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1
00:00:07,058 --> 00:00:11,707
{\an8}["Changes" by Charles Bradley playing]
2
00:00:11,708 --> 00:00:17,250
{\an8}? I'm goin' through changes ?
3
00:00:21,166 --> 00:00:26,875
{\an8}? I'm goin' through changes ?
4
00:00:26,876 --> 00:00:28,332
{\an8}? Oh ?
5
00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:29,625
{\an8}? In my life ?
6
00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:34,125
{\an8}? Oh! Ooh! Ooh! ?
7
00:00:38,958 --> 00:00:40,008
[songs fades]
8
00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:44,250
["Battle Hymn of the Republic" playing]
9
00:00:44,333 --> 00:00:47,166
[in English] Oh. Happy Fourth of July,
fellow patriots.
10
00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:51,666
{\an8}I'm talking directly to camera,
so you know it's a very special episode.
11
00:00:51,750 --> 00:00:53,416
{\an8}It's all about America,
12
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:56,458
{\an8}land of the free, home of the gays.
13
00:00:56,541 --> 00:01:00,541
Big Mouth wants to celebrate
a uniquely American experience
14
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:03,416
that only Americans experience.
15
00:01:03,417 --> 00:01:04,499
Puberty.
16
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,915
- Wait, wait, wait. Hold up, Maury.
- [record scratch]
17
00:01:06,916 --> 00:01:09,833
Do you think puberty
only happens in America?
18
00:01:09,916 --> 00:01:12,958
Yeah, like liberty,
or rampant gun violence.
19
00:01:13,041 --> 00:01:14,875
No, you fucking jackass.
20
00:01:14,958 --> 00:01:17,958
Puberty happens to everybody
all over the world.
21
00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:21,249
I don't know, Connie. This sounds like
one of your conspiracy theories.
22
00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:24,665
Then what about all the different
language options Netflix has for our show?
23
00:01:24,666 --> 00:01:27,625
What? Our show is dubbed
into other languages?
24
00:01:27,708 --> 00:01:28,791
Here, I'll show you.
25
00:01:28,875 --> 00:01:31,458
{\an8}[scoffs] Goddamn Apple remote.
26
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:34,124
{\an8}I hate this thing.
I don't know whether to press it or...
27
00:01:34,125 --> 00:01:35,290
{\an8}[in German] ...or to fuck it.
28
00:01:35,291 --> 00:01:37,500
{\an8}Oh shit, Connie. You sound different.
29
00:01:37,501 --> 00:01:39,832
{\an8}Also, "shit" is such a great word
in German.
30
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,375
{\an8}Shit, shit, shit.
31
00:01:41,376 --> 00:01:45,415
{\an8}[in Japanese] Why would Netflix spend all
that money hiring actors and translators
32
00:01:45,416 --> 00:01:48,749
{\an8}if people around the world
aren't all going through changes?
33
00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:51,333
{\an8}Huh, I had no fucking idea.
34
00:01:51,416 --> 00:01:54,083
Wow, I sound like a stud in Japanese.
35
00:01:54,084 --> 00:01:56,124
{\an8}Well, wait until you hear yourself in...
36
00:01:56,125 --> 00:01:57,374
{\an8}[in Italian] Italian.
37
00:01:57,375 --> 00:01:58,666
{\an8}Mamma mia!
38
00:01:58,667 --> 00:02:01,165
{\an8}Is the whole episode
going to be subtitled?
39
00:02:01,166 --> 00:02:03,250
{\an8}- Yeah!
- I don't want to read TV.
40
00:02:03,251 --> 00:02:05,624
{\an8}I want to read my phone while watching TV.
41
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:09,958
{\an8}[in English] Well, too bad,
because we're going global, baby.
42
00:02:10,041 --> 00:02:13,666
[triumphant music playing]
43
00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:16,208
You're gonna see people
all around the world
44
00:02:16,291 --> 00:02:18,375
are just like Americans,
45
00:02:18,458 --> 00:02:20,333
completely disgusting.
46
00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:23,083
In fact, there's a young boy
in South Korea
47
00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:27,666
looking to "masturbate his penis"
at this very moment.
48
00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:29,166
SOUTH KOREA
49
00:02:31,541 --> 00:02:35,333
[in Korean]
"So good, you'll suck out every drop."
50
00:02:35,334 --> 00:02:36,374
Oh.
51
00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:37,666
Here's what I'm thinking.
52
00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:40,750
The bottle is your dick,
and the hot lady is...
53
00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:43,833
- Sucking out my Chum Churum?
- Yum, yum.
54
00:02:43,834 --> 00:02:46,249
Okay, I have exactly
two minutes and fifteen seconds
55
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,875
before I leave for school.
56
00:02:47,958 --> 00:02:49,416
So stroke that squid!
57
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,458
Ye Joon, eat your breakfast now.
58
00:02:51,541 --> 00:02:54,291
We have to go. You have a very busy day.
59
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,583
Oh, come on! Every day is a busy day.
60
00:02:56,666 --> 00:02:57,833
Don't worry, Bong Man.
61
00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,666
I swear on my mom's annoying life
62
00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:02,582
we'll find two minutes and fifteen seconds
to jerk off today.
63
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,375
We better! It's not healthy
to bottle up your boy juice.
64
00:03:05,458 --> 00:03:06,750
That's how my uncle died.
65
00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:08,916
- Really?
- Nah, it was cancer.
66
00:03:08,917 --> 00:03:11,832
One milliliter
is equal to one cubic centimeter...
67
00:03:11,833 --> 00:03:14,874
How can you concentrate?
All I can think about is that soju vixen.
68
00:03:14,875 --> 00:03:17,583
I know. Me too.
69
00:03:17,666 --> 00:03:21,583
This flask contains seven hundred
milliliters of sodium sulfate...
70
00:03:21,666 --> 00:03:24,416
...and I want to suck out every drop.
71
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,708
- Oh.
- Oh boy, I think she's thirsty.
72
00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,458
I'm so thirsty.
73
00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:31,166
And so wet.
74
00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:34,416
- Oh, I'm gonna burst.
- Quick! Ask to go to the boys' room!
75
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:36,041
Uh, Soju Vixen...
76
00:03:36,042 --> 00:03:37,165
I mean, Teacher.
77
00:03:37,166 --> 00:03:39,750
I need to go to the bathroom.
78
00:03:39,833 --> 00:03:42,333
[groaning]
79
00:03:42,416 --> 00:03:44,500
[boy] Go away! We're all jerking off!
80
00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:46,023
This is the only time we have!
81
00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:47,958
- [school bell rings]
- No!
82
00:03:48,041 --> 00:03:51,208
No, we'll jerk it after school.
83
00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:55,583
Ye Joon,
the object of your erection is here!
84
00:03:55,666 --> 00:03:59,208
Help, I'm all out of soju,
and I need something else to drink.
85
00:03:59,291 --> 00:04:01,416
I'm literally dying to jerk off,
86
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,250
but Mom and Grandma are right here.
87
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:06,875
Your mom's busy driving,
and your grandma's brain is gone. Come on!
88
00:04:06,958 --> 00:04:08,833
I guess it could work.
89
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,875
And maybe even be more exciting?
90
00:04:10,958 --> 00:04:12,958
Ew, don't be gross about it.
91
00:04:12,959 --> 00:04:14,040
- [tires screech]
- Oh!
92
00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:15,750
We're here. Go, go, go!
93
00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:17,500
- [tires screech]
- Oh, oh, oh!
94
00:04:17,583 --> 00:04:19,583
[instruments tuning]
95
00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:21,375
Hello, maestro.
96
00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:25,416
- Dear God, she's between my legs!
- [sensual music playing]
97
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,600
Rub her with your desperate little penis!
98
00:04:29,083 --> 00:04:30,133
Ah!
99
00:04:30,541 --> 00:04:33,000
- [Soju Woman moaning]
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
100
00:04:33,001 --> 00:04:34,457
- [Soju Woman giggling]
- Ah!
101
00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:35,666
[whimpering]
102
00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:37,666
Hello, Ye Joon.
103
00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:40,333
Just let me drain my balls!
104
00:04:40,916 --> 00:04:42,125
[sighs in relief]
105
00:04:42,208 --> 00:04:43,708
Privacy at last.
106
00:04:43,791 --> 00:04:45,250
Yes! I'll get the hand cream.
107
00:04:45,251 --> 00:04:47,915
The good stuff from your mom
with the bee venom in it.
108
00:04:47,916 --> 00:04:48,915
[Ye Joon snoring]
109
00:04:48,916 --> 00:04:51,208
Oh, my precious boy.
110
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,083
I'm gonna give you the biggest,
111
00:04:53,166 --> 00:04:56,166
- squishiest wet dream ever.
- [Ye Joon moaning]
112
00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:59,916
Yeah. Sleep in it, you little piggy.
113
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,083
[ding]
114
00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:03,125
[in English] Okay, I get it now.
115
00:05:03,208 --> 00:05:06,583
So they have puberty in America and Korea.
116
00:05:06,666 --> 00:05:07,716
You stupid fuck!
117
00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:10,750
I told you, they have puberty everywhere.
118
00:05:10,833 --> 00:05:13,625
Hey, I'm not stupid. I'm xenophobic, okay?
119
00:05:13,708 --> 00:05:19,125
Like, here's a young girl in India
who's about to get a very special visitor.
120
00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:20,791
INDIA
121
00:05:20,792 --> 00:05:23,624
[groans, speaking in Hinglish]
What's going on?
122
00:05:23,625 --> 00:05:29,208
It feels like an elephant
is stomping around in my stomach.
123
00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:31,458
- [thudding]
- [grunts] Whoa!
124
00:05:31,541 --> 00:05:32,931
- [elephant trumpets]
- Ah.
125
00:05:34,166 --> 00:05:35,500
What the...
126
00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:36,750
- Oh!
- [groans]
127
00:05:36,833 --> 00:05:38,750
That stuff got in all my holes.
128
00:05:38,833 --> 00:05:40,416
I'm sorry, who are you?
129
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,166
I'm your Hormone Monstress, of course.
130
00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:45,375
And I have wonderful news.
131
00:05:45,376 --> 00:05:46,415
[gags]
132
00:05:46,416 --> 00:05:48,208
You are becoming a woman.
133
00:05:48,291 --> 00:05:49,375
Congratulations.
134
00:05:49,458 --> 00:05:51,250
Uh, what does that mean exactly?
135
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,625
It means a million things.
136
00:05:54,583 --> 00:05:58,083
Come, take a ride with me,
and I'll explain it with a song.
137
00:05:58,166 --> 00:05:59,750
? The braids have come undone ?
138
00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:01,453
? The young thang has come of age ?
139
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:02,916
? The basket is now abloom ?
140
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,500
? The little one is now a baddy ?
141
00:06:04,583 --> 00:06:07,750
? Let's throw a party, party
Those hooters have blossomed ?
142
00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:09,416
? Uncles and aunties, aunties... ?
143
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,000
Did you hear? She's come of age.
144
00:06:11,083 --> 00:06:14,083
? Big, big, bad, bad
She's a big baddy now ?
145
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:17,208
? Big, big, bad, bad
She's a big baddy now ?
146
00:06:17,291 --> 00:06:19,000
? On the upper lip ?
147
00:06:19,083 --> 00:06:20,625
? On the lower hip ?
148
00:06:20,708 --> 00:06:22,208
? Hair, hair, hair, hair ?
149
00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:23,750
? Here, there, everywhere ?
150
00:06:23,833 --> 00:06:25,375
? Hair, hair, hair, hair ?
151
00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:27,000
? In the bedroom ?
152
00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:28,583
? In the washroom ?
153
00:06:28,584 --> 00:06:30,332
? Stains, stains, stains, stains ?
154
00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:31,791
? Underwear, under there ?
155
00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:33,625
? Stains, stains, stains, stains ?
156
00:06:33,708 --> 00:06:35,541
? Cheer up, girl ?
157
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:38,750
? There's some joy in this gloom ?
158
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,916
? Joy in my bum? ?
159
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,000
? Periods are friends ?
160
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:46,208
? That's why they call them chums ?
161
00:06:46,209 --> 00:06:47,915
? Aunties will distribute sweets ?
162
00:06:47,916 --> 00:06:49,374
? Uncles will give some gifts ?
163
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,958
? No prayers, no temples ?
164
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:52,583
? Take a break from it all ?
165
00:06:52,666 --> 00:06:57,500
? Don't oil those lamps, oil your scalp... ?
166
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:58,708
Wash your hair.
167
00:06:58,791 --> 00:07:02,000
? Big, big, bad, bad
She's a big baddy now ?
168
00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:04,916
? Big, big, bad, bad
She's a big baddy now ?
169
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,291
? Big, big, bad, bad
She's a big baddy now ?
170
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,000
? Big, big, bad, bad ?
171
00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:11,708
? She's a big baddy now ?
172
00:07:11,709 --> 00:07:14,582
{\an8}Oh my God, it's everywhere!
My underwear looks like a crime scene.
173
00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:17,540
{\an8}Don't worry. It should only last
about five or six days.
174
00:07:17,541 --> 00:07:19,291
Well, that's not so bad.
175
00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:21,000
- Every month.
- Oh.
176
00:07:21,083 --> 00:07:22,500
For the next forty years.
177
00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:23,540
Shit.
178
00:07:23,541 --> 00:07:26,041
Will there at least be
a fun song every time?
179
00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:28,541
No. No, there will not.
180
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:31,875
[in French] My sweet Connie,
the plight of woman is...
181
00:07:31,876 --> 00:07:34,415
- [accordion music playing]
- ...tragic in every culture.
182
00:07:34,416 --> 00:07:38,458
[in French] Oh damn, I sat on
the Apple remote, and it went in deep.
183
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:42,291
While I figure out this piece of shit,
let's go to Australia.
184
00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:46,750
[woodwind music playing]
185
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,250
[in English] Damn.
Auntie Deb sure lived hard.
186
00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:51,458
But, uh, she died doing what she loved.
187
00:07:51,541 --> 00:07:53,750
- Yeah, smoking six packs a day.
- Whoa!
188
00:07:53,833 --> 00:07:55,166
Fuck me dead.
189
00:07:55,250 --> 00:07:58,416
Who's the sexy antelope
with the juicy cantaloupes, eh?
190
00:07:58,417 --> 00:08:00,165
- Murray, take it easy, man.
- Oh yeah!
191
00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:03,176
We're at a funeral.
There's literally a dead body right here.
192
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,480
Well, there's a live body
over there, mate,
193
00:08:05,481 --> 00:08:07,457
and she's built like a brick shithouse.
194
00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:10,375
Yeah. That is the best kind of shithouse.
195
00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:13,000
I've never seen him before.
196
00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:15,458
Well, that's what's so great
about funerals.
197
00:08:15,541 --> 00:08:17,341
They bring fresh dick to the mission.
198
00:08:17,375 --> 00:08:18,625
- Elanora!
- What?
199
00:08:18,708 --> 00:08:21,625
You can grieve and be horny
at the same time.
200
00:08:21,708 --> 00:08:24,538
Okay, but even if I did go up to her,
what would I even say?
201
00:08:24,539 --> 00:08:27,040
Tell her she makes you stiffer
than Auntie's Deborah's corpse.
202
00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:30,125
Offer him your condolences,
and a pussy to cry into.
203
00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:33,458
- Bury your dick between her thighs!
- Mount his face!
204
00:08:33,459 --> 00:08:34,499
- Okay! All right!
- Enough!
205
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:36,540
- I'm just gonna go talk to her.
- I'm just gonna go talk to him.
206
00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:39,291
Oh, my sweet Kara. It's been so long.
207
00:08:39,292 --> 00:08:40,290
- [grunts]
- Ah!
208
00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:41,457
Hey, Adam, wanna play footy?
209
00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:42,708
- [grunts]
- Ah!
210
00:08:42,791 --> 00:08:44,250
- Yeah, uh...
- Uh...
211
00:08:44,333 --> 00:08:46,625
- So, um, what's doing and that?
- Nothing.
212
00:08:46,708 --> 00:08:48,833
Um, cool pantsuit.
213
00:08:48,916 --> 00:08:52,833
Well, I like your suit
that also has... pants.
214
00:08:52,834 --> 00:08:54,999
It's actually three suits
from three different uncles
215
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,957
tied in the back
with my sister's scrunchie.
216
00:08:56,958 --> 00:08:58,957
Now that I've said that out loud,
I'm embarrassed.
217
00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:01,250
Um, I'm Kara. [chuckles]
218
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,143
- Me? I'm Adam.
- Hi, Adam. [chuckles]
219
00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:04,333
- Oy!
- [both scream]
220
00:09:04,416 --> 00:09:07,250
What the bloody hell
do you two think you're doing?
221
00:09:07,251 --> 00:09:09,915
- So sorry! Flirting here is disrespectful.
- We are sorry!
222
00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:12,374
- I won't ever do it ever again. I promise.
- Oh, come on.
223
00:09:12,375 --> 00:09:14,375
I don't give a shit you're flirting.
224
00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:17,541
I'm going off
'cause you little root rats have no game.
225
00:09:17,542 --> 00:09:19,915
- Uh, what do you mean?
- Let me tell you something.
226
00:09:19,916 --> 00:09:23,083
Life's short, so quit
beating around the bush and get it done.
227
00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:25,625
- That's what I've been saying!
- Me too!
228
00:09:25,708 --> 00:09:30,250
So, uh, Kara, do you maybe
wanna get a sandwich from the buffet?
229
00:09:30,333 --> 00:09:34,125
Or we could go behind that water tank
and feel each other up.
230
00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:36,625
- Yes! Legend!
- That's my girl!
231
00:09:36,708 --> 00:09:40,458
Cut down in my prime.
What I wouldn't give for one last fling.
232
00:09:40,541 --> 00:09:43,011
Well, what do you reckon, Elanora?
Should we, uh...
233
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:46,541
Take this ghost behind the water tank
and double team her?
234
00:09:46,625 --> 00:09:49,291
- I thought you'd never ask.
- [Murray laughs]
235
00:09:49,791 --> 00:09:51,708
You know, when you cum in Australia,
236
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:55,958
it goes up your penis and out your butt
because of the Southern Hemisphere.
237
00:09:56,041 --> 00:09:58,708
- That is incorrect.
- Uh, agree to disagree.
238
00:09:58,791 --> 00:10:00,916
Now, let's head north and west,
239
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,708
to the Middle East.
240
00:10:02,791 --> 00:10:04,458
IRAN
241
00:10:04,541 --> 00:10:07,011
[woman in Farsi]
Nazanin! Wash your sweet parts.
242
00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:08,625
Okay, Maman. I will!
243
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:10,708
We paid full price for that new bidet.
244
00:10:10,791 --> 00:10:12,125
I told you I will!
245
00:10:13,166 --> 00:10:14,875
- [water spraying]
- Oh! Oh!
246
00:10:14,958 --> 00:10:18,041
Hey there. That felt nice, right?
247
00:10:18,125 --> 00:10:21,916
Yeah, it felt like taking the first bite
of ice cold faloodeh,
248
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,000
but like, on the inside?
249
00:10:24,083 --> 00:10:25,166
Does that make sense?
250
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:29,166
Mm. So much sense. Wanna go again?
251
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:31,041
Oh! Hell yeah!
252
00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:34,208
Blast me like one of your French girls.
253
00:10:34,291 --> 00:10:37,541
- [knocking on door]
- [man] Nazy, I have to take a big dump!
254
00:10:37,625 --> 00:10:41,250
Shit, I gotta go.
Grandpa has to take a big dump.
255
00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:43,375
Oh, I see.
256
00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:46,458
Also, are you hungry, mooshi?
I have cucumbers.
257
00:10:46,459 --> 00:10:48,249
- [continues knocking]
- One second, Grandpa.
258
00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:51,041
Do you think there are other things
around the house
259
00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:52,875
that can give me "that feeling"?
260
00:10:52,958 --> 00:10:56,500
I don't know.
I just live here, with the toilet.
261
00:10:56,583 --> 00:10:59,833
But you're young.
You should go out and explore.
262
00:10:59,834 --> 00:11:00,832
Thank you, Bidet.
263
00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:02,500
And I'll always be here,
264
00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:04,208
attached to the plumbing.
265
00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:05,875
Good luck with Grandpa.
266
00:11:05,876 --> 00:11:06,874
[sighs]
267
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:11,958
Mm, what else here could make me feel
like I have fireworks in my sweet parts?
268
00:11:12,041 --> 00:11:15,750
Nazanin, come straddle my arm.
269
00:11:15,833 --> 00:11:19,250
I think you'll find I'm firm
in all the right places.
270
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:22,166
Oh, I don't know. You're too fancy.
271
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:24,375
I wouldn't want to stain or tear you.
272
00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:27,125
You can tear me, honey.
273
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,583
Oh, yikes. You're too gross.
274
00:11:29,584 --> 00:11:30,665
No, thanks.
275
00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:32,750
Mmm, now this is nice.
276
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:34,541
Oh, I'm so glad.
277
00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:38,791
Yeah, I think just another minute
of thinking about dicks and butts and...
278
00:11:38,875 --> 00:11:40,333
Uh-oh!
279
00:11:40,416 --> 00:11:42,833
It's time for the spin cycle!
280
00:11:42,916 --> 00:11:44,666
Oh! You're too rough!
281
00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:47,583
I'm sorry. It hurts me too.
282
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:50,166
My existence is hell!
283
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,208
Oh my God. Are we really gonna do this?
284
00:11:53,291 --> 00:11:55,083
I know. It's weird.
285
00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:57,333
I was your eighth birthday present.
286
00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:59,250
- I've watched you grow up...
- Right.
287
00:11:59,333 --> 00:12:01,333
...into a beautiful young woman.
288
00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:04,083
Oh my God, Bike.
289
00:12:04,166 --> 00:12:05,708
Whoa!
290
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:07,875
Oh shit! This is too crazy!
291
00:12:07,958 --> 00:12:09,166
[grunting]
292
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,875
My fucking sweet parts!
293
00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:12,916
Nazy! Are you okay, Joonam?
294
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:17,916
Wait. If you're here,
that means the bathroom is free!
295
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,625
[panting]
296
00:12:19,708 --> 00:12:21,083
My bidet.
297
00:12:21,166 --> 00:12:22,583
My Nazanin.
298
00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:25,208
I was worried you wouldn't come back.
299
00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:28,375
Oh, I was a fool. Are you mad at me?
300
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:30,708
I could never stay mad at you.
301
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:33,416
It's you. It was always you.
302
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,708
I know. Come to me, my love.
303
00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:39,416
- [water spraying]
- [moaning]
304
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:43,166
- Oh, my bidet! I love you.
- Oh. Ohh.
305
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:45,041
- My bidet.
- [sighs]
306
00:12:46,041 --> 00:12:47,583
[in English] Oh, fuck me.
307
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:53,291
What a beautiful story about a young woman
absolutely power-washing her genitals.
308
00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:57,291
Now, let's go
to the land of itty-bitty bikinis
309
00:12:57,375 --> 00:12:59,791
and big ol' butt lifts,
310
00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:01,416
Brazil.
311
00:13:01,417 --> 00:13:02,415
{\an8}BRAZIL
312
00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:06,375
{\an8}[in Portuguese] Oh my God,
isn't Gon�alo so hot?
313
00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:10,416
Yeah, but he's not six-hour-bus-trip hot.
314
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:13,375
I can't believe we have to drive
all the way to S�o Paulo
315
00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:15,625
just so you can have your first gay kiss.
316
00:13:15,626 --> 00:13:17,207
Could you imagine what would happen
317
00:13:17,208 --> 00:13:19,858
if somebody told my family
they saw me kissing a boy?
318
00:13:19,916 --> 00:13:23,375
Oh, well, they'd disown you,
like they did to your gay uncle, Homo.
319
00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:27,208
That's not his name.
That's just what my mom calls him.
320
00:13:27,291 --> 00:13:30,916
Right, because your mom is a bigot.
321
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,041
But she's so pretty.
322
00:13:34,125 --> 00:13:36,458
Dude, it's been two hours.
323
00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:38,101
I don't think Gon�alo's coming.
324
00:13:38,102 --> 00:13:40,874
He told me he'd be here
in front of the big weird McDonald's,
325
00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:42,166
so he'll be here.
326
00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:44,050
That's how internet strangers work.
327
00:13:44,125 --> 00:13:45,458
Maybe he chickened out?
328
00:13:45,541 --> 00:13:48,541
Got afraid somebody he knows
would see him with a guy?
329
00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:50,541
Rafael? Carlos?
330
00:13:50,625 --> 00:13:52,083
Mayra, hi.
331
00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:54,458
What are you two assholes doing here?
332
00:13:54,541 --> 00:13:57,875
We're just here to get some French fries.
333
00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:01,541
Yeah, at this big weird McDonald's
334
00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:04,541
that looks like
the American White House for some reason.
335
00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:06,750
Mm-mm. Wait a minute.
336
00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:11,833
Two boys acting sneaky
wearing skinny jeans?
337
00:14:11,916 --> 00:14:13,125
You two are gay!
338
00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:16,291
Who? Us? No! We love futebol!
339
00:14:16,375 --> 00:14:18,000
And floppy boobs?
340
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:19,750
The floppier, the better.
341
00:14:19,833 --> 00:14:21,000
Relax.
342
00:14:21,083 --> 00:14:24,693
I'm gayer than both of you put together
and shoved up each other's butts.
343
00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:27,375
- Really?
- Rafael was supposed to meet a boy here,
344
00:14:27,458 --> 00:14:28,833
but he stood him up.
345
00:14:28,916 --> 00:14:29,966
He still might come.
346
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,208
He's not coming!
347
00:14:31,291 --> 00:14:34,625
Mayra, what should two young gay boys
on a budget do in S�o Paulo?
348
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:37,000
Oh, so you wanna be gay, huh?
349
00:14:37,083 --> 00:14:38,375
So gay!
350
00:14:38,458 --> 00:14:41,083
Then grab your dicks and follow me.
351
00:14:41,166 --> 00:14:43,250
This is Frei Caneca Street.
352
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,750
It's the place to be
if you're queer, curious,
353
00:14:45,833 --> 00:14:48,333
or just want
a cheap knockoff Louis Vuitton bag.
354
00:14:48,416 --> 00:14:50,500
Gon�alo's still not responding, Jo�o.
355
00:14:50,583 --> 00:14:52,833
Who cares, man? Look around!
356
00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:55,583
The colors, the people, the fanny packs.
357
00:14:55,666 --> 00:14:57,583
[dance music playing]
358
00:14:58,166 --> 00:15:01,125
It's like we've died
and gone to a gay Churrascaria,
359
00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:03,791
and it's all-you-can-eat penis!
360
00:15:03,875 --> 00:15:05,166
Wow.
361
00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:06,750
Forget about Gon�alo.
362
00:15:06,833 --> 00:15:08,541
You're missing everything.
363
00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:11,833
Whoa! Mayra's making out
with an entire beach volleyball team.
364
00:15:11,916 --> 00:15:16,041
Okay, you bump me, you set me,
and then you spike me.
365
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:20,750
Come on! Let's dance
like fabulous queer men on a budget.
366
00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:22,583
Okay, fine. I'm coming.
367
00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:24,208
Isn't this great?
368
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:27,500
Yeah. But I never got my first kiss.
369
00:15:27,583 --> 00:15:29,541
Ugh, stop whining, dude.
370
00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,041
You want a first kiss? Here!
371
00:15:31,125 --> 00:15:32,175
[both moan]
372
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:34,375
[crowd cheering]
373
00:15:34,458 --> 00:15:36,416
I hope Gon�alo shows up now,
374
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,625
because I unapologetically love drama.
375
00:15:38,708 --> 00:15:41,833
Okay, now that was a hot first kiss.
376
00:15:41,916 --> 00:15:44,666
This is so magical, and look.
377
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:47,666
Everyone from the big weird McDonald's
showed up.
378
00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:53,083
Okay, I'm gonna let the Hamburglar
pull my G-string to the side
379
00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:55,791
and do whatever the fuck he wants.
380
00:15:55,792 --> 00:16:00,374
- [in English] Where to next, Connie?
- Well, you know how in America...
381
00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:03,874
- Greatest country in the world!
- ...we have regular, boring-ass buses?
382
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,541
Greatest buses in the world!
383
00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:09,666
Well, in Kenya,
their buses are called matatus.
384
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:14,291
And some of them are so tricked out
with funky lights and loud music,
385
00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:17,000
it's like a disco on wheels.
386
00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:18,666
KENYA
387
00:16:18,750 --> 00:16:21,166
[bass beat pulsing]
388
00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:23,374
[in Kenyanese]
All right, make room, everybody!
389
00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:24,750
Right this way, baby.
390
00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:28,458
[gasps] That matatu looks so fun.
391
00:16:28,541 --> 00:16:29,833
It's got cool music.
392
00:16:29,916 --> 00:16:32,375
And look at those cute boys!
393
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:37,666
I think you're ready
to stop looking and start riding.
394
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,791
I don't know.
395
00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:40,915
Come on!
396
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,624
Now that your boobs have finally come out,
397
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:45,166
they should be bouncing around
that fuck bus.
398
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:48,333
I mean, I guess I do feel kinda sexy.
399
00:16:48,334 --> 00:16:50,915
- [giggling]
- That's what I'm talking about. Now come.
400
00:16:50,916 --> 00:16:54,375
Let's squeeze ourselves
into the matatu with those matitties!
401
00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:57,916
Okay, but we can't let my grandma
see me like this.
402
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,291
Of course, darling.
403
00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:02,708
I'll be back soon, Grandma.
404
00:17:02,791 --> 00:17:05,291
Okay, my dear. Stay out of trouble.
405
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:08,625
Little does she know, you are the trouble.
406
00:17:08,708 --> 00:17:10,250
[laughs]
407
00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:14,416
Quick, squeeze your nipples
so they're extra pointy.
408
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,708
Ooh, hey. This way, pretty lady.
409
00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:19,041
No, follow me.
410
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:22,041
Oh my God, I feel like Beyonc�.
411
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,583
Sweetheart,
412
00:17:23,666 --> 00:17:26,916
Beyonc� would never ride a bus.
413
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,833
It's even cooler than I imagined.
414
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:33,500
- And all the boys are looking at me.
- Of course they are.
415
00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:36,500
- Your nipples are like drill bits.
- [woman] Sharon?
416
00:17:36,501 --> 00:17:38,374
- What do you think you're doing?
- Grandma?
417
00:17:38,375 --> 00:17:41,791
Where are your manners?
Have you no class?
418
00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:44,083
Have you no shame?
419
00:17:44,166 --> 00:17:45,291
Who are you?
420
00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:51,041
I'm your Shame Wizard, of course.
421
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,325
What do you want from me?
422
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:56,708
There's nothing
a disgusting slut like you could offer me.
423
00:17:56,791 --> 00:17:59,125
Hey! She is not a disgusting slut.
424
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:00,875
She is a sexy slut.
425
00:18:00,958 --> 00:18:04,250
Suck on an exhaust pipe and die,
you sex monster!
426
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,374
[bones crack] Aah!
427
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:08,541
- Nichi!
- Look at you, putting on a skin show,
428
00:18:08,625 --> 00:18:12,041
showing off your wanton bosom
for dirty boys to ogle.
429
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,291
I wasn't. I was just...
430
00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:16,583
Bringing shame to your family? Agreed!
431
00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:19,625
Sharon, how did we wrong you?
432
00:18:19,708 --> 00:18:22,041
And to your country.
433
00:18:22,125 --> 00:18:24,250
You're a national disgrace.
434
00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:27,416
[in English]
I, too, am deeply disappointed. Deeply.
435
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:30,125
Don Cheadle? But you're not even Kenyan.
436
00:18:30,208 --> 00:18:36,250
I don't have to be Kenyan to be disgusted
by your slutty, slutty slut face. [sniffs]
437
00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:38,958
- Oh God. I'm sorry, Don Cheadle.
- [sobbing]
438
00:18:39,041 --> 00:18:41,916
[in Kenyanese] Stop the bus, please!
I need to get off!
439
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,166
[wicked laughter]
440
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,750
- [sobbing]
- Sharon?
441
00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:48,208
What's wrong, my dear?
442
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:54,833
Grandma, I'm a disgusting whore
and a national disgrace.
443
00:18:54,916 --> 00:18:57,875
She made Don Cheadle weep.
444
00:18:57,958 --> 00:18:59,125
What?
445
00:18:59,208 --> 00:19:02,416
I rode a matatu, and I wore this.
446
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,458
Grandma, I'm so ashamed.
447
00:19:04,541 --> 00:19:05,875
Oh, my dear child.
448
00:19:05,958 --> 00:19:07,166
I'm so sorry.
449
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:11,250
Owning the sexiness of your womanhood
is nothing to be ashamed of.
450
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,458
- For real?
- Trust me.
451
00:19:13,541 --> 00:19:17,000
- Grandma!
- A family of skanks.
452
00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:19,250
I finished knitting it this morning.
453
00:19:19,333 --> 00:19:25,166
And, you know, it's been so long
since I've been on a matatu.
454
00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:26,874
- [dance music playing]
- [laughter]
455
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:29,833
Damn! Your grandma's got moves.
456
00:19:29,916 --> 00:19:33,083
I didn't know
she was such a cool old lady.
457
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:37,750
Enjoy shaking your bum for now,
but I'll be back.
458
00:19:37,751 --> 00:19:38,749
[chuckles]
459
00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:40,333
Whenever you feel bloated,
460
00:19:40,416 --> 00:19:45,208
whenever you let a fart
escape your slutty little hole,
461
00:19:45,291 --> 00:19:46,625
I'll be back.
462
00:19:46,708 --> 00:19:51,291
Well, you have to leave
to come back, girl, so...
463
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:53,083
[screaming]
464
00:19:53,166 --> 00:19:55,000
- Bye-bye!
- Goodbye!
465
00:19:55,083 --> 00:19:56,133
[Sharon laughs]
466
00:19:56,166 --> 00:20:00,750
[in English] Oh man, I can't believe
we got Academy Award winner Lupita Nyong'o
467
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,916
to say, "slutty little hole."
468
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,958
Oh, don't be such a prude, Maury.
469
00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:08,958
In other countries,
people talk about sex very openly.
470
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,208
These guys are Snippa and Snopp.
471
00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:12,915
- [in Swedish] Hello.
- Nice to meet you.
472
00:20:12,916 --> 00:20:14,999
[in English]
They're anthropomorphic genitals
473
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,875
from a kids' show in Sweden.
474
00:20:16,958 --> 00:20:19,750
What? From a kids' show?
That's disgusting.
475
00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:22,583
Not for those perverts in Sweden,
it's not.
476
00:20:22,666 --> 00:20:24,166
SWEDEN
477
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:25,165
[doorbell rings]
478
00:20:25,166 --> 00:20:26,707
[in Swedish] Okay, Astrid's here!
479
00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:30,625
Oh, Niklas, we're so excited
to finally meet your girlfriend.
480
00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:34,208
Ooh! Perhaps Astrid
will be your first sexual experience?
481
00:20:34,291 --> 00:20:37,916
Which we, of course,
encourage you to do under our roof.
482
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,625
Okay, look at me, you two.
483
00:20:39,708 --> 00:20:41,958
Be fucking cool. Okay?
484
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,250
You got it, dude.
485
00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:46,125
Oh yeah. So fucking cool, man.
486
00:20:46,208 --> 00:20:48,833
They are gonna ruin my night.
487
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,375
'Sup, Astrid.
488
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,198
This is my father, Doctor Ambj�rn,
489
00:20:52,208 --> 00:20:54,375
and my mother, Doctor Ambj�rn.
490
00:20:54,458 --> 00:20:57,500
- They came with the house.
- [laughs] Thank you for having me.
491
00:20:57,583 --> 00:21:00,000
Oh, Astrid, you are so respectful.
492
00:21:00,083 --> 00:21:02,625
I can see why Niklas
is infatuated with you.
493
00:21:02,626 --> 00:21:03,624
Mama!
494
00:21:03,625 --> 00:21:08,333
I think his nervousness is an indication
he hopes to open mouth kiss you.
495
00:21:08,416 --> 00:21:10,416
If you would enjoy that, Astrid.
496
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:11,708
[giggles] Oh, I might.
497
00:21:11,791 --> 00:21:13,041
Can we please just eat?
498
00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:15,083
Yes, of course.
499
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:18,125
You cannot satisfy each other
on an empty stomach. Mmm.
500
00:21:18,208 --> 00:21:19,333
[groans]
501
00:21:19,416 --> 00:21:24,875
So, how do you two intend
to sexually explore each other tonight?
502
00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:27,500
- Uh... [laughs]
- Pappa! They're joking.
503
00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:29,500
I don't mind. My parents are Norwegian.
504
00:21:29,501 --> 00:21:31,790
They don't even know
how to pleasure themselves.
505
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,625
[laughter]
506
00:21:33,708 --> 00:21:35,208
Oh, Norwegians.
507
00:21:35,291 --> 00:21:39,958
I should call your mother and recommend
small circular motions on her clitoris.
508
00:21:40,041 --> 00:21:43,166
- Mamma!
- Niklas, there's nothing to be ashamed of.
509
00:21:43,250 --> 00:21:45,708
Sex is a natural part of life.
510
00:21:45,791 --> 00:21:47,625
Please, please, please stop.
511
00:21:47,708 --> 00:21:51,333
Astrid, do you know
the importance of foreplay?
512
00:21:51,416 --> 00:21:54,583
Mmm, foreplay should last
at least as long as it takes
513
00:21:54,584 --> 00:21:57,290
for your partner's lingonberry
to become engorged.
514
00:21:57,291 --> 00:21:58,416
What the fuck?!
515
00:21:58,417 --> 00:22:01,582
Some people mistakenly believe
you need to spell out the alphabet
516
00:22:01,583 --> 00:22:03,749
- on the clitoris with your tongue.
- [laughing]
517
00:22:03,750 --> 00:22:08,666
But Mamma's genitals just like it
when I spell ABBA over and over.
518
00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:10,333
Okay. That's enough.
519
00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:14,833
- And once Mamma is sufficiently wet...
- And Pappa's penis is stiff with blood...
520
00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:18,041
- [Niklas groans]
- ...it is time to unfurl the prophylactic
521
00:22:18,583 --> 00:22:20,333
so insertion may begin.
522
00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:21,833
- Stop it!
- Stop what?
523
00:22:21,916 --> 00:22:23,833
Methodically describing sex!
524
00:22:23,834 --> 00:22:26,832
[groans] Why can't you be ashamed
like Norwegian parents?
525
00:22:26,833 --> 00:22:28,375
Niklas, it's totally cool.
526
00:22:28,458 --> 00:22:30,791
No, it's not. They're freaks.
527
00:22:30,875 --> 00:22:32,708
We're just trying to educate you.
528
00:22:32,791 --> 00:22:34,458
Well, you're ruining my date!
529
00:22:34,541 --> 00:22:36,125
Actually, you're ruining it.
530
00:22:36,126 --> 00:22:39,040
Ugh, I didn't realize
you were so very repressed, Niklas.
531
00:22:39,041 --> 00:22:40,601
I guess I'll just have to go home
532
00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:44,833
and make small circular motions
on my clitoris by myself.
533
00:22:44,916 --> 00:22:46,250
But Astrid, wait!
534
00:22:47,625 --> 00:22:49,375
Hey, man, sorry I'm late.
535
00:22:49,458 --> 00:22:52,791
I was making small circular motions
on my butthole,
536
00:22:52,875 --> 00:22:54,750
and I just lost track of time.
537
00:22:54,833 --> 00:22:57,291
- You know how it is, baby.
- [groans]
538
00:22:57,292 --> 00:22:58,332
[crickets chirping]
539
00:22:58,333 --> 00:23:00,313
[in English] Ladies and gentle-thems,
540
00:23:00,375 --> 00:23:03,750
up next, we have a very special treat.
541
00:23:03,833 --> 00:23:05,041
That's right, baby.
542
00:23:05,125 --> 00:23:10,125
I am here with a lit firecracker up my ass
for the Fourth of July.
543
00:23:10,208 --> 00:23:11,750
Not you, Rick!
544
00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:17,375
I meant we got Lin-Manuel Miranda
to write us a song about pubies.
545
00:23:17,458 --> 00:23:20,125
Well then, why did I stick
a rocket up my ass?
546
00:23:20,208 --> 00:23:22,750
- [screaming]
- [firecrackers streaming]
547
00:23:22,833 --> 00:23:24,873
[melancholy electronic music playing]
548
00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:31,310
[in Spanish] ? My grandfather ?
549
00:23:31,666 --> 00:23:32,716
? Has hair ?
550
00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:34,666
? Everywhere ?
551
00:23:35,208 --> 00:23:36,416
? Everywhere ?
552
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,666
? My uncle Pedro ?
553
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:40,208
? He leaves hair ?
554
00:23:40,708 --> 00:23:42,041
? In the tub ?
555
00:23:42,125 --> 00:23:44,208
? And clogs the tub ?
556
00:23:44,291 --> 00:23:46,250
- ? My cousin Chiqui ?
- ? Chiqui ?
557
00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:48,083
- ? In her bikini ?
- ? Kiki ?
558
00:23:48,166 --> 00:23:49,666
? Hair pokes out ?
559
00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:51,458
? It looks like springtime ?
560
00:23:52,041 --> 00:23:53,833
- ? And I stay ?
- ? Stay ?
561
00:23:53,916 --> 00:23:55,666
? Before my mirror ?
562
00:23:55,750 --> 00:23:57,125
? Imagining ?
563
00:23:57,625 --> 00:23:58,958
? What I don't see ?
564
00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:01,625
? Here waiting for little hairs ?
565
00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:04,958
? Below my bellybutton, but no ?
566
00:24:06,916 --> 00:24:09,125
? Here waiting for little hairs ?
567
00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:13,250
? In my own nest, but no ?
568
00:24:14,750 --> 00:24:16,666
? Oh God, when will it get here? ?
569
00:24:16,750 --> 00:24:18,583
? Almost the whole world has it ?
570
00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:20,375
? I check below the penis ?
571
00:24:20,458 --> 00:24:22,250
? And only find my balls ?
572
00:24:22,333 --> 00:24:26,958
? Waiting for little hairs
Here in my little room ?
573
00:24:27,041 --> 00:24:30,208
? Tell me, when will you arrive? ?
574
00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:33,791
Yow!
575
00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:37,500
? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ?
576
00:24:37,583 --> 00:24:41,416
? I'm finally here
And bringing the party ?
577
00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:43,541
? Like an astronaut on the moon ?
578
00:24:43,625 --> 00:24:45,416
? Here on virgin territory ?
579
00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:47,083
? And I bring good fortune ?
580
00:24:47,166 --> 00:24:48,958
? A snake in the Garden of Eden ?
581
00:24:49,458 --> 00:24:50,750
? The Garden of Eden ?
582
00:24:50,751 --> 00:24:52,624
? The first little gift in Bethlehem ?
583
00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:55,624
? Oh my goodness, poor thing
Checking his peepee and little balls ?
584
00:24:55,625 --> 00:24:56,750
? They look tiny ?
585
00:24:56,833 --> 00:25:00,416
? Now innocence ends ?
586
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:02,208
? Yah, yah, yah, yah ?
587
00:25:02,291 --> 00:25:04,000
? And the party starts, hey ?
588
00:25:04,083 --> 00:25:07,791
? And here comes the evidence ?
589
00:25:07,875 --> 00:25:10,750
? Yah, yah, yah, yah
And the party starts, hey ?
590
00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:12,750
? Hair down, hair up ?
591
00:25:12,751 --> 00:25:14,582
? Hair on the chest, hair on the belly ?
592
00:25:14,583 --> 00:25:16,333
? Hair for free, don't pay a toll ?
593
00:25:16,416 --> 00:25:18,166
? Hair, not Pel�
He plays in FIFA ?
594
00:25:18,250 --> 00:25:21,833
? And I am the curvy hair
That grows next to the left tit ?
595
00:25:21,834 --> 00:25:23,207
? And I am the prettiest hair ?
596
00:25:23,208 --> 00:25:25,332
? That grows out of your asshole
And traps your shit ?
597
00:25:25,333 --> 00:25:27,625
? And I am the straight hair
In your unibrow ?
598
00:25:27,708 --> 00:25:29,125
? Super long and ugly ?
599
00:25:29,208 --> 00:25:32,666
? And we are the hair in your perineum
But we always smell like farts ?
600
00:25:32,750 --> 00:25:36,125
- ? Ol� ?
- ? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ?
601
00:25:36,208 --> 00:25:38,625
- ? Ol� ?
- ? Look at this little kid ?
602
00:25:38,708 --> 00:25:40,583
? He already looks like a little man ?
603
00:25:40,666 --> 00:25:44,083
? Now innocence ends ?
604
00:25:44,166 --> 00:25:45,916
? Look at this little kid ?
605
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,833
? He already looks like a little man ?
606
00:25:47,916 --> 00:25:51,875
? Now begins adolescence ?
607
00:25:51,958 --> 00:25:53,583
? Look at his little mustache ?
608
00:25:53,666 --> 00:25:55,466
? He already looks like a little man ?
609
00:25:58,666 --> 00:26:00,625
? Oh God, when will it get here? ?
610
00:26:00,708 --> 00:26:02,625
? Almost the whole world has it ?
611
00:26:02,708 --> 00:26:04,541
? I check below the penis... ?
612
00:26:04,542 --> 00:26:06,207
[sighs]
613
00:26:06,208 --> 00:26:08,083
? Waiting for little hairs ?
614
00:26:08,166 --> 00:26:10,166
? Here in my little room ?
615
00:26:10,250 --> 00:26:14,541
? Little hair, when will you arrive? ?
616
00:26:15,333 --> 00:26:18,000
[in English] My God,
what a journey we've taken.
617
00:26:18,083 --> 00:26:21,093
And, I mean, this probably
hasn't occurred to you, Connie,
618
00:26:21,125 --> 00:26:24,166
but puberty actually happens
all over the world.
619
00:26:24,167 --> 00:26:25,165
Uh-huh.
620
00:26:25,166 --> 00:26:29,000
And even though we may be different
in so many ways,
621
00:26:29,083 --> 00:26:31,250
we're all very gross in the same ways.
622
00:26:31,333 --> 00:26:34,791
Well, no shit.
I said that way in the beginning,
623
00:26:34,875 --> 00:26:38,750
even before that horny Korean boy
skeeted all over his bedspread.
624
00:26:38,833 --> 00:26:40,458
Hey, people of the world!
625
00:26:40,541 --> 00:26:44,375
Everyone watching at home
or on their phone while driving a Lyft!
626
00:26:44,458 --> 00:26:46,958
Let's all come together. Literally!
627
00:26:47,041 --> 00:26:49,458
Maury, are you suggesting...
628
00:26:49,541 --> 00:26:51,000
That's right, Connie.
629
00:26:51,083 --> 00:26:53,125
The world's biggest orgy.
630
00:26:53,208 --> 00:26:56,583
- Yeah! Let's fuck for world peace.
- [all cheering]
631
00:26:56,666 --> 00:26:58,833
And then let's order a pizza!
632
00:26:58,916 --> 00:27:01,375
[chattering, moaning]
633
00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:04,291
Oh yeah. This is weird.
634
00:27:04,375 --> 00:27:05,833
Is that Don Cheadle?
635
00:27:05,916 --> 00:27:09,500
Only in America, Nick. Only in America.
636
00:27:09,583 --> 00:27:11,263
[in Spanish] ? Hair down, hair up ?
637
00:27:11,291 --> 00:27:13,151
? Hair on the chest, hair on the belly ?
638
00:27:13,166 --> 00:27:15,000
? Hair for free, don't pay a toll ?
639
00:27:15,083 --> 00:27:16,833
? Hair, not Pel�
He plays in FIFA ?
640
00:27:16,916 --> 00:27:20,333
? And I am the curvy hair
That grows next to the left tit ?
641
00:27:20,334 --> 00:27:21,790
? And I am the prettiest hair ?
642
00:27:21,791 --> 00:27:24,207
? That grows out of your asshole
And traps your shit ?
643
00:27:24,208 --> 00:27:26,332
? And I am the straight hair
In your unibrow ?
644
00:27:26,333 --> 00:27:27,500
? Super long and ugly ?
645
00:27:27,583 --> 00:27:31,125
? And we are the hair in your perineum
But we always smell like farts ?
646
00:27:31,208 --> 00:27:34,708
- ? Ol� ?
- ? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ?
647
00:27:34,791 --> 00:27:37,125
- ? Ol� ?
- ? Look at this little kid ?
648
00:27:37,208 --> 00:27:39,291
? He already looks like a little man ?
649
00:27:39,375 --> 00:27:43,041
? Now innocence ends ?
650
00:27:43,125 --> 00:27:44,541
? Look at this little kid ?
651
00:27:44,625 --> 00:27:46,541
? He already looks like a little man ?
652
00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:52,791
? Now begins adolescence ?
653
00:27:52,875 --> 00:27:54,291
? Hey, hey... ?
654
00:27:54,375 --> 00:27:57,000
[melancholy electronic music playing]
655
00:27:57,001 --> 00:27:59,082
[Miguelito]
? Oh God, when will it get here? ?
656
00:27:59,083 --> 00:28:01,000
? Almost the whole world has it ?
657
00:28:01,083 --> 00:28:03,000
? I check below the penis... ?
658
00:28:03,034 --> 00:28:04,999
[sighs]
659
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,000
? Waiting for little hairs ?
660
00:28:07,083 --> 00:28:10,000
? Here in my little room ?
661
00:28:10,083 --> 00:28:13,000
? Tell me, when will you arrive? ?
662
00:28:13,083 --> 00:28:15,000
[song ends]
663
00:28:17,201 --> 00:28:19,299
Chirp.
664
00:28:19,300 --> 00:28:23,850
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