All language subtitles for Apocalypse.Clown.2023.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]
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They say you should
never give up on your dreams,
4
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,562
but what if you should?
5
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:08,068
What if your dreams are just
too big and you are too small?
6
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:15,617
A tiny, insignificant speck of carbon
floating in a cruel, unforgiving universe.
7
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:22,040
No, the universe doesn't
care about your dreams.
8
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:25,919
In a flash of light,
in the blink of an eye,
9
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,630
it will wipe its ass with your destiny.
10
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,759
But if you learn to accept this,
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00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:36,137
to laugh at God
instead of cursing him,
12
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:40,141
then maybe, just maybe,
you stand a chance
13
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:44,437
of becoming a pretty decent clown.
14
00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:47,357
Weird.
15
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:50,777
Where is everybody?
16
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:02,038
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
clap your hands ♪
17
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,376
{\an8}
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands ♪
18
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:07,502
{\an8}
19
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,754
{\an8}
♪ If you're happy and you know it ♪
20
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,881
{\an8}
♪ And you really want to show it ♪
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00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,759
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
clap your hands ♪
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00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:20,473
If you're happy-- bear with me--
and you know it, stamp your...
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00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:25,687
Ah, you know it don't you?
24
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,190
Are you going to be
able to finish that? Or...
25
00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,568
What is it? Red Leicester?
What is that?
26
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:32,652
Bobo!
27
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,614
I thought we were clear.
We're gonna go another way with this.
28
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:40,243
Yes, I heard you.
You said I was depressing the children.
29
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,370
That's why I brought out
the happy dance.
30
00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:45,999
Look, we've had a great run, but we're
gonna give Nathan a go this time.
31
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:48,960
- He does close-up magic...
- And far-away magic.
32
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:52,630
A fucking wand-stroker?!
33
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:55,717
My act works!
34
00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:59,846
I've been doing it 25 years!
It's the kids that've changed!
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00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:02,015
They don't appreciate
the classics anymore.
36
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:04,225
They just wanna get
jacked up on energy drinks,
37
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:05,810
and watch Serbian pornography.
38
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:10,273
- I don't think these kids are watching--
- Asian shit, foot stuff, whatever.
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00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:14,235
If you want to give my job to a
fucking hat fister, then fine.
40
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:15,695
Fuck you.
41
00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:18,489
And fuck him,
and fuck this gig,
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00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,617
and fuck all these joyless little pricks,
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00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,744
because I quit. Okay?
44
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:26,247
Oh, I'll be taking one of these
jellies as well. Thank you!
45
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,292
That was methadone.
46
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:33,463
Yeah, I knew that.
47
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,757
Alright?
48
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,268
Right.
Let's introduce you.
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00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,855
{\an8}
Good morning, Ireland.
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00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:54,525
{\an8}
You're listening to 93.5 with Big Roy
and The Animal.
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00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:57,612
{\an8}
Extreme weather conditions in Bolivia
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{\an8}
have baffled climatologists
who fear electromagnetic--
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00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,202
Garth Brooks live this Saturday
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00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,579
at Croke Park, Dublin.
Extra tickets on sale--
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00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,097
Hey, kid.
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00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,392
Do you wanna see a show?
Come on.
57
00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:31,145
- It'll only take a second.
- Hey! Let go!
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00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:34,774
Help! That thing was trying
to drag my son away!
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00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:38,194
No, no, no.
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00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:41,698
That's just where I do my show.
They won't let me do it out here.
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00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,616
If you need any witnesses,
I saw what happened.
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00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,576
She definitely tried to snatch your kid.
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00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:48,705
Fuck you, Alan!
Just gimme a shot on the strip.
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00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,791
- I've done my time!
- The strip's for artists, Funzo.
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00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,876
You're scaring away the clients.
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00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:58,548
You want to dance with me,
Alan, do you wanna dance?
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00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:01,342
Is this clown bothering you, Alan?
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00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,512
Okay.
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00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,306
Okay.
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00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:19,402
You can run, Funzo but we'll get
you eventually! We can wait!
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00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,572
Human statues can always wait!
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00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,074
{\an8}-
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00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:34,167
{\an8}
Before we begin, there are
three basic truths you must accept.
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00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,711
One, God is dead.
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00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,047
Two.
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00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:42,884
Laughter is the only sane response
to a meaningless existence.
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00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:47,930
Three, if you are going to do a tumble,
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00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:52,185
make sure you land
on the meat of your buttocks,
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00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:55,396
or you will really damage your ass bone.
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00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,318
You, why are you here?
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00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:03,279
I just love kids.
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00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,907
I guess... making them laugh.
83
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:09,160
A bit route one, isn't it?
"Making children laugh."
84
00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:13,247
Ah, we have an avant-gardist in our midst.
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00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,959
Let us marvel at his singular genius.
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00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,048
Monsieur DuCoque.
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00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:28,888
I am Pepe, and this is my interpretation
of the classic mime "Trapped In A Box."
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00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:39,273
That's a wall.
89
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:46,989
And another one. Not this again.
90
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,868
Ooh, uh, Julian.
Julian, are you still out there?
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00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,579
I better call Barbara.
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00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,290
Hello? May I speak to Barbara please?
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00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,209
Barbara? Hi, it's Pepe.
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00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:00,503
Listen, bit of an embarrassing one
for you, Barbara.
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00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:01,921
You know that box I've got
96
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,673
- at the end of my garden?
- Enough!
97
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:07,343
This is the worst performance
I have ever seen.
98
00:07:07,426 --> 00:07:09,137
Sorry, maybe you
didn't understand there.
99
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:12,056
I wasn't actually trapped in a box.
I was just pretending.
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00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,809
A true clown never pretends.
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00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:16,436
He simply be's.
102
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,314
But I am a true clown.
I just need some training.
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00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:25,111
If I taught a duck to wear a hat and
a little suit and go to an office
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00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:30,324
every day with a tiny briefcase,
would that make him a businessman?
105
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,828
Well, if he tried really hard
and read all the books and...
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00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,872
really believed in his
dreams, then yes!
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00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,332
Yes, I know that duck
could become a businessman.
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00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,542
Silence!
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00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:45,047
You will never... be...
a true clown.
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00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,468
Monsieur DuCoque!
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00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:51,512
Monsieur DuCoque!
112
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:55,391
They say comedy equals tragedy plus time.
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00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:59,270
{\an8}Well, unfortunately, time was up
for the man that some people called
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00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:02,565
{\an8}
the last great clown, Jean DuCoque.
115
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:06,569
And joining me to discuss
his legacy is, well, a bit of a blast
116
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:09,405
from the TV past,
The amazing Alphonso.
117
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,741
{\an8}It's "The Great,"
it's "The Great Alphonso."
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00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:15,453
So DuCoque was, I suppose, some
kind of a hero to you.
119
00:08:16,954 --> 00:08:19,165
Indeed. And I to him.
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00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:21,000
Unlike many of the other so-called
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00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:25,254
"stars of the time,"
he was not a jealous clown.
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00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:29,884
For instance, when Alphonso's
Fun Club became the nation's highest
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00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:32,637
rated kids' TV show in 1993...
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00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,139
I think I remember that show!
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00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,851
- And then again, in 1994.
- Wasn't it canceled due to some kind
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00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:41,312
of a freak gunge tank accident?
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00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:42,355
Yeah, it was.
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00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,732
There were no formal charges.
129
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,443
- Piss off.
- I think DuCoque would be delighted
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00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,403
to hear the announcement
of my comeback show
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00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,864
this Saturday at the
National Concert Hall--
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00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:55,535
Saturday? Isn't that the same night as
Garth Brooks' Stadium show?
133
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,203
'Cause that's where I'll be!
134
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,579
Oh, fucking hack.
135
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,251
Why are you watching this?
136
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,425
Fuck off!
137
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,220
Fucking thing. Piss off!
138
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:18,724
Piss off. Why are you smiling?
You've got nothing to smile for.
139
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:19,809
Eat cock.
140
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:24,272
Why are you smiling?!
141
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,107
Piece of shit.
142
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,486
I need that source, Suzie.
143
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,739
I'm not going live
without a second source.
144
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:16,907
{\an8}No, no. I never said
it was off the record!
145
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,535
{\an8}- He's not gonna wrap up this story.
146
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,745
{\an8}You've got 20 minutes.
147
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,958
Wow. It only took you three days.
148
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,793
You know you get paid by the word?
149
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,880
Look, Edith, I think I've
got a real story here.
150
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:35,384
- What do you know about solar flares?
- I know I don't care about them.
151
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,262
I've been tracking some serious
meteorological anomalies
152
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,680
over the past few months.
153
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:45,478
NASA, the European Space Agency, the SWPC,
all warning of a potentially major event.
154
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:48,689
- Alright, listen, Jenny...
- I know what you're gonna say, Edith,
155
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,358
but journalism is in my blood.
156
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,318
You've got a thoroughbred horse here,
157
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,737
and you've got me giving
pony rides round the garden.
158
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,490
I can sleep standing up.
I can shit while I gallop.
159
00:10:57,573 --> 00:11:00,326
Stop wasting me on these
bullshit celebrity puff pieces.
160
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:02,370
And let me feel the wind in my mane.
161
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:06,290
All right. As it happens,
I do have a story for you.
162
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:09,835
Out in the field, something
tailored to your particular expertise.
163
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:13,589
A clown funeral.
164
00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:15,841
A clown funeral!
165
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:19,178
How fucked up is that? Who
wouldn't click through?
166
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:22,223
But I thought you wanted
me for my expertise.
167
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:23,599
I do.
168
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:26,018
Didn't you fuck a clown?
169
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,854
Sorry, did I get that wrong?
170
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:34,777
Jenny Malone fucked a clown, right?
171
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:36,737
This Jenny?
172
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,782
- She fucked a clown?
- Yes, she's the clown fucker.
173
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,034
Can we all stop calling me that please?
174
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:44,245
I just hooked up with a guy at a party.
175
00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,288
Was it a children's party?
176
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,624
Ah, fuck you, Suzie.
Journalists are talking.
177
00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:52,294
Look, no one else here knows
a goddamn thing about clowns.
178
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,213
So do you want this job or not?
179
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,848
I'll do it.
180
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:08,018
Some day I'm gonna do
some real reporting,
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00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,229
{\an8}and I'm gonna show you...
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00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,275
you judgmental bitch.
183
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:18,362
Are you talking to me
or your dead mother?
184
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:23,200
- Dead mother.
- Cool. That's totally normal.
185
00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:38,299
Heavy winds being
blamed for the unusual network blackouts
186
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:42,303
from the Cavernly triangle, and also
fearing increasing levels of disruption,
187
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:45,014
and a sharp rise in the number
of towns shutting down.
188
00:12:57,776 --> 00:13:00,029
- Can I help you?
- Is Jenny here?
189
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,865
- Jenny.
- Yeah. Five foot four.
190
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:04,492
Medium hair.
191
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,329
The most beautiful woman in the world.
192
00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:13,626
We do have a Jenny,
but she's kind of plain.
193
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,878
I can take a message.
194
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:17,296
Um...
195
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:20,591
could you tell her...
196
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:25,596
every time I see a sunset
the wind shouts her name.
197
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,350
Jenny!
198
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,561
Don't say that actually. It's weird, no?
199
00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:36,106
I still wrote it...
Could you just say "What up?"
200
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:37,441
"What up?"
201
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,610
You just want me
to say "What up?"
202
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:41,654
Yeah, but keep it--
keep it casual,
203
00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,656
like you're really busy,
it's no big deal,
204
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,032
so "What up? What up?"
205
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,910
Not like that, but "What up"
like that. Keep it mean.
206
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,246
Okay. Uh, what was your name?
207
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,665
Uh, Bobo.
208
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:56,669
Bobo as in Bobo the Clown.
209
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,712
Wow.
210
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,423
You know, I don't know
where she is right now,
211
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:06,720
uh, but I can tell you
where she'll be tomorrow morning.
212
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:09,265
Please.
213
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:23,821
{\an8}-
214
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,585
Thanks for the ride!
215
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,396
- Jenny.
- Oh, fuck me.
216
00:14:57,771 --> 00:14:59,648
Wow, baby girl.
217
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,776
- Of course you're here.
- Wow, you look spectacular.
218
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,194
What are the chances?
219
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,575
Yeah, so I'm good.
220
00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:14,163
Finally got out of the clown game.
At last. Long time coming.
221
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:19,585
Nah. I just needed a change, you know.
Been reading a lot of fitness magazines.
222
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,796
Hey, how you doing?
223
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,632
Bobo. Nice to meet you.
224
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:28,427
- So are you a couple or what's the coup?
- What? No!
225
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,638
- Oh, sorry. You seem lovely.
- What, are you single?
226
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,222
- Um...
- We should go out some time.
227
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:35,434
I know this great little Italian!
And he's a fantastic hot dog stand.
228
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:38,062
Bobo. I'm working.
Leave me alone.
229
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:41,273
Nice.
230
00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:45,861
Sorry to cock-block you there, mate.
But me and her got history.
231
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:49,239
And a future by the looks of it, so...
232
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:55,454
You can flash all the cash you want, but
you ain't impressing anyone, mate. Okay?
233
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:08,092
So anyway he says,
"What's with the big pants?"
234
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:09,510
And then I say,
235
00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:12,429
"that's where I keep the big dick
I use to fuck your mum."
236
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:16,183
Anyway, that's why I don't play
orphanages anymore.
237
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,485
I'm so sorry for your loss.
238
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,196
Oh, thank you.
239
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,825
Monsieur DuCoque
was like a father to me.
240
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:38,622
I suppose now it's fallen
upon me to honor his legacy.
241
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,751
Big shoes to fill.
242
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:47,548
You're right.
243
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,759
I should take his shoes.
244
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:52,636
Fuck me.
245
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:57,141
So this guy, he must have
been a pretty big deal, right?
246
00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:58,976
- Who, DuCoque?
- Mm-hmm.
247
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:03,313
Yeah. I guess. Excuse me.
248
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,567
Aah. You smell musky.
249
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,281
Jen!
250
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:14,575
Wow! This is a real Who's Who, huh?
251
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,326
Hey. How you doing?
252
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:19,872
Friends.
253
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:24,418
The pain and grief we are all feeling.
254
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,295
There are no words.
255
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:30,382
But where words fail us,
256
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,801
there is always mime!
257
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,605
What're we lookin' at?
258
00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:46,565
I'm trapped in a box while screaming.
259
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,526
That's not how it reads.
260
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,575
Okay, the other hand isn't helping.
261
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,798
A fitting tribute, I think we'd all agree.
262
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:16,845
But first, let me tell you
how great it is
263
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:21,975
to see the nation's entire clowning
community in such rude health.
264
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,064
Adieu Monsieur.
265
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,857
But enough about the past.
266
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:32,027
As you all know,
267
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:35,531
I myself am back on top,
268
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:40,577
gearing up for my enormous
comeback show tomorrow night!
269
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,788
But I need a support act.
270
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,666
- Well, if you...
- Not you. Not that.
271
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,377
Wait a minute, where's Boinki?
272
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,628
Doing a Masters.
273
00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:50,796
Hmm?
274
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:53,006
- Giggles?
- Trampled by a horse.
275
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:54,967
Oh, probably for the best.
276
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,469
Um, what about you?
277
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:58,929
Are you a clown?
278
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,931
I mean, the makeup says clown,
279
00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:02,933
- but the hair--
- I'm a journalist.
280
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,102
- Thank you very much.
- Well, perfect.
281
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:07,354
I'll give you 20 minutes after this.
282
00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:09,773
Then we can do the interview, eh?
283
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,694
Right. Well then, we'll have to audition!
284
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:16,822
Everyone out to the car park.
I'll give you five minutes each.
285
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:19,158
Glory awaits!
286
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:24,121
We just want Funzo.
287
00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:28,041
If you want me, you're
gonna have to take on all of us.
288
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,752
You fucked up now, Alan.
289
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,838
Right, guys?
290
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,258
- Who are you?
- Who's Alan?
291
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,052
You owe me an ear, Funzo.
292
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:40,888
You take Liberty.
293
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,806
Leave Alan to me.
294
00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:45,726
Take them where?
295
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,687
To Hell.
296
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,148
Oh my God!
297
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,407
You can't do this to me!
My comeback show is tomorrow!
298
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,576
Ticket sales have been robust.
299
00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:03,827
Weird fuckers, come on!
300
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,537
This is a violation of
my journalistic rights.
301
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:08,040
You might as well curl off a hot one
right on the Geneva Convention.
302
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:11,126
- Come on to fuck your...
- I want to be in her cell.
303
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,629
I want to be in that cell.
304
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:29,770
- Was that a tooth?
- Yeah, but it's not mine.
305
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:39,321
Do you think maybe she's gone scary?
306
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:43,575
So. What should we call our
clown troupe slash fight club?
307
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:47,788
- I'm not a clown
- And I am not forming a troupe with you.
308
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:51,583
I trained under the late Jean DuCoque.
309
00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:53,877
You look like a tramp
who lost at paintball.
310
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,463
- I'm a street clown.
- Street clown?
311
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,674
What is that?
That doesn't even mean anything.
312
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:03,011
It means I learned my
shit on the streets.
313
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,681
Not some fancy school with a roof on it.
314
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:09,977
It means a clown for anyone,
any place, any time.
315
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:14,523
Down an alley, under a bridge,
outside people's windows at night.
316
00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:16,441
I'll clown for you right now.
317
00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:19,778
Without so much as a warmup!
318
00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:21,822
Are you insane?
319
00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:24,825
What?
Never seen a neck trapeze before?
320
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:27,536
- Oh, well that answers that.
- What did you say, DuCoque muncher?
321
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:31,456
- You heard what I said you little lunatic!
- Just stop it, you poke at my face!
322
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:34,668
Why don't you shut up, both of you?!
323
00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:39,298
This whole argument is pointless.
324
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:42,968
Face it, the world doesn't
need clowns anymore.
325
00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:47,973
We're fax machines, we're travel agents.
326
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,018
We're obsolete.
327
00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:51,787
What's that noise?
328
00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:57,292
Fucking hell!
329
00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:06,259
Funzo? What have you done?
Let them out please.
330
00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:09,471
We could, but then we'd also
be letting out all the rats.
331
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:10,430
What rats?
332
00:23:10,514 --> 00:23:13,975
- The sack of rats I threw in there.
- We're gonna get you Funzo!
333
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:16,061
You better sleep with one eye open!
334
00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:20,065
- It's cool. I already do.
- You'll never outrun us, Funzo.
335
00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:22,776
You can't escape. Oh my God,
there's one on my balls.
336
00:23:22,859 --> 00:23:24,111
There's one on my balls.
337
00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:31,993
Weird.
Where is everybody?
338
00:23:39,626 --> 00:23:41,545
Hello?
339
00:23:43,630 --> 00:23:46,049
Anybody!
340
00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:57,978
- My phone's dead.
- So's my beeper.
341
00:23:58,061 --> 00:23:59,604
So are my parents.
342
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:02,607
But I had nothing to do with it.
343
00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:11,867
So when that thing comes back to life,
how about you give me your number?
344
00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:14,161
And we go for that fantastic hot dog.
345
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,621
Bobo, there's not gonna be a hot dog.
346
00:24:18,039 --> 00:24:21,543
Oh, so you wanna get right down to it
like last time, do you?
347
00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:23,461
Last time was a mistake.
348
00:24:25,338 --> 00:24:29,342
A sweaty, sweaty mistake,
and I've regretted it ever since.
349
00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:37,267
Monsieur is still in there!
350
00:24:37,851 --> 00:24:39,269
How could they leave him?
351
00:24:39,352 --> 00:24:42,397
Trapped in a box, the irony!
352
00:24:45,025 --> 00:24:47,611
Damn it, the Scimitar
won't let me enter her.
353
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,156
You! Journalist!
I've got a show to do!
354
00:24:51,239 --> 00:24:53,575
So I'm gonna have to
drive you in your car.
355
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,703
I can give you that interview
you were asking for.
356
00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:58,997
Nothing electrical is working.
357
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,208
Oh shit, really?
358
00:25:09,507 --> 00:25:12,260
What do you say, friend,
can you give us a lift?
359
00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:16,514
There is no way I'm giving a lift
to a talentless has-been,
360
00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:19,267
a homeless psychopath,
361
00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:23,396
and the woman
who broke my heart!
362
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:26,733
Look, I've got a big show tonight
363
00:25:26,816 --> 00:25:28,693
and there's a juicy support slot,
364
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:32,155
which I'm willing to dangle over
the muzzle of any slobbering clown
365
00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:35,575
- willing to do me a solid.
- I can do you a solid.
366
00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:38,620
How solid do you need?
367
00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:40,580
You know we've met before, right?
368
00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:44,626
We both came over here
to audition for the same TV show,
369
00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:47,504
and I spent every penny
I had on that ferry.
370
00:25:48,171 --> 00:25:50,632
And he saw me rehearse
backstage and stole my act.
371
00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:53,468
And the career.
It should have been mine.
372
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,220
Oh, what we got here?
373
00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:56,888
Oh look, it's your whole act.
374
00:25:58,515 --> 00:26:00,267
Look, Boo Boo is it?
375
00:26:01,268 --> 00:26:05,230
Have you any idea how many lesser
clowns have accused me of stealing
376
00:26:05,313 --> 00:26:07,482
their shitty material over the years?
377
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:12,195
It's not my fault you couldn't
make it on the big boy stage,
378
00:26:12,654 --> 00:26:15,824
but if you did want to make
a genuine contribution
379
00:26:15,907 --> 00:26:18,076
to our illustrious art form,
380
00:26:18,159 --> 00:26:20,662
then the best thing you can do
381
00:26:20,745 --> 00:26:25,959
is drive me to Dublin
so that I can do my show.
382
00:26:26,334 --> 00:26:27,419
Fuck the art form.
383
00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:32,424
Clowning is as dead to me as that boy
band who drowned in your gunge tank.
384
00:26:32,507 --> 00:26:36,011
There was only one of them.
There were no formal charges.
385
00:26:36,469 --> 00:26:37,512
Bobo.
386
00:26:37,804 --> 00:26:39,597
- Bobo.
- What?
387
00:26:40,181 --> 00:26:44,311
I'm sorry about what I said back there.
I don't actually want you to die.
388
00:26:45,812 --> 00:26:48,106
- But you didn't say that.
- Exactly.
389
00:26:48,273 --> 00:26:51,985
Listen,
there's something big going on here,
390
00:26:52,068 --> 00:26:54,237
and I think I know what it is,
391
00:26:54,321 --> 00:26:57,115
and if I'm right,
it's bigger than all of us.
392
00:26:57,741 --> 00:26:59,784
Now we need
to put our differences aside
393
00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:01,786
and get back home as soon as possible
394
00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:03,371
so I can write this story.
395
00:27:04,372 --> 00:27:05,415
I need this, Bobo.
396
00:27:06,499 --> 00:27:07,667
I need you.
397
00:27:11,421 --> 00:27:14,299
Is that, is that a picture
of me on your dashboard?
398
00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:17,802
Fine. Oi.
399
00:27:19,262 --> 00:27:22,432
We'll park this beef, because I don't
mind being the bigger man.
400
00:27:22,515 --> 00:27:24,684
You don't have to do that.
I'll be the bigger man.
401
00:27:24,768 --> 00:27:26,436
No, no, no, no.
I insist.
402
00:27:26,603 --> 00:27:28,605
- Let me be bigger.
- It's cool.
403
00:27:29,397 --> 00:27:34,527
I'm already bigger, so it's just easier
if we think of me as being the bigger man.
404
00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:41,659
Great. Now, how are we
gonna fit five of us in this thing?
405
00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:44,454
Make that six.
406
00:28:01,846 --> 00:28:05,600
- Nothing.
- Oh my God, these are terrible.
407
00:28:07,268 --> 00:28:09,229
Nothing like my act.
408
00:28:09,646 --> 00:28:11,648
Look at this one.
The jugglenaut.
409
00:28:11,731 --> 00:28:14,067
A tower of clowns on fire.
410
00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:18,321
I mean, it makes no sense.
411
00:28:19,197 --> 00:28:22,117
Can you please stop critiquing
my childhood dreams?
412
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:26,871
I mean, the clown at the bottom would
need to be built like a garden shed.
413
00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:32,085
The one on the top would have to be insane
I mean, certifiably clinically insane.
414
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:34,212
And as for the one in the middle,
415
00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:38,758
well, this clown would have to be
so still, it was if he were frozen solid.
416
00:28:39,134 --> 00:28:40,301
But above all that,
417
00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:44,139
these three would have to be
willing to die for one another.
418
00:28:44,681 --> 00:28:47,016
You ever met a clown you'd die for?
419
00:28:56,609 --> 00:28:57,777
Hey! Stop the car!
420
00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,698
Stop the car.
421
00:29:07,162 --> 00:29:08,204
Clown scum!
422
00:29:08,288 --> 00:29:09,789
Jesus fucking--
423
00:29:12,459 --> 00:29:13,501
Come on, please!
424
00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:15,545
Just one fucking
text message, anything!
425
00:29:17,714 --> 00:29:19,215
What's happening to everybody?
426
00:29:21,176 --> 00:29:22,343
Come back, you bastard.
427
00:29:22,886 --> 00:29:23,887
That's quilted.
428
00:29:24,637 --> 00:29:27,098
That's four-ply. I need that.
Come back!
429
00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:28,725
Come back!
430
00:29:32,353 --> 00:29:33,980
Wait. Stop the car.
431
00:29:34,522 --> 00:29:35,982
Maybe there's someone there.
432
00:29:36,065 --> 00:29:39,277
Oh, good call, Jennifer.
I could eat a horse's ass.
433
00:29:42,655 --> 00:29:45,742
Uh, Jennifer,
I'll have a tall latte, the mixed grill
434
00:29:45,825 --> 00:29:48,369
and some Trebor
Triple X mints please.
435
00:29:48,453 --> 00:29:50,371
Get it yourself, you boiled gammon.
436
00:29:56,586 --> 00:29:58,546
Look, I don't mean to pry,
437
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,340
but does anyone ever tell you,
438
00:30:00,423 --> 00:30:03,635
you remind them of a certain
Stephen King novel?
439
00:30:03,718 --> 00:30:07,847
- What's a Stephen King novel?
- Right.
440
00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:10,099
Um, have you seen
It?
441
00:30:10,391 --> 00:30:11,392
What?
442
00:30:11,684 --> 00:30:13,978
- It. It. Have you seen
It?
- Have I seen what?
443
00:30:14,062 --> 00:30:16,940
It! It! Fuck.
It's a film.
It!
444
00:30:17,023 --> 00:30:20,819
Yes, I've seen a film. I've seen, um...
445
00:30:20,902 --> 00:30:24,864
Babe: Pig in the City.
Changed my life.
446
00:30:25,406 --> 00:30:27,450
Yeah. All right. Well it's...
447
00:30:28,159 --> 00:30:32,580
It's like Babe, except instead of a pig,
it's a clown.
448
00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:34,833
And instead of really
wanting to herd sheep,
449
00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:37,001
he really wants to murder children.
450
00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:38,920
Cool!
451
00:30:41,214 --> 00:30:43,091
What was that?
452
00:30:45,593 --> 00:30:47,595
There is nothing left to steal.
453
00:30:48,263 --> 00:30:50,348
Just move on and you'll come to no harm.
454
00:30:50,431 --> 00:30:53,351
Stay calm.
I am a journalist. A good one.
455
00:30:53,434 --> 00:30:56,521
Leave this to me, Jennifer.
I know how to speak to perverts.
456
00:30:56,604 --> 00:31:00,567
Listen, by all means, have your filthy
way with him, but let the rest of us go.
457
00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:02,569
Oh my God. You're--
458
00:31:02,652 --> 00:31:03,903
You're...
459
00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:07,574
- You're bleeding slightly.
- It's nothing.
460
00:31:07,657 --> 00:31:10,076
No, I think-- I think it's, um...
I think it's something serious.
461
00:31:10,159 --> 00:31:12,161
We should take your shirt off right now.
462
00:31:12,370 --> 00:31:15,206
Listen to the man, Jenny.
There's nothing for us to steal.
463
00:31:15,290 --> 00:31:16,291
Let's go please.
464
00:31:16,749 --> 00:31:17,917
So you're a journalist?
465
00:31:18,501 --> 00:31:20,336
Written all over my face, huh?
466
00:31:20,420 --> 00:31:22,881
No. It was literally
the first thing you said.
467
00:31:23,590 --> 00:31:25,133
Yeah. Okay, um...
468
00:31:25,925 --> 00:31:27,385
What happened here?
469
00:31:28,928 --> 00:31:33,182
The flash in the sky,
everything stopped working.
470
00:31:34,058 --> 00:31:36,269
Sent people insane.
471
00:31:37,437 --> 00:31:41,858
They look like animals fighting
over snack boxes and condiments.
472
00:31:42,525 --> 00:31:44,235
And then we ran out supplies.
473
00:31:44,569 --> 00:31:46,112
They turned on each other.
474
00:31:46,779 --> 00:31:48,615
The sun. I knew it!
475
00:31:49,032 --> 00:31:52,869
Working nights in a burger
trailer in the midlands of Ireland.
476
00:31:53,828 --> 00:31:57,457
I thought I had seen the lowest
humanity could sink.
477
00:31:58,416 --> 00:31:59,751
But this...
478
00:31:59,959 --> 00:32:03,296
A few hours without
Wi-Fi and civilization has crumbled.
479
00:32:08,426 --> 00:32:10,011
What fresh hell is this?
480
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:12,138
Hyah!
481
00:32:14,807 --> 00:32:15,808
Statues.
482
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,440
I'll hold them back. Save yourselves!
483
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,778
But I want to stay with you!
484
00:32:26,903 --> 00:32:29,238
- Go with your friends.
- They're not my friends.
485
00:32:29,322 --> 00:32:31,449
Fuck fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck fuck! Fuck fuck!
486
00:32:39,999 --> 00:32:41,000
Shit.
487
00:32:41,167 --> 00:32:44,754
If something happened to you.
I could never forgive myself.
488
00:32:45,171 --> 00:32:47,882
- Get in the clown car.
- I don't want to!
489
00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:49,050
Get in the clown car!
490
00:32:49,717 --> 00:32:51,177
Go, go, go!
491
00:32:59,435 --> 00:33:01,020
Put your bloody foot down!
492
00:33:02,313 --> 00:33:04,440
It's a wind-up car,
what do you expect?
493
00:33:07,610 --> 00:33:10,446
A solar flare!
I knew it! I was right.
494
00:33:10,571 --> 00:33:14,534
All those years of being called
a crank, a joke, a conspiracy nut,
495
00:33:14,742 --> 00:33:16,077
a flat chested virgin.
496
00:33:16,452 --> 00:33:18,287
Well, fuck you, Mum.
497
00:33:18,663 --> 00:33:19,998
Look at me now!
498
00:33:21,499 --> 00:33:25,920
Calm down and focus on me. Now if
we can just get on the road
499
00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:29,215
we'll have me back in time
for my sound check. Yes?
500
00:33:29,674 --> 00:33:32,301
- Didn't you hear what I said?
- Something about being a virgin?
501
00:33:32,385 --> 00:33:33,928
Just show some respect.
502
00:33:34,012 --> 00:33:36,973
- The lady is definitely not a virgin.
- Oh, shut up Bobo.
503
00:33:37,056 --> 00:33:38,641
Look.
504
00:33:38,725 --> 00:33:41,978
The country, the whole country,
maybe the world, has gone dark.
505
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,273
A solar flare of this
magnitude will have blown out
506
00:33:45,356 --> 00:33:49,652
- power grids, comms, satellites.
- So no TV?
507
00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:53,197
No internet, no sound check!
508
00:33:53,281 --> 00:33:55,033
No Serbian pornography.
509
00:33:55,116 --> 00:34:00,455
Anything wireless, anything digital,
anything with a computer in it, basically,
510
00:34:00,538 --> 00:34:02,915
is as dead as the clown
on the roof of this car.
511
00:34:09,756 --> 00:34:12,717
Look! Some kids alone
by the side of the road!
512
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:13,968
Stop the car!
513
00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,763
- Why? What are you going to do to them?
- Come on.
514
00:34:16,846 --> 00:34:20,808
We don't need computers,
or a fancy concert hall
515
00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:23,853
or parental consent to do a clown show.
516
00:34:24,353 --> 00:34:25,855
Those kids are gonna love it.
517
00:34:25,938 --> 00:34:26,939
Let's go.
518
00:34:27,023 --> 00:34:29,317
No. No, I don't do that any more.
519
00:34:30,318 --> 00:34:32,445
The world is ours now.
520
00:34:32,862 --> 00:34:34,572
Waaah!
521
00:34:38,034 --> 00:34:41,204
No, Funzo, stop!
Funzo, Leave them alone!
522
00:34:41,287 --> 00:34:43,581
Stop! Leave them alone!
523
00:34:46,292 --> 00:34:49,170
So what's our schtick?
Good clown, bad clown?
524
00:34:49,253 --> 00:34:50,588
Maybe we both go bad clown,
525
00:34:50,671 --> 00:34:53,091
- fuck with their heads a bit.
- Just leave them alone, yeah?
526
00:34:54,258 --> 00:34:57,220
It's called Street Clowning.
Watch and learn.
527
00:34:59,430 --> 00:35:03,434
Hey kids, I don't feel very well.
528
00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:08,439
I think I'm gonna...
529
00:35:24,664 --> 00:35:26,666
Okay.
I think I'm good.
530
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:29,961
Halt!
531
00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:36,175
Who are you to approach our younglings
at eventide, painted fool?
532
00:35:37,093 --> 00:35:38,845
Oh, we were just--
533
00:35:40,638 --> 00:35:43,099
We mean your children no harm, crone.
534
00:35:43,474 --> 00:35:48,855
We are but weary travelers seeking to
lay our master to rest.
535
00:35:49,272 --> 00:35:52,483
- You're from the townlands?
- Yes, ugly wench.
536
00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:57,864
What remains of them. We
hear tell of a great doom.
537
00:35:58,489 --> 00:36:02,660
Indeed. A great darkness
has embraced our kingdom.
538
00:36:05,288 --> 00:36:09,876
Come, the cloud fire is low.
You must be hungry.
539
00:36:12,753 --> 00:36:14,422
What in God's name is going on?
540
00:36:15,089 --> 00:36:17,925
- I think she's gonna make us a feast.
- Oh fine.
541
00:36:18,384 --> 00:36:20,803
Our survival has been hard-won.
542
00:36:22,221 --> 00:36:25,558
This fellowship relies on the
ancient wisdom of our ancestors
543
00:36:26,058 --> 00:36:28,352
- from the Before Times.
- Yesterday?
544
00:36:28,603 --> 00:36:31,689
Now we grow Dustroot and Gelpwort.
545
00:36:32,565 --> 00:36:34,108
Hail fellow chieftain.
546
00:36:34,901 --> 00:36:38,946
Hey, sorry about Siobhan.
She's really fucking high.
547
00:36:40,781 --> 00:36:44,327
I'm Fintan. And you must be... clowns?
548
00:36:45,286 --> 00:36:48,581
Nope, not for me.
Retired from all that bollocks.
549
00:36:48,664 --> 00:36:52,960
I studied movement myself, actually.
Come, chill with us. Stay for the night.
550
00:36:53,252 --> 00:36:55,755
Come on, Siobhan,
we'll get you a glass of water.
551
00:36:56,130 --> 00:36:57,506
What is this place?
552
00:36:58,090 --> 00:36:59,800
We call it Xanadu.
553
00:37:01,552 --> 00:37:03,137
It's a boutique micro festival.
554
00:37:03,221 --> 00:37:06,140
Chill beats, ethical street food,
vibes for days.
555
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:08,893
Or at least it was before the power cut.
556
00:37:09,769 --> 00:37:11,103
Now we're castaways.
557
00:37:11,437 --> 00:37:15,650
All our Priuses are dead,
we've had to ration our food,
558
00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:17,526
collect rainwater.
559
00:37:18,361 --> 00:37:21,781
But we still have a veritable
cornucopia of class A drugs.
560
00:37:21,864 --> 00:37:23,532
Ah, drugs, you say?
561
00:37:23,616 --> 00:37:26,661
Well, maybe this evening
doesn't need to be a total loss.
562
00:37:27,245 --> 00:37:29,747
You know, Angus Deayton
used to call me The Dyson.
563
00:37:31,582 --> 00:37:34,418
Here we are. Lodgings for the night.
564
00:37:34,502 --> 00:37:36,003
Real Himalayan vibes.
565
00:37:36,462 --> 00:37:39,215
- I hope you don't mind sharing tents.
- No, that's fine.
566
00:37:39,298 --> 00:37:40,424
How about, uh...
567
00:37:40,508 --> 00:37:42,051
me and Jenny take this one,
568
00:37:42,176 --> 00:37:45,554
and the lesser males share with Funzo.
569
00:37:45,888 --> 00:37:48,599
Sounds good.
Come on, let me show you my salt lamp.
570
00:37:48,808 --> 00:37:49,809
Oi.
571
00:37:50,685 --> 00:37:52,812
Can we have a word,
mano to mano?
572
00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:54,605
Eh?
573
00:37:55,856 --> 00:37:58,818
Look, we're both alpha clowns.
I get it, I get it, I get it.
574
00:37:59,777 --> 00:38:00,987
Rival silverbacks.
575
00:38:01,821 --> 00:38:04,865
Two bull walruses stinking up the beach
with our battle musk.
576
00:38:05,533 --> 00:38:08,160
But I want to save you some
embarrassment here, buddy.
577
00:38:10,037 --> 00:38:13,749
Jenny is off the menu.
578
00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:18,796
If we are both walruses, Booboo,
579
00:38:19,255 --> 00:38:22,174
I think it's pretty clear who
the beach master is.
580
00:38:23,259 --> 00:38:25,886
'Cause when you're
the fattest thing on the sand
581
00:38:26,971 --> 00:38:32,226
you don't have to steal anything.
It all just comes waddling towards you.
582
00:38:41,527 --> 00:38:43,321
Governments were warned.
583
00:38:43,404 --> 00:38:47,366
...satellite communications were--
nanas, bananas-- toilet paper...
584
00:38:48,075 --> 00:38:50,202
Can you believe this thing actually works?
585
00:38:50,286 --> 00:38:52,330
Kids'll watch anything
with a screen.
586
00:38:52,413 --> 00:38:55,833
That's live?
But how is he broadcasting?
587
00:38:57,376 --> 00:38:59,587
He must have an analogue
OB transmitter or...
588
00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:01,005
You have to hear me.
589
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:03,632
This isn't over, people.
590
00:39:03,758 --> 00:39:05,134
Christ, is that Tim?
591
00:39:05,509 --> 00:39:07,470
How did that charlatan get on the TV?
592
00:39:08,763 --> 00:39:11,891
- You know that man?
- That's Tim from Bromanz.
593
00:39:11,974 --> 00:39:14,643
He and his brother
were in a hot boy band.
594
00:39:15,144 --> 00:39:18,230
- Bromanz.
- Brothers, but also men.
595
00:39:18,314 --> 00:39:21,192
Spelled with a zed
because it was the nineties.
596
00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:24,653
He moved into a fallout bunker
and became a recluse.
597
00:39:25,112 --> 00:39:28,657
We used to party with the Lighthouse
Family back in the good old days.
598
00:39:29,325 --> 00:39:30,618
You know where he lives?
599
00:39:30,701 --> 00:39:32,953
I need to meet him,
find out what he knows.
600
00:39:33,037 --> 00:39:34,246
Oh, he'll never talk.
601
00:39:34,747 --> 00:39:36,999
And neither will
the Lighthouse Family.
602
00:39:37,291 --> 00:39:39,085
About the solar flare, you idiot.
603
00:39:39,585 --> 00:39:41,754
Maybe he can shed some light
on what's going on.
604
00:39:41,837 --> 00:39:44,632
- He could be the key to my story.
- Maybe.
605
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,051
How come you know so
much about transmitters?
606
00:39:47,259 --> 00:39:49,220
I actually grew up in a broadcast van.
607
00:39:49,303 --> 00:39:52,098
My mother would just leave me
there for hours at a time
608
00:39:52,181 --> 00:39:54,767
with a bowl of water
and the window slightly open.
609
00:39:54,975 --> 00:39:56,310
Well then,
610
00:39:56,394 --> 00:39:58,729
I think perhaps, Jennifer,
611
00:39:58,813 --> 00:40:02,817
you and I should pay Tim
from Bromanz a little visit.
612
00:40:02,900 --> 00:40:05,986
Sorry to tell you this.
Word has reached me from Dublin.
613
00:40:06,153 --> 00:40:07,488
It's just as I predicted.
614
00:40:08,072 --> 00:40:09,573
Society has collapsed.
615
00:40:09,907 --> 00:40:11,617
There's looting, there's killing.
616
00:40:12,201 --> 00:40:15,704
There's rioting on the streets.
People have turned against one another.
617
00:40:15,996 --> 00:40:18,791
- The government are doing nothing.
618
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:21,168
This just in...
619
00:40:21,710 --> 00:40:23,671
Garth Brooks is dead.
620
00:40:26,298 --> 00:40:27,299
Fuck.
621
00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:32,096
- Dublin has fallen!
- Oh my god, my children!
622
00:40:32,221 --> 00:40:34,598
We have to do something!
623
00:40:35,850 --> 00:40:36,976
So lads...
624
00:40:37,059 --> 00:40:38,519
If I'm being honest,
625
00:40:39,395 --> 00:40:41,647
it's hard to know what
tomorrow's gonna bring,
626
00:40:41,730 --> 00:40:43,732
but we still have tonight, right?
627
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,569
And while we might be running low on hope,
628
00:40:46,652 --> 00:40:48,028
we still have a pretty decent supply
629
00:40:48,112 --> 00:40:50,030
of some other essentials,
if you know what I mean.
630
00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:53,784
So let's all raise a glass
and let the world know
631
00:40:53,868 --> 00:40:56,579
that we're absolutely sending it tonight!
632
00:40:56,662 --> 00:40:58,372
This is our boutique festival.
633
00:40:58,456 --> 00:40:59,457
Yeah!
634
00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:00,708
And we're not afraid!
635
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,920
Yes.
636
00:41:05,045 --> 00:41:06,881
Wait, wait. What's in this?
637
00:41:07,214 --> 00:41:10,259
Hard to say, but if I had to
estimate a street value
638
00:41:10,342 --> 00:41:12,678
I'd say about three, four hundred quid.
639
00:41:47,713 --> 00:41:50,508
I don't like this.
I don't like this.
640
00:41:52,551 --> 00:41:54,887
I don't like this.
I don't like this.
641
00:41:57,056 --> 00:41:59,892
Bury me with dignity,
you talentless buffoon.
642
00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:05,731
I will! You'll be in Père Lachaise
with the Masters in a proper grave.
643
00:42:06,190 --> 00:42:07,691
Dug by a professional.
644
00:42:07,983 --> 00:42:10,069
You will never be a true clown.
645
00:42:11,445 --> 00:42:13,113
No.
646
00:42:13,197 --> 00:42:14,698
No!
647
00:42:18,035 --> 00:42:20,329
No!
648
00:42:23,165 --> 00:42:24,458
Bobo!
649
00:42:30,089 --> 00:42:33,384
Oh, isn't this amazing!
650
00:42:33,467 --> 00:42:35,761
These are the best people!
651
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:37,972
Oh, look at us.
652
00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:40,808
Doing what we love.
653
00:42:40,891 --> 00:42:43,352
Me, a real journalist.
654
00:42:43,435 --> 00:42:46,313
Following leads. Getting the story.
655
00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:48,941
And you!
656
00:42:50,985 --> 00:42:55,739
Can you feel your thumbs? I'm really
conscious of my thumbs for some reason.
657
00:42:55,948 --> 00:42:59,535
Such a shame you're not a clown any more.
You were so good.
658
00:43:00,202 --> 00:43:01,203
Really?
659
00:43:01,328 --> 00:43:03,998
Yeah. Yeah. At the show where we met.
660
00:43:04,748 --> 00:43:07,167
- Did you like that?
- Oh my God. Oh my God.
661
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:10,296
You should do a show for all these people.
They would love it.
662
00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:14,508
It's like Funzo said,
the world is yours now.
663
00:43:15,009 --> 00:43:17,886
Alright then, I will!
I'll be a clown again.
664
00:43:18,554 --> 00:43:21,265
- I'll do a show.
- Yeah! Do you have any gum?
665
00:43:23,392 --> 00:43:26,604
A show, you say? Great idea, Jennifer.
666
00:43:27,021 --> 00:43:28,022
A clown-off.
667
00:43:28,897 --> 00:43:31,275
Let's see whether Booboo has
got anything in his little book
668
00:43:31,358 --> 00:43:36,530
that can hold up under the crushing
weight of my enormous talent.
669
00:43:36,822 --> 00:43:39,950
Yeah! Yeah.
You should do the trick in your book.
670
00:43:40,159 --> 00:43:43,537
The one Alphonso said was fucking stupid.
671
00:43:46,081 --> 00:43:47,541
What, the Jugglenaut?
672
00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:58,636
I am a business man.
I am a business man!
673
00:43:59,178 --> 00:44:02,848
I am a business man!
674
00:44:04,350 --> 00:44:05,351
I need your help.
675
00:44:06,185 --> 00:44:07,811
I'm a business man.
676
00:44:08,896 --> 00:44:10,731
We could never do that!
677
00:44:10,856 --> 00:44:12,608
We'd go down in flames!
678
00:44:12,691 --> 00:44:15,486
Or in history,
as true clowning legends.
679
00:44:15,944 --> 00:44:19,782
- I thought you were done with clowning.
- No, the world was done with clowning.
680
00:44:19,865 --> 00:44:23,494
It moved on to TikTok dances and
live streaming hand jobs on the dark web.
681
00:44:23,577 --> 00:44:25,871
- Ah!
- And none of that works now.
682
00:44:26,413 --> 00:44:29,333
Everything is obsolete except us.
683
00:44:30,167 --> 00:44:32,086
This is our moment.
Can't you see?
684
00:44:32,878 --> 00:44:36,340
This is our opportunity to
clown like the masters before us.
685
00:44:37,508 --> 00:44:41,053
Grimaldi. Gaullier
686
00:44:41,136 --> 00:44:42,888
- McDonald
- No, not McDonald.
687
00:44:42,971 --> 00:44:44,390
- DuCoque!
- DuCoque.
688
00:44:46,100 --> 00:44:48,352
Okay, we're forming a troupe.
689
00:44:48,727 --> 00:44:51,230
No, we're just gonna do
this one trick and then...
690
00:44:51,313 --> 00:44:54,108
I'm reasonably confident
I don't have hepatitis any more.
691
00:44:54,191 --> 00:44:55,401
Okay, I'm not touching that.
692
00:44:55,484 --> 00:44:58,112
You don't touch it,
you spread it on your asshole.
693
00:44:58,946 --> 00:45:01,573
Will you excuse us for one second please?
694
00:45:01,740 --> 00:45:02,741
Sure.
695
00:45:03,659 --> 00:45:06,203
That clown has gone fully scary.
696
00:45:07,037 --> 00:45:09,540
And we both know there is
no coming back from that.
697
00:45:09,623 --> 00:45:12,292
So what should we call our troupe?
698
00:45:13,043 --> 00:45:17,631
I know.
How about Clown-pedo?
699
00:45:18,590 --> 00:45:21,009
You know, like a torpedo of clowns?
700
00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:24,596
Look, this is a three clown trick.
701
00:45:24,888 --> 00:45:26,640
Are you in or not?
702
00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:31,687
Ladies and jellybeans,
703
00:45:31,770 --> 00:45:35,399
stamp your footsies
and wiggle your ears
704
00:45:35,482 --> 00:45:38,694
for the silliest billy around,
705
00:45:38,777 --> 00:45:42,531
The Great Alphonso!
706
00:45:42,614 --> 00:45:44,783
Yeah!
707
00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:48,328
Hey, but where are the audience?
708
00:45:48,412 --> 00:45:49,663
Hello audience?
709
00:45:50,289 --> 00:45:51,290
Hello?
710
00:45:52,207 --> 00:45:53,208
Audience!
711
00:45:54,126 --> 00:45:56,044
Ah, I have an idea.
712
00:45:56,128 --> 00:45:58,714
You haven't had an
original idea in your life.
713
00:45:58,797 --> 00:46:00,841
You skit-stealing fuckpipe.
714
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,886
Ah, there you are!
715
00:46:03,969 --> 00:46:07,347
You will never be a true clown.
716
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:11,602
Yeah, I might need to take
a rain check on this show.
717
00:46:11,685 --> 00:46:16,607
It's just, um, oh, this is not really my,
my crowd, but, um, uh, break a leg, guys.
718
00:46:16,690 --> 00:46:18,775
I am sure you're going to smash it, so...
719
00:46:18,859 --> 00:46:20,736
- Wait!
- Hey!
720
00:46:20,986 --> 00:46:23,197
We've come too far
for you to wuss out now.
721
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,366
This is our chance to
win back the woman that I love,
722
00:46:26,450 --> 00:46:30,329
and have our revenge
on my nemesis, Alphonso.
723
00:46:31,872 --> 00:46:34,208
So what do you say, my friends? Hm?
724
00:46:35,417 --> 00:46:38,337
Are we in this together or what?
725
00:46:40,631 --> 00:46:42,591
Yeah. I'm still gonna sit this one out.
726
00:46:42,674 --> 00:46:45,969
- Say the magic words.
- Five second call, fellas.
727
00:46:46,136 --> 00:46:48,555
I hope I don't fall in this pie!
728
00:46:50,807 --> 00:46:53,852
- It's just started.
- Yeah. But I spiked his pie.
729
00:46:53,936 --> 00:46:55,687
- With what?
- With spikes.
730
00:46:59,149 --> 00:47:00,817
Showtime!
731
00:47:00,901 --> 00:47:04,154
Ladies and gentlemen!
732
00:47:05,405 --> 00:47:06,698
Shut up a sec.
733
00:47:06,782 --> 00:47:10,202
- Jesus Christ, my eye!
- Funzo what the bloody hell have you done?
734
00:47:10,285 --> 00:47:11,578
Help me! My beautiful eye!
735
00:47:11,662 --> 00:47:16,124
- Jesus Christ.
- The ciliary muscle has been compromised!
736
00:47:16,291 --> 00:47:19,836
So what we're going to do now is a trick
I know. So hope you enjoy.
737
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,213
Pepe, hup!
738
00:47:21,797 --> 00:47:23,382
Get out of the way!
739
00:47:23,465 --> 00:47:24,633
Pepe, I said hup.
740
00:47:24,716 --> 00:47:27,386
He's bottled it. Time to go to Plan B.
741
00:47:27,469 --> 00:47:30,514
- Plan B? We haven't got a Plan B.
- Hi everybody!
742
00:47:30,597 --> 00:47:32,849
Who wants to die?
743
00:47:34,601 --> 00:47:38,397
With laughter!
I meant to say with laughter.
744
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,941
Oh, and this was supposed to be a flower.
745
00:47:41,108 --> 00:47:43,068
Uh, who likes dancing?
746
00:47:43,443 --> 00:47:45,529
Yeah. Don't go.
747
00:47:46,530 --> 00:47:50,617
♪If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands. Oi! Oi! ♪
748
00:47:50,784 --> 00:47:53,453
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands ♪
749
00:47:53,537 --> 00:47:55,289
- Put the knife down please.
- What?
750
00:47:55,372 --> 00:47:56,748
♪ If you're happy and you know it ♪
751
00:47:56,832 --> 00:47:59,293
- ♪ And you really want to show it ♪
752
00:48:03,505 --> 00:48:05,465
Oh, Funzo!
753
00:48:10,470 --> 00:48:13,348
Rain hell!
754
00:48:13,432 --> 00:48:14,474
Run!
755
00:48:40,334 --> 00:48:43,712
Jenny!
756
00:49:07,611 --> 00:49:09,321
Good morning, lazybones.
757
00:49:09,988 --> 00:49:12,074
- What happened? Where are we going?
- Paris.
758
00:49:12,157 --> 00:49:14,326
We're going to steal a yacht
and take DuCoque home.
759
00:49:14,409 --> 00:49:16,495
What?
No, no, we have to go after Jenny.
760
00:49:16,745 --> 00:49:18,121
Why would we do that?
761
00:49:18,205 --> 00:49:20,707
Because Alphonso kidnapped her,
you turquoise dick.
762
00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:22,125
- Now turn around!
- No! Stop!
763
00:49:22,209 --> 00:49:24,711
- You're gonna get us killed.
- No, you're gonna get us killed.
764
00:49:24,795 --> 00:49:27,464
No, I'm going to get us killed.
Yeah!
765
00:49:29,216 --> 00:49:31,259
Let women drive!
766
00:49:33,887 --> 00:49:34,888
Oh shit.
767
00:49:39,643 --> 00:49:40,644
Oh, fantastic.
768
00:49:42,187 --> 00:49:44,022
Well, looks like we're walking.
769
00:49:44,690 --> 00:49:48,068
- They can't have gone far.
- No, we can't just leave Monsieur here.
770
00:49:48,652 --> 00:49:50,278
Uh, we can, and we should
771
00:49:50,362 --> 00:49:52,823
because he's starting
to smell like a chef's ass.
772
00:49:53,573 --> 00:49:54,991
Right. Which way's North?
773
00:49:55,492 --> 00:49:57,619
I think you're supposed to follow the sun.
774
00:49:58,453 --> 00:50:01,331
And are we following the sun
or are we following your dick?
775
00:50:01,998 --> 00:50:06,628
Jenny is in danger and I need to rescue
her from that fat nonce.
776
00:50:07,170 --> 00:50:09,381
Do you though?
I mean they looked pretty cozy
777
00:50:09,464 --> 00:50:11,633
on the back of that
emotional support horse.
778
00:50:12,759 --> 00:50:15,721
Right. You two can either
come with me and be heroes,
779
00:50:16,555 --> 00:50:19,182
or you can starve out here
and end up like your hero.
780
00:50:23,061 --> 00:50:25,856
- Fine. We'll follow the sun.
- Hmm.
781
00:50:25,939 --> 00:50:28,900
but when we reach it,
I am coming back for DuCoque.
782
00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:37,409
This is just troupe banter, right?
783
00:50:37,701 --> 00:50:39,494
We'd never split up, right?
784
00:50:40,787 --> 00:50:43,874
Nah. Clown-pedo is 'til death.
785
00:50:46,501 --> 00:50:47,753
Wait for me!
786
00:50:48,378 --> 00:50:50,589
Hyah!
787
00:50:50,672 --> 00:50:54,134
Onward trusty steed and away!
788
00:50:58,388 --> 00:51:04,311
Yes, me and Tim from Bromanz used to
stagger back here drunk once a fortnight.
789
00:51:04,561 --> 00:51:08,064
God, I know this old place
like the back of his head.
790
00:51:11,902 --> 00:51:14,488
How are you so perky?
Didn't you lose an eye?
791
00:51:14,821 --> 00:51:17,491
I took a handful of these.
792
00:51:17,574 --> 00:51:19,451
I don't know exactly what they are,
793
00:51:19,534 --> 00:51:22,621
but they're actually making me
prefer having just the one eye.
794
00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:27,626
Tim from Bromanz,
as I live and breathe.
795
00:51:27,709 --> 00:51:30,462
You won't be doing either for long
if you don't identify yourself.
796
00:51:30,545 --> 00:51:35,550
Tim it's me, Alphonso. Fonzie Bear.
The Fondler.
797
00:51:36,051 --> 00:51:40,514
- Al? I haven't seen you since...
- The after party.
798
00:51:42,682 --> 00:51:43,850
Who's your friend?
799
00:51:44,518 --> 00:51:48,230
Jenny Malone. Viral Load Media.
I'm a journalist.
800
00:51:48,313 --> 00:51:50,273
Wasn't there that evening.
I left before nine.
801
00:51:50,357 --> 00:51:53,193
I swear to God, there was nothing
going on that I knew about anyway.
802
00:51:53,276 --> 00:51:55,153
Tim, it's not about that.
803
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:59,032
Jennifer here has got a theory
about what's happened to the world
804
00:51:59,491 --> 00:52:01,952
and we think you could help us.
805
00:52:02,035 --> 00:52:04,746
Oh, hello?
806
00:52:05,038 --> 00:52:06,665
Oh, hello doggy.
807
00:52:07,332 --> 00:52:09,876
Hello. You're so cute.
Yes you are.
808
00:52:11,336 --> 00:52:13,380
- Can we come in?
- Uh...
809
00:52:13,463 --> 00:52:15,507
Sure that's a yes.
Thank you.
810
00:52:19,886 --> 00:52:20,887
Shakira.
811
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:22,681
Come on.
812
00:52:26,268 --> 00:52:29,813
Poor thing's very sick.
Got her on heavy sedatives.
813
00:52:30,730 --> 00:52:35,235
She's been with me through it all.
The fame, the fall.
814
00:52:36,820 --> 00:52:40,282
Years of people
calling me a tinfoil hat wanker.
815
00:52:41,241 --> 00:52:43,326
She's all I've got now.
816
00:52:43,410 --> 00:52:45,579
Ah, Rolf!
817
00:52:46,955 --> 00:52:51,751
Dreadful pervert, of course.
But by God could that man draw a kangaroo.
818
00:52:51,918 --> 00:52:54,129
Good girl, Shakira.
819
00:52:54,629 --> 00:52:58,133
- We saw your broadcast.
- I didn't think it was reaching anyone.
820
00:52:58,592 --> 00:53:01,261
- I know what's happening. It's a--
- Solar flare.
821
00:53:02,220 --> 00:53:04,556
Exactly.
822
00:53:04,931 --> 00:53:06,683
Good old Flex!
823
00:53:06,766 --> 00:53:09,227
You know I was friends
with all of the Gladiators.
824
00:53:09,311 --> 00:53:11,813
Yes. All except for Pegasus.
825
00:53:12,439 --> 00:53:16,860
Let's just say I plowed his wife
and uh, we'll leave it at that.
826
00:53:17,277 --> 00:53:19,446
Traitors, the bloody lot of them.
827
00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:23,950
How are we not prepared for this?
The government must have known.
828
00:53:24,034 --> 00:53:25,035
Of course they knew.
829
00:53:25,410 --> 00:53:28,496
They've known for years.
They wanted this to happen.
830
00:53:29,998 --> 00:53:31,124
All of this...
831
00:53:31,958 --> 00:53:33,460
this is only the beginning.
832
00:53:34,753 --> 00:53:38,298
What I'm about to tell you goes deeper
than you could possibly imagine.
833
00:53:39,299 --> 00:53:42,260
But before I start...
834
00:53:42,344 --> 00:53:44,554
does anyone want tea?
835
00:53:47,557 --> 00:53:48,934
Milk?
836
00:53:50,477 --> 00:53:53,271
It's UHT Milk.
Is that okay?
837
00:53:54,940 --> 00:53:57,317
Sugar.
One? Two?
838
00:53:58,151 --> 00:54:00,862
One for you. Two for you.
Both with milk.
839
00:54:00,946 --> 00:54:02,948
Do you know what?
I'll just put everything on a tray,
840
00:54:03,031 --> 00:54:05,533
and bring it out.
You can make your own.
841
00:54:19,631 --> 00:54:21,758
It goes on and on.
842
00:54:22,550 --> 00:54:25,428
I can't take much more of this.
I'm so hungry.
843
00:54:26,554 --> 00:54:28,473
Why aren't there any bistros?
844
00:54:29,474 --> 00:54:30,558
I give up.
845
00:54:35,188 --> 00:54:36,439
Jenny doesn't love me.
846
00:54:37,190 --> 00:54:38,775
She was on ecstasy.
847
00:54:40,694 --> 00:54:42,445
What the hell was I thinking?
848
00:54:48,535 --> 00:54:54,249
Hey. I know things look really bleak
right now, but that's just because
849
00:54:54,332 --> 00:54:56,167
things are really bleak right now.
850
00:55:00,422 --> 00:55:01,923
It's time to face facts.
851
00:55:03,508 --> 00:55:04,718
I'm a terrible clown.
852
00:55:07,554 --> 00:55:10,348
Yeah, yeah, you are.
853
00:55:12,809 --> 00:55:14,310
Oh, like you're any better?
854
00:55:14,394 --> 00:55:15,520
What good is all that training
855
00:55:15,603 --> 00:55:17,605
if you can't get on stage
without browning your trousers?
856
00:55:18,023 --> 00:55:20,817
Lots of great artists
struggled in their early years.
857
00:55:20,900 --> 00:55:21,901
Early years?
858
00:55:22,027 --> 00:55:24,070
How long you gonna
be chasing this dream?
859
00:55:24,154 --> 00:55:26,448
Ten years. I'm going to chase
the dream for ten years and then,
860
00:55:26,531 --> 00:55:29,242
- I'm just gonna live the dream.
- Oh, cool. Didn't realize you had a plan.
861
00:55:29,325 --> 00:55:30,827
- Yep.
- That changes everything.
862
00:55:30,910 --> 00:55:33,121
It does, doesn't it?
Just stick to your plan,
863
00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:35,081
believe in yourself,
and never give up.
864
00:55:37,333 --> 00:55:39,461
That's what all the great clowns did.
865
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:42,505
I mean, sure, there's...
866
00:55:43,131 --> 00:55:47,302
millions of deluded people out there who
believe in themselves and should give up.
867
00:55:49,679 --> 00:55:50,930
But I'm not one of them.
868
00:55:52,849 --> 00:55:54,350
I'm in that first category.
869
00:55:55,226 --> 00:55:58,438
That's something I've always
known deep in my heart.
870
00:56:01,733 --> 00:56:04,152
And your heart can't be wrong, can it?
871
00:56:15,205 --> 00:56:16,206
Oh, fuck.
872
00:56:20,877 --> 00:56:24,380
Hey, put that back on! You are a
DuCoque-trained buffoon!
873
00:56:25,757 --> 00:56:26,758
I'm not.
874
00:56:28,134 --> 00:56:32,305
I trained under him for three minutes
and I was so bad that he died.
875
00:56:32,847 --> 00:56:35,475
But you're such a pretentious wanker.
876
00:56:36,101 --> 00:56:38,520
- I'm self-taught.
- It doesn't matter.
877
00:56:38,603 --> 00:56:40,688
We're not giving up.
We're a troupe.
878
00:56:42,023 --> 00:56:43,024
Aren't we?
879
00:56:44,442 --> 00:56:45,777
This is our time.
880
00:56:45,860 --> 00:56:47,112
You said it yourself.
881
00:56:47,612 --> 00:56:49,197
This isn't our time.
882
00:56:50,198 --> 00:56:53,159
I only said that cause I needed
your help to impress Jenny.
883
00:56:54,452 --> 00:56:56,037
The world doesn't need us.
884
00:56:57,247 --> 00:56:58,748
It never needed us.
885
00:56:58,832 --> 00:57:02,377
It would be better for everyone if we all
just sit down and quietly die.
886
00:57:02,460 --> 00:57:03,920
We are not all going to die.
887
00:57:04,045 --> 00:57:06,548
One of us will die
and the other two will eat him.
888
00:57:06,631 --> 00:57:07,799
That's you, Pepe.
889
00:57:08,675 --> 00:57:11,344
Oh, there she is.
Welcome back, It.
890
00:57:11,970 --> 00:57:14,472
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, come on Funzo.
891
00:57:14,556 --> 00:57:16,266
We all know what you are.
892
00:57:16,349 --> 00:57:18,852
- Don't you say the S word.
- Oh, don't say the S word.
893
00:57:18,935 --> 00:57:22,439
What else would you call a clown
who asks children if they want to die?
894
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:26,734
- A trailblazer who lives on the edge?
- You live in a sewer.
895
00:57:26,818 --> 00:57:28,361
Where else was I gonna go, huh?
896
00:57:28,445 --> 00:57:30,905
Back to the sanitarium?
I don't think so.
897
00:57:30,989 --> 00:57:33,908
Are you even listening to yourself?
You are a walking Halloween costume.
898
00:57:33,992 --> 00:57:36,578
You are what children check for
under their bed at night.
899
00:57:36,661 --> 00:57:39,998
- Don't do it, Pepe.
- No! She needs to know.
900
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:45,128
Funzo. You are a scary clown.
901
00:57:45,211 --> 00:57:49,799
I'm not a fucking scary clown.
902
00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:54,262
Yes you are, but you don't scare me
you little bastard.
903
00:57:54,721 --> 00:57:56,764
Then lets settle this the clown way.
904
00:57:58,683 --> 00:58:00,935
Last one to die wins.
905
00:58:01,478 --> 00:58:03,813
- Since when is that the clown way?
- Calm down.
906
00:58:03,897 --> 00:58:06,024
I'm going to wear your skin as a cape.
907
00:58:06,608 --> 00:58:10,695
Set the table, Bobo. Tonight we feast on
wussy-wussy puss-puss.
908
00:58:20,747 --> 00:58:25,168
My God, I am a scary clown.
909
00:58:25,460 --> 00:58:30,215
I'm really glad you had a breakthrough,
but there's a fucking knife in my hand.
910
00:58:30,340 --> 00:58:33,259
- Do I push or pull? Push or pull?
- Pull, obviously.
911
00:58:40,558 --> 00:58:44,812
Hey, that car looks just
like yours, what are the chances?
912
00:58:45,271 --> 00:58:47,190
Oh fuck off.
913
00:59:14,968 --> 00:59:18,846
Now that we're on our knees, they
can roll out whatever protocols
914
00:59:18,930 --> 00:59:21,683
they want with zero resistance.
915
00:59:22,183 --> 00:59:23,977
We're like ducks...
916
00:59:24,227 --> 00:59:25,395
...in a vice.
917
00:59:26,729 --> 00:59:27,855
Quack.
918
00:59:28,439 --> 00:59:30,650
It's all so obvious.
919
00:59:31,067 --> 00:59:33,111
They're gonna let society eat itself.
920
00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:36,656
We need to get this information
out there before it's too late.
921
00:59:37,031 --> 00:59:40,994
I've been trying, but my transmitter
won't reach more than 20 to 30 miles.
922
00:59:41,077 --> 00:59:44,831
So we need a mast,
like 50 or 60 feet high.
923
00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:47,667
We could bring the truth
to the whole country.
924
00:59:48,334 --> 00:59:51,504
I have a pretty big one,
and as it happens it's still erect.
925
00:59:52,046 --> 00:59:53,548
It's in here somewhere.
926
00:59:56,259 --> 00:59:59,178
This is my big top.
927
00:59:59,262 --> 01:00:02,932
Now it hasn't been used in years,
but the main mast is still standing,
928
01:00:03,016 --> 01:00:04,559
proud and tall.
929
01:00:04,892 --> 01:00:06,269
Like a penis.
930
01:00:06,936 --> 01:00:08,396
This is perfect, Tim.
931
01:00:08,688 --> 01:00:11,441
I rig your transmitter to this
mast and then you and me
932
01:00:11,524 --> 01:00:13,651
could present an emergency report.
933
01:00:13,901 --> 01:00:14,944
We could save lives.
934
01:00:15,361 --> 01:00:17,905
No, no, no.
935
01:00:17,989 --> 01:00:19,657
Shakira is very sick.
936
01:00:20,325 --> 01:00:22,869
I can't leave her.
She's an indoor dog.
937
01:00:23,953 --> 01:00:26,956
She hasn't left here in 15 years,
and neither have I.
938
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:29,292
Tim, I need you to be brave.
939
01:00:30,126 --> 01:00:31,878
The people need you.
940
01:00:31,961 --> 01:00:34,922
Just like your brother needed
an identical version of hims--
941
01:00:35,006 --> 01:00:36,174
My brother is dead.
942
01:00:37,759 --> 01:00:40,887
I'm sorry, I'm just not up for this.
943
01:00:42,055 --> 01:00:44,766
If not for us, Tim,
then do it for Shakira.
944
01:00:45,975 --> 01:00:49,771
Look into her eyes and tell me
you don't want this bitch to live
945
01:00:49,854 --> 01:00:51,898
in a world that knows the truth.
946
01:00:56,527 --> 01:00:57,528
I'll do it.
947
01:01:00,490 --> 01:01:03,660
Can't find my driving gloves.
Gonna have to borrow yours, Jenny.
948
01:01:04,661 --> 01:01:07,997
Jenny? Jenny? Jenny.
949
01:01:08,081 --> 01:01:11,042
- Do you think it's safe for you to drive?
- Oh, buckle up, you painted ham.
950
01:01:11,125 --> 01:01:13,044
I've driven bigger rigs than this.
951
01:01:13,127 --> 01:01:14,128
God help us.
952
01:01:21,594 --> 01:01:24,263
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Go, go, go, go.
953
01:01:32,271 --> 01:01:36,192
No! Shakira...
No!
954
01:01:39,612 --> 01:01:41,280
It was my sixth birthday.
955
01:01:42,615 --> 01:01:46,327
Me and my two best friends snuck
into the circus and saw the clowns.
956
01:01:47,286 --> 01:01:50,707
After that, all we wanted to do
was be like them.
957
01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:56,796
We even formed a troupe, the Superfriends.
958
01:01:59,590 --> 01:02:00,883
It wasn't my fault.
959
01:02:07,515 --> 01:02:08,516
What did you do?
960
01:02:10,518 --> 01:02:12,520
I misread the label.
961
01:02:13,187 --> 01:02:16,566
I thought I was dousing them
in laughter fluid.
962
01:02:22,196 --> 01:02:24,782
I couldn't handle what I'd done,
963
01:02:25,616 --> 01:02:28,202
so I created someone who could.
964
01:02:29,162 --> 01:02:34,208
I called her... Funzo.
965
01:02:39,213 --> 01:02:42,049
If I take this off,
I don't know who I'll be.
966
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:45,303
Who were you before?
967
01:02:48,181 --> 01:02:49,515
Ja...
968
01:02:50,808 --> 01:02:52,143
Jan...
969
01:02:55,146 --> 01:02:56,856
Janet.
970
01:02:58,524 --> 01:02:59,984
My name was Janet.
971
01:03:02,069 --> 01:03:04,113
Well then you'll be Janet. Yeah.
972
01:03:04,405 --> 01:03:05,698
- That's okay?
- It's okay.
973
01:03:05,782 --> 01:03:07,325
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
974
01:03:07,408 --> 01:03:10,036
- Yeah. You'll be Janet.
- Yeah, Janet. Yeah.
975
01:03:10,328 --> 01:03:12,789
- And I guess I'll be Ken.
- Ken.
976
01:03:13,414 --> 01:03:15,208
And I'll be Jean-Luc.
977
01:03:21,214 --> 01:03:22,215
Really?
978
01:03:22,298 --> 01:03:23,424
- Jean-Luc?
- Yeah.
979
01:03:23,508 --> 01:03:25,134
- That's your name?
- Jean-Luc.
980
01:03:26,594 --> 01:03:28,179
Why would I say it if I...
981
01:03:28,721 --> 01:03:33,309
It's no problem if it is. It's just,
Jean-Luc. Really? Come on.
982
01:03:36,187 --> 01:03:38,606
All right. Dean.
My actual name is Dean.
983
01:03:38,689 --> 01:03:42,151
- Okay.
- That's more believable. Yeah.
984
01:04:07,301 --> 01:04:10,555
- Janet.
- Dean.
985
01:04:11,556 --> 01:04:12,682
Ken.
986
01:04:13,266 --> 01:04:14,809
Hello, my name is Janet.
987
01:04:15,101 --> 01:04:17,478
- Hello, I'm Dean.
- Afternoon, I'm Ken.
988
01:04:18,354 --> 01:04:20,773
Welcome.
Thanks for having me.
989
01:04:21,357 --> 01:04:24,235
- Janet, Ken, Dean.
- Hello, my name is Dean.
990
01:04:24,318 --> 01:04:27,405
- Is this blouse unisex, or...
- Hello, my name is Janet
991
01:04:27,488 --> 01:04:29,365
and I'd like one plate of meat please.
992
01:04:29,532 --> 01:04:34,078
Hello, I'm Ken and I'm interested in
purchasing a secondhand microwave.
993
01:04:34,412 --> 01:04:37,707
I'm Janet, your new neighbor.
I just moved in beneath your house.
994
01:04:37,832 --> 01:04:41,168
Hello. I have a voucher for a couple's
massage, and my name is Dean.
995
01:04:42,420 --> 01:04:44,046
No, it's just me. Can I go twice?
996
01:04:44,547 --> 01:04:47,675
Hey, my name's Ken and I'm
your mum's new boyfriend.
997
01:04:49,010 --> 01:04:52,096
-
Et voilà.
- Wow. It's bigger than I thought.
998
01:04:52,179 --> 01:04:54,557
I bet you never had a
woman tell you that before.
999
01:04:54,974 --> 01:04:58,519
Well actually, my prostate
doctor is female, so...
1000
01:04:58,603 --> 01:05:00,605
Dr. Susan Wang.
1001
01:05:03,232 --> 01:05:08,154
- Welcome to my humble home.
- Lovely.
1002
01:05:15,786 --> 01:05:16,787
Did you...
1003
01:05:25,504 --> 01:05:27,214
What was that?
1004
01:05:31,552 --> 01:05:34,597
- Let's get back to the car.
- Don't worry. I speak child.
1005
01:05:35,264 --> 01:05:38,392
So, which one of you little
scamps is the leader then?
1006
01:05:39,101 --> 01:05:40,645
What's it to you, Granddad?
1007
01:05:41,646 --> 01:05:42,647
Him?
1008
01:05:43,606 --> 01:05:45,358
Looks like a bed wetter to me.
1009
01:05:46,108 --> 01:05:48,486
You wouldn't all follow a bed
wetter, would you?
1010
01:05:48,569 --> 01:05:49,987
I'm not a bed wetter.
1011
01:05:50,071 --> 01:05:54,158
Sorry, I can't hear you over
the overwhelming stench of piss.
1012
01:06:00,331 --> 01:06:04,460
So which of the rest of you think that
you could help run Alphonso Land, hmm?
1013
01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:06,796
Too scrawny.
1014
01:06:07,213 --> 01:06:09,674
Too ginger. A girl.
1015
01:06:10,299 --> 01:06:13,761
Oh well.
I suppose the leader has to be me.
1016
01:06:16,889 --> 01:06:19,100
Ignore your parents.
1017
01:06:19,183 --> 01:06:20,893
Forget the wrath of grown-ups.
1018
01:06:20,977 --> 01:06:25,398
No rules, no homework, no bedtime.
1019
01:06:25,564 --> 01:06:28,943
Welcome to Alphonso Land!
1020
01:06:36,575 --> 01:06:38,661
How's this for camera-ready, Mum?
1021
01:06:39,286 --> 01:06:41,372
Who's not going to amount to anything now?
1022
01:06:42,164 --> 01:06:43,165
You dead bitch.
1023
01:06:44,375 --> 01:06:45,668
Oh, there you are, miss.
1024
01:06:45,751 --> 01:06:47,545
Need you on set in five.
1025
01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:48,921
What is this?
1026
01:06:56,387 --> 01:06:57,930
Okay, listen up guys.
1027
01:06:58,139 --> 01:07:02,268
We need to be ready to shoot in five.
It's not ideal but it is what it is.
1028
01:07:02,351 --> 01:07:03,769
First up...
1029
01:07:08,274 --> 01:07:11,318
Jennifer, that's not the outfit
I picked out for you.
1030
01:07:11,861 --> 01:07:14,238
A spangly leotard didn't really
seem appropriate
1031
01:07:14,321 --> 01:07:16,449
for breaking the biggest
news story in the world.
1032
01:07:16,532 --> 01:07:19,785
It is however, the perfect attire
for the glamorous assistant
1033
01:07:20,077 --> 01:07:21,871
for the only clown on television.
1034
01:07:22,955 --> 01:07:26,459
- What?
- This weekend was to be my big comeback.
1035
01:07:26,542 --> 01:07:30,880
I see no reason why that should change
just because the world as we know it has.
1036
01:07:31,672 --> 01:07:33,591
Didn't you listen to Tim from Bromanz?
1037
01:07:33,674 --> 01:07:35,801
This is urgent.
We have to tell the world.
1038
01:07:35,885 --> 01:07:39,638
Jennifer, we've been handed
a golden opportunity here.
1039
01:07:40,639 --> 01:07:43,893
So we have the biggest broadcasting
facility in the country
1040
01:07:43,976 --> 01:07:46,520
and we're gonna use it
to put out a clown show?
1041
01:07:46,604 --> 01:07:49,065
Finally, we're on the same page.
1042
01:07:49,648 --> 01:07:51,108
Oh, this is stupid.
1043
01:07:51,776 --> 01:07:55,571
Okay, kids, I have an important
message to get out to the world.
1044
01:07:55,654 --> 01:07:56,947
Turn the camera over here.
1045
01:07:57,031 --> 01:08:00,326
Put her in the tiger cage.
1046
01:08:01,827 --> 01:08:05,081
Have you lost your mind?
We're in the middle of a global calamity.
1047
01:08:05,164 --> 01:08:09,335
This is Y2K times 2K, and I'm the
only one who knows what's going on.
1048
01:08:09,418 --> 01:08:10,961
You have to let me tell people.
1049
01:08:14,882 --> 01:08:17,635
No, no, no. You can't do this.
This is my big story.
1050
01:08:17,968 --> 01:08:20,012
My mother doesn't get to win again.
1051
01:08:20,096 --> 01:08:22,598
How is she still winning?
We put her in the ground.
1052
01:08:22,681 --> 01:08:24,767
There's still a way out of this, Jennifer.
1053
01:08:24,850 --> 01:08:27,394
Just be my Debbie McGee.
1054
01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:29,188
Aww.
1055
01:08:29,313 --> 01:08:31,357
What in God's name are you
trying to achieve here?
1056
01:08:32,274 --> 01:08:34,360
I'll be the only game in town, Jennifer.
1057
01:08:34,610 --> 01:08:38,197
I was canceled once before.
I lost my TV show.
1058
01:08:38,572 --> 01:08:41,951
My celebrity friends, my
regular table at Stringfellows.
1059
01:08:42,409 --> 01:08:44,912
Well, I'll not let them do it to me again.
1060
01:08:45,329 --> 01:08:47,248
I'm going to create an army here.
1061
01:08:47,414 --> 01:08:51,961
Loyal fans who will fight to keep me on
the air with their dying breaths,
1062
01:08:52,044 --> 01:08:55,714
and I will be revenged on everyone
that betrayed me!
1063
01:08:56,048 --> 01:08:58,259
Alphonso! Alphonso!
1064
01:08:59,051 --> 01:09:02,054
Oh look. They're calling my name.
1065
01:09:02,429 --> 01:09:04,890
Alphonso! Alphonso!
1066
01:09:13,440 --> 01:09:14,483
Bye bye, Bobo.
1067
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:23,367
Boys and girls! Ladies and gentlemen!
1068
01:09:23,450 --> 01:09:24,702
That's the guy!
1069
01:09:24,785 --> 01:09:25,828
I'm back!
1070
01:10:04,366 --> 01:10:06,911
What are you doing? This isn't Paris.
1071
01:10:07,119 --> 01:10:09,580
Let's him go, Dean.
Let him go.
1072
01:10:10,247 --> 01:10:12,041
He is with Satan now.
1073
01:10:32,102 --> 01:10:34,980
I feel like I've swallowed a load of dirt.
1074
01:10:35,356 --> 01:10:38,984
You have. You were snoring.
It was the only way to shut you up.
1075
01:10:40,027 --> 01:10:42,863
I need a bloody drink.
1076
01:10:42,988 --> 01:10:46,075
Well, Ken, it seems to
me we have two options.
1077
01:10:46,617 --> 01:10:50,079
Either we drink our own piss or...
1078
01:10:50,162 --> 01:10:52,539
we drink each other's.
1079
01:11:02,174 --> 01:11:05,594
Come on, give me just a drop
you miserable bitch.
1080
01:11:05,678 --> 01:11:10,349
Not in my... I've got a
bloody open mouth here.
1081
01:11:15,938 --> 01:11:17,606
So this is a sex thing?
1082
01:11:18,148 --> 01:11:22,611
No. We're just having...
Actually, let's go with sex thing.
1083
01:11:23,195 --> 01:11:24,530
Mildly less embarrassing.
1084
01:11:25,030 --> 01:11:29,076
We used to be clowns, but my
name's Janet now, and I'm a person.
1085
01:11:30,077 --> 01:11:32,830
Well, as it happens, I'm
on the trail of a clown.
1086
01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:36,208
I don't suppose you've heard of
The Great Alphonso?
1087
01:11:36,583 --> 01:11:40,004
That hack. Nope, never heard of him.
Wasn't a fan.
1088
01:11:40,170 --> 01:11:42,464
He killed my dog,
stole my life's work.
1089
01:11:43,465 --> 01:11:46,385
- Him and his clueless journalist friend.
- What?
1090
01:11:46,468 --> 01:11:48,846
Now she's broadcasting
a clown show from his big top
1091
01:11:48,929 --> 01:11:51,724
with my transmitter.
Took everything from me.
1092
01:11:52,808 --> 01:11:55,311
Swear to God, when I find her...
What's that smell?
1093
01:11:56,353 --> 01:11:57,354
It's nothing.
1094
01:11:57,563 --> 01:11:59,064
This doesn't make sense.
1095
01:11:59,815 --> 01:12:03,402
Jenny hates clowns...
unless she's on drugs.
1096
01:12:04,653 --> 01:12:07,823
Alphonso must have taken her hostage
and given her drugs.
1097
01:12:07,906 --> 01:12:09,575
Jesus Christ. Not this again.
1098
01:12:09,658 --> 01:12:12,119
No, no, no. Fuck it.
I know where they are.
1099
01:12:13,287 --> 01:12:15,539
Bobo couldn't save the woman he loves.
1100
01:12:16,749 --> 01:12:18,625
But maybe Ken can.
1101
01:12:20,961 --> 01:12:22,171
I'm coming with you.
1102
01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:25,049
Then we're coming too!
1103
01:12:25,132 --> 01:12:27,634
- I'm not sure we're all going to fit.
- Fine, go on.
1104
01:12:27,718 --> 01:12:28,719
Let's ride.
1105
01:12:36,352 --> 01:12:39,021
So where are your clothes?
1106
01:12:39,188 --> 01:12:41,607
Ah, we burned them
as a symbolic gesture,
1107
01:12:41,690 --> 01:12:44,068
which in retrospect
was entirely unnecessary.
1108
01:12:44,401 --> 01:12:46,487
We can't save Jenny in our pants.
1109
01:12:46,570 --> 01:12:50,324
We're gonna have to steal some clothes
or we'll look ridiculous.
1110
01:12:55,871 --> 01:12:56,872
It's Jenny.
1111
01:12:57,289 --> 01:13:01,085
Right, I'm gonna need you guys
to create a diversion. Okay?
1112
01:13:01,460 --> 01:13:02,836
I've got this flare.
1113
01:13:03,837 --> 01:13:05,756
Keep away from children.
1114
01:13:06,507 --> 01:13:08,926
Why does everyone keep saying this to me?
1115
01:13:09,218 --> 01:13:10,552
Okay, what's the plan?
1116
01:13:11,053 --> 01:13:15,974
Okay, I'm gonna commando roll across
that field, crawl for a bit,
1117
01:13:16,058 --> 01:13:17,643
parkour my way over the fence
1118
01:13:17,726 --> 01:13:19,978
and take out
the first kid with one of these.
1119
01:13:25,359 --> 01:13:27,027
And I'll say, "tough break."
1120
01:13:27,986 --> 01:13:31,698
The second kid will come at me from
behind, and I'll give him one of these.
1121
01:13:31,782 --> 01:13:34,034
Ah, wanker!
1122
01:13:34,118 --> 01:13:35,577
And I'll say, um...
1123
01:13:37,830 --> 01:13:40,374
I won't say anything there.
I'll keep it stealthy.
1124
01:13:40,874 --> 01:13:43,085
So at that point,
it's just those two kids
1125
01:13:43,168 --> 01:13:45,796
standing between me
and a happy ever after.
1126
01:13:45,879 --> 01:13:49,883
So I'll jump up, grab the door frame
and give 'em a double kick. Ya! Ya!
1127
01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:53,720
I'll say "two's company,"
or "twice to meet you."
1128
01:13:54,638 --> 01:13:55,639
Everyone got it?
1129
01:13:56,849 --> 01:13:57,891
Yeah.
1130
01:13:57,975 --> 01:14:02,187
Oh, by the way,
if I don't make it out there,
1131
01:14:03,272 --> 01:14:06,525
tell the world I died with dignity.
1132
01:14:06,900 --> 01:14:07,985
You want us to lie.
1133
01:14:08,444 --> 01:14:11,155
No, just imply I was wearing trousers.
1134
01:14:12,573 --> 01:14:13,574
Okay.
1135
01:14:23,167 --> 01:14:24,918
Hey, Ken!
1136
01:14:25,002 --> 01:14:27,588
What's a diversion?
1137
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:36,472
Well, well, well, looks like you've
made some new friends, Tim.
1138
01:14:37,181 --> 01:14:38,390
We're here for the girl.
1139
01:14:39,516 --> 01:14:42,102
Let the girl go and
no harm will come to you.
1140
01:14:42,394 --> 01:14:43,437
She's just a girl.
1141
01:14:43,604 --> 01:14:45,814
I'm 35, you dick.
1142
01:14:45,898 --> 01:14:48,692
I kept your secret, Alphonso.
You didn't have to kill my dog.
1143
01:14:48,775 --> 01:14:50,068
What secret?
1144
01:14:50,611 --> 01:14:52,821
I'm sorry about your dog,
by the way,
1145
01:14:52,905 --> 01:14:55,866
but I do wanna get clarity,
though, on that secret.
1146
01:14:55,949 --> 01:14:57,034
The gunge tank.
1147
01:14:59,453 --> 01:15:02,539
It was the after party of series
three of
Alphonso's Fun Club.
1148
01:15:02,915 --> 01:15:05,167
It wasn't an accident.
I saw him do it.
1149
01:15:05,709 --> 01:15:08,003
My brother was taking
the piss out of the show.
1150
01:15:08,086 --> 01:15:09,546
He was making jokes about it.
1151
01:15:09,755 --> 01:15:12,883
He called it Al-fuckso's Bum Club.
1152
01:15:15,177 --> 01:15:17,930
So Alphonso drowned him in gunge,
1153
01:15:19,056 --> 01:15:22,267
and he threatened to do the same
to me if I ever told anyone.
1154
01:15:22,518 --> 01:15:26,730
Well, sadly for you, Tim,
it looks like you just have.
1155
01:15:27,022 --> 01:15:30,609
Bedwetter, Ginger Twat!
Throw the others in with Jennifer.
1156
01:15:31,109 --> 01:15:37,074
Tim here is about to experience
pie to the power of infinity.
1157
01:15:40,702 --> 01:15:43,705
Jenny, I swore that I'd find you.
1158
01:15:43,789 --> 01:15:47,417
- It's true. He wouldn't shut up about it.
- And now we can be together.
1159
01:15:47,543 --> 01:15:50,587
We could start a new life!
In this cage, if needs be.
1160
01:15:50,671 --> 01:15:53,715
- Bobo what are you talking about?
- That's the thing. I'm not Bobo any more.
1161
01:15:53,799 --> 01:15:55,092
- I'm Ken.
- Ken.
1162
01:15:55,175 --> 01:15:56,426
- Ken.
- She knows.
1163
01:15:56,677 --> 01:15:58,345
Just normal, dependable Ken.
1164
01:15:58,470 --> 01:15:59,471
- Ken.
- Okay.
1165
01:16:00,681 --> 01:16:03,850
Type of bloke that wears
brown size nine shoes.
1166
01:16:04,893 --> 01:16:06,061
Who owns a shed.
1167
01:16:07,521 --> 01:16:11,358
Sort of bloke you could get to know
over a tepid cup of Bovril.
1168
01:16:12,901 --> 01:16:16,154
Type of guy you could settle down with.
1169
01:16:16,238 --> 01:16:18,323
As I say, in this cage, if needs be.
1170
01:16:20,033 --> 01:16:22,327
Where have you guys been?
1171
01:16:22,744 --> 01:16:26,164
On a long journey
to the center of ourselves.
1172
01:16:27,332 --> 01:16:31,420
My name is Dean and
I'm not a clown either.
1173
01:16:32,504 --> 01:16:35,340
In a funny way
I don't suppose I ever really was.
1174
01:16:35,549 --> 01:16:37,467
And I'm Janet, and my thing is,
1175
01:16:37,801 --> 01:16:40,721
when I was six I set my friends on fire.
I poured...
1176
01:16:41,972 --> 01:16:44,600
- Oh mother of God!
- The show's about to start.
1177
01:16:44,891 --> 01:16:50,230
Listen, that 200 pound slab of lunch meat
is trying to amass an army of children.
1178
01:16:50,564 --> 01:16:53,692
We need to disable that transmitter
and get him off the air.
1179
01:16:56,612 --> 01:16:59,865
Hello boys and girls!
1180
01:17:00,657 --> 01:17:06,371
I am back on the TV where I belong,
and tonight for a special treat.
1181
01:17:06,663 --> 01:17:09,082
I have an old celebrity friend.
1182
01:17:10,125 --> 01:17:12,919
Tim from Bromanz!
1183
01:17:16,298 --> 01:17:18,383
Are... we... ready?
1184
01:17:18,550 --> 01:17:19,968
No, no, no, no, no.
1185
01:17:21,053 --> 01:17:23,722
Unleash hell!
1186
01:17:53,752 --> 01:17:54,753
Stop it!
1187
01:17:54,836 --> 01:17:56,713
He's had enough!
1188
01:17:56,797 --> 01:17:58,215
Hold your fire!
1189
01:17:58,882 --> 01:18:03,428
We're going to need him conscious
for the main event.
1190
01:18:07,808 --> 01:18:09,810
Gunge him! Gunge him!
1191
01:18:09,893 --> 01:18:15,232
And we're going to have more celebrity
people come on this show all the time.
1192
01:18:15,315 --> 01:18:20,195
With your help! I want you to bring
some of those friends of mine
1193
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:22,698
who I haven't seen since I was on TV.
1194
01:18:22,781 --> 01:18:27,202
If you bring this to me,
you get a big reward. Yes!
1195
01:18:27,285 --> 01:18:29,454
So come to Alphonso Land!
1196
01:18:29,538 --> 01:18:33,959
No homework, no rules, no bedtime!
1197
01:18:34,042 --> 01:18:38,463
And anybody who tries
to stop us will get gunged!
1198
01:18:39,381 --> 01:18:41,091
Anyone!
1199
01:18:42,217 --> 01:18:46,596
Jesus Christ. He's gonna
gunge us all to death. Oh God.
1200
01:18:47,097 --> 01:18:48,098
Oh God.
1201
01:18:48,807 --> 01:18:52,352
Oh God. We're next. Oh God.
This is all your fault, Bobo.
1202
01:18:52,436 --> 01:18:53,937
I wish I'd never met you.
1203
01:18:54,020 --> 01:18:56,857
I could be off breaking the
biggest story in the world
1204
01:18:56,940 --> 01:18:59,401
with an unbelievably hot
burger van guy now.
1205
01:18:59,484 --> 01:19:02,779
Instead of being stuck in
a cage with a bunch of clowns
1206
01:19:02,946 --> 01:19:05,824
waiting to be murdered by feral children.
1207
01:19:06,324 --> 01:19:08,326
Actually ex-clowns. But I'll shut up.
1208
01:19:09,202 --> 01:19:10,746
Why me, Bobo?
1209
01:19:11,705 --> 01:19:16,126
Out of all the women in the world
you could have chosen to obsess over,
1210
01:19:16,918 --> 01:19:18,628
why did you land on me?
1211
01:19:23,091 --> 01:19:27,637
Because you were the
first person in 15 years
1212
01:19:28,430 --> 01:19:30,223
who made me feel good about myself.
1213
01:19:32,726 --> 01:19:34,728
Made me feel more than just a...
1214
01:19:36,772 --> 01:19:38,732
fat clown at a children's party.
1215
01:19:40,650 --> 01:19:41,860
That I was important.
1216
01:19:44,070 --> 01:19:47,282
And that I was someone
who deserved to be loved
1217
01:19:49,951 --> 01:19:52,329
Because I threw you
a drunk fuck in a cupboard?
1218
01:19:53,497 --> 01:19:55,707
It was long--
It was long enough to know...
1219
01:19:58,668 --> 01:20:00,796
- I love you.
- Oh shit.
1220
01:20:02,047 --> 01:20:03,048
Oh my God.
1221
01:20:05,717 --> 01:20:06,885
Oh, that's bleak.
1222
01:20:10,806 --> 01:20:14,851
Oh, oh, that's so fucking bleak.
1223
01:20:14,935 --> 01:20:19,231
God. Okay. Yeah.
No. Alphonso! Alphonso!
1224
01:20:19,314 --> 01:20:21,316
Yes, I'm in. I give up.
1225
01:20:33,745 --> 01:20:34,830
Clown blood.
1226
01:20:35,664 --> 01:20:36,665
It's fresh.
1227
01:20:40,585 --> 01:20:41,586
They're close.
1228
01:20:52,055 --> 01:20:54,349
Ah, Pegasus.
1229
01:20:55,392 --> 01:20:56,393
My old friend.
1230
01:21:02,440 --> 01:21:05,151
Jesus Christ, they just keep coming.
1231
01:21:05,443 --> 01:21:06,778
We need to get outta here.
1232
01:21:06,862 --> 01:21:10,198
There's no way we're getting past
these homicidal rug-munchers.
1233
01:21:10,282 --> 01:21:13,034
- I think you mean rugrats.
- They're terrifying.
1234
01:21:13,535 --> 01:21:15,036
One of them smokes a pipe.
1235
01:21:15,412 --> 01:21:16,872
Alphonso was wrong you know,
1236
01:21:17,747 --> 01:21:19,499
about the Jugglenaut.
1237
01:21:20,166 --> 01:21:23,295
It doesn't need clowns who
are willing to die for one another.
1238
01:21:23,420 --> 01:21:25,964
It just needs clowns
who have nothing to live for.
1239
01:21:26,047 --> 01:21:27,841
- What?
- Well think about it.
1240
01:21:28,550 --> 01:21:30,051
These kids like violence.
1241
01:21:30,343 --> 01:21:33,972
They like danger, they like
watching people hurt themselves.
1242
01:21:35,765 --> 01:21:40,312
If we can pull off a trick like that, we
might be able to distract them long enough
1243
01:21:40,395 --> 01:21:46,318
to do one last decent thing with our lives
and take that prick Alphonso off the air.
1244
01:21:49,029 --> 01:21:54,200
Everyone dreams of dying
doing what they love.
1245
01:22:00,206 --> 01:22:02,918
And since that's not an option for us,
1246
01:22:08,048 --> 01:22:09,674
what say we go out clowning?
1247
01:22:13,303 --> 01:22:19,184
Oi! Bedwetter. Gather your men.
I've got something to show you.
1248
01:22:19,267 --> 01:22:20,268
What is it?
1249
01:22:20,894 --> 01:22:22,062
It's a clown show.
1250
01:22:23,355 --> 01:22:24,439
We've just seen one.
1251
01:22:27,525 --> 01:22:28,526
Not like this.
1252
01:22:33,531 --> 01:22:36,159
I knew you would come
around eventually, Jennifer,
1253
01:22:36,242 --> 01:22:40,538
now for a moment there,
you nearly chose the wrong team.
1254
01:22:42,332 --> 01:22:45,961
It's a brave new world, Jennifer,
and it's ours for the taking.
1255
01:22:46,628 --> 01:22:50,924
Me as warlord slash
global clown Emperor
1256
01:22:51,716 --> 01:22:55,804
and you beside me as my
bikini-clad assistant.
1257
01:22:56,304 --> 01:22:57,847
Ah, thank you Shakira.
1258
01:22:58,306 --> 01:23:01,059
Yes.
I mean, sounds good.
1259
01:23:02,018 --> 01:23:03,853
Have you got anything to drink?
1260
01:23:04,145 --> 01:23:07,399
Jenny, do wombles shit
on Wimbledon Common?
1261
01:23:07,774 --> 01:23:08,775
Hmm?
1262
01:23:10,068 --> 01:23:12,070
- Drinks cabinet's over there.
- Great.
1263
01:23:12,153 --> 01:23:15,323
I will make us a...
1264
01:23:16,616 --> 01:23:18,994
vodka and...
1265
01:23:19,536 --> 01:23:20,537
scotch.
1266
01:23:20,620 --> 01:23:24,290
Ah, a Kilted Russian: how very agreeable.
1267
01:23:40,390 --> 01:23:42,100
Hello, boys and girls.
1268
01:23:43,101 --> 01:23:45,186
My name's Bobo,
1269
01:23:45,270 --> 01:23:51,401
and these are my friends, Pepe and Funzo.
1270
01:23:51,818 --> 01:23:54,904
Who likes balloons?
1271
01:23:56,114 --> 01:23:57,157
I do.
1272
01:24:03,413 --> 01:24:04,414
Oh.
1273
01:24:06,166 --> 01:24:08,460
Ah, this was a mistake.
1274
01:24:08,877 --> 01:24:10,754
- What was that?
- Oh, nothing.
1275
01:24:10,837 --> 01:24:14,174
You know what kids are like
when they're drunk on power.
1276
01:24:15,842 --> 01:24:18,053
A toast to good friends.
1277
01:24:18,136 --> 01:24:19,137
Ah, Jenny.
1278
01:24:19,554 --> 01:24:21,347
I hate for you to embarrass yourself
1279
01:24:21,431 --> 01:24:26,436
in front of the Rotary Club Toastmaster
General in 1992, 1993, and 1995.
1280
01:24:27,145 --> 01:24:28,938
I'd better do this. Hmm.
1281
01:24:29,689 --> 01:24:34,486
Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished
guests, Princess Michael of Kent.
1282
01:24:34,944 --> 01:24:40,241
An occasion such as this always calls for
one of the greatest and indeed longest
1283
01:24:40,325 --> 01:24:42,702
poems of the last six centuries.
1284
01:24:43,912 --> 01:24:46,414
Okay. Screw the crowd work.
Skip to the big finish.
1285
01:24:46,539 --> 01:24:49,918
Boys and girls, I present to you
1286
01:24:50,335 --> 01:24:53,505
the Jugglenaut!
1287
01:24:55,340 --> 01:24:57,008
Pepe, hup!
1288
01:25:00,011 --> 01:25:02,931
I can't. I can't do it.
I'm not good enough.
1289
01:25:03,014 --> 01:25:04,933
I never have been.
1290
01:25:05,058 --> 01:25:06,810
I'll never be a DuCoquesman.
1291
01:25:08,019 --> 01:25:10,146
I don't need you to be a DuCoquesman.
1292
01:25:10,230 --> 01:25:13,817
I don't care what some dusty French
wank merchant thought of you.
1293
01:25:13,900 --> 01:25:16,444
I just need you to
climb on to my fat shoulders
1294
01:25:16,528 --> 01:25:18,780
and be paralyzed with fear, please.
1295
01:25:22,784 --> 01:25:25,245
Okay, I can do that.
1296
01:25:31,751 --> 01:25:34,045
Funzo, hup!
1297
01:25:34,337 --> 01:25:37,507
I don't want to be Funzo.
I don't want to scare anyone.
1298
01:25:37,882 --> 01:25:40,385
Funzo, Janet.
It doesn't matter what you call yourself.
1299
01:25:40,468 --> 01:25:42,720
Being scary is who you are.
1300
01:25:42,804 --> 01:25:44,264
You were born to do this,
1301
01:25:44,347 --> 01:25:48,810
and I'll be honest with you, some of these
kids could do with a decent fucking scare.
1302
01:25:51,980 --> 01:25:52,981
Oh God.
1303
01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:54,566
Oh Jesus.
1304
01:26:39,319 --> 01:26:41,112
Three, two, one!
1305
01:26:51,956 --> 01:26:52,957
Pepe!
1306
01:26:53,833 --> 01:26:56,294
Hup... hup... hup...
1307
01:27:11,351 --> 01:27:12,852
Funzo, grab the transmitter!
1308
01:27:15,396 --> 01:27:19,776
I can hear it!
The laughter! It's like thunder!
1309
01:27:24,072 --> 01:27:26,574
"Since last she was a wee--"
Wait.
1310
01:27:27,325 --> 01:27:29,702
Is that children enjoying themselves?
1311
01:27:30,453 --> 01:27:32,121
That's impossible.
I'm still here.
1312
01:27:32,830 --> 01:27:34,374
Let's have your drink first.
1313
01:27:34,457 --> 01:27:38,670
♪ I like to drink with Alphonso.
Alphonso is my mate ♪
1314
01:27:38,753 --> 01:27:41,798
♪ And when I drink with Alphonso,
He gets it down in eight ♪
1315
01:27:42,298 --> 01:27:44,467
Jesus Christ, okay, fuck it!
1316
01:27:45,885 --> 01:27:47,053
Show's over!
1317
01:28:00,608 --> 01:28:03,695
- Funzo!
- No!
1318
01:28:08,199 --> 01:28:13,371
- You killed our friend.
- Our best friend, you monster.
1319
01:28:14,080 --> 01:28:15,999
An eye for an eye, Booboo.
1320
01:28:16,207 --> 01:28:17,750
And now it's your turn.
1321
01:28:24,799 --> 01:28:27,176
We just want Funzo.
Give her over now
1322
01:28:27,260 --> 01:28:30,054
and I promise you all a
quick and painless death.
1323
01:28:30,179 --> 01:28:31,973
Too late. He's already killed her.
1324
01:28:32,307 --> 01:28:35,351
Yeah. Just a few minutes ago.
You couldn't have been closer.
1325
01:28:36,102 --> 01:28:37,103
What?
1326
01:28:37,645 --> 01:28:39,772
Well that is an anti-climax.
1327
01:28:39,981 --> 01:28:42,525
I mean, we traveled all
this way fueled by revenge.
1328
01:28:45,236 --> 01:28:48,948
- You're gonna have to give us a minute.
- This is bloody typical.
1329
01:28:49,032 --> 01:28:50,825
- Bloody typical!
- Okay, okay.
1330
01:28:50,908 --> 01:28:52,243
We have no time for this.
1331
01:28:52,327 --> 01:28:54,620
I need you to be more
solution orientated now,
1332
01:28:54,704 --> 01:28:57,081
rather than focusing on problems, okay?
1333
01:28:58,875 --> 01:29:00,710
- It's a tiny motorbike.
- No, no.
1334
01:29:03,880 --> 01:29:06,883
Yeah. Great. Great.
Let's explain that to them, then.
1335
01:29:10,303 --> 01:29:12,764
Okay. So we've noticed
that you've got a gunge pit
1336
01:29:12,847 --> 01:29:15,308
and we've always
wanted to try one of those,
1337
01:29:15,391 --> 01:29:18,144
so I think we're just
gonna murder you all with that.
1338
01:29:18,227 --> 01:29:19,604
Tie their hands.
1339
01:29:19,687 --> 01:29:21,939
Why does no one seem to be...
Stop it!
1340
01:29:22,899 --> 01:29:25,318
Turn around. Don't tie me up.
I have money.
1341
01:29:25,526 --> 01:29:27,945
Well, Bitcoin.
It's yours if you let me go.
1342
01:29:48,841 --> 01:29:50,635
My ear! My other ear!
1343
01:29:54,847 --> 01:29:56,974
Bobo! The transmitter!
1344
01:29:57,433 --> 01:29:59,185
The transmitter!
1345
01:30:23,459 --> 01:30:25,753
There's only one way to settle this, Alphonso.
1346
01:30:25,837 --> 01:30:28,422
I will crush you with my bulk.
1347
01:30:28,506 --> 01:30:31,259
I have seen off many rivals.
1348
01:31:37,867 --> 01:31:40,786
Who's the walrus now, Alphonso, you dick?
1349
01:31:40,870 --> 01:31:44,165
- Who's the fucking walrus now?
- You are.
1350
01:31:44,665 --> 01:31:46,751
I've beaten you in every way.
1351
01:31:47,418 --> 01:31:50,463
As a clown, as a man.
1352
01:31:52,506 --> 01:31:54,926
Both ways!
1353
01:31:56,469 --> 01:31:58,804
Do you know I used to look up to you?
1354
01:31:58,888 --> 01:32:01,098
You were one of the
reasons I became a clown.
1355
01:32:01,182 --> 01:32:02,892
I'm so sorry.
1356
01:32:03,935 --> 01:32:05,603
Oh, I'm not gonna hurt you.
1357
01:32:06,812 --> 01:32:08,606
Because I'm the bigger man.
1358
01:32:10,107 --> 01:32:13,611
- And the better clown.
- Bromanz forever!
1359
01:32:16,948 --> 01:32:19,909
Jesus Christ, Tim.
I was just doing a whole thing.
1360
01:32:22,578 --> 01:32:25,039
And I should have done that 30 years ago.
1361
01:32:27,416 --> 01:32:31,254
Okay Funzo, you've earned your spot.
We'll see you on the strip.
1362
01:32:32,755 --> 01:32:36,592
- You okay, Janet?
- Of course. Nothing bad happened to me.
1363
01:32:36,884 --> 01:32:38,886
Nothing bad ever happens to Funzo.
1364
01:32:47,436 --> 01:32:48,854
We should probably help him.
1365
01:32:48,938 --> 01:32:50,439
- No.
- Okay!
1366
01:33:08,749 --> 01:33:12,003
Okay. It's all looking good.
1367
01:33:15,089 --> 01:33:16,090
Fantastic.
1368
01:33:18,092 --> 01:33:19,343
Okay.
We're all set.
1369
01:33:20,052 --> 01:33:21,053
You ready?
1370
01:33:21,595 --> 01:33:24,181
I was born ready, Bobo.
It's in the blood.
1371
01:33:25,224 --> 01:33:29,103
Going live in Five! Four! Three!
1372
01:33:29,937 --> 01:33:32,481
- Are you gonna do it wearing that?
- Oh shit.
1373
01:33:32,606 --> 01:33:33,733
Good evening.
1374
01:33:33,816 --> 01:33:37,945
I'm Jenny Malone reporting
the truth to the world.
1375
01:33:38,029 --> 01:33:42,033
I realize we've all been through a lot,
but what I'm about to tell you
1376
01:33:42,116 --> 01:33:46,871
should explain how we got here and how
we are going to survive this together.
1377
01:33:49,332 --> 01:33:54,712
In 1967, the CIA, in conjunction with
the teenage Hillary Clinton,
1378
01:33:54,795 --> 01:33:57,048
began a series of experiments on the sun.
1379
01:33:57,214 --> 01:33:59,467
And two days ago, under the instruction
1380
01:33:59,550 --> 01:34:04,263
of a sinister cabal of shapeshifting,
pedophilic lizard people,
1381
01:34:04,347 --> 01:34:06,974
they unleashed
a secret weapon on the world.
1382
01:34:07,808 --> 01:34:10,728
- Operation: Solar Flare.
- I've been saying it for... yes!
1383
01:34:10,978 --> 01:34:14,148
A plan to enslave humanity,
harvest our DNA,
1384
01:34:14,231 --> 01:34:17,068
and sell it to the Chinese
chemtrail industry.
1385
01:34:17,526 --> 01:34:19,403
Over the next three to four hours,
1386
01:34:19,487 --> 01:34:21,405
I will show you--
1387
01:34:21,864 --> 01:34:24,408
Irrefutable evidence
of John F. Kennedy's...
1388
01:34:26,410 --> 01:34:27,953
John F. Kennedy...
1389
01:34:34,460 --> 01:34:36,962
- What are you doing?
- What's going on then?
1390
01:34:37,922 --> 01:34:41,258
- Is it-- is it over?
- Everything's turning back on.
1391
01:34:43,177 --> 01:34:45,137
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
1392
01:34:47,807 --> 01:34:49,517
Oh my gosh.
1393
01:34:50,851 --> 01:34:54,772
And although Áras an Uachtaráin was
completely obliterated, the president was
1394
01:34:54,855 --> 01:34:59,777
eventually carried to safety by Brazilian
burger technician Gustavo Musculos.
1395
01:35:01,737 --> 01:35:04,448
Elsewhere, chaotic scenes
played out across the nation
1396
01:35:04,532 --> 01:35:06,867
with a series of localized
electrical blackouts
1397
01:35:06,951 --> 01:35:09,662
believed to have been caused
by a massive power surge
1398
01:35:09,745 --> 01:35:12,915
at a recent concert by
country singer Garth Brooks.
1399
01:35:13,457 --> 01:35:14,875
May he rest in peace.
1400
01:35:16,460 --> 01:35:18,337
Then there was this bizarre broadcast
1401
01:35:18,421 --> 01:35:21,966
by the daughter of celebrated news
correspondent Deborah Malone,
1402
01:35:22,049 --> 01:35:25,177
Two days ago,
under the instruction of a sinister cabal
1403
01:35:25,302 --> 01:35:27,888
of shapeshifting pedophilic
lizard people--
1404
01:35:27,972 --> 01:35:31,600
I think we can all agree her late
mother would be massively disappointed.
1405
01:35:31,684 --> 01:35:34,603
Next up, clown funerals.
They're like buses, aren't they?
1406
01:35:34,687 --> 01:35:37,773
You wait ages for one and then
two come along all at once.
1407
01:35:37,898 --> 01:35:39,650
Nineties has-been clown,
1408
01:35:39,900 --> 01:35:43,446
the late Alphonso
has popped his giant clogs
1409
01:35:43,529 --> 01:35:46,866
and is in a tiny little car
on his way to heaven right now.
1410
01:35:54,206 --> 01:35:56,167
Thanks for helping us out, Jenny.
1411
01:35:56,250 --> 01:36:00,171
Yes. Thank you so much for letting us
bury DuCoque in your mother's grave.
1412
01:36:00,254 --> 01:36:03,466
Don't mention it.
She hated clowns and the French.
1413
01:36:11,182 --> 01:36:14,059
When we first hooked up
at your niece's birthday,
1414
01:36:15,227 --> 01:36:17,480
did you ever imagine we'd end up here?
1415
01:36:19,356 --> 01:36:20,357
No.
1416
01:36:22,276 --> 01:36:23,569
No, of course not.
1417
01:36:24,987 --> 01:36:25,988
Yeah.
1418
01:36:26,197 --> 01:36:27,239
Me neither.
1419
01:36:31,118 --> 01:36:33,913
Oh, what the fuck are you doing?
1420
01:36:34,788 --> 01:36:37,291
I just thought we'd been on this journey.
1421
01:36:38,375 --> 01:36:40,211
I vanquished the other male.
1422
01:36:42,213 --> 01:36:43,631
Did I read the moment wrong?
1423
01:36:44,673 --> 01:36:50,054
We are secretly burying a rotting
clown corpse in my mother's grave.
1424
01:36:51,055 --> 01:36:54,058
What is it about this moment
that you think is sexy?
1425
01:36:57,686 --> 01:36:59,271
- The sun?
- The sun. Oh.
1426
01:36:59,355 --> 01:37:00,773
It's kind of sexy.
1427
01:37:01,774 --> 01:37:03,859
It's like a big, red
clown nose in the sky.
1428
01:37:03,943 --> 01:37:05,444
Goodbye, Bobo.
1429
01:37:06,195 --> 01:37:07,196
Forever this time.
1430
01:37:07,863 --> 01:37:09,907
- Yeah, but what about...
- No! Forever.
1431
01:37:11,575 --> 01:37:13,953
Well, what now?
1432
01:37:15,412 --> 01:37:18,457
I hear there's a prime spot
going on the main strip.
1433
01:37:18,666 --> 01:37:21,252
You could get your DuCoque
out on the street!
1434
01:37:27,675 --> 01:37:31,845
Do you know, I used to blame
Alphonso for my lack of success.
1435
01:37:34,848 --> 01:37:39,562
But now that he's gone,
I can't see anything getting in my way.
1436
01:37:41,146 --> 01:37:42,940
Let's do it!
1437
01:37:44,525 --> 01:37:47,736
Well, it looks like we're
gonna need some business cards.
1438
01:37:48,153 --> 01:37:50,864
- We need a name first.
- We have a name!
1439
01:37:50,948 --> 01:37:55,035
- We are not calling ourselves that.
- It's too late!
1440
01:38:07,214 --> 01:38:09,842
Where are the clowns of yesteryear?
1441
01:38:13,012 --> 01:38:19,727
Where are the red and white faces
and the absolutely enormous trousers?
1442
01:38:21,478 --> 01:38:27,443
I understand that the
world is different now,
1443
01:38:30,487 --> 01:38:33,073
but I miss the good old days.
1444
01:38:36,619 --> 01:38:40,164
Where are the children who are
happy with simple pleasures?
1445
01:38:43,125 --> 01:38:45,002
Not Serbian Pornography.
1446
01:38:46,420 --> 01:38:47,880
Life is bullshit.
1447
01:38:50,341 --> 01:38:51,884
I hate young people.
1448
01:38:53,719 --> 01:38:55,179
What a bunch of pricks.
1449
01:38:56,847 --> 01:39:01,060
They pull at my nose and call me a tramp.
1450
01:39:03,270 --> 01:39:04,480
Here is the duck.
1451
01:39:06,106 --> 01:39:08,233
With his tiny briefcase.
1452
01:39:09,693 --> 01:39:11,654
He checks his list,
1453
01:39:12,821 --> 01:39:14,657
and adjusts his glasses.
1454
01:39:16,659 --> 01:39:19,036
{\an8}
My name is there.
1455
01:39:20,496 --> 01:39:22,581
{\an8}
There's no hardship.
1456
01:39:23,666 --> 01:39:28,879
{\an8}
I will go with
him in his little business suit
1457
01:39:29,922 --> 01:39:34,093
{\an8}
Goodbye dreadful world,
goodbye cruel life.
1458
01:39:35,094 --> 01:39:40,808
{\an8}
This is my final act, the last ritual.
1459
01:39:47,272 --> 01:39:49,024
{\an8}
Life is not rosy.
1460
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{\an8}
Whatever Edith Piaf says.
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{\an8}
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{\an8}
You are listening to the audio
book of Life of Pie, a Clown Odyssey,
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{\an8}
written and narrated by the Great
Alphonso. Chapter One. Beginnings.
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{\an8}
I was a born clown despite
a difficult childhood.
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{\an8}
I was ten years old
when the bullying first started.
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01:41:57,069 --> 01:42:01,657
{\an8}
At its height, I must have been
bullying 20 or 30 children a day.
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01:42:02,366 --> 01:42:06,745
{\an8}
I didn't know at the time, but
this was the perfect preparation
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{\an8}
for a career in television.
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