All language subtitles for E.B.C.S01E09.The Gritty of Brotherly Love - A Philly Phan Phiction

- Hello everyone and
welcome to Erotic Book Club.

The book club where we read erotic books.

I am Jess, with me as
always is my co-host Rekha.

- Hello.

- If you are listening
to this it is probably on

a place where you get podcast or CH2,

but is it on our absolute favorite

place to listen to us, Dropout?

If you subscribe to
Dropout you get to hear

Erotic Book Club first as well as

all of our other awesome podcasts,

Tales from the Closet, Adventure Academy,

and you get to watch our original shows.

We have some exciting ones
coming out that I'm excited for.

We have Troopers returning,
the rise of the budget,

That Rehka wrote on.

As well as another season of
d20 a Sidequest with Rehka.

- Escape from the Black
Keep bitches, watch it.

- Oh, you've been a busy little bee.

- Yeah, I'm tired.

- And our absolute favorite thing

when you subscribe to Dropout
is being on the Discord,

it is a channel where you get
to chat with us, the cast.

We have a special Erotic Book Club one

where we get to chat
with you guys directly

and there's been a lot of fun
convos on there as always.

People were super into Alphie.

Specifically there was the convo

about Vera and Alduin's relationship.

Some people were super into
it, some people were not,

- Some people were just
like I'm here for Vera

and her big character journey,

it feels like a very delicate
way to describe someone

dealing with their internalized hatred of

people different than them, it was

very beautifully discussed on the Discord.

- Some people weren't
trying to hear that shit.

And they didn't want to put up with it,

and that's your right too.

We learned that those specific
shots were called x-ray shots

- Yes.

- Which I thought was interesting.

And then another really cool thing

that came up on the Discord was about

our stress treatment
episode, a lot of people

loved those guests, we were
so happy to have them on.

Also somebody, I'll
read their direct quote,

all the literal equating
genitals to gender was a bummer.

Took me out of the
otherwise enjoyable episode.

So I think they're speaking
to when we talk about vaginas,

we say they belong to women,

we we're talking about penises,
we say they belong to men

and that's not accurate.

There's people that identify
all different genders,

or no gender at all, and they
have all different body parts

and we want to be inclusive of everyone.

- Absolutely so we apologize
and we're gonna do better.

- Yeah, we're gonna do better.

Thank you so much, that's
another great reason

for having the Discord we
get to get put in check.

Yeah, so without further ado,

we have a very exciting episode

that is so close to my heart,

- And mine too.

- I was born and raised, Philadelphia,

the city of brotherly love, but now

it will forever be called
the Gritty of Brotherly Love.

A Philly fan fiction.

- Fan, with a Ph.

- We knew we needed some
superb experts in here today

so we have with us a
Philadelphia lifestyle expert,

Madonna.

- Hi everyone, I am a life style expert.

I go out every night,

I like to live a glamorous life.

- You do, you're one of
the most glamorous friends

that I have.

- Thank you.

And Madonna, what would you say

is your most favorite thing
about the Philly lifestyle?

- I really like the night life.

Truly, which you'll see in my story

that I'm gonna read later,

it's just a little snap
shot of Philly night life

and I'm really excited
to share it with you.

- We are very excited to hear it.

- We also have another expert here.

Over here we've got our
Philadelphia sports expert, David.

- Hi everybody, yeah,
big Philly sports fan.

Love Philly sports, I will admit

that just about every team,

I've lost track of them.

With the Phillies it was
the second Carlos Ruiz

left the team which
was maybe in like 2013.

Yeah, sure, of course, of course.

- This is like me and Jane the Virgin.

I don't know what's going on anymore.

But I know up to a
point, I know very well.

- Yeah and I still, I
mean, you know I still

watch them play and have
these residual feelings,

but it's just not quite
personal to me anymore.

- Yeah this is like me and Shark Tank.

I felt like the show was so
much purer back in the day

and now it's just like too,

You don't know
who the characters are.

Too sterilized I think.

They know they're on camera, they know

they have social media now,

they don't really like give
it to people the same way

so I totally understand.

We totally get it.

- But Madonna and Dave
are both from Philadelphia

that's where I met them
years ago doing comedy there.

So, let's get into it.

- Oh and if you don't know, if you're not

blessed to be from Philadelphia,

Gritty is the Philadelphia Flyers mascot

and the Philly Phanatic is the glorious

Philadelphia Phillies mascot.

So look up these phots on your own time,

it really will help, I
think, digest the story.

- And Gritty's less than one year old.

- What?

- Jailbate.

- Wasn't in Gritty
introduced to the public

in like September?

- But he's not a child, he's a grown man.

- It's sort of like a
Jack situation, you know?

Robin Williams is like
born as like an adult man

in the movie Jack.

Only Gritty
was born that big too.

Oh my God, our characters
if you were not able to read

of course the Philly Phanatic,

we have John Kruk was a
former Philadelphia all star

who you are familiar with.

Yeah, he's an ESPN analyst.

He's a big guy, he's a really big guy.

- When I looked him up,
Chris Farley played him

in like and SNL sketch.

- And I think my favorite
thing about John Kruk

is he one time famously,
somebody was interviewing him,

and they said well you're an athlete,

and he said I'm not an
athlete, I'm a ball player.

So that's the kind of man John Kruk is.

- I'm not a business
man, I'm a business man.

- That kinda makes me wish
he was a bit more involved

in some other things.

- He sounds aggressive,
he sounds like a top,

if I were to categorize him.

- Philly lifestyle expert.

- And of course we have Gritty.

It starts with a prologue
defining what Philadelphia is,

defining what a mascot is, and then

defining what a Philadelphia mascot is,

which is the highest honor
a mascot can achieve.

Which I thought was incredible.

Our story begins on September 24th, 2018

the Phanatic is taking a hot shower.

He's described as egg shaped eyes,

mega phone nose, hoola hoop belly,

and size 22 quadruple wide feet.

- You know what they say
about mascots with wide feet.

- No, what do they say?

- Wide dicks.

- Nice wide dick.

- Huge chodes.

- I actually think, I don't know

if people are gonna think this is crazy,

I do think there's
something kinda like sexy

about Philadelphia Phanatic.

- Is it 'cause he jiggles?

- Yeah, he's thick.

- I remember going to games
and he would kinda like

shake it around a bit and I'd be like ooh.

- I think he's someone that's like,

very into his own body and
that's always very hot.

He's like, yeah, he's very
comfortable in his skin.

- I think he would respond,
like he responds to the touch.

- Fireworks!

- We are getting in it early.

Madonna?

- Yeah?

- Who do we think is hotter
before we even get started?

I am curious now that we're just on it.

Gritty or the Phanatic?

- I mean, you guys

- I have two answers?
There's only two options!

- I feel like it's the Phanatic,

I mean he's older, he's more experienced,

he knows what to do.

He shakes his pussy all around,

just flings it all around the stadium

if that's what it's called.

- Our sports expert?

- Stadium or ballpark, I
think it works on both.

- Yeah for me it's Phanatic for sure.

I genuinely, I love his
belly, I love the way he moves

and I love the way that he owns it.

- And the little trumpet nose.

- Yeah, and that tongue.

- That tongue could do a lot.

- Oh, and it do.

- What are your 12 answers?

- I think like personality wise,

I think Gritty would be so much fun.

What?

- He's fiercely liberal.

Oh, that is true, okay.

- I think he would be
down to fucking clown.

I think he's be so much fun.

I think Gritty maybe is like
when you date a fuck up person

who like has cardboard boxes as furniture

and they're like really
fun, but they're also like,

you're like, they've been here forever,

but also they have a heart of gold.

Gritty's like
the guy you swipe right on

when you're drunk.

Like hard right.

- There's something there.
- There's something there.

Gritty's like the like, you
know in Gilmore Girls, Dean?

Gritty is the Dean.

And then who is Philly?

- Gritty is actually the Jess.

Gritty is the Jess,

- Gritty is a fuck boy.

- You think Gritty's a fuck boy?

- I think so.

- I think he's like heart of gold,

just like kind of a mess.

- I think he's a good guy.

- Most people with heart's of gold are

- A mess?

- A mess and fuck boys I think.

- I feel like Gritty's
like a beach romance right?

Where it's like you go on vacation,

- Oh, damn it.

- He's a local, he's a local.

- Shut the fuck up, you go
to like an Italian resort

and he's there.

- He's the kayaking instructor.

- His eyes are jiggling
all over the place.

- Gritty would definitely like

inadvertently get me pregnant.

- I do think Gritty
like is the type of guy

to forget he didn't get his
tubes tied or something.

Like he thinks he's a fuck up.

- Oh shit I forgot.

- I forgot I didn't go
to that appointment.

My second answer is think the Phanatic

can like, take care of me.

And like I think that is
nice for something long term,

but like I want you know,

- 'Cause he's got that nest.

- Yes, a literal nest egg.

Did you answer?

- I think my vote's
for the Phanatic, yeah.

But I mean Rehka painted
a picture of Gritty

that I had not considered.

- I'm not gonna kick Gritty out of bed.

That's for sure.

- You know, honestly he
is the bed. He's enormous.

He's the California King.

- So the Phanatic comes out of the shower,

and he's not quite the jovial clown

that we're all used to, he's much,

he is Grittier in this interpretation.

He's a little worn, he's a little tired,

he's been at the game for a long time.

He walks to his bedroom and we see

there's a body there,
it's a Drexel student.

He describes that he has been with fans,

that fans kind of throw themselves at him

and he's had it all and he's done it all,

and he's a little worn out
and he's a little tired

as I would imagine, you know,

being at it for this
long that you would be.

For the record,
the body is alive, it's not

- Did I make it sound
like she wasn't living?

- You said there was
a body in the bedroom,

a Drexel student.

- She's alive.

She's very much alive,

the Phanatic did not murder this woman.

No, there's like a body lying in your bed,

it was more that it was a reveal.

She turns around and you
see like that Drexel D.

I didn't mean to imply she wasn't

That's hilarious.

- They met at the Copa
Banana, which I've been to.

- Copa Banana I've never been to.

What was that?

- It was near where we would do improv

at the Shoe Bin around the corner.

It was that place with
all like the bananas

on the out, it was very colorful.

I would go there and get a margarita

and an ahi tuna burger
and it was delicious.

- A South Street staple.

- A South Street staple for sure.

He asked her to pass him Yeungling,

which if you're not
familiar is a very famous

Philadelphia drink, you
can't get it most places

outside of Philadelphia I don't think.

He's been at it for nearly a decade

and he's tired, and he's worn out,

and then he gets a call from his friend,

John Kruk,

- Well he also, it says,
right before this it says

today is the day I end it all.

- Which I did think he
was gonna kill himself

for a second.

- Yes, isn't that what he meant,

even though like he
didn't do that obviously.

- I thought that when he
talked to his friend, John,

it just meant that he was going to retire.

But I did think for a
second that he was suicidal.

What did you guys think?

- I thought he was suicidal.

I didn't really read it.

- It's a book club, this happens.

You don't always read the book.

So we don't know if the
Phanatic at this point

maybe is on the verge of suicide.

- Oh cool. Cool, cool, cool.

- Yeah, I thought suicidal.

- Yeah, okay, so then
I wasn't gonna say it

because I wasn't sure, but
yeah the Phanatic is really

down and out right now.

- Which is extremely sad, he's beautiful.

- He is a beautiful bird.

- It's not a bird.

- He doesn't like to be
called a bird though.

He gets a call from his best bud John Kruk

who refers to him as double P,

which I thought was very funny.

Double P, there's something going down

at the Please Touch museum.

You gotta get down there.

And attention to detail
in this is incredible.

There is a Please Touch
museum in Fairmount Park,

beautiful place to go.

Great place to do ecstasy.

- Lifestyle.

- Lifestyle expert.

So he heads down to the
Please Touch museum,

he doesn't wanna be noticed so

he doesn't take his private helicopter.

- As if the Philly Phanatic
could go literally anywhere

and not be noticed, he
is a giant green bird.

- He's wearing sunglasses.

- A big Phillies t-shirt.

He jiggles, his tongue is sticking out,

his nose is shaped like a trumpet,

he's going to be noticed.

- He heads down there,
there's an announcement

about to be made today,

the Flyers have a new mascot and

he's seen mascots come
and go in Philadelphia.

He remembers
Slapshot, he remembers it all.

He's been through the horrors.

- And so it doesn't really
mean that much to him.

The mascot is announced
and he kind of comes out

in this, just like orange wave

and he's spinning around and
you can't quite see his face

and then crowd at first turns on him.

They're not into him,
which is that what happened

when Gritty was actually announced?

Is this accurate?

- It was, it was a very mixed reaction.

A lot of people were furious,

and his eyes were, when
he first was released

were particularly googley.

And people had opinions.

- I remember people were
mad about it at first.

- Particularly googley.

- And if I recall they
were particularly googley.

He's skating around, but
then when he turns around

and reveals those eyes,
the Phanatic is like whoa.

They're gorgeous.

- Yes, yeah. He's clearly
immediately intoxicated by them

even if he doesn't know why yet.

- The direct quote, my
God, they're glorious.

So the Phanatic is almost taken aback.

He leaves and then trips over some cables.

And that causes a bit of a stir,

now people have realized
this giant green bird

was the Phanatic

- And wasn't just an incidental green bird

in the Please Touch museum.

- Now Gritty is upset and these two

kind of get into a fight.

- They're upset, they're going
back and forth with words,

Gritty calls him a, shut
your mouth you stupid bird.

And this is when we
learn that the Phanatic

does not like being called a bird.

Which I didn't know.

I love this
showdown, this diva showdown.

- It is very much, not since Mariah Carey

and Whitney Houston were
wearing the same dress

promoting the Prince of Egypt song.

This is just like that.

- This is exactly like that.

- Gritty also says, I read this quote too,

pick up your dumb ass and go home,

you haven't lead your team
to victory in a decade.

- And then this part's incredible

because you would think, you know,

this is the Philly Phanatic

everyone in Philadelphia loves him,

but the crowd because
they are Philly lifestyle,

they're big, brash, unapologetic,
rough around the edges,

yet flawless in every way.

- That's me baby.

- That's me baby.

- That's me baby
- That's all of us.

- That's Philly baby, that's
what brings us all together.

Hold her hand.

- Hold my fucking hand, David.

- And the fans love this and
they turn on the Phanatic

and now they're on the side of Gritty.

The start throwing Tony Luke's wrappers

and batteries at the Phanatic.

Batteries. Batteries.

Where did they all get batteries?

- Whose to say.

- You gotta have batteries on
you when you live in Philly,

- Yeah, you just have them
in your purse, it's just.

- What kind?

- Double A,

- Yeah, they're tiny
ones, we're not cruel.

I mean they've gotta be useful.

It's gotta be useful.

They're not a car battery.

- We don't have boom boxes anymore,

what do we do with double D's?

Gritty eventually
thwacks into the ground and says

the king is dead, long live the king.

Which is sort of a strange sentence

because the king is dead, but

I know what he means right,
he means he's the new king.

- I mean he's making this
stuff up on the spot,

Yeah, we
can't be too particular.

I mean, he's a little crazy
and you know, it's fine.

- He's less than one year old. He's Jack.

- He's a baby and then he's
also like your first boyfriend,

he doesn't get it, he sleeps
in a box, and it's fine.

We do know that
the Phanatic is a bird

despite not wanting to be called that.

He's from the Galapagos Islands,

he's Ecuadorian, but what is,

Yada yada.

- Yada yada, but what is Gritty?

Is he man? I thought he was supposed to be

kinda like a crazy caveman who then

became like somebody's
Philadelphian uncle.

- Jess, you have to explain
what you said yesterday

about what you thought, you
thought Gritty was human,

but he's so angry he just
grew a bunch of hair.

Yeah, but well no, he's so like,

he's just like an animal too.

He's like a man, but an animal

so he has extra hair.

- There is a little backstory on Gritty.

Which is I guess as they were renovating

the Wells Fargo center, they disrupted

they disrupted Gritty's cave

and he came out.
- I guessed!

- And it has been said the Gritty's father

and they didn't explain what this meant,

Gratty?

- Grotto

- Gritty's father is a Bully.

That's just how they described
him, with a capital B.

- Abusive?

Well no, 'cause
the Flyers were called

the Broad Street Bullies,
so he was birthed

from a Broad Street Bully?

- I guess.

- And then who was the mother?

Lady Liberty herself?

- It could be.

- The bell?
- The bell!

Damn, that's where that crack came from.

That's incredible from the
depths of the Wells Fargo center.

The ancient Well Fargo center.

- He's like a hellish demon.

Like a missing link.

- Yeah, like a sasquatch.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Whoa.

- Hot.

Does that change anyone's answer?

- No mine's, I still have two answers.

- Not fair.

So now, the city is in love with Gritty,

they have turned on the Phanatic,

the Phanatic leaves in shame,

he goes back to his bird nest

kind of perched overlooking at everything

and matters only get worse.

His best bud John Kruk calls him again,

let's him know turn on the radio.

Turn on, what was it Fox 29 News?

And Gritty is on the news talking crap

on the Phanatic, the mayor
has banned the Phanatic

from Citizen's Bank Park
because he blames the Phanatic

for what has happened
because the Phanatic tripped

and kind of started this whole chaos,

and now Gritty is going
to be there opening day

at Citizen's Bank Park.

Not the Phanatic.

- Whoa
- Whoa.

- This is huge.

- This is huge.

- Insult to injury.

- Insult to injury.
- Yeah, totally.

- And the Phanatic is
kind of riled up by this.

- He says this star is about
to go god damn super nova.

- In ways he's upset, but he's ways

he's fired up in a way
he hasn't been in years.

- Like sexually fired
up or more just angry.

- He's not sure yet.

- He's not sure yet, it's
emotions are confusing.

Shit's as I'm sure you know,

- Are confusing, lifestyle.

But all he knows is that
more like adrenaline

than he's felt in years
to be a mascot, right now.

Yes, he wants to
get down to that ball park

and show the world what he's got again.

- I'm just really ready for the fucking.

Oh, it's coming.

We're getting
there, it's a bit of

this is a bit of a foreplay
leading to our, yes.

- I also, one thing I really
appreciate about this book

is that Gritty, sorry, the Phanatic

has so many like catch phrases,

that might be like music
stink and sunglasses

after he says it so he's
like the super nova thing

and then he goes I may
be down, but I'm not out.

Which is like a weird
veiled like baseball pun

or something.

He's like a real housewife.

- Yeah exactly, that's like his intro

in the beginning he's like,

hi, I may be down, but I'm not out.

- But Gritty also says at one point

mascot ain't his John anymore,

it's my John, which if
you're from Philadelphia

you know that John is kind
of an all inclusive term

that you could just throw out there

for pretty much anything.

- Jeff, hand me that John over there.

- Yes, and I know instantly
that means this candle.

- Exactly.

I guess loosely
translated to thing.

Thing, yes.

There's really no direct correlation,

but you know it's a

You need to be there, yeah.

- So the Phanatic decides he's
going to sneak into the park

and reclaim his glory.

The park of course is
on high security alert

since the mayor has lashed the Phanatic

out of Citizen's Bank Park.

So he has to escape through
the underground tunnels

of Citizen's Bank Park, through a

Chickie and Pete's catering cart.

Yeah, crab fries cart.

God, I miss
Chickie and Pete's so bad.

- Whenever my brother's at the airport

he always makes sure to stop
at the Chickie and Pete's

in the airport and get the crab fries.

- Which don't have crab on them,

it's just like a little cheese sauce.

It's just Old Bay.

This was the
first time in the thing

that I really had a physical reaction

was when Chickie and Pete's was mentioned

because those crab fries
with that cheese sauce

oh that took me back.

Oh man, yeah, oh God.

God bless Philadelphia.

So he sneaks in, he rushes onto
the field before Gritty can

and he starts doing his moves

and the crowd's pretty into it

because this is you know,
you're at Citizen's Bank Park,

this is what you expect.

Then they Eye of the Tiger kicks in

and Gritty comes out
dressed like Apollo Creed

in Rocky 4 baby, so Philly, oh God.

Ah, I love this so much,

and then Gritty announces that
they will have a mascot off.

- As the Philly Phanatic
also thinks to himself,

huh, Rocky 3 music while
wearing Rocky 4 clothes?

Side eye.

- So the mascot off takes place,

they're spinning their tummies,

it's reported that both women and men,

everyone in the stadium, they all faint,

Gritty shines a bald man's head

and then Phanatic says
I'll be damned, he's good.

Like he's super into it.

One of them gets a punch,
it rings like a hundred,

1,776 Liberty Bells,

for the fans at home
that might be one you get

on the ride home.

- Yeah, just think about
the Constitution for a sec.

- In Philadelphia, blah blah blah.

- Blah blah blah

- But then it escalates
a bit too much when

Gritty is shot with a hot dog cannon

by the Phanatic, this kind
of takes it a bit too far

and the crowd is not happy.

Gritty falls to the
ground and he confesses,

I never wanted to replace you,

I never wanted to be you,
I wanted to be with you.

You're the reason I became a mascot.

My world, my muse, my love.

Yeah.

- This feels relatable.

- Yeah.

- In the sense of like
sometimes when you are

enamored with someone you're like

do I wanna be them, do
I wanna be with them,

I don't know.

Try a little bit of all of it.

- Try being them for a bit,

try to challenge Mr. Ripley yourself.

And this is when
the Phanatic realizes

that he is in love as well.

And then we get to the good stuff.

It did take a while, so
this is a good point to say

there is actually no erotica in this book,

this is what we found out.

Because this is as you can tell

a bit of a joke, a very fun joke,

it's very funny and a recommended read,

but not the erotica that we're used to

and we didn't wanna leave
you guys without erotica, so

we took it upon ourselves to write

what happens next, in this
it describes that they kiss,

the whole stadium cheers, there's a couple

of extra chapters that are
like explicit details removed,

and then at the end you realize that

they're still at the stadium,
they've had a standing ovation

so they made love all
night in the stadium,

but it doesn't quite say how so

we decided to share with
you how they made love.

Would anyone like to start?

- I don't mind.

- David! David wrote his
in his personal journal.

- This will live with me forever.

And I'll start because I fear that

mine is the least juicy,

I bet that's not true at all.

- I bet yours is fucking filthy.

I bet we're gonna be dripping.

- Okay, Gritty leaned in,

but just at the precipice of a kiss,

the Phanatic pushed Gritty away.

This isn't right, the Phanatic said.

What's wrong asked Gritty,

nearly paralyzed by stalled passion,

flightless birds mate in the sea.

- David!

- And before another word was spoken,

the Phanatic had Gritty on his ATV

speeding towards the Delaware River.

- Oh my God.

- They reached the banks
of the Delaware River.

- The banks of the
Delaware, so disgusting.

- Beautiful

- They washed away the needles and trash.

- The Phanatic wondered if this was how

John the Baptist felt
before he baptized Jesus.

In charge for the moment,

but ultimately a footnote
in a greater destiny,

he took Gritty's hand and
led him into the water

tasting the spray which
no longer caused Tetanus,

due to the efforts of the Delaware River

Reclamation Project.

When the water was waist high,

he brought Gritty close,
pressing is cloaca

and Gritty's front.

- What?

- Pressing his cloaca against
Gritty's front bumpus.

- I was trying to think
of what to call that.

- For a moment, time didn't exist,

there was only the Phanatic and Gritty

and the water of the Delaware River,

which will be safe for humans in 2022.

Their bodies rocked in rhythm,

as though choreographed, the kind of

choreography you don't see
until All Star weekend at least.

After five seconds, more than twice

the average copulation
time for water fowl,

it was all over. What now, asked Gritty?

Pushing his wet fur away
from his googley eyes.

I don't know said the Phanatic

as he watched the moon rise
over the Walt Whitman bridge.

But for the first time in a long time,

that thought doesn't worry me.

- Oh my God. Oh my God.

- David!

- I like to think that
a camera crew went down

and this was all on the Jumbo tron.

This kiss cam.

- Yeah, then of course you know,

they should come back on the ATV wet,

you know holding hands.

- They're wet! David,
that was very beautiful.

Okay, this is very different.

I'm not gonna live up to that.

Okay, so where we last left
when they were kissing,

the Phanatic's tongue was out.

The Philly Phanatic's tongue delicately

made it's way around Gritty's lips.

The suggestion of what's to come,

or better yet, who's to come.

Gritty had been kissed before,

you don't come out of the gates of,

I will now revise this to the Wells Fargo,

what was it?
- Center.

- The center, the Well Fargo
Center without a kiss or two.

But the kiss with the Phanatic

wasn't something Gritty had felt before.

It wasn't just a kiss on the lips, no.

This kiss rocketed straight
from his wide mouth

to his now rock hard clit.

The kiss became more and more passionate,

more all consuming, and
it was clear to Gritty

that the Phanatic
instinctively knew what to do

and how to do it.

Startled by the beginnings
of his own orange nectar,

Gritty involuntarily grasped
at the Phanatic's fur

unable to tell what he was caressing

only knowing that it
was beautiful and lush

and he wanted it all now.

And the Phanatic didn't let him wait.

He slid his tongue down
the orange tufted curves

of Gritty's arm, his back,
his supple inner thighs,

and slowly worked his way
to Gritty's pleasure spot.

Doing what that tongue does so well.

The Phanatic noodled it around,

creating a second surge in Gritty's loins

like a mounted peak of a roller coaster.

- Rehka, oh my God.

- Gritty convulsed in pleasure.

What was the Phanatic doing?

These rhythmic strokes,
besides in adoration

of his sweet honey,
was the Phanatic trying

to communicate something?

Was his tongue spelling something out?

- Oh my God. It's like a DaVinci Code.

Oh my God, what is it?

- U S A.

He stroked faster,

USA, USA, USA,

Gritty, overtaken with love, freedom,

liberty and all that is the keystone state

couldn't help but scream
the chantic message himself,

USA, USA, he shouted to the adoring crowd

who was absolutely staring at
their passionate rendezvous.

The crowd elated at the
clear and messy display

of brotherly love,
mechanically repeated the cheer

USA, USA, USA,

as the Phanatic continued to absolutely

and whole heartedly give it to Gritty.

- Oh my God, these are incredible.

- I loved it. I loved it.

- I need a cigarette.

- I need a moment.

- I need a moment, okay so,

I started a bit after the kiss.

I kinda just wanted to get right to it.

Here we go.

Gritty removed the Phanatic's
size 22 quadruple shoes.

Each of his talons were ten inches long,

the exact same size of
a Wawa classic hoagie.

They had a similar smell
too which drove Gritty wild.

He wrapped his gigantic
mouth around each one,

one at a time. The Phanatic
threw his head back in ecstasy.

His tongue wildly waving in the air

like an inflatable tube guy
in front of a car dealership.

Gritty kissed along the
Phanatic's thick bird legs,

making his way up to his birdhood.

Sure, the Phanatic had never worn pants,

his birdhood was on display
for all the world to see,

but to be so close to it
and to know it was all his,

Gritty grinned greedily.

He couldn't help but be
impressed by its sheer size.

You may be too big even for someone

with a mouth as large as mine.

- Whoa, whoa.

- He said before taking
in his birdhood whole.

Gritty's head bobbed up and down

like a hockey player weaving
back and forth on the ice.

It wasn't long before a
burst of Whiz shot from

- Ew Jess!

- Jessica.

- Ew! Ew!

- She's been waiting to
write that all her life.

- She told me in the car on the way here,

she goes, you know I have
a revision to the jiz

that he squirts that
he squirts in my story

and I was like, okay, I
see what the revision is.

- It was supposed to be confetti,

but then I thought, I literally have,

I was in the shower and I was like,

what if it was whiz?

And I think I was right.

- Whiz is like Easy Cheese.

- Yes, for those of you at home,

Philly Cheesesteak is
traditionally has, is whiz.

A burst of whiz shot from the
Phanatic's phallic phantom

covering Gritty's face with
his sweet, delicious taste.

- Mm, that is vile.

- Mine was a little nasty.

- I could taste that
cheese in my mouth and like

Good?

- Yeah, it's good.

Yeah you could
tell like the Phanatic

had pineapple earlier today.

- But still what a
nightmare getting that out

of his fur later.

- Right, totally.

- Yeah, I mean, but hey.
That's what happened.

- Is it my turn?

- Yes.

- Okay, so I didn't read, of course,

and so I just kind of imagined the scene

between Gritty and the
Philly Phanatic that

I just saw happening at Woody's

which is like the big gay club in Philly

- Oh I love that.

- Many a night at Woody's.

- Yeah, is that the one with the piano?

- No.

- I'm thinking of the fancy one.

- You're thinking of
the fancy one, let's go,

let's paint the picture.

This is a night club, Pipple is booming,

Lifestyle.

- Yeah, alright so,

Gritty took one last sip of his margarita,

it was his fifth one so
he was good and drunk

he was about to leave and then he saw him,

Philly Phanatic.

Flocked around him were
the studliest of studs,

begging to buy him a drink and perhaps

steal a few moments with the green gazelle

with a serpent's tongue.

Philly Phanatic batted his eyelashes

and soaked in all of the attention.

But he only had eyes for the
only other mascot in the room.

Gritty.

Gritty's uncontrollable eyes lingered

at Philly Phanatic's uncovered midriff

and that succulent fat grassy ass.

- Yes.
- Yes.

- Grass ass.

- His fat grassy ass.

- He said to himself, oh yeah.

Philly Phanatic is ready to get fucked.

- Oh my God.

- In an instant Philly
Phanatic was sat by his side

drinking his third vodka Red Bull.

Wanna go to the bathroom? I have coke.

Yes.

Philly Phanatic said
swirling his long tongue

into Gritty's orange ear.

In the bathroom, they
squeezed into a stall,

their large bodies pressed up one another.

A kiss, then another kiss, then another.

Hurry up in there.

A twink screams over the
deafening sounds of Pitbull.

Just a second, Philly Phanatic says.

- He's like, that's like Lord Voldemort.

- Then he took out his bulbous hot cock

and started spraying his
urine into the toilet.

- Whoa.

- Yeah.

You do it too he said, looking deep

into the corneas of Gritty's eyeballs.

Gritty did as he was told and together

they sprayed their piss into the toilet.

Gritty's red piss mixed
with the Philly Phanatic's

bright blue piss, and the toilet was full

of a beautiful purple fluid,

think of something that
could fill a perfume bottle.

- Absolutely.

You know, piss.

- You know, colorful piss.

Philly Phanatic kissed Gritty deeply.

- I was thinking like
when a ice pop melts.

- Yeah.

- OH yeah.

- No Jess, think of piss.

- Philly Phanatic kissed Gritty deeply

and in a flash he disappeared,

It was World Wooden night.

One that Gritty would never forget.

- So they pissed in the toilet together.

They kissed and then he disappeared?

- In a stall that somehow
they both fit into.

- Woody's baby.

- Oh my God, wow.

- These are incredible.

- I truly am speechless.

- I mean, and they're all,

I think we touched on a lot of kinks here.

I like that. David's
is like very romantic,

and then Madonna's is like yeah,

we're fucking dirty in a
bathroom, and I love it.

- I mean that's how I
saw them, they're dirty.

- Yeah, it's beautiful.

- Madonna, yours was also, I thought

strangely romantic it felt very much like

one of those kind of like
pre sexual encounters.

I was inspired
by Call Me By Your Name.

Yeah, there was
definitely shades of that.

Yes, absolutely.

- I got that, yeah.

- Like set in Philly though.

- Woody's is as close
to like an Italian villa

that Philadelphia has, for sure.

- And what is like the
closest to like a peach

do we think? For like Gritty
to like go home to later?

- It feels like a
hollowed out baseball, no?

- Yeah. Yeah, Jess is right.

Jess is right.

- Or yeah. Maybe a cheesesteak?

- I was gonna say cheesesteak sounds fun.

- Cheesesteak or like
a bacon, egg and cheese

sizzly from Wawa.

- Ooh, or like a butterscotch crumpet.

- Yes, or like the TastyKake yes.

- A TastyKake would be perfect.

And then you wouldn't even know

the filling was any different.

- Yeah. Pop it in the
microwave or something.

- Oh David, you nasty freak.

- Oh my goodness.

- Fucking a warm butterscotch crumpet.

- So that is what happened.

The book does end, there
is a little epilogue.

- Well before the epilogue by the way,

the Phillies still played a game

in the stadium and they won.

They defeated the Braves three to zero.

Which is a hilarious
detail after two mascots

fuck in the middle of the stadium,

you still play the game and
that's the Phillies for you.

- And they actually did,
they beat the Braves,

they swept the Braves and their
opening series right now, so

- Right now they're doing great, right?

- Yeah, I think they're like four and oh.

- Damn.

- So this union of these two mascots

really blessed the Phillies.

- Yes, yes, in Hinduism you like

throw rose water in rooms of a new house,

you're like things like
that, this is like that.

You have to like fuck
on the stadium floor,

and everyone's like wow,
the team is blessed.

- I mean the Phanatic does
get on the ground sometimes

and gives a little hump, he's very sexual.

I haven't seen enough of Gritty,

I know know like his kind of ANTIFA stuff,

which I do think is very funny.

There's one great Gritty
meme I saw that was like,

it was about like presidential candidates

and it said the only
thing that billionaires

should be running for is their lives.

That was very funny.

And accurate, but the epilogue,

We jump to June 25th, 2019,

one of them is in labor,
is it the Phanatic?

Now I don't remember.

Well it's an egg, so I'm
assuming it was the Phanatic.

- Yeah, that's quite true.

- And they gave birth to
a little green and orange

ball of fur named Liberty, and she became

the first elected female mascot president

of the United States.

- The Phanatic says to Gritty,

she has your eyes, your
gorgeous, heavenly googley eyes.

I hope they follow us forever.

- And then, Fin, P-h-i-n.

God this book.

- It's interesting that this
book also followed the trope

that many of our other erotica do

where the ending is like
they have a family together.

Yes, yeah. And
I do wanna say again,

'cause this book was so funny,
this guy did a great job,

this was written by Matt Kersteader.

Who I believe we found out
was a friend of Brennan's

and he was super nice guy,
he told us we could read it

without any issues so thank you so much.

We truly had a blast with this one

and we hope that you
enjoy if you're listening

for some reason

- Our erotica.
- Our erotica.

Maybe you would wanna put it
into the sequel or something.

That is it guys, that is the
Gritty of Brotherly Love.

Now typically at the end of the podcast

we like to rate it from one to five,

one being dry and five being
slide out of your chair.

Where did this fall on
the erotic scale for you?

- So I think because I got
not only my own interpretation

of what happened, but
three other interpretations

of what happened, I can't
give this less than a five,

because I got all these different

'cause in my mind now it's
not just the one sex scene,

it's all four of those and you
get so many different things.

- They all happened.

- And that is a very
fulfilling erotica for me.

- I, from what is written,

it was pretty dry from what is written,

but I gotta say, I mean,

David your erotica in particular,

That was really good.

- I'm like four, right?

- To make love in the Delaware

- It's been a dream of mine,

- To go big by those big
giant, what, sea crates

like just to kind of hide away in then

dip down into the brown river,

watch a sofa go by as we make love.

- Our sofa.
- Our sofa.

Oh my God, yeah, I mean clearly the book,

it's definitely written
as more of a comedic joke,

it's super funny I think,

even if you're not from Philadelphia

it's very funny to read.

I mean it does hit on
the tropes of erotica

and it does have a romance,

but in itself is not very erotic,

but given exactly, yeah,
what we have heard right now,

I mean yeah, this was a five.

These eroticas that we wrote
ourselves were incredible.

- Using the characters Matt created.

- He clearly without his inspiration

in the world that he build
would not have inspired

what we wrote and I feel
like what everything we wrote

had a touch of what he was doing.

It was a bit of erotica
but also a bit of love

to the greatest city in
the mother fucking world,

Philadelphia.

Madonna?

- Well,

I gotta say,

from what I read, from
what I heard from you guys,

it sounds like this was very involved,

you know there was a
lot of mentioning about

Philly places and things,

- It says kung fu necktie at one point.

Yeah, I mean it has some deep tracks.

- And I love Philly so
much and to have that

integrated into this beautiful love story,

I'm gonna give it a five with a Ph,

- Oh yeah, my four was also with a Ph.

- When Gritty was created, I think it was

the owner of the Flyers
was being interviewed about

why now, why give the Flyers a mascot

and he said you know we
were looking at things

and we realized that you can't hug

the Philadelphia Flyers,
you can't put up a poster,

I mean you can put up a
poster of the players,

but you know, you don't have a,

you know there's nothing to love

about the Flyers inherently at first.

And I think he's like you can't
hug the city of Philadelphia

you need mascots, and
I think what we learned

in reading this,

- Philly fucking rules.
Philly fucking rules.

- What we learned in this erotica is that

we also we needed, we can't make love

to the city of Philadelphia, but

through these mascots, we can.

- Yeah, we can absolutely
fuck the city of Philadelphia.

- The way it deserves to be,

whether it's sweet and sensitive

in the rivers of the Delaware,

or whether it's fucking hot and nasty

in the bathrooms of Woody's.

- Amen.

- Amen.

From sea to shining sea, baby.

Where this country began.

- This is very patriotic.

- My God. I'm just, I've
never had an episode

where I'm so speechless.

Thank you so for much for listening.

We do have our assignment
picked for next time

if you're reading along.

It's another one that's on booksea.com

it's on the same website and
we'll share this on the Discord

it's called Superman Stole my Panties,

it's by Kiss My Oops, I wish I knew

the author's real name, but that's,

or maybe that is their real name.

Kiss My Oops, Superman Stole
My Panties, booksea.com,

if you're reading along, thank you so much

for being here, guests.

- Thank you so much for your expertise.

- Thank you guys for listening,

have a wonderful, sexy week.

- And visit Philadelphia.

- And visit Philadelphia.

- Yay.

Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com