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1
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,803
Liz, did you hear?
2
00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:05,566
Yeah, is your brother going to be okay?
3
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:06,832
No, not that.
4
00:00:07,207 --> 00:00:11,473
A new movie about Janis Joplin
is going into production.
5
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,114
And Sheinhardt-Universal is making it!
6
00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:16,116
I know Jack can get me an audition.
7
00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:19,517
So I'm going to storm into his office in character.
8
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:20,687
Yaaaaaaaay!
9
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,383
Oh, Liz, I knew you'd be happy for me.
10
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,481
Somebody's sleepy!
11
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:29,662
I am sleepy. But I'm also excited...
12
00:00:29,662 --> 00:00:35,468
Hey, Max! Is this your baby sister?
What a cute, little girl!
13
00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:38,631
Or boy, if you grow up and
feel that's what's inside you.
14
00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:45,005
"O-M-G-", Liz. Look at you
and me and our biological clocks.
15
00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:48,803
You're going baby crazy and I
keep getting turned on by car accidents.
16
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:51,184
I'm not baby crazy, Jenna.
17
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:54,921
This whole adoption thing is just
taking a lot longer than I thought, and...
18
00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:56,389
Where did you get that little shoe?
19
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:58,016
It isn't stealing if it fell on the ground.
20
00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:06,231
So that's the tour, Elisa.
21
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:09,868
I think you'll find being my
mother's nurse is a mixed bag.
22
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,573
When she's in a foul mood,
it can be horribly unpleasant.
23
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,201
But, at other times, she is asleep.
24
00:01:16,342 --> 00:01:18,537
I understand elder care can be stressful.
25
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,114
Especially when the object of that care
26
00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:24,550
wanders around at night in
Depression-era pettipants.
27
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:27,317
You should have seen my
grandmother in her later years.
28
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,690
Do you know what kind of clothes old
Puerto Rican ladies wear around the house?
29
00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:31,791
No.
30
00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:33,224
Me neither, because she never wore any.
31
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:36,696
But family is family. You're a good son.
32
00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:38,932
Well, I do what I can for my mother.
33
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:42,602
Jack?! Somebody's got to dry me off!
34
00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,866
He just left, Mrs. Donaghy!
35
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:47,565
I'm coming to help you!
36
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
37
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,732
Tracy, your friends and I
are concerned about you.
38
00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:14,996
We think your spending
has gotten out of control.
39
00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:16,959
Give me an example.
40
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:20,006
Well, you bought three
hours of network prime time
41
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:22,270
for your salute to Benny Hill.
42
00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:32,145
Jack, you don't get it.
43
00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:35,588
I don't want to spend so much.
I have to.
44
00:02:35,588 --> 00:02:36,890
I'm afraid Angie will divorce me
45
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,791
if I ever have enough money
for her to live off of half.
46
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:41,461
So, before she can get it...
47
00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:43,429
I have to spend it all on useless things,
48
00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:46,330
Iike gold shoes and Grizz and Dotcom.
49
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,435
Well, she she's not going to
get half your money, Tracy.
50
00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:50,629
What does your pre-nup say?
51
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:52,138
I don't got a pre-nup.
52
00:02:52,138 --> 00:02:54,841
When Angie and I got
married, my only assets were
53
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:58,278
a toaster oven and two
tickets to a Young M.C. concert.
54
00:02:58,278 --> 00:02:59,279
You need to be protected.
55
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:00,513
Let's bring Angie in here.
56
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,715
We'll think of something.
A "post-nup", if you will.
57
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:04,842
Something that will
bring you peace of mind.
58
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:05,885
Okay.
59
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:07,646
I'll bring Angie in.
60
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:11,086
But I'm going to tell her this is all your idea.
61
00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:18,360
Don't help me! I'm too proud.
62
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:26,539
Hi! Hi!
63
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,132
Oh, wow!
64
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:32,011
"Hi-ya", funny.
65
00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:33,000
Oh, excuse me.
66
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,547
Hello, there.
67
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,249
Did you just touch my head?
68
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:37,817
Well...
69
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:40,149
I had to do something to get your attention.
70
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:41,986
Okay. You've got it.
71
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,550
Yeah, I do. I like your tie.
72
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,057
And I like aggressive women with a nerdy vibe.
73
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:50,430
How about we grab some
coffee and explore this?
74
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:52,057
Yeah.
75
00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:54,994
What?
76
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:59,806
Howdy, Jack! It's me, Janis Joplin!
77
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:05,545
And I want to audition for my
Sheinhardt-Universal biopic so bad
78
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:07,447
that I came here dressed as me.
79
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:11,349
Well, actually... I am me. So...
80
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:15,955
Well, I dressed normal.
But my friend, Jenna Maroney...
81
00:04:15,955 --> 00:04:19,559
She should be my understudy.
82
00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:21,928
I mean, she should audition for me.
83
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,631
But I'm me, now, actually.
84
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:28,601
Ongoing train wreck aside,
I love this idea. It's great synergy.
85
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,003
Yeah!
86
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,405
By putting a T.V. actress in to
the movie world, we can promote both.
87
00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:34,674
It's like how we're including a "Heroes" D.V.D.
88
00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,876
with every missile guidance system we sell.
89
00:04:36,876 --> 00:04:38,878
I'll call the studio.
90
00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:43,645
Yes! I am so glad that I
time-traveled here from 1969.
91
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:46,543
Whoa! What is that iron bird?
92
00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,121
They had airplanes in the '60s, Jenna.
93
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,088
Oh, right.
94
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:52,250
Boy, I feel like I've just been talking non-stop.
95
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:53,723
No, you also ate quite a bit.
96
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,929
It's my fault for wanting
to hear all about your job.
97
00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:58,865
It's just so much more interesting than the U.N.
98
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:02,602
Oh, come on. Really? You've got all the
different languages and the costumes and
99
00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:06,572
that big meeting room. It must be like
working in the Galactic Senate in "Star Wars".
100
00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:07,707
They are similar.
101
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:11,370
We are also very concerned about the
growing influence of the Sith Lords.
102
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:16,416
Wow.
103
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,318
Are you free for dinner some night this week?
104
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,343
Yeah. Sure. I'd love to. Sounds great.
105
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:28,250
Who was that?
106
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,896
A guy that I met.
107
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,295
Is this part of your mommy thing?
108
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:35,401
Only insofar as we met because I
touched his head thinking he was a child?
109
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:36,669
Oh, Liz.
110
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:40,106
I like him. He's smart,
he's funny, he's got a job...
111
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:41,140
Yay!
112
00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:42,141
But you know what? I'm going to screw this up.
113
00:05:42,141 --> 00:05:43,876
I always find a way to screw good things up.
114
00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:45,378
And this one is a mine field.
115
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,380
Did I mention that we met
because I thought he was a baby?
116
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:48,438
He doesn't have to know that.
117
00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:50,116
Oh. He can't know that.
118
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:51,584
But what if I say something stupid?
119
00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:55,247
Like order a tall coffee or
talk about my Nintendo Wii?
120
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:58,583
Liz. You like this guy. You're a grown woman.
121
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:02,119
Take a lesson from Janis
and show some self-control.
122
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:03,830
How far into that biography are you?
123
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:05,598
Not very.
124
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:06,656
Why? What happens?
125
00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:08,266
So, let me get this straight.
126
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:09,895
If I sign this,
127
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:13,494
and then Tracy decides to run away
with that chunky chick from "Hairspray"...
128
00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:16,743
Or any female of equivalent thickness.
129
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:18,978
Then I get $8500?
130
00:06:18,978 --> 00:06:19,945
That is correct.
131
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,051
What do I care?
132
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,916
I'll sign your stupid contract.
133
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:28,915
I'm never going to leave this man, anyway.
134
00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:30,250
You're not?
135
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,257
Baby, I'm going to be
with you until the very end.
136
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:35,891
I'm going to watch you die, Tracy Jordan.
137
00:06:37,296 --> 00:06:38,991
She's done it before, Jack.
138
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:43,102
Forget it! I know
you're not going to leave me.
139
00:06:43,102 --> 00:06:45,905
I've got somebody who's
going to watch me die!
140
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,600
Tracy, let's not get emotional.
141
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:52,805
This is happening, Jack.
142
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:55,848
You can stay or you can leave.
But it's going to take a while.
143
00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:57,076
Whoa! Oh, yeah!
144
00:06:57,683 --> 00:06:59,548
Oh! Oh!
145
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:05,224
Uh, Liz... Jenna got the lead in the
Janis Joplin biopic that I'm co-producing.
146
00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:08,394
And I want her to open the next
show with a song... from the movie.
147
00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:09,695
Aw, come on, Jack.
148
00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:11,964
You can't fight synergy, Lemon.
It's bigger than all of us.
149
00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:14,667
Nice dress. Are you going to dinner?
Don't forget your book.
150
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:18,070
I'll have you know that
I'm having dinner with a man.
151
00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:19,405
Oh.
152
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:21,407
So, Stuart...
What is it like living under a bridge?
153
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:22,942
Kenneth!
154
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:26,712
Hey, Liz. I was just telling him
about my new apartment in Williamsburg.
155
00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:27,847
Under the bridge.
156
00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:30,716
The U.N.? They still have that?
157
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:32,785
I could have sworn they turned
that building into a Barnes and Noble.
158
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:35,288
Like you guys in corporate
America are doing any better?
159
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,691
Have you learned how to say
"Do you want fries with that" in Chinese?
160
00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:41,027
Jack Donaghy.
161
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:43,896
Senior V.P. for Television
and Microwave Oven Programming.
162
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:47,730
Stuart LaGrange. U.N. High Commission
on Water Temperature and Food Taint.
163
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,736
Huh. How... How did you and Lemon meet?
164
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:54,307
Uh... Liz, here, just saw me
on the street and went for it.
165
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,374
Lemon did that?
166
00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:57,171
Yeah, you know me.
167
00:07:57,243 --> 00:08:01,475
Spend my lunch hour walking up and down
Sixth Avenue... Iooking for a hot meal.
168
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,275
Okay. Classic Lemon man-eater.
169
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:05,879
Cat sound.
170
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:07,687
Well, nice to meet you, Jack.
171
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:08,779
Yeah.
172
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:13,092
There he is! I owe you, Jackie"D".
173
00:08:13,092 --> 00:08:16,529
When I'm on my death bed,
Frenching my wife, I will think of you.
174
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:17,597
Please don't.
175
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,300
No, no. Not again.
176
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,734
This is real, people! This is not a drill!
177
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:25,605
Let's go! Yeah!
178
00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:26,606
Oh, God!
179
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:27,640
Tracy! My back!
180
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,335
Oh, baby! You're hurting my back!
181
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,068
Oh, yeah!
182
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:37,717
I just want you all to know as I
prepare to venture into "movie-dom",
183
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,619
that an actor is only as good as the words...
184
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,849
Oh, my thing is on! Everyone, shut up!
Shut your mouths!
185
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:45,749
Breaking news now about
a new Janis Joplin biopic.
186
00:08:45,958 --> 00:08:48,290
Julia Roberts has agreed
to play the tragic singer...
187
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,763
- What?
- ...Billy in a film directed by Martin Scorsese
188
00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:53,132
and written by the best
screenwriter in the world.
189
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,200
Whoever that is.
190
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,403
The announcement is a huge
blow to a competing project
191
00:08:57,403 --> 00:08:59,633
from Jenna Maroney and Steven Spielberger.
192
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:01,907
That's right. "Spielberger".
193
00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:04,039
Here's Maroney on a windy day.
194
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,538
Oh!
195
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:07,313
Don't turn it off, Miss Maroney!
196
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:09,372
They haven't shown that good
news you were telling us about.
197
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:12,079
Because that all seemed like really bad news.
198
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,956
It's 7:00. Why
don't I hear my mother yelling
199
00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:19,525
"go home" to the Asian
contestant on Jeopardy?
200
00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:20,660
Because she's asleep.
201
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:21,794
Really?
202
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:23,193
How did you do that?
203
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:24,530
She fought me at first.
204
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:28,091
But I find that authoritative,
rapid Spanish subdues white people.
205
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,635
Well, I'm heading out for the evening.
206
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:32,164
Oh, I forgot.
207
00:09:32,538 --> 00:09:34,733
Somebody dropped that off for you earlier.
208
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:39,845
Oh, good God.
209
00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:41,676
Oh. Gold shoes.
210
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:45,251
My nephew just joined the Marines
to try to pay for college, but...
211
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,252
that's fun.
212
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,720
No, no. They're from Tracy Jordan.
213
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,222
I tried to get him and his
wife to sign a pre-nup.
214
00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:53,993
But all it led to were pledges of
ever lasting love and devotion. It was...
215
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:55,027
ridiculous.
216
00:09:55,027 --> 00:09:56,329
What's ridiculous about love?
217
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:59,865
Well, the idea of depending on one person
for the rest of your life is irrational.
218
00:09:59,865 --> 00:10:01,867
You come in alone. You go out alone.
219
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:03,469
That's the saddest thing I ever heard.
220
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:05,538
There's nothing sad about it at all, actually.
221
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:06,505
I have a great life.
222
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:09,008
Tonight, I'm going out
with a Fox News correspondent.
223
00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:10,876
We'll have some dinner, some laughs, some sex...
224
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:12,411
Not necessarily in that order.
225
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:14,981
But I'm not counting on
spending the rest of my life with her.
226
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:17,883
So, what's your plan? Get old? Die alone?
227
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:19,852
In an empty room with your gold shoes?
228
00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:21,454
That's what happens to most of us.
229
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,022
At least I'm prepared.
230
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:26,726
Without getting into specifics,
my exit involves a McFlurry machine
231
00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:29,128
and a videotape of risqu�
commercials from overseas.
232
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,796
Well, I don't even know what to say to that.
233
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:35,597
Except that in Puerto Rico,
a McFlurry is called a "Se�or Flurry".
234
00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:39,705
This guy makes "badhushas".
235
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,764
They're like an Indian doughnut.
They're amazing.
236
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,706
Careful, buddy! It's hot!
237
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:51,413
Are you trying to pick me up
to keep me from touching fire?
238
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,585
Kiss me.
239
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:53,586
Wait a minute.
240
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,384
When you first met me,
did you think I was a child?
241
00:10:56,455 --> 00:10:57,490
Yes, I did, sir.
242
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,524
Unbelievable.
243
00:10:59,558 --> 00:11:01,594
I knew I should have listened to my friends.
244
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,329
Kofi said you were too good to be true.
245
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,565
"Not ah" told me to
wait three days before I called you.
246
00:11:06,565 --> 00:11:07,667
And yet, here we are.
247
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,869
Was anything even going to
happen between us tonight?
248
00:11:09,869 --> 00:11:10,903
No.
249
00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:12,271
But... But not because of your size.
250
00:11:12,271 --> 00:11:14,273
It's because I have a thing about intimacy.
251
00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:16,108
I'm the weird one. I'm weirder than you.
252
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:17,576
How am I weird?
253
00:11:17,576 --> 00:11:19,311
You're not. That came out wrong.
254
00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:20,835
You came out wrong.
255
00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:24,817
Oh, and I lied about your show.
256
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:26,785
I have seen it.
257
00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:31,881
Be careful crossing the...
258
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:37,196
The lady will be having the tasting menu,
but with some substitutions.
259
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,998
Instead of, uh... any of it...
260
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:41,400
she'll have a cup of hot
water with a chicken bone in it
261
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,265
and a bowl of salted ice cubes.
262
00:12:01,954 --> 00:12:02,978
A towel, sir?
263
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:06,685
I have something on my ball.
264
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:09,161
Mint?
265
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:18,967
Good morning.
266
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:20,604
Morning, everyone.
267
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:24,577
Are you all right? You look very pale.
268
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,745
I'm fine.
269
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,047
Had a good hour's sleep last night.
Took a few showers.
270
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:32,609
Is there anything you want
to talk about? I am a nurse.
271
00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:35,652
It's nothing. It's embarrassing.
272
00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:38,691
More embarrassing than your CD collection?
273
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,455
I didn't know Michael
Bubl� had that many albums.
274
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:43,829
If you must know,
275
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:44,830
I found a lump.
276
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:45,819
On your testicle?
277
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:48,267
Let me see it.
278
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:51,203
No, thank you, I think I
have it under control --
279
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,774
What?
280
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,242
You're talking so fast
281
00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:58,900
Is that the subjunctive?
282
00:13:00,346 --> 00:13:01,447
How did you do that?
283
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,506
I told you I was a professional.
284
00:13:04,016 --> 00:13:06,280
And you forgot to put on your underpants.
285
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,590
So, uh... any big plans for your day off?
286
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:13,683
I'm going to Prospect Park.
287
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,721
It's my god-daughter's quinceneara.
288
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,899
Oh, it's kind of like a debutante... ball?
289
00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:21,834
Hm. You did that on purpose.
290
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:22,892
I did.
291
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:24,561
Well...
292
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,672
there is something there.
293
00:13:26,672 --> 00:13:28,307
It could be a number of things.
294
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,975
You should get it checked out by a doctor.
295
00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,911
Thank you for telling me what I already know.
296
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:33,946
You should work for The Huffington Post.
297
00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:35,038
I'm sorry.
298
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,284
I'm sure you have
friends or family you can call.
299
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:39,351
I'm fine.
300
00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:42,252
Oh, please. Don't try to be Se�or Macho Solo.
301
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:45,291
Which is actually what we call a "McRib" sandwich.
302
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:46,292
I'm fine.
303
00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:49,693
I'm handling this... all alone.
304
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:54,600
Jack.
305
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,602
What are they doing about
this Julia Roberts movie?
306
00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,971
Aren't people over her? I mean, come on!
307
00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:00,439
Jenna, you're single like me.
308
00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:05,544
Do you think we need some mythical
soul mate to hold our hand through life?
309
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:07,546
Why? Do you want to get married? I'll do it.
310
00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:08,547
What?
311
00:14:08,547 --> 00:14:10,182
Uh... Uh, no. Uh... Uh, never mind.
312
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,684
Uh, the movie's going to work out fine.
313
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,886
We're very close to securing
Janis Joplin's life rights.
314
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:14,954
Close?
315
00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:16,555
I'm supposed to sing one
of her songs Friday night.
316
00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:17,957
Do we at least have the music rights?
317
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:19,458
Uh... Yes and no, Jenna.
318
00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:22,695
Yes, I'm talking. Uh, no,
we do not have the music. But I'm on it.
319
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,185
It's all going to be fine.
320
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:28,901
Hello?
321
00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:30,336
Stuart, it's me.
322
00:14:30,336 --> 00:14:33,472
Uh... Look, Liz. I'm really busy right now.
323
00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:35,708
I just wanted to apologize for the other night.
324
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,244
But I didn't get a chance to explain myself.
325
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:40,576
I'm... kind of baby crazy...
326
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:41,647
...of late.
327
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:44,283
Socially inept and baby crazy.
328
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:45,451
I feel like I'm in a beer commercial.
329
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:47,286
Yeah, I get it. I'm a piece of work.
330
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:48,954
But I really like you.
331
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:51,946
And if you gave me another chance,
maybe this could be something.
332
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:55,788
Liz, at this point in my life,
"maybe" just isn't good enough.
333
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:59,665
Okay, here's a thought.
Did you see the Sex and the City movie?
334
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:01,565
Once again, Liz, I am an adult man.
335
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:04,670
Okay. Well, Miranda and Steve were
having issues because Steve cheated...
336
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:06,105
Oh... So bored.
337
00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:07,106
But the point is...
338
00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:08,641
...they decided to take a break
339
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,810
and then meet up at the
Brooklyn Bridge at such-and-such a time
340
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,045
if they wanted to stay together.
341
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:15,014
- Maybe we could do the same thing?
342
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:17,244
Brooklyn Bridge this Saturday? 2:00 P.M.?
343
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,184
Okay.
344
00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:20,719
But for whatever reason...
345
00:15:20,719 --> 00:15:22,888
...if I don't see you there...
346
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:24,556
Take care, Liz Lemon.
347
00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:25,624
You too.
348
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:28,327
Oh. And can you transfer me to
the Italian ambassador's office?
349
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,420
Because I'd "like-a" to
"make-a" the prank phone call.
350
00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:32,627
Please hold.
351
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:49,748
Jack. What are you doing here?
352
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:52,216
I wanted to come by and
thank you for all your help.
353
00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:53,953
I wasn't sure what you were serving,
354
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:57,589
so I brought a '65 Mo�t
and some "Pizza-Blasted" Pringles.
355
00:15:57,589 --> 00:15:58,954
That was very thoughtful.
356
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:00,954
And I'm sorry if I was rude the other day.
357
00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:04,630
Oh, you were not being rude.
You were just being stupid.
358
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,031
Did you go to the doctor?
359
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:09,735
I had a biopsy and I'm waiting for
the results. So I'm handling it.
360
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,498
Good. I'm glad.
361
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,802
Excellent. So, uh... Here you go.
362
00:16:13,872 --> 00:16:15,100
Thank you.
363
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:18,703
Jack, would you like to stay?
364
00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:20,379
I don't want to impose.
365
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:21,780
Oh. Come on.
366
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:25,614
Oh. Why, thank you. Okay.
Oh, thank you so much.
367
00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:27,553
All of these people are your family?
368
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:30,181
Why are they smiling so much?
Who's being ostracized?
369
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:32,415
Everybody, this is my friend, Jack.
370
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:50,109
Hey. I need to ask your advice about Stuart.
371
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:51,777
We decided to do this whole
372
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:54,446
"meet-me-at-the-Brooklyn-Bridge-
if-you-still-want-to-be-together" thing
373
00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:55,714
from the Sex and the City movie?
374
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:57,416
They do that a lot in movies.
375
00:16:57,416 --> 00:17:00,619
An Affair to Remember,
Sleepless in Seattle...
376
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:03,689
And that remake of An Affair
to Remember that I was in...
377
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,486
"A Blaffair to Rememblack".
378
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:07,626
I just don't know what to do.
379
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:09,526
Here's what you don't do.
380
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:12,798
Be alone. We were never
meant to be alone, Lemon.
381
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:17,201
Surround yourself with people and
love and babies with pierced ears.
382
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:18,737
What is wrong with you?
383
00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:20,398
I've had a crazy 48 hours.
384
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,441
It all started when I realized I'm probably dying.
385
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:23,976
You see, I have this thing on my testicle.
386
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,077
Ew, my God.
387
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:26,645
No, no, no. It's okay.
Whatever happens, it's okay.
388
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:28,947
I don't want to die alone.
And now, I don't have to.
389
00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:31,381
Because...
390
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:34,110
I'm in love
with my mother's nurse.
391
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,322
Wow. Now you have what me and Angie have.
392
00:17:37,322 --> 00:17:38,791
Minus the hypertension.
393
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,893
Jack, slow down.
Have you been to a doctor?
394
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,562
No, I'm waiting for the results of a biopsy.
We went to this picnic.
395
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,264
Lemon, have you ever had a piragua?
396
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:48,567
It's exactly like a snow-cone,
except they call it a piragua.
397
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:54,039
It's my doctor's office...
You take it.
398
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:55,040
No, Jack.
399
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,064
Please.
400
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:57,568
I'll do it.
401
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:03,246
Hello? Yes? Okay.
402
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,477
Thank you.
403
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:07,653
The test was positive.
404
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:11,990
No, no, no, no, no.
I mean "positive" like it's good.
405
00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:13,759
The test results were negative.
406
00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:18,858
Oh, I see your confusion! That is funny!
407
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:22,701
Hey.
408
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:27,035
Funny... Jack thought the
test results were positive.
409
00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:29,708
# Supersonic, idiotic,
disconnected, not respected...?
410
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:32,643
# Who would ever really want to
go and top that... Top that...?
411
00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:35,547
Thank you.
412
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:38,684
That was the rap song "Top That"
from the movie "Teen Witch".
413
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,353
Once again, I apologize
that our regular warm-up comic
414
00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:43,455
O.D.'d at a gay man's apartment this morning.
415
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,752
Thirty seconds.
416
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:49,128
I've decided to go to the bridge tomorrow.
417
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,095
You've inspired me.
418
00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:53,298
What if this experience hasn't changed me?
419
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:57,769
Maybe everything I was feeling for
Elisa was just neediness and fear.
420
00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:01,874
I mean, can two people fall in
love over a benign gonad cyst?
421
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:05,344
Why not? It's not about where things start.
It's about where it goes.
422
00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:07,574
Tracy told me that. He's kind of on a roll.
423
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:11,016
Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Janet Jopler!
424
00:19:11,016 --> 00:19:12,017
Who?
425
00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:14,747
Until we get the life rights,
we have to protect ourselves.
426
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:21,760
# I'd like you to come up...
Come up... Come up and take it...?
427
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:26,198
# Break another little chunk
of my love now, mister...?
428
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:29,690
Also, uh, we didn't get the song.
I wrote this myself five minutes ago.
429
00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:35,532
# You know you bought it...
If life makes you sweet food...?
430
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,103
Now, this, I like.
431
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,553
Waiting for someone?
432
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:48,554
What?
433
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:49,555
What do you think you're doing?
434
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:51,853
Oh, I'm so sorry! I
thought he was someone else!
435
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,690
Liz.
436
00:19:55,794 --> 00:19:56,852
Wait.
437
00:19:57,162 --> 00:19:59,130
Shut it down!
438
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:07,999
# Ah..?
439
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:13,470
#...Ah?
440
00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:17,182
# Chunk of my lung...
Chunk of my lung...?
441
00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:23,087
# And take it... Take a big old
chunk of my lung now, baby...?
442
00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:29,859
# Take it... Break a big old chunk of my love...
Chunk of my love...?
443
00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:36,390
# You know you bought it...
If you buy it with things... Ow...?
444
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,101
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