:29,493 --> 02:10:31,183 World-famous. 2007 02:10:31,220 --> 02:10:33,260 For rheumatism, arthritis, neuritis, phlebitis... 2008 02:10:33,301 --> 02:10:37,906 urinary complaints, hyperacidity, male potency. 2009 02:10:37,942 --> 02:10:39,371 Is that so? 2010 02:10:40,822 --> 02:10:43,670 Come to think of it, I do have a slight acid condition. 2011 02:10:43,702 --> 02:10:45,109 Maybe I'll give that a little whirl. 2012 02:10:45,143 --> 02:10:46,550 By all means. 2013 02:10:46,582 --> 02:10:48,950 It is downstairs. I will show you. 2014 02:10:48,983 --> 02:10:50,772 Be right back. 2015 02:10:52,087 --> 02:10:53,998 Where do we meet? 2016 02:10:54,040 --> 02:10:57,488 Let me put it all together, and we'll meet at the airport. 2017 02:10:57,529 --> 02:10:59,090 Right-o. 2018 02:11:01,561 --> 02:11:04,791 That mud business... does it really help? 2019 02:11:04,825 --> 02:11:06,713 I assure you, after one bath... 2020 02:11:06,745 --> 02:11:09,463 you will have the acidity of a man of twenty. 2021 02:11:19,900 --> 02:11:21,176 Thank you. 2022 02:11:24,124 --> 02:11:25,718 It was your idea. 2023 02:11:29,725 --> 02:11:32,060 What's the name of that orchestra here? 2024 02:11:32,093 --> 02:11:34,264 Sergio... something. Why? 2025 02:11:34,301 --> 02:11:35,928 We might as well go all the way. 2026 02:11:35,966 --> 02:11:37,373 I'm sure he'd enjoy it more... 2027 02:11:37,407 --> 02:11:39,773 than that glee club in Baltimore... 2028 02:11:39,806 --> 02:11:41,465 the son of a bitch. 2029 02:12:23,588 --> 02:12:27,745 The marble, do you want it white or pink? 2030 02:12:27,781 --> 02:12:28,828 Pink. 2031 02:12:30,277 --> 02:12:32,611 Very good. And the inscription? 2032 02:12:34,822 --> 02:12:37,692 I guess..."Willie and Kate." 2033 02:12:38,726 --> 02:12:41,760 "Willie and Kate." That is all? 2034 02:12:41,799 --> 02:12:45,542 We don't want any weeping angels or hearts intertwined. 2035 02:12:45,576 --> 02:12:47,398 Or do we? 2036 02:12:47,432 --> 02:12:50,880 How about "Willie and Kate Carlucci"? 2037 02:12:50,920 --> 02:12:52,130 I'll go for that. 2038 02:12:54,408 --> 02:12:55,837 You make me very happy. 2039 02:12:57,577 --> 02:13:01,254 And there will be tromboncini every Sunday. 2040 02:13:01,290 --> 02:13:06,178 After all, we are now one big family. 2041 02:13:07,595 --> 02:13:09,001 Hold it, boys. 2042 02:13:09,035 --> 02:13:11,718 My father goes on the other side. 2043 02:13:11,755 --> 02:13:14,308 Very important. It's his good ear. 2044 02:13:30,702 --> 02:13:31,847 Damn! 2045 02:13:43,791 --> 02:13:45,647 What the hell took you so long? 2046 02:13:45,680 --> 02:13:48,527 Signore, in Italy, when a coffin passes by... 2047 02:13:48,559 --> 02:13:50,251 people cross themselves. 2048 02:13:50,288 --> 02:13:52,110 They kneel down sometimes in the middle of the road. 2049 02:13:52,144 --> 02:13:53,321 You just cannot... 2050 02:13:53,360 --> 02:13:54,768 All right, all right. 2051 02:13:54,801 --> 02:13:57,452 Over here, boys! Let's get this thing down! 2052 02:14:08,659 --> 02:14:10,066 Poor Bruno. 2053 02:14:10,098 --> 02:14:11,660 If he knew what was happening to him... 2054 02:14:11,699 --> 02:14:13,106 What do you mean, "poor Bruno"? 2055 02:14:13,139 --> 02:14:16,620 This is what he always wanted... to go back to America. 2056 02:14:19,284 --> 02:14:21,390 Come on, boys. Snap it up, will you? 2057 02:14:21,429 --> 02:14:22,858 Come on. It's getting late. 2058 02:14:24,725 --> 02:14:27,693 Will the witnesses please step forward? 2059 02:14:34,326 --> 02:14:37,775 Raise your right hand and repeat after me. 2060 02:14:37,815 --> 02:14:42,485 I, Wendell Armbruster Sr., do solemnly swear... 2061 02:14:42,520 --> 02:14:45,368 that I will uphold and defend... 2062 02:14:45,400 --> 02:14:47,822 the Constitution of the United States... 2063 02:14:47,864 --> 02:14:51,061 against all enemies foreign and domestic... 2064 02:14:51,097 --> 02:14:54,959 and that I will perform the duties of my office... 2065 02:14:55,001 --> 02:15:00,022 to the best of my ability, so help me God. 2066 02:15:01,915 --> 02:15:03,856 Congratulations, sir. 2067 02:15:27,102 --> 02:15:28,857 And salute! 2068 02:15:33,214 --> 02:15:35,418 Ready, hup! 2069 02:15:37,087 --> 02:15:39,989 Thank you, gentlemen. That concludes the ceremonies. 2070 02:15:40,030 --> 02:15:42,104 All right, load her up. 2071 02:15:42,145 --> 02:15:43,705 Here. You'll need this. 2072 02:15:43,744 --> 02:15:46,013 It's your father's diplomatic passport. 2073 02:15:46,048 --> 02:15:47,226 You don't miss a trick, do you? 2074 02:15:47,265 --> 02:15:49,152 The C.I.A. Ran it off for me last night. 2075 02:15:49,184 --> 02:15:50,428 The C.I.A.? 2076 02:15:50,465 --> 02:15:52,375 Never heard of them. Let's go. 2077 02:16:04,931 --> 02:16:08,576 Good-bye, Pamela Piggott. 2078 02:16:08,612 --> 02:16:10,684 Have a good flight. Don't work too hard. 2079 02:16:10,723 --> 02:16:12,611 Suppose I do? The worst that can happen... 2080 02:16:12,643 --> 02:16:15,295 is I'll wind up with a bad back. 2081 02:16:15,332 --> 02:16:17,754 The suite, it will be ready. 2082 02:16:17,796 --> 02:16:20,317 July 15th to August 15th. 2083 02:16:29,606 --> 02:16:31,995 If we should run into each other again... 2084 02:16:32,038 --> 02:16:33,729 in the lobby or the souvenir shop... 2085 02:16:33,766 --> 02:16:36,516 I promise you I'll be so thin. 2086 02:16:36,551 --> 02:16:40,959 You lose one pound, just one pound... 2087 02:16:41,000 --> 02:16:42,888 and it's all over between us. 154211