All language subtitles for 30 Rock s03e18 vv

Okay, now, you're all here
because you have been suspended

from work for sexual harassment.

But through this seminar, you will learn

the skills to keep you from
making the same kinds

of mistakes that got you here.

Excuse me, Mr. Winerslav?

It's pronounced "Weener-Slave."

Okay... Jeffrey, is there
anything I can do to speed

this process up so I can just get back to work?

I'm afraid not.

But someone who's in a rush to
get back to work?

That's something
you don't see every day.

Now, that is an example

of a very appropriate and
very, very funny joke.

Jenna, I need to speak with you.

Jack, I did not hit that Asian page.

I was just swinging my arm and
she walked into me. Twice.

Jenna, it's not about that.

It's about your Sheinhardt-
Universal Janis Joplin biopic.

Wait, we can call her Janis Joplin?

We got the life rights?
It's not Janie Jimplin anymore?

Apparently, neither name cleared.

It looks like your character is
going to be called

Jackie Jormp- Jomp.

Oh, okay.
So what's the good news?

I didn't say there was any.

Sheinhardt-Universal did some
focus testing this week.

We got 100?

You're holding that upside down.

Oh, no.

Yes, I was afraid of this.

It turns out not having the life
rights or any Janis Joplin songs

was a negative for audiences.

But what about my duet with
Jimi Hendrickson at Woodstocks?

# We're all here at Woodstocks?

# Someday, there will be a black president?

Uh, Jenna, Sheinhardt-Universal

does not want to release the picture.

And how will that affect my Oscar chances?

Adversely...

unless we get
independent distribution.

To do that, "Sing Dem Blues, White Girl

"The Jackie Jormp- Jomp Story"
has got to get some buzz.

And I'm going to need your help for that.

Do you need a sex tape released?
'Cause I got a weird one.

It's night vision

and you can see thathis buddy is robbing me.

No. Jenna, I want you on the P.R. warpath.

If there's a red carpet, I want
you on it, talking up the movie

starting Monday.

The Kids' Choice Awards? Fine.

I'll set aside my feud with
Raven Symon� for one day.

But she knows what she did.

Miss Lemon...

You aren't supposed to be here.

You're on s-e-x probation.

Yeah, I know. I just wanted
to stop by and check in.

Kenneth, stop.

I just want a script...

or a run-down, okay?

Put that down.
You give that to me, Kenneth.

Did you hear what I said?

Mr. Donaghy, help!
Rule-breaking!

This is sad. Lemon, come with me.

Lemon, you know, you're
supposed to go home

after your pervert seminars.

I'm going, I just
hate not being here.

You have to rehearse!

No! Passive resistance!

I learned that from Dr. King! I'm brave!

You sure you miss this?

Yes. As crazy and
stressful as this place is

not being here is worse.

I feel for you.

Remember that time I came back
from the World Economic Forum

with mono and missed a week
of work and I wanted

to pull my hair out but I
couldn't because it's too thick?

People like us, we need the stress.

We're only happy when
we're overcoming obstacles.

You take that away, we start
bouncing off the walls

spend our days jabbering at doormen.

Hey, I brighten their day.

Before I go, can I at least find
out what Frank's hat says?

"Constant Craving."

He can do better!

Has anyone looked at this sexual
harassment stuff they gave us?

I don't need to read it.

The whole thing is loosely
based on an evening

I spent with Isaiah Thomas.

No wonder Liz got busted.

According to this, you can't
do anything without it

being considered harassment.

Did you know you have to report
in-office relationships?

Is that true?

It's the first thing listed.
Have you read this?

Well, I wanted to

because it's full of rules, but
Ms. Vieira made me throw it away

and said pretty boys like me shouldn't be

filling their heads with ideas.

Uh-oh.

Hi, Frank.

Hello... co-worker.

Ah, Ms. Vieira...

Of course my job is annoying

but that doesn't mean I don't love it.

I'm sure your job
can be annoying.

Not all the tenants
are as fun as me.

I get it.

Hey, would you mind if I
brought a chair down here?

Yes, my job is stressful,
very stressful.

But in the end, I get paid
to make people laugh.

We have a saying that
laughter is the best medicine.

So, I'm kind of like a doctor here

Iike you were in Poland.

We have a show tonight.
I've never missed a show

Not even the time I had that
virus they kept saying

only raccoons get.

I can't believe I'm not there.

Hey! I... I've picked up
some Polish from you guys.

It's kind of cold out for a jog.

Oh, I'm just going downstairs
to the fitness center.

What? This building has a gym?

Yeah, it's the door right next
to the vending machines.

Vending machines? What kind?

I don't know, sorry.

I'm Emily. Are you new to the building?

No, I'm Liz. I've lived here for four years.

I usually work crazy, long hours.

But I'm on leave right now
for... normal reasons.

And you're feeling a little lost.

I am.

Right now, I should be standing
in a toilet stall

so nobody bothers me while I eat lunch.

God, I miss it!

I was an investment banker for 15 years--

80-hour work weeks,

corner office,

secret candy drawer.

And a decoy candy drawer to
throw others off the trail?

Smart.

The point, is you get addicted to the stress,

think it gives your life purpose.

And then, when you stop...

For normal reasons...

You see how stupid you were.

It just takes time to realize

there are much better ways to be happy.

Wait for me... Iady.

Kenneth, what can I do for you?

Well, sir, I recently learned
that company policy requires

that employees disclose

their relationships with their coworkers

to their immediate supervisor.

I am not your immediate supervisor.

There are perhaps 40 people between us.

Uh, Pete, for instance.

Oh, I just don't trust Mr. Hornberger, sir.

He has a ridge on the section of the skull

associated with deviousness.

Okay... so there's a girl?

Yes, sir. Her name is Daphne.

She's one of the T.G.S. dancers.

And when I watch her dance,
my heart skips a beat.

And not because of my acute "ventralitis."

Wait, you're dating one of the dancers?

Oh, no, sir. I actually haven't
spoken to her yet.

But I have a long-term plan to marry her

and I wanted the company to be
aware of my intentions.

I see. I'll be sure to mention
that at the next board meeting.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, also, I don't know
if this is harassment

but someone at the Today
Show made me eat

an unripe banana in front of her.

Hey, Ken.

Do you know who our immediate supervisor is?

I will not be able

to attend your wedding...

because of a prior conflict.

Oh, what's the special occasion?

Weekday?

Wow, so this is normal? This is, like

your version of sweatpants
and Pop-Tarts?

Not too shabs.

Short for shabby? Hilarious.

This could be your life too, Liz

just short the housing market.

Or write a cookbook specifically
for mixed-race children.

Or marry a rich, old dude who dies.

Clive, I want to say?

Or have mild Lupus and great insurance.

So here is the plan for today.

Start with facials and massages...

Yes, please.

...private shopping at Bergdorf

swing by the dermatologist
for a tune-up...

dinner at Jewel Bako

then a nightcap back here.

Oh...

Wow, that is a plan.

But, uh, I don't think I should go.

Liz is still stressed about her old job.

Oh...

It's just... it's Friday, and at
my job, that is our biggest day.

I don't think I'd be good company.

But thank you for inviting me.
I'll have one drink here.

Have two.

Mmm... but then, I really should go home

'cause I'm still in work mode.

I'm not really in spa, shopping mode.

I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself.

And I don't want to crash
your day together and ruin it.

We're always together.

Thank you.

Cocktails!

Mmm. It's just so stressful
thinking about my employees

trying to do everything without me.

Those look great on you!

Then I'm buying them!

I guess I'm just one of
those people that needs work.

You know, I thrive there...

And it's gone? Just like that?

Just like that!

Thank you, Dr. Binderman.

Isn't he amazing?

My point is, you are so sweet to include me.

Believe me... I'm jealous,
but today is just not the day.

So, you know... I'll hang out with you guys

for a little bit and
I'll have my one drink and...

what time is it?

Almost midnight.

If we're going to get up
in time for our mani-pedis

we really should turn in.

I forgot to watch my show.

I'm prepared to do a nipple slip if you need it.

Just talk about the movie.

Hi, I'm Ethan from Nick
Magazine. Whose mom are you?

Thank you. Well, tonight's about fun.

I'm wearing Taylor Dayne for Express.

And my peace sign, of course, is a nod

to Janis Joplin...

Dora the Explorer's Backpack!

Backpack! Is Map in you tonight?

Here are your lunches, gentlemen.

Dotcom, I forgot to
get you extra mustard.

All right! Enough!

This fighting stops now!

I'm sorry. Mr. Slattery hurt me.
And now, I'm hurting him.

He'll never get mustard...

except for the mustard that
comes with the sandwich.

I said I was sorry, Ken.
I didn't even mean to hurt you.

Oh, really? I love you too, Dotcom.

I didn't say...

I knew this would happen someday...

a woman would come between us.

Well, I'm not standing by.

I am taking action.

Oh, sir, before Miss Lemon left,
I promised her

I wouldn't let you start any adventures.

Yeah, well, Liz Lemon's in jail now

and somebody has to step up

and take charge around here.

Let the problem-solving begin.

Are you Daphne?
Yeah, you're fired.

First, a backpack upstages me.

Then, the paparazzi kept
calling me Dina Lohan.

And now, the Cyrus family
has decided to rock

a bunch of funky hats.

You can't give up now.

Did Jackie Jormp- Jomp give up

when those vampires
attacked Woodstocks?

No one even knows I'm here.

From Dreamworks'
upcoming feature film

On Top of Spaghetti, Helen Mirren.

Good evening.

And now, we take a moment...

You got me.

And now, we take a moment
to remember those

we lost this year

in the Kid Entertainment Industry.

Was that me?
Did they just say I'm dead?

I thought you spoke to the producers.

Look, Connor, if we
don't get some traction

Jenna Maroney's picture's dead.

We need your help.

Maroney, picture, dead. Got it.

This is a disaster.

No, no.
We hit the jackpot.

You being dead is the best thing

that ever happened
to this movie. Jenna...

I want to Tupac you.

Fine, but I have to pee first.

No. No, no, no, no, no,
Tupac Shakur, the rapper.

He sold 10 times more albums

when he was dead than
when he was alive.

That's what we're going
to do with this movie.

Die young, become a legend

just like Janis.

Or Rusty the Bear from The Magicals.

Yes.

Now, you just need to stay dead

while I sell the movie.

Oh, I can play dead.

I watched my whole church group
get eaten by a bear.

Congratulations, Miss Lemon.

You've completed your sensitivity training.

Your suspension is up,
and here is your certificate.

Wow. So I can...
go back to work tomorrow?

That's... soon.

Well, I know how eager you are
to return to work.

I guess so.

But coming back to work
isn't always easy.

Work means stress.

And stress can make you fall back

on old behavior.

So tonight, I want you to really think about

that first day back.

Visualize everything that's facing you.

Think about walking through
that door and immediately

dealing with 100 different
problems and responsibilities.

Your coworkers' demands
on you, the long hours

the pointless meetings
and endless phone calls...

think of the frustration, the futility

and the time that
you will never get back

as you creep closer and closer to the grave.

Okay! Any questions for me?

why don't you drop those Dockers

and give me a piece of that sweet ass?

What are we doing today, ladies?

More of the same!

Cello?

Lemon, what the hell happened at
your reinstatement hearing?

Jeffrey "Weener-Slave" said you
put your fingers in his mouth.

Did I? Or did he put
his mouth on my fingers?

It's going to take at least
six weeks paid leave

to get to the bottom of this.

I am very busy right now faking
Jenna's death to sell her movie.

I'm not going to engage on that... mantra.

But I am calling H.R. and getting you back

for the next show.

No! I just, I need a little more time off.

I'm on humanity leave.

Good God. What Indigo Girls
song is that from?

"Syllabus of Us" off
Vagabonds, Martyrs and Quilts.

The point is, I have met the most amazing

group of women, Jack. They just live.

And they spin every morning
and they go to museums...

Lemon, you are not a rich divorce'.

I know, but I have some money
saved, enough for two years...

maybe four if I give up cable.

So, I will come back to the show in four years.

You're fooling yourself. You
know you can't live like that.

Yes, I can. Emily and her friends are happy.

Believe me,
there is no solace in their luxury

only deep despair.

How do you know all these Indigo Girls songs?

Listen, you are
wrong about Emily. Oh, God!

There's a spider nest
in my yoga mat!

Mr. Jordan.

Mr. Jordan,
what did you do?

You fired Daphne?

I had to. Friendship
and trust in the entourage

is the most important thing...

Iike that HBO show

John Adams.

Well, me and Dotcom are
back to being best friends.

We were never...

But the other dancers
are refusing to come

to work out of solidarity with Daphne.

Hmm. Usually, this is
the point in my process

when Liz Lemon steps in and
takes care of everything.

Heavy is the head that eats the crayons.

Gonna take a nap. See you in 10 hours.

Kenneth, have any of the dancers
come in yet today?

Uh...

Pete, a word?

Jenna's dead.

I don't feel anything.
What's wrong with me?

No, no, it's a marketing ploy

for her new movie.

But it means you won't have her
for the show on Friday.

And you need to put together
some sort of... on-air tribute.

We actually already have
an obituary reel for Jenna.

We put it together after
she cheated on that mobster.

That's good.

Eating right, working out,
sleeping, and, boy...

is anybody else B-Ming like a rock star?

Mm-hmm.

All right, all right.

What's the hump day
schedule look like?

Oh, it's not Wednesday, Liz.
It's Thursday.

I read somewhere it's Tuesday.

Oh.

Mr. Jordan, it's Friday.

We really need to tell Mr. Hornberger

that the dancers quit.

No, we don't. He's not even
gonna notice they're gone.

Oh, my.

These are the new dancers, Ken.

Say hi to Velvet.

Hello, Miss Velvet.

Just think, an hour ago

they were brawling in a
parking lot. But tonight...

they're gonna be stars.
Show Ken here what we worked on.

Oh, boy.

Boy, I am really
starting to feel the benefits

of massages and yoga five days a week.

Check this out.

Look at you!

Last week, you were flipping
out about missing work.

Ah, no, that's old Liz.

My boss kept trying to tell me

that I would go crazy
living a life of leisure,

that it's unhealthy.

Well, he's actually right.

No. No, no...

He's not, Emily.

No, I used to be a neurosurgeon
before Jasmine Guy and I

wrote our cookbook.

And the human brain needs
stimulation or it atrophies

and your pleasure
center literally shrinks.

That's why we do our...

special activity

to combat that.

What, like Sudoku?

Uh, we did a games night

for a couple of weeks...
didn't last.

So charity work?

No. Charity work sucks.

Should we tell her?

Erin, it's too soon.

Punch me in the face, Liz.

I'm sorry, what?

You heard me.

Punch me as hard as you can

and then, I am coming at you

Iike an animal.

Oh, God. Is this a fight club?

The pain proves we're alive.

Aw, this is very disappointing.

Come on, hit me.

Get a taste.

I brought a roll of
quarters to hold

in my fist.

God, Jack was right.

Oh, I have to get back to my show.

I need the show!

You want out, Liz?

You're going to have
to fight your way out.

As we celebrate the life
of Jenna Maroney...

The Coast Guard won't officially
declare her dead yet.

But what the pirates did to that boat...

Well, it's a very generous
offer. We'll be in touch.

Jenna, what the hell are you doing here?

Shh, they're talking about me.

I'm really better today.

So's the laundry...

thanks to Cling Free.

That was some of Jenna Maroney's
earlier work.

It's hard to believe that both
of those women outlived her,

especially the woman on the
right. We'll be right back.

A couple of gay guys are crying.

Oh, Jack, this is just
the greatest night of my...

What the hell is that?!

It's you. What's the problem?

It has the year I was born on it...

the real year,

not the actress year.

Now, almost a million people are

going to know that I'm f... f...

It's too late to change it, Jack.

Jenna, calm down.

I'm selling the movie in the
next 12 hours, your movie.

Think about what matters here.

In five, four, three...

And, finally, tonight...

what more fitting way to say
good-bye to our friend

than with the gift she gave
all of us, her music.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Itzhak Bemelmans and
the Tracy Jordan dancers.

Give me a microphone!

# Whole grain, low fat...?

# I know you want a piece of that?

# But I just want to dance?

Still alive, not yet 32.
Sorry, Jack, worth it!

I'm back.

What did it turn out to be? Lesbians?

No, fight club.

# I know you wanna get with this,
but I'm just here to dance?

This is a disaster.

What is wrong
with you two?

You guys mess up everything you touch

and then, I have to come
in here and fix it.

I am so mad!

Why are you smiling?

You're freaking me out!

Aw, you two troublemakers.

Come here!

She's gonna do something to us!

You're crazy!

I'm back, nerds!

# My muffin top is all that?

# Whole grain, low fat?

# I know you want a piece of
that, but I just wanna dance?

# Ch-checkin' out my sweet hips,
my sugar-coated berry lips?

# I know you wanna get with this?

# But I'm just here to dance?

# So back up off of me?

# You're weirding me out?

# I'm an independent lady?

# So do not try to play me?

# I run a tidy bakery?

# The boys all want my cake for free?

# But if you can't shake your fakery?

# Then kiss my muffin top?

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