Original subtitles

[SIGHS]

MAN [ON PA]: Announcing the arrival of Flight 217, nonstop from Boston.

Passengers will arrive at Gate 14.

Flight 217, nonstop from Boston, Gate 14.

[DEVICE BEEPING FAINTLY]

[BEEPING INTENSIFIES]

[BEEPING LOUDLY]

[SHUTS OFF DEVICE]

Wait.

Aunt Margaret.

What happened?

I'm sorry, sir. It appears she had a heart attack just before landing.

It was awful. Poor woman.

They're taking her to County General now.

Did you say your aunt, sir?

Yes, Dr. Armindel. She was coming to visit--

We better get going moving.

Of course, of course. Go, go. I'll, uh, follow you to the hospital.

- Oh, are those my aunt's? I'll take them. - Yes. Her purse and camera.

It's all right. And would you please send the rest of her luggage to my uncle's?

- Yes, sir. - You're very kind.

Dr. Margaret Armindel, age 38, Belgian physicist.

Working at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology...

...on a government research grant.

Her project: the direct transference of nuclear energy to propulsion.

[PHONE BEEPING]

Number 1, Section 1.

When she was taken from the plane...

...she was carrying this microfilm record of her research.

I was waiting to follow the signals of the homing device...

...one of our Boston agents put in the lapel of her coat.

Thank you.

And you have no idea where she was taking it?

And perhaps we never will have any idea, Mr. Solo.

That was County General.

Dr. Armindel died of a heart attack a few moments ago.

All right, Sarah.

[SLIDE PROJECTOR CLICKS]

Dr. Janos Hradny, Polish scientist, disappeared from Warsaw two years ago.

The father of this suspected project.

Suspected project?

Yes. Over the past two years, a number of scientists have disappeared...

...from both sides of the Iron Curtain.

None of them were connected with a related project.

If all their specialties were put together, something like this might happen.

[SLIDE PROJECTOR CLICKS]

SOLO: Looks like something out of Buck Rogers.

WAVERLY: Out of a science-fiction magazine to be exact.

Published back in 1938.

It was the illustration of an article written by Dr. Hradny.

He accurately foresaw present day's space vehicles.

And so you believe that Dr. Hradny's fantasy might become a reality?

Yes. But for whom?

These scientists have been disappearing...

...from communist and capitalist societies.

They were hardly defecting to each other's countries.

Thrush, then?

I believe so, yes.

One of their satraps, heaven knows which one...

...probably has been assigned to develop this spaceship.

Well, now, if Thrush could put this thing together...

...they could have an invulnerable base for international blackmail.

So where do we start?

Try Convention Hall. Brother Love.

The revivalist?

Yes, he's holding a big meeting there tonight.

Dr. Armindel had this in her purse. It's a reserved seat.

We thought some woman ought to use this ticket.

Just to see what happens.

Miss Johnson, uh, volunteered.

But she should be covered, that's why we've secured another seat nearby.

I may have been spotted, so it had best not be me.

WAVERLY: Whom do you suggest, Mr. Solo?

I wonder.

MAN: Death.

It comes to us all.

From the moment we are born, we begin to die.

So hear me.

Take my hand...

...and let me lead you to everlasting life beyond the shadows of death.

[CHEERING]

But before you may take this first step...

...on the pathway to eternal salvation...

...you must purge yourselves of evil.

You are mortal, therefore you are weak.

Your bodies are frail vessels of flesh.

Uh-oh. "Someone is sitting in Dr. Armindel's chair," said the mama bear.

"And I'd better find out what she's doing there," said the papa bear.

- Uh, but I thought I-- - See, she's a girl and I'm a boy.

That's the best reason I can think of for sort of striking up a conversation.

LOVE: The hurricanes of corruption...

...and the tidal waves of sin.

Only the pure of soul may travel this perilous ocean.

- Excuse me, I think you made a mistake. - Huh?

- You've got my seat. - Oh, I do?

Row M, seat 15. Why don't check your ticket.

SOLO: Oh!

- Sorry. - Will you please be quiet?

- I'm sorry. - You just-- You just stay put there.

I'll sit there.

Thank you. I couldn't see from there because of the post.

I didn't think anybody was using this chair.

- Do you mind? - No, no, not at all, no.

LOVE: And stand in the clear, crystal light of divine truth...

...and ask yourselves:

Do I have faith?

Do I have hope?

Do I have love?

ALL: Yes!

So find the answers, my brothers and my sisters.

And we shall find salvation together.

Now...

...let us meditate.

Nope.

You just don't look the type.

Type?

For all this, the Brother Love bit.

You don't really dig him, do you?

Well, I have a great respect for all religions...

...but Brother Love, I can take him or leave him.

You're not exactly the type either.

I'm just doing research for a term paper.

Hunter College?

How did you know?

Quiet. If you can't have any respect for Brother Love, why don't you leave?

Sorry.

[WHISPERING] How did you know?

SOLO: Black tights are in fashion this year at Hunter.

Brothers and sisters...

...my heart hears your call.

I feel your love...

...your faith...

...your hope.

And let me leave you now with this message.

Oh, warm heart in the grave.

Oh, bridge of truth.

Oh, ivy tooth eating the green tree of the heart of man.

Love. Love.

ALL [CHANTING]: Love. Love. Love.

- Love. ALL: Love. Love.

- Love. ALL: Love. Love.

- Love. ALL: Love. Love.

- Love. Love. Love. ALL: Love. Love. Love.

ALL [CHANTING]: Love. Love. Love.

What, uh, is this?

Those are acolytes. The characters that travel around with Brother Love.

They give free copies out after all the speeches.

Thank you.

Was this the end now?

Yes, unless you'd like a private meeting with Brother Love.

He has personal audiences after all his meetings.

Well, it was nice meeting you.

Well, listen, uh, why don't we go somewhere and compare notes?

It's late and I have an early class.

Well, we'll just, uh, have a cup of coffee.

Didn't you get Brother Love's message? Napoleon Solo, at your service.

- I'm Pearl Rolfe. Okay then. Coffee. - Okay.

Oh, excuse me.

Uh, excuse me a moment. I've got to make a phone call.

Breaking a date?

No, I always let my uncle know when I'm coming home late.

Oh, you startled me.

Well, Papa Bear, who's been sleeping in whose bed?

The girl said she switched seats to get a better view. Seems legitimate.

Seems? Is that good enough?

Well, now, you trot on back to U.N.C.L.E...

...and run an identity check on Pearl Rolfe...

...presumably a student at Hunter College.

- I'll stay until you get me a clearance. - I'll have it in about two hours.

Uh, can you keep her interested that long?

SOLO: Hm.

Poor, unfortunate man.

Probably has a drinking problem. Let's rest him right here.

Let him sleep it off.

Come on.

SARAH: The travels of Brother Love and his acolytes...

...have been both extensive and international.

As you will see on page 1...

...they were in Poland the week that Dr. Hradny disappeared...

...also in the areas where all the scientists we suspect...

...in connection with this project disappeared.

The cult must be a cover for Thrush.

There's that scent of blood-stained events trailing in its wake.

What about this girl, Miss--?

Rolfe. She checks out. Postgraduate student at Hunter College.

Sociology major. Had a legitimate reason to be at the revival.

WAVERLY: Bad luck she was sitting in the wrong seat.

They couldn't possibly mistake her for Dr. Armindel.

WAVERLY: I wouldn't think so.

Perhaps they thought she was sent by Dr. Armindel to deliver the microfilm.

Are they staying in New York?

Until tomorrow night when they're all flying out to the coast.

It seems that Brother Love is the guest of honor...

...at some sort of fundraising party out on the island tomorrow afternoon.

How's your head, Mr. Solo?

Uh, it, uh, hurts.

Well, you better do something about it.

Because I want you to go out to that party tomorrow afternoon...

...and do something you do rather well.

Create a fuss.

It's a pretty expensive party, I'd say.

Suddenly I feel very Russian.

That's just your proletarian blood.

There's no difference between those people and me.

Depends whether you're speaking physically, financially or psychologically.

What makes you so superior? You don't rate yourself...

- ...with Dun and Bradstreet. - Yes, but I have that elegant air...

...of decadence.

[DEVICE BEEPING]

All right, I'm homed in on your signal.

I should receive your sender within a radius of 10 miles.

Well, let's not keep the blue bloods waiting.

All right, if I'm not out in a half an hour, start a revolution.

That would be a pleasure.

Smile.

Thank you.

Where do I send the quarter?

It won't cost you any more than the price of the morning paper.

And you will be on the society page.

Now, who are you? Where are you from?

What do you do? Are you rich or famous?

Well, just, uh, put me down for a little of everything.

Oh. Do sit down and tell me about yourself.

After all, you must be somebody.

- No, no, not really. - Ha, ha.

You're quaint, darling. I'm Magda.

Magda?

"Message From Magda." Dear boy, don't tell me you don't read my column?

Not tonight. I have to drive.

Ha, ha. You are refreshing.

Now, you really must tell me about yourself.

It's an interesting camera. What is that, Japanese?

As a matter of fact, it's a French make.

- But please, it's rather delicate. - Oh?

Oh! Sorry.

Excuse me.

Oh, my dear, how very nice to see you again.

- Mrs. Farnham. - Brother Love, this is Mrs. Ramsey Brown.

And I can't tell you how deeply your remarks always affect me.

Your words are such an inspiration.

Then my mission has been accomplished. Thank you. Thank you and go with love.

Oh!

Ah. Good afternoon. How nice of you to come, Mr.--? Mr.--?

Smith.

Uh.... Oh. Oh, of course. The Philadelphia Smiths.

Brother Love, I'd like you to meet Mr. Smith, a very old and dear friend.

- I'm happy to meet you, sir. - My pleasure.

- Where's Pearl Rolfe? - Beg your pardon?

Pearl Rolfe. What have you done with her?

LOVE: Now, uh, who is Pearl Rolfe?

SOLO: The young lady I took to your revival meeting last night.

She had a private audience and I haven't seen her since.

Now, is she here?

Really, Mr. Smith, I think you must be mistaken.

No, this lump on the back of my head is no mistake.

It's a love pat from the brother here.

[GASPS]

Young man, I don't particularly want to call the police, but--

Go on, I don't mind.

- Well, I certainly-- - Patience, patience now, Sister Farnham.

This is a misunderstanding. I'm sure he'll find his young lady.

I'm sure I'll find her in that group of yours over there.

These are all my devoted followers, sir.

Well, then you shouldn't mind if I look for myself.

Oh, now that I think of it, yes.

Yes, a young lady did join my flock last night.

- Is she your friend? - I'll need a better look.

Why don't you mind your own business?

Pearl?

Can't you leave me alone? Please stop following me.

Well, I've been very worried. I've been looking all over for you.

You found me. Are you satisfied now?

I knew how the young lady felt about you, sir.

I just didn't want to embarrass you.

- Pearl, what's this all about? PEARL: You heard what he said.

I joined him. I'm an acolyte. Now go away.

Mr. Smith, if you are not out of here in precisely one minute...

...I shall have you ejected.

- No more pictures. - But I'm interested in the story.

- You heard it. - Well, I only heard part of it.

I'm sure there's more.

What do you suppose she'd say if you could talk to her alone?

Not much chance of that.

Oh, there's a tired, old clich�...

...never underestimate the power of the press.

That goes double when it's womanpower.

- No, thanks. - Face it, you need my help.

- And why are you helping me? - Darling, what kind of messages...

...would Magda have for her column without juicy little tidbits like this?

Like what?

"Young girl held against her will on Long Island estate."

I'd get a bonus and Laura Farnham would positively retch.

Come on. We can get to her this way.

Come along, darling.

Do you get many converts this way?

[CROWD CHATTERING]

[DEVICE BEEPING]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

MAN: Attaboy. Go, go, go.

[ALL CHATTERING]

- Bye, Brother Love. - Bye.

WOMAN: God bless.

WOMAN 1: Bye. WOMAN 2: Goodbye.

[BEEPING INTENSIFIES]

[BEEPING FADING]

[BEEPING STOPS]

[ENGINE STARTS]

We have a 30-minute ride to the airport.

That's ample time to hear your last confession.

And please, no more dramatics.

We know your relationship with the girl. She's explained...

...the coincidental exchange of seats.

How did you get that ticket?

Dr. Armindel gave it to me.

Who is Dr. Armindel?

The physicist you were expecting.

Oh?

Oh, come on now, Brother Love, I can save you some time.

I have Dr. Armindel's records on microfilm.

The way to make Dr. Hradny's nuclear reactor work in the satellite.

Why, you seem to know a good deal about this.

Why not?

I'm Dr. Armindel's lab assistant. We're partners in this.

As you know, she's ill at the present time.

And she elected to stay in Boston, have me handle the transaction.

Of course, I'll need something a little more substantial than mere words.

What are you doing?

My, uh, cigarette case.

Try one.

The fifth one from the left.

That's the microfilm.

Is that substantial enough?

There's a car following us.

It's been behind us since we left the estate.

I don't suppose you know nothing about this?

Not a thing.

Magnetic grenade.

[WINDOW LOWERING]

LOVE: Bull's-eye.

Welcome to my flock, Brother Smith.

An extraordinary lunch hour, Miss Johnson?

I'm sorry, Mr. Waverly. I stopped at the hospital to see how Illya--

- Mr. Kuryakin is. - Your sentiments are commendable...

...except when they interfere with your efficiency.

Here's a message to be decoded.

Yes, sir.

Code 5B.

Uh, could you see him?

No, sir, he was well enough to be sent home.

MAN: U.N.C.L.E. headquarters, Los Angeles.

Brother Love and party landed, L.A., 9:45 a.m.

Being ferried in small groups to retreat by helicopter. No sign of Solo.

Any reply?

No.

Oh.

MAN: Come along.

MAN: Brother Smith?

Sit down, brother, sit down.

You're not concerned about the girl, are you?

I just wondered why you brought her all the way out here.

I couldn't let her go.

And after you forced me to expose her publicly there amidst of my disciples...

...I couldn't let her body be found...

...without inviting the attention of the police.

However, around here, of course...

...I've got more freedom of action.

MAN: Brother Love.

LOVE: Dr. Hradny, good to see you. How is everything going?

Oh, very well.

I have finished with Dr. Welkin's contribution...

...and sent him on to the island.

Marvelous. Marvelous.

Well, thanks to this gentleman here...

...we've got a lovely package from Dr. Armindel.

This is the final step.

Yes, but my sister. She isn't with you?

- Doctor, I'm doing my best. Doctor. - You promised.

You must realize that ever since we got you out of Poland...

...the Russians have been watching your sister.

- It takes a little time. - Time?

HRADNY: She's old, has so little time left. LOVE: Doctor.

I'm doing the best I can.

Now, get back to the laboratory and examine this microfilm.

Brother Truth will show you to your quarters...

...and see that you're comfortable...

...till this microfilm has been examined.

Just one thing, Brother Love.

Since I don't have any sisters, my price is cash.

You will be paid in full, brother, for value received.

TRUTH: This way.

- Another guest. - Oh?

Yes, the best room in the house for him.

MAN: This way.

Do you have something a little less, uh, pretentious?

I don't see why we have to watch him all the time.

Why don't we just lock him up like the girl?

LOVE: Let him stretch his tether.

We give him enough rope, he might hang himself.

Brother Love.

You think he can see the lens?

LOVE: No, no, of course not.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

LOVE: What's the trouble with the set?

MAN: Not a thing.

The sun's reflecting off his cigarette case.

You can hardly see anything.

Check him.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

He's asleep.

No, no, be careful.

Now, there's a camera on you and you're being watched.

Now, act naturally and move around as though you were restless.

I'm sorry about yesterday at the party. But that man, he had a knife.

Keep moving. Act nervous and restless.

Who has to act?

Now, I want you to sit tight for five or 10 minutes.

When I come back, we'll get out of here.

When you come back?

Yeah, I've got a little lab work to do first.

You can't leave me here, not now.

I'm so scared, I'm about ready to jump out of my skin.

Just another few minutes, that's all.

Come on now, where's that old college spirit?

Back at school, where I wish I was.

You'll make it fast, won't you, Mr. Solo?

HRADNY: But I must talk--

LOVE: Doctor, I want have to worry any more about this.

We've got the men here, the workmen.

We've got the tools. We've got the gases necessary.

HRADNY: Yes, I understand, but there is something that I must tell you.

LOVE: All I expect from you, doctor, is that you apply your time...

...night and day now until you finish this job.

HRADNY: No, it's impossible for me to finish.

LOVE: We have very little time, brother.

LOVE: You realize that when you incorporate Dr. Armindel's material...

...we'll be finished here and we'll rendezvous with the ship.

HRADNY: Yes, but there is no chance of my finishing.

The microfilm is worthless.

Worthless?

I'm afraid you have been duped.

There are vital sections missing.

LOVE: Are you trying to tell me that Brother Smith--

HRADNY: Has tricked you.

[LOVE SIGHS]

Well...

...I'm afraid we will have to...

...reprimand him.

But, doctor, even though we're temporarily stymied, we're not defeated.

We're gonna continue this project on the island.

- I want you to pack up this material-- - What about my sister? You promised.

Will you stop this sickening family sentiment?

[SIGHS]

Doctor, I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Brother...

...I neglected to tell you that I completed arrangements...

...for your sister's false passport. She gonna arrive here next week.

And I'll see that she's transported to the new location immediately.

Brother, I give you my word.

Now, come on, come on. Pack up.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Do you believe him?

You are not one of us, Mr. Smith.

No, I'm not.

I'm an agent for an organization known as U.N.C.L.E.

- U.N.C.L.E? - Yes. I have little time to explain.

- You just have to trust me. - I don't trust anyone anymore.

Yes, I know.

- Not even Brother Love. - No.

No, but I will continue to work for him...

...until he fulfills his promise to get my sister out of Poland.

That promise is just as phony as his preachment on love and peace.

Doctor, you've got to stop avoiding reality. You've got to get out of this cocoon.

Realize that you are just as disposable to Brother Love now as I am.

Number one, you can't continue work on the space vehicle...

...without Dr. Armindel's notes.

Two, if he ever intended to get your sister out of Poland...

...which I strongly doubt, he doesn't anymore.

He no longer needs you. You are expendable and this project is dead.

You are probably correct, at least in one sense.

I have always avoided reality.

But you are wrong to think that the project is dead.

Brother Love will merely take my work...

...and recruit another propulsion specialist and finish it.

Not if you destroy the notes and the model.

And take your chances on getting out of here with me.

What have I got to lose, except my life?

Well, you could look on the brighter side.

We can escape through the passageway in the rear.

Not until we pick up one of the disbelievers.

She's waiting in her cell. Come on.

That's good, Pearl, keep still. Get ready and move fast when I tell you.

Pearl, come on.

Pearl.

[WHISPERS] Pearl.

Any message for Magda, darling?

Tie them up.

Leave them with the girl. Use wire. It's a lot stronger.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

[SIGHS]

[MUFFLED GRUNT]

[SOLO GRUNTS]

We better get out of here.

You'll be late for class.

[PEARL GROANS]

- Sorry. - Where are we?

We are back at the starting gate, doctor.

And you are going to remain at the starting gate...

...Mr. Smith, you and your moronic comrades.

I hope we haven't delayed your flight, brother.

You have, you have. But we're ready to depart now...

...after we take care of a few minor details.

Like the disposal of three dropout disciples?

I promise you...

...it will be painless.

That is very considerate of you, brother.

This explosive little device here will go off in--

- You're mad. - I?

I think not.

It's the world I see around me that's mad.

A world filled with spineless, aimless, submissive creatures...

...passing themselves off as human beings.

I must do something to help these mental lepers regain their health.

Well, then, why don't you give us spineless, aimless creatures...

...another chance to see your way of life?

"He who establishes a dictatorship and does not destroy Brutus...

...or he who forms a republic and does not destroy the sons of Brutus...

...will reign only a short time."

Thank you, Brother Machiavelli.

You will load Dr. Hradny's work in the helicopter.

We depart in eight minutes.

And you...

...my dear friends, will depart in...

[TIMER CLICKING]

...10.

[PEARL CRYING]

SOLO: Pearl.

Come on, Pearl, stop the crying.

Got a lot of work to do before that little device goes off.

Now, get over there next to the doctor. Go on.

All right.

Now, both of you get your hands next to each other.

That's right. Now...

...that little button, left heel there, press it.

Now, pull the heel open from the back.

Now....

Ah.

Another one of your little door openers, huh?

Right. Now, we're gonna try to melt a few wires.

We take off the insulation. And when we touch the contacts together--

That's right. The explosion will melt the wires on my wrist.

Now, wait, wait just a minute, doc. I've gotta remove most of that charge.

I wanna have us some wrists left.

All right?

Oh, I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

HRADNY: Now?

Yeah, now.

Oh!

[SOLO GROANS]

[SIGHS]

[GROANING]

Come on.

Mr. Solo, you're an absolute genius.

But they'll never believe this back at Hunter College.

You're not back there yet.

We still have a few insurmountable obstacles to surmount.

Right, doctor?

- Right, Mr. Solo. - What are you gonna do?

Put this bomb in Dr. Hradny's laboratory.

Why?

We've got to destroy the model and the notes...

...before they can take off with them. Come on.

Brother Daring.

Check the cell, see that the bonds are still tight, huh?

[HELICOPTER ENGINE HUMMING]

They're gone. We're too late.

Maybe not. Are these part of the model?

Yes. The third stage and the satellite.

All right, we're not too late. Pick up this one.

A little higher.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

All right. Stay where you are.

What the--?

Are you all right, doctor?

I-- I don't seem to be dead, so I guess I'm all right.

Looks like we're gonna have to make this delivery ourselves.

Stay here. Help me get this robe off, we only got a couple minutes.

LOVE: The explosion will take place in about one minute. You then tidy up.

The helicopter will be back for you within the hour.

You've done a splendid job, brothers, both of you.

Well, you don't sound very happy to be back.

College is gonna seem awful tame.

Well, maybe there'll be another revival meeting soon.

Will you be there?

Who knows? Goodbye. Take care of yourself, all right?

Why should I? You do it much better.

What's new?

Oh, nothing much. The Coast Guard stopped the ship.

We have Brother Love's followers and a promising lead to their secret island.

Oh, that takes care of any unanswered questions.

Looks like you got yourself into a little trouble.

Well, you know how it is.

It always hurts when you break up a love affair.

Yes, uh...

...I know.

[LAUGHS]

[ENGLISH SDH]