Original subtitles

I wanna see a bear.

A bear.

Bear.

- Kid. - Bear.

I have to see a bear.

Bears... there weren't any.

No.

What is it?

My father.

His body grew cold

and stiff.

I...

I wanted his warmth.

To keep it with me.

To remember it.

So I stroked him all night.

But...

It only left my hands warm.

My father...

He was cold...

and stiff as ever.

You've never cried like this before.

UNDULANT FEVER

NEWSPAPER CLUB

Good morning.

Cutting class?

Sorry.

It's your choice,

but you'll regret it in your senior year.

Do you regret it?

I do.

Cutting class?

I'd doze off anyway.

Hey.

Stand up.

It's nothing,

just a kiss.

Stop joking.

I'm not.

Do you...

like me?

No.

I don't.

Then why?

I wanna try.

Go to class.

Welcome.

Did you wait?

Yes, just a little.

What is it?

What will it be?

Coffee.

What?

I saw her with you in the coffee shop.

It's about today.

Actually...

Takano-san.

I've...

always...

I've always loved you.

I was...

From the bottom of my heart,

only interested in a woman's body.

Didn't have to be you.

I've always loved you.

Let's go. It's getting late.

Hey, Nakazawa-san.

Are you free tonight?

It depends. Why?

Let's go out for a drink.

I'll treat you.

That's generous considering that you work for me.

I have a favour to ask you.

Mothers are better.

She'd accept you as you are.

And treat you as an adult.

She's just given up.

Here you are.

My father's furious.

Says it's beneath his dignity.

Why can't he keep his cool.

He's worried because you're unmanageable.

He's unmanageable too.

What did you want to ask me?

Actually, I have to go to the hospital.

They need an address in case of an emergency.

So...

lend me yours.

Who is it?

It's me.

Me.

Were you asleep?

I dozed off.

Wait.

You're here so early.

Don't.

- What are you avoiding me? - Why?

You take the earlier train now. Why is that?

We shouldn't see each other.

But whenever you see me, you can't stop touching my body.

That's exactly why,

I'll go all the way.

I don't want to ruin you.

But all you want from me is my body, right?

You're not interested in me.

I'm not your type.

If we go on, I'll dislike you even more.

But you're always the one who makes the move.

From the start.

So stop letting me.

But if I say stop,

you wouldn't talk to me anymore, would you?

Then strip.

I'll toy with you again.

That's what you want?

Go on and strip.

Blouse, too.

I'm cold.

Why won't you refuse?

I said I'm just toying with you.

I can't seem to take my hands off of you.

I can't be gentle.

Why cry?

I was dreaming.

Yeah?

I had a can of oranges to myself.

I've always wanted one.

With my first salary I ate till I got sick.

You still haven't had enough.

It's a habit.

We were a big family, and had to share everything.

My sister and I used to fight over food.

By the way, my mother's coming next Saturday.

What for?

She says she wants to see where I live.

So...

Don't come.

What's wrong?

I'm going.

Tomorrow's Sunday.

Bye.

Are you really going? Hiroshi?

I...

I really don't mind as long as you want me.

As long as you need me.

Or my body.

Go home. I'm getting on the four o'clock train.

Stay.

You insist?

Yes.

You'll stop seeing me?

Yes.

I can't control myself.

Hold that end.

Tokiko!

Let me stay just for the night.

I smell of antiseptic, don't I? That's why...

You can stay, but are you okay?

I'm starved.

I have a feast ready.

Nakazawa-san.

Do you have a man?

Yeah, I guess.

Fawn over him?

Like a pet dog?

How can you?

Dunno.

Cause he cherishes you?

Nope.

Then why be with him at all?

I love him.

What's love, anyway?

You love him so you fawn over him?

They're all like irresponsible puppies snuzzling to each other.

What does being cherished mean?

Why do we have to cherish or be cherished?

You know...

I'm no different from a prostitute.

That's not true.

But it is.

He bought me handbags and clothes.

He's an older man. More than twice my age.

I see.

How can you tell if you're being cherished or not?

Marriage doesn't mean anything.

Neither do words.

My feelings don't matter.

Having a baby won't help, either.

We have to talk.

No, we don't.

It's not that.

Stop ambushing me.

I'm not.

But it's not you shift today.

We switched.

The Decay of the Angel: Yukio Mishima

Stop following me.

You're...

the father.

What?

I'm late.

You sure?

Yes.

You know what I think? It's all in your head.

But I have no period. It's been two weeks since my due date.

I'll give you money.

But I want it.

I want to raise it.

You'll get home late.

I don't care.

You can't.

Can't what?

Get on that bus.

I want a boy just like you.

I'll pay.

Cut it into filets.

Into eatable sizes.

You liked tatsuta-fried mackerel.

I like eating them.

You should be able to make it yourself.

By the way, I've decided to get a proper job.

I'm tired of needlework.

My eyes are going bad and I keep pricking my fingers.

I'm alone at home.

I'll make enough to feed myself.

Though needlework makes more.

What kind of job?

A house mother of a drug company's staff dormitory.

You have to live there. What about our house?

I'll leave it as it is.

I'm only taking some clothes and a few other things with me.

If I don't like it, I'll quit and come back.

I've endured my married life. No more patience for me.

From when?

Next week.

Oh.

Yes.

Didn't tell you not to come?

I came to see her.

Why?

Let me see her.

- Let's eat. - Okay.

Go home, will you?

I'll heat up the oil.

Come on and hurry up, before the oil boils up.

Please, you have to go.

Don't waste the oil.

To Ms. Emiko Nakazawa

You opened it.

To Mr. Hiroshi Takano

What you wrote, is it true?

Yes.

ls it really true?

Yes.

Late at night...

I waited for you at the bus stop.

I never made you go shopping at night.

Even if it was necessary.

Didn't my efforts mean anything to you whatsoever?

What were you thinking? Huh?

What am I to you?

I'm sorry.

That's not an answer.

Answer properly!

I said I'm sorry.

I don't want an apology.

I don't want to apologise.

I gave myself to someone I love. What's so wrong with that?

Gave yourself?

Just read what you've written here.

Here, go on.

"How are you?

"I feel such an opening sentence is inappropriate...

"for I understand very well that I am a nuisance to you.

"But still, you needed my body.

"And so we became involved out of your necessity.

"Now that you are in Tokyo, I expect you'll still need me.

"No matter how ill-treated I am,

"I must be near you. I must see you.

"As long as you promise me that I will be content."

Read the rest.

"You fear that you will want me every time you see me.

"But I do not mind at all. I will be the object of your desire.

"Just as long as you find me necessary, In any kind of way.

"So please do not think you have to worry about my body.

"Just to make myself clear, I will not ask you to marry me.

"I will be independent.

"I will make my own living without the help from a man.

"So please allow me to see you."

I feel so miserable.

I'm losing my mind.

The feelings I have for him are true.

What would you know anyway?

What about my feelings?

You've got a lot to lose if you let him keep using you.

I don't care.

I willingly gave myself to him. What's the crime in that?

How should I know? I've never done such a dirty thing.

I was born because you did.

Shut up!

You're no different from a whore.

You're just a sex object, letting men have their way with you.

You do this for fun!

No, I'm serious!

What if you get pregnant?

I know how not to.

Fool.

You foolish girl.

How dare you do such a thing.

I can't stand seeing your dirty face.

Get out.

Now!

Get out!

I knew you'd come.

Sit there.

You wanna talk?

Get everything off your chest.

Tell me how much you hate me. That would make me feel easier.

Then we're done.

You should know that I'd never say such a thing.

I love you.

You like to draw?

Yeah.

Why?

It's all I got.

When I'm drawing, I feel alive.

Pictures are my only treasure.

I had a hard time when you told me you may have gotten pregnant.

It must have been for you, too.

I won't go through that again.

When you told me you'd only give me money...

I felt a chill.

That was all I could say.

I couldn't have had the baby, could I?

What time is your train?

Five fifty-eight.

You'd better leave.

Let me stay.

Go home. Don't come intruding into my life.

Who do you think came into my life, and into my heart first?

You did.

That's why...

I'm distressed.

Draw me.

You better leave.

You'll regret it.

I can't.

I'm back.

Where have you been?

Sorry.

Have you been doing something you need to apologise for?

I don't have to apologise.

But you just did.

You're ashamed of yourself.

Listen.

This is the most important time of your life.

How can you waste it?

Concentrate on your exams.

I had to give up what I wanted to do.

Because I was a woman.

But I don't want that to happen to you. I'll try my best to cooperate.

People may think you couldn't go to college because you were fatherless.

Gosh, I'm starved.

You're hungry after lusting for a man. How disgusting!

The thought makes me sick.

I didn't raise you to be so trashy.

You were something to live for.

I've done everything I can, and you ruined it.

If only your father was alive...

He would've understood me.

I'm leaving this house.

Fool.

I'm tired of shouting at each other.

You're the one who started this.

Leaving this house to make a love nest with that bastard?

You whore!

You!

You!

Darling, I envy you for not living to see this.

Just when you thought you raised your daughter...

she starts to say absurd things.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I may as well grow cold and die here.

I want an easy way out.

Darling.

Darling.

Are you listening up there? I want to join you in Heaven.

Our daughter shouts.

She keep shouting at me all the time.

I cherished her so much.

Darling.

Darling...

Who should I call out to?

Mother...

I'm...

I'm a woman.

Just like you.

I wasn't gonna take a year out anyway, and things are getting chaotic at home.

So I've decided to leave home.

I'm in no place to say anything. I just want you to become decent.

There's nothing wrong with me.

Then you wouldn't be seeing me.

Nothing's wrong.

You failed to enter that easy college.

I'm asking you to understand me.

What's there to understand?

I'm asking you to understand my feelings.

I can't.

I don't care if you lie.

Just say you understand.

Then I can endure my mother's abusive language.

If I lie, I'd fall apart.

But if no one does,

I'll degrade myself and become a cheap woman.

It's time you left.

Don't come.

Wait.

Stop following me.

Go home.

No.

I'm telling you to go home.

I can't unless you make love to me.

He's out. To the pinball parlour, I think.

Hiroshi.

Where've you been?

Playing pinball.

Well?

Won these for 100 yen.

Great.

- Your mother's gone? - Yes.

You know...

When you first came here...

I felt so bad about...

what I did to you seeing your nipples change colour.

They haven't changed.

Then my sister told me they wouldn't change so easily.

You told her such things?

She kept nagging.

And what did your sister say?

That you may have another man.

I couldn't help it.

At the time, all I thought of was dumping you and getting it over with.

But there was no need to tell her such things.

My sister was afraid I'd be forced into marriage.

And...

And what? Get it out.

Nothing.

I just intended to fool around with her. I never loved her anyway.

I was interested in her body.

That again?

That was a long time ago.

Give me a break.

Where are you going?

Home.

Wait till tomorrow.

I won't.

Let me go.

I was wrong.

It's not you.

I don't like what your sister said.

What should I do?

I don't know. That's what makes it more frustrating.

Then what about your mother?

I don't like her ignoring me.

- You'd rather be rejected? - Yes.

I've...

I've always been rejected by you.

Not now.

Why? What's different now?

Why?

Tell me!

Why?

It's easier for women.

That hurts.

Let's move in together. It's no good being apart.

We're incomplete.

I love you.

I made you skip work.

It's okay.

But Hiroshi insisted.

He wants me to apologise.

That I asked about your black nipples and said you were sleeping around.

You got mad?

They're not black.

I'm sorry.

A man said the same thing to me once.

That was mean.

At that time...

Hiroshi was so troubled by you,

so I said so to make him feel better.

He didn't love you.

So I thought it would be best for you both.

But he loves you now.

So he told me to go apologise to you. Men are so selfish.

You didn't have to.

Don't be so hard on him, will you?

Sorry customers, but we're going to call it a night.

Thank you.

Come again.

The lamp's light is too bright.

That ginkgo tree won't be able to sleep at night.

Let's run.

I'll lay the futon.

Turn off the lights.

But you're not sleeping?

Why?

I'm willing to sleep with you. Why are you tying me up?

You're drunk.

Oh, I've found a temple here.

A temple for me!

Hey, I couldn't drink a drop.

Not even a Shirley Temple?

It's been a while so the rice may smell moldy.

Here.

It doesn't taste mouldy.

I think my tummy's full.

Bad girl.

I don't want any.

Eat up.

I won't.

Then at least finish this.

I don't want to.

Hey.

Did you know that I slept with another man?

You're kidding.

ls it true?

It's about the one night stand you had when I refused to see you?

No.

I lied. We only kissed.

Not this time.

Don't lie.

When did it happen?

Do you love him?

That's none of your business. You didn't love me in the first place.

That was before.

It isn't.

I cherish you now.

I may not have before, but I do now.

Shouldn't I have loved you?

I've always loved you. From the very beginning.

I just did what you did to me with another man.

How could you tell your sister about my body,

and be so angry?

Don't you know why?

Go on and hit me as much as you like!

I love you.

Hate me now?

Or the guy I slept with?

I do. What do you expect?

Then...

looking back now...

you must loathe your past behaviour.

Did you fuck him here?

In our bed?

Tell me how.

It doesn't matter.

You mean it?

Tell me.

What's the difference?

Takano-san...

Actually...

I've...

I've always loved you.

The more I become a woman loved by everyone

The weaker I become

That's one side of me

The more I become a woman hated by everyone

The stronger I become

Another side of me

Which side of me do you want?

You must make up your mind

I'll quietly say 'I can't bear it'

And I may even cry

You see right through me and hold my body tight

You give me peace

That's one side of you

Just like any ordinary man would do

You run away from me

You give me emptiness

Another side of you

I don't want any side of you

I must make up my mind tonight

I'll quietly say 'I love it'

I may even cry

I'll quietly say 'I love it'

I'll quietly say 'I love it'