All language subtitles for 30 Rock S04 E19 Argus.eng

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I got my bridesmaid's dress
for Cerie's wedding.

It is a Vietnamese size two.

Dressing up isn't
any easier for men.

Do you know what it's like when a man
shows up wearing the same cufflinks?

- You might as well be invisible.
- I'm not gonna let this dress win.

I have a plan.
This morning, I joined...

- A suicide cult!
- ... a gym. What do you want?

I just received a call
from Don Geiss' estate lawyer.

Apparently,
I've been named in his will.

I know this is
a difficult time for you,

but word of advice:

if you have to spend the night
in a haunted house,

you better hope that everybody else
there is black guys and sluts.

I want something
to remember the man by.

His pen or his tie clip.

Maybe that boyhood sled
he held so dear.

I believed he called it...

Sleddy.

Something which I, in turn,
can then pass on to my...

protege.

Any chance
it's one of those bendy hospital beds?

Maybe.
He did have three.

He was such an amazing man.

- Feygnasse Team -

.:: La Fabrique ::.

Arrow - Valpi

Jarick - Collioure

4x19: Argus

Before we rehearse,

I have an announcement to make.

Our boy Grizz is getting married
on may 22nd.

Jeez, another wedding.

Life is like TV.

Testing tells us that people
like weddings, births,

and episodes where a character dies.

- That's dumb.
- My heart!

So I thought
Grizz might want to take this time

to announce who's gonna
be his best man.

I haven't decided yet.

"I haven't decided yet."

You sound like my mother
talking to the planned parenthood lady.

Seriously, which one
of your rich and famous friends

with hepatitis B
are you going to pick?

Let's not do this
in front of everybody.

Let's not
do this in front of everybody?

You sound like my mother
being pulled onstage

at a 2 live crew concert.

Damn.

My mother had problems.

Brother, we have to tell Jenna
we can't do her Kardashian sketch

because Jack is "bros"
with Lamar Odom.

- You are such a coward!
- You think I care what you think?

So look, we can't do
the Kardashian sketch.

Okay, I understand.

Pete, there you are you.
I heard one of your kids broke his arm.

- The shed I built collapsed on him.
- Is he gonna be okay?

What's going on?
Why are you being so happy and nice?

Are you soaking your tampons
in vodka again?

No, it's just...

I met a guy, okay?
It's just been a few weeks.

We're not putting labels on anything yet
because the glue is abrasive.

But I'm really happy.

Is there any chance
this might make our lives easier?

No way.
I have seen this 100 times.

She gets psyched about some guy,
he reveals himself to be crazy,

then there's a terrible breakup,
and we suffer.

Remember when she dated that sniper?

And so it's over.

- There's a laser on your forehead.
- Please. He's not gonna fire.

For God's sakes,
he's scared of his own mother!

Aren't cha, Alan?

Whoever this new guy is,
we need to figure out his deal

before she gets burned
and takes it out on us.

Tell me about it.
Remember this breakup, when she bit me?

- That was, like, two years ago.
- It just won't heal.

That concludes Mr. Geiss'
financial disbursements.

I believe all have
been accounted for.

His daughter.
His lovely wife.

His even lovelier mistress.
The secret canadian family.

And his even more secret
attic family.

All that remains
are a few personal items.

"To my daughter Cathy,

"I bequeath my pocket watch.

"It comes with very specific
instructions for care,

"the most important of which
is to not let the piece get wet."

"To my protege and friend,
John Francis Donaghy,

"I leave a gift

"from the gardens of my estate
in Connecticut.

"My beloved pet peacock, Argus."

Hello, old friend.

Vietnamese size two.

I hope it wasn't awkward for you
when Tracy brought up my wedding.

- Why would it be awkward?
- Our sexual past.

Leave it open. I'd feel safer.

- How could I help you, Grizz?
- Tracy keeps pushing...

To be your best man.
Yeah, I noticed that.

- But I wanna pick Dotcom and...
- You're afraid Tracy will freak out.

So you want me to help you
convince him to step aside.

You know my every thought. We were
the Sam and Diane of this place.

I want you to meet someone.
This is my boyfriend Paul.

You can call me Dallas.

This could be
the start of something for me.

It's really nice to meet you,
and I'm a big fan of the show.

Yeah, so, Paul, what's your deal?
How did you guys meet?

- Through a mutual fund.
- Friend, Jenna.

Of course.
Through a friend fund.

Noted.
And what do you do for a living, Paul?

I work for a bank.

... rupt circus.

He works for a bankrupt circus.

Okay, he's hiding something.

I'm guessing...

Already-married cat strangler.

Hey, could I just get a signa...
Living dinosaur!

This is Argus.

He was a gift from Don Geiss.
His last gift, to be exact.

Why did Don Geiss have a peacock?
Is that an NBC thing?

No, Don owned Argus
long before he bought NBC.

Peacocks can live up to 40 years,

longer if they're not part
of Mike Tyson's home zoo.

- What a weird gift.
- Not at all.

When Don was first
taking me under his wing,

he and I would sit on the veranda
of his home in Connecticut,

talking about business, politics,

how to avoid getting paper cuts
while making love on a pile of money.

And our friend Argus would strut
proudly through the garden.

We three peacocks felt like
we owned the world.

Well, that's a...

How did he get up here so quick?

I never told anybody this before,
Lemon,

but Don and I had nicknames
for each other.

Like we might someday, J-Town?

We called each other
Sempa� and Koha�.

Master and pupil.
Terms we learned on a trip to japan

because they played the movie
Rising Sun on the airplane.

Don was my Sempa�.

Now this bird is...
all that remains.

Jack, I'm really sorry for your...

His feather went in my mouth.

It's so oily.

He's marked you.

He thinks you're his wife.

Get out.

Grizz and I were just talking.

Of course.
You guys are very close.

Continue.

And we had an amazing idea.

We thought that maybe,
at the wedding,

you could be
the lead singer of the band.

Really?
I'd be awesome at that.

You would.

Now, of course you couldn't
sing and...

But who's gonna tell you two?

- The wedding band is U2?
- No! You two idiots!

I see what you're trying to do.

You're trying to manipulate me
into not being the best man.

And, damn it, Grizz,

I've known you
since you was six feet tall!

I'm gonna be your best man!

I am the leader of this entourage!

And because of you,
I'm having a tantrum!

Now pick up that table
and smash it for me!

I know that.

What are you doing?

I'm just feeling the weight
of Jenna's jewelry on my finger pads.

- Dallas.
- What's up?

Paul is getting weirder.

We've got to step it up.

We should follow him.
I don't care how long it takes.

What's going on?
Your kids have a play tonight?

Oklahoma.

They haven't cowboy hats
big enough for my kid,

- they're wearing turbans.
- It's on.

When Paul leaves, we follow him,
CIA style.

And afterwards, I go to the gym.

Words are the first step
on the road to deeds!

You wanted to see me, sir?

Oh, my, what a gorgeous swamp eagle.

This is Argus.

He is very special to me.

- Is he okay?
- I don't know.

He's become listless.
And he won't eat any of the peacock food

I got at the crazy
rich person's pet store.

Frankly, I don't know what to do.

He's recently taken a mate.

Good luck, Argus.

Sir, there's nothing wrong
with this bird.

He's just very old.

Argus probably doesn't have
very long to live.

All of your page duties
stop right now.

The welfare of this bird
is your only concern.

He lives... or you die.

I was about to suggest
the same thing.

Hey, dummy,
what are you doing to Grizz?

You watch your mouth,
before I show you the back of my hand.

You gotta grow up
about this best man thing.

I don't even want to be best man.

Why would I?

Show up one time, not lose a ring,

keep my shirt on through a dinner?

Then why are you
throwing a fit about it?

Because I'm trying
to protect Dotcom, dummy.

He's in love with Grizz's fiancee...

Feyonce!

Your stutter is back.

Grizz's fiancee's name is Feyonce.

Like Beyonce with an "F".

- Come on.
- Listen...

We cannot make Dotcom get up there
and give a speech at that wedding.

It'd kill him!

I can't believe that you are using

your infantile selfishness for good.

- I'm impressed, Tracy.
- You think that's impressive,

watch me stand on one foot.

- Hang on. I did it earlier.
- You're right, Tracy.

You've got to convince Grizz
to choose you.

No, you do.

Why do I have to do everything?

- I am never gonna fit in that dress.
- Bored!

What?

That's a bar.

We're gonna have
to drink a lot to fit in.

I don't understand where he went.

Can I get five more beers here?
Name's Dallas.

I don't get it. Did we lose him?

What if he's in a secret back room
doing pot?

Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together

for Miss Jinah Baloney!

- What did he say?
- Is that Jenna?

No, it's Paul.

My muffin top is all that

whole grain, low fat

I know you want a piece of that

but I just want to dance

I'm Jenna. Naturally.

Jenna's boyfriend is
a Jenna Maroney impersonator.

- Work it, miss thang.
- Oh, God.

I'm gonna need
five more cranberry juices over here!

I just found out that Jenna

is dating a guy who does
a drag show...

as her.

What is with this food layout?

Kenneth says he needs
some sumac bark

and shrub yellow root
to make a poultice for Argus.

How is your thing weirder than mine?

I am not letting that bird die.
And why does he have to?

For God's sakes,
if we can put an ear on a mouse's back,

we can certainly
make a peacock immortal.

I know this is important to you,

but it is just a bird.

I mean, do you think maybe
you're so worked up about Argus

because you never let yourself
grieve for Don?

I did grieve for Don.

As soon as Jack Welch told me,
I went through all five stages of grief.

Don is dead.

What?

You didn't do anything.

Let me retell it...
In slow motion.

Don is dead.

See?

Sir, I just wanted to let you know,
Argus is sleeping.

And you left him alone?

What if he rolls over on his back
and his cloaca fills with mucous?

Brother. This is not about some peacock.
We're gonna have to help him.

I have an idea,
but you're gonna have to take the lead,

- because I am stretched pretty thin.
- Not New York thin, but...

Don't worry, I'm on it, Ms. Lemon.

Sorry... Mrs. Argus.

Beth, I need you
to do something for me.

I need to talk to you
about the wedding.

I'm too upset to talk.
Look at me.

What's this?

Grizz has asked me
to read this to both of you.

"Dear friends, I don't want any more
fighting or bad feelings.

"Tracy, I love you,
but I've known Dotcom

"ever since we went
to above the beanstalk,

"a free summer camp for giants.

"I want him to be my best man.

"And if you care about me,
you'll respect my decision.

"I will always be your"...

Oh, no, I'm white.
I can't read that word.

"... friend from the neighborhood.

"Grizz."

I'm so honored.

Now no one is getting hurt.

No one at all.

Thanks, guys.

I'm so happy.

So nice to meet Paul!

Interesting guy.

How much do you know about him?

Well, I lost a toe ring in him,
so I'd say a lot.

No, I mean, like, what he does...

at night, and what he wears there
and who he's being.

You know about Paul's act.

- Wait, you know about Paul's act?
- How do you think we met?

Paul won a Jenna Maroney
impersonator contest,

at which I came in fourth.

And now you're dating him?

That's it, right there.

That face.

That is exactly why I didn't tell you
about Paul in the first place.

Your judgmental badger face.

Jenna, even for you, this is weird.

Be a friend, Liz.
Until then, I don't want to talk to you.

Looks like one of us is in trouble.

- How is he?
- He's awake. But...

- But what?
- Well, sir,

I've spent a lot of time
with peafowl.

They make all sorts
of different noises.

- That's a car alarm.
- What's your point?

It's just I've never in all my life

heard a peacock say

Sempa� and Koha�.

- What did you say?
- Sempa� and Koha�.

At least,
that's what it sounded like.

I've been
under a lot of strain lately.

But do you believe a human soul

could be transferred
into an animal vessel?

There's a lot about this world
that we don't understand.

Like the afterlife.

Or how bread turns into toast.

I am in love
with Grizz's fiancee, Feyonce.

Oh, my God!

I definitely didn't know that.

Would you talk to Grizz
and convince him

Tracy should be his best man?

I'll try to help.
But can I please go to the gym first?

Badger. It's another badger.

The third badger has taken the bait.

Why is everyone code named badger?

- You said you wanted to do it this way.
- No, I said I didn't care.

Jenna, can we please talk about this

before it becomes a big...

Jenna told me I didn't need
to hide from you anymore.

All right, let's cut to the chase.

What's your game, friend?

- What are you getting out of this?
- What am I getting out of this?

I am the luckiest "shman"
in the world.

I get to be with the most talented,

beautiful, sexy woman ever.

So you aren't just using her
for your act?

My act?

I'd never tuck my penis again
if she asked me.

All I want to do

is spend my days
listening to her talk and sing

and scream at her cleaning lady
on the phone.

To be honest,

I don't understand
what she gets out of it.

I think I do, Paul.

She finally gets to love herself.
It's perfect.

What are you two talking about?

You, Jenna.

This situation is empirically weird.

But... I'm glad you're happy.

I heard what you said about me.

You're so sweet.

God, you're incredible.

Okay, guys, let's just...

Jenna, why are you
grabbing his boobs?

I don't know, Argus.

Maybe it's the scotch talking,
but I think...

There might be a man's soul
inside you.

This is crazy, but, Don,

if you're in there...

Give me a sign.

You want a drink.

Sempa�...

There's just a few things
I want you to know.

You're the father that I never had.

Let me finish.

I want to live the rest of my life
in a way that'll make you proud.

I just wish you could be here
to watch me do it.

Good-bye, sir.

All right, Grizz.
I'm gonna speak frankly to you now.

And I can do that because of our...

sexual past.

Damn, Beth, let it go.

Don't even have a best man.

Your wedding day

is about you and your bride.

So who cares what anyone thinks?

Love isn't judgmental.

Love is patient.

Love is weird.

And sometimes gross.

Love is elusive.

And you found it.

So treasure it.

And maybe don't leave it alone
with Dotcom.

That was beautiful.

Look at me...

Crying like a baby.

So now I am Grizz and Feyonce's
woman of honor.

He wants me to give the same speech

at the hunts point Marriott
while wearing a dashiki.

- So you're...
- In three weddings in the same day.

You're welcome.

This is awesome!

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