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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:07,425 --> 00:00:09,465 It's not fair. 2 00:00:09,552 --> 00:00:11,642 You're flying business class and I'm stuck here? 3 00:00:11,721 --> 00:00:13,601 Your parents are making you spend summer 4 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,681 - on a lake... We're monsters. - But I'm losing 5 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:17,686 two months of swim training and senior prep 6 00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:20,268 and missing the junior climate conference I organized. 7 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,444 Okay, everyone needs an off-season, hon. 8 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,283 But I said I'm sorry. 9 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,229 - Why can't I just come home? - You know why. 10 00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:28,110 Now, daddy and I both feel it's safer with you 11 00:00:28,154 --> 00:00:30,066 in the country while we're on tour with the book. 12 00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:32,032 You think it's safer here? 13 00:00:32,116 --> 00:00:34,076 I'm about to get eaten by inbred hillbillies or 14 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,448 - rumble with drunken townies. - And it's important to know 15 00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:38,283 your birth father now that he's back in the country. 16 00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:39,789 I have a dad 17 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,504 who's usually pretty cool when he's 18 00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:43,634 not sending me back to the factory for parts. 19 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,957 We're giving you a chance to connect with your birth story. 20 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:48,005 You know how daddy and I feel about open adoption. 21 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,758 Just once. 22 00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,880 Angry nuns hiding a slutty teen mom might be nice. 23 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,006 Well, you know, Justin does skew a bit slutty 24 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,556 but good luck trying to find his skeleton in a closet. 25 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:57,930 "Rainbow pops." 26 00:00:58,017 --> 00:01:00,057 That's just a bit on the nose. 27 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:01,774 Chocolate. 28 00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:03,614 Uh, pandering. 29 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,569 Vanilla... is probably triggering. 30 00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,400 Oreo. 31 00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,946 Definitely insulting. 32 00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,450 And Neapolitan is every flavor of colonialism. 33 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,575 - Do you need a hand? - Wah... 34 00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:19,211 - Back there? - Um... 35 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,918 Uh, um... 36 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:26,548 Uh no, I'm great, I'm good. I got my... 37 00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:28,089 I got my stuff. 38 00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:29,762 I just have to get a couple of things. 39 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,970 Some cafecito, 40 00:01:33,052 --> 00:01:34,892 cheddar, little bit of smep... 41 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,810 Don't know what that is. 42 00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:39,139 And who doesn't want a fruity hole? 43 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:42,555 Weirdo sausage cooker. 44 00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:45,895 Bugs, don't want any of that stuff. 45 00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:48,401 I got it. 46 00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:49,824 Sorry. 47 00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:52,566 - Hi. - Hi. 48 00:01:52,655 --> 00:01:54,315 Hi. 49 00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:55,446 Hi. 50 00:01:56,659 --> 00:01:58,079 No ice cream? 51 00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,910 You lose the argument back there? 52 00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,205 Oh yes. Uh, very lactose intolerant. 53 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,631 Who needs to douche after a shot of two percent, right? 54 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,420 Yi-yi. 55 00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:15,218 No, my daughter is an athlete, 56 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:18,472 so you know, it is just a bit of, like, a fit shamer. 57 00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:20,393 Wow. My daughter. 58 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,144 That is so weird to say out loud. 59 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,636 Only if it's not your daughter. 60 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,767 No, I... I had her in high school 61 00:02:25,855 --> 00:02:27,355 and then I took off to Australia. 62 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,069 That's why I'm so young... 63 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:32,531 But there was an adoption in between that time. 64 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:34,411 So like, she's got parents and they love her 65 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,317 and she feels really good about it and I feel 66 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,123 really good about it. I mean, it was tough 67 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,196 for a little while, like, you know, good five years where 68 00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,712 I was just like a total mess. But no, it's great now. 69 00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,742 I'm just looking after her while they're away and 70 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,248 it's our first vacation together. 71 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,753 I got us a sweet little place up on the lake. 72 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,456 Lucky to find a spot. 73 00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:51,876 It's mostly lifers up here. 74 00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:53,474 Yeah, I know. I know. 75 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,969 My grandparents used to own a cottage up here 76 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,891 then my dad sold it because my stepmom wanted 77 00:02:57,970 --> 00:02:59,720 some shitty condo in Florida or something. 78 00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,885 Ouch. Oh, 79 00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:05,194 but without their shining example of marital dystopia, 80 00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,140 I'd have missed out on years of formative trauma 81 00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:09,226 dating any bearded man-child with tat... 82 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:13,441 ...Toos. 83 00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,658 Have a great summer. 84 00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,455 They look great on you. 85 00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:30,334 I thought we were stopping for ice cream. 86 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,720 That better be your shit. 87 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:35,878 Yeah. 88 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,640 What happened? 89 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,272 I think I just tried to seduce 90 00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:45,389 my prison hipster fantasy with anal douching. 91 00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:47,346 That's what my generation doesn't have sex. 92 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:48,846 - Ugh. - Oh... 93 00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,574 - Whoa! - What? 94 00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:53,189 Still plugged in. 95 00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:55,105 Well, how much longer till a full charge? 96 00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:57,494 - 30 minutes. - 30 minutes? 97 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,241 Saving the environment takes time. 98 00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:01,413 Oh, God! 99 00:04:14,395 --> 00:04:18,067 - Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod - www.MY-SUBS.com 100 00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,046 I know I probably should have gotten one of those 101 00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:21,932 four by four things, but... 102 00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,562 it just seems so homophobic. 103 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,350 Hey, you've seen pictures of the cottage I rented, right? 104 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,404 So cute. 105 00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,308 Fingers crossed there's AC. 106 00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:32,981 Air conditioning is one of the biggest 107 00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:34,935 contributors to climate change. 108 00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:36,895 Right. Who needs AC on a lake? 109 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,620 See? 110 00:04:47,705 --> 00:04:50,825 Total lakeside fantasy. 111 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,889 And '80s horror realness. 112 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:07,144 I'll have to stay a virgin if I want to make it to Labor Day. 113 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:10,104 Now feels like the right time to start drinking. 114 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,645 Maintaining a lowkey buzz is critical 115 00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:14,480 to every college experience. 116 00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:17,315 So is Mama a Rose or a... 117 00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,571 Sauv Blanc? 118 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,612 Mama is 16. 119 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:22,993 Right. 120 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:25,283 So maybe just a swim in the lake. 121 00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:28,787 Everything feels better after a swim in the lake. 122 00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:34,884 I got it. 123 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,630 - Ew. - What? 124 00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:39,012 Don't tell me you've never swum in a lake before? 125 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,418 You're supposed to be training for, like, 126 00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:41,764 the baby Olympics or something. 127 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,472 There better not be any leeches. 128 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:46,352 Actually, leeches are excellent 129 00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:47,970 for curing hypertension, 130 00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:51,017 also for reattaching fingers after surgery. 131 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,561 Just like the cure for hemorrhoids 132 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:53,984 the Romans had hoped. 133 00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:57,317 Hello, my name is Irika. 134 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,939 I have the cottage next door. 135 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,066 Hola. Hi, I'm Justin. 136 00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:03,107 - This is my daughter, Billie. - Uh, birth daughter. 137 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,453 - I'm adopted. - Yes, 138 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,241 but it was an open adoption so 139 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:08,154 the birth parents are still part of their kid's life. 140 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,655 He got his best friend pregnant at prom 141 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,121 like in a dumb teen comedy. 142 00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:12,742 But not funny because we thought we'd 143 00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:14,243 ruined our lives and our families hated us. 144 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:17,879 Oh. Well, wolves raise pups communally. 145 00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,631 The male emu looks after the young 146 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,542 while the female goes in search of a new mate. 147 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:25,928 Yes. Yeah. Polyemu-ry is a valid life choice. 148 00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:28,891 I have a little hour around five. 149 00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:30,222 Please come by any time. 150 00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:31,807 - Okay. Thanks. - Great. 151 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,852 Dido. 152 00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:37,266 Tra-la-la. 153 00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:39,526 Please tell me that's seaweed. 154 00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:42,358 Unwaxed seaweed, but the hat's a fresh spin. 155 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,784 You still wanna swim in that? 156 00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:45,862 - No, I think we'll canoe... - Awesome. 157 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:49,448 And let this lake air out a little bit. 158 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,550 Oh, no, no, no. You make a J. 159 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,549 You make a J with your paddle, make a J... 160 00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,051 Uppercase or lowercase? 161 00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:05,763 Well no, just like a letter J. 162 00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:07,803 - Just like J for like Justin. - Okay! 163 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:11,176 - Yeah, okay or like, Lustin. - That also works. 164 00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,475 Hey, you see that cottage? 165 00:07:15,561 --> 00:07:16,811 Yeah. 166 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,229 That's the Henderson's. 167 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:19,823 After 30 years of subpar banging, 168 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,608 Mrs. Henderson leased her husband out 169 00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,742 to her best friend, Maureen, two nights a week. 170 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:27,659 But escandalo, Mr. Henderson broke the agreement 171 00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:31,079 and married Maureen at Tilt-a-Palooza next summer. 172 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,950 - Tilt-a-Palooza? - Yeah, 173 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,532 it's the last event on the lake before 174 00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:36,118 the boathouse shuts for the season. 175 00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:38,626 There's a regatta. It's a potluck throw down. 176 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,459 There's the Tilt Off. Everybody competes 177 00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:42,214 for shitty prizes and bragging rights 178 00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,126 and people hold grudges for generations. 179 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,674 Sounds about white. 180 00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:48,671 And that one 181 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:49,797 used to be ours. 182 00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:51,557 My great grandfather built it. 183 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,518 It was my happy place till my dad remarried 184 00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:56,059 and my wicked stepsister ruined everything. 185 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,397 I spent every summer there as a kid. 186 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,269 Who owns it now. 187 00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,476 I don't know. 188 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,700 Do you want to find out? 189 00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:08,158 Shouldn't we call first? 190 00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,238 No, I'm just a neighbour. 191 00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:11,861 I'm dropping in on another neighbour. 192 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,197 Feels more like trespassing. 193 00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:15,826 Justin, I don't like this. 194 00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:17,833 Well, you should probably turn us around then. 195 00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:23,495 Uh-oh, someone needs to work on their J-stroke. 196 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,635 Ugh. Do you believe how... 197 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,601 Gorgeous it is? 198 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,851 It's like heaven took a nap. 199 00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:38,734 And that dock. 200 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,600 I want a baby with that dock. 201 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,857 Hello! 202 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,945 Okay. We came, we knocked. 203 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,988 - We leave. - No, Come on! 204 00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:51,742 I want to see how these power douches 205 00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:54,493 ruined the homestead with their exquisite taste. 206 00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:59,412 You know, you climb up that, 207 00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:00,918 you can get in through the window. 208 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:02,541 It's how I snuck home after curfew... 209 00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,714 Except you're not 12 and that's a felony. 210 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,255 No! It's an adventure. 211 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,048 It's like a classic, summer shenanigan. 212 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,051 See, for a Black girl, breaking and entering 213 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:11,754 is more a, "When they see us" adventure 214 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,760 than a Wet, Hot American Summer shenanigan. 215 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,424 Fair point. Okay. Just keep an eye out 216 00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,430 to see if anybody comes back, okay? 217 00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:20,558 I'm doing it! 218 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:22,564 Birth dad is doing it. 219 00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:25,066 Mom will definitely let me come home if she sees this. 220 00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:27,481 - Damn. - Yep. 221 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,987 I'm still flexible. 222 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,290 Holy shit. 223 00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,463 Oh, it's all the same. 224 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,147 Shit. Shit, shit. 225 00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,554 No way. 226 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,510 My God, Grandpa. 227 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,184 - Justin. - Shit! 228 00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,222 - Let's go! Someone's coming. - Okay. 229 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,010 - What are you doing? - What? It was my grandpa's... 230 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,762 Put it back or I'm calling the Coast Guard. 231 00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:44,478 There's no Coast Guard on a lake. 232 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,103 It's a committee and you get elected. 233 00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:48,063 Oh, my God. Would you shut up and go. 234 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,530 Oh! 235 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,703 - Uh, who are you? - Uh, sorry. 236 00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:40,532 We're Billie. I'm Billie. He's Justin. 237 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:43,447 Yeah, I'm her dad. I'm her birth dad. 238 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,407 I'm adopted. 239 00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,077 Gave me up because he's gay. 240 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:48,745 No, I just chose parents who could 241 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,884 give her a better life. Wasn't even out yet. 242 00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:52,801 - Well. - But I am now. 243 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,716 Yes, queen. 244 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,387 Nice to meet you. I'm Victor. 245 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:00,969 - This is my son, Killian. - Hi. 246 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,934 What are you doing on our dock? 247 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,010 Oh, my great grand something built your cottage. 248 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,846 - He wanted to show me. - Yeah, I did. 249 00:12:06,852 --> 00:12:08,772 I-I knocked. We did knock, but nobody was home. 250 00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,734 Maybe you could give us a tour. 251 00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:12,694 - Yeah. - I'll ask my wife. 252 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,534 - It's her cottage. - Yeah. 253 00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,938 Everyone's getting ready for the boathouse 254 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,204 barbecue tonight. 255 00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:19,359 - Oh... - You comin'? 256 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,580 Yeah. We wouldn't miss it. 257 00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:26,496 We got so much unpacking to do. 258 00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:29,790 Just loads of it but it was really nice to meet you. 259 00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:31,835 We'll, um... 260 00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,378 It was really good to mee... 261 00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,052 We'll just get out of your hair. 262 00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,876 - Yeah. - You guys need help at all? 263 00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:38,932 No, no, no, no, no, no. No. We're fine. 264 00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:41,219 - Have fun. - Okay, well, 265 00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:42,553 it was great to meet you. 266 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:44,387 Really great meeting you. Bye. 267 00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:46,313 Bye. 268 00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:48,851 Why do you need to ask mom to show the cottage? 269 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:52,265 Son, you know your mom likes everything to be perfect. 270 00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:54,435 For the record, that's how you get 271 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,154 a tour without invading someone's home. 272 00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,574 A tour of what? Your vagina? 273 00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,323 I saw you drooling over that Aber-zombie. 274 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:04,866 Yeah. And you were eye-boning his dad, so whatever. 275 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:08,041 Yeah, well I don't need to stay a virgin to survive the summer. 276 00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:12,075 Get ready for some deep dives 277 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,127 into septic tanks tonight at the barbecue. 278 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:17,011 How you flush your poop is a hot button topic on the lake. 279 00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:18,422 There's no signal here. 280 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,835 Yes. Someone is coming on Monday. 281 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:23,846 You can ask Irika to use hers but... 282 00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:26,639 I don't know if textiles and bandwidth are compatible. 283 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,563 Do you know how parenting works? 284 00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,732 'Cause, baseline, you keep the kid safe. 285 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,980 Like, don't rent a cottage in the middle of the woods 286 00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:35,518 if you can't call for help when invaded by rednecks or demons. 287 00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:37,194 Or don't be the redneck 288 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,105 invading someone else's cottage. 289 00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:41,074 I just wanted to show you where you came from. 290 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,494 - That's all. - I know where I came from. 291 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,611 Three hundred clicks from here. And I'm going back 292 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,742 as soon as I tell Mom and Dad that you broke into... 293 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,367 No. Let's just... Woop, put the pause on. 294 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,535 I-I I just got... 295 00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:55,044 I got a little excited moving from FaceTime 296 00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:57,666 to real time, that's all. 297 00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,375 I just haven't been on the same continent 298 00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:00,721 as you since you were a baby. 299 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,339 Whose fault is that? 300 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,007 Look, I don't know what you did to deserve it 301 00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,218 but your parents said that it was either summer with me 302 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,984 or it was Pioneer Girls Bible camp. 303 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,809 Now, if you would prefer experimenting 304 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,564 with light lesbianism and the word of our Lord, 305 00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:18,437 then by all means, call them from the boat house. 306 00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:23,913 Look, Billie, I know that this is not 307 00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:25,859 - the summer that you wanted... - Oh? You mean 308 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,074 moderating the virtual climate conference I organized? 309 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,792 What is the point 310 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,250 of trying to save the environment 311 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,870 if you're not gonna enjoy any of it? 312 00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:41,336 I bet that you could ask, uh, Kissy, kissy Kissian 313 00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:43,383 to show you around the barbecue tonight. 314 00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,506 I am the child. Me. 315 00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:46,894 Just give it a shot. 316 00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,050 At least for tonight. 317 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:50,684 Just... 318 00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,055 Don't try to be my parent. 319 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,062 Never. No. 320 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,688 I'm not like other birth dads. 321 00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:58,692 I'm a cool birth dad. 322 00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:00,983 Are you quoting Mean girls? 323 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,647 Your parents have their Bible. 324 00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,356 I have mine. 325 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,199 Pretty extra for a boat house. 326 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:14,076 Well, it's over 150 years old. 327 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,714 Used to be a fishing club. 328 00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,880 Menfolk only and then ladies became people. 329 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,959 So, hard pivot. 330 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,665 Uh, it's kind of like if the PTA ran 331 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,625 a daycare for functional alcoholics. 332 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,478 Why is everyone staring at us? 333 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:45,737 Because my gay ass giving you up for adoption 334 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:48,660 was the second biggest escandala to rock the lake 335 00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:51,330 since Whore-reen shacked up with Saggy Balls Henderson. 336 00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:52,696 HOT FLASH: Whore-reen is the lady 337 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,162 we're renting the cabin from. 338 00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:57,535 Woah... So much sunburn. 339 00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,134 Yeah, the beginning of the season's always muy charro. 340 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,420 We're weeks from peak sunscreen. 341 00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,264 Too late to make a run for it? 342 00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:06,001 For me, yes. The sharks are already circling. 343 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,670 But the lifeguard lounge down the hall is empty. 344 00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:10,796 - Go run for your life. - Justin Lovejoy! 345 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,347 Can't believe you're back, bud. 346 00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,770 Hey, Wayne. Jane. 347 00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,809 - Was that...? - Child I abandoned? Yes. 348 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,733 Hilarious. 349 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,516 That sense of humor hasn't vanished with your waistline. 350 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,112 O-M-Jeepers. You are so mini now! 351 00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,491 Australia. The misogyny and the melanoma 352 00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,068 just melt the fat away. 353 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,823 Is it true? Did you date a Hemsworth? 354 00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:30,359 - Yeah. - A Coffs Harbour Hemsworth. 355 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,195 Yeah. Shorter, more knuckle hair. 356 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,793 Oh, and now you're back to be a parent 357 00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:37,079 after giving it up for the wild gay lifestyle. 358 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,373 Well, this place has seen more threesomes 359 00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:40,957 and fists in the tush than me. 360 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,974 Hey, listen, you need any help, you come see us, alright? 361 00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,838 - We got four now. - Oh fuck. 362 00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:51,135 Terrier, Jerika, Kerrigan and Olive. 363 00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:52,509 Low motility. 364 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,054 Yeah, they stuck a bunch of eggs up 365 00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,717 because my guys don't swim so good. 366 00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,469 Well, I guess they had a fucking grappling hook. 367 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,935 They blew out Janie's vulva. 368 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,404 It's so great to have you home. 369 00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:05,691 Just like old times. 370 00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,355 Oh fuck, I hope not. 371 00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:16,792 - Hiding? - Oh, it was a bit 372 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,330 Housewives of Cottage Country up there. 373 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:21,294 What's this chapter in Sunstroke? 374 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:24,254 Tilting. Its canoe jousting. 375 00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,045 Yeah, that definitely wouldn't happen 376 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:27,509 with more melanin on the lake. 377 00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:29,669 It's actually pretty fun, though. 378 00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:31,378 There's a tournament every summer. 379 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:32,798 My dad's won it nine times. 380 00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,546 One more, he get a free canoe? 381 00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,307 Better. He beats Wayne Moore's record. 382 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,059 That dude's a talking shark. 383 00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:40,851 So a bunch of guys affirming patriarchal rituals 384 00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,515 of dominance and aggression. 385 00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:43,944 Maybe I should try. 386 00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:45,322 Subvert the system. 387 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,982 You would be going up against the junior champ. 388 00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:50,614 And I hear he's unbeatable. 389 00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,244 Sounds like a dare. 390 00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:57,369 So, must be weird not having the old place, huh? 391 00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:59,082 Never thought you'd let it go. 392 00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,824 Yeah, well, it wasn't really up to me, Wayne. 393 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,750 Do you know who owns it now? 394 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:06,042 Mm-hmm. Yeah. I dropped by earlier today. 395 00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,497 - Mm. - Wow. 396 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,337 - Mm. - And you were cool with that? 397 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,592 Yes. Yeah. Guys, you can't live in the past. 398 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:14,684 You know, you gotta move on. And, um... 399 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,965 you know what? I'm actually gonna go say hi right now, 400 00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:18,771 but it was great chatting with you both. 401 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:23,268 And you... you have not changed at all. 402 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,062 - Exactly the same. - What does that mean? 403 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,364 I don't know. 404 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,649 - Hey, Victor. Hi! - Justin. 405 00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:30,283 Yeah. Do you know Riley? 406 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,900 Yes, from earlier. 407 00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,649 From the gas and goin' down, not on you. 408 00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:35,235 I mean, like in flames. 409 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:36,948 Because when we met, I was such a re... 410 00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,951 No. We don't say that word anymore. 411 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,405 That's a bad word. 412 00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:41,745 So good to meet you again 413 00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:43,960 for a second time to do this again. 414 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,540 And this is my son, Darian. 415 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,710 - Opal. - I'm so sorry. 416 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,955 Last time. Opal is his chosen name. 417 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,877 - My pronouns are he and him. - Hey, me too. 418 00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,296 Pronoun twinsies. 419 00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:56,843 We're having a bit of a rough night. 420 00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,596 Opal's pick got torpedoed for movie night. 421 00:18:58,680 --> 00:18:59,970 But I got there first. 422 00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:01,806 That's why there's a sign up sheet. 423 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:04,391 Now, we have to watch the Minions. Again. 424 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,767 I thought Minions were cool. 425 00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,524 More like cretins. 426 00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:09,309 You can watch "Carol," later with your Zoom crew. 427 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,435 Fine, but Killian can't watch porn when we do. 428 00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:13,146 The buffering's maddening. 429 00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,324 Carol. 430 00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,116 - Tough sell. - He's still a bit upset 431 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:20,789 over getting booted off the talent show committee. 432 00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:22,999 He wanted to replace the annual show with 433 00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,419 Canadian Diva Edition. 434 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,878 - Oh. - You start in with Anne Murray. 435 00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:30,419 Work your way through Jann Arden, K.D. Lang, 436 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,923 Sarah McLachlan. 437 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,755 Anyone can do Celine or Shania. 438 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,550 Yeah, that's so true. 439 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:36,973 I really want to meet your wife. 440 00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,721 Dying to, in fact. Is she around? 441 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,813 Yeah, yeah, 442 00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:42,426 there's something you should know about my... 443 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,472 Justin? 444 00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:49,265 Justin Lovejoy? 445 00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:51,475 - Maisie-May? - Your stepsister. 446 00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:54,935 Welcome home, little brother. 447 00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:04,866 Wow. 448 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,745 Remember, brace before you swing. 449 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,632 Oh, I'll brace. Your face. 450 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,089 That's weak. 451 00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:13,129 Still gonna destroy you. 452 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,837 Here's the thing about pride and fal... 453 00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,136 Told you to brace... 454 00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,021 Works both ways. 455 00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:30,402 Oh, my God. Killian, stop pawing her. 456 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,020 She's not a chew toy. 457 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:37,029 Uh... uh, Billie, this is... 458 00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:40,661 uh, Kerri, Terri, Jerri. And Olive. 459 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,080 - Hi. - They have the cottage 460 00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,578 across from the boathouse. 461 00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:45,327 Look at what we nicked from the canteen. 462 00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:49,213 This Tiltin's 'bout to get turnt. 463 00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:04,641 Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! 464 00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,437 - You ready, Jerri? - It's Terri. 465 00:21:11,521 --> 00:21:12,771 Whatever, Taylor. 466 00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:14,355 - Nice. - Go Terri, 467 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,240 - go Terri, go Terri... - Let's go, Airy. 468 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,119 Boom. 469 00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,699 Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! 470 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,575 Shot! Shot! Shot! 471 00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:30,002 Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! 472 00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:32,501 - Maybe that's enough? - Back off, Kissy. 473 00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:35,545 I don't understand. 474 00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:37,168 My dad was gonna sell the cottage 475 00:21:37,255 --> 00:21:40,125 so that your mom could buy, some, like... 476 00:21:40,216 --> 00:21:42,086 condo in Florida. 477 00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:44,426 He changed his mind. 478 00:21:44,512 --> 00:21:46,341 So what? Did you like, buy it from him? 479 00:21:46,347 --> 00:21:47,717 No, he left it to me. 480 00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:52,024 I think he saw how much it meant to me. 481 00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:53,523 And how much it meant to the boys. 482 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:55,194 He wanted to keep it in the family. 483 00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:57,613 Yeah, it's weird because we're not even related. 484 00:21:57,692 --> 00:22:00,952 Your mom is like barely married to my dad. 485 00:22:01,029 --> 00:22:03,239 16 years. Yeah, but the first two don't count. 486 00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:05,032 He was still married to my mom. 487 00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:09,253 Listen, I know that you and your... 488 00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:12,169 Dad didn't have an easy relationship. 489 00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:14,458 I mean, I'm not making excuses for his behaviour. 490 00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:16,632 After you gave Billie up, 491 00:22:16,711 --> 00:22:18,301 he really did change. 492 00:22:18,379 --> 00:22:20,259 You should have seen him with Opal. 493 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,300 And... 494 00:22:23,384 --> 00:22:25,434 And I understand why you left. 495 00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:27,811 I couldn't imagine giving my babies up. 496 00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:31,886 I know how much the lake meant to you 497 00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:33,516 when you were growing up. I mean, 498 00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:35,182 that's why you brought Billie here, right... 499 00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:36,808 - Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! - Oh, my God, Billie. 500 00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:38,824 Oh, you know we don't litter. 501 00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:40,030 Shot! Shot! 502 00:22:40,109 --> 00:22:41,859 Drink up! 503 00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:43,614 Hey, hey, what's going on here? 504 00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,066 Oh, hi. 505 00:22:45,156 --> 00:22:47,026 I'm tilting the shit out of these three... 506 00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:50,280 - Six bitches. - Whoa. Whoa, whoa. 507 00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:51,866 Easy, Spinnie-Minnie. 508 00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:54,210 - Mm. - She had it when we got here. 509 00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:56,580 What's goin' on? 510 00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:58,371 It's fine, Maisie, I can handle it, alright? 511 00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,297 Well, let me help you. I know these kids. 512 00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:02,375 I would know them too if you didn't steal the cottage. 513 00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:04,091 - Oh, my God... - They stole our cottage? 514 00:23:04,175 --> 00:23:05,837 - What's going on, girls? - Uh, I don't know. 515 00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:07,547 We were just teaching her how to tilt, Mom. 516 00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,433 Yeah, she was like this when we got here. 517 00:23:09,514 --> 00:23:12,314 The rules are very clear about underage drinking: 518 00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:14,731 A two week suspension from boathouse privileges 519 00:23:14,811 --> 00:23:18,941 and the parents pay a $200 fee to the Canteen Renovation Fund. 520 00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:21,653 Both biological and adopted. 521 00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,114 Mm-mm. I don't want to go to Bible camp. 522 00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:25,655 Shit, your breath. 523 00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:28,828 The only one drinking here is me. 524 00:23:36,624 --> 00:23:39,094 Oh, my God. 525 00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:42,586 Oh. You know what? 526 00:23:42,672 --> 00:23:44,092 Why shouldn't I be drinking? 527 00:23:45,049 --> 00:23:48,299 My birthright was stolen from me 528 00:23:48,386 --> 00:23:50,596 by trickery and deception. 529 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,560 - There was no... - De-cep-tion. 530 00:23:56,185 --> 00:23:58,855 Oh, fuck. I forgot all about the wine I, uh... 531 00:23:58,938 --> 00:24:00,898 Wine before liquor. 532 00:24:00,982 --> 00:24:02,732 - Never sicker. - That's right, girls. 533 00:24:02,817 --> 00:24:05,317 To reclaim my family honour, 534 00:24:05,403 --> 00:24:07,663 I challenge you, 535 00:24:07,738 --> 00:24:10,118 Maisie-May, 536 00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:14,619 by the sacred blood oath of trial by tilt. 537 00:24:14,704 --> 00:24:16,164 That's not a thing. 538 00:24:16,247 --> 00:24:17,706 Come on. Let's see where this goes. 539 00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:18,915 This could be good. Come on. 540 00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:20,748 If defeated in lawful tilt, 541 00:24:20,835 --> 00:24:24,335 you have to return the cottage to its rightful owners. 542 00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:28,092 Will you answer the call? 543 00:24:28,176 --> 00:24:29,386 No... We will. 544 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:30,848 - What? - Trust me. 545 00:24:30,928 --> 00:24:33,308 The challenge was actually for Maisie. 546 00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:35,889 Well as her husband and champion, 547 00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,515 I'm sworn to defend her honour. 548 00:24:37,602 --> 00:24:39,152 A moment, Sir Lancelot. 549 00:24:39,228 --> 00:24:41,268 Mm-mn. You can't win. 550 00:24:41,355 --> 00:24:43,645 Victor's been tilting champ nine... 551 00:24:43,733 --> 00:24:45,443 I lost every tilt and my father's love 552 00:24:45,526 --> 00:24:48,196 by the third grade, but if I do this, 553 00:24:48,279 --> 00:24:50,409 no one is going to remember your drinking. 554 00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:53,699 Are you insane? You can't give away our cottage if you lose. 555 00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:55,834 Just play along. Babe, he just found out 556 00:24:55,912 --> 00:24:57,662 that his dad gave it to you. I'll let him 557 00:24:57,747 --> 00:24:59,747 knock me around a little, make him feel better. 558 00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:01,332 Trust me. 559 00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:02,587 We're ready! 560 00:25:02,668 --> 00:25:03,998 You're gonna humiliate yourself 561 00:25:04,086 --> 00:25:05,666 in front of all these people? 562 00:25:05,755 --> 00:25:06,955 For you? 563 00:25:07,882 --> 00:25:09,382 Anything. 564 00:25:09,467 --> 00:25:11,047 Aww. 565 00:25:11,135 --> 00:25:13,465 But I'm gonna need you to walk me to the dock 566 00:25:13,554 --> 00:25:15,564 because a lot is starting to spin. 567 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,430 It's happening, it's happening. 568 00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:19,096 We got a tilt. 569 00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:23,061 - Hi. - Hi. 570 00:25:23,147 --> 00:25:24,817 - Hi. - Hi. 571 00:25:24,899 --> 00:25:27,149 Perhaps we should go inside and have some bread. 572 00:25:46,254 --> 00:25:47,924 We didn't steal your dad's cottage. 573 00:25:48,005 --> 00:25:50,125 Birth dad. 574 00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:52,836 And whatever you thought was happening here... 575 00:25:54,053 --> 00:25:55,103 It's over. 576 00:25:57,890 --> 00:26:00,230 We're not really gonna lose our cottage if Daddy loses, 577 00:26:00,309 --> 00:26:02,939 - Right, Mom? - No, sweetie. 578 00:26:03,020 --> 00:26:04,360 Just our dignity. 579 00:26:04,438 --> 00:26:06,518 Oh, my God. 580 00:26:06,607 --> 00:26:08,227 Pick it up. 581 00:26:08,317 --> 00:26:09,527 Okay. 582 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,000 What the fuck? 583 00:26:29,755 --> 00:26:30,795 Tilt! 584 00:26:38,264 --> 00:26:40,104 Don't forget to brace. 585 00:26:42,727 --> 00:26:44,187 Oh, nope! 586 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,280 - Oh, shit. - Seriously? 587 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:52,950 That was disappointing. 588 00:26:53,029 --> 00:26:55,489 - Ah, I'm gonna grab a beer. - See? 589 00:26:58,826 --> 00:27:00,486 - Hi. - Hi. 590 00:27:00,578 --> 00:27:02,073 I don't think anyone saw you vomit 591 00:27:02,079 --> 00:27:03,499 when you hit the water. 592 00:27:03,581 --> 00:27:05,251 I think there's a good chance that 593 00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:08,043 Wayne and Jane posted my Tilt a Hurl online. 594 00:27:09,337 --> 00:27:10,707 Thank you 595 00:27:10,796 --> 00:27:13,416 from saving me from getting saved. 596 00:27:13,507 --> 00:27:15,170 You know I'm still going to baptize your ass 597 00:27:15,176 --> 00:27:16,216 in the lake, right? 598 00:27:25,936 --> 00:27:28,266 What happened in Australia? 599 00:27:28,356 --> 00:27:29,816 Why'd you come back? 600 00:27:29,899 --> 00:27:32,529 My ex became a Buddhist and, you know, 601 00:27:32,610 --> 00:27:34,320 I could deal with the meditating 602 00:27:34,403 --> 00:27:36,743 but it was the chlamydia that started to feel personal. 603 00:27:37,865 --> 00:27:41,615 But if he hadn't banged half of Bondi Beach, then... 604 00:27:41,702 --> 00:27:43,292 I wouldn't be here with you. 605 00:27:43,371 --> 00:27:45,461 So, thanks, Chris. 606 00:27:46,957 --> 00:27:49,497 Okay, it's your turn. 607 00:27:49,585 --> 00:27:51,745 Why'd your parents want to send you to Bible camp? 608 00:27:52,380 --> 00:27:55,170 Oh. Uh... 609 00:27:55,257 --> 00:27:58,427 A few sexts accidentally uploading 610 00:27:58,511 --> 00:28:00,511 to the family cloud may have convinced them 611 00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:02,342 it was time to reconnect with my birth story. 612 00:28:02,348 --> 00:28:04,598 Ooh, I thought it was because you got arrested 613 00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:07,017 - at that climate march. - Oh no, they were proud of that 614 00:28:07,061 --> 00:28:09,811 but my booty shots to Jared, not so much. 615 00:28:09,897 --> 00:28:11,518 Well, it's hard to get the lighting right. 616 00:28:11,524 --> 00:28:13,114 I mean, even Captain America made 617 00:28:13,192 --> 00:28:14,612 his pretty dinky look shrinky. 618 00:28:14,693 --> 00:28:16,613 Such a stupid way to get them to notice me. 619 00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:19,195 We've all sexted a Jared. 620 00:28:19,281 --> 00:28:21,911 What was he, like, a DJ? Or a snowboarder? 621 00:28:21,992 --> 00:28:23,622 Leader of my activist youth circle. 622 00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:25,082 Fuck. 623 00:28:25,162 --> 00:28:26,872 I'm so old. 624 00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:29,628 Well, if your parents sent you here, 625 00:28:29,708 --> 00:28:31,538 he must be either 40 or 12. 626 00:28:31,627 --> 00:28:32,997 Ew. 22. 627 00:28:33,087 --> 00:28:34,624 And he starts grad school in the fall. 628 00:28:34,630 --> 00:28:36,300 Because that's why you sent those pics? 629 00:28:36,382 --> 00:28:38,512 For his big... brain? 630 00:28:40,803 --> 00:28:43,513 But if you hadn't sent him child porn, 631 00:28:43,597 --> 00:28:44,887 then you wouldn't be here. 632 00:28:44,974 --> 00:28:47,484 So thanks, Jared. 633 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:48,810 Who's Jared. 634 00:28:49,645 --> 00:28:50,765 Oh, um... 635 00:28:52,523 --> 00:28:55,193 Uh, he's my, um... my weed dealer. 636 00:28:55,276 --> 00:28:57,186 God, wished he delivered. 637 00:28:57,278 --> 00:28:59,818 Hangovers. Ah. Right? 638 00:29:01,282 --> 00:29:04,582 Um, Mom wanted me to give you some of your dad's old stuff. 639 00:29:04,660 --> 00:29:07,080 - Hey, thanks. - Mm-hm. 640 00:29:10,624 --> 00:29:12,134 Don't get into drinking contests 641 00:29:12,209 --> 00:29:13,539 with Kerri, Terri or Jerri. 642 00:29:13,627 --> 00:29:15,087 Olive's the weak link. 643 00:29:17,256 --> 00:29:18,296 Right. 644 00:29:20,092 --> 00:29:22,552 Holy shit, I think he just proposed to you in boy. 645 00:29:22,636 --> 00:29:24,386 His family stole our cottage. 646 00:29:25,139 --> 00:29:27,059 But maybe there's regret 647 00:29:27,141 --> 00:29:29,441 and a sound environmental policy under those abs. 648 00:29:30,436 --> 00:29:32,146 Now you're too young to daydream, 649 00:29:32,229 --> 00:29:34,319 so you need a project. Go. 650 00:29:34,398 --> 00:29:36,028 Make out town is that way. 651 00:29:45,367 --> 00:29:48,827 Killian! Killian! 652 00:29:48,913 --> 00:29:50,083 Ugh. 653 00:30:01,842 --> 00:30:03,142 Hey, I found this. 654 00:30:07,348 --> 00:30:09,478 Are you okay? 655 00:30:09,558 --> 00:30:11,188 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 656 00:30:11,268 --> 00:30:12,308 Great. 657 00:30:15,397 --> 00:30:17,356 Didn't you shove that down your pants yesterday? 658 00:30:21,570 --> 00:30:23,410 My grandpa made it. 659 00:30:23,489 --> 00:30:26,199 My grandma taught me to needlepoint at the cottage. 660 00:30:26,992 --> 00:30:30,042 So, we'd embroider when it rained. And my dad... 661 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,290 hated it. 662 00:30:32,373 --> 00:30:34,035 You know, because he thought I should be out 663 00:30:34,041 --> 00:30:36,631 catching frogs or pissing on shit 664 00:30:36,710 --> 00:30:39,170 or doing whatever it is that little straight boys do. 665 00:30:40,464 --> 00:30:42,594 But then when grandma died, 666 00:30:42,675 --> 00:30:45,635 my grandpa let me teach him the petit point and it just... 667 00:30:46,637 --> 00:30:48,677 It just kept her alive for us. 668 00:30:51,850 --> 00:30:53,810 "There once was a man from Chile, 669 00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:56,114 with holes down the length of his willy. 670 00:30:56,188 --> 00:30:58,268 When he got an erection, he could play a selection 671 00:30:58,357 --> 00:31:00,397 of the opera Aida by Verdi?" 672 00:31:01,777 --> 00:31:03,147 Um... 673 00:31:03,237 --> 00:31:06,277 He was a little racist. 674 00:31:13,455 --> 00:31:15,365 So where's Killian. 675 00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:17,377 Oh, he's gone already. 676 00:31:17,459 --> 00:31:19,919 Think this fell out of the box he brought us? 677 00:31:26,302 --> 00:31:28,352 It's an addendum to Dad's will. 678 00:31:28,429 --> 00:31:29,599 What? 679 00:31:31,181 --> 00:31:33,021 Maisie doesn't own the cottage. 680 00:31:34,518 --> 00:31:36,268 It's in a trust. 681 00:31:36,353 --> 00:31:38,693 And if she ever leaves... 682 00:31:41,358 --> 00:31:43,278 it passes to me. 683 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,450 Your dad changed his will so you could get the cottage back. 684 00:31:46,530 --> 00:31:49,580 No. I... I doubt it. I mean, I begged him, 685 00:31:49,658 --> 00:31:51,538 I begged him not to sell the cottage. 686 00:31:51,619 --> 00:31:53,990 And then he said to me, "Well, if keeping it in the family 687 00:31:53,996 --> 00:31:55,825 was so important to you, then why'd you give up 688 00:31:55,831 --> 00:31:57,211 - my only grandkid?" - Dark. 689 00:31:57,291 --> 00:31:59,081 If we could get Maisie to leave... 690 00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:01,630 Like if we could find the right push... 691 00:32:01,712 --> 00:32:02,922 Like off a dock? 692 00:32:03,005 --> 00:32:04,167 Well, no. She's a varsity swimmer. 693 00:32:04,173 --> 00:32:06,133 We'd have to hold her under. 694 00:32:06,216 --> 00:32:08,506 We need to give Maisie a reason to leave. 695 00:32:08,594 --> 00:32:10,054 And then what? 696 00:32:10,137 --> 00:32:15,307 And then we take back what's ours. 697 00:32:15,392 --> 00:32:19,692 Because your birth dad ain't nobody's bitch. 698 00:32:23,651 --> 00:32:25,031 Mm! 699 00:32:25,054 --> 00:32:28,523 - Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod - www.MY-SUBS.com 700 00:32:42,961 --> 00:32:44,381 Hey! 50212

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