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[DuCoque] They say you should
never give up on your dreams,
2
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,563
but what if you should?
3
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:08,068
What if your dreams are just
too big and you are too small?
4
00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:15,617
A tiny, insignificant speck of carbon
floating in a cruel, unforgiving universe.
5
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:22,040
No, the universe doesn't
care about your dreams.
6
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,919
In a flash of light,
in the blink of an eye,
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00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:28,630
it will wipe its ass with your destiny.
8
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,759
But if you learn to accept this,
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00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:36,138
to laugh at God
instead of cursing him,
10
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:40,142
then maybe, just maybe,
you stand a chance
11
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:44,438
of becoming a pretty decent clown.
12
00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:47,357
Weird.
13
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:50,777
Where is everybody?
14
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:02,039
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
clap your hands ♪
15
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,165
[claps]
16
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,376
{\an8}♪ If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands ♪
17
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,503
{\an8}[claps]
18
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,755
{\an8}♪ If you're happy and you know it ♪
19
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,882
{\an8}♪ And you really want to show it ♪
20
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,760
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
clap your hands ♪
21
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,428
[claps]
22
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:20,474
If you're happy-- bear with me--
and you know it, stamp your...
23
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,976
[deep inhale]
24
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:25,687
-Ah, you know it don't you?
-[explosions on TV]
25
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,191
Are you going to be
able to finish that? Or...
26
00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,568
What is it? Red Leicester?
What is that?
27
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:32,653
Bobo!
28
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:36,615
I thought we were clear.
We're gonna go another way with this.
29
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:40,244
Yes, I heard you.
You said I was depressing the children.
30
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,371
That's why I brought out
the happy dance.
31
00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:45,999
Look, we've had a great run, but we're
gonna give Nathan a go this time.
32
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:48,961
-He does close-up magic...
-And far-away magic.
33
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,631
A fucking wand-stroker?!
34
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,717
My act works!
35
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:59,847
I've been doing it 25 years!
It's the kids that've changed!
36
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:02,015
They don't appreciate
the classics anymore.
37
00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:04,226
They just wanna get
jacked up on energy drinks,
38
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:05,811
and watch Serbian pornography.
39
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:10,274
-I don't think these kids are watching--
-Asian shit, foot stuff, whatever.
40
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:14,236
If you want to give my job to a
fucking hat fister, then fine.
41
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,696
Fuck you.
42
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,490
And fuck him,
and fuck this gig,
43
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,617
and fuck all these joyless little pricks,
44
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,744
because I quit. Okay?
45
00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:26,248
Oh, I'll be taking one of these
jellies as well. Thank you!
46
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,293
That was methadone.
47
00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:33,463
Yeah, I knew that.
48
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:35,757
-Alright?
-[elevator dings]
49
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,269
Right.
Let's introduce you.
50
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,856
{\an8}[DJ on radio]
Good morning, Ireland.
51
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:54,526
{\an8}You're listening to 93.5 with Big Roy
and The Animal. [growls]
52
00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:57,613
{\an8}[news anchor on radio]
Extreme weather conditions in Bolivia
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00:03:57,696 --> 00:04:00,699
{\an8}have baffled climatologists
who fear electromagnetic--
54
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,203
[announcer on radio]
Garth Brooks live this Saturday
55
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,580
at Croke Park, Dublin.
Extra tickets on sale--
56
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:07,706
[radio static]
57
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:11,668
-[ominous music playing]
-[overlapping chatter]
58
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,097
Hey, kid.
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00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:27,392
Do you wanna see a show?
[cackles] Come on.
60
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:31,146
-It'll only take a second.
-Hey! Let go!
61
00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:34,775
Help! That thing was trying
to drag my son away!
62
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:38,195
[laughs]
No, no, no.
63
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:41,698
That's just where I do my show.
They won't let me do it out here.
64
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,617
If you need any witnesses,
I saw what happened.
65
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,577
She definitely tried to snatch your kid.
66
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:48,705
Fuck you, Alan!
Just gimme a shot on the strip.
67
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,792
-I've done my time!
-The strip's for artists, Funzo.
68
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,877
You're scaring away the clients.
69
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:58,549
You want to dance with me,
Alan, do you wanna dance?
70
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,343
Is this clown bothering you, Alan?
71
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:04,513
Okay.
72
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,306
Okay.
73
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,478
-[Funzo screams]
-[intense music playing]
74
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,647
[winces]
75
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:19,403
You can run, Funzo but we'll get
you eventually! We can wait!
76
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:22,573
Human statues can always wait!
77
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:25,075
{\an8}-[radio static]
-[ominous music playing]
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00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:34,168
{\an8}[DuCoque] Before we begin, there are
three basic truths you must accept.
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00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,712
One, God is dead.
80
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,047
Two.
81
00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:42,885
Laughter is the only sane response
to a meaningless existence.
82
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:47,931
Three, if you are going to do a tumble,
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00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:52,186
make sure you land
on the meat of your buttocks,
84
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:55,397
or you will really damage your ass bone.
85
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,319
You, why are you here?
86
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,280
I just love kids.
87
00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:05,908
I guess... making them laugh.
88
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:09,161
A bit route one, isn't it?
"Making children laugh."
89
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:13,248
Ah, we have an avant-gardist in our midst.
90
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,960
Let us marvel at his singular genius.
91
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,049
Monsieur DuCoque.
92
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:28,889
I am Pepe, and this is my interpretation
of the classic mime "Trapped In A Box."
93
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,274
That's a wall.
94
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,990
And another one. Not this again.
95
00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:50,869
Ooh, uh, Julian.
Julian, are you still out there?
96
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,580
I better call Barbara.
97
00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:56,291
Hello? May I speak to Barbara please?
98
00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:58,210
Barbara? Hi, it's Pepe.
99
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,504
Listen, bit of an embarrassing one
for you, Barbara.
100
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:01,922
You know that box I've got
101
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,674
-at the end of my garden?
-Enough!
102
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:07,344
This is the worst performance
I have ever seen.
103
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,137
Sorry, maybe you
didn't understand there.
104
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:12,057
I wasn't actually trapped in a box.
I was just pretending.
105
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,810
A true clown never pretends.
106
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,436
He simply be's.
107
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:20,315
But I am a true clown.
I just need some training.
108
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:25,112
If I taught a duck to wear a hat and
a little suit and go to an office
109
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:30,325
every day with a tiny briefcase,
would that make him a businessman?
110
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:33,829
Well, if he tried really hard
and read all the books and...
111
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,873
really believed in his
dreams, then yes!
112
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,333
Yes, I know that duck
could become a businessman.
113
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:39,543
Silence!
114
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:45,048
You will never... be...
[straining] a true clown.
115
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,675
-[grunts]
-[thud]
116
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:48,468
Monsieur DuCoque!
117
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,513
Monsieur DuCoque!
118
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,392
They say comedy equals tragedy plus time.
119
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:59,271
{\an8}Well, unfortunately, time was up
for the man that some people called
120
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:02,566
{\an8}the last great clown, Jean DuCoque.
121
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:06,570
And joining me to discuss
his legacy is, well, a bit of a blast
122
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,406
from the TV past,
The amazing Alphonso.
123
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,742
{\an8}It's "The Great,"
it's "The Great Alphonso."
124
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:15,454
So DuCoque was, I suppose, some
kind of a hero to you.
125
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:16,622
[gasps]
126
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,166
[Alphonso]
Indeed. And I to him.
127
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,001
Unlike many of the other so-called
128
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:25,255
"stars of the time,"
he was not a jealous clown.
129
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:29,885
For instance, when Alphonso's
Fun Club became the nation's highest
130
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:32,638
rated kids' TV show in 1993...
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00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:35,140
I think I remember that show!
132
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:38,852
-And then again, in 1994.
-Wasn't it canceled due to some kind
133
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:41,313
of a freak gunge tank accident?
134
00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:42,356
Yeah, it was.
135
00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,733
-There were no formal charges.
-[laughs]
136
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:47,444
-Piss off.
-I think DuCoque would be delighted
137
00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,404
to hear the announcement
of my comeback show
138
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:51,865
this Saturday at the
National Concert Hall--
139
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:55,536
Saturday? Isn't that the same night as
Garth Brooks' Stadium show?
140
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,204
'Cause that's where I'll be!
141
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,580
Oh, fucking hack.
142
00:08:58,664 --> 00:09:00,457
[seals snorting]
143
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,252
Why are you watching this?
144
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,426
-[uneasy music playing]
-Fuck off!
145
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:14,221
Fucking thing. Piss off!
146
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:18,725
Piss off. Why are you smiling?
You've got nothing to smile for.
147
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:19,810
Eat cock.
148
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:24,273
-Why are you smiling?!
-[squeaking]
149
00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:26,108
Piece of shit.
150
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,705
[nostalgic children's music]
151
00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:00,058
[somber music playing]
152
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,487
I need that source, Suzie.
153
00:10:12,571 --> 00:10:14,740
I'm not going live
without a second source.
154
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,909
{\an8}No, no. I never said
it was off the record!
155
00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:19,536
{\an8}-He's not gonna wrap up this story.
-[phones ringing, chatter]
156
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:20,746
{\an8}You've got 20 minutes.
157
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,959
[Edith]
Wow. It only took you three days.
158
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,794
You know you get paid by the word?
159
00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:30,881
Look, Edith, I think I've
got a real story here.
160
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:35,385
-What do you know about solar flares?
-I know I don't care about them.
161
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:38,263
I've been tracking some serious
meteorological anomalies
162
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:39,681
over the past few months.
163
00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:45,479
NASA, the European Space Agency, the SWPC,
all warning of a potentially major event.
164
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,690
-Alright, listen, Jenny...
-I know what you're gonna say, Edith,
165
00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:50,359
but journalism is in my blood.
166
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,319
You've got a thoroughbred horse here,
167
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:54,738
and you've got me giving
pony rides round the garden.
168
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:57,491
I can sleep standing up.
I can shit while I gallop.
169
00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:00,327
Stop wasting me on these
bullshit celebrity puff pieces.
170
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,371
And let me feel the wind in my mane.
171
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:06,291
All right. As it happens,
I do have a story for you.
172
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:09,837
Out in the field, something
tailored to your particular expertise.
173
00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:13,590
A clown funeral.
[chuckles]
174
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,843
A clown funeral!
175
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:19,179
How fucked up is that? Who
wouldn't click through?
176
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:22,224
But I thought you wanted
me for my expertise.
177
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:23,600
I do.
178
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:26,019
Didn't you fuck a clown?
179
00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,856
Sorry, did I get that wrong?
180
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:34,778
Jenny Malone fucked a clown, right?
181
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:36,738
This Jenny?
182
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,783
-She fucked a clown?
-Yes, she's the clown fucker.
183
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:42,035
Can we all stop calling me that please?
184
00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:44,246
I just hooked up with a guy at a party.
185
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,290
[Suzie]
Was it a children's party?
186
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,625
Ah, fuck you, Suzie.
Journalists are talking.
187
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:52,296
Look, no one else here knows
a goddamn thing about clowns.
188
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,214
So do you want this job or not?
189
00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:01,763
[dramatic music playing]
190
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:03,849
I'll do it.
191
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:08,020
Some day I'm gonna do
some real reporting,
192
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:10,230
{\an8}and I'm gonna show you...
193
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:14,276
you judgmental bitch.
194
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,363
[Edith] Are you talking to me
or your dead mother?
195
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:23,202
-Dead mother.
-Cool. That's totally normal.
196
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:28,081
[tense music playing]
197
00:12:34,213 --> 00:12:38,300
[news anchor on radio] Heavy winds being
blamed for the unusual network blackouts
198
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:42,304
from the Cavernly triangle, and also
fearing increasing levels of disruption,
199
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:45,015
and a sharp rise in the number
of towns shutting down.
200
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:47,768
-[new continues, indistinct]
-[engine sputters, revs]
201
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,394
[seagulls cawing]
202
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:54,274
[uneasy music playing]
203
00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,030
-Can I help you?
-Is Jenny here?
204
00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:02,866
-Jenny.
-Yeah. Five foot four.
205
00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:04,493
Medium hair.
206
00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:08,330
The most beautiful woman in the world.
207
00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:13,627
We do have a Jenny,
but she's kind of plain.
208
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,879
I can take a message.
209
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,297
Um...
210
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:20,592
could you tell her...
211
00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:25,597
every time I see a sunset
the wind shouts her name.
212
00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:29,351
[whispered yell] Jenny!
213
00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:32,563
Don't say that actually. It's weird, no?
214
00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:36,108
I still wrote it...
Could you just say "What up?"
215
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,442
"What up?"
216
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,611
You just want me
to say "What up?"
217
00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:41,655
Yeah, but keep it--
keep it casual,
218
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:43,657
like you're really busy,
it's no big deal,
219
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,033
so "What up? What up?"
220
00:13:45,117 --> 00:13:47,911
Not like that, but "What up"
like that. Keep it mean.
221
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,247
Okay. Uh, what was your name?
222
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:52,666
Uh, Bobo.
223
00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:56,670
Bobo as in Bobo the Clown.
224
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,714
[scoffs] Wow.
225
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,425
You know, I don't know
where she is right now,
226
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:06,722
uh, but I can tell you
where she'll be tomorrow morning.
227
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,266
Please.
228
00:14:10,726 --> 00:14:12,811
[uneasy music playing]
229
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,064
[truck horn blares]
230
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,822
{\an8}-[radio static]
-[ominous music playing]
231
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:33,790
[grunts]
232
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,586
Thanks for the ride!
233
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:43,800
[car alarm chirps]
234
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:55,437
[penny whistle music playing]
235
00:14:55,521 --> 00:14:57,397
-Jenny.
-Oh, fuck me.
236
00:14:57,773 --> 00:14:59,650
Wow, baby girl.
237
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,778
-Of course you're here.
-Wow, you look spectacular.
238
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:04,196
What are the chances?
239
00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,074
[deep sigh]
240
00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:09,576
Yeah, so I'm good.
241
00:15:10,786 --> 00:15:14,164
Finally got out of the clown game.
At last. Long time coming.
242
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:19,586
Nah. I just needed a change, you know.
Been reading a lot of fitness magazines.
243
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,798
Hey, how you doing?
244
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,633
Bobo. Nice to meet you.
245
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,428
-So are you a couple or what's the coup?
-What? No!
246
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:30,639
-Oh, sorry. You seem lovely.
-What, are you single?
247
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:32,224
-Um...
-We should go out some time.
248
00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:35,435
I know this great little Italian!
And he's a fantastic hot dog stand.
249
00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:38,063
Bobo. I'm working.
Leave me alone.
250
00:15:40,274 --> 00:15:41,275
Nice.
251
00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:45,863
Sorry to cock-block you there, mate.
But me and her got history.
252
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:49,241
And a future by the looks of it, so...
253
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:55,455
You can flash all the cash you want, but
you ain't impressing anyone, mate. Okay?
254
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:59,042
[organ music playing]
255
00:16:05,716 --> 00:16:08,093
So anyway he says,
"What's with the big pants?"
256
00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:09,511
And then I say,
257
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:12,431
"that's where I keep the big dick
I use to fuck your mum."
258
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:16,185
Anyway, that's why I don't play
orphanages anymore.
259
00:16:24,902 --> 00:16:26,486
I'm so sorry for your loss.
260
00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,198
Oh, thank you.
261
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,826
[Pepe] Monsieur DuCoque
was like a father to me.
262
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:38,624
I suppose now it's fallen
upon me to honor his legacy.
263
00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:42,753
Big shoes to fill. [chuckles]
264
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:47,549
You're right.
265
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:50,761
I should take his shoes.
266
00:16:51,637 --> 00:16:52,638
Fuck me.
267
00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:57,142
So this guy, he must have
been a pretty big deal, right?
268
00:16:57,226 --> 00:16:58,977
-Who, DuCoque?
-Mm-hmm.
269
00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:03,315
Yeah. I guess. Excuse me.
270
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,568
Aah. You smell musky.
271
00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:12,281
[whispers]
Jen!
272
00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:14,576
Wow! This is a real Who's Who, huh?
273
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,328
Hey. How you doing?
274
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:19,873
Friends.
275
00:17:21,375 --> 00:17:24,419
The pain and grief we are all feeling.
276
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:26,296
There are no words.
277
00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:30,384
But where words fail us,
278
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:32,803
there is always mime!
279
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,602
-[awkward silence]
-[faint rustling]
280
00:17:41,979 --> 00:17:43,188
[Pepe gags]
281
00:17:43,272 --> 00:17:44,606
What're we lookin' at?
282
00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:46,567
I'm trapped in a box while screaming.
283
00:17:46,942 --> 00:17:48,068
[strained gag]
284
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:49,528
That's not how it reads.
285
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,577
Okay, the other hand isn't helping.
286
00:17:57,494 --> 00:18:00,622
[Alphonso clapping slowly]
287
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,667
[foreboding music playing]
288
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,799
A fitting tribute, I think we'd all agree.
289
00:18:10,883 --> 00:18:12,009
[laughs]
290
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:16,847
But first, let me tell you
how great it is
291
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:21,977
to see the nation's entire clowning
community in such rude health.
292
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:27,065
Adieu Monsieur.
293
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:28,859
But enough about the past.
294
00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:32,029
As you all know,
295
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:35,532
I myself am back on top,
296
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:40,579
gearing up for my enormous
comeback show tomorrow night!
297
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,789
But I need a support act.
298
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:45,667
-Well, if you...
-Not you. Not that.
299
00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:48,378
Wait a minute, where's Boinki?
300
00:18:48,462 --> 00:18:49,630
Doing a Masters.
301
00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:50,797
Hmm?
302
00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:53,008
-Giggles?
-Trampled by a horse.
303
00:18:53,342 --> 00:18:54,968
Oh, probably for the best.
304
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,471
Um, what about you?
305
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:58,931
Are you a clown?
306
00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:00,933
I mean, the makeup says clown,
307
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:02,935
-but the hair--
-I'm a journalist.
308
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:05,103
-Thank you very much.
-Well, perfect.
309
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:07,356
I'll give you 20 minutes after this.
310
00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:09,775
Then we can do the interview, eh?
311
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:11,735
-[horn honks]
-[Alphonso laughs]
312
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,695
Right. Well then, we'll have to audition!
313
00:19:13,779 --> 00:19:16,823
Everyone out to the car park.
I'll give you five minutes each.
314
00:19:16,907 --> 00:19:19,159
-Glory awaits!
-[clattering]
315
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,122
-We just want Funzo.
-[Funzo laughs]
316
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:28,043
If you want me, you're
gonna have to take on all of us.
317
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:30,754
You fucked up now, Alan.
318
00:19:30,838 --> 00:19:32,840
Right, guys?
319
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,260
-Who are you?
-Who's Alan?
320
00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:39,054
You owe me an ear, Funzo.
321
00:19:39,513 --> 00:19:40,889
You take Liberty.
322
00:19:40,973 --> 00:19:42,808
Leave Alan to me.
323
00:19:44,643 --> 00:19:45,727
Take them where?
324
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,689
To Hell. [growls]
325
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,149
Oh my God!
326
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,528
[screaming, grunting]
327
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:56,947
[dramatic music playing]
328
00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:00,409
You can't do this to me!
My comeback show is tomorrow!
329
00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:02,578
Ticket sales have been robust.
330
00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:03,829
Weird fuckers, come on!
331
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,539
This is a violation of
my journalistic rights.
332
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:08,041
You might as well curl off a hot one
right on the Geneva Convention.
333
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:11,128
-Come on to fuck your...
-[Bobo] I want to be in her cell.
334
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,630
I want to be in that cell.
335
00:20:15,966 --> 00:20:17,551
[locks clicking]
336
00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:21,805
[Funzo humming creepily]
337
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:26,185
-[spits]
-[light clatter]
338
00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:29,771
-Was that a tooth?
-Yeah, but it's not mine.
339
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:33,066
[Funzo resumes humming]
340
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:39,323
Do you think maybe she's gone scary?
341
00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:43,577
So. What should we call our
clown troupe slash fight club?
342
00:20:44,203 --> 00:20:47,789
-I'm not a clown
-And I am not forming a troupe with you.
343
00:20:49,208 --> 00:20:51,585
I trained under the late Jean DuCoque.
344
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:53,879
You look like a tramp
who lost at paintball.
345
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,465
-I'm a street clown.
-Street clown? [laughs]
346
00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:58,675
What is that?
That doesn't even mean anything.
347
00:20:58,759 --> 00:21:03,013
It means I learned my
shit on the streets.
348
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,682
Not some fancy school with a roof on it.
349
00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:09,978
It means a clown for anyone,
any place, any time.
350
00:21:10,062 --> 00:21:14,525
Down an alley, under a bridge,
outside people's windows at night.
351
00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,443
I'll clown for you right now.
352
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:19,780
Without so much as a warmup!
353
00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:21,823
Are you insane?
354
00:21:22,074 --> 00:21:24,826
What?
Never seen a neck trapeze before?
355
00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:27,538
-Oh, well that answers that.
-What did you say, DuCoque muncher?
356
00:21:27,621 --> 00:21:31,458
-You heard what I said you little lunatic!
-Just stop it, you poke at my face!
357
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:34,670
-[overlapping shouting]
-Why don't you shut up, both of you?!
358
00:21:36,505 --> 00:21:39,299
This whole argument is pointless.
359
00:21:39,967 --> 00:21:42,970
Face it, the world doesn't
need clowns anymore.
360
00:21:43,053 --> 00:21:43,929
[whimper]
361
00:21:44,012 --> 00:21:47,975
We're fax machines, we're travel agents.
362
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,019
We're obsolete.
363
00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:59,528
-[spits]
-[tooth clatters]
364
00:22:01,029 --> 00:22:02,531
[hatch slams shut]
365
00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:05,492
[snoring]
366
00:22:20,591 --> 00:22:21,884
[ominous music]
367
00:22:21,967 --> 00:22:23,010
[Funzo barking]
368
00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:27,598
[door locks click]
369
00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:35,731
[electricity crackling, fizzles]
370
00:22:43,822 --> 00:22:44,823
[gasps]
371
00:22:44,907 --> 00:22:45,949
[lips smacking]
372
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,078
[distant indistinct shouting]
373
00:22:50,746 --> 00:22:51,788
What's that noise?
374
00:22:51,872 --> 00:22:53,957
[shouting continues]
375
00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:57,294
Fucking hell!
376
00:22:57,377 --> 00:22:59,796
[both yelling]
377
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:06,261
Funzo? What have you done?
Let them out please.
378
00:23:06,345 --> 00:23:09,473
We could, but then we'd also
be letting out all the rats.
379
00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:10,432
What rats?
380
00:23:10,516 --> 00:23:13,977
-The sack of rats I threw in there.
-[Alan] We're gonna get you Funzo!
381
00:23:14,061 --> 00:23:16,063
You better sleep with one eye open!
382
00:23:16,146 --> 00:23:20,067
-It's cool. I already do.
-[Alan] You'll never outrun us, Funzo.
383
00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:22,778
You can't escape. Oh my God,
there's one on my balls.
384
00:23:22,861 --> 00:23:24,112
There's one on my balls.
385
00:23:29,076 --> 00:23:31,995
[Jenny] Weird.
Where is everybody?
386
00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:41,547
Hello?
387
00:23:43,632 --> 00:23:46,051
Anybody!
388
00:23:51,348 --> 00:23:53,225
[ominous music playing]
389
00:23:55,519 --> 00:23:57,980
-My phone's dead.
-So's my beeper.
390
00:23:58,063 --> 00:23:59,606
So are my parents.
391
00:24:00,524 --> 00:24:02,609
But I had nothing to do with it.
392
00:24:07,656 --> 00:24:11,869
So when that thing comes back to life,
how about you give me your number?
393
00:24:11,952 --> 00:24:14,162
And we go for that fantastic hot dog.
394
00:24:14,621 --> 00:24:16,623
Bobo, there's not gonna be a hot dog.
395
00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:21,545
Oh, so you wanna get right down to it
like last time, do you?
396
00:24:22,004 --> 00:24:23,463
Last time was a mistake.
397
00:24:25,340 --> 00:24:29,344
A sweaty, sweaty mistake,
and I've regretted it ever since.
398
00:24:35,893 --> 00:24:37,269
Monsieur is still in there!
399
00:24:37,853 --> 00:24:39,271
How could they leave him?
400
00:24:39,354 --> 00:24:42,399
Trapped in a box, the irony!
401
00:24:45,027 --> 00:24:47,613
Damn it, the Scimitar
won't let me enter her.
402
00:24:48,322 --> 00:24:51,158
You! Journalist!
I've got a show to do!
403
00:24:51,241 --> 00:24:53,577
So I'm gonna have to
drive you in your car.
404
00:24:53,911 --> 00:24:56,705
I can give you that interview
you were asking for.
405
00:24:57,206 --> 00:24:58,999
Nothing electrical is working.
406
00:24:59,082 --> 00:25:01,210
Oh shit, really?
407
00:25:01,293 --> 00:25:03,712
[crank grinding]
408
00:25:03,795 --> 00:25:05,380
[whimsical music playing]
409
00:25:05,464 --> 00:25:07,341
[engine sputters, starts]
410
00:25:09,510 --> 00:25:12,262
What do you say, friend,
can you give us a lift?
411
00:25:12,804 --> 00:25:16,517
There is no way I'm giving a lift
to a talentless has-been,
412
00:25:17,351 --> 00:25:19,269
a homeless psychopath,
413
00:25:19,353 --> 00:25:23,398
[shouting] and the woman
who broke my heart!
414
00:25:24,316 --> 00:25:26,735
Look, I've got a big show tonight
415
00:25:26,818 --> 00:25:28,695
and there's a juicy support slot,
416
00:25:28,779 --> 00:25:32,157
which I'm willing to dangle over
the muzzle of any slobbering clown
417
00:25:32,241 --> 00:25:35,577
-willing to do me a solid.
-[Funzo] I can do you a solid.
418
00:25:35,661 --> 00:25:38,622
How solid do you need?
[straining, grunting]
419
00:25:38,956 --> 00:25:40,582
You know we've met before, right?
420
00:25:41,208 --> 00:25:44,628
We both came over here
to audition for the same TV show,
421
00:25:44,711 --> 00:25:47,506
and I spent every penny
I had on that ferry.
422
00:25:48,173 --> 00:25:50,634
And he saw me rehearse
backstage and stole my act.
423
00:25:51,218 --> 00:25:53,470
And the career.
It should have been mine.
424
00:25:53,762 --> 00:25:55,222
Oh, what we got here?
425
00:25:55,389 --> 00:25:56,890
Oh look, it's your whole act.
426
00:25:58,517 --> 00:26:00,269
Look, Boo Boo is it?
427
00:26:01,270 --> 00:26:05,232
Have you any idea how many lesser
clowns have accused me of stealing
428
00:26:05,315 --> 00:26:07,484
their shitty material over the years?
429
00:26:08,402 --> 00:26:12,197
It's not my fault you couldn't
make it on the big boy stage,
430
00:26:12,656 --> 00:26:15,826
but if you did want to make
a genuine contribution
431
00:26:15,909 --> 00:26:18,078
to our illustrious art form,
432
00:26:18,161 --> 00:26:20,664
then the best thing you can do
433
00:26:20,747 --> 00:26:25,961
is drive me to Dublin
so that I can do my show.
434
00:26:26,336 --> 00:26:27,421
Fuck the art form.
435
00:26:28,130 --> 00:26:32,426
Clowning is as dead to me as that boy
band who drowned in your gunge tank.
436
00:26:32,509 --> 00:26:36,013
There was only one of them.
There were no formal charges.
437
00:26:36,471 --> 00:26:37,514
Bobo.
438
00:26:37,806 --> 00:26:39,600
-Bobo.
-What?
439
00:26:40,184 --> 00:26:44,313
I'm sorry about what I said back there.
I don't actually want you to die.
440
00:26:45,814 --> 00:26:48,108
-But you didn't say that.
-Exactly.
441
00:26:48,275 --> 00:26:51,987
Listen,
there's something big going on here,
442
00:26:52,070 --> 00:26:54,239
and I think I know what it is,
443
00:26:54,323 --> 00:26:57,117
and if I'm right,
it's bigger than all of us.
444
00:26:57,743 --> 00:26:59,786
Now we need
to put our differences aside
445
00:26:59,870 --> 00:27:01,788
and get back home as soon as possible
446
00:27:01,872 --> 00:27:03,373
so I can write this story.
447
00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:05,417
I need this, Bobo.
448
00:27:06,502 --> 00:27:07,669
I need you.
449
00:27:11,423 --> 00:27:14,301
Is that, is that a picture
of me on your dashboard?
450
00:27:15,719 --> 00:27:17,804
Fine. Oi.
451
00:27:19,264 --> 00:27:22,434
We'll park this beef, because I don't
mind being the bigger man.
452
00:27:22,518 --> 00:27:24,686
You don't have to do that.
I'll be the bigger man.
453
00:27:24,770 --> 00:27:26,438
No, no, no, no.
I insist.
454
00:27:26,605 --> 00:27:28,607
-Let me be bigger.
-It's cool.
455
00:27:29,399 --> 00:27:34,530
I'm already bigger, so it's just easier
if we think of me as being the bigger man.
456
00:27:38,325 --> 00:27:41,662
[Jenny] Great. Now, how are we
gonna fit five of us in this thing?
457
00:27:42,913 --> 00:27:44,456
[Pepe] Make that six.
458
00:27:48,168 --> 00:27:50,921
[intense music playing]
459
00:27:59,221 --> 00:28:00,556
[radio static]
460
00:28:01,849 --> 00:28:05,602
-Nothing.
-Oh my God, these are terrible.
461
00:28:05,686 --> 00:28:07,187
[cackling]
462
00:28:07,271 --> 00:28:09,231
Nothing like my act.
463
00:28:09,648 --> 00:28:11,650
Look at this one.
The jugglenaut.
464
00:28:11,733 --> 00:28:14,069
A tower of clowns on fire.
465
00:28:14,736 --> 00:28:15,988
[cackles]
466
00:28:16,780 --> 00:28:18,323
I mean, it makes no sense.
467
00:28:19,199 --> 00:28:22,119
Can you please stop critiquing
my childhood dreams?
468
00:28:22,369 --> 00:28:26,874
I mean, the clown at the bottom would
need to be built like a garden shed.
469
00:28:26,957 --> 00:28:32,087
The one on the top would have to be insane
I mean, certifiably clinically insane.
470
00:28:32,546 --> 00:28:34,214
And as for the one in the middle,
471
00:28:34,298 --> 00:28:38,760
well, this clown would have to be
so still, it was if he were frozen solid.
472
00:28:39,136 --> 00:28:40,304
But above all that,
473
00:28:40,387 --> 00:28:44,141
these three would have to be
willing to die for one another.
474
00:28:44,683 --> 00:28:47,019
You ever met a clown you'd die for?
475
00:28:47,519 --> 00:28:49,229
[cackles]
476
00:28:56,612 --> 00:28:57,779
Hey! Stop the car!
477
00:28:59,823 --> 00:29:01,700
-Stop the car.
-[overlapping shouting]
478
00:29:07,164 --> 00:29:08,207
Clown scum!
479
00:29:08,290 --> 00:29:09,791
Jesus fucking--
480
00:29:12,461 --> 00:29:13,504
Come on, please!
481
00:29:13,587 --> 00:29:15,547
Just one fucking
text message, anything!
482
00:29:17,716 --> 00:29:19,218
What's happening to everybody?
483
00:29:21,178 --> 00:29:22,346
Come back, you bastard.
484
00:29:22,888 --> 00:29:23,889
That's quilted.
485
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,100
That's four-ply. I need that.
Come back!
486
00:29:27,726 --> 00:29:28,727
Come back!
487
00:29:32,356 --> 00:29:33,982
Wait. Stop the car.
488
00:29:34,525 --> 00:29:35,984
Maybe there's someone there.
489
00:29:36,068 --> 00:29:39,279
[Alphonso] Oh, good call, Jennifer.
I could eat a horse's ass.
490
00:29:42,658 --> 00:29:45,744
Uh, Jennifer,
I'll have a tall latte, the mixed grill
491
00:29:45,827 --> 00:29:48,372
and some Trebor
Triple X mints please.
492
00:29:48,455 --> 00:29:50,374
Get it yourself, you boiled gammon.
493
00:29:51,375 --> 00:29:52,376
[Funzo sighs]
494
00:29:56,588 --> 00:29:58,549
Look, I don't mean to pry,
495
00:29:58,632 --> 00:30:00,342
but does anyone ever tell you,
496
00:30:00,425 --> 00:30:03,637
you remind them of a certain
Stephen King novel? [chuckles]
497
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,850
-What's a Stephen King novel?
-Right.
498
00:30:08,475 --> 00:30:10,102
Um, have you seen It?
499
00:30:10,394 --> 00:30:11,395
What?
500
00:30:11,687 --> 00:30:13,981
-It. It. Have you seen It?
-Have I seen what?
501
00:30:14,064 --> 00:30:16,942
It! It! Fuck.
It's a film. It!
502
00:30:17,025 --> 00:30:20,821
Yes, I've seen a film. I've seen, um...
503
00:30:20,904 --> 00:30:24,867
Babe: Pig in the City.
Changed my life.
504
00:30:25,409 --> 00:30:27,452
Yeah. All right. Well it's...
505
00:30:28,161 --> 00:30:32,583
It's like Babe, except instead of a pig,
it's a clown.
506
00:30:32,666 --> 00:30:34,835
And instead of really
wanting to herd sheep,
507
00:30:34,918 --> 00:30:37,004
he really wants to murder children.
[chuckles]
508
00:30:37,921 --> 00:30:38,922
Cool!
509
00:30:41,216 --> 00:30:43,093
-[metallic creak]
-What was that?
510
00:30:43,177 --> 00:30:44,344
[gasps, shrieks]
511
00:30:45,596 --> 00:30:47,598
There is nothing left to steal.
512
00:30:48,265 --> 00:30:50,350
Just move on and you'll come to no harm.
513
00:30:50,434 --> 00:30:53,353
Stay calm.
I am a journalist. A good one.
514
00:30:53,437 --> 00:30:56,523
Leave this to me, Jennifer.
I know how to speak to perverts.
515
00:30:56,607 --> 00:31:00,569
Listen, by all means, have your filthy
way with him, but let the rest of us go.
516
00:31:00,694 --> 00:31:02,571
Oh my God. You're--
517
00:31:02,654 --> 00:31:03,906
You're...
518
00:31:05,032 --> 00:31:07,576
-You're bleeding slightly.
-It's nothing.
519
00:31:07,659 --> 00:31:10,078
No, I think-- I think it's, um...
I think it's something serious.
520
00:31:10,162 --> 00:31:12,164
We should take your shirt off right now.
521
00:31:12,372 --> 00:31:15,209
Listen to the man, Jenny.
There's nothing for us to steal.
522
00:31:15,292 --> 00:31:16,293
Let's go please.
523
00:31:16,752 --> 00:31:17,920
So you're a journalist?
524
00:31:18,504 --> 00:31:20,339
Written all over my face, huh?
525
00:31:20,422 --> 00:31:22,883
No. It was literally
the first thing you said.
526
00:31:23,592 --> 00:31:25,135
Yeah. Okay, um...
527
00:31:25,928 --> 00:31:27,387
What happened here?
528
00:31:28,931 --> 00:31:33,185
The flash in the sky,
everything stopped working.
529
00:31:34,061 --> 00:31:36,271
-Sent people insane.
-[ominous music playing]
530
00:31:37,439 --> 00:31:41,860
They look like animals fighting
over snack boxes and condiments.
531
00:31:42,528 --> 00:31:44,238
And then we ran out supplies.
532
00:31:44,571 --> 00:31:46,114
They turned on each other.
533
00:31:46,782 --> 00:31:48,617
The sun. I knew it!
534
00:31:49,034 --> 00:31:52,871
Working nights in a burger
trailer in the midlands of Ireland.
535
00:31:53,830 --> 00:31:57,459
I thought I had seen the lowest
humanity could sink.
536
00:31:58,418 --> 00:31:59,753
But this...
537
00:31:59,962 --> 00:32:03,298
A few hours without
Wi-Fi and civilization has crumbled.
538
00:32:04,508 --> 00:32:05,509
[distant shouting]
539
00:32:08,428 --> 00:32:10,013
What fresh hell is this?
540
00:32:11,098 --> 00:32:12,140
Hyah!
541
00:32:14,810 --> 00:32:15,811
Statues.
542
00:32:17,479 --> 00:32:20,107
-[Alan cackling]
-[tense music playing]
543
00:32:20,482 --> 00:32:22,442
I'll hold them back. Save yourselves!
544
00:32:25,362 --> 00:32:26,780
But I want to stay with you!
545
00:32:26,905 --> 00:32:29,241
-Go with your friends.
-They're not my friends.
546
00:32:29,324 --> 00:32:31,451
Fuck fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck fuck! Fuck fuck!
547
00:32:32,744 --> 00:32:34,538
[motorbike revving]
548
00:32:36,582 --> 00:32:38,333
[cackles]
549
00:32:38,917 --> 00:32:39,918
[snarling laughter]
550
00:32:40,002 --> 00:32:41,003
Shit.
551
00:32:41,170 --> 00:32:44,756
If something happened to you.
I could never forgive myself.
552
00:32:45,174 --> 00:32:47,885
-Get in the clown car.
-I don't want to!
553
00:32:47,968 --> 00:32:49,052
Get in the clown car!
554
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,180
Go, go, go!
555
00:32:54,766 --> 00:32:56,059
[dramatic music playing]
556
00:32:59,438 --> 00:33:01,023
[Pepe]
Put your bloody foot down!
557
00:33:02,316 --> 00:33:04,443
[Bobo] It's a wind-up car,
what do you expect?
558
00:33:04,526 --> 00:33:05,777
[grunting]
559
00:33:07,613 --> 00:33:10,449
A solar flare!
I knew it! I was right.
560
00:33:10,574 --> 00:33:14,536
All those years of being called
a crank, a joke, a conspiracy nut,
561
00:33:14,745 --> 00:33:16,079
a flat chested virgin.
562
00:33:16,455 --> 00:33:18,290
Well, fuck you, Mum.
563
00:33:18,665 --> 00:33:20,000
Look at me now!
564
00:33:20,125 --> 00:33:21,126
[horn honks]
565
00:33:21,502 --> 00:33:25,923
Calm down and focus on me. Now if
we can just get on the road
566
00:33:26,006 --> 00:33:29,218
we'll have me back in time
for my sound check. Yes?
567
00:33:29,676 --> 00:33:32,304
-Didn't you hear what I said?
-Something about being a virgin?
568
00:33:32,387 --> 00:33:33,931
Just show some respect.
569
00:33:34,014 --> 00:33:36,975
-The lady is definitely not a virgin.
-Oh, shut up Bobo.
570
00:33:37,059 --> 00:33:38,644
Look.
571
00:33:38,727 --> 00:33:41,980
The country, the whole country,
maybe the world, has gone dark.
572
00:33:42,523 --> 00:33:45,275
A solar flare of this
magnitude will have blown out
573
00:33:45,359 --> 00:33:49,655
-power grids, comms, satellites.
-So no TV?
574
00:33:49,738 --> 00:33:53,200
No internet, no sound check!
575
00:33:53,283 --> 00:33:55,035
No Serbian pornography.
576
00:33:55,118 --> 00:34:00,457
Anything wireless, anything digital,
anything with a computer in it, basically,
577
00:34:00,541 --> 00:34:02,918
is as dead as the clown
on the roof of this car.
578
00:34:09,757 --> 00:34:12,719
Look! Some kids alone
by the side of the road!
579
00:34:12,803 --> 00:34:13,971
Stop the car!
580
00:34:14,054 --> 00:34:16,764
-Why? What are you going to do to them?
-Come on.
581
00:34:16,849 --> 00:34:20,811
We don't need computers,
or a fancy concert hall
582
00:34:20,893 --> 00:34:23,856
or parental consent to do a clown show.
583
00:34:24,356 --> 00:34:25,858
Those kids are gonna love it.
584
00:34:25,940 --> 00:34:26,942
Let's go.
585
00:34:27,025 --> 00:34:29,319
No. No, I don't do that any more.
586
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,447
The world is ours now.
587
00:34:32,864 --> 00:34:34,574
Waaah!
588
00:34:38,036 --> 00:34:41,206
[Pepe] No, Funzo, stop!
Funzo, Leave them alone!
589
00:34:41,290 --> 00:34:43,583
-Stop! Leave them alone!
-[Funzo giggling]
590
00:34:46,295 --> 00:34:49,172
So what's our schtick?
Good clown, bad clown?
591
00:34:49,255 --> 00:34:50,591
Maybe we both go bad clown,
592
00:34:50,674 --> 00:34:53,092
-fuck with their heads a bit.
-Just leave them alone, yeah?
593
00:34:53,177 --> 00:34:54,178
[Funzo laughs]
594
00:34:54,261 --> 00:34:57,222
It's called Street Clowning.
Watch and learn.
595
00:34:59,433 --> 00:35:03,437
Hey kids, I don't feel very well.
596
00:35:05,063 --> 00:35:08,442
I think I'm gonna...
[gags]
597
00:35:09,484 --> 00:35:13,488
[fake retching]
598
00:35:13,572 --> 00:35:16,575
[gagging, retching continues]
599
00:35:20,162 --> 00:35:24,583
[coughing, panting]
600
00:35:24,666 --> 00:35:26,668
Okay.
I think I'm good.
601
00:35:27,085 --> 00:35:28,879
[retching intensifies]
602
00:35:28,962 --> 00:35:29,963
Halt!
603
00:35:31,798 --> 00:35:36,178
Who are you to approach our younglings
at eventide, painted fool?
604
00:35:37,095 --> 00:35:38,847
Oh, we were just--
605
00:35:40,641 --> 00:35:43,101
We mean your children no harm, crone.
606
00:35:43,477 --> 00:35:48,857
We are but weary travelers seeking to
lay our master to rest.
607
00:35:49,274 --> 00:35:52,486
-You're from the townlands?
-Yes, ugly wench.
608
00:35:52,945 --> 00:35:57,866
What remains of them. We
hear tell of a great doom.
609
00:35:58,492 --> 00:36:02,663
Indeed. A great darkness
has embraced our kingdom.
610
00:36:02,829 --> 00:36:04,248
[epic music playing]
611
00:36:05,290 --> 00:36:09,878
Come, the cloud fire is low.
You must be hungry.
612
00:36:12,756 --> 00:36:14,424
What in God's name is going on?
613
00:36:15,092 --> 00:36:17,928
-I think she's gonna make us a feast.
-Oh fine.
614
00:36:18,387 --> 00:36:20,806
Our survival has been hard-won.
615
00:36:22,224 --> 00:36:25,561
This fellowship relies on the
ancient wisdom of our ancestors
616
00:36:26,061 --> 00:36:28,355
-from the Before Times.
-[Jenny] Yesterday?
617
00:36:28,605 --> 00:36:31,692
Now we grow Dustroot and Gelpwort.
618
00:36:32,568 --> 00:36:34,111
Hail fellow chieftain.
619
00:36:34,903 --> 00:36:38,949
Hey, sorry about Siobhan.
She's really fucking high.
620
00:36:40,784 --> 00:36:44,329
I'm Fintan. And you must be... clowns?
621
00:36:45,289 --> 00:36:48,584
Nope, not for me.
Retired from all that bollocks.
622
00:36:48,667 --> 00:36:52,963
I studied movement myself, actually.
Come, chill with us. Stay for the night.
623
00:36:53,255 --> 00:36:55,757
Come on, Siobhan,
we'll get you a glass of water.
624
00:36:56,133 --> 00:36:57,509
[Jenny] What is this place?
625
00:36:58,093 --> 00:36:59,803
We call it Xanadu.
626
00:37:01,555 --> 00:37:03,140
It's a boutique micro festival.
627
00:37:03,223 --> 00:37:06,143
Chill beats, ethical street food,
vibes for days.
628
00:37:06,226 --> 00:37:08,896
Or at least it was before the power cut.
629
00:37:09,771 --> 00:37:11,106
Now we're castaways.
630
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:15,652
All our Priuses are dead,
we've had to ration our food,
631
00:37:15,736 --> 00:37:17,529
collect rainwater.
632
00:37:18,363 --> 00:37:21,783
But we still have a veritable
cornucopia of class A drugs.
633
00:37:21,867 --> 00:37:23,535
Ah, drugs, you say?
634
00:37:23,619 --> 00:37:26,663
Well, maybe this evening
doesn't need to be a total loss.
635
00:37:27,247 --> 00:37:29,750
You know, Angus Deayton
used to call me The Dyson.
636
00:37:31,585 --> 00:37:34,421
Here we are. Lodgings for the night.
637
00:37:34,505 --> 00:37:36,006
Real Himalayan vibes.
638
00:37:36,465 --> 00:37:39,218
-I hope you don't mind sharing tents.
-No, that's fine.
639
00:37:39,301 --> 00:37:40,427
How about, uh...
640
00:37:40,511 --> 00:37:42,054
me and Jenny take this one,
641
00:37:42,179 --> 00:37:45,557
and the lesser males share with Funzo.
642
00:37:45,891 --> 00:37:48,602
Sounds good.
Come on, let me show you my salt lamp.
643
00:37:48,810 --> 00:37:49,811
Oi.
644
00:37:50,687 --> 00:37:52,814
Can we have a word,
mano to mano?
645
00:37:53,607 --> 00:37:54,608
Eh?
646
00:37:55,859 --> 00:37:58,820
Look, we're both alpha clowns.
I get it, I get it, I get it.
647
00:37:59,780 --> 00:38:00,989
Rival silverbacks.
648
00:38:01,823 --> 00:38:04,868
Two bull walruses stinking up the beach
with our battle musk.
649
00:38:05,536 --> 00:38:08,163
But I want to save you some
embarrassment here, buddy.
650
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:13,752
Jenny is off the menu.
651
00:38:16,380 --> 00:38:18,799
If we are both walruses, Booboo,
652
00:38:19,258 --> 00:38:22,177
I think it's pretty clear who
the beach master is.
653
00:38:23,262 --> 00:38:25,889
'Cause when you're
the fattest thing on the sand
654
00:38:26,974 --> 00:38:32,229
you don't have to steal anything.
It all just comes waddling towards you.
655
00:38:32,729 --> 00:38:34,940
[low growl]
656
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:37,734
[sniffs]
657
00:38:41,530 --> 00:38:43,323
[man on TV]
Governments were warned.
658
00:38:43,407 --> 00:38:47,369
...satellite communications were--
nanas, bananas-- toilet paper...
659
00:38:48,078 --> 00:38:50,205
Can you believe this thing actually works?
660
00:38:50,289 --> 00:38:52,332
Kids'll watch anything
with a screen.
661
00:38:52,416 --> 00:38:55,836
That's live?
But how is he broadcasting?
662
00:38:57,379 --> 00:38:59,590
He must have an analogue
OB transmitter or...
663
00:38:59,673 --> 00:39:01,008
You have to hear me.
664
00:39:02,301 --> 00:39:03,635
This isn't over, people.
665
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:05,137
Christ, is that Tim?
666
00:39:05,512 --> 00:39:07,472
How did that charlatan get on the TV?
667
00:39:08,765 --> 00:39:11,894
-You know that man?
-That's Tim from Bromanz.
668
00:39:11,977 --> 00:39:14,646
He and his brother
were in a hot boy band.
669
00:39:15,147 --> 00:39:18,233
-Bromanz.
-Brothers, but also men.
670
00:39:18,317 --> 00:39:21,195
Spelled with a zed
because it was the nineties.
671
00:39:21,612 --> 00:39:24,656
He moved into a fallout bunker
and became a recluse.
672
00:39:25,115 --> 00:39:28,660
We used to party with the Lighthouse
Family back in the good old days.
673
00:39:29,328 --> 00:39:30,621
You know where he lives?
674
00:39:30,704 --> 00:39:32,956
I need to meet him,
find out what he knows.
675
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,249
Oh, he'll never talk.
676
00:39:34,750 --> 00:39:37,002
And neither will
the Lighthouse Family.
677
00:39:37,294 --> 00:39:39,087
About the solar flare, you idiot.
678
00:39:39,588 --> 00:39:41,757
Maybe he can shed some light
on what's going on.
679
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:44,635
-He could be the key to my story.
-Maybe.
680
00:39:44,843 --> 00:39:47,054
How come you know so
much about transmitters?
681
00:39:47,262 --> 00:39:49,223
I actually grew up in a broadcast van.
682
00:39:49,306 --> 00:39:52,100
My mother would just leave me
there for hours at a time
683
00:39:52,184 --> 00:39:54,770
with a bowl of water
and the window slightly open.
684
00:39:54,978 --> 00:39:56,313
Well then,
685
00:39:56,396 --> 00:39:58,732
I think perhaps, Jennifer,
686
00:39:58,815 --> 00:40:02,819
you and I should pay Tim
from Bromanz a little visit.
687
00:40:02,903 --> 00:40:05,989
[Tim] Sorry to tell you this.
Word has reached me from Dublin.
688
00:40:06,156 --> 00:40:07,491
It's just as I predicted.
689
00:40:08,075 --> 00:40:09,576
Society has collapsed.
690
00:40:09,910 --> 00:40:11,620
There's looting, there's killing.
691
00:40:12,204 --> 00:40:15,707
There's rioting on the streets.
People have turned against one another.
692
00:40:15,999 --> 00:40:18,794
-The government are doing nothing.
-[concerned murmuring]
693
00:40:19,878 --> 00:40:21,171
This just in...
694
00:40:21,713 --> 00:40:23,674
Garth Brooks is dead.
695
00:40:24,174 --> 00:40:25,175
[gasps]
696
00:40:26,301 --> 00:40:27,302
Fuck.
697
00:40:28,303 --> 00:40:32,099
-Dublin has fallen!
-Oh my god, my children!
698
00:40:32,224 --> 00:40:34,601
-We have to do something!
-[overlapping chatter]
699
00:40:34,685 --> 00:40:35,769
[group quiets]
700
00:40:35,853 --> 00:40:36,979
So lads...
701
00:40:37,062 --> 00:40:38,522
If I'm being honest,
702
00:40:39,398 --> 00:40:41,650
it's hard to know what
tomorrow's gonna bring,
703
00:40:41,733 --> 00:40:43,735
but we still have tonight, right?
704
00:40:44,403 --> 00:40:46,572
And while we might be running low on hope,
705
00:40:46,655 --> 00:40:48,031
we still have a pretty decent supply
706
00:40:48,115 --> 00:40:50,033
of some other essentials,
if you know what I mean.
707
00:40:50,117 --> 00:40:53,787
So let's all raise a glass
and let the world know
708
00:40:53,871 --> 00:40:56,582
-that we're absolutely sending it tonight!
-[cheering]
709
00:40:56,665 --> 00:40:58,375
This is our boutique festival.
710
00:40:58,458 --> 00:40:59,459
Yeah!
711
00:40:59,585 --> 00:41:00,711
And we're not afraid!
712
00:41:01,003 --> 00:41:02,337
[cheering]
713
00:41:02,421 --> 00:41:04,923
[shouts] Yes.
714
00:41:05,048 --> 00:41:06,884
Wait, wait. What's in this?
715
00:41:07,217 --> 00:41:10,262
Hard to say, but if I had to
estimate a street value
716
00:41:10,345 --> 00:41:12,681
I'd say about three, four hundred quid.
717
00:41:14,474 --> 00:41:16,435
[trance music speeding up]
718
00:41:19,354 --> 00:41:22,816
-[beat drops]
-[trance music intensifies]
719
00:41:34,036 --> 00:41:37,497
-[laughing]
-[music continues]
720
00:41:46,423 --> 00:41:47,633
[music thumping faintly]
721
00:41:47,716 --> 00:41:50,511
I don't like this.
I don't like this.
722
00:41:52,554 --> 00:41:54,890
I don't like this.
I don't like this.
723
00:41:55,098 --> 00:41:56,975
[DuCoque shouts suddenly]
724
00:41:57,059 --> 00:41:59,895
Bury me with dignity,
you talentless buffoon.
725
00:42:00,229 --> 00:42:05,734
I will! You'll be in Père Lachaise
with the Masters in a proper grave.
726
00:42:06,193 --> 00:42:07,694
Dug by a professional.
727
00:42:07,986 --> 00:42:10,072
You will never be a true clown.
728
00:42:11,448 --> 00:42:13,116
No.
729
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:14,701
No!
730
00:42:18,038 --> 00:42:20,332
[quacking] No!
731
00:42:21,041 --> 00:42:22,292
[trance music resumes]
732
00:42:23,168 --> 00:42:24,461
[Jenny] Bobo!
733
00:42:30,092 --> 00:42:33,387
Oh, isn't this amazing!
734
00:42:33,470 --> 00:42:35,764
These are the best people!
735
00:42:36,723 --> 00:42:37,975
Oh, look at us.
736
00:42:38,642 --> 00:42:40,811
Doing what we love.
737
00:42:40,894 --> 00:42:43,355
Me, a real journalist.
738
00:42:43,438 --> 00:42:46,316
Following leads. Getting the story.
739
00:42:46,567 --> 00:42:48,944
And you!
740
00:42:50,988 --> 00:42:55,742
Can you feel your thumbs? I'm really
conscious of my thumbs for some reason.
741
00:42:55,951 --> 00:42:59,538
Such a shame you're not a clown any more.
You were so good.
742
00:43:00,205 --> 00:43:01,206
Really?
743
00:43:01,331 --> 00:43:04,001
Yeah. Yeah. At the show where we met.
744
00:43:04,751 --> 00:43:07,171
-Did you like that?
-Oh my God. Oh my God.
745
00:43:07,254 --> 00:43:10,299
You should do a show for all these people.
They would love it.
746
00:43:10,674 --> 00:43:14,511
It's like Funzo said,
the world is yours now.
747
00:43:15,012 --> 00:43:17,890
Alright then, I will!
I'll be a clown again.
748
00:43:18,557 --> 00:43:21,268
-I'll do a show.
-Yeah! Do you have any gum?
749
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:22,978
[gasps, grunts]
750
00:43:23,395 --> 00:43:26,607
A show, you say? Great idea, Jennifer.
751
00:43:27,024 --> 00:43:28,025
A clown-off.
752
00:43:28,901 --> 00:43:31,278
Let's see whether Booboo has
got anything in his little book
753
00:43:31,361 --> 00:43:36,533
that can hold up under the crushing
weight of my enormous talent.
754
00:43:36,825 --> 00:43:39,953
Yeah! Yeah.
You should do the trick in your book.
755
00:43:40,162 --> 00:43:43,540
The one Alphonso said was fucking stupid.
756
00:43:46,084 --> 00:43:47,544
What, the Jugglenaut?
757
00:43:50,172 --> 00:43:51,715
[low growling]
758
00:43:53,217 --> 00:43:54,384
[Pepe sobbing]
759
00:43:55,135 --> 00:43:58,639
I am a business man.
I am a business man!
760
00:43:59,181 --> 00:44:02,851
I am a business man!
[whimpers]
761
00:44:04,353 --> 00:44:05,354
I need your help.
762
00:44:06,188 --> 00:44:07,814
[whimpering] I'm a business man.
763
00:44:08,899 --> 00:44:10,734
We could never do that!
764
00:44:10,859 --> 00:44:12,611
We'd go down in flames!
765
00:44:12,694 --> 00:44:15,489
Or in history,
as true clowning legends.
766
00:44:15,948 --> 00:44:19,785
-I thought you were done with clowning.
-No, the world was done with clowning.
767
00:44:19,868 --> 00:44:23,497
It moved on to TikTok dances and
live streaming hand jobs on the dark web.
768
00:44:23,580 --> 00:44:25,874
-[Funzo] Ah!
-And none of that works now.
769
00:44:26,416 --> 00:44:29,336
Everything is obsolete except us.
770
00:44:30,170 --> 00:44:32,089
This is our moment.
Can't you see?
771
00:44:32,881 --> 00:44:36,343
This is our opportunity to
clown like the masters before us.
772
00:44:37,511 --> 00:44:41,056
Grimaldi. Gaullier
773
00:44:41,139 --> 00:44:42,891
-McDonald
-No, not McDonald.
774
00:44:42,975 --> 00:44:44,393
-DuCoque!
-DuCoque.
775
00:44:46,103 --> 00:44:48,355
Okay, we're forming a troupe.
776
00:44:48,730 --> 00:44:51,233
No, we're just gonna do
this one trick and then...
777
00:44:51,316 --> 00:44:54,111
I'm reasonably confident
I don't have hepatitis any more.
778
00:44:54,194 --> 00:44:55,404
Okay, I'm not touching that.
779
00:44:55,487 --> 00:44:58,115
You don't touch it,
you spread it on your asshole.
780
00:44:58,949 --> 00:45:01,577
Will you excuse us for one second please?
781
00:45:01,743 --> 00:45:02,744
Sure.
782
00:45:03,662 --> 00:45:06,206
That clown has gone fully scary.
783
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:09,543
And we both know there is
no coming back from that.
784
00:45:09,626 --> 00:45:12,296
So what should we call our troupe?
785
00:45:13,046 --> 00:45:17,634
I know.
How about Clown-pedo?
786
00:45:18,594 --> 00:45:21,013
You know, like a torpedo of clowns?
787
00:45:22,222 --> 00:45:24,600
Look, this is a three clown trick.
788
00:45:24,892 --> 00:45:26,643
Are you in or not?
789
00:45:28,395 --> 00:45:31,690
[Alphonso]
Ladies and jellybeans,
790
00:45:31,773 --> 00:45:35,402
stamp your footsies
and wiggle your ears
791
00:45:35,485 --> 00:45:38,697
for the silliest billy around,
792
00:45:38,780 --> 00:45:42,534
The Great Alphonso!
793
00:45:42,618 --> 00:45:44,786
-[fart sound]
-Yeah! [laughter]
794
00:45:45,537 --> 00:45:48,332
Hey, but where are the audience?
795
00:45:48,415 --> 00:45:49,666
Hello audience?
796
00:45:50,292 --> 00:45:51,293
Hello?
797
00:45:52,211 --> 00:45:53,212
Audience!
798
00:45:54,129 --> 00:45:56,048
Ah, I have an idea.
799
00:45:56,131 --> 00:45:58,717
[Bobo] You haven't had an
original idea in your life.
800
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:00,844
You skit-stealing fuckpipe.
801
00:46:01,803 --> 00:46:03,889
[Alphonso]
Ah, there you are! [laughs]
802
00:46:03,972 --> 00:46:07,351
You will never be a true clown.
803
00:46:08,435 --> 00:46:11,605
Yeah, I might need to take
a rain check on this show.
804
00:46:11,688 --> 00:46:16,610
It's just, um, oh, this is not really my,
my crowd, but, um, uh, break a leg, guys.
805
00:46:16,693 --> 00:46:18,779
I am sure you're going to smash it, so...
806
00:46:18,862 --> 00:46:20,739
-[Funzo] Wait!
-[Bobo] Hey!
807
00:46:20,989 --> 00:46:23,200
We've come too far
for you to wuss out now.
808
00:46:23,283 --> 00:46:26,370
This is our chance to
win back the woman that I love,
809
00:46:26,453 --> 00:46:30,332
and have our revenge
on my nemesis, Alphonso.
810
00:46:31,875 --> 00:46:34,211
So what do you say, my friends? Hm?
811
00:46:35,420 --> 00:46:38,340
Are we in this together or what?
812
00:46:40,634 --> 00:46:42,594
Yeah. I'm still gonna sit this one out.
813
00:46:42,678 --> 00:46:45,973
-[Alphonso] Say the magic words.
-[Funzo] Five second call, fellas.
814
00:46:46,139 --> 00:46:48,559
I hope I don't fall in this pie!
815
00:46:50,811 --> 00:46:53,856
-It's just started.
-Yeah. But I spiked his pie.
816
00:46:53,939 --> 00:46:55,691
-With what?
-With spikes.
817
00:46:55,774 --> 00:46:57,442
[thud and Alphonso screams]
818
00:46:59,152 --> 00:47:00,821
Showtime!
819
00:47:00,904 --> 00:47:04,157
-[screaming]
-Ladies and gentlemen!
820
00:47:05,409 --> 00:47:06,702
Shut up a sec.
821
00:47:06,785 --> 00:47:10,205
-[Alphonso] Jesus Christ, my eye!
-Funzo what the bloody hell have you done?
822
00:47:10,289 --> 00:47:11,582
Help me! My beautiful eye!
823
00:47:11,665 --> 00:47:16,128
-Jesus Christ.
-The ciliary muscle has been compromised!
824
00:47:16,295 --> 00:47:19,840
So what we're going to do now is a trick
I know. So hope you enjoy.
825
00:47:19,923 --> 00:47:21,216
Pepe, hup!
826
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:23,385
Get out of the way!
827
00:47:23,468 --> 00:47:24,636
[Bobo] Pepe, I said hup.
828
00:47:24,720 --> 00:47:27,389
He's bottled it. Time to go to Plan B.
829
00:47:27,472 --> 00:47:30,517
-Plan B? We haven't got a Plan B.
-Hi everybody!
830
00:47:30,601 --> 00:47:32,853
Who wants to die?
831
00:47:32,936 --> 00:47:34,104
[all screaming]
832
00:47:34,605 --> 00:47:38,400
With laughter!
I meant to say with laughter.
833
00:47:38,483 --> 00:47:40,944
Oh, and this was supposed to be a flower.
834
00:47:41,111 --> 00:47:43,071
Uh, who likes dancing?
835
00:47:43,447 --> 00:47:45,532
Yeah. Don't go.
836
00:47:46,533 --> 00:47:50,621
♪If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands. Oi! Oi! ♪
837
00:47:50,787 --> 00:47:53,457
♪ If you're happy and you know it,
Clap your hands ♪
838
00:47:53,540 --> 00:47:55,292
-Put the knife down please.
-What?
839
00:47:55,375 --> 00:47:56,752
♪ If you're happy and you know it ♪
840
00:47:56,835 --> 00:47:59,296
-[motorbike engine approaching]
-♪ And you really want to show it ♪
841
00:48:03,509 --> 00:48:05,469
[Alan] Oh, Funzo!
842
00:48:07,346 --> 00:48:09,014
[cackling]
843
00:48:10,474 --> 00:48:13,352
Rain hell!
844
00:48:13,435 --> 00:48:14,478
Run!
845
00:48:16,813 --> 00:48:18,941
[overlapping shouting]
846
00:48:19,942 --> 00:48:21,527
[dramatic music playing]
847
00:48:30,202 --> 00:48:34,873
-[high pitched ringing]
-[muffled screaming]
848
00:48:40,337 --> 00:48:43,715
Jenny!
849
00:48:43,799 --> 00:48:45,342
[Jenny screams]
850
00:49:05,654 --> 00:49:06,989
[screams]
851
00:49:07,614 --> 00:49:09,324
Good morning, lazybones.
852
00:49:09,992 --> 00:49:12,077
-What happened? Where are we going?
-Paris.
853
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,329
We're going to steal a yacht
and take DuCoque home.
854
00:49:14,413 --> 00:49:16,498
What?
No, no, we have to go after Jenny.
855
00:49:16,748 --> 00:49:18,125
Why would we do that?
856
00:49:18,208 --> 00:49:20,711
Because Alphonso kidnapped her,
you turquoise dick.
857
00:49:20,794 --> 00:49:22,129
-Now turn around!
-No! Stop!
858
00:49:22,212 --> 00:49:24,715
-You're gonna get us killed.
-No, you're gonna get us killed.
859
00:49:24,798 --> 00:49:27,467
No, I'm going to get us killed.
Yeah!
860
00:49:29,219 --> 00:49:31,263
-[Pepe] Let women drive!
-[all screaming]
861
00:49:32,222 --> 00:49:33,807
[overlapping shouting]
862
00:49:33,891 --> 00:49:34,892
[Pepe] Oh shit.
863
00:49:39,646 --> 00:49:40,647
Oh, fantastic.
864
00:49:42,191 --> 00:49:44,026
Well, looks like we're walking.
865
00:49:44,693 --> 00:49:48,071
-They can't have gone far.
-No, we can't just leave Monsieur here.
866
00:49:48,655 --> 00:49:50,282
Uh, we can, and we should
867
00:49:50,365 --> 00:49:52,826
because he's starting
to smell like a chef's ass.
868
00:49:53,577 --> 00:49:54,995
Right. Which way's North?
869
00:49:55,495 --> 00:49:57,623
I think you're supposed to follow the sun.
870
00:49:58,457 --> 00:50:01,335
And are we following the sun
or are we following your dick?
871
00:50:02,002 --> 00:50:06,632
Jenny is in danger and I need to rescue
her from that fat nonce.
872
00:50:07,174 --> 00:50:09,384
Do you though?
I mean they looked pretty cozy
873
00:50:09,468 --> 00:50:11,637
on the back of that
emotional support horse.
874
00:50:12,763 --> 00:50:15,724
Right. You two can either
come with me and be heroes,
875
00:50:16,558 --> 00:50:19,186
or you can starve out here
and end up like your hero.
876
00:50:23,065 --> 00:50:25,859
-Fine. We'll follow the sun.
-Hmm.
877
00:50:25,943 --> 00:50:28,904
but when we reach it,
I am coming back for DuCoque.
878
00:50:34,743 --> 00:50:37,412
[Funzo]
This is just troupe banter, right?
879
00:50:37,704 --> 00:50:39,498
We'd never split up, right?
880
00:50:40,791 --> 00:50:43,877
Nah. Clown-pedo is 'til death.
881
00:50:46,505 --> 00:50:47,756
Wait for me!
882
00:50:48,382 --> 00:50:50,592
-[dramatic music playing]
-[Alphonso] Hyah!
883
00:50:50,676 --> 00:50:54,137
Onward trusty steed and away!
884
00:50:56,765 --> 00:50:57,766
[knocker bangs]
885
00:50:58,392 --> 00:51:04,314
Yes, me and Tim from Bromanz used to
stagger back here drunk once a fortnight.
886
00:51:04,565 --> 00:51:08,068
God, I know this old place
like the back of his head.
887
00:51:08,151 --> 00:51:09,236
[chuckles]
888
00:51:11,905 --> 00:51:14,491
How are you so perky?
Didn't you lose an eye?
889
00:51:14,825 --> 00:51:17,494
I took a handful of these.
890
00:51:17,578 --> 00:51:19,454
I don't know exactly what they are,
891
00:51:19,538 --> 00:51:22,624
but they're actually making me
prefer having just the one eye.
892
00:51:22,916 --> 00:51:24,001
[door creaks open]
893
00:51:24,418 --> 00:51:27,629
Tim from Bromanz,
as I live and breathe.
894
00:51:27,713 --> 00:51:30,465
You won't be doing either for long
if you don't identify yourself.
895
00:51:30,549 --> 00:51:35,554
Tim it's me, Alphonso. Fonzie Bear.
The Fondler.
896
00:51:36,054 --> 00:51:40,517
-Al? I haven't seen you since...
-[both] The after party.
897
00:51:42,686 --> 00:51:43,854
Who's your friend?
898
00:51:44,521 --> 00:51:48,233
Jenny Malone. Viral Load Media.
I'm a journalist.
899
00:51:48,317 --> 00:51:50,277
Wasn't there that evening.
I left before nine.
900
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:53,197
I swear to God, there was nothing
going on that I knew about anyway.
901
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:55,157
Tim, it's not about that.
902
00:51:55,324 --> 00:51:59,036
Jennifer here has got a theory
about what's happened to the world
903
00:51:59,494 --> 00:52:01,955
and we think you could help us.
904
00:52:02,039 --> 00:52:04,750
-[dog barks]
-Oh, hello?
905
00:52:05,042 --> 00:52:06,668
Oh, hello doggy.
906
00:52:07,336 --> 00:52:09,880
Hello. You're so cute.
Yes you are.
907
00:52:11,340 --> 00:52:13,383
-Can we come in?
-Uh...
908
00:52:13,467 --> 00:52:15,511
Sure that's a yes.
Thank you.
909
00:52:16,136 --> 00:52:17,429
[Alphonso growls]
910
00:52:19,890 --> 00:52:20,891
Shakira.
911
00:52:21,683 --> 00:52:22,684
Come on.
912
00:52:26,271 --> 00:52:29,816
Poor thing's very sick.
Got her on heavy sedatives.
913
00:52:30,734 --> 00:52:35,239
She's been with me through it all.
The fame, the fall.
914
00:52:36,823 --> 00:52:40,285
Years of people
calling me a tinfoil hat wanker.
915
00:52:41,245 --> 00:52:43,330
-She's all I've got now.
-[Alphonso laughs]
916
00:52:43,413 --> 00:52:45,582
Ah, Rolf!
917
00:52:46,959 --> 00:52:51,755
Dreadful pervert, of course.
But by God could that man draw a kangaroo.
918
00:52:51,922 --> 00:52:54,132
-[dog barks]
-[Tim] Good girl, Shakira.
919
00:52:54,633 --> 00:52:58,136
-We saw your broadcast.
-I didn't think it was reaching anyone.
920
00:52:58,595 --> 00:53:01,265
-I know what's happening. It's a--
-Solar flare.
921
00:53:02,224 --> 00:53:04,560
-Exactly.
-[Alphonso laughs]
922
00:53:04,935 --> 00:53:06,687
Good old Flex!
923
00:53:06,770 --> 00:53:09,231
You know I was friends
with all of the Gladiators.
924
00:53:09,314 --> 00:53:11,817
Yes. All except for Pegasus.
925
00:53:12,442 --> 00:53:16,864
Let's just say I plowed his wife
and uh, we'll leave it at that.
926
00:53:17,281 --> 00:53:19,449
Traitors, the bloody lot of them.
927
00:53:20,576 --> 00:53:23,954
How are we not prepared for this?
The government must have known.
928
00:53:24,037 --> 00:53:25,038
Of course they knew.
929
00:53:25,414 --> 00:53:28,500
They've known for years.
They wanted this to happen.
930
00:53:30,002 --> 00:53:31,128
All of this...
931
00:53:31,962 --> 00:53:33,463
this is only the beginning.
932
00:53:34,756 --> 00:53:38,302
What I'm about to tell you goes deeper
than you could possibly imagine.
933
00:53:39,303 --> 00:53:42,264
But before I start...
934
00:53:42,347 --> 00:53:44,558
does anyone want tea?
935
00:53:47,561 --> 00:53:48,937
Milk?
936
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:53,275
It's UHT Milk.
Is that okay?
937
00:53:54,943 --> 00:53:57,321
Sugar.
One? Two?
938
00:53:58,155 --> 00:54:00,866
One for you. Two for you.
Both with milk.
939
00:54:00,949 --> 00:54:02,951
Do you know what?
I'll just put everything on a tray,
940
00:54:03,035 --> 00:54:05,537
and bring it out.
You can make your own.
941
00:54:19,635 --> 00:54:21,762
[Pepe] It goes on and on.
942
00:54:22,554 --> 00:54:25,432
I can't take much more of this.
I'm so hungry.
943
00:54:26,558 --> 00:54:28,477
Why aren't there any bistros?
944
00:54:29,478 --> 00:54:30,562
[Bobo] I give up.
945
00:54:35,192 --> 00:54:36,443
Jenny doesn't love me.
946
00:54:37,194 --> 00:54:38,779
She was on ecstasy.
947
00:54:40,697 --> 00:54:42,449
What the hell was I thinking?
948
00:54:46,119 --> 00:54:47,496
[Funzo gasps]
949
00:54:48,539 --> 00:54:54,253
Hey. I know things look really bleak
right now, but that's just because
950
00:54:54,336 --> 00:54:56,171
things are really bleak right now.
951
00:55:00,425 --> 00:55:01,927
It's time to face facts.
952
00:55:03,512 --> 00:55:04,721
I'm a terrible clown.
953
00:55:07,558 --> 00:55:10,352
Yeah, yeah, you are.
954
00:55:12,813 --> 00:55:14,314
Oh, like you're any better?
955
00:55:14,398 --> 00:55:15,524
What good is all that training
956
00:55:15,607 --> 00:55:17,609
if you can't get on stage
without browning your trousers?
957
00:55:18,026 --> 00:55:20,821
Lots of great artists
struggled in their early years.
958
00:55:20,904 --> 00:55:21,905
Early years?
959
00:55:22,030 --> 00:55:24,074
How long you gonna
be chasing this dream?
960
00:55:24,157 --> 00:55:26,451
Ten years. I'm going to chase
the dream for ten years and then,
961
00:55:26,535 --> 00:55:29,246
-I'm just gonna live the dream.
-Oh, cool. Didn't realize you had a plan.
962
00:55:29,329 --> 00:55:30,831
-Yep.
-That changes everything.
963
00:55:30,914 --> 00:55:33,125
It does, doesn't it?
Just stick to your plan,
964
00:55:33,208 --> 00:55:35,085
believe in yourself,
and never give up.
965
00:55:37,337 --> 00:55:39,464
That's what all the great clowns did.
966
00:55:41,008 --> 00:55:42,509
I mean, sure, there's...
967
00:55:43,135 --> 00:55:47,306
millions of deluded people out there who
believe in themselves and should give up.
968
00:55:49,683 --> 00:55:50,934
But I'm not one of them.
969
00:55:52,853 --> 00:55:54,354
I'm in that first category.
970
00:55:55,230 --> 00:55:58,442
That's something I've always
known deep in my heart.
971
00:56:01,737 --> 00:56:04,156
And your heart can't be wrong, can it?
972
00:56:15,209 --> 00:56:16,210
Oh, fuck.
973
00:56:19,755 --> 00:56:20,797
[Funzo gasps]
974
00:56:20,881 --> 00:56:24,384
Hey, put that back on! You are a
DuCoque-trained buffoon!
975
00:56:25,761 --> 00:56:26,762
I'm not.
976
00:56:28,138 --> 00:56:32,309
I trained under him for three minutes
and I was so bad that he died.
977
00:56:32,851 --> 00:56:35,479
But you're such a pretentious wanker.
978
00:56:36,104 --> 00:56:38,524
-I'm self-taught.
-[Funzo] It doesn't matter.
979
00:56:38,607 --> 00:56:40,692
We're not giving up.
We're a troupe.
980
00:56:42,027 --> 00:56:43,028
Aren't we?
981
00:56:44,446 --> 00:56:45,781
This is our time.
982
00:56:45,864 --> 00:56:47,115
You said it yourself.
983
00:56:47,616 --> 00:56:49,201
This isn't our time.
984
00:56:50,202 --> 00:56:53,163
I only said that cause I needed
your help to impress Jenny.
985
00:56:54,456 --> 00:56:56,041
The world doesn't need us.
986
00:56:57,251 --> 00:56:58,752
It never needed us.
987
00:56:58,836 --> 00:57:02,381
It would be better for everyone if we all
just sit down and quietly die.
988
00:57:02,464 --> 00:57:03,924
We are not all going to die.
989
00:57:04,049 --> 00:57:06,552
One of us will die
and the other two will eat him.
990
00:57:06,635 --> 00:57:07,803
That's you, Pepe.
991
00:57:08,679 --> 00:57:11,348
Oh, there she is.
Welcome back, It.
992
00:57:11,974 --> 00:57:14,476
-What's that supposed to mean?
-Oh, come on Funzo.
993
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:16,270
We all know what you are.
994
00:57:16,353 --> 00:57:18,856
-Don't you say the S word.
-[mocking] Oh, don't say the S word.
995
00:57:18,939 --> 00:57:22,442
What else would you call a clown
who asks children if they want to die?
996
00:57:23,443 --> 00:57:26,738
-A trailblazer who lives on the edge?
-You live in a sewer.
997
00:57:26,822 --> 00:57:28,365
Where else was I gonna go, huh?
998
00:57:28,448 --> 00:57:30,909
Back to the sanitarium?
I don't think so.
999
00:57:30,993 --> 00:57:33,912
Are you even listening to yourself?
You are a walking Halloween costume.
1000
00:57:33,996 --> 00:57:36,582
You are what children check for
under their bed at night.
1001
00:57:36,665 --> 00:57:40,002
-Don't do it, Pepe.
-No! She needs to know.
1002
00:57:40,544 --> 00:57:45,132
Funzo. You are a scary clown.
1003
00:57:45,215 --> 00:57:49,803
-[ominous music playing]
-I'm not a fucking scary clown.
1004
00:57:51,555 --> 00:57:54,266
Yes you are, but you don't scare me
you little bastard.
1005
00:57:54,725 --> 00:57:56,768
Then lets settle this the clown way.
1006
00:57:58,687 --> 00:58:00,939
Last one to die wins.
1007
00:58:01,481 --> 00:58:03,817
-Since when is that the clown way?
-Calm down.
1008
00:58:03,901 --> 00:58:06,028
I'm going to wear your skin as a cape.
1009
00:58:06,612 --> 00:58:10,699
Set the table, Bobo. Tonight we feast on
wussy-wussy puss-puss.
1010
00:58:10,782 --> 00:58:12,451
-[grunts]
-[knife penetrates]
1011
00:58:14,203 --> 00:58:15,495
[Funzo gasps]
1012
00:58:20,751 --> 00:58:25,172
My God, I am a scary clown.
1013
00:58:25,464 --> 00:58:30,219
I'm really glad you had a breakthrough,
but there's a fucking knife in my hand.
1014
00:58:30,344 --> 00:58:33,263
-Do I push or pull? Push or pull?
-Pull, obviously.
1015
00:58:33,764 --> 00:58:35,432
[all screaming]
1016
00:58:39,436 --> 00:58:40,479
[thud]
1017
00:58:40,562 --> 00:58:44,816
Hey, that car looks just
like yours, what are the chances?
1018
00:58:45,275 --> 00:58:47,194
Oh fuck off.
1019
00:58:47,277 --> 00:58:48,862
[foreboding music playing]
1020
00:58:49,029 --> 00:58:51,073
[no audible dialogue]
1021
00:59:11,593 --> 00:59:13,762
-[music continues]
-[no audible dialogue]
1022
00:59:14,972 --> 00:59:18,851
Now that we're on our knees, they
can roll out whatever protocols
1023
00:59:18,934 --> 00:59:21,687
they want with zero resistance.
1024
00:59:22,187 --> 00:59:23,981
-We're like ducks...
-[dog whimpers]
1025
00:59:24,231 --> 00:59:25,399
...in a vice.
1026
00:59:26,733 --> 00:59:27,860
Quack.
1027
00:59:28,443 --> 00:59:30,654
It's all so obvious.
1028
00:59:31,071 --> 00:59:33,115
They're gonna let society eat itself.
1029
00:59:33,574 --> 00:59:36,660
We need to get this information
out there before it's too late.
1030
00:59:37,035 --> 00:59:40,998
I've been trying, but my transmitter
won't reach more than 20 to 30 miles.
1031
00:59:41,081 --> 00:59:44,835
So we need a mast,
like 50 or 60 feet high.
1032
00:59:45,419 --> 00:59:47,671
We could bring the truth
to the whole country.
1033
00:59:48,338 --> 00:59:51,508
I have a pretty big one,
and as it happens it's still erect.
1034
00:59:52,050 --> 00:59:53,552
It's in here somewhere.
1035
00:59:56,263 --> 00:59:59,183
This is my big top.
1036
00:59:59,266 --> 01:00:02,936
Now it hasn't been used in years,
but the main mast is still standing,
1037
01:00:03,020 --> 01:00:04,563
proud and tall.
1038
01:00:04,897 --> 01:00:06,273
Like a penis.
1039
01:00:06,940 --> 01:00:08,400
This is perfect, Tim.
1040
01:00:08,692 --> 01:00:11,445
I rig your transmitter to this
mast and then you and me
1041
01:00:11,528 --> 01:00:13,655
could present an emergency report.
1042
01:00:13,906 --> 01:00:14,948
We could save lives.
1043
01:00:15,365 --> 01:00:17,910
No, no, no.
1044
01:00:17,993 --> 01:00:19,661
Shakira is very sick.
1045
01:00:20,329 --> 01:00:22,873
I can't leave her.
She's an indoor dog.
1046
01:00:23,957 --> 01:00:26,960
She hasn't left here in 15 years,
and neither have I.
1047
01:00:27,044 --> 01:00:29,296
Tim, I need you to be brave.
1048
01:00:30,130 --> 01:00:31,882
The people need you.
1049
01:00:31,965 --> 01:00:34,927
Just like your brother needed
an identical version of hims--
1050
01:00:35,010 --> 01:00:36,178
My brother is dead.
1051
01:00:37,763 --> 01:00:40,891
I'm sorry, I'm just not up for this.
1052
01:00:42,059 --> 01:00:44,770
If not for us, Tim,
then do it for Shakira.
1053
01:00:45,979 --> 01:00:49,775
Look into her eyes and tell me
you don't want this bitch to live
1054
01:00:49,858 --> 01:00:51,902
in a world that knows the truth.
1055
01:00:56,532 --> 01:00:57,533
I'll do it.
1056
01:01:00,494 --> 01:01:03,664
Can't find my driving gloves.
Gonna have to borrow yours, Jenny.
1057
01:01:04,665 --> 01:01:08,001
Jenny? Jenny? Jenny.
1058
01:01:08,085 --> 01:01:11,046
-Do you think it's safe for you to drive?
-Oh, buckle up, you painted ham.
1059
01:01:11,129 --> 01:01:13,048
I've driven bigger rigs than this.
1060
01:01:13,131 --> 01:01:14,132
God help us.
1061
01:01:14,424 --> 01:01:16,635
-[dog yelps]
-[Jenny shrieks]
1062
01:01:17,010 --> 01:01:20,556
-[engine idling]
-[crows cawing]
1063
01:01:21,598 --> 01:01:24,268
-Fuck, fuck, fuck.
-Go, go, go, go.
1064
01:01:24,351 --> 01:01:25,811
[both screaming]
1065
01:01:32,276 --> 01:01:36,196
No! Shakira...
No!
1066
01:01:39,616 --> 01:01:41,285
[Funzo] It was my sixth birthday.
1067
01:01:42,619 --> 01:01:46,331
Me and my two best friends snuck
into the circus and saw the clowns.
1068
01:01:47,291 --> 01:01:50,711
After that, all we wanted to do
was be like them.
1069
01:01:52,504 --> 01:01:56,800
We even formed a troupe, the Superfriends.
1070
01:01:59,595 --> 01:02:00,888
It wasn't my fault.
1071
01:02:02,723 --> 01:02:03,807
[Funzo cries]
1072
01:02:07,519 --> 01:02:08,520
What did you do?
1073
01:02:10,522 --> 01:02:12,524
I misread the label.
1074
01:02:13,192 --> 01:02:16,570
I thought I was dousing them
in laughter fluid.
1075
01:02:22,201 --> 01:02:24,786
I couldn't handle what I'd done,
1076
01:02:25,621 --> 01:02:28,207
so I created someone who could.
1077
01:02:29,166 --> 01:02:34,213
I called her... Funzo.
1078
01:02:39,218 --> 01:02:42,054
If I take this off,
I don't know who I'll be.
1079
01:02:43,764 --> 01:02:45,307
Who were you before?
1080
01:02:48,185 --> 01:02:49,520
Ja...
1081
01:02:50,812 --> 01:02:52,147
Jan...
1082
01:02:55,150 --> 01:02:56,860
Janet.
1083
01:02:58,529 --> 01:02:59,988
My name was Janet.
1084
01:03:02,074 --> 01:03:04,117
Well then you'll be Janet. Yeah.
1085
01:03:04,409 --> 01:03:05,702
-That's okay?
-It's okay.
1086
01:03:05,786 --> 01:03:07,329
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah, okay.
1087
01:03:07,412 --> 01:03:10,040
-Yeah. You'll be Janet.
-Yeah, Janet. Yeah.
1088
01:03:10,332 --> 01:03:12,793
-And I guess I'll be Ken.
-Ken.
1089
01:03:13,418 --> 01:03:15,212
And I'll be Jean-Luc.
1090
01:03:21,218 --> 01:03:22,219
Really?
1091
01:03:22,302 --> 01:03:23,428
-Jean-Luc?
-Yeah.
1092
01:03:23,512 --> 01:03:25,138
-That's your name?
-Jean-Luc.
1093
01:03:26,598 --> 01:03:28,183
Why would I say it if I...
1094
01:03:28,725 --> 01:03:33,313
It's no problem if it is. It's just,
Jean-Luc. Really? Come on.
1095
01:03:36,191 --> 01:03:38,610
All right. Dean.
My actual name is Dean.
1096
01:03:38,694 --> 01:03:42,155
-Okay.
-That's more believable. Yeah.
1097
01:03:52,875 --> 01:03:55,085
[screaming]
1098
01:04:07,306 --> 01:04:10,559
-Janet.
-Dean.
1099
01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:12,686
Ken.
1100
01:04:13,270 --> 01:04:14,813
Hello, my name is Janet.
1101
01:04:15,105 --> 01:04:17,482
-Hello, I'm Dean.
-Afternoon, I'm Ken.
1102
01:04:18,358 --> 01:04:20,777
Welcome.
Thanks for having me.
1103
01:04:21,361 --> 01:04:24,239
-Janet, Ken, Dean.
-Hello, my name is Dean.
1104
01:04:24,323 --> 01:04:27,409
-Is this blouse unisex, or...
-Hello, my name is Janet
1105
01:04:27,492 --> 01:04:29,369
and I'd like one plate of meat please.
1106
01:04:29,536 --> 01:04:34,082
Hello, I'm Ken and I'm interested in
purchasing a secondhand microwave.
1107
01:04:34,416 --> 01:04:37,711
I'm Janet, your new neighbor.
I just moved in beneath your house.
1108
01:04:37,836 --> 01:04:41,173
Hello. I have a voucher for a couple's
massage, and my name is Dean.
1109
01:04:42,424 --> 01:04:44,051
No, it's just me. Can I go twice?
1110
01:04:44,551 --> 01:04:47,679
Hey, my name's Ken and I'm
your mum's new boyfriend.
1111
01:04:49,014 --> 01:04:52,100
-[Alphonso] Et voilà.
-[Jenny] Wow. It's bigger than I thought.
1112
01:04:52,184 --> 01:04:54,561
I bet you never had a
woman tell you that before.
1113
01:04:54,978 --> 01:04:58,524
[Alphonso] Well actually, my prostate
doctor is female, so... [chuckles]
1114
01:04:58,607 --> 01:05:00,609
Dr. Susan Wang.
1115
01:05:03,237 --> 01:05:08,158
-Welcome to my humble home. [laughs]
-Lovely.
1116
01:05:09,117 --> 01:05:10,577
[uneasy music playing]
1117
01:05:12,996 --> 01:05:15,040
[whispering and scurrying sounds]
1118
01:05:15,791 --> 01:05:16,792
Did you...
1119
01:05:25,509 --> 01:05:27,219
[hushed voices] What was that?
1120
01:05:31,557 --> 01:05:34,601
-Let's get back to the car.
-Don't worry. I speak child.
1121
01:05:35,269 --> 01:05:38,397
So, which one of you little
scamps is the leader then?
1122
01:05:39,106 --> 01:05:40,649
What's it to you, Granddad?
1123
01:05:41,650 --> 01:05:42,651
Him?
1124
01:05:43,610 --> 01:05:45,362
Looks like a bed wetter to me.
1125
01:05:46,113 --> 01:05:48,490
You wouldn't all follow a bed
wetter, would you?
1126
01:05:48,574 --> 01:05:49,992
I'm not a bed wetter.
1127
01:05:50,075 --> 01:05:54,162
Sorry, I can't hear you over
the overwhelming stench of piss.
1128
01:05:54,246 --> 01:05:55,998
[water squirts]
1129
01:05:56,081 --> 01:05:58,000
[Alphonso and children laugh]
1130
01:06:00,335 --> 01:06:04,464
So which of the rest of you think that
you could help run Alphonso Land, hmm?
1131
01:06:05,632 --> 01:06:06,800
Too scrawny.
1132
01:06:07,217 --> 01:06:09,678
Too ginger. A girl.
1133
01:06:10,304 --> 01:06:13,765
Oh well.
I suppose the leader has to be me.
1134
01:06:13,849 --> 01:06:15,309
[children cheer]
1135
01:06:16,894 --> 01:06:19,104
[Alphonso over speakers]
Ignore your parents.
1136
01:06:19,188 --> 01:06:20,898
Forget the wrath of grown-ups.
1137
01:06:20,981 --> 01:06:25,402
No rules, no homework, no bedtime.
1138
01:06:25,569 --> 01:06:28,947
Welcome to Alphonso Land!
1139
01:06:29,031 --> 01:06:30,782
[cackles]
1140
01:06:36,580 --> 01:06:38,665
How's this for camera-ready, Mum?
1141
01:06:39,291 --> 01:06:41,376
Who's not going to amount to anything now?
1142
01:06:42,169 --> 01:06:43,170
You dead bitch.
1143
01:06:44,379 --> 01:06:45,672
Oh, there you are, miss.
1144
01:06:45,756 --> 01:06:47,549
Need you on set in five.
1145
01:06:47,925 --> 01:06:48,926
What is this?
1146
01:06:56,391 --> 01:06:57,935
Okay, listen up guys.
1147
01:06:58,143 --> 01:07:02,272
We need to be ready to shoot in five.
It's not ideal but it is what it is.
1148
01:07:02,356 --> 01:07:03,774
First up...
1149
01:07:08,278 --> 01:07:11,323
Jennifer, that's not the outfit
I picked out for you.
1150
01:07:11,865 --> 01:07:14,243
A spangly leotard didn't really
seem appropriate
1151
01:07:14,326 --> 01:07:16,453
for breaking the biggest
news story in the world.
1152
01:07:16,537 --> 01:07:19,790
It is however, the perfect attire
for the glamorous assistant
1153
01:07:20,082 --> 01:07:21,875
for the only clown on television.
1154
01:07:22,960 --> 01:07:26,463
-What?
-This weekend was to be my big comeback.
1155
01:07:26,547 --> 01:07:30,884
I see no reason why that should change
just because the world as we know it has.
1156
01:07:31,677 --> 01:07:33,595
Didn't you listen to Tim from Bromanz?
1157
01:07:33,679 --> 01:07:35,806
This is urgent.
We have to tell the world.
1158
01:07:35,889 --> 01:07:39,643
Jennifer, we've been handed
a golden opportunity here.
1159
01:07:40,644 --> 01:07:43,897
So we have the biggest broadcasting
facility in the country
1160
01:07:43,981 --> 01:07:46,525
and we're gonna use it
to put out a clown show?
1161
01:07:46,608 --> 01:07:49,069
Finally, we're on the same page.
1162
01:07:49,653 --> 01:07:51,113
Oh, this is stupid.
1163
01:07:51,780 --> 01:07:55,576
Okay, kids, I have an important
message to get out to the world.
1164
01:07:55,659 --> 01:07:56,952
Turn the camera over here.
1165
01:07:57,035 --> 01:08:00,330
[scoffs] Put her in the tiger cage.
1166
01:08:01,832 --> 01:08:05,085
Have you lost your mind?
We're in the middle of a global calamity.
1167
01:08:05,169 --> 01:08:09,339
This is Y2K times 2K, and I'm the
only one who knows what's going on.
1168
01:08:09,423 --> 01:08:10,966
You have to let me tell people.
1169
01:08:14,887 --> 01:08:17,639
No, no, no. You can't do this.
This is my big story.
1170
01:08:17,973 --> 01:08:20,017
My mother doesn't get to win again.
1171
01:08:20,100 --> 01:08:22,603
How is she still winning?
We put her in the ground.
1172
01:08:22,685 --> 01:08:24,770
There's still a way out of this, Jennifer.
1173
01:08:24,854 --> 01:08:27,399
Just be my Debbie McGee.
1174
01:08:28,192 --> 01:08:29,193
Aww.
1175
01:08:29,318 --> 01:08:31,361
What in God's name are you
trying to achieve here?
1176
01:08:32,279 --> 01:08:34,363
I'll be the only game in town, Jennifer.
1177
01:08:34,615 --> 01:08:38,202
I was canceled once before.
I lost my TV show.
1178
01:08:38,577 --> 01:08:41,955
My celebrity friends, my
regular table at Stringfellows.
1179
01:08:42,413 --> 01:08:44,917
Well, I'll not let them do it to me again.
1180
01:08:45,334 --> 01:08:47,252
I'm going to create an army here.
1181
01:08:47,419 --> 01:08:51,965
Loyal fans who will fight to keep me on
the air with their dying breaths,
1182
01:08:52,049 --> 01:08:55,719
and I will be revenged on everyone
that betrayed me!
1183
01:08:56,053 --> 01:08:58,263
[children chanting]
Alphonso! Alphonso!
1184
01:08:59,055 --> 01:09:02,059
Oh look. They're calling my name.
1185
01:09:02,434 --> 01:09:04,895
[joins chanting]
Alphonso! Alphonso!
1186
01:09:13,444 --> 01:09:14,488
[Bobo] Bye bye, Bobo.
1187
01:09:17,823 --> 01:09:19,201
[operatic music playing]
1188
01:09:19,283 --> 01:09:23,372
Boys and girls! Ladies and gentlemen!
1189
01:09:23,455 --> 01:09:24,706
That's the guy!
1190
01:09:24,790 --> 01:09:25,832
I'm back!
1191
01:09:29,377 --> 01:09:31,880
-[music continues]
-[audio muted]
1192
01:09:34,383 --> 01:09:36,343
[no audible dialogue]
1193
01:10:04,371 --> 01:10:06,915
What are you doing? This isn't Paris.
1194
01:10:07,124 --> 01:10:09,585
Let's him go, Dean.
Let him go.
1195
01:10:10,252 --> 01:10:12,045
He is with Satan now.
1196
01:10:13,630 --> 01:10:15,883
-[glitching]
-[laughing]
1197
01:10:32,107 --> 01:10:34,985
I feel like I've swallowed a load of dirt.
1198
01:10:35,360 --> 01:10:38,989
You have. You were snoring.
It was the only way to shut you up.
1199
01:10:40,032 --> 01:10:42,868
[coughing, spluttering]
I need a bloody drink.
1200
01:10:42,993 --> 01:10:46,079
Well, Ken, it seems to
me we have two options.
1201
01:10:46,622 --> 01:10:50,083
Either we drink our own piss or...
1202
01:10:50,167 --> 01:10:52,544
we drink each other's.
1203
01:11:02,179 --> 01:11:05,599
Come on, give me just a drop
you miserable bitch.
1204
01:11:05,682 --> 01:11:10,354
Not in my... I've got a
bloody open mouth here.
1205
01:11:10,437 --> 01:11:13,482
[gulping]
1206
01:11:15,943 --> 01:11:17,611
So this is a sex thing?
1207
01:11:18,153 --> 01:11:22,616
No. We're just having...
Actually, let's go with sex thing.
1208
01:11:23,200 --> 01:11:24,535
Mildly less embarrassing.
1209
01:11:25,035 --> 01:11:29,081
We used to be clowns, but my
name's Janet now, and I'm a person.
1210
01:11:30,082 --> 01:11:32,835
Well, as it happens, I'm
on the trail of a clown.
1211
01:11:33,085 --> 01:11:36,213
I don't suppose you've heard of
The Great Alphonso?
1212
01:11:36,588 --> 01:11:40,008
That hack. Nope, never heard of him.
Wasn't a fan.
1213
01:11:40,175 --> 01:11:42,469
He killed my dog,
stole my life's work.
1214
01:11:43,470 --> 01:11:46,390
-Him and his clueless journalist friend.
-What?
1215
01:11:46,473 --> 01:11:48,851
Now she's broadcasting
a clown show from his big top
1216
01:11:48,934 --> 01:11:51,728
with my transmitter.
Took everything from me.
1217
01:11:52,813 --> 01:11:55,315
Swear to God, when I find her...
What's that smell?
1218
01:11:56,358 --> 01:11:57,359
It's nothing.
1219
01:11:57,568 --> 01:11:59,069
This doesn't make sense.
1220
01:11:59,820 --> 01:12:03,407
Jenny hates clowns...
unless she's on drugs.
1221
01:12:04,658 --> 01:12:07,828
Alphonso must have taken her hostage
and given her drugs.
1222
01:12:07,911 --> 01:12:09,580
Jesus Christ. Not this again.
1223
01:12:09,663 --> 01:12:12,124
No, no, no. Fuck it.
I know where they are.
1224
01:12:13,292 --> 01:12:15,544
Bobo couldn't save the woman he loves.
1225
01:12:16,753 --> 01:12:18,630
But maybe Ken can.
1226
01:12:20,966 --> 01:12:22,176
I'm coming with you.
1227
01:12:22,885 --> 01:12:25,053
[Funzo]
Then we're coming too!
1228
01:12:25,137 --> 01:12:27,639
-I'm not sure we're all going to fit.
-Fine, go on.
1229
01:12:27,723 --> 01:12:28,724
Let's ride.
1230
01:12:36,356 --> 01:12:39,026
[Tim] So where are your clothes?
1231
01:12:39,193 --> 01:12:41,612
[Pepe] Ah, we burned them
as a symbolic gesture,
1232
01:12:41,695 --> 01:12:44,072
which in retrospect
was entirely unnecessary.
1233
01:12:44,406 --> 01:12:46,491
[Bobo] We can't save Jenny in our pants.
1234
01:12:46,575 --> 01:12:50,329
We're gonna have to steal some clothes
or we'll look ridiculous.
1235
01:12:52,915 --> 01:12:53,916
[Jenny screaming]
1236
01:12:55,876 --> 01:12:56,877
It's Jenny.
1237
01:12:57,294 --> 01:13:01,089
Right, I'm gonna need you guys
to create a diversion. Okay?
1238
01:13:01,465 --> 01:13:02,841
I've got this flare.
1239
01:13:03,842 --> 01:13:05,761
Keep away from children.
1240
01:13:06,512 --> 01:13:08,931
Why does everyone keep saying this to me?
1241
01:13:09,223 --> 01:13:10,557
Okay, what's the plan?
1242
01:13:11,058 --> 01:13:15,979
Okay, I'm gonna commando roll across
that field, crawl for a bit,
1243
01:13:16,063 --> 01:13:17,648
parkour my way over the fence
1244
01:13:17,731 --> 01:13:19,983
and take out
the first kid with one of these.
1245
01:13:20,067 --> 01:13:22,486
[karate noises]
1246
01:13:25,364 --> 01:13:27,032
And I'll say, "tough break."
1247
01:13:27,991 --> 01:13:31,703
The second kid will come at me from
behind, and I'll give him one of these.
1248
01:13:31,787 --> 01:13:34,039
[grunting]
Ah, wanker!
1249
01:13:34,122 --> 01:13:35,582
And I'll say, um...
1250
01:13:37,835 --> 01:13:40,379
I won't say anything there.
I'll keep it stealthy.
1251
01:13:40,879 --> 01:13:43,090
So at that point,
it's just those two kids
1252
01:13:43,173 --> 01:13:45,801
standing between me
and a happy ever after.
1253
01:13:45,884 --> 01:13:49,888
So I'll jump up, grab the door frame
and give 'em a double kick. Ya! Ya!
1254
01:13:49,972 --> 01:13:53,725
I'll say "two's company,"
or "twice to meet you."
1255
01:13:54,643 --> 01:13:55,644
Everyone got it?
1256
01:13:56,854 --> 01:13:57,896
Yeah.
1257
01:13:57,980 --> 01:14:02,192
Oh, by the way,
if I don't make it out there,
1258
01:14:03,277 --> 01:14:06,530
tell the world I died with dignity.
1259
01:14:06,905 --> 01:14:07,990
You want us to lie.
1260
01:14:08,448 --> 01:14:11,159
No, just imply I was wearing trousers.
1261
01:14:12,578 --> 01:14:13,579
Okay.
1262
01:14:13,662 --> 01:14:15,330
[deep inhale]
1263
01:14:23,172 --> 01:14:24,923
[Funzo shouting]
Hey, Ken!
1264
01:14:25,007 --> 01:14:27,593
What's a diversion?
1265
01:14:31,805 --> 01:14:36,476
Well, well, well, looks like you've
made some new friends, Tim.
1266
01:14:37,186 --> 01:14:38,395
We're here for the girl.
1267
01:14:39,521 --> 01:14:42,107
Let the girl go and
no harm will come to you.
1268
01:14:42,399 --> 01:14:43,442
She's just a girl.
1269
01:14:43,609 --> 01:14:45,819
I'm 35, you dick.
1270
01:14:45,903 --> 01:14:48,697
I kept your secret, Alphonso.
You didn't have to kill my dog.
1271
01:14:48,780 --> 01:14:50,073
[Jenny] What secret?
1272
01:14:50,616 --> 01:14:52,826
I'm sorry about your dog,
by the way,
1273
01:14:52,910 --> 01:14:55,871
but I do wanna get clarity,
though, on that secret.
1274
01:14:55,954 --> 01:14:57,039
The gunge tank.
1275
01:14:59,458 --> 01:15:02,544
It was the after party of series
three of Alphonso's Fun Club.
1276
01:15:02,920 --> 01:15:05,172
It wasn't an accident.
I saw him do it.
1277
01:15:05,714 --> 01:15:08,008
My brother was taking
the piss out of the show.
1278
01:15:08,091 --> 01:15:09,551
He was making jokes about it.
1279
01:15:09,760 --> 01:15:12,888
He called it Al-fuckso's Bum Club.
1280
01:15:12,971 --> 01:15:14,139
[boy snickers]
1281
01:15:15,182 --> 01:15:17,935
So Alphonso drowned him in gunge,
1282
01:15:19,061 --> 01:15:22,272
and he threatened to do the same
to me if I ever told anyone.
1283
01:15:22,523 --> 01:15:26,735
Well, sadly for you, Tim,
it looks like you just have.
1284
01:15:27,027 --> 01:15:30,614
Bedwetter, Ginger Twat!
Throw the others in with Jennifer.
1285
01:15:31,114 --> 01:15:37,079
Tim here is about to experience
pie to the power of infinity.
1286
01:15:40,707 --> 01:15:43,710
Jenny, I swore that I'd find you.
1287
01:15:43,794 --> 01:15:47,422
-It's true. He wouldn't shut up about it.
-And now we can be together.
1288
01:15:47,548 --> 01:15:50,592
We could start a new life!
In this cage, if needs be.
1289
01:15:50,676 --> 01:15:53,720
-Bobo what are you talking about?
-That's the thing. I'm not Bobo any more.
1290
01:15:53,804 --> 01:15:55,097
-I'm Ken.
-Ken.
1291
01:15:55,180 --> 01:15:56,431
-Ken.
-She knows.
1292
01:15:56,682 --> 01:15:58,350
Just normal, dependable Ken.
1293
01:15:58,475 --> 01:15:59,476
-Ken.
-Okay.
1294
01:16:00,686 --> 01:16:03,856
Type of bloke that wears
brown size nine shoes.
1295
01:16:04,898 --> 01:16:06,066
Who owns a shed.
1296
01:16:07,526 --> 01:16:11,363
Sort of bloke you could get to know
over a tepid cup of Bovril.
1297
01:16:12,906 --> 01:16:16,159
Type of guy you could settle down with.
1298
01:16:16,243 --> 01:16:18,328
As I say, in this cage, if needs be.
1299
01:16:20,038 --> 01:16:22,332
Where have you guys been?
1300
01:16:22,749 --> 01:16:26,170
On a long journey
to the center of ourselves.
1301
01:16:27,337 --> 01:16:31,425
My name is Dean and
I'm not a clown either.
1302
01:16:32,509 --> 01:16:35,345
In a funny way
I don't suppose I ever really was.
1303
01:16:35,554 --> 01:16:37,472
And I'm Janet, and my thing is,
1304
01:16:37,806 --> 01:16:40,726
when I was six I set my friends on fire.
I poured...
1305
01:16:40,809 --> 01:16:41,810
[loud bang]
1306
01:16:41,977 --> 01:16:44,605
-Oh mother of God!
-The show's about to start.
1307
01:16:44,897 --> 01:16:50,235
Listen, that 200 pound slab of lunch meat
is trying to amass an army of children.
1308
01:16:50,569 --> 01:16:53,697
We need to disable that transmitter
and get him off the air.
1309
01:16:56,617 --> 01:16:59,870
[Alphonso] Hello boys and girls!
1310
01:17:00,662 --> 01:17:06,376
I am back on the TV where I belong,
and tonight for a special treat.
1311
01:17:06,668 --> 01:17:09,087
I have an old celebrity friend.
1312
01:17:10,130 --> 01:17:12,925
Tim from Bromanz!
1313
01:17:13,550 --> 01:17:15,093
[cheers, applause]
1314
01:17:16,303 --> 01:17:18,388
Are... we... ready?
1315
01:17:18,555 --> 01:17:19,973
No, no, no, no, no.
1316
01:17:20,057 --> 01:17:20,974
[cheering]
1317
01:17:21,058 --> 01:17:23,727
Unleash hell!
1318
01:17:23,810 --> 01:17:26,647
[classical music playing]
1319
01:17:29,733 --> 01:17:31,652
-[music continues]
-[audio muted]
1320
01:17:53,757 --> 01:17:54,758
[Jenny] Stop it!
1321
01:17:54,842 --> 01:17:56,718
He's had enough!
1322
01:17:56,802 --> 01:17:58,220
[Alphonso] Hold your fire!
1323
01:17:58,887 --> 01:18:03,433
We're going to need him conscious
for the main event.
1324
01:18:04,935 --> 01:18:06,061
[children cheering]
1325
01:18:07,813 --> 01:18:09,815
[chanting]
Gunge him! Gunge him!
1326
01:18:09,898 --> 01:18:15,237
And we're going to have more celebrity
people come on this show all the time.
1327
01:18:15,320 --> 01:18:20,200
With your help! I want you to bring
some of those friends of mine
1328
01:18:20,534 --> 01:18:22,703
who I haven't seen since I was on TV.
1329
01:18:22,786 --> 01:18:27,207
If you bring this to me,
you get a big reward. Yes!
1330
01:18:27,291 --> 01:18:29,459
So come to Alphonso Land!
1331
01:18:29,543 --> 01:18:33,964
No homework, no rules, no bedtime!
1332
01:18:34,047 --> 01:18:38,468
And anybody who tries
to stop us will get gunged!
1333
01:18:39,386 --> 01:18:41,096
Anyone!
1334
01:18:42,222 --> 01:18:46,602
Jesus Christ. He's gonna
gunge us all to death. Oh God.
1335
01:18:47,102 --> 01:18:48,103
Oh God.
1336
01:18:48,812 --> 01:18:52,357
Oh God. We're next. Oh God.
This is all your fault, Bobo.
1337
01:18:52,441 --> 01:18:53,942
I wish I'd never met you.
1338
01:18:54,026 --> 01:18:56,862
I could be off breaking the
biggest story in the world
1339
01:18:56,945 --> 01:18:59,406
with an unbelievably hot
burger van guy now.
1340
01:18:59,489 --> 01:19:02,784
Instead of being stuck in
a cage with a bunch of clowns
1341
01:19:02,951 --> 01:19:05,829
waiting to be murdered by feral children.
1342
01:19:06,330 --> 01:19:08,332
Actually ex-clowns. But I'll shut up.
1343
01:19:09,208 --> 01:19:10,751
Why me, Bobo?
1344
01:19:11,710 --> 01:19:16,131
Out of all the women in the world
you could have chosen to obsess over,
1345
01:19:16,924 --> 01:19:18,634
why did you land on me?
1346
01:19:23,096 --> 01:19:27,643
Because you were the
first person in 15 years
1347
01:19:28,435 --> 01:19:30,229
who made me feel good about myself.
1348
01:19:32,731 --> 01:19:34,733
Made me feel more than just a...
1349
01:19:36,777 --> 01:19:38,737
fat clown at a children's party.
1350
01:19:40,656 --> 01:19:41,865
That I was important.
1351
01:19:44,076 --> 01:19:47,287
And that I was someone
who deserved to be loved
1352
01:19:49,957 --> 01:19:52,334
Because I threw you
a drunk fuck in a cupboard?
1353
01:19:53,502 --> 01:19:55,712
It was long--
It was long enough to know...
1354
01:19:58,674 --> 01:20:00,801
-I love you.
-Oh shit.
1355
01:20:02,052 --> 01:20:03,053
Oh my God.
1356
01:20:05,722 --> 01:20:06,890
Oh, that's bleak.
1357
01:20:10,811 --> 01:20:14,857
Oh, oh, that's so fucking bleak.
1358
01:20:14,940 --> 01:20:19,236
God. Okay. Yeah.
No. Alphonso! Alphonso!
1359
01:20:19,319 --> 01:20:21,321
Yes, I'm in. I give up.
1360
01:20:33,750 --> 01:20:34,835
Clown blood.
1361
01:20:35,669 --> 01:20:36,670
It's fresh.
1362
01:20:40,591 --> 01:20:41,592
They're close.
1363
01:20:45,804 --> 01:20:46,805
[laughs]
1364
01:20:47,681 --> 01:20:49,308
[children chattering]
1365
01:20:52,060 --> 01:20:54,354
Ah, Pegasus.
1366
01:20:55,397 --> 01:20:56,398
My old friend.
1367
01:20:57,900 --> 01:20:59,651
[sinister laughter]
1368
01:21:02,446 --> 01:21:05,157
Jesus Christ, they just keep coming.
1369
01:21:05,449 --> 01:21:06,783
We need to get outta here.
1370
01:21:06,867 --> 01:21:10,204
There's no way we're getting past
these homicidal rug-munchers.
1371
01:21:10,287 --> 01:21:13,040
-I think you mean rugrats.
-They're terrifying.
1372
01:21:13,540 --> 01:21:15,042
One of them smokes a pipe.
1373
01:21:15,417 --> 01:21:16,877
Alphonso was wrong you know,
1374
01:21:17,753 --> 01:21:19,505
about the Jugglenaut.
1375
01:21:20,172 --> 01:21:23,300
It doesn't need clowns who
are willing to die for one another.
1376
01:21:23,425 --> 01:21:25,969
It just needs clowns
who have nothing to live for.
1377
01:21:26,053 --> 01:21:27,846
-What?
-Well think about it.
1378
01:21:28,555 --> 01:21:30,057
These kids like violence.
1379
01:21:30,349 --> 01:21:33,977
They like danger, they like
watching people hurt themselves.
1380
01:21:35,771 --> 01:21:40,317
If we can pull off a trick like that, we
might be able to distract them long enough
1381
01:21:40,400 --> 01:21:46,323
to do one last decent thing with our lives
and take that prick Alphonso off the air.
1382
01:21:49,034 --> 01:21:54,206
Everyone dreams of dying
doing what they love.
1383
01:21:55,123 --> 01:21:56,667
[Funzo gasps]
1384
01:22:00,212 --> 01:22:02,923
And since that's not an option for us,
1385
01:22:08,053 --> 01:22:09,680
what say we go out clowning?
1386
01:22:13,308 --> 01:22:19,189
Oi! Bedwetter. Gather your men.
I've got something to show you.
1387
01:22:19,273 --> 01:22:20,274
What is it?
1388
01:22:20,899 --> 01:22:22,067
It's a clown show.
1389
01:22:23,360 --> 01:22:24,444
We've just seen one.
1390
01:22:27,531 --> 01:22:28,532
Not like this.
1391
01:22:33,537 --> 01:22:36,164
I knew you would come
around eventually, Jennifer,
1392
01:22:36,248 --> 01:22:40,544
now for a moment there,
you nearly chose the wrong team.
1393
01:22:40,627 --> 01:22:41,920
[laughs]
1394
01:22:42,337 --> 01:22:45,966
It's a brave new world, Jennifer,
and it's ours for the taking.
1395
01:22:46,633 --> 01:22:50,929
Me as warlord slash
global clown Emperor
1396
01:22:51,722 --> 01:22:55,809
and you beside me as my
bikini-clad assistant.
1397
01:22:56,310 --> 01:22:57,853
[Jenny] Ah, thank you Shakira.
1398
01:22:58,312 --> 01:23:01,064
Yes.
I mean, sounds good.
1399
01:23:02,024 --> 01:23:03,859
Have you got anything to drink?
1400
01:23:04,151 --> 01:23:07,404
Jenny, do wombles shit
on Wimbledon Common?
1401
01:23:07,779 --> 01:23:08,780
Hmm?
1402
01:23:10,073 --> 01:23:12,075
-Drinks cabinet's over there.
-Great.
1403
01:23:12,159 --> 01:23:15,329
I will make us a...
1404
01:23:16,622 --> 01:23:18,999
vodka and...
1405
01:23:19,541 --> 01:23:20,542
scotch.
1406
01:23:20,626 --> 01:23:24,296
Ah, a Kilted Russian: how very agreeable.
1407
01:23:26,298 --> 01:23:27,299
[cork pops]
1408
01:23:40,395 --> 01:23:42,105
Hello, boys and girls.
1409
01:23:43,106 --> 01:23:45,192
My name's Bobo,
1410
01:23:45,275 --> 01:23:51,406
and these are my friends, Pepe and Funzo.
1411
01:23:51,823 --> 01:23:54,910
Who likes balloons?
1412
01:23:56,119 --> 01:23:57,162
I do.
1413
01:24:03,418 --> 01:24:04,419
Oh.
1414
01:24:06,171 --> 01:24:08,465
-[balloon bursts]
-Ah, this was a mistake.
1415
01:24:08,882 --> 01:24:10,759
-What was that?
-Oh, nothing.
1416
01:24:10,843 --> 01:24:14,179
You know what kids are like
when they're drunk on power.
1417
01:24:15,848 --> 01:24:18,058
A toast to good friends.
1418
01:24:18,141 --> 01:24:19,142
Ah, Jenny.
1419
01:24:19,560 --> 01:24:21,353
I hate for you to embarrass yourself
1420
01:24:21,436 --> 01:24:26,441
in front of the Rotary Club Toastmaster
General in 1992, 1993, and 1995.
1421
01:24:27,150 --> 01:24:28,944
I'd better do this.
Hmm.
1422
01:24:29,695 --> 01:24:34,491
Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished
guests, Princess Michael of Kent.
1423
01:24:34,950 --> 01:24:40,247
An occasion such as this always calls for
one of the greatest and indeed longest
1424
01:24:40,330 --> 01:24:42,708
poems of the last six centuries.
1425
01:24:42,791 --> 01:24:43,792
[clears throat]
1426
01:24:43,917 --> 01:24:46,420
Okay. Screw the crowd work.
Skip to the big finish.
1427
01:24:46,545 --> 01:24:49,923
Boys and girls, I present to you
1428
01:24:50,340 --> 01:24:53,510
the Jugglenaut!
1429
01:24:55,345 --> 01:24:57,014
Pepe, hup!
1430
01:25:00,017 --> 01:25:02,936
I can't. I can't do it.
I'm not good enough.
1431
01:25:03,020 --> 01:25:04,938
I never have been.
1432
01:25:05,063 --> 01:25:06,815
I'll never be a DuCoquesman.
1433
01:25:08,025 --> 01:25:10,152
I don't need you to be a DuCoquesman.
1434
01:25:10,235 --> 01:25:13,822
I don't care what some dusty French
wank merchant thought of you.
1435
01:25:13,906 --> 01:25:16,450
I just need you to
climb on to my fat shoulders
1436
01:25:16,533 --> 01:25:18,785
and be paralyzed with fear, please.
1437
01:25:22,789 --> 01:25:25,250
Okay, I can do that.
1438
01:25:31,757 --> 01:25:34,051
-Funzo, hup!
-[whimsical music playing]
1439
01:25:34,343 --> 01:25:37,513
I don't want to be Funzo.
I don't want to scare anyone.
1440
01:25:37,888 --> 01:25:40,390
Funzo, Janet.
It doesn't matter what you call yourself.
1441
01:25:40,474 --> 01:25:42,726
Being scary is who you are.
1442
01:25:42,809 --> 01:25:44,269
You were born to do this,
1443
01:25:44,353 --> 01:25:48,815
and I'll be honest with you, some of these
kids could do with a decent fucking scare.
1444
01:25:51,985 --> 01:25:52,986
Oh God.
1445
01:25:53,570 --> 01:25:54,571
Oh Jesus.
1446
01:25:58,909 --> 01:26:01,161
[music continues]
1447
01:26:03,121 --> 01:26:04,790
[all straining]
1448
01:26:07,417 --> 01:26:08,961
[children laughing]
1449
01:26:35,863 --> 01:26:38,156
[children cheering, applauding]
1450
01:26:39,324 --> 01:26:41,118
[Bobo] Three, two, one!
1451
01:26:51,962 --> 01:26:52,963
Pepe!
1452
01:26:53,839 --> 01:26:56,300
Hup... hup... hup...
1453
01:27:02,181 --> 01:27:03,891
[cackling]
1454
01:27:08,645 --> 01:27:10,230
[cheering]
1455
01:27:11,356 --> 01:27:12,858
Funzo, grab the transmitter!
1456
01:27:15,402 --> 01:27:19,781
I can hear it!
The laughter! It's like thunder!
1457
01:27:20,490 --> 01:27:22,201
[cheering, clapping]
1458
01:27:24,077 --> 01:27:26,580
"Since last she was a wee--"
Wait.
1459
01:27:27,331 --> 01:27:29,708
Is that children enjoying themselves?
1460
01:27:30,459 --> 01:27:32,127
That's impossible.
I'm still here.
1461
01:27:32,836 --> 01:27:34,379
Let's have your drink first.
1462
01:27:34,463 --> 01:27:38,675
♪ I like to drink with Alphonso.
Alphonso is my mate ♪
1463
01:27:38,759 --> 01:27:41,803
♪ And when I drink with Alphonso,
He gets it down in eight ♪
1464
01:27:42,304 --> 01:27:44,473
Jesus Christ, okay, fuck it!
1465
01:27:45,891 --> 01:27:47,059
Show's over!
1466
01:27:47,684 --> 01:27:50,646
[clowns screaming]
1467
01:27:58,570 --> 01:28:00,364
[children gasping]
1468
01:28:00,614 --> 01:28:03,700
-Funzo!
-No!
1469
01:28:05,327 --> 01:28:06,453
[Alphonso laughs]
1470
01:28:08,205 --> 01:28:13,377
-You killed our friend.
-Our best friend, you monster.
1471
01:28:14,086 --> 01:28:16,004
An eye for an eye, Booboo.
1472
01:28:16,213 --> 01:28:17,756
And now it's your turn.
1473
01:28:18,549 --> 01:28:19,758
[motorcycle engine]
1474
01:28:24,805 --> 01:28:27,182
We just want Funzo.
Give her over now
1475
01:28:27,266 --> 01:28:30,060
and I promise you all a
quick and painless death.
1476
01:28:30,185 --> 01:28:31,979
Too late. He's already killed her.
1477
01:28:32,312 --> 01:28:35,357
Yeah. Just a few minutes ago.
You couldn't have been closer.
1478
01:28:36,108 --> 01:28:37,109
What?
1479
01:28:37,651 --> 01:28:39,778
Well that is an anti-climax.
1480
01:28:39,987 --> 01:28:42,531
I mean, we traveled all
this way fueled by revenge.
1481
01:28:45,242 --> 01:28:48,954
-You're gonna have to give us a minute.
-This is bloody typical.
1482
01:28:49,037 --> 01:28:50,831
-Bloody typical!
-Okay, okay.
1483
01:28:50,914 --> 01:28:52,249
We have no time for this.
1484
01:28:52,332 --> 01:28:54,626
I need you to be more
solution orientated now,
1485
01:28:54,710 --> 01:28:57,087
rather than focusing on problems, okay?
1486
01:28:58,881 --> 01:29:00,716
-It's a tiny motorbike.
-No, no.
1487
01:29:03,886 --> 01:29:06,889
Yeah. Great. Great.
Let's explain that to them, then.
1488
01:29:10,309 --> 01:29:12,769
Okay. So we've noticed
that you've got a gunge pit
1489
01:29:12,853 --> 01:29:15,314
and we've always
wanted to try one of those,
1490
01:29:15,397 --> 01:29:18,150
so I think we're just
gonna murder you all with that.
1491
01:29:18,233 --> 01:29:19,610
[Alan] Tie their hands.
1492
01:29:19,693 --> 01:29:21,945
[Jenny] Why does no one seem to be...
Stop it!
1493
01:29:22,905 --> 01:29:25,324
Turn around. Don't tie me up.
I have money.
1494
01:29:25,532 --> 01:29:27,951
Well, Bitcoin.
It's yours if you let me go.
1495
01:29:29,161 --> 01:29:32,331
[Funzo screams]
1496
01:29:34,082 --> 01:29:35,876
[Funzo laughs manically]
1497
01:29:39,880 --> 01:29:41,757
[children scream and run]
1498
01:29:48,847 --> 01:29:50,641
My ear! My other ear!
1499
01:29:54,853 --> 01:29:56,980
Bobo! The transmitter!
1500
01:29:57,439 --> 01:29:59,191
The transmitter!
1501
01:30:16,250 --> 01:30:17,918
[grunting, snorting]
1502
01:30:20,963 --> 01:30:23,382
[both growling]
1503
01:30:23,465 --> 01:30:25,759
There's only one way to settle this,
Alphonso.
1504
01:30:25,843 --> 01:30:28,428
I will crush you with my bulk.
1505
01:30:28,512 --> 01:30:31,265
I have seen off many rivals.
1506
01:30:31,974 --> 01:30:33,350
[both yell]
1507
01:31:32,075 --> 01:31:33,994
[howling]
1508
01:31:37,873 --> 01:31:40,792
Who's the walrus now, Alphonso, you dick?
1509
01:31:40,876 --> 01:31:44,171
-Who's the fucking walrus now?
-You are.
1510
01:31:44,671 --> 01:31:46,757
I've beaten you in every way.
1511
01:31:47,424 --> 01:31:50,469
As a clown, as a man.
1512
01:31:52,513 --> 01:31:54,932
Both ways!
1513
01:31:56,475 --> 01:31:58,810
Do you know I used to look up to you?
1514
01:31:58,894 --> 01:32:01,104
You were one of the
reasons I became a clown.
1515
01:32:01,188 --> 01:32:02,898
I'm so sorry.
1516
01:32:03,941 --> 01:32:05,609
Oh, I'm not gonna hurt you.
1517
01:32:06,818 --> 01:32:08,612
Because I'm the bigger man.
1518
01:32:10,113 --> 01:32:13,617
-And the better clown.
-[Tim] Bromanz forever!
1519
01:32:16,954 --> 01:32:19,915
Jesus Christ, Tim.
I was just doing a whole thing.
1520
01:32:22,584 --> 01:32:25,045
And I should have done that 30 years ago.
1521
01:32:27,422 --> 01:32:31,260
Okay Funzo, you've earned your spot.
We'll see you on the strip.
1522
01:32:31,426 --> 01:32:32,427
[Funzo laughs]
1523
01:32:32,761 --> 01:32:36,598
-You okay, Janet?
-Of course. Nothing bad happened to me.
1524
01:32:36,890 --> 01:32:38,892
Nothing bad ever happens to Funzo.
1525
01:32:40,686 --> 01:32:42,521
[sighs]
1526
01:32:47,442 --> 01:32:48,861
We should probably help him.
1527
01:32:48,944 --> 01:32:50,445
-No.
-Okay!
1528
01:32:52,906 --> 01:32:54,575
[bubbling]
1529
01:33:08,755 --> 01:33:12,009
Okay. It's all looking good.
1530
01:33:15,095 --> 01:33:16,096
Fantastic.
1531
01:33:18,098 --> 01:33:19,349
Okay.
We're all set.
1532
01:33:20,058 --> 01:33:21,059
You ready?
1533
01:33:21,602 --> 01:33:24,188
I was born ready, Bobo.
It's in the blood.
1534
01:33:25,230 --> 01:33:29,109
Going live in Five! Four! Three!
1535
01:33:29,943 --> 01:33:32,487
-Are you gonna do it wearing that?
-Oh shit.
1536
01:33:32,613 --> 01:33:33,739
Good evening.
1537
01:33:33,822 --> 01:33:37,951
I'm Jenny Malone reporting
the truth to the world.
1538
01:33:38,035 --> 01:33:42,039
I realize we've all been through a lot,
but what I'm about to tell you
1539
01:33:42,122 --> 01:33:46,877
should explain how we got here and how
we are going to survive this together.
1540
01:33:49,338 --> 01:33:54,718
In 1967, the CIA, in conjunction with
the teenage Hillary Clinton,
1541
01:33:54,801 --> 01:33:57,054
began a series of experiments on the sun.
1542
01:33:57,221 --> 01:33:59,473
And two days ago, under the instruction
1543
01:33:59,556 --> 01:34:04,269
of a sinister cabal of shapeshifting,
pedophilic lizard people,
1544
01:34:04,353 --> 01:34:06,980
they unleashed
a secret weapon on the world.
1545
01:34:07,814 --> 01:34:10,734
-Operation: Solar Flare.
-I've been saying it for... yes!
1546
01:34:10,984 --> 01:34:14,154
A plan to enslave humanity,
harvest our DNA,
1547
01:34:14,238 --> 01:34:17,074
and sell it to the Chinese
chemtrail industry.
1548
01:34:17,533 --> 01:34:19,409
Over the next three to four hours,
1549
01:34:19,493 --> 01:34:21,411
-I will show you--
-[phone buzzing]
1550
01:34:21,870 --> 01:34:24,414
Irrefutable evidence
of John F. Kennedy's...
1551
01:34:24,498 --> 01:34:26,333
[overlapping notification sounds]
1552
01:34:26,416 --> 01:34:27,960
John F. Kennedy...
1553
01:34:34,466 --> 01:34:36,969
-What are you doing?
-What's going on then?
1554
01:34:37,928 --> 01:34:41,265
-Is it-- is it over?
-Everything's turning back on.
1555
01:34:43,183 --> 01:34:45,143
[Jenny] Yeah. Yeah, okay.
1556
01:34:47,813 --> 01:34:49,523
[laughs] Oh my gosh.
1557
01:34:50,858 --> 01:34:54,778
And although Áras an Uachtaráin was
completely obliterated, the president was
1558
01:34:54,862 --> 01:34:59,783
eventually carried to safety by Brazilian
burger technician Gustavo Musculos.
1559
01:35:01,743 --> 01:35:04,454
Elsewhere, chaotic scenes
played out across the nation
1560
01:35:04,538 --> 01:35:06,874
with a series of localized
electrical blackouts
1561
01:35:06,957 --> 01:35:09,668
believed to have been caused
by a massive power surge
1562
01:35:09,751 --> 01:35:12,921
at a recent concert by
country singer Garth Brooks.
1563
01:35:13,463 --> 01:35:14,882
May he rest in peace.
1564
01:35:16,466 --> 01:35:18,343
Then there was this bizarre broadcast
1565
01:35:18,427 --> 01:35:21,972
by the daughter of celebrated news
correspondent Deborah Malone,
1566
01:35:22,055 --> 01:35:25,184
[Jenny] Two days ago,
under the instruction of a sinister cabal
1567
01:35:25,309 --> 01:35:27,895
of shapeshifting pedophilic
lizard people--
1568
01:35:27,978 --> 01:35:31,607
I think we can all agree her late
mother would be massively disappointed.
1569
01:35:31,690 --> 01:35:34,610
Next up, clown funerals.
They're like buses, aren't they?
1570
01:35:34,693 --> 01:35:37,779
You wait ages for one and then
two come along all at once.
1571
01:35:37,905 --> 01:35:39,656
Nineties has-been clown,
1572
01:35:39,907 --> 01:35:43,452
the late Alphonso
has popped his giant clogs
1573
01:35:43,535 --> 01:35:46,872
and is in a tiny little car
on his way to heaven right now.
1574
01:35:54,213 --> 01:35:56,173
Thanks for helping us out, Jenny.
1575
01:35:56,256 --> 01:36:00,177
Yes. Thank you so much for letting us
bury DuCoque in your mother's grave.
1576
01:36:00,260 --> 01:36:03,472
Don't mention it.
She hated clowns and the French.
1577
01:36:04,056 --> 01:36:05,933
[body thuds]
1578
01:36:07,684 --> 01:36:09,102
[peaceful music playing]
1579
01:36:11,188 --> 01:36:14,066
[Bobo] When we first hooked up
at your niece's birthday,
1580
01:36:15,234 --> 01:36:17,486
did you ever imagine we'd end up here?
1581
01:36:19,363 --> 01:36:20,364
No.
1582
01:36:22,282 --> 01:36:23,575
No, of course not.
1583
01:36:24,993 --> 01:36:25,994
Yeah.
1584
01:36:26,203 --> 01:36:27,246
Me neither.
1585
01:36:28,413 --> 01:36:31,041
[romantic music swells]
1586
01:36:31,124 --> 01:36:33,919
-Oh, what the fuck are you doing?
-[music ends abruptly]
1587
01:36:34,795 --> 01:36:37,297
I just thought we'd been on this journey.
1588
01:36:38,382 --> 01:36:40,217
I vanquished the other male.
1589
01:36:42,219 --> 01:36:43,637
Did I read the moment wrong?
1590
01:36:44,680 --> 01:36:50,060
We are secretly burying a rotting
clown corpse in my mother's grave.
1591
01:36:51,061 --> 01:36:54,064
What is it about this moment
that you think is sexy?
1592
01:36:57,693 --> 01:36:59,278
-The sun?
-The sun. Oh.
1593
01:36:59,361 --> 01:37:00,779
It's kind of sexy.
1594
01:37:01,780 --> 01:37:03,866
It's like a big, red
clown nose in the sky.
1595
01:37:03,949 --> 01:37:05,450
Goodbye, Bobo.
1596
01:37:06,201 --> 01:37:07,202
Forever this time.
1597
01:37:07,870 --> 01:37:09,913
-Yeah, but what about...
-No! Forever.
1598
01:37:11,582 --> 01:37:13,959
[Pepe] Well, what now?
1599
01:37:15,419 --> 01:37:18,463
I hear there's a prime spot
going on the main strip.
1600
01:37:18,672 --> 01:37:21,258
You could get your DuCoque
out on the street!
1601
01:37:27,681 --> 01:37:31,852
Do you know, I used to blame
Alphonso for my lack of success.
1602
01:37:34,855 --> 01:37:39,568
But now that he's gone,
I can't see anything getting in my way.
1603
01:37:41,153 --> 01:37:42,946
-Let's do it!
-[all laugh]
1604
01:37:44,531 --> 01:37:47,743
[Pepe] Well, it looks like we're
gonna need some business cards.
1605
01:37:48,160 --> 01:37:50,871
-[Bobo] We need a name first.
-[Funzo] We have a name!
1606
01:37:50,954 --> 01:37:55,042
-[Pepe] We are not calling ourselves that.
-[Funzo] It's too late!
1607
01:37:55,250 --> 01:37:57,211
[Funzo laughs]
1608
01:37:58,754 --> 01:38:03,133
[acoustic guitar playing]
1609
01:38:03,467 --> 01:38:07,137
[man singing in French]
1610
01:38:07,221 --> 01:38:09,848
[Man translating]
Where are the clowns of yesteryear?
1611
01:38:13,018 --> 01:38:19,733
Where are the red and white faces
and the absolutely enormous trousers?
1612
01:38:21,485 --> 01:38:27,449
I understand that the
world is different now,
1613
01:38:30,494 --> 01:38:33,080
but I miss the good old days.
1614
01:38:36,625 --> 01:38:40,170
Where are the children who are
happy with simple pleasures?
1615
01:38:43,131 --> 01:38:45,008
Not Serbian Pornography.
1616
01:38:46,426 --> 01:38:47,886
Life is bullshit.
1617
01:38:50,347 --> 01:38:51,890
I hate young people.
1618
01:38:53,725 --> 01:38:55,185
What a bunch of pricks.
1619
01:38:56,854 --> 01:39:01,066
They pull at my nose and call me a tramp.
1620
01:39:03,277 --> 01:39:04,486
Here is the duck.
1621
01:39:06,113 --> 01:39:08,240
With his tiny briefcase.
1622
01:39:09,700 --> 01:39:11,660
He checks his list,
1623
01:39:12,828 --> 01:39:14,663
and adjusts his glasses.
1624
01:39:16,665 --> 01:39:19,042
{\an8}My name is there.
1625
01:39:20,502 --> 01:39:22,588
{\an8}There's no hardship.
1626
01:39:23,672 --> 01:39:28,886
{\an8}I will go with
him in his little business suit
1627
01:39:29,928 --> 01:39:34,099
{\an8}Goodbye dreadful world,
goodbye cruel life.
1628
01:39:35,100 --> 01:39:40,814
{\an8}This is my final act, the last ritual.
1629
01:39:47,279 --> 01:39:49,031
{\an8}Life is not rosy.
1630
01:39:51,241 --> 01:39:52,910
{\an8}Whatever Edith Piaf says.
1631
01:41:34,511 --> 01:41:36,013
{\an8}[button clicks]
1632
01:41:36,263 --> 01:41:40,517
{\an8}[Alphonso] You are listening to the audio
book of Life of Pie, a Clown Odyssey,
1633
01:41:41,101 --> 01:41:47,191
{\an8}written and narrated by the Great
Alphonso. Chapter One. Beginnings.
1634
01:41:49,735 --> 01:41:52,529
{\an8}I was a born clown despite
a difficult childhood.
1635
01:41:53,155 --> 01:41:56,408
{\an8}I was 10 years old
when the bullying first started.
1636
01:41:57,075 --> 01:42:01,663
{\an8}At its height, I must have been
bullying 20 or 30 children a day.
1637
01:42:02,372 --> 01:42:06,752
{\an8}I didn't know at the time, but
this was the perfect preparation
1638
01:42:07,211 --> 01:42:09,421
{\an8}for a career in television.
1639
01:42:09,922 --> 01:42:11,131
[button clicks]
118633
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