Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,417 --> 00:00:05,483
Hey, yo!
2
00:00:05,551 --> 00:00:06,484
Back that...
3
00:00:08,420 --> 00:00:09,920
And you can...
4
00:00:09,988 --> 00:00:13,857
While I...
Off your...
5
00:00:13,925 --> 00:00:15,325
Disgusting, sir!
6
00:00:15,393 --> 00:00:17,026
Would you talk like that
to your mother
7
00:00:17,094 --> 00:00:18,494
or your daughter
8
00:00:18,562 --> 00:00:20,363
or your surgeon?
9
00:00:20,430 --> 00:00:22,456
Just because my friend
is blonde
10
00:00:22,524 --> 00:00:24,681
and never closes
her mouth fully...
11
00:00:24,772 --> 00:00:26,027
hey, I wasn't talking to her.
12
00:00:26,095 --> 00:00:27,648
I was talking to you, glasses.
13
00:00:27,716 --> 00:00:29,720
I bet you have...
14
00:00:33,319 --> 00:00:34,832
...Infected penis.
15
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:38,960
That has never happened
to me before.
16
00:00:39,028 --> 00:00:40,339
Well, I'm not surprised.
17
00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:42,761
Not because you're not cute.
You are...
18
00:00:42,829 --> 00:00:44,612
like a pretty refugee
on the news.
19
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,706
It's because you've always
put out this negative energy.
20
00:00:47,774 --> 00:00:49,456
But now that
you're with someone,
21
00:00:49,524 --> 00:00:50,998
you're happy and confident.
22
00:00:51,073 --> 00:00:52,814
Guys can sense that.
23
00:00:52,881 --> 00:00:54,022
Confident, huh?
24
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:55,770
So can I finally wear
that cowboy hat
25
00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:58,125
I bought at Kiss-FM's
lake jam '97?
26
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,171
Um...The point is,
27
00:01:00,239 --> 00:01:02,852
being with someone makes
people want to be with you.
28
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,064
You know,
when it rains, it pours.
29
00:01:06,443 --> 00:01:09,260
I want your feet in my mouth.
30
00:01:09,328 --> 00:01:12,810
When it rains, it pours.
31
00:01:15,866 --> 00:01:25,936
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:32,844 --> 00:01:34,456
Hello, "Javery."
33
00:01:34,723 --> 00:01:36,497
Time-saver.
34
00:01:36,565 --> 00:01:37,902
Lemon, we have news.
35
00:01:37,969 --> 00:01:39,643
Like God, I created man.
36
00:01:39,710 --> 00:01:40,913
We're having a boy.
37
00:01:40,981 --> 00:01:43,055
That's great.
Congratulations.
38
00:01:43,122 --> 00:01:45,296
Think about it, Liz.
39
00:01:45,364 --> 00:01:47,740
Every woman my boy dates
will get compared to me,
40
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:50,148
and they will be found wanting.
41
00:01:50,215 --> 00:01:51,854
He's very lucky
to have you as his mother.
42
00:01:51,922 --> 00:01:54,532
I'll tell you why he's lucky.
He's got an old dad.
43
00:01:54,599 --> 00:01:56,169
I'm sorry?
44
00:01:56,237 --> 00:01:57,775
I had an old dad.
It was awesome.
45
00:01:57,843 --> 00:02:00,049
I could get away with anything.
46
00:02:01,824 --> 00:02:04,497
This is just what I need...
47
00:02:04,567 --> 00:02:07,406
To store my rock collection.
48
00:02:07,474 --> 00:02:09,313
Lemon, I'm not an old dad.
49
00:02:09,381 --> 00:02:11,722
50 is the new 40...
For men.
50
00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:14,295
But 50 is still 60 for women.
51
00:02:14,363 --> 00:02:16,001
Whatevs, Tony Randall.
52
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:17,271
Whatevs, indeed,
53
00:02:17,339 --> 00:02:19,344
because that makes you
Jack Klugman.
54
00:02:19,412 --> 00:02:21,585
Damn! I'm a writer.
55
00:02:21,653 --> 00:02:24,526
I'm messy.
I'm a loveable curmudgeon.
56
00:02:24,595 --> 00:02:26,700
That is solid!
57
00:02:26,768 --> 00:02:28,303
Advantage, Donaghy.
58
00:02:28,371 --> 00:02:29,842
Hmm.
59
00:02:29,910 --> 00:02:31,312
Rundowns are already out.
60
00:02:31,380 --> 00:02:33,384
I can't believe how smoothly
everything's going
61
00:02:33,452 --> 00:02:34,923
without Kenneth here.
I know.
62
00:02:34,990 --> 00:02:36,895
Do you remember
my tattoo mishap?
63
00:02:36,962 --> 00:02:38,431
It was supposed to say "peace,"
64
00:02:38,499 --> 00:02:39,936
but they wrote
"white hooker" instead.
65
00:02:40,004 --> 00:02:41,975
I forgot I was getting
it removed today,
66
00:02:42,042 --> 00:02:45,084
but someone slipped a note
under my door to remind me.
67
00:02:45,151 --> 00:02:46,923
Well, no one
could ever replace Kenneth,
68
00:02:46,990 --> 00:02:49,028
but these new kids
are getting it done.
69
00:02:49,096 --> 00:02:50,198
- Mm-hmm.
70
00:02:54,679 --> 00:02:58,286
Liz, Tracy will not be coming
out of his dressing room today.
71
00:02:58,354 --> 00:02:59,688
Oh, come on!
What now?
72
00:02:59,756 --> 00:03:02,326
- I'm "werewolfing" myself.
- Sure.
73
00:03:02,394 --> 00:03:04,565
You know when a dude knows
he's gonna turn into a werewolf
74
00:03:04,632 --> 00:03:07,372
and locks himself into a jail?
75
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:08,876
Well, I'm embarrassed to say
76
00:03:08,944 --> 00:03:11,148
I've missed the birth
of both of my sons
77
00:03:11,216 --> 00:03:12,852
for very legitimate reasons.
78
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:15,624
- Cooking a French-bread pizza
and forgot.
79
00:03:15,693 --> 00:03:19,266
So I promised Angie I will not
miss the birth of our daughter.
80
00:03:19,334 --> 00:03:21,940
She was due yesterday,
so we're not taking any chances.
81
00:03:22,007 --> 00:03:23,409
Grizz is guarding
the other door...
82
00:03:23,477 --> 00:03:24,478
And reading.
83
00:03:24,546 --> 00:03:26,116
Also, we took Tracy's
cell phone,
84
00:03:26,184 --> 00:03:28,055
- his wallet...
- And my mood ring!
85
00:03:28,122 --> 00:03:30,259
And I don't know
how I feel about that.
86
00:03:30,327 --> 00:03:32,431
Well, I'm glad you're gonna be
there for Angie.
87
00:03:32,499 --> 00:03:33,802
Good for you.
88
00:03:33,869 --> 00:03:35,405
And good for you, Liz Lemon.
89
00:03:35,472 --> 00:03:36,842
There's something
about you lately,
90
00:03:36,910 --> 00:03:38,846
make me want to put
my feet in your mouth.
91
00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:46,062
- It's your turn.
- What?
92
00:03:46,130 --> 00:03:47,965
Editing hasn't sent up
the title sequence yet,
93
00:03:48,033 --> 00:03:50,168
and it's your turn
to go down there.
94
00:03:50,236 --> 00:03:52,038
God, I hate how much power
they have over us.
95
00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,009
Who do they think they are...
mommy and her sisters?
96
00:03:54,077 --> 00:03:55,545
Jeez, calm down.
97
00:03:55,613 --> 00:03:57,850
They know we need them,
so they torture us.
98
00:03:57,918 --> 00:03:59,186
How's it going?
99
00:03:59,254 --> 00:04:01,759
I'm done, actually.
100
00:04:03,697 --> 00:04:04,899
Okay, you know what?
101
00:04:04,967 --> 00:04:06,535
I will take care of editing
from now on.
102
00:04:06,603 --> 00:04:08,172
- Really?
- Yeah.
103
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,709
I'll go down there,
turn on the new Liz Lemon charm,
104
00:04:10,778 --> 00:04:13,315
a little Julia Roberts laugh...
Ha ha ha!
105
00:04:13,382 --> 00:04:15,650
- What's in your teeth?
- Corn.
106
00:04:19,821 --> 00:04:21,689
70, Lemon.
107
00:04:21,756 --> 00:04:25,158
I will be 70 years old when
my son graduates prep school.
108
00:04:25,226 --> 00:04:27,827
- Oh, come on.
Is this about my old-dad thing?
109
00:04:27,894 --> 00:04:29,695
I was joking.
110
00:04:29,763 --> 00:04:32,097
Will I even be there
for his first subpoena?
111
00:04:32,165 --> 00:04:36,134
Will I ever experience
the father-son bonding
112
00:04:36,202 --> 00:04:37,535
of realizing you were both
113
00:04:37,603 --> 00:04:40,437
at the same masked orgy
in a castle?
114
00:04:40,505 --> 00:04:42,706
I will be senile...
Or dead
115
00:04:42,774 --> 00:04:44,408
for the better part
of my child's life.
116
00:04:44,475 --> 00:04:46,076
Am I pulling this off?
117
00:04:46,143 --> 00:04:48,544
I cannot escape death, Lemon,
but I will cheat it.
118
00:04:48,612 --> 00:04:50,680
Whatever happens to me,
I must find a way
119
00:04:50,747 --> 00:04:53,148
to speak to...
And guide my son,
120
00:04:53,216 --> 00:04:54,783
even from the grave.
121
00:04:54,850 --> 00:04:55,784
Woo...
122
00:04:56,919 --> 00:04:58,219
This is a test
of the fire system.
123
00:04:58,287 --> 00:05:00,020
Please evacuate the building.
You coming downstairs?
124
00:05:00,088 --> 00:05:03,590
And stand outside
in a crowd like some Italian?
125
00:05:03,658 --> 00:05:05,859
I don't think so.
126
00:05:05,926 --> 00:05:07,494
You know,
as floor fire marshal,
127
00:05:07,561 --> 00:05:08,828
Kenneth always ran
the fire drills.
128
00:05:08,896 --> 00:05:12,964
Who's doing it now?
One of the new kids, I guess.
129
00:05:14,332 --> 00:05:15,799
This is a fire drill.
130
00:05:15,867 --> 00:05:18,635
All NBC employees
exit to the Plaza.
131
00:05:18,703 --> 00:05:22,205
I can't leave my dressing room
until Angie goes into labor.
132
00:05:22,273 --> 00:05:24,740
But the president is saying
we have to go outside.
133
00:05:24,808 --> 00:05:26,308
It's okay, Tray.
134
00:05:26,376 --> 00:05:28,443
We'll all go down together.
Then we'll bring you back up.
135
00:05:28,511 --> 00:05:30,813
Just stay with your grown-up.
136
00:05:35,451 --> 00:05:37,385
If I were a real werewolf,
137
00:05:37,453 --> 00:05:38,786
I'd wear baggy clothes
138
00:05:38,854 --> 00:05:40,788
so my nice clothes
wouldn't get all torn up.
139
00:05:40,856 --> 00:05:43,424
Same rule
for if I were the hulk.
140
00:05:43,491 --> 00:05:46,392
I don't get why people
like brunch.
141
00:05:46,460 --> 00:05:49,595
What's the benefit of combining
break dancing and lunch?
142
00:05:49,663 --> 00:05:52,829
Tray?
143
00:05:52,897 --> 00:05:53,829
You're not Grizz!
144
00:05:53,897 --> 00:05:56,699
Ah!
145
00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:03,338
- Hello?
- I'm at the damn hospital!
146
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,806
Where is Tracy?
147
00:06:10,845 --> 00:06:11,945
What?
148
00:06:15,350 --> 00:06:17,584
Good morning.
Now, full disclosure...
149
00:06:17,652 --> 00:06:20,421
most of my experience
is putting babies in women.
150
00:06:20,488 --> 00:06:22,156
Oh.
I'ma kill that man.
151
00:06:22,224 --> 00:06:23,791
You just described my morning.
152
00:06:23,858 --> 00:06:25,626
Now, Mrs. Jordan,
153
00:06:25,693 --> 00:06:27,161
I've already administered
the epidural.
154
00:06:27,228 --> 00:06:29,463
So would you like one as well?
155
00:06:29,531 --> 00:06:31,696
- I am trying to help you.
156
00:06:34,006 --> 00:06:36,808
My son...
You may not remember me.
157
00:06:37,375 --> 00:06:40,177
I am your father.
158
00:06:40,245 --> 00:06:43,247
This message is coming to you
either from beyond the grave
159
00:06:43,314 --> 00:06:46,182
or because I am
in the grip of insanity.
160
00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:48,584
The purpose of these DVDs
is to educate
161
00:06:48,652 --> 00:06:51,319
and guide you through life
in my absence.
162
00:06:51,387 --> 00:06:54,322
I will begin
with our shared history.
163
00:06:54,389 --> 00:06:55,656
The Donaghys originally come
164
00:06:55,723 --> 00:06:57,824
from Ireland's
little known county Steve,
165
00:06:57,892 --> 00:07:01,493
where, historically, we were
whiskey testers and goblins.
166
00:07:01,561 --> 00:07:04,296
I was raised
in Sadchester, Massachusetts,
167
00:07:04,364 --> 00:07:06,631
I won the amory blaine
handsomeness scholarship
168
00:07:06,699 --> 00:07:07,932
to Princeton
169
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,667
and then attended
Harvard business school
170
00:07:09,735 --> 00:07:11,402
where I was voted "most."
171
00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:15,772
I once hit a stand-up triple
off Fidel Castro.
172
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,407
I was the first person
ever to say,
173
00:07:17,475 --> 00:07:19,244
"I need a vacation
from this vacation."
174
00:07:19,311 --> 00:07:23,514
The song you're so vain
was, in fact, written by me.
175
00:07:23,582 --> 00:07:25,049
In other words, I have lived.
176
00:07:25,116 --> 00:07:27,050
In living, I have learned.
177
00:07:27,118 --> 00:07:30,687
And now I want to impart
that knowledge to you.
178
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,789
I will begin with the basics.
179
00:07:32,857 --> 00:07:35,024
You are hiking
in the Japanese highlands.
180
00:07:35,092 --> 00:07:36,925
A pair of snow leopards
is stalking you,
181
00:07:36,993 --> 00:07:40,428
and the blade of your katana
is frosted into its scabbard.
182
00:07:40,495 --> 00:07:41,762
What?
183
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,863
What's up, edit seven gang?
184
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:46,265
Ritchie, Donna,
185
00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:47,632
Ray...
186
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,767
Split the difference,
but keep the music where it is.
187
00:07:49,834 --> 00:07:51,935
- What are you guys working on?
- Piece for the today show
188
00:07:52,003 --> 00:07:54,438
about how next month
is October.
189
00:07:54,505 --> 00:07:56,139
Islanders, huh?
So you think they're gonna
190
00:07:56,206 --> 00:07:58,009
end up trading...
Francen fren?
191
00:07:58,076 --> 00:07:59,979
Who, Matt Moulson?
They should.
192
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:01,548
I'm better than that clown.
193
00:08:01,616 --> 00:08:03,984
- So you play?
- Do I play?
194
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:06,319
I go to islanders fantasy camp
every year.
195
00:08:06,387 --> 00:08:08,655
- You must be a strong skater.
- Well, I can't go backwards.
196
00:08:08,723 --> 00:08:10,491
But, yeah, I'm good.
197
00:08:11,893 --> 00:08:14,562
- Were you in the army?
- Oh. No.
198
00:08:14,629 --> 00:08:16,897
Better...
civil war reenactor.
199
00:08:16,965 --> 00:08:19,066
Kind of an expert
at getting shot
200
00:08:19,134 --> 00:08:22,369
by, uh, smooth-bore firearms,
you know?
201
00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:23,569
Like... kah, kah!
202
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,271
Kah, kah, kah, kow!
203
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:27,106
Blah, hah!
204
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,608
Gah! Kaw! Kah!
205
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,978
Kaw, kaw!
Ah, death to Lincoln!
206
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,946
- Oh, so a southern gentleman.
- Oh, yeah.
207
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,181
Well, thank you.
208
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,282
Thank you very much.
209
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,518
Ritchie!
210
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,553
Yeah.
Yeah.
211
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:43,288
Cool hat, by the way.
212
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,624
Hey, uh, you know what?
213
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,592
Let's switch to the other deck.
214
00:08:47,659 --> 00:08:49,293
I forgot I got to get
those TGS titles done
215
00:08:49,361 --> 00:08:52,463
for Liz here.
216
00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:53,798
I just got to get
to the hospital
217
00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:55,199
and wait there!
218
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:57,301
Taxi!
Sir...
219
00:08:57,369 --> 00:08:58,769
I don't have any money,
220
00:08:58,837 --> 00:09:00,703
but I need to get
to Mount Sinai Hospital.
221
00:09:00,771 --> 00:09:02,304
No problem.
Hop in.
222
00:09:02,371 --> 00:09:04,705
Wow. It's like
I always say...
223
00:09:04,773 --> 00:09:07,538
"white cab drivers
are weird."
224
00:09:11,941 --> 00:09:13,273
You're in the cash cab.
It's a TV game show
225
00:09:13,341 --> 00:09:15,374
that takes place
right here in my taxi.
226
00:09:15,442 --> 00:09:16,807
Explain the rules.
227
00:09:16,875 --> 00:09:19,006
You answer trivia questions
for money and a free ride.
228
00:09:19,074 --> 00:09:20,606
But if you answer incorrectly,
229
00:09:20,674 --> 00:09:22,341
the game is over,
and you're out of the cab.
230
00:09:22,408 --> 00:09:24,142
So for me to be there
at the birth of my daughter,
231
00:09:24,210 --> 00:09:25,977
I have to answer
trivia questions,
232
00:09:26,044 --> 00:09:28,145
despite having gone
to middle school
233
00:09:28,212 --> 00:09:29,345
in an exxon station?
234
00:09:29,413 --> 00:09:30,846
Yeah.
You ready to play?
235
00:09:30,914 --> 00:09:32,348
Bring it!
236
00:09:32,415 --> 00:09:34,783
Your main titles, milady.
237
00:09:34,851 --> 00:09:36,518
- Aha.
- And this...
238
00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:39,653
Is a cd of some civil war songs
I thought you'd like.
239
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,287
It's very authentic.
240
00:09:41,355 --> 00:09:43,156
So don't play it around
your black friends.
241
00:09:43,223 --> 00:09:44,991
Well, thanks, Ritchie.
242
00:09:45,059 --> 00:09:47,661
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
243
00:09:47,729 --> 00:09:50,530
Oh!
Wow, this is a nice hug.
244
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,667
Two becoming one, hmm?
245
00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,304
Bam!
Blah!
246
00:10:00,606 --> 00:10:03,508
What the hell, Liz?
I thought Ritchie was lying.
247
00:10:03,576 --> 00:10:05,310
You know, if you wanted
to cheat on Carol
248
00:10:05,378 --> 00:10:08,213
with an Italian dude
who smells like cigarettes,
249
00:10:08,281 --> 00:10:10,949
I've made it very clear I would
flip over my futon for you.
250
00:10:11,017 --> 00:10:12,917
Not cool!
251
00:10:12,985 --> 00:10:14,819
What is he talking about?
252
00:10:14,887 --> 00:10:16,488
Okay.
It's not a big deal.
253
00:10:16,556 --> 00:10:18,423
Ritchie has just been
telling the crew
254
00:10:18,491 --> 00:10:20,692
that you two
are sleeping together.
255
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,127
- What?
- Your new vibe
256
00:10:22,194 --> 00:10:23,428
is a double-edged sword...
257
00:10:23,496 --> 00:10:25,430
much like the kind Mickey Rourke
tried to kill me with.
258
00:10:25,497 --> 00:10:26,831
Great.
So that's what I get
259
00:10:26,899 --> 00:10:29,233
for being happy,
for being nice,
260
00:10:29,301 --> 00:10:30,668
and rocking a cowboy hat
261
00:10:30,736 --> 00:10:34,105
that a Kiss-FM DJ
once called a "sweet lid"?
262
00:10:34,172 --> 00:10:36,140
But you can't say
anything to him.
263
00:10:36,207 --> 00:10:37,508
Are you kidding me?
264
00:10:37,575 --> 00:10:39,910
If you do, he'll take it out
on TGS, on us!
265
00:10:39,977 --> 00:10:41,610
I'll be here waiting for edits
till 4:00 in the morning
266
00:10:41,678 --> 00:10:43,578
when I should be at home...
267
00:10:43,646 --> 00:10:46,614
Which is the name of a bar
I found near the train station.
268
00:10:46,682 --> 00:10:49,383
I'm sorry. You want me
to just take this for the team?
269
00:10:49,451 --> 00:10:51,519
Please. You know he can make
our lives a living hell.
270
00:10:51,586 --> 00:10:53,453
We all make sacrifices, Liz.
271
00:10:53,521 --> 00:10:56,589
I had to be at work
this morning at 11:00.
272
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:57,990
Fine.
Fine.
273
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:03,794
Oh...
You got sauce on me!
274
00:11:03,861 --> 00:11:05,561
You know, neighbors
who wear my exact size
275
00:11:05,629 --> 00:11:08,096
don't die every day!
276
00:11:09,532 --> 00:11:11,366
A gift from France
to the United States,
277
00:11:11,434 --> 00:11:14,602
the statute of liberty
was completed in what year?
278
00:11:14,670 --> 00:11:16,037
Come on, I don't know that.
279
00:11:16,104 --> 00:11:17,638
You've got 15 seconds,
or you're out of the cab.
280
00:11:17,705 --> 00:11:19,606
Okay.
I remember going to
281
00:11:19,674 --> 00:11:21,374
the Statue of Liberty Centennial,
282
00:11:21,442 --> 00:11:23,409
'cause that year
someone had spread a rumor
283
00:11:23,477 --> 00:11:25,711
that she was gonna slip
out of her toga,
284
00:11:25,779 --> 00:11:27,446
and I wanted to see
some green boobies.
285
00:11:27,513 --> 00:11:29,380
And the mets had just won
the world series,
286
00:11:29,448 --> 00:11:30,781
'cause that night,
287
00:11:30,849 --> 00:11:32,350
I was randomly attacked
by a Mets fan
288
00:11:32,417 --> 00:11:34,118
that I had threw a bottle at.
289
00:11:34,186 --> 00:11:36,253
That was 1986.
290
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,588
And centennial is 100 years,
291
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:42,391
because "centipeding" means
having sex with 100 women.
292
00:11:42,459 --> 00:11:45,127
I got it!
1886!
293
00:11:45,195 --> 00:11:46,762
Yes!
That is correct.
294
00:11:46,829 --> 00:11:48,430
Weighing up to 4 tons,
295
00:11:48,498 --> 00:11:50,332
what type of mammal
is the famous shamu?
296
00:11:50,399 --> 00:11:53,400
She is an orca, Benjamin.
297
00:11:53,468 --> 00:11:57,136
Fyi, they're very difficult
to keep in a home aquarium.
298
00:11:57,204 --> 00:11:59,505
- Right again!
- I'm coming, Angie!
299
00:11:59,572 --> 00:12:02,173
Son, I may not be there
for your wedding.
300
00:12:02,241 --> 00:12:03,908
It breaks my heart
to realize that.
301
00:12:03,975 --> 00:12:06,676
But I want to offer you
one piece of fatherly advice.
302
00:12:06,744 --> 00:12:09,445
Do not hire sting
to play the reception.
303
00:12:09,512 --> 00:12:12,814
He'll insist on doing
jazz versions of police songs,
304
00:12:12,881 --> 00:12:14,315
and it's just...
305
00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:15,416
Demoralizing.
306
00:12:15,483 --> 00:12:16,783
After I'm gone,
307
00:12:16,851 --> 00:12:18,484
your mother
may meet someone else.
308
00:12:18,552 --> 00:12:20,720
I want her to be happy, so...
309
00:12:20,787 --> 00:12:22,421
His death must appear
to be accidental.
310
00:12:22,489 --> 00:12:25,190
The secret to a strong,
healthy head of hair
311
00:12:25,258 --> 00:12:26,991
is dove...Blood.
312
00:12:27,059 --> 00:12:31,194
Remember, the backflip
is 90% confidence.
313
00:12:37,699 --> 00:12:39,333
Kenneth,
what are you doing here?
314
00:12:39,401 --> 00:12:40,434
I'm sorry, sir.
315
00:12:40,501 --> 00:12:41,768
I was just sweeping
your terrace,
316
00:12:41,836 --> 00:12:43,870
and then you came in,
and I was trapped.
317
00:12:43,938 --> 00:12:45,705
Just like the time
I was cleaning my closet,
318
00:12:45,772 --> 00:12:47,506
and my mom
and her friend Ron came in
319
00:12:47,574 --> 00:12:49,607
to take one of their
grunting naps on my bed...
320
00:12:49,675 --> 00:12:50,675
hang on.
321
00:12:50,742 --> 00:12:52,943
Are you sneaking in here
and working?
322
00:12:53,011 --> 00:12:54,344
I know how much
you all need me...
323
00:12:54,412 --> 00:12:55,879
stop right there.
Guess what.
324
00:12:55,946 --> 00:12:57,713
Other people can figure out
how to sort the mail
325
00:12:57,781 --> 00:12:59,715
and answer the phones...
we don't need you.
326
00:12:59,783 --> 00:13:02,686
So move on with your life,
starting now.
327
00:13:08,428 --> 00:13:10,629
That is called tough love.
328
00:13:10,697 --> 00:13:13,366
Kenneth is now on a journey
that will either return him here
329
00:13:13,434 --> 00:13:15,937
where he belongs or end...
330
00:13:16,005 --> 00:13:17,674
In his death.
331
00:13:17,741 --> 00:13:20,978
Juggling is easier
than it looks.
332
00:13:21,046 --> 00:13:23,080
No. It is true.
They're doing it.
333
00:13:23,147 --> 00:13:25,315
Oh.
334
00:13:25,383 --> 00:13:26,983
And we have this just in to us.
335
00:13:27,051 --> 00:13:29,085
Ritchie and Liz
spotted in tree.
336
00:13:29,153 --> 00:13:30,552
Eyewitnesses report
337
00:13:30,620 --> 00:13:33,521
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
338
00:13:33,589 --> 00:13:36,457
For more, let's go
to NBC's Andrea Mitchell.
339
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,359
Thank you, Brian.
340
00:13:38,427 --> 00:13:39,427
Slut.
341
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:48,101
Who do you think you are?
342
00:13:48,168 --> 00:13:49,569
Ritchie Tamuto,
343
00:13:49,636 --> 00:13:52,071
islanders fan
and role-playing slave owner.
344
00:13:52,138 --> 00:13:53,972
I know what you've been
saying about me...
345
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,573
that we're sleeping together?
346
00:13:55,641 --> 00:13:56,775
You know what, Ritchie?
347
00:13:56,842 --> 00:13:58,876
I'm actually seeing someone
right now,
348
00:13:58,944 --> 00:14:00,544
and he's never around,
'cause he's a pilot.
349
00:14:00,612 --> 00:14:01,912
His name is Carol.
350
00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:03,180
That sounds really fake.
351
00:14:03,247 --> 00:14:04,914
I know how it sounds.
352
00:14:04,982 --> 00:14:06,782
And Carol is the reason
I was nice to you,
353
00:14:06,849 --> 00:14:09,084
because for once in my life,
I felt like being nice.
354
00:14:09,151 --> 00:14:11,452
Well, I don't care
how you punish my show.
355
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,921
It's over.
I take my hug back.
356
00:14:13,988 --> 00:14:16,256
No, l-Liz, that is not
why I did it.
357
00:14:16,324 --> 00:14:17,557
Oh, "reallo"?
I meant to say "really."
358
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,625
I misspoke.
Continue.
359
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:20,793
Oh.
360
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,995
Come here,
come here, come here.
361
00:14:26,531 --> 00:14:28,031
Liz, are you familiar
with the phrase
362
00:14:28,099 --> 00:14:29,766
"when it rains, it pours"?
363
00:14:29,833 --> 00:14:32,034
I don't meet a lot of women.
364
00:14:32,102 --> 00:14:34,069
Now, I started doing
fantasy hockey camp
365
00:14:34,136 --> 00:14:36,637
and civil war re-creationism
to meet girls.
366
00:14:36,705 --> 00:14:38,072
But I don't know
where they are.
367
00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:40,041
So...Yes.
368
00:14:40,109 --> 00:14:42,210
When you were nice to me,
I took advantage of it
369
00:14:42,278 --> 00:14:44,812
to try to make
someone else notice.
370
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:45,946
Who?
371
00:14:46,014 --> 00:14:48,682
My assistant editor...
372
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:50,417
Donna.
373
00:14:50,484 --> 00:14:52,118
Oh, for seven years,
374
00:14:52,186 --> 00:14:56,422
I've been sitting close enough
to touch her...
375
00:14:56,489 --> 00:14:58,556
But a million miles away.
376
00:14:58,624 --> 00:15:01,192
I am really sorry
that I did what I did.
377
00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:05,265
But it's just that
I am in love with her.
378
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:07,134
I love her so much.
379
00:15:07,201 --> 00:15:09,569
Oh, Donna!
380
00:15:09,637 --> 00:15:11,638
Donna Straunk!
381
00:15:11,705 --> 00:15:14,373
All right,
I'll make you a deal.
382
00:15:16,802 --> 00:15:18,971
So many memories.
383
00:15:20,806 --> 00:15:22,874
Hello. Parcell
and a squatter's residence.
384
00:15:22,942 --> 00:15:25,009
Where the hell is Tracy Jordan!
385
00:15:25,077 --> 00:15:28,145
Mrs. Jordan?
Oh, I don't...
386
00:15:28,212 --> 00:15:31,380
I'm out of my mind
on a lot of drugs right now.
387
00:15:31,448 --> 00:15:33,116
Drugs during childbirth?
388
00:15:33,184 --> 00:15:35,151
Isn't the whole point
feeling God punish you?
389
00:15:35,219 --> 00:15:38,288
If that man is not
here for this, it is over!
390
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:40,756
You hear me?
391
00:15:44,897 --> 00:15:47,265
The lazy Susan was invented
by Thomas Jefferson.
392
00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:49,901
I know, 'cause I'm a descendant
of Thomas Jefferson
393
00:15:49,968 --> 00:15:52,269
and lazy Susan herself!
394
00:15:52,337 --> 00:15:54,271
The capital
of the United Arab Emirates
395
00:15:54,339 --> 00:15:55,438
is Abu Dhabi.
396
00:15:55,506 --> 00:15:57,373
I know that,
because if I go back there,
397
00:15:57,441 --> 00:15:58,707
I'll be executed.
398
00:15:58,775 --> 00:16:00,743
There are 12 tones
in the chromatic scale.
399
00:16:00,811 --> 00:16:05,047
I know that because
I'm a musical genius
400
00:16:05,115 --> 00:16:07,015
- This is how you throw a punch.
- Wait... what?
401
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:10,584
"And the tree was happy."
402
00:16:10,652 --> 00:16:12,684
Shel silverstein
was a communist.
403
00:16:12,752 --> 00:16:15,550
And that...
Is the art of camouflage.
404
00:16:15,618 --> 00:16:17,419
And this is how
you make love to a woman.
405
00:16:17,486 --> 00:16:19,054
Aah!
406
00:16:19,121 --> 00:16:20,555
Aah!
407
00:16:20,623 --> 00:16:22,590
Pull, Angie, pull!
408
00:16:22,657 --> 00:16:24,725
I knew you wouldn't let
me down, baby.
409
00:16:24,792 --> 00:16:26,292
Of course not, woman.
410
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,260
I'm your husband.
Damn it!
411
00:16:28,327 --> 00:16:30,363
I got to go feed the meter.
412
00:16:30,430 --> 00:16:31,565
Aah!
413
00:16:31,633 --> 00:16:33,667
Aah!
414
00:16:35,269 --> 00:16:36,503
Oh, hey, Ritchie.
415
00:16:36,570 --> 00:16:39,272
Are we still on for
the music concert this weekend?
416
00:16:39,339 --> 00:16:41,975
Liz, we need to talk...
About us.
417
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:44,377
Liz, we've had a lot of fun.
418
00:16:44,445 --> 00:16:45,378
End it? Why?
419
00:16:45,446 --> 00:16:46,947
But I need to end it.
420
00:16:47,015 --> 00:16:48,249
End it? Why?
421
00:16:48,317 --> 00:16:50,017
Without you around,
422
00:16:50,085 --> 00:16:52,686
who's gonna satisfy
my sex needs... and then some?
423
00:16:52,754 --> 00:16:54,421
Oh, Liz...
424
00:16:54,489 --> 00:16:56,423
You'll find someone.
425
00:16:56,490 --> 00:16:57,857
No, I won't,
not someone like you.
426
00:16:57,925 --> 00:17:01,427
How many guys out there have
a fully loaded Toyota tercel
427
00:17:01,495 --> 00:17:03,428
or a real pinball machine?
428
00:17:03,496 --> 00:17:05,630
How many guys
have been to Canada...
429
00:17:05,698 --> 00:17:06,664
Twice?
430
00:17:06,732 --> 00:17:08,099
Are you doing this to me
431
00:17:08,167 --> 00:17:10,902
because I don't share
your love of unicorns?
432
00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:13,237
Oh, Liz, don't blame yourself.
433
00:17:13,305 --> 00:17:14,472
It's my fault.
434
00:17:14,539 --> 00:17:17,375
See you in another life, kiddo.
435
00:17:19,311 --> 00:17:22,078
I guess some other woman
will get to enjoy that water bed
436
00:17:22,146 --> 00:17:25,047
that you're saving up for.
437
00:17:28,887 --> 00:17:31,722
What's up, Ritchie?
438
00:17:35,694 --> 00:17:37,194
Congratulations.
We're here, Tracy.
439
00:17:37,262 --> 00:17:38,896
You made it!
Tracy Jordan... hero,
440
00:17:38,964 --> 00:17:41,801
husband, diabetic/alcoholic!
441
00:17:41,868 --> 00:17:43,302
Yes!
442
00:17:43,370 --> 00:17:44,770
Hold on.
Let me unlock it for ya.
443
00:17:44,838 --> 00:17:46,138
Am I pulling it right?
444
00:17:46,206 --> 00:17:47,773
- Just let go of the handle.
- Okay.
445
00:17:47,841 --> 00:17:49,808
It's still not opening.
Stop pulling it.
446
00:17:49,876 --> 00:17:51,109
I'm trying to pull.
You keep saying "pull."
447
00:17:51,177 --> 00:17:52,611
Tracy, if you're pulling on it
448
00:17:52,678 --> 00:17:54,813
while I'm hitting the button...
What do you want me to do?
449
00:17:54,881 --> 00:17:56,782
Yelling at me
ain't gonna make it better!
450
00:17:56,849 --> 00:17:58,750
- Stop pulling on it!
- I'm freaking out!
451
00:17:58,818 --> 00:17:59,951
Good God!
452
00:18:00,019 --> 00:18:01,352
What's wrong with it?
453
00:18:01,420 --> 00:18:03,788
Oh, it's upside down.
My bad.
454
00:18:03,856 --> 00:18:05,790
Well, Angie, you did it.
455
00:18:05,858 --> 00:18:07,592
We did it.
I was here for you...
456
00:18:07,659 --> 00:18:09,627
'Cause I love you, baby.
457
00:18:09,694 --> 00:18:11,495
And I will always
be by your side
458
00:18:11,563 --> 00:18:14,632
no matter what discovery channel
game show stands in my way.
459
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:16,667
I wouldn't have missed
whatever just happened here
460
00:18:16,734 --> 00:18:17,834
for anything.
461
00:18:17,902 --> 00:18:21,704
I don't know what I'd do
without you.
462
00:18:21,771 --> 00:18:23,838
And I mean it.
463
00:18:23,906 --> 00:18:25,873
Why's that baby
covered with goop?
464
00:18:25,941 --> 00:18:28,476
'Cause everything
about this is disgusting.
465
00:18:28,543 --> 00:18:29,877
As you go through life,
466
00:18:29,945 --> 00:18:32,545
I will always be here for you
through these tapes.
467
00:18:32,613 --> 00:18:35,247
Also, I have given a great deal
of money to the catholic church
468
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,982
and have been assured
that I will have certain powers
469
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,151
in heaven...
470
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:42,486
sending messages
through animals, for instance.
471
00:18:42,553 --> 00:18:44,721
In the unlikely event
that you encounter something
472
00:18:44,789 --> 00:18:46,256
that is not covered here,
473
00:18:46,323 --> 00:18:47,624
find a woman named
474
00:18:47,691 --> 00:18:50,261
Elizabeth Lemon,
get her advice,
475
00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:51,996
and then do the opposite.
476
00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:57,168
Mr. Donaghy, I am sorry,
but you are wrong, sir.
477
00:18:57,235 --> 00:18:58,536
I am needed here...
478
00:18:58,603 --> 00:19:00,437
More than I ever knew.
479
00:19:00,504 --> 00:19:03,538
Very well.
I'll let h.R. Know.
480
00:19:03,606 --> 00:19:05,538
No, sir.
If I'm going to return,
481
00:19:05,606 --> 00:19:07,704
it must be
through the proper channels.
482
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:11,336
I'm going to reapply
to the NBC page program,
483
00:19:11,404 --> 00:19:14,368
following standard procedures
for acceptance.
484
00:19:14,435 --> 00:19:16,168
You do whatever
you want to, Kenneth.
485
00:19:16,235 --> 00:19:18,001
I won't let you down, sir.
486
00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:20,233
I really don't care.
487
00:19:22,668 --> 00:19:24,401
Your ability to hide
your true feelings
488
00:19:24,468 --> 00:19:26,301
is part of your great strength.
489
00:19:29,171 --> 00:19:31,037
You ready for this, Jackie d?
490
00:19:31,105 --> 00:19:34,340
As of today, yes.
I made all my videotapes.
491
00:19:34,408 --> 00:19:36,042
Explain.
492
00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:37,510
I'm not gonna be around
forever, Tracy,
493
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,411
so I recorded advice
for every scenario
494
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:40,713
my son could face.
495
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,881
Jackie D,
you want to make God laugh?
496
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,682
Make a plan...
497
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,017
Or read him a Dave Barry book.
498
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:48,419
You're worrying
about being old, Jack?
499
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,454
You could live forever,
500
00:19:50,521 --> 00:19:54,357
but you still can't predict
what happens in life.
501
00:19:54,425 --> 00:19:56,159
Wait a minute.
502
00:19:56,226 --> 00:19:57,994
There's no baby in here.
503
00:19:58,061 --> 00:19:59,595
Good God!
504
00:19:59,663 --> 00:20:01,363
Oh, she's in the crib.
505
00:20:01,431 --> 00:20:03,098
Good.
506
00:20:06,334 --> 00:20:07,768
Avery, I'm with Tracy.
507
00:20:07,836 --> 00:20:10,371
- We're having a damn girl!
- What?
508
00:20:10,439 --> 00:20:12,575
That Russian skank
read the ultrasound wrong.
509
00:20:12,643 --> 00:20:14,077
Oh! I'm just so worried
510
00:20:14,145 --> 00:20:17,347
about her spatial reasoning
and upper-body strength.
511
00:20:17,415 --> 00:20:19,383
Jack, talk me down.
512
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:20,717
I'm having a girl!
513
00:20:20,785 --> 00:20:22,752
I hate to say I told you so...
514
00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:25,688
So welcome to Miami.
515
00:20:25,756 --> 00:20:27,356
I've gotta make new tapes.
516
00:20:27,357 --> 00:20:30,357
Sync by honeybunny
www.Addic7ed.Com
517
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:31,994
My daughter...
518
00:20:32,462 --> 00:20:34,929
I am John Francis Donaghy.
519
00:20:34,997 --> 00:20:36,297
I am your father.
520
00:20:36,465 --> 00:20:39,268
If you have the blondness
and self-esteem of your mother,
521
00:20:39,336 --> 00:20:41,038
you will need no advice.
522
00:20:41,105 --> 00:20:42,441
Life will be easy for you.
523
00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:44,878
Otherwise, I'd like
to introduce you to...
524
00:20:44,946 --> 00:20:45,814
Elizabeth Lemon.
525
00:20:45,882 --> 00:20:47,384
Good afternoon.
Let's jump in.
526
00:20:47,452 --> 00:20:50,022
Every human has hair
on his or her face.
527
00:20:50,090 --> 00:20:52,093
Some of us just have more.
528
00:20:52,161 --> 00:20:53,528
I think it's nice
to occasionally splurge
529
00:20:53,596 --> 00:20:54,997
on a straight-razor shave.
530
00:20:55,065 --> 00:20:56,633
If you're running low
on laundry,
531
00:20:56,701 --> 00:20:59,270
a bathing suit makes perfectly
acceptable underwear.
532
00:20:59,338 --> 00:21:02,073
Bandanas are a fun,
sexy fashion accessory.
533
00:21:02,141 --> 00:21:03,809
- This is over.
- Let me give my reasons.
534
00:21:03,876 --> 00:21:05,744
Put potato chips on a sandwich!
535
00:21:05,794 --> 00:21:10,344
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38423
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
