Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
2
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,540
Merry almost Christmas, everybody.
3
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:10,510
I have some great news. We are all getting--
4
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:11,578
Frozen steaks!
5
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:12,579
iPod Nothings!
6
00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:13,613
Colorful sweaters!
7
00:00:13,613 --> 00:00:14,848
Nope. Better.
8
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:20,053
We are getting to participate in a
charity program called "Letters to Santa".
9
00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:22,322
No, this is great.
10
00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:25,625
The Post Office collects letters
that poor children write to Santa
11
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:27,961
and then we go buy them what they ask for.
12
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:30,663
Look, we already did our
Christmas charity work.
13
00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:33,063
Everybody here chipped in to get Sue a bra.
14
00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:35,001
Nice!
15
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:36,636
Much better!
- Sweet!
16
00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:38,905
Come on, nobody but me's gonna do this?
17
00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:40,940
Well, I for one
think it's a great idea
18
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:42,876
because Christmas is a time of giving.
19
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:43,877
Ugh!
20
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:44,944
Are you drunk?
21
00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:46,479
On "The Spirit of Christmas".
22
00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,815
It's this cheap, high-proof brandy I found.
23
00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,917
I hope it's not seasonal.
24
00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:54,387
I'll take one, Miss Lemon.
I love helping people less fortunate than me.
25
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,755
Where do you find them?
26
00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:57,690
There are these Nigerians
on the internet that help me.
27
00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:02,162
Listen to this.
"Dear Santa, my name is Chanel Jenkins.
28
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:06,066
I would like some new shoes
so I can walk to school.
29
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,868
My dream is to be a doctor someday --"
30
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:13,406
That kid's never gonna be a doctor.
31
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:15,208
Better buy it a jet ski.
32
00:01:16,342 --> 00:01:19,106
This is what the holidays are all about.
33
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,183
Merry Christmas, everyone!
34
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:26,486
Hello?
35
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,887
I'm free, Lemon.
36
00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:29,689
Where are you? I hear sunshine.
37
00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:32,859
I ducked down to Florida for a
surprise early Christmas.
38
00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:34,994
I showed up three days early,
showered my mom with gifts.
39
00:01:34,994 --> 00:01:37,630
She called them all adequate.
It's a Christmas miracle!
40
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:40,433
Well, I'm glad to hear it went well.
Tell Colleen I said hi.
41
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:42,936
I wish I could but she's out for her morning walk.
42
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,437
And I'm off to have a real Christmas.
43
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:49,609
Fly to Rio, tan in the nude,
bet on some monkey wrestling.
44
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:53,146
Just like Norman Rockwell always drew it.
Well, have a good flight.
45
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:54,914
I could fly there without a plane.
46
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,024
Mother!
47
00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:35,288
Hey, Toofer, can I buy a kid FUBU?
Is that a swear word?
48
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:38,791
Okay, while FUBU is not in itself profane,
I do think that--
49
00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:39,985
Thank you.
50
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,260
Lemon --
51
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,597
What are you doing here?
Why aren't you in Rio?
52
00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:48,868
I hit her. Colleen. I hit her with my car.
53
00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:50,870
What?! Oh my God! Is she --
54
00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:53,139
She's fine. She's better than fine.
55
00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:55,664
They're giving her a titanium hip.
Like the Terminator.
56
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:58,311
It's only going to make her more powerful!
57
00:02:58,311 --> 00:02:59,345
Well, are you okay?
58
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:03,149
How can I be? She's here, now, in my home.
59
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:06,686
Some quack doctor strongly
recommended she be around family.
60
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,888
Oh, ho, oh, and Colleen didn't miss that one.
61
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:13,560
Yes, mother...
62
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:18,364
Well, why don't you try taking one of the
many blankets off you if you're feeling hot.
63
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:21,968
Yes, I know. It is hard. Life is hard.
64
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:25,062
No I wasn't! I was just scratching my head.
What!
65
00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:27,574
If you need something
just call down to the doorman.
66
00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:30,910
Yes, he does speak English, mother.
Jamaican people speak Eng--
67
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:33,310
She hung up.
68
00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:38,084
I had to cancel my trip.
There's nothing going on at work.
69
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:40,286
Everyone I know is away for the holidays.
70
00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:44,357
It's just me and Colleen. All alone.
71
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:49,996
Lemon, one of her suitcases was just wigs.
72
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:53,299
Look, I'm not doing my usual thing
either this year.
73
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,735
Do you want me to come over later,
and say hi to your mom?
74
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,070
Would you, please?
75
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,239
Yeah, sure. I'll entertain her.
76
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,741
You know, I was just thinking
in the shower this morning,
77
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,344
what if Saint Nick was Nic Cage?
78
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:07,280
'Cause it might go, a little something, like this--
79
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,545
Toofer! Toofer, my man! How's tricks?
80
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,776
Ho, ho, ho...
81
00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:15,119
Nah, that sounds more like Joan Rivers.
82
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:22,362
Hey are you almost done?
We need to get out of here --
83
00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:24,564
-- before someone recognizes me.
84
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:28,568
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just have to get
stocking stuffers. And stockings!
85
00:04:28,568 --> 00:04:29,669
Wait, what is all of this?
86
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:32,639
You have video games in here,
and sports equipment, a T.V.!
87
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:36,476
We-- I just want to make sure that DeShante,
age nine, and Marcus, age five,
88
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:37,810
have a wonderful Christmas.
89
00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:39,879
Are you really gonna wrap all these presents?
90
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:43,583
Of course I'm going to wrap them,
because that's what you do on Christmas.
91
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:47,487
What you don't do is call your daughter
on December 22nd
92
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:50,590
and tell her that you don't really feel
that you're up to hosting Christmas this year
93
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:55,762
because she's 38 and you thought that
she'd have her "own family" by now.
94
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:58,865
And that instead, you're going to a
couples-only retreat in Arizona,
95
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,200
the theme of which is "Sexy at 70".
96
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,235
Oh, no.
97
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:05,238
Liz, you've never missed Christmas
with your family.
98
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:09,008
I know. But I have a new family, the Glovers.
99
00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:12,845
And I am getting them all these
rapping Santas!
100
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:17,917
Oh, oh well. I kind of assumed they would rap
101
00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:20,987
which is racist on my part,
but still, best Christmas ever!
102
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,215
You're welcome, Glovers.
103
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:30,563
Mother, what is so urgent that you
could not wait until
104
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:32,031
I came back from the front door?
105
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:33,866
I need my other bell!
106
00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:35,356
We agreed. One by the bed --
107
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:37,202
-- and one by the toilet.
108
00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:40,039
Hello.
109
00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:43,576
Oh Liz... hello there.
110
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:46,012
So good of you to come see me.
111
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,147
Merry Christmas, Mrs. Donaghy.
112
00:05:48,147 --> 00:05:50,350
Oh, Liz, I'm so glad you're here.
113
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,586
I want you to know and believe
114
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:56,489
that what happened to me in Florida
115
00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:57,490
was an accident.
116
00:05:57,490 --> 00:06:01,561
My son, Jackie,
did not run me over on purpose.
117
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:02,995
Case closed.
118
00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:05,932
And I don't want to hear another word about it.
119
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:09,235
Mother, of course it was an accident,
no one is saying otherwise.
120
00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:13,072
The real tragedy is that the accident
broke of course,
121
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,074
the Cartier watch
122
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:17,343
that Jackie gave me early
this year for Christmas.
123
00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:18,544
Ho, ho, ho.
124
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:21,180
It's not a Cartier, it's Chopard.
125
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:24,817
Yes, of course, Chopard.
Not the Cartier watch
126
00:06:24,817 --> 00:06:26,819
that I wanted.
127
00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:29,014
Uh, Liz, uh, could I speak with you
for a second, please?
128
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:33,760
I can't do this.
129
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,928
I know, it's stressful.
The holidays are always stressful.
130
00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:36,963
It's not just that.
131
00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:38,831
Well, you're mother's hurt, and you love her.
132
00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:40,867
Do I? Do I, Lemon?
133
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:42,168
I waited eight minutes.
134
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,202
What?
135
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:46,330
After I hit her, before I called 9-1-1
I sat in my car for eight minutes.
136
00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:53,813
What kind of son does that to his mother?
137
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:54,914
Jack, you were in shock.
138
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,383
You froze. It happens.
139
00:06:57,383 --> 00:06:59,185
It was an accident.
140
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,618
It was an accident, right?
141
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,688
Hey!
142
00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:05,657
What are you two girls whispering about?!
143
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,530
What are you all still doing here?
144
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:13,433
Lutz looked it up, but if we stay until noon,
it counts as a work week.
145
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,035
And NBC has to pay
for our cabs to the airport.
146
00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:19,172
Tracy, you made $300 million this year.
147
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:22,198
And I'm not going
anywhere for Christmas.
148
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:25,244
Miss Lemon,
you really outdid yourself.
149
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:26,913
Those are gonna be the happiest poor kids
150
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:29,182
since my brother and I
went to Neverland Ranch.
151
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,552
She went overboard because her family's
not exchanging gifts this year.
152
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:35,555
Holy Buddha, who likes Christmas?
153
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:37,256
It's gonna cost you a fortune to ship all this.
154
00:07:37,256 --> 00:07:38,891
Oh, no, I'm takin' it up there personally.
155
00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:42,088
I want to see DeShante and Marcus' faces
light up when they get it.
156
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:47,934
Anyway, I gotta take this up to 245th Street
and Lawrence Taylor Boulevard.
157
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:51,571
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
158
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:54,006
I will not not let you go
into that neighborhood alone.
159
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:55,875
In the spirit of Christmas and Kwanzo --
160
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:56,909
Kwanzaa.
161
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:59,645
And Shalam-Shizzam to you too, my Sister.
162
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:00,713
We'll go with you uptown.
163
00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:05,885
And remember, Dot Com, you are there
to protect me, and not Liz Lemon.
164
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:11,691
Guys, we are outta here in five,
four, three, two...
165
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:12,680
Exciting news, everyone.
166
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:18,125
We are going to put on a live
Christmas Eve Special this year!
167
00:08:19,131 --> 00:08:21,100
This year as in tomorrow this year?
168
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,168
Yes, that's right.
169
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,500
Sadly, it will mean working a lot
of hours over the next couple days.
170
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:28,369
Being away from our loved ones, our mothers --
171
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:32,612
But we will be part of giving America
the perfect Christmas Eve
172
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:34,136
It's going to be so worth it!
Now...
173
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:37,046
Brainstorming session!
Go!
174
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:40,010
I don't want to do this.
175
00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:45,382
Mr. Donaghy, as leader of this group,
I have to put my foot down.
176
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:49,428
Christmas is a sacred time for me
and my surrogate family.
177
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:52,665
So if you're willing to look four
25-year-old gay guys in the eyes
178
00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:56,202
and tell them that we're not going to see
New Kids on The Block at The Borgata,
179
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,236
be my guest.
180
00:08:57,236 --> 00:09:00,106
You are all contractually obligated to participate.
181
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,006
Yes, sir. I never liked that group. Sorry.
182
00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:08,180
Jack, this isn't fair.
Don't take your mommy issues out on us.
183
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:10,249
I'm sorry, Lemon,
I'm just tryin' to get through Christmas.
184
00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:11,350
And then what?
185
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:12,752
I found a nursing home off the coast of Maine
186
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:15,321
run by the same French company
that oversaw Napoleon's exile.
187
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:18,119
She will be treated humanely
but there will be no escape.
188
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:19,725
Merry Christmas!
189
00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:29,869
Thank you so much
for carrying that,
190
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:31,537
I will buy you
guys dinner later.
191
00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:33,266
Liz, we both have girlfriends.
192
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:37,236
This is it, 4-D.
193
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,506
Tracy, I am gonna need you to take a picture.
194
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,548
You just push the little button on top.
195
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:45,540
Thanks a lot. I never operated a camera before.
196
00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:48,279
I'm serious, that was very helpful.
197
00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:50,723
Oh... Make sure you get the hug.
198
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:55,828
Oh... Hi.
199
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:59,231
I brought these presents as part of
the "Letters to Santa" program --
200
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:01,901
What just happened?
201
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,503
What is the past tense of "scam"?
Is it scrumped?
202
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:06,835
Liz Lemon, I think you just got scrumped.
203
00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:11,344
Donaghy wants a Santa costume and a Mrs. Claus.
204
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:12,612
One, two, three, four, five.
205
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:16,649
# J-j-j-j-jingle bell,
J-j-j-j-jingle bell all the way?
206
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:18,184
# And a one horse open sleigh!?
207
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:21,053
No! Alfonso, I'm on the six, you're on the four.
208
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:22,555
Come on.
One, two, three, four, five.
209
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:25,625
# J-j-j-j-jingle bell,
J-j-j-j-jingle bell all the way?
210
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,288
Ah, my little elves at work.
Looking good, gang, looking good.
211
00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:31,029
Oh...
212
00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:35,534
You do realize we're going
into quadruple overtime.
213
00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:39,005
So what? We're giving America
the perfect Christmas, Pete.
214
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,700
There are kids out there who never get that.
215
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:42,474
I know I didn't.
216
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:44,869
Not with Colleen around.
217
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:47,947
My dad was long gone so every Christmas,
218
00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:50,916
Colleen would bring her "friend"
Mr. Schwarz over for dinner
219
00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:53,653
and she'd make me play songs on the
piano when she would sing to him.
220
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,154
My parents divorced when I was nine --
221
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:56,689
Every year the dreadful moment arrived
222
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,592
when I would catch Mr. Schwarz
caressing my mother's bony thigh.
223
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:03,396
And I'd say, "Eyes on the keys, Jackie Boy.
Keep your eyes on the keys..."
224
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,864
And they'd ask me to play "White Christmas"
225
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:07,958
and it would turn into some
boozy, burlesque travesty!
226
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,429
Every time I hear that song I get aroused.
227
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:12,805
What is wrong with me?
228
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:16,208
I have to go to the prop meeting, now.
229
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:17,766
She's the reason, she's why it happened.
230
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:20,943
So the overtime...?
231
00:11:21,914 --> 00:11:22,881
Approved!
232
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:24,416
Ah!
233
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:25,684
It's Christmas!
234
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:29,822
Next.
235
00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:34,960
Yes. Finally. Hi. I would like to speak to
whoever screens the "Letters to Santa".
236
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,655
Then you better talk to that box.
237
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,899
We-uh, maybe you can help me -- Tren�.
238
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:40,900
Irene.
239
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:46,405
Irene, I believe that I was the victim of a scam
perpetrated through the mails. So...
240
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:47,440
There's nothing we can do about that.
241
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,242
I disagree, I think there are
a lot of things we could do.
242
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:53,345
I would like to access any census information
you have for this address.
243
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,380
No.
244
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,816
In addition, I would like to speak
to the letter carrier...
245
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,350
You know we're closin' in five minutes, right?
246
00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:00,086
Who services this zip, plus four.
247
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,519
Never gonna happen.
248
00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:03,989
Can you help me out with her?
249
00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:07,823
Oh, really? We're both black
so we must know each other --
250
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,096
Hey, Irene!
251
00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:11,397
Hey, Tracy!
252
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,932
Did Vicki hook you up with this job?
253
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,133
Yes...
254
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:15,930
Oh, girl, you better stop.
255
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:19,171
Hey, you don't know the
Postmaster General do you?
256
00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:22,108
I do, but we had a falling out
over the Jerry Garcia stamp.
257
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:24,941
I mean, if I want to lick a hippie I'll just
return Joan Baez's phone calls.
258
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,612
Are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday?
259
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:29,674
I have no choice. I can't go home.
260
00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:31,584
Come on, you can go home --
261
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,280
No. I can't. Last night we had...
262
00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:36,443
an incident.
263
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:39,750
Jackie, sweetheart,
264
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:44,263
can you get this heavy, wool blanket
out from underneath me?
265
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,288
I'm sweating like a grape picker.
266
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:52,561
Come on, put some back into it,
Jacqueline. Ha ha.
267
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:55,838
My other hip!
268
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:58,574
I think it was subconscious...
I've had enough.
269
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:01,347
Fifty years of criticism and
feelings of inadequacy.
270
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,582
Fifty ruined Christmases. I want to be free.
271
00:13:03,582 --> 00:13:04,617
What are you saying?
272
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,018
I can't be alone with her.
273
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:09,021
You see, Lemon, my mother is a virus
and my body is trying to get rid of her.
274
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:11,257
Good God, she can't know
I'm having these thoughts.
275
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:12,591
She can't know about the eight minutes.
276
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:14,616
If she knew, she'd have me arrested,
she's done it before!
277
00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:17,127
Hey, the candy canes are for the show.
278
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,634
Oh, so how'd it go uptown, Miss Lemon?
279
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:22,635
I'll tell you how it went.
280
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,171
I filed a report with the Better Business Bureau.
281
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:29,699
I'm not going to rest until the
"Letters to Santa" program is shut down.
282
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,578
What is wrong with you?
283
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,047
You are being a real Scrooge!
284
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:36,849
It was just two dudes, Kenneth.
285
00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:39,885
They scammed me and now they're
selling that stuff on eBay.
286
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:44,824
There were no kids up there and there
definitely weren't any hugs around here.
287
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,959
Well, if all you want is a hug from a black person
288
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:49,860
maybe you should just host "The Price is Right."
289
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,865
I don't believe people would do that,
Miss Lemon.
290
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:56,936
This is a religious holiday,
when has religion ever caused any trouble?
291
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,704
Kenneth, you're na�ve.
292
00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:01,070
And you're acting like a real C word right now.
293
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:03,405
That's right, a Cranky Sue.
294
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:08,113
I know in my heart
that children got those presents.
295
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:10,683
They didn't, Kenneth.
I'll prove it to you.
296
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,516
It's dinner break.
Tracy, we're going uptown.
297
00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:18,514
All right, I'll call Grizz and Dotcom.
I'm sure they're not doin' anything.
298
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:27,431
No. Dr. Williams said, "boundaries."
299
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,574
Oh, mother, you shouldn't be
exerting yourself like that.
300
00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:39,879
I'm sorry that work has kept me
from spending more time with you.
301
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,346
What kind of time, Jackie?
302
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,442
Eight minutes? Maybe?
303
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,586
John Francis Donaghy...
304
00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:51,056
How could you? How could you?
305
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:54,326
Waiting eight minutes to call 9-1-1.
306
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:55,361
I can't believe it!
307
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:56,629
I don't know what you're talking about, mother,
308
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:57,687
and I've got to get back to work now.
309
00:14:58,264 --> 00:14:59,253
Exhibit A!
310
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,999
Your cell phone bill.
311
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:06,906
16 AM.
312
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,032
Exhibit B!
313
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:11,644
The watch that my son gave me
for Christmas,
314
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,305
not the one I wanted by the way!
315
00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:17,116
You had just set it before it broke of course!
316
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:19,785
When your car rammed into me down in Florida.
317
00:15:19,785 --> 00:15:23,789
And it stopped at 8:08!
318
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:25,518
Exhibit C!
319
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:28,894
Sixteen minus eight is eight!
320
00:15:28,894 --> 00:15:32,022
Numbers, unlike children, don't lie!
321
00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:34,199
What kind of son --
322
00:15:34,199 --> 00:15:35,434
What kind of mother tells her son that
323
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,959
John Kennedy died because he talked in church?
324
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,739
Or tells her son when he's
voted captain of the diving team,
325
00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:43,042
quote, "What a great way to meet guys"?
326
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:44,043
Oh!
327
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:46,378
Or invites strange men over
on Christmas Eve?!
328
00:15:46,378 --> 00:15:50,582
Don't turn this around, Jackie!
Don't make this about me!
329
00:15:50,582 --> 00:15:52,851
It's always about you!
330
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:54,586
I am 50 years old.
331
00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:56,689
You have ruined every Christmas I've ever had
332
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,724
and I'm not letting you take
this one down too!
333
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:00,859
You're walking away from me!
334
00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:02,793
More snow machines!
335
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:09,234
You see Kenneth, those drawings are
a clue that children live here.
336
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:10,326
Lebowsky out.
337
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:14,163
This bare door is a scam door.
338
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:17,039
No. Children live here, I know it.
339
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,006
Get ready to have your little bubble burst.
340
00:16:20,412 --> 00:16:22,676
Come on, Christmas...
Come on, Christmas...
341
00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:24,604
Hello?
342
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:30,180
Oh, my gosh,
are you DeShante and Marcus?
343
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:33,758
And you got the presents?
There are presents under the tree?
344
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,262
I did that! I got that stuff for you!
345
00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:39,560
I'm the one who made Christmas happen!
346
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,467
What about Santa?!
347
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:45,170
Daddy, she said there's no Santa Claus!
348
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,238
What is wrong with you?!
349
00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:48,774
No, I, it's a, I did a good thing.
I got the letter from--
350
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:51,910
Yeah, the letter that said "Dear Santa,"
not "Dear Lonely White Lady."
351
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:52,911
I'm sorry.
352
00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:58,679
Could I offer you tickets to a live Christmas
special in the tradition of Andy Williams.
353
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:04,019
Okay, you were right.
So, yeah, you were right.
354
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:10,529
Do you know your mother is here?
355
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,831
I don't care.
I'm trying to produce a Christmas special
356
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:14,662
that makes "It's a Wonderful Life"
look like "Pulp Fiction."
357
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:18,070
Where the hell is Mrs. Claus,
you can't do Christmas Eve without her.
358
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,405
What is wrong with you people?!
359
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:20,939
We're on in 30 seconds.
360
00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:22,007
How can we not have Mrs. Claus?
361
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:24,407
I didn't realize you were serious
about that so I cut it --
362
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,678
You can't cut Mrs. Claus!
363
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:29,915
Everyone knows that on Christmas Eve
Mrs. Claus hangs your stockings
364
00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:31,583
and then puts out food for Santa.
365
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:34,177
Then you sing songs around the piano
until she tucks you in.
366
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:36,455
Did your mother not do that?
367
00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:38,824
That's not a thing, Jack.
368
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:40,225
Yes, it is.
369
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:43,695
No, Mrs. Claus must have been
something special that Colleen did.
370
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:46,065
Probably to make up for the fact
that your dad wasn't around.
371
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,567
No, Christmas in the Donaghy house was awful.
372
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,770
Have I not told you
about my mom's Yuletide boyfriend,
373
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:54,740
good old Frederick August Otto Schwarz III?
374
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,909
F.A.O. Schwartz, like the toy store?
375
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,742
His family owned some toy stores. Yes, so what?
376
00:18:00,879 --> 00:18:05,213
Jack, I think your mother "put out" on
Christmas to get you kids presents.
377
00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:06,685
She did it for you.
378
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:09,279
Not possible. She didn't do anything for us.
379
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:13,154
I know you guys were pretty poor.
Did you have a lot of presents?
380
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,195
You couldn't even see the tree!
381
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:19,130
In five, four, three...
382
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:25,104
Our first guest has sung with everyone
from Paul Anka to Crocodile Dundee.
383
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,332
Cross the piano!
384
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:31,376
Ladies and gentlemen, Jenna Maroney!
385
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:39,685
# Chestnuts roasting on an open fire?
386
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:45,419
# Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
387
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:51,396
# Yuletide carols being sung by a choir?
388
00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:56,602
# And folks dressed up like eskimos?
389
00:18:56,602 --> 00:19:03,175
# Everybody knows a turkey
and some mistle toe?
390
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:06,912
Liz Lemon, I know you're going to be
all alone on Christmas Day.
391
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:09,815
So if you'd like...
you can spend it with the Jordans.
392
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,350
I'd love to, Tracy.
393
00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:13,385
Good. We'll be over at 2:00.
394
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:14,853
My kids have a peanut allergy,
395
00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:16,878
but my dogs only eat steak.
396
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,191
Okay.
397
00:19:20,759 --> 00:19:25,492
# They know that Santa's on his way?
398
00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:32,634
What on earth is the matter with you?
399
00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:35,941
I love you mother and I don't want you to die.
400
00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:38,375
I'm never going to, Jackie.
401
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:45,005
# To see if reindeer really know how to fly?
402
00:19:51,957 --> 00:20:01,333
# And so I'm offering this simple phrase?
403
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:09,841
# To kiss from one to 92?
404
00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:12,811
# Although it's been said?
405
00:20:12,811 --> 00:20:17,983
# Many times, many ways?
406
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:21,587
# Merry Christmas?
407
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:25,357
# Merry Christmas?
408
00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:38,670
# Merry Christmas to you?
409
00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:40,399
You're flat Jack.
410
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,069
Download Movie Subtitles Searcher from www.OpenSubtitles.org
411
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:48,669
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
32629
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
