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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:03,965 --> 00:01:08,402 20, 40, 60, 80... 2 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,039 -I'm telling you, Linda. -...100. 3 00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:14,876 It'll be all about the Internet, this will pay off big time. 4 00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:16,243 Uh-huh? 5 00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,114 You know how many people are online? 6 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:25,385 35,977,000. 7 00:01:29,057 --> 00:01:32,894 I'm just saying that people are gonna go crazy over this. 8 00:01:33,027 --> 00:01:36,296 I mean, look at David. He loves those computers. 9 00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,866 Where is he anyway? 10 00:01:39,701 --> 00:01:41,234 Where do you think? 11 00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:45,138 In the basement again? I'm getting worried about him. 12 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,606 Gosh. 13 00:02:18,740 --> 00:02:21,408 Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. 14 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,443 It's past your bedtime, okay? 15 00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:27,414 So say good-night to your cyber friends and you get to bed, okay? 16 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:59,212 Why are you so mean? 17 00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:28,062 Ellis, hands off the keyboard! 18 00:05:29,230 --> 00:05:33,668 Engaging with trolls is like the worst possible use of your energy. 19 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,872 You're doing your angry typing thing again. 20 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,241 Okay. I'll just delete his comment then. 21 00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,475 Oh, yeah, I'm sure that's the last time you'll hear about it. 22 00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:43,678 Oh, my God, so I should-- 23 00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,880 -Ignore it! -Ignore it! 24 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:49,183 If you feed the trolls, they will grow in power and destroy you. 25 00:05:51,319 --> 00:05:53,688 - Okay. Have any of you got this email? - What email? 26 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,890 No, what is it? 27 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:59,359 Ah, cool, it's one of those things where if you look at it long enough, 28 00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,629 you'll see a picture. 29 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,499 Oh, my God. 30 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,936 Were you filming that? 31 00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:11,138 That was trendworthy. 32 00:06:11,272 --> 00:06:13,841 Hey, BuzzFeeders! Quick word. 33 00:06:13,975 --> 00:06:17,712 Uh, just read an article about a young man 34 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:20,114 who woke up after being in a coma for 21 years. 35 00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:23,718 Here's the uncool part, I read it on Vice! 36 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,753 Oh, dude. 37 00:06:25,887 --> 00:06:28,356 Come on! Guys, we should be on that. 38 00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:29,991 This is our kind of shit! 39 00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:32,860 Uh, "27 Surprising Places to Eat in New York City 40 00:06:32,994 --> 00:06:34,829 if You've Just Woken Up From a Coma." 41 00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:37,265 But better, obviously. 42 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,866 Adam E. 43 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,835 Just going over your performance metrics 44 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:44,939 and the general audience sentiment shows that your content is, 45 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,108 well, for lack of better words, relatable AF. 46 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,344 Here's the less good part, not as great, 47 00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:51,946 your reach is kind of lame. 48 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,314 It's not a criticism, 49 00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:54,649 it's just something to consider. 50 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,617 We'd like to get those numbers up. 51 00:06:56,751 --> 00:06:59,987 For example, right now your views are lagging way behind Norris's lists. 52 00:07:00,388 --> 00:07:01,622 Yes! 53 00:07:01,756 --> 00:07:04,125 I knew my "Top Ten Buffy Episodes 54 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:05,826 and What Your Favorite Says About You" 55 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,062 would totally slay. 56 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:11,165 Get it, slay? Like-- you know, like vampire slayer. 57 00:07:11,299 --> 00:07:13,200 Yes! I'm dead, I'm so dead. It's sick, huh? 58 00:07:13,334 --> 00:07:16,370 - You've been sitting on that one. 59 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,072 Yeah, I have. Yeah, I wanted to-- 60 00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,840 I wanted to raise the stakes up so, just for-- 61 00:07:19,974 --> 00:07:21,842 Oh, that's two! For you. Yeah, boom. 62 00:07:21,976 --> 00:07:24,779 Very funny, Norris. But you don't have to celebrate it, okay? 63 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,181 Take the compliment, internalize it. Absolutely. 64 00:07:27,315 --> 00:07:28,616 Feel good about it. Yeah. 65 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:29,951 But we don't want to make people feel bad. 66 00:07:30,084 --> 00:07:31,352 Absolutely. Lock it up. 67 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:34,055 You're behind that pun machine. 68 00:07:34,188 --> 00:07:35,890 Way behind. 69 00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:39,226 I'd love to see some more authentic original content from you. 70 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,429 - Yeah. -People really dig when you reveal 71 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,965 -the funny, painful truth about stuff. -Right. 72 00:07:44,098 --> 00:07:47,768 Yeah? So maybe try that, yeah? Cool. Okay, Evelyn, great. 73 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,443 He said the same thing to Carmen two weeks ago. 74 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:58,112 Carmen who got fired a week ago? 75 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,182 -Yeah. -Yeah. 76 00:08:02,183 --> 00:08:04,218 But it's gonna be okay. 77 00:08:07,822 --> 00:08:09,623 "Try to make your comics have more pain-- 78 00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:11,759 but funny pain." 79 00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:14,295 "But not so funny they lose the pain." 80 00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:15,730 Oh, come on, you can do that. 81 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,665 "You make it relatable and inclusive." 82 00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:21,902 Inclusive? AKA, gay. 83 00:08:22,036 --> 00:08:23,104 Gay. 84 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,843 You were pretty restless last night. 85 00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,146 Yeah? Yeah. 86 00:08:35,149 --> 00:08:37,551 Adam, I can sleep back at my own place. 87 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,754 You know, you can just tell me. 88 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:44,658 No, it's not that. Really, it's not that. 89 00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:47,962 I was thinking, 90 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,598 I know that you and your mom aren't close, 91 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:54,268 but maybe it's time I got to meet her. 92 00:08:55,403 --> 00:08:56,804 If-- If you want. 93 00:08:57,805 --> 00:09:00,041 I don't know. I-- I, um... 94 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,244 You don't want to meet my mom. 95 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:08,382 You think I'm crazy, you ain't seen nothing. 96 00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,751 You know I love you, right? 97 00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:26,501 I know it's only been a few hours, but I think I love you. 98 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:31,005 Oh, shit, he's responding. "I think I love you too." 99 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,907 Yo, he loves you, he loves you! 100 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,309 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 101 00:09:35,443 --> 00:09:37,244 Do you wanna hold me? 102 00:09:40,481 --> 00:09:41,916 Ew. 103 00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,085 Do you wanna make out with a 14-year-old boy? 104 00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:51,492 And we're blocked. Yes! 105 00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:54,829 Okay. Sports Chat? 106 00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:56,864 This one. 107 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,967 "Hi, I'm David. Ask me anything." 108 00:10:00,101 --> 00:10:04,972 "Chat room rules. No bullying. No bad language." What? 109 00:10:05,106 --> 00:10:07,374 Yeah, this guy's asking for it. 110 00:10:08,209 --> 00:10:11,212 "Ask only two questions, but never three." 111 00:10:11,946 --> 00:10:13,714 Dude, this is hilarious. 112 00:10:14,583 --> 00:10:15,816 All right. 113 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:20,855 Dear David, why are you such a loser? 114 00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:25,359 "I think you'd both like me if you gave me a chance." 115 00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:27,661 What-- Wait, how does he know there's two of us? 116 00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:30,965 Chill out, man. He's probably doing exactly what we're doing. 117 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:34,635 Tell me why a loser like you shouldn't blow your brains out. 118 00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,470 Dude, that's pretty dark. 119 00:10:36,605 --> 00:10:39,707 Come on, man. No one takes this shit serious. 120 00:10:42,877 --> 00:10:45,614 "So I'll live to see you die." 121 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,181 Dear David-- Maybe let's not. 122 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,016 He said not to ask three questions. 123 00:10:49,150 --> 00:10:51,285 Maybe you shouldn't be such a pussy. 124 00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:52,686 Whatever. 125 00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,355 How am I going to die? 126 00:10:57,224 --> 00:11:00,828 "Alone, afraid, and wetting your bed." 127 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,634 -What? Yo, that's-- -Dude. 128 00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:13,374 Dude, let's just watch Riverdale. 129 00:11:13,508 --> 00:11:17,011 -Are you bugging out because of this creep? -No. 130 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,356 Oh, my God. And Beatrice? 131 00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:31,292 She just got fired as editor of Teen Vogue Online. 132 00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:33,027 Now I'm fourth in line to replace her. 133 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,696 Oh! It's like Game of Thrones, 134 00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,865 but for a fashion-savvy social warrior. 135 00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,233 Here's to that. 136 00:11:40,502 --> 00:11:43,304 And Adam, at least you'll have plenty of introvert work-from-home time 137 00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:44,805 once Kyle's gone. 138 00:11:44,939 --> 00:11:47,908 Yes. Wait, what? What do you mean? 139 00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,713 I'm flying out to Arkansas tonight. 140 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,316 Your mom! My mom's hysterectomy. 141 00:11:55,449 --> 00:11:58,185 I'm gonna help out until my sisters can get there. 142 00:11:58,319 --> 00:11:59,820 Right. Sorry. 143 00:11:59,954 --> 00:12:01,755 Well, it might do you some good. 144 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:04,892 No distractions. Except the Internet. 145 00:12:08,530 --> 00:12:10,831 - Another drink? - Yes, please. 146 00:12:12,433 --> 00:12:14,703 Hey, I am so sorry. That was super messed up. 147 00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,904 I do remember, I promise. 148 00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:19,940 It's okay. All right? I get it. All right? 149 00:12:20,074 --> 00:12:22,076 We both have a lot going on right now. 150 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,277 But this, 151 00:12:24,278 --> 00:12:27,114 we gotta maintain a full signal between us 152 00:12:27,248 --> 00:12:29,350 or else the call gets dropped. 153 00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:30,751 I don't want that. 154 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:31,952 Me neither. 155 00:12:32,086 --> 00:12:32,820 Okay. 156 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,455 Yeah. I'm sorry. 157 00:12:34,589 --> 00:12:35,823 It's okay. 158 00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,174 Ping! 159 00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:09,611 Fuckin' twat. 160 00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:21,121 Why don't you die in a fire? 161 00:15:23,725 --> 00:15:25,660 Don't judge me, you're not my mom. 162 00:15:26,661 --> 00:15:29,263 Sometimes you gotta troll the trolls. 163 00:15:38,439 --> 00:15:40,007 Internet... 164 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,376 educate him. 165 00:16:07,902 --> 00:16:09,704 See? 166 00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:11,539 I'm relatable AF. 167 00:16:51,245 --> 00:16:52,747 I love you too. 168 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,151 Oh, my God. 169 00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:01,789 Are you hungry? 170 00:17:04,659 --> 00:17:07,227 All right. Come on. 171 00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:12,399 I should drink and post more often. 172 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,703 Please stand away from the platform edge. 173 00:19:26,668 --> 00:19:27,702 Shit. 174 00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:35,442 Thanks, man. 175 00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,214 Baby steps. Baby steps. 176 00:21:52,713 --> 00:21:54,447 I really didn't sleep well this weekend. 177 00:21:54,582 --> 00:21:56,217 Lonely without Kyle already? 178 00:21:56,349 --> 00:21:57,552 I had sleep paralysis. 179 00:21:57,685 --> 00:21:59,486 Hmm? It's where you wake up, 180 00:21:59,620 --> 00:22:01,689 but you can't move, but you can see. 181 00:22:01,823 --> 00:22:03,791 That's a real thing? Mm-hmm. 182 00:22:03,925 --> 00:22:05,660 Yeah, I haven't had it since my final year of college. 183 00:22:05,793 --> 00:22:07,460 It's, like, stress-related or something, 184 00:22:07,595 --> 00:22:10,531 but they say you can see things because... 185 00:22:10,665 --> 00:22:12,099 your brain is still dreaming. 186 00:22:12,233 --> 00:22:15,036 Mm-hmm. But I've never had it that bad before. 187 00:22:15,636 --> 00:22:17,138 I don't know, it-- 188 00:22:18,072 --> 00:22:20,608 it just felt very real, you know? 189 00:22:21,776 --> 00:22:24,245 Did you want me to come over at night to protect you? 190 00:22:26,247 --> 00:22:27,648 I think I'll be fine. 191 00:23:24,071 --> 00:23:25,405 Adam! 192 00:23:38,753 --> 00:23:41,656 You've seen my son, Dear David, haven't you? 193 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:47,795 Dear David. 194 00:23:49,363 --> 00:23:50,932 You saw him. 195 00:23:53,501 --> 00:23:54,869 What does he want? 196 00:23:57,204 --> 00:24:01,042 You can ask him, but only two questions. 197 00:24:01,943 --> 00:24:02,977 Never three. 198 00:24:04,979 --> 00:24:06,013 Why? 199 00:24:07,048 --> 00:24:08,448 Ask him yourself. 200 00:24:35,376 --> 00:24:36,677 David? 201 00:25:08,943 --> 00:25:10,511 What are you doing tonight? 202 00:25:12,513 --> 00:25:14,348 This one says the ghost of a masturbating chimp 203 00:25:14,482 --> 00:25:18,019 roams the hallways of their stately home. 204 00:25:18,886 --> 00:25:21,589 There are actually a lot of weirdos out there. 205 00:25:23,657 --> 00:25:26,293 Not you. You're under a lot of pressure. 206 00:25:26,427 --> 00:25:27,528 Hmm. 207 00:25:27,661 --> 00:25:29,663 It's your turn. Okay. 208 00:25:32,533 --> 00:25:34,702 I feel like this game is trying to tell me something. 209 00:25:34,835 --> 00:25:36,070 What do you think? 210 00:25:37,238 --> 00:25:38,739 A hundred percent. Hmm. 211 00:25:38,873 --> 00:25:40,641 That you're a total failure. I'm a total failure. 212 00:25:40,775 --> 00:25:42,109 Mm-hmm. Yeah, thought so. 213 00:25:42,243 --> 00:25:44,111 You should have let me bring my Ouija board over. 214 00:25:44,245 --> 00:25:47,248 Then we'd really figure out what's bothering you. 215 00:25:47,381 --> 00:25:50,151 I'm not trying to invite more paranormal activity, 216 00:25:50,284 --> 00:25:51,419 thank you very much. 217 00:25:58,692 --> 00:26:00,261 It's just the cats. 218 00:26:05,132 --> 00:26:06,333 Are you serious? 219 00:26:08,335 --> 00:26:11,639 Ellis. Oh, my God. 220 00:26:17,078 --> 00:26:18,746 -That's really weird. -What is? 221 00:26:18,879 --> 00:26:20,581 They don't want me to touch it. 222 00:26:20,714 --> 00:26:22,817 - Oh! - No! 223 00:26:27,788 --> 00:26:29,957 It's just a camera. 224 00:26:37,031 --> 00:26:40,835 It even takes photos like a real camera. 225 00:26:40,968 --> 00:26:43,003 I should go and get some work done. 226 00:26:46,207 --> 00:26:47,675 Get some sleep. 227 00:26:47,808 --> 00:26:50,845 Dream of hot men, not dead boys. 228 00:27:15,136 --> 00:27:16,770 Hey, you. How's it going? 229 00:27:16,904 --> 00:27:18,472 My mom's home, she's good. 230 00:27:18,573 --> 00:27:21,008 Although struggling to go number two. 231 00:27:21,142 --> 00:27:22,810 We bought her all kinds of fiber supplements... 232 00:27:22,943 --> 00:27:24,411 What the hell? 233 00:27:24,513 --> 00:27:25,813 ...but we don't want her to burst her stitches. 234 00:27:25,913 --> 00:27:27,281 - Ew. God. - Love yo-- 235 00:27:28,449 --> 00:27:29,884 Not now, Kyle. 236 00:28:15,530 --> 00:28:17,731 No. People will think I'm nuts. 237 00:29:53,227 --> 00:29:56,930 Who are you? 238 00:30:01,670 --> 00:30:03,237 Just a follower. 239 00:30:47,214 --> 00:30:48,415 You guys moving out? 240 00:30:48,882 --> 00:30:50,351 Uh, sure are. 241 00:30:51,151 --> 00:30:52,787 Any particular reason? 242 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:54,522 Like, uh, I don't know, 243 00:30:54,656 --> 00:30:57,958 bad dreams, or a creepy kid in the corner of the room? 244 00:30:58,092 --> 00:31:00,327 Half a head? 245 00:31:01,028 --> 00:31:03,598 -Nah, bro. -We're moving upstate. 246 00:31:03,732 --> 00:31:04,699 Oh. 247 00:31:04,833 --> 00:31:06,066 Good luck. 248 00:31:19,581 --> 00:31:22,216 And even if you are right and it's all in my head 249 00:31:22,349 --> 00:31:23,785 and I'm just a crazy person, 250 00:31:23,917 --> 00:31:25,085 look how big this apartment is. 251 00:31:25,219 --> 00:31:27,121 It's a win-win, baby! 252 00:31:27,254 --> 00:31:31,191 Hmm. I think they recommend moving further than just up the stairs. 253 00:31:32,226 --> 00:31:35,864 Oh, and, hey, no more sex sounds above you. 254 00:31:36,798 --> 00:31:38,767 Downstairs is available if you want to hear mine. 255 00:31:38,899 --> 00:31:40,769 Ew, gross. 256 00:31:40,901 --> 00:31:42,069 That's homophobia. 257 00:31:42,202 --> 00:31:43,638 No, it's not! 258 00:31:44,071 --> 00:31:45,372 Oh, my God. 259 00:31:47,107 --> 00:31:48,777 What is this? Oh, God. 260 00:31:48,909 --> 00:31:50,444 Is that you? Mm-hmm. 261 00:31:50,578 --> 00:31:51,813 Ah! 262 00:31:51,945 --> 00:31:53,782 This is me and all of my childhood friends. 263 00:31:53,914 --> 00:31:58,185 That's my best friend Link and we're saving the Princess Zelda. 264 00:31:58,318 --> 00:32:01,288 -Oh, my God, you had an imaginary friend. -Hmm. 265 00:32:01,422 --> 00:32:04,659 That's such an only child thing. Hmm. Yeah, I know. 266 00:32:04,793 --> 00:32:07,862 No wonder you looked so lost and lonely before I adopted you at work. 267 00:32:07,995 --> 00:32:09,296 Hmm. 268 00:32:41,328 --> 00:32:44,498 Hey, babies. What are you looking at? 269 00:32:47,535 --> 00:32:49,637 What the hell are you looking at? 270 00:33:07,421 --> 00:33:09,557 Shit. 271 00:33:10,290 --> 00:33:12,326 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 272 00:33:22,537 --> 00:33:23,571 What? 273 00:33:24,404 --> 00:33:26,574 Are you fucking kidding me? 274 00:33:27,107 --> 00:33:28,510 Oh, come on. 275 00:34:13,086 --> 00:34:14,522 Yes, yes, yes. 276 00:34:15,957 --> 00:34:17,324 Call, call, call. 277 00:34:20,762 --> 00:34:24,331 Come on, come on. Pick up, pick up, pick up. 278 00:34:24,999 --> 00:34:26,233 No. 279 00:34:28,703 --> 00:34:31,338 Just breathing. Breathe, breathe, breathe. 280 00:34:32,139 --> 00:34:33,073 You're okay. 281 00:35:05,607 --> 00:35:07,909 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 282 00:35:08,042 --> 00:35:10,511 I don't like scary things, really, but I was, like, riveted by this. 283 00:35:10,645 --> 00:35:15,315 Oh! Speak of the devil! Adam E! There he is. 284 00:35:15,449 --> 00:35:17,518 Why didn't you tell me what you were working on? 285 00:35:17,952 --> 00:35:19,787 Uh... 286 00:35:19,921 --> 00:35:22,657 -Uh, what am I working on? -All right, Mr. Modest. 287 00:35:22,790 --> 00:35:26,159 This Dear David story, it's crazy good. 288 00:35:26,293 --> 00:35:28,696 It feels personal, but, uh, digestible. 289 00:35:28,830 --> 00:35:31,099 It's fresh. It's like a whole new format. 290 00:35:31,231 --> 00:35:35,268 I was telling these guys, I was afraid to leave my room last night. 291 00:35:37,071 --> 00:35:39,574 So, um, yeah, so that-- 292 00:35:39,707 --> 00:35:42,476 so that story is-- is actually happening. 293 00:35:42,610 --> 00:35:44,478 It's totally happening. 294 00:35:44,612 --> 00:35:46,080 It's rad too. I like how you're bringing that back. 295 00:35:46,213 --> 00:35:47,749 It's like what we talked about. 296 00:35:47,882 --> 00:35:50,384 I'm not taking credit for this, but I told you. 297 00:35:50,518 --> 00:35:51,886 It's not just about the pep talk, 298 00:35:52,020 --> 00:35:53,888 you had to dig in and find it, and you did. 299 00:35:54,022 --> 00:35:55,590 In fact, I'm gonna spotlight it on the home page, 300 00:35:55,723 --> 00:35:57,759 so I want you to put something together. 301 00:35:57,892 --> 00:36:01,461 You know, liven it up with some-- some GIFs and memes and stuff. 302 00:36:01,596 --> 00:36:04,098 You're good at that. Make it fun. Okay? 303 00:36:04,231 --> 00:36:05,800 -Norris, go ahead. -Uh... 304 00:36:05,933 --> 00:36:08,970 "Top Ten Reasons Why Dawson From Dawson's Creek 305 00:36:09,103 --> 00:36:10,838 is a Little Bitch Boy." 306 00:36:10,972 --> 00:36:13,206 - Ooh. The word "bitch" might be-- -Too much, yeah. 307 00:36:23,718 --> 00:36:24,952 This feels wrong. 308 00:36:25,086 --> 00:36:26,788 It feels dirty or something. I don't know. 309 00:36:28,355 --> 00:36:30,625 Not fun dirty, bad dirty. 310 00:36:34,394 --> 00:36:36,496 Let them vote on what you do next. 311 00:36:36,631 --> 00:36:38,766 That's a really good idea. Mm-hmm. 312 00:36:42,036 --> 00:36:43,971 Number one, Ouija board? 313 00:36:44,872 --> 00:36:46,239 Definitely. 314 00:36:46,373 --> 00:36:49,110 Number two, hire a medium? I like that one. 315 00:36:49,242 --> 00:36:50,444 Mm-hmm. I don't hate it. 316 00:36:50,578 --> 00:36:51,713 - Mm-hmm. - Okay. 317 00:36:51,846 --> 00:36:53,081 It's a good number two. 318 00:36:53,213 --> 00:36:54,414 Three. 319 00:36:55,348 --> 00:36:58,086 Oh, my God. You have to pick that one. 320 00:36:58,218 --> 00:36:59,520 For real? Mm-hmm! 321 00:37:07,260 --> 00:37:09,262 I rid you of evil. 322 00:37:09,897 --> 00:37:11,532 I rid you of evil. 323 00:37:13,501 --> 00:37:15,737 I rid you of evil. 324 00:37:16,369 --> 00:37:18,740 I rid you of evil! 325 00:37:22,309 --> 00:37:23,745 I don't remember inviting you over. 326 00:37:23,878 --> 00:37:26,948 Please, I'm the least of your uninvited problems. 327 00:37:27,081 --> 00:37:28,549 Ooh. 328 00:37:28,683 --> 00:37:31,418 Someone says that I should get a sleep talk app 329 00:37:31,552 --> 00:37:33,821 to record what happens at night. 330 00:37:33,955 --> 00:37:35,656 I like it. Hmm. 331 00:37:35,790 --> 00:37:37,592 I think I might do that tonight. 332 00:37:37,725 --> 00:37:41,328 Maybe Dear David is like Link? 333 00:37:41,461 --> 00:37:43,564 Just another imaginary friend. 334 00:37:43,698 --> 00:37:45,332 He's not imaginary. 335 00:37:45,465 --> 00:37:47,735 Uh, what does Kyle think? 336 00:37:50,403 --> 00:37:51,739 I don't know. 337 00:37:53,141 --> 00:37:55,843 I haven't spoken to him in a while, he's MIA on this whole trip. 338 00:37:55,977 --> 00:37:57,344 I think he's mad at me. 339 00:37:58,045 --> 00:37:59,580 Why would he be mad at you? 340 00:38:01,249 --> 00:38:02,917 I haven't called him back. 341 00:38:11,458 --> 00:38:12,894 Okay, fine, if you must know, 342 00:38:13,027 --> 00:38:14,629 it's because he keeps saying "I love you" 343 00:38:14,762 --> 00:38:16,063 and I don't know how to respond to that. 344 00:38:16,197 --> 00:38:17,665 Okay? That's why. 345 00:38:17,799 --> 00:38:20,101 If you don't wanna listen to Kyle and his feelings, 346 00:38:20,234 --> 00:38:23,771 then he's not gonna be there for you and your ghost problems. 347 00:40:15,249 --> 00:40:18,886 What... do you... 348 00:40:20,588 --> 00:40:22,924 want from me? 349 00:40:35,236 --> 00:40:36,637 That's two! 350 00:41:16,277 --> 00:41:17,945 What do you... 351 00:41:19,747 --> 00:41:21,415 want from me? 352 00:41:21,949 --> 00:41:23,684 That's two! 353 00:41:38,099 --> 00:41:40,034 What the hell is that? 354 00:42:57,578 --> 00:43:00,681 - Adam, Adam. - It's me, it's me. 355 00:43:03,552 --> 00:43:05,319 What the hell is going on? 356 00:43:07,556 --> 00:43:08,889 It's me. 357 00:43:16,263 --> 00:43:19,667 That's it. That's everything, I hope. 358 00:43:20,901 --> 00:43:23,604 You know why I love your comics so much? 359 00:43:24,138 --> 00:43:25,639 Why? 360 00:43:25,773 --> 00:43:28,709 It's the only way I feel like I actually get to know you. 361 00:43:28,843 --> 00:43:30,711 My cartoons do the talking for me, 362 00:43:30,845 --> 00:43:32,680 there's nothing wrong with that. 363 00:43:32,813 --> 00:43:35,517 There is when you never actually say anything that's real. 364 00:43:35,649 --> 00:43:37,017 That is so unfair. 365 00:43:37,151 --> 00:43:38,786 Maybe you never listen when I do, 366 00:43:38,919 --> 00:43:40,421 but I talk to you a lot. 367 00:43:41,055 --> 00:43:44,425 Sure, in sarcasm and memes. 368 00:43:44,559 --> 00:43:49,830 Which is cute until my friends ask me if a ghost is haunting me too, 369 00:43:49,964 --> 00:43:51,932 and I have no idea what they're talking about 370 00:43:52,066 --> 00:43:54,802 until I see this shit online like one of your... 371 00:43:54,935 --> 00:43:56,203 fucking followers. 372 00:43:56,337 --> 00:43:58,305 I tried calling, you were blowing me off. 373 00:43:58,439 --> 00:44:00,474 I thought you were mad at me, I was giving you space. 374 00:44:00,609 --> 00:44:03,010 I've been calling. Texting. 375 00:44:03,677 --> 00:44:04,912 Look. 376 00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:10,117 You moved apartments and didn't say anything to me. 377 00:44:11,586 --> 00:44:13,654 And then Jaxon sends me this. 378 00:44:14,855 --> 00:44:16,690 He found it last week. 379 00:44:16,824 --> 00:44:18,527 I'm not on Grindr. 380 00:44:18,659 --> 00:44:20,494 Someone is obviously catfishing me. 381 00:44:20,629 --> 00:44:22,196 You can get that photo online. 382 00:44:25,567 --> 00:44:28,903 Look, I'm not on Grindr, I deleted it when we started dating. 383 00:44:33,841 --> 00:44:35,709 I didn't-- I didn't put that on there. 384 00:44:35,843 --> 00:44:36,944 I don't know how that got there. 385 00:44:37,077 --> 00:44:39,780 I promise you, I deleted it. I did. 386 00:44:40,414 --> 00:44:41,749 What the hell? 387 00:44:45,686 --> 00:44:47,421 Jesus Christ, Adam. 388 00:44:47,821 --> 00:44:49,524 Listen... 389 00:44:49,658 --> 00:44:53,694 I don't understand what you're going through right now, 390 00:44:54,828 --> 00:44:57,198 but until you sort yourself out... 391 00:44:58,567 --> 00:44:59,967 I need space. 392 00:45:02,136 --> 00:45:03,672 You're breaking up with me? 393 00:45:03,804 --> 00:45:05,406 How can I be with someone 394 00:45:05,540 --> 00:45:08,209 when I never know what's really going on with them? 395 00:46:08,168 --> 00:46:09,671 What's been going on with Adam? 396 00:46:09,803 --> 00:46:11,238 Yeah, what's going on? 397 00:46:11,372 --> 00:46:12,741 I don't-- 398 00:46:12,873 --> 00:46:14,576 - I don't know. - It's weird, right? 399 00:46:14,709 --> 00:46:16,343 Yeah, it is. I really don't know. 400 00:46:16,477 --> 00:46:18,145 We're supposed to be best friends, and-- 401 00:46:18,279 --> 00:46:20,615 Honey, nobody cares about ghosts. 402 00:46:20,749 --> 00:46:21,782 Ooh... 403 00:46:25,252 --> 00:46:26,387 Really though. 404 00:46:26,521 --> 00:46:28,255 Kyle's been saying the same thing. 405 00:46:28,389 --> 00:46:30,824 He said that Adam didn't even ask 406 00:46:30,958 --> 00:46:32,293 about his mom's surgery, 407 00:46:32,426 --> 00:46:33,861 which is weird. 408 00:46:33,994 --> 00:46:35,496 It's just not really like him. 409 00:46:51,812 --> 00:46:54,381 Please stand away from the platform edge, 410 00:46:54,481 --> 00:46:57,418 especially when trains enter and leave the station. 411 00:48:23,270 --> 00:48:24,572 Yes! Yes! 412 00:48:29,711 --> 00:48:31,546 Shit, shit. Oh, my God. 413 00:48:31,679 --> 00:48:35,349 Whoa. No, no. No, no, no. God. Stop, stop. 414 00:48:35,482 --> 00:48:37,151 -No, no, no. - No, no, no. 415 00:48:37,251 --> 00:48:40,120 Oh, my God. Whoa. 416 00:48:41,989 --> 00:48:43,223 No. 417 00:48:44,057 --> 00:48:45,325 Oh, fuck it. 418 00:48:48,897 --> 00:48:50,565 I'm not on Grindr. I deleted it. 419 00:48:50,665 --> 00:48:52,299 He's not imaginary. Oh, my God. 420 00:48:52,433 --> 00:48:54,368 Because he keeps saying "I love you." 421 00:49:12,720 --> 00:49:14,054 What? 422 00:51:41,234 --> 00:51:44,772 I've told you to go to bed three times and I find you looking at this? 423 00:51:44,906 --> 00:51:47,575 What's wrong with you, David? 424 00:51:47,709 --> 00:51:49,677 Why are you looking at this filth? 425 00:51:51,012 --> 00:51:52,412 Answer me! 426 00:51:53,246 --> 00:51:54,682 What's wrong with you? 427 00:52:07,662 --> 00:52:08,796 David? 428 00:52:09,496 --> 00:52:12,634 Oh, my God! Please stop. 429 00:52:12,767 --> 00:52:14,134 Please stop. 430 00:53:36,617 --> 00:53:39,821 You owe me big time for covering for you at work yesterday. 431 00:53:41,556 --> 00:53:43,791 You know it's not all about your followers? 432 00:53:45,325 --> 00:53:46,761 Hello? 433 00:53:47,662 --> 00:53:50,665 Is everything okay? Do you know how to find out 434 00:53:50,798 --> 00:53:52,934 who this handle belongs to? 435 00:53:53,067 --> 00:53:55,536 You really think a weird account is haunting your apartment? 436 00:53:55,670 --> 00:53:57,805 I woke up hanging out of the fucking window last night. 437 00:53:57,939 --> 00:53:59,006 It's not a joke. 438 00:54:00,407 --> 00:54:02,242 Are you serious? 439 00:54:02,375 --> 00:54:05,012 You didn't put that in your thread. 'Cause it's too insane. 440 00:54:05,847 --> 00:54:07,481 Maybe you should see a doctor or something, 441 00:54:07,615 --> 00:54:09,984 do a sleep study before you really hurt yourself. 442 00:54:11,085 --> 00:54:12,754 I'm fine, I just... 443 00:54:13,621 --> 00:54:15,322 need to find out who this is. 444 00:54:16,356 --> 00:54:17,992 Ask Kyle, he did all those exposés. 445 00:54:18,926 --> 00:54:20,494 He broke up with me. 446 00:54:22,462 --> 00:54:24,932 Adam Ellis! My office! 447 00:54:25,967 --> 00:54:27,001 Now! 448 00:54:27,668 --> 00:54:28,870 Fuck. 449 00:54:30,838 --> 00:54:31,773 Wish me luck. 450 00:54:31,906 --> 00:54:32,940 Wh-- 451 00:54:38,445 --> 00:54:40,548 This is crazy, Adam. 452 00:54:40,681 --> 00:54:41,849 Um... 453 00:54:41,983 --> 00:54:43,985 Yeah. No, that's-- Yeah, no, it's all-- 454 00:54:44,118 --> 00:54:46,087 It's true, it's all happening. I got the LA office calling 455 00:54:46,220 --> 00:54:49,524 and asking what's happening and I don't know what to tell them. 456 00:54:49,657 --> 00:54:51,125 Which they don't like, of course. 457 00:54:51,259 --> 00:54:54,796 And I don't like it, so tell me. How does this end? 458 00:54:56,564 --> 00:54:57,865 I don't-- I don't know. 459 00:54:57,999 --> 00:54:59,534 The reason I'm asking... Yeah, no-- 460 00:54:59,667 --> 00:55:01,401 ...because you're being weirdly coy, 461 00:55:01,536 --> 00:55:04,505 um, is because I'm thinking about taking this thing much bigger. 462 00:55:04,639 --> 00:55:06,541 I mean, not that it's not right now, but-- 463 00:55:06,674 --> 00:55:10,377 I'm thinking we take it multimedia, not just one quadrant. 464 00:55:10,511 --> 00:55:12,613 I think we go four quadrants on this thing, you know? 465 00:55:12,747 --> 00:55:14,549 And we take it to the mat. 466 00:55:14,682 --> 00:55:17,018 We could really make this, like, a thing. You know? 467 00:55:17,151 --> 00:55:20,121 This could be-- I mean, I'm not diminishing-- It already is big. 468 00:55:20,254 --> 00:55:23,524 But I'm talking, like-- I mean, like, worldwide. 469 00:55:31,265 --> 00:55:32,600 What's going on? 470 00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:34,836 Is everything okay? 471 00:55:35,937 --> 00:55:36,971 What happened? 472 00:55:37,839 --> 00:55:39,472 Pics or it didn't happen. 473 00:55:43,410 --> 00:55:44,779 Ellis, wh-- 474 00:56:00,460 --> 00:56:02,630 Come on, pick up. 475 00:56:02,730 --> 00:56:04,464 I said I needed space. 476 00:56:04,599 --> 00:56:08,368 I know, I'm sorry. I just need help, Kyle. 477 00:56:10,437 --> 00:56:12,073 Yeah, I'm aware. 478 00:56:17,044 --> 00:56:19,412 This is me trying to say something... 479 00:56:20,248 --> 00:56:21,481 real. 480 00:56:23,217 --> 00:56:24,719 Is this you hearing me? 481 00:56:26,721 --> 00:56:28,723 What do you need? 482 00:56:28,856 --> 00:56:31,559 I really need to find out what's behind this anonymous user handle. 483 00:56:31,659 --> 00:56:33,861 That's not what I meant, Adam. 484 00:56:33,961 --> 00:56:36,697 And it's not an easy ask, all sorts of privacy issues. 485 00:56:36,831 --> 00:56:37,999 Please? 486 00:56:38,132 --> 00:56:40,167 Whatever it is is trying to kill me. 487 00:56:40,301 --> 00:56:41,802 The ghost? 488 00:56:42,603 --> 00:56:45,006 Adam, I'm worried about you. 489 00:56:45,139 --> 00:56:47,108 Maybe you should talk to someone. 490 00:56:48,376 --> 00:56:49,977 I'm talking to you. 491 00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:54,048 Please, Kyle. 492 00:56:56,384 --> 00:56:57,818 Text me the handle. 493 00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:00,788 Thanks. 494 00:57:13,267 --> 00:57:16,469 You said that the spirit harmed you, like, physically? 495 00:57:16,604 --> 00:57:18,906 Yeah, um, look at, uh-- 496 00:57:22,209 --> 00:57:24,211 Yeah, it hurt, and, um... 497 00:57:24,779 --> 00:57:26,280 it gave me a nosebleed. 498 00:57:26,414 --> 00:57:30,551 There's a strange energy coming from this corner here. 499 00:57:30,685 --> 00:57:32,053 It's really unusual. 500 00:57:32,186 --> 00:57:33,654 Yeah, so that's where I first saw him. 501 00:57:33,788 --> 00:57:36,290 I was getting sleep paralysis, 502 00:57:36,424 --> 00:57:38,826 and I wake up and I see him, 503 00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,829 but I see him in real life now as well. 504 00:57:41,963 --> 00:57:46,167 Starting in your dreams doesn't mean that's actually where it started, yeah? 505 00:57:46,300 --> 00:57:47,335 Okay. 506 00:57:47,467 --> 00:57:49,370 -This area... -Right? 507 00:57:49,503 --> 00:57:52,406 ...harbors an awful lot of negativity. 508 00:57:52,540 --> 00:57:54,942 Yes. Yeah, it's the Internet. 509 00:57:58,045 --> 00:58:03,017 Some... ghosts, if that's the word you choose to use... 510 00:58:03,150 --> 00:58:04,185 Right. 511 00:58:04,318 --> 00:58:07,121 ...can tap into your thoughts. 512 00:58:08,022 --> 00:58:11,559 Did you do something to invite it into your life? 513 00:58:15,763 --> 00:58:17,665 This number keeps calling me. 514 00:58:17,798 --> 00:58:20,434 I thought it was a prank at first too, but it's-- I don't think it is. 515 00:58:20,568 --> 00:58:22,036 And I think it's-- I think it's connected 516 00:58:22,169 --> 00:58:24,405 because whenever I pick it up-- 517 00:58:24,538 --> 00:58:26,040 I'm not-- I'm not crazy. 518 00:58:26,173 --> 00:58:28,476 I know how this sounds. I'm not. 519 00:58:28,609 --> 00:58:32,146 Is that the primary device you use to document your experiences? 520 00:58:32,279 --> 00:58:33,214 Um... 521 00:58:33,347 --> 00:58:34,582 yeah. 522 00:58:35,316 --> 00:58:36,751 Is that bad? 523 00:58:36,884 --> 00:58:39,854 I don't know, if I'm being perfectly honest. 524 00:58:39,987 --> 00:58:42,757 What I do know is that whatever it is, 525 00:58:42,890 --> 00:58:44,792 is not connected to this space, 526 00:58:44,925 --> 00:58:47,028 it's connected to you. 527 00:58:47,161 --> 00:58:48,496 To me? 528 00:58:49,296 --> 00:58:51,499 So what does that mean? What do I do? 529 00:58:51,632 --> 00:58:54,201 You gotta figure out who and what it really is and what it really wants. 530 00:58:54,335 --> 00:58:56,070 It's a child ghost called David, 531 00:58:56,203 --> 00:58:58,806 and I'm pretty sure it wants to kill me. I told you that. 532 00:58:58,939 --> 00:59:00,841 Yes, that's what he told you 533 00:59:00,975 --> 00:59:03,210 in your paralysis-induced dreams. 534 00:59:03,344 --> 00:59:04,912 Exactly. 535 00:59:05,046 --> 00:59:07,281 Spirits don't always appear as they actually are. 536 00:59:07,415 --> 00:59:09,283 They're gonna show you what they want you to see 537 00:59:09,417 --> 00:59:11,652 and they are gonna tell you what they want you to hear, 538 00:59:11,786 --> 00:59:14,722 and the truth is often far more complicated. 539 01:00:22,490 --> 01:00:24,291 Thanks for joining me, Mr. Ellis. 540 01:00:24,425 --> 01:00:27,261 I know the note thing is a bit odd and a bit old-fashioned, 541 01:00:27,394 --> 01:00:29,063 but I have my own reasons. 542 01:00:29,196 --> 01:00:32,766 My name is Phyllis Crainey. I'm an Internet sleuth. 543 01:00:33,602 --> 01:00:34,802 Okay. 544 01:00:34,935 --> 01:00:36,637 I have a keen interest in the paranormal. 545 01:00:36,770 --> 01:00:40,575 Sorry, does that mean you investigate Internet ghosts? 546 01:00:40,708 --> 01:00:42,544 It's not as uncommon as you think. 547 01:00:42,676 --> 01:00:44,178 - I keep-- - Here you go. 548 01:00:46,147 --> 01:00:49,150 I keep having these nightmares. 549 01:00:49,283 --> 01:00:52,753 There's a boy with a-- with a caved in head. 550 01:00:52,887 --> 01:00:54,523 And there's a woman, 551 01:00:54,655 --> 01:00:57,091 she has, like, long straggly hair, it's like-- 552 01:00:57,224 --> 01:00:58,259 Loopy Linda. 553 01:00:59,528 --> 01:01:01,695 Loopy Linda? Linda Johnson. 554 01:01:01,829 --> 01:01:04,965 I always assumed she was mentally ill. 555 01:01:05,099 --> 01:01:07,602 That was until I read your articles. 556 01:01:07,735 --> 01:01:10,738 Linda is what you would call "Internet famous," 557 01:01:10,871 --> 01:01:13,007 especially on the Deep Web. 558 01:01:13,140 --> 01:01:15,342 It started off with these message board users 559 01:01:15,476 --> 01:01:18,979 sharing interviews of a psychiatric patient called Linda 560 01:01:19,113 --> 01:01:22,183 saying and doing all kinds of crazy stuff. 561 01:01:22,316 --> 01:01:23,918 Like-- Like what? 562 01:01:24,051 --> 01:01:27,988 She'd be drawing a boy with a crushed head, 563 01:01:28,122 --> 01:01:29,924 saying things like, "I fought the devil." 564 01:01:30,559 --> 01:01:32,059 "Don't ask three." 565 01:01:32,193 --> 01:01:35,062 A tape of her suicide even made it on there. 566 01:01:35,196 --> 01:01:37,898 Suicide? Why would anyone post that? 567 01:01:38,032 --> 01:01:41,368 It's the Internet. It's anonymous, and that... 568 01:01:42,169 --> 01:01:44,438 can bring out the worst in some people. 569 01:01:45,940 --> 01:01:48,209 How many questions have you asked him? 570 01:01:49,644 --> 01:01:51,245 Two. 571 01:01:51,378 --> 01:01:54,181 The three questions are a basic incantation. 572 01:01:55,082 --> 01:01:57,785 You've invited this "Dear David" into your life. 573 01:01:59,887 --> 01:02:01,222 What do I do? 574 01:02:01,355 --> 01:02:03,625 Search for "Loopy Linda." 575 01:02:03,724 --> 01:02:05,560 That's where you'll find your answers. 576 01:02:05,660 --> 01:02:07,328 Linda? 577 01:02:08,563 --> 01:02:10,197 It's Dr. Landers. 578 01:02:13,100 --> 01:02:15,236 Are you still having trouble sleeping? 579 01:02:16,403 --> 01:02:18,506 It comes in the darkness. 580 01:02:19,641 --> 01:02:25,346 It feeds on our fears, anxiety and suffering. 581 01:02:27,147 --> 01:02:28,816 I can hear it in my sleep. 582 01:02:29,618 --> 01:02:32,621 Linda. Linda. 583 01:02:32,721 --> 01:02:35,923 Your delusions are something that your mind has made up 584 01:02:36,023 --> 01:02:38,859 to help you cope with the trauma. 585 01:02:38,993 --> 01:02:42,997 You need to accept reality if you want to get better. 586 01:02:43,097 --> 01:02:44,431 You murdered your husband. 587 01:02:44,532 --> 01:02:46,333 No, I didn't. I didn't. 588 01:02:46,467 --> 01:02:48,936 And you inflicted severe head trauma upon your son. 589 01:02:49,069 --> 01:02:50,605 He's not my son. 590 01:02:50,705 --> 01:02:53,742 He is your son, and you put him in a coma 591 01:02:53,874 --> 01:02:56,110 from which he might never wake up. 592 01:02:56,243 --> 01:02:59,046 Good. Don't let it ever wake up, 593 01:02:59,146 --> 01:03:00,515 because it's coming for me. 594 01:03:00,649 --> 01:03:01,949 I know it's coming for me. 595 01:03:02,082 --> 01:03:04,084 But I am not gonna let it, because you know why? 596 01:03:04,218 --> 01:03:07,955 I fought the devil. I fought the fucking devil. 597 01:03:08,055 --> 01:03:09,990 I fought the dev-- 598 01:03:11,992 --> 01:03:14,696 Go back. Go back, go back. 599 01:03:14,828 --> 01:03:16,564 He's not my son. 600 01:03:16,698 --> 01:03:19,400 He is your son, and you put him in a coma 601 01:03:19,501 --> 01:03:22,002 from which he might never wake up. 602 01:03:22,803 --> 01:03:24,204 ...put him in a coma 603 01:03:24,338 --> 01:03:26,473 from which he might never wake up. 604 01:03:28,108 --> 01:03:32,846 David Johnson coma. 605 01:03:32,980 --> 01:03:35,583 Coma, coma, coma. David Johnson. Davi-- 606 01:03:35,717 --> 01:03:37,451 Oh, my God. No way. 607 01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:42,990 "David Johnson has awoken after 21 long years in a coma. 608 01:03:43,891 --> 01:03:48,395 Doctors at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital say 609 01:03:48,530 --> 01:03:50,799 he is still yet to speak, but is recovering well, 610 01:03:50,931 --> 01:03:54,268 and was only ten when his mother went inexplicably insane, 611 01:03:54,401 --> 01:03:56,571 killing her husband before... 612 01:03:58,339 --> 01:04:01,108 going on to crush David's skull... 613 01:04:02,142 --> 01:04:04,144 with a computer monitor." 614 01:04:15,657 --> 01:04:16,890 Sir? 615 01:04:18,125 --> 01:04:19,828 Sir, can I help you with something? 616 01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:21,995 Oh, yeah, um... 617 01:04:24,566 --> 01:04:27,836 I'm looking for a patient, David Johnson. 618 01:04:27,968 --> 01:04:29,903 He was admitted in 1996. 619 01:04:30,037 --> 01:04:32,039 Severe head trauma. 620 01:04:33,775 --> 01:04:36,644 That's weird, there's not much here. 621 01:04:36,778 --> 01:04:39,514 There might be some hard copy files out back, 622 01:04:39,647 --> 01:04:43,718 but unless you're family, I can't give you his medical records. 623 01:04:43,852 --> 01:04:45,319 His family are all dead. 624 01:04:45,452 --> 01:04:48,523 My condolences, but I still can't release these. 625 01:04:48,656 --> 01:04:49,890 They're too fresh. 626 01:04:51,024 --> 01:04:52,627 Too fresh? What does that mean? 627 01:04:52,761 --> 01:04:54,662 Well, he died a few days ago. 628 01:05:01,669 --> 01:05:05,105 Sir, what is your relationship to the deceased? 629 01:05:11,979 --> 01:05:13,313 I'm... 630 01:05:15,182 --> 01:05:18,820 being haunted by the ghost of his child self. 631 01:05:18,952 --> 01:05:23,056 Okay, so the department you really need to go see is psychiatric, 632 01:05:23,190 --> 01:05:25,860 and you need to go to another location for those services, 633 01:05:25,993 --> 01:05:29,129 so let me find someone that can help you with that. 634 01:05:38,138 --> 01:05:39,774 Security to reception. 635 01:05:41,175 --> 01:05:42,710 Security to reception. 636 01:05:47,515 --> 01:05:48,550 Okay. 637 01:05:49,483 --> 01:05:51,553 Records, records, records. 638 01:05:52,352 --> 01:05:55,055 Johnson. Year, '96. 639 01:05:57,725 --> 01:05:59,226 David Johnson. 640 01:06:05,867 --> 01:06:08,068 Security to reception. 641 01:06:09,838 --> 01:06:11,539 Dr. Landers. 642 01:06:15,877 --> 01:06:19,747 Okay, Dr. Landers, let's hope you have some answers for me. 643 01:06:37,532 --> 01:06:39,601 Dr. Landers? 644 01:06:46,908 --> 01:06:48,275 Dr. Landers? 645 01:07:04,659 --> 01:07:06,293 What? 646 01:07:11,699 --> 01:07:14,401 Oh, my God. What the fuck? 647 01:07:39,761 --> 01:07:41,328 Dr. Landers? 648 01:07:56,376 --> 01:07:57,411 Oh. 649 01:08:08,723 --> 01:08:09,857 Get out! 650 01:08:20,835 --> 01:08:22,604 9-1-1, what's your emergency? 651 01:08:22,737 --> 01:08:24,606 I need to report a dead body. 652 01:08:37,018 --> 01:08:39,887 Hey, what happened to you and your sisters, anyway? 653 01:08:40,487 --> 01:08:41,889 You were all so close... 654 01:08:42,023 --> 01:08:45,727 All right, you little shit. Let's dance. 655 01:08:45,827 --> 01:08:47,595 I keep hoping you'll change your mind. 656 01:08:47,695 --> 01:08:50,230 Can we please just talk about something else? 657 01:08:50,364 --> 01:08:52,432 I just want you to know I'm here for you. 658 01:08:58,773 --> 01:09:01,241 - Andy, please help me. - I've tried to help you. 659 01:09:02,442 --> 01:09:04,579 You didn't want my help, remember? 660 01:09:04,679 --> 01:09:07,015 Do you know how many times I tried to get you to tell me the truth? 661 01:09:07,115 --> 01:09:08,883 I practically begged you. 662 01:09:11,586 --> 01:09:12,687 But no. 663 01:09:13,453 --> 01:09:15,489 You decided to protect your girlfriends. 664 01:09:16,323 --> 01:09:18,325 I loved you so much. 665 01:09:38,178 --> 01:09:40,948 Fuck you. 666 01:10:04,806 --> 01:10:07,307 Hey, Aurora. 667 01:10:08,710 --> 01:10:11,211 Call Evelyn. 668 01:10:11,344 --> 01:10:13,614 Sorry, can you repeat that? 669 01:10:13,748 --> 01:10:18,218 Call... Evelyn. 670 01:10:19,921 --> 01:10:22,757 I'm sorry, can you repeat that? 671 01:10:25,827 --> 01:10:28,495 Call-- Call Kyle. 672 01:10:29,296 --> 01:10:31,065 Calling Kyle. 673 01:10:38,106 --> 01:10:40,307 Hi, it's Kyle. I'd love to talk, 674 01:10:40,440 --> 01:10:41,809 but I can't right now. 675 01:10:41,943 --> 01:10:43,745 Please leave a message after the tone 676 01:10:43,878 --> 01:10:46,313 and I'll get back to you soon. Take care-- 677 01:10:56,356 --> 01:10:57,859 Oh, my God. 678 01:11:14,876 --> 01:11:16,276 Hey. 679 01:11:18,478 --> 01:11:20,748 Can I talk to you about something? 680 01:11:20,882 --> 01:11:22,049 Are you kidding? 681 01:11:23,383 --> 01:11:25,153 Are you mad at me? 682 01:11:25,285 --> 01:11:27,088 Does it matter? 683 01:11:27,221 --> 01:11:29,590 You're Internet famous and I'm just a wannabe, right? 684 01:11:29,724 --> 01:11:32,459 I can pick up your slack at work but you can't pick up your phone when I text. 685 01:11:32,593 --> 01:11:35,428 You're not the only one who hates being ignored. 686 01:11:37,665 --> 01:11:39,934 I don't know what you're talking about. 687 01:11:41,035 --> 01:11:42,335 I really don't. 688 01:11:42,469 --> 01:11:44,005 Those DMs last night? 689 01:11:44,906 --> 01:11:46,607 Eat shit. 690 01:11:52,246 --> 01:11:53,781 What? 691 01:11:53,915 --> 01:11:56,050 I didn't write these. I didn't write these. 692 01:12:06,326 --> 01:12:08,629 Hey. 693 01:12:08,729 --> 01:12:10,832 So it turns out my contact didn't have to break any privacy rules 694 01:12:10,965 --> 01:12:12,934 regarding the @(D)___David handle. 695 01:12:15,870 --> 01:12:16,904 Oh. 696 01:12:18,405 --> 01:12:20,775 That's good. Why? 697 01:12:21,242 --> 01:12:22,743 It doesn't exist. 698 01:12:26,280 --> 01:12:29,050 But it do-- I mean, I'm looking at it right now. 699 01:12:30,852 --> 01:12:31,986 Adam. 700 01:12:33,955 --> 01:12:35,523 Yeah, I'm here. 701 01:12:36,991 --> 01:12:39,492 I think it's time you let this go. 702 01:12:46,067 --> 01:12:48,102 Okay. Yeah. 703 01:12:51,539 --> 01:12:52,940 Well, thanks. Thanks. 704 01:12:53,774 --> 01:12:56,777 Hey, can you take a look at my newest list? 705 01:12:56,911 --> 01:12:58,346 I want to make sure it's relatable, 706 01:12:58,478 --> 01:13:00,114 and you're super good at that. 707 01:13:02,583 --> 01:13:04,151 Yeah, sure. 708 01:13:04,986 --> 01:13:07,121 Yeah, let's do it! Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. 709 01:13:08,623 --> 01:13:10,457 Should be in your inbox. 710 01:13:28,342 --> 01:13:30,011 Why, Norris? 711 01:13:30,811 --> 01:13:31,579 Uh... 712 01:13:31,712 --> 01:13:33,147 Do you not want to do it? 713 01:13:33,281 --> 01:13:34,815 Do I want to-- No, I don't want to do it. 714 01:13:34,949 --> 01:13:36,717 Why would you even send me that? 715 01:13:36,851 --> 01:13:38,586 I-- I just thought you could do it as a favor. 716 01:13:38,719 --> 01:13:41,555 As a fa-- Are you a fucking psycho? Is that the problem? 717 01:13:41,689 --> 01:13:43,524 What? No. Are you fucking sick? 718 01:13:43,658 --> 01:13:45,526 Adam, I'm sorry. What are you talk-- What's going on? 719 01:13:45,660 --> 01:13:47,528 What are you talking about? 720 01:13:49,163 --> 01:13:51,599 Norris just sent me the most fucked up thing I've ever seen. 721 01:13:51,732 --> 01:13:53,668 No, I-- I didn't. 722 01:13:53,801 --> 01:13:56,203 Oh, my God. Are you all in on this? 723 01:13:56,337 --> 01:13:57,905 Adam, what are you talking about? 724 01:13:58,039 --> 01:14:00,074 Is this some fucking joke? You think this is funny? 725 01:14:00,207 --> 01:14:02,410 Yeah, everybody watch the fucking show. Real funny, huh? 726 01:14:02,543 --> 01:14:06,647 Yeah, really funny. It's on every fucking screen. Are you fucking kidding me? 727 01:14:06,781 --> 01:14:08,616 - Hey! Whoa! - You guys are so fucking... 728 01:14:08,749 --> 01:14:10,618 -Hey! -...fucked up! 729 01:14:10,751 --> 01:14:13,421 Yeah, film this. Fucking film this. Is that good content for you? 730 01:14:13,554 --> 01:14:16,023 Hey! Hey! What's going on? 731 01:14:16,157 --> 01:14:18,491 Look what the fuck they just sent me, Bryce! 732 01:14:18,626 --> 01:14:21,262 Huh? That is so fucked up. Look. 733 01:14:22,029 --> 01:14:23,764 Did it-- No, it didn't say that. 734 01:14:23,898 --> 01:14:25,333 - Okay. Hey. - They changed it! 735 01:14:25,465 --> 01:14:26,434 -They changed it. -It's okay. 736 01:14:26,567 --> 01:14:28,302 Come here. Come sit down. 737 01:14:28,436 --> 01:14:30,071 Sit down. Sit down. 738 01:14:30,204 --> 01:14:31,906 -It's all right, everyone. -It didn't say that. 739 01:14:32,039 --> 01:14:34,108 Go back to work. Stop filming. But good instincts. 740 01:14:34,241 --> 01:14:35,977 What the-- It didn't say that. Okay, hey. Hey. 741 01:14:36,110 --> 01:14:38,512 It didn't say that. Hey, listen, listen, listen. 742 01:14:38,646 --> 01:14:40,848 Why don't you take some time off? Yeah? 743 01:14:40,982 --> 01:14:43,250 Get your head right, all right? 744 01:14:43,384 --> 01:14:46,087 I'm very passionate about mental health. It's very important to me. 745 01:14:46,220 --> 01:14:48,789 So go home-- Take all the time you need, in fact. 746 01:14:48,923 --> 01:14:51,359 And if it's the end of the thread that's stressing you out, 747 01:14:51,491 --> 01:14:53,094 just know that we can absorb it. 748 01:14:53,227 --> 01:14:55,463 We can workshop it in-house, it's what we do. 749 01:14:55,596 --> 01:14:58,399 We're a family here at BuzzFeed, all right? We look out for each other. 750 01:14:58,532 --> 01:14:59,834 But you need-- 751 01:14:59,967 --> 01:15:01,869 You need to take it easy. 752 01:15:02,670 --> 01:15:03,904 You look like shit. 753 01:15:04,805 --> 01:15:06,974 All right, everyone, it's okay. 754 01:15:07,508 --> 01:15:08,509 That was fun. 755 01:15:09,477 --> 01:15:12,713 Right, it's okay, Norris. Why don't you take a break? 756 01:15:13,314 --> 01:15:14,615 All right. 757 01:15:46,614 --> 01:15:47,982 Hey, babies. 758 01:15:49,183 --> 01:15:50,184 Come here. 759 01:16:01,362 --> 01:16:02,596 What now? 760 01:16:05,466 --> 01:16:07,601 You're a judgmental asshole, Kyle, 761 01:16:07,735 --> 01:16:09,336 and I'm fucking sick of it. 762 01:16:09,937 --> 01:16:11,439 Go fuck yourself, Kyle. 763 01:16:12,173 --> 01:16:15,042 I didn't send these. Damn it. 764 01:16:48,609 --> 01:16:50,878 Fuck you! 765 01:16:59,954 --> 01:17:01,722 I'm in control now. 766 01:17:04,358 --> 01:17:05,659 I'm in control. 767 01:17:20,241 --> 01:17:21,242 Fuck off. 768 01:17:21,375 --> 01:17:23,310 I'm in control, I'm in control. 769 01:17:25,045 --> 01:17:26,080 Stop. 770 01:17:27,681 --> 01:17:29,083 Stop! 771 01:17:30,151 --> 01:17:30,918 What? 772 01:17:31,051 --> 01:17:32,820 I'm in control, David. 773 01:17:34,655 --> 01:17:35,856 Oh, no. 774 01:17:36,390 --> 01:17:39,059 No. Stop. David, stop. 775 01:17:48,836 --> 01:17:50,070 No, I just saved. 776 01:17:52,106 --> 01:17:54,108 David, what the fuck did you do? 777 01:17:56,143 --> 01:17:57,978 That was three questions. 778 01:17:58,112 --> 01:18:01,616 Oh, shit. That was a question. No, it was-- 779 01:18:23,638 --> 01:18:25,005 What the fuck? 780 01:18:36,551 --> 01:18:38,786 I'm in control. 781 01:18:44,959 --> 01:18:47,094 No. No. 782 01:18:47,228 --> 01:18:49,363 What's going on? No. No, no, no. 783 01:18:50,264 --> 01:18:51,232 Oh, no. 784 01:18:58,906 --> 01:19:00,609 What is happening? 785 01:19:00,741 --> 01:19:02,943 No. Help! 786 01:19:03,545 --> 01:19:06,146 Help me! No! 787 01:19:09,618 --> 01:19:11,318 Help me! 788 01:19:24,365 --> 01:19:27,935 No, no! No! Stop! 789 01:19:38,045 --> 01:19:40,948 Please help me! 790 01:19:42,751 --> 01:19:44,151 No! 791 01:19:50,791 --> 01:19:52,393 Die in a fire! 792 01:19:52,926 --> 01:19:55,563 No! 793 01:20:00,602 --> 01:20:01,835 Adam. 794 01:20:13,947 --> 01:20:15,382 I'm in control. 795 01:20:29,063 --> 01:20:32,199 I'm in control. 796 01:20:35,903 --> 01:20:37,905 You were an artist too? 797 01:20:45,379 --> 01:20:47,682 You never ask about my day. 798 01:20:47,816 --> 01:20:50,284 - You never call me back. - People don't like you. 799 01:20:50,417 --> 01:20:52,019 All I wanted was to be your friend. 800 01:20:52,152 --> 01:20:54,455 Your cartoons, they're empty. Like you. 801 01:20:54,589 --> 01:20:56,524 You never say anything that's real. 802 01:20:56,658 --> 01:20:59,360 I have a new list. "Top Ten Reasons Adam Ellis is a Dick." 803 01:20:59,493 --> 01:21:01,061 You're only here to tick some boxes. 804 01:21:01,195 --> 01:21:02,530 You're selfish. 805 01:21:02,664 --> 01:21:04,566 - Self-obsessed. - You're a fucking-- 806 01:21:04,699 --> 01:21:05,999 Asshole! 807 01:21:06,133 --> 01:21:08,402 -And you never say I love you. -But I-- 808 01:21:09,403 --> 01:21:11,472 Why are you saying this shit to me? 809 01:21:25,854 --> 01:21:27,354 You know this, Adam. 810 01:21:29,423 --> 01:21:32,159 Deep down, you know you're worthless. 811 01:21:32,727 --> 01:21:34,995 Accept it, you're alone. 812 01:21:36,363 --> 01:21:38,432 You'll never be enough. 813 01:21:39,066 --> 01:21:40,602 So give up. 814 01:22:01,856 --> 01:22:04,592 He hasn't been answering his phone. Have you talked to him at all? 815 01:22:04,726 --> 01:22:06,393 Holy shit! Adam! 816 01:22:11,165 --> 01:22:12,600 - Adam! - Open up! 817 01:22:12,734 --> 01:22:15,002 - Are you in there? Ellis! - Can you hear me? 818 01:22:15,135 --> 01:22:16,704 - What the fuck-- - Adam! 819 01:22:17,672 --> 01:22:19,641 What is this place? This is a nightmare. 820 01:22:33,387 --> 01:22:34,689 I'm gonna call 9-1-1. 821 01:22:36,624 --> 01:22:38,459 - Watch out, watch out! - Ellis! 822 01:22:40,461 --> 01:22:42,196 - Ellis, we're outside. - Can you hear me? 823 01:22:42,329 --> 01:22:44,264 - I'm not alone. - Hold on a second. 824 01:22:44,998 --> 01:22:46,233 Hello? Adam! 825 01:22:46,366 --> 01:22:48,001 I'm lonely sometimes, 826 01:22:48,135 --> 01:22:49,571 but I'm not alone. 827 01:22:50,738 --> 01:22:52,339 And I am enough. 828 01:22:54,776 --> 01:22:55,710 I am enough. 829 01:22:57,879 --> 01:22:58,746 I am enough. 830 01:23:01,081 --> 01:23:02,750 And I'm waking the fuck up. 831 01:23:08,756 --> 01:23:09,757 Adam! 832 01:23:12,192 --> 01:23:13,360 Adam! 833 01:23:13,494 --> 01:23:14,529 Ellis! 834 01:23:14,963 --> 01:23:15,930 Ellis! 835 01:23:16,063 --> 01:23:18,065 Adam, are you in there? 836 01:23:24,104 --> 01:23:26,006 We're trying to help. 837 01:23:26,139 --> 01:23:27,509 Ellis! 838 01:23:35,315 --> 01:23:37,351 Ellis! 839 01:24:03,611 --> 01:24:06,514 Die! Die! 840 01:24:15,757 --> 01:24:17,124 Ellis! 841 01:24:19,027 --> 01:24:20,528 Adam! 842 01:24:24,331 --> 01:24:26,199 Here! Come here! I've got you. 843 01:24:26,333 --> 01:24:28,503 Come on! 844 01:25:10,477 --> 01:25:12,446 Stick up on the alpha side. 845 01:25:17,117 --> 01:25:21,355 It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. 846 01:25:24,792 --> 01:25:25,827 I love you. 847 01:25:43,811 --> 01:25:44,912 Holy shit. 848 01:25:49,216 --> 01:25:50,918 -Hey, babies. Come here, come here. -Look who's here. 849 01:25:51,986 --> 01:25:55,288 Come here. You made it. Come here. Come here, I got you. 850 01:25:55,823 --> 01:25:57,592 I got you. Come here. 851 01:25:58,258 --> 01:26:00,695 Hey. Here we go. 852 01:26:07,001 --> 01:26:09,202 Oh. You found them. 853 01:26:15,409 --> 01:26:18,245 I'm so sorry, Ellis. 854 01:26:19,981 --> 01:26:21,716 For not believing you. 855 01:26:21,849 --> 01:26:24,652 Yeah, you told us something was wrong, we should have listened. 856 01:26:24,786 --> 01:26:25,820 Yeah. 857 01:26:26,587 --> 01:26:29,289 I pushed you guys away, it wasn't you. 858 01:26:31,859 --> 01:26:33,427 But I'm here now. 859 01:26:34,862 --> 01:26:36,363 I'm actually present. 860 01:26:40,868 --> 01:26:42,235 I just... 861 01:26:43,838 --> 01:26:46,674 need to work on letting you guys in more. 862 01:26:51,979 --> 01:26:53,313 And I will. 863 01:26:55,616 --> 01:26:56,718 I promise. 864 01:27:14,936 --> 01:27:16,904 And Adam Ellis's last tweet was, 865 01:27:17,038 --> 01:27:20,875 "For everyone asking if I'm alive, I'm doing okay." 866 01:27:21,008 --> 01:27:22,375 Peace sign emoji. 867 01:27:23,410 --> 01:27:24,746 I don't know about you, 868 01:27:24,879 --> 01:27:28,049 but I'm calling bullshit on this whole thing. 869 01:27:28,182 --> 01:27:30,151 Now you tell me what's up. 870 01:27:36,356 --> 01:27:38,492 I see you, BeardedBoy233. 871 01:27:38,626 --> 01:27:40,260 Thank you for the sub. 872 01:27:43,396 --> 01:27:47,367 Ellis is a douchebag if he thinks that we're gonna play nice on the Internet 873 01:27:47,502 --> 01:27:49,604 'cause of his little ghost story. 874 01:27:57,044 --> 01:27:58,378 Screw you, bitch. 875 01:27:58,513 --> 01:27:59,814 Don't come onto my stream 876 01:27:59,947 --> 01:28:02,382 and try to silence my free speech. 877 01:28:03,084 --> 01:28:04,519 Thank you. 878 01:28:06,486 --> 01:28:08,455 Come on, which one of you cucks 879 01:28:08,589 --> 01:28:11,491 made a dumbass Dear David account? 880 01:28:15,696 --> 01:28:17,198 Okay, I'll play along. 881 01:28:18,365 --> 01:28:22,904 - Dear David, why are you so fugly? 882 01:28:27,340 --> 01:28:28,743 All righty. 883 01:28:28,876 --> 01:28:30,711 Dear David... 884 01:28:30,845 --> 01:28:34,314 ...is it because your parents tried to cancel you? 885 01:28:35,983 --> 01:28:37,384 I feel so bad. 886 01:28:39,854 --> 01:28:43,724 Dear David, for real? 887 01:28:51,699 --> 01:28:52,733 See? 888 01:28:54,367 --> 01:28:55,803 This is so dumb. 889 01:28:56,469 --> 01:28:59,540 Way to go, guys. Frickin' brill-- 63503

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