All language subtitles for Inserts (1975) [English SDH]

MAN 1: Yeah, well, it's 409 cubic inches.

MAN 2: Hey, is this in color?

(PROJECTOR WHIRRING)

Hey. Larry, you got a church key?

Hey, I... I thought this was in color.

(ALL WHOOPING)

MAN 1: Hey! Whoo!

GIRL: Oh, gross.

MAN 1: Yeah, looks like a homo to me.

MAN 2: Takes one to know one, doesn't it?

MAN 1: Duh, ha, ha!

MAN 3: Did she laugh at his leverage?

GIRL: This is disgusting.

MAN 2: Hey! Hit her, dumb-ass.

MAN 1: Yeah! A little guided muscle.

MAN 3: Yeah.

MAN 1: Where'd you pick up this flick?

MAN 2: Hollywood boulevard.

This old shit goes for $1 a yard.

(ALL SHOUTING)

MAN 1: Sit down!

MAN 2: Get out of the way!

MAN 3: This is cute.
MAN 4: Sit down, bastard.

Get the fuck out.

GIRL: Oh, you guys are sick.

MAN 4: Come on. One more time, man.

Slap the shit out of her!

God damn it.

(MAN WHISTLES)

Hey, what up? No come shots?

Yeah, where's the fucking come shot?

Oh, yeah.

(ALL WHOOPING)

MAN 5: Hey, where's the come shot, man?

MAN 6: Hey, where's the come shot?

(PIANO PLAYING)

(DRILLING)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Are you kidding?

(DOOR OPENS)

Hey, you ought to speak
to the cop at the gate.

He forgot to ask for my pass.

(LAUGHS)

You're late.

HARLENE: ls that So?

How would you know?

I can tell. I'm two shots under the label.

Oh, too bad. Three shots under
and you couldn't have told shit.

Yeah? Four shots under and you'd
be on your way out the door

because I'd be crawling back into the sack.

Not today I wouldn't, honey,
'cause Big Mac is comin', remember?

Oh, gee, and I meant
to get the pool cleaned.

- You kiddin'?
- I'm kidding.

You ought to do that. You really
ought to get the pool cleaned.

- Where would I piss?
- Pipes still on the fritz?

Why don't you use the sink?

Hey, what kind of a guy
do you think I am?

I've got to eat off the
dishes in that sink.

So why don't you wash the dishes?

Why don't you wash the dishes?

I told you, I don't do dishes.

I know, I've been to your place.

Not in a coon's age.

You ain't been nowhere in a coon's age.

They was, uh, talkin' about you last night.

Who? Uh, forget it.

Okay.

(HARLENE HUMMING)

Okay. Okay. Go.

(LAUGHS)

There's this guy named Clark Gable.

- Who?
- His name's Clark Gable.

He's the new kid, the
new kid over at Pathe.

He was askin' that windbag
Von Stroheim about you.

(CLEARS THROAT)
That lard ass. What'd he say?

Oh, he said you were
a stupid son of a bitch.

No, no, no, I mean this,
uh, Gable, whatever.

Where did this happen anyway?

Oh, where do you think?
I was waitin' on their table.

- He says, I hear you...
- Okay, skip it.

Oh, wait a second.

After the lard ass tells him
what an asshole you were,

this Gable kid says, "Yeah? Well, I think
the Boy Wonder is just about"

"the only genius that
ever worked in the cinema."

The what?

Cinema.

He meant movies. He'll learn.

- He's the new kid. New kid over at Pathe.
- Okay, skip it.

HARLENE: Well, wait a minute, I mean,

here comes the finish.
He says, "By the by",

"now what the hell ever happened
to him? Where is the Boy Wonder?"

You know what lard ass says?
He says, "He's a rummy."

"Rummy down on Hollywood Boulevard."

"L seen him there
and gave him a quarter just yesterday."

That lying son of a bitch.

Can you believe the nerve of the guy?

So I told them.

(GULPS)

You, uh, you what?

I told them,

I says, "The Boy Wonder, he's got a swell"

"six-picture contract, workin' steady,"

"workin' everyday,
which is more than I can say for you."

Uh, what are you telling me here, Harlene?

HARLENE: I'm telling you, I told 'em.

Well, don't worry.
I didn't tell them what

or about Big Mac or nothin'.

You know, I... I just told them
that you was workin',

about the six-picture contract.

Oh, I did say one thing.

It shut 'em up though,
you should've seen it.

What did... What did...
What did you say, Harlene?

You know that lard ass,
that heinie lard bucket,

pretended he didn't even know me.

He knew me okay, Boy,
I did a picture with him in '22

and I used to pork him plenty
when he was still straight.

Okay, okay, uh, what did you
tell 'em last night, Harlene?

Oh, he says, "A six-picture contract, huh?"

"Where is he workin'? Gower Gulch?"

I says, "Chuck you, Farley!"

"He's working at home,"

"and he don't even have to
leave his house."

(LAUGHS)

That's beautiful. That's really terrific.

That's really smart, Harlene.
I wanna thank you a lot.

Natch. You been good to me, kid.

(CLICKING TONGUE)

You, uh, seen my lucky necktie?

Yes, it's right where
you left it yesterday.

Listen, uh, you didn't happen to, uh,

tell him where I was living
or my address or anything?

Oh, sure, I did.

This Clark Gable wanted to know.

He said he'd like to come out
and talk to you sometime.

- It was all a real enema to him.
- Enigma.

- He loved ghost stories.
- What do you mean "ghost stories"?

Why, you, kiddo.
You're the ghost story.

(MURMURS)

Give me a hand.

Hey, uh, you don't think
Von Stroheim is gonna...

Come over here? What the hell for?

- He's workin', ain't he?
- Ha!

What if this kid comes over?

This Clark Gable?

Ah, you can brush him.
He's just a kid.

Listen, I think I must
tell you that you're...

You're using too much
of this stuff, Harlene.

Go on off your high horse.

Well, I just can't help
thinkin' about Wally Reid.

- You, too, huh?
- Uh-huh.

He was a swell kid.

We used to have
a lot of laughs, me and him.

And Jack Pickford?

Ah!

We used to piss the hell
out of that bunch of

stuffed shirts at his sister's dump. Phew!

That Wally was a caution.

Yeah, died in his own vomit

in a padded cell,
good-looking guy like that.

- He didn't look too good in the end.
- No.

Me and Jackie paid him a visit,

snuck him a shot.

(CHUCKLING)

Hold it steady. I'm okay.

(HARLENE SIGHS)

(MOANING)

That's the ticket.

Hey, how long till Rex,
the Wonder Dog, gets here?

(LAUGHING)

Well, he will be a little late.

He's got a funeral this morning,

but we can get in a couple of inserts.

A couple inserts, huh?

(SIGHS) Well...

(SINGING) I'm Mabel if you're able!

Cut it out, Harlene.

Come on, honey. You give up too easy,

that's your problem.

Come on, Harlene.

I ain't kiddin' you, honey. You could
do it once, you could do it again.

Could you do it once?

Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

You're the Boy Wonder, aren't you?

(LAUGHS)

Feel them peels.

Meat. It's all meat
in a see-through wrapper.

So you know what you're gettin'.

Come on, honey, give it a chance.

Put your hand back there, come on.

Soft.

Just use your fingertips.

There, that's the ticket.

(LAUGHS)

Make it screech.

Grab it soft and slide up and down it.

So you know what's in there?

You remember.

It's warm in there.

How does that feel?

Now slow.

Go up slower. It's getting wet for you.

(MOANING)

You make me feel all goosy inside.

This is stupid, you know, really stupid.

You was gettin' there,
you was really gettin' there.

Maybe you were getting there.

What's the diff?
I was takin' you with me.

Don't you know that's how it's done?

Uh, let's forget it.
We have a lot of work to do.

You got work to do. All I got to do is

roll over for Rex, the Wonder Dog.

(SNIFFING)

I'm tryin' to do you a favor.

Well, skip it. Skip it. Skip it.

Come on, honey, now give it a chance.

I feel somethin' down there.
Yeah, I do.

I said we had work to do.

(SIGHS)

Come on now. Get up.

Oh, look at your arm.

You punched a hole in that arm
the size of a goddamn dime.

How am I gonna shoot around that?

Jesus Christ.

Will you get over here?

Sit on the bed.

Try to remember what you were
doing yesterday.

Isn't that a caution?
After tryin' all night to forget.

Okay, come on.

- Look good.
- Try it.

(SIGHS)

(GRUNTS)

Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Okay, what is it?

Come on. Let's have it.

What you said about my arm.

You shouldn't have said that
about my arm like that.

Why do you want to make me feel...

Oh, hey.

Come on. Hey, Harlene.

Hey, you know me, hmm?

(LAUGHS)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Hey, hey, hey, here's lookin' at you.

Here's lookin' at the two of us.

(SNIFFLES)

That's more like the old kid.

Oh, sure, I was just, you know,

feeling a little, uh, morbid,

you know, about old Wally and all.

That's all.

Oh, you shouldn't do that.

You shouldn't think
so much about the past.

You're doin' swell if you think about it.

Why, we've got a six-picture contract.

Sure.

Sure, we don't even have
to leave the house,

we're working at home.

That's the ticket.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Hors d'oeuvres. Restaurant.

All right. Let's go! Quiet on the set!

Hey, hey, hey, you bozos aren't gettin'
paid to play pinochle.

Okay, now. It's a... It's
a light, not a chair.

It goes on the lady's face.

Okey-dokey, we're almost ready to go.

All right then. What? Who is here?

Who is here?

On my set?

On my set?

Well, may I introduce you
to our producer?

Never allow producers on the set.

Okey-dokey now.

You know the scene.

You're alone, you are forlorn.

Your lover, premature ejaculation,

Winnetka High graduate, 1918,
is missing in action.

(MIMICKING VIOLIN PLAYING)

You are sad.

You are distraught with grief.

Okay, for real. For real.

Give it to me for real now.
That's it, Harlene.

(CAMERA ROLLING)

You're all alone, baby.

There's nobody here but you.

And there's nobody coming, honey.

That's it. That's beautiful.

Wally's dead, Harlene.

Wally's dead and no one else
is comin' home.

That's it. Beautiful! Beautiful!

Now, you hear footsteps.

You hear footsteps,

and the door is opening,
and you turn,

you turn,

and it's him! It's him!

You greet him as only one
whose heart has remained

lily white can do!

(LAUGHING)

Cut.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You are fucking terrific.

(SIGHING)

Oh!

If it ain't Rex, the Wonder Dog,

come to show us his bone.

Stick the Hershey kisses
back in the bag,

will you, sweetheart?

I haven't had my breakfast yet.

Rex, are you going to stand there

oiling your cuff links
on the top of your head all morning,

or are you gonna to go to work?

I may work, I may not.

All depends if we quit in time
for me to be

at the Beverly Hills Hotel by 4:00.

What are they,

hirin' dancin' partners or somethin'?

That's pretty funny stuff coming from
a hophead ass-slinger, you know.

Lay off, lay off.

Come on, come on,
you wanna get paid?

What do you think I'm doing here?

Where's Big Mac?

(LAUGHS)

You don't think he'll show, huh?

Let's go to work.

I told you, I'm supposed to be

at the Beverly Hills Hotel by 4:00.

Oh, really?

I met someone today who's
taken an interest in my work.

They are.
They're hiring dancin' partners.

Jesus, a swank dump like that.

Now listen, sister.

Uh, who is it,
if you don't mind my asking?

Someone who's very sweet.

Someone who's a Big Cheese at Metro.

Someone whose name
I'd rather not mention

in this insane asylum,
thank you very much.

(GLASSES CLINKING)

You meeting him
in the polo lounge or up in his room?

His room. I told you,
he's a Big Cheese.

A Big Cheese, huh?

The room doesn't happen to be
on the third floor,

does it, Rex?

Well, yeah, as a matter of fact it does.

Okay. Well, I'll try to

get you out of here by 4:00, Rex.

Uh, it's a pretty old gag,
but, uh, you may get

a new pair of pants out of it.

God knows you could use them.

Hey, what is this? Clue me in.

What, and spoil one of
life's little surprises?

He said I had star potential.

Gee, Rex, we could have told you that.

Let's go to work.

Where'd you meet this Big Cheese, huh?

You were supposed to be
workin' this mornin'.

I was working. He was at the funeral.

Caught him watching me
while I lowered the stiff.

His car was parked by the shed

when I went to put my shovel away.

Funny kind of guy, you know.

Great big Packard

and this little Mexican kid for a driver,

couldn't have been
more than 14 at tops.

He walks right up to me
and says I got star potential.

Who? The taco or the Big Cheese?

You're a sketch, you know?

He says he knows I got style

'cause I'm dumpin' dirt on this doornail
in a pair of white ducks.

That's it in this town, you know?

Deportment. It's all in your deportment.

Very good rule of thumb, Rex.

Why don't you write it down?
Very good rule of...

Leave the ascot on. I got an idea.

Oh, say, that reminds me,
I had an idea this morning.

Take a couple aspirin,
it'll be gone by lunch.

Now hold on, this is a hot one!

I pull my shorts up, see,
way up around my stomach.

Then I suck it in, see?

Get them on there real tight.

And then, when I'm ready,

pow, I slam it up there
like a brick shithouse!

(REX LAUGHING)

It tears them, see?

Tears my shorts right up the middle.

And then you grab
a shot of her going bananas

for it, see? You get the picture?

Of course, you got to pay for the shorts.

Very interesting idea, Rex.

Where did you get an idea like that?

San Berdoo,
on my way over this morning.

- Think it'll work?
- Hmm. Hmm.

Why don't you give it a try?

This afternoon
at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Now take your pants off.

Oh, smart guy, huh?

Well, how come if you're so smart,

you never leave this house, huh?

That's called your basic
rhetorical question, Rex.

Now off with the shorts.

Oh, anything you say.

You're the Boy Wonder,

but I'm gonna tell Big Mac about this.

He knows a hot one when he sees it.
Big Mac will go bananas

for this stunt, believe me.

Really? Well, speaking of stunted bananas,

you wanna slap some life
into that thing, Rex?

Time is money.
Sun's going behind the clouds.

We lose the kid in half an hour.
Come on, Rex, let's go.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Wardrobe.

Oh, but of course, my dear.

Help him get rigid there,
Harlene, will you?

Okay, come here, honey.
Come to momma.

Now keep your meat hooks to yourself.

I can handle this on my own.

(REX SIGHING)

(WHOOPING)

Look at that thing grow,
like money in the bank.

God, you're a pig, you know that?

HARLENE: Yeah, you're a dog.
Rex, the Wonder Dog!

Okay, kiddies, okay.

All right, here's the scene.

Harlene, you are on the bed.

Rex, you enter with the ascot.

You sit down, I want you to,
uh, touch it,

fondle it, you know,

give me a little of that
Dapper Dan stuff.

Right? Okay.

Now, uh, Harlene,
you look at him askance...

Look at his what?

Look at him...

You look at him askance.

You look at him, uh...

Do you remember that, uh,

you remember that horse opera
you did for, uh, DeMille

when you looked at Bushman,
when he showed you his gun?

Yeah, I remember that.
That was in '26.

When I gave them this?

Right, right.

Right, plenty of that stuff.
Okay, good, good.

Then you look down at his private parts...

Private? Don't make me laugh.

Harlene, Harlene,
come on, will you? Come on.

Now. Then you look up at his face

and you laugh.

You laugh in his face. Very simple.

Okay? Ready?

All righty. Let's go for it.

Hey, wait a minute.
Can't we have a run-through?

Rex, what does it take

to just sit there and look stupid?

I'm warning you, zit-tits.

Hey, Rex, Rex, Rex, let's go.

Thank you. All righty.

And we're...

Rex, you're out of frame here.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry,

just a couple of seconds.

Please, I'd really appreciate it.
Thank you.

Damn right of you. All righty.

We're rolling. And action.

Harlene, you're looking at him.

(CAMERA ROLLING)

And enter Rex.

Enter Rex. Walk.

There's nothing in the room, Rex.

Walk with impunity. There we go.

And sit down, like a human being.

Fair enough.

I'll settle for that. Okay, now.

Okay, Rex, anytime you're ready,

you can start earning your money.

You mean the ascot?

Yes, Rex, touch the fucking ascot.

(LAUGHING)

And... Cut.

(EXHALES)

Okay, moving right along...

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Jesus Christ.

Big Mac. Oh, boy, payday!

Relax, that bucket thumb

never touched a doorbell in his life.

He's probably just some bill collector.

Listen, uh, Rex,
do me a favor, will you, pal?

Uh, give him the brush, hmm?

Give him the brush? Why me?

Because you're in the buff, old sport.

And besides, they know my face.

Now, come on, you just...

Come on. You, uh, you go to the door,

you tell 'em you're in the shower,

you tell 'em you never heard of me,

and then you, uh, you slam
the door in his face.

(LAUGHS) Huh? Huh? Huh?

Oh, come on! Come on! Come on!

Kid's got a lot of talent.

Hmm.

HARLENE: He sure takes it with him
when he goes!

Hey, uh, listen, hon.

You got any ideas
when the big boy is really gonna show?

Hang on, Harlene.

Big Mac's right around the corner.

Yeah, well, the corners
in this town are pretty far apart.

Big Mac has a very big car,

with a trunk full of treasure.

Who don't around here?

Remember that heap Wally used to drive?

Remember that time he mooned that crowd

in front of Grauman's Chinese?

Gee, he was a crazy...

We weren't gonna talk
about Wally anymore.

(DOOR SLAMS)

I feel six kinds of a fool

but that's probably what you wanted.

It wasn't a bill collector at all.

Who was it? Fire marshal? Dogcatcher?

I'm playing host to a lot of
public servants these days.

It couldn't have been the dogcatcher.
He's still here.

It was that new kid,
that new kid from Pathe.

Said his name was Clark Gable.

Said he was looking
for the Boy Wonder.

What'd you say?

What you told me.
Said I never heard of you.

Said I just stepped into the shower.
He's a real wise guy.

What'd he say?

He said, "Oh, you just stepped
into the shower, huh?"

"Your neck would get a lot cleaner
if you took your ascot off next time."

Just like that, he says it,
then he winks and walks away.

Wise guy-

What the hell does this kid
want from me?

I told you. He loves ghost stories.

(LAUGHS) Hey, that's rich.

- HARLENE: Oh, it's a scream.
- You think that's a scream?

Wanna hear a scream?

Just wait till you hear what bubbles up
out of your big mouth

the next time that kid comes around
here bothering me again.

Relax, kid. He... He won't be back.

One look at this kid's mug
would keep anybody away.

My mug? Say, listen, sister,

with a kisser as crinkled as yours is,

I wouldn't be casting
aspersions on anybody's...

Okay, okay, break it up!

And get it up, Rex, we're ready to roll.

Back to your places.

Are you ready, Rex?

Is he ready? Whoo! Boner-rama!

You've got a filthy mouth.

Yeah? It must have been what I was

chomping on in the scene
we did yesterday, huh, Rex?

I'm warnin' you...

All right, Rex.
Sit down, get in your place.

(GRUNTING)

Okay, now. Rex, she has been

laughing at you.
Your, uh, your manhood,

and I employ the term
strictly ad referendum,

your manhood has been impugned.

What are you talkin' about?

He means I'm laughin' at your cock.

Oh, yeah?

Well, that and the ascot.
Yes, that pretty much sums it up.

Now the question is, Rex,
what do you do about it?

Are you kiddin'?

But that's precisely what
you don't do, old sport.

Because, after all,

we are not
some pack of degenerates

smearing some slime we shot in some

seedy motel room

across the stag-party screens of America.

We are pioneers, Rex.

We are pioneers in the neoplastic arts.

We are ever-searching for that excuse

to extend the boundaries

of those arts beyond the limits of urgency.

I, honest to God,
don't know what you're talkin' about.

(SNIFFS)

Rex, I'm talking about poetry, subtlety.

Now stop and think for one second.

Why deliver a crude blow to her face

when the means are at hand

for you to render your vengeance

through the very instrument
of your anguish?

The very vehicle of her ridicule?

Rex, you with me?

I don't think I got...

The ascot, Rex. Strangle her
with the fucking ascot,

you orangutan.

Say, that's pretty good.

Thank you. I'm sorry
for calling you an orangutan.

- That's all right.
- Let's get this show on the road.

All righty. We're gonna take it

from where you're laughing at him, Harlene.

And action!

(LAUGHS)

All right, she's laughing at you, Rex.

She's laughing. Let it build.

Let it build.

Think about it, Rex,
because she's laughing at you, boy.

She's laughing at every able-bodied

jack-buck of a man

who paid his 25 cents
to see this picture, boy.

What are you gonna do about it?

What are you gonna do about it?

First thought you're gonna get, boy,

is you wanna drive that sneering,

little nose of hers up
into that empty, little brain.

Isn't it, boy? Go ahead, do it.

Do it! Feels good, doesn't it?

You're gonna smash her face,
aren't you?

But wait, wait, you've got a better idea.

(LAUGHS) The ascot!

It's too beautiful.

That's it, take it off slowly, Rex.

Take it off slow. That's it, savor it.

Beautiful, Rex. Beautiful, beautiful.

Beautiful. Now just let it hang there.

Let it hang there.

That's it, really nice, Rexy. Nice.

Like it's that old stocking

peeling off that little leg of hers.

Beautiful, Rex, beautiful.

Now let it hang there limp.

Let it hang there like a limp

and useless sleeping little snake.

That's it. And now we're gonna flick it,

flick it in her fucking face.

(LAUGHING)

Feels good, doesn't it?

She's laughing at you, Rex.

How funny does she think
it is now, huh, Rexy?

Your tits hurt? How funny is it now, huh?

Now we're gonna wrap it around her throat.

Now we're gonna put it
around that soft white neck.

Slowly, Rex, slowly. That's it.

Beautiful, Rex, beautiful.
Put it around that

little lying, twisting throat of hers.

(WHIMPERS)

You stay put!

Tighter. I want it tighter!

I want it tighter!

I want to feel those veins poppin',

and those little bones
crushed till they break.

That's it! And now

show her who's boss, Rexy!

Push her!

There we go! Okay!

That's the way! That's it.

There we go! Fuck her from behind.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

There we go! Do it to her!

Do it to her!

Yeah!

That's it, there we go!
That's it! Fuck her!

Fuck her! Fuck her! Fuck her! Fuck her!

Fuck her! Fuck her!

That's the stuff!

Get him! Get him! Get him!
Yeah, that's the way!

Move, move, move!

Shove it! Shove it!

Son of a bitch!

Do it to her!

Okay! All right! Thank you! Thank you!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

There we go! Do it to her! Do it to her!

Fuck her! Fuck her ass!

(HARLENE SCREAMING)

Whoo!

All right, now, fuck her. Fuck her!

Oh, son of a bitch.

(REX MOANING)

HARLENE: Get Off!

That's right!

(HARLENE SCREAMS)

All right!

Hey, hey, you son of a bitch.

(GLASS BREAKING)

(REX GRUNTING)

(SOBBING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh!

You were at your peak,
you know that?

You were at your goddamn peak.

- You're kiddin'.
- Oh, I'm not kiddin' you.

That was it, that was your peak,
wild bull.

You're nuts. You're both nuts.

This is an insane asylum!

Will you listen to this?

Gets his twitching little fingers up over

the grave of his own star potential

and he's already shoving
the mud back down on us

with those muddy little knees of his.

You whining ingrate.

Whinin'?

He's howling, he's Rex,
the Wonder Dog.

(BARKS)

I've had it with you two.

I don't need this... This humiliation.

I got star potential.

Ha! But, Rex, old sport,

that is what they call
your classic combination.

Well, I call it the bunk
'cause I met someone today

who's taken an interest in my work.

Someone who's very sweet.
He's a Big Cheese at Metro,

and when Big Mac comes...

He's gonna come quietly

so as not to disturb the Boy Wonder here.

So, did I tell you or what?

You get used to it.

It's no great shakes, believe me.

10 minutes and you'll wish
they put some clothes on.

CATHY: I'm not complaining.
I want to see it all.

Is that him?

Yeah.

Oh, gee, Mac, I'm so glad to see you.

- Did you bring me my little somethin', huh?
- Uh-huh.

- Gonna play guess?
- (LAUGHS)

You tell me now, am I hot or cold?

Nix, honey. I'm gone on this kid.

Whoo!

Gee, I guess so.

Hey, how about mine?

I mean, you know, God knows
I earned it, you know.

You earned it, huh?
Put your pants on first.

Hey, come on.

Suit yourself. You get used to it.

10 minutes, you'll wish
he put his pants on.

Look, you want me
to put my pants on, I will.

I just want my dough.

Here.

Anybody would think you need it
worse than she needs that hooch.

I'm surprised I don't need that stuff,

working in this insane asylum.

Pipes still on the fritz?

What do you think? Use the pool.

My God.

Jeez.

Hey-

Hey, how about going a little
slow on that stuff, huh?

I'm getting all goofy inside,
it'll be okay.

Well, we got a whole finish, you know.

A lot of inserts to do.

Hey, uh, what are inserts?

Does that mean, you know what?

Well, yeah, I guess.
Ask him.

Well, we haven't been introduced.

Introduced?

(LAUGHING)

This is the Boy Wonder. This is Miss Cake.

My fiancée maybe.

She wants to know what are inserts.

Inserts are what
we're not going to get done

as long as you're hanging around here.

Careful there, bub.

Oh, well, for God's sake.

You just handed her enough of that dust

to make a rhino do a Rip Van Winkle.

And you know damn well that

Rex is all downhill from his pay packet.

I wouldn't be surprised
if he took a... A powder altogether

now that he's got that lettuce
in his hot little hand.

So let him! You can get new.

What the hell do you mean get new?

How about the kid we seen
leavin' as we pulled up?

This new kid or whatever?

Pathe, Clark Gable.

Yeah, that's the goof. Ain't she cute?

She wants to be in the movies.

Know anyone that don't?

Listen. I've got half this sperm-jerker

in the can, you know?

If he takes a powder,

I've got to start from scratch.

If what we just seen you doin'

is what you got in the can,

then maybe starting
from scratch ain't such a bad idea.

You know, what's the idea
of takin' the camera

off the stand?

It's a tripod, isn't it?

Yeah, that's it. The tripod.
What's the idea of that?

How's that gonna look?

It is not going to look,
it is going to be looked at.

Don't tell me how to make movies.

And don't you tell me not to tell you

how to spend my money.

What's that gonna look like?

Who's gonna pay two bits to look at

something that makes his eyeballs bounce?

Listen, my friend,

the syphilitic perverts that are going

to spend money to see this film

don't even know they have eyeballs.

Yeah, well, how come you're
always pullin' this stuff

with takin' the camera off the stand,

and writin' these bone-ass scripts,

and taking pictures from the ceiling,

and from under the bed,
and from between people's legs?

And all that other fancy crap
that nobody else does, huh?

Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

I swear you do it

just to rile me, pure and simple.

Nothing pure, old sport, is ever simple.

Loaded up and ready to go.

Hey, Harlene, uh, you don't need that.

I mean you don't need that much.

Come on now, honey.

You better turn out them lights.

The bulbs are gonna burn out.

You seen my lucky necktie?

Hey-

Don't you just jab that stuff
in front of Miss Cake here.

Oh, really, Mac.

No soap! It's degenerate.

I don't want her to look at it.

For God's sake, you gave her the stuff.

What are you talkin', "gave"?
She earned it.

Now come on, honey, elsewhere
with that stuff, huh?

Yeah, well, I'm tryin'
to find my lucky necktie.

Mac, I told you, I want to see it all.

Well, this ain't part of it,

this ain't part of nothin'. Come on.

Come here.

We were doin' okay, weren't we?

Okay? We were doin' swell.

What the hell do you
need all that stuff for?

Now don't start this stuff.

I ain't got your imagination.

Harlene, when are you gonna learn?

You're the one that's got to learn.

You got to learn not to start this stuff.

I ain't got your imagination.

I just get kind of tired, need a shot.

That's all.

I'll be back with you in a minute.

I just need a shot, that's all.

Hell, I ain't gonna find
that lucky necktie.

Harlene. Harlene, wait a second.

Wait... Wait a second.

Look, look, look, I can get rid of them.

Don't do that. Don't do that.

I need an audience lots of times.

No, you don't.

Oh, sure I do.

You don't.

That's how come you don't know

how bad I need a shot.

Harlene.

Hey-

You better turn off them lights.

The bulbs are gonna burn out.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Smart cookie.

I like a dame who saves me dough.

You know,

I ought to take her out of
that owl wagon she slings in.

Yeah.

Stick her in one of my joints.

If only she wasn't a hophead.

CATHY: Gee, she's a lot smaller
than she looks in the movies.

What's this? Where'd you
see her in the movies?

Back in Chicago, same as everybody.

The real movies, silly.

When she used to be
in the real movies, not...

Oh, you mean the real movies?

(LAUGHS)

Can you beat that? I thought
you meant you'd seen...

Can you beat that?

What would be so terrible
if I had seen what you thought I meant?

Now, listen, if I ever catch you

hangin' around the chip houses

where they put this load of junk...

You treat me like a child.

You're the one that calls me daddy.

(LAUGHS)

ls this kid a sketch or what?

(PLAYING PIANO)

Oh, come on, honey.

I only kid you
'cause I go for you so.

- Here's a thought, Mac.
- What's that?

You going and take her with you.

You watch your step, there, bub.

I don't care what
this who sits from Pathe says,

you're skatin' on thin ice with me.

What who said?

(THUDDING)

Don't your neighbors ever say anything

about that swimming pool back there?

What neighbors?

He's the only one left on this block.

Ain't you heard? They're gonna run
a whatsits through here.

A road. A fast-way.

Freeways, they call them.

Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Freeways.

Smart boy could've been into
some of the big bucks

if he had scribbled his chits right,

or anybody with a yolk in his egg

has his dough tied up in these freeways.

I'm good for about, uh, $50,000.

Land, huh? Buy cheap and sell big?

Hey, you're pretty smart, Big Mac.

Land's strictly small-time.

The real dough's in hamburgers.

Hamburgers?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Mac.

Oh, say, he's okay.

(LAUGHS)

What can he do about it?

This is a million-dollar idea
and he ain't got jack-shit.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, pardon my French.

(PLAYING PIANO)

MAC: Now here's the deal,
you got a lot of these,

um, whatsits, these freeways.

You got a lot of cars on them, right?

You got a lot of cars,

you got a lot of
hungry rubes in them.

Yeah, sure.

Well, there you go, kiddo.
It's as simple as that.

I'm gonna build me a mess
of hamburger stands

and a mess of gas stations.

But here's your angle,

I'm gonna build them exactly alike.

I'll gonna run them up
one side of the road and down the other,

and they're all gonna look exactly alike.

So your cruisin' rube don't know what

he's gettin' when he pulls in, see?

He don't know from gas,
he don't know from hamburgers,

he don't gotta think about nothin'.

He's just got to eat.

Yeah, but what if he pulls
into a gas station, you know?

That's what I'm talkin'
about, here, buster.

If you don't get 'em comin',
you get 'em goin'.

(LAUGHS)

Pretty soon, they're just
gonna wind down the windows

and throw out the dough,

without even stoppin' the car.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Freeways, what a gimmick!

If these freeways don't end the depression,

nothin' Will.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Oh, come on, relax. It's okay.

He ain't got jack-shit.

Well, maybe not,

but, uh, I do have a few
ideas of my own, you know.

That so?

I had an idea this morning,
an idea for this picture.

Yeah, what's that,

takin' the camera off the stand?

You're the guy who thought of that, huh?

No, sir. Nothing like that.

It's a little stunt I do with my shorts.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I suck my stomach in, see?

And then pull my shorts up tight,

way up past my waist,

and then, when I'm ready,

pow, I slam it up there and it rips 'em.

(LAUGHS) It rips 'em
right up the middle. You get it?

I kind Of like that.

(LAUGHS)

That's kind of a cute stunt, yeah?

I told you Big Mac would go for it.

You didn't have to.

If you knew I'd go for it,

why didn't you put it in the picture?

Oh, Christ.

Two rhetorical questions in one day.

Am I turning into rubber?

What's this rubber stuff?

What's this rhetorical questions?

Your whole life
is a rhetorical question.

What is this stuff?

It's smart guy stuff.
He used the same gag on me.

Yeah?

Well, listen, smart guy,
and this is no gag,

you're treadin' on thin ice.

And you're wasting my time.

I'm trying to get rid of
this orangutan by 4:00.

What's this?

Well, uh, I met someone today.

Yeah?

Yeah, well, I'm supposed to meet him

at the Beverly Hills Hotel by 4:00.

He said, well, you know,
I had star potential.

(LAUGHING)

The guy a kraut? Big Cheese at Metro?

Taco chauffeur?

(LAUGHING)

I know about that gag

and I ain't even in the real movies.

Ooh, who is it? Who is it?

So I'd appreciate it, Mac, old sport,

if you'd just shake wallets
and say goodbye.

Appreciate, huh?

Now that's a funny word
comin' from you, kid.

I don't have time for this, Mac.

You don't have time?

Will you listen to this kid?

He still thinks he's the Boy Wonder.

He still thinks he's got somewhere to go.

Buddy, all you got is time,
and I'm payin' for it.

Now, let's see this stunt with the shorts.

Hey, you mean it?

Yeah, sure, sounds like a hot one.

Let's take pictures.

Swell, only we need the girl.

It's better to get a shot of the girl

going bananas just after I do it.

Okay, go get her.

Say, I'll go.

Hey, I told you, honey, nix on that stuff.

Go get her, Rex.

You bet!

Funny, huh? Funny bit.
The guy's a hot one.

You wouldn't think the same guy

who'd fall for that Beverly Hills Hotel gag

come up with the stunt
with the shorts, huh?

I'm not gonna do it, Mac.

What's this?

I said I'm not gonna do it.

And neither is Harlene.

Listen, bub...

REX: Hey! This kid's dead.

What do you mean?

I mean she's dead,

over the rope, too much dust.

The needle's still in her arm.

She's dead, I tell you.

I told you she wasn't gonna do it, Mac.

And I'm not gonna do it, either.

Oh, God.

Um...

Uh...

Well, maybe...
Maybe she ain't really stiff.

Maybe she's...

She's stiff all right.
I'm in the business.

I'm gettin' out of this insane asylum.

Hold your horses there, buster.

Look, this is not my problem.

You gave her that stuff.

Will you people
quit makin' with the "gave"?

I told you, she earned
every grain of that stuff,

and it was good stuff, too.

You people make her out like a panhandler,

and me a cheese-ass.

I don't gyp nobody,
and I don't give handouts.

I'll hand her that, she's
a good little worker.

Was a good little worker.

Yeah. Was is right
'cause now she's dead.

You got to do somethin' about it.

Now listen. Will you just wait a minute?

Don't go flyin' off the handle.

We've got to think about this logically.

She's up there dead, right?

And you've got to do something about it.

How do you figure that, bub?

I mean, look at it this way.

It's the Boy Wonder's bed

she's sitting on up there getting stiff

with that spike growin' out of her arm.

You know, that's a funny thing.

When it comes to taking
a camera off the stand

or decidin' about doin'
a stunt with the shorts,

it's all up to the Boy Wonder there, huh?

Whatever the Boy Wonder says,
goes, huh?

But the minute you got a stiff,

it all falls on the big boy.

It all falls on Mister money.

That's kind of a funny thing,
don't you think?

What do you think, Wonder Boy?

What are you sittin' there
so quiet thinkin' about, huh?

Wally Reid.

Gosh, did you know Wallace Reid?

The day Wally Reid died, I was having lunch

with Griffith, Gish, and Hayes.

Somebody came in
and told us what happened,

and Gish started crying right away.

She said, "Poor Wally",

"Poor Wally,
what am I gonna do now?"

Had to leave the table,
she was crying so hard.

Old Will Hayes, of course,
got up to go after her.

She used to bring that out in people.

And as he left, he turned to us

and he shot this out like spit, he said,

"Good riddance!"

"Good riddance to bad rubbish!"

After they were gone,

Griffith turned to me and he was smiling.

I never saw that son of a gun
look so happy in my life.

Do you know what he said?

He said, "God bless him."

"God bless that poor son of a bitch"

"for not dying in the
middle of my picture."

And then he ate Lillian's dessert.

That's a real cute little story,

but it don't exactly solve the problem.

Well, what would you like me to say?

I've got half a film in the can,

and my leading lady
has gone over the rope.

I have asked you before
not to come around here

when I was shooting.

That still don't solve the problem, kiddo.

Well, maybe there isn't a problem.

Let me think.

(EXHALES)

Maybe we can shoot around it.

REX: Shoot around it?

You can't shoot around this,
somebody's dead up there.

So are you when somebody
points a camera at you.

Maybe we can do it all in close.

Do what in close, for the love of God?

Will you be quiet, five minutes?

Let me think!

(INHALES)

Now, it's not the way I wanted to do it.

It's pretty stock stuff,

him grabbing her by the handles,

a couple of come shots.

Give Rex more to do, God forbid.

Rewrite the ending.
Yeah, I can finish this film.

Let's get Harlene's body back in here.

Are you crazy?

He's out of his noodle.

Right out of his fucking noodle.

Oh, pardon my French.

You want me to do it with a stiff?

Who's gonna know?

Oh, God, I think I'm gonna be sick.

The pool, Rex, use the pool.

I've warned you before,
I've got dishes in the sink.

I got a name... I got a name
in the funeral business.

If word ever got out...

(LAUGHS)

Unwind. He's just pullin' your leg.

Aren't you?

It doesn't look like it to me.

You really want him to do it with a stiff?

We got a six-picture contract,
don't we, huh?

You want this fucking movie
or don't you, huh?

You're out of your noodle!

Right straight out of your noodle.

I'm through. I'm gettin' out of here.

I should've quit

when you hit me over
the head with that bottle.

Hey, hey, hang on. You just
gave me an idea there.

Don't wanna hear any more of your ideas.

I just want to get out of here.

I'm supposed to be
at the Beverly Hills Hotel by 4:00.

Well, gee, Rex, that's too bad

'cause I listened to your idea,

and I thought it was a good one, too.

That stunt with the shorts,

that's just the kind of thinking I could
fit into my hamburger operation.

Well, I'm not interested
in your hamburger operation.

No?

Well, gee, kid, that's too bad.

You wanna know why?

That hamburger operation ain't the only pie

I'm thinkin' of stickin' my thumb in.

No, sir, not by a long shot.

I've been thinkin' a lot
about the real movies, too.

Real movies?

Yeah, well, it, uh, probably
wouldn't interest you.

Oh, no, what about them?

Well, it's just I've been thinkin'...

No, no, no, forget it.

You... You're going to the
Beverly Hills Hotel

and you're meeting
a Big Cheese from Metro.

Oh, that's okay. I mean,
I got a couple minutes.

Go ahead.

Well, it's... It's just I been thinkin'

these stag pics is okay for your

nickel-and-dime motor-court crowd,

you know what I mean? Funny.

I've been thinkin', maybe it's time

I got into the real movies

and made some real dough. Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Now, Miss Cake and I have been
talkin' about it for a long time.

BIG MAC: Yeah.

And I think she'd be
pretty hot stuff up there,

with a little practice.

(LAUGHS)

Yes, sir, pretty hot stuff.

But the thing is,

we need a guy to kind of run things
for us, you know what I mean?

The... The kind of guy that knows
one end of picture from the other.

Well, uh...

I've had a lot of experience.

I know, Rex, that's what I was thinkin'.

And you're a good little worker,
I'll hand you that.

But the thing is,

could we count on you
when the chips was down, huh?

You can count on me, Big Mac.

Oh, could we? I mean,

right here's your case in point.

Here I am,
with a stiff in the other room,

and you're on your way
to the Beverly Hills Hotel, Rex.

Well, gee, Mac, you...
You make it sound like I was a...

Chicken-shit pansy-ass?

Well, what can I do?

You know I'd help you if I could.

But you can, buster, you can.

You just said it a minute ago,
you got a name.

I got a stiff,

and you're in the funeral biz!

Don't that say somethin' to you?

(LAUGHING) I got it.

You want a discount.
Yeah, I can get you one.

Discount? What is this kid
usin' for steam?

What are you talkin', "discount"?

You think I'm gonna advertise
in the social pages?

You think I'm gonna get six pallbearers,

five for the box
and one for the spike in her arm?

I want it. You should do it
on the Q.T., stupid.

You mean, don't tell anybody?

I mean,

you and me,

right now...

(SIGHING)

We dump her in the car

and we take her
out to the maggot ranch

and we stick her in a spare hole.

Spare hole?

Oh, come on now, buster.

We're talking about
one of your top bone yards here!

Now don't tell me
they don't book in advance.

Well, yeah, they book in advance.

Well, then you must have
something warmin' up for somebody,

Yeah?

Well, we are expecting
a party of two tomorrow.

You know, one of these lovebird things.

Guy shot his wife,

and then sucked a pipe
and left an order for a double ditch.

A double ditch?

There you go.

Plenty of room for everybody.

We stick her in there today.
Brush a little dust on her,

and then tomorrow,
when they lower the crates...

Well now, I mean,
I don't know, I mean wait a minute.

I mean, you make it sound real easy.

I mean, what if somebody saw us?

I mean, I got a name,
a name in the funeral business!

All right, Rex,

if it means more to you

than a name in the real movies,

forget it.

Well now, wait a minute.

I... I... I guess

we could hide her in the shed
where I keep my shovel.

Now you're cookin'.

And... And then I could go back tonight

when it was dark and bury her.

Why, sure.

It's a cinch.

Come on, let's go.

Well, now...

Come on. Come on.

REX: I'm comin'. I'm comin'.

(BIG MAC CHATTERING)

(SIGHS)

So, uh you knew Wallace Reid, huh?

(THUDDING)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(BIG MAC AND REX GRUNTING)

Careful there, will you?

Wait a minute. What if someone sees
us puttin' her in the car?

Like who?

He's the only one left
on this block. Come on.

Right, hold it. Put her down.
Put her down.

CATHY: Uh, Mac,

is there anything I, uh, can do?

You just sit tight, honey.

This is work for the big boys.

You've seen enough
of this stuff for one day. It's degenerate.

The whole thing's degenerate.

Now you just sit tight.

And daddy will be back for you
in a little while. Yeah?

Mac, I told you, I am not a child.

Well, that's for sure.

You think
I'd leave a kid alone with this wacko?

He's out of his goddamn noodle.

Oh, but you wouldn't mind
leaving a grown woman alone with him,

is that it?

Mind leavin' a grown woman
alone with him?

(LAUGHS)

That's rich.
Don't you know about this guy?

He couldn't get
his rope to rise with a magic flute.

(LAUGHING)

Mind leavin' her alone with him,

that's a howl.

Come on. Let's get her out of here.

All right.

Hey, um, hold it.

Hey, you got somethin'
to tie this thing closed with?

You just sit tight, all right? Come on.

Big Mac, I've been thinkin'.
I mean, you know, about my department?

I mean, it's okay for this
nickel-and-dime, motor-court stuff,

but how's it gonna sit in the real movies?

BIG MAC: Don't worry. You can get new.

REX: Yeah?

BIG MAC: Yeah, come on.

(DRILLING)

(DOOR SHUTS)

What did he mean
about getting your rope to rise?

Do you do magic tricks?

All but that one, Miss Cake.

(PLAYING PIANO)

Was she a good friend of yours?

I thought she was awfully sweet.

She was much smaller
than she looks in Chicago.

I mean, you know, in the movies.

Miss Cake.

I know. I know.

You want me to shut up.
You think I'm just a silly little girl.

Well, I don't mind if you do.

It's when he does, it gets me sore.

Did you really want
that boy Rex to do it with her

when she was dead?

Listen, Miss Cake...

I think you meant it all right.

I bet you're not afraid to do anything.

Like what you were doing
when we came in here.

I never saw anything
so intense in all my life.

You didn't even know we were here.

I bet you didn't even know
what time it was.

I bet you never think
about things like that.

I remember once, when I was in college,

I stayed up all night to write an essay

and I didn't think about
what time it was once.

Miss Cake, I'm going to have to
ask for a little silence now.

Yeah, go ahead and think
I'm a silly little girl.

I don't mind if you do. Know why?

Because he thinks you're a little boy,

a silly little Boy Wonder.

Know what he told me
in the car on the way over here?

He said you were so silly that
you didn't even know the time of day.

Just shows you
what a truly limited guy he is.

Honest to God, Miss Cake,
I feel I don't want to speak...

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I'm not the only one
who thinks you're intense.

This guy Clark Gable thinks so, too.

He told us, out front of the house.

He said he thought
you were the only genius

that ever worked in the cinema.

Who?

Clark Gable, the new kid at Pathe.

He's lookin' for you.
Know what he wants?

He wants you to direct a movie,

a real movie again, at Pathe.

He told us, out front of the house.

He what?

That's right.

Know what Mac told him?

Oh, he's such a limited guy.

He said, "Forget it, kid."

"Everybody knows about the Boy
Wonder and the real movies."

But I don't see why you couldn't do it.

Do what?

Direct this Clark Gable in a movie.

He really wants you bad.

Know what he said?
He said, "I know I'm good",

"but with the Boy Wonder
directing me, I could be great."

And I could see what he meant.
I mean, you know, he's a good-looking guy,

but he's got these ears
you wouldn't believe, I mean...

All right, Miss Cake.

I know you're upset.

She was a good friend of yours,
wasn't she?

Miss Cake...

Why don't you call me Cathy?

Look, I know she was a good friend
of yours and that you're upset.

But, uh, I think maybe
what's really bothering you is that

you got half a movie done

and your leading lady's
in the trunk of Big Mac's car.

I mean, isn't that really it?

I mean, look, you can tell me
'cause I for one

don't think you're out of your noodle,
particularly.

Wow, that's a very kind thing
for you to say, Miss Cake.

That's a very kind thing for you to say.

And I don't know so much about

your rope not rising and stuff, either,

because I've seen you work.
I saw you when we came in.

You may still be just
a ghost story to this Clark Gable,

but I've seen you work.

And while I was watching you,

(PLAYING PIANO)

I thought about what he said,

about being good,
but you could make him great,

because, uh, you know,
I'm going to be in the movies.

Big Mac's going to put me in the movies.

So he said.

So he said.

And he's going to, too.
Don't you worry about that.

Do I look worried to you, Miss Cake?

Oh, now don't get mad.

I'm just trying to tell you,

I think you're a genius.

I've seen every movie
you've ever made, just like everybody else.

And I want to be in the movies,

just like everybody else.

Only I'm really going to be,

because Big Mac thinks
I'd be pretty hot stuff up there.

So he said.

So he said.

Yeah. But the guy's a hamburger.

I mean, you know it, and I know it,

so why should we kid ourselves?

Why indeed, Miss Cake?

But, uh, he's not so dumb

that he didn't offer you
a six-picture contract,

when everybody else thought
you were a ghost story.

And you're not so dumb
that you, uh, didn't take it.

And I'm not so dumb
as you think.

So let's talk freely,

like two mature adults.

By all means.

Let's...

What's on your mind, toots?

Well, I want you to make me great.

I want you to teach me
what are inserts.

(LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

You are a silly little girl, Miss Cake.

I'm not.

And I've just seen you work.

And a silly little girl wouldn't make you
a deal like a mature adult.

A deal,

Miss Cake?

A mature adult deal?

Go ahead and laugh,
but that's what I'm saying.

A deal.

I don't even know
what inserts are, but I'll do them.

I'll do anything you say.

Don't you think I know that, Miss Cake?
Forget it.

You need me.

No soap.

Well, you want to finish this movie?

It finished with Harlene.

It didn't. You were going to
use her dead.

She was dead when it started.

You're lying. I saw you work.

You got close, you know you did.

You want to think I'm using you,

go ahead, what difference does it make

as long as you get this movie finished?

Watch your step, Miss Cake.

Why'?

Because you're making me
like you a little bit too fast.

- Why don't you call me Cathy?
- Why don't you take off your blouse?

Okay.

Okay, Miss Cake.

Let us see exactly

how far down into it

we can get.

Uh, into what?

Into the valley of indecency.

Well, that's a pretty crummy way
of looking at it.

The trick, Miss Cake,

is not to look at it at all, but simply

limp to the edge of patience
and let yourself fall.

Look up here, please.

Oops.

Hot, Miss Cake. Hot work.

I can take it.

(SCOFFING) I'm sure you can.

But a day will come,
Miss Cake, when you can't.

Not for me.

Perhaps not.

If you're any good, it will.

And then, Miss Cake,

you will be faced with

the, uh, penultimate decision.

Do you do

the intelligent thing
and bow out gracefully,

or do you continue

against all that is holy,

and make up your mind
to vanish once and for all

into the mists of self?

I'll go on, no matter what.

(SNICKERS)

I want to be in the movies.

I want to be an artist.

(LAUGHING) on.

You mean, you want to do both?

Well, then

you will be faced
with the ultimate choice, won't you?

(OBJECTS CLANGING)

You will have to pick someone to abuse.

The person closest to you
generally fits the bill,

which, by then, Miss Cake, will be you.

Well.

(SIGHS)

Look this way, please.

Do you mind my asking

what happened to you?
I mean, what's made you like this?

You had a brilliant future.

I fulfilled it, Miss Cake, at an early age.

(CHOMPING) I'm the Boy Wonder,

that's all that happened to me.

That's it, huh? Pure and simple.

Well, nothing simple
is ever pure, Miss Cake.

You know what I mean. Why are you so...

Miss Cake, talkies are here to stay.

I wish to God I was equipped
to handle them

but as you see, I simply

don't have the resources.

So since we are working here

on a more or less primitive basis,

silence will suffice.

(LAUGHING)

No, no, no, no...

Uh, unwrap the meat.

The meat?

You're trying to offend me.

On the contrary, Miss Cake,

I never have to try
this early in the game.

Now, uh, come on.
Uh, get the goods out.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Well, uh, first, tell me what are inserts?

Inserts, Miss Cake, are close-ups,

garish interludes
in the progress of the whole.

Now, unwrap the meat.

If these inserts are so garish,

why do you bother with them?

Because

keeping the whole

in perspective

is quite a taxing little horror,

Miss Cake.

Now, unwrap the meat.

You unwrap it.

Let's not play games,
Miss Cake, what do you say?

I say you ought to take
some pictures of my face first.

After all, that's what they'll be
photographing in the real movies.

Perhaps so.

(SIGHING)

Perhaps so.

But it's your meat

they're going to be thinkin' about.

(GASPS)

You didn't have to do that.

Ah.

If you only truly meant that,
Miss Cake,

we might get this movie done.

What's Mac gonna say?
I'm not so sure about this anymore.

Giving up already, Miss Cake?

Well, what's Mac gonna say?

Something rhetorical, fear not,

in which case
you will not be pressed to answer.

Now lie back down on the bed.

(SIGHS)

He can afford to make jokes.

My sense of humor's
been bought and paid for.

You wanted to be in the movies.

But he treats me like a child.

Well, he's only cheating himself.
He pays adult prices.

Hey, why do you say things like that?

I mean, what kind of a guy are you?

No wonder you can't get your rope to rise.

Look,

I've been in the business
a long time, okay?

Okay, now move your hands.

No. Now what's that supposed
to be, some kind of apology?

You want me to move my hands?

You tell me what's under them.

Oh, Jesus. Breasts, okay?

Soft, trembling mounds
of pear-shaped fragrance, okay?

Now move your hands.

You really do think I'm
a silly little girl.

Okay, now we're ready to roll.

Now, Miss Cake, here's the scene.

You are being raped.

Raped and strangled

with a silken ascot.

(CHUCKLES)

I'd like you to think of that now.

Think about that and act accordingly.

It's that simple. Okay.

What do you mean, act?

The camera isn't even on my face.

(SNIFFS)

Miss Cake,

anybody could do this part

with the camera on their face.

AnybodY-

That's where
the challenge comes in, you see?

CATHY: Mmm.

Mmm.

You are being asked
to express yourself

through your tits, you see?

Which, after all, shouldn't be
too hard for you, Miss Cake.

What's that... That supposed to mean?
Is that some kind of crack?

No, the crack inserts
comes a little later.

Now you, uh, ready? Come on, let's go.

Well, gee, you know that's real swell
in theory, you know what I mean,

but, uh, if they're meat to you,

what do you think they are to me?

Okay.

Look.

(SIGHS)

Touch yourself.

Feel yourself, Miss Cake. Go on.

Close your eyes.

That's it.

Now,

stroke them,

gently.

Let the nipples

ripple along the cracks in your fingers.

(WHISPERING) Feel how soft,

how full,

how warm...

Say, you know, this is stupid.
I mean, really stupid.

Oh, what the hell?
You were getting there.

You know that,
you were really getting there.

Maybe you were getting there.

I was taking you there,
that is the way it is done.

That's not how it's done.
This is stupid.

Okay.

Okay.

Lie back down there.

(SIGHS)

Come on, forget about the hands.

That's the girl.

(INHALES)

(SIGHS)

Now close your eyes.

That's it.

It was my mistake,

the whole thing.

Just kind of forget about
what real beauty is all about.

That's better.

Sure.

(WHISPERING) You know,

these really are

soft, trembling,

mounds of pear-shaped fragrance.

You know that?

Are they?

Sure.

White as snow,

soft as powder,

but one little pinch
and they're hard enough to cut glass.

CATHY: Mmm, easy.

Or rape.

Even the word excites you,

makes things wet with pain.

Pain, pleasure.

Horrible,

hideous,

grotesque pleasure.

(MOANING) Horrible, hideous pleasure.

Grotesque,

violent, savage pleasure.

(LAUGHING)

Savage pleasure.

(CAMERA ROLLING)

Now move!

(SCREAMS)

Move! Move, you're being raped,

God damn it!

Come on, you're being raped.

Come on, he's ripping you up the middle.

(SCREAMING)

He's ripping you up the middle!
That's it!

(GRUNTS)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Hey-

I said, hey. Knock it off.

(PANTING)

(PANTING) Oh, Jesus!

Oh, Jesus!

Why did we stop?

The wind ran out.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(SIGHING) Well, oh, Jesus.

I knew it could be like that.

See? I knew you could be
that intense.

Oh, Jesus.

I haven't felt like that since...

Since the night you stayed up
to write that essay, I'll bet.

You're making fun of me.

I don't care.
You can do anything you want,

say anything you want.

I didn't ever want it to end.

That's all I thought about
the whole time.

I just never wanted it to end.

(CAMERA WHIRRING)

Does that mean I'm at my peak?

Ahem, when you don't think about
anything is when you're at your peak.

Lie back down there, please.

You... You think you're treating me rough,

but I don't care.

I'll do anything you say.

Things that would have made me sick
to think about just before I met you.

Would it have made you sick
to think about lying back down there?

You want me to take my skirt off?

Sure.

Okay.

I hope you humiliate me.

I hope you make me do dirty,

disgusting, horrible things.

Violent, savage things.

Uh, would you hang this up for me, please?

Oh.

What, uh, kind of things
did you have in mind, Miss Cake?

Oh, come on, you know what I mean.

Doing it from behind and stuff like that.

(LAUGHS)

I don't quite think

you get the, uh,
picture here, Miss Cake.

All I want to do is get
a couple of inserts.

Oh, yeah. Me, too.

I'll do anything you say.

I want to see it all. I want to do it all.

You want me
to take my stockings off?

Maybe you want to
take them off for me, huh?

Big Mac gets a kick out of that.

He don't think
I'm a silly girl when I'm doin' that,

not when I'm takin' my stockings off.

Look.

Miss Cake.

Oh, gee.

Why don't you call me Cathy?

(SIGHING)

This can lead to nothing but a bad end.

I'm talking too much, aren't I?

I'm making you think I'm silly,
aren't I?

No. Not at all. It's just...

You can't kid me,
I know what you're thinking.

I'm just a silly little
girl who talks too much.

Hey, your rope's rising.

(GARGLING)

I think you'd better get dressed.

Oh, no, wait, please. I'm sorry.

Guess I shouldn't have noticed.

It's just not going to work, Miss Cake.

Uh... Uh, why don't you get dressed?

This is not going to come
to anything but a bad end.

Hey, you want to get
your movie finished, don't you?

Look, I'll take my
stockings off myself, see?

- (RIPPING)
- Oops.

(SIGHING) I ripped it.

I don't know what I'm going to
tell Big Mac.

(SNICKERS)

He'll think of something for you,
don't worry. Now, uh, come on.

Uh, just put your clothes on.

No.

(SNIFFS)

Put your clothes on, Miss Cake.

N-O spells no.

Okay.

Okay, fine.

Fine. If you wanna be
lounging around here

with your apples out of the basket

when Big Mac comes
strolling through the door,

that's, uh, that's okay with me.

Is it? I bet it isn't.

I bet you're scared
he might come in here any minute.

Scared?

Of that cheeseburger?

(LAUGHING)

Don't be droll.

Droll, huh?

You're scared of something.
You're shaking like a leaf.

I'm not scared of anything,
uh, sweetheart.

(SIGHS)

If you're not scared of anything,

how come you never go
out of your house anymore, huh?

And how come you gave this kid, Clark
Gable the brush this morning, huh?

If you're not scared of anything?

(SIGHS)

Urn, look.

(CRYING) Please.

I'm going to have to ask
for a little silence now, Miss Cake.

Honestly, you know I didn't mean it.

I was just acting like a silly little girl.

I won't any more, I promise.

Please.

I promise, I won't.

Please.

Daddy?

No...

Look,

you said you wanted to be great.

You said I hadn't reached my peak.

You haven't.

I was good, I was damn good,
and you know it.

But you said you wanted to be great.

They would have said
I was great in the real movies.

But you and I know better, don't we?

Don't we?

Yes!

You and I know that
you didn't even have tits

till I told you what they were,
don't we? Don't we?

Yes.

And you know...

(SOBBING)

That it's not a very mature adult deal

for you to go all resentful now

before we've learned what else you've got,

don't we?

Yes.

Then shut up

and lie back down on the bed,

and you'll know

when to go resentful on me,

because it'll be the
first idea that you get

that I don't give you.

And then you can hog it all for yourself.

Do you mind
if I ask you a question, Miss Cake?

This, uh, essay

you stayed up all night
to write in college,

was it your own work?

What are you talking about?
Of course it was.

You, Miss Cake,

spent all night

slaving over a composition
of your own device?

(SNIGGERING) Come on, Miss Cake.

CATHY: You don't believe me?

Spending all of anything, Miss Cake,

requires a bit of self-confidence,

even a night.

Okay, so maybe I did copy it
out of a book.

You think that makes me
stupid or something?

Not at all, merely a thief.

I'm no thief.

Hey, look.

The ability to steal
from the thoughts of others

is merely
an indication of industry, Miss Cake.

What passes for genius

is merely the ability
to steal from your own.

So?

So if you want to reach your peak,

you'd better learn how
to rob yourself blind.

Now lie back down there.

You say the strangest things.

Maybe you're out of your noodle, after all.

The whole universe is element,
you know, Miss Cake.

It's all relative to, uh, production costs

and sources thereof.
Prepare the meat.

I know what you mean.

When you say "meat" you mean "mounds,"

"soft, trembling mounds
of pear-shaped fragrance."

How am I doing?

(CLICKS TONGUE) Done like a pro.

Your meat, at least, is at its peak.

(CAMERA WHIRRING)

- Now, are you ready?
- Yup.

Really? What are you gonna do?

What I did before.

Why'?

Because the wind ran out.

No.

Because I did it well?

No.

Why, then?

Because I would have told you

if I'd wanted you to do
something different.

And women,
contrary to popular opinion,

never know
when to open their mouths,

even to ask.

Action!

(CAMERA ROLLING)

Come on! Come on!
Move up and move around!

How am I doing?

Don't talk, Miss Cake.
Don't move your lips!

Why not?
You're only photographing my meat.

And he is rippin' you up the middle!

And he is rippin' you up the middle!

And loving your breasts!

And loving your breasts!

And he is...

(CAMERA STOPS ROLLING)

The Wind's run out again.

Why did you do that?

(SIGHING) I needed an insert
of him grabbin' her tits.

No, I mean,

why did you take
your hands away like that?

Because I got the insert, Miss Cake.

CATHY: Uh-huh.

Well, it's kind of funny.
I mean, I'm not her and you're not him,

so that's really no excuse, is it?

I mean for taking your hands away
so fast like that.

Look...

I know. I know. It's just an insert,

but, uh, it's kind of funny
when you think about it,

you know what I mean?

I have warned you
about this, uh, thinking, Miss Cake.

Yeah, I know, well,
that's kind of funny, too,

because, uh, when you were
touching me just now,

it sure felt like you were
thinkin' about something.

Touch precludes thought, Miss Cake.

What you felt was merely an illusion.

Hollywood magic.

Mmm-hmm?

And what did you feel?

Meat.

(EXCLAIMING)

Well, it must have been magic then,

because it looked like
you were touching

soft, trembling mounds.

Look, Miss Cake.

What's next?

Your cunt.

I want to shoot your cunt.

(SNICKERS) I beg your pardon?

Your, uh, your slot.

I want to do a beaver shot.

Don't you think you're being
a little, uh, crude?

(EXCLAIMS)

Well, I thought that
might be the bottom line.

I guess the party's over, Miss Cake.

Well, we didn't do too badly.

I got half my shots,
you learned what inserts were.

What, uh... What?

What are you doing?

Getting ready for the beaver shot.

Getting my cunt ready.

Okay, knock it off.

Knock what off?

Okay. Fine. Great.

You've made your point.

Now drop it.

(LAUGHING) Funny stuff.

Cute bit.

When you do get to the real movies,

you, uh, ought to
suggest comedy to Big Mac.

Oh, oh, slow down,
let's take it a step at a time.

We haven't finished this one yet.

Funny stuff, Miss Cake. Funny.

You're just growing
as a comedienne in leaps and bounds.

Uh, you're growing, too.

Okay, Miss Cake. Ahem.
You've made your point.

Now you don't have to prove
anything to me.

So who's proving anything?

Let's do the cunt shot.
You got the camera wound?

(SIGHS) Don't use that word,
Miss Cake.

What, "cunt"?

Think it might be a little crude?

I think it might be a little insincere.

On whose part?

You are moving too fast,
Miss Cake.

Oh, we're just growing, that's all,

both of us,
growing in leaps and bounds.

Let's do the cunt shot.

Listen, God damn it.

Uh, sorry. Beaver, slot, twat,
whatever it is. So let's do it.

Listen, God damn it, Miss Cake.

What do you want me to call it, huh?

You tell me what it is, okay, huh?

You tell me what this is.

(PETTICOAT RIPPING)

(SIGHS)

It's a pity, is what it is.

It's... It's a goddamn pity

that you don't have more respect
for yourself as a human being.

A human being, huh?

That doesn't tell me
very much about my cunt.

I... I don't have to tell you
anything about it.

I just have to, uh,
you know, photograph it.

Seeing as how you've been
impetuous enough

to, uh, flash it at me
like some common street tart.

You told me about everything else
when you were photographing it.

Merely in the quest for a performance.

We're dealing here
with a more or less passive organ,

Miss Cake, despite the fact that
you have been shoving it in my face.

Now, shut up and lie down.

You don't think I can make it perform?

I don't care.

(LAUGHING)

We are dealing here

with a very undiscerning audience.

(CLEARS THROAT)

You know, Miss Cake,

you've seen one, then you've...
You've seen them all.

Are you talking about cunts
or audiences?

Miss Cake, if you'd just...

(CLEARS THROAT)

Be quiet for about three seconds,
I might get this done.

Hey, listen, take your time.
I'm in no hurry.

(CHUCKLING) Yeah? You may not be.

All right, would you hold still, please?

Me? It's you.
You're shaking like a leaf.

Quiet.

Just quiet on the set.

Want me to spread my legs a little?

No, that's fine. It's just... It's fine.

It's fine just the way it is. Thank you.

(SIGHING) Okay.

Okay.

Uh, we're, uh, we're rolling.
Uh, we're rolling.

Yeah. Action.

(STAMMERING)

All right, thank you.

(SIGHS)

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you.

That's very fine work.
You may now get dressed.

Oh, I don't think so.

You don't think so what?

I don't think I may now get dressed.

Oh, you don't?

Oh, I think maybe there's
a little something left for us to do.

Oh, you do?

Yeah, I do. After all, we made a deal.

Uh-huh. Okay.

Okay, Miss Cake.

We have arrived at the crossroads.

We have finally arrived
at what is called the, uh,

delicate, uh, situation.

I, uh...

Would you like a drink?

No, thanks. What is it?

Uh, cognac. It's very good, really.

It's not that bathtub stuff
that Big Mac sells...

What's the delicate situation?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, uh, there comes a time
in every motion picture of this sort

when one must

by edict of the genre,
so to speak,

actually

photograph the act of, uh,

uh, penetration...

(CLEARS THROAT)

As it were. The... The...
The come shot, so to speak.

Okay, so let's do it.

(TITTERS)

I don't think

you quite understand, Miss Cake.

Look, I said I wanted to do it all.

I know what you told me, Miss Cake.

I have ears, you know. Huh? Huh?

But what one says and
what one is actually prepared to do...

What are you looking at?

You poor baby.

I beg your pardon?

We can do it.

We can do it together.

Do... Do... Ahem, do what, Miss Cake?

I'm really afraid, I... I don't quite...

Get your rope to rise.

You did it just a minute ago
and you weren't even trying.

For the love of God, Miss Cake.

You poor baby.
You're shaking like a leaf.

Uh, delirium tremens

brought on by this rotgut,
uh, cognac.

Silly boy.

I know you can do it.

I saw you with my own eyes
just a few minutes ago.

(INHALES)

Merely an illusion, Miss Cake.

And what you saw
was Hollywood magic.

There wasn't anything magic about it.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Well, it was probably
some sort of

prostate tremor,

brought on by the delirium tremens.

Can you imagine,

every studio in town
is being fueled by this swill?

Oh, don't hand me that.

You've been suckin'
on that rotgut all day,

and it hasn't done a thing for you.

Delirium tremens. What a load of bunk.

All right, now. Miss Cake.

Cut out that "Miss Cake" crap.
Call me Cathy.

- Look, Miss Cake.
- Cathy!

- Look!
- Cathy.

Look, Cathy!

There, you see?

See what?

Look at yourself. Look at yourself
and tell me that's a tremor.

Curious.

I don't recall having put
a banana in my pocket.

I put it there.
We put it there together.

Come on, now, quick,
say it again before it goes away.

- Say what?
- Say Cathy.

Say what? Don't be absurd...

It's not absurd. Come on, say it.

I won't.

Oh, you fool, you want to
get this movie done?

Come on now, quick. Say it.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Say it.

Cathy, okay.

Oh, you're being a fool.

Come on, say it softly. Say it sweet.

Cathy.

There you go. Now say it again.

(WHISPERING) Cathy.

Now you're cookin' with gas.
"Cathy, darling."

I beg your pardon?

Say it, you fool.

Cathy, darling.

Ooh.

That's no tremor,
it's a head-on collision.

Now try, "I love you."

What?

Uh-oh, it's starting to melt.
Okay, take your pants off.

I will not.

Oh, like a little boy.
Like a silly little boy.

Look at this, doesn't even have
the sense to wear underwear.

Well, rinsing in the pool, I...

Now I'm gonna show you.

Now I'm gonna tell you.

What is that?

Meat.

(WHISPERING) No, it's not.
It's magic.

It's your magic flute.

But if you want your rope to rise,

you've got to play it yourself.

Feel it.

Not like that. You know how it's done.

It's the way you want it yourself.

(SIGHING)

It's magic.

It's meat.

All of it is meat.

Go on then,

bite it.

What?

Don't wait. Just do it, bite it.

You're crazy. I'm not gonna bite it.
It'll hurt.

Then don't call it meat.

Either shut up or bite it.

(BOY WONDER MOANING)

Jesus Christ.

(SIGHS)

Now, feel that.

Feel it.

Touch it and feel it.

Feel that and tell me it's a tremor.

Tell me what it is.

It's a collision.

(CHUCKLING)

It's a head-on fucking collision.

I told you. I told you.

(MOANING) Oh, now,

come on.

(SIGHING)

I'm trying.

Come on.

(GROANING) Okay. Oh, Jesus, it's tight.

You bet it's tight.

(GASPS)

(BOTH GASPING)

(MOANING)

(PANTING)

(BOTH MOANING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

(CONTINUES GROANING)

(GASPING)

(PANTING)

(CHUCKLING)

(SIGHING)

Oh, Jesus, they're crazy.

Who's crazy?

Anybody who says
you're not the Boy Wonder is crazy.

(CHUCKLING)

You're the one who's crazy,
right straight out of your noodle.

Did I reach my peak?

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

I think you reached your peak,

yeah.

I knew it, see.

I knew you could make me great.

Well, it's like they say, Miss Cake,

some people are born great,

and others have greatness thrust into them.

Oh, gee, we work well together.

(GASPS)

Who'd have guessed?

Who would have guessed?

I wish we could stay like this
forever, don't you?

(MOANS)

Yeah, I guess maybe I do...

I wish we had a contract,
a six-picture contract.

Open up our own studio.

Get the pipes fixed.
Get the pool cleaned.

Get you some new underwear, huh?

Yeah. You, too.

(MOANING)

I can't wait to see
what we look like,

you know, up there on the screen.

When is this stuff going to be ready?

What stuff?

The stuff we just did, silly.

My little silly.

What are you talkin' about?
We didn't do any stuff.

What do you, mean, silly?

I mean, just now,
the camera wasn't on.

What?

The camera,

it wasn't on, I mean,

just now when we were making love.

What do you mean,
the camera wasn't on?

What do you mean,
what do I mean?

The camera wasn't on.

You didn't turn the camera on?

What?

What were you thinking about?

Thinking about?

(SIGHS)

God, I can't believe...

What the hell
was going through your head?

Going through my head?

Well, to tell you the truth, Miss Cake,

I didn't exactly have
my head on my mind.

If you mean your brain's

in your ass,

I couldn't agree more.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the insert,
what do you think I'm talking about?

The insert?

The come shot,

for the movie, remember?

Oh.

Yeah.

(SIGHS)

The movie.

Yeah, now I remember.

Now you remember.

That's great,

after wasting God knows
how much time going through it.

Going through it?

Yeah,

going through it, like it was some
big deal, playing baby-ass games.

I mean, what does it take to just

sit there and fuck?

You didn't even have the camera on.

You know, I'm not surprised
about you and the real movies.

I mean, what do you think,
I've got all day here?

We made a deal.

Big Mac's gonna walk through that door...

BIG MAC: Any minute now,

and he ain't gonna quite get it.

I mean,

he's gonna stand here and see his fiancée,

maybe, walkin' around
with her apples out of the basket,

and the Boy Wonder sittin' there
with his log between his legs.

But there's somethin' about it.

I mean, I... I see it,
but I don't quite get it.

Do you know what I mean?

Hmm?

Daddy.

On, daddy.

Surprised to see me, honey, huh?

Yeah.

But, honey,

I told you I'd be right back, didn't I?

Yeah, I know.

Never mind,

maybe you just, uh, forgot what time
it was for a while, huh?

Yeah, I guess so.

Just sort of forgot what time it was!

(CATHY GROANING)

You know, I mean, I don't get it.

I mean, do I kill you or what?

If I kill you, which I guess I'm gonna do,

do I... Do I shoot you 'cause I'm jealous,

or do I strangle you 'cause I'm pissed off?

I mean, I just don't get it,
do you know what I mean?

Huh?

Mac, I only asked him

to show me what were inserts,

so I'd know for the real movies,
that's all.

Is that true?

Did you show her
what were inserts?

I didn't have to. She already knew.

Get out of my house.

What kind of way is this to talk
to the man who's gonna kill you, huh?

CATHY; Don't kill him, Mac.

He didn't do anything.

BIG MAC: You know, that's what I mean,
that's what I don't get.

He looks like he didn't do anything.

Yeah.

It always looks like
he didn't do anything.

He didn't, Mac,

honest to God.

You said yourself

he couldn't get
his rope to rise with a magic flute.

He's just a smart guy.

What's with your leg?

What the hell's with your leg?

(WHISPERING) Nothing.

Nothing. He just thought
it was a piece of meat.

Why, you goddamn fruitcake loony!

(GROANS)

Regret is for...

Get this monkey out of here, will you?

(GROANING)

Smart guy, huh?

Hold it.

CATHY: Mac?

(SOBBING) Don't hurt him.

What do you mean, "don't hurt him"?

He bit you, didn't he?

He bit you on the goddamn leg.

I ought to smack your fuckin' teeth in...

Pardon my French.

Get your fuckin' shoes on.

You want me to slap his teeth in, Mac?

No, no, no, forget it.
He's all washed up, anyway.

If I didn't know you couldn't
get your rope to rise, baby...

Get that camera.

Oh, gee, Mac,

what about our six-picture contract?

You wanna know about
our six-picture contract, huh?

(SNICKERS)

Should I get the lights, too?

No, that stuffs junk. We'll get new.

(GIGGLING)

Just take her out to the car.

I was gonna throw this shit
in your face,

but I'm gonna hold on to it.

You know why?

No, why is that, Mac?

'Cause it ain't what you wanted.

You didn't finish it.
It finished you, kiddo.

It was your last shot and you blew it.

First you blew it in the real movies,

and today you blew it
without even going out of your house.

It won't be long now till that...

Freeway.

Yeah, comes through here

and you won't even have a house.

That'll be it for you, kiddo.

You're just gonna disappear,

and all that's gonna be left
of you is this little roll of film.

And that's why I'm gonna hold on to it,

'cause it ain't what you wanted.

So long, kid.

(LAUGHING)

What do you know?

Guess who's comin' up the walk?

It's the new kid. The new kid at Pathe.

Do you know what he wants?

He wants you to direct a real movie.

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Ain't that a sketch?

Oh, babe.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(CAR DOOR CLOSING)

(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

(DOOR BELL RINGING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

You must be kidding me.

(FOOTSTEPS PATTERING)

(PLAYING PIANO)

(SINGING) Oh, you can be handsome.

And rugged and tall.

Invest in one thing.

And wind up with them all.

You can be healthy.

And wealthy and wise.

But I'm satisfied that my rope.

Can still rise.

With care, bulbs will burn.

Until they are quite old.

It's just when they're switched off.

It sometimes grows cold.

And yet I confess.

With a series of sighs.

It's sure good to know.

That your rope.

Can still rise!

(SIGHS)

Unless I've missed my guess,

it's almost time for lunch.