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♪♪
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00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,946
I tell you, you've got nothing
to worry about.
4
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- The plane is perfectly safe.
- Can I have –
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- It ran a little low on gas when it got
into all that fog, that's all.
- Thank you.
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So they had to set down in –
Give me that one again, Max.
7
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A rooster? Oh, Aroostook.
8
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:07,545
Aroostook. And where is Aroostook
supposing to be it shouldn't happen?
9
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It's in the general neighborhood
of Nova Scotia.
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And from this general neighborhood,
maybe you can tell me...
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00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:15,844
how tonight at philharmonic
he is a concert conducting?
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00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,930
By “telewision,” I am presuming.
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Is it a very bad fog?
14
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- Make him tell me the truth, Hugo.
- Of course it ain't.
15
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- Don't worry, honey.
- It's hardly a fog at all, madam.
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It's – It's more of a mist, really.
More of a –
17
00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:32,069
- Yes, Max?
- Just something to make the engines run better.
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- Don't worry, darling.
- Correction, please.
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- What is it?
- It was not Aroostook. It was Antigonish.
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And where is this mudhole,
if I ain't too optimistic?
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In the general neighborhood
of Nova Scotia, I believe.
22
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:45,791
- What a neighborhood.
- Hugo, do try to find out.
23
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:47,793
- Correction, please.
- Shh.
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00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,254
It turns out it wasn't Antigonish after all.
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It was Apohaqui.
And it didn't get there, it left there.
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- Apohaqui!
- Then where is it now?
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In the general neighborhood of Nova Scotia.
Where else?
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Far, far from it, my friend.
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00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:03,892
As a matter of fact, there it is, coming in...
30
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,894
- Hooray!
- directly behind you right now.
31
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:09,315
- What an airline.
- There is one reassuring thing about airplanes...
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00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,151
- they always come down.
- Come on, stupid.
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00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:19,241
Am I glad to see you, Alfie.
Again Wolfgang is sick.
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00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:23,120
So our concert got to be shoved up.
Tonight we are giving it yet.
35
00:03:23,162 --> 00:03:25,080
Did you think of me every night?
36
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:27,124
Of course I did, my love.
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00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,126
Did you take my picture to bed with you?
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00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,128
Of course I did, my darling.
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00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:35,132
Are they kidding? If she wasn't my own sister,
I'd have a name for her that'd make –
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00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:37,092
Dream of me after you went to sleep?
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00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:39,887
Every single night, my love.
42
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:44,892
- Only I – I didn't sleep very well.
- Will somebody get me an ice pack?
43
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:47,061
Put 'em back on your nose
and learn something.
44
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:49,897
At least did you get some rest
on the plane last night?
45
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,982
- Frankly, not a particle.
- Oh.
46
00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:54,360
Then I'm going to take you
right straight home...
47
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:56,362
put you into a nice hot tub –
48
00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,423
I really don't think
they ought to do this in public.
49
00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:00,925
Of course, it's better to do it in public
than not to do it at all.
50
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,868
And then we'll have our little nap.
51
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:07,373
And then I'll wake you up with a nice
frosted bottle of brut champagne.
52
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,375
I found same Pol Roger '34.
53
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:12,127
- And then –
- You see, some men just naturally...
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00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:14,797
make you think of brut champagne.
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00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,549
With others, you think of prune juice.
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00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:19,843
You have nothing to laugh at.
57
00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:22,805
So then you'll go down
and rehearse your men.
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00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,224
- Oughtn't that to be time enough, Hugo?
- Look...
59
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:27,976
it ain't as if you was
a rehearser anyway.
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00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:32,231
He's a hypnotist. Out of what dogs
have I seen him coax it out of.
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00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:35,025
Of course it'll be soon enough.
It's the men who really count.
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00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:38,737
All I do is wave a little wand a little,
and out comes the music.
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00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:43,075
A little magic wand, darling,
dipped in a little stardust.
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00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:49,790
♪♪
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00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:57,089
♪♪
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00:04:57,172 --> 00:05:00,884
Don't that drive you nuts, always leaving
you hanging up on the meat hook like that?
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00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,429
I confess, it is quite irritating, sir.
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00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:07,909
I suppose I ought to wake him up
if he's gonna see anyone before the concerts.
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00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:11,228
Oh, give him a couple of minutes.
Ain't you ever been in love?
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00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,398
♪ Da, da, da, da, da, dee ♪
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00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,817
♪ Da, da, da, dee ♪
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00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,653
♪♪
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00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:27,870
- I'm so sorry.
- Oh, isn't it customary to knock
before coming into a bedroom?
74
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,098
- Or am I just old-fashioned?
- I did knock, Sir Alfred.
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00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:33,393
- Extremely sorry. I didn't hear you.
- I just wanted to make sure you were awake...
76
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:36,086
and ask you what to do about
the morning delegation of crackpots.
77
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,963
Oh, dear.
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00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,692
Among them a lady reporter who wants
to know why you conduct with a stick.
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00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,718
What's she expect me to use,
an umbrella?
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00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,804
- She says Stokie uses just his hands.
- Ah, but they're so beautiful.
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00:05:45,888 --> 00:05:50,809
So large. So white. So free and easy on the draw.
Mine look more like nutcrackers.
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00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:53,228
- Here, darling.
- Thank you, sweetheart.
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00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,397
She also wants to know why
you conduct from a score.
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00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:58,525
Because I can actually read music.
I also play an instrument, the flageolet.
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00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:00,587
- Don't forget to tell her that.
- Certainly, Sir Alfred.
86
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,571
- I'll get you a light.
- Thanks.
87
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:05,341
Also, Mr. Pedasta, your concert master,
would like to discuss with you...
88
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:09,244
the fingering in the fourth, fifth
and sixth bars before letter “H”...
89
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,580
in the Tannhäuser overture.
90
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:14,458
Oh, dear. The fingering's standard.
What's the matter with him?
91
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:17,294
He says because it's the Paris version
with the Venusberg music.
92
00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:19,421
- Do you want the French fingering?
- That old story.
93
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:22,025
Tell Mr. Pedasta I'll walk with him
to the rehearsal and discuss it on the way.
94
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,027
- I've got to get dressed now.
- Certainly, Sir Alfred.
95
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:25,971
Then there is a citizen
who wants you to endow...
96
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:29,097
the De Carter Foundation
for the Diffusion of Serious Music.
97
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:31,975
Well, throw him out.
Nothing serious about music.
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00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,621
It should be enjoyed flat on the back
with a sandwich in one hand...
99
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,540
and a bucket of beer in the other
and as many pretty girls around as possible.
100
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,400
- Oh, Tony, if you repeat one word of this stuff.
- I won't.
101
00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:45,507
You know, the only trouble with you is
I never feel like getting up...
102
00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:47,491
I never feel like getting dressed...
103
00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:50,828
I never feel like going out into the world
to wrestle it and bring it to its knees.
104
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:55,123
I think the successful, energetic men must all
have been married to women who looked like –
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00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,835
Oh. Well, I will now leap
into a cold shower.
106
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,464
I'll take it.
107
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,139
Some flowers for Lady de Carter.
108
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:14,142
- Oh, how nice.
- I'll take 'em.
109
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,144
Say – Oh, there you are.
110
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,146
- Give him a dollar, Hugo.
- A dollar?
111
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:21,108
Well, it's only 62 and one-half cents,
you know, at the moment.
112
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,503
- There's 62 and a half cents for you.
- Thank you, Sir Alfred.
113
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,487
I'll pretend it's a dollar.
114
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:28,907
I wonder who sent her these.
115
00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:32,160
Why don't you grab yourself a look
and treat yourself to a surprise?
116
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,931
'Cause it's none of my business.
They're probably from some poor devil...
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00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:38,876
who was madly in love with her,
nearly perished when she married me...
118
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,378
and once a year, on the anniversary
of their last farewell...
119
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,881
sends her this little bunch of snapdragons.
120
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:47,259
- Or could they be hollyhocks?
- In this box it could be a skeleton.
121
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:50,888
- He could've sent himself.
- Don't be gruesome, Hugo.
122
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,224
- Oh, I see they came, Sir Alfred.
- Hmm?
123
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:56,226
I tried to get all long-stemmed roses...
124
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,454
but they must have filled out
with a few chrysanthemums.
125
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,398
Oh, these are the flowers that I – Lovely!
126
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,418
That you asked me to send
on the way in this morning.
127
00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:06,528
- Of course.
- I scratched out the name on one of your cards...
128
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:09,656
and wrote instead, “For my love.”
129
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,658
Remarkably efficient.
Thank you very much.
130
00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:14,077
And have this razor honed for me, will you?
131
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,806
- It's duller than one of my brother-in-law's jokes.
- Certainly, Sir Alfred.
132
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,958
- Mr. Henschler is on his way up, by the way.
- Oh, what does he want?
133
00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:23,128
- He did not inform me.
- I've already seen him once today.
134
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:26,232
I mean, just 'cause he's married
to my wife's sister doesn't entitle him to –
135
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:30,594
- Really, what a bore he is.
- Look, he's got one hundred million dollars.
136
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:33,430
Don't be expecting also Mickey Mouse.
137
00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,992
I have a few million myself, you know.
It doesn't entitle me to –
138
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:39,895
You ain't got a hundred million.
It's that last zither that cooks the goose.
139
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:44,942
That miser. Every fur coat he gives his wife
he inherited from his grandmother.
140
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:48,278
Every pearl from his aunt.
Every diamond from his blasted –
141
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,615
- Stop. You're breaking my heart.
- It's silly of me to allow him to annoy me so...
142
00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:56,495
but do I haunt his hotel constantly
sending messages I'm on my way up to see him?
143
00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:59,289
Do I use the vaguest of all relationships...
144
00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:02,459
two strangers who marry sisters,
as a wedge for the purpose of –
145
00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:04,461
Mr. August Henschler, sir.
146
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,275
Good morning again, August.
I've never seen you looking better.
147
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:13,053
- Well, I, uh –
- Do you want to see me alone or in committee?
148
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,180
Or is it really necessary
for you to see me at all?
149
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,808
Well, if it wouldn't be too much trouble –
Good morning.
150
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,769
How do you do?
Remember, you have a lot of other jerks...
151
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:23,730
waiting for you in front room
after you get through in here.
152
00:09:23,814 --> 00:09:26,483
I'll take the razor down to the barbershop.
153
00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:30,362
Now, my dear August,
what happy updraft wafts you hither?
154
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:33,490
Thank you.
Now let me see. How to begin.
155
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:36,201
- At the beginning.
- Yes, quite so.
156
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:39,621
You are no doubt aware, Alfred,
that I have a deep sense of family obligation.
157
00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:41,641
I wasn't aware of it,
but I'm willing to take your word for it.
158
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:44,001
- We are brothers-in-law, aren't we?
- I'm afraid we are.
159
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,003
There's not a blasted thing
we can do about it.
160
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:49,148
Oh? It may come as quite a shook to you
to realize that I don't actually relish...
161
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,192
being your brother-in-law
any more than you relish being mine.
162
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,718
- No?
- Yes.
163
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:56,638
In the first place, I hate music,
which doesn't relieve me from having to snore...
164
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,849
through every confounded soiree
that you promulgate.
165
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,851
- Soiree.
- Precisely.
166
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,204
And in the second place,
I am embarrassed about the product...
167
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,188
that your family made its money out of.
168
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:08,626
- And in the third place –
- Just as good as sucking mortgages,
if you should happen to ask me.
169
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:12,237
It may be, but I prefer mortgages.
And lastly, as a humble American...
170
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,740
the only titles that I have any use for...
171
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,242
are in my vault in
the Guaranty Title and Trust Company.
172
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,303
I see. Well, you have
my deepest sympathy, August...
173
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,413
but I am a baronet, I am a bandleader...
174
00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:25,250
and my family's product has
kept England on time since Waterloo.
175
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:29,421
There it is. Now, if I may inquire again
for the reason for this happy visitation.
176
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,923
I'll come to the point at once.
When you left for England...
177
00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:34,277
and asked me to keep an eye
on your wife during your absence –
178
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:36,904
- Keep an eye on my wife?
- I naturally accepted in the same spirit...
179
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:39,824
that I'd expect you to display
had I asked you to keep an eye on my wife...
180
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:43,393
- while taking off, let us say, for Zanzibar.
- When are you leaving?
181
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:45,395
- I said “if.”
- Oh.
182
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:47,707
What I didn't know, and I don't see
very well how I could have...
183
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:51,359
was that my dear mother, who is probably
public hypochondriac number one...
184
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,838
would wire me the same day asking
me to join her in Palm Beach...
185
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,740
- because of a slight indisposition.
- Oh, I'm distressed to hear it.
186
00:10:56,782 --> 00:10:58,742
I suppose she's related
to me also in some way.
187
00:10:58,784 --> 00:11:00,744
- So faintly it's hardly worth mentioning.
- Good.
188
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,871
- I'm sorry anyway.
- Oh, we're quite used to it.
189
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,891
If it isn't one part of her that's ailing,
it's another.
190
00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:08,085
And she seems to have so many parts,
for a woman of her age, that is.
191
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,147
However, to return to our muttons –
you asked me to keep an eye on your wife...
192
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:14,525
and I assure you that had it been possible
for me to do so, I would gladly have done so.
193
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:18,553
I don't doubt it for a second. But if it was
any trouble, or inconvenient in any way –
194
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,555
Nothing is too much trouble
for the busy man.
195
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:24,059
If you ever want anything done, always ask
the busy man. The others never have time.
196
00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:26,895
Now, you asked me to keep an eye on your wife,
and I assure you that –
197
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:31,066
You keep repeating “keep an eye on your wife,”
as if it had some special meaning.
198
00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:34,861
I don't know that you're leading up to,
but for some reason I feel my back hair rising.
199
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:38,466
Well, you see Alfred, being a little nearsighted,
I couldn't keep an eye on her from Palm Beach.
200
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,450
Nevertheless, I did not fail you.
201
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:43,203
Again, something's happening
to my back hair.
202
00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:46,957
I don't recollect saying anything to you
at the airport except possibly good-bye.
203
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:51,002
But if I did say keep an eye on my wife for me,
I meant see if she's lonely some evening.
204
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,231
And if she is, take her to the movies,
you and Barbara.
205
00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,966
But you didn't say that.
You said, “Keep an eye on my wife for me.”
206
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,677
Well, supposing I did,
how could you do it from Palm Beach?
207
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,012
- With detectives.
- With detectives.
208
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:06,226
With detectives!
You stuffed moron!
209
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:09,956
Control yourself, Alfred. Control yourself. This
is entirely uncalled for. Kindly release my scarf.
210
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:13,650
You dare to inform me you had
vulgar footpads in snap-brim fedoras...
211
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,652
sluicing after my beautiful wife?
212
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,881
I believe it's called “sleuthing.”
Kindly let go of my shirt. You're tearing it.
213
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,300
There's nothing to be so upset about.
I merely had her tailed.
214
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,785
You merely had her what?
I give you my solemn word, August...
215
00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:27,122
if I don't regain control of myself
in a few minutes, concert or no concert...
216
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:31,418
I'll take this candelabrum, and I'll beat that walnut
you use for a head into a nutburger...
217
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,101
- I believe they're called.
- Please try to k-k-keep cool, Alfred.
218
00:12:34,171 --> 00:12:36,506
K-K-Keep cool, Alfred, my sainted aunt!
I am outraged!
219
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:39,259
- Please, Alfred.
- Low as my opinion has always been of you...
220
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:42,012
little as I ever expected of chivalry
or even common dignity...
221
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,347
today you've sunk below even yourself.
222
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:47,100
This is the sewer,
the nadir of good manners.
223
00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:49,352
I really think you're exaggerating
a little, Alfred.
224
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:52,165
I've always used detectives to some extent,
and so has my whole family.
225
00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:55,317
One of my aunts even married one,
although I admit she was elderly at the time.
226
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,027
Then your whole family is contaminated.
227
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:59,529
No man who employs detectives
should ever be disappointed.
228
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,615
I hope every time
you've engaged these vermin...
229
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,634
you've discovered that you had antlers
out to here...
230
00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:05,386
that you were the laughingstock
of the city...
231
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,913
that you came crawling out
of the agency, your face aflame...
232
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:11,541
your briefcase stuffed with
undeniable evidence of your multiple betrayal...
233
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:14,753
dishonor dripping from your ears
like garlands of seaweed.
234
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:17,214
I forgive your insults on the grounds
that you are excited.
235
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:19,650
I forbid you to forgive me anything
on any grounds whatsoever...
236
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,652
and I may still punch you
in the nose at any instant!
237
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:24,739
Get out of here and never speak to me
again unless it's in some public place...
238
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:27,483
where your silence might cause comment
or embarrassment to our wives!
239
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:30,101
Oh, dear.
240
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:33,104
I don't imagine that you'd be much interested
in the operator's report.
241
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:35,899
- Yes, I would!
- Although it contained a couple of passages...
242
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,901
- that I, for one –
- That you for one what?
243
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,028
Now get out of here
before I do the same to you.
244
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:43,573
I suppose I'll see you at the concert this evening.
I've already bought two tickets.
245
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:47,077
I suppose so.
I'm usually there on the nights I conduct.
246
00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,079
I see.
247
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:32,747
What is that supposed to be?
You angel.
248
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:36,209
It's supposed to contain flowers.
It might easily turn out to be a rowing machine.
249
00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:38,795
You sweet love.
250
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:43,758
Well, I just wonder where we're going
to find anything big enough to put them in.
251
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:48,305
- I wonder if the kitchen would have anything.
- You really do love me, don't you?
252
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:52,100
- What?
- You really do love me, don't you?
253
00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:55,061
I don't know what I'd be doing here if I didn't.
254
00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:57,355
I don't either.
255
00:14:57,439 --> 00:15:00,608
By the way, you didn't do anything
you shouldn't while I was away, did you?
256
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,778
I mean, like, falling in love with anyone else,
or anything like that.
257
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:08,491
How could I fall in love with anyone else
when you took my heart with you?
258
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:12,495
No man ever had a better answer than that.
259
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,165
Will you meet me at La Lotte's about 1:00
on the way to lunch?
260
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:17,667
- La Lotte's? What for?
- 'Cause you haven't a thing to wear.
261
00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:20,337
I'd like to buy you a little something.
Would you do that for me?
262
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,715
- But, darling, I have closets full of –
- And then lunch with me?
263
00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:27,385
Of course I will. But I don't really need a thing.
264
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:31,264
- I have –
- It says here in very small type.
265
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,725
- I'll see you at La Lotte's.
- All right, darling.
266
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:39,230
♪♪
267
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,860
♪♪
268
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,774
♪♪
269
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:26,861
And now, gentlemen, merely to follow
the wishes clearly expressed by the composer...
270
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:29,739
pizzicato con molto vibrato.
271
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,908
Like a dentist chipping out an old filling.
272
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,691
♪♪
273
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,258
Keep playing, gentlemen.
I don't want to waste your time.
274
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:55,426
- Dr. Schultz.
- Yes, Sir Alfred?
275
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:57,887
Yours is my favorite instrument
in the entire orchestra.
276
00:18:57,929 --> 00:19:00,181
I've been looking at you,
but I can't hear you.
277
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,228
I was afraid of being a little loud, Sir Alfred.
You know, vulgar.
278
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:11,693
As a small boy I was learned always
never to be vulgar.
279
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:15,863
Be vulgar, by all means,
but let me hear that brazen laugh.
280
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,140
♪♪
281
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,596
♪♪ Okay. Follow your nose to first door...
282
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,788
open door, walk through,
come to wall, stop.
283
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:09,917
♪♪
284
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,964
Shh.
285
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:37,320
♪♪
286
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:46,537
♪♪
287
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:49,165
♪♪
288
00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:20,822
♪♪
289
00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:23,616
Splendid, gentlemen. Splendid.
It's already much too good for them.
290
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:28,037
Besides which I've got an appointment
with a beautiful young lady.
291
00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:30,331
I'll see you later.
292
00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:37,463
♪♪
293
00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:41,551
This gentleman says
he has something for you.
294
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:44,530
- He's from the hotel.
- And I ain't a gentleman. I'm the detective there.
295
00:21:44,554 --> 00:21:47,908
- You remember me, don't you, Sir Alfred?
- Yes, I think I've seen you skulking around.
296
00:21:47,932 --> 00:21:49,934
You're what's known
as the house dick, aren't you?
297
00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:51,936
That's me.
Can I see you alone a minute?
298
00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:53,938
I suppose so. I shan't enjoy it.
299
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,940
Hot work.
300
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:59,235
I'd like to make this alone,
if it's all the same to you, buddy.
301
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,612
Oh, very well.
302
00:22:01,696 --> 00:22:03,906
- Beautiful music, sir.
- Thank you.
303
00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:05,867
Just beautiful.
304
00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:10,580
Thank you very much, Jules.
305
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,707
Now what do you want?
I'm sorry to sound sharp...
306
00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:15,626
but I feel extremely unsympathetic
towards all detectives this morning.
307
00:22:15,710 --> 00:22:17,628
All in the line of duty for me, boss.
308
00:22:17,712 --> 00:22:21,174
Just shows you the kind of service
we're giving you at the Towers, that's all.
309
00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:24,927
We don't know just how it got in the hall.
We're investigating that.
310
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:27,096
But we found it and saved it for you.
311
00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:29,432
It's a detective's operator's report.
312
00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:32,477
- I glued it together myself.
- I see.
313
00:22:33,478 --> 00:22:36,606
- You, uh, read it, I presume?
- Just enough to glue it together.
314
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:39,776
I see. You concluded
that when I tear papers up into small bits...
315
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:43,070
and throw the bits into a wastebasket
and kick the wastebasket out of the door...
316
00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:46,091
it's because I wish to keep the papers
that go to make up the document, correct?
317
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:50,036
Well, we didn't know, Sir Alfred.
The head maid seen this basket come flying out...
318
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:52,622
and she called me,
and I just used my own judgment, that's all.
319
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:56,876
Very astute. Do you customarily shove your nose
this deep into other people's business?
320
00:22:56,959 --> 00:22:59,796
- Look, boss, as far as I'm concerned –
- Have you a match, at least?
321
00:22:59,837 --> 00:23:02,089
- Huh?
- A match. One of those little wooden things...
322
00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:04,091
that you strike on the side of a box.
323
00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:06,093
- Yes, sir.
- Light it, please.
324
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:08,137
Yes, sir.
325
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:11,057
Now get it going well.
That's fine.
326
00:23:11,140 --> 00:23:13,059
Now hold it steady.
327
00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:17,146
- Nix, boss.
- You see? It was very important to me.
328
00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:19,148
Cut it out, boss.
Take it easy, will you?
329
00:23:19,190 --> 00:23:22,294
- I hope you don't know any way
of bringing it back to life this time.
- No, sir.
330
00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:24,278
Now watch closely.
331
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,448
You see? Now why don't you
go back to your work at the hotel.
332
00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,534
There may be
some important things for you to do...
333
00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:32,161
like spying on decent people
through looking through keyholes...
334
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:34,497
and standing on ladders
and picking through the garbage.
335
00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:37,208
Look, boss, I'm sorry.
I only meant to –
336
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:39,335
Look out!
337
00:23:40,336 --> 00:23:43,923
Ow! Ow! I'll get something.
338
00:23:44,006 --> 00:23:48,261
- You'd better come out, Jules.
There's been a bit of trouble here.
- I'll get the extinguisher, sir.
339
00:24:07,822 --> 00:24:09,824
Turn on the water!
340
00:24:09,866 --> 00:24:12,034
I am turning it on.
341
00:24:30,428 --> 00:24:33,389
Watch what you're doing!
342
00:24:33,431 --> 00:24:35,933
I'll be careful.
343
00:24:37,143 --> 00:24:39,228
Bring it over here.
344
00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:41,439
Not over there!
Over here!
345
00:24:44,692 --> 00:24:47,069
I've got it!
346
00:24:50,281 --> 00:24:54,243
Wonderful. Beautiful.
347
00:24:55,244 --> 00:24:57,413
Would you take the telephone, please?
It's Sir Alfred.
348
00:24:57,455 --> 00:24:59,957
- Oh, thank you.
- What a lollipop.
349
00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:03,544
Hello. Hello, sweetie love.
Where are you? You're late.
350
00:25:03,586 --> 00:25:05,898
I'm dreadfully sorry.
There's been a little excitement down here.
351
00:25:05,922 --> 00:25:08,090
I'll join you as soon
as I get into some dry trousers.
352
00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:11,636
Darling, I can't hear a thing you're saying
with all those bells going off.
353
00:25:11,719 --> 00:25:13,679
Some silly ass set fire to my dressing room.
354
00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:16,974
Uh, who'd you say set fire to it?
355
00:25:17,058 --> 00:25:19,143
No. He set fire to it himself.
356
00:25:19,226 --> 00:25:21,145
- Insurance.
- Oh, shh.
357
00:25:21,228 --> 00:25:23,439
I said if you see anything pretty,
be sure to buy it.
358
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:25,858
- But I don't want to buy anything.
- Well, buy several.
359
00:25:25,942 --> 00:25:29,528
It's always nice to have a change.
And I've told Tony to pick you up for lunch.
360
00:25:29,612 --> 00:25:32,198
Are you the party that started this “confloration”?
361
00:25:32,281 --> 00:25:35,409
Yes. Just one minute, Colonel.
I've just got to answer some questions, darling.
362
00:25:35,451 --> 00:25:38,204
There's a nobleman in a white hat
waiting outside the booth for me.
363
00:25:38,287 --> 00:25:40,790
You didn't get in any trouble, did you?
I'll come right over.
364
00:25:40,873 --> 00:25:42,959
- You didn't get burned?
- What are you talking –
365
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,337
On the contrary, I'm sloshing wet,
and I don't think I'm in the slightest trouble.
366
00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:49,131
Uh, I'll be with you
in one second, General.
367
00:25:49,173 --> 00:25:52,134
Good-bye, my darling.
I'll join you at the earliest possible moment.
368
00:25:55,972 --> 00:25:58,891
♪♪
369
00:26:01,394 --> 00:26:03,938
- Hello, Annie.
- Hello, Sir Alfred.
370
00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:06,148
Thank you.
371
00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:11,862
- Hello, Louie. Is my bride here?
- Certainly, Sir Alfred. She's in 44.
372
00:26:11,946 --> 00:26:15,741
Hi, darling.
373
00:26:15,825 --> 00:26:18,536
- I think I'll have a quick brandy.
- Certainly, Sir Alfred.
374
00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:24,000
- I was in a slight fire.
- Sir?
375
00:26:24,041 --> 00:26:26,002
- Put that on my check, will you?
- Yes, sir.
376
00:26:26,043 --> 00:26:29,213
- Conduisez monsieur au 44.
- Thank you.
377
00:26:29,296 --> 00:26:31,257
- Sir Alfred.
- Hello, Josef.
378
00:26:34,427 --> 00:26:37,179
What are you two doing here?
Why aren't you all lunching together?
379
00:26:37,221 --> 00:26:41,100
- We didn't wish to intrude.
- They look so cute together.
380
00:26:41,183 --> 00:26:43,561
Well, why shouldn't they look cute together?
381
00:26:43,644 --> 00:26:45,563
See you later, pretty one.
382
00:26:47,023 --> 00:26:48,983
May I?
383
00:26:50,818 --> 00:26:52,737
Oh. Excuse me.
384
00:26:53,738 --> 00:26:56,365
♪♪
385
00:26:57,867 --> 00:26:59,827
- So sorry, my darling.
- Ah.
386
00:26:59,869 --> 00:27:02,705
- Thank you so much, Tony, for bringing her.
- Not at all, Sir Alfred.
387
00:27:02,747 --> 00:27:05,541
- Thank you.
- I was simply famished, sweetie love. I had to eat.
388
00:27:05,583 --> 00:27:08,669
And you were awful to buy me those dresses,
and I adore you for it.
389
00:27:08,711 --> 00:27:11,690
Tell me about the fire. Did you burn
down the whole thing or only the back half?
390
00:27:11,714 --> 00:27:14,568
Sorry to disappoint you – it was just
a curtain and part of a venetian blind.
391
00:27:14,592 --> 00:27:17,219
I think they broke the leg off a piano.
It was very unimportant.
392
00:27:17,303 --> 00:27:19,930
Why aren't Barbara and August sitting with you?
393
00:27:20,014 --> 00:27:22,558
I haven't the slightest idea.
They seemed quite cool.
394
00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:25,144
- They seemed or he seemed?
- They both seemed.
395
00:27:25,227 --> 00:27:28,064
- What's she got to be cool about?
- What's he got to be cool about?
396
00:27:28,105 --> 00:27:32,485
That's another matter. He may have misunderstood
something I said, taken it the wrong way.
397
00:27:32,568 --> 00:27:34,487
- By Jove.
- What's the matter, darling?
398
00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:37,073
Excuse me one second, darling.
I'll be right back.
399
00:27:41,202 --> 00:27:44,413
Excuse me, Barbara, I've just had a – sit down –
revolting thought, August.
400
00:27:44,455 --> 00:27:47,434
Would those people who shall be nameless
be apt to have additional copies...
401
00:27:47,458 --> 00:27:49,502
of that which I did you know what with
this morning?
402
00:27:49,585 --> 00:27:51,754
- 'Cause I will not have them around.
- Uh –
403
00:27:51,837 --> 00:27:54,381
If you can figure that out,
you're smarter than I think you are.
404
00:27:54,423 --> 00:27:57,510
Why not forget the whole thing, Alfred,
and concentrate on your music?
405
00:27:57,593 --> 00:28:00,513
I will tell them to dispose
of those things at the earliest opportunity.
406
00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:02,598
I'll tell them myself.
Give me one of their cards.
407
00:28:02,681 --> 00:28:05,601
- I suppose you carry them around with you
in case of emergency.
- I –
408
00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:08,020
What's all the mystery? Did he –
409
00:28:08,104 --> 00:28:12,024
The mystery is you're married to a square from
Delaware, if you're familiar with the appellation.
410
00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:14,110
That's no mystery.
The whole world knows it.
411
00:28:14,151 --> 00:28:18,114
- There you are, Alfred, but I still think that –
- Thank you very much indeed.
412
00:28:18,155 --> 00:28:20,116
Thank you.
413
00:28:20,157 --> 00:28:23,077
Well, what's the matter with him?
He's getting nuttier than you are.
414
00:28:26,789 --> 00:28:29,458
You weren't challenging August to a duel,
were you, darling?
415
00:28:29,542 --> 00:28:31,544
- I saw you passing cards around.
- A duel?
416
00:28:31,627 --> 00:28:34,338
I'll take him by the back of the neck
and drop him into a dustbin.
417
00:28:34,421 --> 00:28:37,567
I've just remembered something I've got to
attend to at once, so if you'll excuse me –
418
00:28:37,591 --> 00:28:40,553
- Take care of lunch, Tony.
- But you haven't had anything to eat, darling.
419
00:28:40,636 --> 00:28:42,555
I don't want anything to eat at the moment.
420
00:28:42,638 --> 00:28:44,866
Perhaps you'll have
a sandwich for me at the hotel later.
421
00:28:44,890 --> 00:28:47,810
Of course I will. You're all nervous, darling.
It's that plane flight.
422
00:28:47,852 --> 00:28:51,272
I feel a lot better already.
I'll see you in a little while, my love.
423
00:28:51,313 --> 00:28:53,274
All right, dearest.
424
00:29:11,667 --> 00:29:13,752
- You are Mr. Sweeney?
- Who me?
425
00:29:13,836 --> 00:29:16,005
Why not O'Brien?
What do you want to see him about?
426
00:29:16,088 --> 00:29:19,842
About business, I suppose.
I suppose you'd call this a business.
427
00:29:19,925 --> 00:29:22,845
- Well, what would you call it?
- I'd call it a criminal invasion...
428
00:29:22,887 --> 00:29:24,805
of the rights of decent people –
429
00:29:24,847 --> 00:29:27,807
an assault upon the very privacy
which is the cornerstone of self-respect –
430
00:29:27,850 --> 00:29:30,186
an infamous pursuit
without shame or ethics –
431
00:29:30,269 --> 00:29:32,813
a vile calling, masquerading
in the cloak of respectability...
432
00:29:32,855 --> 00:29:35,316
but actually sprung
from the cesspools of humanity.
433
00:29:35,357 --> 00:29:38,110
- Look, mister –
- Seepage of civilization.
434
00:29:38,194 --> 00:29:41,989
- Does that answer your question?
- Look, mister, I'm the tailor from next door.
435
00:29:42,031 --> 00:29:43,991
I'm just here to eat my lunch.
436
00:29:44,033 --> 00:29:46,473
I mean, I was trying to eat my lunch
and answer the telephone.
437
00:29:46,535 --> 00:29:48,454
A favor, that's all.
438
00:29:48,537 --> 00:29:50,515
With much of what you got to say –
and believe me...
439
00:29:50,539 --> 00:29:52,583
whatever you are doing,
you are wasting your time...
440
00:29:52,666 --> 00:29:55,711
you should be in Congress –
confidentially I agree...
441
00:29:55,753 --> 00:29:58,547
but what good is that going to do you?
442
00:29:58,631 --> 00:30:01,717
About a blue serge suit,
my opinion is worth something.
443
00:30:01,759 --> 00:30:06,013
- But from ethics –
- Then where is the director of this enterprise?
444
00:30:06,055 --> 00:30:09,391
Here he is now climbing. Tell him.
445
00:30:09,475 --> 00:30:11,393
- Good day.
- Good day.
446
00:30:15,231 --> 00:30:17,149
A gentleman to see you, Ed.
447
00:30:21,779 --> 00:30:26,075
- You at last are Mr. Sweeney, I trust.
- And you are Sir Alfred de Carter.
448
00:30:26,116 --> 00:30:29,036
How I've looked forward
to this moment, Sir Alfred.
449
00:30:29,078 --> 00:30:34,583
I was at your maiden concert in this country –
your “de-butt” – down there at Aeolian Hall.
450
00:30:34,667 --> 00:30:37,253
People said, “What do you want
to hear that limey for?
451
00:30:37,336 --> 00:30:39,255
“What does he know about music?
452
00:30:39,338 --> 00:30:43,550
It takes an Italian or a Russian
or a Dutchman to bring it out good.”
453
00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:47,596
But something inside of me said,
“Give the limey a chance.”
454
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,765
- And I did.
- Did you?
455
00:30:49,807 --> 00:30:55,104
And am I glad I did.
That hunch has paid off in golden dividends.
456
00:30:55,145 --> 00:30:59,817
I've never missed one of your concerts –
within the metropolitan area, of course.
457
00:30:59,900 --> 00:31:03,737
I'm no millionaire, and I can't afford
to travel around the country after you...
458
00:31:03,779 --> 00:31:06,991
to South Dakota and places like that.
459
00:31:07,074 --> 00:31:10,160
Here's to the world's greatest living conductor.
460
00:31:10,244 --> 00:31:12,955
This is hardly what
I came to see you about, Mr. –
461
00:31:13,038 --> 00:31:15,332
The way you handle Handel, Sir Alfred.
462
00:31:15,416 --> 00:31:18,961
For me there's nobody handles Handel
like you handle Handel.
463
00:31:19,044 --> 00:31:20,963
- Really?
- There's you up here.
464
00:31:21,046 --> 00:31:24,466
And then there's nobody –
no second, no third.
465
00:31:24,550 --> 00:31:27,136
Maybe way down here Arturo – a poor fourth.
466
00:31:27,177 --> 00:31:30,097
That is largely debatable.
In any case, what I came to see you about –
467
00:31:30,139 --> 00:31:32,641
And your Delius – delirious.
468
00:31:32,725 --> 00:31:34,977
I usually have my tickets
as soon as they're printed.
469
00:31:35,019 --> 00:31:38,814
That change in schedule
loused me up a little, but I'll get in somehow.
470
00:31:38,856 --> 00:31:40,983
I'm bitterly sorry to hear
that you're a music lover.
471
00:31:41,066 --> 00:31:43,527
I live for music.
Without music I wouldn't –
472
00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:46,490
I had always hoped that music had
a certain moral and antiseptic power...
473
00:31:46,530 --> 00:31:49,033
quite apart from its obvious
engorgement of the senses...
474
00:31:49,116 --> 00:31:51,493
which elevated and purified its disciples...
475
00:31:51,577 --> 00:31:54,806
- lifting them out of professions like this infamy.
- You're just hurt. I can see it.
476
00:31:54,830 --> 00:31:56,790
- Oh, Sir Alfred –
- So spare me your compliments.
477
00:31:56,832 --> 00:31:58,752
The flattery of a footpad
is an insult in itself.
478
00:31:58,834 --> 00:32:01,170
You mean a flatfoot, don't you, Sir Alfred?
479
00:32:01,253 --> 00:32:03,547
- You don't mean a footpad.
- I mean a footpad!
480
00:32:03,630 --> 00:32:07,760
And now that I know that you like them,
I shall probably cut Handel and Delius
out of my program forever.
481
00:32:07,843 --> 00:32:11,489
- Don't talk like that.
- Please refrain from mentioning
any other of your musical favorites...
482
00:32:11,513 --> 00:32:13,682
and poisoning those for me also!
483
00:32:13,724 --> 00:32:16,226
You're just hurt. I can see it.
484
00:32:16,310 --> 00:32:19,188
You read that report,
and naturally it upset you.
485
00:32:19,229 --> 00:32:23,817
Aw, we fall for these little dames
and try to believe they're in love with us...
486
00:32:23,859 --> 00:32:27,571
when every morning
our shaving mirror yells, “They can't be”...
487
00:32:27,654 --> 00:32:31,742
till one day we find out that youth
belongs to youth, like you just done.
488
00:32:31,825 --> 00:32:33,744
- And then –
- Take your hands off me!
489
00:32:33,827 --> 00:32:36,497
Aw, don't be sore at me.
What have I got to do with it?
490
00:32:36,538 --> 00:32:40,167
I suppose it was me that went down to
3406 in the middle of the night...
491
00:32:40,209 --> 00:32:44,088
wearing only a negligee
and stayed for 38 minutes.
492
00:32:44,171 --> 00:32:46,882
I suppose that's the part that bothered you.
493
00:32:46,924 --> 00:32:48,884
It usually is.
494
00:32:51,470 --> 00:32:53,389
3406.
495
00:32:53,472 --> 00:32:55,391
Yeah, I think that was the number.
496
00:32:55,474 --> 00:32:57,601
I got it here someplace if you want it.
497
00:32:57,684 --> 00:33:00,020
But it's only circumstantial evidence.
498
00:33:00,062 --> 00:33:03,232
Why don't we give her the benefit of the doubt?
499
00:33:04,650 --> 00:33:08,112
Maybe she couldn't open her toothpaste.
You was in England...
500
00:33:08,195 --> 00:33:10,656
so she goes down
and gets this guy to do it for her.
501
00:33:11,740 --> 00:33:15,869
Or maybe she seen a mouse in her room,
and it upset her and she wanted company.
502
00:33:15,911 --> 00:33:17,913
Aw, of course, that one's kind of thin.
503
00:33:17,996 --> 00:33:20,916
Aw, why don't we give her
the benefit of the doubt anyway?
504
00:33:20,958 --> 00:33:23,502
Maybe she woke up out of a bad dream,
and without thinking...
505
00:33:23,585 --> 00:33:25,629
where she was going,
slipped into a negligee and –
506
00:33:25,712 --> 00:33:28,715
Are you presuming
to discuss Lady de Carter, my wife?
507
00:33:28,757 --> 00:33:32,761
Well – Well, you read it, didn't you?
508
00:33:32,803 --> 00:33:35,514
Oh, I thought that's why
Henschler said he wanted –
509
00:33:35,597 --> 00:33:37,516
Holy Moses.
510
00:33:38,851 --> 00:33:42,146
Uh – Here, sit down someplace.
511
00:33:43,856 --> 00:33:46,400
- Is this the only copy?
- Yeah, that's the original.
512
00:33:49,987 --> 00:33:53,073
You're a wise man. I been through it.
513
00:33:53,115 --> 00:33:55,367
Only I wasn't as smart as you are.
514
00:33:55,451 --> 00:33:58,328
So I lost my piano and my savings...
515
00:33:58,412 --> 00:34:00,873
and a little shack I had down at the beach –
516
00:34:00,956 --> 00:34:03,542
and her.
517
00:34:03,625 --> 00:34:06,462
So what have I got now?
518
00:34:06,545 --> 00:34:10,048
Maybe I shouldn't be saying it,
but if it was me...
519
00:34:10,132 --> 00:34:12,134
I'd never have 'em tailed.
520
00:34:12,217 --> 00:34:14,678
I'd never try to find out nothing.
521
00:34:14,761 --> 00:34:18,557
I'd just be grateful for whatever
they was willing to give me –
522
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:23,312
a year, a week, an hour.
523
00:34:45,501 --> 00:34:48,337
For tonight.
524
00:34:52,007 --> 00:34:53,926
Sir Alfred.
525
00:34:55,928 --> 00:35:00,474
I'm sure I would know about it, sweetie, although
this joint is a little like Grand Central Station.
526
00:35:00,516 --> 00:35:03,685
- Well, I just thought he might be, that's all.
- Well, I'm sure he isn't.
527
00:35:03,727 --> 00:35:06,522
But wait a minute.
I'll go and ask Casanova.
528
00:35:16,698 --> 00:35:19,368
- Oh.
- Daphne wants to know if you've seen Alfred.
529
00:35:19,409 --> 00:35:21,453
- He seems to have disappeared.
- No, I haven't.
530
00:35:21,537 --> 00:35:24,164
But we're not exactly
on the best of terms anyway, so –
531
00:35:24,206 --> 00:35:26,166
Okay.
532
00:35:29,545 --> 00:35:33,590
No, he isn't, sweetie. There's nobody here but
Sitting Bull counting his money in the other room.
533
00:35:33,674 --> 00:35:35,592
What time do you want us to pick you up?
534
00:35:35,676 --> 00:35:38,720
If he doesn't show up pretty soon,
there may not be any concert.
535
00:35:40,847 --> 00:35:42,766
Wait a minute.
536
00:35:42,849 --> 00:35:46,687
The great man is just coming in now.
537
00:35:46,728 --> 00:35:49,356
Make it about 7:30, will you, darling?
538
00:35:49,398 --> 00:35:52,442
That is, unless we want to get some
hamburgers or something on the way.
539
00:35:52,526 --> 00:35:55,070
Okay. You do whatever you like.
540
00:35:55,112 --> 00:35:58,240
Oh, and what fur are you going to wear?
So that I won't wear the same.
541
00:35:58,323 --> 00:36:00,242
Right. Okay, baby. Bye.
542
00:36:00,325 --> 00:36:03,537
Darling, what happened to you?
Tony and I have been awfully worried.
543
00:36:03,579 --> 00:36:05,747
I finally had to send him
to get dressed anyway.
544
00:36:05,831 --> 00:36:08,292
Really?
545
00:36:08,375 --> 00:36:11,044
I've had your nice sandwich all ready, and –
546
00:36:11,086 --> 00:36:13,255
and the ice all ready for your drink...
547
00:36:13,338 --> 00:36:15,591
and the bed all ready for your nap.
548
00:36:15,632 --> 00:36:19,428
Where have you been?
I – I bet you've been out with some girls.
549
00:36:19,469 --> 00:36:22,139
Girls, hah!
550
00:36:22,222 --> 00:36:25,517
Well, then where have you been, darling?
Honestly, I've been awfully worried.
551
00:36:25,601 --> 00:36:28,061
- I've been to the movies.
- The movies?
552
00:36:28,103 --> 00:36:30,647
I saw a very long picture about a dog...
553
00:36:30,731 --> 00:36:32,971
the moral of which was that
a dog is a man's best friend.
554
00:36:33,025 --> 00:36:36,445
And a companion feature which questioned
the necessity of marriage for eight reels...
555
00:36:36,486 --> 00:36:39,114
- and then concluded it was essential in the ninth.
- Alfred.
556
00:36:39,156 --> 00:36:42,868
Also something about “time marching on”
and a newsreel of the royal family...
557
00:36:42,951 --> 00:36:44,870
christening something
extremely out of focus –
558
00:36:44,953 --> 00:36:47,164
a lot of people being saved
from a sinking freighter...
559
00:36:47,247 --> 00:36:49,207
and a cat which had its kittens
in a harmonium...
560
00:36:49,291 --> 00:36:53,295
which made ghostly music and frightened
a Harlem congregation nearly out of its wits.
561
00:36:54,338 --> 00:36:58,175
- You feel quite hot.
- I feel anything but quite hot!
562
00:36:58,258 --> 00:37:01,762
Well, why didn't you take me to the movies?
I love the movies.
563
00:37:01,803 --> 00:37:04,139
Because there are times
when a man wishes to be alone.
564
00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:07,225
This was one of those times.
Any further questions?
565
00:37:07,309 --> 00:37:09,353
Well, no, of course not, darling.
566
00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:12,481
- I hate dry white bread.
- I'm sorry.
567
00:37:12,564 --> 00:37:15,484
Oh, would you like me to run
a nice hot bath for you?
568
00:37:15,525 --> 00:37:17,486
Do I appear to need one?
569
00:37:17,569 --> 00:37:19,488
Well, no, of course you don't, darling. I –
570
00:37:19,571 --> 00:37:22,616
If I decide that I need a nice hot bath,
I will draw one.
571
00:37:22,658 --> 00:37:24,993
If I don't, I won't.
572
00:37:25,035 --> 00:37:27,204
Alfred, you're going to make me cry.
573
00:37:27,287 --> 00:37:30,207
Oh, darling, please, eat some
of your sandwich anyway, won't you?
574
00:37:30,290 --> 00:37:32,751
You can't go all day and all night
without eating.
575
00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:35,003
Thank you for your solicitude.
576
00:37:36,171 --> 00:37:38,924
I hate breast of turkey.
577
00:37:39,007 --> 00:37:41,176
Oh. Oh.
578
00:38:20,215 --> 00:38:22,175
Good evening, Sir Alfred.
579
00:38:34,604 --> 00:38:36,523
Come in.
580
00:38:48,952 --> 00:38:50,912
Sir Alfred.
581
00:39:06,428 --> 00:39:08,388
Was there something, Sir Alfred?
582
00:39:35,290 --> 00:39:37,626
♪♪
583
00:39:43,757 --> 00:39:45,675
♪♪
584
00:40:23,672 --> 00:40:26,341
I don't know what's the matter with you.
585
00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:28,718
And I don't know what's the matter
with my zipper either.
586
00:40:28,802 --> 00:40:30,929
Will you see if you can close it for me?
587
00:40:31,012 --> 00:40:32,931
Turn around.
588
00:40:44,734 --> 00:40:46,695
Suck in a little.
589
00:40:53,034 --> 00:40:54,995
What's the matter with you?
That's a fine thing.
590
00:40:55,036 --> 00:40:57,682
- I'll have to change into something else.
- Change into something else!
591
00:40:57,706 --> 00:40:59,332
You aren't suffering from any shortage.
592
00:40:59,374 --> 00:41:01,543
The women of England
would be lucky to have one dress.
593
00:41:01,626 --> 00:41:04,379
- What's that to do with me?
- You are married to an Englishman.
594
00:41:04,421 --> 00:41:07,821
I didn't ask you to buy me all these dresses.
I can't stop you from buying me dresses.
595
00:41:07,883 --> 00:41:11,153
You're always saying meet me at so-and-so's
and I'll buy you a dress. You know you do.
596
00:41:11,177 --> 00:41:13,155
If you're so worried about
how Englishwomen are dressed...
597
00:41:13,179 --> 00:41:15,533
there's nothing to stop you
from sending them all to them instead.
598
00:41:15,557 --> 00:41:17,917
It wouldn't make any difference to me.
I don't like clothes!
599
00:41:17,976 --> 00:41:20,536
- I've sent the women of England plenty!
- Then shut up about it.
600
00:41:20,562 --> 00:41:24,190
- I forbid you to speak to your husband in that tone!
- That's right. Strike me, you brute.
601
00:41:24,232 --> 00:41:26,943
- So, you don't dare.
- Go and get dressed for the concert.
602
00:41:27,027 --> 00:41:29,696
This is certainly going to be
the most magnificent concert!
603
00:41:29,738 --> 00:41:33,533
- Maybe I'll go to the movies instead.
- Culturally that might suit you better.
604
00:41:33,575 --> 00:41:35,952
And I thought my sister had married the jerk!
605
00:41:36,036 --> 00:41:38,622
Oh – Oh, give me that zipper!
606
00:41:38,705 --> 00:41:41,333
Ohh!
607
00:42:16,952 --> 00:42:19,788
Next aisle over.
The usher will give you a program.
608
00:42:21,790 --> 00:42:24,292
Straight ahead, please.
609
00:42:24,334 --> 00:42:27,128
Last aisle over.
The usher will give you a program.
610
00:42:51,611 --> 00:42:55,615
It is remarkable how many people
will pay out good money for this sort of thing.
611
00:42:55,657 --> 00:42:58,576
Give me the quiet fireside
and an overstuffed chair.
612
00:42:58,660 --> 00:43:01,454
- It isn't quite so quiet when you start snoring.
- Barbara.
613
00:43:01,496 --> 00:43:03,498
Five and six.
614
00:43:23,101 --> 00:43:26,312
- You ever been in love, Jules?
- Oh, devotedly, sir.
615
00:43:26,354 --> 00:43:28,314
Hmm.
616
00:43:28,356 --> 00:43:30,984
What would you do if you discovered
that your wife had, uh –
617
00:43:31,026 --> 00:43:33,153
this is purely hypothetical, of course –
618
00:43:33,194 --> 00:43:36,156
had, uh –
I wish I could think of a softer word –
619
00:43:36,197 --> 00:43:38,199
uh, been untrue to you?
620
00:43:38,241 --> 00:43:41,578
Untrue to me, sir?
Oh, I think it's most unlikely.
621
00:43:41,661 --> 00:43:44,289
First of all,
where would she find anybody, sir?
622
00:43:44,372 --> 00:43:47,332
And in the second place, if she'd wanted
somebody better looking than me...
623
00:43:47,375 --> 00:43:49,294
she could've had him easy enough.
624
00:43:49,377 --> 00:43:51,588
I was awful ugly when I was young, sir.
625
00:43:51,671 --> 00:43:54,549
- Three minutes, Sir Alfred.
- Thanks, Herbert.
626
00:43:56,718 --> 00:43:58,678
Look! Look!
627
00:44:14,152 --> 00:44:16,905
♪♪
628
00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:23,078
Why don't you be more careful?
Why don't you look what you're doing?
629
00:44:32,003 --> 00:44:34,714
Thank you, Jules.
Here we go.
630
00:45:39,654 --> 00:45:43,283
♪♪
631
00:46:31,915 --> 00:46:35,001
♪♪
632
00:46:40,381 --> 00:46:42,550
♪♪
633
00:46:48,056 --> 00:46:52,018
♪♪
634
00:47:07,408 --> 00:47:09,827
I, uh, trust you enjoyed the concert.
635
00:47:09,911 --> 00:47:11,871
I thought you were wonderful, darling.
636
00:47:11,913 --> 00:47:15,250
Thank you.
I felt quite inspired tonight.
637
00:47:15,291 --> 00:47:18,253
I know it sounds absurd,
but did you have a peculiar feeling...
638
00:47:18,294 --> 00:47:22,257
that you were watching me conduct
for the last time?
639
00:47:22,298 --> 00:47:24,259
For the last time?
640
00:47:24,300 --> 00:47:26,302
Women get premonitions
about things sometimes –
641
00:47:26,386 --> 00:47:29,097
such as if their husbands
are going to die or –
642
00:47:29,180 --> 00:47:32,433
or even that they are going to, uh,
pass on, I believe it's called...
643
00:47:32,517 --> 00:47:34,644
in refined circles,
or things of that nature.
644
00:47:34,727 --> 00:47:37,021
Why should I have any thoughts like that?
645
00:47:37,105 --> 00:47:41,276
Well, it could have been the music,
which does strange things sometimes.
646
00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:43,695
Very strange things.
647
00:47:43,778 --> 00:47:45,738
You know, after all this
somber music of mine...
648
00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:48,783
I think you ought to hear something
a little lighter, something gayer...
649
00:47:48,866 --> 00:47:51,452
something a little nearer your age
as a sort of antidote.
650
00:47:52,453 --> 00:47:54,497
How would you like to go dancing?
651
00:47:54,580 --> 00:47:56,666
Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful.
652
00:47:56,749 --> 00:47:58,793
Yes. Wouldn't it?
653
00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:01,963
I've got to talk to Hugo about
the South American tour for a while.
654
00:48:02,046 --> 00:48:05,633
I might be able to join you later.
Certainly I'll try very hard.
655
00:48:05,717 --> 00:48:07,635
Join who later?
656
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:10,638
Oh, you and whoever's
fortunate enough to take you dancing.
657
00:48:10,722 --> 00:48:12,640
At my expense, of course.
658
00:48:12,724 --> 00:48:14,642
I insist upon paying.
659
00:48:14,726 --> 00:48:17,812
Oh, I don't think I should like
to go dancing without you.
660
00:48:17,854 --> 00:48:21,232
I can't think of anyone
I'd care to go out with.
661
00:48:21,316 --> 00:48:23,234
Think hard.
662
00:48:23,318 --> 00:48:27,488
I am thinking hard, but I –
I can't think of anybody.
663
00:48:29,324 --> 00:48:31,242
What about Tony?
664
00:48:31,326 --> 00:48:33,244
Tony?
665
00:48:33,328 --> 00:48:35,621
Oh, you mean Tony.
666
00:48:35,663 --> 00:48:38,916
Well, why should I want to
go out with Tony?
667
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:44,005
I merely suggested Tony because
he's my secretary and therefore convenient...
668
00:48:44,088 --> 00:48:45,673
'cause he's a fine-looking young man...
669
00:48:45,715 --> 00:48:48,134
and you must look well together,
especially dancing...
670
00:48:48,176 --> 00:48:50,136
and because, uh, being seen with him...
671
00:48:50,178 --> 00:48:53,765
since it's well known that he is my secretary,
would cause no raised eyebrows...
672
00:48:53,848 --> 00:48:55,850
or remarks behind the napkins...
673
00:48:55,892 --> 00:48:59,145
and finally because he has
my complete confidence.
674
00:48:59,187 --> 00:49:01,356
Oh, but he's such a bore.
675
00:49:01,439 --> 00:49:03,858
Oh, he's obviously not as amusing as I am.
676
00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:08,696
I'm not asking you
to fall in love with the young man.
677
00:49:08,780 --> 00:49:12,325
I'm only asking you
to let him take you dancing.
678
00:49:12,367 --> 00:49:14,410
Well, if you really want me to.
679
00:49:14,494 --> 00:49:16,662
I really want you to.
680
00:49:16,704 --> 00:49:19,874
I don't suppose there could be
much harm to it.
681
00:49:19,916 --> 00:49:21,876
How could there be?
682
00:49:21,918 --> 00:49:24,003
I'll go and call him then.
683
00:49:24,045 --> 00:49:27,882
Do you know his room number?
684
00:49:27,924 --> 00:49:31,511
I could get it
from the operator, I guess.
685
00:49:31,552 --> 00:49:33,554
Oh, yes. Of course.
686
00:49:34,889 --> 00:49:36,849
Now, what will you wear?
687
00:49:36,891 --> 00:49:39,685
Oh, do you think I should change
just for Tony?
688
00:49:39,727 --> 00:49:43,106
Tony's a very handsome young man.
You mustn't talk about him in that way.
689
00:49:43,189 --> 00:49:46,734
- I never noticed it.
- I'm sure you haven't.
690
00:49:46,818 --> 00:49:52,407
Nevertheless, I'd wear something younger,
something a little less conservative.
691
00:49:52,490 --> 00:49:56,452
It's not as though you were
going out with, uh, me.
692
00:49:56,536 --> 00:50:00,581
Oh, you mean like that purple one
with the plumes at the hips?
693
00:50:00,623 --> 00:50:04,293
Yes. Why not the one
with the plumes at the hips?
694
00:50:05,795 --> 00:50:09,298
Now go and call Tony
and tell him to pick you up in, uh...
695
00:50:10,591 --> 00:50:13,136
15 minutes exactly.
696
00:50:14,220 --> 00:50:18,724
And then put on the purple one
with the plumes at the hips.
697
00:50:20,101 --> 00:50:22,520
- Run along.
- All right, darling.
698
00:50:26,232 --> 00:50:28,234
Thank you.
699
00:50:30,445 --> 00:50:33,781
♪♪
700
00:50:59,557 --> 00:51:03,060
♪♪
701
00:51:32,298 --> 00:51:36,385
Help. Help.
702
00:51:36,469 --> 00:51:39,138
Help!
703
00:51:39,180 --> 00:51:43,809
Stop! Tony, stop!
704
00:51:50,650 --> 00:51:54,487
Help. Help.
705
00:51:54,529 --> 00:51:59,325
Help! Stop! Tony, stop!
706
00:52:05,540 --> 00:52:08,751
Oh! Oh!
707
00:52:11,170 --> 00:52:14,715
Help! Murder! Police!
708
00:52:14,757 --> 00:52:18,844
Murder!
709
00:52:23,933 --> 00:52:28,354
No, I tell you. It was his own idea.
710
00:52:30,690 --> 00:52:33,526
You're sure you –
you won't mind, Tony?
711
00:52:33,568 --> 00:52:35,903
Sure it won't be
too, too much trouble?
712
00:52:35,945 --> 00:52:37,905
♪♪
713
00:52:57,258 --> 00:52:59,427
All right, honey.
714
00:52:59,510 --> 00:53:01,762
He said in 15 minutes exactly, but –
715
00:53:01,804 --> 00:53:04,724
Well, that was about five minutes ago.
716
00:53:04,765 --> 00:53:07,184
So if you're in any hurry.
717
00:53:08,185 --> 00:53:10,104
Uh-huh.
718
00:53:10,187 --> 00:53:12,106
Uh-huh.
719
00:53:12,189 --> 00:53:14,108
Mm-hmm!
720
00:53:14,150 --> 00:53:16,986
♪♪
721
00:54:06,661 --> 00:54:08,996
Alfred, stop, please!
722
00:54:09,038 --> 00:54:11,540
Oh, forgive me, Alfred.
723
00:54:11,624 --> 00:54:14,251
No! No!
724
00:54:19,382 --> 00:54:21,342
Stop, Alfred!
725
00:54:35,022 --> 00:54:38,359
♪♪
726
00:55:57,021 --> 00:55:59,190
♪♪
727
00:56:07,656 --> 00:56:09,992
Come in.
728
00:56:11,619 --> 00:56:13,829
Good evening.
729
00:56:13,913 --> 00:56:15,623
Ah, there you are, my boy.
730
00:56:17,500 --> 00:56:21,295
Extremely kind and devoted of you
to take my place for tonight with Daphne.
731
00:56:21,337 --> 00:56:24,757
Which I hardly presume amuses you,
as no doubt you like older women.
732
00:56:26,801 --> 00:56:28,969
You know as I told you
when I first engaged you...
733
00:56:29,053 --> 00:56:32,306
24 hours a day and not a minute less
would be the least I would need you.
734
00:56:32,389 --> 00:56:35,184
I'm very glad to be of service, Sir Alfred.
Any service any time.
735
00:56:35,267 --> 00:56:37,186
I don't doubt it for an instant, my boy.
736
00:56:37,269 --> 00:56:40,648
Maybe I can do something
for you someday. Who knows?
737
00:56:40,731 --> 00:56:43,067
Darling, Tony's here.
738
00:56:44,193 --> 00:56:46,153
Ah, she didn't hear me.
739
00:56:46,195 --> 00:56:48,531
But you know what women are like
when they're dressing...
740
00:56:48,614 --> 00:56:52,034
and putting on something extra special
to go dancing with handsome young men like you.
741
00:56:52,117 --> 00:56:54,870
I wish I hadn't got to talk business
with Hugo. You are lucky.
742
00:56:54,954 --> 00:56:56,872
However –
743
00:56:56,956 --> 00:56:59,834
Oh, I don't think the barber did
an awfully good job on that razor.
744
00:56:59,875 --> 00:57:03,337
- You did ask him to hone it, didn't you?
- Of course I did. Have you tried it?
745
00:57:03,379 --> 00:57:07,007
- Well, not actually, but –
- Of course, I don't know much about
these old-fashioned razors.
746
00:57:07,049 --> 00:57:09,009
Naturally. Not at your age.
747
00:57:09,051 --> 00:57:11,512
Isn't there something about
taking a hair from your head?
748
00:57:11,554 --> 00:57:14,014
Yes, that's right.
749
00:57:14,098 --> 00:57:16,433
Oh, that's splendid.
750
00:57:16,517 --> 00:57:19,353
No, no, no, no.
Hold the – Hold the blade in your hand.
751
00:57:19,436 --> 00:57:21,355
Along your hand.
752
00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:23,774
That's right. Hold it firm.
753
00:57:23,858 --> 00:57:28,404
That's fine. Now, run the –
run the hair along the razor's edge.
754
00:57:31,031 --> 00:57:33,617
- It cut it.
- By Jove, I am surprised.
755
00:57:33,701 --> 00:57:36,328
That must be sharp enough for almost anything.
756
00:57:36,370 --> 00:57:39,415
Now put it away in the case,
and, uh, not a word to the barber.
757
00:57:39,498 --> 00:57:43,168
I don't want him to cut my throat
next time I go down there.
758
00:57:43,210 --> 00:57:45,170
Thank you very much.
759
00:57:45,212 --> 00:57:47,423
I must be off.
I don't want to keep Hugo waiting.
760
00:57:47,506 --> 00:57:49,466
Maybe I'd just better
tell Daphne you're here.
761
00:57:49,550 --> 00:57:52,636
Sometimes these girls
keep you waiting all night.
762
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:56,223
Darling, Tony's waiting.
763
00:58:26,921 --> 00:58:28,923
♪♪
764
00:58:38,057 --> 00:58:40,476
Good night, darling.
765
00:58:43,812 --> 00:58:46,649
Well, now she's playing music.
She won't be long.
766
00:58:46,732 --> 00:58:49,443
She's put on a wonderful gown
for you, Tony.
767
00:58:49,526 --> 00:58:53,948
- Purple... with plumes at the hips.
- I am lucky.
768
00:58:54,031 --> 00:58:57,618
Yes, I think you'll be quite bowled over
when first you see her in it.
769
00:58:57,660 --> 00:59:00,788
But don't be impatient.
It's really quite worth waiting for.
770
00:59:00,871 --> 00:59:02,873
- Good night.
- Good night.
771
00:59:04,166 --> 00:59:06,168
Thank you so much again.
772
00:59:06,251 --> 00:59:08,253
♪♪
773
00:59:15,511 --> 00:59:17,513
Good night.
774
00:59:19,473 --> 00:59:22,184
♪♪
775
00:59:22,267 --> 00:59:24,269
Thank you.
776
00:59:27,815 --> 00:59:29,733
- Good evening.
- Good evening, Sir Alfred.
777
00:59:29,817 --> 00:59:32,236
Have you seen anything of
my manager, Mr. Hugo Standoff?
778
00:59:32,319 --> 00:59:36,782
- Well, no, I ain't, boss, but, uh –
- I'll ask the operator. Maybe he's called. Thank you.
779
00:59:43,580 --> 00:59:45,499
Good evening.
780
00:59:45,582 --> 00:59:47,835
- Oh, good evening, Sir Alfred.
- Been any calls for me?
781
00:59:47,918 --> 00:59:50,421
I've been expecting my manager,
Mr. Hugo Standoff.
782
00:59:50,504 --> 00:59:52,214
No, Sir Alfred. I haven't had any.
783
00:59:52,297 --> 00:59:55,175
- Maizie, have you had any calls?
- No, I haven't, Sir Alfred.
784
00:59:55,217 --> 00:59:57,177
He should be here by now.
785
00:59:57,219 --> 00:59:59,304
There's been plenty of time.
786
01:00:05,602 --> 01:00:07,604
Help! Stop!
787
01:00:09,481 --> 01:00:12,026
- Number, please.
- Daphne!
788
01:00:12,109 --> 01:00:15,571
Oh! Oh!
789
01:00:15,654 --> 01:00:18,699
Stop! Tony! Oh!
790
01:00:18,782 --> 01:00:20,701
Daphne! Daphne!
791
01:00:20,743 --> 01:00:23,871
- What is it?
- Wait a minute. It's your apartment, Sir Alfred.
792
01:00:23,912 --> 01:00:25,873
It's Lady Daphne.
She's calling for help.
793
01:00:25,914 --> 01:00:29,501
She said, “Tony, stop! Tony!”
794
01:00:29,543 --> 01:00:31,712
- Do something! Do something!
- Stop, Tony! Stop!
795
01:00:31,795 --> 01:00:34,274
- What's the matter?
- Call the police. Quick, follow me upstairs.
796
01:00:34,298 --> 01:00:39,011
No, Tony! Police! Murder!
797
01:00:39,053 --> 01:00:41,513
Daphne! Daphne!
798
01:00:41,555 --> 01:00:44,600
Get the police, quick!
I want a policeman.
799
01:00:44,683 --> 01:00:46,685
There's been a murder!
800
01:00:46,727 --> 01:00:49,605
Oh, Tony.
Tony, what have you done?
801
01:00:49,688 --> 01:00:52,328
I tell you. I had nothing to do with it.
You know that, Sir Alfred.
802
01:00:52,357 --> 01:00:54,335
♪♪ Somebody turn off that lousy music.
803
01:00:54,359 --> 01:00:56,904
- Yes.
- But, Sir Alfred, you know I speak the truth.
804
01:00:56,987 --> 01:01:00,616
♪♪ I was just where you left me waiting for her
when I heard the screaming.
805
01:01:00,699 --> 01:01:04,995
- Then I ran in here.
- Oh, Tony, Tony.
806
01:01:05,996 --> 01:01:08,457
What's that on the floor?
807
01:01:08,540 --> 01:01:10,667
Oh, it's the razor.
808
01:01:10,751 --> 01:01:13,712
Don't touch that. Might have fingerprints on it.
809
01:01:13,754 --> 01:01:18,592
Oh, Tony, Tony. What have you done?
810
01:01:19,676 --> 01:01:22,846
The sentence of the court is
that you are to be taken from this place...
811
01:01:22,930 --> 01:01:25,641
to a lawful prison
and thence to a place of execution.
812
01:01:25,724 --> 01:01:27,768
No, I didn't do it!
I didn't do it! No!
813
01:01:27,810 --> 01:01:31,230
I didn't do it!
814
01:01:31,271 --> 01:01:34,274
♪♪
815
01:02:25,033 --> 01:02:27,035
♪♪
816
01:02:29,746 --> 01:02:31,498
Bravo!
817
01:02:31,540 --> 01:02:33,500
Bravo!
818
01:02:36,253 --> 01:02:38,297
Bravo!
819
01:02:50,225 --> 01:02:51,894
Hooray!
820
01:02:51,977 --> 01:02:53,520
- Bravo!
- Bravo!
821
01:02:53,604 --> 01:02:55,689
Bravo!
822
01:02:59,526 --> 01:03:02,029
- Never.
- What?
823
01:03:02,112 --> 01:03:06,366
Never since the “inwention” of that
most beautiful of all musical instruments –
824
01:03:06,450 --> 01:03:08,994
- Come on, Jules.
- the symphony orchestra –
825
01:03:09,036 --> 01:03:11,079
has it been played like you just done.
826
01:03:11,163 --> 01:03:13,123
- Don't flatter me.
- Flatter you?
827
01:03:13,207 --> 01:03:15,626
Compared to the truth,
I am insulting you.
828
01:03:15,709 --> 01:03:19,379
What did you have in your head?
What visions of eternity?
829
01:03:19,463 --> 01:03:23,550
Armageddon, the final battle of
the planets and the end of creation...
830
01:03:23,592 --> 01:03:28,096
to bring music like that
from that bunch of cat scratchers?
831
01:03:28,180 --> 01:03:30,933
You'd be enormously surprised
if you knew, Hugo.
832
01:03:39,149 --> 01:03:41,360
Hooray! Hooray!
833
01:03:42,402 --> 01:03:44,863
Oh!
834
01:03:46,531 --> 01:03:48,367
Oh!
835
01:03:48,408 --> 01:03:51,245
I'll get them.
836
01:04:25,070 --> 01:04:28,573
♪♪
837
01:05:04,568 --> 01:05:09,281
♪♪
838
01:05:29,843 --> 01:05:33,263
- Poor baby.
- Why?
839
01:05:33,347 --> 01:05:35,307
'Cause you know that I know.
840
01:05:35,349 --> 01:05:40,854
You can feel it. It's made you all small
and ashamed and unhappy.
841
01:05:40,937 --> 01:05:45,525
As if we could control our love –
lead it by the hand like an obedient child...
842
01:05:45,567 --> 01:05:47,819
and order it to do our bidding.
843
01:05:47,861 --> 01:05:49,821
I don't know what you're talking about.
844
01:05:49,863 --> 01:05:52,324
Yes, you know what I'm talking about.
845
01:05:52,366 --> 01:05:55,369
'Cause love took you
by the hand and led you...
846
01:05:55,452 --> 01:05:59,831
albeit shyly and reluctantly, into the presence
of this beautiful young man and said...
847
01:05:59,873 --> 01:06:02,793
“See, little Daphne,
what I had intended for you.
848
01:06:02,876 --> 01:06:05,504
“Gaze upon your destiny.
849
01:06:05,545 --> 01:06:10,300
“See how gently the tendrils
of his lustrous hair curl behind his ears.
850
01:06:10,384 --> 01:06:14,721
“See how respectfully he lowers
his silken lashes when addressing you.
851
01:06:14,805 --> 01:06:18,809
But notice the spark that leaps from his skin
to yours when accidentally your hands meet.”
852
01:06:18,892 --> 01:06:20,811
Oh, no. No.
853
01:06:20,894 --> 01:06:23,397
I don't blame you, darling.
854
01:06:23,438 --> 01:06:25,565
You didn't want to.
855
01:06:25,649 --> 01:06:28,068
I'm the one to blame.
856
01:06:28,110 --> 01:06:30,237
Entirely and alone.
857
01:06:30,278 --> 01:06:33,073
I'm deeply ashamed, Daphne,
for what I've done to you.
858
01:06:33,156 --> 01:06:36,201
You? Ashamed?
859
01:06:36,243 --> 01:06:39,496
- I'm the one.
- No, darling.
860
01:06:39,579 --> 01:06:42,916
The one who knows the most
carries the responsibility.
861
01:06:42,958 --> 01:06:46,420
He, and he alone, must judge
the chances of success...
862
01:06:46,461 --> 01:06:48,422
or failure.
863
01:06:48,463 --> 01:06:52,092
A union between a man of the world –
a seasoned traveler –
864
01:06:52,175 --> 01:06:55,095
and a child from Porthole, Michigan...
865
01:06:55,137 --> 01:06:57,848
I suppose was doomed from the start.
866
01:06:57,931 --> 01:07:00,725
Porthaul.
867
01:07:00,767 --> 01:07:03,437
I'll never remember it.
868
01:07:03,478 --> 01:07:06,565
A baby with bows in her hair.
869
01:07:09,276 --> 01:07:11,611
That wonderful night.
870
01:07:11,695 --> 01:07:14,948
Pity we couldn't keep it up.
871
01:07:14,990 --> 01:07:17,617
Oh, don't cry, my darling.
872
01:07:17,659 --> 01:07:19,953
I couldn't understand music
as well as I do...
873
01:07:19,995 --> 01:07:22,456
if I didn't understand
the human heart a little.
874
01:07:24,499 --> 01:07:27,294
Neither of you has done anything wrong.
875
01:07:27,377 --> 01:07:30,130
Youth belongs to youth.
876
01:07:30,172 --> 01:07:33,300
And beauty... to beauty.
877
01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:40,765
I want you to be rich,
comfortable and free.
878
01:07:41,892 --> 01:07:44,436
I don't want you
to have to worry about...
879
01:07:44,478 --> 01:07:49,232
rent or clothing or food.
880
01:07:51,485 --> 01:07:55,113
Any of the unromantic things
which should always be provided for you.
881
01:07:55,155 --> 01:07:57,824
♪♪
882
01:08:05,957 --> 01:08:08,877
That little head was never made to worry.
883
01:08:11,296 --> 01:08:13,590
Nor these little hands to work.
884
01:08:20,013 --> 01:08:22,098
Only to love.
885
01:08:23,141 --> 01:08:25,810
To love so dearly.
886
01:08:25,852 --> 01:08:29,689
♪♪
887
01:08:54,130 --> 01:08:57,384
♪♪
888
01:09:20,991 --> 01:09:23,743
Hooray!
889
01:09:24,828 --> 01:09:26,830
Magnificent.
890
01:09:26,913 --> 01:09:29,583
Bravo!
891
01:09:29,666 --> 01:09:32,502
Bravo!
892
01:09:32,586 --> 01:09:36,131
Bravo! Bravo!
893
01:09:39,509 --> 01:09:41,428
Oh, darling.
894
01:09:43,888 --> 01:09:45,890
Darling, I simply couldn't
wait until the end.
895
01:09:45,932 --> 01:09:49,227
I had to tell you now how wonderful it is.
It's just wonderful.
896
01:09:49,269 --> 01:09:51,438
- Absolutely wonderful.
- I'm relieved to hear it.
897
01:09:51,479 --> 01:09:54,065
Personally, I thought every emotion
was enormously exaggerated.
898
01:09:54,107 --> 01:09:57,277
- Darling, it was just wonderful.
- Yes, you've already said that – both of you.
899
01:09:57,319 --> 01:10:00,572
- If you'll forgive me, I've got a dry shirt waiting.
- Can I help you, darling?
900
01:10:00,614 --> 01:10:02,741
I've got Jules for that, thank you.
901
01:10:02,782 --> 01:10:04,784
Why – Why, you –
902
01:10:06,161 --> 01:10:08,747
Oh, come on.
903
01:10:08,788 --> 01:10:11,750
- You look exceptionally pretty tonight.
- What did you say?
904
01:10:11,791 --> 01:10:14,961
- I said you look exceptionally pretty tonight.
- I can't imagine why I should.
905
01:10:15,045 --> 01:10:18,340
- Maybe it's the music.
- With me music goes in one ear and out the other.
906
01:10:18,423 --> 01:10:21,176
- Oh, there you are.
- How is he?
907
01:10:21,259 --> 01:10:23,470
I don't know what's
the matter with him tonight.
908
01:10:23,553 --> 01:10:26,139
Too much temperament.
Give me the simple viewpoint.
909
01:10:26,222 --> 01:10:29,601
- You've got it, boy. You don't have to yearn for it.
- Barbara.
910
01:10:58,755 --> 01:11:02,258
♪♪
911
01:11:41,005 --> 01:11:44,551
♪♪
912
01:12:01,276 --> 01:12:04,070
Well, what is it, Alfred?
913
01:12:04,154 --> 01:12:06,364
First of all, I want to
apologize to you both...
914
01:12:06,406 --> 01:12:08,700
for being so abrupt with you
backstage at the concert...
915
01:12:08,742 --> 01:12:11,536
but somehow when you happen to be
perfectly aware of the fact...
916
01:12:11,578 --> 01:12:14,056
- that your wife is your secretary's mistress –
- Alfred.
917
01:12:14,080 --> 01:12:16,040
- Sir Alfred!
- Didn't you know that I knew?
918
01:12:16,082 --> 01:12:19,085
Don't try and hide behind Daphne, Tony.
You'll never hide from me.
919
01:12:19,169 --> 01:12:21,421
I – I – I don't know
what you're talking about.
920
01:12:21,463 --> 01:12:24,257
You know precisely
what I'm talking about, both of you.
921
01:12:24,340 --> 01:12:27,427
You've been dreading this moment,
hoping against hope it would never happen...
922
01:12:27,469 --> 01:12:29,721
but knowing in your secret hearts
that it would.
923
01:12:29,763 --> 01:12:34,100
And now the moment's arrived
you're wondering what I'm going to do, aren't you?
924
01:12:34,184 --> 01:12:39,522
Knowing that I hold all the cards and that
the unwritten law will protect me to the end.
925
01:12:39,606 --> 01:12:41,524
I thought of killing you, my dear.
926
01:12:41,608 --> 01:12:44,778
I cut your throat with my razor.
Your head nearly came off.
927
01:12:44,861 --> 01:12:47,947
- Oh!
- But it was your fingerprints
they found on the razor, Tony...
928
01:12:48,031 --> 01:12:50,825
and you they burned,
screaming your innocence.
929
01:12:50,909 --> 01:12:55,121
- Alfred.
- It's a relief to hear that in the past tense, isn't it?
930
01:12:55,163 --> 01:12:58,625
Then, such is human idiocy,
I forgave you.
931
01:12:58,708 --> 01:13:00,960
Wrote you an enormous check.
932
01:13:01,002 --> 01:13:04,380
Grew maudlin over the necessity
of youth for youth.
933
01:13:04,464 --> 01:13:07,425
Where and why is this necessity?
By what logic does it flourish?
934
01:13:07,467 --> 01:13:10,178
What's so precious about the young female?
935
01:13:10,261 --> 01:13:12,180
No, no, Daphne.
936
01:13:12,263 --> 01:13:15,725
You shall have no money, and fate
will decide which man you are to have...
937
01:13:15,809 --> 01:13:17,977
and how much of a man he is.
938
01:13:18,978 --> 01:13:23,566
- Here we have all the necessary apparatus
for a genuinely amusing game, Tony.
939
01:13:23,650 --> 01:13:26,653
Invented by some czarist officers
who cared little for their lives...
940
01:13:26,694 --> 01:13:29,572
but much for bravery
and the conquest of emotion.
941
01:13:29,656 --> 01:13:32,492
The idea is for each of us
to pull the trigger once...
942
01:13:32,534 --> 01:13:35,370
aiming it at our own temples
with a perfectly steady hand.
943
01:13:35,453 --> 01:13:40,333
Of the six bullets, I remove five.
944
01:13:41,751 --> 01:13:44,045
One only I put back in the cylinder...
945
01:13:44,128 --> 01:13:46,089
which I spin like this...
946
01:13:46,172 --> 01:13:48,091
for the lucky winner.
947
01:13:48,174 --> 01:13:52,387
The odds then are 1-to-5 for,
5-to-1 against.
948
01:13:52,470 --> 01:13:54,639
Better than I've had in many a casino.
949
01:13:54,681 --> 01:13:57,600
So, you see, Tony, it's not really
a very dangerous game at all...
950
01:13:57,684 --> 01:14:01,604
and will vouchsafe you a magnificent opportunity
to show Daphne how brave you are...
951
01:14:01,688 --> 01:14:05,775
how icy cool in the face of
this, uh, small adventure.
952
01:14:05,859 --> 01:14:09,529
- No.
- I'll spin it once more now, just in case you peeked.
953
01:14:09,612 --> 01:14:13,575
And then, as the seducer of my wife
and the destroyer of my home...
954
01:14:13,658 --> 01:14:16,035
you shall have the honor
of playing the first hand...
955
01:14:16,077 --> 01:14:18,538
of this enthralling little game
called Russian roulette.
956
01:14:18,621 --> 01:14:19,873
- Oh, no.
- No!
957
01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:22,542
- Exciting, isn't it?
- Alfred, stop it. Stop it.
958
01:14:22,584 --> 01:14:25,712
What a fuss we're making.
Here, Tony.
959
01:14:25,753 --> 01:14:27,714
No, no. Not at me.
At your temple.
960
01:14:27,797 --> 01:14:29,716
That's right.
Now, cool and collected...
961
01:14:29,757 --> 01:14:32,552
with nerves of steel,
with steady hand and cheerful eye...
962
01:14:32,635 --> 01:14:36,389
Mr. Anthony Windborn,
the celebrated wife-stealer, will demonstrate –
963
01:14:36,431 --> 01:14:39,559
- Sir Alfred, please, no. Sir Alfred, please!
- Alfred, I beseech you.
964
01:14:39,601 --> 01:14:43,563
Can it be that I detect a thread of saffron
in this otherwise perfect fabric?
965
01:14:43,646 --> 01:14:47,400
Come, come, Tony.
You, the fearless cavalier? You hesitate?
966
01:14:47,483 --> 01:14:50,278
Then watch me closely
while I show you how it's done.
967
01:14:50,361 --> 01:14:52,739
I spin the wheel of fortune once more.
968
01:14:52,780 --> 01:14:55,700
You see?
Then, with a rigidly steady hand...
969
01:14:55,742 --> 01:14:58,995
and without any quaverings
or sniveling yammerings –
970
01:14:59,078 --> 01:15:02,373
I would ask you to notice, Daphne –
I place the muzzle here.
971
01:15:02,415 --> 01:15:05,877
And with a simple “Godspeed”
in case I should be unfortunate...
972
01:15:05,919 --> 01:15:07,879
I pull the trigger –
973
01:15:25,271 --> 01:15:28,274
♪♪
974
01:15:35,823 --> 01:15:38,701
♪♪
975
01:15:53,257 --> 01:15:55,677
Bravo! Bravo!
976
01:15:59,639 --> 01:16:01,516
Bravo!
977
01:16:40,263 --> 01:16:42,265
Anybody there?
978
01:17:03,536 --> 01:17:06,164
♪♪
979
01:17:10,209 --> 01:17:12,128
♪♪
980
01:19:34,687 --> 01:19:36,731
Number, please.
981
01:19:39,984 --> 01:19:41,986
Number, please.
982
01:20:06,344 --> 01:20:08,346
Number, please.
983
01:20:10,765 --> 01:20:12,725
Hello. Who is this?
984
01:20:12,767 --> 01:20:16,062
Some jerk on the line.
Hello. Are you trying to get a number?
985
01:20:23,486 --> 01:20:25,488
Number, pl –
986
01:20:56,477 --> 01:20:58,813
Are you trying to get a number?
987
01:20:58,896 --> 01:21:02,358
- Did you want a number?
- I don't want a number.
988
01:21:02,441 --> 01:21:04,735
What makes you think
I want a number?
989
01:22:01,500 --> 01:22:03,502
Number, please.
990
01:22:03,544 --> 01:22:05,546
I do not want a number!
991
01:22:34,575 --> 01:22:36,577
Ah.
992
01:27:24,990 --> 01:27:27,284
Hello. Hello?
993
01:27:27,326 --> 01:27:29,286
Hello, who is this?
994
01:27:29,328 --> 01:27:32,039
Sounds like a talking dog.
995
01:27:32,122 --> 01:27:34,333
- Oh.
- What's the matter?
996
01:27:34,375 --> 01:27:38,379
- Well, it sounded like an explosion.
- Hello. Hello, Alfie. Where are you?
997
01:27:38,462 --> 01:27:40,964
Where do you think I am?
Since I'm here answering the phone.
998
01:27:41,006 --> 01:27:42,966
- What happened to you?
- Is he all right?
999
01:27:43,008 --> 01:27:45,844
Yes, I merely felt a slight –
1000
01:27:45,886 --> 01:27:49,014
Hello, Alfred. We'll be right up.
1001
01:27:49,056 --> 01:27:52,643
I don't want you up here. Perhaps you'll be
kind enough to send my wife home...
1002
01:27:52,685 --> 01:27:55,062
if she's nothing better to do.
1003
01:27:55,145 --> 01:27:57,272
He don't want nobody but you.
1004
01:27:57,356 --> 01:27:59,274
- Then take me home quickly, Tony.
- Certainly.
1005
01:27:59,358 --> 01:28:01,694
We'll take a cab.
1006
01:28:01,777 --> 01:28:03,779
Is there any insanity in his family?
1007
01:28:03,862 --> 01:28:06,156
I don't know,
but there's plenty in mine.
1008
01:30:20,040 --> 01:30:23,085
Help. Help. Oh!
1009
01:30:23,168 --> 01:30:25,170
Oh. Oh.
1010
01:30:25,212 --> 01:30:27,214
Oh.
1011
01:30:38,267 --> 01:30:41,687
Help. Help. Oh! Oh!
1012
01:30:41,728 --> 01:30:43,730
Aaah –
1013
01:30:54,449 --> 01:30:57,870
Help. Help. Help!
1014
01:30:57,953 --> 01:31:00,455
Murder! Police!
1015
01:31:00,539 --> 01:31:03,250
Spare me! Spare me!
1016
01:31:03,333 --> 01:31:05,878
Tony, what did I ever do to you?
1017
01:31:05,919 --> 01:31:08,005
Tony. Tony!
1018
01:31:08,046 --> 01:31:10,007
Help. Help.
1019
01:31:10,048 --> 01:31:13,760
Police! Murder!
1020
01:31:22,060 --> 01:31:25,314
Help. Help.
1021
01:31:25,397 --> 01:31:27,399
Help. Help.
1022
01:31:29,109 --> 01:31:33,405
Help! Murder!
1023
01:31:33,488 --> 01:31:35,824
Police!
1024
01:31:35,908 --> 01:31:38,327
Spare me!
1025
01:31:38,410 --> 01:31:40,996
Spare me!
1026
01:31:41,079 --> 01:31:46,126
Tony, what did I ever do to you?
1027
01:31:46,209 --> 01:31:49,463
Tony. Tony!
1028
01:31:49,546 --> 01:31:54,426
Help! Help!
1029
01:31:54,509 --> 01:31:57,888
- Police!
- Alfred?
1030
01:31:57,930 --> 01:32:01,642
Alfred, darling.
Darling, are you all right?
1031
01:32:01,725 --> 01:32:04,478
- Alfred, are you all right?
- Why shouldn't I be all right?
1032
01:32:04,561 --> 01:32:08,148
What are you doing down here on the floor
in the middle of all this disaster?
1033
01:32:08,231 --> 01:32:10,734
I was making an experiment.
People do, you know.
1034
01:32:10,776 --> 01:32:13,278
Without them, there'd be
very little progress in this world.
1035
01:32:13,362 --> 01:32:16,823
I think I'm well within my own rights.
I'm doing what I like in my own house.
1036
01:32:16,907 --> 01:32:19,368
They say in England
that an Englishman's home is his castle.
1037
01:32:19,451 --> 01:32:21,745
Of course you're within
your rights, darling, but –
1038
01:32:21,787 --> 01:32:25,123
Well, you've made kind of
a mess out of your castle.
1039
01:32:25,207 --> 01:32:27,125
Oh, bless you, darling.
1040
01:32:27,209 --> 01:32:30,295
What are you laughing about?
Did I invite you here?
1041
01:32:30,379 --> 01:32:32,798
Have you got to be in my house
morning, noon and night?
1042
01:32:32,839 --> 01:32:35,217
Please go back to 3406
and wait till I send for you.
1043
01:32:35,300 --> 01:32:38,971
- Certainly, Sir Alfred. I was only –
- Spare me your explanations until I ask for them.
1044
01:32:39,012 --> 01:32:42,975
- What's he done?
You're acting like a bear with a sore paw.
- That's right. Side with him.
1045
01:32:43,058 --> 01:32:47,646
- Well, why shouldn't I side with him?
- I'll be in 3406.
1046
01:32:47,729 --> 01:32:50,232
- Hmm. Craven.
- Darling, let me feel your head.
1047
01:32:50,315 --> 01:32:52,526
I don't wish to have
my head felt, thank you.
1048
01:32:52,609 --> 01:32:56,297
- Apart from marrying you, my head's been
perfectly all right for quite a long time.
1049
01:32:56,321 --> 01:32:59,700
Alfred! Oh. Oh.
1050
01:32:59,783 --> 01:33:02,202
Alfred. Heavens.
1051
01:33:05,914 --> 01:33:07,833
Bless you.
1052
01:33:07,916 --> 01:33:10,252
Alfred, what in heaven's name
is the matter with you?
1053
01:33:10,335 --> 01:33:13,463
I mean, even if you are a musician
and an Englishman...
1054
01:33:13,505 --> 01:33:16,633
don't you think that you're carrying things
just a little bit too far?
1055
01:33:16,675 --> 01:33:20,929
I mean, you walk out with 2,000 people
standing up and yelling for you...
1056
01:33:21,013 --> 01:33:24,182
and you've completely
wrecked the apartment and...
1057
01:33:24,224 --> 01:33:26,852
now you've probably broken
your glasses.
1058
01:33:30,230 --> 01:33:32,315
You have.
1059
01:33:32,357 --> 01:33:35,318
By the way, I will not be able to
take you dancing tonight.
1060
01:33:35,360 --> 01:33:37,320
Why? Who are you taking?
1061
01:33:37,362 --> 01:33:40,198
I mean you'll have to be taken
by somebody else. I have other plans.
1062
01:33:40,240 --> 01:33:42,325
- Taken where?
- Dancing.
1063
01:33:42,367 --> 01:33:45,370
Who told you I wanted
to go danc – uh, dancing?
1064
01:33:45,454 --> 01:33:49,124
You're coming down with a heavy cold,
and I feel about as much like going dancing as –
1065
01:33:49,207 --> 01:33:52,627
Really. Wouldn't you like to
go dancing with Tony?
1066
01:33:52,711 --> 01:33:54,671
With Tony?
1067
01:33:54,713 --> 01:33:56,673
Have you ever seen Tony dance?
1068
01:33:56,715 --> 01:33:59,968
I saw him once with Barbara,
and he gets up on his toes like a rooster...
1069
01:34:00,052 --> 01:34:01,970
and he pushes you over sideways...
1070
01:34:02,054 --> 01:34:04,774
and then he shoves your head back
till you think it's gonna drop off.
1071
01:34:04,848 --> 01:34:06,892
Why, compared to him,
you look like Arthur Murray.
1072
01:34:06,975 --> 01:34:09,770
- I don't need any compliments, thank you.
- You are not getting any.
1073
01:34:09,853 --> 01:34:11,897
Besides, the way
you've been acting tonight...
1074
01:34:11,938 --> 01:34:15,275
I feel about as much like going dancing
as I feel like cutting my throat.
1075
01:34:15,358 --> 01:34:17,819
All I feel like doing is crying.
1076
01:34:19,488 --> 01:34:22,240
How did you happen to use that simile?
1077
01:34:22,282 --> 01:34:24,242
What's a simile?
1078
01:34:24,284 --> 01:34:26,787
A simile is a –
1079
01:34:26,870 --> 01:34:29,664
A simile is a –
1080
01:34:29,748 --> 01:34:34,044
Oh, bless you. What you need to do is
get out of that wet shirt and into a nice hot bath.
1081
01:34:34,086 --> 01:34:37,839
Why are you always trying to put me in
a nice hot bath? I begin to find it sinister.
1082
01:34:37,923 --> 01:34:39,841
Well, would you like
a nice hot toddy then?
1083
01:34:39,925 --> 01:34:43,095
I don't want anything nice and hot.
I'm sweating like a bull now.
1084
01:34:43,178 --> 01:34:45,555
- You mean perspiring, darling.
- I do not mean perspiring.
1085
01:34:45,597 --> 01:34:47,557
If I say I'm sweating, I'm sweating.
1086
01:34:47,599 --> 01:34:50,268
Now kindly go into your own room.
I would like to disrobe.
1087
01:34:50,310 --> 01:34:54,356
- Are you talking to me?
- Unless you have somebody
concealed under the rug, I imagine I am.
1088
01:34:54,439 --> 01:34:57,567
Well, go ahead and disrobe.
Since when did –
1089
01:34:57,609 --> 01:35:01,113
Oh, really, Alfred!
You're getting nuttier than a fruitcake!
1090
01:35:02,239 --> 01:35:04,241
Hah!
1091
01:37:12,661 --> 01:37:14,663
Darling.
1092
01:37:35,392 --> 01:37:38,019
- Darling.
- Oh!
1093
01:37:38,103 --> 01:37:40,355
Oh, Alfred.
Did you hurt yourself? Oh.
1094
01:37:40,438 --> 01:37:42,357
Nothing of the slightest importance,
thank you.
1095
01:37:42,440 --> 01:37:44,359
Oh, yes, you did too.
You cut your thumb.
1096
01:37:44,442 --> 01:37:47,445
- Oh. I'll bandage it for you.
- I'll bandage it myself.
1097
01:37:47,487 --> 01:37:50,573
- What'd you say, dear?
- I said I can manage quite nicely, thank you.
1098
01:37:50,615 --> 01:37:53,910
Oh, heavens, Alfred.
Darling, those things are so sharp.
1099
01:37:53,952 --> 01:37:56,162
Here, darling. I'll do it for you.
1100
01:37:57,664 --> 01:37:59,624
Darling, you ought to be
more careful.
1101
01:37:59,666 --> 01:38:01,626
I'm being quite careful, thank you.
1102
01:38:01,668 --> 01:38:03,962
People get blood poisoning.
All kinds of –
1103
01:38:04,004 --> 01:38:05,964
- Gently now.
- All right.
1104
01:38:06,006 --> 01:38:07,966
Oh!
1105
01:38:08,008 --> 01:38:10,593
- Oh!
- Well, hold it still, darling.
1106
01:38:12,721 --> 01:38:15,515
There. Does it hurt very much?
1107
01:38:15,598 --> 01:38:17,642
- No.
- Oh, I'm so glad.
1108
01:38:17,684 --> 01:38:20,812
Well, what are you shaving
at this time of the night for anyway?
1109
01:38:20,854 --> 01:38:23,356
You'd be enormously surprised –
1110
01:38:23,440 --> 01:38:26,651
Bless you.
1111
01:38:26,735 --> 01:38:30,488
Well, if you won't take a bath,
at least don't take your death of cold.
1112
01:38:56,348 --> 01:38:59,601
You do like to do little things
for me, don't you?
1113
01:38:59,684 --> 01:39:01,978
Not when you're like this I don't.
1114
01:39:07,192 --> 01:39:09,194
I'll forgive you anyway.
1115
01:39:09,235 --> 01:39:11,196
Forgive me for what?
1116
01:39:11,279 --> 01:39:14,399
You know perfectly well what I'm forgiving you for,
so kindly hold your tongue!
1117
01:39:14,449 --> 01:39:16,785
- What?
- Lest I change my mind.
1118
01:39:16,868 --> 01:39:18,953
Well, go ahead and change your mind.
1119
01:39:19,037 --> 01:39:21,373
I'll change my mind
if I wish to change my mind.
1120
01:39:21,414 --> 01:39:25,001
If I don't wish to change my mind,
I shan't change my mind. Is that clear?
1121
01:39:25,043 --> 01:39:28,963
Alfred. What do you want to start
paying bills for at this hour?
1122
01:39:29,047 --> 01:39:31,466
Bills? Hah!
1123
01:39:31,549 --> 01:39:34,552
- Can I help you, darling?
- I can manage quite nicely, thank you.
1124
01:39:35,720 --> 01:39:37,931
If it were possible for once
to have a little ink...
1125
01:39:38,014 --> 01:39:40,694
in the fountain pens in this house
like they do in well run houses –
1126
01:39:40,725 --> 01:39:43,061
- I know. Like in England.
- Precisely. Like in England.
1127
01:39:43,144 --> 01:39:45,897
Try the other one.
We drive on the right-hand side over here.
1128
01:39:45,939 --> 01:39:47,899
That's a bright remark.
1129
01:39:47,941 --> 01:39:50,693
Oh. Oh, Alfred.
1130
01:39:50,735 --> 01:39:53,363
Oh, I'll try to find something.
1131
01:39:53,405 --> 01:39:55,949
Very well. I will not forgive you.
1132
01:39:56,032 --> 01:39:58,034
Suit yourself.
1133
01:39:59,869 --> 01:40:03,081
- What's the matter with you?
- You're not laughing quite so hard now.
1134
01:40:03,123 --> 01:40:06,626
- What are you going to do with that?
- Have you ever heard of Russian roulette?
1135
01:40:06,709 --> 01:40:09,462
Why, certainly.
I used to play it all the time with my father.
1136
01:40:09,546 --> 01:40:12,799
I doubt that you played Russian roulette
all the time with your father.
1137
01:40:12,882 --> 01:40:15,802
I most certainly did.
You play it with two packs of cards, and –
1138
01:40:15,885 --> 01:40:18,646
That is Russian bank.
Russian roulette's a very different amusement...
1139
01:40:18,680 --> 01:40:21,891
which I can only wish your father
had played continuously before he had you.
1140
01:40:21,933 --> 01:40:24,769
- Where are the –
- Oh, Alfred, what is the matter with you?
1141
01:40:24,853 --> 01:40:26,938
You're acting like a crocodile
with a toothache.
1142
01:40:26,980 --> 01:40:29,482
- Where are the bullets for my revolver?
- I don't know.
1143
01:40:29,566 --> 01:40:31,860
You never seem
to be able to find anything.
1144
01:40:33,153 --> 01:40:36,531
Why don't you call Tony and ask him?
He's supposed to look after your things.
1145
01:40:36,614 --> 01:40:38,533
And how he does. What devotion.
1146
01:40:38,616 --> 01:40:42,078
And how you've thanked him for it tonight.
Honestly, Alfred, of all the boors –
1147
01:40:42,120 --> 01:40:47,125
- Just give me one reason why
I should thank him, and I'll call him at once.
- Well, I wish you would.
1148
01:40:47,208 --> 01:40:49,502
- What's his room number?
- 3406.
1149
01:40:49,586 --> 01:40:51,796
- How'd you know that?
- Why shouldn't I know it?
1150
01:40:51,880 --> 01:40:54,841
He's your secretary, isn't he?
I must have called him 9,000 times.
1151
01:40:54,924 --> 01:40:57,760
- But you've never been there?
- Yes, I have.
1152
01:40:57,802 --> 01:41:01,139
- When, may I ask?
- I don't think I want to tell you that.
1153
01:41:01,181 --> 01:41:04,309
- I shouldn't think you would.
- Because it's really my problem. I –
1154
01:41:04,392 --> 01:41:07,395
- Well, unless you want to help me with it.
- I shall be charmed!
1155
01:41:07,479 --> 01:41:09,397
You don't look very charmed.
1156
01:41:09,481 --> 01:41:12,066
- It happened while you were in England.
- Naturally.
1157
01:41:12,150 --> 01:41:15,195
He called me up one night, about 1:30,
to find out if Barbara was here...
1158
01:41:15,278 --> 01:41:17,489
because she'd told him that she was –
but she wasn't.
1159
01:41:17,530 --> 01:41:20,074
- How was that his business?
- He's married to her, isn't he?
1160
01:41:20,158 --> 01:41:22,076
- Who is married to who?
- August.
1161
01:41:22,160 --> 01:41:25,389
- Don't try and change the subject. We're not –
- I'm not trying to change the subject.
1162
01:41:25,413 --> 01:41:28,517
I'm trying to tell you August called me here
to find out if Barbara was with me...
1163
01:41:28,541 --> 01:41:30,585
because she told him she was –
only she wasn't.
1164
01:41:30,668 --> 01:41:33,004
- Who cares where Barbara is?
- August, I suppose.
1165
01:41:33,087 --> 01:41:35,673
- Oh, very well. Where was she?
- Well, I had this –
1166
01:41:35,757 --> 01:41:38,009
this awful suspicion
that I didn't want to have.
1167
01:41:38,051 --> 01:41:42,055
After all, she is my kid sister, and I always hoped
that when she said those things about August...
1168
01:41:42,138 --> 01:41:44,909
- that she was just trying to be funny.
- It wouldn't be very difficult.
1169
01:41:44,933 --> 01:41:47,310
Anyway, I didn't dare tell August
that she wasn't here...
1170
01:41:47,352 --> 01:41:49,604
and I didn't dare call her
where I thought she was...
1171
01:41:49,687 --> 01:41:51,898
because the kind of a man
who checks up on his wife...
1172
01:41:51,981 --> 01:41:55,318
is the kind of a man who hires detectives
to help him and has telephones tapped.
1173
01:41:55,360 --> 01:41:57,760
You're describing August
down to the last moth in his wallet.
1174
01:41:57,820 --> 01:42:00,740
Anyway, I told him that she had been here
with me and had just left.
1175
01:42:00,823 --> 01:42:03,409
Then I threw on a negligee
and hurried down there, just in case.
1176
01:42:03,493 --> 01:42:05,954
- Hurried down where?
- To 3406.
1177
01:42:06,037 --> 01:42:08,289
3406.
1178
01:42:08,373 --> 01:42:10,291
3406! Of course!
1179
01:42:10,375 --> 01:42:12,377
Well, of course,
since that's Tony's room.
1180
01:42:12,418 --> 01:42:16,506
The door was open a little, so I marched right in
ready to give her a piece of my mind...
1181
01:42:16,548 --> 01:42:19,717
but there wasn't anybody there,
which certainly made me feel a lot better...
1182
01:42:19,759 --> 01:42:22,637
and I started to leave a lot happier
than I had felt when I arrived.
1183
01:42:22,720 --> 01:42:26,440
Then I suddenly realized how terrible it would look
if anybody saw me coming out of that room.
1184
01:42:26,474 --> 01:42:28,393
Because Tony's about my age and –
1185
01:42:28,476 --> 01:42:31,705
To anybody who didn't understand how
you and I feel about each other, it would look –
1186
01:42:31,729 --> 01:42:33,815
- Well, you know how dumb some people are.
- Do I.
1187
01:42:33,898 --> 01:42:36,401
Just before I opened the door
I peeked through the keyhole...
1188
01:42:36,484 --> 01:42:40,947
and right there, near the freight elevator, I saw
this great big old jerk squinting around the corner.
1189
01:42:41,030 --> 01:42:44,284
- A large lumpy man with a face like an orangutan?
- Right. Like a gorilla.
1190
01:42:44,367 --> 01:42:48,037
- Sweeney, the detective! August's detective!
- That's what I was afraid of.
1191
01:42:48,079 --> 01:42:50,331
Anyway, he stood there, and so I waited...
1192
01:42:50,415 --> 01:42:52,333
and he waited and we waited –
1193
01:42:52,417 --> 01:42:54,711
For 38 minutes!
He kept you there himself!
1194
01:42:54,752 --> 01:42:56,754
Well, it felt more like 38 years.
1195
01:42:56,838 --> 01:43:01,050
Why, I actually began to feel guilty. I'd never been
in a man's room before – except yours.
1196
01:43:01,092 --> 01:43:03,928
You wonderful, wonderful,
wonderful child.
1197
01:43:03,970 --> 01:43:07,473
- Why? What's so wonderful about that?
- Telling me this tonight, of all nights.
1198
01:43:07,557 --> 01:43:10,310
Telling you what, my darling?
I have no secrets from you.
1199
01:43:10,393 --> 01:43:12,312
Will you do me a very great favor?
1200
01:43:12,395 --> 01:43:15,231
I'll do anything you like
as long as you ask me that way.
1201
01:43:15,273 --> 01:43:18,568
Will you put on your lowest cut,
most vulgarly ostentatious dress...
1202
01:43:18,610 --> 01:43:20,987
with the largest and vulgarest jewels
that you possess?
1203
01:43:21,070 --> 01:43:23,090
- I thought you weren't feeling –
- Then accompany me...
1204
01:43:23,114 --> 01:43:25,283
to the vulgarest,
most ostentatious, loudest...
1205
01:43:25,325 --> 01:43:28,036
and hardest-to-get-into
establishment this city affords?
1206
01:43:28,119 --> 01:43:32,665
- But your cold, darling –
- There's nothing the matter with me that
a couple of magnums of champagne won't cure.
1207
01:43:32,749 --> 01:43:36,252
I happen to want to celebrate.
I want to be seen in your exquisite company.
1208
01:43:36,294 --> 01:43:39,297
I want the whole world to know
that I'm the most fortunate of men...
1209
01:43:39,380 --> 01:43:41,591
in the possession of
the most magnificent of wives.
1210
01:43:41,633 --> 01:43:46,721
I want to swim in champagne and paint the whole
town not only red, but red, white and blue.
1211
01:43:46,804 --> 01:43:49,140
I want everybody to see
how much I adore you...
1212
01:43:49,182 --> 01:43:53,227
always have adored you,
revere you and – and trust you.
1213
01:43:53,311 --> 01:43:56,648
Also how much I hope
you have of warmth for me.
1214
01:43:56,731 --> 01:43:58,650
But, my darling, I worship you.
1215
01:43:58,733 --> 01:44:00,443
Then put on your most outrageous dress.
1216
01:44:00,485 --> 01:44:02,737
Shall I wear the purple
with the plumes at the hips?
1217
01:44:02,820 --> 01:44:05,156
- The purple with the plumes at the hips?
- Yes. You know.
1218
01:44:05,198 --> 01:44:09,577
It's cut down on one shoulder, and the coq feathers
shoot off one hip like a tail of a comet.
1219
01:44:09,661 --> 01:44:11,663
I know it only too well.
1220
01:44:11,746 --> 01:44:14,624
Wear the purple with the plumes
at the hips, by all means.
1221
01:44:14,666 --> 01:44:17,585
- And let it be a purple lesson to me.
- All right, my darling.
1222
01:44:17,669 --> 01:44:21,047
- Shh!
- What was the matter with you tonight, Alfred?
1223
01:44:21,130 --> 01:44:25,551
Something so vulgar, so utterly contemptible
and unworthy of a love like yours...
1224
01:44:25,635 --> 01:44:27,720
I beg of you never to make me tell you.
1225
01:44:27,804 --> 01:44:30,848
But of course I won't, my darling.
1226
01:44:30,890 --> 01:44:33,059
I know what it's like to be a great man.
1227
01:44:33,142 --> 01:44:35,269
That is, I don't really, but...
1228
01:44:35,353 --> 01:44:37,730
having so many responsibilities and...
1229
01:44:38,731 --> 01:44:41,067
so much tenseness...
1230
01:44:41,150 --> 01:44:44,195
watching out for
and protecting so many people.
1231
01:44:44,237 --> 01:44:46,030
Shh!
1232
01:44:46,072 --> 01:44:49,242
A thousand poets dreamed
a thousand years.
1233
01:44:50,243 --> 01:44:53,579
Then you were born, my love.
1234
01:44:54,305 --> 01:45:54,739
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