All language subtitles for 30 Rock S04 E09 Klaus and Greta.eng

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Hey, Jack.

- Did you dye your hair?
- No.

No.

So how was your New Year's?

Wonderful. My dear friend,

the deep-sea explorer Bob Ballard,

Brought over a 2,000-year-old
amphora of wine

From a sunken Phoenician trading vessel.

The wine turned out to be quite toxic.

My guests and I spent the stroke of midnight

in my garden... vomiting.

- Oh, my god, sorry.
- Don't be.

The whole night... the purging, the new year,

The vivid hallucinations of Astarte...

The Phoenician goddess of sex and war...

It all wiped the slate clean.

So... Nancy Donovan...

What happened before
Christmas was a mistake.

She hasn't contacted me since,
so clearly she agrees it's over.

Well, that's healthy. A clean break.

Exactly. A clean break.

So what about you, Lemon?

Is your 2010 off to a good start?

Well, I spent New Year's eve with my family,

Which was actually very special.

My cousin Randy,

This kid from this rural coal mining town,

Came out to us.

And I think old Liz Lemon
had a little something

To do with that.

Randy's gay, everybody! He's gay.

I think everyone knew.

Finally!

Over the break, I forgot
what floor I worked on.

Six, Tracy.

Six! I knew it was a
character from Blossom,

But I couldn't find the Joey Russo button.

Hold the door!

You guys, I had the most amazing New Year's.

I met James Franco's manager.
It was like a fairy tale.

My client, James Franco,
he's actively looking

For a relationship with a human woman

To dispel certain unsavory rumors.

Are you available for a fake
romance with a movie star?

Does chewing on a sponge trick
your brain's hunger center?

Yes! Yes! A million times yes!

So this is some arranged
Hollywood relationship?

With James Franco.

Can you believe they went to me

Before Ayilla from The Real World:
Cancun?

I think it's great.

The exposure will do wonders
for you and TGS.

Lemon, I want you and
Jenna to have a meeting

With James Franco and make sure
his manager doesn't screw her.

Too late!

Wait, which way did you mean that?

I had a pretty amazing New Year's too.

My wife and I are trying for a daughter,

And on New Year's eve I
think I got Angie pregnant.

No, no, no, no.

Okay, but I was gonna describe it real good.

Sync by honeybunny
Corrected by Lawman666 www.addic7ed.com

How was your New Year's, sir?

Perfect.

Oh, my god!

As you know, on New Year's,

I finally met my birth parents.

So... thank you for asking about that!

- I called her, Lemon.
- What?

I called Nancy on New
Year's eve at 3:42 a.m.

Damn that Phoenician wine!

And you don't remember doing it?

The last thing I remember
is going into a closet

And switching clothes with Bob Ballard.

Look, I don't think you
actually spoke to her.

You hit pound after the number.

I think you left a message.

Cerie, get on her YouFace page.

- Lemon, do you mind?
- No.

One second. Okay.

Okay, her YouFace page
says they're on vacation.

They're borrowing a
friend's condo in Florida.

Oh, what have I done?

The woman is on vacation
with her husband as we speak,

Probably having beach sex,
which is the third best sex

After elevator and White House.

Is there any chance that
she hasn't heard it yet?

As a frequent leaver of drunken messages,

I can tell you no good can come of this.

As a frequent receiver of drunk messages,

They are not cute,
even when they're from Liz.

Da da da...

Good lord,

I've Lemoned the situation with Nancy!

I've got to erase that message.

"Lemoned"? That's not a thing

People are saying now, is it?

Cerie?

Lemoned.

Doing it awesome.

Here's the general idea, Jenna.

You and I pretend that we
met while filming a movie

Called Space Attack.

My title.

This movie will never be released

Because my performance will be deemed

"too provocative for America."

Oh, I wish I lived in France.

But out of this experience,

We found each other, et cetera, et cetera.

Five dates a week, one fight a month.

And because of a product
placement deal with Jamba Juice,

The fight will be in a Jamba Juice.

I love Jamba Juice!

And this is the non-disclosure agreement

Regarding anything you two
may learn about each other

During the course of the relationship.

Yeah, what exactly is Mr.
Franco covering up here?

i>- Liz, are you familiar with
Japanese moe relationships,

Where socially dysfunctional men develop

Deep emotional attachments to body pillows

With women painted on them?

I am not, James.

Neither am I, Liz!

Which is why it's so weird

The tabloids are running all these stories

Saying I'm in love with a body pillow.

I mean, it's crazy!

Then why is that here?

Why?

I mean, why is this table here?

I mean, why is that lamp here?

Kimiko is--

It is here like any other object.

Objects are made by men and
used for many purposes.

But we never love objects.

Where do I sign?

Hello?

Liz? It's Randy, Randy Lemon.

Oh, hey, Randy. What's up?

Well, my parents and I are
kind of fighting right now.

Because you spilled
orange soda on the couch?

No, because of the gay thing.

- So now I'm here in New York.
- Wait, you're in New York?

Yeah, I figured I'd come
stay with my cool cousin Liz.

Besides, what better place for me to be

Now that I'm a homo?

Is that the one we call ourselves?

Nope. Get a cab, okay? Go to my apartment.

168 Riverside Drive.

Okay. Uh, actually there's a guy here

Who offered to drive me if
I helped him move a couch

Into a van.

Nope. That's a serial killer.

Just get a cab. I'll pay for it.

You have Amish here?

Just get in the house, Randy.

Kenneth, Jonathan,
I need one of you to help me

With a very special assignment.

I hope it's me.

But I'm honored just to
be standing here with you.

I'm going to drive up to Waltham,
Massachusetts,

Break into a woman's home,

And erase a potentially
embarrassing and destructive

Answering machine message.

The home in questions has a doggy door.

That will be our way in...

Using these hangers.

Prove that you are lithe enough
to accompany me to Waltham.

It's Kenneth!

You sicken me.

I did it!

Angie just called. She's pregnant.

- That's awesome.
- Congratulations.

Yes. And it gets better.
I just had a burrito!

Well, now you just have
to hope that it's a girl.

I know it's a girl, Liz Lemon,

Because I yelled "Susan B. Anthony"

- At the moment of conception.
- Well, that'll do it.

We're gonna name her after the place

That she was conceived.

It was a pretty wild night.

So we gonna name her either Virginia,

Netjet, or bathroom at Teterboro airport.

Oh, Liz, I'm in love.

You're really not.

James and I just had
lunch at The Spotted Pig.

The paparazzi were everywhere.

The gossip blogs are calling us "James."

It's a combination of Jenna and James.

Jenna, look, I'm glad
that you're having fun,

But is this really all that you want?

I mean, you and I are
not getting any younger.

You don't know that thing
I sleep in isn't working.

Don't you want more than
some fake boyfriend?

Don't you want to be happy?

Liz, I am happy.

All this attention,
getting my picture taken,

Having ice-cold diarrhea from
drinking too much Jamba Juice...

It's everything I ever wanted.

Sorry, sir.

That happens sometimes
when I unhinge my pelvis.

Oh, I was afraid of this.

It's not an answering machine,
it's a voice mail.

Okay, well, we just need to look for clues

To her password.

It'll be like the Da Vinci Code.

Ehh... albino monk!

That's a mirror, Kenneth.

She must have written it down somewhere.

Try on the computer.

Okay.

Search...

Oops!

I just took my picture with
that little camera thing.

- Kenneth!
- All right.

I just need to erase that picture.

Whoops, I just made it the desktop image.

How did I do that?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute!

Ah!

Nancy's husband has been
sleeping on the couch.

"emailing image to address book"?

What is wrong with me?

- Hey, Liz.
- Oh, thank god.

Randall Lemon, where were you?

I'm sorry, I met these two guys

And they just dropped me off.

Well, I'm glad they brought you home, but...

That's where I'm meeting them later...

A bar called "Home Butt."
- No, you're not.

You came to New York to
see your cool cousin,

Not run around with strange gentlemen.

You don't have to be so protective of me.

This is New York City, Randy.

Liz, you know how hard it was growing up gay

In Methenburg, Pennsylvania?

The local TV station edited
Will & Grace down so much

that it was just called Karen.

Being in New York, this is the first time

I've ever felt like myself.

And I want to go out and enjoy it, have fun.

Oh, we're gonna have fun.

We're gonna stay here and make nachos

And see who can fall asleep the earliest.

Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!

This is nice.

Your hand feels like a pillow
that's been in the microwave.

Thanks.

Okay, well... I'll see you tomorrow.

Wait.

Oh, it's okay. You can stop.

- I was wrong.
- What?

I thought it was a paparazzo,

But it's just some loser
taking a picture of his kid.

Oh...Right. Of course.

That was fake.

Did you know "paparazzo"
is singular to "paparazzi"?

Kimiko taught me that.

I'll see you at dawn so you can get caught

coming out of my apartment.

I'll loan you a shirt.

Try to look like you just got drilled.

You know the deal.

Sir, this computer is not
helping with our search.

If you type "Nancy's secrets"
into the internet,

Do you have any idea what comes up?

A store that sells wig extensions.

I've seen all this before, Kenneth.

The separate beds, the empty closets,

The brave public face.

This is just another Irish Catholic couple

Who won't admit to the world
that their marriage is over.

Sir, you don't know that.

They're on vacation together right now.

Are they?

Nancy Donovan, still so organized.

In German class, Mr. Kruger always chose her

To sort the students.

He was eventually arrested
by Israeli commandos.

Hmm.

Look.

On the 30th she took flight 1470 to RSW.

He left the next day for CVG.

They have to be different cities.

Uh, Fort Myers and Cincinnati.

Did you not learn your
nation's airport codes

in high school?

She's at the beach house alone!

That's the most divorced
sentence I've ever heard.

Mr. Donaghy, this snooping has to stop.

We came here to erase... oh!

I just took a picture of both of us.

Good morning. Is that glitter?

Oh, my god, did you go out last night

After I won the sleeping contest?

I forgot to wash my face, didn't I?

I meant to do it at the club,

But when I got into the bathroom,

Everything started up again.

Okay, that's it, I am taking you

To the Port Authority.

To get on a bus home, not to meet people!

God!

Look, you've had your fun.
You've seen New York.

You've made some really neat friends.

Maybe that's enough for a first step. Okay?

Yeah. Okay, you're right.

But I'm not going home

Until I give my cool cousin a makeover!

i>- Is it gonna be fierce?

It would be if it was 2006.

Well, I do have this one cardigan

That I've been kind of afraid to wear.

Well, let's see it, girl.

I'm not going back to Methenburg!

Randy Lemon, you open this door right now!

Okay, I do appreciate the irony

That I'm the one stuck in the closet now.

- Is that irony?
- Not really.

The sun is up and we are
still in these people's home.

God can see us now.

We have to find that voice mail code.

It's on the dry-erase board
above the phone.

What?

I saw it there a few hours ago.

But I wasn't done looking around.

I'm ready to hear the message now.

Sir, I don't mean to swear,

But I am irritated right now.

5-5-2-8-7.

Thursday, December 30...

Thursday.

Friday, January 1st.

3:42 a.m.

Meine liebe, Gretta,

It's Klaus.

Remember Mr. Kruger's German class?

I took it to be with you.

Sat behind you so I could talk to you

And try to see the top of your underwear.

You were Gretta and I was Klaus--

Jack, are you coming in?

I'm on the phone! Get back in the hot tub.

Ballard, don't let them
put their tops back on.

I'm going to say good night

With help from the poet Rilke.

Because only German can capture

What seeing you again has made me feel.

Aus unendlichen sehnsuchten

Steigen endliche taten wie
schwache fontanen.

Auf wiedersehen, Gretta.

To erase, press seven. To save, press nine.

For more options, press four.

Sir, what are you doing? Erase it.

I don't know.

I thought I wanted a clean break,

But if that message is how I really feel,

Maybe she was supposed to hear it.

Her marriage is falling apart.

We meet again after all these years.

Message deleted.

Next message.

Mr. Donaghy, whatever's happening here,

It is not your place to interfere.

If Mrs. Dougherty wanted you in her life,

She would have called, given you some sign.

But she hasn't. Let it go, sir.

You're right, Kenneth.

But you are leaving through the doggy door.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Liz, we're playing the
Today Show drinking game.

You do a shot every time
they give a dumb travel tip.

I like to take the shampoo

And put it in the little
travel-size bottles.

Then I take the original bottle

And put it back in the shower...

For later.
All: Yeah.

Great.

Liz, relationship emergency.

Why are you wearing a
man's shirt and no pants?

Last night, James kissed me.

And for a second, I forgot it was fake.

And it was incredible.

Now having lunch with James and
the actress who plays my mom

Somehow seems hollow.

What's wrong with me?

Jenna, what you're feeling is good.

This thing with James is fun and exciting,

But it isn't real.

Deep down I think you want to be

With someone you really love,

And who can love you back.

More friends on the plaza this morning.

- Hi, guys. You celebrating?
- We're in love!

Trent's quitting the navy,
and we're going to get married

In Massachusetts.

Wow. Congratulations.

Oh, boy.

If you want to save money on the trip,

Consider taking a sandwich.

Give 'em a hand.
All: Yeah.

Hey, baby, you new here?

- Yeah, this is my first show.
- Uh-huh.

And before you worked here,
were you an ass scientist?

Because your ass...

Blah, blah, blah. You get the point.

- So what's your name?
- Virginia.

Virginia?

But that's gonna be my daughter's name.

- Are you also someone's daughter?
- Uh, yeah.

Is every woman someone's daughter?

- Of course.
- Uh-oh!

No... way.

I was wrong, sir. There is a sign.

She's been thinking about you for years!

Why can't you be more like Kenneth? Go on.

Her code... 5-5-2-8-7.

Do you know what it means?

Well, it's not a date.

The first numbers are too high.

It's not the numbers, sir.

It's the letters. They spell "Klaus."

Your name in German class.

The class you were in with Nancy...
In high school.

- Back in Massachu...
- I get it, Kenneth!

I'm just trying to figure out my next move.

I have to play it cool.

You should buy a leather jacket!

Get Cerie in here. Not you.

Pack your stuff.

You know, I don't think this
is about you protecting me.

I think you have a problem with
people enjoying themselves.

Why did you even leave White Haven, Liz?

When was the last time
you watched the sun rise?

Sometimes at work...

- Or kissed a boy you just met?
- Gross.

Or went dancing? I'm not going home

Until I make you appreciate living here.

Tonight we are gonna do
that makeover for real.

And then I'm taking you out.

Yeah, okay. Fine.

I mean, who am I to tell Jenna

That she doesn't know how to be happy

- When I can't even figure out,,,
- Stop. So bored.

Did I do that right?

Yeah. That was super bitchy.

You can't just break up with me.

I'll sue you for breach of contract!

Oh, you're being such a
non-pillow right now!

But don't you understand?

I just want something
real in my life for once.

I want what you have with Kimiko.

Oh, Kimiko-tan...

What am I doing, Jenna?

Pretending to be something I'm not.

Making myself miserable
when I've got happiness

Waiting for me at home.

Unless Kimiko's jealous of the ottoman.

There's nothing going on there.
That's a business relationship.

Don't Lemon your life, James.

Be happy.

I'm the actor James Franco, damn it!

And I'm in love with and common-law married

to a Japanese body pillow!

And I hope you had a good New Year's.

Let me know the next time you
and Mark are in New York,

And we'll all grab dinner.

Auf wiedersehen.

Liz.

- James.
- Wow.

You look great.

Is Jenna here?

No, Jenna and I broke up, actually.

We both decided it was time to be happy.

Me too. I'm saying yes to life!

Okay.

Let's do this.

Hey, you got home late.

Yeah, I, um...

Randy, this is James Franco

And our friend Kimiko-Tan.

Hey, Randy.

I'm gonna go to the bus station.

I think that's for the best.

I blame you three for my unhealthy attitude

towards women!

You have created an atmosphere

of hostility and intolerance

that everyone talks about all the time.

Griz, when is the last time you told
your fiance you loved her

since the phone call I interrupted
to make this announcement?

Kenneth, your haircut is
disrespectful to lesbians!

Dotcom, do you ever read
books by women?

But George Eliot was a woman.

Enough! I've made a decision.

And starting next week, I'm adding a woman

To the entourage.

Really?

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