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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:16,934 Previously on Shining Vale... 2 00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:19,103 When your mom and I saw it, we fell in love with it. 3 00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:21,814 It's 100 miles away from all the crazy in the city. 4 00:00:21,814 --> 00:00:23,816 How many fucking possessed women do you get in here? 5 00:00:23,816 --> 00:00:25,985 Rosemary, get the fuck out of my house. 6 00:00:25,985 --> 00:00:27,987 This is for you, Patricia. 7 00:00:27,987 --> 00:00:30,156 The neighbor killed herself on our fence. 8 00:00:30,156 --> 00:00:31,741 I want to throw a party. 9 00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:33,451 We can invite all of our new friends. 10 00:00:33,451 --> 00:00:35,369 - I'm Claire Vanderbilt. - This is Laird. 11 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:38,497 I'm so sorry I peed your floor. Please have me back. 12 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,708 You are the worst therapist ever! 13 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:43,085 Gaynor, tell them I'm not crazy! 14 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:45,796 The electric shock treatment. 15 00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:48,132 You zapped Rosemary right out of me. 16 00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:50,384 Jake and I don't need you and Dad doesn't remember you. 17 00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:52,720 I don't play VR anymore. 18 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:53,846 You still scared of that girl? 19 00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:55,556 What game? I'm Daisy. 20 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,933 I'm gonna be the best wife and mother. 21 00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,560 That's what you'll talk about on the book tour. 22 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,187 What, you already published it? 23 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:04,148 How do I know you're not gonna go batshit again? 24 00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:07,985 Because I am in control. 25 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,570 I am in... 26 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,491 Hello, dear. So good to see you. 27 00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:17,661 Fuck. 28 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,664 Oh, my God. 29 00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,666 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 30 00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:23,959 Oh, my God, oh, my God. 31 00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:29,715 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 32 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,302 Gaynor, can I talk to you just for a sec? 33 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:34,970 What's the matter--why are you breathing like Roxy? 34 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:37,056 Because I need to go to-- 35 00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,516 Need to go where, Pat? 36 00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:42,853 Get ice cream. 37 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,313 - Yes! - Road trip! 38 00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,606 Let's do it. 39 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,691 - Hi. I have a return. - It's not a return. 40 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,777 I just need a quick outpatient shock treatment. 41 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,111 Uh, sorry. We don't do that. 42 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,405 Gaynor, why don't you go find your dad and brother? 43 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:55,324 Mommy's gonna talk to the nurse for just a second. 44 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:59,161 Mm, maybe Mommy could've driven herself to the mental hospital. 45 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:00,788 Listen, I don't think you understand. 46 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:03,582 I'm in a serious crisis. I just need a quick zap. 47 00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,417 - I'll be out of your hair. - That's not how it works. 48 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:08,295 - Do you know who I am? - Yes. You're Patricia Phelps. 49 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:09,421 Your insurance ran out 50 00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:10,631 and you're no longer a patient here. 51 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,967 What, am I not crazy enough for you, huh? 52 00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,802 What do you want me to do, huh? Do you want me to... 53 00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,596 You want me to take a shit on the floor? 54 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,515 The state no longer considers that insane, 55 00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:20,933 but go for it. 56 00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:27,314 I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy! 57 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,524 I'm not! 58 00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:29,650 I am. 59 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,110 Dad, I'm scared. 60 00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:32,444 She's gonna be fine. 61 00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:34,989 No, I mean, the ice cream place closes at 9:00. 62 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,365 We're not gonna make it. 63 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:39,702 Shh, let's not miss out on this chance to bond. 64 00:02:39,702 --> 00:02:42,913 What kind of dad was I? Hmm? 65 00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,957 Honestly, Dad, 66 00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:46,834 right now, I'm just 67 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,752 trying not to rip this chair out of the floor 68 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,170 and throw it through that window. 69 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,547 I'm gonna walk around. 70 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:01,056 Hi. 71 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,145 Okay. 72 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,459 Let's go. Total bust. 73 00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:30,586 Apparently, I'm not crazy enough for this place anymore. 74 00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:32,254 I hope you're crazy enough to drive full speed 75 00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,006 into the mall, because in one minute, 76 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,382 the ice cream store closes. 77 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,675 Fuck. We're not getting ice cream. 78 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:37,760 We have ice cream at home. 79 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,971 It's not the same and you know it! 80 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,327 Gaynor, let's go. 81 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,289 I don't know why I get excited about anything. 82 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:10,501 - Almost. It's Phelps. - We are Phelps. 83 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:14,046 We are Phelps. We are Phelps. 84 00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:15,130 They're amazing. 85 00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,216 I hate this place. 86 00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,842 We are Phelps. 87 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:36,652 Jake, I'm tired of washing your sheets every day. 88 00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:38,529 Either do your own laundry or put a sock on it. 89 00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:40,239 I am a growing boy. 90 00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:41,532 Yeah, well, grow into a tissue. 91 00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,492 Hey, Jake, help me out here. 92 00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,911 I'm trying to read your mom's book. 93 00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:47,830 Ever since the accident, I still have problems 94 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:51,166 with abstract word fractions like--look at this. 95 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,710 I'm not allowed to read that. 96 00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:55,045 Well, your dad says you can. 97 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,965 "The mailman obli-ged..." 98 00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,467 That's obliged. The G is like a J. 99 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,553 Okay. All right. There you go. 100 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:06,598 "The mailmen obliged and fin-jer ban-jed..." 101 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:10,227 Okay, um, that's fingerbanged. 102 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,895 - Say it again. - Fingerbanged. 103 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,564 - Say it again. - Fingerbanged. 104 00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:14,815 - I hate this. - Well, no. 105 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:15,941 We're father-son bonding. 106 00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,943 "He fingerbanged her tig-hit snatch." 107 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:18,944 Okay, I'm leaving. 108 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,488 Hey, sorry I overslept. 109 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:22,698 Did I miss breakfast? 110 00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,116 Twice. It's Thursday. 111 00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:27,244 I slept for two days and no one checked on me? 112 00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,996 I'm sorry, I was a little busy taking care 113 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,414 of your newborn husband and your son 114 00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:32,207 who's turning his laundry into sheetrock. 115 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,251 Hey, being a mascot is stressful. 116 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,253 You try walking a mile in my fuzzy shoes. 117 00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,047 I'm sorry, honey, I wanted to check on you, 118 00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:39,757 but I'm still having a problem with the stairs, 119 00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:41,633 and the electric chair wasn't working. 120 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,093 The electric chair? 121 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:46,346 The chair that helps you get up and down the back steps. 122 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,514 Back steps? 123 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,932 Jesus Christ, we have an electric chair 124 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,726 that gets old people upstairs. 125 00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:54,438 - Gaynor. - Yeah? 126 00:05:54,438 --> 00:05:55,731 - You don't have to do this. - No, I can do it. 127 00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:56,732 It's not your job. I'll take it. 128 00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:57,733 No, I can do it. No, leave it. 129 00:05:57,733 --> 00:05:58,984 Come on. Give it to me. 130 00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:00,694 - Give it to me. - Leave it. 131 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,112 Oh, my God, what is wrong with you? 132 00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:06,867 You happy? You broke Jake's pillowcase. 133 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:11,246 Jake, you've got to be careful with your VR headset. 134 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:14,291 I didn't put that there. I don't play with that anymore. 135 00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,001 All right, will everybody relax? 136 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,252 I'm sorry, we all don't have the luxury 137 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,253 of sleeping for two days. 138 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,505 No one woke me up. 139 00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:21,131 I'm not your alarm clock, Mom. 140 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:22,424 Okay, you know, I'm your mother. 141 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:23,634 - Hey. - I respect your stuff. 142 00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,260 Hey! 143 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,974 As the leader of this family, I've made a decision. 144 00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,601 We need professional help. 145 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:35,062 I'm gonna get us to the best doctor we can afford. 146 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,940 I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised 147 00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:39,399 to hear from you, Terry. 148 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,777 You were in my phone under "cheap therapist." 149 00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,612 Terry fell down the stairs and suffered 150 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:46,698 a traumatic brain injury and lost his memory. 151 00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:47,991 Ah, I see. 152 00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,618 Yeah, and then this one went batshit, 153 00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,328 leaving me to clean up their mess. 154 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,746 That's our story. 155 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:56,208 Actually, the epilogue is, I'm home and I am healthy. 156 00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:58,001 And the sequel is, I had to drive her back 157 00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,545 to the mental hospital two days ago. 158 00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:02,297 And the reboot is, I was too healthy to be let back in. 159 00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:05,008 Guys, please. He's a professional. 160 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,760 We paid a lot of money to hear from him. 161 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,387 Please, Doctor. 162 00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:10,013 Thank you, Terry. 163 00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:13,142 You've all been through a lifetime's worth of trauma. 164 00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:16,478 Healing as a family requires a lot of individual work 165 00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:17,729 - and patience. - Screw that. 166 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,606 Listen, something's happened to my memory, 167 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,608 and I need it back now. 168 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,443 - That's not an ashtray. - I don't mind. 169 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:27,406 Something disturbing happened in my past. 170 00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:30,200 I feel like it's right here... 171 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,411 ...and I can't get to it. 172 00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:33,996 What about art therapy? 173 00:07:33,996 --> 00:07:38,041 Painting allows people with physical and verbal challenges 174 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:41,587 access to thoughts, emotions, and fears 175 00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:44,089 they can't otherwise express. 176 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,758 I've had quite a bit of success at it. 177 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,764 I'm sorry. Can we go? 178 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,349 I'm the only one in this family with a job, 179 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:55,726 and I can't afford to get fired. 180 00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,519 No one asked you to quit school. 181 00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,354 Well, I have to take care of this family. 182 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:02,774 That's a big job for a girl. Or even a boy. 183 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:06,612 You have to find a way to resolve that stress, 184 00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:09,823 or it can lead to long-term psychological damage. 185 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:13,327 Your mother is a fine example of trauma run amok. 186 00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,495 Ah, thanks for those genes, Mom. 187 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,956 Okay, well, I also gave you my thigh gap, so... 188 00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:21,210 Obviously there's some mother-daughter issues at play. 189 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,878 No, I don't have any issues. 190 00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:25,714 I just want to go back to being a loving wife and mother. 191 00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:28,884 Why don't you try something you're good at instead? 192 00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:30,135 Good one. 193 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,512 Button, let's be respectful to our mother. 194 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,014 She's an amazing woman. 195 00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,849 Everybody in this family needs a break. 196 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,477 Reward yourself with something you enjoy. 197 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,853 You- you're a writer. Do that. 198 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,897 No writer enjoys writing. 199 00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:44,858 Besides, my book is finished. 200 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,861 I guess I could promote it, but... 201 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,489 I really want to focus on this family. 202 00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:51,573 Anyone here in favor of that? 203 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,075 - Fuck no. - No thanks. 204 00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:54,952 - I'll call Kam on the way home. - Outstanding. 205 00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:56,995 What about you, my furry friend? 206 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,205 Sometimes the youngest in the family 207 00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,373 gets lost in the shuffle. 208 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:03,335 Now is your time to be seen and heard. 209 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,465 Last year, there was this... 210 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:11,802 girl in my VR headset, and... 211 00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:15,555 she was, like, trying to get me to do something-- 212 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,808 Well, get used to that. 213 00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:21,103 Ah, that's our time, Phelps. 214 00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:22,396 He's good. 215 00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:33,699 Hello, dear. 216 00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,701 Get the fuck out of my house. 217 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:38,537 Honey, are you okay? 218 00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:41,081 Yeah. Why do you ask? 219 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,709 You're screaming at our neighbor. 220 00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:45,961 - Hi. - Hi, Ter. 221 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,465 You see her? 222 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:51,675 Yeah. 223 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,721 I let her in. Pat, this is Ruth. 224 00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:56,805 Levin. 225 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,182 I- I just bought the house next door. 226 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:02,144 Apparently, the former owner, she committed suicide. 227 00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:03,854 What are you gonna do? 228 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:05,772 Oh, that's for me. 229 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,941 Guy named Lard called. 230 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,485 Said he's my best friend. I don't know. 231 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:11,945 Ter-bear, think fast. 232 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,407 I just don't have it yet. I-- 233 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,326 No, no. You're-you're getting better. 234 00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:19,202 No, I'm not. 235 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,624 What are you doing here? 236 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,044 Well, like I said, I'm just, you know, 237 00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:29,421 doing a little juicing for Terry and the kids. 238 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:32,424 I'm just trying to help out a little bit around here. 239 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,842 Are you okay? 240 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,309 You're real. 241 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,521 You're real too. 242 00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,648 I used to know someone who looked just like you. 243 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:49,941 Isn't that funny? 244 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:52,778 I- I was thinking you look so familiar too. 245 00:10:52,778 --> 00:10:53,945 Are you from Brooklyn? 246 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,655 Everyone in Connecticut is from Brooklyn. 247 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,158 Okay, so did you walk your dog in Prospect Park? 248 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,409 No. 249 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,660 Did you possess me in my attic? 250 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,204 No. 251 00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:03,914 Hold on. We'll get it. 252 00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:06,333 All right, so it couldn't be Rizzo's Butcher 253 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:09,419 because I was a vegetarian back then. 254 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:12,005 So we never met there. 255 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,757 And it's not Murray's Cheese 256 00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:16,510 because I was lactose intolerant. 257 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,387 Oh, June Cleaver. 258 00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:19,805 - What? - Ah. 259 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:22,974 You were in a prenatal yoga class 260 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:24,893 about 17 years ago. 261 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,229 - Cobble Hill Kundalini. - Yeah. 262 00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:29,272 - Yes. - I only went twice. 263 00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:30,816 I went on the regular. 264 00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:33,026 I mean, in fact, I did absolutely everything 265 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,403 Dr. Spock recommended, 266 00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,696 which really bugged the crap out of you. 267 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:41,201 I remember one day, I said that having a baby 268 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,954 was what my whole life was leading up to. 269 00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,539 And then you called me June Cleaver 270 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:48,125 and everyone laughed, except me. 271 00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:51,002 - I found it hurtful. - Oh, my God. 272 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:53,797 Last year, I was 273 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:57,384 tormented by this imaginary '50s housewife. 274 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,553 You must've made a real impression on me, 275 00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:01,721 because she had your face. 276 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,015 Oh, I don't know what to do with that. 277 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:06,101 Nothing. 278 00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:09,813 I just met the face of my mental illness. 279 00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:12,983 Ah. Well, do me a favor, dear. 280 00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:16,278 Will you hand your mental illness that knife? 281 00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:19,156 Oh, yeah. 282 00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,824 - Thank you. - Wow. 283 00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,744 So if you were in that yoga class, 284 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,788 you must have a kid Gaynor's age. 285 00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,957 It is the worst, right? 286 00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:31,793 Well, my Leo's an angel. 287 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:35,297 Oh, well, you're lucky. My Gaynor is--she hates me. 288 00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:37,841 I mean, my Leo's an angel. 289 00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:40,093 - He was stillborn. - Oh. 290 00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:45,348 What are you gonna do? 291 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,350 Oh, God. 292 00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:50,437 So I based Rosemary on this woman I used to know. 293 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,980 Well, can she sue? 294 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,523 - I don't think so. - Then who gives a fuck? 295 00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,358 Okay, I think we're done. 296 00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,359 Thank you. 297 00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:57,486 How do I look? 298 00:12:57,486 --> 00:12:59,362 You look great. 299 00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,363 She looks like the Joker. 300 00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:01,448 I've done everything I can. 301 00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:04,659 I know I'm sweating. 302 00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,953 I just think I'm nervous to talk about the book. 303 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,580 You know what, honey? I say, let's just call it. 304 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:09,915 Let's get out of here. 305 00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:12,292 They can go long with the snake therapy segment. 306 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,377 No, I have to do something productive. 307 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:15,795 - I need to mic you. - Okay. 308 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,339 Okay, well, you never get a second chance 309 00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,216 to make a first impression, so let's stick to the story. 310 00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:21,009 No ghosts. No demons. 311 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,344 You had a mental breakdown 312 00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:23,803 while you were writing your book, 313 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,804 and now you're recovered. 314 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,139 That is the story. 315 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,641 Yup. Just like that. 316 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,730 Jesus fucking Christ. 317 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,524 And then my catalytic converter-- 318 00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:37,234 do you know what that is-- got stolen, so that was 319 00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:39,861 kind of sucky, but... oh, also... 320 00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:42,656 Terry, I have a girlfriend now. 321 00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:44,032 Oh. 322 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:47,911 Yeah, we met at your party. Oh, Claire's a writer. 323 00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:50,372 Wicked smart. What else? 324 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:54,084 Um, well, she's in a coma. Do you remember Claire? 325 00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,378 No. Honestly, I don't remember you. 326 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,921 Oh, come on. 327 00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,757 Sure you do. Terry, I'm you best friend. 328 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,050 Right. 329 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,719 I peed on your floor before the ambulance came. 330 00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:06,221 Stupid. 331 00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,098 Now, I- I do remember an ambulance. 332 00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:11,935 And I remember lying on the floor. 333 00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:13,144 Oh. 334 00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:15,480 Yeah. There's lots of colors. 335 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,816 Uh-huh. Coming back to me. 336 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,277 And there was yelling. 337 00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:23,989 It was loud and scary and... 338 00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:26,074 and... 339 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,158 And? 340 00:14:28,994 --> 00:14:31,621 And... and-and... 341 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,042 Just fucking say it, Terry! 342 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,794 No. I forgot it. 343 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,838 That happens. 344 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,840 Anyway, I'm about done here with the painting 345 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,758 if you want to take a peek. 346 00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:45,051 Wow. 347 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:48,972 I wish Claire's brain was alive to see this. 348 00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:51,933 I'm gonna go and rub ice chips on her lips. 349 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,977 - See ya, buddy. - All right. 350 00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:57,314 I'm gonna figure out what happened to me. 351 00:14:57,314 --> 00:14:59,649 We're here with soft porn publishing phenom 352 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:00,692 Pat Phelps. 353 00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:02,068 Try saying that three times fast. 354 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:04,613 So great to have you on the show, Pat. 355 00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:07,073 Ah, thanks, Lacy. Is it hot in here? 356 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:11,119 Not for me, but I'm younger. 357 00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:14,873 Let's talk about your new book, Rosemary's Revenge. 358 00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:18,918 It's kind of a slashy thriller with a retro '50s vibe. 359 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,755 Well, actually it's about mental illness and recovery. 360 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,632 Well, you haven't really recovered. 361 00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:26,593 Have you, you crazy bitch? 362 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,553 Yes, I have, and that's not nice. 363 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,013 Oh, well, what about Terry? 364 00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:32,515 Does he know about the choppy choppy choppy? 365 00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,435 Um, can we talk about something else? 366 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,436 Of course. 367 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,437 What's gonna happen 368 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,814 now that Rosemary lives next door? 369 00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,399 No, her name is Ruth. 370 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,818 That's exactly what a demon would say. 371 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,737 I think I'm done here. 372 00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:48,907 Ooh. 373 00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,617 Get me the fuck out of here! 374 00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:55,955 Help! 375 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:56,956 I'm sorry, Pat. 376 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,333 This isn't the loony bin. 377 00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,251 You're not getting out of here early. 378 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,754 Get me the fuck out of here! 379 00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:07,592 Oh, my God. 380 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:11,346 Wow. Thank you, Pat Phelps. 381 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:15,266 We're gonna cut to commercial and, uh, call our legal team. 382 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:18,561 Up next, 16 more minutes of snake therapy 383 00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,313 than we originally planned. 384 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,690 I'm sorry. 385 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:22,941 Yeah, I'm okay. 386 00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:24,401 Cut. 387 00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:25,527 What the hell happened? 388 00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,070 I don't know. I fell asleep. 389 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,279 I'm not ready for this. 390 00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:31,366 Trish, look at me. You're fine, okay? 391 00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:33,034 You fucked up on Good Morning, Shining Vale. 392 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:34,494 I mean, maybe four people saw it. 393 00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,773 What the hell? 394 00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:15,952 โ™ช You and no one Else will do โ™ช 395 00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:18,413 โ™ช And I โ™ช 396 00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:23,960 โ™ช I've got to have My way now, baby โ™ช 397 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,462 โ™ช All I know is that to me โ™ช 398 00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,422 โ™ช You look like You're having fun โ™ช 399 00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,549 โ™ช Open up your loving arms โ™ช 400 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,676 โ™ช Watch out, here I come โ™ช 401 00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:35,221 โ™ช You spin me right 'round Baby, right 'round โ™ช 402 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:39,184 โ™ช Like a record, baby Right 'round, 'round, 'round โ™ช 403 00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:42,645 โ™ช You spin me right 'round Baby, right 'round โ™ช 404 00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:46,274 โ™ช Like a record, baby Right 'round, 'round, 'round โ™ช 405 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:27,607 Gaynor. 406 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,691 Get out! 407 00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:29,734 Holy fuck. 408 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,738 Hey, Ruth. 409 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:34,823 Hey, Pat. 410 00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,908 I'm just doing a little gardening. 411 00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:40,328 The soil here is so fertile, especially near the fence. 412 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,288 Don't you think it's a little weird 413 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,374 that out of all the places that you could move to, 414 00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,042 it's right next door to someone 415 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,586 who used to bully you almost 20 years ago? 416 00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,005 And that you're the face of my mental illness? 417 00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:53,299 You know, Pat, 418 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,051 I've been through so much in my life, 419 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:58,054 so I've stopped asking myself, "Why me," 420 00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,014 and I've started asking myself, "Why me?" 421 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:01,933 I don't hear the difference. 422 00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:03,393 Do you believe in signs? 423 00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:05,311 No. Yes. 424 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:08,898 I don't--I'm neutral. Why? 425 00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:11,651 A few months back, 426 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,820 I was feeling really down, you know? 427 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:17,365 I was tired of city life, and all of a sudden-- 428 00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,659 one sec, I have it in here somewhere. 429 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,954 What do I get in the mail? Ah, here it is. 430 00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:24,289 Look at that. 431 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,002 "Priced to sell." It means murder house. 432 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,295 I got one too. 433 00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,881 Yeah, but maybe God put me here 434 00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,091 so that we could try again. 435 00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:36,843 This time as friends. 436 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,344 Yeah, that's not gonna happen. 437 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,013 Are you okay? You're shvitzing. 438 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:43,099 I've been sweating a lot lately and I'm just really tired. 439 00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,726 Why am I telling you this? 440 00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,603 Because I'm easy to talk to, Pat. 441 00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:49,898 Look, when I was your age, 442 00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:53,109 many years ago, I went through the change. 443 00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:55,153 Many years ago? How old are you? 444 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:59,198 Well, a lady never tells, but I had the hot flashes. 445 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,659 I had the bags under the eyes. I had the dry coochie 446 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:06,247 until I discovered a miracle. 447 00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:08,207 Weed? 448 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,501 - I can't. No. - No, no. 449 00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:11,836 This is herbal tea. 450 00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,338 It's au naturel. 451 00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:15,632 It comes from the herbs in my garden. 452 00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:18,509 Hand to God, if you drink this, 453 00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:20,637 you are gonna feel 25 again. 454 00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,680 You are gonna be moist in all the right places. 455 00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,812 No, I can't. 456 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,190 No offense, but it's your face. 457 00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:34,567 And you just said "moist" to a stranger. 458 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,527 But we're not strangers, Pat. 459 00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:38,613 We're neighbors. 460 00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,239 You'll be back. 461 00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:45,328 Hey. 462 00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:48,539 Look, I found your ancient iPod recorder in the pool table. 463 00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:51,417 It's called a Walkman, and it's not mine. 464 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:52,794 And it doesn't work. 465 00:20:52,794 --> 00:20:54,629 Try pressing the power button. 466 00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:57,215 I played it before. It was pretty fucking creepy. 467 00:20:57,215 --> 00:21:00,009 These batteries expired in 1985. 468 00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:01,260 That was 20 years ago. 469 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,595 It was almost 40 years ago. 470 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,138 No, it's not. It's-- 471 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,100 Okay, what do you think you heard? 472 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,768 I don't know, It was the kind of music 473 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,728 in the movies you and Dad used to think were hilarious 474 00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:14,023 and now suck and then someone screamed, "Get out." 475 00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:16,526 You know I used to hear things. 476 00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:18,695 No, this was different. It was real. 477 00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:21,572 I thought it was real too. 478 00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:23,324 If you want to talk about it-- 479 00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:25,118 No, I'm just... 480 00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:26,869 I'm fucking with you. 481 00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:29,414 Didn't they have jokes in the mental home? 482 00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:39,132 What the hell? 483 00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:55,231 Are you kidding me? 484 00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:16,085 Come on, Terry. 485 00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:18,046 Put it together. 486 00:22:18,046 --> 00:22:19,297 What happened? 487 00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:23,676 What are you missing? 488 00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:25,470 It's gotta be here. 489 00:22:52,747 --> 00:22:55,208 Terry! Terry! 490 00:22:55,208 --> 00:22:57,376 Patty! 491 00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:58,628 Terry! 492 00:22:58,628 --> 00:22:59,921 Patty! 493 00:23:01,798 --> 00:23:03,174 Hang on. 494 00:23:03,174 --> 00:23:04,175 Terry! 495 00:23:04,175 --> 00:23:05,676 I'm coming. 496 00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:14,477 Terry! 497 00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:15,853 I'm about halfway. 498 00:23:17,105 --> 00:23:18,481 Ah, shit. 499 00:23:32,662 --> 00:23:33,955 Patty! 500 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,669 Patty? 501 00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:40,878 Yeah? 502 00:23:40,878 --> 00:23:42,588 I came as fast as I could. Are you okay? 503 00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:43,881 Yeah, why? 504 00:23:43,881 --> 00:23:45,716 You were screaming. 505 00:23:45,716 --> 00:23:48,594 Oh, I had a nightmare, but that was a while ago. 506 00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:52,098 Yeah, I mean, I- I gotta get that 507 00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:54,934 chair motor fixed or something 508 00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:57,019 'cause it's getting a little... 509 00:23:57,019 --> 00:23:58,813 - whoa. - Oh, my God. 510 00:23:58,813 --> 00:24:01,065 No, no, no, it's-it's good. It's fine. 511 00:24:01,065 --> 00:24:03,192 It's-it's better than fine. Nice job. 512 00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:05,653 No, it just feels really weird 513 00:24:05,653 --> 00:24:07,822 for you to see me naked for the first time. 514 00:24:07,822 --> 00:24:09,949 It's not the first time. We have two grown children. 515 00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:12,743 Yeah, but you were used to it. 516 00:24:12,743 --> 00:24:14,328 It's like if you grow up in Cleveland, 517 00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:16,539 you think, "Oh, isn't that a beautiful city?" 518 00:24:16,539 --> 00:24:18,166 But if you see it for the first time, 519 00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:19,750 you're like, "Ew, is that a river on fire?" 520 00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:21,794 Well, maybe Terry likes downtown Cleveland. 521 00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,005 Maybe we stop calling me Cleveland. 522 00:24:24,005 --> 00:24:27,300 I'm sorry, Terry. It's just--it's not happening. 523 00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:29,177 Well... 524 00:24:29,177 --> 00:24:32,138 I don't understand. Did we not love each other? 525 00:24:32,138 --> 00:24:34,765 Oh, we did. We do. 526 00:24:34,765 --> 00:24:36,184 We will. 527 00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:38,853 I just got out of the hospital and I don't feel sexy. 528 00:24:38,853 --> 00:24:40,354 I'm not there yet. 529 00:24:40,354 --> 00:24:42,064 Maybe I should kiss you. 530 00:24:44,942 --> 00:24:46,485 Yeah, okay. 531 00:24:52,074 --> 00:24:54,368 Get that... 532 00:25:01,959 --> 00:25:04,003 - See what I mean? - Well, give it a second. 533 00:25:06,881 --> 00:25:08,716 Ah, there's nothing. 534 00:25:08,716 --> 00:25:13,179 Not with you. Not with these goddamn stairs. 535 00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:15,223 I'm gonna go paint. 536 00:25:15,223 --> 00:25:18,684 Try and figure out why all my pictures have axes in them. 537 00:25:18,684 --> 00:25:21,479 - What? They do? - Yes, Pat. 538 00:25:21,479 --> 00:25:23,731 Apparently, I have an axe stuck in my head. 539 00:25:23,731 --> 00:25:26,067 Terry, wait. 540 00:25:26,067 --> 00:25:27,360 Let's do it. 541 00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,361 - Really? - Yeah. 542 00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:29,612 - Hit the lights. - Okay. 543 00:25:29,612 --> 00:25:31,072 And get the night-light. 544 00:25:31,072 --> 00:25:33,032 Oh, maybe we should wait 545 00:25:33,032 --> 00:25:34,575 till the moon goes behind that cloud. 546 00:25:34,575 --> 00:25:38,204 Ah, yeah. Ooh, it's gonna be a minute. 547 00:25:38,204 --> 00:25:40,706 - Won't be able to see anything. - Exactly. 548 00:25:40,706 --> 00:25:42,667 And while you're up, will you hand me my purse? 549 00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:44,543 I think my mom put some lube in there. 550 00:25:47,380 --> 00:25:48,673 I-- 551 00:25:48,673 --> 00:25:49,715 Wait. Where are you going? 552 00:25:49,715 --> 00:25:51,175 I'm going to paint. 553 00:25:51,175 --> 00:25:53,386 I-I don't want to have deep space sex 554 00:25:53,386 --> 00:25:55,596 with your mom's lube. 555 00:25:55,596 --> 00:25:58,224 I'm sorry. I promise I'll get there. 556 00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:01,560 Dammit. 557 00:26:11,654 --> 00:26:13,114 Ugh, screw it. 558 00:26:14,949 --> 00:26:16,659 Hello, dear. Here it is. 559 00:26:16,659 --> 00:26:18,661 Now, it's very important you only take one cup-- 560 00:26:18,661 --> 00:26:19,954 - Just give me the tea. Thanks. - Oh, 561 00:26:19,954 --> 00:26:21,080 - Yeah, I need it. - You don't need--oh. 562 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,581 - Oh. Oh. - Thanks. All right. Bye. 563 00:26:36,971 --> 00:26:39,598 Hello, Cleveland. 564 00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:47,356 Oh, this is pointless. 565 00:27:16,385 --> 00:27:19,722 "She co-hopped her family 566 00:27:19,722 --> 00:27:21,807 up with an axe." 567 00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:25,019 Holy fuck. 568 00:27:28,522 --> 00:27:30,232 Jake. 569 00:27:30,232 --> 00:27:31,650 What do you want from me? 570 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,077 Hello, Jake. 571 00:27:43,037 --> 00:27:44,830 Come and play with me. 572 00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:46,707 I don't like this game. 573 00:27:46,707 --> 00:27:48,959 It's not the same game. 574 00:28:28,249 --> 00:28:30,584 What the fuck? 575 00:28:32,336 --> 00:28:33,462 Crazy bitch. 576 00:28:45,641 --> 00:28:46,976 Oh, my God. 577 00:28:55,526 --> 00:28:56,944 Hey, Lacy. 578 00:28:56,944 --> 00:28:59,071 - Hi. It's me, Pat. - Hi. 579 00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:01,240 Hey. I was just on your show. 580 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:02,783 Are you serious? 581 00:29:02,783 --> 00:29:05,077 There's nothing to be afraid of. 582 00:29:05,077 --> 00:29:07,329 Okay. 583 00:29:07,329 --> 00:29:10,082 Hey, I think I know who Rosemary is! 584 00:29:10,082 --> 00:29:11,292 What? 585 00:29:13,502 --> 00:29:16,547 Shit. 586 00:29:19,675 --> 00:29:21,510 What are you gonna do? 41564

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