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1
00:00:03,963 --> 00:00:05,794
Listen up, everyone.
2
00:00:05,914 --> 00:00:07,518
I have an announcement to make.
3
00:00:07,638 --> 00:00:09,074
As you may have heard,
4
00:00:09,194 --> 00:00:11,245
Carol and I broke up last week.
5
00:00:11,313 --> 00:00:13,780
Hang on.
Why do you have a cat?
6
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:14,847
And a fanny pack?
7
00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:16,149
And your ponytail,
8
00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:18,016
it's being held up
by a chip clip.
9
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:19,318
Because I'm giving up, Jenna.
10
00:00:19,385 --> 00:00:20,652
I did the math.
11
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,688
How many times does
a woman meet Mr. Right?
12
00:00:22,755 --> 00:00:24,188
I've had three chances...
13
00:00:24,256 --> 00:00:25,539
Floyd, then Carol,
14
00:00:25,624 --> 00:00:27,692
and I was once in an elevator
with Tom Brokaw,
15
00:00:27,759 --> 00:00:29,260
and I blew all three...
16
00:00:29,328 --> 00:00:30,493
Opportunities!
17
00:00:30,544 --> 00:00:32,679
So I am making
my graceful transition
18
00:00:32,763 --> 00:00:33,763
into spinsterhood.
19
00:00:33,831 --> 00:00:35,698
I have adopted this cat,
20
00:00:35,765 --> 00:00:37,599
named her Emily Dickinson...
21
00:00:37,667 --> 00:00:38,600
Oh, come on!
22
00:00:38,668 --> 00:00:41,069
Named her Emily Dickinson.
23
00:00:41,136 --> 00:00:43,738
Lemon, a word.
24
00:00:43,806 --> 00:00:45,390
Hang on.
25
00:00:45,474 --> 00:00:47,524
Recent breakup, fanny pack, cat?
26
00:00:47,608 --> 00:00:50,177
Quick. Who is
the lead character on NCIS?
27
00:00:50,244 --> 00:00:51,378
Special agent Jethro Gibbs.
28
00:00:51,446 --> 00:00:53,179
In your office, now.
29
00:00:53,246 --> 00:00:54,947
What's the point, Jack?
I'm done.
30
00:00:55,015 --> 00:00:56,749
I took the money I was
saving for my honeymoon,
31
00:00:56,817 --> 00:00:58,117
and I bought a cemetery plot.
32
00:00:58,185 --> 00:00:59,217
I also joined a book club
33
00:00:59,285 --> 00:01:01,152
at the senior center
near my home.
34
00:01:01,220 --> 00:01:03,621
We're reading
Murder on the Orient Express.
35
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:05,089
You know there's a movie
of that, right?
36
00:01:05,156 --> 00:01:06,373
I did not.
37
00:01:06,458 --> 00:01:09,192
I want to help you, Lemon,
38
00:01:09,244 --> 00:01:10,426
but this is not the week.
39
00:01:10,494 --> 00:01:11,694
Avery's maternity leave
was cut short,
40
00:01:11,762 --> 00:01:13,162
so she could go cover
the collapse
41
00:01:13,213 --> 00:01:14,580
of Greece's banking system.
42
00:01:14,665 --> 00:01:16,531
Since inventing democracy,
43
00:01:16,599 --> 00:01:18,800
those guys have been coasting.
44
00:01:18,868 --> 00:01:20,702
So you're all alone
with baby Liz?
45
00:01:20,753 --> 00:01:22,837
We're calling her Liddy,
after Liddy Dole,
46
00:01:22,888 --> 00:01:24,005
G. Gordon Liddy,
47
00:01:24,072 --> 00:01:25,873
and my martial arts
instructor Li Di.
48
00:01:25,941 --> 00:01:28,641
In addition, I have
a huge presentation coming up.
49
00:01:28,709 --> 00:01:30,477
Meeting magazine
is already calling it
50
00:01:30,544 --> 00:01:32,112
"the first great meeting
of the decade."
51
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:33,579
I have to be at my best.
52
00:01:33,646 --> 00:01:35,748
I'm negotiating NBC's
licensing fees with Kabletown.
53
00:01:35,815 --> 00:01:37,983
But aren't NBC and Kabletown
the same company now?
54
00:01:38,051 --> 00:01:40,051
That seems like a pretty
big conflict of interest.
55
00:01:40,119 --> 00:01:41,986
Why would the government
even allow that merger?
56
00:01:42,054 --> 00:01:43,321
It's okay. Don't worry.
57
00:01:43,388 --> 00:01:45,255
You just keep watching
Bridalplasty.
58
00:01:45,323 --> 00:01:47,074
Alysinna died last week.
59
00:01:50,161 --> 00:01:51,577
Oh, damn it, I didn't leave
60
00:01:51,661 --> 00:01:53,462
my baby nurse her check
this morning.
61
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,131
I have to go back home
and pay her.
62
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,765
- Right now?
- It's complicated.
63
00:01:56,832 --> 00:01:58,900
These women run your household,
64
00:01:58,968 --> 00:02:00,251
so you have to keep them happy,
65
00:02:00,336 --> 00:02:01,669
which means not saying anything
66
00:02:01,737 --> 00:02:04,238
as your DVR fills up
with Trinidadian soap operas.
67
00:02:04,305 --> 00:02:06,256
But as soon as
I'm out of the woods, Lemon,
68
00:02:06,341 --> 00:02:09,675
I'll take care
of this latest dysfunction.
69
00:02:09,743 --> 00:02:11,210
There's nothing
to take care of, Jack.
70
00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:12,578
Watch this.
71
00:02:12,629 --> 00:02:14,346
I can fit Emily Dickinson's
whole head in my mouth.
72
00:02:14,413 --> 00:02:15,614
No.
73
00:02:18,684 --> 00:02:21,684
Sync by opel
www.addic7ed.com
74
00:02:33,563 --> 00:02:35,164
Oh, hey, Pete, what's up?
75
00:02:35,231 --> 00:02:36,697
Well, nobody told
the musical guest
76
00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:37,815
that Tracy's in Africa,
77
00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:39,167
so all their instruments
got delivered
78
00:02:39,234 --> 00:02:40,434
even though there's no show.
79
00:02:40,486 --> 00:02:42,936
Rock stars, man.
80
00:02:42,987 --> 00:02:44,604
People screaming your name,
81
00:02:44,672 --> 00:02:47,207
hot women throwing
themselves at you.
82
00:02:47,275 --> 00:02:48,507
Living on a bus.
83
00:02:48,575 --> 00:02:49,542
Ha.
84
00:02:49,609 --> 00:02:52,945
I had all that once...
85
00:02:52,996 --> 00:02:55,013
For three months
back in the early '80s.
86
00:02:55,081 --> 00:02:57,882
Really?
What band were you in?
87
00:02:57,950 --> 00:03:01,802
♪ Everybody's workin'
for the weekend ♪
88
00:03:04,889 --> 00:03:05,822
What?
89
00:03:05,889 --> 00:03:07,290
Yep.
I was in Loverboy.
90
00:03:07,357 --> 00:03:08,291
But then I had to choose
91
00:03:08,358 --> 00:03:09,459
between staying in the band
92
00:03:09,526 --> 00:03:10,927
or taking
that college scholarship
93
00:03:10,978 --> 00:03:12,327
to study TV budgeting.
94
00:03:12,395 --> 00:03:14,513
- Mmm.
- I made my choice.
95
00:03:14,597 --> 00:03:16,665
That part of my life is over.
96
00:03:16,732 --> 00:03:18,699
Hey, it's never too late.
97
00:03:18,767 --> 00:03:21,368
What did you just say?
98
00:03:21,436 --> 00:03:24,187
♪ It's never too late ♪
99
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:28,274
♪ it's never too late for now ♪
100
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:32,878
♪ Yesterday's dreams are gone ♪
101
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:36,347
♪ but today
I'm singin' this song ♪
102
00:03:36,415 --> 00:03:38,983
♪ 'cause it's never
too late ♪
103
00:03:39,034 --> 00:03:42,169
♪ it's never too late for now ♪
104
00:03:43,454 --> 00:03:44,588
We need to start a band.
105
00:03:44,655 --> 00:03:46,222
I think we just did.
106
00:03:46,289 --> 00:03:49,658
I'm sorry you had
to wait for this, Sherry.
107
00:03:49,726 --> 00:03:51,327
I hope there was
enough shark meat
108
00:03:51,394 --> 00:03:53,228
in the refrigerator
for one of your sandwiches.
109
00:03:54,663 --> 00:03:57,132
Hold on, this is the same amount
110
00:03:57,199 --> 00:03:59,099
I was paying you
when you worked full time,
111
00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:01,001
and now you're
just working nights.
112
00:04:01,069 --> 00:04:02,569
It's my hourly rate.
113
00:04:02,637 --> 00:04:04,837
You understand my confusion.
114
00:04:04,905 --> 00:04:06,906
I'm actually paying you
more money
115
00:04:06,974 --> 00:04:08,341
to be here half the time.
116
00:04:09,809 --> 00:04:12,894
I'm not saying that
what you do isn't important.
117
00:04:12,979 --> 00:04:14,346
Avery and I appreciate you,
118
00:04:14,413 --> 00:04:16,180
and Liddy just adores you.
119
00:04:16,248 --> 00:04:18,182
But let's just say
you're at the market,
120
00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:19,984
buying potatoes.
121
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:23,219
And that ten-pound bag
of potatoes costs...
122
00:04:23,287 --> 00:04:24,587
$400.
123
00:04:24,655 --> 00:04:28,023
But then
the, uh, grocery concierge
124
00:04:28,091 --> 00:04:30,425
tells you that
a five-pound bag of potatoes
125
00:04:30,493 --> 00:04:31,493
costs $400.
126
00:04:31,561 --> 00:04:32,960
Well, that would
be shocking, right?
127
00:04:33,028 --> 00:04:36,964
Because a five-pound bag
should only cost $200.
128
00:04:37,032 --> 00:04:39,799
What I'm saying is that
we value what you do,
129
00:04:39,867 --> 00:04:43,836
but this rate is, uh,
unreasonable.
130
00:04:47,574 --> 00:04:49,974
So, what you wan' do?
131
00:04:50,042 --> 00:04:55,812
I want to resolve
this fairly and amicably.
132
00:04:55,880 --> 00:05:02,185
And I don't want
any bad blood, so...
133
00:05:02,252 --> 00:05:03,853
It was nice negotiating with you,
134
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,922
and, uh, here is
all of your money.
135
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:17,584
An impulsive murderer
136
00:05:17,704 --> 00:05:20,736
has been murdered.
137
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:23,954
But in which of the two ways
138
00:05:24,038 --> 00:05:25,437
that I have suggested?
139
00:05:25,505 --> 00:05:28,121
In the simpler way by the mafioso
140
00:05:28,205 --> 00:05:30,455
disguised
as a wagon-lit conductor?
141
00:05:32,873 --> 00:05:35,572
Or in the more complex way...
142
00:05:35,623 --> 00:05:36,756
Liz, enough!
143
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:38,239
I am not gonna just sit
and watch you
144
00:05:38,306 --> 00:05:39,422
plummet into spinsterhood.
145
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:40,606
Why are you talking so fast?
146
00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:41,589
Because I'm upset!
147
00:05:41,673 --> 00:05:42,939
Also I've been taking
148
00:05:43,007 --> 00:05:44,507
these new Czechoslovakian
organ-slimming pills.
149
00:05:44,574 --> 00:05:45,840
They contain
a little bit of meth,
150
00:05:45,908 --> 00:05:47,423
which is something
my body needs anyway.
151
00:05:47,508 --> 00:05:49,541
Listen, I'm not gonna
let you wallow like this.
152
00:05:49,609 --> 00:05:52,641
I am taking you out
so you can rebound...Sexually.
153
00:05:52,709 --> 00:05:53,841
What? No.
154
00:05:53,909 --> 00:05:54,958
Now, when I'm rebounding,
155
00:05:55,042 --> 00:05:56,609
I like to do it
with an NBA player,
156
00:05:56,675 --> 00:05:59,275
because it's fun wordplay
and they're mean.
157
00:05:59,343 --> 00:06:01,759
Well, thank you
for that disgusting offer,
158
00:06:01,827 --> 00:06:03,209
but I will be in editing
all night,
159
00:06:03,277 --> 00:06:04,760
putting together
"The Best of Tracy Jordan"
160
00:06:04,843 --> 00:06:06,075
to replace this week's show,
161
00:06:06,127 --> 00:06:07,593
so can't go out.
Too bad.
162
00:06:07,677 --> 00:06:08,676
Well, I'm not giving up.
163
00:06:08,744 --> 00:06:10,043
I didn't give up
when Eric Roberts
164
00:06:10,111 --> 00:06:12,411
abandoned me in the desert,
and I won't now.
165
00:06:12,478 --> 00:06:13,511
No judgment, Liz.
166
00:06:13,578 --> 00:06:16,178
Mr. Roberts
thought I was dead.
167
00:06:16,246 --> 00:06:17,462
Oh.
168
00:06:17,546 --> 00:06:20,512
♪ It's never too late for now ♪
169
00:06:20,579 --> 00:06:21,795
Two, three...
170
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,129
♪ It's never too late... ♪
171
00:06:23,213 --> 00:06:24,578
- There you are.
- Great.
172
00:06:24,629 --> 00:06:26,279
You just ruined
a really boss take.
173
00:06:26,347 --> 00:06:27,546
We're recording a song called
174
00:06:27,597 --> 00:06:29,013
It's Never Too Late For Now.
175
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:32,113
It's about that delicious
little mystery I call life.
176
00:06:32,181 --> 00:06:33,714
Oh, my God, that sucks.
177
00:06:33,782 --> 00:06:34,914
Come on.
We gotta go to editing.
178
00:06:34,982 --> 00:06:36,280
No, I'm not going to editing.
179
00:06:36,348 --> 00:06:39,348
I'm in here shredding
away like a righteous ax master,
180
00:06:39,415 --> 00:06:40,848
and my arthritis is acting up.
181
00:06:40,915 --> 00:06:42,014
Do you have any ibuprofen?
182
00:06:42,082 --> 00:06:44,315
Uh, my fanny pack is in my office
183
00:06:44,382 --> 00:06:46,182
in my mini-fridge.
184
00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:47,965
I like my tampons to be cold.
185
00:06:48,049 --> 00:06:50,016
I'll be downstairs.
186
00:06:50,083 --> 00:06:51,933
Wait. "Hornberger-Rossitano"?
187
00:06:52,017 --> 00:06:53,783
Why is your name first?
188
00:06:53,850 --> 00:06:54,800
It's alphabetical.
So what?
189
00:06:54,884 --> 00:06:56,049
So I'm the one who said,
190
00:06:56,101 --> 00:06:57,316
"it's never too late."
191
00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:58,517
I invented that.
192
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,084
When we get up
at the Grammys, I talk!
193
00:07:00,152 --> 00:07:01,117
Not you!
194
00:07:03,051 --> 00:07:04,102
Welcome to Brokeblack Mountain.
195
00:07:05,186 --> 00:07:06,551
You need to go black, Marty!
196
00:07:06,619 --> 00:07:08,752
This is Loz... Liz.
This is Liz.
197
00:07:08,802 --> 00:07:10,752
Lemon, I am supposed
to represent NBC
198
00:07:10,820 --> 00:07:12,952
in a negotiation that Rex Belcher
199
00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:15,586
the American Journal
of meetings rated four chairs.
200
00:07:15,654 --> 00:07:16,936
Four.
201
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,453
I'm sorry. Is that
another magazine about meetings?
202
00:07:19,521 --> 00:07:21,053
Meanwhile, I just got worked over
203
00:07:21,121 --> 00:07:22,987
by my Trinidadian night nurse.
204
00:07:23,054 --> 00:07:25,287
I made every mistake you can
in a negotiation.
205
00:07:25,355 --> 00:07:27,221
I spoke first, I smiled,
206
00:07:27,289 --> 00:07:29,021
I negotiated with myself.
207
00:07:29,089 --> 00:07:30,805
If I had done that during
a mock negotiation
208
00:07:30,889 --> 00:07:32,221
in business school,
209
00:07:32,289 --> 00:07:33,805
professor Widmer
would have spanked me
210
00:07:33,890 --> 00:07:36,439
in front of the whole class,
bare bottom.
211
00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,689
Okay, but it's harder with
someone like a nanny, right?
212
00:07:38,757 --> 00:07:40,489
There's an emotional component.
213
00:07:40,557 --> 00:07:41,856
She takes care of your baby.
214
00:07:41,924 --> 00:07:44,823
Lemon, you just had
a structural, analytic insight.
215
00:07:44,891 --> 00:07:46,690
Professor Widmer
would have given you
216
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:47,924
a "good job" spanking.
217
00:07:47,975 --> 00:07:49,590
What is business school?
218
00:07:49,658 --> 00:07:51,425
The reason Sherry
can manipulate me
219
00:07:51,492 --> 00:07:53,525
is because she has leverage.
220
00:07:53,592 --> 00:07:55,192
Eight pounds of screaming,
221
00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:57,359
toothless,
soft-skulled leverage.
222
00:07:57,427 --> 00:07:59,025
Liddy loves Sherry,
223
00:07:59,093 --> 00:08:01,476
and Sherry assumes
that I love Liddy.
224
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,293
But you do, right?
225
00:08:03,361 --> 00:08:05,360
Yes. But Sherry
can't prove that I love Liddy,
226
00:08:05,428 --> 00:08:07,827
so I renegotiate
under new conditions,
227
00:08:07,895 --> 00:08:11,060
specifically, that I hate
my newborn daughter.
228
00:08:11,112 --> 00:08:13,327
Wow, Jack.
I could never pretend
229
00:08:13,395 --> 00:08:14,861
to hate my beautiful
baby daughter,
230
00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:16,428
Emily Dickinson the cat.
231
00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:17,628
Oh, boy.
232
00:08:17,695 --> 00:08:20,796
Uh-oh.
I don't feel so good.
233
00:08:20,862 --> 00:08:22,695
I think maybe I have
food poisoning.
234
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,296
Really? 'Cause I've
never had a problem
235
00:08:24,363 --> 00:08:27,329
ordering from American sub
restaurant very clean come in.
236
00:08:27,397 --> 00:08:30,147
I'm sorry. Could you just,
um, leave your notes?
237
00:08:30,230 --> 00:08:32,696
I'll come in early tomorrow
to finish!
238
00:08:32,764 --> 00:08:35,831
I guess this means
you're free tonight after all.
239
00:08:35,899 --> 00:08:37,131
Where did you come from?
240
00:08:37,198 --> 00:08:38,330
It's a trick I developed
241
00:08:38,398 --> 00:08:40,365
to catch people
talking about me behind my back.
242
00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:42,632
Did you know everyone
thinks I'm insane?
243
00:08:42,699 --> 00:08:45,665
Now you have no excuse
to stay in.
244
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,232
Aw, come on, no!
245
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,232
Jenna, you know
how much I hate clubs
246
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:51,466
and dance halls and odeons.
247
00:08:51,534 --> 00:08:52,866
They're all malarkey.
248
00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:55,300
Okay, what if I promise
to find a place you like?
249
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,867
And if I don't like it,
I can leave?
250
00:08:57,935 --> 00:09:00,634
Yes, if you don't like it,
you can leave.
251
00:09:00,701 --> 00:09:03,601
This isn't Eric Roberts' tepee.
252
00:09:05,602 --> 00:09:07,818
Ah, Sherry.
253
00:09:07,903 --> 00:09:10,102
Excellent.
254
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:12,702
I've been thinking
about our conversation earlier.
255
00:09:12,770 --> 00:09:14,803
It occurs to me
that you are laboring
256
00:09:14,870 --> 00:09:17,136
under a fatal misapprehension.
257
00:09:17,204 --> 00:09:19,503
You think you have
leverage over me,
258
00:09:19,571 --> 00:09:20,537
but you don't.
259
00:09:20,604 --> 00:09:22,970
I don't care about the baby.
260
00:09:23,038 --> 00:09:24,738
I've only known her
for a few weeks,
261
00:09:24,806 --> 00:09:27,138
and other than a fondness
for Avery's breasts,
262
00:09:27,205 --> 00:09:28,871
Liddy and I
have nothing in common.
263
00:09:28,939 --> 00:09:30,305
She is one of two people
264
00:09:30,373 --> 00:09:32,105
ever to have thrown up on me,
265
00:09:32,173 --> 00:09:33,238
and I haven't spoken
to Joe Namath
266
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,639
since that Mardi Gras.
267
00:09:34,706 --> 00:09:37,339
What's more, I don't think
Liddy looks like me,
268
00:09:37,407 --> 00:09:40,606
so evolutionarily,
that makes me want to eat her.
269
00:09:40,674 --> 00:09:43,073
In other words,
either you take a pay cut,
270
00:09:43,141 --> 00:09:45,174
or go and look for another job.
271
00:09:45,241 --> 00:09:47,674
Who has the leverage now, Sherry?
272
00:09:50,408 --> 00:09:51,442
Your move.
273
00:09:58,494 --> 00:09:59,825
Please stay.
274
00:09:59,910 --> 00:10:02,543
I'll send everyone
in your family to college.
275
00:10:02,610 --> 00:10:04,376
Mm-hmm.
276
00:10:08,144 --> 00:10:10,044
So soft music,
277
00:10:10,112 --> 00:10:11,477
ample seating,
278
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:14,244
and I know how much you like
clearly marked fire exits.
279
00:10:14,312 --> 00:10:15,445
Don't worry.
280
00:10:15,512 --> 00:10:16,778
I'll find something to hate.
281
00:10:16,829 --> 00:10:19,711
Oh, okay, here we go.
This sucks.
282
00:10:19,779 --> 00:10:22,179
This place is called
"Canal Yards Project"?
283
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:23,179
What does that mean?
284
00:10:23,246 --> 00:10:24,279
I don't know.
285
00:10:24,346 --> 00:10:25,379
It used to be
a factory or something.
286
00:10:25,446 --> 00:10:26,612
Nope.
Hipster nonsense.
287
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:27,913
I'm out.
288
00:10:27,964 --> 00:10:29,279
No, you are not leaving
because of the name.
289
00:10:29,331 --> 00:10:30,997
Excuse me, can I order
290
00:10:31,081 --> 00:10:32,997
two diet cranberry
beach bangs, please?
291
00:10:33,081 --> 00:10:34,481
You got it. I'm gonna need
to see your I.D., miss.
292
00:10:34,549 --> 00:10:35,814
How about this
for I.D.?
293
00:10:35,881 --> 00:10:38,514
I participated
in hands across America.
294
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,382
Nerds. Where is it?
295
00:10:43,450 --> 00:10:45,849
Okay, my license is missing,
296
00:10:45,917 --> 00:10:47,482
which is my cue to go home.
297
00:10:47,550 --> 00:10:50,116
Excuse me.
Is this yours?
298
00:10:50,184 --> 00:10:51,817
Oh, yeah. Thanks.
299
00:10:51,884 --> 00:10:53,683
I recognized your hair
from across the room.
300
00:10:53,751 --> 00:10:55,384
What is that?
Is that chestnut?
301
00:10:55,452 --> 00:10:57,117
Oh, the color is actually called
302
00:10:57,185 --> 00:10:58,818
"grandfather's shoe."
303
00:11:00,052 --> 00:11:02,051
Uh, can I get you a drink?
304
00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:04,785
I'm having white wine
with ice cubes and sprite.
305
00:11:04,852 --> 00:11:05,852
That's my drink!
306
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,251
I keep a thermos
of it by my toilet!
307
00:11:07,319 --> 00:11:08,485
You misheard me.
308
00:11:08,553 --> 00:11:10,219
Okay. Uh, excuse me.
309
00:11:10,286 --> 00:11:12,085
Can I get two more
of these, please?
310
00:11:15,754 --> 00:11:18,353
So did they make
your droids wait outside too?
311
00:11:18,421 --> 00:11:21,187
Seriously, why can't droids
go into the cantina?
312
00:11:21,254 --> 00:11:23,388
I mean, Ponda Baba
can try to shoot Luke...
313
00:11:23,454 --> 00:11:25,421
but a protocol droid
is somehow a problem.
314
00:11:35,256 --> 00:11:38,390
♪ Castles fall into the sand ♪
315
00:11:38,458 --> 00:11:41,690
♪ could this really be God's plan? ♪
316
00:11:41,758 --> 00:11:43,523
♪ or is it never too late? ♪
317
00:11:43,591 --> 00:11:46,057
♪ it's never too late for now ♪
318
00:11:47,175 --> 00:11:49,057
Why can't I hear my vocals?
319
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,624
I just mixed them down a little.
320
00:11:50,692 --> 00:11:51,958
I think it sounds better.
321
00:11:52,026 --> 00:11:53,509
Oh, really?
322
00:11:53,593 --> 00:11:54,809
Do you think that, or does she?
323
00:11:54,892 --> 00:11:57,059
This has nothing to do with Yuki.
324
00:11:57,127 --> 00:11:58,792
This is about making my song...
325
00:11:58,860 --> 00:11:59,926
Your song?
326
00:11:59,993 --> 00:12:01,326
All right, you know what?
Forget it!
327
00:12:01,394 --> 00:12:03,226
Sound mound is finished!
328
00:12:03,294 --> 00:12:06,893
Which means I now have
5,000 t-shirts to un-order.
329
00:12:06,961 --> 00:12:09,194
Pete, like, 20 of these
just came in for you.
330
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:12,327
Damn it!
331
00:12:12,395 --> 00:12:14,295
I'm having a really
nice time with you, Liz.
332
00:12:14,362 --> 00:12:15,994
Me, too, Anders.
333
00:12:16,062 --> 00:12:19,795
I like how you don't have
one weird little tooth.
334
00:12:19,863 --> 00:12:21,329
Thank you.
335
00:12:21,397 --> 00:12:22,962
Look, I was gonna go
back to my hotel room,
336
00:12:23,030 --> 00:12:24,529
get Eat Pray Love
on Spectravision
337
00:12:24,597 --> 00:12:25,729
and make fun of it.
338
00:12:25,797 --> 00:12:27,896
Ew, Julia Roberts
in a movie about eating?
339
00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:29,430
Give me Kirstie Alley,
340
00:12:29,481 --> 00:12:31,163
somebody who knows
what she's doing.
341
00:12:31,231 --> 00:12:32,230
Come on.
342
00:12:32,298 --> 00:12:34,131
Let's go.
343
00:12:34,199 --> 00:12:38,832
Oh, boy.
That does sound fun, but...
344
00:12:38,899 --> 00:12:39,998
I really shouldn't.
345
00:12:40,066 --> 00:12:41,364
I came here with my friend,
346
00:12:41,432 --> 00:12:43,332
so I'm just gonna stay here.
347
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:44,865
Get off me! My eye!
348
00:12:44,933 --> 00:12:45,999
It's a fight.
349
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,966
Typical nightclub malarkey!
350
00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:52,934
Whoa.
351
00:12:55,851 --> 00:12:57,184
You okay?
352
00:12:57,268 --> 00:12:58,800
My heart's pounding
like I'm watching
353
00:12:58,851 --> 00:13:00,301
Oprah's farewell season.
354
00:13:03,535 --> 00:13:05,702
I thought the stupid universe
was telling me
355
00:13:05,770 --> 00:13:07,335
to get a cat and be a spinster,
356
00:13:07,403 --> 00:13:08,869
and now I don't know.
357
00:13:08,937 --> 00:13:10,635
What's it trying
to tell me with you?
358
00:13:10,703 --> 00:13:12,570
Liz, look,
359
00:13:12,637 --> 00:13:16,837
I don't believe in signs
or messages from the universe.
360
00:13:16,904 --> 00:13:18,970
You know what I do believe?
361
00:13:19,038 --> 00:13:20,804
It's never too late for now.
362
00:13:20,872 --> 00:13:23,237
♪ It's never, it's never ♪
363
00:13:23,305 --> 00:13:26,338
♪ it's never, it's never ♪
364
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:30,688
♪ it's never too late ♪
365
00:13:30,773 --> 00:13:35,906
♪ it's never too late for now ♪
366
00:13:39,825 --> 00:13:42,536
Every day we give you $100
367
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:44,039
for cat *** home.
368
00:13:44,159 --> 00:13:47,030
Do you realize what you're
doing to me, Sherry?
369
00:13:47,098 --> 00:13:49,668
You're unraveling
the very fabric of who I am.
370
00:13:49,736 --> 00:13:52,055
I negotiate for a living,
and I never lose.
371
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,541
And now I have to go negotiate
372
00:13:53,593 --> 00:13:55,378
with my colleagues at Kabletown
373
00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:57,682
after having been reamed
by a woman
374
00:13:57,750 --> 00:13:59,719
wearing Winnie the Pooh
hospital pants.
375
00:13:59,787 --> 00:14:01,923
I don't have
what you have, Sherry.
376
00:14:01,991 --> 00:14:03,775
A brand-new baby
that they've poured
377
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,996
time and money and love into.
378
00:14:06,064 --> 00:14:09,753
Some helpless, pathetic,
useless thing
379
00:14:09,837 --> 00:14:13,410
that would die if left alo...
380
00:14:13,476 --> 00:14:18,318
Oh, God, I do have that.
381
00:14:18,386 --> 00:14:20,088
I have NBC.
382
00:14:20,156 --> 00:14:22,725
Look, broadcast networks
receiving licensing fees
383
00:14:22,776 --> 00:14:24,094
is unprecedented, Jack.
384
00:14:24,162 --> 00:14:26,265
But we're willing to offer NBC
385
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,235
10% of what we pay cable.
386
00:14:36,383 --> 00:14:40,857
I mean, okay, uh,
not to negotiate against myself,
387
00:14:40,925 --> 00:14:43,328
but I get where you guys
are coming from.
388
00:14:43,396 --> 00:14:45,499
Mm-hmm.
389
00:14:45,567 --> 00:14:48,303
Look, NBC is part
of the Kabletown family now.
390
00:14:48,371 --> 00:14:51,175
It's our baby,
and we want it to thrive.
391
00:14:51,243 --> 00:14:54,147
But your offer is...
It's unreasonable!
392
00:14:55,650 --> 00:14:58,187
So what you wanna do?
393
00:15:03,631 --> 00:15:05,634
Oh, way to go, Liz!
394
00:15:05,684 --> 00:15:07,269
Attagirl!
Walk of shame!
395
00:15:07,337 --> 00:15:09,857
You bow-legged bitch!
396
00:15:12,247 --> 00:15:14,783
Ah. I see you opened
the scotch NBC sent us
397
00:15:14,850 --> 00:15:15,868
that week we came in third.
398
00:15:15,952 --> 00:15:17,320
I'm guessing
your meeting went well.
399
00:15:17,371 --> 00:15:18,539
Homerun, Lemon.
400
00:15:18,624 --> 00:15:20,492
And, uh, speaking
of baseball metaphors,
401
00:15:20,543 --> 00:15:22,697
I see that someone
got to first base,
402
00:15:22,749 --> 00:15:24,901
which is what I consider
sex with a stranger.
403
00:15:24,968 --> 00:15:27,104
Okay, fine.
I had a one-night stand,
404
00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:28,940
and it was not the worst.
405
00:15:29,008 --> 00:15:30,343
And maybe you're right.
406
00:15:30,410 --> 00:15:31,879
I shouldn't give up just yet.
407
00:15:34,285 --> 00:15:35,552
Mm.
408
00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:38,491
Still, I can't believe
I did that.
409
00:15:38,559 --> 00:15:39,726
And I wouldn't have
410
00:15:39,778 --> 00:15:41,613
if everything hadn't gone
so perfectly.
411
00:15:41,697 --> 00:15:43,566
I mean, what if I had been stuck
in the edit room all night,
412
00:15:43,618 --> 00:15:45,921
or if I hated the club and left?
413
00:15:46,005 --> 00:15:47,307
Or what if Anders...
414
00:15:47,373 --> 00:15:50,277
Yeah, Anders...
hadn't found my license?
415
00:15:50,345 --> 00:15:51,581
Don't overthink it, Lemon.
416
00:15:51,647 --> 00:15:53,049
Stranger things happen every day.
417
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:54,919
I once saw an Internet video
418
00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:58,091
of a mouse and a bird
that are friends.
419
00:15:58,159 --> 00:15:59,812
Don't overthink it.
420
00:15:59,896 --> 00:16:01,598
Ah.
421
00:16:17,425 --> 00:16:18,895
Gasp.
422
00:16:18,962 --> 00:16:24,671
Last night, a repulsive act
occurred at a hotel in midtown.
423
00:16:24,739 --> 00:16:26,909
There are
two possible explanations
424
00:16:26,975 --> 00:16:30,748
as to how this event
came to be...
425
00:16:30,816 --> 00:16:33,519
A simple one and a complex one.
426
00:16:33,587 --> 00:16:37,327
The simple explanation
is that I went to a discotheque
427
00:16:37,377 --> 00:16:39,881
and a handsome,
interesting man fell for me.
428
00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:43,437
In the wake of my breakup,
I allowed myself
429
00:16:43,505 --> 00:16:45,056
to have an experience
that gave me reason
430
00:16:45,142 --> 00:16:46,509
to be hopeful
about the future again.
431
00:16:46,577 --> 00:16:47,611
Very simple.
432
00:16:47,679 --> 00:16:48,947
Great.
I think we're done here.
433
00:16:49,015 --> 00:16:50,349
Please, monsieur.
434
00:16:50,401 --> 00:16:54,190
There remains, of course,
the complex explanation...
435
00:16:54,258 --> 00:16:57,913
A vast conspiracy
involving multiple agents
436
00:16:57,997 --> 00:17:00,717
and precise, coordinated efforts.
437
00:17:00,801 --> 00:17:05,426
A conspiracy that begins
with the timely food poisoning
438
00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:07,262
of Donna Straunk.
439
00:17:07,346 --> 00:17:12,905
And who here has access
to Donna's food?
440
00:17:19,066 --> 00:17:22,271
The second peculiar event...
I lose my license,
441
00:17:22,339 --> 00:17:24,926
allowing it to be found
by a handsome stranger.
442
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,464
Serendipity? Perhaps.
443
00:17:27,548 --> 00:17:30,218
But how does one lose
one's license
444
00:17:30,286 --> 00:17:33,774
out of a malfunction-proof
Velcro Phillies sport wallet?
445
00:17:33,859 --> 00:17:36,663
Someone must have had access
to my fanny pack.
446
00:17:36,730 --> 00:17:38,300
I only wanted ibuprofen.
447
00:17:38,367 --> 00:17:41,288
Then why is my ibuprofen
bottle still sealed?
448
00:17:41,372 --> 00:17:42,774
Ah.
449
00:17:52,358 --> 00:17:54,394
And then there is
the matter of the wine.
450
00:17:54,462 --> 00:17:56,965
Four glasses, and yet
I was wide awake.
451
00:17:57,033 --> 00:17:58,968
Was my uncharacteristic energy
452
00:17:59,020 --> 00:18:02,208
perhaps due to the giddiness
of the evening?
453
00:18:02,276 --> 00:18:05,080
Or was someone slipping me
454
00:18:05,146 --> 00:18:07,367
black market
organ-slimming pills?
455
00:18:07,451 --> 00:18:08,385
Liz, I wouldn't...
456
00:18:08,453 --> 00:18:10,539
The conspiracy continues.
457
00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:12,759
What pushed me out of the club
458
00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:15,364
when I was wavering
about leaving with Anders?
459
00:18:15,431 --> 00:18:18,370
Yeah, I came here with my friend,
460
00:18:18,436 --> 00:18:20,440
so I'm just gonna stay here.
461
00:18:22,444 --> 00:18:25,364
Aah!
462
00:18:25,449 --> 00:18:28,120
Yah!
463
00:18:29,655 --> 00:18:31,825
Get off of me!
My eye!
464
00:18:43,446 --> 00:18:44,731
What, this?
465
00:18:44,816 --> 00:18:47,319
I got hit by a bird
on a roller coaster.
466
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:50,826
Even the club was strange.
467
00:18:50,892 --> 00:18:53,663
Almost as if it had been
designed specifically for me,
468
00:18:53,731 --> 00:18:56,001
but who has the resources
and the connections
469
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:59,808
to create a Liz Lemon-themed
club in one day?
470
00:19:07,589 --> 00:19:09,925
You had to sign
your crime, didn't you?
471
00:19:09,977 --> 00:19:12,529
You're the one who gave me
those moDVDs.
472
00:19:12,597 --> 00:19:14,266
And what was the final straw?
473
00:19:14,334 --> 00:19:16,203
It was Anders saying,
474
00:19:16,270 --> 00:19:18,991
"it's never too late for now,"
475
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:22,279
a coincidence that I took
as a sign from the universe.
476
00:19:22,347 --> 00:19:24,617
Also, it's just a great song...
477
00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,453
that Pete wrote.
478
00:19:26,521 --> 00:19:28,558
Thanks, man.
479
00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,727
Sound mound rocks the town.
480
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:32,231
Shut up, both of you.
481
00:19:32,299 --> 00:19:35,369
So how did Anders
even know that phrase?
482
00:19:35,437 --> 00:19:39,142
How did Anders seem to know
everything about me?
483
00:19:39,194 --> 00:19:43,016
It's white wine,
ice cubes, and sprite.
484
00:19:43,084 --> 00:19:44,418
She calls it...
485
00:19:44,486 --> 00:19:46,004
Funky juice.
486
00:19:46,090 --> 00:19:48,259
I don't know
if I want to do this.
487
00:19:48,326 --> 00:19:50,696
There's only one question
I can't answer.
488
00:19:50,764 --> 00:19:53,000
Who was Anders?
489
00:19:53,052 --> 00:19:55,404
An old Harvard chum of Toofer's?
490
00:19:55,472 --> 00:19:57,692
The son of one
of Jack's senator friends?
491
00:19:57,776 --> 00:19:59,878
He certainly wasn't
a Swiss prostitute
492
00:19:59,946 --> 00:20:01,865
that Martha Stewart
recommended to me.
493
00:20:04,187 --> 00:20:07,860
And that is
the complex explanation.
494
00:20:07,928 --> 00:20:11,866
Of course, such a conspiracy
would require a group of people
495
00:20:11,918 --> 00:20:16,841
who knew me so well and cared
about my happiness so much
496
00:20:16,909 --> 00:20:19,948
that it's impossible to believe.
497
00:20:20,014 --> 00:20:23,820
No one could ever be that lucky.
498
00:20:23,888 --> 00:20:27,460
Which is why I choose
the simple explanation.
499
00:20:27,528 --> 00:20:29,731
I choose to believe
that last night
500
00:20:29,782 --> 00:20:32,034
Liz Lemon went out, got some,
501
00:20:32,102 --> 00:20:33,254
and felt good about it.
502
00:20:33,339 --> 00:20:37,410
And so I say good-bye
to spinsterhood.
503
00:20:37,478 --> 00:20:40,433
Good-bye to giving up
and to...
504
00:20:40,517 --> 00:20:42,353
Oh, God, a hawk got her!
505
00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:43,555
Emily Dickinson!
506
00:20:44,851 --> 00:20:46,603
♪ 'Cause she's a weekend lady ♪
507
00:20:46,678 --> 00:20:48,864
♪ she's got that weekend style ♪
508
00:20:48,939 --> 00:20:51,878
♪♪
509
00:20:51,954 --> 00:20:54,327
♪ temperature's risin' ♪
510
00:20:54,404 --> 00:20:58,347
♪ she's gonna make you smile ♪
511
00:20:59,099 --> 00:21:02,959
♪ Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
unh, unh, unh. ♪
512
00:21:03,079 --> 00:21:07,208
♪ *** ♪
513
00:21:08,013 --> 00:21:12,540
♪ *** ♪
514
00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:18,465
♪ ***
Weekend woman! ♪
36571
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