All language subtitles for wlay - 2x02

Hey, hey, do these pants
make my bottom look big?

[ laughs ] Bottom.

You're so Amish.

Hey, some guy
from Sports Unlimited called.

He said that your Nolan Ryan
baseball card

won't be ready until 3:00.

Oh, 3:00? You're kidding.

Yep. Made the whole thing up.

Shoot. I really need
that card.

It's for a client
I'm trying to sign.

He's a pitcher,

and Nolan Ryan is like
his favorite,

and now I'm not going
to have time to pick it up.

Bummer.

No, please, come on.
It's really important to me.

You can pick it up
right after school.

I don't know.
I'm pretty booked.

What do you do
that is so important?

First of all, I have to meet
Henry before school

because he thinks we don't
spend enough time together.

And Gary's going to be there
because he thinks

I spend too much time
with Henry.

And then I have school,
which sucks.

And then after school,
I have a job I have to go to.

Okay, what about the 2-hour
window between school and work?

Then I have to meet
with Jessica L.

and Jessica R. for coffee,
because they think

I spend too much time
with Henry and Gary.

And then I need at least
15 minutes of down time

so I can de-stress
from everyone pulling at me!

Okay, here's the address.

Just swing by there
and pick it up

no later than 3:30, okay?

And drop it off
at the Standard.

Okay, what about studying?

Don't you want me
to get into a good college?

Look, if I get this client,
I'll get a promotion,

and that means more money.

Then I can just buy you
into college,

and you'll never have
to study again.

I just had a cancellation.

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www.addic7ed.com

Okay, would you still
be with me

if I gained 600 pounds

and could only bathe
in a kiddie pool?

You're not going to gain
600 pounds.

You've been trying
to break 140 since I met you.

Ha ha ha.

Would you still be with me
if I couldn't help it,

but I talked at this volume
all the time!?

Probably.

But we'd stay inside
a lot more.

Man, listening
to the two of you

talk about stupid things
makes me miss Jill

even more than I already do.

Would you still be with Jill
if her knees were inverted

and she walked
like an ostrich?

Hell no!

I got to take off.
I'll see you guys later.

- See you.
- Bye.

So, why are you asking
all these weird questions?

Well, uh...

I didn't want
to worry you,

but I have to have
major surgery.

Oh, my God!

What is it?

I have to have
my wisdom teeth removed.

That's it?
That's the major surgery?

They're impacted!

They have to put me under,
and I heard

that sometimes people
can go into a coma.

You're going to be fine.

That's what everyone says.

No one thinks
they're going into a coma

when they go into a coma.

Tell you what.
How about I go with you?

I promise
that when you wake up,

my face will be
the first thing you see.

That'll be awesome.

Usually it's my dog's ass.

Uh-oh. There goes Rachel.

Peter's only been here
a week, and he's already

fired like three people
for no reason.

That's not true.
Rachel never did any work.

She took 3-hour lunches,
and she was always

taking credit for things
she didn't do.

Oh, my God!
People notice that stuff?

[ men laughing ]

What bothers me
is he's replacing them

with all his buddies.

It's getting more and more
like a frat house around here.

Now if he'd just fire
the rest of you broads,

I'd be the only sweetheart
at the kegger.

Good morning, everyone.

- Hi.
- Good morning.

I'd like introduce you all
to Alan, Mark, and Josh --

A.K.A. "The Cheese,"

"The Hammer," and "The Dawg"!

These guys were all
part of my team in Chicago,

and we're very lucky
to have them.

Okay, any new business?

Actually, yeah.

Can you believe that
Rangers game last night?

I mean, I never thought
I'd get turned on

by a bunch of guys,

but that was
a hell of a game!

Whoo, talk to me!

Okay, um,
I have something...

Not quite as homoerotic
as the other thing.

Um, the Mets just signed
this new guy, Mike Logan,

and apparently he's not
very happy with his P.R. firm.

So I've been harassing
his agent,

and I have a meeting
with Mike today,

4:00 at the Standard.

That is exactly the way
I like to do business.

Great work.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Okay, Alan, why don't you get
Val's notes and contact info?

I'd like you
to go to the Standard

and take that meeting.

You got it.

Great. Anybody got
anything else?

- Nope, that's it.
- Nothing else.

All right,
have a nice day.

Did you just see that?

He just gave my client to Alan.
That is unbelievable.

Yeah, I know.

It seems like the men
favor each other over us.

How odd.

I'm sorry, but that's
just unacceptable.

I am going to go in there
and get my client back.

You do that.

You go in there, and you
fight for women everywhere!

I'm gonna go to the bathroom
and pretty myself up.

[ knocks on door ]
Hi. Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah, sure. Come on in.

Hey, Mike Logan --
way to go.

Yeah, about that --

Um, I was wondering
why the client I brought in,

you handed over to somebody
named "The Cheese Dawg."

Did you do it because
when we went out to dinner,

I called you a pig?

Because I really don't think
I should be punished for that.

Oh, my God, no.

No, I once had a woman
call me a sick bastard,

and the next morning,

I still let her
make me breakfast.

Okay, uh, did you do it
because Alan is a man?

Well, he knows baseball.
He's a guy.

He knows what other guys
are into.

Oh, okay.

You don't think I'm capable
of talking about sports

and beer
and hot girl-on-girl action?

Are you sure
we can't go out again?

Look, I have researched
this guy

for the past two weeks.

I know what he likes.
I know what he dislikes.

I know what his old firm
did for him,

and better yet, I know
what they didn't do for him.

And I really think
that I should be the one

who meets with him.

You know what?
You're absolutely right.

Logan's your guy.
You did all the legwork,

and we'll meet you there
at 4:00.

"We"?

Listen, Val, I've had
most of my success

working as a team.

That's just part
of my business philosophy.

But it's your meeting,
okay?

Okay.

That sounds fair.

Hey, you need a nickname.

You have a nickname?

Um, yeah, I had one
in high school.

Great. What was it?

"Pickles."

"Pickles."

Yeah.

I like pickles.

Hey, how's Henry doing?
Is he asleep yet?

Yeah. It took a while.

I asked him to count
backward from 10,

and he just kept saying,
"I'm going to die."

[ chuckles ]

That's my man.

[ cellular phone rings ]

[ ring ]

Hello?

Hey. I was just wondering

if you picked up
my Nolan Ryan card yet.

Sure did.

Where are you?

Two minutes away.

You're the best.

I know. Bye.

Oh, my God!

[ men laughing ]

Hey, Val.

Hey. Where have you been?

Why are you
with Mike Logan?

Why is Mike Logan drunk?

Uh, we took him
to a strip club,

and he didn't want
to leave.

I thought
he might be interested

in a little
pre-meeting nudity.

You took him
to a strip club?

Oh, yeah.

And he signed
a 3-year contract.

He, uh, missed
most of the dotted line,

but I think it will
hold up in court.

You didn't feel the need
to include me in this?

No.

But maybe I should have.

You know, if Mike watched
you get a lap dance,

we could have gotten
a 5-year contract.

Come on, let's go celebrate.
I'll introduce you to him.

You'll introduce me to him?

I should be introducing
him to you.

This is really insulting.

Okay, just calm down.

You wouldn't even know
about Mike Logan

if it hadn't been for me.

I really think I deserve
to be a part of this.

Okay, you know what?

I don't understand you.
We are on the same team.

Team? What team?
I didn't even get to play.

Look, I'm going over there,
and I'm celebrating

about $2 million worth
of new business,

and I would really like it
if you came with me,

but if you want to just
stay here and pout,

that's up to you.

Hey, here's the card.

Good luck.
Got to go meet Henry.

I hate this stupid job!

I hate
those stupid people!

Yeah, stupid people suck.
Got to go meet Henry.

You would think
after three years

of working my tail off
for this company,

I'd get some respect.

Uh, okay, yeah.

I have to meet Henry
at the dentist's office.

I promised him I'd be there.
Got to go.

Okay, go, go.

Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm -- go!

Come here. You okay?

[ sobbing ]

No, seriously, I'm good.

Yeah, I can see that.

Do you think you'd feel better
talking about it in a cab?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

We might have to go outside
to get a cab.

[ Holly's voice ]: Henry.

Henry.

Holly?

Hey, Henry,
how you feeling, dawg?

What's up, Henry?

[ knock on door ]

- Hey, can I come in?
- Oh, actually --

Yeah, but this is
really urgent.

Oh, what is it?
Is it Henry? Is he okay?

Well, he's mad at you.

I know that.
I've called him like 20 times,

and he hasn't called me back.

That's not the urgent part.

The urgent part is I was
kind of in the neighborhood,

and I've got
to use the bathroom.

What's up, Val?

Oh, I'll tell you
what's up.

The world is not
a fair place,

and no matter
how hard I work,

I will always be considered
a second-class citizen.

Are we gonna have
a conversation

about inequality?
Because "a," I win,

And "b," I've really got
to use the bathroom.

Typical man.

You know what?

Peter keeps saying
I have to be a team player.

I have always been
a team player.

I just happen
to hate this team.

If you hate work so much,
why don't you just quit?

Start your own company.

You could have it exactly
the way you want it.

Hire all women,
and maybe a sassy gay guy.

Oh, God, I wish
I lived in there.

But it's all full
of funny cartoons and stuff.

Val, if this is about money,
I've got $1,300 --

No, $1,100 --

I've got $75
in my savings account.

It's yours.

Okay, Val.

Now, the way Gary sees it,
you've got three choices.

You could find yourself
another job

and pray it's going to be
a better situation,

do what Holly said
and start your company,

or do what 99%
of the world does

and stay where you are
and learn to suck it up.

I heard you
through the door.

Oh, my God,
could you hear me?

You look good.

There's not a lot
of swelling at all.

Well, it's still
very painful.

The doctor
has grave concerns.

About what?

He won't tell me.

That's how grave they are.

Look, Henry,
I wanted to be there.

Hey, hey, hey.
Water under the bridge, okay?

Okay.

So, do you have
those dissolving stitches?

It's just that you said
you would be there.

If I told you
I would be there for you,

I would be.

Okay, look,
Val was in an emergency.

I know, I know, I know.
You had a Val emergency,

and I am trying
to be understanding.

But I just feel like that
if you had wanted to be there,

you would have found a way.

Okay, first of all,
I'm sorry.

I wanted to be there,
but there's only one of me.

I try to be a good girlfriend.
I try to be a good sister.

I try to be a good friend!

I am just saying that I really
value this relationship,

and sometimes I'm not
so sure if you do.

Oh, my God,
how can you say that?

You know me.
You know who I am.

I think we've been dating
long enough for you to know

that if I could have
been there, I would have.

And you know what?
I'm sorry,

but something came up,
and I don't feel

that I should be
punished for that.

And to be perfectly honest,
I think you're being

a little bit of a bitch
right now!

I'm the bad guy?

All I did
was have painful surgery

and expect my girlfriend
to be there for me!

Oh, my God, you're not even
listening to me!

I just said that I --

I know what you said.

Okay, look,
I can't be here right now.

I've got some things
I need to think about.

No, you stay.

I have some things
I need to think about.

- Good. Think.
- I will.

Me too!

[ loudly ] I'm sorry!

I can't seem to control
my volume!

- Hey. Where have you been?
- Hey.

Hiding. If they can't find me,
they can't fire me.

What's in there?

Oh, I'm loading up
on caramel corn

and Diet Pepsi
from the break room.

Going to see "Nemo."

[ knock on door ]

Come in.

Hi. Do you have a second?

Yeah, sure.

Uh, look, I'm sorry

about getting so upset
yesterday.

It's just there have been
a lot of changes around here,

and it's going to take
some getting used to for me.

Nah, don't worry about it.
It's already forgotten.

Besides, I kind of liked it
when you got all pouty.

Yeah.

How cute are chicks
when they pout?

I'm the one that needs
to make the adjustments,

so that is just what
I'm going to do.

I'm going to suck it up.

Be part of the team,
you know?

Just one of the guys.

Good. I'm glad
to hear it, Pickles.

Uh, Peter, we have
a little situation.

I just got a call from
a freaked-out Mike Logan.

What's he freaked out
about?

Well, after we left him
at the bar,

he took our limo
back to the club

and hooked up
with one of the --

Entertainers?

Yeah. Anyway, his wife
found out about it

and kicked him
out of the house,

so now I'm thinking
it's going to be kind of tough

to promote him as baseball's
greatest family man.

Okay, uh...
it's not a problem.

The first thing we got to do
is calm the little lady down.

[ scoffs ]

What?

That is genius.

Yes, how are we going
to calm this broad down?

Well, I'm thinking
we send her a dozen roses,

some candy,
put his name on it.

Yes, yes, say something nice
like "I'm sorry. I love you."

Say something nice
about her rack.

Guys, it's not like
he forgot their anniversary.

He hooked up
with a stripper.

You can't fix that
with candy.

Oh, so maybe the team
should take her out

and get her drunk.

Here. Go call the wife.

Tell her that Mike
has arranged for you

to take her out
on the town --

Anywhere she wants to go,
anything she wants to do.

If it's furry, get it.

If it's sparkly, get it.

I want
this credit card company

to call me up scared.

So you're talking some
hot girl-on-girl shopping.

Oh, yeah.

Ouch.

[ knock on door ]

Hey.

Hey.

So, how you feeling?

Fine.

My mouth hurts
a little more

since I shoved
my giant foot in it.

Did you do your thinking?

Yeah.

I think I'm kind of
an idiot.

Okay.

Look, I know you got a lot
on your plate right now,

and the last thing
I want to be

is another problem for you.

I want to be
something good for you.

I tried to be there,
Henry.

I know.
I overreacted.

Maybe a little, yeah.

I think I know why.

It's because when I said
"I love you,"

you didn't say it back.

Henry, I told you --

No, just let me finish.

You know, the worst thing
a guy can be in this life

is a chump.

And when I said that,

I totally set myself up
to be a chump.

You're not a chump.

Not yet, but it runs
strong in my family.

My dad was a chump.
His dad was a chump.

My cousin's a chump.

Somebody's got to step up

and break the cycle.

Henry, I --

I do have a lot going on
right now,

and I don't want you
to be a problem, either.

But you're gonna become one
if you don't start believing

that I'm committed
to this relationship.

I can't keep making sure
you're okay every second.

You need me to chill out,
don't you?

So, so much.

Well...

I promise you
that I will chill out.

'Cause I don't want
to lose you.

And...the dentist
gave me these.

[ whistling ]

Hey. You're back
kind of early,

and you look happy.
That's a good sign.

Oh, I am happy.

Is, uh, Mrs. Logan happy?

She's ecstatic.

And are they
back together?

Oh, no, I don't think
that's going to be happening.

See, apparently this isn't
the first time

that Mike cheated on her.

Yeah, there have been
strippers,

bartenders,
flight attendants,

actresses.

One time,
the stadium organist.

Ooh. Yeah, I've seen her.

She's older
than the stadium.

Ah, good for her.

Anyway, she had
like a thousand stories,

and so juicy.

You know what I said?

I said, "You should
write a book."

And you know what she said?

She said, "Great idea."

So she's writing
a tell-all?

Mm-hmm, yep. And you know
who she wants to promote it?

Me.

She started asking me
all these questions,

and the ideas just started
flowing out of me.

Yeah, it was like we were
feeding off of each other.

I'd say something,
and she'd get excited,

then she'd say something,
and I'd get excited.

And I started thinking --
you know, if I'm this good,

why am I working for you?

I should be working
for myself.

So that is just
what I'm going to do.

I quit.

Yes!

I quit too!

Huh?

I am tired

of being objectified
by men.

You think I like
feeling cheap?

Lauren...

No, Val, I am having
an epiphany.

I come in here every day,

and I feel
your eyes on me.

I am not just
a hot piece of meat.

I am a worthy woman.
I have talent.

I have something to offer.

Val and I
are going to bury you.

Right, Val?

Um...I'm just gonna go
clean out my office.

Okay.

Ooh.

Well, I could use a big,
strong man to help me.

Come on.

Val, you were awesome.
I'm so proud of you.

I'll be back in two seconds.

I'm gonna go hit up
the supply cabinet

and steal everything
that's not nailed down.

We're gonna be great.

Come on, Val, don't quit.
I need you here.

No, you don't.

You can get along
just fine without me.

I don't want to get along
without you.

Are you hitting on me?

No.

Why, was I getting
somewhere?

Wait, Val, listen.

I know that things have been
hard for you since I got here,

but I really don't
want you to leave.

You're responsible for half
the names on our client list.

Damn, I am good.

Lauren was right.
I will bury you.

Holly --
cover me!

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www.addic7ed.com