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1
00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:03,629
Where are Tracy and Jenna?
We're supposed to be rehearsing.
2
00:00:03,630 --> 00:00:05,429
Hey, L.L.,
sorry we haven't had
3
00:00:05,430 --> 00:00:09,069
time to get into
our costumes yet.
4
00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:11,030
How are we
already behind today?
5
00:00:11,031 --> 00:00:13,549
Liz, women wearing
men's watches is so over.
6
00:00:13,550 --> 00:00:15,549
The new thing is
to get an Adam's apple.
7
00:00:15,550 --> 00:00:17,070
My mom just had
this fixed for me.
8
00:00:17,071 --> 00:00:18,629
It was my grandfather's.
9
00:00:18,630 --> 00:00:21,029
He worked for years
at Union Station in D.C.
10
00:00:21,030 --> 00:00:22,789
As a pickpocket.
11
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,509
Hey, Hey, hey.
Card game, guys.
12
00:00:24,510 --> 00:00:25,550
$20 per, pot's $1,040.
13
00:00:25,551 --> 00:00:26,629
Who's in?
14
00:00:26,630 --> 00:00:28,510
What is this,
Jabba's pleasure skiff?
15
00:00:28,511 --> 00:00:29,830
It's the crew lottery, Liz.
16
00:00:29,831 --> 00:00:30,830
You buy a card.
17
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,790
If it gets picked,
you win $1,000.
18
00:00:32,791 --> 00:00:34,750
Get a tub of New suits
from the suit emporium.
19
00:00:34,751 --> 00:00:36,750
Kabletown guys notice.
Your hair grows back.
20
00:00:36,751 --> 00:00:38,629
Everything grows back.
21
00:00:38,630 --> 00:00:40,030
All right.
Anybody else?
22
00:00:40,031 --> 00:00:44,149
Fine, I'll take one if it'll get
everybody back to work sooner.
23
00:00:44,150 --> 00:00:47,109
[scoffs]
24
00:00:47,110 --> 00:00:48,230
What are you doing?
25
00:00:48,231 --> 00:00:51,069
That game is not for
softhands and faceworkers.
26
00:00:51,070 --> 00:00:52,829
It's for strongs and lifters.
27
00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:55,109
They hate when one of us wins.
28
00:00:55,110 --> 00:00:57,989
[crowd booing]
Your boos are not scaring me.
29
00:00:57,990 --> 00:01:00,029
I know most of you
are not ghosts.
30
00:01:00,030 --> 00:01:01,350
Come on, my card only has
31
00:01:01,351 --> 00:01:03,989
a 1 in 52 chance
of getting picked anyway.
32
00:01:03,990 --> 00:01:06,709
How did you know that?
You're like rain man.
33
00:01:06,710 --> 00:01:08,070
Quick, how many toothpicks
are on the ground?
34
00:01:08,071 --> 00:01:12,109
- Zero.
- You need to go to Vegas.
35
00:01:12,110 --> 00:01:13,990
Whoa, why is Toofer
in the punishment corner?
36
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:15,470
[British pronunciation]
I said time to end the charade
37
00:01:15,471 --> 00:01:17,869
and adjust my schedule
to buy a new vase.
38
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:20,909
Ugh, you stay there.
You stay there until you die.
39
00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:24,629
Look up the pronunciation
for "schedule" on the internet.
40
00:01:24,630 --> 00:01:25,790
[Jack's voice] Schedule.
41
00:01:25,791 --> 00:01:27,909
Ha!
Stay in the corner.
42
00:01:27,910 --> 00:01:31,309
Wait, that computer.
It's Jack's voice!
43
00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:32,310
[Jack's voice] America.
44
00:01:32,311 --> 00:01:34,869
Whiskey. Liberal.
45
00:01:34,870 --> 00:01:36,469
No.
That can't be Jack.
46
00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:38,549
Why would his voice
be on some random website?
47
00:01:38,550 --> 00:01:39,590
It's impossible.
48
00:01:39,591 --> 00:01:41,349
[Jack's voice] Lemon...
49
00:01:41,350 --> 00:01:44,029
lesbian...Frankenstein...
wants her shoes back.
50
00:01:44,030 --> 00:01:45,869
Oh, my god.
It is him.
51
00:01:45,870 --> 00:01:48,989
[exciting jazz music]
52
00:01:48,990 --> 00:01:50,590
53
00:02:04,430 --> 00:02:06,509
Come in, Lemon.
54
00:02:06,510 --> 00:02:09,309
Just revisiting some old
G.E. quarterly reports.
55
00:02:09,310 --> 00:02:14,469
My first cover from my first
year at the company in 1985.
56
00:02:14,470 --> 00:02:17,349
- Ah!
- Ha! Good times.
57
00:02:17,350 --> 00:02:20,109
Just out of frame is
a wheelbarrow full of cocaine.
58
00:02:20,110 --> 00:02:23,189
So why the trip down
memory lame?
59
00:02:23,190 --> 00:02:26,309
Ha ha!
High-fiving a million angels.
60
00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:30,950
The Microwave Division quarterly
report comes out today.
61
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:33,349
It will probably be
my last with G.E.
62
00:02:33,350 --> 00:02:35,110
Now that I'm transitioning
to Kabletown.
63
00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:37,989
I've been
a G.E. man for 25 years.
64
00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:44,909
And a G.E. woman for one week of
corporate espionage at Revlon.
65
00:02:44,910 --> 00:02:48,749
So... is there any way you
could possibly be the voice of
66
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,069
pronouncify.com?
67
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:52,109
What?
68
00:02:52,110 --> 00:02:54,589
No!
69
00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:56,269
[Jack's voice] Those bastards.
70
00:02:56,270 --> 00:02:58,469
- Those bastards!
- Who bastards?
71
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,709
Part of my Princeton
scholarship included
72
00:03:00,710 --> 00:03:02,550
work for the linguistics
department.
73
00:03:02,551 --> 00:03:04,990
They wanted me to record
every word of the dictionary
74
00:03:04,991 --> 00:03:08,030
to preserve the perfect American
accent in case of nuclear war.
75
00:03:08,031 --> 00:03:09,270
Well, the cold War ended,
76
00:03:09,271 --> 00:03:11,669
and Princeton began
selling the recordings.
77
00:03:11,670 --> 00:03:13,789
So people can just
buy your voice?
78
00:03:13,790 --> 00:03:16,469
Oh, the things
it's been dragged into.
79
00:03:16,470 --> 00:03:17,910
Thomas the tank engine.
80
00:03:17,911 --> 00:03:19,549
Wu-Tang songs.
81
00:03:19,550 --> 00:03:22,029
[Jack's voice]
Ah, yeah, just like that
82
00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:25,349
make 'em clap,
make 'em clap
83
00:03:25,350 --> 00:03:27,749
Huh, I always forget
you used to be poor.
84
00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:29,069
Thank you.
85
00:03:29,070 --> 00:03:31,709
But yes, I've had
to work my entire life.
86
00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:34,509
It began when my father left
and I started working
87
00:03:34,510 --> 00:03:38,349
on the Boston docks
as a 12-year-old stevedore.
88
00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:40,389
Bales up, you micks!
Bales up!
89
00:03:40,390 --> 00:03:42,030
You've been working
since you were 12?
90
00:03:42,031 --> 00:03:43,030
I had to.
91
00:03:43,031 --> 00:03:44,990
Those jobs
put me through college,
92
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:48,029
But they also kept me from
having the college experience.
93
00:03:48,030 --> 00:03:50,349
I was up early every morning,
working my way
94
00:03:50,350 --> 00:03:52,230
through the dictionary
for the linguistics department
95
00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:56,069
or sweeping the floors
at the Princeton monkey lab.
96
00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,469
It wasn't the feces
that got to you, Lemon.
97
00:03:58,470 --> 00:04:02,029
It was the crudely scrawled
notes of "help me."
98
00:04:02,030 --> 00:04:05,349
Yeah, well,
college wasn't that fun, Jack.
99
00:04:05,350 --> 00:04:07,949
I mean, sure,
the first two weeks are nice.
100
00:04:07,950 --> 00:04:11,549
Lemon, I really don't have time for a long...
the fall of 1988.
101
00:04:11,550 --> 00:04:14,309
A young Liz Lemon enters
the university of Maryland.
102
00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:15,989
Richard Marx haircut.
103
00:04:15,990 --> 00:04:19,269
Pilonidal cyst under control.
It was a magical time, Jack.
104
00:04:19,270 --> 00:04:20,470
Don't worry about
getting to your point.
105
00:04:20,471 --> 00:04:21,950
I'm going to live forever.
106
00:04:21,951 --> 00:04:25,309
The registrar accidentally
gave me a handicapped room.
107
00:04:25,310 --> 00:04:29,509
It was huge, and for two
weeks it was party central.
108
00:04:29,510 --> 00:04:32,749
I was popular.
People gave me nicknames.
109
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:36,709
A blonde girl high-fived me.
110
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:42,069
But then, like all good things,
it ended before it even began.
111
00:04:42,070 --> 00:04:45,309
Lemon, that's actually my
thoughtful window-staring spot.
112
00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:48,949
Visitors stare...over here.
113
00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:51,909
[quietly] Okay.
114
00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:55,549
[both sigh]
115
00:04:55,550 --> 00:04:56,790
All right, guys.
116
00:04:56,791 --> 00:04:57,870
The moment
we've all been waiting for.
117
00:04:57,871 --> 00:04:58,910
We're picking a winner.
Here we go.
118
00:04:58,911 --> 00:05:00,270
This is the lucky one.
Four of clubs.
119
00:05:00,271 --> 00:05:01,710
Paula's nickname for my penis.
120
00:05:01,711 --> 00:05:07,189
- And the winning card is...
- The queen of spades! - All right.
121
00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:08,430
- Who's got it?
- Oh, brother.
122
00:05:08,431 --> 00:05:12,109
Queen of spades.
Who's got it?
123
00:05:12,110 --> 00:05:14,349
- Aw.
- Oh.
124
00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:17,389
- Come on.
- Boo!
125
00:05:17,390 --> 00:05:20,189
- She sucks!
- Boo!
126
00:05:20,190 --> 00:05:22,349
Guys, guys.
I'm not gonna keep it.
127
00:05:22,350 --> 00:05:26,469
I'm gonna take this money
and open a tab for all of you
128
00:05:26,470 --> 00:05:28,109
after work at Hurley's.
129
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:31,989
- Wait, for real?
- You know it, Arriflex.
130
00:05:31,990 --> 00:05:34,389
Chris...is this guy.
131
00:05:34,390 --> 00:05:35,790
Now, that is really cool
of you.
132
00:05:35,791 --> 00:05:39,300
[all cheer]
133
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,639
Lemon?
134
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,960
Can you make sense of this?
135
00:05:50,961 --> 00:05:54,719
Well, on some level, yeah.
That's a four.
136
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:55,799
That's a nine.
137
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,319
Something's wrong here, Lemon.
138
00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,120
According to these numbers,
the microwave division
139
00:05:59,121 --> 00:06:01,839
had their best quarter
in five years.
140
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,799
- So?
- So they did it without me.
141
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,839
No, they didn't.
142
00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,359
I mean, you're still
the head of that division.
143
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:10,760
You hired everyone there.
144
00:06:10,761 --> 00:06:13,119
If they succeeded,
it's because of you.
145
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,799
Lemon, that's the smartest
thing you've ever said.
146
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:16,919
Really?
147
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,040
What about three years ago
when I said
148
00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:20,799
there should be
more TV shows about cake?
149
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,519
I'll drive out to R&D in
Stamford, congratulate my team,
150
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,320
make sure everyone remembers
who got them there.
151
00:06:25,321 --> 00:06:26,960
They'll probably give me
a crystal plaque,
152
00:06:26,961 --> 00:06:31,839
and I in turn will reward one of
them with a name remembrance.
153
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,320
Lemon, why does
your crew look drunk?
154
00:06:33,321 --> 00:06:35,839
I won $1,000 and I
gave them all a bar tab,
155
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:37,840
and they got drunk at lunch
and now they like me.
156
00:06:37,841 --> 00:06:40,799
Oh, Lemon, please.
Money can't buy happiness.
157
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:46,759
It is happiness.
158
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,199
[Jack's voice] I love unicorns.
159
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,439
I told them not to.
Let's get out of here, Jack.
160
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,879
I'll tell you what.
161
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,919
Make me say anything you want.
162
00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,280
Get it out of your system.
163
00:06:59,281 --> 00:07:01,599
[Jack's voice]
Obama is very presidential.
164
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:02,600
All right, enough!
165
00:07:02,601 --> 00:07:04,239
I was trying
to be a good sport,
166
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,840
but you should be
ashamed of yourselves.
167
00:07:05,841 --> 00:07:08,039
A bunch of 30-year-olds,
sitting around
168
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,280
acting like college freshmen.
169
00:07:09,281 --> 00:07:10,799
Hey, I'm almost 46.
170
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,520
When some of us had
to spend their freshman year
171
00:07:12,521 --> 00:07:14,119
making those recordings.
172
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,119
And leading
a disastrous monkey escape.
173
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:21,439
Grow up...
you children.
174
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:29,639
[Jack's voice] That went well.
175
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,039
Never did this before.
176
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:36,439
Say Hey, Willie mays.
177
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,839
You know, usually
everyone around here
178
00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:40,040
makes me feel like Hitler.
179
00:07:40,041 --> 00:07:43,639
But today I feel like
Hitler in Germany.
180
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:47,279
Aw, being popular must be
such a new experience for you.
181
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:50,679
Well, it's not entirely new.
182
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,479
Wow, I would experiment
with that girl.
183
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,679
- Too small.
- That's me for two weeks in college.
184
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,799
I was popular
for one glorious fortnight.
185
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,479
And then it went away.
I don't know what I did wrong.
186
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,159
You probably said
"fortnight."
187
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,319
No, you didn't
do anything, Liz.
188
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,799
You were just you.
189
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,160
The cool people figured that out
and treated you accordingly.
190
00:08:10,161 --> 00:08:11,880
Well, ever since I gave
the crew that lottery money,
191
00:08:11,881 --> 00:08:14,079
it's felt like
those two weeks again.
192
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,359
And you know what?
I'm not blowing it this time.
193
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,719
Hang on, you know
194
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:18,920
[British pronunciation]
this charade can't last.
195
00:08:18,921 --> 00:08:22,159
Just like in college,
Everyone here has their role.
196
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,759
I'm the hot blonde.
197
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,200
And I'm the nerd
who takes off his glasses
198
00:08:25,201 --> 00:08:27,359
and everyone realizes
he's handsome.
199
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,199
And you're the R.A.
200
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,879
Only if R.A.
stands for "really awesome."
201
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:37,119
You are who you are.
202
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,999
[phone rings] Hello?
203
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,879
[Jack's voice] Hello, Pete.
204
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:45,079
- This is Jack.
- Jack, hi.
205
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,240
Oh, okay, look.
206
00:08:46,241 --> 00:08:47,720
What happened was
Suzanne from ad sales
207
00:08:47,721 --> 00:08:49,520
got pushed into me
in the elevator.
208
00:08:49,521 --> 00:08:50,960
I didn't try to touch her.
209
00:08:50,961 --> 00:08:55,759
And the sort of "unh" sound I
made was about something else.
210
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,759
[Jack's voice]
Pete, will you be my friend?
211
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,079
Your friend?
Sure, of course.
212
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,840
You know, whenever
I tell my wife a work story,
213
00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:05,799
she pointed this out the other day...
I always...
214
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,840
always smile a little
when I'm talking about you.
215
00:09:07,841 --> 00:09:12,999
[Jack's voice] I wish I was
more of a free spirit like you.
216
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,159
Now freestyle rap for me.
217
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,399
Rollin' with my homie,
me and Jackie d.
218
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,479
Bitches get ready
for a sex party
219
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,959
[laughter]
220
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,599
Hey, Liz, think fast.
221
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,799
[glass shatters]
222
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,239
Okay, this is why we don't play
football in the studio, guys.
223
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,039
'cause it's too much fun.
224
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,599
No, no.
Nobody high-five her.
225
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,959
What?
It's me, the lizard.
226
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,479
You can start calling me that.
227
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,000
Look, we appreciate what you
did for the crew last night,
228
00:09:40,001 --> 00:09:42,480
but you left some people out
and that's not cool.
229
00:09:42,481 --> 00:09:44,440
What are you talking about?
The Blizzard wouldn't do that.
230
00:09:44,441 --> 00:09:45,799
That's another option.
231
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,839
Yeah, the alcoholics, Liz?
232
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,599
How are they supposed
to enjoy your bar tab?
233
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,719
I didn't forget
about them, Chris.
234
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,839
Their thing
just hasn't gotten here yet.
235
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,080
- Really?
- Yeah.
236
00:09:56,081 --> 00:09:58,079
It's a surprise.
237
00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,120
And who knows
what it's gonna be?
238
00:09:59,121 --> 00:10:05,839
- Only the blizbian knows.
- All right.
239
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,959
How long do you think
this can go on?
240
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,639
I've got it under control.
241
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:11,720
This is why I hated
my first two weeks
242
00:10:11,721 --> 00:10:15,199
at the royal Tampa academy
of dramatic tricks.
243
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,480
No one knew
who was the sluttiest.
244
00:10:16,481 --> 00:10:19,919
But I showed them.
Oh, I showed them all.
245
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,600
And when we graduated
a week later...
246
00:10:21,601 --> 00:10:24,359
Whatever. Jenna.
People's perceptions can change.
247
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:25,839
Can they?
Look at me.
248
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,399
I'm Ogbert the nerd.
249
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,799
Always have been,
always will be.
250
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:34,159
Look, there is no cool Liz.
There's only R.A. Liz.
251
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,839
You're wrong.
252
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,079
My glasses are dirty.
253
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:40,680
Ogbert?
254
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,759
Ah, the microwave lab.
255
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,759
Boys, I received our
256
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:53,159
quarterly report yesterday
and, uh... hang on.
257
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:57,759
Ajay, Raj, Ramesh.
What's going on here?
258
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,680
Where are Dinesh,
Kumar, and Sunavo?
259
00:10:59,681 --> 00:11:01,839
Sir, this lab
requires clearance.
260
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,279
Clearance?
I'm your boss.
261
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,879
I'm Jack Donaghy.
262
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,160
I'm sorry, your names all sound
the same to us, John Donovan.
263
00:11:09,161 --> 00:11:11,919
I've worked here since 1985.
264
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,039
I spearheaded
the trivection oven.
265
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,999
Trivection?
What is this, 2009?
266
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,159
[laughter]
267
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:21,879
The future is the tk-421.
268
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,359
A new model?
269
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:25,840
How many vections does it have?
270
00:11:25,841 --> 00:11:27,519
- Five.
- [Gasps]
271
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,520
It's the perfect microwave.
272
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:32,359
It even has
a new voice feature.
273
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,920
[Jack's voice]
Popcorn setting medium.
274
00:11:33,921 --> 00:11:35,639
- My god.
- Which one?
275
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,359
Gentlemen, I am still
the head of this division.
276
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:41,799
And no microwave ships
without my say-so.
277
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,599
And I guarantee you that without
my 25 years of experience
278
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,479
you did not build
a perfect microwave.
279
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,800
Now I'm going to find out
what's wrong with this machine,
280
00:11:49,801 --> 00:11:53,720
and when I do, you're going to
wish you'd never been born.
281
00:11:53,721 --> 00:11:59,239
Well, which time?
282
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,680
[groans]
283
00:12:05,710 --> 00:12:06,789
Ah.
284
00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:08,230
What are you
tinkering with, sir?
285
00:12:08,231 --> 00:12:10,469
You know my uncle
was a tinkerer.
286
00:12:10,470 --> 00:12:11,989
Until the FBI shot him.
287
00:12:11,990 --> 00:12:13,629
Every G.E. product
has to be
288
00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:15,709
no more than six sigmas
from perfection.
289
00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:16,949
Duh.
290
00:12:16,950 --> 00:12:19,149
So I'm taking apart
this piece of junk
291
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:21,469
until I prove that it
should never be released.
292
00:12:21,470 --> 00:12:22,830
For the, uh,
good of the company.
293
00:12:22,831 --> 00:12:27,389
[Jack's voice] Ready, ready.
294
00:12:27,390 --> 00:12:29,069
Is this about the company, sir?
295
00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:30,350
Or is it about you?
296
00:12:30,351 --> 00:12:31,590
I'm sorry, Kenneth.
What?
297
00:12:31,591 --> 00:12:35,669
Sometimes a place can be so special
to you that it feels like it
298
00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:37,230
couldn't possibly continue
after you're gone.
299
00:12:37,231 --> 00:12:40,429
But after I left Kentucky
Mountain Bible College,
300
00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:42,549
it still kept going.
301
00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:45,189
Until it was shut down
because of the wolves.
302
00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:49,189
Maybe this is really about you
not being able to let go.
303
00:12:49,190 --> 00:12:50,230
Tell me, Kenneth.
304
00:12:50,231 --> 00:12:52,469
What did you major in
at that college?
305
00:12:52,470 --> 00:12:55,229
Television studies with
a minor in Bible sexuality.
306
00:12:55,230 --> 00:12:57,909
So not psychiatry.
Thank you.
307
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,230
But if you
really want to help me,
308
00:12:59,231 --> 00:13:03,029
stick your hand in there
and see if you get a shock.
309
00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:07,109
Aah! My hand!
310
00:13:07,110 --> 00:13:14,549
Damn it,
it's supposed to do that.
311
00:13:14,550 --> 00:13:16,549
Everyone enjoying
the ice cream?
312
00:13:16,550 --> 00:13:18,229
- Yes!
- Yeah!
313
00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:22,669
I don't even care that we've taken
a 73-minute break to eat it.
314
00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:24,149
[dog barking] Oh!
315
00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:25,990
Hey, somebody brought
a dog to work.
316
00:13:25,991 --> 00:13:27,270
Oh, and it definitely
doesn't have
317
00:13:27,271 --> 00:13:30,189
any of its own waste
on its feet... Oh!
318
00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:33,709
Hey, why is Tony sulking?
319
00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:37,429
I couldn't go to the bar and now
I can't have any ice cream.
320
00:13:37,430 --> 00:13:38,630
I totally forgot, Broseph.
321
00:13:38,631 --> 00:13:39,830
You're a lactose-intolerant
alcoholic.
322
00:13:39,831 --> 00:13:42,349
I tried to forget too,
but Liz made me remember
323
00:13:42,350 --> 00:13:43,510
in front of everybody.
324
00:13:43,511 --> 00:13:46,349
- Poor Tony.
- Not cool, Liz.
325
00:13:46,350 --> 00:13:48,029
How not cool is this?
326
00:13:48,030 --> 00:13:51,029
I remembered how special
Tony is,
327
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:55,669
and that's why
I got him this watch.
328
00:13:55,670 --> 00:13:59,229
Hey, you think of everything.
329
00:13:59,230 --> 00:14:02,149
Lizard, lizard, lizard!
330
00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:03,230
Lizard, lizard!
331
00:14:03,231 --> 00:14:06,509
ALL: Lizard! Lizard! Lizard!
332
00:14:06,510 --> 00:14:08,389
Lizard! Lizard!
333
00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:10,349
Lizard! Lizard!
334
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,309
Lizard! Lizard!
335
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,669
[Jack's voice]
Pete, can I tell you a secret?
336
00:14:15,670 --> 00:14:16,550
Of course.
337
00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:18,469
I told you about my blankie.
338
00:14:18,470 --> 00:14:20,869
[Jack's voice] I'm lonely.
339
00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:24,629
Would you like to come
to my office
340
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,709
tomorrow evening and hang out?
341
00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:33,269
Bring your guitar and some
beer in cans and we will jam.
342
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,629
Okay!
Yeah, great.
343
00:14:34,630 --> 00:14:36,230
And with the Kabletown stuff,
maybe we could
344
00:14:36,231 --> 00:14:38,669
talk about some
new opportunities for me?
345
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:42,029
[Jack's voice] Yes, I will
make your dreams come true.
346
00:14:42,030 --> 00:14:46,269
Make sure you wear one
of those Mexican ponchos.
347
00:14:46,270 --> 00:14:47,549
Okay.
348
00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:50,509
Yes, nice.
349
00:14:50,510 --> 00:14:52,189
Yeah!
350
00:14:52,190 --> 00:15:00,389
All right, Kenneth.
Simulate a rainstorm.
351
00:15:00,390 --> 00:15:03,269
Sir, I was wrong
about the hypothermia.
352
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,949
I don't even feel cold anymore.
353
00:15:04,950 --> 00:15:06,549
I don't feel anything.
354
00:15:06,550 --> 00:15:08,109
Quiet.
Look.
355
00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:10,149
The display is malfunctioning.
356
00:15:10,150 --> 00:15:11,470
[Jack's voice]
Defrost. Power.
357
00:15:11,471 --> 00:15:13,829
- Time. Left. Pizza.
- Oh, really?
358
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,590
That's how much time is left?
Pizza?
359
00:15:15,591 --> 00:15:18,910
Mr. Donaghy, I don't know what
point you think you're proving.
360
00:15:18,911 --> 00:15:21,909
Who would microwave something
in a freezing rainstorm?
361
00:15:21,910 --> 00:15:23,589
Why don't you ask Choctee,
362
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,509
an inuit who wants
a hot bowl of naglak...
363
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:29,149
a man and food I just made up
to illustrate a point?
364
00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:31,589
Sir, you have to let go.
365
00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:33,629
At least that's what
my Nana is telling me
366
00:15:33,630 --> 00:15:36,629
from that tunnel of light
behind you.
367
00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,550
Kenneth,
I've told you this before.
368
00:15:38,551 --> 00:15:42,469
Your Nana is an idiot.
369
00:15:42,470 --> 00:15:44,590
Liz, we're pranking Pete,
and it's going too far.
370
00:15:44,591 --> 00:15:45,710
Please stop us.
371
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,190
Why would I?
I love pranks.
372
00:15:47,191 --> 00:15:50,189
I'm not the R.A.
373
00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:52,149
No.
[whimpers]
374
00:15:52,150 --> 00:15:57,829
Ooh, but someone
has to be that person.
375
00:15:57,830 --> 00:16:01,629
Hey. Everyone stop.
Listen to Lutz.
376
00:16:01,630 --> 00:16:07,109
[all chattering]
377
00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:09,669
Hello, gentlemen.
Remember me?
378
00:16:09,670 --> 00:16:10,670
Yes, I had the Greek salad.
379
00:16:10,671 --> 00:16:12,190
You know
I'm not a delivery man.
380
00:16:12,191 --> 00:16:18,269
I'm wearing a suit
and carrying a microwave.
381
00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:23,589
A so-called perfect microwave.
382
00:16:23,590 --> 00:16:26,069
[Jack's voice]
Start time. 1985.
383
00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:29,189
1985. That's not a time.
384
00:16:29,190 --> 00:16:31,309
I guess it could be a year.
385
00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:32,830
The year I started
working here, actually.
386
00:16:32,831 --> 00:16:34,469
That's interesting.
387
00:16:34,470 --> 00:16:35,829
[Jack's voice] 1985.
388
00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:37,829
Yes, 1985.
Thank you.
389
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:42,309
And since 1985 I have never
allowed a sub-par product...
390
00:16:42,310 --> 00:16:43,669
[Jack's voice] Stop.
391
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:47,070
The point is, my legacy here is...
[Jack's voice] over.
392
00:16:47,071 --> 00:16:49,149
[microwave beeping]
Done. Over.
393
00:16:49,150 --> 00:16:50,189
End.
394
00:16:50,190 --> 00:16:51,790
Stop.
395
00:16:55,590 --> 00:16:56,989
That's my voice.
396
00:16:56,990 --> 00:16:59,269
You all sound the same
to us, Jock Dungaree.
397
00:16:59,270 --> 00:17:04,349
That was me...
30 years ago.
398
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:06,589
A young man who dreamed
of running this company,
399
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:10,189
who made a lot of sacrifices
in pursuit of that dream.
400
00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:12,669
[Jack's voice]
Goodbye. Potato. Goodbye.
401
00:17:12,670 --> 00:17:17,189
But he's right.
It's over.
402
00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:29,669
Congratulations on making the
finest microwave I've ever seen.
403
00:17:29,670 --> 00:17:30,870
Who ordered the Greek salad?
404
00:17:30,871 --> 00:17:40,469
Are we racist, or do
those guys look a lot alike?
405
00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:43,309
You ready for this,
J-dog?
406
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:45,309
Jam out, drink some brews?
407
00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:49,389
Talk about everything
and nothing.
408
00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:52,989
After today, that is exactly
what I am ready for.
409
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:55,349
Beer me.
410
00:17:55,350 --> 00:17:56,950
[sighs]
411
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,589
Sitting around drinking beer
412
00:18:02,590 --> 00:18:04,949
while a guy in a poncho
plays guitar.
413
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:07,669
This is what I always
pictured college being like.
414
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,030
I wouldn't really know.
415
00:18:09,031 --> 00:18:10,590
I only had about
two weeks of real college
416
00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:14,629
before Paula
got pregnant...twice.
417
00:18:14,630 --> 00:18:16,470
She had overlapping pregnancies
five months apart.
418
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:17,509
[sighs]
419
00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:20,589
Hey, Pete,
do you know aqualung?
420
00:18:20,590 --> 00:18:22,269
[chuckles]
421
00:18:22,270 --> 00:18:23,829
Ba Ba BA BA ba ba
422
00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:26,189
sitting on a park bench
423
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:27,789
neer neer neer
424
00:18:27,790 --> 00:18:33,389
I don't know the words
except prk bench
425
00:18:33,390 --> 00:18:36,869
Jimmy slice.
K-bone.
426
00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:39,789
Mikey-Mike.
427
00:18:39,790 --> 00:18:41,750
Do not even use
my awesome nickname.
428
00:18:41,751 --> 00:18:42,909
What? Why?
429
00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:44,269
Crisco?
430
00:18:44,270 --> 00:18:46,869
Did you give Tony
your grandfather's watch?
431
00:18:46,870 --> 00:18:48,709
No.
You can't prove that.
432
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:51,309
Hmm. Ah.
433
00:18:51,310 --> 00:18:54,549
Not stolen property
of Adolf Lemon?
434
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,429
Why would you do that?
To get us to like you?
435
00:18:57,430 --> 00:18:58,510
Are you that desperate?
436
00:18:58,511 --> 00:18:59,949
No, I'm not desperate.
437
00:18:59,950 --> 00:19:02,469
I'm...
[stammers]
438
00:19:02,470 --> 00:19:03,990
just tell me what you want me
to say and I'll say it!
439
00:19:03,991 --> 00:19:06,309
Liz, it's over.
440
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:11,269
They know what you really are.
441
00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:14,349
Fine, you found me out.
I'm not a cool kid.
442
00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:17,309
You suck!
443
00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:19,509
You know who I am?
444
00:19:19,510 --> 00:19:21,349
I'm the R.A.
445
00:19:21,350 --> 00:19:24,669
And do you know what
the R.A.'s purview is?
446
00:19:24,670 --> 00:19:26,549
Rules.
And guess what?
447
00:19:26,550 --> 00:19:28,510
According to the NBC
employee handbook,
448
00:19:28,511 --> 00:19:31,549
your little card game lottery
constitutes gambling.
449
00:19:31,550 --> 00:19:33,269
So you're not doing it anymore.
450
00:19:33,270 --> 00:19:34,589
- What?
- Come on.
451
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,669
Boo!
452
00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:36,790
Also, the next time
I see someone
453
00:19:36,791 --> 00:19:39,669
throwing a football in here,
there will be fines.
454
00:19:39,670 --> 00:19:42,469
And if I see that
filthy dog again,
455
00:19:42,470 --> 00:19:44,429
I will put it down.
[All gasp]
456
00:19:44,430 --> 00:19:48,189
I will put it down
with a smile.
457
00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:49,669
Back to work, everyone!
458
00:19:49,670 --> 00:19:53,989
[crowd booing]
459
00:19:53,990 --> 00:19:55,909
I love you too.
460
00:19:55,910 --> 00:19:59,309
High-fiving
a million angels.
461
00:19:59,310 --> 00:20:03,229
Hey, Pete, how do I know
that the colors you see
462
00:20:03,230 --> 00:20:05,309
are the same
as the colors that I see?
463
00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:09,469
Maybe what I see as red,
you perceive as green.
464
00:20:09,470 --> 00:20:12,109
We should be writing
this stuff down.
465
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:14,469
Oh, I didn't think
anybody would be in here.
466
00:20:14,470 --> 00:20:16,549
I mean, I brought
you guys a pizza.
467
00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:19,189
Lemon, think fast!
468
00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:21,509
What is going on here?
469
00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:23,549
Join us.
470
00:20:23,550 --> 00:20:25,789
Pete and I are having
a little college night.
471
00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:30,509
Oh, yeah?
Want to see me shotgun this?
472
00:20:30,510 --> 00:20:31,910
Oh, god, she means the pizza.
473
00:20:31,911 --> 00:20:34,380
No, she's unhinging her jaw!
474
00:20:36,826 --> 00:20:38,758
Come on,
we were just pranking Pete!
475
00:20:38,878 --> 00:20:40,396
How long do we have to do this?
476
00:20:40,516 --> 00:20:42,329
You wanted college
to go on forever?
477
00:20:42,931 --> 00:20:43,909
You got it.
478
00:20:44,029 --> 00:20:54,229
Corrections by addic7ed.com
479
00:20:54,279 --> 00:20:58,829
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