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(♫ "IT HAD TO BE YOU" INSTRUMENTAL)
2
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I was sitting with my friend
Arthur Kornblum in a restaurant.
3
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It was a Horn & Hardart cafeteria.
4
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And this beautiful girl walked in,
and I turned to Arthur…
5
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…and I said "Arthur, you see that girl?
I'm going to marry her."
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And two weeks later we were married.
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And it's over 50 years later…
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…and we're still married.
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(LOUIS ARMSTRONG)
♪ It's very clear ♪
10
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♪ Our love is here to stay ♪
11
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- I love you.
- I love you.
12
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♪ Not for a year ♪
13
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♪ But ever and a day ♪
14
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♪ Oh, the radio and the telephone ♪
15
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♪ And the movies that we know ♪
16
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,739
♪ May just be passing fancies… ♪
17
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(CLEARS THROAT)
18
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(CLEARS THROAT MORE LOUDLY)
19
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:34,004
Oh! Hi, Sally.
Sally, this is Harry Burns.
20
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:37,466
- Harry, this is Sally Albright.
- Nice to meet you.
21
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- Wanna drive the first shift?
- You're there already. You start.
22
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Back's open.
23
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- Call me.
- I'll call you as soon as I get there.
24
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:51,230
- Call me from the road.
- I'll call you before that.
25
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:54,149
- I love you.
- I love you.
26
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,239
Sorry.
27
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,699
- I miss you already.
- I miss you.
28
00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:03,909
I miss you already.
29
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,702
- Bye.
- Bye.
30
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:08,997
♪ In time, the Rockies may crumble ♪
31
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♪ Gibraltar may fumble ♪
32
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♪ They only made of clay ♪
33
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♪ But ♪
34
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♪ Our love is here to stay ♪
35
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,638
I have it all figured out.
36
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:28,141
It's an 18-hour trip, which becomes
six shifts of three hours.
37
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:31,853
Or, alternatively,
we could break it down by mileage.
38
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:35,691
There's a…
There's a map on the visor…
39
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:39,695
…that I've marked to show the locations
where we can change shifts.
40
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:41,697
Grape?
41
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:44,408
No. I don't like to eat between meals.
42
00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:51,331
I'll roll down the window.
43
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,925
Why don't you tell me
the story of your life?
44
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:05,137
The story of my life?
45
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,056
We got 18 hours to kill
before New York.
46
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:12,060
That won't even get us out of Chicago.
Nothing's happened to me yet.
47
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:14,730
- So I'm going to New York.
- So something'll happen?
48
00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:16,273
- Yes.
- Like what?
49
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,900
Like I'm going to journalism school.
50
00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:22,195
So you can write about things
that happen to other people.
51
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:26,074
- That's one way to look at it.
- Suppose nothing happens.
52
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:29,911
Suppose you never meet anybody,
you never become anything…
53
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:33,498
…then you die and
nobody notices for two weeks
54
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until the smell drifts into the hall.
55
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:41,423
- Amanda said you had a dark side.
- That's what drew her to me.
56
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,885
- Your dark side?
- Sure. Why, don't you have a dark side?
57
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:48,680
I know, you probably
dot your "I"'s with little hearts.
58
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,475
I have just as much of a dark side
as the next person.
59
00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:55,145
Oh, really? When I buy a new book,
I always read the last page first.
60
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:58,106
That way, if I die before I finish
I know how it ends.
61
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,609
That, my friend, is a dark side.
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00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:05,322
That doesn't mean you're deep. I mean,
yes, basically I'm a happy person.
63
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:08,075
- So am I.
- I don't see anything wrong with that.
64
00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:11,411
No, you're too busy being happy.
Ever think about death?
65
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,747
- Yes.
- Sure you do. A fleeting thought…
66
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:17,292
…that drifts in and out of
the transom of your mind. I spend days.
67
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,461
And this makes you a better person?
68
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:23,340
Look, when the shit comes down,
I'm gonna be prepared and you're not.
69
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:27,803
In the meantime, you're gonna
ruin your whole life waiting for it.
70
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:38,063
- (SALLY) You're wrong.
- I'm not wrong. He wants her to leave.
71
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,358
- That's why he puts her on the plane.
- She doesn't want to stay!
72
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:42,818
Of course she wants to stay!
73
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:45,821
Wouldn't you rather be
with Bogart than the other guy?
74
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(SALLY) I don't wanna spend
my life in Casablanca…
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00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,034
…married to a man who runs a bar.
76
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,662
That probably sounds snobbish
to you, but I don't.
77
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,580
You'd rather be
in a passionless marriage…
78
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,165
And First Lady of Czechoslovakia.
79
00:06:57,333 --> 00:07:00,335
…than with the man you had
the greatest sex of your life with…
80
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:03,213
…just because he owns a bar
and that is all he does?
81
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:04,756
Yes.
82
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:08,343
And so would any woman in
her right mind. Women are practical…
83
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,138
…even Ingrid Bergman,
which is why she gets on the plane
84
00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:13,557
at the end of the movie.
85
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:18,520
I understand.
86
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:21,189
- What? What?
- Nothing.
87
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,567
- What?
- Forget about it.
88
00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:26,194
- Forget about what?
- It's not important.
89
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:28,405
No, just tell me.
90
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,867
Obviously you haven't had great sex yet.
91
00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:34,202
- Two, please.
- Right over there.
92
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,413
- Yes, I have.
- No, you haven't.
93
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:40,375
It just so happens that
I have had plenty of good sex.
94
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:00,896
With whom?
95
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:04,733
- What?
- With whom did you have this great sex?
96
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,943
I'm not gonna tell you that!
97
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,571
Fine. Don't tell me.
98
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:18,246
- Shel Gordon.
- Shel. Sheldon?
99
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:21,750
No. No, you did not have
great sex with Sheldon.
100
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,586
- I did, too.
- No, you didn't.
101
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:29,090
A Sheldon can do your taxes. If you
need a root canal, Sheldon's your man.
102
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:32,427
But humpin' is not Sheldon's
strong suit. It's the name.
103
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,930
"Do it to me, Sheldon."
"You're an animal, Sheldon."
104
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:37,224
"Ride me, big… Sheldon."
105
00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:40,310
- It doesn't work.
- Hi.
106
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,979
- What can I get you?
- I'll have a number three.
107
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:46,775
The chef's salad with
the oil and vinegar on the side.
108
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,276
And the apple pie à la mode.
109
00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:51,655
Chef and apple à la mode.
110
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:55,450
But I'd like the pie heated
and I want the ice cream on the side.
111
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,911
I'd like strawberry, if you have it.
112
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,288
If not, then whipped cream,
but only if it's real.
113
00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,165
If it's out of a can, nothing.
114
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:06,294
- Not even the pie?
- No, just the pie, but then not heated.
115
00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:08,171
Uh-huh.
116
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,637
- What?
- Nothin'. Nothin'.
117
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,184
- How come you broke up with Sheldon?
- How do you know we broke up?
118
00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:25,814
If you didn't, you wouldn't be with me.
You'd be with Shel the Wonder Schlong.
119
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:30,110
First of all, I am not with you.
120
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:33,822
And second of all, it is none
of your business why we broke up.
121
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:37,534
You're right, you're right.
I don't wanna know.
122
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:44,708
Well, it was because he was jealous and
I had these days-of-the-week underpants.
123
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:48,044
(IMITATES GAME-SHOW BUZZER)
Sorry, I need a judge's ruling.
124
00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:50,714
- Days-of-the-week underpants?
- Yes.
125
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:54,175
They had days of the week on them
and I thought they were funny.
126
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:57,887
Then one day Sheldon says to me
"You never wear Sunday."
127
00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:01,057
He's all suspicious.
Where had I left Sunday?
128
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,435
And I told him and he didn't believe me.
129
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,730
- What?
- They don't make Sunday.
130
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:10,358
- Why not?
- Because of God.
131
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:18,867
OK, so 15%o of my share is… 90.
132
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:21,870
$6.90.
133
00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:26,958
Let's leave seven.
134
00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:30,670
What?
135
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:35,383
Do I have something on my face?
136
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,678
You're a very attractive person.
137
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:41,931
Thank you.
138
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:44,267
Amanda never said
how attractive you were.
139
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,728
Maybe she doesn't think I'm attractive.
140
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:51,024
I don't think it's a matter of opinion.
Empirically, you are attractive.
141
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,403
Amanda is my friend.
142
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:56,946
So?
143
00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:59,908
- So you're going with her.
- So?
144
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,285
So you're coming on to me!
145
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:05,413
No, I wasn't.
146
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,582
What?
147
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,920
Can't a man say a woman is attractive
without it being a come-on?
148
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,463
All right, all right.
149
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:18,259
Let's just say, just for the sake
of argument, that it was a come-on.
150
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:22,430
What d'you want me to do about it?
I take it back, OK? I take it back.
151
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:23,973
You can't take it back.
152
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:26,810
- Why not?
- Because it's already out there.
153
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:30,397
What are we supposed to do?
Call the cops, it's already out there!
154
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:33,525
Just… let it… lie.
155
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:38,446
- OK?
- Great! "Let it lie." That's my policy.
156
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:41,616
That's what I always say: "Let it lie."
157
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,493
Wanna spend the night in a motel?
158
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,662
- See? I didn't let it lie.
- Harry.
159
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,831
I said I would, then I didn't.
160
00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:49,624
- Harry!
- What?
161
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:52,127
We are just going to be friends, OK?
162
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,963
Great! Friends! It's the best thing.
163
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:59,134
(HARRY) You realize
that we could never be friends.
164
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:02,095
- Why not?
- What I'm saying is…
165
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:05,140
…and this is not a come-on
in any way, shape or form…
166
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:06,933
…is that men and women
can't be friends,
167
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,686
'cause the sex part
always gets in the way.
168
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:12,939
That's not true.
169
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:15,984
I have a number of men friends
and there is no sex involved.
170
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,235
- You don't.
- I do.
171
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,611
- You don't.
- I do!
172
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:19,988
You only think you do.
173
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,323
I have sex with them
without my knowledge?
174
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:25,827
No, they all wanna have sex with you.
175
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:29,664
- They do not.
- Do, too.
176
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:30,790
How do you know?
177
00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:34,002
No man can be friends
with a woman he finds attractive.
178
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,129
He always wants to have sex with her.
179
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:41,134
So you're saying a man can be friends
with a woman he finds unattractive.
180
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:44,345
No, you pretty much
wanna nail them, too.
181
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,016
What if they don't wanna have sex?
182
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:53,730
Doesn't matter. The sex thing is already
out there, so the friendship is doomed.
183
00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:56,232
I guess we're not
gonna be friends then.
184
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,400
Guess not.
185
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,402
That's too bad.
186
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,530
You were the only person
that I knew in New York.
187
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:06,201
(LOUIS ARMSTRONG)
♪ You say ee-ther, I say either ♪
188
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:10,121
♪ You say nee-ther and I say neither
189
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:12,040
♪ Ee-ther, either
190
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,042
♪ And nee-ther, neither
191
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:17,378
♪ Let's call the whole thing off
192
00:13:17,546 --> 00:13:21,925
♪ Yes, you like potato
and I like pot-ahto
193
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:25,887
♪ You like tomato, I like tom-ahto
194
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,889
♪ Potato, pot-ahto
195
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,016
♪ Tomato, tom-ahto
196
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:33,228
♪ Let's call the whole thing off
197
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:45,073
- Thanks for the ride.
- Yeah. It was interesting.
198
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:48,326
- It was nice knowing you.
- Yeah.
199
00:13:57,294 --> 00:14:01,089
- Well, have a nice life.
- You, too.
200
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:04,926
♪ You like potato and I like pot-ahto ♪
201
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:09,013
♪ You like tomato, I like tom-ahto ♪
202
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,974
♪ Potato, pot-ahto ♪
203
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:13,142
♪ Tomato, tom-ahto ♪
204
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:16,396
♪ Let's call the whole thing off ♪
205
00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:22,777
- We fell in love in high school.
- Yeah, we were high-school sweethearts.
206
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:26,155
But then after our junior year
his parents moved away.
207
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:30,451
- But I never forgot her.
- He never forgot me.
208
00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:33,955
No, her face was burned on my brain.
209
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:37,667
And it was 34 years later
that I was walking down Broadway…
210
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,961
…and I saw her come out
of Tottenetti's.
211
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,963
We both looked at each other…
212
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:46,467
…and it was just as though
not a single day had gone by.
213
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:50,597
She was just as beautiful
as she was at sixteen.
214
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,974
He was just the same.
215
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,393
He looked exactly the same.
216
00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:30,720
Joe! I thought it was you.
I thought it was you.
217
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,847
- Harry Burns.
- Harry. How ya doin'?
218
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:36,017
- Good. How you doin'?
- Fine. I'm doin' fine.
219
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,519
I was just walking by
and I thought it was you.
220
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:40,229
Yeah, it was.
221
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:44,484
- You still with the DA's office?
- No, I switched to the other side. You?
222
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:49,072
I work with a small firm. We do
political consulting. Yeah, it's great.
223
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:53,034
Oh, Harry, this is Sally Albright.
Harry Burns.
224
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:57,038
Uh, Harry and I, we used to…
We lived in the same building.
225
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,248
(BOTH LAUGH)
226
00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:04,712
Well, listen, I got a plane to catch.
It was good to see you, Joe. Bye.
227
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:15,264
Thank God he couldn't place me. I drove
to New York with him five years ago…
228
00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:18,518
…and it was the
longest night of my life.
229
00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:22,897
- What happened?
- He made a pass at me. When I said no:
230
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:26,192
…he was going with
a girlfriend of mine, uh…
231
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:30,071
Oh, God. I can't remember her name.
232
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,531
Don't get involved with me.
233
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,283
I am 26 and can't remember
the name of the girl…
234
00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:35,743
…I was such good friends with
235
00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:37,495
I wouldn't get involved
with her boyfriend.
236
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:40,373
- So what happened?
- When?
237
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:43,668
- When he made a pass, you said no…
- Oh, oh.
238
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,421
I said we could just be friends.
239
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:51,968
And this part I remember. He said men
and women could never really be friends.
240
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:54,429
Do you think that's true?
241
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,431
No.
242
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:59,434
Do you have any women friends,
just friends?
243
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:01,561
No.
244
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:04,772
But I will get one
if it's important to you.
245
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:08,651
Amanda Reese!
246
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,112
That was her name. Thank God.
247
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,949
I will miss you. I love you.
248
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:18,953
- You do?
- Yes.
249
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,290
I love you.
250
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:48,274
- What would you like to drink?
- Nothing, thanks.
251
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:50,359
- D'you have any Bloody Mary mix?
- Yes.
252
00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:53,237
No, wait. Here's what I want.
253
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,782
Regular tomato juice,
fill it up three quarters…
254
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:58,284
…then add a splash of Bloody Mary mix,
just a splash,
255
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,495
and some lime on the side.
256
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:03,164
The University of Chicago, right?
257
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,041
Yes.
258
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,585
Did you look this good
at the university?
259
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,171
- No.
- Did we ever…?
260
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,381
No. No!
261
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:17,178
We drove from Chicago to New York
together after graduation.
262
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:20,932
- Would you two like to sit together?
- Great! Thank you.
263
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,398
You were a good friend of, um…
264
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:33,569
Amanda's. I can't believe
you can't remember her name.
265
00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:36,197
What do you mean?
I can remember. Amanda Rice.
266
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:39,033
- Reese.
- Reese, right. What happened to her?
267
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,869
- I have no idea.
- You have no idea?!
268
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:45,706
You were friends. We didn't make it
because you were such good friends.
269
00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:47,667
- You went with her!
- Was it worth it?
270
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:50,044
The sacrifice, for a friend
you no longer see?
271
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,713
Harry, you might not believe this…
272
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:56,717
…but I never considered
not sleeping with you a sacrifice.
273
00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,887
Fair enough. Fair enough.
274
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,226
- You wanted to be a gymnast.
- Journalist.
275
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:09,063
- That's what I said. And?
- I am a journalist. I work at The News.
276
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,482
Great. And you're with Joe.
277
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:14,402
Well, that's great. Great.
278
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:17,446
You're together, what, three weeks?
279
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:21,450
- A month. How did you know?
- You take someone to the airport…
280
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:23,119
…it's the beginning of a relationship.
281
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:27,290
That is why I never
do that at the beginning.
282
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:30,209
- Why?
- Because eventually things move on…
283
00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:33,546
…and you don't take someone.
I never wanted anyone to say…
284
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:36,090
…"How come you never take me
to the airport anymore?"
285
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:42,263
It's amazing. You look normal,
but actually you are the Angel of Death.
286
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,640
Are you gonna marry him?
287
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:50,438
We have known each other a month and
neither of us wants to marry right now.
288
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:51,689
I'm getting married.
289
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,609
- You are?
- Mm-hm.
290
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:57,028
- You are?
- Yeah.
291
00:19:57,738 --> 00:20:01,949
- Who is she?
- Helen Hillson. She's keeping her name.
292
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,661
- You're getting married.
- Yeah.
293
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:10,082
- What's so funny about that?
- (MUMBLES AND GIGGLES)
294
00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:14,003
It's just… It's just
so optimistic of you, Harry.
295
00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:17,089
You'd be amazed what
falling madly in love can do for you.
296
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:20,635
Well, it's wonderful.
It's nice to see you embracing life.
297
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:24,805
Yeah. Plus, you get to a certain point
where you get tired of the whole thing.
298
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,307
What whole thing?
299
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,476
The whole "life of a single guy" thing.
300
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:32,813
You meet someone, you have the safe
lunch, you decide to move on to dinner.
301
00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:36,317
You go dancing,
you do the white man's overbite…
302
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:38,402
…go back to her place, have sex,
303
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,863
and then you know
what goes through your mind?
304
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:44,575
"How long do I have to lie here
and hold her before I can go home?"
305
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:46,786
"ls 30 seconds enough?"
306
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,705
That's what you're thinking?
Is that true?
307
00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:52,250
Sure. All men think that.
308
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:55,628
How long do you like to be
held afterwards? All night, right?
309
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:56,879
That's the problem.
310
00:20:57,047 --> 00:21:00,174
Somewhere between 30 seconds
and all night is your problem.
311
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:02,843
- I don't have a problem.
- Yeah, you do.
312
00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:20,361
- Staying over?
- Yes.
313
00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:24,115
Would you like to have dinner?
Just friends.
314
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,701
You don't believe
men and women can be friends.
315
00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:29,078
- When did I say that?
- On the ride to New York.
316
00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:31,539
No, no, no, no, I never said that.
317
00:21:32,165 --> 00:21:35,876
Yes, that's right.
They can't be friends.
318
00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:40,589
Unless both are involved with someone.
Then they can. I amend the earlier rule.
319
00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:42,216
If two people are in relationships,
320
00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:45,511
the pressure of possible involvement
is lifted.
321
00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:49,432
That doesn't work either.
The person you're with can't see…
322
00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:52,059
…why you need to be friends
with the person…
323
00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:55,688
…like it means something
is missing from the relationship.
324
00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:59,567
Then when you say "No, nothing
is missing," the person you're with…
325
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:03,654
…accuses you of being attracted to
the person you're just friends with…
326
00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:06,574
…which you probably are.
I mean, let's face it.
327
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:09,076
So we're back to the rule
before the amendment:
328
00:22:09,244 --> 00:22:11,954
…men and women can't be friends.
Where's it leave us?
329
00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:13,539
- Harry.
- What?
330
00:22:13,707 --> 00:22:14,790
Goodbye.
331
00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:17,084
OK.
332
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:27,428
I'll just stop walking.
I'll let you go ahead.
333
00:22:31,099 --> 00:22:33,476
We were married 40 years ago.
334
00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:37,313
We were married three years, we got
a divorce. Then I married Marjorie.
335
00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:39,982
- First you lived with Barbara.
- Right, Barbara.
336
00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:42,651
But I didn't marry Barbara.
I married Marjorie.
337
00:22:42,819 --> 00:22:45,988
- Then you got a divorce.
- Right. Then I married Katie.
338
00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:47,782
Another divorce.
339
00:22:47,949 --> 00:22:52,828
Then a couple of years later at Eddie
Collecio's funeral, I ran into her.
340
00:22:52,996 --> 00:22:55,664
I was with some girl
I don't even remember.
341
00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:58,542
- Roberta.
- Right. Roberta.
342
00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:01,128
But I couldn't take my eyes off you.
343
00:23:01,296 --> 00:23:04,507
I remember I snuck over to her
and I said…
344
00:23:04,674 --> 00:23:07,802
- What did I say?
- You said "What are you doin' after?"
345
00:23:07,969 --> 00:23:12,473
Right. So I ditch Roberta, we go
for coffee, a month later we're married.
346
00:23:12,641 --> 00:23:15,810
35 years to the day
after our first marriage.
347
00:23:19,314 --> 00:23:22,233
- I went through his pockets.
- Marie, why?
348
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,276
- You know what I found?
- No, what?
349
00:23:24,444 --> 00:23:29,323
They just bought a dining-room table.
His wife just spent $1,600 on a table.
350
00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:32,201
- Where?
- The point isn't where, Alice.
351
00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:34,495
The point is he's never gonna leave her.
352
00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:37,164
What else is new?
You've known this for two years.
353
00:23:37,332 --> 00:23:39,834
You're right. I know you're right.
354
00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:41,335
Can't you find someone single?
355
00:23:41,503 --> 00:23:43,546
When I was single
I knew lots of nice single men.
356
00:23:43,713 --> 00:23:46,841
There must be someone.
Sally found someone.
357
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:49,218
(MARIE) Sally got the last good one.
358
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:51,220
- Joe and I broke up.
- What?
359
00:23:51,388 --> 00:23:52,930
- When?
- Monday.
360
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:55,266
- You waited three days?
- Joe's available?
361
00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:59,687
For God's sake, Marie, don't you
have feelings? She's obviously upset.
362
00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:02,815
I'm not that upset.
We'd been growing apart for a while.
363
00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:04,358
But you were a couple.
364
00:24:04,526 --> 00:24:08,237
You had someone to go places with.
You had a date on national holidays!
365
00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:12,032
I said to myself "You deserve
more than this. You're 31 …"
366
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,367
And the clock is ticking.
367
00:24:13,535 --> 00:24:16,537
No, it doesn't start
to tick until you're 36.
368
00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:18,998
God, you're in such great shape.
369
00:24:19,166 --> 00:24:23,252
Well, I've had a few days
to get used to it, and I feel OK.
370
00:24:23,420 --> 00:24:25,671
Good. Then you're ready.
371
00:24:27,090 --> 00:24:30,217
- Really, Marie!
- Well, how else do you think you do it?
372
00:24:30,385 --> 00:24:34,054
I've got the perfect guy. I don't
find him attractive, but you might.
373
00:24:34,222 --> 00:24:36,265
She doesn't have a problem with chins.
374
00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:40,186
- Marie, I'm not ready yet.
- But you just said you were over him.
375
00:24:40,353 --> 00:24:43,814
I am over him,
but I'm in a mourning period.
376
00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:48,777
- Who is it?
- Alex Anderson.
377
00:24:48,945 --> 00:24:50,070
Oh!
378
00:24:50,238 --> 00:24:52,740
You fixed me up with him six years ago.
379
00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:55,367
Sorry. God.
380
00:24:55,535 --> 00:24:57,953
All right, wait. Here. Here we go.
381
00:24:58,121 --> 00:25:01,707
- Ken Darman.
- He's been married for over a year.
382
00:25:01,875 --> 00:25:04,084
Really?
383
00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:06,253
Married.
384
00:25:06,421 --> 00:25:08,464
- Oh, wait. Wait, I got one.
- Look…
385
00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:11,425
…there is no point going out
with someone I might like
386
00:25:11,593 --> 00:25:13,093
if I met him at the right time…
387
00:25:13,261 --> 00:25:16,931
…but who right now would
just be a transitional man.
388
00:25:17,098 --> 00:25:21,727
OK, but don't wait too long. Remember
what happened with David Warsaw?
389
00:25:21,895 --> 00:25:23,604
His wife left him and everyone said
390
00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:26,398
"Give him some time.
Don't move in too fast."
391
00:25:26,566 --> 00:25:29,151
Six months later he was dead.
392
00:25:29,319 --> 00:25:33,072
Are you saying I should marry quickly
in case he's about to die?
393
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,282
At least you could say you were married.
394
00:25:35,450 --> 00:25:38,619
I'm saying that the right man
is out there.
395
00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:41,080
If you don't grab him,
someone else will…
396
00:25:41,248 --> 00:25:43,624
…and you'll spend your life
knowing that someone else
397
00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:45,793
is married to your husband.
398
00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:52,466
Ten! Hut!
399
00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:04,979
(CHEERING)
400
00:26:06,856 --> 00:26:10,818
- When did this happen?
- Friday. Helen comes home from work…
401
00:26:10,986 --> 00:26:14,363
…and she says "I don't know
if I wanna be married any more."
402
00:26:14,531 --> 00:26:15,781
Like it's the institution.
403
00:26:15,949 --> 00:26:20,035
Nothing personal, just something
she's been thinking about.
404
00:26:20,203 --> 00:26:23,539
I'm calm. I say "Why don't we
take time to think about it?
405
00:26:23,707 --> 00:26:25,833
- Don't rush into anything."
- Yeah, right.
406
00:26:26,001 --> 00:26:28,168
Next day she says
she's thought about it.
407
00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:31,589
She wants a trial separation.
She just wants to try it.
408
00:26:31,756 --> 00:26:35,050
But we can still date - like this
is supposed to cushion the blow.
409
00:26:35,218 --> 00:26:36,844
I got married so I could stop dating,
410
00:26:37,012 --> 00:26:39,346
so still dating
is not a big incentive…
411
00:26:39,514 --> 00:26:43,183
…since the last thing you wanna do
is date your wife, who should love you.
412
00:26:43,351 --> 00:26:46,937
Which is what I'm saying to her,
when it occurs to me maybe she doesn't.
413
00:26:47,105 --> 00:26:49,857
So I say to her
"Don't you love me anymore?"
414
00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:53,235
D'you know what she says?
"I don't know if I've ever loved you."
415
00:26:53,403 --> 00:26:57,615
Oooh! That's harsh. You don't
bounce back from that right away.
416
00:26:57,782 --> 00:27:00,743
- Thanks, Jess.
- No, I'm a writer. I know dialogue.
417
00:27:00,910 --> 00:27:02,536
That's particularly harsh.
418
00:27:02,704 --> 00:27:05,914
Then she says someone in her office
is going to South America…
419
00:27:06,082 --> 00:27:07,708
…and she can sublet his apartment.
420
00:27:07,876 --> 00:27:10,628
I can't believe this.
And the doorbell rings.
421
00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:13,339
"I can sublet his apartment" -
the words still hang in the air
422
00:27:13,506 --> 00:27:15,591
like in a balloon…
423
00:27:15,759 --> 00:27:17,051
- Like a cartoon.
- Right.
424
00:27:17,218 --> 00:27:20,012
So I go to the door and
there are moving men there.
425
00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:22,056
Now I start to get suspicious.
426
00:27:22,223 --> 00:27:25,934
I say "Helen, when did you call
these movers?" She doesn't say anything.
427
00:27:26,102 --> 00:27:28,896
So I ask the movers
"When did this woman book you?"
428
00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:30,898
And they're three huge guys.
429
00:27:31,066 --> 00:27:34,234
One with a T-shirt saying
"Don't fuck with Mr. Zero."
430
00:27:34,402 --> 00:27:39,782
So I said "Helen, when did you make this
arrangement?" She says "A week ago."
431
00:27:39,949 --> 00:27:43,118
I said "You've known for a week
and you didn't tell me?"
432
00:27:43,286 --> 00:27:46,747
And she says
"I didn't wanna ruin your birthday."
433
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:52,086
Mr. Zero knew you were getting
a divorce a week before you?
434
00:27:52,253 --> 00:27:54,171
- Mr. Zero knew.
- I can't believe this!
435
00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:58,676
- I haven't told you the bad part yet.
- What's worse than Mr. Zero knowing?
436
00:27:58,843 --> 00:28:00,928
It's all a lie.
437
00:28:01,471 --> 00:28:05,599
She's in love with somebody else.
Some tax attorney.
438
00:28:05,767 --> 00:28:08,477
- She moved in with him.
- How did you find out?
439
00:28:09,938 --> 00:28:12,147
I followed her.
Stood outside the building.
440
00:28:12,315 --> 00:28:15,109
- That's so humiliating!
- Tell me about it.
441
00:28:15,276 --> 00:28:16,819
And, you know, I knew.
442
00:28:16,986 --> 00:28:19,655
I knew that even though we were happy,
it was an illusion.
443
00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:22,324
And that one day
she'd kick the shit outta me.
444
00:28:22,492 --> 00:28:25,369
Marriages don't break up
due to infidelity.
445
00:28:25,537 --> 00:28:27,788
It's a symptom something else is wrong.
446
00:28:27,956 --> 00:28:31,208
Oh, really?
Well, that symptom is fucking my wife!
447
00:28:35,463 --> 00:28:38,841
So I just happened to see
his American Express bill.
448
00:28:39,843 --> 00:28:42,136
What do you mean
"just happened" to see it?
449
00:28:42,470 --> 00:28:46,140
Well, he was shaving,
and there it was in his briefcase.
450
00:28:46,307 --> 00:28:48,851
What if he came out and saw you?
451
00:28:49,018 --> 00:28:51,854
You're missing the point.
I'm telling you what I found.
452
00:28:52,021 --> 00:28:57,276
He just spent $120
on a new nightgown for his wife.
453
00:28:58,486 --> 00:29:00,362
I don't think he's
ever gonna leave her.
454
00:29:00,530 --> 00:29:03,157
No one thinks he's
ever gonna leave her.
455
00:29:03,324 --> 00:29:05,993
You're right, you're right.
I know you're right.
456
00:29:21,551 --> 00:29:25,345
Someone is staring at you
in Personal Growth.
457
00:29:27,891 --> 00:29:31,894
I know him. You'd like him.
He's married.
458
00:29:32,061 --> 00:29:33,520
Who is he?
459
00:29:33,688 --> 00:29:36,315
Harry Burns.
He's a political consultant.
460
00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:38,358
He's cute.
461
00:29:38,526 --> 00:29:41,695
- You think he's cute?
- How do you know he's married?
462
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:43,822
Last time I saw him
he was getting married.
463
00:29:43,990 --> 00:29:47,201
- When was that?
- Six years ago.
464
00:29:47,368 --> 00:29:50,370
So he might not be married anymore.
465
00:29:50,538 --> 00:29:51,830
Also, he's obnoxious.
466
00:29:51,998 --> 00:29:56,794
It's like in The Lady Vanishes, when she
says "You're the most obnoxious man"…
467
00:29:56,961 --> 00:30:00,047
- "The most contemptible".
- ..then they fall madly in love.
468
00:30:00,215 --> 00:30:02,716
- Also, he never remembers me.
- Sally Albright.
469
00:30:05,553 --> 00:30:07,638
- Hi, Harry.
- I thought it was you.
470
00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:10,474
It is. This is Marie.
471
00:30:12,018 --> 00:30:13,727
Was Marie.
472
00:30:13,895 --> 00:30:15,896
- How are you?
- Fine.
473
00:30:16,064 --> 00:30:18,857
- How's Joe?
- Fine.
474
00:30:19,025 --> 00:30:21,068
I hear he's fine.
475
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:24,613
- You're not with Joe anymore?
- We just broke up.
476
00:30:24,781 --> 00:30:28,408
Oh… I'm sorry. That's too bad.
477
00:30:29,244 --> 00:30:31,745
Yeah. Well, you know.
478
00:30:31,913 --> 00:30:33,288
Yeah.
479
00:30:33,456 --> 00:30:35,457
So…
480
00:30:35,625 --> 00:30:37,584
- What about you?
- I'm fine.
481
00:30:37,752 --> 00:30:39,878
How's married life?
482
00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:43,924
Not so good.
I'm getting a divorce.
483
00:30:44,092 --> 00:30:47,970
Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm really sorry.
484
00:30:48,596 --> 00:30:51,431
Yeah, well, what're you gonna do?
485
00:30:51,599 --> 00:30:53,141
What happened with you guys?
486
00:30:53,309 --> 00:30:57,104
When Joe and I started seeing each other
we wanted the same thing.
487
00:30:57,272 --> 00:31:01,984
We didn't wanna get married because
every time anyone we knew got married…
488
00:31:02,151 --> 00:31:05,863
…it ruined their relationship.
They practically never had sex again.
489
00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:09,908
It's true. That's one of the secrets
that no one ever tells you.
490
00:31:10,076 --> 00:31:12,786
I would sit with my girlfriends
who have kids…
491
00:31:12,954 --> 00:31:15,622
my one girlfriend with kids, Alice…
492
00:31:15,790 --> 00:31:19,960
…and she would complain about
how she and Gary never did it anymore.
493
00:31:20,128 --> 00:31:23,463
She didn't even complain about it.
She said it matter-of-factly.
494
00:31:23,631 --> 00:31:27,134
She said they were up all night,
they were both exhausted…
495
00:31:27,302 --> 00:31:31,013
…the kids took every sexual impulse
they had out of them.
496
00:31:32,557 --> 00:31:37,352
Joe and I would say "We're so lucky.
We have this wonderful relationship."
497
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:39,646
"We can have sex on the kitchen floor
498
00:31:39,814 --> 00:31:41,773
and not worry
about the kids walking in."
499
00:31:41,941 --> 00:31:45,819
"We can fly off to Rome
on a moment's notice."
500
00:31:46,863 --> 00:31:50,032
Then one day I was taking
Alice's girl for the afternoon…
501
00:31:50,199 --> 00:31:53,076
…'cause I promised to
take her to the circus.
502
00:31:53,244 --> 00:31:55,787
We were in the cab playing I-spy.
503
00:31:55,955 --> 00:31:58,665
"I spy a mailbox," "I spy a lamppost."
504
00:31:59,167 --> 00:32:02,711
And she looked out the window
and she saw this man and woman…
505
00:32:02,879 --> 00:32:04,004
…with these two little kids,
506
00:32:04,172 --> 00:32:07,257
and the man had one of the kids
on his shoulders.
507
00:32:07,425 --> 00:32:10,802
And she said "I spy a family."
508
00:32:12,096 --> 00:32:16,516
And I started to cry.
You know, I just started crying.
509
00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:20,520
And I went home and I said
"The thing is, Joe…
510
00:32:20,688 --> 00:32:23,815
…we never do fly off to Rome
on a moment's notice."
511
00:32:23,983 --> 00:32:25,859
And the kitchen floor…?
512
00:32:26,402 --> 00:32:31,073
Not once. It's this very cold, hard,
Mexican ceramic tile.
513
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:32,824
Oh.
514
00:32:33,368 --> 00:32:34,952
Anyway…
515
00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:36,703
…we talked about it for a long time.
516
00:32:36,871 --> 00:32:40,415
I said "This is what I want"
and he said "I don't."
517
00:32:40,583 --> 00:32:44,044
And I said "Well, I guess it's over."
And he left.
518
00:32:46,881 --> 00:32:50,759
And the thing is, I…
I feel really fine.
519
00:32:50,927 --> 00:32:54,179
I am over him.
I mean, I really am over him.
520
00:32:54,347 --> 00:32:57,474
That was it for him.
That was the most that he could give.
521
00:32:57,642 --> 00:32:58,892
And every time I think about it,
522
00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:02,062
I am more and more convinced
I did the right thing.
523
00:33:02,897 --> 00:33:04,690
Boy, you sound really healthy.
524
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:06,942
Yeah.
525
00:33:07,110 --> 00:33:10,737
- At least I got the apartment.
- That's what everybody says to me.
526
00:33:10,905 --> 00:33:13,407
But really, what's so hard
about finding an apartment?
527
00:33:13,574 --> 00:33:15,701
You read the obituary column.
528
00:33:15,868 --> 00:33:19,413
You find out who died, go to the
building, and then you tip the doorman.
529
00:33:19,580 --> 00:33:23,667
It'd be easier if they combined
obituaries with the real-estate section.
530
00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:27,087
Then you have "Mr. Klein died,
leaving a wife, two children…
531
00:33:27,255 --> 00:33:32,134
…and a spacious three-bedroom apartment
with a wood-burning fireplace."
532
00:33:34,429 --> 00:33:37,431
The first time we met
I really didn't like you that much.
533
00:33:37,598 --> 00:33:39,433
- I didn't like you.
- Yeah, you did.
534
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,936
You were just so uptight then.
You're much softer now.
535
00:33:43,104 --> 00:33:47,107
I hate that kind of remark. It sounds
like a compliment, but it's an insult.
536
00:33:47,275 --> 00:33:49,359
OK, you're still as hard as nails.
537
00:33:49,527 --> 00:33:52,946
I didn't wanna sleep with you so you
wrote it off as a character flaw…
538
00:33:53,114 --> 00:33:54,865
…instead of dealing
with the possibility
539
00:33:55,033 --> 00:33:57,325
it might have something to do with you.
540
00:33:58,786 --> 00:34:02,330
What's the statute of limitations
on apologies?
541
00:34:03,207 --> 00:34:04,166
Ten years.
542
00:34:04,333 --> 00:34:07,127
Ooh, I can just get it in
under the wire.
543
00:34:11,841 --> 00:34:14,634
Would you like to have
dinner with me sometime?
544
00:34:15,011 --> 00:34:17,596
Are we becoming friends now?
545
00:34:18,973 --> 00:34:20,849
Well…
546
00:34:21,976 --> 00:34:23,310
Yeah.
547
00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:27,647
Great! A woman friend.
548
00:34:28,483 --> 00:34:30,358
You may be the first attractive woman
549
00:34:30,526 --> 00:34:33,820
I've not wanted to sleep with
in my entire life.
550
00:34:33,988 --> 00:34:36,323
That's wonderful, Harry.
551
00:34:37,492 --> 00:34:40,702
- We were born in the same hospital…
- Ln 1921.
552
00:34:40,870 --> 00:34:43,371
- …seven days apart.
- Ln the same hospital.
553
00:34:43,539 --> 00:34:46,666
- We both grew up one block apart.
- We lived in tenements.
554
00:34:46,834 --> 00:34:49,669
- On the Lower East Side.
- On Delancey Street.
555
00:34:49,837 --> 00:34:52,839
- I moved to the Bronx when I was ten.
- He lived on Fordham Road.
556
00:34:53,007 --> 00:34:55,967
- She moved when she was 11.
- I lived on 183rd Street.
557
00:34:56,135 --> 00:34:58,428
She worked on the 15th floor
as a nurse.
558
00:34:58,596 --> 00:35:01,348
I worked for a prominent neurologist…
559
00:35:01,516 --> 00:35:04,518
- I had a practice on the 14th floor.
- ..Dr. Permelman.
560
00:35:04,685 --> 00:35:07,020
- We never met.
- Never met.
561
00:35:07,188 --> 00:35:10,816
- Can you imagine that?
- D'you know where we met? An elevator.
562
00:35:10,983 --> 00:35:13,819
- I was visiting family.
- Ln the Ambassador Hotel.
563
00:35:13,986 --> 00:35:16,571
He was on the third floor,
I was on the 12th.
564
00:35:16,739 --> 00:35:20,367
I rode up nine extra floors
just to keep talking to her.
565
00:35:20,535 --> 00:35:23,036
Nine extra floors.
566
00:35:28,584 --> 00:35:30,710
(PHONE RINGS)
567
00:35:33,131 --> 00:35:35,715
- (SALLY) Hello.
- (HARRY) You sleeping?
568
00:35:35,883 --> 00:35:38,593
- No, I was watching "Casablanca."
- Channel?
569
00:35:38,761 --> 00:35:41,555
- Eleven.
- Thank you. Got it.
570
00:35:41,889 --> 00:35:45,684
So you'd be happier with Victor Laszlo
than with Humphrey Bogart?
571
00:35:45,852 --> 00:35:48,895
- When did I say that?
- When we drove to New York.
572
00:35:49,063 --> 00:35:53,567
- I never said that. I'd never say that.
- All right, fine. Have it your way.
573
00:35:55,403 --> 00:35:57,445
- (HARRY) Have you been sleeping?
- Why?
574
00:35:57,613 --> 00:36:01,575
'Cause I haven't been sleeping.
I really miss Helen.
575
00:36:02,910 --> 00:36:08,206
Maybe I'm coming down with something. I
watched "Leave It to Beaver" in Spanish.
576
00:36:08,374 --> 00:36:12,169
"Buenos días, Señor Cleaver.
¿Dónde están Wallace y Theodore?"
577
00:36:12,336 --> 00:36:13,545
I'm not well.
578
00:36:13,713 --> 00:36:17,591
(SALLY) I went to bed at 7:30.
I haven't done that since third grade.
579
00:36:17,758 --> 00:36:20,760
(HARRY) That's the good thing
about depression - you rest.
580
00:36:20,928 --> 00:36:23,972
- (SALLY) I'm not depressed.
- OK. Fine.
581
00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:26,975
(HARRY) Do you still sleep
on the same side of the bed?
582
00:36:27,143 --> 00:36:29,686
I did for a while,
but now I'm using the whole bed.
583
00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:34,858
God, that's great. I feel weird
when just my leg wanders over.
584
00:36:35,526 --> 00:36:37,360
I miss her.
585
00:36:37,945 --> 00:36:41,448
- I don't miss him. I really don't.
- Not even a little?
586
00:36:41,616 --> 00:36:43,617
You know what I miss?
587
00:36:43,784 --> 00:36:46,119
I miss the idea of him.
588
00:36:47,788 --> 00:36:50,290
Maybe I only miss the idea of Helen.
589
00:36:51,083 --> 00:36:53,585
No, I miss the whole Helen.
590
00:36:56,339 --> 00:36:58,465
(SALLY GASPS) Last scene.
591
00:37:01,636 --> 00:37:05,138
Goodbye, Rick. God bless you.
592
00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:08,475
(HARRY) Ooh, Ingrid Bergman.
She's low maintenance.
593
00:37:08,643 --> 00:37:11,186
- Low maintenance?
- There are two kinds of women.
594
00:37:11,354 --> 00:37:15,649
- High maintenance and low maintenance.
- And Ingrid is low maintenance?
595
00:37:15,816 --> 00:37:17,651
An LM, definitely.
596
00:37:17,818 --> 00:37:19,819
- Which one am I?
- The worst kind.
597
00:37:19,987 --> 00:37:22,781
You're high maintenance,
but you think you're low.
598
00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:25,033
- I don't see that.
- You don't see that?
599
00:37:25,201 --> 00:37:28,286
"Waiter, a house salad,
but not the regular dressing."
600
00:37:28,454 --> 00:37:30,830
"I'll have balsamic vinegar -
on the side."
601
00:37:30,998 --> 00:37:34,334
"Then salmon with mustard sauce,
but I want the sauce on the side."
602
00:37:34,502 --> 00:37:38,338
- "On the side" is a big thing for you.
- I just want it the way I want it.
603
00:37:38,506 --> 00:37:40,507
I know. High maintenance.
604
00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:43,718
…10,000 franks should pay our expenses.
605
00:37:43,886 --> 00:37:45,887
- Our expenses?
- Mm-hm.
606
00:37:46,055 --> 00:37:50,517
Louis, I think this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
607
00:37:51,686 --> 00:37:55,188
(HARRY) Ooh, best last line
of a movie ever.
608
00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:57,857
(SALLY SIGHS DREAMILY)
609
00:37:58,025 --> 00:38:02,529
I'm definitely coming down with
something. Probably a 24-hour tumor.
610
00:38:02,697 --> 00:38:04,781
- You don't have a tumor.
- How do you know?
611
00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:09,953
- If you're so worried, go see a doctor.
- No, he'll just tell me it's nothing.
612
00:38:10,121 --> 00:38:12,622
- Will you be able to sleep?
- If not, I'll be OK.
613
00:38:12,790 --> 00:38:16,042
- What'll you do?
- I'll stay up and moan.
614
00:38:16,210 --> 00:38:21,214
Maybe I should practice now.
Mmm. Mmm.
615
00:38:21,841 --> 00:38:24,259
Mmm. Mmm.
616
00:38:24,427 --> 00:38:26,928
- Good night, Harry.
- Mmm.
617
00:38:27,096 --> 00:38:29,222
Good night.
618
00:38:33,602 --> 00:38:36,730
(CARRIES ON MOANING SOFTLY)
619
00:39:04,759 --> 00:39:08,803
I had my dream again - where I'm making
love and Olympic judges are watching?
620
00:39:08,971 --> 00:39:11,806
I'd nailed the compulsories,
so this is it: the finals.
621
00:39:11,974 --> 00:39:15,435
I got a 9.8 from the Canadian,
a perfect 10 from the American…
622
00:39:15,603 --> 00:39:19,105
…and my mother, disguised as
an East German judge, gave me a 5.6.
623
00:39:19,273 --> 00:39:21,483
Must've been the dismount.
624
00:39:21,650 --> 00:39:24,819
(SALLY) Basically it's the same one
I've had since I was 12.
625
00:39:24,987 --> 00:39:27,697
- What happens?
- No, it's… It's too embarrassing.
626
00:39:27,865 --> 00:39:30,200
- Don't tell me.
- OK, there's this guy.
627
00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:31,868
What's he look like?
628
00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:33,995
I don't know.
He's just kinda faceless.
629
00:39:34,163 --> 00:39:37,457
A faceless guy. OK. Then what happens?
630
00:39:37,625 --> 00:39:39,626
He rips off my clothes.
631
00:39:39,794 --> 00:39:43,880
- Then what happens?
- That's it.
632
00:39:44,632 --> 00:39:47,509
That's it? A faceless guy
rips off your clothes.
633
00:39:47,676 --> 00:39:51,930
And that's the sex fantasy you've had
since you were 12. Exactly the same?
634
00:39:52,098 --> 00:39:54,808
Well, sometimes I vary it a little.
635
00:39:54,975 --> 00:39:57,477
- Which part?
- What I'm wearing.
636
00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:04,984
- What?
- Nothing.
637
00:40:06,821 --> 00:40:10,365
(HARRY IN SILLY ACCENT)
I have decided that for today…
638
00:40:10,533 --> 00:40:13,159
…we are going to talk like this.
639
00:40:13,327 --> 00:40:16,496
- (SALLY TRIES TO IMITATE) Like this?
- No. To repeat after me.
640
00:40:16,664 --> 00:40:17,705
- Pepper.
- Pepper.
641
00:40:17,873 --> 00:40:18,832
- Pepper.
- Pepper!
642
00:40:18,999 --> 00:40:20,583
- Pepper.
- Pepper.
643
00:40:20,751 --> 00:40:25,004
Waiter, there is too much pepper
on my paprikash.
644
00:40:25,673 --> 00:40:30,009
(BOTH) Waiter, there is too much pepper
on my paprikash.
645
00:40:30,177 --> 00:40:33,430
But I would be proud
to partake of your pecan pie.
646
00:40:33,597 --> 00:40:35,223
(LAUGHS) Oh, no!
647
00:40:35,391 --> 00:40:37,392
- But I would be proud.
- But I would be proud.
648
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:38,685
- To partake.
- To partake.
649
00:40:38,853 --> 00:40:41,855
- Of your pecan pie.
- Of your pecan pie.
650
00:40:42,022 --> 00:40:43,565
- Pecan pie.
- Pecan pie.
651
00:40:43,732 --> 00:40:47,360
- Pecan pie.
- Pecan pie! (GIGGLES)
652
00:40:47,528 --> 00:40:51,030
- Would you like to go to the movies?
- Would you like to go…
653
00:40:51,198 --> 00:40:57,120
Not to repeat. Please, to answer. Would
you like to go to the movies tonight?
654
00:40:57,288 --> 00:41:01,332
Oh… Oh…
Well, I'd love to, Harry, but I can't.
655
00:41:01,500 --> 00:41:04,544
What do you have? A hot date?
656
00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:07,213
- Well, yeah. Yeah.
- Really?
657
00:41:07,381 --> 00:41:09,507
Yeah. I was gonna tell you,
but, I don't know,
658
00:41:09,675 --> 00:41:12,051
- I felt strange about it.
- Why?
659
00:41:12,219 --> 00:41:14,262
'Cause we've spent
so much time together.
660
00:41:14,430 --> 00:41:17,056
I think it's great that you have a date.
661
00:41:17,224 --> 00:41:19,267
- You do?
- Yeah.
662
00:41:25,816 --> 00:41:28,651
- Is that what you're gonna wear?
- Yeah.
663
00:41:28,819 --> 00:41:31,946
Well… I don't know. Why?
664
00:41:32,364 --> 00:41:35,992
I think you should wear skirts more.
You look really good in skirts.
665
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,786
- I do?
- Yeah.
666
00:41:40,247 --> 00:41:45,335
I think hieroglyphics are really a comic
strip about a character named Sphinxy.
667
00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:49,088
- Harry, you should get out there, too.
- (ACCENT) Oh, I'm not ready.
668
00:41:49,256 --> 00:41:52,717
- You should.
- I would not be good for anybody now.
669
00:41:52,885 --> 00:41:54,594
It's time.
670
00:41:54,762 --> 00:41:58,097
It was the most
uncomfortable night of my life.
671
00:41:58,265 --> 00:42:00,308
See, no, it has to go this way.
672
00:42:01,435 --> 00:42:04,187
The first date back
is always the toughest, Harry.
673
00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:06,356
You only had one date.
674
00:42:06,524 --> 00:42:09,943
- How do you know it won't get worse?
- How much worse can it get…
675
00:42:10,110 --> 00:42:15,615
…than finishing dinner, having him pull
a hair out of my head and floss with it?
676
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:18,618
We're talking dream date
compared to my horror.
677
00:42:18,786 --> 00:42:22,288
It started out fine.
She's a very nice person.
678
00:42:22,456 --> 00:42:26,125
And we're talking in this Ethiopian
restaurant she wanted to go to.
679
00:42:26,293 --> 00:42:29,629
I was making jokes, like "I didn't
know they had food in Ethiopia."
680
00:42:29,797 --> 00:42:33,508
"This'll be a quick meal. I'll order
two empty plates and we can leave."
681
00:42:33,676 --> 00:42:35,969
Yeah! Nothing from her,
not even a smile.
682
00:42:36,136 --> 00:42:39,305
I downshift into small talk
and ask where she went to school.
683
00:42:39,473 --> 00:42:42,725
She says Michigan State.
And this reminds me of Helen.
684
00:42:42,893 --> 00:42:46,020
All of a sudden I'm in the middle
of an anxiety attack -
685
00:42:46,188 --> 00:42:49,148
…my heart's beatin' fast
and I start sweatin' like a pig.
686
00:42:49,316 --> 00:42:52,277
- Helen went to Michigan State?
- No, Northwestern.
687
00:42:52,444 --> 00:42:54,654
But they're both Big Ten schools.
688
00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:57,907
I got so upset
I had to leave the restaurant.
689
00:42:59,910 --> 00:43:02,245
Harry, I think this takes a long time.
690
00:43:02,413 --> 00:43:06,666
It might be months before we're able
to enjoy going out with someone new.
691
00:43:06,834 --> 00:43:07,750
Yeah.
692
00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:11,170
Maybe longer before we're able
to go to bed with someone new.
693
00:43:11,338 --> 00:43:13,715
Oh, I went to bed with her.
694
00:43:14,967 --> 00:43:17,885
- You went to bed with her?!
- Sure.
695
00:43:18,762 --> 00:43:19,804
Oh.
696
00:43:23,851 --> 00:43:26,853
- I don't understand this relationship.
- What d'ya mean?
697
00:43:27,021 --> 00:43:28,688
- Enjoy being with her?
- Yeah.
698
00:43:28,856 --> 00:43:30,857
- You find her attractive?
- Yeah.
699
00:43:31,025 --> 00:43:33,192
- And you're not sleeping with her?
- No.
700
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:35,528
You're afraid to let yourself be happy.
701
00:43:35,696 --> 00:43:39,073
Why can't you gimme credit for this?
This is a big thing for me.
702
00:43:39,241 --> 00:43:43,077
I never had a relationship with a woman
that didn't involve sex. I'm growing.
703
00:43:43,245 --> 00:43:44,954
Are you finished?
704
00:43:45,122 --> 00:43:46,873
I got a stack o' quarters.
I was here first.
705
00:43:47,041 --> 00:43:48,082
- Were not.
- Was too.
706
00:43:48,250 --> 00:43:49,917
- Were not!
- Was too!
707
00:43:50,085 --> 00:43:52,629
- Big jerk.
- Little creep.
708
00:43:52,796 --> 00:43:54,714
- Where was I?
- You were growing.
709
00:43:54,882 --> 00:43:56,382
Yeah.
710
00:43:56,550 --> 00:43:59,802
It's very freeing.
I can say anything to her.
711
00:44:00,429 --> 00:44:03,723
Are you saying you can say things to her
you can't say to me?
712
00:44:03,891 --> 00:44:06,392
No, it's just a different perspective.
713
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,686
I get the woman's
point of view on things.
714
00:44:08,854 --> 00:44:12,565
She tells me about the men she sees,
and I talk to her about the women I see.
715
00:44:12,733 --> 00:44:14,859
- You tell her about other women?
- Yeah.
716
00:44:15,027 --> 00:44:18,613
Like the other night, I made love
to this woman and it was incredible.
717
00:44:18,781 --> 00:44:22,492
I took her to a place that wasn't human.
She actually meowed.
718
00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:23,785
You made a woman meow?
719
00:44:23,952 --> 00:44:27,121
Yeah, and I can say
these things to her.
720
00:44:27,289 --> 00:44:28,289
And the great thing is,
721
00:44:28,457 --> 00:44:31,668
I don't have to lie because
I don't wanna get her into bed.
722
00:44:31,835 --> 00:44:35,922
- I can just be myself.
- You made a woman meow?
723
00:44:36,924 --> 00:44:39,926
What do you do with these women?
Just get up and leave?
724
00:44:40,094 --> 00:44:41,094
Sure.
725
00:44:41,261 --> 00:44:43,471
Explain how you do it.
What do you say?
726
00:44:43,639 --> 00:44:46,182
I say I have an early meeting,
early squash game.
727
00:44:46,350 --> 00:44:47,308
You don't play squash.
728
00:44:47,476 --> 00:44:50,103
They don't know that.
They just met me.
729
00:44:50,771 --> 00:44:53,231
- That's disgusting.
- I know. I feel terrible.
730
00:44:53,399 --> 00:44:55,942
I'm so glad I never
got involved with you.
731
00:44:56,110 --> 00:45:00,071
I just would've been some woman you
had to get outta bed and leave at 3am…
732
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:03,449
…and go clean your andirons.
You don't even have a fireplace.
733
00:45:03,617 --> 00:45:04,909
Not that I would know this.
734
00:45:05,077 --> 00:45:07,412
Why are you upset?
This isn't about you.
735
00:45:07,579 --> 00:45:11,749
Yes, it is! You are a human affront
to all women, and I am a woman.
736
00:45:11,917 --> 00:45:14,669
Hey, I don't hear anyone complaining.
737
00:45:14,837 --> 00:45:17,255
Of course not.
You're out the door too fast.
738
00:45:17,423 --> 00:45:21,259
- I think they have an OK time.
- How do you know?
739
00:45:21,802 --> 00:45:24,137
What d'ya mean how do I know? I know.
740
00:45:24,304 --> 00:45:28,141
- Because they…
- Yes, because they…
741
00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:33,855
- How do you know that they're really…
- What're you saying? They fake orgasm?
742
00:45:34,314 --> 00:45:36,649
- It's possible.
- Get outta here!
743
00:45:36,817 --> 00:45:39,902
Why? Most women
at one time or another have faked it.
744
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:43,239
- They haven't faked it with me.
- How do you know?
745
00:45:44,366 --> 00:45:46,117
Because I know.
746
00:45:47,619 --> 00:45:50,747
Oh. Right. That's right.
747
00:45:50,914 --> 00:45:53,166
I forgot. You're a man.
748
00:45:53,333 --> 00:45:55,543
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.
749
00:45:55,711 --> 00:45:59,422
All men are sure it never happened
to them and most women have done it…
750
00:45:59,590 --> 00:46:00,840
…so you do the math.
751
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,343
You don't think I
could tell the difference?
752
00:46:04,511 --> 00:46:07,346
- No.
- Get outta here.
753
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:14,937
Ooh.
754
00:46:16,356 --> 00:46:18,441
(MOANS) Oh.
755
00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:21,194
Ooh.
756
00:46:21,361 --> 00:46:23,362
Are you OK?
757
00:46:23,530 --> 00:46:26,407
Ohhh…
758
00:46:27,367 --> 00:46:29,368
Oh, God.
759
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,205
Ooh! Oh, God.
760
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,166
Oh.
761
00:46:35,334 --> 00:46:37,210
Ah.
762
00:46:37,377 --> 00:46:39,420
Oh…
763
00:46:39,588 --> 00:46:42,215
Oh, God.
764
00:46:42,382 --> 00:46:44,050
Oh, yeah, right there.
765
00:46:44,218 --> 00:46:46,219
(SHORT GASPS)
766
00:46:46,386 --> 00:46:50,515
Oh… Oh… Oh…
767
00:46:50,682 --> 00:46:52,809
Oh, God. Oh…
768
00:46:52,976 --> 00:46:56,062
(BANGS TABLE) Yes! Yes! Yes!
769
00:46:56,230 --> 00:46:57,897
Yes! Yes!
770
00:46:58,065 --> 00:47:01,400
Yes! Ah! Oh!
771
00:47:01,568 --> 00:47:05,780
Oh, yes! Yes! Yes! Oh!
772
00:47:05,948 --> 00:47:11,410
Yes! Yes! Yes!
773
00:47:11,578 --> 00:47:15,081
Oh! Oh… Oh…
774
00:47:15,249 --> 00:47:17,291
Oh, God.
775
00:47:17,459 --> 00:47:19,293
Oh.
776
00:47:27,135 --> 00:47:29,011
I'll have what she's having.
777
00:47:30,806 --> 00:47:33,015
(RAY CHARLES)
♪ Sleigh bells ring ♪
778
00:47:33,183 --> 00:47:35,226
♪ Are you listening? ♪
779
00:47:35,602 --> 00:47:39,564
♪ Ln the lane snow is glistening ♪
780
00:47:39,731 --> 00:47:42,108
♪ A beautiful sight ♪
781
00:47:42,276 --> 00:47:44,610
♪ We're happy tonight ♪
782
00:47:44,778 --> 00:47:47,780
♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪
783
00:47:47,948 --> 00:47:51,826
♪ Gone away is the bluebird ♪
784
00:47:52,286 --> 00:47:56,706
♪ Here to stay is a new bird ♪
785
00:47:57,624 --> 00:48:01,669
♪ He sings a love song as we go along ♪
786
00:48:01,837 --> 00:48:05,631
♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪
787
00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:09,510
♪ Ln the meadow we can build a snowman ♪
788
00:48:10,304 --> 00:48:14,140
♪ And pretend that he is Parson Brown ♪
789
00:48:14,766 --> 00:48:16,350
♪ He'll say "Are you married?" ♪
790
00:48:16,518 --> 00:48:18,853
♪ We'll say "No, man" ♪
791
00:48:19,021 --> 00:48:22,857
♪ "But you can do the job ♪
♪ when you're in town, brother" ♪
792
00:48:23,025 --> 00:48:27,194
♪ Later on we'll conspire ♪
793
00:48:28,196 --> 00:48:31,782
♪ As we dream by the fire ♪
794
00:48:32,409 --> 00:48:36,579
♪ To face unafraid ♪
♪ the plans that we made ♪
795
00:48:36,747 --> 00:48:39,665
♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪
796
00:48:40,959 --> 00:48:44,253
(HARRY CONNICK, JR) ♪ If they asked me
797
00:48:44,421 --> 00:48:46,923
♪ I could write a book ♪
798
00:48:48,550 --> 00:48:52,929
♪ About the way you walk and whisper… ♪
799
00:48:53,096 --> 00:48:55,181
I like you with no beard.
I see your face.
800
00:48:55,349 --> 00:48:56,933
It is my face!
801
00:48:58,101 --> 00:49:01,020
- Whoa! Dipping you.
- Oh!
802
00:49:03,148 --> 00:49:06,484
- Thank you for taking me out tonight.
- Oh, don't be silly.
803
00:49:06,652 --> 00:49:10,529
The next New Year's Eve, if neither
of us is with anybody, you got a date.
804
00:49:10,697 --> 00:49:12,531
Deal.
805
00:49:13,617 --> 00:49:17,536
- See? Now we can dance cheek to cheek.
- Mm!
806
00:49:17,704 --> 00:49:19,372
(SALLY SIGHS)
807
00:49:19,539 --> 00:49:22,041
♪ Is just to tell them ♪
808
00:49:22,209 --> 00:49:25,378
♪ That I love you a lot ♪
809
00:49:26,755 --> 00:49:31,550
♪ Then the world discovers ♪
810
00:49:31,718 --> 00:49:35,554
♪ As my book ends ♪
811
00:49:35,722 --> 00:49:39,892
♪ How to make two lovers ♪
812
00:49:40,060 --> 00:49:42,144
♪ Of friends ♪
813
00:49:42,312 --> 00:49:45,898
(MAN) Hey, everybody!
Ten seconds to New Year!
814
00:49:46,066 --> 00:49:48,401
- Ten…
- Wanna get some air?
815
00:49:48,568 --> 00:49:51,570
- Yeah.
- (CROWD) ..seven, six, five, four…
816
00:49:51,738 --> 00:49:54,073
…three, two, one!
817
00:49:54,241 --> 00:49:58,244
- (CROWD SHOUT) Happy New Year!
- (CHEERING, WHISTLING)
818
00:50:03,875 --> 00:50:06,502
(CROWD SING "AULD LANG SYNE")
819
00:50:17,681 --> 00:50:19,849
- Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
820
00:50:27,315 --> 00:50:29,817
He was a head counselor
at the boys' camp,
821
00:50:29,985 --> 00:50:32,570
I was a head counselor
at the girls' camp…
822
00:50:32,738 --> 00:50:36,615
…and they had a social one night,
and he walked across the room.
823
00:50:36,783 --> 00:50:39,785
I thought he was coming
to talk to my friend Maxine…
824
00:50:39,953 --> 00:50:43,622
…'cause people were always
crossing rooms to talk to Maxine.
825
00:50:43,790 --> 00:50:46,625
But he was coming to talk to me,
and he said…
826
00:50:46,793 --> 00:50:49,754
"I'm Ben Small
of the Coney Island Smalls."
827
00:50:49,921 --> 00:50:54,425
At that moment I knew. I knew
the way you know about a good melon.
828
00:50:56,344 --> 00:50:58,971
You sent flowers to yourself.
829
00:50:59,139 --> 00:51:02,892
$60 I spent on this big arrangement
of flowers, and I wrote a card…
830
00:51:03,060 --> 00:51:04,518
…that I planned to leave on the table
831
00:51:04,686 --> 00:51:07,146
where Arthur would
just happen to see it.
832
00:51:07,314 --> 00:51:09,565
What did the card say?
833
00:51:09,733 --> 00:51:12,318
"Please say yes. Love Jonathan."
834
00:51:12,486 --> 00:51:14,570
- Did it work?
- He never even came over.
835
00:51:14,738 --> 00:51:18,824
He forgot a charity thing his wife is
chairman of. He's never gonna leave her!
836
00:51:18,992 --> 00:51:22,328
- Of course he isn't.
- You're right. I know you're right.
837
00:51:22,496 --> 00:51:25,331
- Where is this place?
- Somewhere on the next block.
838
00:51:25,499 --> 00:51:28,000
Oh! I can't believe I'm doing this.
839
00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:31,670
Harry is one of my best friends
and you are one of my best friends.
840
00:51:31,838 --> 00:51:33,672
And if you two hit it off,
841
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:36,175
we could still be friends,
instead of drifting apart…
842
00:51:36,343 --> 00:51:39,386
…like you do when you date someone
who doesn't know your friends.
843
00:51:39,554 --> 00:51:43,557
You and I haven't drifted apart
since I started seeing Arthur.
844
00:51:43,725 --> 00:51:47,353
If Arthur ever left his wife
and I actually met him…
845
00:51:47,521 --> 00:51:50,940
…I am sure that
you and I would drift apart.
846
00:51:51,108 --> 00:51:53,192
He's never gonna leave her.
847
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,361
Of course he isn't.
848
00:51:55,529 --> 00:51:57,696
You're right. I know you're right.
849
00:51:58,198 --> 00:52:00,407
- I dunno about this.
- It's just a dinner.
850
00:52:00,575 --> 00:52:05,704
I've finally gotten to a place where I'm
comfortable with just me and my work.
851
00:52:05,872 --> 00:52:07,373
If she's so great
why don't you date her?
852
00:52:07,541 --> 00:52:09,625
I told you. We're just friends.
853
00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:12,586
- So she's not attractive?
- No, she is attractive.
854
00:52:12,754 --> 00:52:17,383
- You said she had a good personality.
- She has a good personality.
855
00:52:18,969 --> 00:52:20,386
What?
856
00:52:20,554 --> 00:52:24,765
When someone's not attractive, they're
described as having a good personality.
857
00:52:24,933 --> 00:52:28,727
If you'd asked about looks and I'd
said "She has a good personality"…
858
00:52:28,895 --> 00:52:30,604
…she's not attractive.
859
00:52:30,772 --> 00:52:34,275
But because I mentioned she has
a good personality, she can be either.
860
00:52:34,442 --> 00:52:38,237
Attractive with a good personality, or
not attractive with a good personality.
861
00:52:38,405 --> 00:52:40,406
- So which one is she?
- Attractive.
862
00:52:40,574 --> 00:52:42,867
But not beautiful, right?
863
00:52:45,412 --> 00:52:47,663
It's like,
whenever I read Jimmy Breslin,
864
00:52:47,831 --> 00:52:50,499
it's as if he's leaving
a wake-up call…
865
00:52:50,667 --> 00:52:54,753
- …for the City of New York.
- What d'you mean by a "wake-up call"?
866
00:52:54,921 --> 00:52:59,258
He's saying that we've got people
in the city who are on welfare…
867
00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:02,595
Would I have seen any of your windows?
868
00:53:02,762 --> 00:53:07,224
A couple of weeks ago
I did a thing with hostages.
869
00:53:07,392 --> 00:53:09,268
- The people in blindfolds.
- Yeah.
870
00:53:09,686 --> 00:53:12,938
- I thought it was like late '80s.
- Uh-huh.
871
00:53:13,607 --> 00:53:14,940
That's interesting.
872
00:53:15,108 --> 00:53:18,068
Let's just say I'm not
a big fan of Jimmy Breslin.
873
00:53:18,236 --> 00:53:22,781
Well, he's the reason I became a writer,
but that's not important.
874
00:53:35,629 --> 00:53:39,131
Harry, you and Marie
are both from New Jersey.
875
00:53:39,299 --> 00:53:40,799
- Really?
- Where?
876
00:53:40,967 --> 00:53:42,509
- South Orange.
- Haddonfield.
877
00:53:42,677 --> 00:53:44,553
Oh!
878
00:53:50,602 --> 00:53:52,144
So, what are we gonna order?
879
00:53:52,312 --> 00:53:54,647
I'm gonna start with
the grilled radicchio.
880
00:53:54,814 --> 00:53:58,192
Jess, Sally is a great orderer.
Not only does she pick the best…
881
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:01,695
…but she orders it in a way even the
chef didn't know how good it could be.
882
00:54:01,863 --> 00:54:05,199
- Restaurants have become too important.
- Oh, I agree.
883
00:54:05,367 --> 00:54:09,662
"Restaurants are to people in the '80s
what theatre was to people in the '60s."
884
00:54:09,829 --> 00:54:11,664
I read that in a magazine.
885
00:54:12,332 --> 00:54:14,375
I wrote that.
886
00:54:14,542 --> 00:54:17,169
- Get outta here.
- No, I did! I wrote that.
887
00:54:17,337 --> 00:54:20,714
I've never quoted anything
from a magazine. That's amazing.
888
00:54:20,882 --> 00:54:23,425
Don't you think that's amazing?
And you wrote it?
889
00:54:24,552 --> 00:54:27,012
I also wrote
"Pesto is the quiche of the '80s."
890
00:54:27,180 --> 00:54:29,890
- Get over yourself!
- I did!
891
00:54:30,058 --> 00:54:32,685
- Where did I read that?
- New York Magazine.
892
00:54:32,852 --> 00:54:35,187
Sally writes for New York Magazine.
893
00:54:35,355 --> 00:54:37,856
You know, that piece
had a real impact on me.
894
00:54:38,024 --> 00:54:39,733
I don't know much about writing…
895
00:54:39,901 --> 00:54:42,236
It spoke to you, and that pleases me.
896
00:54:42,404 --> 00:54:45,698
I mean, you have to admire people
who can be that articulate.
897
00:54:45,865 --> 00:54:49,535
Nobody has ever quoted
me back to me before.
898
00:54:58,962 --> 00:55:02,298
Oh! I've been looking for
a red suede pump.
899
00:55:04,718 --> 00:55:07,219
What do you think of Jess?
900
00:55:08,138 --> 00:55:09,263
Well, uh…
901
00:55:09,431 --> 00:55:11,557
Do you think you
could go out with him?
902
00:55:12,392 --> 00:55:13,392
I don't know…
903
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:16,186
'Cause I feel really
comfortable with him.
904
00:55:16,354 --> 00:55:19,565
- You wanna go out with Jess.
- If it would be all right with you.
905
00:55:19,733 --> 00:55:22,651
Sure. Sure.
I'm just worried about Harry.
906
00:55:22,819 --> 00:55:25,279
He's sensitive,
he's going through a rough period,
907
00:55:25,447 --> 00:55:27,906
and I don't want you to reject him.
908
00:55:28,074 --> 00:55:30,284
I wouldn't. I totally understand.
909
00:55:30,452 --> 00:55:33,912
If you don't think you're gonna
call Marie, do you mind if I call her?
910
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:35,706
- No, no.
- Good. Good.
911
00:55:35,874 --> 00:55:40,002
But for tonight you shouldn't. I mean,
Sally's very vulnerable right now.
912
00:55:40,170 --> 00:55:44,131
You can call Marie, but wait a week
or so. Don't make any moves tonight.
913
00:55:44,299 --> 00:55:47,968
Fine. No problem.
I wasn't even thinking about tonight.
914
00:55:48,595 --> 00:55:52,222
Well, I don't feel like walking
anymore. I think I'll get a cab.
915
00:55:52,390 --> 00:55:55,476
- I'll go with you.
- Great! Taxi!
916
00:56:06,780 --> 00:56:12,659
A man came to me and said
"I found nice girl for you."
917
00:56:12,827 --> 00:56:16,955
"She lives in the next village…
918
00:56:17,123 --> 00:56:20,459
…and she is ready for marriage."
919
00:56:21,628 --> 00:56:25,839
We were not supposed to meet
until the wedding…
920
00:56:26,007 --> 00:56:28,050
…but I wanted to make sure.
921
00:56:28,218 --> 00:56:32,513
So I sneak into her village,
hid behind a tree…
922
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:35,474
…watch her washing the clothes.
923
00:56:36,226 --> 00:56:41,980
I think if I don't like the way
she looks, I don't marry her.
924
00:56:42,148 --> 00:56:44,983
But she looked very nice to me.
925
00:56:45,151 --> 00:56:48,237
So I said "OK" to the man.
926
00:56:48,988 --> 00:56:50,739
We get married.
927
00:56:50,907 --> 00:56:53,992
We married for 55 years.
928
00:57:01,126 --> 00:57:04,294
- I have to get this.
- Harry, we're here for Jess and Marie.
929
00:57:04,462 --> 00:57:08,298
- We'll find something. Great stuff.
- Should have gone to the plant store.
930
00:57:08,466 --> 00:57:11,677
- Here. Perfect for them.
- What's that?
931
00:57:11,845 --> 00:57:14,513
Battery-operated pith helmet, with fan.
932
00:57:14,681 --> 00:57:17,516
- Why is this necessary in life?
- I don't know.
933
00:57:17,684 --> 00:57:20,727
Look at this. Also makes great fries.
934
00:57:20,895 --> 00:57:24,773
Oh, oh-oh. Good.
Call off the dogs. The hunt is over.
935
00:57:24,941 --> 00:57:27,818
Sally, this is the greatest.
936
00:57:27,986 --> 00:57:30,237
Sally, please report to me.
937
00:57:30,405 --> 00:57:33,157
Look. This is the greatest.
You're gonna love this.
938
00:57:33,324 --> 00:57:38,579
This is a singing machine. Look, you
sing the lead and this has the backup.
939
00:57:38,746 --> 00:57:41,832
- This is from Oklahoma!
- "Surrey with the Fringe on Top."
940
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:44,710
Yes, perfect. Ooh!
941
00:57:46,337 --> 00:57:49,298
♪ Chicks and ducks and geese ♪
♪ better scurry ♪
942
00:57:49,466 --> 00:57:52,342
♪ When I take you out in my surrey ♪
943
00:57:52,510 --> 00:57:56,680
♪ When I take you out in my surrey ♪
♪ with the fringe on top ♪
944
00:57:56,848 --> 00:57:58,015
Now you!
945
00:57:58,183 --> 00:58:00,642
(TOGETHER) ♪ Watch that fringe ♪
♪ and see how it flutters ♪
946
00:58:00,810 --> 00:58:03,520
♪ When I drive those ♪
♪ high-steppin' strutters ♪
947
00:58:03,688 --> 00:58:05,647
♪ Nosey pokes'll ♪
♪ peek through the shutters ♪
948
00:58:05,815 --> 00:58:08,358
♪ And their eyes will pop! ♪
949
00:58:08,526 --> 00:58:11,612
♪ The wheels are yellow, ♪
♪ the upholstery's brown ♪
950
00:58:11,779 --> 00:58:13,947
♪ The dashboard's genuine leather ♪
951
00:58:14,115 --> 00:58:16,825
♪ With isinglass curtains ♪
♪ that will ro… ♪
952
00:58:17,243 --> 00:58:18,952
What?
953
00:58:19,120 --> 00:58:22,164
It's my voice, isn't it?
You hate my voice.
954
00:58:22,332 --> 00:58:25,792
- I know, it's terrible. Joe hated it…
- It's Helen.
955
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:27,878
Helen?
956
00:58:28,046 --> 00:58:29,755
She's coming right towards me.
957
00:58:38,264 --> 00:58:41,808
- How are you, Harry?
- Fine. I'm fine.
958
00:58:43,603 --> 00:58:46,313
This is Ira Stone. Harry Burns.
959
00:58:46,481 --> 00:58:48,357
Harry.
960
00:58:52,737 --> 00:58:55,781
I'm sorry. This is Sally Albright.
Helen Hillson…
961
00:58:55,949 --> 00:58:57,824
…and Ira.
962
00:58:57,992 --> 00:58:59,826
Sally.
963
00:58:59,994 --> 00:59:03,163
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
964
00:59:05,375 --> 00:59:07,292
Well…
965
00:59:08,002 --> 00:59:11,421
- See you.
- Yeah. Bye.
966
00:59:12,715 --> 00:59:15,217
Nice to meet you… Ira.
967
00:59:20,348 --> 00:59:22,432
You OK?
968
00:59:23,643 --> 00:59:26,103
Yeah, I'm perfect.
969
00:59:26,271 --> 00:59:29,606
She looked weird, didn't she?
She looked really weird.
970
00:59:29,774 --> 00:59:33,485
- I've never seen her before.
- Trust me. Her legs looked heavy.
971
00:59:33,653 --> 00:59:35,445
- Must be retaining water.
- Harry!
972
00:59:35,613 --> 00:59:38,365
Believe me, the woman saved everything.
973
00:59:41,452 --> 00:59:43,453
Sure you're OK?
974
00:59:43,621 --> 00:59:46,540
Oh, I'm fine.
Look, it had to happen at some point.
975
00:59:46,708 --> 00:59:49,293
In a city of eight million,
you're bound to run into your ex-wife.
976
00:59:49,460 --> 00:59:50,836
So it happened.
977
00:59:51,004 --> 00:59:53,088
And now I'm fine.
978
00:59:56,092 --> 00:59:58,802
I like it. It works.
It says "home" to me.
979
00:59:58,970 --> 01:00:02,848
All right. All right.
We'll let Harry and Sally be the judge.
980
01:00:03,433 --> 01:00:05,892
What do you think?
981
01:00:06,060 --> 01:00:07,936
- It's nice.
- Case closed.
982
01:00:08,104 --> 01:00:10,522
Of course he likes it - he's a guy.
983
01:00:10,690 --> 01:00:12,774
Sally?
984
01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:15,861
What's so awful about it?
985
01:00:16,029 --> 01:00:19,948
It's so awful, there's no way to begin
to explain what's so awful about it.
986
01:00:20,116 --> 01:00:22,492
Honey, I don't object to your things.
987
01:00:22,660 --> 01:00:26,246
If we had room, you could put your
things in it, like your bar stools…
988
01:00:26,414 --> 01:00:30,375
Honey, wait, wait. Honey, wait.
You don't like my bar stools?
989
01:00:31,210 --> 01:00:33,795
Harry, come on,
someone has to be on my side.
990
01:00:33,963 --> 01:00:36,757
I'm on your side.
I just want you to have good taste.
991
01:00:36,924 --> 01:00:39,134
I have good taste!
992
01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:44,264
Everybody thinks they have good taste,
but they couldn't all have good taste.
993
01:00:44,432 --> 01:00:48,268
You know, it's funny.
We started out like this, Helen and I.
994
01:00:48,436 --> 01:00:52,856
We hung things, we picked out tiles
together. Then you know what happens?
995
01:00:53,024 --> 01:00:58,528
Six years later you're singing "Surrey
with the Fringe on Top" in front of Ira!
996
01:00:58,696 --> 01:01:00,572
Do we have to talk
about this right now?
997
01:01:00,740 --> 01:01:03,492
Yes. Right now is the perfect time…
998
01:01:03,660 --> 01:01:07,663
…because I want our friends to benefit
from the wisdom of my experience.
999
01:01:07,830 --> 01:01:09,081
Right now everything is great.
1000
01:01:09,248 --> 01:01:12,376
Everyone is happy and in love,
and that's wonderful.
1001
01:01:12,543 --> 01:01:15,879
But sooner or later,
you'll be screaming at each other
1002
01:01:16,047 --> 01:01:17,839
about who'll get this dish.
1003
01:01:18,007 --> 01:01:20,967
This $8 dish will cost $1,000 in calls
1004
01:01:21,135 --> 01:01:23,095
to the legal firm of
"That's mine, this is yours."
1005
01:01:23,262 --> 01:01:25,138
- Harry!
- Please.
1006
01:01:25,306 --> 01:01:28,475
Jess, Marie,
do me a favor for your own good.
1007
01:01:28,643 --> 01:01:32,938
Put your name in your books right now
before you don't know whose is whose…
1008
01:01:33,106 --> 01:01:38,110
…because some day you'll go 15 rounds
over who's gonna get this coffee table.
1009
01:01:38,277 --> 01:01:43,949
This stupid, wagon-wheel,
Roy-Rogers, garage-sale coffee table!
1010
01:01:45,702 --> 01:01:49,454
- I thought you liked it.
- I was being nice!
1011
01:01:51,624 --> 01:01:53,166
(DOOR SLAMS)
1012
01:01:53,793 --> 01:01:55,877
He just bumped into Helen.
1013
01:02:03,511 --> 01:02:06,304
I want you to know…
1014
01:02:06,472 --> 01:02:10,642
…that I will never want
that wagon-wheel coffee table.
1015
01:02:18,776 --> 01:02:20,318
- (SIGHS)
- I know, I know,
1016
01:02:20,486 --> 01:02:22,320
I shouldn't have done it.
1017
01:02:22,488 --> 01:02:24,406
Harry, you have to try to find a way
1018
01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:27,284
of not expressing
every feeling you have…
1019
01:02:27,452 --> 01:02:29,453
…every moment that you have them.
1020
01:02:29,620 --> 01:02:32,122
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
1021
01:02:32,290 --> 01:02:35,000
There are times and places for things.
1022
01:02:35,835 --> 01:02:38,336
Well, the next time you're giving
a lecture on social graces,
1023
01:02:38,504 --> 01:02:40,922
tell me 'cause I'll sign up.
1024
01:02:41,090 --> 01:02:44,676
Hey! You don't have
to take your anger out on me.
1025
01:02:44,844 --> 01:02:48,221
I'm entitled to throw anger your way.
Especially when I'm being told
1026
01:02:48,389 --> 01:02:50,849
how to live my life
by Miss Hospital Corners!
1027
01:02:51,017 --> 01:02:54,811
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing bothers you!
1028
01:02:54,979 --> 01:02:58,648
- You never get upset about anything!
- Don't be ridiculous!
1029
01:02:58,816 --> 01:03:00,066
What?
1030
01:03:00,234 --> 01:03:01,735
You never get upset about Joe.
1031
01:03:01,903 --> 01:03:04,529
I never see it back up on you.
How is it possible?
1032
01:03:04,697 --> 01:03:08,700
- Don't you experience feelings of loss?
- I don't have to take this crap.
1033
01:03:08,868 --> 01:03:11,578
If you're over Joe,
why not see people?
1034
01:03:11,746 --> 01:03:12,871
I see people!
1035
01:03:13,039 --> 01:03:16,333
See people! Have you slept
with one person since Joe?
1036
01:03:16,501 --> 01:03:19,252
What the hell does that
have to do with anything?
1037
01:03:19,420 --> 01:03:23,298
That will prove I'm over Joe
because I fuck somebody?!
1038
01:03:23,466 --> 01:03:25,133
You have to move back to New Jersey
1039
01:03:25,301 --> 01:03:27,052
'cause you've slept
with everyone in New York.
1040
01:03:27,220 --> 01:03:30,514
I don't see that turning Helen
into a faint memory for you.
1041
01:03:31,182 --> 01:03:34,184
Besides, I will make love
when it is making love.
1042
01:03:34,352 --> 01:03:37,813
Not the way you do it, like you're
out for revenge or something.
1043
01:03:38,898 --> 01:03:40,065
Are you finished now?
1044
01:03:41,734 --> 01:03:43,193
Yes.
1045
01:03:43,361 --> 01:03:45,695
Can I say something?
1046
01:03:45,863 --> 01:03:47,531
Yes.
1047
01:03:50,159 --> 01:03:52,869
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1048
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:06,174
Don't say a word!
1049
01:04:09,804 --> 01:04:12,889
(JESS) It's a monkey, a monkey.
Monkey see, monkey do.
1050
01:04:13,057 --> 01:04:16,476
- It's an ape. Going ape.
- It's a baby!
1051
01:04:16,644 --> 01:04:18,770
- Planet of the Apes!
- She said baby!
1052
01:04:18,938 --> 01:04:19,938
Try Planet of the Dopes.
1053
01:04:20,106 --> 01:04:23,900
- It doesn't look like a baby.
- (HARRY) Big mouth. Jagger as a baby.
1054
01:04:24,068 --> 01:04:26,611
- (JESS) Baby ape!
- (HARRY) Stop with the apes.
1055
01:04:26,779 --> 01:04:29,948
- Um, baby's breath.
- Rosemary's Baby's… mouth?
1056
01:04:30,116 --> 01:04:32,617
- "Won't You Come Home, Bill Baby?"
- Kiss the baby!
1057
01:04:32,785 --> 01:04:37,330
- "Melancholy Baby's Mouth!"
- Baby fish… Baby-fish mouth!
1058
01:04:38,207 --> 01:04:40,083
- 15 seconds.
- (HARRY) A big mouth.
1059
01:04:40,251 --> 01:04:42,210
- (WOMAN) Baby boom!
- (HARRY) Baby…
1060
01:04:42,378 --> 01:04:44,963
(JESS) Draw something
resembling anything!
1061
01:04:45,131 --> 01:04:48,758
- Crying baby. Kiss the baby.
- Baby spitting up… Exorcist baby!
1062
01:04:48,968 --> 01:04:52,721
- (WOMAN) "Yes Sir, That's My Baby."
- (HARRY) "No sir, don't mean maybe."
1063
01:04:52,889 --> 01:04:55,640
- That's it. Time's up.
- Baby talk.
1064
01:04:55,808 --> 01:04:59,144
Baby talk? What's that?
That's not a saying.
1065
01:04:59,312 --> 01:05:02,772
But "baby-fish mouth" is sweeping
the nation. I hear them talking!
1066
01:05:03,441 --> 01:05:05,901
Final score. Our team: 110.
1067
01:05:06,068 --> 01:05:08,028
You guys: 60.
1068
01:05:08,195 --> 01:05:11,406
- (HARRY) Ouch. Fix! Definitely a fix.
- Pathetic.
1069
01:05:11,866 --> 01:05:13,658
- I can't draw.
- No…
1070
01:05:13,826 --> 01:05:16,786
That's a baby,
and it's clearly talking.
1071
01:05:16,954 --> 01:05:18,747
You're wonderful.
1072
01:05:18,915 --> 01:05:21,750
- (MARIE) Who wants coffee?
- (JESS) I do, and I love you.
1073
01:05:21,918 --> 01:05:24,711
- (ALICE) D'you have tea?
- Industrial strength.
1074
01:05:24,879 --> 01:05:28,423
- I'll help you. Decaf?
- Yeah.
1075
01:05:29,216 --> 01:05:31,134
- Three.
- Yes, please.
1076
01:05:31,302 --> 01:05:34,346
- Where's the bathroom?
- Through that door, down the hall.
1077
01:05:41,437 --> 01:05:43,271
Never looked like a baby to me.
1078
01:05:43,439 --> 01:05:44,898
- Which part?
- All of it.
1079
01:05:45,066 --> 01:05:48,401
- You were gonna show me a book cover.
- Yeah, it's in the den.
1080
01:05:48,569 --> 01:05:52,781
Julian, help yourself.
Have some more wine, whatever, OK?
1081
01:05:52,949 --> 01:05:55,241
I like saying den.
Got a nice ring to it.
1082
01:05:55,743 --> 01:05:58,536
Emily's a little young for Harry,
don't you think?
1083
01:05:58,704 --> 01:06:01,456
Well, she's young,
but look what she's done.
1084
01:06:01,624 --> 01:06:03,917
What has she done? She makes desserts.
1085
01:06:04,085 --> 01:06:06,002
Does Julian seem
a little stuffy to you?
1086
01:06:06,170 --> 01:06:08,463
He's a good guy.
You should talk to him.
1087
01:06:08,631 --> 01:06:10,006
He's too tall to talk to.
1088
01:06:10,174 --> 01:06:13,343
She makes 3,500
chocolate-mousse pies a week.
1089
01:06:14,720 --> 01:06:16,888
Emily is "Aunt Emily?"
1090
01:06:17,056 --> 01:06:19,516
He took us to a Met game
last week. It was great.
1091
01:06:19,684 --> 01:06:21,476
You all went to a Met game together?
1092
01:06:21,644 --> 01:06:24,145
Yeah, but…
it was a last-minute thing.
1093
01:06:24,313 --> 01:06:25,689
But Sally hates baseball.
1094
01:06:25,856 --> 01:06:28,066
Harry doesn't even like sweets.
1095
01:06:28,234 --> 01:06:30,735
Julian is great.
1096
01:06:30,903 --> 01:06:32,862
I know. He's a grown-up.
1097
01:06:33,030 --> 01:06:34,239
Emily is terrific.
1098
01:06:34,407 --> 01:06:36,408
Yeah. But when I asked
where she was…
1099
01:06:36,575 --> 01:06:38,743
…when Kennedy was shot,
she said "Ted Kennedy was shot?"
1100
01:06:38,911 --> 01:06:39,911
No.
1101
01:06:49,672 --> 01:06:51,923
(PHONE RINGS)
1102
01:06:52,091 --> 01:06:54,134
- Hello?
- (SALLY) Are you alone?
1103
01:06:54,301 --> 01:06:56,344
Yeah. I was just finishing a book.
1104
01:06:56,512 --> 01:06:59,305
- (SOBBING) Could you come over?
- What's the matter?
1105
01:06:59,473 --> 01:07:02,517
- He's getting married.
- Who?
1106
01:07:03,269 --> 01:07:04,728
Joe!
1107
01:07:04,895 --> 01:07:06,980
I'll be right there.
1108
01:07:11,193 --> 01:07:14,237
- Hi.
- Are you all right?
1109
01:07:16,657 --> 01:07:18,950
Come on in.
1110
01:07:21,620 --> 01:07:24,748
- I'm sorry to call you so late.
- It's all right.
1111
01:07:26,208 --> 01:07:28,293
- I need a Kleenex!
- OK.
1112
01:07:28,461 --> 01:07:29,919
OK. OK.
1113
01:07:30,087 --> 01:07:33,298
He just called me up,
"Wanted to see how you were"…
1114
01:07:33,466 --> 01:07:35,842
…"Fine. How are you?" "Fine."
1115
01:07:36,010 --> 01:07:39,596
His secretary's on vacation,
everything's all backed up.
1116
01:07:39,764 --> 01:07:43,558
He's got a big case in Newark,
blah, blah, blah.
1117
01:07:44,643 --> 01:07:48,897
And I'm sitting on the phone thinking
"I am over him, I really am over him…
1118
01:07:49,065 --> 01:07:53,193
…I can't believe I was ever
remotely interested in any of this."
1119
01:07:54,195 --> 01:07:57,530
And then he said "I have some news."
1120
01:08:01,327 --> 01:08:05,705
She works in his office.
She's a paralegal. Her name is Kimberly.
1121
01:08:07,541 --> 01:08:09,542
He just met her!
1122
01:08:09,710 --> 01:08:15,256
She's supposed to be his
transitional person, not "the one!"
1123
01:08:20,638 --> 01:08:25,433
All this time… I've been saying…
that he didn't wanna get married.
1124
01:08:26,936 --> 01:08:29,062
But the truth is…
1125
01:08:29,230 --> 01:08:31,940
…he didn't wanna marry me.
1126
01:08:35,027 --> 01:08:37,320
He didn't love me.
1127
01:08:41,367 --> 01:08:44,035
If you could take him back
right now, would you?
1128
01:08:45,871 --> 01:08:47,872
No!
1129
01:08:48,040 --> 01:08:50,917
But why didn't he wanna marry me?
1130
01:08:51,710 --> 01:08:54,462
- What's the matter with me?
- Nothing.
1131
01:08:54,630 --> 01:08:56,923
- I'm difficult.
- You're challenging.
1132
01:08:57,091 --> 01:09:00,677
- I'm too structured. I'm closed off.
- But in a good way.
1133
01:09:01,720 --> 01:09:05,098
No, no, no. I drove him away.
1134
01:09:07,309 --> 01:09:09,602
And I'm gonna be 40!
1135
01:09:10,688 --> 01:09:12,188
When?
1136
01:09:12,356 --> 01:09:14,732
- Some day.
- Ln eight years.
1137
01:09:15,234 --> 01:09:20,405
But it's there! It's just sitting there
like this big dead end.
1138
01:09:21,490 --> 01:09:26,911
And it's not the same for men. Charlie
Chaplin had babies when he was 73.
1139
01:09:27,079 --> 01:09:29,289
Yeah, but he was too old to pick 'em up.
1140
01:09:35,379 --> 01:09:37,755
Oh, come here. Come here.
1141
01:09:37,923 --> 01:09:39,757
It's gonna be OK.
1142
01:09:39,925 --> 01:09:42,302
It's gonna be fine, you'll see.
1143
01:09:43,429 --> 01:09:46,556
Go ahead. It's not one
of my favorites anyway.
1144
01:09:48,392 --> 01:09:50,894
It's gonna be OK. Hm?
1145
01:09:56,817 --> 01:09:58,943
Hm? OK?
1146
01:09:59,111 --> 01:10:00,987
OK.
1147
01:10:03,908 --> 01:10:05,033
I'll make some tea.
1148
01:10:05,201 --> 01:10:07,702
Harry, could you
hold me a little longer?
1149
01:10:07,870 --> 01:10:09,704
Oh, sure.
1150
01:10:09,872 --> 01:10:11,539
Oh.
1151
01:10:15,878 --> 01:10:18,296
OK? Hm?
1152
01:10:50,204 --> 01:10:52,080
Are you comfortable?
1153
01:10:52,248 --> 01:10:54,165
Sure.
1154
01:10:58,921 --> 01:11:03,007
- D'you want something to drink?
- No, I'm OK.
1155
01:11:04,176 --> 01:11:07,845
I'm going to get up for some water,
so it's really no trouble.
1156
01:11:08,013 --> 01:11:10,098
OK. Water.
1157
01:12:05,487 --> 01:12:10,199
You have all your video tapes
alphabetized and on index cards.
1158
01:12:10,367 --> 01:12:11,743
Thank you.
1159
01:12:11,910 --> 01:12:15,621
- D'you wanna watch something?
- No. Not unless you do.
1160
01:12:16,123 --> 01:12:18,291
No. That's OK.
1161
01:12:32,306 --> 01:12:35,933
- D'you wanna go to sleep?
- OK.
1162
01:12:56,830 --> 01:12:58,956
(MOVEMENT)
1163
01:13:10,177 --> 01:13:11,386
Where are you going?
1164
01:13:12,679 --> 01:13:15,181
I gotta go.
1165
01:13:16,308 --> 01:13:19,519
Gotta go home, change my clothes
and go to work. And so do you.
1166
01:13:19,686 --> 01:13:23,481
But after work I'd like to take you
out to dinner, if you're free. You free?
1167
01:13:23,649 --> 01:13:26,192
- Yes.
- Fine. I'll call you later.
1168
01:13:26,819 --> 01:13:29,153
- Fine.
- Fine.
1169
01:13:39,498 --> 01:13:41,541
(PHONE RINGS)
1170
01:13:48,215 --> 01:13:50,216
- Yours!
- Hello.
1171
01:13:50,384 --> 01:13:52,635
- Sorry to call so early.
- Are you all right?
1172
01:13:52,803 --> 01:13:56,180
- No one I know would call at this hour.
- (PHONE RINGS)
1173
01:13:56,348 --> 01:13:58,349
- No one I know would call.
- It's awful.
1174
01:13:58,517 --> 01:14:00,309
- I need to talk.
- What happened?
1175
01:14:00,477 --> 01:14:02,437
- Harry came over.
- I went to Sally's.
1176
01:14:02,604 --> 01:14:05,314
- I was upset Joe was marrying.
- One thing led to another.
1177
01:14:05,482 --> 01:14:07,650
Before I knew it we were kissing.
Then…
1178
01:14:07,818 --> 01:14:10,069
- (BOTH) …we did it.
- (BOTH) They did it!
1179
01:14:10,237 --> 01:14:12,238
- That's great!
- We prayed for it.
1180
01:14:12,406 --> 01:14:15,074
- You shoulda done it before.
- We said you should do it.
1181
01:14:15,242 --> 01:14:17,869
- You belong together.
- You killed two birds with one stone.
1182
01:14:18,036 --> 01:14:20,580
- Two wrongs make a right.
- (BOTH) How was it?
1183
01:14:20,747 --> 01:14:22,248
- During part was good…
- Good…
1184
01:14:22,416 --> 01:14:24,417
- …then I felt suffocated.
- ..then it wasn't.
1185
01:14:24,585 --> 01:14:25,793
- Sorry.
- The worst.
1186
01:14:25,961 --> 01:14:27,295
- I had to go.
- He left.
1187
01:14:27,463 --> 01:14:29,130
- I feel bad.
- I'm embarrassed.
1188
01:14:29,298 --> 01:14:30,548
- I don't blame you.
- That's horrible.
1189
01:14:30,716 --> 01:14:32,633
- I feel ill.
- I'm catching a cold.
1190
01:14:32,801 --> 01:14:34,427
Look, it didn't work out.
1191
01:14:34,595 --> 01:14:38,055
Never sleep with anyone
when you find out your ex is marrying.
1192
01:14:38,223 --> 01:14:40,057
- Who's talking?
- Is that Jess?
1193
01:14:40,225 --> 01:14:42,727
- It's Jane Fonda on the VCR.
- It's Bryant Gumbel.
1194
01:14:42,895 --> 01:14:44,437
(BOTH) Wanna have breakfast?
1195
01:14:44,605 --> 01:14:46,647
- No, I'm not up to it.
- I feel too awful.
1196
01:14:46,815 --> 01:14:48,733
- (BOTH) Good.
- I mean, it's so early.
1197
01:14:48,901 --> 01:14:51,277
- But call me later.
- I'll call you later.
1198
01:14:51,445 --> 01:14:52,653
- OK. Bye.
- Bye.
1199
01:14:52,821 --> 01:14:54,906
- Bye.
- Bye.
1200
01:14:56,116 --> 01:14:58,826
- God!
- I know.
1201
01:14:59,870 --> 01:15:02,997
Tell me I'll never have to be
out there again.
1202
01:15:06,251 --> 01:15:09,170
You will never have
to be out there again.
1203
01:15:12,466 --> 01:15:14,926
(SALLY) I'll just say we made a mistake.
1204
01:15:15,677 --> 01:15:18,513
(HARRY) Sally, it was a mistake.
1205
01:15:20,849 --> 01:15:23,392
I just hope I get to say it first.
1206
01:15:24,269 --> 01:15:26,938
I hope she says it before I do.
1207
01:15:29,816 --> 01:15:31,067
It was a mistake.
1208
01:15:31,235 --> 01:15:33,653
I am so relieved
that you think so, too.
1209
01:15:35,239 --> 01:15:37,406
I'm not saying last night wasn't great.
1210
01:15:38,283 --> 01:15:41,285
- It was!
- Yes, it was!
1211
01:15:42,287 --> 01:15:45,831
- We just never should have done it.
- I couldn't agree more.
1212
01:15:46,166 --> 01:15:49,335
- I am so relieved!
- Great.
1213
01:15:49,503 --> 01:15:52,213
Yeah. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
1214
01:15:53,799 --> 01:15:55,883
Two mixed green salads.
1215
01:16:25,247 --> 01:16:30,334
It is so nice when you can sit
with someone and not have to talk. Hm?
1216
01:16:34,256 --> 01:16:36,716
Most of the time,
you go to bed with someone…
1217
01:16:36,883 --> 01:16:40,928
…then she tells you all her stories,
you tell her all your stories.
1218
01:16:41,096 --> 01:16:44,849
But with Sally and me,
we'd already heard each other's stories.
1219
01:16:45,017 --> 01:16:49,020
So once we went to bed, we didn't know
what we were supposed to do. You know?
1220
01:16:49,187 --> 01:16:51,439
Sure, Harry.
1221
01:16:52,065 --> 01:16:53,733
I don't know.
1222
01:16:53,900 --> 01:16:55,610
Maybe you get to a point
in a relationship
1223
01:16:55,777 --> 01:16:59,530
where it's too late
to have sex. You know?
1224
01:17:09,082 --> 01:17:11,500
Is Harry bringing anyone to the wedding?
1225
01:17:11,668 --> 01:17:13,711
I don't think so.
1226
01:17:15,047 --> 01:17:16,422
Is he seeing anyone?
1227
01:17:16,590 --> 01:17:20,635
He was seeing
this anthropologist, but…
1228
01:17:21,511 --> 01:17:25,723
- What does she look like?
- Thin, pretty, big tits.
1229
01:17:25,891 --> 01:17:27,475
Your basic nightmare.
1230
01:17:32,105 --> 01:17:33,564
What d'ya think?
1231
01:17:35,400 --> 01:17:37,693
Oh, Marie…
1232
01:17:38,403 --> 01:17:40,237
Tell the truth.
1233
01:17:41,698 --> 01:17:44,200
It's just beautiful.
1234
01:18:15,774 --> 01:18:21,612
We are gathered here today to celebrate
the marriage of Marie and Jess.
1235
01:18:22,322 --> 01:18:25,491
And to consecrate
their vows of matrimony.
1236
01:18:25,659 --> 01:18:29,120
The vows they will take
join their lives.
1237
01:18:29,287 --> 01:18:34,375
The wine they will share
binds all their hopes together.
1238
01:18:34,543 --> 01:18:36,836
And by the rings they will wear…
1239
01:18:37,003 --> 01:18:41,966
…they will be known to all
as husband and wife.
1240
01:18:42,134 --> 01:18:44,385
(♫ TRAD JAZZ)
1241
01:18:52,352 --> 01:18:55,980
(SALLY) I've never seen her so happy.
She's a different person.
1242
01:18:56,148 --> 01:19:00,860
Oh, yeah, she is. It's great,
but what're we gonna do about you?
1243
01:19:01,027 --> 01:19:03,404
- Me?
- Hon, you wanna dance?
1244
01:19:03,572 --> 01:19:06,073
- Oh, yeah! Yeah, I do.
- Excuse us.
1245
01:19:09,494 --> 01:19:12,204
- Hi.
- Hello.
1246
01:19:15,834 --> 01:19:19,003
- Nice ceremony.
- Beautiful.
1247
01:19:21,298 --> 01:19:22,798
Boy, the holidays are rough!
1248
01:19:22,966 --> 01:19:26,761
Every year I try to get from
Thanksgiving to New Year.
1249
01:19:26,928 --> 01:19:29,513
- A lot of suicides.
- Mm.
1250
01:19:30,390 --> 01:19:33,559
- Would you like a pea pod with shrimp?
- Thank you.
1251
01:19:34,770 --> 01:19:37,521
- How've you been?
- Fine.
1252
01:19:37,689 --> 01:19:39,273
- Seeing anybody?
- Harry.
1253
01:19:39,441 --> 01:19:41,192
- What?
- I don't wanna talk about this.
1254
01:19:41,359 --> 01:19:44,695
- Why not?
- I don't want to talk about it.
1255
01:19:45,322 --> 01:19:49,533
Why can't we get past this? Are we
gonna carry this thing around for ever?
1256
01:19:49,701 --> 01:19:54,038
- Forever? It just happened!
- It happened three weeks ago.
1257
01:19:54,206 --> 01:19:57,124
You know how a year to a person
is like seven years to a dog?
1258
01:19:58,293 --> 01:20:00,127
Yes!
1259
01:20:02,297 --> 01:20:05,299
Is one of us supposed to be a dog
in this scenario?
1260
01:20:05,634 --> 01:20:07,927
- Yes.
- Who is the dog?
1261
01:20:08,094 --> 01:20:11,388
- You are.
- I am! I am the dog!
1262
01:20:11,556 --> 01:20:14,016
I am the dog! I…
1263
01:20:20,023 --> 01:20:22,691
I don't see that. You are the dog.
1264
01:20:22,859 --> 01:20:25,069
You act like what happened
didn't mean anything.
1265
01:20:25,237 --> 01:20:28,405
No, I don't, but why
does it have to mean everything?
1266
01:20:28,573 --> 01:20:29,907
Because it does!
1267
01:20:30,075 --> 01:20:33,911
You know it better than anyone,
'cause after it happens you walk out!
1268
01:20:34,079 --> 01:20:37,039
- I didn't walk out.
- Sprinted is more like it.
1269
01:20:37,207 --> 01:20:40,626
- We both agreed it was a mistake.
- The worst mistake I ever made!
1270
01:20:42,462 --> 01:20:44,338
- What do you want from me?
- Nothing!
1271
01:20:44,506 --> 01:20:46,632
Fine! But let's just
get one thing straight.
1272
01:20:46,800 --> 01:20:50,427
I did not go over there
to make love to you.
1273
01:20:50,595 --> 01:20:54,598
But you looked at me with these weepy
eyes: "Don't go home. Hold me, Harry."
1274
01:20:54,766 --> 01:20:58,602
- What was I supposed to do?
- Are you saying you took pity on me?
1275
01:20:58,770 --> 01:21:00,855
- No! I was…
- Fuck you!
1276
01:21:02,148 --> 01:21:04,733
(DRUM ROLL)
1277
01:21:04,901 --> 01:21:08,028
Everybody, could I have
your attention, please?
1278
01:21:08,196 --> 01:21:12,408
I'd like to propose a toast,
to Harry and Sally.
1279
01:21:12,576 --> 01:21:14,410
To Harry and Sally.
1280
01:21:14,578 --> 01:21:18,998
If Marie or I had found either of them
remotely attractive…
1281
01:21:19,165 --> 01:21:22,334
- …we would not be here today.
- (LAUGHTER)
1282
01:21:31,219 --> 01:21:35,848
(BING CROSBY)
♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪
1283
01:21:36,808 --> 01:21:39,894
♪ Let yourself be light ♪
1284
01:21:41,146 --> 01:21:47,234
♪ From now on ♪
♪ our troubles will be out of sight ♪
1285
01:21:51,615 --> 01:21:56,076
♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪
1286
01:21:56,912 --> 01:22:00,539
♪ Make the yuletide gay ♪
1287
01:22:01,249 --> 01:22:07,338
♪ From now on ♪
♪ our troubles will be miles away ♪
1288
01:22:08,798 --> 01:22:11,342
Hi, it's me. It's the holiday season…
1289
01:22:11,509 --> 01:22:14,970
…and I thought I'd remind you
that it's the season of forgiveness.
1290
01:22:15,138 --> 01:22:19,725
And, although it's not widely known,
it is also the season of groveling.
1291
01:22:19,893 --> 01:22:22,394
So, if you felt like calling me back…
1292
01:22:22,562 --> 01:22:26,774
…I'd be more than happy to do
the traditional Christmas groveling.
1293
01:22:26,942 --> 01:22:28,859
Give me a call.
1294
01:22:41,247 --> 01:22:43,374
(PHONE RINGS)
1295
01:22:44,834 --> 01:22:47,670
Hi, I'm not home.
I'll call you right back. (BEEP)
1296
01:22:47,837 --> 01:22:52,007
(HARRY) If you're there, please pick up.
I really wanna talk to you.
1297
01:22:54,469 --> 01:22:57,054
The fact you're not answering
leads me to believe you're either,
1298
01:22:57,222 --> 01:22:59,056
A: not at home…
1299
01:22:59,224 --> 01:23:02,518
…B: home, but don't
wanna talk to me, or C:
1300
01:23:02,686 --> 01:23:07,272
…home, desperately wanna talk to me,
but trapped under something heavy.
1301
01:23:07,440 --> 01:23:10,567
If it's either A or C,
please call me back.
1302
01:23:12,862 --> 01:23:14,363
Obviously she doesn't wanna talk to me.
1303
01:23:14,531 --> 01:23:16,782
What do I have to do,
be hit on the head?
1304
01:23:16,950 --> 01:23:20,869
If she wants to call, she'll call.
I'm through actin' like a schmuck.
1305
01:23:21,037 --> 01:23:24,581
♪ If you're feeling sad and lonely ♪
1306
01:23:24,749 --> 01:23:27,793
♪ There's a service I can render ♪
1307
01:23:27,961 --> 01:23:30,963
♪ Tell the one who digs you only ♪
1308
01:23:31,131 --> 01:23:34,341
♪ I can be so warm and tender ♪
1309
01:23:34,509 --> 01:23:36,176
♪ Call me ♪
1310
01:23:36,344 --> 01:23:39,888
♪ Maybe it's late to just call me ♪
1311
01:23:40,056 --> 01:23:43,308
♪ Don't be afraid to just phone moi ♪
1312
01:23:43,476 --> 01:23:47,479
♪ Call me and I'll be around ♪
1313
01:23:47,647 --> 01:23:49,023
Give me a call.
1314
01:23:49,190 --> 01:23:51,692
- Hi, Harry.
- Hello. Hi! Hi!
1315
01:23:51,860 --> 01:23:54,611
I didn't know that you would…
That you were there.
1316
01:23:54,779 --> 01:23:57,656
- What're you doing?
- I was just on my way out.
1317
01:23:57,824 --> 01:23:59,491
Where you going?
1318
01:24:00,410 --> 01:24:02,870
- What do you want, Harry?
- Nothing. Nothing.
1319
01:24:03,038 --> 01:24:06,665
I… I just called to say I'm sorry.
1320
01:24:08,168 --> 01:24:10,085
OK.
1321
01:24:17,218 --> 01:24:20,679
- I gotta go.
- Wait a second. Wait… wait a second.
1322
01:24:20,847 --> 01:24:22,222
What're you doin' for New Year's?
1323
01:24:22,390 --> 01:24:26,143
Going to the Tylers' party? I don't
have a date. If you don't have a date,
1324
01:24:26,311 --> 01:24:31,356
we always said we could
be together for New Year's and…
1325
01:24:31,524 --> 01:24:35,277
I can't do this any more.
I am not your consolation prize.
1326
01:24:35,445 --> 01:24:36,945
Goodbye.
1327
01:24:46,122 --> 01:24:51,502
And here we are once again. The 16th
annual "New Year's Rockin' Eve"…
1328
01:24:51,669 --> 01:24:53,337
…coming to you live…
1329
01:24:53,505 --> 01:24:57,424
(HARRY) What's so bad about this?
You got Dick Clark. That's tradition.
1330
01:24:57,592 --> 01:25:00,344
You got Mallomars,
the greatest cookie of all time.
1331
01:25:00,512 --> 01:25:05,265
And you're about to give the Knicks
their first championship since 1973.
1332
01:25:09,187 --> 01:25:13,357
(♫ "DON'T GET AROUND MUCH ANYMORE"
BY HARRY CONNICK, JR)
1333
01:25:22,742 --> 01:25:25,285
I don't know why
I let you drag me to this.
1334
01:25:29,541 --> 01:25:34,169
This is much better. Fresh air,
I have the streets all to myself.
1335
01:25:34,337 --> 01:25:38,048
Who needs to be at a big, crowded party,
pretending to have a good time?
1336
01:25:38,216 --> 01:25:41,927
Plus, this is the perfect time
to catch up on my window-shopping.
1337
01:25:42,095 --> 01:25:43,720
This is good.
1338
01:25:43,888 --> 01:25:45,764
(LAUGHTER)
1339
01:25:55,733 --> 01:25:58,902
So the guy says "Read the card."
1340
01:26:01,531 --> 01:26:03,407
Oh!
1341
01:26:05,076 --> 01:26:06,368
Yeah.
1342
01:26:08,746 --> 01:26:11,915
- I'm going home.
- You'll never get a taxi.
1343
01:26:12,834 --> 01:26:14,084
Oh, God!
1344
01:26:41,905 --> 01:26:44,448
You realize that
we could never be friends.
1345
01:26:44,616 --> 01:26:46,909
- Why not?
- What I'm saying is…
1346
01:26:47,076 --> 01:26:48,327
…men and women can't be friends,
1347
01:26:48,494 --> 01:26:50,662
'cause the sex part
always gets in the way.
1348
01:26:50,830 --> 01:26:52,206
That's not true!
1349
01:26:52,373 --> 01:26:54,958
No man can be friends
with a woman he finds attractive.
1350
01:26:55,126 --> 01:26:59,129
- He always wants to have sex with her.
- What if they don't wanna have sex?
1351
01:26:59,297 --> 01:27:02,966
Doesn't matter. The sex thing is already
out there, so the friendship is doomed.
1352
01:27:03,134 --> 01:27:05,636
And that is the end of the story.
1353
01:27:05,803 --> 01:27:07,679
I guess we're not
gonna be friends then.
1354
01:27:07,847 --> 01:27:10,140
- Guess not.
- That's too bad.
1355
01:27:10,308 --> 01:27:13,518
You were the only person
that I knew in New York.
1356
01:27:17,398 --> 01:27:22,319
(FRANK SINATRA)
♪ It had to be you ♪
1357
01:27:26,366 --> 01:27:29,660
♪ It had to be you ♪
1358
01:27:33,748 --> 01:27:36,667
♪ I wandered around ♪
1359
01:27:36,834 --> 01:27:40,879
♪ And I finally found ♪
1360
01:27:41,047 --> 01:27:44,841
♪ The somebody who ♪
1361
01:27:48,179 --> 01:27:53,892
♪ Could make me be true ♪
1362
01:27:54,394 --> 01:27:58,897
♪ And could make me be blue… ♪
1363
01:28:00,233 --> 01:28:03,360
- I'm going.
- It's almost midnight!
1364
01:28:03,736 --> 01:28:07,489
- The thought of not kissing somebody…
- I'll kiss you.
1365
01:28:08,574 --> 01:28:11,034
Hey, taxi! Taxi!
1366
01:28:11,202 --> 01:28:13,203
Taxi!
1367
01:28:13,371 --> 01:28:15,205
Shit.
1368
01:28:16,040 --> 01:28:20,585
- Come on, stay. Please.
- Thanks, Jess. I just… I have to go.
1369
01:28:20,753 --> 01:28:23,463
- Oh, wait two minutes.
- I'll call you tomorrow.
1370
01:28:23,631 --> 01:28:28,844
♪ Might never be mean ♪
1371
01:28:31,014 --> 01:28:34,766
♪ Might never be cross ♪
1372
01:28:34,934 --> 01:28:38,020
♪ Or try to be boss ♪
1373
01:28:39,063 --> 01:28:43,650
♪ But they wouldn't do ♪
1374
01:28:45,903 --> 01:28:49,906
♪ For nobody else ♪
1375
01:28:50,074 --> 01:28:53,535
♪ Gave me a thrill ♪
1376
01:28:54,579 --> 01:28:57,164
♪ With all your faults ♪
1377
01:28:57,332 --> 01:29:00,334
♪ I love you still ♪
1378
01:29:00,501 --> 01:29:03,170
♪ It had to be you… ♪
1379
01:29:03,338 --> 01:29:06,715
I've been doin' a lot of thinkin',
and the thing is, I love you.
1380
01:29:07,425 --> 01:29:10,177
- What?
- I love you.
1381
01:29:10,511 --> 01:29:12,763
How d'you expect me
to respond to this?
1382
01:29:12,930 --> 01:29:14,765
How about you love me, too?
1383
01:29:14,932 --> 01:29:19,394
- How about I'm leaving?
- Doesn't what I said mean anything?
1384
01:29:19,562 --> 01:29:23,440
Sorry, Harry. I know it's New Year's
Eve, I know you're feeling lonely…
1385
01:29:23,608 --> 01:29:25,317
…but you just can't show up,
1386
01:29:25,485 --> 01:29:28,862
say you love me and
expect that to make it all right.
1387
01:29:29,030 --> 01:29:32,491
- It doesn't work this way.
- Well, how does it work?
1388
01:29:32,658 --> 01:29:36,453
- I don't know, but not this way.
- Then how about this way?
1389
01:29:36,621 --> 01:29:39,122
I love that you get cold
when it's 71° out.
1390
01:29:39,290 --> 01:29:42,000
I love that it takes you 1 1/2 hours
to order a sandwich.
1391
01:29:42,168 --> 01:29:45,504
I love that you get a crinkle here
when you look at me like I'm nuts.
1392
01:29:45,671 --> 01:29:49,466
I love that after I spend a day with you
I smell your perfume on my clothes.
1393
01:29:49,634 --> 01:29:51,635
And I love that you are the last person
1394
01:29:51,803 --> 01:29:54,179
I wanna talk to before
I go to sleep at night.
1395
01:29:54,347 --> 01:29:58,141
And it's not because I'm lonely
or because it's New Year's Eve.
1396
01:29:58,309 --> 01:30:00,143
I came 'cause when you realize
1397
01:30:00,311 --> 01:30:02,604
you wanna spend the rest
of your life with someone…
1398
01:30:02,772 --> 01:30:05,982
…you want the rest of your life
to start as soon as possible.
1399
01:30:06,150 --> 01:30:08,485
(CROWD SING "AULD LANG SYNE")
1400
01:30:09,404 --> 01:30:11,488
You see?
1401
01:30:12,240 --> 01:30:14,241
That is just like you, Harry.
1402
01:30:14,409 --> 01:30:19,037
You say things like that and you make it
impossible for me to hate you!
1403
01:30:19,914 --> 01:30:22,916
And I hate you, Harry.
1404
01:30:23,835 --> 01:30:26,169
I really hate you.
1405
01:30:29,882 --> 01:30:31,967
I hate you.
1406
01:30:49,235 --> 01:30:52,404
What does this song mean?
My whole life, I don't know.
1407
01:30:52,572 --> 01:30:56,199
"Should auld acquaintance be forgot" -
should we forget old acquaintances?
1408
01:30:56,367 --> 01:30:58,618
Or if we forget them,
should we remember them?
1409
01:30:58,786 --> 01:31:01,037
Which is not possible
'cause we already forgot 'em!
1410
01:31:01,205 --> 01:31:06,460
Maybe it just means we should remember
that we forgot them, or something.
1411
01:31:08,880 --> 01:31:11,923
Anyway, it's about old friends.
1412
01:31:18,639 --> 01:31:21,141
(HARRY) The first time we met
we hated each other.
1413
01:31:21,309 --> 01:31:26,104
(SALLY) No, I hated you. The second time
we met, you didn't even remember me.
1414
01:31:26,272 --> 01:31:28,565
(HARRY) I did, too! I remembered you.
1415
01:31:28,733 --> 01:31:31,234
The third time we met
we became friends.
1416
01:31:31,402 --> 01:31:33,153
(SALLY) We were friends
for a long time.
1417
01:31:33,321 --> 01:31:34,738
(HARRY) And then we weren't.
1418
01:31:34,906 --> 01:31:37,240
(SALLY) And then we fell in love.
1419
01:31:37,408 --> 01:31:41,286
- Three months later we got married.
- It only took three months.
1420
01:31:41,454 --> 01:31:43,246
12 years and three months.
1421
01:31:43,414 --> 01:31:47,918
- We had a really wonderful wedding.
- It really was… a beautiful wedding.
1422
01:31:48,085 --> 01:31:52,297
- We had this enormous coconut cake.
- Huge coconut cake with the tiers.
1423
01:31:52,465 --> 01:31:55,467
And there was this very rich
chocolate sauce on the side.
1424
01:31:55,635 --> 01:31:59,054
Right. 'Cause not everybody likes it
on the cake 'cause it makes it soggy.
1425
01:31:59,222 --> 01:32:02,432
Particularly, the coconut soaks up
a lot, so it's important
1426
01:32:02,600 --> 01:32:03,767
- to keep it on the side.
- Right.
1427
01:32:04,602 --> 01:32:06,770
(HARRY CONNICK, JR)
♪ It had to be you ♪
1428
01:32:06,938 --> 01:32:09,439
♪ It had to be you ♪
1429
01:32:09,607 --> 01:32:12,359
♪ I wandered around and finally found ♪
1430
01:32:12,527 --> 01:32:14,694
♪ The somebody who ♪
1431
01:32:14,862 --> 01:32:17,322
♪ Could make me be true ♪
1432
01:32:17,490 --> 01:32:20,116
♪ Could make me be blue ♪
1433
01:32:20,284 --> 01:32:22,911
♪ And even be glad just to be sad ♪
1434
01:32:23,079 --> 01:32:25,622
♪ Thinking of you ♪
1435
01:32:26,457 --> 01:32:28,959
♪ But you say ee-ther, and I say either ♪
1436
01:32:29,126 --> 01:32:31,503
♪ You say nee-ther, I say neither ♪
1437
01:32:31,671 --> 01:32:34,089
♪ Ee-ther, either ♪
♪ Nee-ther, neither ♪
1438
01:32:34,257 --> 01:32:36,967
♪ Let's call the whole thing off ♪
1439
01:32:37,134 --> 01:32:39,469
♪ You say potato and I say pot-ahto ♪
1440
01:32:39,637 --> 01:32:42,138
♪ You say tomato, I say tom-ahto ♪
1441
01:32:42,306 --> 01:32:44,808
♪ Potato, pot-ahto ♪
♪ Tomato, tom-ahto ♪
1442
01:32:44,976 --> 01:32:47,435
♪ Let's call the whole thing off ♪
1443
01:32:47,603 --> 01:32:52,440
♪ Oh, if we call the whole thing off, ♪
♪ then we must part ♪
1444
01:32:52,608 --> 01:32:58,071
♪ And though if we ever part, ♪
♪ that would break my heart ♪
1445
01:32:58,239 --> 01:33:00,574
♪ You say laughter, I say larf-ter ♪
1446
01:33:00,741 --> 01:33:03,034
♪ You say after, I say arf-ter ♪
1447
01:33:03,202 --> 01:33:05,203
♪ Before we know we need each other ♪
1448
01:33:05,371 --> 01:33:08,498
♪ So we'd better call, call it off, oh! ♪
1449
01:33:08,666 --> 01:33:10,500
- ♪ Let's ♪
- ♪ Call it off! ♪
1450
01:33:10,668 --> 01:33:13,128
- ♪ Oh, let's ♪
- ♪ Call it off! ♪
1451
01:33:13,296 --> 01:33:15,672
- ♪ Baby, let's ♪
- ♪ Call it off! ♪
1452
01:33:15,840 --> 01:33:19,092
♪ Sugar, why don't we ♪
1453
01:33:19,260 --> 01:33:22,596
♪ Let's, let's call the whole thing ♪
1454
01:34:04,805 --> 01:34:10,060
♪ They're writing songs of love, ♪
♪ but not for me ♪
1455
01:34:10,227 --> 01:34:14,981
♪ A lucky star's above, ♪
♪ but not for me ♪
1456
01:34:15,149 --> 01:34:20,320
♪ With love to lead the way, ♪
♪ I've found more clouds of gray ♪
1457
01:34:20,488 --> 01:34:25,659
♪ Than any Russian play could guarantee ♪
1458
01:34:25,826 --> 01:34:30,830
♪ I was a fool to fall ♪
♪ and get that way ♪
1459
01:34:30,998 --> 01:34:32,832
♪ Hi-ho alas ♪
1460
01:34:33,000 --> 01:34:36,211
♪ And also lackaday ♪
1461
01:34:36,379 --> 01:34:41,800
♪ Although I can't dismiss ♪
♪ the memory of her kiss ♪
1462
01:34:41,967 --> 01:34:45,136
♪ I guess she's not ♪
1463
01:34:45,304 --> 01:34:47,806
♪ For ♪
1464
01:34:47,973 --> 01:34:51,434
♪ Me ♪
1465
01:34:52,353 --> 01:34:57,774
♪ It had to be you ♪
1466
01:35:02,780 --> 01:35:05,615
♪ For nobody else gave me a thrill ♪
1467
01:35:05,783 --> 01:35:08,159
♪ With all your faults, I love you still ♪
1468
01:35:08,327 --> 01:35:10,912
♪ It had to be you, wonderful you ♪
1469
01:35:11,080 --> 01:35:13,331
♪ It had to be you ♪
113940
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