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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,979 --> 00:00:08,195 Previously on "Web Therapy"... 2 00:00:08,230 --> 00:00:09,780 - My name is Jenny Bologna. - Yes. 3 00:00:09,815 --> 00:00:13,283 Uh, I am a fixer, are you aware of what that is? 4 00:00:13,319 --> 00:00:16,987 I'm laying low, I'm trying not to do anything. 5 00:00:16,989 --> 00:00:20,040 We've got meetings with GSN and HGTV. 6 00:00:20,076 --> 00:00:21,959 We're thinking of getting you on love it or list it. 7 00:00:21,994 --> 00:00:24,545 That way, people can see you as a real person, 8 00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:28,132 as opposed to the... the uppity, sort of hoity-toity person 9 00:00:28,167 --> 00:00:30,884 that you portray yourself to be out there in the world. 10 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,970 - Oh, you're from Boston! - Oh, yes. 11 00:00:33,005 --> 00:00:34,638 - Oh, I didn't... - we know who Putsy Hodge is. 12 00:00:34,673 --> 00:00:37,224 This is the woman we all aspired to be when we were growing up 13 00:00:37,259 --> 00:00:38,592 in our little community. 14 00:00:38,644 --> 00:00:40,394 I'm preparing to tamper with the brakes 15 00:00:40,429 --> 00:00:43,897 - on the justice's car tonight. - No, why would you do that? 16 00:00:43,933 --> 00:00:45,682 Because I want to get Kip a seat 17 00:00:45,735 --> 00:00:47,434 on the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania. 18 00:00:47,486 --> 00:00:49,186 You don't know how to do such a thing. 19 00:00:49,188 --> 00:00:51,522 And all I need from you is the password 20 00:00:51,524 --> 00:00:53,190 to Jerome's YouTube account 21 00:00:53,192 --> 00:00:55,192 because that's where the video is 22 00:00:55,194 --> 00:00:59,630 that shows you how to tamper with the justice's brakes. 23 00:01:00,953 --> 00:01:04,769 S04E12 Fiona Fulfilled 24 00:01:04,789 --> 00:01:08,692 sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com 25 00:01:29,889 --> 00:01:31,261 - Hi. - Hello, Kip. 26 00:01:31,297 --> 00:01:32,663 - Hi. - Hi. It's good... 27 00:01:32,698 --> 00:01:35,282 I haven't heard from you since, you know, 28 00:01:35,317 --> 00:01:37,618 - my life exploded. - Yeah, the debacle. 29 00:01:37,653 --> 00:01:39,453 Well... 30 00:01:39,488 --> 00:01:40,821 I'm gonna take a little leave of absence. 31 00:01:40,873 --> 00:01:42,322 I got to regroup. I got to rethink. 32 00:01:42,374 --> 00:01:44,208 I've got... just... got to clear my head a little. 33 00:01:44,243 --> 00:01:45,626 So I'm just going to, uh... I'm glad you caught me... 34 00:01:45,661 --> 00:01:47,211 Oh, good. 35 00:01:47,246 --> 00:01:48,662 'Cause I'm on a plane later tonight. 36 00:01:48,714 --> 00:01:50,380 - Oh, really? - Mm-hmm. 37 00:01:50,416 --> 00:01:52,466 All right, just as well, to get out of the way of the melee, 38 00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:53,967 - you know, 'cause I mean... - Yeah, 39 00:01:54,003 --> 00:01:56,804 there's a whole media storm approaching, 40 00:01:56,839 --> 00:01:58,589 because they're all interested in me. 41 00:01:58,591 --> 00:02:00,090 Everyone wants to talk to me now, you know, because... 42 00:02:00,142 --> 00:02:02,142 Well, you know, good for you, not so good for me. 43 00:02:02,178 --> 00:02:04,728 It's not... you seem upset. 44 00:02:04,763 --> 00:02:07,514 Well, I'm... I'm concerned for a lot of reasons, 45 00:02:07,566 --> 00:02:09,099 but, you know, it's, uh... 46 00:02:09,101 --> 00:02:10,767 you know, you have to... you're gonna have 47 00:02:10,769 --> 00:02:12,269 to sort of get your way out of this, 48 00:02:12,321 --> 00:02:14,488 because, you know, you've been exposed, and... 49 00:02:14,523 --> 00:02:17,441 It's not my fault that someone from the NSA 50 00:02:17,493 --> 00:02:20,277 released all of my sessions... to the world. 51 00:02:20,279 --> 00:02:22,162 That's not my fault. 52 00:02:22,198 --> 00:02:24,414 No, I guess you're just a victim of circumstance, really. 53 00:02:24,450 --> 00:02:26,200 - That's exactly right. - Yeah. 54 00:02:26,252 --> 00:02:28,619 I'm a victim of circumstance and a hero of the people. 55 00:02:28,671 --> 00:02:31,288 What I find a little, uh... 56 00:02:31,340 --> 00:02:33,924 odd is that you had no idea this was going on, 57 00:02:33,959 --> 00:02:35,959 because you seem to have your finger on everything, 58 00:02:35,961 --> 00:02:37,628 and you seem to know what's going on... 59 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,797 Oh, yes, I have my finger on the NSA... very good, Kip. 60 00:02:40,850 --> 00:02:43,016 No, that's my mother you're thinking of. 61 00:02:43,052 --> 00:02:45,135 She's more of a Machiavelli than I. 62 00:02:45,187 --> 00:02:48,522 Well, she's furious about a lot of things. 63 00:02:48,557 --> 00:02:51,775 Yes, I know. I've met her. Is that a revelation to you? 64 00:02:51,810 --> 00:02:53,310 Well, she went to a lot of trouble, 65 00:02:53,312 --> 00:02:55,562 getting that vacancy on the State Supreme Court. 66 00:02:55,614 --> 00:02:57,226 You know, you don't just twitch your nose 67 00:02:57,246 --> 00:02:58,699 and someone's car brakes fail. 68 00:02:58,734 --> 00:03:00,817 It takes planning, and she has been planning this 69 00:03:00,819 --> 00:03:03,537 for a long time, and now it's, you know... 70 00:03:03,572 --> 00:03:04,821 - Murder for naught. - For what? 71 00:03:04,874 --> 00:03:06,573 - All right. - Yeah, for what? 72 00:03:06,625 --> 00:03:09,243 I'm... I'm too radioactive to be appointed, and, you know... 73 00:03:09,295 --> 00:03:12,045 and now with this, everything... I just... I just have to get away. 74 00:03:12,081 --> 00:03:13,664 - I have to get away. - All right, fine. 75 00:03:13,716 --> 00:03:15,749 Where are you and April going off to, if I may know? 76 00:03:15,801 --> 00:03:17,751 Oh, no, no, April dumped me. 77 00:03:17,803 --> 00:03:19,303 She just wanted to be the wife 78 00:03:19,338 --> 00:03:21,471 of someone on the State Supreme Court, so... 79 00:03:21,507 --> 00:03:23,173 - Oh, I'm sorry. - Yeah. 80 00:03:23,175 --> 00:03:26,677 Well, you know what? Now it's the right time for 81 00:03:26,729 --> 00:03:29,179 for someone who loves you 82 00:03:29,181 --> 00:03:32,266 and truly appreciates you to step in. 83 00:03:32,318 --> 00:03:35,819 Exactly, so I'm meeting Ben in Montana later tonight. 84 00:03:35,854 --> 00:03:38,522 Well, he knows me. He appreciates me. 85 00:03:38,524 --> 00:03:41,158 He's seen me in the good days, the bad days, 86 00:03:41,193 --> 00:03:43,694 and he's, you know, he's stuck with me, you know. 87 00:03:43,696 --> 00:03:46,161 Right, so... okay, so then you're gay again. 88 00:03:46,181 --> 00:03:47,798 No, it has nothing to do with being gay. 89 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,850 I mean, Ben's not gay. 90 00:03:49,885 --> 00:03:51,468 He saw some things in prison 91 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,637 that left a bad taste in his mouth, and he's just... 92 00:03:53,639 --> 00:03:55,605 he's "no gay, no way." 93 00:03:55,641 --> 00:03:57,107 - That's what he told me. - Okay. 94 00:03:57,142 --> 00:03:59,443 His email was sort of funny. [Chuckles] 95 00:03:59,478 --> 00:04:02,813 "No gay, no way," I thought that was sort of witty. 96 00:04:02,865 --> 00:04:04,314 - That is sort of witty. - Yeah. 97 00:04:04,316 --> 00:04:06,116 - That's exactly what it is. - Anyway... 98 00:04:06,151 --> 00:04:09,619 so he twitched his nose, and he's no longer gay. 99 00:04:09,655 --> 00:04:11,154 Sometimes being in prison can have, 100 00:04:11,156 --> 00:04:13,373 you know, some very profound effects on you, 101 00:04:13,409 --> 00:04:14,791 and you can say, "hey, wait a minute. 102 00:04:14,827 --> 00:04:16,243 This isn't what I want." 103 00:04:16,295 --> 00:04:18,045 Right, "I don't want to be raped." 104 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:19,496 - Yes, okay. - "Oh, wait a minute. 105 00:04:19,548 --> 00:04:21,381 This hurts. I don't want this." 106 00:04:21,417 --> 00:04:24,384 The thing is, you know, I-I'm... I'm gonna be with someone 107 00:04:24,420 --> 00:04:26,420 who knows me inside and out, 108 00:04:26,472 --> 00:04:28,055 who's been with me through the thick and the thin 109 00:04:28,090 --> 00:04:30,640 and up, the down, in and out and... 110 00:04:30,676 --> 00:04:32,843 so we're gonna just go to Montana. 111 00:04:32,845 --> 00:04:34,478 Oh. 112 00:04:34,513 --> 00:04:36,480 That's where I'm flying tonight, 113 00:04:36,515 --> 00:04:38,148 and we're gonna go, you know, explore the terrain and... 114 00:04:38,183 --> 00:04:41,902 with a tent and a tin bath and a sleeping bag and a... 115 00:04:41,937 --> 00:04:43,854 it's a spiritual... 116 00:04:43,856 --> 00:04:45,355 examination, really. 117 00:04:45,407 --> 00:04:47,691 Yes, on Brokeback Mountain? [Chuckles] 118 00:04:47,693 --> 00:04:51,611 - Is that where you're camping? - Ww-where's that? 119 00:04:51,663 --> 00:04:53,947 There was a movie, okay? 120 00:04:53,999 --> 00:04:55,365 - All right, never mind. - Um... 121 00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:58,251 - When are you coming back, then? - I'm not... I'm not sure. 122 00:04:58,287 --> 00:04:59,920 I don't have a return ticket yet. 123 00:04:59,955 --> 00:05:02,756 I'm just... I'm just going one way and then the other. 124 00:05:02,791 --> 00:05:05,592 Okay, well, if that's... so you're indecisive about that. 125 00:05:05,627 --> 00:05:08,845 Have you decided whether we're married or not anymore? 126 00:05:08,881 --> 00:05:10,013 Fiona, of course we're married. 127 00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:11,515 We'll always be married, 128 00:05:11,550 --> 00:05:13,266 that's who... we're a couple. 129 00:05:13,302 --> 00:05:14,851 - Right. - We're just not together. 130 00:05:14,887 --> 00:05:16,269 - Right. - So, yeah, so... 131 00:05:16,305 --> 00:05:18,054 - Okay. - We're, you know, we're... 132 00:05:18,107 --> 00:05:20,607 On separate sides of the plate now, but we're together. 133 00:05:20,642 --> 00:05:22,442 - But we're... - Right, just on your side 134 00:05:22,478 --> 00:05:26,696 of the pie pan having your piece 135 00:05:26,732 --> 00:05:28,698 and I'm on the other half, having my piece. 136 00:05:28,734 --> 00:05:30,484 Ben likes a banana split, 137 00:05:30,536 --> 00:05:33,820 so I think it's more like a banana split on our side. 138 00:05:33,872 --> 00:05:36,456 - Okay. - But I-I-I-I just want to say, 139 00:05:36,492 --> 00:05:38,492 Fiona, that I will always love... [Cell phone vibrating] 140 00:05:38,544 --> 00:05:40,660 Oh, look, that's Arianna Huffington. 141 00:05:40,712 --> 00:05:43,463 All right. 142 00:05:43,499 --> 00:05:44,714 Hello? 143 00:05:44,750 --> 00:05:47,000 Arianna, this is Fiona. 144 00:05:47,052 --> 00:05:48,752 [Woman speaking indistinctly] 145 00:05:48,754 --> 00:05:50,137 I couldn't... I'm sorry. 146 00:05:50,172 --> 00:05:53,318 I don't understand you with your accent. 147 00:05:55,427 --> 00:05:56,676 I'm still not getting it. 148 00:05:56,728 --> 00:06:00,263 Uh-oh. What are we gonna do? 149 00:06:04,703 --> 00:06:05,936 [Computer ringing] 150 00:06:05,988 --> 00:06:07,437 Jerome? 151 00:06:07,439 --> 00:06:08,939 Oh, Dr. Wallice, thank God you answered. 152 00:06:08,991 --> 00:06:11,107 - Well... - Um... 153 00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:12,742 - I'm going off the grid. - What? 154 00:06:12,778 --> 00:06:14,611 - Yeah. - Why? 155 00:06:14,613 --> 00:06:16,196 Yeah, well, I'm gonna be a fugitive, running from the law. 156 00:06:16,248 --> 00:06:18,198 - Why? - Apparently I'm being arrested 157 00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:20,200 for conspiracy to commit a murder, 158 00:06:20,252 --> 00:06:22,536 because of the Supreme Court judge. 159 00:06:22,588 --> 00:06:25,005 But... but you had nothing to do... that was my mother... 160 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,706 - Yes. - who tampered with his brakes. 161 00:06:26,758 --> 00:06:28,625 Well, it was supposed to be, but at the last minute 162 00:06:28,677 --> 00:06:31,595 her arthritis flared up, and I went instead. 163 00:06:31,630 --> 00:06:33,463 - Oh, Jerome. - You know me... 164 00:06:33,515 --> 00:06:35,131 kind of a good samaritan. 165 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,384 Good samaritan in that you were helping to kill someone? 166 00:06:37,436 --> 00:06:39,636 She had gotten me a matching catsuit, 167 00:06:39,638 --> 00:06:41,054 so what was I supposed to do? 168 00:06:41,106 --> 00:06:42,806 - Say no. - She's been very good to me, 169 00:06:42,858 --> 00:06:44,224 - over the years, and I really... - Okay. 170 00:06:44,276 --> 00:06:46,142 wanted to help her, and so I had downloaded 171 00:06:46,195 --> 00:06:49,029 all those YouTube videos on how to break into that car 172 00:06:49,064 --> 00:06:50,447 and how to tamper with those brakes, 173 00:06:50,482 --> 00:06:53,533 and I put them on my iPad. I had them. 174 00:06:53,569 --> 00:06:55,619 - Okay. - But then I left the iPad 175 00:06:55,654 --> 00:06:57,954 in the car, and I think that's what tipped off the police. 176 00:06:57,990 --> 00:06:59,072 Really? You think that's what did it? 177 00:06:59,124 --> 00:07:00,624 - I think so. - Okay. 178 00:07:00,659 --> 00:07:02,993 Anyway, now Gina is still at the rehab. 179 00:07:03,045 --> 00:07:04,461 - Right. - And they're on lockdown. 180 00:07:04,496 --> 00:07:05,795 I don't know what happened over there. 181 00:07:05,831 --> 00:07:07,080 - Okay. - So little Angus... 182 00:07:07,132 --> 00:07:08,081 - Oh! - What's he to do? 183 00:07:08,133 --> 00:07:09,666 I don't know. 184 00:07:09,668 --> 00:07:11,635 I called the notary, and I hope this is okay, 185 00:07:11,670 --> 00:07:14,170 but you're the closest thing to family that I have. 186 00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:16,172 And what... I don't like children, you know that. 187 00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:18,425 Well, I know, but I bequeathed him to you, 188 00:07:18,477 --> 00:07:19,893 because you're his aunt Fifi. 189 00:07:19,928 --> 00:07:21,394 No, I'm not. That's not my name. 190 00:07:21,430 --> 00:07:23,263 - It's... listen... - is that what you wrote? 191 00:07:23,315 --> 00:07:25,515 I typed up everything, all the instructions... 192 00:07:25,567 --> 00:07:27,934 when he gets his nap, when he needs to be changed... 193 00:07:27,986 --> 00:07:29,319 - Oof. - All of his toys... 194 00:07:29,354 --> 00:07:32,022 His food regimen, his exercise regimen. 195 00:07:32,074 --> 00:07:33,940 - I can't do it. - Well, what am I gonna do? 196 00:07:33,992 --> 00:07:36,943 I don't know who else I would trust with Angus and his life 197 00:07:36,995 --> 00:07:39,195 and all that money! 198 00:07:39,248 --> 00:07:41,998 Then I can't let you down, can I? 199 00:07:42,034 --> 00:07:43,700 Oh, Dr. Wallice, thank you so much. 200 00:07:43,752 --> 00:07:46,253 It's my pleasure. But let me ask you something. 201 00:07:46,288 --> 00:07:48,204 - Yes, yes. - So do I... don't I need 202 00:07:48,206 --> 00:07:50,540 to sign something? Is the notary still there? 203 00:07:50,542 --> 00:07:52,592 No, no, I've gotten all the documents signed. 204 00:07:52,628 --> 00:07:54,628 The documents are ready for you to sign as well. 205 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,212 - And they're there? - And they're here. 206 00:07:56,214 --> 00:07:58,048 Are they in a secret drawer? Where could I find them? 207 00:07:58,100 --> 00:07:59,716 They're on the front table of the house. 208 00:07:59,718 --> 00:08:01,551 - Front table of the house. - Yes, and it's the 209 00:08:01,553 --> 00:08:04,604 "Angus financial trust account," it's called that. 210 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,022 "Angus financial trust account." 211 00:08:06,058 --> 00:08:07,440 "Angus financial trust account," okay? 212 00:08:07,476 --> 00:08:09,059 Okay, and then is there, like... 213 00:08:09,111 --> 00:08:10,610 - Yes, thank you so much. - Another account or cash 214 00:08:10,646 --> 00:08:12,028 somewhere in there? Well, there was cash, 215 00:08:12,064 --> 00:08:13,780 but I took some with me. Should I leave that? 216 00:08:13,815 --> 00:08:15,565 Oh, so I won't have... leave it, because I'll need... 217 00:08:15,617 --> 00:08:17,200 - I'll leave it for you, okay. - Formula, diapers... 218 00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:19,119 there's also a roll of 500s that I stuck in the 219 00:08:19,154 --> 00:08:21,071 I dream of Jeannie bobblehead that's on my night table. 220 00:08:21,073 --> 00:08:22,572 - So, if you... yeah. - Okay, I'll find that too. 221 00:08:22,624 --> 00:08:24,074 Yeah, okay. [Doorbell rings] 222 00:08:24,126 --> 00:08:25,125 - I've got the money for you. - Great, and... 223 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,993 Oh! That's my uber. 224 00:08:27,045 --> 00:08:28,662 - You called uber? - Well, yeah. 225 00:08:28,714 --> 00:08:30,163 I'm making my escape. I'm gonna be off the grid. 226 00:08:30,215 --> 00:08:31,631 They're gonna get me out of town. 227 00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:34,000 You're escaping with a tracking device? 228 00:08:34,052 --> 00:08:35,835 Oh, I didn't even think of that... I will send him away. 229 00:08:35,887 --> 00:08:37,637 I hate to leave them waiting, 'cause then they... 230 00:08:37,673 --> 00:08:39,055 - you have to pay them anyway. - Okay, that's... 231 00:08:39,091 --> 00:08:40,256 Okay, I'll be right back. 232 00:08:40,258 --> 00:08:42,759 - Not smart. - I'm coming! 233 00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:46,262 - [Sighs] - Coming! 234 00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:48,431 This is why populations go extinct, 235 00:08:48,483 --> 00:08:49,933 - this kind of stup... - Put your hands up! 236 00:08:49,935 --> 00:08:51,101 Oh! Ow, ow! 237 00:08:51,153 --> 00:08:52,602 Sir, you have to stop flailing. 238 00:08:52,604 --> 00:08:54,321 - I will cooperate! - Stop flailing, sir. 239 00:08:54,356 --> 00:08:55,822 Not the taser! [Taser clicking] 240 00:08:55,857 --> 00:08:57,574 - Well, that's... you know. - [Screams] 241 00:08:57,609 --> 00:08:59,826 - That stings! - Oh, the documents are there. 242 00:08:59,861 --> 00:09:02,946 I need to get those. And there's cash. 243 00:09:02,948 --> 00:09:05,699 Oh, I wonder if they left the door open. 244 00:09:05,751 --> 00:09:08,201 I'd better get over there before they lock it. 245 00:09:08,253 --> 00:09:10,385 Oh, and the baby's there too. 246 00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:15,792 [Computer beeps] 247 00:09:15,844 --> 00:09:18,011 Oh, do I want to open an email from Jerome? 248 00:09:18,046 --> 00:09:22,716 I don't want to really engage with a jailbird. 249 00:09:23,291 --> 00:09:26,019 Oh. Well, all right. 250 00:09:26,054 --> 00:09:29,356 Look at the link. 251 00:09:29,391 --> 00:09:31,299 Oh. 252 00:09:32,194 --> 00:09:34,978 Oh. - [Blowing nose] 253 00:09:34,980 --> 00:09:37,643 That's stupid. Really? 254 00:09:41,987 --> 00:09:44,070 Oh, God. 255 00:09:46,825 --> 00:09:51,211 Oh, yes, by all means, give them a better look at you. 256 00:09:51,246 --> 00:09:53,997 You really are the stupidest criminal... 257 00:09:53,999 --> 00:09:57,884 I'm sorry. The most stupidest criminal. 258 00:10:02,274 --> 00:10:05,341 - Fiona, hi. - Hi, Gina! 259 00:10:05,377 --> 00:10:08,845 Just checking in on how your first week is going. 260 00:10:08,897 --> 00:10:12,816 - This job is fantastic. - Oh, good. 261 00:10:12,851 --> 00:10:17,237 Oh, I love Angus now that he's not my child anymore... 262 00:10:17,272 --> 00:10:19,105 - Interesting. - That I'm just his nanny. 263 00:10:19,157 --> 00:10:23,410 Oh, no pressure of... responsibility... 264 00:10:23,445 --> 00:10:25,862 It's night and day. He's so much happier. 265 00:10:25,864 --> 00:10:29,249 Isn't it different when you're paid to do a job? 266 00:10:29,284 --> 00:10:32,035 When you're the mother, you're not really paid to do the job. 267 00:10:32,087 --> 00:10:35,789 It's different. It's nothing but burden and responsibility. 268 00:10:35,841 --> 00:10:38,458 But I love this job because all I have to do is keep 269 00:10:38,510 --> 00:10:40,343 - the baby away from you... - Right, basically. 270 00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:42,929 - 'Cause the baby hates you... - Right. 271 00:10:42,964 --> 00:10:44,180 And keep it alive. 272 00:10:44,216 --> 00:10:46,182 - Isn't that great? - Mm-hmm. 273 00:10:46,218 --> 00:10:48,134 Yeah, he seems to be a happy little fella. 274 00:10:48,186 --> 00:10:49,636 And I like him more. 275 00:10:49,688 --> 00:10:51,354 I mean, I used to think he was a total asshole. 276 00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:52,388 - Exactly. - But now... 277 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:54,224 Oh, and you look very good. 278 00:10:54,226 --> 00:10:56,443 I was a little concerned because... I'm sorry. 279 00:10:56,478 --> 00:11:00,230 I was desperate. I had to yank you out of that rehab facility, 280 00:11:00,282 --> 00:11:03,233 - but you were needed. - Oh, I'm so glad you did. 281 00:11:03,235 --> 00:11:05,985 But it was amazing, and, you know, it's literally... 282 00:11:06,037 --> 00:11:10,824 it's been 3 months, 25 hours, and 15 seconds... 283 00:11:10,876 --> 00:11:12,242 - Oh. - since I had anal. 284 00:11:12,294 --> 00:11:15,879 You're count... wow. 285 00:11:15,914 --> 00:11:18,047 - Pretty good. - That's a... do you get, like, 286 00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:20,333 - a chip or a... - Yeah, um... 287 00:11:20,385 --> 00:11:22,252 - Lollipop for that or... - Yeah, they really... 288 00:11:22,304 --> 00:11:25,305 they gave me this awesome penny. It's so cool. 289 00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:26,806 - Aw. - And it says... 290 00:11:26,842 --> 00:11:29,175 "Keep coming back. It works if you work it." 291 00:11:29,227 --> 00:11:30,927 Okay. "Works if you work it." 292 00:11:30,929 --> 00:11:33,229 So I can work it! I just can't twerk it. 293 00:11:33,265 --> 00:11:34,931 - Right. What... - I can work it. 294 00:11:34,933 --> 00:11:36,566 I just can't twerk it. Is something happening here? 295 00:11:36,601 --> 00:11:39,235 Oh, this is just, you know, it's a tool. 296 00:11:39,271 --> 00:11:42,272 It's just, you know... every time I think about sex, 297 00:11:42,274 --> 00:11:45,241 I'm supposed to do this, and then I won't have sex. 298 00:11:45,277 --> 00:11:46,743 - Oh. - It's great, yeah. 299 00:11:46,778 --> 00:11:49,195 Oh, so you did get something out of that place, 300 00:11:49,247 --> 00:11:52,365 other than the need for antibiotics. 301 00:11:52,417 --> 00:11:54,117 - Oh, good! - I really did. 302 00:11:54,119 --> 00:11:55,285 Oh, that's great. 303 00:11:55,337 --> 00:11:57,203 - I loved it. - Oh, cute. 304 00:11:57,255 --> 00:11:59,289 And all the... look at all the artwork! 305 00:11:59,291 --> 00:12:00,757 - Yeah. - Is that... 306 00:12:00,792 --> 00:12:02,458 he... he couldn't have done that, could he? 307 00:12:02,511 --> 00:12:05,295 Oh, I've had a lot of time to paint, so, you know, 308 00:12:05,297 --> 00:12:08,181 I'm really getting in touch with my inner child... 309 00:12:08,216 --> 00:12:10,850 - Great. - Because I think that's why 310 00:12:10,886 --> 00:12:13,219 I had such problems with sex, because I just wasn't in touch 311 00:12:13,271 --> 00:12:14,888 with my child. 312 00:12:14,940 --> 00:12:17,473 Interesting. Oh. 313 00:12:17,526 --> 00:12:19,275 - To... to certain people... - Yeah. 314 00:12:19,311 --> 00:12:22,028 - That would be fascinating. - Totally fascinating, yeah. 315 00:12:22,063 --> 00:12:23,863 Great, keep thinking about that. 316 00:12:23,899 --> 00:12:26,115 You know, I'm working on the steps. 317 00:12:26,151 --> 00:12:29,953 I'm having a hard time... I'm on the eighth step, 318 00:12:29,988 --> 00:12:32,405 but I'm getting it confused with the second step. 319 00:12:32,457 --> 00:12:34,457 Oh, I thought you were talking about all the steps 320 00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:37,377 in the house, 'cause this is, I think, the third kitchen 321 00:12:37,412 --> 00:12:39,329 - I've seen. - Yeah, it's... 322 00:12:39,331 --> 00:12:40,914 - it's a lot of kitchens... - Right. 323 00:12:40,966 --> 00:12:42,415 - You know. - I wonder if the people who 324 00:12:42,467 --> 00:12:44,968 lived there before were kosher. I don't know. 325 00:12:45,003 --> 00:12:47,303 - I think they probably were. - You know what that means? 326 00:12:47,339 --> 00:12:48,504 - It's great. - Okay. 327 00:12:48,557 --> 00:12:50,640 - Yeah, kosher. - Does kosher make you 328 00:12:50,675 --> 00:12:53,509 think of sex? 'Cause that's... you're... 329 00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:56,896 - Jewish men are hot. - Oh, right. 330 00:13:01,269 --> 00:13:03,069 [Computer ringing] 331 00:13:03,104 --> 00:13:04,437 - Oh. - Hi. 332 00:13:04,489 --> 00:13:07,523 - Jenny, thank you. - Brava, brava, brava. 333 00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:10,109 Oh, thank you, yes. I hope I was sympathetic enough. 334 00:13:10,161 --> 00:13:11,661 You know, I tried to... 335 00:13:11,696 --> 00:13:13,947 You're... you are... we're getting there. 336 00:13:13,999 --> 00:13:16,332 - Do everything you say. - We're really getting there. 337 00:13:16,368 --> 00:13:19,035 I really do think that this was a very successful... oh! 338 00:13:19,087 --> 00:13:20,536 There's that kettle that I love. 339 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:22,372 Remember I told you how much I loved that kettle. 340 00:13:22,374 --> 00:13:24,040 Yes, it's just a kettle. 341 00:13:24,042 --> 00:13:25,925 We always wanted a kettle when I was growing up, 342 00:13:25,961 --> 00:13:28,344 but we had to boil our water in our hands, so... 343 00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:30,680 - That's... unbelievable. - Anyway, that's my story. 344 00:13:30,715 --> 00:13:33,683 Here's my violin, right? Okay, anyway... 345 00:13:33,718 --> 00:13:35,802 This came with the penthouse, actually. 346 00:13:35,854 --> 00:13:37,220 - It did? - Everything was here, 347 00:13:37,272 --> 00:13:39,305 'cause Austin really took care of me. 348 00:13:39,357 --> 00:13:41,557 So he had... I had everything I needed, all the cookware... 349 00:13:41,610 --> 00:13:43,059 - That's... - that I don't use, 350 00:13:43,111 --> 00:13:44,894 because I don't cook, but... 351 00:13:44,946 --> 00:13:46,562 That's 'cause you have people to do that for you. 352 00:13:46,615 --> 00:13:48,231 [Laughing] 353 00:13:48,233 --> 00:13:49,565 - Right. - Yeah, I do. 354 00:13:49,618 --> 00:13:51,985 So I thought that everything went wonderful. 355 00:13:52,037 --> 00:13:54,654 I thought the photo shoot for we the people was... 356 00:13:54,706 --> 00:13:56,489 - Right. - extraordinary, honestly. 357 00:13:56,541 --> 00:13:58,741 Yes, I was only... I thought that I had... 358 00:13:58,793 --> 00:14:01,044 I was gonna be doing People Magazine. 359 00:14:01,079 --> 00:14:02,629 - Oh! - 'Cause I don't know what 360 00:14:02,664 --> 00:14:04,080 - we the people is. - And be on the cover 361 00:14:04,132 --> 00:14:06,299 with Kim Kardashian and North West, right? 362 00:14:06,334 --> 00:14:08,418 - Well, I don't know. - It's baby steps, okay? 363 00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:09,636 - Okay. - Let's not jump 364 00:14:09,671 --> 00:14:11,471 - into that pool yet. - All right. 365 00:14:11,506 --> 00:14:14,424 So, anyway, I have a few more things that we'll go over, 366 00:14:14,476 --> 00:14:17,093 as they start to come into fruition. 367 00:14:17,145 --> 00:14:21,347 I think that we have lost the game show network piece. 368 00:14:21,399 --> 00:14:23,099 - Oh. - But... 369 00:14:23,151 --> 00:14:27,603 we're looking into other online magazines and other online shows 370 00:14:27,656 --> 00:14:29,155 - that we can find. - Oh, okay. 371 00:14:29,190 --> 00:14:30,690 And then we'll hit for the big ones, 372 00:14:30,742 --> 00:14:32,275 then we'll call up Barbara Walters, you know? 373 00:14:32,327 --> 00:14:35,244 - Right, yes. - So, the TV guide channel 374 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,447 has a wonderful forum for you. 375 00:14:37,499 --> 00:14:39,582 Direct TV, channel 101... 376 00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:40,616 - Yeah. - Sometimes you see it, 377 00:14:40,618 --> 00:14:42,285 - and it's just blue? - Right. 378 00:14:42,287 --> 00:14:44,037 But they actually do have programming on there, 379 00:14:44,089 --> 00:14:46,372 from about 3:00 to about 6:00 in the morning. 380 00:14:46,424 --> 00:14:48,591 - Oh, that's wonderful. - We are getting there. 381 00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:52,261 Yeah... no, I think so. I think I really garnered some support. 382 00:14:52,297 --> 00:14:53,963 For sure. 383 00:14:54,015 --> 00:14:56,299 You just need to keep on doing what you've been doing. 384 00:14:56,301 --> 00:14:57,600 Right, yes. 385 00:14:57,635 --> 00:15:00,136 Right, just coming on very downtrodden... 386 00:15:00,138 --> 00:15:01,854 - Right. - and... and sympathetic... 387 00:15:01,890 --> 00:15:04,140 - Yes. - and not talking too much... 388 00:15:04,142 --> 00:15:05,358 and... and not lying. 389 00:15:05,393 --> 00:15:07,143 I think I have another sympathy angle... 390 00:15:07,195 --> 00:15:09,479 - Okay. - 'Cause I had a bag of things 391 00:15:09,481 --> 00:15:12,115 that were... that was stolen. So can we use that? 392 00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:13,533 I had my pearl-handled hairbrush... 393 00:15:13,568 --> 00:15:15,034 - What? - My toothbrush. 394 00:15:15,070 --> 00:15:17,153 It was sort of like a vanity bag, you know, 395 00:15:17,155 --> 00:15:18,705 - that I... - Oh, oh. 396 00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:21,491 I probably misplaced it, but should we say it was stolen? 397 00:15:21,493 --> 00:15:23,626 Does that help my cause? 398 00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:25,378 So it's not a good idea. 399 00:15:25,413 --> 00:15:27,830 No... yes, we'll get it back. Don't you worry. 400 00:15:27,832 --> 00:15:29,999 - Oh, good. - Anyway, I wanted to talk 401 00:15:30,051 --> 00:15:31,417 to you about something very exciting. 402 00:15:31,469 --> 00:15:33,219 - Okay. - Are you sitting down? 403 00:15:33,254 --> 00:15:36,089 - I'm kidding. I know you are. - I'm just tall, but, yeah. 404 00:15:36,141 --> 00:15:38,891 Anyway, I got a call from Google... 405 00:15:38,927 --> 00:15:43,179 The Google, and they are interested... 406 00:15:43,231 --> 00:15:45,648 - In purchasing web therapy. - Oh, my... 407 00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:48,351 Okay? So this is big news. 408 00:15:48,403 --> 00:15:51,904 Is that... possibly really true? 409 00:15:51,940 --> 00:15:54,190 That's been my dream, maybe you know. 410 00:15:54,192 --> 00:15:56,109 Well, I can't say that it is, and I can't say that it's not, 411 00:15:56,161 --> 00:15:57,193 but you're welcome. 412 00:15:57,245 --> 00:16:00,196 Oh. Apropos to nothing. 413 00:16:00,198 --> 00:16:02,198 - Oh! - Yes! 414 00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:04,033 Isn't that wonderful? [Exhales sharply] 415 00:16:04,035 --> 00:16:07,203 - This is it. - But here's the problem. 416 00:16:07,205 --> 00:16:08,588 Oh. 417 00:16:08,623 --> 00:16:12,458 They need us to get together with your mother 418 00:16:12,510 --> 00:16:16,929 and discuss net therapy, because Google is a little nervous 419 00:16:16,965 --> 00:16:21,467 that she will try to sue, because you... 420 00:16:21,519 --> 00:16:23,636 possibly stole the idea from her, so... 421 00:16:23,688 --> 00:16:25,054 No, and I did not steal the idea. 422 00:16:25,056 --> 00:16:27,440 No, no... I understand that you did not. 423 00:16:27,475 --> 00:16:29,392 I can see why they'd be nervous, because... 424 00:16:29,444 --> 00:16:31,277 Well, they're very nervous, and they're a very big company, 425 00:16:31,312 --> 00:16:32,612 and they have a lot to lose. 426 00:16:32,647 --> 00:16:34,113 So, in order for us to keep this deal, 427 00:16:34,149 --> 00:16:36,816 which will make you millions of dollars, okay? 428 00:16:36,868 --> 00:16:38,401 - Yes, tens of millions, - Well... 429 00:16:38,403 --> 00:16:42,655 - If not more. - Well, a couple, for sure... 430 00:16:42,707 --> 00:16:45,741 Before taxes, but you need to get us all together 431 00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,210 in a room. 432 00:16:47,245 --> 00:16:49,495 Um, it's really very important, okay? 433 00:16:49,547 --> 00:16:51,547 Yeah, that's... that's the tricky part, 434 00:16:51,583 --> 00:16:52,965 'cause I don't see that happening. 435 00:16:53,001 --> 00:16:55,168 - Why? - No, you don't understand. 436 00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:57,753 She was a horrible mother my entire life. 437 00:16:57,755 --> 00:17:00,723 Aw. Did she get you the wrong color pony? 438 00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,809 No, it was the right color. She had a good eye, 439 00:17:02,844 --> 00:17:05,678 - but, no, the pony bit me. - Aw. 440 00:17:05,730 --> 00:17:07,263 And then my mother said, 441 00:17:07,315 --> 00:17:09,932 "oh, Fiona, why do you keep provoking it?" 442 00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:14,270 Oh, well, try having a pet spider... 443 00:17:14,322 --> 00:17:17,156 not very cuddly and really difficult to ride. 444 00:17:17,192 --> 00:17:19,158 But the truth is, you weren't raised by her, 445 00:17:19,194 --> 00:17:20,860 - so you don't know... - No. 446 00:17:20,912 --> 00:17:23,830 - that she's a nightmare. - No, I was raised by a drunk. 447 00:17:23,865 --> 00:17:26,582 Right, well, I think maybe I would have been better off. 448 00:17:26,618 --> 00:17:28,117 How's that? Because... 449 00:17:28,169 --> 00:17:29,702 Okay, I... actually, this has to happen. 450 00:17:29,754 --> 00:17:32,338 I must get in the room with her 451 00:17:32,373 --> 00:17:34,123 so that we can discuss this Google deal, 452 00:17:34,175 --> 00:17:36,042 or else the Google deal will go away. 453 00:17:36,094 --> 00:17:37,677 Are you listening to me, Fiona? 454 00:17:37,712 --> 00:17:39,629 I am listening to you, but I don't think you're... 455 00:17:39,631 --> 00:17:41,297 - Okay, no, you really need... - listening to me. 456 00:17:41,349 --> 00:17:43,015 - Can I just have her number? - She's a nightmare. 457 00:17:43,051 --> 00:17:44,884 May I just have her private number? 458 00:17:44,936 --> 00:17:46,519 - I'd rather not. - Because maybe if I just talk 459 00:17:46,554 --> 00:17:48,471 to her myself... Fiona, you need to understand 460 00:17:48,523 --> 00:17:51,641 the severity of the situation. I must get in a room with her. 461 00:17:51,693 --> 00:17:53,142 No, you can't because... 462 00:17:53,144 --> 00:17:54,727 I must get in a room with your mother! 463 00:17:54,779 --> 00:17:56,479 The minute she knows that it's for me, 464 00:17:56,481 --> 00:17:58,197 - she's not going to help. - Okay, she's not your mother! 465 00:17:58,233 --> 00:18:00,616 - Hmm? - She's not your mother. 466 00:18:00,652 --> 00:18:03,119 Would that it were true, but... 467 00:18:03,154 --> 00:18:05,404 I was born at St. Vincent's. 468 00:18:05,456 --> 00:18:07,456 - Right. - You were born at St. Vincent's 469 00:18:07,492 --> 00:18:10,660 the same day, the same hour, and believe it or not, 470 00:18:10,662 --> 00:18:12,161 - the same year. - Oh. 471 00:18:12,213 --> 00:18:13,546 Now, that night, 472 00:18:13,581 --> 00:18:15,831 apparently the head of the pediatric nursing 473 00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:18,334 was taking a great deal of morphine, 474 00:18:18,336 --> 00:18:21,220 and she was switching babies all over the place. 475 00:18:21,256 --> 00:18:22,672 You're hysterical, 476 00:18:22,724 --> 00:18:24,173 so maybe you don't know what you're saying. 477 00:18:24,175 --> 00:18:25,892 No, no, no, no. Listen to me. 478 00:18:25,927 --> 00:18:28,844 You know that bag of your things? 479 00:18:28,897 --> 00:18:30,346 - The... yes. - Your toothbrush, 480 00:18:30,348 --> 00:18:31,480 - right. - Your hairbrush... 481 00:18:31,516 --> 00:18:32,648 - Yes. - Your band-aid... 482 00:18:32,684 --> 00:18:34,350 - Oh. - Your chewing gum... 483 00:18:34,352 --> 00:18:35,935 Your dress shields, your q-tips... 484 00:18:35,987 --> 00:18:38,738 - Oh, you really looked... - your spanx, your night guard? 485 00:18:38,773 --> 00:18:40,072 - I need that. - Do you recall that 486 00:18:40,108 --> 00:18:42,325 vial of blood I had taken from you? 487 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,243 Right, I wasn't sure why. 488 00:18:44,279 --> 00:18:45,912 I've sent them off to get the DNA 489 00:18:45,947 --> 00:18:47,780 - checked on those. - But don't you also need... 490 00:18:47,832 --> 00:18:49,198 and when that comes back... 491 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,667 My mother... Putsy Hodge's DNA? 492 00:18:51,703 --> 00:18:53,202 I followed her for three weeks. 493 00:18:53,204 --> 00:18:55,037 Man, that woman does not throw anything out. 494 00:18:55,039 --> 00:18:57,707 But finally, she threw out a cup from Starbucks. 495 00:18:57,759 --> 00:18:59,625 - Oh. - Sent it in. 496 00:18:59,677 --> 00:19:02,678 So tomorrow an envelope is going to be arriving at my home 497 00:19:02,714 --> 00:19:04,213 at 10:30 in the morning, 498 00:19:04,215 --> 00:19:07,216 at which point you and your mother and I are going 499 00:19:07,218 --> 00:19:09,936 to be together when I open up that envelope 500 00:19:09,971 --> 00:19:15,391 and find out that I am Putsy Hodge's daughter. 501 00:19:15,393 --> 00:19:17,727 - You're Jenny Hodge. - I'm Jenny Hodge. 502 00:19:17,779 --> 00:19:21,230 And I'm... Fiona Bologna. 503 00:19:25,703 --> 00:19:28,638 - Oh, hello, mother. - Hello, Fiona. 504 00:19:28,673 --> 00:19:31,140 - Thank you for calling in. - It's 10:25. 505 00:19:31,175 --> 00:19:32,975 That's the time I was to call to find out 506 00:19:33,011 --> 00:19:35,461 what was so important about Kip. 507 00:19:35,496 --> 00:19:36,662 Oh, yes, I... 508 00:19:36,714 --> 00:19:38,881 are you wearing a shoe on your head? 509 00:19:38,916 --> 00:19:41,917 Oh, my dear, it's a hat. It's a chapeau. 510 00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:44,637 Oh. A shoe-peau. [Chuckles] 511 00:19:44,672 --> 00:19:46,255 I don't get it. 512 00:19:46,307 --> 00:19:48,257 Well, 'cause instead of chapeau, 513 00:19:48,259 --> 00:19:51,227 because it's a shoe, it's a shoe-pea... 514 00:19:51,262 --> 00:19:53,929 - You see? - I still do not get it. 515 00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:57,350 Okay. Well, I wanted to let you know 516 00:19:57,402 --> 00:20:02,271 that Kip's wife has a very lucrative offer on the table 517 00:20:02,323 --> 00:20:05,274 from Google to purchase web therapy. 518 00:20:05,326 --> 00:20:07,360 - [Chuckles] - [Laughs] 519 00:20:07,412 --> 00:20:09,528 Isn't that wonderful for him? 520 00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:12,615 So, in order for that to happen for him, 521 00:20:12,617 --> 00:20:16,002 I'm going to need you to sign a waiver, 522 00:20:16,037 --> 00:20:18,788 saying that it's okay and that I didn't... 523 00:20:18,790 --> 00:20:20,623 um, steal the idea from you. 524 00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:23,426 I have to... I'll have to think this over, Fiona. 525 00:20:23,461 --> 00:20:26,295 I will have to give it deep and consistent thought. 526 00:20:26,297 --> 00:20:29,098 Mother, I didn't steal net therapy, okay? 527 00:20:29,133 --> 00:20:31,684 I was doing web therapy first, and you... 528 00:20:31,719 --> 00:20:34,020 remember, you asked, "how much do you charge?" 529 00:20:34,055 --> 00:20:36,472 You had Jerome help you set it up, 530 00:20:36,474 --> 00:20:39,392 because he had already helped me with web therapy. 531 00:20:39,444 --> 00:20:40,776 What can I do for you, Fiona? 532 00:20:40,812 --> 00:20:42,895 Tell me what it is that you want from me. 533 00:20:42,947 --> 00:20:45,398 I... well, I did... I told you, I need you to sign a waiver... 534 00:20:45,450 --> 00:20:47,066 I mean, besides the Google business. 535 00:20:47,118 --> 00:20:48,984 But that's all. That's really what I need. 536 00:20:49,037 --> 00:20:51,454 I'm gonna have... you know, I don't know if you've noticed, 537 00:20:51,489 --> 00:20:55,408 but then NSA brouhaha has lessened. 538 00:20:55,460 --> 00:20:57,076 - Yes. - You know, and that's 539 00:20:57,128 --> 00:21:00,413 to the credit of that fixer who's working with me now. 540 00:21:00,465 --> 00:21:04,800 She's the one responsible for quelling the horrible scandal, 541 00:21:04,836 --> 00:21:07,336 you know, encompassing me with the NSA. 542 00:21:07,338 --> 00:21:09,672 And she's helping you to the end of helping Kip? 543 00:21:09,724 --> 00:21:11,724 Well, of course it helps Kip, doesn't it? 544 00:21:11,759 --> 00:21:15,811 If I become, you know... my scandal goes away, 545 00:21:15,847 --> 00:21:18,564 - doesn't that help Kip? - Well, that is... 546 00:21:18,599 --> 00:21:19,815 - that's engaging. - It is. 547 00:21:19,851 --> 00:21:23,569 Her name is, uh... Jenny Bologna. 548 00:21:23,604 --> 00:21:26,772 - Ah, Jenny Bologna. - And, um, there's... 549 00:21:26,824 --> 00:21:30,443 something else to her you should know. 550 00:21:30,495 --> 00:21:32,528 She believes that she's your daughter. 551 00:21:32,580 --> 00:21:33,779 [Laughs] 552 00:21:33,831 --> 00:21:35,197 She believes she's my daughter? 553 00:21:35,199 --> 00:21:38,250 We were switched at birth, which is absurd, 554 00:21:38,286 --> 00:21:40,586 - but let's humor her... - Well, perhaps not. 555 00:21:40,621 --> 00:21:42,004 Perhaps not, Fiona. 556 00:21:42,039 --> 00:21:44,340 Well, perhaps of course it's absurd. 557 00:21:44,375 --> 00:21:46,208 - She's... can't... - I've always felt an uneasiness 558 00:21:46,260 --> 00:21:49,845 in my breast when I held you as a child. 559 00:21:49,881 --> 00:21:53,432 Right, but maybe that's just your... 560 00:21:53,468 --> 00:21:54,717 hard-wiring. 561 00:21:54,719 --> 00:21:56,969 Maybe this is the answer to my prayers. 562 00:21:57,021 --> 00:21:58,888 Well, let's see, all right? 563 00:21:58,940 --> 00:22:02,391 Because she's stolen fluids from both of us, it seems, 564 00:22:02,393 --> 00:22:06,645 and she's run a DNA test. But let's humor her anyway, 565 00:22:06,697 --> 00:22:10,699 because we need her help, right? For Kip and for me. 566 00:22:10,735 --> 00:22:11,984 [Computer rings] 567 00:22:12,036 --> 00:22:14,153 Oh, here she is. I'm gonna add her. 568 00:22:14,205 --> 00:22:16,622 - Hello, Jenny. - Oh, hello, Fiona. 569 00:22:16,657 --> 00:22:18,791 So, as you know, this is Putsy Hodge. 570 00:22:18,826 --> 00:22:20,493 - Yes, I do. - Jenny, Jenny. 571 00:22:20,545 --> 00:22:23,078 - Hi. - Hello, Jenny, hello, Jenny. 572 00:22:23,131 --> 00:22:24,797 - I love you. - So nice to meet you. 573 00:22:24,832 --> 00:22:26,549 - Already? - I can't believe I'm... 574 00:22:26,584 --> 00:22:28,584 I'm looking right... it's like looking into a mirror. 575 00:22:28,586 --> 00:22:31,887 You are just so elegant and so wonderful and so intelligent. 576 00:22:31,923 --> 00:22:35,391 It really is just like looking... right into myself. 577 00:22:35,426 --> 00:22:36,759 - Yes. - Wow! I'm... 578 00:22:36,761 --> 00:22:39,512 It's just like seeing my reflection. 579 00:22:39,564 --> 00:22:40,930 As opposed to a mirror? 580 00:22:40,932 --> 00:22:44,400 All right, should we... should we get on with it? 581 00:22:44,435 --> 00:22:47,570 Oh, do you have the test results? 582 00:22:47,605 --> 00:22:50,272 Oh, there, they were fedexed to her. 583 00:22:50,274 --> 00:22:53,526 - All right, I'm shaking. - I'm so excited. 584 00:22:53,578 --> 00:22:55,911 I've known my whole life. I've known. 585 00:22:55,947 --> 00:22:57,613 I've known. I've known. 586 00:22:57,665 --> 00:22:59,748 "Dear Jenny Bologna..." 587 00:22:59,784 --> 00:23:04,086 [Reading under her breath] 588 00:23:04,121 --> 00:23:08,007 Is it what I think it is? Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. 589 00:23:08,042 --> 00:23:09,959 - "Sample 'a'... - Is it what I think? 590 00:23:10,011 --> 00:23:11,627 "Is a match to sample 'c.' 591 00:23:11,679 --> 00:23:16,765 sample 'b' is not a match to sample 'c.'" 592 00:23:16,801 --> 00:23:19,218 - am I... who am I? - This is... 593 00:23:19,270 --> 00:23:20,886 - Yes, yes! - You're "b"! You're "b"! 594 00:23:20,938 --> 00:23:22,605 I'm "b." I'm not the... 595 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,139 - Thank the heavenly mother. - You're "b," I'm "a"! 596 00:23:24,141 --> 00:23:25,975 - You're "b"! - Could you mail a copy to... 597 00:23:26,027 --> 00:23:27,860 - not... I trust you, but... - Oh, mama. 598 00:23:27,895 --> 00:23:30,479 I've waited my whole life for this moment. 599 00:23:30,531 --> 00:23:31,897 - I mean, I just... - My darling girl. 600 00:23:31,949 --> 00:23:34,817 My darling girl, you can rest easy now. 601 00:23:34,869 --> 00:23:37,069 - You're a Hodge. - I'm free. 602 00:23:37,121 --> 00:23:39,622 Oh, my gosh, I am just absolutely delighted 603 00:23:39,657 --> 00:23:40,873 and over the moon. 604 00:23:40,908 --> 00:23:42,825 You are one of the most engaging young women... 605 00:23:42,877 --> 00:23:44,159 Oh, thank you. 606 00:23:44,212 --> 00:23:45,828 I've had the pleasure of meeting. 607 00:23:45,830 --> 00:23:47,663 You just met. 608 00:23:47,715 --> 00:23:49,548 You know, it's... it's funny, my natural hair color is red. 609 00:23:49,584 --> 00:23:51,800 And I'd prove it to you right now, but I shave that 610 00:23:51,836 --> 00:23:55,504 completely bald down there, but it's the truth. 611 00:23:55,556 --> 00:23:58,340 - Well, I did too. - Oh, Fiona. 612 00:23:58,392 --> 00:24:00,643 But Jenny, Jenny, how did this happen? 613 00:24:00,678 --> 00:24:02,511 Well, from what I can piece together, 614 00:24:02,513 --> 00:24:04,730 apparently you were very rude to one of the nurses there, 615 00:24:04,765 --> 00:24:06,148 and they took away your beautiful baby, 616 00:24:06,183 --> 00:24:07,733 and they gave you an ugly one. 617 00:24:07,768 --> 00:24:09,268 Well, I wasn't such an ugly baby... 618 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,437 Let me tell you, Jenny, what I think happened. 619 00:24:11,489 --> 00:24:13,239 I went the first day when my baby was born. 620 00:24:13,274 --> 00:24:16,992 I picked her up, and it was a feeling of joy, 621 00:24:17,028 --> 00:24:18,911 a feeling of completion. 622 00:24:18,946 --> 00:24:20,829 And then I went to pick her up the next day, 623 00:24:20,865 --> 00:24:22,781 and she looked weird to me. 624 00:24:22,833 --> 00:24:25,000 She looked maniacal, somehow. 625 00:24:25,036 --> 00:24:27,586 And I felt the milk in my bosom drying up. 626 00:24:27,622 --> 00:24:31,040 - And I know now what that was. - Yes, that's exact... 627 00:24:31,092 --> 00:24:33,425 I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, mommy. 628 00:24:33,461 --> 00:24:36,011 I'm saddened for Fiona, aren't you? 629 00:24:36,047 --> 00:24:37,463 - Oh. - But I'm happy for us. 630 00:24:37,515 --> 00:24:39,548 - Very much so. - And, Fiona, this is kind of 631 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,268 - good news for you and me. - Yes? 632 00:24:42,303 --> 00:24:45,554 Well, it explains why I've hated you all these years. 633 00:24:45,606 --> 00:24:48,107 And it's so much better to hate a stranger 634 00:24:48,142 --> 00:24:50,976 than to hate your own daughter, wouldn't you agree, Jenny? 635 00:24:51,028 --> 00:24:54,196 Oh, I... absolutely. I absolutely agree. 636 00:24:54,231 --> 00:24:55,564 But wait. Can I just add... 637 00:24:55,616 --> 00:24:57,032 what about, Jenny, the Google deal, 638 00:24:57,068 --> 00:24:58,450 you know, the multimillion-dollar... 639 00:24:58,486 --> 00:25:00,736 oh, they sent me those papers a week ago. 640 00:25:00,788 --> 00:25:01,987 I've just been sitting on them 641 00:25:02,039 --> 00:25:03,372 - until this moment. - Oh. 642 00:25:03,407 --> 00:25:04,740 I'll send them off to you tomorrow. 643 00:25:04,792 --> 00:25:05,908 Okay. 644 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,876 I cannot wait to see you, my dear. 645 00:25:07,912 --> 00:25:11,246 - Me too. - How will I recognize you? 646 00:25:11,248 --> 00:25:15,250 But... you can... you see me now. 647 00:25:15,252 --> 00:25:18,837 - I won't be much different, but... - Yes. 648 00:25:18,889 --> 00:25:22,508 I might be... wearing my shoe-pea... 649 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:26,979 [Both laugh] Oh, that's so delightful. 650 00:25:27,014 --> 00:25:31,100 It just came off the top of my head! 651 00:25:31,102 --> 00:25:33,235 I'm so glad that my sense of humor will live on 652 00:25:33,270 --> 00:25:35,154 - in the next generation. - Yes. 653 00:25:35,189 --> 00:25:36,322 All right, see you tomorrow. 654 00:25:36,357 --> 00:25:37,906 I'll pick you up at the airport. 655 00:25:37,942 --> 00:25:38,907 Bye-bye, darling. 656 00:25:38,943 --> 00:25:42,528 - Bye-bye. - Good-bye? 657 00:25:42,580 --> 00:25:46,782 Well, she's really not my mother? 658 00:25:46,784 --> 00:25:49,118 She's really not my mother. 659 00:25:49,170 --> 00:25:52,287 [Giggles] 660 00:25:53,958 --> 00:25:58,177 [Laughing] 661 00:25:58,212 --> 00:26:00,045 [Computer beeps] Oh. 662 00:26:00,097 --> 00:26:03,265 Oh, it's a message from Austen. 663 00:26:03,300 --> 00:26:06,268 Fiona, darling, I'm calling from my Nairobi hotel. 664 00:26:06,303 --> 00:26:09,104 Great news... I was drilling 665 00:26:09,140 --> 00:26:10,522 in my african village, 666 00:26:10,558 --> 00:26:15,277 and we struck oil mixed with diamonds. 667 00:26:15,312 --> 00:26:16,895 - What? - I'm rich again. 668 00:26:16,947 --> 00:26:18,147 I'm coming back to get you. 669 00:26:18,149 --> 00:26:19,648 Please tell me that you still love me. 670 00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:20,983 I love you. 671 00:26:20,985 --> 00:26:22,651 I'll be in Philadelphia tomorrow. 672 00:26:22,653 --> 00:26:25,904 Much love till then, my dearest, dearest Fiona. 673 00:26:25,956 --> 00:26:27,373 - Okay. - [Smooches] 674 00:26:27,408 --> 00:26:29,825 Oh, this day! 675 00:26:29,827 --> 00:26:32,211 [Laughing] 676 00:26:32,246 --> 00:26:35,047 I can practice again too. 677 00:26:35,082 --> 00:26:38,300 Look at all of these piling up that want to see me. 678 00:26:38,335 --> 00:26:41,086 It's been so many weeks. I hope I remember how to do it. 679 00:26:41,138 --> 00:26:42,888 I should practice. 680 00:26:42,923 --> 00:26:45,808 Hello, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice. How can you help me? 681 00:26:45,843 --> 00:26:47,342 How can I help you? 682 00:26:47,395 --> 00:26:50,145 I should get that down. 683 00:26:50,181 --> 00:26:53,682 Hello, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice. How can you... 684 00:26:53,818 --> 00:26:57,019 Hello, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice. What can you do for me? 685 00:26:57,104 --> 00:27:00,522 No... Shoot. 686 00:27:00,608 --> 00:27:02,608 Hello, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice. 687 00:27:02,693 --> 00:27:04,443 I'm... here for you. 688 00:27:04,528 --> 00:27:07,112 I don't buy it. 689 00:27:07,198 --> 00:27:10,115 Hello, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice. 690 00:27:10,201 --> 00:27:13,202 How can I help you? 691 00:27:13,287 --> 00:27:16,455 I went to pick up my baby for the first time, 692 00:27:16,507 --> 00:27:19,958 this newborn little toddler... No. 693 00:27:20,010 --> 00:27:22,261 [Laughter] 694 00:27:22,296 --> 00:27:24,630 That's a tough delivery. [Laughter] 695 00:27:28,719 --> 00:27:32,320 I need to sit down with your mother, Putsy. 696 00:27:32,340 --> 00:27:33,054 That's not her name. 697 00:27:33,056 --> 00:27:34,472 - What's her name? - Yeah, that is, Putsy. 698 00:27:34,524 --> 00:27:35,890 - That was it. That was good. - Okay, got it. 699 00:27:35,892 --> 00:27:37,309 All right, here we go, sorry. 700 00:27:37,361 --> 00:27:38,727 There is one caveat. 701 00:27:38,779 --> 00:27:42,897 I-I need to sit down with your mother, Puttsy. 702 00:27:42,899 --> 00:27:44,649 - And we need... - No, it's Putsy. 703 00:27:44,701 --> 00:27:47,402 [Laughing] You said "Puttsy" this time. 704 00:27:51,208 --> 00:27:52,824 Oh, my God, we're doing this now? 705 00:27:52,876 --> 00:27:54,459 Well, I don't know, because I don't think... 706 00:27:54,494 --> 00:27:57,162 I don't think we are. [Laughing] 707 00:27:57,214 --> 00:27:58,747 - Okay. - We don't have to! 708 00:27:58,749 --> 00:28:00,415 - No, we're gonna do it. - What do you want to do? 709 00:28:00,417 --> 00:28:01,833 - I want to go take... - what show do you want to do? 710 00:28:01,885 --> 00:28:03,585 - I want to go lay down. - [Laughs] 711 00:28:03,848 --> 00:28:07,106 sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com 55365

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