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1
00:00:02,034 --> 00:00:04,134
Here are all my receipts.
2
00:00:04,175 --> 00:00:05,425
Look, I don't
need these, Liz.
3
00:00:05,476 --> 00:00:07,210
Your tax return
is the same every year.
4
00:00:07,228 --> 00:00:08,561
Actually, I'll have you know
5
00:00:08,596 --> 00:00:11,514
that this has been
a year of change, Howard.
6
00:00:11,548 --> 00:00:13,099
I joined
an over-40 dance team,
7
00:00:13,150 --> 00:00:15,769
I started eating the lettuce on
my plate under my onion rings,
8
00:00:15,820 --> 00:00:19,356
and I have taken up meditation
thanks to my boyfriend Criss.
9
00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:22,993
Yeah, do you remember what
you said to me last year?
10
00:00:23,027 --> 00:00:25,412
This has been
a year of change, Howard.
11
00:00:25,446 --> 00:00:28,248
I'm actually eating the onion
part of my onion rings,
12
00:00:28,282 --> 00:00:31,034
I started journaling thanks
to my exciting relationship
13
00:00:31,068 --> 00:00:32,952
with Carol, who is a man.
14
00:00:33,004 --> 00:00:35,338
Although we have done nothing
that lesbians could not do.
15
00:00:35,373 --> 00:00:36,589
Uhhuh.
16
00:00:36,624 --> 00:00:38,008
Do you remember what
you said to me last year?
17
00:00:38,042 --> 00:00:40,243
I bought a restaurant-grade
onion ringer,
18
00:00:40,261 --> 00:00:42,178
and I'm having a go
at cycling,
19
00:00:42,213 --> 00:00:45,048
thanks to my boyfriend Wesley,
whom I hate.
20
00:00:45,082 --> 00:00:47,217
Have I never washed
this sweater?
21
00:00:47,251 --> 00:00:49,135
Look, there's nothing wrong
with being predictable.
22
00:00:49,186 --> 00:00:51,021
Every morning I get up
and come to this office
23
00:00:51,055 --> 00:00:52,806
while my wife cheats
on me with Jared.
24
00:00:52,857 --> 00:00:53,890
Well, you're wrong.
25
00:00:53,924 --> 00:00:56,026
I bought a meditation
stool, and...
26
00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:57,727
This year's gonna
be different.
27
00:01:03,534 --> 00:01:06,152
Jack, am I just in
a permanent rut?
28
00:01:06,203 --> 00:01:07,770
I don't have time for
your nonsense, Lemon.
29
00:01:07,788 --> 00:01:08,955
I'm working.
30
00:01:08,989 --> 00:01:10,457
I know this doesn't
look like work,
31
00:01:10,491 --> 00:01:11,708
but are you familiar with
the shower principle?
32
00:01:11,742 --> 00:01:12,942
I remember Mrs. Doyle
33
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,210
pulling me aside
to talk about it
34
00:01:14,245 --> 00:01:15,945
- in the seventh grade.
- No.
35
00:01:15,963 --> 00:01:17,714
The shower principle is
a term scientists use
36
00:01:17,748 --> 00:01:20,133
to describe moments
of inspiration that occur
37
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,252
when the brain is distracted
from the problem at hand.
38
00:01:22,286 --> 00:01:24,254
For example,
when you're showering.
39
00:01:24,288 --> 00:01:26,139
I was in the shower when
I finally got the title
40
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,424
of the movie Face off.
41
00:01:27,458 --> 00:01:29,259
Face off,
face off.
42
00:01:29,293 --> 00:01:30,477
Exactly.
43
00:01:30,511 --> 00:01:32,679
If the cerebral cortex
is distracted,
44
00:01:32,730 --> 00:01:34,064
by showering or putting,
45
00:01:34,098 --> 00:01:35,982
then another part of the brain,
46
00:01:36,016 --> 00:01:38,685
the anterior superior
temporal gyrus is activated.
47
00:01:38,736 --> 00:01:42,739
This is the site of sudden
cognitive inspiration.
48
00:01:42,773 --> 00:01:44,974
Nerd alert,
nerd alert.
49
00:01:46,861 --> 00:01:49,312
The problem at hand
is this man,
50
00:01:49,330 --> 00:01:50,864
my boss, Hank Hooper.
51
00:01:50,898 --> 00:01:52,649
Kabletown has grown a lot
52
00:01:52,683 --> 00:01:55,585
over the years,
but it's still a family company
53
00:01:55,619 --> 00:01:57,754
with a very simple goal...
54
00:01:57,788 --> 00:01:59,139
To entertain folks.
55
00:01:59,173 --> 00:02:00,840
That's all people want.
56
00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:03,009
To sit on their sofas...
57
00:02:03,043 --> 00:02:04,427
Why am I putting on airs?
58
00:02:04,462 --> 00:02:05,929
To sit on their couches,
59
00:02:05,963 --> 00:02:07,997
and hear stories.
Here's one.
60
00:02:08,015 --> 00:02:09,916
1968.
61
00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:12,135
We were on patrol somewhere near
the Cambodian border.
62
00:02:12,169 --> 00:02:14,921
We can skip this part.
63
00:02:14,955 --> 00:02:16,606
So we boiled the skull,
64
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,174
and made a tea kettle
out of it.
65
00:02:20,394 --> 00:02:23,730
My point is, I believe that
slow and steady wins the race.
66
00:02:23,764 --> 00:02:26,599
We don't take risks.
We make profits.
67
00:02:26,634 --> 00:02:30,620
So now, let's get this
dog fashion show started!
68
00:02:30,654 --> 00:02:33,356
"Everyone hide your bones."
69
00:02:33,374 --> 00:02:36,993
"Dogbeard the pirate
just sailed into woof harbor."
70
00:02:38,295 --> 00:02:39,546
You know what else Hank
announced at that meeting?
71
00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:40,747
Record profits.
72
00:02:40,781 --> 00:02:42,532
Really?
Can we start getting real soda?
73
00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:45,001
Because I think Corka-Coola
brand diet banana lime
74
00:02:45,035 --> 00:02:46,836
- causes "tum nungnuss."
- No.
75
00:02:46,870 --> 00:02:49,055
And do you know what Hank wants
to do with that money?
76
00:02:49,089 --> 00:02:50,890
Pay a shareholder dividend.
77
00:02:50,925 --> 00:02:54,177
Meanwhile, the Kabletown blimp
is in such disrepair,
78
00:02:54,211 --> 00:02:57,764
we got a "jeers"
in Corporate Blimps Weekly.
79
00:02:57,815 --> 00:03:00,049
I want to use that money
to transform this company,
80
00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:02,318
but first I have to convince
Hank Hooper,
81
00:03:02,353 --> 00:03:05,271
a white man
who still buys Cadillacs.
82
00:03:05,322 --> 00:03:08,724
I just need the right idea.
83
00:03:08,742 --> 00:03:11,077
Do you think
a year ago today
84
00:03:11,111 --> 00:03:13,246
we were having this
same conversation?
85
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,531
Because it sure
feels like it.
86
00:03:14,565 --> 00:03:15,582
Probably.
87
00:03:15,616 --> 00:03:17,033
And knowing you,
as you were leaving
88
00:03:17,067 --> 00:03:19,536
you did something
comically undignified.
89
00:03:19,570 --> 00:03:22,288
Well, not this time, friend.
90
00:03:22,339 --> 00:03:25,124
- Gumballs!
- Lemon!
91
00:03:48,781 --> 00:03:51,581
30 ROCK
S06 Ep15 - The shower principle
92
00:03:52,079 --> 00:03:55,579
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
93
00:03:59,210 --> 00:04:03,496
Why is all the healthy food
on the top shelf today?
94
00:04:03,547 --> 00:04:04,947
Cut it out, you perverts.
95
00:04:04,965 --> 00:04:06,049
I know what you're doing.
96
00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:07,617
It's the first warm
day of the year,
97
00:04:07,635 --> 00:04:09,952
and women are starting to take
off their winter clothes...
98
00:04:09,970 --> 00:04:11,588
Good morning!
99
00:04:11,622 --> 00:04:13,506
Eyes down here, boys.
100
00:04:13,557 --> 00:04:15,124
I have breasts, you know.
101
00:04:15,142 --> 00:04:16,125
Nope, Hazel.
102
00:04:16,143 --> 00:04:17,227
Button up.
103
00:04:17,261 --> 00:04:18,928
Cerie, put on one
of my soup ponchos.
104
00:04:18,962 --> 00:04:20,513
This happens every spring,
105
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,181
and it makes Jenna feel
threatened, and old,
106
00:04:22,233 --> 00:04:23,566
and she takes it out on me
107
00:04:23,601 --> 00:04:24,567
and the show.
108
00:04:24,602 --> 00:04:27,020
Every year she...
109
00:04:27,071 --> 00:04:28,688
Every year.
110
00:04:28,739 --> 00:04:33,809
The same thing
happens every year.
111
00:04:33,827 --> 00:04:36,946
Take a picture,
it'll last longer.
112
00:04:36,980 --> 00:04:38,414
Here you go.
113
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,538
Liz, at 11:00
we have...
114
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:46,756
Our annual budget meeting.
115
00:04:46,790 --> 00:04:48,791
You know what I did
a year ago today?
116
00:04:48,825 --> 00:04:50,927
Met with my accountant,
went up to see Jack,
117
00:04:50,961 --> 00:04:53,096
told Cerie to cover herself up.
118
00:04:53,130 --> 00:04:54,681
Yeah, stop doing that.
119
00:04:54,715 --> 00:04:56,849
Paula canceled my subscription
to shape magazine.
120
00:04:56,884 --> 00:04:58,434
Why do you have
to take Cerie away too?
121
00:04:58,469 --> 00:04:59,552
'Cause Jenna's
gonna freak out,
122
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:00,770
and she'll take it out on me.
123
00:05:00,804 --> 00:05:02,138
Last year,
124
00:05:02,172 --> 00:05:05,275
Jenna accused me
of trying to destroy her
125
00:05:05,309 --> 00:05:08,111
because her lines didn't
have any "K" sounds,
126
00:05:08,145 --> 00:05:09,845
which she thinks
is the funniest sound.
127
00:05:09,863 --> 00:05:10,846
My God.
128
00:05:10,864 --> 00:05:12,532
My cousin Karl
crashed his car,
129
00:05:12,566 --> 00:05:14,350
and now he's in a coma
at the Kendall clinic.
130
00:05:14,368 --> 00:05:15,902
Well...
131
00:05:15,953 --> 00:05:17,904
Look, you don't know
what Jenna's gonna do.
132
00:05:17,955 --> 00:05:19,522
Yeah, I do.
It's in the book,
133
00:05:19,540 --> 00:05:21,291
and the book has been
right about everything.
134
00:05:21,325 --> 00:05:22,959
It can see the future.
135
00:05:22,993 --> 00:05:23,960
Well, hang on.
136
00:05:23,994 --> 00:05:25,078
If all of your problems
are in the book,
137
00:05:25,129 --> 00:05:26,629
aren't the solutions
in there too?
138
00:05:26,664 --> 00:05:27,997
Well, we'll see.
139
00:05:28,031 --> 00:05:31,417
Last year, Jenna didn't come
to her senses till I...
140
00:05:31,468 --> 00:05:35,388
It's all here.
This is how I break the cycle.
141
00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:40,476
Today, I prove the universe,
and my accountant, wrong.
142
00:05:41,845 --> 00:05:43,012
And, Pete,
143
00:05:43,046 --> 00:05:45,315
don't try to force
a nickname this year.
144
00:05:45,349 --> 00:05:46,683
But I just bought
a Letterman jacket
145
00:05:46,717 --> 00:05:49,885
with "the German"
embroidered on it.
146
00:05:49,903 --> 00:05:51,821
It's not refundable
if you personalize it!
147
00:05:55,025 --> 00:05:56,058
Jenna?
148
00:05:56,076 --> 00:05:57,327
I know you're gonna
freak out today.
149
00:05:57,361 --> 00:05:58,578
You're trying to destroy me.
150
00:05:58,612 --> 00:06:00,330
I refuse to be in that sketch.
151
00:06:00,364 --> 00:06:01,331
The MacBeth sketch?
152
00:06:01,365 --> 00:06:02,565
Shh, stop it.
153
00:06:02,583 --> 00:06:04,751
You never say that name
in the theater.
154
00:06:04,785 --> 00:06:05,868
It is curs-ed.
155
00:06:05,902 --> 00:06:06,869
Jenna, that's just
a superstition.
156
00:06:06,903 --> 00:06:09,038
Elizabeth, I was trained
157
00:06:09,072 --> 00:06:11,240
in stage acting
and game show pointing
158
00:06:11,258 --> 00:06:13,843
at the Royal Tampa Academy
of dramatic tricks.
159
00:06:13,877 --> 00:06:16,295
Where I studied
theater superstition,
160
00:06:16,347 --> 00:06:18,715
under Professor
Duane "Crawfish" Kenny.
161
00:06:18,749 --> 00:06:20,767
I'm not doing a sketch about
the Scottish play.
162
00:06:20,801 --> 00:06:22,251
Yeah, but this isn't
MacBeth.
163
00:06:22,269 --> 00:06:24,920
It's a timely satire
of MacBeth,
164
00:06:24,938 --> 00:06:27,023
where mayor McCheese
and his wife,
165
00:06:27,057 --> 00:06:29,559
an ambitious pickle,
murder king Ronald.
166
00:06:29,593 --> 00:06:31,778
Liz, I don't need
any more bad luck.
167
00:06:31,812 --> 00:06:33,229
Do you know how many
mirrors I've smashed
168
00:06:33,263 --> 00:06:35,281
just thinking it was
a blonde woman mocking me?
169
00:06:35,315 --> 00:06:38,785
Okay, fine.
Like last year I will...
170
00:06:38,819 --> 00:06:39,986
Just ask Cerie to do it.
171
00:06:40,037 --> 00:06:41,704
Sure, I'll do it.
172
00:06:41,739 --> 00:06:42,705
I just have to be out
in time for my band
173
00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:44,040
to be on Letterman.
174
00:06:46,443 --> 00:06:49,545
Perfect.
Now everyone's happy.
175
00:06:52,666 --> 00:06:55,251
That Jenna sure
is a handful,
176
00:06:55,285 --> 00:06:56,552
Hazel, damn it!
177
00:06:56,587 --> 00:06:57,804
I know she takes
you for granted.
178
00:06:57,838 --> 00:06:59,455
But I don't.
179
00:06:59,473 --> 00:07:02,308
Say, I bought a groupon
for a couples' massage
180
00:07:02,342 --> 00:07:04,811
at a resort in the Catskills
where Henny Youngman
181
00:07:04,845 --> 00:07:06,512
used to take his mistresses.
182
00:07:06,563 --> 00:07:07,563
What do you say?
183
00:07:07,598 --> 00:07:09,766
No. But if you want
to help me,
184
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,150
just keep an eye on Jenna.
185
00:07:11,185 --> 00:07:12,635
I know she's gonna cave,
186
00:07:12,653 --> 00:07:14,937
I just want to make sure she
doesn't do anything crazy first.
187
00:07:14,971 --> 00:07:17,573
As the doctor said to me
after my hepatitis test,
188
00:07:17,608 --> 00:07:21,277
"you got it, sweetheart."
189
00:07:21,311 --> 00:07:22,862
Banks will provide...
190
00:07:22,913 --> 00:07:23,863
Tray.
191
00:07:23,914 --> 00:07:24,914
Hold up, double "L".
192
00:07:24,948 --> 00:07:26,332
I just want to clear this level.
193
00:07:26,366 --> 00:07:28,584
To navigate
the mortgage mess...
194
00:07:28,619 --> 00:07:29,652
Tracy, that's the news.
195
00:07:29,670 --> 00:07:31,504
It's the only way
we can watch it.
196
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:34,424
Coming up next, how safe
is your building's elevator?
197
00:07:34,458 --> 00:07:36,426
Yes! A thousand points!
198
00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:37,927
Sure.
199
00:07:37,961 --> 00:07:40,713
Tracy, I know you insist
on doing your own taxes
200
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:41,714
for some reason.
201
00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:42,998
I don't trust my accountant.
202
00:07:43,016 --> 00:07:45,301
I think he's lying to
me about being Jewish.
203
00:07:45,335 --> 00:07:47,937
I step on more wine
glasses than he does.
204
00:07:47,971 --> 00:07:50,723
Well, last year on this date,
you flipped out
205
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,692
because you didn't know
it was the 14th.
206
00:07:52,726 --> 00:07:55,111
- So, this is an early warning...
- Wait, hold up.
207
00:07:55,145 --> 00:07:56,979
I didn't even know
it was April.
208
00:07:57,013 --> 00:07:58,180
I was gonna tell Dotcom
209
00:07:58,198 --> 00:08:00,733
I loved his novel
as an April fool's joke.
210
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,952
This is all hands on deck!
211
00:08:02,986 --> 00:08:08,458
K-9, form of desk.
212
00:08:08,492 --> 00:08:10,025
Get the receipts out.
213
00:08:10,043 --> 00:08:11,661
This big one's
for your sneakers.
214
00:08:11,695 --> 00:08:14,013
Yes, do your taxes, yes.
215
00:08:20,472 --> 00:08:22,224
Why do you look so weird?
216
00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:24,668
Have I never seen you carry
a bag before?
217
00:08:24,719 --> 00:08:26,469
I went and took a shower
at the Racquet Club,
218
00:08:26,504 --> 00:08:30,473
where I saw Lou Dobbs step
on his own testicles.
219
00:08:30,508 --> 00:08:31,758
It was horrifying.
220
00:08:31,792 --> 00:08:33,810
Still trying to get
the ol' jumper cables
221
00:08:33,844 --> 00:08:36,429
on the tires
of your brain muffler?
222
00:08:36,463 --> 00:08:37,681
I don't know cars.
223
00:08:37,715 --> 00:08:39,649
I get ten minutes
with Hank Hooper tonight.
224
00:08:39,684 --> 00:08:41,267
Ten minutes to convince him
225
00:08:41,301 --> 00:08:43,737
to change his company forever.
226
00:08:43,771 --> 00:08:44,738
This is a crossroads, Lemon.
227
00:08:48,409 --> 00:08:49,993
You know what I miss about G.E.?
228
00:08:50,027 --> 00:08:51,945
The factories.
The sight of work being done,
229
00:08:51,979 --> 00:08:53,580
of things being made.
230
00:08:53,614 --> 00:08:55,532
The deafening noise
of machinery.
231
00:08:55,583 --> 00:08:57,450
You have
to talk like this!
232
00:08:57,484 --> 00:08:59,502
You can only say
what's essential!
233
00:08:59,537 --> 00:09:02,172
And you get to point at things!
234
00:09:02,206 --> 00:09:03,173
Okay, well I, for one,
235
00:09:03,207 --> 00:09:04,674
am crushing it today.
236
00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:06,843
I pre-solved my Tracy
and Jenna problems,
237
00:09:06,877 --> 00:09:09,012
my budget meeting with
Pete took three seconds,
238
00:09:09,046 --> 00:09:13,099
and I got this meditation
candle for 80% off.
239
00:09:13,134 --> 00:09:15,518
"Summer horse grave"?
240
00:09:15,553 --> 00:09:16,853
Did you say
meditation candle?
241
00:09:16,887 --> 00:09:18,722
Lemon, are you planning
to meditate?
242
00:09:18,773 --> 00:09:20,974
Yeah. I bought a meditation
stool, I have a mantra.
243
00:09:21,008 --> 00:09:22,108
You have a mantra?
244
00:09:22,143 --> 00:09:23,610
What is it?
245
00:09:23,644 --> 00:09:25,028
You're not supposed to tell
anybody what your mantra is.
246
00:09:25,062 --> 00:09:26,363
Come on.
247
00:09:26,397 --> 00:09:29,015
Meditation is a waste of time,
like learning French,
248
00:09:29,033 --> 00:09:31,985
or kissing after sex.
249
00:09:32,019 --> 00:09:33,486
There you are, lemonade.
250
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,321
Distract her with your
craziness, Tracy.
251
00:09:35,355 --> 00:09:36,623
Otherwise she's going
to meditate.
252
00:09:36,657 --> 00:09:38,124
I don't have time
for that, J.D.
253
00:09:38,159 --> 00:09:40,877
I have to go
to Alaska immediately.
254
00:09:40,911 --> 00:09:41,878
Alaska, what are
you talking about?
255
00:09:41,912 --> 00:09:43,329
Well, Ms. Lemon,
256
00:09:43,363 --> 00:09:46,466
Mr. Jordan had a lot more income
this year than he anticipated,
257
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:49,002
thanks to his frequent
scratch-off lotto victories,
258
00:09:49,036 --> 00:09:50,637
finding all that treasure
on the island
259
00:09:50,671 --> 00:09:51,921
he owns in the Caribbean.
260
00:09:51,972 --> 00:09:53,640
Quite an adventure.
261
00:09:53,674 --> 00:09:55,175
And designing Kate
Middleton's wedding gown.
262
00:09:55,209 --> 00:09:56,342
She was wonderful.
263
00:09:56,376 --> 00:09:59,212
Collaborative, fun,
and a little dangerous.
264
00:09:59,230 --> 00:10:02,348
Okay, so you have
to go to Alaska because...
265
00:10:02,382 --> 00:10:03,349
In order to pay my tax bill,
266
00:10:03,383 --> 00:10:05,101
I had to sign on
to do a movie,
267
00:10:05,152 --> 00:10:06,385
Five dog now five.
268
00:10:06,404 --> 00:10:08,554
- Gibberish.
- No, that's just the confusing
269
00:10:08,572 --> 00:10:11,557
title Disney gave
the fifth Snow dogs movie.
270
00:10:11,575 --> 00:10:13,326
The "S" s are fives.
271
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,361
Running time, 26 minutes.
272
00:10:15,395 --> 00:10:16,946
Why do you need to do
a movie to pay your taxes?
273
00:10:16,997 --> 00:10:17,947
You're loaded.
274
00:10:17,998 --> 00:10:19,783
I'm not liquid, Liz Lemon.
275
00:10:19,834 --> 00:10:21,367
I'm completely solid.
276
00:10:21,401 --> 00:10:24,403
I took all of my money and put
it in my pool and froze it.
277
00:10:24,422 --> 00:10:25,955
Nope, this isn't last year.
278
00:10:26,006 --> 00:10:27,123
I am breaking the cycle.
279
00:10:27,174 --> 00:10:28,574
I will deal with this later,
280
00:10:28,592 --> 00:10:31,194
after I meditate.
281
00:10:31,228 --> 00:10:32,629
Cycle?
282
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,932
I forgot, I sponsored the dude
that won the Tour de France.
283
00:10:35,966 --> 00:10:38,585
Add another zero, Ken.
284
00:10:38,619 --> 00:10:41,137
"Out, out,
damn spot of mustard."
285
00:10:45,109 --> 00:10:47,694
This is the first time
I've ever liked this show.
286
00:10:47,728 --> 00:10:49,863
It's so funny.
287
00:10:55,236 --> 00:10:56,986
There's a saying
in show business.
288
00:10:58,438 --> 00:11:00,156
The show must go on.
289
00:11:00,207 --> 00:11:02,292
And I couldn't go another
minute without being around
290
00:11:02,326 --> 00:11:05,662
the greatest non-pornography
crew I've ever worked with.
291
00:11:05,713 --> 00:11:07,797
It feels so weird
being up here.
292
00:11:07,832 --> 00:11:09,332
What if I get discovered?
293
00:11:09,383 --> 00:11:11,801
♪ Amazing... ♪
294
00:11:11,836 --> 00:11:16,789
♪ ...zing grace ♪
295
00:11:16,807 --> 00:11:19,142
I don't care if this
production is cursed.
296
00:11:19,176 --> 00:11:20,477
Like Lady McCheese,
297
00:11:20,511 --> 00:11:23,629
I will "screw my courage
to the sticking McNugget."
298
00:11:23,647 --> 00:11:27,734
I will do the sketch.
299
00:11:27,768 --> 00:11:29,269
Let me help you down, sweet.
300
00:11:29,303 --> 00:11:31,437
Careful, don't stab yourself.
301
00:11:31,471 --> 00:11:35,141
Okay, let's take it from
Grimace's family being murdered.
302
00:11:35,159 --> 00:11:36,809
Jenna, look out!
303
00:11:39,613 --> 00:11:41,080
I could have been killed.
304
00:11:41,115 --> 00:11:42,415
It's the curse!
305
00:11:42,449 --> 00:11:44,250
Sorry.
306
00:11:44,285 --> 00:11:46,035
Hard "K" sounds.
307
00:11:57,932 --> 00:12:00,216
I'm going to Alaska!
Five now dog five!
308
00:12:00,267 --> 00:12:01,500
Five now dog five!
309
00:12:01,519 --> 00:12:02,835
Everyone's trying
to destroy me.
310
00:12:02,853 --> 00:12:05,004
Five now dog five!Five now dog five!
311
00:12:05,022 --> 00:12:06,306
Budget meeting, "the germ."
312
00:12:06,340 --> 00:12:08,491
Pam putch, car waiting times,
"the germ."
313
00:12:08,526 --> 00:12:11,227
Distractions begone!
314
00:12:11,262 --> 00:12:13,313
Congratulations, Elizabeth.
315
00:12:13,347 --> 00:12:15,398
You have achieved
transcendence,
316
00:12:15,449 --> 00:12:17,317
a state of pure inner peace,
317
00:12:17,351 --> 00:12:21,487
where all pants have
built-in underwear.
318
00:12:21,521 --> 00:12:24,690
You have reached
a plane of total enlightenment,
319
00:12:24,708 --> 00:12:26,793
and you are realizing
that Jack was right,
320
00:12:26,827 --> 00:12:28,661
meditation is a waste of time,
321
00:12:28,695 --> 00:12:29,879
time you could have spent
322
00:12:29,914 --> 00:12:32,799
reading that book he gave
you on business lunches,
323
00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:35,118
Buffett on buffets.
324
00:12:35,152 --> 00:12:36,135
But that doesn't make sense.
325
00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:37,503
If I've achieved enlightenment,
326
00:12:37,537 --> 00:12:38,805
how is this a waste of time?
327
00:12:38,839 --> 00:12:41,474
Let me answer your question
with a question.
328
00:12:41,508 --> 00:12:45,261
Why don't you just shut up
and tell me your mantra?
329
00:12:45,312 --> 00:12:47,347
Is it,
"time to make the donuts"?
330
00:12:47,381 --> 00:12:48,932
What are you doing?
331
00:12:51,518 --> 00:12:52,769
"Hank Hooper is coming,
Lemon.
332
00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:54,020
"I don't have time
for your nonsense.
333
00:12:54,054 --> 00:12:55,221
"I'm always criticizing
your shoes,
334
00:12:55,239 --> 00:12:56,773
but never offering
solutions."
335
00:12:56,824 --> 00:12:59,492
Don't you have a big idea you're
supposed to be coming up with?
336
00:12:59,526 --> 00:13:01,778
That's exactly what
I'm trying to do.
337
00:13:01,829 --> 00:13:03,729
I realized something today.
338
00:13:03,747 --> 00:13:06,783
Putting, showering,
they don't work for me.
339
00:13:06,834 --> 00:13:09,285
Only you can stimulate
340
00:13:09,336 --> 00:13:12,038
my anterior superior
temporal gyrus.
341
00:13:12,072 --> 00:13:14,791
Buy me a drink first.
342
00:13:14,842 --> 00:13:16,676
For the past six years,
343
00:13:16,710 --> 00:13:19,629
nothing has been a better
distraction than rescuing you
344
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:23,016
from your various wrong turns
on the road of life.
345
00:13:23,050 --> 00:13:24,634
And I just don't know what
to do now.
346
00:13:24,685 --> 00:13:26,219
I'm scared, Jack.
347
00:13:26,253 --> 00:13:28,104
Lemon, just get another DVR
in the bedroom,
348
00:13:28,138 --> 00:13:30,974
and then you can record
all four shows at once.
349
00:13:31,025 --> 00:13:33,142
I've got it.
350
00:13:33,193 --> 00:13:36,262
Dump all the unsold
dishwashers into the ocean.
351
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,982
As it turns out,
you are my shower principle,
352
00:13:39,033 --> 00:13:40,950
so shower me, Lemon.
353
00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:42,601
Shower me in the inane waters
354
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:45,571
of television, food,
and feet.
355
00:13:45,605 --> 00:13:48,207
You know what?
Maybe you should try meditating.
356
00:13:48,242 --> 00:13:49,375
I am serious.
357
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:51,377
The whole point
is to clear your mind.
358
00:13:51,412 --> 00:13:53,963
Meditate, Lemon?
I once pantsed deepak chopra
359
00:13:53,998 --> 00:13:55,548
while Craig T. Nelson
taped it.
360
00:13:55,582 --> 00:13:56,549
I don't meditate.
361
00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:57,717
Liz,
362
00:13:57,751 --> 00:13:58,801
does your journal say
anything about Frank
363
00:13:58,836 --> 00:14:01,454
trying to drink a gallon
of milk last year?
364
00:14:01,472 --> 00:14:02,455
It can't be done.
365
00:14:02,473 --> 00:14:03,506
God, the carpet...
366
00:14:03,557 --> 00:14:04,957
Somebody hold my hair back.
367
00:14:07,311 --> 00:14:08,928
No!
368
00:14:08,962 --> 00:14:10,647
My Johnny Choon.
369
00:14:10,681 --> 00:14:11,797
Are you all right?
370
00:14:11,815 --> 00:14:13,683
I've seen people
killed with shoes,
371
00:14:13,734 --> 00:14:15,101
but never like that.
372
00:14:15,135 --> 00:14:16,653
I can't believe
this is happening.
373
00:14:16,687 --> 00:14:18,471
I was just using the curse
of the Scottish play
374
00:14:18,489 --> 00:14:20,139
as an excuse to act out.
375
00:14:20,157 --> 00:14:21,407
But it's real.
376
00:14:21,442 --> 00:14:23,809
Like I need
another curse.
377
00:14:23,827 --> 00:14:26,479
Too busty.
378
00:14:44,798 --> 00:14:48,935
I'm running out of time.
379
00:14:52,106 --> 00:14:54,640
Meditate perfectly.
380
00:14:56,777 --> 00:14:58,478
Jack, tell me what
to do about my...
381
00:14:58,512 --> 00:15:01,680
Boyfriend! DVR! Feet!
382
00:15:01,699 --> 00:15:05,568
SMAS mondays at 10:00!
Female mustache.
383
00:15:05,619 --> 00:15:08,738
My casserole's burning!
My casserole's burnt!
384
00:15:08,789 --> 00:15:10,990
Nut up, Donaghy,
and meditate!
385
00:15:11,024 --> 00:15:12,291
Congratulations, Jack.
386
00:15:12,326 --> 00:15:13,459
You have attained...
387
00:15:13,494 --> 00:15:15,161
Shut up,
I don't have time for this.
388
00:15:15,195 --> 00:15:16,462
Give me my inspiration.
389
00:15:16,497 --> 00:15:18,364
My God, you're good
at meditating.
390
00:15:18,382 --> 00:15:20,583
The answer you seek has
been there all along.
391
00:15:20,634 --> 00:15:21,634
It's right behind you.
392
00:15:21,668 --> 00:15:22,802
Behind you.
393
00:15:22,836 --> 00:15:24,637
Behind you,
behind yo...
394
00:15:24,671 --> 00:15:26,089
I don't need an echo.
395
00:15:26,140 --> 00:15:27,607
I heard you.
396
00:15:27,641 --> 00:15:30,893
Meditation over!
397
00:15:30,928 --> 00:15:33,229
Behind me.
398
00:15:33,263 --> 00:15:35,098
Behind me.
399
00:15:35,149 --> 00:15:37,150
I've got it!
400
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,380
You know what they'd thought
when I saw up your skirt.
401
00:15:42,497 --> 00:15:43,497
Nice.
402
00:15:43,531 --> 00:15:45,499
Someone won
the crotch jackpot.
403
00:15:45,533 --> 00:15:47,520
I need a drink.
404
00:15:48,971 --> 00:15:51,038
My hand!
405
00:15:51,056 --> 00:15:54,308
But I'm auditioning to play
senor wences' wife tomorrow!
406
00:15:56,061 --> 00:15:57,878
I can't take this any more.
407
00:15:57,896 --> 00:16:01,365
This curse is ruining
my life.
408
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,483
No, it's not.
409
00:16:02,517 --> 00:16:03,484
I am.
410
00:16:03,518 --> 00:16:04,869
What are you talking about?
411
00:16:04,903 --> 00:16:08,940
The light, your shoe,
the chair, your hand.
412
00:16:08,991 --> 00:16:10,191
It was all me, Jenna.
413
00:16:10,225 --> 00:16:11,826
Wh... why would you do that?
414
00:16:11,860 --> 00:16:14,445
Because, I want to
be Liz Lemon's best friend.
415
00:16:14,496 --> 00:16:16,747
I want to know her secrets,
416
00:16:16,782 --> 00:16:19,667
sing Motown together
into hairbrushes,
417
00:16:19,701 --> 00:16:23,004
have a pair of vintage
Jordache jeans that we share.
418
00:16:23,038 --> 00:16:26,007
But, love has enemies...
You.
419
00:16:26,041 --> 00:16:28,960
- So you tried to kill me?
- Of course not, silly.
420
00:16:29,011 --> 00:16:31,879
I can't afford a third strike.
421
00:16:31,913 --> 00:16:33,347
I just wanted to scare you off.
422
00:16:33,382 --> 00:16:39,136
And I'll stop, if you
never speak to Liz again.
423
00:16:39,187 --> 00:16:40,938
Nice try, Hazel.
424
00:16:40,973 --> 00:16:42,306
But you made the same mistake
425
00:16:42,357 --> 00:16:44,358
Mickey Rourke made
on that catamaran.
426
00:16:44,393 --> 00:16:46,727
You didn't kill me
when you had the chance.
427
00:16:49,764 --> 00:16:51,098
Can I get you anything, Hank?
428
00:16:51,116 --> 00:16:52,984
Bottled water?
429
00:16:53,035 --> 00:16:54,702
I'm not fancy like that, Jack.
430
00:16:54,736 --> 00:16:57,204
If I get thirsty, I'll just
drink the water from lunch
431
00:16:57,239 --> 00:16:58,322
I saved in my cheek.
432
00:16:58,373 --> 00:17:01,375
I've got one word
for you, Hank...
433
00:17:01,410 --> 00:17:02,526
Couches.
434
00:17:02,561 --> 00:17:04,278
I've been thinking
about what you told
435
00:17:04,296 --> 00:17:05,796
the investors the other day.
436
00:17:05,831 --> 00:17:09,834
Kabletown fulfills our fellow
Americans' most American need...
437
00:17:09,885 --> 00:17:12,003
To sit on a couch,
talking on the phone,
438
00:17:12,054 --> 00:17:13,554
about a TV show
they're watching,
439
00:17:13,588 --> 00:17:15,389
based on a YouTube clip.
440
00:17:15,424 --> 00:17:17,558
Is NBC developing a show
441
00:17:17,592 --> 00:17:19,460
for that cat that jumps
in the boxes?
442
00:17:19,478 --> 00:17:21,562
No, that's, uh... yes!
443
00:17:21,596 --> 00:17:23,097
Heh!
As a matter of fact, we are.
444
00:17:23,131 --> 00:17:25,132
But my point is,
Kabletown controls
445
00:17:25,150 --> 00:17:27,184
nearly every aspect
of that experience.
446
00:17:27,235 --> 00:17:29,103
The phone, Internet, TV,
that's all us.
447
00:17:29,137 --> 00:17:32,139
But, we don't control
the couch.
448
00:17:32,157 --> 00:17:34,808
Why are we outsourcing
the American dream, Hank?
449
00:17:34,826 --> 00:17:37,845
Why are the couches our
customers sit on made in...
450
00:17:37,879 --> 00:17:40,481
I don't know... Vietnam?
451
00:17:42,484 --> 00:17:44,702
Taking my original buttocks
452
00:17:44,753 --> 00:17:47,505
wasn't enough
for those bastards.
453
00:17:47,539 --> 00:17:49,090
Here's what I want to do
454
00:17:49,124 --> 00:17:50,708
with our profits this quarter.
455
00:17:50,759 --> 00:17:52,510
I want to make couches, Hank.
456
00:17:52,544 --> 00:17:53,761
Kabletown couches.
457
00:17:53,795 --> 00:17:55,463
American couches.
458
00:17:55,497 --> 00:17:57,598
Boy, I do love
a good couch, Jack.
459
00:17:57,632 --> 00:18:00,434
You know, I'm like a couch
in a lot of ways.
460
00:18:00,469 --> 00:18:03,604
I fell asleep at a Raymour
and Flanigan last week,
461
00:18:03,638 --> 00:18:06,173
and a black family
tried to buy me.
462
00:18:06,191 --> 00:18:09,610
Let's do it!
Let's make us some couches.
463
00:18:09,644 --> 00:18:10,844
You won't
regret this, Hank.
464
00:18:10,862 --> 00:18:13,147
I only have three regrets
in my life, Jack.
465
00:18:13,181 --> 00:18:16,117
Not buying the Phillies,
not marrying my wife sooner,
466
00:18:16,151 --> 00:18:18,352
and not surprising you
any quicker with this hug.
467
00:18:22,491 --> 00:18:28,412
Yup, same as last year.
468
00:18:28,463 --> 00:18:31,048
My situation has progressed in
an interesting way, Liz Lemon.
469
00:18:31,083 --> 00:18:32,500
I don't want to hear it.
470
00:18:32,534 --> 00:18:34,802
To solve my tax problem, I
called the treasury department
471
00:18:34,836 --> 00:18:37,304
and told them I won't
pay my taxes until I see
472
00:18:37,339 --> 00:18:39,039
your president's
birth certificate.
473
00:18:39,057 --> 00:18:41,375
They told me if I did that,
they would arrest me.
474
00:18:41,393 --> 00:18:42,476
Things got heated,
475
00:18:42,511 --> 00:18:44,261
so I said I had a bomb.
476
00:18:44,312 --> 00:18:46,263
Hazel is trying
to destroy me.
477
00:18:46,314 --> 00:18:48,432
Really? Now Hazel
is trying to destroy you?
478
00:18:48,483 --> 00:18:51,185
Jenna, do you know how
crazy you sound right now?
479
00:18:51,219 --> 00:18:54,855
Liz and I, or "Lazel,"
are really worried about you.
480
00:18:54,889 --> 00:18:57,491
My God.
Doesn't matter what I do,
481
00:18:57,526 --> 00:18:59,160
- nothing ever changes.
- Ms. Lemon,
482
00:18:59,194 --> 00:19:01,061
I'm sorry to interrupt,
but I need to get
483
00:19:01,079 --> 00:19:02,496
a recommendation from you
484
00:19:02,531 --> 00:19:06,066
to reapply
to the NBC page program.
485
00:19:06,084 --> 00:19:07,535
We've already done
that, Kenneth.
486
00:19:07,569 --> 00:19:08,786
We've done all of this!
487
00:19:08,837 --> 00:19:11,255
All I wanted was
one shred of evidence
488
00:19:11,289 --> 00:19:13,073
that my life
is moving forward.
489
00:19:13,091 --> 00:19:14,842
Baby doll, what about me?
490
00:19:14,876 --> 00:19:16,410
- I'm new.
- Are you, Hazel?
491
00:19:16,428 --> 00:19:17,762
You're just another
weird page,
492
00:19:17,796 --> 00:19:19,079
and I already have
one of those.
493
00:19:19,097 --> 00:19:20,714
Thank you.
494
00:19:20,748 --> 00:19:22,416
You people,
you are the reason
495
00:19:22,434 --> 00:19:25,302
my life is a stagnant,
monotonous hell!
496
00:19:25,353 --> 00:19:27,521
No, that reminds me.
497
00:19:27,556 --> 00:19:30,257
My stand-up tour.
Add another zero, Ken.
498
00:19:33,278 --> 00:19:36,313
Jack?
Why did you invite me here?
499
00:19:36,364 --> 00:19:39,483
You're gonna murder me,
aren't you?
500
00:19:39,534 --> 00:19:41,402
- It's okay.
- Up here, Lemon.
501
00:19:41,436 --> 00:19:43,954
I haven't secured that
level from the rats yet.
502
00:19:49,544 --> 00:19:50,911
What the hell is this place?
503
00:19:50,945 --> 00:19:54,114
This is where
I remake Kabletown.
504
00:19:54,132 --> 00:19:56,417
And where Americans,
and for cost reasons,
505
00:19:56,451 --> 00:20:00,421
quite a few "foreign Americans,"
will make couches.
506
00:20:00,455 --> 00:20:02,756
To watch TV on.
507
00:20:02,790 --> 00:20:04,558
Do I finally understand
vertical integration?
508
00:20:04,593 --> 00:20:05,926
Yes.
509
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,796
Well, at least one of us
got out of their rut today.
510
00:20:10,816 --> 00:20:12,900
Lemon, what are you doing?
511
00:20:12,934 --> 00:20:16,153
I realized today that I cannot
do my job without you.
512
00:20:16,188 --> 00:20:18,272
This is all because of you.
513
00:20:18,306 --> 00:20:20,191
You're admitting
you need me,
514
00:20:20,242 --> 00:20:22,142
and all my nonsense.
515
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,911
You haven't done that since...
516
00:20:25,247 --> 00:20:27,064
You've never done that.
517
00:20:27,098 --> 00:20:29,083
I wanted a new G.E.
518
00:20:29,117 --> 00:20:31,919
I got a couch factory,
but it's a start.
519
00:20:31,953 --> 00:20:34,988
Baby steps, Lemon.
520
00:20:35,006 --> 00:20:36,957
- To new beginnings.
- Lemon?
521
00:20:36,991 --> 00:20:41,045
The cycle is broken.
522
00:20:41,096 --> 00:20:43,764
Jack, the rats have
my meditation stool.
523
00:20:45,517 --> 00:20:47,551
Help! Shoot it free!
524
00:20:47,586 --> 00:20:49,170
Let her go, you bastard!
525
00:20:49,856 --> 00:20:51,606
Tomorrow, and tomorrow,
and tomorrow,
526
00:20:52,238 --> 00:20:55,041
creeps in this petty
pace from day to day
527
00:20:55,075 --> 00:20:57,877
to the last syllable
of recorded time.
528
00:20:57,911 --> 00:21:00,429
And all our yesterdays
have lighted fools
529
00:21:00,464 --> 00:21:02,247
the way to dusty death.
530
00:21:02,265 --> 00:21:04,249
Out, out, brief candle.
531
00:21:04,267 --> 00:21:06,052
Life's but a walking shadow,
532
00:21:06,086 --> 00:21:09,805
a poor player that struts and
frets his hour upon the stage,
533
00:21:09,856 --> 00:21:11,973
and then is heard no more.
534
00:21:12,070 --> 00:21:14,170
It is a tail told by an idiot,
535
00:21:14,401 --> 00:21:17,201
full sound of furry,
signifying nothing.
536
00:21:17,538 --> 00:21:20,338
Would you like to try our apple dippers?
537
00:21:22,692 --> 00:21:26,192
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
39018
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