All language subtitles for Talladega Nights The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby 2006 1080p BluRay DTS-HD 5.1 x264-BluEvo

-G uess how fast we're goi ng now.
- I don't care , I'm havi ng a baby!

H u nd red and five m I les an hou r,
you bel ieve that?

Reese , you j ust passed the hospital!

-The baby's com I ng , he's com I ng now!
-Al I rig ht, al I rig ht, hold on.

-Okay, but I th I n k he m ig ht be stuck.
-G rab onto someth I ng. Ready?

O ne , two , th ree!

It's a baby boy.

I'm happy that Waffle H ouse
was okay with me com I ng here ...

...to tal k to y'al I about
my day-to-day.

And , y'al I , that's pretty m uch ,
I n a shel I ...

...what it's I I ke to manage
a Waffle H ouse.

Ma'am , I don't know what else
you want me to say to them.

And I'm also gon na need to know
where you r com mode's at.

Okay, let's g ive h I m a rou nd
of applause. Than k you.

Okay, next u p is Ricky Bobby.
Ricky, is you r father here?

N o , ma'am .
I haven't seen my daddy I n years.

B ut my mama say he's out
raci ng cars ...

...and , wel I , d I ppi ng h is wick
I n anyth I ng that moves.

Okay, kids , that's enoug h .
We're gon na move on to B ren nan.

Don't pay them no m I nd , Ricky.

Than ks , Cal. S hake and Bake .
You ' I I be my best friend forever.

--H is job is I I ke as a prison g uard.

Excuse me , darl I ng .
I'm Reese Bobby.

I'm here for career day
with my son , Ricky.

- Dad !
- H ey there , boy!

Man , you got big. H ow long's it been ?
Th ree , fou r months?

-Ten years .
-Ten years?

Man , I gotta lay off the peyote.

M r. Bobby,
there's no smoki ng I n here.

It's al I rig ht, I'm a vol u nteer fi reman.

Okay, I am a sem i-professional
racecar d river...

...and an amateu r tattoo artist.

And the fi rst th I ng you gotta learn
if you're gon na be a racecar d river...

...is you don't I isten to losers ...

- ...I I ke you r know-it-al I teacher here .
-O kay, I th I n k that's enoug h.

You r teacher wants you to go slow,
and she's wrong ...

...because it's the fastest who gets
paid and it's the fastest who gets laid.

O h , yeah .
You know what I'm tal ki ng about.

You people are I n the wrong
on th is one!

So I n the wrong!

Th is is eg reg ious ,
do you hear me? Eg reg ious!

We were cel I mates together, Andy.
You got payback com I ng!

Dad!

Don't I isten to these people , Ricky.
You're a wi n ner.

You got the g ift. Always remem ber,
if you ai n't fi rst, you're last.

If you ai n't fi rst, you're last.

-See you when you're g rown u p .
- Dad ! Come back, Dad!

It's a hot one here in Talladega...

...and this crowd of over 180, 000
is enjoying one heck of a day.

Yo , Terry. Terry, we got the caution .
B ri ng it I n for a pit. Let's work on it.

Al I rig ht, fel las , let's go.

Looki ng good. Yes , come on.

Keep it u p , baby.

-Al I rig ht, way to go .
-Go , way to go.

N ice jack work, Ricky.

H ey, S hake and Bake , Cal.

-S hake and Bake !
-Terry, it's al I on you , bro. You go.

Go , baby, go .
Wait, what are you doi ng ?

- I gotta take a piss .
-Go , go , go!

It doesn't matter, Luci us .
We're I n last place. Relax.

J eez, I gotta go take a wh iz.
Get off my ass.

You see ,
th is is what I'm tal ki ng about.

That's why th is g rou p rig ht here
is the laug h I ngstock of NASCAR.

Face it, we suck.

It's not always bad to be I n last place .
H ere's some th I ngs we can focus on :

O ne , we tried hard .
And two , we're sti I I dear friends.

G len n , sh ut u p.

I see Terry.
H e's havi ng a ch icken sandwich.

H ey, fel las ! These are real ly good .
You shou ld try one.

That place actual ly makes
a n ice sauce.

Let me eat th is ,
then I gotta make a phone cal I ...

- ...then I'm com I ng back, al I rig ht?
-Th is is the bottom I I ne.

If we don't get that car
back on the track...

...ou r sponsors are gon na
sh it a ch icken.

N ow, is there anyone out there
who wants to go fast? Anybody?

I wan na go fast.

H ey, get h I m a su it. H u rry u p ,
make it snappy. Let's go.

- H ustle u p , h ustle u p .
- H ey, man!

Remem ber when we got kicked out of
biology for playi ng with Match box cars?

-Yeah !
-Who's retarded now?

-Yeah .
- H ey, what are you doi ng after th is?

-After the race?
-Yeah.

I don't know, but it feels I I ke
we're wasti ng a lot of ti me.

N o , I know, I know.
I'm j ust excited , man!

-Yeah , I know. Yeah .
- H ey ! I love you!

-What?
- N oth I ng.

S hake and Bake ! Get some!

You're my best friend !
You're my best friend!

-Okay, then !
- I'm I n there with you!

- I gotta get goi ng !
-Go , go!

-Yeah !
-That's Ricky, baby!

That's my boy, Ricky!

H ey, Ricky,
j ust remem ber one th I ng :

If you wreck that car,
that's 200 g rand out of you r pocket...

...so let's take it nice and slow, okay?

With al I d ue respect, Luci us ,
I'm gon na do some d rivi ng.

Excuse me , com I ng th roug h.

Apparently, we've got a situation for
the Laughing Clown, number 26 car.

Terry Cheveaux is refusing to drive.
One of his crew members...

...has taken the wheel.

H ey, j ust wanted to share a I ittle piece
of personal I nformation with you.

I got a ch u bby rig ht now...

...because th is is one of the most
awesome experiences of my I ife ...

...because I'm getti ng to
d rive a racecar!

I can't bel ieve it ! O h , my God!

Wow, that was cool.

Come on , come on.

The big story from Tal ladega :

Little-known jack-man Ricky Bobby
places th I rd I n the Den n it mach I ne.

Ricky, fi rst of al I ,
where d id you learn to d rive I I ke that?

I n a car.
Car hand le real ly good. Yeah.

Can you speak u p , Ricky?

A car.
It hand led real good.

So , what do you th I n k, M r. Den n it?
H e su re can d rive.

H e's got g uts .
Den n it Raci ng needs a racer I I ke h I m.

Come on , Dad .
H e's j ust a stu pid cowboy.

Look how bad he is
I n that I nterview.

J u n ior, d rivi ng has got noth I ng
to do with I nterviews.

I j ust wish to hel I you had
a I ittle more stu pid cowboy I n you.

I felt I I ke I was on a spacesh I p and ...

I'm not su re
what to do with my hands.

Be good to hold them down
by you r side.

We're real ly happy
with what was goi ng on.

And at the end of the day, you know,
you gotta be happy.

-What d id you say h is name was agai n ?
- H is name is Ricky. Ricky Bobby.

Ricky Bobby?
H e's got two fi rst names.

Whatever h is name is ,
let's get h I m over here.

Everyth I ng ended u p fi ne.

Yeah , okay, everyth I ng was fi ne .
Than ks , than ks. G reat job I n the car.

Ricky Bobby, a force to be
reckoned with , possi bly...

...i n the near futu re.

Ricky Bobby with yet another
impressive win.

He is dominating NA SCAR.

F I rst or last, baby, you know it!

I've never seen a driver who
wants to win more than this guy.

I cou ld get used to
th is wi n n I ng th I ng!

Den n it Raci ng I ncorporated
has decided to field an add itional car.

And , at the u rg I ng of Ricky Bobby...

...who's been I I ke a son to me ,
on ly better...

...I ' m nam I ng Cal N aug hton J r.
as the d river.

Al I rig ht.

-Cal N aug hton .
- H ey...

...we j ust want to say to al I
you other d rivers out there ...

...if you smel I a del icious ,
crispy smel I after the race ...

...it's not you r tai I pi pe ,
it's a I ittle bit...

...of shake ...

And then bake.

S hake and Bake!

-That's ou r n ickname .
-Get used to heari ng it.

And Ricky Bobby wi ns ...

...with Cal N aug hton J r.
fi n ish I ng second.

-Yeah !
- H ey, man!

-S hake. .. .
-And bake!

H ey, d river! D rive these.

P lease be 18.

You want to make th is out
to C harlotte?

H ey, excuse me , Ricky.

- H ey, Dale .
- H ey, can I get you r autog raph ?

-S u re. Who do I make th is out to?
- It's for me. I th I n k you're awesome.

- Don't tel I the other d rivers .
- I'm not gon na tel I anyone.

I ' I I see you out there.

Absol utely, ma'am ,
I 'd love to sig n you r baby.

You're not gon na wan na wash
that forehead.

-That's rig ht, Powerade's n u m ber one .
- N ot j ust for hyd ration , for vitam I n.

N o , it's me ,
it's me , S usan , you r assistant.

Gotta watch it when I get I nto
autog raph mode.

I know, I'm sorry. It's my fau lt,
I shou ld n't have been stand I ng.

I'm Ricky Bobby.
C h ristmas is rig ht arou nd the corner...

...and what better g ift
to g ive a loved one ...

...than the J ackhawk 9000?

Avai lable at Wal-Mart.

When you work on
you r mysterious lady-part stuff...

...you shou ld have the rig ht tools too .
So that's why you shou ld use ...

...Maypax, the official tam pon
of NASCAR.

I'm Ricky Bobby.

If you don't chew B ig Red ,
then f*** you.

P ru ne candy.

-You happy?
- I'm very happy.

- H ey, I'm Ricky Bobby.
-And I'm Cal N aug hton J r.

U rg I ng you never to travel
to Tij uana.

Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!

Okay, I'm starti ng to get sick.

D ick Bergg ren I n Las Vegas ,
Victory Lane , for Fox Television.

Ricky Bobby, today's big wi n ner.
H eck of a wi n for you today...

...but it seems as if you either wi n
or crash the car tryi ng to wi n.

Wel I , D ick, here's the deal .
I'm the best there is , plai n and si m ple.

I mean , I wake u p I n the morn I ng
and I piss excel lence.

And nobody can hang with my stuff.

You know, I'm j ust a big , hai ry,
American wi n n I ng mach I ne.

If you ai n't fi rst, you're last.
You know what I'm tal ki ng about?

That ph rase is trademarked ...

...not to be used without perm ission
of Ricky Bobby I no.

S u pper's ready ! Come on , y'al I !
I've been slavi ng over th is for hou rs!

Dear Lord baby J esus ...

...or as ou r brothers
to the south cal I you , J esús ...

...we than k you so m uch for th is
bou ntifu I harvest of Dom I no's , KFC ...

...and the always del icious Taco Bel I.

I j ust want to take ti me to say
than k you for my fam I ly...

...my two beautifu I , beautifu I ,
handsome , stri ki ng sons ...

...Wal ker and Texas Ranger...

...or T. R. , as we cal I h I m ...

...and of cou rse ,
my red-hot smoki ng wife , Carley...

...who is a stone-cold fox.

Who if you were to rate her ass
on 100 , it wou ld easi ly be a 94.

Also wan na than k you for
my best friend , Cal N aug hton J r...

...who's got my back
no matter what.

S hake and Bake.

Dear Lord baby J esus , we also
than k you for my wife's father, C h I p.

We hope that you can use
you r baby J esus powers ...

...to heal h I m and h is horri ble leg.

And it smel ls terri ble and
the dogs are always botheri ng with it.

Dear ti ny I nfant J esus , we--

H ey, you know, sweetie ...

...J esus d id g row u p.

You don't always have to
cal I h I m " baby. "

It's odd and off-putti ng
to pray to a baby.

Wel I , I I I ke the C h ristmas J esus best
and I'm sayi ng g race.

When you say g race , say it to
g rown u p J esus , teenage J esus ...

...bearded J esus ,
whoever you want.

You know what I want?

I want you to do th is g race good ,
so that God wi I I let us wi n tomorrow.

Dear ti ny J esus ...

...i n you r golden-fleece d iapers , with
you r ti ny, I ittle , fat, bal led-u p fists ...

- ...pawi ng at the ai r... .
- H e was a man. H e had a beard.

Look, I I I ke the baby version the best,
do you hear me?

I wi n the races and I get the money.

Ricky, fi n ish the dam n g race.

I I I ke to pictu re J esus
I n a tuxedo T-sh I rt...

...because it says , I I ke ,
" I wan na be formal ...

- Rig ht.
-. .. but I'm here to party too. "

Because I I I ke to party,
so I I I ke my J esus to party.

I I I ke to pictu re J esus as a n I nja
fig hti ng off evi I sam u rai.

I I I ke to th I n k of J esus ,
I I ke , with g iant eag le's wi ngs.

And si ng I ng lead vocals
for Lynyrd S kynyrd ...

...with , I I ke , a angel band.

And I'm I n the front row,
and I'm ham mered d ru n k.

H ey, Cal ?
Why don't you j ust sh ut u p?

-Yes , ma'am .
-O kay.

Dear 8-pou nd , 6-ou nce ,
newborn I nfant J esus ...

...don't even know a word yet...

...j ust a I ittle I nfant and so cudd ly,
but sti I I om n I potent...

...we j ust than k you for al I the races
I've won and the 21. 2 m I I I ion dol lars--

Love that money!

--That I have accrued
over th is past season.

Also , d ue to a bi nd I ng
endorsement contract...

...that sti pu lates I mention
Powerade at each g race ...

...I j ust wan na say that
Powerade is del icious ...

...and it cools you off
on a hot su m mer day.

And we look forward to Powerade's
release of Mystic Mou ntai n B I ueberry.

Than k you for al I you r power
and you r g race , dear baby God. Amen.

-Amen .
-Amen.

Let's d ig I n!

That was a hel I of a g race , man .
You nai led that I I ke a spl it hog!

I'm not gon na I ie to you , it felt good.

Dad , you made that g race you r bitch.

H ey, boys , I wan na see
some napki ns I n the lap.

Boys , how was school today?

I th rew a bu nch of G rand pa C h I p's
war medals off the bridge.

Sou nds I I ke a good day.
Texas Ranger, how about you ?

Wel I , the teacher asked me what
was the capital of N orth Carol I na.

I said , "Wash I ngton , D. C. "

- B I ngo .
- N ice.

S he said , " N o , you're wrong. "
I said , "You got a I u m py butt. "

S he got mad at me and yel led at me
and I pissed I n my pants.

And I never d id change
my pee pants al I day.

I'm sti I I sitti ng I n my d I rty pee pants.

I wet my bed u nti I I was 19 .
There's no shame I n that.

I get emotional because
you g uys are worki ng so hard.

I'm j ust so proud of you .
You rem I nd me of me ...

...precocious and fu I I of wonderment.

Tel I you what, Ricky,
you are tru ly blessed.

-These two are two I n a m I I I ion .
- I am.

Just I I ke Carley's tatas.

You won't fi nd another rack I I ke that,
I g uarantee.

Than k you , Cal.

That's real sweet of you , Cal.

That's real n ice. That's one of
the n icest th I ngs you've ever said.

-Wel I , I mean it.
-Stop , you're gon na make me cry.

It comes from my heart, that's why.

I can't hold my tong ue.

These kids are my g randch I ld ren ,
and you are raisi ng them wrong.

They are terri ble boys.

S h ut u p , C h I p ,
or I'll go ape-sh it on you r ass!

I'm gon na scissor-kick you
I n the back of the head.

-Yeah !
-Yeah. Tu rn u p the heat.

Go on and get some , boys.

I'm 10 years old ,
but I'll beat you r ass.

C h I p , I'm gon na come at you
I I ke a spider mon key.

Li ke a spider mon key ! Go on.

C h I p , you broug ht th is on.

The g reatest generation , my ass.

Tom B rokaw is a pu n k.

What is wrong with you ?

C h I p , I'm al I jacked u p
on Mou ntai n Dew.

I love that.

You gon na let you r sons tal k to thei r
g randfather I I ke that? I'm thei r elder.

I su re as hel I am , C h I p .
I love the way they're tal ki ng to you.

They're wi n ners .
Wi n ners get to do what they want.

H el I , you're j ust a bag of bones.

O n ly th I ng you ever done with you r I ife
is make a hot daug hter.

That's it. That is it!

We wanted us some wussies ...

...we wou ld 've named them D r. Q u I n n
and Med ici ne Woman , okay?

I work too hard for you r bu I I , C h I p.

Come here .
You make me hot. Come here.

Everyone j ust keep eati ng.

- It's on .
-Come here. Come here.

Al I rig ht.

I ' I I hold you r hai r.

- H ey, Stephen .
- H ey, Ricky.

Got those two tickets
for my special friend ?

Yeah , su re do. You know I do , Ricky.
Got them rig ht here , buddy.

G reat. H ey,
how's you r mama's h I p?

S he's gon na be al I rig ht,
than k you for aski ng.

-Appreciate it. H ey, good I uck today.
-Than ks.

That's the saddest th I ng
I've ever seen I n my I ife.

That boy leaves two tickets
for h is daddy at every race ...

...and he never shows u p.

That's a shame.

The h u man heart is such a mystery.

- Let's sel I these bitches , h u h ?
- H el I , yeah.

- Beer money, h u h ?
-There you go. Yes.

As the laps wind down,
Jamie McMurray is the leader.

Cal N aug hton I n second .
Ricky Bobby I n th I rd.

What's u p , Cal ? You ready
for a I ittle S hake-and- Bake-age?

- H ey, buddy.
-Naughton Jr. is letting Ricky Bobby...

...d raft u p to h I m to make
that sl I ngshot move past McM u rray.

Can you bel ieve that he wou ld do that
for h is team mate?

Set h I m u p that way?

S I I ngshot, engage.

And there goes Ricky Bobby
on the outside!

That's how we do it.

Makes his move.
Naughton's giving him plenty of room.

What I n the hel I is he doi ng , g uys?
Get h I m off of me.

They touch! They spin!

S nap!

Come on , man!

See you , wou ld n't wan na be you.

Look at that ! Ricky Bobby's gon na
try to wi n the race I n reverse.

Man, he wants this win bad!

Ricky Bobby wins it in reverse!

Unbelievable!
I love that! That is cool!

J am ie , losi ng's never fu n , but here's
someth I ng to pick you r spi rits u p.

It's real n ice .
I got it at Target. It's on sale.

Yeah!

-That's it. Another one. Another one .
-Al I rig ht, man. We d id it!

I don't wan na be rai n I ng on
you r parade , but I gotta tel I you ...

...that was some of the d u m best
d rivi ng I have ever seen I n my I ife.

-Than k you .
-And I know you won the race ...

...but you're not gon na I ive forever.

I'm not stu pid , Luci us .
N o one I ives forever. N o one.

B ut with advances I n modern science
and my h ig h level of I ncome ...

...I mean , it's not crazy to th I n k
I can't I ive to be 245 , maybe 300.

I j ust read I n the newspaper they
put a pig heart I n some Russian g uy.

Know what--? I mean ,
do you know what that means?

N o , I don't know what that means .
I g uess , longer I ife.

-Wel I , no , he d id n't I ive .
- H e d id n't I ive?

N o. It's j ust exciti ng
that we're tryi ng th I ngs I I ke that.

- Ricky?
- H ey, M r. Den n it.

-C heers .
-Yeah.

-S he al ready wasted ?
-Celebrati ng.

S he's celebrati ng .
You feel pretty good today, h u h ?

Look, Ricky,
early word out of NASCAR...

...is you r I ittle obscene gestu re's
gon na cost you 100 poi nts.

You know how m uch that costs us
I n sponsorsh I p dol lars?

With al I d ue respect, M r. Den n it...

...I had no idea you had experi mental
su rgery to have you r bal ls removed.

What d id you say?
What was that?

Wel I , what?
I said , "With al I d ue respect. "

That doesn't mean you get to say
whatever you wan na say to me.

- It su re as heck does .
- N o , it doesn't.

It's I n the Geneva Convention .
Look it u p.

I remem ber you r daddy
used to love it.

-Th is is not my dad-- Th is is my team--
- U sed to love it when I used to wi n.

N ow, I suggest you and you r wife ,
M rs. J I m Beam ...

...you g uys go take a ch I I I pi I I .
E njoy the wi n!

-Come on , man !
-Yeah , Ricky. O kay.

Baby, photo op , photo op .
Come on.

Come on , n u m ber one.

H old my hand , baby.

I ' I I tel I you what, thoug h , g uys ,
that was a hel I of a race today.

-S hake and Bake I n fu I I effect.
- It's always been I I ke that.

Me and Ricky,
si nce we were I ittle kids , man.

We go together I I ke C h I nese food
and chocolate pudd I ng. Let's face it.

Yeah , but those are two th I ngs
that don't real ly go together.

We go together
I I ke cocai ne and waffles.

N o , I I ke , for I nstance ,
if I say pean ut butter and ...

- Lad ies , rig ht?
-Yep.

- N o , jel ly.
-Am I rig ht?

-J el ly?
-You I I ke to put jel ly on a lady?

I'm gon na settle th is th I ng .
Let's j ust get ou rselves ...

...a whole mess of cocktai ls ,
get d ru n k and work th is th I ng out.

-Work th is th I ng out.
-That's rig ht.

So I was tal ki ng to N ana on Satu rday,
and her bi rthday's com I ng u p ...

...but I don't know what to get her.
S he's gon na be 88.

Get her a coffi n.

H ey, Cal , I'm sorry
about wrecki ng you today.

- I mean , but that was for the team .
- N o , that's cool. That's cool , I know.

I was th I n ki ng , thoug h , one ti me ...

...it wou ld be real ly awesome if, I I ke ,
you cou ld sl I ngshot me I n for a wi n.

Yeah , but-- O kay, but if you won ...

- ...how am I gon na wi n ?
-Yeah.

-Th I n k about it.
- N o , I was th I n ki ng about it.

I mean , it's not I I ke
you ' re fi n ish I ng 18th.

-There's noth I ng wrong with si lver.
- N oth I ng wrong with si lver at al I.

I'm j ust kidd I ng you , man .
I don't wan na wi n.

I ' I I j ust bu ry it down I nside.

B u ry it deep down I n there ,
and never bri ng it u p agai n.

It's pai nfu I , and I love you!

Get her a g igolo.

-What?
-A g uy to have sex with her.

N o , she's gon na be 88 and ...

You don't stop I I ki ng sex
when you're old.

Wel I , I was th I n ki ng
more along the I I ne of...

- Li ke , she I I kes afg hans and q u I lts .
-S he's probably got a m I I I ion of those.

H ow many d udes does she have
com I ng over to have sex with her?

- N one .
- Exactly.

Be thoug htfu I , G len n.

Don't stop.

What is that?

Someone made a tape of
someth I ng dyi ng or someth I ng.

H ey, tu rn that crap off.
What's goi ng on ?

I want th is m usic out of my head.

H ey, tu rn that off!

Tu rn that off rig ht now!

Why'd id you stop the jazz m usic?

Was it not pleasant for you ?

N o one plays jazz here
at The P it Stop , okay?

So why is the song on the j u kebox?

We keep it on there
for profi I I ng pu rposes.

We also got
the Pet S hop Boys and Seal.

My name is J ean G I rard ...

...and I am a raci ng-car d river
j ust I I ke you ...

...except I am from Form u la Un.

I am the g reatest one
I n the whole world.

I have been fol lowi ng you r career
with g reat I nterest, Monsieu r Bobby.

I can't u nderstand a word
you've said the whole ti me.

D id you eat pean ut butter
or someth I ng ?

You sou nd I I ke a dog with pean ut
butter on the roof of you r mouth.

I th I n k what you are heari ng
is my accent.

I am F rench.

You say you're F rench ?

We? N o , we are not F rench.

We're American ,
because you're I n America , okay?

G reatest cou ntry on the planet.

Wel I , what have you
g iven the world ...

...apart from George B ush , C heerios ,
and the Th ig h Master?

-C h I nese food ?
-C h I nese food.

That's from C h I na.

- P izza .
- Italy.

-C h I m ichanga .
-Mexican.

Real ly, smarty-pants?
What d id F rench land g ive us?

We I nvented democracy,
existential ism ...

...and the blowjob.

-Those are th ree pretty good th I ngs .
- H ey.

Wel I , that last one's pretty cool.

You know, the 69 with
the head near the-- That bit.

We came u p with it.

We created the m issionary position.

-You're welcome .
- Ricky Bobby...

...I have come here to defeat you.

O h , wel I , there's stri kes two and th ree
rig ht there.

D id you hear what he j ust said ?

Wel I , welcome to America , am igo.

You are fast, Ricky Bobby...

...but I am faster.

Al I rig ht, you let go of me ,
you Form u la O ne jazz n utjob!

Li ke the frig htened baby ch I pm u n k...

...you are scared by anyth I ng
that is d ifferent.

I wi I I let you go , Ricky...

...but fi rst I want you to say:

" I love crépes. "

Don't you say it, Ricky.
These colors don't ru n.

- I'm not gon na say it.
-Good.

H ey, look, F renchy,
I thoug ht about it.

So why don't you go ahead
and break my arm ?

I do not want to break you r arm ,
Monsieu r Bobby...

...but I am a man of my word.

H ere's the deal .
H e's not gon na break it...

...because I'm gon na sl I p
out of it rig ht now. H oud I n i.

Get down , you I ittle pancake.

Someone get me a beer
wh I le I'm here.

B ut you have forced me to do th is.

You are now mocki ng me
and maki ng me look rid icu lous.

Just say, " I love crépes. "

You know, j ust to put th is I n there , I had
a whole mess of crépes th is morn I ng.

They're I I ke pancakes ,
maybe even better.

-Are they the real ly th I n pancakes?
-Yeah.

They are the real ly th I n pancakes .
It's j ust a F rench word for them.

-My God , I love those .
- P ut any syru ps you want on them.

- I'm sayi ng , th I n k about it.
-They come with cheese someti mes?

Yes , of cou rse ,
a fromage-crépe.

Wel I , why'd id n't someone
yel I that rig ht away?

You know what's I n
the crépe suzette?

-O h , I love the crépe suzette .
-With the sugar...

- ...and lemon j u ice , G rand Marn ier.
-S ugar and lemon j u ice.

I wish I cou ld crawl I nto
one of those rig ht now.

- I 'd eat my way out from the I nside .
-They are tasty.

E ither way th is goes , cou ld we
get some after we're done?

-Absol utely. We're gon na do that.
-So , what if you j ust said :

" I love real ly th I n pancakes"?
That is a fai r com prom ise , no?

-That is a fai r com prom ise .
-Very fai r, actual ly.

N o ! Because then everyone
wou ld know I real ly meant crépes.

That's a pretty good com prom ise.

Why do you want me
to break you r arm so bad ly?

You don't u nderstand
because you don't u nderstand I I berty.

You don't u nderstand freedom.

So you put a crack I n my arm
I I ke the crack I n the Li berty Bel I.

H ey. Th is is j ust
between you and me , okay?

I mean , forget al I these other g uys.

B ut he d id g ive you a pretty
decent out. B ut it's you r cal I.

What do you th I n k?

- Don't say it.
-Yeah. I'm not gon na say it.

B reak it, Pepé Le Pew.

As you wish.

- H e actual ly d id it !
-Al I rig ht. You d id it. Back off.

- I d id n't say it !
- N o , you d id not.

You r I nj u ry is one
of ig norance and pride.

H old it rig ht there ,
M r. Fancy Pants Foreig ner.

You j ust broke my bro's arm.

N ow you're about to get Tasered.

-Say hel lo to D r. Watts .
-Get h I m , Cal.

I need you al I to step away...

...from my d river.

The hel I you tal ki ng about, " my d river"?
What are you doi ng with a g u n ?

Don't you worry about my g u n , Ricky.

J ean G I rard is my new boy at
Den n it Raci ng. H e's here to wi n us ...

...an overal I-poi nts cham pionsh I p ,
someth I ng you apparently...

...have no I nterest I n .
H e's gon na usher I n a new era.

M r. Den n it, with al I d ue respect--

And remem ber,
I'm sayi ng , "with al I d ue respect. "

--That idea ai n't worth a velvet pai nti ng
of a whale and a dol ph I n getti ng it on.

That's good. That's good fu n .
That's good fu n , Ricky...

...but that doesn't bother me anymore
because J ean is the futu re ...

...Ricky, the past.

So , J ean , I ntrod uce me
to you r new team mates.

Everybody,
th is is my h usband , G regory.

What?

See you at the track.

D id he j ust say " h usband"?

Sweet Lord. Den n it h I red a gay
F rench man as you r team mate.

The room's starti ng to spi n real fast.

Because of gayness.

-Cal , I love you .
- Ricky? Ricky ! O h , God!

Fans and NASCAR, everyone is tal ki ng
about th is new d river, J ean G I rard.

Let's fi nd out a I ittle bit more about h I m
from ou r reporter, Davey Wesl I ng.

Talented. Pccentric. Dominating.

These are the words
that define Jean Girard.

Before each race, Jean Girard spends
time with his world-class horses...

...who are also gay.

Jean's days are filled
with sun-drenched walks...

...with his beloved husband, Gregory.

Though Gregory is
no stay-at-home spouse.

He's a world-class trainer
of German shepherds.

Rolfe , the N azi boyfriend .
U p on top!

Very n ice. Very n ice.

Only time will tell if Jean's foray
into NA SCAR...

...will end up in Victory Lane.

Wel I , kiss my ass on S u nday.

- Luci us , what the hel I is goi ng on ?
-The man can d rive.

And check out h is crew ch ief
over there.

Won the N obel P rize
for physics back I n '93.

Ladies and gentlemen,
that is a new track record.

As it stands now, Jean Girard is sitting
on the pole, which is, of course...

...a statement of fact
and in no way a comment...

...on the driver's sexual orientation.

P ut a sm I le on you r face?
That's the futu re of Den n it Raci ng.

-That make you happy?
- I'm j ust th ri I led , M r. Den n it.

I love seei ng some F rench g uy
break my record ...

...wh I le I got my arm wrapped u p
I I ke a fricki ng gord ita.

H el lo , Ricky Bobby.

What happened last week was
very reg rettable and u nfortu nate ...

...and , as a gestu re , I wou ld I I ke to ...

...sig n you r cast, please.

H el I , you know what,
get my car off the trai ler, g uys.

Baby ! That's my baby!

H old on , Ricky. Ricky, Ricky, Rick.
What are you tal ki ng about?

Look. I wan na d rive. My arm's fi ne .
So let's get the car off the trai ler.

Don't look at me .
Get it off the trai ler!

Even with a healthy arm , you don't
have a chance agai nst J ean G I rard.

Al I rig ht, fel las. You heard the man .
Get the car off. Let's go.

You g uys heard it.

-What's goi ng on ?
-Soon you wi I I know what it is I I ke ...

...to be defeated by the hands of
somebody who is tru ly better than you.

As Wi I I iam B lake wrote ,
"The cut worm forg ives the plow. "

Wel I , let me j ust q uote the late ,
g reat Colonel Sanders ...

...who said ,
" I'm too d ru n k to taste th is ch icken. "

What's that got to do with th is?

I got a message for al I of them .
Ready? S hake and Bake!

What does that do? Does that
blow you r m I nd ? That j ust happened!

What is that, a catch ph rase
or is that epi lepsy?

-S hake and Bake. S hake and Bake .
-What?

Listen , you better be carefu I because
tomorrow you're goi ng to get beaten.

Beaten real bad , cowboy.

- Real ly?
-Yes!

- I don't want to know.
-That's news to me.

-Tomorrow you ' I I be I n trou ble .
- I'll ri p you a new one.

There's goi ng to be a croissant
I'm goi ng to take away.

I play for keeps!

I g ive you one option ,
Monsieu r Bobby.

As a sig n of h u m I I ity,
if you kiss me on the I I ps now...

...I wi I I retu rn to Paris and you wi I I
never see me agai n I n NASCAR.

The answer is never!

- I close my--
- Do you hear me? N ever ever!

-Wel I , yes or no?
-That's sick.

Let me tel I you , hold on .
S hake and Bake.

Yeah!

What does that mean ?
It makes no sense!

Th is "S hake and Bake , "
it's nonsense.

- H ey, baby. You g uys are so smooth .
-Than ks , darl I ng.

Cal , you cou ld say that 10 , 000 ti mes
and it sti I I wou ld n't be enoug h.

- It fi res me u p .
- I love it. Say it one more ti me.

-S hake and Bake !
- Doesn't that feel good ?

Yeah ! It rhymes ,
they're both verbs. It's awesome.

NA SCAR on Fox welcomes you
to Lowe's Motor Speedway...

...where ton ig ht we' I I go 500 m I les.

The big stories tonight
are at both ends of the grid.

Up front, Larry, the surprising French
Formula One driver, Jean Girard.

And at the opposite end of the grid,
Darrell, Ricky Bobby.

I saw Ricky Bobby last night walking
around with a cast on his arm.

N ow, I don't know who he con ned
I nto letti ng h I m start th is race.

Just keep a camera on him
all night long.

I am so excited.

Th is is a new era
for Den n it Raci ng , h u h ?

So serious al I the ti me
about you r big race team.

-Who cares?
- B ut th is is my I ife. Th is is my I ife.

You know what? There's on ly one
good th I ng about com I ng to the races ...

...and that is
the vi brations from the cars.

O h , I love when them cars wh iz by.

Can feel the motor...

...ru n n I ng u p my legs.

Ricky Bobby, who never met
a sponsor he wouldn't push...

...has a Fig Newton sticker
on his windshield.

Think NA SCAR will
black-flag him for that.

He sold the windshield!

Th is sticker is dangerous and
I nconven ient, but I love F ig N ewtons.

Ricky Bobby started this race
in the back...

...but he's making no friends
on the way to the front.

I'm al I about getti ng to the front ton ig ht,
Luci us. Let's go ! Let's move it!

Well, he's driving
like a man possessed.

I'm not even sure he realizes how
much damage he's doing to his car.

H ey, Ricky. You know you're d rivi ng
I I ke a pissed-off teenager, okay?

Where is that F renchy?

I got you , Pepé Le B itch.

O h , Ricky Bobby.

H ey, it's me , America.

Yeah , I'm here.

You have spi I led my macch iato.

Look at G I rard I n the 55.

He's made that car three lanes wide,
but he's still fast.

N o , no , no , my friend .
Th is way also closed. N ot th is way.

Luci us , what's he doi ng ?
H e's everywhere at once.

G uy's dangerous , Ricky.
H e's I I ke a cobra. Back off!

Where's Cal ?
I need a I ittle su pport here!

Tel I Ricky I'm on my way.

Dam n it!

Hey, Ricky, listen.

Cal blew out h is eng I ne .
You have no backu p. Back off!

I ai n't backi ng off.
I'm Ricky Bobby, I'm the best there is.

H e's too good , Ricky. Lay off!

Bobby's boxed in.
There's nowhere to go there.

He's gonna try the outside move
again. I don't know if it's gonna work.

Come on , Daddy!

Come on , Daddy ! Whoop h is butt!

Send that wei rd man
back to I ndonesia.

-Come on !
-Bobby moves to the outside.

Not a lot of room. He's in the wall!

Bobby is sliding,
slamming into the wall.

He's airborne!

Yep. I'm flyi ng th roug h the ai r.
Th is is not good.

- Ricky !
-Cool!

Ricky!

Peaches and cream!

The car comes to rest
in a big cloud of smoke.

Ricky Bobby appears to be okay...

...but that Wonder Bread car is toast.

Fantastic.

O h , my God ! Ricky!

H aku na matata , bitches.

It's okay, g uys , it's j ust a wreck.
Ricky can hand le it.

Now, that's one of the nastiest wrecks
you'll ever see.

O h , no , no , no.

It's al I rig ht. You're safe.

-You're safe .
-We got you. We're here.

I'm on fi re.

It's al I rig ht.
It's al I rig ht, you're not on fi re!

-You're lyi ng ! I'm on fi re !
-There is no fi re.

- I'm on fi re. I don't wan na d ie .
-Come back here.

B ut someth I ng looks wrong. I mean ,
he's ru n n I ng arou nd I I ke he's on fi re.

O h , my God ! H el p me !
I don't wan na d ie ! Stop , d rop , and rol I!

-You're not on fi re , Ricky Bobby !
- I'm on fi re!

You're not on fi re.

B ut I'm not even su re he even knows
where he's at rig ht now.

This makes us all realize the kind
of pressure these drivers are under.

M r. Bobby, come on down here.

H el p me , J esus !
H el p me , J ewish God!

H el p me , Al lah!

H el p me , Tom C ru ise!

But how did he get down
to his underwear that fast?

Tom C ru ise , use you r witchcraft on me
to get the fi re off me!

Look. Here, help's coming.

- Wait a minute!
-It's Cal Naughton.

O h , God ! P lease don't let
the I nvisi ble fi re bu rn my friend!

I got you !
I got you , man ! I'll hel p you!

H e's j u m pi ng on Ricky, tryi ng
to put the nonexistent fi re out.

N ow, that's a team mate rig ht there.

This is going downhill fast.

It would be a great time
to go to commercial break.

H el p me , O prah Wi nfrey!

You know, Larry, there's good days
in racing, and there's bad days.

Ricky Bobby just had himself
a bad day.

H e's sufferi ng from cataton ic shock.

H is I nj u ries are m I nor, but rig ht now he
can't deal with the trau ma of the wreck.

Gol ly, th is is a hard decision.

B ut I have thoug ht about it,
and I want the pl ug pu I led.

Yeah.

Ma'am , you r h usband's not dyi ng.

H e's j ust taki ng a nap.

-Just look at h I m .
- N o , I'm not lyi ng.

I've never seen h I m
make that noise. Ever.

Got more pl ugs I n h I m
than a C I rcu it C ity.

O h , baby.
Mama loves you so m uch.

H ey, Ricky. It's me , Cal.

Just want you to know,
I got you r back, bro. N o matter what.

There's someth I ng
I want to get off my chest...

...and it's about that su m mer when
you went away to com m u n ity col lege.

I got a offer to do Playgirl magazi ne ...

...and I d id it.

I d id a fu I I spread
for Playgirl magazi ne.

I mean spread , man .
I pu I led my butt apart and stuff...

...and I was total ly n ude ,
and it was wei rd.

You probably d id n't hear about it...

...because I went u nder the name
of M I ke H oncho.

B ut I j ust wanted you to know that.

If you cou ld hear me ,
if it got I nto you r brai n somehow...

...that I spread my butt cheeks
as M I ke H oncho.

"Are you there , God ?
It's me , Margaret.

G retchen , my friend , got her period .
I'm so jealous , God.

I hate myself for bei ng so jealous ,
but I am.

I wish you 'd hel p me j ust a I ittle.

N ancy's su re she's goi ng to
get it soon too. And if I'm last.. .. "

H ey, Ricky. Ricky!

Come on , man , wake u p.

Are you faki ng it?

Are you faki ng it? Fake it!

I don't know how m uch longer
I can take seei ng you I I ke th is.

I am not gon na let you d ie here ...

...I I ke some ki nd of vegetable.

I'm gon na put an end to th is
rig ht now.

Get al I th is crap off you.

You don't need any of th is crap.

Th is is it. Th is is how it ends.

Th is is how S hake and Bake ends.

It's shadow ti me , buddy.

It's ti me to go home to J esus.

Good bye , buddy.

O h , wow, you defi n itely--

You defi n itely
sti I I got some fig ht I n you.

Okay, maybe we g ive th is
another day.

M idd le. I'll go u p to the m idd le .
Let's play some defense!

I j ust wan na say than ks , doc,
for taki ng care of ou r boy here.

-O h , sh it.
-That's a fou I ! That's a fou I!

Doc, g ive it to me straig ht.

I s he ever gon na be able
to wal k agai n ?

O h , I'm sorry, I thoug ht someone
had told you. H e's fi ne.

H e fou nd that wheelchai r
I n the hal lway.

H is paralysis is
enti rely psychosomatic.

B ut we al I need to go along with th is ,
because he's I n a del icate state.

So when you say psychosomatic,
you mean , I I ke ...

...he cou ld start a fi re
with h is thoug hts?

N o , not at al I .
It means it's al I I n h is m I nd.

I'm sayi ng , someti mes you get a knock
on the head , you get special powers.

It happens al I the ti me .
Read a com ic book, okay?

Everyone's real friend ly.

It doesn't h u rt bei ng Ricky Bobby.
I'm not gon na I ie to you.

So how's the physical therapy goi ng ?

O h , I gave that u p .
Yeah , I gave that u p ...

...after maybe the fi rst day.
With I n the fi rst hou r, I gave that u p.

I'm th roug h lyi ng to myself,
you know?

It's ti me to be matu re about th is
and j ust face facts.

I boug ht myself
a h u nd red-thousand-dol lar...

...hand icap-accessi ble van ...

...with the captai n's chai rs and the DVD
plasma screens I n the back for the kids.

-You al I paid u p on that?
-Yeah. That's al I paid I n fu I I.

It's parked out there .
And then the next th I ng I gotta do ...

...is I j ust gotta have a sit-down
with Carley and j ust let her know...

...that it's okay for her to seek
the comfort of other men.

Because she's gotta ru n wi ld. You
can't keep someth I ng I I ke that back.

H old on , man. H old ...

-We gotta tel I h I m .
- N ow?

N o , I don't care what the doctor said ,
we gotta tel I h I m now.

Ricky, the doctor told us ...

...that we shou ld let you work it out
I n you r own sweet ti me ...

...but, Ricky, you can wal k.

What d id you j ust say?

H e's tel I I ng you the truth , man .
It's al I I n you r head.

You sick sons of bitches!

I mean , you wal k I n that door...

...on you r two legs ,
al I fat and cocky...

...and looki ng at me I n my chai r,
and you tel I me it's al I I n my head ?

I hope that both of you have sons.

H andsome , beautifu I , articu late sons
who are talented and star ath letes ...

...and they have thei r legs
taken away!

I pray you know
that pai n and that h u rt.

Don't you put that evi I on me ,
Ricky Bobby!

Don't you put that on us !
You are not paralyzed!

I am so paralyzed!

- N o , no , no ! N o , he needs to know!
-Getti ng a I ittle roug h on h I m.

- H e's always cryi ng !
-Toug h love , it is. Toug h love.

- Wake u p , id iot !
-You wan na know what I am ?!

You wan na see what my I ife is?!

Don't do it.

-You wan na see what's goi ng on here?
- Don't you stick that kn ife I n you r leg.

-Man !
- H old on , hold on.

- H old on , now. Wal k it off.
-O h , that h u rts.

-O h , my-- !
-Wal k it off.

Stretch , stretch. Stretch it out.

H ey, man .
You can wal k ! You can wal k!

I can wal k!

- I th I n k I touched a nerve .
- Rig ht there.

Al I rig ht, we got it, we got it.
H old it rig ht there.

Maybe don't touch it.

-Can you feel it?
- I can!

We' I I use th is kn ife to pry it out.
We' I I pu I I it out.

- N ow we got two I n there .
-J ust don't th I n k about it.

-We're goi ng down a bad path .
-C ut arou nd the meat.

I ' I I cut rig ht here .
Stretch it out.

Just take out a pl ug of meat.
Just I I ke a deer.

We gotta wigg le it a I ittle bit. That's it.
Can you feel that?

-Yeah , I feel that.
-You are back!

I love you g uys!

H ey, I'm sorry, g uys. I mean ,
I hope you r boys don't lose thei r legs.

-Than ks , buddy.
-So when do I get to d rive agai n ?

Wel I , that's the th I ng. The doctor
said you suffered major trau ma ...

...and he th I n ks you shou ld
take it slow for a wh I le.

Yeah , so , I was th I n ki ng , I I ke ,
wh I le you're resti ng u p and stuff...

- ...maybe you cou ld let me wi n a few.
-Wel I , there you go.

Yeah , that ai n't gon na happen.

Yeah. I'm Ricky Bobby.
I mean , you know how I play it.

-Yeah .
- F I rst or last, rig ht, baby?

- Don't know what I was th I n ki ng .
- Besides ...

...Den n it J r. m ust be freaki ng out.
Al I the money he's losi ng ?

Without me on the track?

I mean , I j ust laug h ...

...th I n ki ng about h I m wh I n I ng
al I the ti me , bitch I ng and moan I ng :

" Dam n , I wish Ricky was here. "

You know what I mean ?

What?

F renchy can d rive.

O h , no.

Very good.

C'est la vie and q ue sera , sera.

It looks I I ke the NASCAR
has gone F rench.

Wel I , I n other news , Ricky Bobby...

...is goi ng to be ru n n I ng some test laps
th is weekend at Rocki ng ham ...

...in an attempt to come back
from his grisly crash.

It's one of the hardest th I ngs
to do I n raci ng.

To try to bou nce back after
a devastati ng , violent wreck.

Ricky Bobby was traumatized
during the incident.

Al I rig ht, baby.
Come on , now.

But today he gets to strap back into
a racecar for the first time since...

...to try to show he can still
get the job done.

- H e's gon na be g reat. Yep .
- H e's gon na be g reat, su re.

Wou ld you stop stari ng at me I I ke that,
S usan ? I swear...

...you are the wei rdest I ittle g I rl
I've ever seen.

Okay, I'm real ly gon na open it u p!

I'm issed you , Mama S peed .
Ricky Bobby's back.

Wait, how fast is he goi ng ?

Twenty-six m I les an hou r.

What were those th I ngs?
Were those the other cars?

O h , God. So fast.

Go , baby ! There you are.

Am I on fi re? I'm on fi re.

- N o , no , you're not on fi re .
-Stretch it out.

- It's okay, baby.
-Take it easy.

-O h , God , I'm gon na get sick.
-O h , God.

-O h , he's I n h is u nderwear agai n .
- Ricky ! P lease put you r clothes on.

H e's I n h is u nderwear agai n .
Go get h I m , fel las.

O h , Lord.

You know who's gon na be
n u m ber one at Den n it Raci ng ?

- N ot Ricky?
- I'm gon na wi nd m I I I you.

M r. Cal N aug hton J r.

-Come back at h I m. It's the on ly way.
-Who are you ?

- N u m ber one .
- N o.

-O h , yes , ma'am .
- Ricky ! Come on , man!

It's em barrassi ng.

The n I njas are tryi ng to get me .
The n I njas are tryi ng to get me.

-O h , my God .
-What happened ?

What happened ? H e's done .
H e's done.

That's what's happened .
It's over. H e's fi n ished.

What's gon na happen to me?

I feel I I ke I was rid I ng I nside
an asteroid or a comet or someth I ng.

Yeah , you were goi ng fast.

- Look at that.
-What are we gon na do?

Th is is ug ly.
Th is is bad for al I of us. Look at that.

- I gotta go check on cuckoo bi rd .
- N o , cuckoo's okay.

Why don't you get over there
and settle down Carley for me?

-Cou ld you do that for me?
-Yes , si r.

There you go.

What began as a day
of hope and opti m ism ...

...for Ricky Bobby and h is race team
has ended here I n sad d isappoi ntment.

There we go , boy.

- I lost al I'm uscle control .
-Yeah , you d id.

- H e j ust lost h is m uscle control is al I .
- I lost my m uscle control.

H e's fi ne .
H e j ust can't control the m uscles.

-Than ks for the I ift, H ershel I .
-Yeah , no problem.

J enga!

I love you , Cal.

-Good one , kiddo .
-What the hel I's goi ng on ?

H ey, Ricky, n ice of you
to stop by for a visit.

What do you mean , a visit?
Th is is my house.

Baby...

...shoot. I'm so sorry.

I real ly--
I d id n't want it to be th is way.

H ey, what happened
to the fam I ly portrait?

You j ust crudely pasted
you r face over m I ne.

We're getti ng married , Ricky.

And we're getti ng match I ng
leprechau n tattoos.

I sn't that cute?
With a I ittle pot of gold.

I s th is some ki nd of joke?
You g uys putti ng me on ?

I was gone th ree hou rs .
Den n it j ust fi red me from the team.

Ricky, you and I ...

...we both know that th is marriage
has been over for a long , long ti me.

N o ! I honestly d id not know that!

Ricky, you can't race no more.

I'm not goi ng back to bei ng poor
and danci ng at the Wizard's Den.

You know, my old boyfriend G reg ?

H e sti I I works there
and he was crazy.

Baby, stop.

Wait. H old on. H old on. Just a second .
Let me make su re I got th is straig ht.

Are you aski ng me for a d ivorce?

-Yay ! Two C h ristmases !
-Yay ! Two C h ristmases!

Cal ?

H ow cou ld you do th is to me , man ?

Ricky, you r marriage was
a hol low shel I.

It was a cruel charade.

S he j ust gave me the 411
on the whole deal.

And you know what else?
You never let me wi n one ti me.

I thoug ht we had a good th I ng goi ng .
S hake and Bake.

You're doi ng g reat.
You j ust keep it u p. Keep it u p.

And M r. Den n it told me
that it's my ti me now.

-O h , real ly?
-That S hake and Bake is dead.

And we j ust came u p
with a new n ickname.

- It's so good. It's so good .
- I got a new n ickname.

The Mag ic Man .
N ow you see me ...

...now you don't.

That is the stu pidest n ickname
I've ever heard.

I s it, Ricky?

Because I th I n k
you wish you thoug ht of it.

Al I rig ht. You got me .
That's an awesome n ickname.

I've always had a lot of g reat ideas.

I also th I n k I'm ig ht desig n a car
that's I n the shape of a rabbit.

It m ig ht poop out I ittle real rabbits out
the back that' I I ru n arou nd the track.

You have I ive rabbits
bei ng pooped out onto a track?

If I wi n , I'm ig ht do a special th I ng
with David Copperfield ...

...where he h ides I n my car
I n the passenger seat...

...and he j ust fl I ngs mag ic stuff
out the wi ndow.

D id you ru n any of th is
by NASCAR?

Watch the mai I for that I nvitation to
the wedd I ng , because I want you there.

-What? !
- I know it...

...that some bad stuff happened
j ust now, but I n ti me--

The wedd I ng's not for
a cou ple of weeks.

Why wou ld I come
to you r g uys' wedd I ng ?

--You're gon na get over it
and be my best man.

I'm not gon na be you r best man!

Baby, he's not gon na come
to the wedd I ng.

Cal , do you real ize the I m pl ications
of you r actions rig ht now?

What's " I m pl ication" mean ?

We are no longer friends.

-Why?
-What do you mean , "Why?"

You're wrecki ng my I ife!

You j ust lost you r wife .
You j ust lost you r job.

Don't th row out you r best friend
because of you r anger.

-That's absol utely rid icu lous , man .
- Ricky...

...remem ber, the field mouse is fast,
but the owl sees at n ig ht.

That's ki nd of creepy, ai n't it?

- H ey, Ricky, I'll cal I you tomorrow.
-S h ut u p.

- Bye , kids. I'll see you next weekend .
- Bye.

Ricky ! Boys ! I s everyth I ng al I rig ht?

Mama , we got nowhere to go .
Carley and Cal took everyth I ng.

Wel I , you're home now,
and you got you r mama.

Get I n here , boys. Come on.

Come on. Get I n th is house.

H ey, Ricky. Are you on fi re?

- N ice den I m shorts , d ude .
- H ey, sh ut u p , man.

H u m p me!

N ow, you watch you rself.

Yes , si r. I'm sorry.
I prom ise it won't happen agai n.

H ey, sorry, man.

Hey.

I lost my I icense.

That's why I'm on the bus .
I'm del iveri ng pizzas.

Motherfucker,
what makes you th I n k I care?

S h ut the fuck u p!

I was j ust tel I I ng you that because--

Li ke I said , I lost my I icense. I've
been havi ng a lot of problems lately.

P roblems? I don't wan na hear about
you r dam n problems.

Everybody got problems.

My mama got problems .
S he j ust lost her leg.

My cousi n Pookie j ust lost a testicle .
My dog th rew u p somebody's fi nger.

That's a problem.

I real ly reg ret open I ng my mouth
and tal ki ng to you.

-Sorry. Sorry.
-Get out of the road!

H ey, come on , man .
I'm on a bi ke. Relax.

- H ey, sh ut u p !
- I d iot!

It's open.

H ugalo's P izza. We are pizza.

-You are pizza?
-Yeah , we are pizza. I gotta say it.

E ither close the door or come I n .
I got weed I n here , cowboy.

You got th ree pizzas that haven 't
been eaten j ust sitti ng over there.

I know. I've been cal I I ng them
al I day tryi ng to get you ...

...but they keep send I ng me
d ifferent del ivery people.

Tryi ng to get me? Why?

Because I'm you r daddy, that's why.

-What d id you j ust say?
- I said , I'm you r daddy.

I'm Reese Bobby.

Me and you r mama d id it I n a Rustler
Steak H ouse bath room when I was 17.

And then you showed u p.

H ey, son.

-Son ! Son , d id th is go good ?
- N o!

-Seems to me I I ke it went pretty good .
-You ' re not my dad.

- It got a I ittle heated , but... .
-Stop tal ki ng to me!

H ey, is that a H uffy?
That's a n ice-looki ng bi ke , boy.

I can't bel ieve it!

I mean , he's been
blowi ng me off for 25 years ...

...and now he wants
to get to know me?

H ow the hel I d id he even fi nd me?

I cal led h I m.

Are you kidd I ng me?
Mama , why'd id you go do that?

Son , you need hel p.

- I know he's a son of a bitch .
- H e's scary.

B ut you're a g rown man .
You're del iveri ng pizzas on a bi ke.

H ow'd you even get hooked u p
with h I m I n the fi rst place?

You probably cou ld n't tel I
by looki ng at h I m now...

...but you r daddy used to be
a real charmer.

And that n ig ht I n the lad ies' room of
the Rustler Steak H ouse , he chose me.

- I n a lad ies' room ?
-S h ut u p I n here ! I'm tryi ng to sleep!

O ne of you tu rds is about
to get smacked I n the mouth!

H ey, stop yel I I ng at me , okay?
I'm you r dad. You're 7 years old.

Don't tal k I I ke that.

H ey. H ey there , Lucy.

H ow you doi ng ?

O h , hey there , Ricky. Look, son ...

...I know you don't
want me to be here ...

...but I saw what happened to you
on the television. You saw the fear.

- I can hel p you with that, son .
- Real ly?

What do you care about me or us?
You never even met you r g rand kids.

-What are you looki ng at, Popeye?
-S h ut u p , you I ittle pot-I icker.

I ' I I put you I n a m icrowave.

N ow, you show me the D NA test...

...and then maybe I'll say hel lo
to these swam p rats.

You people sh ut the hel I u p ! I got
a wife I n an oxygen tent tryi ng to sleep.

You better sh ut u p or I'll come
over there and ri p a hole I n that tent.

Yeah , sh ut u p , F ran k!

Go shave you r bal ls ,
you d usty old fart!

Okay, I g uess they are my g rand kids.

I know you , son. I know you wel I.

You're j ust I I ke me. Tal ladega's
com I ng u p I n a cou ple of weeks ...

- ...I know you wan na wi n that th I ng .
- N o , I don't.

Listen , Ricky.

I'm 55 years old
and al I I got to my name is a car...

...and a d uffle bag fu I I of u nderwear,
and sweet, sti n ky weed.

H ow m uch you sel I I ng that weed for,
old man ?

I know I screwed u p
raisi ng you as a boy...

...but j ust let me hel p you as a man.

- Do it, Dad. Get you r bal ls back.
-Go fast agai n.

F I ne. I'll do it.

- B ut I ai n't cal I I ng you Daddy.
-Wel I , what you gon na cal I me?

Al I rig ht, P rofessor D ickweed .
What's the plan ?

Wel I , basical ly, what happened to you
is that you saw the fear.

So before you can even th I n k
about any real d rivi ng ...

...you gotta make friends with
that fear. So get I n the car.

What the hel I ? !
There's a goddam n cougar I n the car!

I know there's a cougar,
I put it I n there.

You gotta learn to d rive
with the fear.

Ai n't noth I ng more dam n frig hten I ng
than d rivi ng with a cougar I n the car.

-God , where'd you get that th I ng ?
- I trapped it.

Been keepi ng it I n my bath room
at the motel , feed I ng it old pizza.

- N ow get back I n that car, you hear?
- N o , I'm not getti ng I n that car.

H ey, I isten to me. If you're cal m ,
that wond rous big cat wi I I be cal m too.

B ut if you're scared ...

...that beautifu I death mach I ne
wi I I do what God made it to do ...

...namely, eat you
with a sm I le on its face.

God , he's j ust fol lowi ng me
wherever I go.

Wel I , he's j ust looki ng at you.

You're sayi ng if I j ust cal m down ,
the cougar wi I I be okay?

-You got it.
- Dam n it. O kay.

Come on , son .
You can do it. Come on.

O h , come on.

That's it.

-And no sudden moves .
- Li ke , is th is too fast? O h , man. See?

-That's a I ittle q u ick.
-You see what he d id ?

You gotta be a I ittle more del I berate
I n you r movement.

I'm j ust gon na get I n there .
I'm j ust gon na g rab the hand le.

I'm gon na get I n and d rive that car.
I'm gon na do it cal m.

-Cal m. P iece of cake .
- I was j ust tryi ng to stay cal m.

-O h , man !
-Someti me today, son.

Okay, here we go. I'm getti ng I n.

O h , God , hel p me!

- Ricky ! Control you r heart rate .
-O h , my God!

H ey, Mama.

Wel I , hey there , Ricky. H ow'd it go?

Wel I , I was mau led by a cougar...

...learned noth I ng about d rivi ng ,
and my C rystal Gayle sh I rt was ru I ned.

B ut other than that, it went fi ne.

Where are the boys at?

I d ropped them off at S u nday school
at my ch u rch about 10 m I n utes ago.

Anarchy!

-Anarchy ! Anarchy !
-Anarchy!

-There they are .
-What I n tarnation ?

-Anarchy !
- I don't even know what that means ...

...but I love it!

-What I n the hel I ?
-That is it!

That puts the I id rig ht on the jar!

-Mama ! Mama !
- N o , Ricky, no.

I wi I I not have my g rand babies
acti ng I I ke sh iftless , wi ld hobos.

Al I rig ht, now, you boys I isten u p ,
and you I isten good.

N ow, I am declari ng G ran ny Law.

And if you do not obey G ran ny Law...

...I wi I I pai nt you r back porch red.

Sorry, G ran ny,
but you're sh it out of I uck.

We make the ru les , not you.

H ey!

You're gon na break us
I I ke wi ld horses , ai n't you ?

It's the beg I n n I ng of a new age.

H ey, Derek, it's Ricky.

Just wonderi ng
if you can d itch school ...

...and take over my sh ift
at the pizza place ...

...because I got strep th roat.

And it's bad. I don't wan na
g ive it to everyone else.

So cal I me back.
You know the n u m ber.

H el lo.

H ey, man. H ow's it goi ng ?
You wan na come over and party?

Did you just say "party"?

You know what? N o .
Because I sti I I hate you , okay?

-What are you so mad about?
-What do you th I n k I'm mad about?

Come on , man , that was last week.

What about the ti me you ran over
my leg with a car?

-I let that go that day.
-Yeah , I remem ber.

Wi nd is kicki ng u p.

Are you I n the hot tu b?

Answer me th is :
When you're I n spa mode ...

...how come the water level
d rops I n the spa?

Are you pressi ng the buttons
I n the back panel or I n the kitchen ?

- I j ust started pressi ng stuff.
- H ey, don't press al I those buttons.

I'm getti ng bored. You wan na
come over and play G. I. J oes?

I wou ld love to. N o!

Come on. You know what?
Screw you, man.

Ricky, man , you gotta
cross over the anger bridge.

Come back to the friendsh I p shore.

-"C ross over the anger bridge"?
-Yeah , that's where you're at.

You're stuck on an anger bridge.

Can you not see why
I'm stuck on the anger bridge ?

Look, I don't know why I'm tal ki ng
to you , okay? What is it?

They got bottom less nachos
at Ben n igan 's.

God , a whole mess of nachos
sou nds good rig ht now.

I don't ha ve a car no more.
Can you come get me ?

I ' I I get you. Wh ich one of you r cars do
you m iss the most? I'll bri ng that one.

- I'm iss the H u m mer.
- I'm com I ng I n the H u m mer.

-Are you ready?
- Yeah. No, wait.

O kay. O u r friendsh I p is done .
Al I rig ht?

- You hear?
-You wan na hang out I n you r house.

-Come on .
-Screw you , d ude. I'm hang I ng u p.

Okay, that's it. Bye.

O h , man , th is is absol utely crazy.
I mean , th is is borderl I ne reckless.

Don't you get it? You don't d rive with
you r eyes , you d rive with you r heart.

Th is is j ust d u m b .
I can't see a th I ng.

You gotta feel the road .
You gotta let it I ive I nside you.

-Are you feel I ng anyth I ng now?
- I'm feel I ng a I ittle bit.

What do you feel ?
Tel I me what you're feel I ng.

I'm feel I ng the worn wood
of the steeri ng wheel.

-Yeah. What else?
-A I ittle bit of heat.

That's you and the car
melded together.

Yeah , now I'm real ly feel I ng it.
I feel I I ke the car cou ld d rive itself.

I bet it cou ld. Start her u p.

I'm gon na start th is car u p.

Attaboy. Al I rig ht, son.

D rive.

I'm em barrassed .
I real ly thoug ht I cou ld feel it.

You know what? We better h ig htai I it
out of here. F ran k's gon na be pissed.

Al I rig ht.

N o , no , Ricky. N o bl I ndfold.

Get th is h ig hway clean , come on.

I gotta tel I you , G ran ny, th is blows.

- H ow m uch more of th is?
- I don't know.

H ow many more ti mes are you gon na
toss me the rad io I n the bathtu b?

- H el lo?
- H ey, man. You u p?

- N o .
- Wake up. I need to talk to you.

I th I n k you r house is hau nted.

H ey, come on .
It's 2 : 30 I n the morn I ng.

I can't sleep I n here , man .
I'm scared.

Look, there's noth I ng to be scared of.
It's a new house ...

...there's a lot of creaks and moans
and g roans I n it.

- P ut on-- You got you r TV on ?
-Wel I , yeah , I fel I asleep with it on.

-Tu rn on chan nel 42 .
- Forty-two?

- Look at them bu ns .
-Wel I , that is a set of bu ns.

And down , and down , and--

What's she doi ng exercisi ng
at 2 : 30 I n the morn I ng ?

O h , yeah , that's a real ly good poi nt.

I don't know why I'm tal ki ng to you .
Do you remem ber that I hate you ?

H ey, man , you know what
I was th I n ki ng ?

-You're I ucky.
- I'm I ucky?

- H ow so?
- Well, check it out.

I'm sitti ng here I n th is enormous
hau nted mansion , can't sleep.

You're hang I ng out at you r mom's .
That's awesome.

-That's , I I ke , the opposite of awesome .
-Wel I , th is is I I ke a hotel room ...

...with someone else's j u n k I n it.

Okay, yeah , wel I , that someone else's
j u n k, that used to be my stuff.

I'm j ust havi ng a hard ti me , man .
I'm j ust cal I I ng u p for some su pport.

Do you--? Do you know
how crazy that sou nds?

- H ey, one more th I ng .
-Yeah ?

When you have the stereo on
at the same ti me as the TV...

...how do you control the vol u me
on the TV?

Why do you want to I isten to the TV
with the stereo on ?

Because I I I ke to party.

Why am I sti I I tal ki ng to you ?

Come on.
We were doing good there, man.

I'm taki ng care of you r house good.

I keep snappi ng back I nto it.
It's I I ke a trick you're pu I I I ng on me.

-Al I rig ht. I'll tal k to you tomorrow.
-Al I rig ht, man. Tal k to you tomorrow.

S h it.

Get out.

Where d id stock-car raci ng
come from ?

What?

- H ey, stop doi ng that.
- H ow d id stock-car raci ng get its start?

Bootleggers I n P roh I bition had to have
cars fast enoug h to outru n the Feds ...

- ...then they started raci ng each other.
-That's rig ht.

If I was rig ht, why'd you th row
another bucket on me?

I fi I led u p th ree. N ow, there's noth I ng
I I ke d rivi ng to avoid jai I.

N oth I ng hones you r m I nd
and you r I nsti ncts I I ke necessity.

So I taped a ki lo of cocai ne u nderneath
the car and cal led the boys I n bl ue.

N ow, the way I fig u re it,
you got about two m I n utes ...

...before they show u p
and you do five to 10.

So , what's it gon na be?
Fear or prison ?

-What the hel I are you tal ki ng about?
- Real si m ple , son.

Cops are com I ng.

There's a ki lo of Colom bian bam-bam
u nder the car. Ti me to be a man.

-You got hai r on you r peaches or what?
-You ' re not kidd I ng , are you ? Man.

You crazy creep!

Come on , son .
What's it gon na be?

S peed or jai I ?

G rand pa , wou ld you I I ke
to take us fish I ng ...

...and tel I us I ife lessons and stories
about you r ch I ld hood ?

I got a better idea.

Why don't you boys go d ig a hole
and I'll get another beer?

Someone d id n't love you enoug h
when you were I ittle , d id they?

Good cal I .
H ere , that's worth a n ickel.

Trag ic.

Son of a bitch , son of a bitch ,
son of a bitch.

O h , man. O h , man!

O ne-sixteen. O ne-sixteen!

I'm goi ng fast agai n!

P u I I over! P u I I over!

P u I I over?
I ' I I pu I I over for you. H ow about th is?

Where are you ?

Gotcha.

" Feels good goi ng fast, doesn't it?

By the way, don't try and snort
these Lucky C harms. Reese. "

O kay.

O kay.

There you go , I ittle man.

H ey, Ricky!

H ow you doi ng ?

-O h , N ana , not my prison shan k.
- I n the can.

There's you r
mother-fl I ppi ng d rivi ng test.

M r. Bobby, you are mag n ificent.

Down , Karen ! Get down !
Get down , Karen!

It's al I rig ht. It's gon na be okay.

Wel I , son , you are looki ng good
beh I nd that wheel.

Than ks , Daddy. I gotta tel I you ,
I feel good. H eck, you know what?

Let's go out ton ig ht, you know,
the whole fam I ly.

I'm tal ki ng about sitti ng down ,
enjoyi ng a gou rmet meal ...

...at a place that's real special.

- H i. Those plates are hot. E njoy.
-You got you r own ski I let.

- Be back to check on you I n a m I n ute .
-Than k you.

O h , gooder than g rits.

Let us pray.

Dear Lord baby J esus ...

...lyi ng there
I n you r I ittle g host manger...

...j ust looki ng at you r Baby E I nstei n
developmental videos ...

...learn I ng about shapes
and colors and ...

We j ust have so m uch
to be than kfu I for.

F I rst off, my sons no longer act...

- ...I I ke retarded gang bangers .
-Amen.

Also , I got my bal ls back
beh I nd the wheel of a car.

And most I m portantly,
we than k you ...

...for bri ng I ng back ou r nasty,
del I nq uent, pot-deal I ng daddy to us.

For he was lost,
but now he is fou nd. Amen.

-Amen .
-Amen.

Son , that was lovely.

-What a lovely meal .
- It su re is.

It certai n ly does look del icious.

I gotta tel I you , th is is about
a dam n perfect even I ng rig ht now.

It is , isn't it?

You know what we shou ld do?

Every week, we shou ld come back
to th is Applebee's ...

...and sit at th is table ,
and have a fam I ly meal.

-That's a g reat idea , Mama .
-And order the same stuff.

-That wou ld be g reat.
-And I wou ld be del ig hted , Reese ...

...if you wou ld accom pany me to
bal I room danci ng on Tuesday n ig hts.

-Tuesday n ig ht?
- It's a lot of fu n.

- I th I n k you 'd have a good ti me .
- H ow's everybody doi ng here?

- Dol ly, it's so good .
-O h , it's real ly, real ly good.

You know, I j ust--
I hate to be a pai n , darl I ng ...

...but I asked for no on ions
on my Bou rbon Steak.

I am so sorry.
I thoug ht you asked for on ions--

Okay, okay,
maybe don't I nterru pt me.

- I'm sorry, I d id n't mean to .
-Yeah , wel I , I th I n k you d id mean to ...

...and I also th I n k that you meant
to put the dam n on ions on my steak.

-Okay, Reese .
-G randfather...

...can't we resolve
th is confl ict without anger?

- I'm a veteran and a d iabetic !
- Dad!

- Dad ! Why are you doi ng th is?
-Applebee's has rats!

I fou nd a whole rat
I n my Cobb salad!

Dad , where are you goi ng ?

Come on , frat boy, you wan na go?

-What's goi ng on , man ?
- Ricky, let h I m go!

-Th I ngs were goi ng good , weren't they?
-That's exactly why I had to blow it u p.

I don't know what organ or bone
people have ...

...that makes them act rig ht,
but I was born without it. I'm no good.

Al I those races I won ,
that was for you , you know that?

I d id j ust I I ke you told me :
" If you ai n't fi rst, you're last. "

What the hel I are you tal ki ng about?

What you told me
that day at school for career day.

You came I n and you said ,
" If you ai n't fi rst, you're last. "

O h , hel I , Ricky,
I was h ig h when I said that.

That doesn't make any sense at al I.

"You're fi rst or last. " You can
be second , you can be th I rd , fou rth.

H el I , you can even be fifth.

What are you tal ki ng about?
I I ived my whole I ife based on that.

Wel I , now what the hel I
am I su pposed to do?

Wel I , that's the m I I I ion-dol lar q uestion ,
isn't it?

Good I uck to you , son.

H ey, Dad!

Where are you goi ng ?

Does it matter?

H ere we go.

H ey, don't bu m p me.

O h , man , I'm flyi ng.

Game over. Come on , reset.

Boy, you are a terrible driver, no ?

H ow'd you get on a video game
so fast?

Is your name, by chance,
Ricky Bobby?

H ey, screw you , man !
I got noth I ng because of you!

- I hate you !
- H ey, Ricky.

I am on fire. I am on fire.

S usan ?

And so then I got a marketi ng
job with NASCAR.

- Real ly?
-Yeah , it's g reat. It's g reat.

Wel I , gosh , you look fantastic.

-Than k you .
- I mean , you've always looked good.

I mean , I'm j ust-- I'm happy for you.

Than k you.

B ut what about you ?

H ow have you been ?
What have you been doi ng ?

Wel I , they want me to race at Tal ladega
next weekend , but I'm not gon na do it.

Because I'm done .
I'm done with the raci ng , with d rivi ng.

-Why wou ld you do that?
- Because I've real ly moved on.

I've sent I n my appl ication to
The Real World...

...so I'm hopi ng to hear back.

I'm putti ng a lot of my eggs I nto
that basket, the MTV basket.

I'm also th I n ki ng about getti ng a g u n
and deal I ng crack.

Bei ng a crack dealer, but not I I ke
a mean crack dealer, but I I ke a ...

You know, I I ke a n ice one.

Just ki nd of friend ly, I I ke , " H ey...

...what's u p , g uys?
You want some crack?"

I'm j ust waiti ng on those two th I ngs
to ki nd of flesh themselves out.

You know what, Ricky?

I have kept my mouth sh ut
for a real ly, real ly long ti me.

And I j ust don't th I n k that I can
keep it sh ut anymore.

I j ust have to tel I you that I th I n k
you are maki ng a big m istake.

- Real ly?
-Yes.

Why is it that you always fal I
for people who leave you ?

H ave you noticed that?

Li ke Carley and you r dad
and you r sponsors.

And you always have
to prove you rself. Wh--?

Wel I , you gotta I isten
to me here , okay?

You gotta wi n to get love .
Everyone knows that.

I mean , that's j ust I ife.

Look at Don S h u la ,
legendary coach.

Look at that Asian g uy
who holds the world record ...

...for eati ng al I those hot dogs
I n a row.

Look at Rue McC lanahan
from The Golden Girls.

Al I th ree people ,
al I g reat cham pions , al I loved.

Do you wan na know why I th I n k
that you shou ld race agai n ?

S u re. Why?

O kay. It's because
it's what you love , Ricky.

It is who you were born to be.

And here you sit, th I n ki ng.

Wel I , Ricky Bobby is not a th I n ker.
Ricky Bobby is a d river.

H e is a doer.
And that's what you need to do.

You don't need to th I n k,
you need to d rive.

You need speed. You need to go out
there , and you need to rev you r eng I ne.

You need to fi re it u p.

You need to g rab hold of the I I ne
between speed and chaos ...

...and you need to wrestle it
to the g rou nd I I ke a demon cobra.

And then , when that fear rises u p
I n you r bel ly, you use it...

...and you know that fear is powerfu I
because it has been there ...

...for bi I I ions of years ! And it is good ,
and you use it, and you ride it.

You ride it I I ke a skeleton horse
th roug h the gates of hel I ...

...and then you wi n ! You wi n!

You don't wi n for anybody else ,
you wi n for you. You know why?

Because a man takes what he wants ,
he takes it al I.

And you're a man , aren't you ?
Aren't you ?

S usan , I've never heard you
tal k I I ke that.

Are we about to get it on ?

Because I'm as hard as a d iamond
I n an ice storm rig ht now.

-Th is is awesome .
-Yes , it is.

-Are you cl I m bi ng on the table now?
-Yes , si r.

I can't bel ieve th is.

Th is is I I ke that Wh itesnake video
where the g I rl crawls on ...

Yeah. Just I I ke that.
What's her name?

Tawny Kitaen. S he's real ly good.

-S he's g reat.
-S he's fantastic.

Everyone , tu rn away.

Th I ngs are gon na get crazy.
We're gon na make an I mal noises.

- Looks good , dam n good .
-Yeah. That's good , g uys.

Yeah , Ricky, it's good to be back.

-Tal ladega .
-Tal ladega.

I'm issed you d udes.

Even you too , G len n.

I d id n't have a whole lot of money left,
but what I d id I put I nto the car.

We got some lower-end sponsors ,
so it's noth I ng to shout about...

...but at least we got
someth I ng to ru n I n.

Let's see what we got, g uys.

What are we looki ng at?
"J u I io's thongs for men"?

Come on , what ki nd of d ude
wears a thong ?

Yeah , that's messed u p.

Perverts , you know?

N ot the best car, but it' I I move.

H old on , now, baby. Let's j ust see
what th is th I ng's got u nder the hood.

-There she is .
- Looks I I ke the Pep Boys th rew u p.

- Dam n .
- Li ke I said , work I n prog ress.

Al I rig ht, I tel I you what we gotta do .
S I nce we got no corporate money...

...we have to bu I ld th is
eng I ne ou rselves.

I want you to h it u p every I ndependent
d river out there for spare parts.

Yeah , Luci us , that's crazy.

Wel I , crazy is al I we got
rig ht now, okay? So do it.

N ow, where you goi ng ?

I wan na tel I Gérard Depard ieu
we're com I ng for h I m.

There you go , baby. G ive h I m hel I.

Get th is eng I ne bu I lt. Get it bu I lt.

I have not fi n ished.

Monsieu r G I rard ,
Ricky Bobby is here to see you.

Th is is the one I was tal ki ng about,
Ricky Bobby.

Than k you , Bacco. Go.

You're a toug h man to fi nd .
You know that, buster?

I prefer sol itude
the day before a race.

I am bei ng so I ncred I bly rude ,
Monsieu r Bobby.

Let me I ntrod uce you
to my I u nch g uests.

Th is is my dear old friend
E lvis Costel lo.

Del ig htfu I to meet you , M r. Robert.
I thoug ht you were dead.

And next to h I m is h I p-hop artist,
poet and my brother-i n-law, Mos Def.

I I I ke you r d rivi ng style .
I'm more of a Tony Stewart man ...

...n u m ber 20 car, myself.

H ow he gets I nto
those straig htaways.

Gets it I n the pai nt. Get her done!

And across from Monsieu r Def...

...is B reeze.

H ey. You're B reeze or you're B reeze?
Wh ich one of you is B reeze?

Together we are B reeze.

They are I I ke twi ns ,
born from d ifferent wom bs.

- Rig ht.
-They are God's most...

...beautifu I'm istake.

They do everyth I ng together.
Everyth I ng.

They read the same books.

They do P I lates together.

They wal k, tal k, sleep ...

...even go make toi let.

Okay, you're starti ng
to creep me out, man.

A si ng le plop.

O ne si ng le plop.

I don't need to hear about
doi ng a toi let.

You want more exam ples?

- N o , you I isted I I ke 8000 .
- Less than that.

- It's none of my busi ness .
-More I I ke ...

...I don't know, between five and 10.

Look, I need to tal k to you.

Wal k with me , Ricky Bobby.

-You have a good I u nch .
-Take care , man.

-Good bye , Ricky.
-Good bye.

H old I ng hands with a man
makes me terri bly u ncomfortable.

It is a sig n of friendsh I p
I n many cou ntries.

Wel I , not I n ou rs.

There's noth I ng sexual about it.

P lease don't be worried at the fact
I have an erection.

- It has noth I ng to do with you .
- H ey, come on.

Look. H ere's the deal .
I came here to tel I you one th I ng.

Al I rig ht?
Tomorrow, I'm com I ng for you.

Do you know why I came to America ,
Ricky Bobby?

P u bl ic schools , health-care system ,
g iant water parks.

I mean , the same reason
anyone comes to America.

I came here for you to beat me.

-What the hel I are you tal ki ng about?
-My h usband , G regory, and I ...

...wish on ly for that
wh ich every other cou ple wishes for:

To tame Komodo d ragons
I n S ri Lan ka ...

...and teach them
to perform Hamlet.

B ut before I can do that...

-That's d u m b .
- It's not d u m b.

- It is d u m b .
-Why is it d u m b?

- I don't know.
- B ut before I can do that...

...I m ust be beaten by a d river
who's tru ly better than me.

So you're gon na lose to me
on pu rpose?

- N o .
- N o?

N o!

I wi I I battle you with the enti rety
of my heart.

And you wi I I probably lose.

B ut maybe , j ust maybe ...

...you m ig ht chal lenge me.

God needs the devi I.

The Beatles needed
the Rol I I ng Stones.

Even D iane Sawyer
needed Katie Cou ric.

Wi I I you be my Katie Cou ric?

I feel I I ke I'm I n Highlander.

What's the Highlander?

It's a movie.

-Any good ?
-Very good.

- It won the Academy Award .
-O h , for what?

For best movie ever made.

I j ust want you to know I came here
today to tel I you one th I ng.

That come race ti me tomorrow,
I'm com I ng for you , al I rig ht?

-May God be with you .
-Yeah.

Because althoug h
today I am friend ly...

...tomorrow wi I I be war!

Al I rig ht.

Ladies and gentlemen, pull up a chair,
drop the kids off with their aunt...

...and take the phone off the hook
because it's race day here...

...at the Talladega Superspeedway.

H ey, g uys.

-Why so down ?
- Ricky...

...we were u p al I n ig ht
worki ng on the car.

And then someth I ng happened .
There was a fi re.

D id you say "fi re"?

G len n is dead , Ricky.

I mean ,
he d ied last n ig ht I n my arms ...

- ...as I held h I m .
-O h , man.

H e was so scared ,
because you know how I ittle he is.

And death was com I ng for h I m ,
and he stood there ...

...and with a tear com I ng out h is eyes ,
he said , "Tel I Ricky, wi n for me. "

That's al I that I ittle bastard wanted ,
was for you to wi n.

I wish you cou ld 've seen h I m.

I wish you cou ld 've felt
h is I ittle heart fl utteri ng.

Sweet J esus.

Poor G len n.

H ey, what the hel I , man .
H ey, G len n. G len n!

- I see you .
-G len n , what d id I say?

- I said , "Wait ti I I after the race. "
-Was he cryi ng ?

I'm sorry, Ricky. We were j ust tryi ng to
g ive you a I ittle extra motivation.

Wel I , that is j ust sick, g uys.

It's okay, S usie .
I appreciate it, g uys.

Just tryi ng to hel p out...

...even thoug h
it was wei rd and perverse.

They're j ust tryi ng to hel p , Ricky.
We're a team here.

- I appreciate it.
- Let's see what's u nder the hood.

Al I rig ht, let's have a look.

H ot dog. I mean , that's I I ke looki ng u p
B ridgette Wi lson-Sam pras' ski rt.

We were u p al I n ig ht worki ng on it.
Li ke I said , a lot of teams gave parts.

N ice work, g uys.

And you r sponsors weren't doi ng
very m uch , so ...

...wel I , we repai nted the car.

Wel I , take a look. Come on , g uys.

Wel I , I I I ke the cougar,
but what com pany is " M. E. "?

" Me" is you ...

...because it's j ust you out there.

We don't have
any corporate sponsors.

We don't have
any fancy team owners.

We have you ...

...and th is car, and th is cougar...

...wh ich sym bol izes the fear
that you have overcome.

It's al I there for you.

Ricky, th is car is I I ke you r Excal I bu r,
the m ig hty sword Ki ng Arth u r used ...

...to bri ng together
the Kn ig hts of the Rou nd Table ...

...u nti I Lancelot betrayed h I m by layi ng
with h is q ueen , I n the bi bl ical sense.

Okay, G len n.

Everyth I ng cool that S usan said ,
you wrecked it.

G uys , let's go wi n ou rselves
a race , al I rig ht?

-There you go. Yeah !
- Rig ht?

Let's get out there and wi n a race.

From Provence, France...

...driver of the number 55
Perrier car...

...Jean Girard.

From West River, North Carolina...

...driver of the number 47
Old Spice car...

...Cal Naughton Jr.

H ey, Carley.

- H ey, Ricky.
-Carley ! H ey, baby.

Baby.

O h , hey, Ricky.

H ey, man .
We m issed you at the wedd I ng.

-You m issed me at the wedd I ng ?
-O h , man , it was so classy.

We had a Styx cover band
and a nacho fou ntai n.

C heck it, it was a nacho fou ntai n
with six ki nds of cheese on it.

- Liq u id cheese? It cascaded down ?
-Yeah.

-Are you serious?
-Amazi ng. S ix d ifferent ki nds.

Swiss , H avarti .
What was the other one?

-Gouda .
-C heddar, Gouda.

That's the g reatest th I ng
I ever heard of.

Bean buffet I n front of it.
It was awesome.

Don't I isten to h I m. And remem ber
one th I ng , he's the com petition.

You're not very focused rig ht now.
I need you to focus.

- H ey.
-What?

- I'm the Mag ic Man now. O kay?
-Yeah , I know.

So get ready for some tricks u p
these sleeves , al I rig ht?

Watch you r bu ns , pal.

Baby, that is real good tal k.
Li ke we practiced last n ig ht.

I got someth I ng to tel I you ,
you mangy piece of trash.

-What?
- I'm sorry.

I took you for g ranted , Cal , and you
were a real ly good friend to me ...

...and I never gave you you r d ue .
It was my fau lt.

I ' I I tel I you the truth .
I'm a I ittle confused by you r tactics.

-Tactics?
-Yeah. I'm gon na keep acti ng toug h ...

...u nti I I fig u re it out. Al I rig ht?

See you on the track.

-Come on , baby.
- I love you.

I love you too. Come on.

Abracadabra , homes.

H I , B I I I Weber, along with
Wal ly Dal len bach and Ben ny Parsons.

Than ks for havi ng us. Today,
Tal ladega , NASCAR's biggest track...

...where the big concern
is the big wreck.

And it's not if it happens,
it's where and when.

We ha ve a guy in the race today
that'll probably cause it, Ricky Bobby.

Starting in the rear of the field,
underfunded...

...and the last time we saw him,
he caused a big crash.

A lot of big stories and some
big questions here at Talladega.

Al I rig ht, go get them.

You m ust decide , Ricky Bobby.

I s it fool ish pride ,
or is it g reatness for you ?

- H ey, J arvis !
- Go ahead, Cal.

If you slept with
you r best friend's wife ...

- ...why wou ld he apolog ize to you ?
-Yeah , I know. That's wei rd.

That's what I'm sayi ng .
My head's al I tied u p I I ke a pretzel.

I got a pretzel I n my head.

- Ricky !
-Come on , Dad!

I've got some big I nvestors
com I ng by.

These g uys are
big-money power players.

If th I ngs go rig ht, they cou ld have us
own I ng half the cars I n NASCAR.

So I want you--
N o , I want you to behave.

-O h , real ly?
-Q u iet.

S hou ld I not tel I them
after 14 years of marriage ...

...you ' re sti I I afraid
to let me see you naked ?

That's not a fear th I ng ,
it's a trust th I ng.

H ey ! I was wonderi ng
where you g uys got off to.

Baby, th is is Ted Beamen
from H al I I bu rton.

- N ice to meet you .
-Over here ...

...is D ick Tangfield
from Dynacorp.

- Back there is. .. .
-You have beautifu I teeth.

Yes , he does .
Get you rselves down there.

-Adorable .
-Make you rselves at home ...

- ...g rab someth I ng to eat, over here. .. .
-Sweetheart, sweetheart.

You're a sweetie pie.

S he's very affectionate .
S he suffered a recent loss--

You taste good too.

--So she's a I ittle emotional.

Okay, that's fi ne. Go ahead , fi nd a seat.
Can we get these g uys someth I ng ?

Jean Girard started from the pole
and is out to a big lead.

As you know, Bill,
he's been doing that all year.

Where are you , Ricky Bobby?
Come face you r destroyer!

"Come face you r destroyer"?
Listen to how I sou nd.

I sou nd I I ke a massive prick.

Come on , baby ! Yeah , that's it.

Al I rig ht, Luci us .
Ti me to let the cougar loose.

H ere we go , boys.

Ricky Bobby, in the 62 car,
on the move.

H e's gone from 26th to 18th place.

N ow let's go to J oh n H an nafi n , I n the
stands with a cou ntry-m usic legend.

Than k you , Sean. I'm here with one
of the g reatest cou ntry-m usic stars ...

...of al I ti me , Ken ny Rogers.

-What do you th I n k of the race so far?
- It's good. They're goi ng real ly fast.

J oh n , that's not Ken ny Rogers.

I n the song "The Gam bler, "
you sang :

"You gotta know when to wal k away
and know when to ru n. "

S hou ld Ricky Bobby have
stayed away from raci ng ?

M r. Bobby's very com petitive .
If he wants to race , he shou ld race.

Wel I , th is is J oh n H an nafi n with Ken ny
Rogers. And now back to you , B I I I.

Wel I , that, of cou rse ,
was not Ken ny Rogers.

N ot even close.

Ricky, you've got B rian Wavecrest...

...the guy that replaced you
at Dennit, dead ahead.

Bobby working really hard to pass
the Wonder Bread car.

That's his old ride, of course.

We've passed the halfway mark
with Ricky Bobby...

...now three car lengths
behind the leader.

Maybe su bconsciously
you slept with Ricky's wife ...

...as a way of getting back at him...

...for making you
come in second all those years.

I know one th I ng , Carley was defi n itely
u nconscious every ti me we had sex.

Luci us , I got Cal N aug hton
dead ahead of me.

Hey, Cal, you should pay attention.
I think he's passing you.

I s Ricky passi ng me
I n my su bconscious?

No, he's actually passing you.
That's happening right now.

Go , Ricky ! Go!

Let's go back to our
John Hannafin...

...who's I n the stands
with an N BA legend , Larry B I rd.

Fol ks , I'm here with one of the g reat
N BA su perstars ...

...a real legend , Larry B I rd.

I al most d id n't recog n ize you with
the su ng lasses. What are you u p to?

Come on , J oh n , pay attention.

I'm concerned.
He might ha ve had a stroke.

D id n't Ricky Bobby used to
d rive for you ?

-O h , yeah , yeah .
- H e's doi ng q u ite wel I.

O h , yeah , yeah , yeah. Richard!

Get Cal N aug hton's crew ch ief
on the rad io rig ht away.

I bel ieve you have some tickets waiti ng
for me. My name's Reese Bobby.

Reese Bobby.

M ister, these tickets have been waiti ng
for you for a long ti me.

Who needs two? I got tickets!

Tickets , rig ht here , 60 bucks a pop.

Al I rig ht, G I rard , I fou nd you .
N ow let's see where th is goes.

Bobby's gotten around Naughton...

...and now he's right behind Girard,
but Girard's gonna block the track.

Man, he's scary good.

Ah , Ricky Bobby.

N ow we shal I dance ,
and yes , it wi I I be a slow jam.

Dam n it. Come on , man.

I was wrong about you , Ricky Bobby.

You are not the one to defeat me.

I can't get arou nd h I m , man.

You tel I Cal N aug hton
to take Ricky Bobby out.

H ey, Cal , I isten. I hate to add
to you r tremendous moral confusion ...

...but I j ust heard from Den n it.

H e said to take Ricky Bobby
out of the race or you're fi red , buddy.

What are you tal ki ng about?

Tel I h I m if he doesn't do it, he's done .
That's rig ht, he' I I be d rivi ng a tou r bus.

Wel I , you tel I M r. Den n it that
Ricky Bobby is my best friend.

-And it's S hake and Bake ti me .
-Cal , I don't I I ke the way...

- ...you ' re tal ki ng out there .
- Dam n the torpedoes!

Come on , man , sl I ngshot it.
S I I ngshot, come on.

I can't bel ieve it.
If it isn't M I ke H oncho h I mself.

S hake and Bake , buddy!

S hake it before you bake it.

H ere I come. S I I ngshot engaged.

Yeah!

I love you , Cal!

-What are you doi ng ?
-Can't believe it. Now I've seen it all.

Cal Naughton from Dennit Racing just
helped a rival driver pass a teammate.

Darrel I , you tel I B rian Wavecrest
to take out Cal N aug hton rig ht now.

Rig ht now, you do it. You do it!

Yes , si r.

And the 26 car ju st ran N aughton
I nto the wall.

O h , man.

Dam n you , Wavecrest!

The entire field was in that wreck,
and we've only got six laps to go.

Only Ricky Bobby and Jean Girard
got away clean.

It's j ust J ean and Ricky.

And now the matador shal I dance
with the bl I nd shoemaker.

Race officials ha ve completed
an extensive cleanup of the track.

We 're ready to get back to racing.

The 200, 000 fans are on their feet,
and the green flag is in the air.

Bobby and Girard are
dueling each other for the lead.

No one seems to ha ve the edge.

Go , go , go ! Come on , come on , go!

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is the final lap.

By the way, Ricky,
I watched the Highlander movie.

It was sh it.

H ang on , baby J esus ,
th is is gon na get bu m py.

I've seen a lot of big crashes
at Talladega...

...but this is the longest one
I've ever seen.

Let's take a quick commercial break
and we'll be right back.

Hungry for both steak and shrimp ?

Welcome back to Talladega,
where the long one continues.

N o , no ! J ean G I rard and Ricky Bobby
have wrecked I n the last lap ...

...on the straightaway.
What a shame.

O h , God.

It looks like neither Girard or Bobby
will finish this race.

We 'd like to thank you for joining us
for NBC's coverage of NA SCAR.

Coming up next,
it's I ce Danci ng to the H its of Motown.

Wait a m I n ute , there's someth I ng
goi ng on on the track down there.

Oh, my God,
they're racing each other on foot.

These men will not quit.

Go ! Go!

Ricky, Ricky. H e's goi ng ,
he's goi ng , he's goi ng. Look!

H e d id it!

Wel I , I'll be dam ned.

Good for you , Ricky Bobby.

Yeah ! Yeah!

Ricky Bobby wins!

You ' I I never see anyth I ng I I ke that
I n a h u nd red I ifeti mes.

It was com pletely I I legal and I n no way
wi I I cou nt, but that was someth I ng.

It was. That was really good.

Monsieu r Bobby,
by defeati ng me today...

...you have set me free.

And for that, I than k you.

I wi I I never shake you r hand , ever.

B ut I wi I I g ive you th is.

S I r, you taste of America.

Than k you.

N o , once was good. O nce was good.

Boy, that H al I I bu rton .
H al I I bu rton's taken off, haven't they?

Yeah , yeah , we're doi ng wel I.

N ow there's some stock
I 'd I I ke to get my hands on.

Lad ies and gentlemen ,
NASCAR fans ...

...you r eyes on Tal ladega's
famed Victory Lane ...

...as we get ready
for trophy ti me here ...

...fol lowi ng an exciti ng ru n n I ng
of the Tal ladega 500.

F I rst, a very brief explanation.

Because the d rivers that fi n ished
fi rst and second got out of thei r cars ...

...they have official ly
been d isq ual ified.

So now the wi n ner, he was th I rd ,
he's now n u m ber one :

Cal N aug hton J r.!

Yeah , come on , g uys!

-G ive me that th I ng .
-Cal , you're n u m ber one!

I've been waiti ng a long ti me for you
to say my name , man.

I know it's a tech n ical ity,
but I tel I you what...

...you try to take th is away from me ,
I ' I I sock you I n the face.

Ricky.

G ive me that th I ng.

I can't bel ieve it. I can't bel ieve it!

-Cal !
- P ut me down.

I'm proud of you!

Get u p here , man .
N o , you come u p here.

You come u p here.

-Cal N aug hton ! Cal N aug hton .
-O h , my God.

For th is to happen. .. .
Am I dead , man ?

You won the Tal ladega 500 ,
al I rig ht?

I owe you an apology.

-Come on .
-Man , I'm sorry about Carley.

S he wal ked straig ht u p to me
and g rabbed me I n the crotch.

- It's I I ke a tractor beam of hotness .
- I know.

S hake and Bake?

N o. N ever agai n.

You're rig ht.
I was a total d ick, man.

F rom now on ...

...it's Mag ic Man ...

...and E I D iablo.

What's " D iablo" mean ?

It's I I ke , you know...

It's I I ke S pan ish for,
I I ke , a fig hti ng ch icken.

-That's awesome .
- I know.

-With the claws .
-With the claws and the beak.

Where d id you th I n k of that?

You j ust-- Someti mes th I ngs cl ick.

- I love you , bro .
- I love you too.

O h , my God !
O h , my God , I can't bel ieve it!

Excuse me , g uys. N ice job.

H ey, Ricky.

H ey, Carley.

I've decided I can love you agai n .
You're a wi n ner.

-Yeah , I don't th I n k so .
- Real ly?

Are you prepared to wal k away
from these pearls ...

...of del ig ht?

Wel I. ... Yeah , th is is toug h .
H ow wou ld it work?

-Wou ld Cal move out?
-Yep , gone.

Kids move back I n ?

-Can I j ust have a I ittle refresher?
-Of cou rse , baby.

Th is is why you fel I I n love ,
don't forget.

Yeah , I'm I n .
I'm movi ng I n rig ht now.

I ' I I d rive 100 m I les an hou r
to you r house.

-O u r house. O u r house .
-O u r house , yeah.

N o , I'm not. Come on .
It's gon na be awkward.

- H ey, baby.
- H ey.

Wait a m I n ute.

You are ready to wal k away...

...from FHM magazi ne's
n u m ber seven hottest ass ...

...for the g I rl who forgets
to get you r d ry clean I ng ?

-Yeah .
-Yeah ?

-Yeah .
-Good I uck, wei rdoes.

-Carley, come back here .
-Yes , S usie Q?

There's someth I ng I've wanted
to tel I you for a real ly long ti me.

Than k you. Maybe one together?

-S usie Q , are those real ?
-Yeah.

Wel I , g I rl , you got some game.

-We' I I see you on down the road .
-Yeah.

-You seen Cal ?
- H e's somewhere arou nd here.

H ey, Cal ! Baby, I'm com I ng .
Than ks , baby.

-Maybe one more?
-O h , boys.

-S he's crazy.
-O h , than k you.

-You d id good .
-Than ks , Mama.

H e's amazi ng.

That was one heck of a day,
I gotta say.

That's some n ice d rivi ng there ,
cowboy.

- H ey, Daddy.
-Wel I , hel lo , Reese.

Wel I , if it isn't ou r old
mangy, transient g randfather.

Wel I said , g randson .
Take that as a com pl I ment.

H ey, Ricky,
let me ask you a q uestion.

Who d id you wi n that race for?

Wel I , I su re as hel I d id n 't
wi n it for you.

I I I ke heari ng that.

I g uess if I real ly gotta th I n k about it...

...I j ust went out there and d rove.

And knew that no matter
what happened ...

...my boys , my mama ,
and my lady wou ld love me.

H I , I'm h is lady, I'm S usan.

I pai nted the car, I. .. .
We had sex.

- I s that rig ht?
-Yeah.

Wel I , I wish I cou ld 've
been there for that.

Son , I'm proud of you.

Yep. Yeah , I th I n k... .
I g uess th I ngs are ...

...j ust pretty m uch perfect rig ht now.

It's maki ng me a I ittle itchy.

Wel I , what do you say
we get th rown out of an Applebee's?

-That sou nd I I ke a good idea?
-You read my m I nd , son.

-You can cuss at Applebee's .
- Everybody pi le I n.

H ow does one get th rown out
of Applebee's?

-You're about to fi nd out.
-O kay.

Watch , the doors actual ly open.

- H ey, I'm Ricky Bobby.
-And I'm Cal N aug hton J r.

We j ust want to take a moment to tal k
to you about snow bl I nd ness I n cats.

It's affecti ng more and more cats
every year.

And it scares the I ivi ng sh it out of us.

N I nety-eig ht percent of us wi I I d ie
at some poi nt I n ou r I ives.

The darkness is creepi ng towards you ,
whether you know it or not.

A I ittle plan n I ng can go a long way.

Listen , leavi ng
you r big old corpse beh I nd ...

...for you r loved ones to deal with
ai n't cool.

That's why you shou ld cal I
McC reedy F u neral Service.

McC reedy's .
They' I I fi nd the hole and bu I ld the box.

Bod ies that look so good ,
you ' re gon na wan na tal k to it.

We I I ke to have a lot of laug hs
on the racetrack...

...but today we wan na tal k
about someth I ng serious :

Packs of stray dogs that control
most of the major cities.

That's packs of wi ld , vicious dogs
that are control I I ng most of...

Sorry.

I I I ke to pictu re J esus
I I ke a m isch ievous badger.

Li ke a m uscu lar trapeze artist.

Li ke a shapesh ifter or a changel I ng ,
I I ke that g uy.

You ever hear of
that TV show M an I mal?

I I I ke to th I n k of J esus
as a fig u re skater...

...who wears , I I ke , a wh ite outfit...

...and he does I nterpretive ice dances
of my I ife's jou rney.

Li ke a d I rty old bu m.

H e comes u p to me , I'm about to sock
h I m one because he's a d I rty old bu m.

Then I said , "Wait a m I n ute ,
I better not sock th is g uy.

Someth I ng special about h I m. "

-Yeah , and it tu rns out it's J esus .
-Yeah.

O ne , two. ... O h , God.

- N ot agai n ! N o go. N o go !
- It's stuck. It's stuck.

We got two kn ives I n my leg.

I know, but one is a safety kn ife .
O ne is a safety.

It's com I ng out.
It's com I ng out.

I'm choki ng on my own spit.

It h u rts so bad
I'm choki ng on my own spit.

Good n ig ht, g uys .
I'm losi ng a lot of blood.

-Just relax, man .
-Good n ig ht.

Ricky ! Wake--

Someti mes , when it's late at n ig ht,
I d ress u p I I ke Don na S u m mers.

You know, I put on the ski rt
and the fou r-i nch heels , man.

I love it.

Sorry. Sorry.

I wou ld be honored if you wou ld
let me sig n you r cast.

And I wou ld be honored
if you 'd sig n my bal ls.

-O h , baby, that is a good one .
- H ey, what are you doi ng ?

" Don't touch a one of them .
They're m I ne. "

So , what do you th I n k
that story was about?

Doesn't the bear sym bol ize
the old South ...

...and the new dog , the encroach I ng
I nd ustrial ization of the N orth ?

D u h. B ut the q uestion is , shou ld
the reader feel rel ief or sad ness ...

...at the passi ng of the old South ?

Wel I , how about both ?

O h , I get it. Moral am big u ity.

The hal I mark of al I early
20th-centu ry American fiction.

-G reat analysis , Wal ker.
-Than k you.