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1
00:00:02,404 --> 00:00:04,312
Jack, I've got a huge problem.
2
00:00:04,552 --> 00:00:05,497
The TGS sweatshirts were
3
00:00:05,617 --> 00:00:08,153
supposed to say
"TGS Season Six, Yuck,"
4
00:00:08,273 --> 00:00:10,672
which is a catch-phrase
from a pretty great sketch.
5
00:00:10,792 --> 00:00:12,776
Yuck!
6
00:00:12,811 --> 00:00:14,478
But they got misprinted
and now they say,
7
00:00:14,512 --> 00:00:16,230
"TGS Season Six, Duck!"
8
00:00:16,281 --> 00:00:18,232
And that's a season
five catchphrase.
9
00:00:18,283 --> 00:00:20,350
Duck!?
10
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:22,069
Lemon,
that is not a real problem.
11
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:25,155
A real problem is losing
your giant scissors
12
00:00:25,189 --> 00:00:27,825
right before a ribbon-cutting
for a couch factory.
13
00:00:27,859 --> 00:00:32,179
I just...had them.
14
00:00:32,213 --> 00:00:33,897
Oh, thank God.
15
00:00:33,915 --> 00:00:36,166
I thought I'd lost them.
Today...
16
00:00:36,201 --> 00:00:38,285
I want everything
to be perfect.
17
00:00:38,336 --> 00:00:39,553
I'm opening a factory.
18
00:00:39,587 --> 00:00:41,789
And factories
provide three things
19
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,207
this country desperately needs:
20
00:00:43,241 --> 00:00:47,010
Jobs, pride, and material
for Bruce Springsteen songs.
21
00:00:47,045 --> 00:00:48,295
Great, so we solved
your problem,
22
00:00:48,329 --> 00:00:49,797
but now I've gotta wear
last year's sweatshirt
23
00:00:49,831 --> 00:00:51,581
to my cousin's wedding.
24
00:00:51,599 --> 00:00:54,417
Oh, I'm so tired.
25
00:00:54,436 --> 00:00:58,088
I was out all last night with my
new rock star boyfriend.
26
00:00:58,106 --> 00:00:59,940
Oh, I listened
to rock and roll music once,
27
00:00:59,974 --> 00:01:02,559
but I stopped before I started
worshipping the devil.
28
00:01:02,593 --> 00:01:05,779
The song went, "Mr. Sandma--",
then I shut it off.
29
00:01:05,814 --> 00:01:06,780
Morning, Jenna.
30
00:01:06,815 --> 00:01:08,115
Oh, thanks.
31
00:01:08,149 --> 00:01:10,234
Dating a musician is amazing.
32
00:01:10,268 --> 00:01:13,237
This sexual walkabout I'm on
is really opening me up
33
00:01:13,271 --> 00:01:15,372
- to new experiences.
- What's new?
34
00:01:15,406 --> 00:01:17,107
You've been with
tons of musicians.
35
00:01:17,125 --> 00:01:18,441
Back in Chicago,
I walked in on you
36
00:01:18,460 --> 00:01:20,327
with the guy from
blues traveler.
37
00:01:20,378 --> 00:01:22,779
He still had
his harmonica thing on.
38
00:01:22,797 --> 00:01:24,965
Sure, I've dated
musicians before.
39
00:01:24,999 --> 00:01:27,084
But I've never sexually
manipulated one
40
00:01:27,118 --> 00:01:28,969
into leaving his band for me.
41
00:01:29,003 --> 00:01:31,121
Like Yoko Ono and the Beatles,
42
00:01:31,139 --> 00:01:33,674
or Lance Drake Mandrell
and Wilson Phillips.
43
00:01:33,725 --> 00:01:36,760
My boyfriend's last album
went quadruple-platinum.
44
00:01:36,794 --> 00:01:39,813
They sold out Madison square
garden in nine minutes,
45
00:01:39,848 --> 00:01:41,464
for a Tuesday morning show.
46
00:01:41,483 --> 00:01:43,517
Wait, who plays on
a Tuesday morning?
47
00:01:43,568 --> 00:01:46,970
I don't know, just a little
band called the Woggels.
48
00:01:46,988 --> 00:01:48,655
♪ apples are red ♪
49
00:01:48,690 --> 00:01:50,157
♪ bananas are yellow ♪
50
00:01:50,191 --> 00:01:54,244
♪ I love my friends,
bananas are yellow ♪
51
00:01:54,279 --> 00:01:55,645
My Russ is the blue one.
52
00:01:55,663 --> 00:01:57,581
He's about to do
something amazing.
53
00:02:01,286 --> 00:02:03,453
Oh, I know the Woggels.
54
00:02:03,487 --> 00:02:05,322
My eight-year-old niece
walked down the aisle
55
00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:06,790
to that song at her wedding.
56
00:02:06,824 --> 00:02:09,259
Wait, you're trying to break
up a children's group?
57
00:02:09,294 --> 00:02:10,677
Well, it ticks off
a lot of boxes
58
00:02:10,712 --> 00:02:12,796
on my sexual walkabout list.
59
00:02:12,830 --> 00:02:13,997
"Yoko a band,
60
00:02:14,015 --> 00:02:16,850
"make love to a beloved
children's entertainer,
61
00:02:16,885 --> 00:02:19,019
be with a non-aboriginal
Australian--"
62
00:02:19,053 --> 00:02:20,437
I thought
the whole point of this
63
00:02:20,471 --> 00:02:21,939
was to see if someone could
make you happier than Paul.
64
00:02:21,973 --> 00:02:23,506
I mean, if you're
just checking off boxes,
65
00:02:23,525 --> 00:02:26,310
maybe you should get back
together before it's too late.
66
00:02:26,344 --> 00:02:27,361
What's that supposed to mean?
67
00:02:27,395 --> 00:02:29,146
He's not replacing me.
68
00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:30,614
We're having an adventure.
69
00:02:30,648 --> 00:02:32,566
And I hope right now he is also
70
00:02:32,617 --> 00:02:34,451
with a beloved
children's entertainer.
71
00:02:34,485 --> 00:02:35,786
Maybe Raffi.
72
00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:39,206
Or the sedated prisoner
they put inside of Barney.
73
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:40,574
Something terrible
has happened!
74
00:02:40,625 --> 00:02:42,025
And for once
I'm not talking about
75
00:02:42,043 --> 00:02:46,863
the collapse of
the middle class.
76
00:02:46,881 --> 00:02:48,131
It's my family.
77
00:02:48,166 --> 00:02:50,167
My oldest son, George foreman,
got into Stanford,
78
00:02:50,201 --> 00:02:51,552
and he's planning to attend.
79
00:02:51,586 --> 00:02:53,870
Tracy, that's awesome.
Stanford's a great school.
80
00:02:53,888 --> 00:02:56,256
I didn't even get in,
and I was first in my class.
81
00:02:56,307 --> 00:02:58,141
Although, only seven of us
graduated that year
82
00:02:58,176 --> 00:03:00,043
because of a bad
mono outbreak which
83
00:03:00,061 --> 00:03:03,546
somehow missed me, despite
all the frenching I did.
84
00:03:03,565 --> 00:03:04,714
You don't understand.
85
00:03:04,732 --> 00:03:06,883
Jordan men don't go to college.
86
00:03:06,901 --> 00:03:09,186
We go to the school
of hard knocks,
87
00:03:09,220 --> 00:03:11,939
a one-year vocational program
where you learn to bang on doors
88
00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:14,024
and scare people into
subscribing to magazines
89
00:03:14,058 --> 00:03:15,909
- that they'll never get.
- Mr. Jordan,
90
00:03:15,944 --> 00:03:17,828
- you should be proud.
- Proud?
91
00:03:17,862 --> 00:03:19,496
My son's a nerd!
92
00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:20,597
Tracy, in the real world,
93
00:03:20,632 --> 00:03:22,349
you need a college degree
to succeed.
94
00:03:22,383 --> 00:03:23,584
Really, Dotcom?
95
00:03:23,618 --> 00:03:25,352
How did your city
council campaign go?
96
00:03:25,386 --> 00:03:27,688
Well, as far as raising the
level of discourse in this city?
97
00:03:27,722 --> 00:03:30,340
I'd say it was a great success.
98
00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:32,259
This is Angie's fault!
She coddled him.
99
00:03:32,293 --> 00:03:34,428
I'm gonna teach my son
what it is to be a Jordan.
100
00:03:34,462 --> 00:03:36,913
And I'm gonna die trying!
101
00:03:39,934 --> 00:03:50,486
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
102
00:04:01,489 --> 00:04:02,456
Yes?
103
00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:03,707
Mr. Donaghy.
104
00:04:03,741 --> 00:04:05,292
This is Dr. Pravin Singh.
105
00:04:05,326 --> 00:04:07,461
I performed your mother's
heart surgery last month.
106
00:04:07,495 --> 00:04:09,246
No, you must have
the wrong Mr. Donaghy.
107
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,048
My mother didn't have
heart surgery.
108
00:04:11,082 --> 00:04:12,299
Colleen Donaghy.
109
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:16,103
Born April 24, 1925, at
Boston catholic guilt hospital.
110
00:04:16,137 --> 00:04:17,620
She keeps calling me Aladdin.
111
00:04:17,639 --> 00:04:18,889
That's definitely her.
112
00:04:18,923 --> 00:04:20,390
Well, she's recovering
very nicely,
113
00:04:20,425 --> 00:04:22,592
but we don't have anyone
to release her to.
114
00:04:22,626 --> 00:04:24,428
We found your name on
a list of disappointments
115
00:04:24,462 --> 00:04:25,962
she keeps folded up in her shoe.
116
00:04:25,980 --> 00:04:27,797
Well, doctor,
I can't come to the hospital
117
00:04:27,815 --> 00:04:28,832
to bring my mother home.
118
00:04:28,866 --> 00:04:30,300
I'm in New York, not Florida.
119
00:04:30,318 --> 00:04:32,803
Mr. Donaghy, I'm calling
you from Cornell medical center.
120
00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:34,637
My mother's in New York?
121
00:04:34,656 --> 00:04:37,424
Dr. Singh,
are you stealing my hats?
122
00:04:37,458 --> 00:04:39,743
What do you do,
feed them to your cow God?
123
00:04:39,777 --> 00:04:41,244
Mother, what are you doing?
124
00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:43,280
Who told you to call my son?
125
00:04:43,314 --> 00:04:45,949
Oh, please,
you wanted him to call.
126
00:04:45,983 --> 00:04:49,086
Somehow, you knew I was opening
a sofa factory today.
127
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,021
- Could we just...
- Ooh, sofa.
128
00:04:51,055 --> 00:04:53,623
Somebody got all flouncy
when I wasn't looking.
129
00:04:53,657 --> 00:04:55,459
What are you gonna do,
put on your galoshes
130
00:04:55,493 --> 00:04:57,611
and go eat some fruit,
like a Frenchman?
131
00:04:57,645 --> 00:05:01,431
Fruit is part of a balanced
diet, you miserable harridan.
132
00:05:01,466 --> 00:05:04,601
Good God! You've ruined every
significant moment in my life.
133
00:05:04,635 --> 00:05:05,852
And now,
134
00:05:05,887 --> 00:05:08,055
- you've ruined this.
- Jack, for God's sake,
135
00:05:08,106 --> 00:05:10,173
there's only one reason
I came to New York,
136
00:05:10,191 --> 00:05:13,393
and that's because Gunga Din
here takes my insurance.
137
00:05:13,444 --> 00:05:15,028
So you were planning
on never telling me
138
00:05:15,063 --> 00:05:16,480
you were having heart surgery?
139
00:05:16,514 --> 00:05:17,564
Look, I do have other patients.
140
00:05:17,615 --> 00:05:19,516
Yes, I'm sure you do.
141
00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:21,764
Oh.
142
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,563
Yes, I know it's over, Kouchie.
143
00:05:23,683 --> 00:05:25,758
Unlike you, I have eyes.
144
00:05:31,304 --> 00:05:32,788
♪ Silly dinosaurs ♪
145
00:05:32,823 --> 00:05:36,142
♪ this is just a list of things
now let's list some more ♪
146
00:05:36,176 --> 00:05:37,326
♪ a pogo stick ♪
147
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,228
♪ a hot air balloon ♪
148
00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:41,480
♪ a hat that's full of soup ♪
149
00:05:41,514 --> 00:05:44,349
♪ another pogo stick ♪
150
00:05:44,367 --> 00:05:46,652
Yeah! All right!
151
00:05:46,686 --> 00:05:47,820
Okay, all right.
152
00:05:47,854 --> 00:05:48,821
Where do you think you're going?
153
00:05:48,855 --> 00:05:50,272
I'm with Russ, Ian.
154
00:05:50,307 --> 00:05:51,740
What?
155
00:05:51,791 --> 00:05:54,526
You afraid my sexuality
might tear this band apart?
156
00:05:54,544 --> 00:05:55,861
Listen here, Jenna.
157
00:05:55,879 --> 00:05:57,213
We're the Woggels.
158
00:05:57,247 --> 00:05:59,665
Nothing can tear us apart...
159
00:05:59,699 --> 00:06:04,620
Except for the shark that got
a hold of the fifth woggel.
160
00:06:04,654 --> 00:06:07,456
♪ Basketballs hula hoops
rollercoaster loop-the-loops ♪
161
00:06:07,490 --> 00:06:09,175
♪ you just heard
the Woggels sing ♪
162
00:06:09,209 --> 00:06:10,793
♪ a very silly list of things ♪
163
00:06:10,827 --> 00:06:13,179
Woggel power!
164
00:06:13,213 --> 00:06:15,798
So to help your mother's
weakened heart continue to beat,
165
00:06:15,832 --> 00:06:17,716
we implanted an "LVAD" device.
166
00:06:17,734 --> 00:06:18,884
Yes, I'm familiar with that.
167
00:06:18,902 --> 00:06:20,385
My good friend
dick Cheney got one.
168
00:06:20,403 --> 00:06:22,655
A month later, he and I
went hunting in Mexico.
169
00:06:22,689 --> 00:06:25,074
He shot thousands
of doves that day
170
00:06:25,108 --> 00:06:27,059
and only hit me in the leg once.
171
00:06:27,077 --> 00:06:29,695
So, you know that it runs
on rechargeable batteries?
172
00:06:29,729 --> 00:06:32,498
Like the flashlight in
my race war preparedness bag.
173
00:06:32,532 --> 00:06:33,866
Mrs. Donaghy,
174
00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:36,235
the fact that you didn't
call your son is worrisome.
175
00:06:36,253 --> 00:06:37,402
What good would he have been?
176
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,371
He's useless in a hospital.
177
00:06:39,406 --> 00:06:41,824
I recall this one time
178
00:06:41,858 --> 00:06:43,409
he cried and cried.
179
00:06:43,443 --> 00:06:45,461
I mean,
it was more like wailing.
180
00:06:45,512 --> 00:06:47,012
It was awful.
181
00:06:47,047 --> 00:06:48,964
She's referring to my birth.
182
00:06:48,999 --> 00:06:50,716
Look, I know this
is a lot to process,
183
00:06:50,750 --> 00:06:53,219
so I'll leave you
two alone to talk.
184
00:06:53,253 --> 00:06:55,187
About what?
185
00:06:59,226 --> 00:07:02,344
Can you believe this is
the best room they have?
186
00:07:02,379 --> 00:07:04,563
This is supposed
to be a hospital,
187
00:07:04,597 --> 00:07:07,099
not a Japanese internment camp
188
00:07:07,117 --> 00:07:10,069
I volunteered at during the war.
189
00:07:10,103 --> 00:07:11,120
Well, if you're not happy here
190
00:07:11,154 --> 00:07:12,404
I could put you up at the Plaza.
191
00:07:12,438 --> 00:07:13,539
You could look out at the park
192
00:07:13,573 --> 00:07:15,958
and watch carriage
horses being whipped.
193
00:07:15,992 --> 00:07:17,293
I know how you love that.
194
00:07:17,327 --> 00:07:19,645
I can't go to the Plaza,
and you know it.
195
00:07:19,679 --> 00:07:21,247
What if I run into Eloise?
196
00:07:21,281 --> 00:07:24,300
Am I supposed not
to mention the fact
197
00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:27,303
that she has a gay grandson?
198
00:07:27,337 --> 00:07:28,887
Everybody knows!
199
00:07:28,922 --> 00:07:30,472
Well, then, of course
I'd love to have you stay
200
00:07:30,507 --> 00:07:32,057
- with me and Liddy.
- Liddy?
201
00:07:32,092 --> 00:07:34,626
Why couldn't you name
the baby after my mother?
202
00:07:34,644 --> 00:07:36,128
Because at Ellis island,
203
00:07:36,146 --> 00:07:41,633
your mother's name was recorded
as "unclaimed Irish stowaway."
204
00:07:42,635 --> 00:07:43,919
Son,
205
00:07:43,954 --> 00:07:45,137
we have a lot of work to do
today
206
00:07:45,155 --> 00:07:47,239
if I'm gonna
"reverse Urkel" you.
207
00:07:47,274 --> 00:07:48,640
Dad, I just want to read.
208
00:07:48,658 --> 00:07:50,326
Jordan men don't read.
209
00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:53,645
Grizz, tear this book in half.
210
00:07:53,663 --> 00:07:55,114
Son, I'm gonna show you
211
00:07:55,148 --> 00:07:57,583
how a real Jordan man
enjoys himself.
212
00:07:57,617 --> 00:07:59,001
It's montage time.
213
00:07:59,035 --> 00:08:01,987
Tray, montage got married
and quit stripping.
214
00:08:02,005 --> 00:08:03,822
Fine, we'll just do
a series of activities.
215
00:08:05,175 --> 00:08:06,342
- ♪ Gonna build a daydream ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪
216
00:08:06,376 --> 00:08:08,160
- ♪ from a little hope ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪
217
00:08:08,178 --> 00:08:10,262
- ♪ gonna push that daydream ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪
218
00:08:10,297 --> 00:08:12,497
- ♪ up a mountain slope ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪
219
00:08:12,515 --> 00:08:14,550
- ♪ gonna build a daydream ♪
- ♪ Yeah yeah ♪
220
00:08:14,601 --> 00:08:16,635
- ♪ gonna see it through ♪
- ♪ Yeah yeah ♪
221
00:08:16,669 --> 00:08:18,771
♪ gonna build a mountain
and a daydream ♪
222
00:08:18,805 --> 00:08:20,055
♪ gonna make 'em
both come true ♪
223
00:08:20,106 --> 00:08:22,308
- ♪ yeah yeah ♪
- ♪ Gonna build a heaven ♪
224
00:08:22,342 --> 00:08:25,194
♪ from a little hell ♪
♪ Little hell ♪
225
00:08:25,228 --> 00:08:27,646
♪ gonna build a heaven ♪
226
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,782
- ♪ and I know darn well ♪
- ♪ Darn well ♪
227
00:08:29,816 --> 00:08:31,650
- ♪ if I build my mountain ♪
- ♪ Yeah yeah ♪
228
00:08:31,684 --> 00:08:33,852
- ♪ with a lot of care ♪
- ♪ Yeah yeah ♪
229
00:08:33,870 --> 00:08:35,621
♪ and take my daydream
up the mountain ♪
230
00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:38,707
♪ heaven will be waiting there ♪
231
00:08:38,742 --> 00:08:41,960
♪ gonna build a mountain
gonna build it high ♪
232
00:08:41,995 --> 00:08:44,046
♪ I don't know how
I'm gonna do it ♪
233
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,465
♪ I only know I'm gonna try ♪
234
00:08:46,499 --> 00:08:49,385
Well, Colleen ruined
the ribbon-cutting.
235
00:08:49,419 --> 00:08:51,320
She's in New York.
She's been here for weeks,
236
00:08:51,354 --> 00:08:53,172
recovering from heart surgery.
237
00:08:53,206 --> 00:08:54,490
Oh, my God, is she okay?
238
00:08:54,524 --> 00:08:55,808
She's fine.
239
00:08:55,842 --> 00:08:57,876
They gave her the same heart
pump dick Cheney had.
240
00:08:57,911 --> 00:08:59,345
Next thing you know,
they'll be giving her
241
00:08:59,379 --> 00:09:01,930
his retractable wings
and rocket arms.
242
00:09:01,981 --> 00:09:03,399
She's going to bury us all.
243
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:05,567
Jack, your mom's 87.
244
00:09:05,602 --> 00:09:07,770
Do you think maybe she had
the surgery in New York
245
00:09:07,821 --> 00:09:11,824
to be close to you, so you guys
could, you know, have the talk?
246
00:09:11,858 --> 00:09:13,225
"The talk"?
247
00:09:13,243 --> 00:09:16,412
Lemon, my mother did explain
sex to me, three years ago.
248
00:09:16,446 --> 00:09:18,364
There were...drawings.
249
00:09:18,398 --> 00:09:20,866
No, I mean,the talk.
250
00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,034
Your mom's heart doesn't work.
251
00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:23,869
You need to sit down
and say how you feel
252
00:09:23,903 --> 00:09:26,088
so you don't have any regrets.
253
00:09:26,122 --> 00:09:28,290
I've done it, Jack,
and it isn't easy,
254
00:09:28,341 --> 00:09:30,409
but it's very rewarding.
255
00:09:30,427 --> 00:09:32,895
You talk in your sleep.
256
00:09:32,929 --> 00:09:34,613
I know what you did in the war,
257
00:09:34,647 --> 00:09:38,517
and before you die,
I want you to know that I know.
258
00:09:38,551 --> 00:09:40,352
I know you Donaghys
think you're so tough,
259
00:09:40,387 --> 00:09:41,420
but Colleen is here
because she's trying
260
00:09:41,438 --> 00:09:42,871
to reach out to you.
261
00:09:42,906 --> 00:09:44,940
Just get in the same room
with her,
262
00:09:44,974 --> 00:09:47,142
and the talk will happen.
263
00:09:47,193 --> 00:09:49,194
I guar-on-tee.
264
00:09:49,229 --> 00:09:50,779
I don't know why I said that.
265
00:09:50,814 --> 00:09:52,231
This is such
a serious conversation.
266
00:09:52,265 --> 00:09:53,598
I'm sorry.
267
00:09:53,616 --> 00:09:55,284
Uh, Lemon, I assure you,
268
00:09:55,318 --> 00:09:57,870
my mother is not in New York
to spend time with me.
269
00:09:57,904 --> 00:09:59,538
She already wants
to leave my apartment
270
00:09:59,572 --> 00:10:01,540
because Liddy is
"giving her the stink eye."
271
00:10:06,279 --> 00:10:07,379
As soon as she feels up to it,
272
00:10:07,414 --> 00:10:09,548
she is going back to Florida.
273
00:10:09,582 --> 00:10:11,583
There was no need for us
to start jabbering
274
00:10:11,617 --> 00:10:13,302
about our feelings and sobbing
275
00:10:13,336 --> 00:10:15,387
like Bill Belichick
listening to Adele.
276
00:10:15,422 --> 00:10:16,388
Okay, fine.
277
00:10:16,423 --> 00:10:18,424
- But you and your mom--
- Nope.
278
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:19,624
As my coffee cup
said this morning,
279
00:10:19,642 --> 00:10:21,894
"you only regret
the things you didn't do.
280
00:10:21,928 --> 00:10:23,795
This cup was made from
recycled toilet paper."
281
00:10:23,813 --> 00:10:26,148
Don't let Colleen leave without
saying what you need to say.
282
00:10:26,182 --> 00:10:27,566
- Last word.
- Damn it!
283
00:10:33,139 --> 00:10:37,309
♪ I'm a kangaroo,
I'm a kangaroo ♪
284
00:10:37,327 --> 00:10:40,829
- ♪ loot da doo da doo ♪
- What is that?
285
00:10:40,864 --> 00:10:42,748
Oh, it's nothing.
286
00:10:42,782 --> 00:10:44,500
It's just a song
I've been fiddling with.
287
00:10:44,534 --> 00:10:45,751
Or, as we say in Australia,
288
00:10:45,785 --> 00:10:47,169
a song I've been
fiddling wazzle.
289
00:10:47,203 --> 00:10:49,254
It's good.
290
00:10:49,289 --> 00:10:50,506
It's really good.
291
00:10:50,540 --> 00:10:52,090
And this is coming from someone
292
00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:54,676
Quincy Jones
once pushed off a boat.
293
00:10:54,711 --> 00:10:58,597
So, why does Ian write
all the songs?
294
00:10:58,631 --> 00:11:00,516
He's just keeping you down,
295
00:11:00,550 --> 00:11:04,553
because he knows you're
the real genius of the Woggels.
296
00:11:04,604 --> 00:11:05,554
Really?
297
00:11:05,605 --> 00:11:06,772
Do you think so, Jenna?
298
00:11:06,806 --> 00:11:09,174
It doesn't matter
what this brain thinks.
299
00:11:09,209 --> 00:11:14,196
It matters what
this brain thinks.
300
00:11:18,568 --> 00:11:20,285
- Lemon, there you are.
- Good morning, Jack.
301
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,703
Did you talk to Colleen?
302
00:11:21,738 --> 00:11:24,239
If you're ordering me an edible
arrangement to say thanks,
303
00:11:24,290 --> 00:11:25,690
I'd prefer a meat one.
304
00:11:25,708 --> 00:11:27,209
Yes, Colleen and I did talk.
305
00:11:27,243 --> 00:11:29,962
Specifically, she said a car
was circling the block,
306
00:11:29,996 --> 00:11:32,130
"casing the house."
307
00:11:32,165 --> 00:11:34,633
I tried to explain that those
were all different taxi cabs,
308
00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:37,503
and she said, "then why is the
same man driving all of them,"
309
00:11:37,537 --> 00:11:38,704
and insisted on leaving.
310
00:11:38,738 --> 00:11:40,138
She won't go to a hotel,
311
00:11:40,173 --> 00:11:41,206
and she hates
the Princeton club,
312
00:11:41,224 --> 00:11:42,707
because Dean Cain
is always there
313
00:11:42,725 --> 00:11:45,260
hoping to get recognized.
314
00:11:45,311 --> 00:11:47,379
I tried to leave her
at the Bodies" exhibit--
315
00:11:47,397 --> 00:11:48,981
God, that is all
just a smoke screen.
316
00:11:49,015 --> 00:11:51,883
She's acting out because she
wants to have the conversation,
317
00:11:51,901 --> 00:11:53,485
and you won't meet her halfway.
318
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,270
I decided something last night
319
00:11:55,321 --> 00:11:57,389
after I got your
tenth text message,
320
00:11:57,407 --> 00:11:59,525
one of which was
an inscrutable emoticon.
321
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:00,526
Hold it sideways,
322
00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:01,893
it's me going like this:
323
00:12:01,911 --> 00:12:03,529
"Talk to your mother!"
324
00:12:03,563 --> 00:12:05,831
The "8" is my glasses.
325
00:12:05,865 --> 00:12:08,166
Yes, someday,
my mother is going to die,
326
00:12:08,201 --> 00:12:10,235
and we're going
to deal with it our way.
327
00:12:10,253 --> 00:12:11,286
Well, your way is wrong,
328
00:12:11,337 --> 00:12:14,957
and I bet Colleen
agrees with me.
329
00:12:15,008 --> 00:12:17,159
I'm glad you said that, Lemon.
330
00:12:17,193 --> 00:12:19,978
Good luck.
331
00:12:21,214 --> 00:12:22,414
Ah, Elizabeth.
332
00:12:22,448 --> 00:12:25,517
Can we do something about
the temperature in here?
333
00:12:25,552 --> 00:12:27,185
I'd like it humid and cold.
334
00:12:27,220 --> 00:12:28,270
Duck!
335
00:12:32,146 --> 00:12:33,513
Yoko announcement.
336
00:12:33,547 --> 00:12:35,348
Russ wrote a song.
337
00:12:35,382 --> 00:12:36,549
A great song.
338
00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:38,384
And if you don't sing
it at the Gwammys,
339
00:12:38,402 --> 00:12:41,737
which is the Grammys for
toddlers, Russ is going solo.
340
00:12:41,772 --> 00:12:44,240
Russ, I write the songs here,
so you have to choose.
341
00:12:44,274 --> 00:12:47,493
Her, or us?
342
00:12:47,528 --> 00:12:48,494
Come on, mate, Woggel power.
343
00:12:48,529 --> 00:12:50,613
In Australia,
"woggel" means "white."
344
00:12:50,664 --> 00:12:51,730
Hm.
345
00:12:51,748 --> 00:12:53,115
Let's get out of here.
346
00:12:53,167 --> 00:12:56,369
I want to lick that
turtleneck off of you.
347
00:12:56,403 --> 00:12:58,671
Yeah. Come on, Jenna.
348
00:12:58,705 --> 00:12:59,672
Fine, leave.
349
00:12:59,706 --> 00:13:00,673
We'll just replace you.
350
00:13:00,707 --> 00:13:02,241
Anyone can be replaced.
351
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:03,843
Especially girlfriends.
352
00:13:03,877 --> 00:13:05,795
No, you don't know
what you're talking about.
353
00:13:05,846 --> 00:13:06,846
Paul isn't gonna--
354
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,715
I mean, Russ.
355
00:13:09,749 --> 00:13:12,034
Paul is American for Russ.
356
00:13:12,069 --> 00:13:14,753
Oh.
357
00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:21,711
Ugh, Dean Cain.
358
00:13:21,745 --> 00:13:23,646
You know what?
359
00:13:23,697 --> 00:13:25,698
I'm glad Jack put you in here.
360
00:13:25,732 --> 00:13:29,619
Because I think we need to talk,
about talking.
361
00:13:29,653 --> 00:13:30,703
What's the matter with you?
362
00:13:30,737 --> 00:13:32,405
Are you on drugs or something?
363
00:13:32,439 --> 00:13:34,574
Don't you think,
at a certain point in life,
364
00:13:34,608 --> 00:13:38,411
parents and children should sit
down and express their feelings
365
00:13:38,445 --> 00:13:39,462
before it's too late?
366
00:13:39,496 --> 00:13:41,247
God on a wheel!
367
00:13:41,281 --> 00:13:43,115
Jackie and I know how we feel.
368
00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:47,303
We don't have to say it out loud
like a couple of gays
369
00:13:47,337 --> 00:13:50,957
getting married
in jean shorts in Provincetown
370
00:13:50,991 --> 00:13:54,727
while I'm just trying to enjoy
an ice cream on the pier!
371
00:13:54,761 --> 00:13:56,479
Okay, fine.
If I can't convince you,
372
00:13:56,513 --> 00:13:59,849
maybe you'll listen to the words
of Mike and the mechanics,
373
00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:05,104
whose song The Living Years
I definitely remember.
374
00:14:05,138 --> 00:14:08,140
"Say it out, speak it clear.
375
00:14:08,158 --> 00:14:11,410
"You should listen, dude.
Also, hear.
376
00:14:11,445 --> 00:14:14,347
It's too late, when--"
377
00:14:14,381 --> 00:14:15,998
You have two minutes
378
00:14:16,033 --> 00:14:20,202
to find that battery
before I die.
379
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:27,143
You guys do not like talking!
380
00:14:27,177 --> 00:14:29,378
Great news, everyone!
381
00:14:29,429 --> 00:14:31,530
George foreman
is not going to Stanford.
382
00:14:31,565 --> 00:14:34,500
He's decided to permanently
join the entourage.
383
00:14:34,518 --> 00:14:36,469
I'll start the paperwork.
384
00:14:36,503 --> 00:14:38,471
Wait, he's not
going to college?
385
00:14:38,505 --> 00:14:41,057
Look, yesterday was the first
time I've ever spent the day
386
00:14:41,108 --> 00:14:42,841
with my dad like that, and...
387
00:14:42,859 --> 00:14:44,860
I just want to keep doing it.
388
00:14:44,895 --> 00:14:45,861
You need to take him
to security.
389
00:14:45,896 --> 00:14:47,029
It takes a week to get an I.D.
390
00:14:47,064 --> 00:14:48,698
Tony will rush it for me.
391
00:14:48,732 --> 00:14:51,033
We do zumba together.
392
00:14:53,186 --> 00:14:56,572
My son is 17.
393
00:14:56,623 --> 00:14:58,491
Have I really never spent
a day with him
394
00:14:58,525 --> 00:15:00,710
doing father and son stuff?
395
00:15:00,744 --> 00:15:03,195
Like teaching him
how to ride a bike...
396
00:15:03,213 --> 00:15:05,247
Down the Luxor pyramid.
397
00:15:05,299 --> 00:15:07,049
Or drive a car...
398
00:15:07,084 --> 00:15:10,202
Vel franchise into the ground.
399
00:15:10,220 --> 00:15:13,639
I never even taught
him how to shave...
400
00:15:13,674 --> 00:15:14,840
An orangutan.
401
00:15:14,874 --> 00:15:17,560
Well, sir...
402
00:15:17,594 --> 00:15:19,729
That doesn't mean
you're a bad father.
403
00:15:19,763 --> 00:15:20,980
Yes, it does.
404
00:15:21,014 --> 00:15:23,899
I haven't been there
for him since day one.
405
00:15:26,219 --> 00:15:27,186
Hey, Angie.
406
00:15:27,220 --> 00:15:28,187
What's up?
407
00:15:28,221 --> 00:15:29,888
You had the baby?
408
00:15:29,906 --> 00:15:32,158
Okay.
Name him George foreman.
409
00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:34,110
And also,
we're out of soda at home.
410
00:15:35,362 --> 00:15:36,895
Lamont, hurry up
and deliver that baby
411
00:15:36,913 --> 00:15:39,115
before they realize
we're not doctors.
412
00:15:39,166 --> 00:15:41,033
But I'm finally
connecting with my son,
413
00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:42,702
and he wants to be here.
414
00:15:42,736 --> 00:15:44,570
I don't know what to do.
415
00:15:44,588 --> 00:15:47,006
I wish I had a father
to talk to.
416
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,259
But Liz Lemon is the only person
I know who even has a father.
417
00:15:50,293 --> 00:15:53,245
Well, Mr. Jordan,
speaking from experience,
418
00:15:53,263 --> 00:15:57,550
All My Children...
was cancelled.
419
00:15:57,584 --> 00:15:59,935
As you can see, I'm out
of my wheelhouse here.
420
00:15:59,970 --> 00:16:02,755
But, if you want
to talk about wheelhouses--
421
00:16:02,773 --> 00:16:04,640
Liz Lemon it is.
422
00:16:04,691 --> 00:16:08,394
♪ I'm a little Joey
a baby kangaroo ♪
423
00:16:08,428 --> 00:16:10,279
♪ jumped out of mommy's pouch ♪
424
00:16:10,313 --> 00:16:12,698
♪ and now
I don't know what to do ♪
425
00:16:12,733 --> 00:16:16,268
♪ I wanted to go walkabout,
around the world I roamed ♪
426
00:16:16,303 --> 00:16:20,056
♪ but now the fun is over,
and I want to get back home ♪
427
00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:24,310
♪ mommy kangaroo
mommy kangaroo ♪
428
00:16:24,344 --> 00:16:27,797
♪ separate the races,
mommy kangaroo ♪
429
00:16:27,831 --> 00:16:29,081
Oh, God.
430
00:16:29,115 --> 00:16:31,217
It's all been
a terrible mistake.
431
00:16:31,251 --> 00:16:33,419
You don't just jump out
of the pouch and walk away
432
00:16:33,453 --> 00:16:36,222
from something so good,
something that makes you happy.
433
00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:38,257
Wait.
434
00:16:38,291 --> 00:16:40,109
Are you saying I should
go back to the Woggels?
435
00:16:40,143 --> 00:16:41,177
The what?
436
00:16:41,228 --> 00:16:42,311
No.
437
00:16:42,345 --> 00:16:44,814
That song, like everything,
is about me.
438
00:16:44,848 --> 00:16:48,601
I'm the baby kangaroo
who went on the walkabout.
439
00:16:48,635 --> 00:16:50,736
What have I done?
440
00:16:52,289 --> 00:16:54,907
My driver will take you
to the airport.
441
00:16:54,941 --> 00:16:57,576
I'm glad you're feeling
well enough to travel.
442
00:16:57,611 --> 00:16:59,812
Jack, can we make sure
the pilot is a man.
443
00:16:59,830 --> 00:17:01,614
I don't know,
ever since Amelia Earhart,
444
00:17:01,648 --> 00:17:03,616
I'm a little skittish
about lady pilots.
445
00:17:03,650 --> 00:17:05,818
Yes, mother,
captain Chuck cutler.
446
00:17:05,836 --> 00:17:06,952
I'm told he has a mustache.
447
00:17:06,986 --> 00:17:08,654
- Mm, good.
- Good-bye, mother.
448
00:17:08,672 --> 00:17:10,089
I know it won't be welcome,
449
00:17:10,123 --> 00:17:13,242
but I will point out that this
is your final "talk-portunity."
450
00:17:13,276 --> 00:17:14,927
- Not another word, Lemon.
- Sew up your cabbage hole,
451
00:17:14,961 --> 00:17:16,011
girl.
452
00:17:16,046 --> 00:17:17,430
Lime to a Lemon,
you need to tell me
453
00:17:17,464 --> 00:17:18,964
what to do about George foreman.
454
00:17:18,998 --> 00:17:22,435
Liz, has this whole walkabout
thing been a mistake?
455
00:17:22,469 --> 00:17:23,936
- Jenna made me forget about...
- What if I'm already too late?
456
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:25,170
- Why I came here, so I guess...
- What if Paul's actually...
457
00:17:25,188 --> 00:17:26,272
- I'll just go to the beach.
- Replaced me?
458
00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:29,024
Both of you need
to stop right there.
459
00:17:29,059 --> 00:17:30,559
If you are having
a problem with a loved one,
460
00:17:30,610 --> 00:17:34,012
there is only one
thing you need to do.
461
00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:35,030
Communicate!
462
00:17:35,065 --> 00:17:37,683
Go to Paul,
go to George foreman.
463
00:17:37,701 --> 00:17:40,786
And as difficult
as it might be,
464
00:17:40,821 --> 00:17:42,705
talk to them.
465
00:17:42,739 --> 00:17:44,573
Before you lose them forever,
466
00:17:44,624 --> 00:17:46,876
tell them how you feel.
467
00:17:46,910 --> 00:17:48,911
Have the talk.
468
00:17:48,962 --> 00:17:53,749
George foreman first,
dinner break, then Paul.
469
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,000
I'm sorry,
470
00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:56,752
was that supposed
to be for our benefit?
471
00:17:56,803 --> 00:17:57,887
Do you think we're idiots?
472
00:17:57,921 --> 00:17:59,004
If you were my kid,
473
00:17:59,038 --> 00:18:01,223
I'd mail you back to the stork.
474
00:18:01,258 --> 00:18:02,508
She's not kidding.
475
00:18:02,542 --> 00:18:04,059
When I was eight, she took
me to the post office
476
00:18:04,094 --> 00:18:06,846
because I spilled juice on
a couch reserved for the pope,
477
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,214
which has still never been used.
478
00:18:09,232 --> 00:18:10,249
He'll come.
479
00:18:10,283 --> 00:18:12,902
But I am sorry
I tried to mail you.
480
00:18:12,936 --> 00:18:13,903
I forgive you.
481
00:18:13,937 --> 00:18:15,104
And I'm sorry about the juice,
482
00:18:15,155 --> 00:18:16,939
which you should know
was actually wine.
483
00:18:16,990 --> 00:18:19,275
I forgive you, too.
484
00:18:19,326 --> 00:18:21,911
You know, you've always
been my favorite child.
485
00:18:21,945 --> 00:18:23,245
Thank you.
486
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,747
You never gave me any trouble.
487
00:18:24,781 --> 00:18:26,415
You always ate your vegetables,
488
00:18:26,449 --> 00:18:27,700
you went to church,
489
00:18:27,734 --> 00:18:29,618
and you loved breast feeding.
490
00:18:29,669 --> 00:18:31,837
I just wanted
to make you proud of me.
491
00:18:31,872 --> 00:18:33,622
That's all I ever wanted.
492
00:18:33,673 --> 00:18:35,457
If I've ever had any success
in this life,
493
00:18:35,509 --> 00:18:36,625
it's because of you.
494
00:18:36,676 --> 00:18:37,693
Oh.
495
00:18:37,727 --> 00:18:41,947
I made this happen!
496
00:18:41,982 --> 00:18:45,434
Not a part of this, I get it.
497
00:18:45,468 --> 00:18:46,535
But I made this happen!
498
00:18:46,570 --> 00:18:50,539
I made this happen.
499
00:18:50,574 --> 00:18:52,441
Son, this isn't easy
for me to say,
500
00:18:52,475 --> 00:18:54,560
because my tongue
caught what my foot has.
501
00:18:54,594 --> 00:18:56,111
But I need to say it.
502
00:18:56,146 --> 00:18:57,763
You should do
what's best for you.
503
00:18:57,781 --> 00:19:00,866
Look, I want to go
to college, but...
504
00:19:00,901 --> 00:19:02,051
I love you, dad.
505
00:19:02,085 --> 00:19:03,869
And I'm gonna love
you no matter what.
506
00:19:03,904 --> 00:19:06,322
Even if you become
a doctor, or a lawyer,
507
00:19:06,373 --> 00:19:08,991
or a philanthropist who
devotes his life to others.
508
00:19:09,042 --> 00:19:11,427
I'll still be proud of you.
509
00:19:11,461 --> 00:19:14,747
Good-bye, my son.
510
00:19:14,781 --> 00:19:17,166
But dad, college doesn't
start for another five months.
511
00:19:17,217 --> 00:19:18,667
I said, good-bye, my son.
512
00:19:21,888 --> 00:19:24,223
Great.
Now let's go do my thing.
513
00:19:24,257 --> 00:19:26,175
Okay.
514
00:19:32,465 --> 00:19:33,532
Oh, God.
515
00:19:33,567 --> 00:19:37,519
He's dressed like her.
516
00:19:37,571 --> 00:19:39,989
I'm too late.
517
00:19:40,023 --> 00:19:43,776
I've been replaced.
518
00:19:48,331 --> 00:19:51,867
Kouchie?
519
00:19:59,709 --> 00:20:01,427
Look on the bright side.
520
00:20:01,461 --> 00:20:06,015
My thing went perfectly.
521
00:20:06,049 --> 00:20:08,717
I have something for you.
522
00:20:08,768 --> 00:20:10,686
It's not much,
523
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,856
but I thought maybe you
could put it in Liddy's room.
524
00:20:13,890 --> 00:20:16,158
Oh.
525
00:20:16,192 --> 00:20:17,726
Oh.
526
00:20:17,777 --> 00:20:19,395
This was your mother's.
527
00:20:19,446 --> 00:20:23,816
Well, I know, but I wanted
to make sure you got it.
528
00:20:23,850 --> 00:20:25,017
Hang on.
529
00:20:25,035 --> 00:20:27,403
If your plan
was to have surgery,
530
00:20:27,454 --> 00:20:30,205
then go back to Florida
without ever seeing me,
531
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,707
why did you bring this with you?
532
00:20:31,741 --> 00:20:34,994
What is this,
the Spanish inquisition?
533
00:20:35,028 --> 00:20:36,912
Oh, you'd know.
You lived through it.
534
00:20:36,963 --> 00:20:39,160
Oh.
535
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,371
Get...off. Ow!
536
00:20:46,389 --> 00:20:47,906
- Get...off.
- I did this!
537
00:20:49,501 --> 00:20:53,982
♪ Feelings feelings
feelings say how you feel ♪
538
00:20:54,102 --> 00:20:56,587
- ♪ Apples ♪
- ♪ You taste good ♪
539
00:20:56,622 --> 00:20:58,990
- ♪ Trees ♪
- ♪ You give us wood ♪
540
00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:00,408
- ♪ Grandma ♪
- ♪ I am gay ♪
541
00:21:00,442 --> 00:21:01,559
♪ Bridge ♪
542
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,288
♪ You turn me on
in a sexual way ♪
543
00:21:03,408 --> 00:21:14,073
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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