All language subtitles for Du.Barry.Was.A.Lady.1943.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Back in the 18th century,

when romance was in bloom...

And Louis XV wasn't
just a sofa in a room...

A simple little
country girl who knew

a thing or two...

Got very, very chummy
with His Majesty, King Lou.

The people disapproved
of her in no uncertain tone.

Still, they'd agree
that Madam D.

was a power behind the throne.

Behind her back,
they called her names.

On that we will not tarry.

But to her face, with elegant
grace, they said...

Madame Du Barry.

♪ Madame, Madame ♪

♪ They said Madame ♪

♪ Du Barry ♪

♪ Perhaps she was a gorgeous
little hussy from Bordeaux ♪

♪ But there's one thing
we positively absolutely know ♪

♪ Du Barry was a lady
no matter what they may say ♪

♪ Du Barry was a lady,
the fairest gal of her day ♪

♪ She had to pull no strings
for the King's blessing ♪

♪ He fell in love with her
French dressing ♪

♪ To marry this Du Barry
was every nobleman's goal ♪

♪ And put them all together,
they'd fill the Hollywood Bowl ♪

♪ I couldn't tell you how,
but she got along ♪

♪ And if she was no lady ♪

♪ 50 million Frenchmen
were wrong ♪

♪ Though she started
out in squalor ♪

♪ And though her past
was shady ♪

♪ You can bet your bottom dollar
she ended up a lady ♪

♪ Du Barry ♪

♪ Du Barry ♪

♪ Du Barry was a lady ♪

Oh, Rami, isn't she wonderful?

Just another female woman.

Take away her eyes, her nose,
her mouth, and her ears,

and what have you got?

A blank expression.

Ah, she's wonderful.

You never look at me like that.

You never look like that.

Louis, if you're not
doing anything after work,

I'd like to take you home.

No.
Not after last night.

Oh, you could never
be happy here.

Please marry me and let me
take you away from all this.

And after we're married
and settled down

in our little love nest,

maybe the stork would come
to our house

and bring us a lot of little...

Cigars, cigarettes, chewing gum.

♪ Du Barry was a lady ♪

♪ Oh, what a lady was she ♪

♪ The men still
raved about her ♪

♪ The last time I saw Paris ♪

♪ With wealthy knights
she was chummy... ♪

Please be very careful
with this.

It's kolinsky.

Would you give me a check,
please?

Shh. That's May Daly.

Who?

May Daly.

That's May Daly.

♪ It doesn't matter now
how she got along ♪

♪ If she was double dating ♪

♪ Du Barry was okay ♪

♪ And if her life was shady ♪

♪ Well, who are we to say? ♪

♪ But if she was no lady,
maybe 20 ♪

♪ 30, 40, 50 million
Frenchmen were wrong ♪

Madame, you are about
to meet a handsome man.

Not too young, not too old.

About my age?

I see both of you meeting
in a secluded,

moonlit, romantic nightclub.

But I've got to polish up
the crystal ball.

Have you got a soft,
slightly used $5 bill?

Do you think this
will be soft enough?

It will have to do.

You will meet this man.

He will be wearing a tuxedo,
eyeglasses,

and some hair.

This is the man, your soul mate.

Marry him, madam,
and you marry her.

$5 please.

That's a good one on you, Swami.

We were married last night.
Weren't we, Mr. McGeehan?

McGowan.

Oh, yeah. McGowan.

Marry Mr. McQuinn.
He is so charming, so debonair.

He reminds me of that
well known actor.

You know, the one who makes love
to beautiful girls

like Hedy Lamarr.

You know who I mean.

Hedy.

My name is Pepe le Coco.

And I come from the casbah,
Hedy, the casbah.

You know what is the casbah?

It is right next
to the delicatessen.

Hedy, I love you, I adore you.

I love your visage.

I love your face.

I love your eyes, and your
lipses and your hair, Hedy.

Let me run through
your hair barefoot.

Hedy, I love you, I adore you.

Look across the sea
and what do you see?

Paris and the white way,
and the Rue de Montmartre,

the Champs Elysees.

Hedy.

And this one thing,
this one question,

runs through my mind
again and again.

And it wants to know
this one thing,

this one question,
this one thing.

And my temples throb, and my...

doesn't know what to say,
my throat clenches tight,

and my heart beats
faster and faster.

Faster and faster
beats my heart.

And it wants to know
this one thing,

this one question,
this one thing.

Will you go with me
to the high school prom?

Louis, old pal,
I'm glad to see you.

Hello.

Louis, I got bad news for you.

- What?
- The cook out there just said

you were the tightest guy
in the place.

But I stuck up for you.

I told him you had heart
as big as Texas.

- The cook said that?
- Yeah, and he bet me five bucks

I couldn't borrow
five bucks from you.

- Oh, he did, did he?
- Yeah.

How do you like a guy
like that?

Well, wait a minute.
When do I get it back?

Just as soon as I see the cook.

Oh, now do you think
I'm as dumb as I look?

I'll give it back to you
Saturday.

This is the cook's day off.

How sure can I be I'm gonna
get it back Saturday?

- Just as sure as she's alive.
- Oh, no.

I got to have better proof
than that.

Look, Louis, I don't want
this dough for myself.

I want to spend it on someone.

Someone we both admire.

May Daly.

You got a date with May Daly?

Nobody else.

Ah, she'll turn you down
like she did last night.

May was tired last night.
She went straight home.

Oh, she did, huh?

Hey, I'll tell you what.

If May goes out
with you tonight,

you don't have to return
the five bucks.

But if she don't,
you owe me 10.

Are you kidding?

Sucker.

You're wrong, Rami.

He did lend it to me.

Fly specks.

Hey.

That guy's a friend of yours,
isn't he?

I, Rami, have only one true
friend, Baldor the Omnipotent,

the voice from the beyond.

But I've got to admit, me
and the kid is pretty chummy.

Yeah? Well, tell him
he's wasting his time.

You know who Miss Daly's
going out with tonight?

Don't look in that goldfish
bowl. I'll tell you.

Him.

Handsome chap, isn't he?

There's the rest of him
out there.

Cigars, cigarettes.

Give me a cigar.

Keep the change.

20 bucks? Gee, that entitles
you to a match.

Cigars, cigarettes.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the Club Petite presents

three boys who will give you
their vocal impressions

of well known bands
on the radio.

May I introduce to you
the Oxford Boys.

Let's dance a while
to the original Kay Kyser style.

Evening, folks.

How you all?

Presenting Mr. Harry Babbitt.

♪ I'm always thinking of you ♪

♪ So long, everybody ♪

It's pleasure time.

♪ A cigarette,
sweet music, and you ♪

♪ A perfect blend
for dreaming come true ♪

Light up and listen to the
shortest 15 minutes on radio,

with Fred Waring
and his Pennsylvanians.

And this is Fred Waring
and over half 100 Pennsylvanians

saying even in sleep,
a song is the thing.

Good night, all.

From coast to coast,
it's Horace Heidt,

the trumpeters
and the singing guitar.

And here's the country's
number one trumpet player,

Harry James, playing
"Sleepy Lagoon."

The sweetest music
this side of heaven,

with Guy Lombardo
and the trio singing.

♪ You are my sunshine,
my only sunshine ♪

♪ You make me happy
when skies are gray ♪

And here's our own
sentimental gentleman of swing,

Tommy Dorsey,
his trombone, and his band.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

Willie the wolf man's
out there waiting.

Yes, I know.
He sent in the evidence.

Oh, six orchids.

My, my, my!

What's he trying to do,
landscape you?

What a catch.

Filthy rich, too.

They say this man's
got more lettuce than

in a Victory Garden.

And marriageable, too.

Now, don't you worry about me.
I'm not falling for anyone.

Not until I see the whites
of their checkbooks.

Maybe that's your rich guy.

Maybe that's my poor guy.

You mean Alec?

You better forget about him.

Don't you go passing up
no golden opportunities

like rich Mr. Willie.

Opportunities like him
just tap once and gently.

Uh-oh. It's your poor man.

- Hello, Niagara.
- Oh, hello.

What are you doing?

Playing one nighters
in dressing rooms?

Mais oui, madame.

So sorry you are leaving.

Was I leaving?

Yes, Niagara.

Well, I guess I'm leaving.

I see you take the baby
everywhere.

And she just learned a new song.

I wish that I could
hear it, Alec,

but I haven't time tonight.

Sorry.

Well, the song can keep.

I'm trying it out
with Dorsey tonight.

I wanted you to be the first
to hear it.

You got a date?

I guess I got a minute.
One chorus, huh?

One chorus.

♪ Do I love you, do I? ♪

♪ Doesn't one and one
make two? ♪

♪ Do I love you, do I? ♪

♪ Does July need
a sky of blue? ♪

♪ Would I miss you, would I? ♪

♪ If you ever should go away ♪

♪ If the sun should desert
the day ♪

♪ What would life be? ♪

♪ Will I leave you? ♪

♪ Never ♪

♪ Could the ocean
leave the shore? ♪

♪ Will I worship you forever? ♪

♪ Isn't heaven forevermore? ♪

♪ Do I love you, do I? ♪

♪ Oh, my dear,
it's so easy to see ♪

♪ Don't you know I do? ♪

♪ Don't I show you I do? ♪

♪ Just as you love me ♪

Say, the song's better than
I thought.

Now, look what you've done.

What have I done?

Hit me when my guard was down.

Do I love you.

- Do you, May?
- No.

I've decided not to fall in love
right now.

As if it's up to you to decide.

You're human, aren't you?

I hope not.

- Now, May, look.
- I'm looking and what do I see?

A nice guy with brown eyes
who writes great songs

and hasn't got a nickel.

- Maybe not now but...
- Yeah, I know.

Things will get better. That's
what my mother and dad said.

She was the prettiest girl
on the block,

and he was the nicest guy.

It was love at first sight,

and when they took another look,
they were hitched.

On $20 a week.

Yes, and only a few years later,
he was making $25.

Before you know it, he bought
Mom the nicest ironing board

and washtub you ever saw.

And then Mom started raking in
as much as 5 whole bucks a week.

Wasn't that swell?

Now, you don't think I'd let you
take in laundry?

Well, my folks didn't start
out with that idea, either.

They were married.
That was their first mistake.

I was their second.
They had to eat.

That was their third.

Maybe your dad didn't have
my prospects.

I'm a rising young man.

Yes, you are, and you'll rise
a lot faster without me.

Ah, you'd help me.

Yeah. I'm all you need.

My dad had ambitions, too,
but he kept holding on to a job

he hated so there'd be
some security in the family.

He finally forgot his ambitions.

My dad was a nice guy.

Sure, he was.

- So are you.
- Thanks.

That's why I don't want to see
you come to what my dad came to.

I love you too much.

You said you loved me!

Gosh, I never said that before.

Go on, say it again.

Alec, you're on.

Coming.

I'll be right back
after my number.

Don't go away now.

♪ Do I love you, do I? ♪

♪ Doesn't one and one
make two? ♪

♪ Do I love you, do I? ♪

♪ Does July need
a sky of blue? ♪

♪ Do I love you, do I? ♪

♪ Oh, my dear,
it's so easy to see ♪

♪ Don't you know I do? ♪

♪ Don't I show you I do? ♪

♪ Just as you love me ♪

Say it again.

- Say what?
- That you love me.

All right.

I love you.

What's the matter, honey?

You don't sound
like you mean it.

I don't, so get going.

Hey, what goes on here?
What's the matter with you?

Nothing's the matter with me.

Are you mixed up.

In one breath, you can tell me
you love me,

- in the next breath you...
- I can say get going.

All right, I will.

What are you gonna do?
Live on a desert island?

No, but I can't afford
to marry for love.

Maybe I can find a guy
with money in the bank.

Once I'm married, who knows,
maybe I might even

get to liking him a little.

Well, I wish you luck.

But get this straight,

I don't agree with any
of your phony philosophy.

The only part that makes
any sense

is where you said
you loved me.

Well, I love you, too.

Plenty.

Enough to hope you get those
screwy ideas out of

your head and get yourself
straightened out.

Louis, you never
give me a tumble.

Can nothing ever come of
our beautiful friendship?

Not if I can help it.

But we could be
so happy together.

Can't you see I love you

and want you for the father
of my children?

I didn't know you had any.

Well, if that's the way
you're gonna act,

then give me my ring back.

Okay, you can take me home.

But remember, we say
good night at the door.

Now, does that make you happy?

Does that make me happy?

Well, don't overdo it.

Is that the fly in the soup?

Don't worry.
I'll get rid of him.

No, Rami, no rough stuff.

Ah, Sahib, I have
a personal message

for you from the spirit world.

But I can't give it to you here.

We must step outside
into the alley where it is dark.

The vibrations are
much better out there.

Take your hand off me.

Now go away.
Don't bother me.

But this is about May Daly.

Well, there's nothing you
or that phony crystal ball

could tell me about May Daly.

Now get out.

You clumsy fool!

Why don't you look
what you're doing?

I'm sorry.
It was an accident.

- Terribly sorry.
- You're sorry?

You ought to be sorry.

- You dress in good taste.
- Ah! You clumsy idiot.

You'll pay for this.
I'll have your job.

What do you want his job for?
He only gets 20 bucks a week.

Look at me.
Look at me.

I am looking at you,
and I can't stand it.

Ah, shut up!

Oh, May, your
new boyfriend's waiting.

- Thanks, Ginny.
- You know that guy tips

20 bucks every time
he buys a cigar?

Why don't you take some along?
Can't hurt.

Baldor tells me that Miss Daly's
date has been canceled.

The chef is about to serve
Willie on the dollar dinner.

Why, Willie,
whatever happened to you?

How did you get like that?

I was sitting here
waiting for you,

and this stupid waiter spilled
a whole chef's salad over me.

Willie, it's too bad, but...

Well, you just can't
stand there.

You better go home.

Well, we've got a party
arranged.

What am I going to do?

We're supposed to go
to the Rainbow Room.

- Like that?
- Well...

You better get that suit off
before it turns sour.

Well, that's a good idea.
Come up to my apartment.

It's nice and cozy.

Oh, I mean,
while I change my clothes.

No, thanks, Willie,
I think I'll just run along.

Well, I'll drive you.

No, it's all right,
I'd rather walk.

The air will do me good.
Good night.

Well, I...

- Good night, Louis.
- Good night, Miss Daly.

- Good night, Ginny.
- Good night.

- Good night, Miss Daly.
- Good night, Charlie.

- May, I mean, Miss Daly.
- Oh, hello, Louis.

Are you going in your direction?

I mean, are you going
in my direction?

Look, I don't mean to be
chasing you,

but I heard you say
you wanted to be alone,

so I figured you wouldn't mind
if I walked with you.

This coat.
I'm two payments behind on it.

It sort of resists me.

Here. Let me help you.

There.

Gee, thanks.

Come on.

Oh, excuse me.

You'll have to pardon me
if I seem ignorant, but...

Well, I never expected

to be walking up 52nd Street
with May Daly.

Who's she?

Just a superb artiste,
that's all.

Just a nightclub singer.

No, you're awful pretty, though.

I don't mean to be rude,
but you remind me of one

of those beautiful girls
in Esquire.

The ones with clothes on,
of course.

I hope you don't mind
riding home on a subway.

Compared to the boarding house
I live in, this is privacy.

Yeah, I know what you mean.
The boarding house where I live

is so crowded, you have to take
a bath piggyback.

Yeah, but you won't always
be riding on these things.

Someday you'll be riding
back and forth

to work in a big limousine.

Tell me more.

Say, you know, Miss May, you've
got to develop confidence.

Who do you think pulls
them millionaires

in that club every night?

May Daly.

Some millionaires
will go anywhere.

Nah, don't you kid yourself.

They're all crazy about you.

You could marry
the whole bunch of them.

Well, I'll settle for one,
better than that, half of one.

Half a millionaire's no good.
Taxes will eat him up.

May Daly's got to have
a whole millionaire or nothing.

Well, suppose she can't find
one that she likes?

Likes?

Oh, I'm sorry, madam, sit here.

Oh, you shouldn't
have gotten up.

What do you have
to like them for?

That's for ordinary girls.
You can have anyone you want.

Suppose I want to marry
a poor guy?

What for?

Well, you marry a rich guy
for money.

What would you marry
a poor guy for?

- What?
- For love.

Do you love her?

Well...
Well, who wouldn't?

But, gee, I...

You love him?

Louis is a sweet boy,
but I don't...

Got anyone else in mind?

Hey, you're not thinking
of Alec, are you?

Are you?
That's who it is.

It's Alec.
Has he got money?

No.

He's so poor he don't have a
pair of shoestrings that match.

My dear, when I was your age,
I could've married money.

But instead I picked a very
poor man whom I loved dearly.

John and I have been
married for 50 years.

And day by day,
our love has bloomed

into the most wonderful hatred.

Next time I get hitched,
it's for dough.

♪ Let's go back
two thousand years ♪

♪ Or more perchance ♪

♪ Before Delilah ♪

♪ Before Godiva ♪

♪ Before Gypsy Rose Lee
was alive ♪

♪ Way, way back ♪

♪ Before they ever
heard of Oomph Girls ♪

♪ At that time there lived
a dame who did her dance ♪

♪ Without a bubble
that blew to smidgens ♪

♪ Without a fan or without
a flock of pigeons ♪

♪ Way, way back before
the Greeks had a word ♪

♪ For Oomph Girls ♪

♪ With seven veils,
she wowed the males ♪

♪ And made the hall of fame ♪

♪ And this modern swing
and stuff and thing ♪

♪ All dates back to this dame ♪

♪ Salome was the grandma
of them all ♪

♪ She had the stuff that
makes your motor stall ♪

♪ This babe took
Babylon by storm ♪

♪ And handed down
that magic formula ♪

♪ That takes the wallflowers
off the wall ♪

♪ Yes, they swing and sway ♪

♪ Shimmy shammy,
but they show me ♪

♪ No matter how you slice it
boy, it's still ♪

♪ Salome ♪

♪ On Samson and Delilah,
here's a tip ♪

♪ She got her man,
but with no barber's clip ♪

♪ She merely went
into her dance ♪

♪ The day she found him
with his panzer unit ♪

♪ And her blitzkrieg
was a pip ♪

♪ Yes, it's box office ♪

♪ Minsky gives
them a diplomie ♪

♪ But no matter
how you slice it ♪

♪ Boy, it's still ♪

♪ Salome ♪

♪ You can slice it thick,
you can slice it thin ♪

♪ Or you needn't
slice it at all ♪

♪ You can cut it long,
you can cut it short ♪

♪ You can hang it
up on the wall ♪

♪ But when they claim
it's something new ♪

♪ It really doesn't throw me ♪

♪ For no matter ♪

♪ How you slice it ♪

♪ It still comes out ♪

♪ Salome ♪

I'm looking for
a Mr. Louis Blore.

That's me.

Will you sign right here?

What's this?

Hey, what's this?

That's a check for your hat.

Give me me hat.

Yes, sir.

Well, give me your check.

Give me me hat.

Now, let's not lose your head.

Let's not lose your teeth.

Give me me hat.

- Well, give me a check.
- My hat, please?

- Yes, sir.
- Get in line.

- Give me me hat.
- My hat, please.

- Yes, sir.
- Give me me hat.

- Quiet.
- Mm!

I'm sorry, sir.

Ambrose!

- My hat, please.
- Check, please.

Oh.

Here's your telegram.

What's that?

I don't know. Where's its head?

- Give me my toupee.
- Check, please.

Oh!

I shall never come here again.

Here's your telegram.

You know, you just cost me
one of my best customers.

- He's a millionaire.
- He didn't even tip you.

Just the same,
if I had his dough,

I wouldn't be in here
checking derbies.

I'd be in there using $20 bills
for napkins.

Hey, why is it all the rich
people have all the money?

Ah, well, maybe some day
my luck will change.

Hey, ain't you gonna read that?

It's probably from
the finance company.

Unless, of course,
I've won the sweepstakes.

"This is to notify you that
you've won first prize

of $150,000 in the Irish
Grand National Sweepstakes."

You know, I've been parking
fedoras here for five years.

I never made a mistake
until you came along.

Now, I've won the sweepstakes.

Sweepstakes!

- Oh, thank you.
- Oh, that's all right.

Well, Mr. Blore, won't you say
a few words to your

millions of new friends?

Well, thank you.
Hello, Mom.

It was a tough sweepstake,
but my horse won.

You know, all my life, I've been
kind to dumb animals,

but this is the first time
a dumb animal

has ever been kind to me.

And we're glad you won,
Mr. Blore.

But I'm sure our listeners
would like to know one thing.

Were you very excited
when you received the news?

Well, I started off to be,

but I put a stop to it
quick by collapsing.

Well, I don't blame you,
Mr. Blore.

You must feel like a king.

King Louis, that's me.

King Louis? Oh, very good.

Well, Your Majesty, who's
the lucky girl to be your queen?

Haven't you read the newspapers?

- No.
- Well, I'm figuring

on marrying Du Barry.

Who?

Du Barry, that's if
she'll have me.

Well, I'm off to break the news.

Oh, by the way, dear friends,

if you'd like to have one
of my pictures autographed,

absolutely free, just send
a $20 bill to cover the cost

of mailing and wrapping.

Well, Your Majesty,
because you've been so kind

as to participate
in our broadcast here,

I'm going to present to you,

with the compliments
of our sponsor,

a special tube of
our De Kay toothpaste.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, by the way, do you
have an empty tube?

- No, I don't.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, how do you like that?

Did you ever say
you'd marry him?

No, of course not.
That's what's so funny.

Nothing that funny
ever happens to me.

May.

Did you hear Louis on the radio?

- Yes, I did.
- Did you see the newspapers?

- I did.
- Very, very funny.

Go ahead and laugh. You've given
me plenty of laughs.

Yeah, I guess I have.

But what about this poor kid
when he finds out?

Finds out what?

That you don't have
the slightest intention

of going through with this.

Why shouldn't I go through
with it?

It's what I've always wanted,
isn't it?

I said that love doesn't count,
and it still doesn't.

And I said that money does,
and there it is.

You don't mean you'd wreck
your life and Louis', too,

just because you're sore at me?

Oh, don't flatter yourself.

You don't even enter
into my plans.

One moment.
One moment, boys.

Tommy, you must do me a favor.

You know Louis is taking
over this place for tonight,

and I want you and the boys to
give him a real entertainment.

Please, you'll do it for me,
Tommy, huh?

Okay, Nick.

Fellas, you know, Louis won a
lot of money in the sweepstakes.

And he's taking the place
over tonight to celebrate.

Hey, slim.

Hey.

Keep an eye on your kelly?

Watch your lid?
Park your derby?

No, no, that's not the way.

This is a high class place.

When a gentleman walks in,
you smile and say,

"Check your hat, sir?"

That's it.
That always slips me mind.

It'll come to you gradually.
Say, how's business?

I ain't had customer yet,
but I sure love the work.

Is that my old uniform?

It's too small for you,
ain't it?

No, I'm just in it too far.

Maybe we should have
given this job to a girl.

But you can't get any.

They're all working
in shipyards.

Louis.

Louis, you look wonderful.

Do I really?

Everything is just as you
ordered it, Louis.

- I mean, Mr. Blore.
- Oh, you can call me Louis.

Money ain't changed me.
I'm still lovable.

Here, hold this, will you?

Here's a couple of thousand
bucks to cover the brawl.

How'd that $5 bill get in there?

Now, if you run short,
let me know.

Yes, sir, Louis.
The place is yours.

It's your night to cut a rug.

Gosh, Louis,
who'd have ever thought

you was gonna marry May Daly?

Oh, I could tell.

That's on account of me
feminine institution.

- Is she here?
- Who?

- May Daly, my fiancée.
- Fiancée?

I want to hear that from her
own lips before I believe it.

You will.
You will, don't worry.

Hey, how do you like
my glad rags, huh?

Hey, did you get two pair
of pants with that suit?

Louis, I hardly recognized you.

You look like something
out of Esquire.

♪ When I buy an Esquire ♪

♪ The bible of
the well dressed man ♪

♪ My pulse jumps
10 points higher ♪

♪ But not because
of each Dapper Dan ♪

♪ I don't go in for fashions ♪

♪ I forget the authors' names ♪

♪ The only thing I go for ♪

♪ Are those beautiful dames ♪

♪ I love an Esquire girl ♪

♪ If you don't love
an Esquire girl ♪

♪ You won't like steak,
apple strudel ♪

♪ Angel cake,
soup with noodles ♪

♪ You would eat an oyster ♪

♪ But you'd throw
away the pearl ♪

♪ If you don't love
an Esquire girl ♪

♪ I love a Varga girl ♪

♪ If you don't love
a Varga girl ♪

♪ You'd laugh out loud
at Whistler's Mother ♪

♪ Frankenstein is sure
to be your brother ♪

♪ You would buy
a Persian lamb ♪

♪ And cut off every curl ♪

♪ If you don't love
a Varga girl ♪

♪ Those lovely pictures
by Hurrell ♪

♪ I hang on every wall ♪

♪ They're so swell
I have to yell ♪

♪ Hurrell for them all ♪

♪ I crave a lovely girl ♪

♪ If you don't
crave a lovely girl ♪

♪ You've got a head,
but what's below it? ♪

♪ You're half dead,
but you don't know it ♪

♪ And if Lana Turner doesn't
set your brain awhirl ♪

♪ Then you don't love
a lovely girl ♪

♪ If you still don't love
a lovely girl ♪

♪ There's something
you should see ♪

♪ The calendar that we present ♪

♪ For 1943 ♪

♪ January, you resolve ♪

♪ To start the year out fine ♪

♪ February, you make
every heart a valentine ♪

♪ March, you're just
a bit unruly ♪

♪ April, you're so
April fooly ♪

♪ May, you're so romantic ♪

♪ With your magic touch
of spring ♪

♪ June, you have each couple
hoping wedding bells will ring ♪

♪ July brings out that good old
Yankee Doodle in me ♪

♪ And August, what a wonderful
vacation you'd be ♪

♪ Sweet September, you arrive
and disappear too soon ♪

♪ But you bring October
and a lovely harvest moon ♪

♪ November makes us thankful
for the blessings we hold dear ♪

♪ December makes us realize
it's been a lovely year ♪

♪ I crave a lovely girl ♪

♪ If you don't crave
a lovely girl ♪

♪ You've got a head,
but what's below it? ♪

♪ You're half dead,
but you don't know it ♪

♪ And if Lana Turner doesn't
set your brain awhirl ♪

♪ Then you don't love
a lovely girl ♪

Are you Mr. Louis Blore?

No, that's him there.

Hey, Louis.
Just leave it there.

Louis.

Gee, it's beautiful, isn't it?

L and M.

Get what it stands for?

Sure, ladies and men.

No, Louis and May.

Take it to her dressing room.

- Yes, sir.
- Be sure and put it in water.

Water?

Here, put it over here.

- Oh, isn't that lovely?
- There's a cake for a king.

- Must have cost a fortune.
- Good evening, Louis.

How are you?

Well, good evening.

How are you, Miss Daly?

Miss Daly.

- Come on, kiss the bride.
- Yeah, kiss the bride.

Kiss him, Miss Daly.
We'll hold him.

I wish to speak to you, Louis.

Sure.

Alone.

Sure, just the two of us.

Sit down, please.

I've seen the papers.

Yeah. Have you?

I see you wish to buy me.

Oh, gosh, no, Miss Daly.
I want to marry you.

Hey, talk to each other
or something, will you?

Well, I'm going to be
very honest with you, Louis.

You're a fine boy, but I --
I'm just not in love with you.

Well, if I was in your place,
I wouldn't be, either.

But you're in a position
to give me a lot of things

that I want, so all right.

But it'll have to be purely
a business arrangement.

You know what I mean?

Sure. Sure, you...

Hey, dance, will you?
Mill around.

Talk or...

So, if you're satisfied with...

If you want someone who...

I mean, I'm marrying you
just for your money.

Sure, you'd be marrying me
for my money,

but maybe you could learn
to love me just a little

and, well, I might win
another sweepstake and...

Well, if the terms
are agreeable to you, Louis,

I'd be most happy to accept.

Hey, everybody, guess what?

May's getting married.

To me, of all people.

Well, what are we waiting for?
Drinks for everybody.

And none of that 1942 champagne.

Give them the old stuff,
the 1940.

You bet, Louis.

Oh, I almost forgot.
This is for you, Miss Daly.

I mean, honey.

- That's a beauty.
- What a ring.

I guess this is part
of our bargain.

Well, come on, kiss her.

Oh, she's just excited.
She's never married me before.

Check your hat?
Oh, sorry.

May, I got to say something.
I just got to.

- What?
- Check your hat?

I love you.

Of course you don't have
to say it because I know

you don't love me,
but I wanted you to know...

Louis, you're very nice.

And I know you mean
everything you say to me, but...

Well, I was just thinking
that maybe I...

Well, maybe I...

Alec!
Come on in and join the party.

Hey, what do you think?
May's gonna marry me.

Louis, why don't you
get wise to yourself.

She doesn't love you.

I know that.

She's gonna marry me
for my money.

Will you please keep out of this
and attend to your own affairs?

This is my affair.

Tell him the real reason
you're marrying him.

Go ahead.

Hey, don't talk to her
like that, or I'll smack you.

Yeah?

And there's plenty more
where that came from.

Hey, I want to talk to you.

How's about that lug.

Hey, he's insulting
the almost Mrs. Blore.

We'll fix him.
I'll slip him a Rooney.

A Rooney? What's that?

It's a high powered mickey.

Look, I slip this powder
into his drink,

and what happens to him
should happen to him.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

Those things aren't dangerous,
are they?

No, they ain't displeasant.

He goes into a comma
for about a fortnight.

Maybe longer.
Maybe five days.

I beg your pardon.

Which of you gentlemen won
the $150,000 sweepstakes?

Oh, that was my pal here.

Well, I'm from
the Treasury Department.

- Treasury Department?
- Yes, I'm a collector.

Oh, you want my autograph.

Well, look,
I'm a little busy now.

Could you stop around later?

Yeah, see us the second
Tuesday of next week.

Alec is the jack, May is the
queen, and Louis is the king.

I was right. May marries Alec.

You're not even warm, Rami.

There he is over there.

Yeah. Now, look.
Here's what you do.

You go over to the guy and say,
"Look, I ain't sore.

Have a drink."

And while the bartender
ain't looking, I'll...

Well, how will I know
which drink is his?

Well, I'll point.

No, I don't think we ought to.

But you got to.
You got to for her sake.

Go on. Go on.

Okay.

Hiya.

Hello, sucker.

Oh, look, Alec, I'm not mad you.

What do you say?
Let's have a drink together.

Sort of a loving cup.

Who's loving who?

I'm loving you,
you're loving me,

so let's let bygones be bygones.

Okay, I'll have a drink.

You will?

Hey, Cheezy.

- Yes, sir.
- Two drinks and make it snappy.

Yes, sir.

I guess I'm crazy,
but I'm glad May turned me down.

I could never give her
all the things she deserves.

Yeah, sure.

You know, it's too bad
May couldn't marry

for love and money.

You mean sort of
a double wedding?

Here you are, Cheezy.

Oh.

Hey, Cheezy, is them the drinks
that Louis ordered?

- Yeah.
- Ooh, I forgot to tell you.

They want you on the phone.

Phone?

- Long distance.
- Long distance?

- Yeah.
- Well, I...

- Oh, I'll serve it for you.
- Will you?

- Sure.
- Thanks.

Okay.

Why don't you go
where you're walking?

Look where you're...

Hm!

Well, here they come, pal.

Cheezy was busy.
He asked me to serve.

- Some drink, eh?
- Yeah, I'll bet it is.

Nothing too good
for me old pal, Alec.

I want to thank you
for tipping me off about May.

Oh, you finally got it.

Yeah, I finally got it.

- No, he got it.
- What?

The -- uh, nothing.

I was thinking
about something else.

Well, bottoms up.

Mm-hmm. Any minute now.

Here's to I, May, and you,
the eternal rectangle.

If this was back in the
glorious days of France,

I would be King Louis,
May would be Du Barry,

and you would be one of
the common folks, a pheasant.

I guess you won't
take my advice.

You'll marry May
no matter what.

Well, thanks for
the drink, anyway.

It was a pleasure.

Good luck to you and May.

Thanks.

I guess it won't be long now.

Nope, it sure won't.

How long does it take it
to work?

- Well, that's debatable.
- Well, come on.

I want to be there
when it happens.

You know, we're really smart.
We used our heads.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing.

Alec is the jack,

May is the queen,
Louis is the king.

Alec is the jack,

May is the queen,
Louis is the king.

Alec is the jack,

May is the queen,
Louis is the king.

May is the queen,
Louis is the king.

I don't feel well, fellas.

Hey, where is everybody?

What's the idea of them
funny looking clothes?

The party turn
into a masquerade?

Your Majesty had a nightmare?

What's everybody
staring at me for?

What's this?

Your breakfast, sire.

Well, who eats who?

Cheezy!

I've been looking for you.

What'd you put in that drink?

You tried to poison me,
didn't you?

I, poison Your Majesty?

I, the Count de Roquefort,
Your Majesty's dietician?

Diet? Oh, I get it.

Now, you're trying
to starve me to death.

Look, Cheezy,
what's the rib, huh?

Where am I?

Surely Your Majesty
knows this is Versailles.

Versailles?

Could it be that
Your Majesty is fatigued

after yesterday's trip
to Paris?

What? Paris?
What was I doing in Paris?

Your Majesty.

Really?

May I retire, my lord?

I have some new taxes
to levy on your subjects.

Now, wait a minute, bub.

I don't mind my pals
ribbing me but...

Hey, Cheezy,
who is this character?

Why, the Duc de Choiseul,
the Minister of Finance.

Minister of Finance?

And he is the Duc de Rigor,
your Prime Minister.

Oh, last time I saw you,
you were a chef salad.

If Your Majesty pleases,

I am the Prime Minister
of the Empire of France.

Oh, sure, sure, you're
the Prime Minister,

and I'm King Louis XV.

Yes, Your Majesty.

That settles it.
Where's my pants?

I'm getting out of here.

Hey Cheezy, call me a taxi.

What's a taxi?

Oh, I get it. It's a plot.

You're trying to drive me nuts.

You're all after the money

I won in the sweepstakes,
but you won't get it.

The FBI is gonna hear
about this.

I'll call my own taxi.

"His Majesty, Louis XV, 1743."

What a setback.

Sire, if you're displeased
with the portrait,

I will have
the artist beheaded.

Listen, bub, if there's any
beheading, I'll give the okay.

Say, who's king around here,
anyway?

You are, Your Majesty.

You sure I ain't the queen?

♪ Good morning, good morning ♪

♪ Good morning to Your Grace ♪

♪ We are here to brighten up
your not so very bright face ♪

♪ Here's the brush
to scrub your back ♪

♪ And here's the soap
for lather ♪

♪ Here's geranium bath salts ♪

♪ Or lavender if you'd rather ♪

♪ Brush to scrub, soap to rub,
salt to dub ♪

♪ Schnitzelbank ♪

♪ Now, pray thee tell me,
pretty maids ♪

♪ Your duty to the throne ♪

♪ After Your Grace has
washed his face ♪

♪ We squirt you with cologne ♪

♪ Oh, tra-la-la, la-la, la-la ♪

♪ You've come to wash my face ♪

♪ Tra-la-la, la-la, la-la ♪

♪ We've come to wash your face ♪

♪ We've come to wash your face ♪

That's very good, girls.
I liked that.

You can all expect
an extra mink coat

in each of your pay
envelopes on Saturday.

Well...

♪ Katie went to Haiti ♪

♪ Katie heard a band ♪

♪ Swing wide, please ♪

♪ She cried ♪

♪ "Hot potatie, hey" ♪

♪ Jackson, this is grand ♪

♪ Katie liked the band ♪

♪ Thought she'd found
the promised land ♪

♪ After a week in Haiti ♪

♪ The island began to thrive ♪

♪ Like a beehive ♪

♪ Katie showed each local lady ♪

♪ Quickly just how
to make with the jive ♪

♪ They came from miles around ♪

♪ To watch old Katie
go to town ♪

♪ And after a month in Haiti ♪

♪ She decided it was time
to move ♪

♪ Hit the road ♪

♪ But the people asked her
not to leave 'em ♪

♪ 'Cause Haiti was in
the groove ♪

♪ In the groove
so Katie stayed in Haiti ♪

♪ Her life there, it was great ♪

♪ 'Cause Katie went for Haiti ♪

♪ And practically all Haiti
went for Katie ♪

♪ From Haiti ♪

♪ Katie, Katie, Kay ♪

♪ Katie, Katie, Kay ♪

♪ Hay-de, hay-de-hay ♪

♪ Hay-de, hay-de-hay ♪

♪ Hi-de, hi-de-hi ♪

♪ Hi-de, hi-de-hi ♪

♪ Ho-de, ho-de-ho ♪

♪ Ho-de, ho-de-ho ♪

♪ And practically
all Haiti loved Katie ♪

Very good. Very good.

Very good. Very good.

Tommy. Tommy Dorsey!

The Duc d'Orsay, sire,
your court musician.

Really?

But I swore that was Tommy.

Hiya, Pop. Hiya, Pop!

Hey, where have
I seen him before?

That's the Dauphin, sire,
your son.

Oh. My son!

I'm sorry, sire.

You're sorry?

The stork that brought him
must have been part wolf.

Hiya, Pop.

Hey, men don't kiss men.

They do in France, Pop.

What do I do now?
Let him wear my fraternity pin?

Hey, where'd you get
all those beautiful girls?

Oh. You give them to me
for Christmas.

And all the time,
I wanted a pony.

Hey, how old are you, son?

32.

30-- I'm only 28!

Hey, this don't make sense.

Come here.
I want to talk to you.

Hey.
Will you come here?

I want to have
a fatherly talk with you.

Oh, now, I know all about
the birds and the bees...

No, no, not that.

What's the setup around here?
Am I really the king?

Anybody that says
you ain't... dies.

Will you put that thing away
before you

put somebody's eye out?

Now sit down.

No, I got to go.
My wife's waiting.

Oh. Your wife? Who's she?

Marie Antoinette.

Well, if you're married, why are
you chasing around those girls?

Because I want to be
like you, Pop.

Aw, now, is that the way
to talk to your father?

Sit down.

Tell me, have I got a girl?

Have you got a...

Are you kidding, Pop?

First there was Madam Pompadour,

then the Duchess de Châteauroux,

and then Countess Jailbait.

How about the queen?

Gee, I've had quite a past,
haven't I?

I like the girl
you got now best.

Yeah? Who is she?
Anybody I know?

Everybody knows.
Madam Du Barry.

Du...
Du Barry's my girl?

How am I doing with her?

How are you...

Oh, Papa.

No kidding.

We are nearing
Madam Du Barry's house, sire.

Gee, I hope she's in.

He hopes she's in.

Hey, do I look all right?

Does he look all right?

Hey, would you say
she was crazy about me?

Would he say
she was crazy about you?

Look, sonny, I want an answer,
not an echo.

Ha! He wants an echo.

Thank you.

A thousand pardons,
Your Majesty.

Oh, it's not your fault.

Cars 200 years from now don't
have running boards, either.

Here, Pop, you might need this.

Thanks.

What a defense plant
that would make.

Beautiful, isn't it?

It's the nicest one you've
bought Madam Du Barry.

Yeah?

Let's see, how many have
I bought her now?

Two palaces, four castles,
10 chateaus, and a cottage.

Oh, no trailer, huh?

Good luck to you, sire, and I'll
call for you at the usual hour.

Oh, the usual hour.

Of course, you'll let me know
when you get here.

Greetings, chum.
Open her up.

Sire.

Du Barry in there?

Yes, sire.

You think I ought to knock?

Not you, sire.

Well, take the afternoon off.
I'll see you around sometime.

Thank you, sire.

Fools!

You blundering fools!

Soldiers you call yourselves?

You're more like school boys.

And the next time I give a
command, I want it carried out.

Yoo-hoo!

Shut up, you idiot.

This is your last chance.

You find the man I want
and bring him here, to me.

Well, personally, I think
you have enough men here now.

What is this,
the boudoir or the barracks?

Search every house in France.

The Black Arrow must be found,
or I'll have your head.

But, madame, this man,
he's very clever.

I don't want excuses.

I said I want that man,
for the last time.

Well, if I were sure
it was the last time...

No, you've already got a man.

It's me, and I'm
against hoarding.

Hey, take a furlough.

Left face.

At the double, forward march.

The royal flowers from the royal
garden into your royal arms.

And right in your royal kisser.

How dare you insult me
in front of the help!

Well, how would you feel
if your girl used your army

to catch men for her?

It ain't ladylike.

So that's what you think of me.

I'm sorry. I'm just jealous.

I haven't been myself lately.

But the whole world knows
I'm madly in love with you.

So they tell me.

Louis, listen.

There's something been going
on lately that

I think you should know about.

Last night, a man sneaked
into my bedroom

while I was asleep and pinned
this note to my pillow.

"Madam, you have ignored
our demands.

Before we take definite
action,

we warn you
the longer you delay,

the greater the price
you will pay."

The finance company.

I used to get a lot
of these things.

"Be wise, madame.

Save the honor of France.

End your scandalous alliance
with the King."

That don't sound
like a finance company.

I'll tell you who it's from.

It's from that
rabble rousing, jealous,

night riding sneak,
the Black Arrow.

Can't place him.

This rebellious dog has been
threatening me for months.

Ever since you
and I became friends.

Oh, that's a good one.

Could His Majesty
have a little kiss?

What about the Black Arrow?

Let him get his own girl.

So you refuse to deal
with this menace.

Look, he left right after
pinning the note, didn't he?

He's no menace.
He's nuts.

And so am I, about you.

Oh, Louis, don't do that again.

Oh, now, wait a minute.
I only want a kiss!

Why don't you stop this stuff?
We've got to get together.

According to history,

I'm supposed to be the greatest
lover in all France.

Oh, Louis,
what's gotten into you?

Love.

There you are.

Louis, you must
control yourself!

Here's an apple, a nice red one.

Louis!

Don't you know the king
can do no wrong?

That's my plan.

Ah, sit down, will you?

This ain't a love affair,
it's a track meet.

Louis, this sort of thing
must stop.

Every time you come here,

you chase me
all around the room.

I do?

I'm sorry if I rushed you,
but I may be dreaming,

and I wanted to catch you
before I woke up.

Well, this must stop.
It's wearing me out.

Ain't doing the carpets
any good, either.

Oh, honey, you're just unstrung.

But this ain't.

Oh, Louis, are you gonna play
that thing again?

Would you accept
this little token?

Oh, darling.

You really shouldn't
have done it.

Oh, Louis, I just can't
accept this.

Oh, please do.

Oh, no, really,
I just can't accept this.

All right then, give it back.

This must be worth a fortune,
isn't it?

Sure, but I can afford it.

All I do is tax the people.

But there's no tax on kissing.

Oh, Louis, I'm afraid.

Suppose the Black Arrow
makes good his threat.

That guy is a rut
in the road to romance.

Some day, his head will decorate
the steeple of one

of my cheapest palaces.

I defy him.

Can't you see
I'm hungry for a kiss?

You're just hungry.

Come on, Louis,
let's have a crepe suzette.

Huh?

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

No, thank you, no.

♪ I don't mean to be rude ♪

♪ But I'm not in the mood
for food ♪

♪ It's lovely, it's tempting ♪

♪ Fit for a king, I know ♪

♪ Your cooking's
a work of art ♪

♪ But when you're with me ♪

♪ Why be so à la carte? ♪

♪ Madam, I love your
crepe suzette ♪

♪ I think your crepe suzette
is wonderful ♪

♪ But for the moment,
let's forget ♪

♪ All about your crepe suzette ♪

♪ Madam, I love
your cheese soufflé ♪

♪ I think your cheese soufflé
is marvelous ♪

♪ But when you look
at me that way ♪

♪ How can I eat
cheese soufflé? ♪

♪ I regret to say ♪

♪ I'm unable to partake
of your table ♪

♪ You'd be more delish ♪

♪ Account of you're
my favorite dish ♪

♪ Madam, if I don't
touch a bite ♪

♪ It's not because
I've lost my appetite ♪

♪ I want what you've got
plenty of ♪

♪ Madam, I came here for love ♪

My head! I've lost my head!
Help!

Help! Help!

Help!

Help! Help!

Help!

Come here, you fools.

Why are you never here
when I need you?

I'm sorry, madame.

We have been searching
for the Black Arrow.

We thought we saw him
climbing your balcony.

Well, he's hiding somewhere.
Surround the palace.

Search the grounds. But find
him. Do you hear me?

Find him.

Yes, madame.

Follow me.

Thank you, madame.

You?

How embarrassing, to be found
hiding behind a woman's skirts.

This time, you've gone too far.
You're trapped.

They told me you were dangerous.

Perhaps the guillotine
will amuse you, too.

Ah, the guillotine.

Little did I think that
I, too, would lose my head

over Du Barry.

I trust my appearance
pleases you.

I expected nothing.
I know the King's taste.

Of which you do not approve.

His Majesty can do as he wishes.

How generous.
I shall tell him.

So long as he doesn't rob
his hungry people to pay

for your pretty feathers.

That is the blood of France.

We shall see if yours
is as red tomorrow.

You can't call them, can you?

I've sworn to drive you out,
yet you're afraid to call them.

I am not afraid.

You know that if they kill me,

it ends the only excitement
in your dull,

wretched existence.

Dull? Wretched?

You fool. I rule France.
I have everything.

It is I, madame, le capitaine.

Let them in.

I can't.

If you regret letting me escape,
tell them I'll be

at the Black Tavern
tonight, a secret meeting.

The password is
"Down With Du Barry."

There he goes.

What happened?

The Black Arrow's escaped
from madame's boudoir.

Is my palace that way?

Yes, sire.

Poison ivy!

Help!

Password?

We are friends
of the Black Arrow.

Password?

Down with Du Barry.

Oh, you are friends.
Enter.

All right, what'll it be?

- Champagne.
- Champagne?

The champagne of the poor, beer.

And stale bread.

Yeah.

So these are my enemies,
the jealous dogs.

Shh! Not so loud.

Quiet! Quiet, fellas!
Quiet. Quiet. Quiet.

Well, folks, it's great
to be back again.

Glad to see so many loyal faces
in the audience.

And now, without any
further introduction,

I give you a man who comes
direct from the palace,

the star of our revolution,

your favorite and mine,
the Black Arrow!

Friends of freedom,
foes of inequity,

sons of liberty, arise!

Not yet.

Why can you no longer find
bread for your babies?

Why is your barn empty of grain?

Why is your bottle empty
of wine?

Is it because of you?

No!

Is it because of him?

No!

Is it because
of the King?

- No!
- Yes!

Yes, the King.

But is it your king?

No, it's Madam Du Barry's king.

Du Barry, that jade, that
Jezebel, that spoiler of kings.

Isn't he wonderful?

Does she love the King?

No, she loves rubies,
so your children go hungry.

She loves silks and furs,
and your wives go naked.

Look at his eyes.

And who is this Du Barry?

She isn't a mother.

She isn't a wife.

She isn't even a woman.

Hurray! Hurray!

She is only the friend,
the friend of the King

who taxes you,
and taxes you, and robs you!

♪ He puts a heavy tax on every
penny that we make ♪

♪ It's getting drastic! ♪

♪ It's too fantastic ♪

♪ He robs our very ovens
of all the bread we bake ♪

♪ It gets absurder ♪

♪ Hey, Jack, it's murder ♪

♪ And don't forget Du Barry,
the royal beauty spot ♪

♪ What has that Du Barry got
that this poor thing has not? ♪

♪ She sits and drinks
the best champagne ♪

♪ With others of her ilk ♪

♪ While this poor
starving creature ♪

♪ Can't get a glass of milk ♪

♪ Shall we stand for it? ♪

♪ No, we won't stand for it ♪

♪ Then shall we rise to it? ♪

♪ Yes, we'll rise to it ♪

♪ Then gather sticks
and gather stones ♪

♪ We're out to break
his royal bones ♪

♪ Allons, enfants! ♪

♪ Allons! ♪

♪ Rise, rise, daughter and son ♪

♪ Servants of France,
there is work to be done ♪

♪ Fight, fight,
throw off the glove ♪

♪ Fight for the country
that we love ♪

♪ Up with the downtrodden ♪

♪ Down with the uptrodden ♪

♪ Smash our way to victory ♪

♪ In with the outbred ♪

♪ Out with the inbred ♪

♪ Might is right ♪

♪ So fight, fight, fight ♪

♪ To make a great democracy ♪

♪ Rise, rise,
strike at the foe ♪

♪ Call out to arms
from Calais to Bordeaux ♪

♪ Fight, fight ♪

♪ Fight for the chance
of freedom ♪

♪ And glory for France ♪

He's mad about me.

They're all mad about you.

Come, we must warn the King.

We want the King!
We want the King!

We must save France!
We want the King!

We want the King!
We must save France!

We want the King!
We want the King!

We must save France!
We want the King!

Here I am, boys.

We want the King!

We must save France.

- Here I am, boys.
- We want the King!

France is saved.

You know, you fellas
saved my life?

One for all and all for one.
Are you with us?

Am I with you?
I'm one of you.

Where you heading for,
the palace?

- We are.
- Good.

When we get there,
I'll open a bottle of wine.

- We'll open all the wine.
- Yeah, what do I care?

Hey, how about staying
for dinner?

We're all staying for dinner.

Sure. Well, I eat when you eat.
One for all and so forth.

Say, I don't see the lights
of the palace yet.

Palace? When we're through, not
one light will be left burning.

Oh, air raid wardens, huh?
I'm a fire watcher, myself.

Hey, are you sure
this is the right way?

We'll get there.
Just follow the Arrow.

- What Arrow?
- Our leader, the Black Arrow.

Oh, is he with us, too?

We want the King!

We must save France!

You said you were with us.

I'm with you, ain't I?
I was just taking a shortcut.

Traitor. He wants to get there
first so he can kill the King.

Oh, don't be silly.

When you kill the king,
I don't even want to be there.

We want the King!
We want the King!

So your followers
must find a new leader.

Hang him to that tree.

Stop it. Stop it!

Who dares interfere?

Me.

My Majesty.

Your Majesty,
how did you get here?

I've been out feeling
the pulse of the public.

Alec, I should have known
it was you.

So you're the boudoir kibitzer

that's been trying
to wreck my romance.

Well, that's why
we captured him, Your Majesty.

Now, may I hang him?

Sure. No!

What kind of a king do you think
I am, anyway?

We'll give him a fair trial,

and then we'll hang him.

And you, too.

Your Majesty knows
this scoundrel?

Sure, I know him a long time
from now.

I was going to give you a trial,

but my ministers said
it'd be just a waste of money.

You're a fine one
to talk about waste.

Ain't I?

Hey, what do I do now?

Sentence them, Your Majesty.

"Whereas two lawless subjects
of His Royal Majesty..."

Hey, we may as well skip
the dull stuff, huh?

Yeah, just read the good part.

"For parading without license,
each of you get 30 days.

And for planning to knock me
off, you get the guillotine."

Your Majesty.

I've decided to give you
a break.

I'll cancel the 30 days.

To the Bastille!
Prepare the guillotine!

Long live France.

Long live Taliostra.

- Long live Louis!
- Down with Louis!

You can't talk to my pop
like that.

Aaah!

Get it out! Get it out!

Get it out!

Get it out, will you?

Get it out! Pull it out!
Pull it out, will you?

Take it easy, sire, the doctor
will be here any minute.

He has a wonderful reputation.

Never mind his reputation.
Has he got a pair of pliers?

Oh, my little back.
My little back.

The doctor will be here
any minute, sire.

Is he any good?

He's the best backfield man
in all of France, sire.

He'll have you on your feet
in no time.

Oh, that's...
I can get on my feet now!

When can I get on my back?

Ah, here comes Dr. Pullitt now.

Ah, good morning, good morning,
good morning.

I'm sorry to be late, but I
saved a man's life this morning.

He was sick and sent for me,
but I didn't go.

Now, what's troubling
my little man this morning?

I got a sharp pain in my back.

Guess what it is?

We'll find out.
Stick out your tongue.

Further. Further. Further.

It's hooked on back there.

What do you want me to do?
Lay it on the floor?

No, the floor is dirty.

How do you sleep at night?

Sometimes like this,
and then sometimes...

What do you care how I sleep?

Get that thing out, will you?

It's been picking up
radio programs all day.

That's it. Liver.
It's your liver, all right.

If it is, it's protruding.

Just as I thought,
too many white corpuscles.

Dye them, brother, dye them.

Now, when did you feel
this coming on?

I didn't.
It kind of snuck up on me.

Well, don't worry.
We'll pull through.

Yeah, I might, but you won't.

Here, take one of these morning
and night.

What do you think I am,
a pinball machine?

What about that jumbo splinter?

Oh, that.

That's nothing.

Ah, a little anemic, too.

What'll I do now?

Just put a beefsteak on it.

Beefsteak?

Be brave, my friend.
You are dying for your country.

Yeah, but I was born
in the city.

Louis, stop it!
Stop it, you must stop it.

I'm not doing anything.
Hey, what are you doing here?

Louis, I implore you.
Please save his life.

Who, the Black Arrow?

Why?

Because I love him.

I don't get it.

Here I've been squandering
jewels and palaces on you.

All the time, he's been plotting
against the both of us,

and you fall for him.

I can't help it.
I love him.

What's he got that I wish I had,
and how can I get it?

Get your daily
chopping guide here.

Get a program.

You can't tell which
head is which without a program.

Get your daily chopping guide.
Get a program.

Oh, hurry, Louis.
There's no time to lose.

I can't do it.

If I pardon him,

I'm left holding the bag,
while he's holding you.

Oh, if you spare his life,

I swear I'll never
see him again.

Oh, gonna meet him
in the dark, huh?

Oh, please, Louis, let him live.

I'll do anything you want.

All right, I'll do it.

Oh, thank you, Louis.

But 200 years from now,
history books will say,

"King Louis was screwy."

Quick. The knife will
drop in a minute.

I'll save him
if it takes a week.

One moment, sire.

Yes?

Ah, eaves drooping, huh?

I would rather the little affair
went on just as scheduled.

But I've got to save
the Black Arrow.

Du Barry may kill herself.

Let her.

If I can't have her,
no one else will.

Now, wait a minute, bub.

You're talking to My Majesty,
King of France.

And you're talking to
the best swordsman in Europe.

En garde!

En garde!

Well, what do you...

Darling, do not lose courage.

Wait, the King is coming
to free him.

Please. Please, hear me.
The King says he shall live.

You know, a thing like this
is liable to stunt your growth.

Help! Help!

Stop it! Stop it!

Help! Stop it!

Stop it!

Help! Help!

Stop it!

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it! Stop it!

That's okay. He's lapsing back
to abnormal now.

Grab him. Grab him!
He's trying to kill me.

Why, what's the matter
with you, Louis?

Don't you know me?
I'm Willie.

You are?
What happened?

That mickey you got
must have been tainted.

Hey, where have I been?

Right here in my arms.

No wonder I had a nightmare.

Here, have a drink.

No, thank you.

Oh, no.

The last drink you gave me
sent me back 200 years.

Oh, what a dream I had.

I dreamed I was the greatest
lover in all France.

But, folks, I want you to meet
the real champ.

Louis, you're a prince.

Ah, I used to be a king.

You still are, Louis.

Nah.
I found out you can't buy love.

I know.

But I can buy you kids
a wedding present.

$10,000?

Oh, no, Louis.
Thanks, but you hold on to it.

No, I got plenty left.

I only bought a ring,
a car, and some war bonds.

No, we want to start out
broke, Louis.

Then anything that happens to us
will be an improvement.

Well, I still have $80,000.

- How much?
- $80,000.

I'm from
the Income Tax Department.

This will just about cover the
tax you owe on your winnings.

Suppose I take it now.
It'll save you a stamp.

- Well, wait a...
- Of course, there's still

the state tax.

You'll have to sell your car
to cover that.

- Oh.
- There, sir, is your receipt.

Well, at least
I got a nickel left.

Oh, hoarding, eh?

Louis, you can use this now.

No, no, that's
a friendship ring,

and nothing's ever gonna
break up our friendship.

All right.
We'll always be pals, huh?

If you ever need anything,
just SOS?

Gee, thanks, May.

♪ If you're ever in a jam,
here I am ♪

♪ If you ever need a pal,
I'm your gal ♪

♪ If you ever feel so happy
that you land in jail ♪

♪ I'm your bail ♪

♪ It's friendship, friendship ♪

♪ Just a perfect blendship ♪

♪ When other friendships
have been forgot ♪

♪ Ours will still be hot ♪

♪ La-da-la-da-la
de-de-de ♪

♪ La-da-la-da-la
cha-cha-cha ♪

♪ If you're ever
in a mess, SOS ♪

♪ If you ever make a flop,
call for Pop ♪

♪ If you ever take a boat
and get lost at sea ♪

♪ Write to me ♪

♪ It's friendship, friendship ♪

♪ Just a perfect blendship ♪

♪ When other friendships
have been forget ♪

♪ Ours will still be it ♪

♪ Ra-ke-ta-ke-ta-ke
do-do-do ♪

♪ Do-be-de-be-de-be ♪

♪ Honky tonky tonky,
hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ If you're ever down a well,
ring my bell ♪

♪ If you're ever up a tree,
phone to me ♪

♪ If you ever lose your teeth
when you're out to dine ♪

♪ Borry mine ♪

♪ Thank you ♪

♪ It's friendship, friendship ♪

♪ Just a perfect blendship ♪

♪ When other friendships
have ceased to gel ♪

♪ Ours will still be swell ♪

♪ Razzle dazzle dazzle,
dip, dip, dip ♪

♪ Rootin, tootin, tootin,
bang, bang, bang ♪

You know, Ginny, I never
appreciated you till now.

Can we still be friends?

Absolutely not.

♪ If they ever black
your eyes, put me wise ♪

♪ If they ever cook
your goose, turn me loose ♪

♪ If they ever put a bullet
through your brain ♪

♪ I'll complain ♪

♪ It's friendship, friendship ♪

♪ Just a perfect blendship ♪

♪ When other friendships
go up in smoke ♪

♪ Ours will still be oke ♪

♪ Good evening, friends ♪