All language subtitles for E.B.C.S01E05.The Necromancer

- Hello, everyone, welcome
back to Erotic Book Club,

the book club where we read erotic books.

I am your host Jessica,
with me is my cohost.

- I'm Rekha.

- And we are so lucky to have
with us two amazing guests.

He puts the romance in necromance.

Let's give it up for Luke!

- Hello, pleasure to be here.

- And we are so excited to
have with us a romance expert.

Please give it up for Allie.

- Hi, thank you so much for having me.

- [Rekha] Of course,
thank you for joining us.

- Will you guys give us a little scoop

on your relationships with erotic books?

- Yes, this is the first erotic,

full erotic book that
I've ever read in my life,

and I'm angry about it.

(everyone laughing)

- Thank you for this too.
- Angry that it took

you this long?

(Rekha laughing)

- Angry that it look me this long

and angry that this was the first one.

- Alright, okay.
- Okay.

- [Jessica] Allie.

- A avid reader of both
romance and erotica.

My favorite genre would
probably be Regency era.

Big fan of Julia Quinn,
big fan of Lisa Kleypas.

So, yeah, also did a little
bit of writing as well.

Ghostwrote two pretty
mediocre erotic novels.

- [Jessica] Ooh!

- [Rekha] Spicy!

- [Jessica] Those are our favorite kind!

- Mediocre!
- My cup of tea!

(everyone laughing)

And thank you guys for
being with us, as always.

If you subscribe to Dropout
you can check it out first.

We also have it on CH2
a couple weeks later,

but it's so much fun to be there first,

and to also, when you're on Dropout,

you can be on the Discord with us.

It's a channel where you can talk to us

and we have so much fun on there.

We have a couple things from our fans.

ARoomMagic warns everyone
if they're at my house

not to touch the blue blanket.

That's alludes to the
episode of Vikings in Space

where I mention that my
lover Katelyn puts a blanket

over me while we make love and I like it.

- I don't remember Jessica
ever saying it was blue,

but it is.
(Jessica laughing)

- But I was a little scared
that it was mentioned blue

because it is blue, so I'm
gonna have to review that tape.

(everyone laughing)

And if I didn't, RoomMagic, we gotta talk.

And there's also some
beautiful fan art in there

from some past episodes and
some heated Nessie debate.

- Oh, yes, just to hear a
really beautiful description

of Wet for Nessie, the last book we read.

Here's a description one user wrote.

A woman bones down with
her best friend, no homo,

the Loch Ness Monster
and a grizzled sailor

with a dad-bod all in the same
weekend on a college trip.

What a succinct, what an
economic use of words.

That's exactly what happens in that book.

(Jessica and Allie laughing)

Here's another description.

Each girl is on a Nessie dick
right next to each other,

and then they do the gay
on top of the Nessie dicks.

I think that' also a
very succinct description

of what happens in that book.

And then someone gave
this very apt description

of Nessie that I love.

- Nessie is a pillow princess,

which Rekha wasn't
familiar with that term,

it's in the lesbian
community when one woman

won't go down on the other woman.

She just puts her little
pillow princess head

on the pillow the whole time.

- And that's absolutely
what Nessie's doing,

Nessie with his little
ladle body, just flat,

beached on the sand, dry as
hell, eczema to the heavens.

- I'm shocked that he
has more than one penis.

- Yeah, and a tail that you can suck.

- Ooh.
- I think we all were.

- Yeah, so you wanna get in on this

conversation.
- So you wanna get in

on the Discord, we're
having a lot of fun there.

But today's not about Nessie's two dicks.

- Mm-mm.
- That was last time.

Today is about The Necromancer

from The Necromancer Chronicles,
Book One, by D.R. Rosier.

We've been talking a bit
about it before the podcast.

We have a wide array of
feelings about this book,

so you're gonna hear it all.

But in case you have not read along,

we still want you to be
part a of the conversation,

so here are the characters
that you're gonna hear.

There's a lot of 'em.

We have Vincent, he is the necromancer.

We have Anise, she is
an angel and something,

what else is she?

- Luke has a whole, listen,

he has a Game-of-Thrones-style
family tree on his--

- If I could just, just for one moment.

- [Jessica] He's shaking! (squeals)

- The things in this book
that really were gonna

get me off are the
accuracy into the fon-tasy.

(Rekha and Jessica laughing)

- Is she your fon-tasy? (laughing)

- And I thought it was lacking.

She is a Nephilim, and the Nephilim is

in sort of the
Judeo-Christian faith is the,

honestly, it's where it comes
from, it's in the Bible.

It's the offspring of a son of
God and the daughter of man,

meaning an angel came down from heaven,

had sex with a woman--

- Hot. (laughing)
- And then had a baby.

- Hot.

- So that's what she is,
I think, she's immortal.

- [Allie] So also a sorceress.

- She's also a sorceress.
- Her human half

is a sorceress.
- She's a lot.

- That was the other thing.

- And she has control
of all of the elements.

- And that's just one person,
so this book is intense.

- They pile it on and I don't like it.

- Actually, for our fans, will you also

just fill us in on what a necromancer is

in case somebody doesn't know.

- Yes, so Vincent is a necromancer.

A necromancer is a sort of
magic user, spell caster,

that specifically communes with the dead.

He'll commune with ghosts and use them

for power and for knowledge.

So he gets his powers from ghosts and--

- [Jessica] Specifically boning ghosts.

- He never bones a ghost,

Jessica.
- What?

Oh, he bones people.

- He bones people.
- And he sucks people's

souls from bodies.
- That has nothing to do

with being a necromancer.

- Yes, that's my question.

- Okay, because Vincent's
a very special necromancer.

Not only are necromancers
rare, Vincent is also a demon!

Alright, because his father was a warlock

and his mother was a demon.

- Okay.
- Interracial.

(Jessica laughing)

That's nice.

- It is interracial, yeah.

- Almost every character--
- Representation matters.

- Has a backstory that is that
in depth, so it is a little

hard to track everybody.
- And that's the stuff that's

gonna get me going,
and it didn't, alright.

- [Jessica] It didn't!

- [Rekha] Luke needs to read erotica

written by like a dragon.

(ladies laughing)

- When it comes out I'll be first in line.

- Also you'll hear the names Amy.

Amy, as you'll find out,
is Anise's daughter.

- Granddaughter.

- Great great granddaughter.

Willa, just a hot witch.

Leanne, also related to
Anise, that'll come into play.

Lisa, another hot witch.

Silas, a baddie.

And I wrote, and others.
- Vampire.

- The book has a lot of characters.

- Can I just?

Because I've prepared this very

detailed list.
- I prepared a statement.

- I just wanna run down

the different
- I've seen it.

- I just wanna run down
the different kinds

of fon-tasy things you
can be in this world.

- What is fon-tasy?
- Fon-tasy?

- It's funny, I don't know.

(everyone laughing)

- I thought it was a term.

- I thought it was a--

- [Jessica and Allie] Fancy fon-tasy.

- A fon-tasy.

You could be a necronancer,
you could be a demon.

You could be a necromancer
and a demon, that's Vincent.

You could be a sorcerer or sorceress.

You could be an angel.

A Nephilim, Anise is a sorcerer's role.

You could be a witch like Willa.

A vampire like Silas.

A vampire also like Amy.

'Cause Amy's a vampire
and a witch, and then,

something else later.
- A leech?

- [Luke] A lich.

- A lich.
- A lich.

- Don't even get me started on liches.

- Hoo!

- You can be--
- I'm on these litches.

- You can be a warlock.

- Lich, please!

(ladies laughing)

- You could be a warlock,
a werewolf like Kim.

A ghost.
- Oh, I forgot Kim.

- You can be a revenant which is--

- A ghost like Harden, the butler?

- [Luke] He's a zombie.

- Oh, God damn.
- Harden.

Harden's my favorite character.

- Yes, zombie.
- I like Harden too.

- You can be a revenant
which is a dead body

that has been inhabited
by a ghost or a human.

That's it.
- Or a fey.

- Which we don't even see in this.

- But it's mentioned.
- Or it's Sporty--

- It is.
- Sexy, Baby--

- [Rekha] Spicy.

- Spicy is a demon,

Spicy is a demon.
- Scary, Posh, Ginger.

- You can be one of anything.

(Rekha laughing)

So let's get into the story of this.

And that was a lot, but
it also, as you read this,

it's very intricate with the rules

of who is what and what that means,

and it is very dense so
that was really a perfect

little blip of what was
hundreds of pages to read.

So we meet Vincent, he's in the middle of,

Vincent is kind of, in my mind,
like this Hellboy-ish dude

who people come to him, ghosts,

to help out people who
are humans, and in return,

he will help them and
they have to be his slave

for 10 years and then they don't
have to be a slave anymore.

- And they do a lot of
heavy lifting in the book

to describe how much of
a good guy Vincent is.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- He's like a very chivalrous demon.

- Yeah, 'cause they wanna do this, yeah,

that he has these people
that he's in control of,

but they do wanna try to
make it somewhat consensual,

and everyone's on the same page
and likes what's happening.

- Like in the first chapter
when he has sex with April.

It's like a woman at a bar that he sees,

and he can tell that
she has desire for him.

He makes a very, very
long point to say like,

I would never sleep with someone
who wanted a relationship.

I would only have one
night stands with women.

And I only do it once so that
I don't suck their souls out.

- Right.
- Yeah.

- I'm very nice.

- Because of his demon side.

- I was gonna say, he
also compliments himself

for not fucking his 10 or
15-year-old ghost friend.

- (inhales sharply) He's
complimenting himself a lot.

(Jessica laughing)
- Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, so we meet him,
he's doing all that,

and then we also meet Anise.

Vincent is in Chicago,
Anise is in Seattle,

and she's not going by the name Anise yet.

We're just kinda meeting
this woman who goes

to a club as well, and
then thing with a bunch of,

a council of vampires is happening.

She interrupts, makes
everybody stop being bad,

and then that's when we find
out that she's part angel.

- Can I just hop in again?

(Jessica and Rekha laughing)
For the fon-tasy world.

In the cities there are
councils of supernaturals,

so of all these different
kinds of supernaturals,

one person can decide
to be on the council.

So there'd be one vampire on the council,

one sorcerer on the council.

And if you wanna take a
vampire seat on the council

and you're a vampire, you challenge them,

and you have a show of power.

- It's like Scrabble.

- Yeah, she has the show
of power where she draws

all the elements in to form a symbol.

But what I wondered is,
what symbol is she making?

They never say what the symbol looks like,

and I was imagining it was
a smiley face, or like--

- Aww.
- Like it's an emoji.

- Oh, like a winky face.

- Something very pure and
wholesome like an angel would,

but an angel that also fucks.

- I thought of everything
when it talked about energies

is kind of like Pocahontas,
Colors of the Wind.

It's kind of just
swirling around everybody

in this pretty, sexy way,
and I was so into that.

- Yes, you were!
- The energies in this book.

It truly made me think
about sex in a different way

because a lot of the
people talk about energies

and light coming from
themselves and feeling that,

and I was like, that is so fucking cool.

Yeah, and then colors
have sex with each other.

I just thought that that was really neat

and I liked that a whole lot.

- Yeah, yeah.
(Luke exhaling sharply)

- I didn't 'cause I didn't
understand the magic.

I wanted to understand

the fantasy part more.
- Some things you can't,

you can't explain away, Luke.
- I think they could have

just done more with it.

Alright.

- [Rekhi] Allie, did you like the sort

of energy-based sexual?

- Yes, I think that sometimes
with erotica you get

into these really graphic
like, oh, she grabbed my cock,

and then like, oh, my
seed went everywhere.

And I think that when it's
described through like,

her air spirit tickled my labia

like a thousand little cold hands.

I'm like, that's new!

That's creative, it's a new
take, and I thought it was,

the magic sex was really
well done in the book.

- We were talking about this earlier.

I was happy there was
magical sex in this book

because we've read a few
fantasy erotica books previously

and they don't take advantage.

I still think this book
could have taken way more,

given the amount of powers
that all these people have!

- Exhibit A.
- Could have taken

a lot more advantage of
what these beings could do,

but I was happy there was
some non-human sex stuff

and scenes in this book.

Jumping ahead, sorry.

- Yeah, but the council thing happens,

there's a bit of a fight in Seattle.

She intervenes but then she has to leave.

So she's kind of a healer,

but she leaves every
three years from a place

because she doesn't want
people to get onto her.

She works as a nurse places,
but she can't people too much.

She also, this part I thought was so sad.

It was like Interview
with a Vampire-esque,

like very tragic, romantic.

She has a vault where
she puts pictures of all

of her old families that she used to have.

She's immortal, most of them are immortal,

and it's just so sad to me to think

that she found love and
happiness, then lost it,

and probably was like, I'm
never gonna do this again.

But she's lived long enough
to where then she forgot

about that and was like,
I'm gonna try again.

And then does it again!

And then she's done that for centuries.

Isn't that so sad?

- Yes.
- It's a vicious cycle.

- That should be a movie.

- So here's my counter argument.

- It's not sad!

- As an immortal being and who's lived

for thousands and thousands of years,

I feel like the sting would start

to become less of that.

- I feel like that's what
- After the first

- you always see.
- couple hundred times

that she has had this
relationship or whatever,

in my mind logically,

eventually that's just
gonna start to wear off.

- But she's an angel!

And she's got

a good heart!
- Stop!

- She loves too much.
- She's so good.

She loves too much.

- Doesn't it speak to love?
- I think it's a little nice.

I think it's a little nice to
show that she isn't over it,

despite having to do it so many times.

It speaks to the power of love.

- Alright, you sold me then.

- One thing I did on
that point, I was like,

she's been alive since
before Jesus Christ,

that was something she said.

- [Rekha] And that's old.

- That's old.

- [Jessica] (laughs) You
have to remember, that's old.

- That's real old.

- [Rekha] But she's not 25.

(ladies laughing)

- [Luke] She's at least 6,000 years old

because the biblical version of the Earth

is 6,000 years old.

- Hot.
- The real hot.

The real version.
- They're hot.

You'd think that she would
have figured out sooner

to have sex with other immortal
beings, instead of like

- [Jessica] That's true.

- Like having sex with humans.

- [Rekha] But she likes what she likes.

- The heart wants what

the heart wants.
- The heart wants,

and she was like, human.

Come here and make love,
there ain't nothing like it,

so sweaty. (laughing)

(everyone laughing)

- So stinky.

- It's nasty.

- Human hearts, they're just like dirty

and they can get corrupted with

fats.
- Yeah, yeah, fats.

- Ooh, fats!

- Ooh, fats!

- So this encounter has our
two leads ending up in Chicago.

She's like, I can no longer be in Seattle,

I must go to Chicago.

So she goes to Chicago and
then she kinda meets up

with the council there, each
city has their own council.

And this council's having their own issue.

There's some vampires who wanna take over.

There's a couple of
witches who are just kinda

staying out of it even though
they know that it's wrong.

And this is our crew, Willa, Leanne--

- And Lisa.
- All of our witch girls.

Who I love.

This is The Craft in
my mind, great casting.

It's all the hotties from The Craft

and we're gonna have some fun.

- Yes, the witches are good.

- The witch stuff is the best part.

- It's incredible.
- Although, they front load

Anise's stuff so much
with the political stuff,

like the council and all these things,

that I don't think it did
her justice in the beginning.

'Cause Vincent's front loaded
with all these fucking scenes,

and hers is like,
council, council, council.

And then we get to witch sex which was

good.
- The best.

- I liked it.

- And then all she says,
too, is hate politics,

and it's like, why do we keep
talking about politics then?

- It's too real.
- In a world where I don't

even understand or care.
- She's getting dragged

into the politics of every city she's in.

- So she meets these witches.

- It's also, to point it out,

Anise is literally the
most powerful being--

- [Jessica] In the whole city.

- In the whole world

that we are established in.
- And very rare.

- And very rich.
- And also owns an island.

- Yeah, very rich! (laughing)

- They're all pretty rich, even
Vincent is rich, he lives--

- Because his zombie butler,
your favorite character.

- Harden is my favorite
character because he was like,

instead of being your ghost slave,

why don't I be your ghost accountant?

- Your stockbroker.

- Your stockbroker, like, you know what?

Yeah, I wanna keep living and I wanna

be a zombie that does your taxes and

invests in--
- He's a stock market wizard.

- He's a stock market wizard.

- [Jessica] And I've
never seen that either!

- Representation matters.

- I would love a movie, like
The Zombie: Finance Man.

The Zombies of Wall Street.

- [Rekha] It's like
Trading Places. (laughing)

- Fucking Gordon Gekko zombie.

(everyone chuckling)

- Yeah, so she moves into
town, she meets this witches.

Kinda senses bad things are going down.

And the witches are like,
oh, you should live with us

while you're looking for a place.

There's also a lot about Anise
trying to find furniture.

She's the most powerful
being in the world,

but she's shopping at Ikea,

waiting for them to deliver her furniture.

- That speaks to something deeply human,

that no one can find affordable furniture.

It doesn't matter how

powerful you are.
- She's got a two-bedroom

high rise in Chicago,

one of the most expensive
cities in America.

- [Rekha] But she can't find furniture!

- But she can't find furniture.

So she lives with the girls.

They go out for a night of dancing--

- Love it!
- Like Coyote Ugly style,

which I, have you guys
had a night like this?

Where you get up and dance

on the bar (laughing) tops?
- Always.

- No, I haven't.

- Just in college, those
days are over though.

- Ooh, I don't think I've
ever danced on a bar top.

And I think it might
- The only scenes I made

- be too late for me.
- in a bar were,

involved me throwing up in the bathroom.

- I threw up in a bathroom in a bar.

In the Pig'n'Whistle in New York.

- Oh, that's fun.
- Thank you.

- I threw up in Hemingway's in Pittsburgh.

- Ooh, literary!

- It was very literary,
I felt like Hemingway.

I bet he puked a lot.

- Yeah, it's the shortest
story he ever told.

(everyone laughing)

- I puked this morning, again.

- So she goes out, she treats herself

to a steak and a loaded potato,

she has three spiked
coffees at an Irish bar.

Everyone in this book
drinks mixed cocktails

and I fucking love it.

There's Tequila Sunrise,
there's White Russian,

and there's Irish coffees.

- What they drink

makes me a little sick.
- So milky.

So much milk in this book!

- The constitution of gods, okay?

- I'm gonna say that they do have

a very high-calorie diet
for such tiny women.

- Yeah, like Michael Phelps.
- Yeah, I thought that too.

- It was like, they're
eating a lot of red meat,

drinking a whole bunch,
but I guess magic--

- Loaded potatoes.
- Yeah, loaded potatoes,

but I guess magic is just a really

great way to calorie burn.

- [Rekha] Yeah, I realize that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

- It takes a lot of calories.
- It always makes me sad--

- Yeah, if you're pulling
the forces of the elements,

that involves a lot of calorie burning.

- Totally, no, it is a
Michael Phelps situation.

They're eating like
four steaks or whatever.

- And also, also.

The perfect woman looks
great and can eat like a man.

Of course!
- Oh, my God, if she's got

that perfect C-cup boobs
and the small waist,

and she could eat 70
loaded potatoes, oh, baby!

- Something I can't believe
that hasn't come up yet,

that Vincent, every time
he describes a woman,

(laughing) mentions her
cup size. (laughing)

- Like we were flipping
back and forth of like,

is this ghostwritten by a woman
or is this written by a man?

Is it partly both, and it's like,

that is some sort of man shit.

Like, wow, and the
woman walked in with her

perfect almost C-cup boobies.

- It comes down to the point where--

- [Jessica] Oh, no, no, no, please.

- Where a character becomes a ghost

and then it requests a body.

And Vincent's like, oh, I don't
know if I have any bodies.

Wait a minute, yeah, I do.

And he brings out two and they
spend a full two paragraphs

describing, and this is
like the height of the,

this is the climax of the action of,

holy shit, something
terrible has just happened.

This person's now a ghost.

Let's take two paragraphs to describe

the breast size of these dead bodies.

- The way he always describes it though,

the author, or Vincent, it's always like,

age, hair color/length,
and then breast size.

- It like humanizes--
- That's what a woman is!

That is what a woman is, her
age, her hair, and her boobs.

- And then the age thing,
it's like if her age is good,

it's just the age, but if her
age is above 30 or whatever,

he'll be like, and the signs
of age haven't killed her yet!

(Rekha laughing)

- One woman was like 35 and they're like,

she's somehow still beautiful.

- And they describe,
it's like, formerly a 10,

now maybe an eight as time
ravaged her (laughing) body.

- Oh, my God.
- Horrible.

- But Vincent's a good guy.

- He's a good guy.
- He's super good, super good.

Good, good, good boy.
- I hate Vincent.

- No, I mean, we're not
talking about it much

because I also hate him,
but there's only so much

you could say that you hate this dude.

- Yes, he's a--
- And, Amy.

We didn't even talk about Amy yet.

- Amy is his bonded--

- So Amy comes in to play--
- Starts off--

- Pretty big too.

- Yeah, yeah, well she starts off

as a vampire who is under his control,

but she's the only bond
that's an unconsented bond.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 'cause he saved,

like she's attacking him.

But then later after this big
battle, am I skipping ahead?

- [Jessica] Oh, no, that's fine.

- After this big battle, to save her,

he bonds them in a new way in which she's

no longer a vampire but she's now a witch.

- A lich.
- And a lich!

- A witch and even-lich-ly.
- A witch lich!

(everyone laughing)

She's a lich girl
(Jessica laughing)

- From what I can gather
from what this author's

trying to do is she started out as a witch

because she's the granddaughter of Anise.

She gets turned into a vampire,
that's a big fucking deal.

Whenever a vampire--

- He know what he's talking about.

- Like a magical person gets turned

into a vampire, that's huge.

- [Allie] 'Cause they're dead now.

- Yes, and then another
necromancer bonds to her,

sends her to kill Vincent.

Vincent instead of killing her
'cause he's such a good guy.

- He's a good guy!
- He bonds,

he supersedes that bond.

So now she's his vampire witch slave.

And he would never have sex with her.

- He would never have sex with
anybody who's bonded to him.

I mean, his whole thing is like,

I don't wanna have sex with anybody,

but I have to have sex
because I have to feed

on people's souls so I can survive.

And that's why he's a good guy,

'cause he doesn't want to, but he has to.

- But the souls also regenerate a little.

It's like, oh, after time
they'll get their soul back.

How that works.

- Beats me.
- I don't know.

Beats me.
- They plant this little seed

that he has sex with humans.

It takes them a long time
to regenerate their soul.

If he has sex with another supernatural,

it takes a much quicker time.

So isn't that convenient?

That he's just around all

these witches.
- Isn't that convenient?

- And who find him really fuckin' hot.

- And I don't know what he
looks like besides his penis.

(Jessica laughing)

And even then, they don't
tell you, because, right?

We know the cup

size of every--
- Huh, he's 25!

Rekha, you know him, he looks like 25.

- He's 25.
- Perfect 10.

- He's 25 and he describes his penis--

- This is an important line in the book.

- This is important and
so I do need to find it.

Sorry, let me just pull
this up, it is, notes.

(Jessica laughing)

Okay, this is puckered star.

- [Jessica] Puckered star, okay.

- Her labia was puffy.
- C cup, D cup?

While Rekha's looking, it
might surprise you all,

there were no A cups in the book.

So sadly for my A cup girls out there.

- Also, underrepresented.
- This isn't the one,

we're underrepresented.

- Also, sorry, again, to my
women of color out there,

these are all fuckin' white people.

Anyone who is remotely
not white is described

as having Asian features or some

dumb shit like that.
- But still doesn't say if--

- Sorry for it.
- Oh, my God.

- Well, here's one description.

This isn't the one I was looking for, but,

my manhood expanded within
her tightening channel

as I started to fill her with my batter.

So that's something I know about him.

- Mm, no.
- Batter up!

- That and he's got nice
little pancake batter jizz.

- I don't like that.

- I don't wanna brag about my size.

- [Jessica] Oh, yes.

- Yes, I don't want to brag
about my size but let's just say

it's another part of what
I am and leave it at that.

I don't know, you're
gonna have to say more.

- I imagine that his dick
was covered in blue flame.

- You imagined, so you
imagined a supernatural dick?

- Yeah, 'cause it's

part of who he is.
- I love that.

And I wish I would've--

- And I wish he would say
that because I'm like,

no, you're a freak, man!

I don't know what your
dick looks like, tell me.

- You're half demon and half necromancer.

- 'Cause at this point,

a regular human penis
is not gonna impress me.

- [Jessica] Are sometimes things vague

so that you can fill in the blanks?

- I think so.
- 'Cause I often find myself

filling in the blanks and enjoying that.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, sometimes like my,

that's why I personally prefer romance

over erotica is because
there's more vagueness,

and it allows you to
more like put yourself

in the position.

When you get too bogged
down with the details,

you get stuff like, oh, I
sprayed my batter into her.

And then you're like--

- [Rekha] I don't have batter,
I can't relate to this.

- I can't relate to that at all.

This is just making me weird.

- When you start citing
women's band sizes, and like--

- Yeah.
(Rekha laughing)

But it might have been
strategic from the author

to not have clear descriptions of Vincent

that way you can picture--

- [Rekha] As a man or whatever.

- Like I picture Vincent as
maybe like Jeff Goldblum.

- For instance.
- This would be also

- For instance!
- the first time I think

I've read one that was written by a man

and from a man's point of view.

And I did find it interesting
'cause in no book I've read

what somebody's penis feels
like when something's happening.

And I don't know what that feels like,

so I thought that that
was kind of interesting.

It did feel like a 13-year-old
boy who's never had sex

was telling me about it and he had

my undivided attention
- And it got big.

- for hours.
- It got really big,

and my balls, she loved my balls.

- I kissed her so hard.

- I even put my tongue in it.

(everyone chuckling)

- I don't remember
Vincent eating anyone out.

- He does.
- He does.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Good for him.

- I think he's an attentive
- He does with Anise.

- lover, he just is like,
sucks, he just sucks.

- Okay, so council stuff happens. (laughs)

- Basically they're trying--

- Oh, they meet at this vampire council.

So the new council in Chicago.

This guy Silas, the naughty
man I told you about,

he's trying to make
everything bad for everybody.

They want Amy because she is so powerful

and they also don't like that a vampire

was stolen by this guy.

So they're like, bring Amy to us--

- [Luke] Mm-hmm, and in that process

she is cured of her vampirism.

And becomes a lich.

- Yes, and that's also
- Inexplicably.

- how Anise meets--
- They literally

don't explain it.

- They don't explain how
that happens, but it happens.

Sometimes things just
happen in life, Luke.

- [Luke] That's true, it is.

- God, damn it!
- That's a lesson

you need to learn,

right now.
- And you need to learn

it now.
- I think it happened

- I'm learning a lot.
- because of the love magic

they had together.
- I think love magic.

- They both loved each other.

- You're too up here and I think you need

to be a little bit more here.

- No.
- And for those of you

listening, I touched my
head and then my heart.

- My here, this hear, my
heart, is dead and cold.

- It's all batter. (laughing)

- I wanna be fucked in the mind!

(everyone laughing)

- My mind fucked, baby.

Hey, good for you.

- Thank you.

- So that is also when Anise sees Vincent

for the first time and I love this.

And I thought this was metal as fuck

and that you would like it,

and I'm a bit mad that you didn't.

She sees him, no one else
in the room can see this

'cause they're all vampires,
but he's surrounded

by his ghost beings and I
just thought that was cool.

If that was in a movie I think

someone would say, that's
pretty cool. (laughing)

- It's like in--

- Someone, not me.

- [Jessica] No, me, I'm the someone!

In the theater I'd go, hey, that's cool!

- And we'll be like, shut the fuck up.

- Would you shut the

fuck up you stupid lich!
- I've been to movies

with Jess, yes, she
does this all the time.

She comments on every
scene, and she'll be like,

that was a cool scene,
that was a bad scene!

- I also love in this podcast
and in the previous one,

you had some good friends on
it and you had really specific,

like, Andrew's gonna love
this, Luke's gonna love this,

and they both hated it.

- I love all my friends
but they don't like me.

- You don't know their sexual preferences.

- They don't share their
sexual preferences with me.

- There are things in this book

that I think were interesting and cool.

I think that me, as a fon-tasy fan.

(everyone laughing)

The author didn't do enough
work for me to buy it,

you know what I mean?

So, yes that is an interesting thing,

but there was so much before that,

that for me, I couldn't get on board with

because it wasn't shown to me in the way

that made me believe it.

- That's so interesting because

from a erotic fan's perspective,

I was thinking, too much fantasy.

- [Rekhi] Way, way, way too much.

- More--
- Way too much!

- I don't care about the rules.

- Okay, let's say that you
- I'd rather more--

- and I are different.
- More--

- [Rekhi] That's why you're
sitting on opposite sides.

- 'Cause you would fight
otherwise. (laughs)

- I agree with Allie, I somewhat,

I am sorry to say, I
hate this kind of book.

And so the more rules,
the less I'm listening,

and less I'm paying attention,

and the more taken out of it I am.

The rules can be as fuzzy
as shit, I wanna believe

that these people want
to fuck, and I wanna like

the sex scenes.
- It's hard to recap

'cause it's like, and then shit
I didn't care about happened

and now we're at the lesbian
witch house. (laughing)

- [Rekhi] Which is cool.

- Which is good.

- Yeah, it was a tragedy when, do we want,

yeah, we can get to that, right?

'Cause they infiltrate
the council, essentially.

Vincent and Anise both get on the council,

and Silas gets ousted.

Strangely enough, by neither of those,

by the other werewolf, if that's right?

Two on two.
(Rekhi laughing)

It literally pops out of
nowhere and they comment on it.

Also we didn't talk about how the scene

that Vincent has sex
with the werewolf woman.

- I thought you were gonna
say the hoagie scene.

- Oh, yes, in the midst of

all of this.
- From Philly!

- In the midst of all this,

my favorite line in the whole book was

that they take a break for
lunch and have hoagies.

- Anise at one point lived
in the tri-state area.

Before Seattle, she was there--

- [Rekha] She's in the South Phillies,

maybe Cherry Hill area.
- Sitting on a stoop.

- She went to Wawa, she got a Shorti

for 99 cents.
- Yo, let me get

a turkey Shorti with mayo
and all that stuff, you know?

(everyone chuckling)

But they take over the
council essentially,

but Silas is still on the prowl.

I do think that the scenes
where Vincent has sex

with the werewolf woman were hot.

- Ooh!
- Ooh, we got him!

- Okay, what about the scene though

where while he's having sex
with the werewolf woman,

her mother, her ghost mother,
is watching them fuck.

Hot?
- Oh, yeah, so, yeah.

- Is that a threesome?

- Is that a threesome?

(Rekha and Jessica laughing)

- Or is a cuckhold?

- I don't even know.

So one bird that we haven't gotten into is

that there's also a bit
Anise is kinda related

to 3% of the people that
we meet in the book,

and she does partake in sexual
activities with all of them.

It is mentioned she's, as we know,

born before Christ, As
old as the Earth is,

and they want to all have sex together?

And they want to share this man together,

and it is a bit odd.

Because it does feel long enough
ago where it's not an issue

but because you bring it up,
it feels like it is an issue.

- Yeah, 'cause did it have to be that way?

- Well, Amy--

- But they also imply, oh,
but we can't have kids,

we're lesbians doing it so
it doesn't really matter,

which that's not okay, it does.

We're not having sex

with our sisters.
- Incest matters.

- Yeah, incest matters, across the board.

- Well, Amy specifically
cannot have children

because of her lich status.

So, her solution--

- [Jessica] Do not call her that.

- Luke, that's our word.

(ladies laughing)
- Amy is such a lich, okay?

I'm so sorry to the lich
community, I apologize.

(everyone laughing)

- [Jess] You're going
down for this whole--

- Fuck, Discord's gonna
be up in arms. (laughs)

- She can't have a child so she can't have

a proper relationship with
Vincent because you need

to have a child to (mumbles)
it, but they want one.

So what's her solution?

She asks her grandma!
- Now fuck my grandma!

- She asks her grandma to fuck
Vincent and have her kids.

- And what grandmother
wouldn't do that for you?

- Every grandmother!

- What grandmother
- Something--

- wouldn't do it?
- That bothers me is,

or if I was Anise, Amy
always calls Anise, Grams.

And I'd be like, hey, can you
please not call me Grandma

in front of all my sexual partners?

(Luke laughing)

- That's the thing--

- [Rekha] She's trying to be cool.

- I'm trying to convince
people that I'm 25 not 6,000.

But when you call me Grams.

- And also, we both said,
okay, it doesn't matter,

we're far enough in DNA and this and that

to not have it be a thing, and
then you keep saying Grams,

so then it's like, we are related.

- It reminds the reader
in a way that's like,

yeah, I guess I'm supposed to--

- [Jess] In a step-brother way.

- In the step brother way.

- More shit happens, then
they go to the Caribbean.

- Oh!

- This is a big surprise.

The private island that we mentioned,

they do all go.
- This is fuckin' awesome.

- This is so (babbling).
- There's this giant orgy

that there's just too many characters,

I can't even keep track

at this point.
- That's the thing.

There were so many
characters that the author

literally was like, two characters,

this werewolf and this vampire,

that we don't even know
that much, just go off,

and they don't, we don't
even hear from them

just because there's too many people

to keep track of in that hot tub thing

that they're all like
touching each other in.

- But you gotta be careful in hot tubs.

I know I've mentioned, I think
I've mentioned this before.

- You did before mention.
- Yeast infection central.

Right?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, but they were
like in an outdoor grotto,

it was like a--

- Oh, it's a grotto, oh, okay, if it's a--

- Oh, then fuck away then.
- It was a hot springs,

it was like nature's hot tub.

- [Luke] Still hot, still dangerous.

- Still hot, yeah.

- God, I wanna be in a hot spring.

- This scene involves Vincent

being surrounded by seven women?

- So?

- Yeah, a fantasy, dude!

What dude wouldn't want that?

- Hey, yo, dude, fuck!
- The whole point of the book

is to create--
- Fuck!

- The whole point of the book

is to create this harem for Vincent.

He just has these women who like

just want--
- But he stumbles upon,

he kinda Mr. Magoo's his

way into.
- He does!

- [Rekha] This is a Mr. Magoo kinda book.

- [Jessica] It is, Mr. Magoo!

- Something that I'll say that I liked

from an erotic book perspective
is that the sex scenes

got increasingly like more
magical and more insane.

It starts off just like, demon, human.

Then it's like, demon, werewolf.

Then it's like witch orgy.

Then it's like literally
all the races in a hot tub

having sex together in the Caribbean.

- [Jessica and Rekha] That's beautiful.

- That's a beautiful arc.

- You're against that, Luke?
- That we all have

to appreciate.
- Wow!

Integration, not a fan, are you, Luke?

Hmm.

- I'm against--

- [Jessica] The melting
pot of the Caribbean.

- Yes, America is the
melting pot of the Caribbean.

(Rekha and Jessica laughing)

- The reason I didn't like it,

because it just felt very specifically

like he Magoo'ed it, right?

This guy barely knows
how to do necromancy.

- He's like the Christopher
Columbus of this.

- This guy's barely
necromancing over here.

- [Rekha] I think he got it.

- He Magoos his way through
his powers, alright?

It's written in a way that
all these women are just like,

oh, this guy is so cool,
and hot, and everything,

and it's just like, I
don't fuckin' buy it!

- As soon as Anise sees him,
she's like, he is hot as hell.

But without a description,
so what does he look like?

What did he look like to you?

- He--

(Allie laughing)
- Honestly, 25 sounds young,

so I was like, ew.

He probably has boxes for
furniture and stuff like that.

(Rekha and Jessica laughing)

He's probably gross.
- He has shit stains

on his underwear.
- Yeah!

His clothes are probably like oil-stained,

like fuckin' pasta sauce and stuff.

(everyone laughing)

So, I wasn't, I don't know--

- He has a mattress on the
floor on the boxspring.

- And he uses sweatshirts as pillows.

- [Allie] And every woman wants him.

- He's so hot.

- Oh, my fucking God, look,
he only has two shirts.

- Yeah, I mean, the best scene
in the entire book for me

is when Anise is with
Willa who they're kinda in,

they're my favorite couple in the book.

I think they're wonderful together.

They're kind of hanging out
with the other two girls,

the other two witches, and
then they just get the vibe

that they wanna do something together,

but they wanna be sneaky about it,

so then Anise puts her
magical powers on Willa.

- [Luke] This was cool.

- And they like do it
in front of everybody,

but nobody knows!

Well, they kinda catch on
after her second orgasm.

- Yeah, (scoffs) orgasm a lot.

- [Jess] It is a lot of orgasms.

- There have to be so that
he can feed off of souls.

- Duh, I thought you
knew about necromancy.

- I guess I'm learning things today.

I'm learning so much.

- The book ends, and I'm
curious about this too,

with two people being impregnated.

Anise is impregnated with his twins,

and then--
- They defeat the vampires.

- They defeat, I mean,
who even gives a shit.

- Less you be worried.

- I was upset with this.
- And then the other one,

about the third book now we've read

where someone ends up pregnant in the end,

is that a big thing?

- Yeah, at least with the
genres that I tend to read,

yeah, it's like the happily
ever after is you're pregnant.

- [Jessica] Do you find it satisfying?

- Honestly, I usually just flip through

to find the sex scenes.

I mean, I guess it's satisfying.

Again, I just think that the narrative

in both romance and erotica is just filler

to create tension so that
the sex scenes are better.

- Well, that why a baby
is such a strange aspect

to be common by the end of
these because it's like,

well, the sex is over, I
don't need this narrative.

This could be buttoned
up, this could button up

any other way 'cause it doesn't matter.

- And they just have a
fling that then ends,

and we thought about how hot it was

for the rest of our lives.

- Maybe it's to set up
a sequel with the baby?

- And there is.
- And that does happen a lot,

that it's like then later on.

You do a series of books and then you do

another series with the kids.

- The sexuality is passed
down, generation to generation.

- The hottest family that ever lived.

And they kinda all do each other,

so maybe that's why it's important too.

- That is nice.

- But Anise gets pregnant with twins,

and then, this was very fun.

- [Allie] I love this part.

- It's not fun, I think it's terrible,

but Vincent gets Kim pregnant
who's the werewolf woman,

and they make a big deal being
like, how is this possible?

This never happens, werewolves only mate

with other werewolves
and they mate for life,

and the choose their mates.

- Aww.
- And the implication is like,

Vincent was just such a good lover.

- Damn!
- It's love magic,

it's love again.
- Vincent could fix

the insides of any woman
with ovarian problems,

like a uterus problem, just fuck Vincent.

- Cool.
- Oh, my God.

Alright, it's time to rate this baby.

We've got, one is a drought,
five is flip out of my chair.

Anyone can start.

One to five.
- I'll go first.

- How do we feel about
- 'Cause I feel like

- The Necromancer.
- I'm gonna be the worst.

So, I'll fully admit that I think I came

to the erotic novel in the wrong mindset.

- I thought you were gonna
end that, I think I came.

- We can all admit I came.

(everyone laughing)
Alright everyone?

- [Rakha] (laughing) I think I came.

- I think I came looking for a good story,

and the way that Allie's
described erotic novels

in that it's just filler
to get to the sex parts,

okay, that's fine.

- Are you saying our small little podcast

changed one person's mind?

(Allie gasping)
- I still think

I'm gonna give this book a one.

- Have we done our mission?

- You're Mother Theresa.

- I'm gonna give this book a one, still,

- Okay.
- Because I literally

- Alright, nevermind.
- was dry the whole time,

and I didn't get turned on by anything.

- [Allie] What?

- You have changed my
perspective on the erotic novel.

- Allie!
- Oh, my God!

- Allie!
- Oh my God, that's beautiful.

- [Luke] Allie and the
group, so, but this is

still a one.
- Allie and others.

- Allie and you two.
- Allie and the rest.

- So that's my rating, one,

but a better appreciation for the art.

- One but, we'll take it.
- Beautiful.

- I like it.
- One but.

- One but. (laughing)

One but, let's get

- My rating, all the
fantasy stuff, one to zero.

Not interested.

Whatsoever.
- Was zero an option?

- It's not.
- No!

I feel like I am owed wetness

from the fantasy aspects of this.

I was so incredibly bored
by it and I'm so sorry.

The witch sex I will
give, I will give a three.

Because I think that I like
this book actually utilize

magical powers, and even
the straight kind of just

like more human-like
sex was still kinda hot.

Yeah, so it averages zero to three.

(everyone snickering)

- I'm gonna give this one a 3 1/2.

And I don't like the first chapter

and I was like,
- Oh, my God, showers.

- this is the stupidest thing,

I can't even get through this.

But as soon as I met Anise,
I was really into her.

I loved the witch house
that everybody lived in.

And it really did, I don't
know how else to say this,

it made me think about
things, it was very beautiful.

It's so sad to me that this man,

one thing we didn't mention
and I'll do it quick,

so he, by having sex with
women, takes part of their souls

and at one point when he's
having sex with someone,

he's like, I'm not
deserving of being with you.

And I know he's a piece of shit,

but I also have never heard
that in a erotic book,

or the ones that I've read.

There's not often times
where someone's like,

God, I'm a fuckin' piece of
shit, I don't even deserve love.

And I think that that's
a very real feeling

and a very sad feeling.

I think there was profound
sadness in this book

that I haven't read in other eroticas,

and I enjoyed that a lot too.

- Sure, this was like a book book compared

to the other ones we have read.

- Compared to say a Wet

for Nessie.
- Wet for Nessie.

- Which had a ton of profound sadness.

- It was very profoundly sad.

- Allie?

- I'd give this a three.

I think what was good about it was

how creative they got with,

I give it a three for
creative, for sexual scenarios.

When they got like witch orgy, I was like,

nothing is gonna top this witch orgy,

and they managed to do
that with the werewolf,

vampire, zombie orgy in that hot spring.

- [Rekha] Caribbean.

What? Yes, Caribbean.

Why I dock it some stars
is because I believe

that they didn't use
enough magical elements

within the sexual interactions.

I think it just happened one time

and I wanted flaming demon dicks.

- It was to

check off werewolf.
- As soon as you said that,

I mean, I love that so much.

It makes me think of that
movie Mandy and fucking

one of those demons.
- Mandy, yes!

- Had flames coming out of their dick.

That'd be so fucking cool.

Oh, God, I love that.
- And what did

the babies look like?

- We gotta read book two.
- Are they like fireballs?

- He was that Incredibles, baby.

- Yeah, it's just the Incredibles baby.

- Thank you so much

for being here, guys.
- Thank you guys so much

for doing this.

- Thank you for teaching me.
- Thank you for having us.

- For teaching, yeah.

- Thank you, we all learned.

- [Jessica and Allie] We all learned.

- That's what it's all about.

Thank you guys for being here.

Again, subscribe to Dropout
and you'll get to be

on the Discord to talk to
us about our next book,

Shared by Lumberjacks, it's 99 cents.

I'm doing the best I can, people.

- I'm glad they're sharing.

- It's book four of the series.

- We're getting into it,
we're starting in the middle.

- Why book four, did
someone buy it by accident,

not looking at the book number?

No, we intentionally
wanted to read book four

of Shared by Lumberjacks
by Eddie Cleveland.

And we'll be here next
time, thank you so much.

- Thank you!

- Have a wonderful, sexy day.

Sexually liberated, energy-filled day.

Yummy.

- I'm going to the Caribbean tonight.

- Treat yourself to a
trip to the Caribbean.

- Let's hop a flight.

- Yay!

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