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1
00:00:07,833 --> 00:00:11,000
[grunting, chewing]
2
00:00:11,083 --> 00:00:14,416
Hello? Jessi, is that you?
3
00:00:14,417 --> 00:00:15,499
Hey, Shannon.
4
00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:19,249
- Couldn't sleep either, huh, babe?
- Lola? What are you doing in my kitchen?
5
00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:22,083
Oh my God, Shannon! Don't you remember?
6
00:00:22,166 --> 00:00:26,500
You moved into my building last season
when Jessi got a yeast infection.
7
00:00:26,583 --> 00:00:28,833
- What?
- [gasps] Idea bomb!
8
00:00:28,916 --> 00:00:31,250
Let's do a season six recap.
9
00:00:31,333 --> 00:00:34,625
- Oh, I don't think I need...
- Too late! Recapping.
10
00:00:34,708 --> 00:00:37,041
So, Matthew totally dumped Jay.
11
00:00:37,042 --> 00:00:38,124
He was all...
12
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,125
"You're a wolf, and I'm a swan,
13
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,738
and also, you're probably
still in love with Lola
14
00:00:42,791 --> 00:00:44,083
because she's so hot..."
15
00:00:44,166 --> 00:00:47,208
"And ultimately your destiny..."
16
00:00:47,291 --> 00:00:50,458
[Lola] What else?
Oh, yeah, that little horndog Missy
17
00:00:50,541 --> 00:00:53,541
totally hooked up
with this new kid Elijah,
18
00:00:53,625 --> 00:00:55,583
but uh-oh, Elijah's like...
19
00:00:55,666 --> 00:00:59,583
"Missy, I like you,
but I'm a big-time asexual."
20
00:00:59,666 --> 00:01:02,375
Lola, please, it's 3:00 in the morning.
21
00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:03,750
Who's next? Oh yeah!
22
00:01:03,833 --> 00:01:06,166
Andrew's still a total cum freak,
23
00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:09,208
and little Nicky is a short stack of shit.
24
00:01:09,291 --> 00:01:14,583
But who cares? Because me
and my yeasty bestie Jessi with no chesty
25
00:01:14,666 --> 00:01:18,333
are graduating eighth grade
in a couple of months. Yay!
26
00:01:18,416 --> 00:01:22,041
- Okay. Well, I guess I'm all caught up.
- Shut up, Shannon.
27
00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:25,000
This wasn't for you.
This was for the audience.
28
00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:29,541
Oh yeah, and guys,
the theme song still totally slaps.
29
00:01:29,542 --> 00:01:31,874
{\an8}["Changes" by Charles Bradley playing]
30
00:01:31,875 --> 00:01:37,375
I'm goin' through changes
31
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:47,458
I'm goin' through changes
32
00:01:47,459 --> 00:01:48,457
Oh
33
00:01:48,458 --> 00:01:49,750
In my life
34
00:01:51,166 --> 00:01:54,208
Oh! Ooh! Ooh!
35
00:01:59,083 --> 00:02:00,133
[songs fades]
36
00:02:00,317 --> 00:02:04,665
- [whistle blows]
- Okay, listen up, everyone.
37
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,333
In two months,
you'll be graduating middle school.
38
00:02:07,416 --> 00:02:12,333
Congratulations! Ms. B told me quote,
"She can't wait to see you go" quote.
39
00:02:12,334 --> 00:02:13,374
Steve!
40
00:02:13,375 --> 00:02:16,958
So today, we'll be visiting
Bridgeton High School.
41
00:02:17,041 --> 00:02:21,875
She also says it gives her a stummy-ache
to think about you guys driving a car.
42
00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:23,915
- Just get on the fucking bus, Steve.
- Okay.
43
00:02:23,916 --> 00:02:27,000
Ugh, what's the point
of visiting the new high school?
44
00:02:27,083 --> 00:02:28,666
I already know it's gonna suck.
45
00:02:28,750 --> 00:02:32,125
High school? I thought
this was the bus to Atlantic City.
46
00:02:32,208 --> 00:02:36,875
I got so many quarters, Jessi,
and I wanna smoke indoors.
47
00:02:36,958 --> 00:02:39,208
- Hi, Jessi.
- Hey, Nick. Where's Andrew?
48
00:02:39,209 --> 00:02:41,082
I don't know.
I haven't seen him all morning.
49
00:02:41,083 --> 00:02:43,499
- That's because there is no Andrew.
- Jesus, Andrew!
50
00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:46,791
- There is only Drew.
- You scared the shit out of us.
51
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,125
Oh no, no, no, no.
52
00:02:48,208 --> 00:02:50,000
Don't be scared of Drew.
53
00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:52,750
He's a normal, non-creepy boy.
54
00:02:52,751 --> 00:02:54,707
Andrew, if you're going for non-creepy,
55
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,541
then a plain black baseball cap
is not the way to go.
56
00:02:57,625 --> 00:02:59,375
Again, I'm Drew.
57
00:02:59,458 --> 00:03:01,708
Drew is just a regular guy
58
00:03:01,791 --> 00:03:05,166
who won't be bringing
any gross Andrew baggage to high school.
59
00:03:05,250 --> 00:03:06,750
I can see it now.
60
00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:07,957
[swanky jazz playing]
61
00:03:07,958 --> 00:03:10,416
- Hey.
- It's that totally not creepy guy.
62
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,910
- Great hat, Normal Drew.
- [chuckles] Thank you.
63
00:03:12,958 --> 00:03:14,833
Oh look, my skin isn't crawling.
64
00:03:14,916 --> 00:03:16,416
You're too kind.
65
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:20,083
That's right. We're going
to reinvent ourselves like Al Pacino.
66
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:24,083
You see, he used to be an actor,
but now he's a long scarf.
67
00:03:24,166 --> 00:03:27,583
Wow, Maury,
the hat really is transformative.
68
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:30,208
Thank you, Drew,
but I'm going by "Mo" now,
69
00:03:30,291 --> 00:03:31,791
short for "Ho-mo."
70
00:03:31,875 --> 00:03:34,500
- That seems... okay maybe?
- I think so?
71
00:03:34,583 --> 00:03:36,125
I mean, if you're owning it.
72
00:03:36,126 --> 00:03:38,832
Andrew, the only chance you have
of surviving high school,
73
00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:40,666
and I offer this humbly, is me.
74
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:44,750
Oh, please, you're 3'1". What makes
you think you'll survive high school?
75
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:48,833
Because my sister goes there,
and she is cool AF.
76
00:03:48,916 --> 00:03:50,916
I'm a legacy, baby!
77
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,166
[grunts]
78
00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:53,875
Hey, it's Leah's brother.
79
00:03:53,958 --> 00:03:56,291
Your sister's cool,
which means you're tall.
80
00:03:56,375 --> 00:03:57,995
Hey, look, I don't make the rules.
81
00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:02,583
Yeah, baby!
Leah's cool, so I have two eyeballs.
82
00:04:02,666 --> 00:04:03,875
[grunting]
83
00:04:03,958 --> 00:04:05,875
Rick's looking good, baby!
84
00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:09,166
You guys both need
to lower your expectations.
85
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:11,666
Why would high school be good
if life is bad?
86
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:14,666
Damn, Daria. Back at it again
with the terrible attitude?
87
00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:15,833
Oh, come on, Matthew.
88
00:04:15,834 --> 00:04:18,332
I thought you of all people
would share my pessimism.
89
00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:20,013
Look, middle school is terrible,
90
00:04:20,014 --> 00:04:22,040
but high school
could be a whole new world.
91
00:04:22,041 --> 00:04:23,958
Shout-out to The Little Mermaid.
92
00:04:24,041 --> 00:04:25,583
New people, new friends.
93
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:29,333
And honestly, I am tired
of being the only gay boy in my class.
94
00:04:29,416 --> 00:04:31,250
You are excluding Jay.
95
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:32,916
Um, I'm half gay, thank you.
96
00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:35,415
- Yeah, not how it works.
- Are you even graduating, Jay?
97
00:04:35,416 --> 00:04:38,083
- Matthew!
- No, no, my ex-husband is correct.
98
00:04:38,166 --> 00:04:42,625
The odds of me graduating at this point
are basically 50-80.
99
00:04:42,708 --> 00:04:45,625
Ugh, see what I mean?
I need to find my people.
100
00:04:45,708 --> 00:04:49,208
- Yeah, and betray them at every turn.
- What? Why?
101
00:04:49,291 --> 00:04:52,750
Because high school
is every man for himself.
102
00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:56,250
- It's a reality TV contest to the death.
- Jesus.
103
00:04:56,333 --> 00:05:01,208
And out of the carnage asada,
I will rise like a Joaquin Phoenix.
104
00:05:01,291 --> 00:05:04,416
Yes, bow to me, shitheads.
105
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,083
[all chanting] Lola! Lola!
106
00:05:06,084 --> 00:05:08,415
And eventually,
the school will call my mom,
107
00:05:08,416 --> 00:05:11,500
so she'll have to come home
and see me. Go, Lola.
108
00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:13,583
Oh shit. We've arrived.
109
00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:17,320
- [ominous music plays]
- Zendaya, that building is massive.
110
00:05:17,321 --> 00:05:19,040
How are we gonna find our classes?
111
00:05:19,041 --> 00:05:21,165
We'll do it together,
like a real high school couple.
112
00:05:21,166 --> 00:05:23,791
Oh, I can't wait.
We'll have lunch together.
113
00:05:23,875 --> 00:05:25,166
And I'll carry your books.
114
00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:28,041
Ugh, I'm drier than Lake Mead over here.
115
00:05:28,042 --> 00:05:30,374
They're about to pull a bunch of corpses
out of my pussy.
116
00:05:30,375 --> 00:05:31,791
- Mona!
- What?
117
00:05:31,792 --> 00:05:33,874
High school is where
you're supposed to fuck.
118
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:36,499
Well, I'm with Elijah,
and he's not interested in that.
119
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:40,250
But you're almost 14, darling.
You should be drowning in dick.
120
00:05:40,251 --> 00:05:42,374
Dicks are a solid.
You can't drown in them.
121
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:43,374
Sure you can.
122
00:05:43,375 --> 00:05:46,875
18% of hot slut deaths every year
are dick drownings.
123
00:05:46,958 --> 00:05:49,416
So stay safe out there, my whores.
124
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,333
[magical music playing]
125
00:05:53,041 --> 00:05:58,291
Okay, so, everybody kiss your twin,
and then we'll give you a Whopper Junior.
126
00:05:58,375 --> 00:05:59,583
Close, Steve.
127
00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:03,708
Uh, everyone choose a buddy,
and we'll assign you a junior host.
128
00:06:03,791 --> 00:06:06,125
Whoa, the juniors look so big and adult.
129
00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,333
I mean, that guy has a full-on beard.
130
00:06:08,416 --> 00:06:12,625
And I'm no doctor, but that girl
is gonna have "back problems."
131
00:06:12,708 --> 00:06:15,958
Oh yeah. Those are big ole
floppy problem breasts.
132
00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:17,375
No, no.
133
00:06:17,458 --> 00:06:20,916
I'm Drew now,
and Drew doesn't stare at a woman's bosom.
134
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,666
He looks in her eyes,
and he appreciates her mind.
135
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:26,791
Ah, yes.
The eyes, the nipples of the head.
136
00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:30,875
After a quick tour, you and your hosts
will eat lunch together in the cafeteria.
137
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:35,708
Jessi, Lola,
your host is Lulu Barfightkowitz.
138
00:06:35,791 --> 00:06:39,000
- 'Sup?
- Ooh, Lulu seems so cool.
139
00:06:39,083 --> 00:06:42,000
- Uh, nice to meet you, Lulu.
- Shut up. I don't wanna be here.
140
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:45,541
- Okay.
- I take it back. Lulu seems terrible.
141
00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:48,582
I got in trouble for selling Tylenol
that I told everyone was Molly.
142
00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:52,207
The teachers who bought it were so mad,
they're making me babysit you dumb fucks.
143
00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:55,416
Lulu, bowing my head,
we are nameless nobodies.
144
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:58,833
- We are trash and do not deserve you.
- This girl gets it.
145
00:06:58,916 --> 00:07:01,333
If you need to spit,
please do so in our mouths.
146
00:07:01,416 --> 00:07:03,541
What are you doing? Lulu sucks.
147
00:07:03,625 --> 00:07:05,833
Reality TV rule number one,
148
00:07:05,916 --> 00:07:07,625
beta yourself to the alpha,
149
00:07:07,708 --> 00:07:11,000
and then when their guard is down,
punch 'em in the throat.
150
00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:14,375
- Lulu, wait up!
- Looks like you're with me, Nicky.
151
00:07:14,458 --> 00:07:17,250
Here to carry on
the Birch legacy of popularity.
152
00:07:17,333 --> 00:07:19,708
And I'm Nick's plus-one. The name's Drew.
153
00:07:19,791 --> 00:07:21,541
Oh fuck, Andrew.
154
00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:24,250
Don't do anything
weird or gross today, okay?
155
00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:27,833
Leah, bubbeleh,
weird and gross was Andrew.
156
00:07:27,916 --> 00:07:29,416
I'm Drew now.
157
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:33,166
I'm a normal boy
who's just staring at your two big minds.
158
00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:36,166
Ew. Just please keep your hands
where I can see them.
159
00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:39,583
- Hey, I'm Ocean.
- Oh.
160
00:07:39,666 --> 00:07:41,916
My pronouns are they/them,
161
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,958
and I have 9,000 of my own dollars,
162
00:07:46,041 --> 00:07:48,083
so don't fuck with me, okay?
163
00:07:48,166 --> 00:07:51,125
My God, Matthew, a real-life thousandaire.
164
00:07:51,208 --> 00:07:53,166
Ocean is truly cool.
165
00:07:53,167 --> 00:07:55,582
You're just cool
compared to straight people.
166
00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:58,083
No shit, asshole. We can't screw this up.
167
00:07:58,166 --> 00:08:01,833
- Hi, I'm Matthew. My pronouns are...
- And I am Caleb.
168
00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:03,416
My parents told me to tell you
169
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:06,625
that I feel uncomfortable
in unfamiliar places,
170
00:08:06,708 --> 00:08:08,583
so I made a map of the school.
171
00:08:08,666 --> 00:08:10,041
Okay, girl, do you.
172
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:13,333
According to the map,
there are 39 fire exits.
173
00:08:13,416 --> 00:08:15,916
Will we be visiting all of them
on the tour?
174
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,291
So this is the vibe today?
175
00:08:17,375 --> 00:08:20,166
No, no, no, no, no. This is Caleb's vibe.
176
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:23,875
Caleb, I am begging you,
just for one day, can you please be cool?
177
00:08:23,876 --> 00:08:24,999
No, I cannot.
178
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,791
Yeah, I had a feeling.
179
00:08:26,875 --> 00:08:28,583
Hey, hi.
180
00:08:28,666 --> 00:08:32,166
I'm Timon,
and this is my boyfriend, Pumbaa.
181
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:33,500
Shout-out to Aladdin.
182
00:08:33,583 --> 00:08:36,583
Timon and Pumbaa?
Are those like your Christian names?
183
00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:38,208
[chuckles] No, no, no, no.
184
00:08:38,209 --> 00:08:41,790
We just believe that when we're together,
life's, you know, no worries.
185
00:08:41,791 --> 00:08:44,666
And I'm packing
a fat old warthog in my jeans.
186
00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:46,708
- Ain't that right, babe?
- [giggles]
187
00:08:46,791 --> 00:08:49,916
So fat. Wait, are you two also a couple?
188
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,333
Mm-hmm. Soon to be a high school couple.
189
00:08:52,416 --> 00:08:54,291
Aw, just like Pumbaa and me!
190
00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:56,041
Oh, Timon.
191
00:08:56,042 --> 00:08:57,082
[both moaning]
192
00:08:57,083 --> 00:09:00,541
Whoa, you two are just like
going at it in the hallway, huh?
193
00:09:00,625 --> 00:09:03,791
Yes! This right here.
This is what I want for you, Missy.
194
00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:05,291
It is pretty erotic.
195
00:09:05,375 --> 00:09:09,916
The heat, the hunger,
the complete lack of self-awareness.
196
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,000
This is high school.
197
00:09:12,083 --> 00:09:13,833
[moans] Hakuna Matata!
198
00:09:13,916 --> 00:09:17,500
Hey, what gives?
I never got assigned my Whopper Junior.
199
00:09:17,583 --> 00:09:20,893
Aww, poor little dickweed
doesn't have anyone to show him around.
200
00:09:20,916 --> 00:09:22,166
Oh fuck.
201
00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:25,540
Should we give him a taste of how shitty
his life's gonna be next year?
202
00:09:25,541 --> 00:09:28,790
Well, joke's on you assholes
because I'm probably not gonna graduate.
203
00:09:28,791 --> 00:09:31,750
Then I guess
we'll just have to fuck you up today.
204
00:09:31,833 --> 00:09:33,666
Starting with a tushy foot.
205
00:09:33,750 --> 00:09:36,166
A tushy foot? Well, that sounds adorable.
206
00:09:36,167 --> 00:09:38,999
It means we're gonna take your foot
and shove it up your own asshole.
207
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,333
Until we hit bone.
208
00:09:40,416 --> 00:09:41,746
- Get him!
- [Jay screams]
209
00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:44,416
- No tushy foot!
- [boy grunts]
210
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,124
Okay, first stop, headquarters.
The girls' bathroom.
211
00:09:47,125 --> 00:09:49,291
Wow, high school toilets.
212
00:09:49,375 --> 00:09:51,625
If these bowls could talk, am I right?
213
00:09:51,626 --> 00:09:53,915
- [grunts] Hey, freshman, get outta here.
- [girl screams]
214
00:09:53,916 --> 00:09:56,207
I'm gonna vape,
and I don't wanna smell your open ass.
215
00:09:56,208 --> 00:09:58,875
- [girl] But I'm not done.
- Yo-yo that turd, toots!
216
00:09:58,958 --> 00:10:01,958
You don't have to shit at home,
but you can't shit here.
217
00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:02,957
- [grunts]
- Oh!
218
00:10:02,958 --> 00:10:05,125
That little bitch was so rude.
219
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:08,249
Yeah, I mean, how dare she try
to use the bathroom as a bathroom.
220
00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:09,625
- What a cunt.
- [laughter]
221
00:10:09,708 --> 00:10:12,166
- Excuse me?
- [chuckles] This chick's funny.
222
00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:14,291
- What?
- Nothing. I'm sorry!
223
00:10:14,292 --> 00:10:15,749
- [screams]
- [toilet flushes]
224
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:16,665
Jesus.
225
00:10:16,666 --> 00:10:18,540
- So, you're funny, huh?
- [ominous music]
226
00:10:18,541 --> 00:10:22,625
- Oh shit, Jessi. What hath you wrought?
- I don't know, it just came out.
227
00:10:22,708 --> 00:10:25,833
You one of those funny girls,
like Whitney Cummings?
228
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,582
Well, I mean, I don't have a tight five
about queefing, but...
229
00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:30,166
You know, I like comedy too.
230
00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:32,833
Comedy movies, Comedy Central,
231
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:35,958
Jeff and Larry's Comedy Round Up
on SiriusXM.
232
00:10:35,959 --> 00:10:36,957
Okay.
233
00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:38,916
We should see how funny you really are.
234
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,050
[inhales, exhales]
235
00:10:40,083 --> 00:10:42,208
[coughs] Oh God. What does that mean?
236
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:45,124
Honey, I think it means
you should get your affairs in order.
237
00:10:45,125 --> 00:10:46,583
Jessi, I'm scared!
238
00:10:46,584 --> 00:10:48,624
- Follow me down the shitter.
- [toilet flushes]
239
00:10:48,625 --> 00:10:50,041
[grunts, screams]
240
00:10:50,125 --> 00:10:51,500
I'm stuck!
241
00:10:51,583 --> 00:10:55,375
And I can feel the other girl
with my toes.
242
00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:56,583
- Ah!
- [sighs]
243
00:10:57,166 --> 00:10:59,541
Hey, guys, you all remember Nick.
244
00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:03,250
Jourdan with a "u," Gabrielle,
so great to see you guys.
245
00:11:03,251 --> 00:11:05,707
How's your mom, Maya?
Her tomatoes come in yet?
246
00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:08,666
When they do,
I'ma gonna make-a da-sauce-a.
247
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:09,790
[all laugh]
248
00:11:09,791 --> 00:11:13,208
Mama Mia, that's a spicy a-meatball.
249
00:11:13,291 --> 00:11:14,958
I'm doing it too, like Nick.
250
00:11:14,959 --> 00:11:15,957
Hi, I'm Drew.
251
00:11:15,958 --> 00:11:17,583
Charmed, I'm sure, my lady.
252
00:11:17,584 --> 00:11:19,874
Sorry, are you, like,
British or something?
253
00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:22,333
Oh no, no, I'm very Jewish.
254
00:11:22,416 --> 00:11:25,583
Double circumcised, in fact.
There were complications.
255
00:11:25,666 --> 00:11:27,916
- Okay.
- Do you know what a "cobra head" is?
256
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:31,541
Well, it's official.
The high school ladies love Mountain Drew.
257
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:34,041
[Andrew] Mmm,
and Mountain Drew loves them.
258
00:11:34,125 --> 00:11:37,666
- Yeah, they're so mature.
- Nearly ready to enter the workforce.
259
00:11:37,750 --> 00:11:39,875
On the cusp of voting.
260
00:11:39,958 --> 00:11:41,625
Ah, cusp.
261
00:11:41,708 --> 00:11:43,458
Um, can I help you?
262
00:11:43,541 --> 00:11:45,291
Ah, no! No, sorry.
263
00:11:45,375 --> 00:11:49,125
I was just noticing
that small almond-shaped growth
264
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,468
near your brassiere line.
265
00:11:50,469 --> 00:11:52,207
You might wanna get that biopsied.
266
00:11:52,208 --> 00:11:53,249
- What the fuck?
- Ick!
267
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:55,458
Oh God, Mo, the creep is returning!
268
00:11:55,541 --> 00:11:58,458
I can feel my off-putting personality
coming back.
269
00:11:58,541 --> 00:12:00,916
Of course it is! Look around!
270
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:05,625
High school's a visual minefield
of hot flesh and sexy moles.
271
00:12:05,708 --> 00:12:07,398
- What do I do?
- Stab your eyes out.
272
00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:09,000
Double circumcise your face.
273
00:12:09,083 --> 00:12:11,833
Or hold on.
What if I just took my glasses off?
274
00:12:11,834 --> 00:12:13,332
Yeah, I guess that could work too.
275
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,043
[Andrew] Oh, this is great.
I can't see a goddamn thing.
276
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:18,166
Now, where did Nick and Leah go?
277
00:12:18,167 --> 00:12:19,165
Ooh!
278
00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:21,707
Begging your pardon, madam.
Don't worry, I'm not English.
279
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:23,291
[screams]
280
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:25,041
Oh God! Here we go!
281
00:12:25,125 --> 00:12:26,175
[screams]
282
00:12:26,208 --> 00:12:28,375
So, yeah, this is the theater department.
283
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:31,208
Last year we did Les Mis, but get this,
284
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:34,875
it took place
in an Amazon fulfillment center.
285
00:12:34,958 --> 00:12:37,916
Oh, and I bet "One Day More"
was about same-day shipping?
286
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,000
- You called it, girl! Exactly.
- Oh, I got you, girl.
287
00:12:41,083 --> 00:12:42,583
- If I may interject.
- N...
288
00:12:42,666 --> 00:12:45,833
In order to plan
my emergency evacuation routes,
289
00:12:45,834 --> 00:12:48,540
- I need to inspect this fire exit.
- [awkward chuckle]
290
00:12:48,541 --> 00:12:50,750
- Of course you do.
- Have at it, Paw Patrol.
291
00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:53,291
Question. You look like you can sing.
292
00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:54,958
Oh, I don't know.
293
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,791
Does this sound
294
00:12:57,792 --> 00:13:00,457
Like I can sing?
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa whoa
295
00:13:00,458 --> 00:13:04,541
Okay, I see you.
She has lungs and she riffs too long.
296
00:13:04,625 --> 00:13:07,625
Have you heard
of the Bridgeton High Queer Choir?
297
00:13:07,708 --> 00:13:09,291
The B-High Quee-Choi?
298
00:13:09,375 --> 00:13:12,166
It's 19 tenors and one miserable baritone.
299
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,625
Uh, make that 20 tenors.
300
00:13:14,708 --> 00:13:16,833
- Fuck! Yes! I love it!
- [laughs]
301
00:13:16,916 --> 00:13:19,750
But wait.
What about your little friend Caleb?
302
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:22,500
- I guess we should wait for him?
- No. No cops at Pride.
303
00:13:22,583 --> 00:13:24,708
Hmm. You know, how do I put this?
304
00:13:24,791 --> 00:13:26,958
Fuck Caleb. He has his map. He'll be fine.
305
00:13:27,041 --> 00:13:29,041
Ooh, so ruthless.
306
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:32,250
You gonna fit right in perfectly
with the B-High Quee-Choi.
307
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:34,708
[screams] I don't want a tushy foot!
308
00:13:34,791 --> 00:13:39,333
Good news, Matthew.
Fire exit number 14 is unobstructed.
309
00:13:39,416 --> 00:13:40,750
Matthew?
310
00:13:40,833 --> 00:13:43,041
- Fuck you, tourist.
- My map!
311
00:13:43,125 --> 00:13:45,833
- Shut up.
- Ah! My genitals!
312
00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:48,499
- [suspenseful music]
- [grunts] Damn it, locked!
313
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,041
[groans] Oh, come on!
314
00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:51,625
Do I not know how doors work?
315
00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:54,708
Jay, I hope your asshole's hungry!
316
00:13:54,791 --> 00:13:55,841
For your foot!
317
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:58,375
[grunting]
318
00:13:58,458 --> 00:13:59,916
- [thud]
- [groans]
319
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:05,166
Is this hell or heaven?
320
00:14:05,250 --> 00:14:07,120
- [man] Need a hand?
- Excuse me, sir,
321
00:14:07,166 --> 00:14:09,250
but what does one call this place?
322
00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:12,500
This is the Bridgeton High
Vocational School.
323
00:14:12,583 --> 00:14:14,958
Whoa! Nick's uncle Judd?
324
00:14:15,041 --> 00:14:18,666
Wait a minute, you said this is school?
325
00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:22,041
Yeah, but here we learn shit
that'll actually make us money.
326
00:14:22,042 --> 00:14:24,290
Wanna know how to strip
a catalytic converter
327
00:14:24,291 --> 00:14:26,124
- and then sell it to Ecuador?
- Fuck yeah.
328
00:14:26,125 --> 00:14:28,415
You wanna make six figures
but don't know how to count?
329
00:14:28,416 --> 00:14:32,125
Uh, yes plus yes equals no doy.
330
00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:33,258
You like fire?
331
00:14:33,291 --> 00:14:36,083
Is that a trick question? Is this a test?
332
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:37,708
Wait, are there tests here?
333
00:14:37,791 --> 00:14:40,875
No tests. Just do or do not.
334
00:14:40,958 --> 00:14:44,375
And fire, man. Lots of fucking fire.
335
00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:47,125
Vocational wolf!
336
00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:49,333
[howls]
337
00:14:49,416 --> 00:14:52,791
Okay, so this stairwell
is totally make-out central.
338
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,749
- [couples moaning]
- [Elijah] Is that two janitors making out?
339
00:14:55,750 --> 00:14:59,458
But if you wanna hook up on carpet,
highly recommend the library.
340
00:14:59,541 --> 00:15:02,791
Oh, babe, do you remember?
That's where you first fingered me.
341
00:15:02,875 --> 00:15:05,750
And where we first went to second base.
342
00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:06,958
[both] Anal.
343
00:15:06,959 --> 00:15:09,415
- [Timon moans]
- Does anyone go to class at this school?
344
00:15:09,416 --> 00:15:10,833
[chuckles] Well, you know,
345
00:15:10,834 --> 00:15:13,665
maybe you should try
not to be so close-minded, Elijah.
346
00:15:13,666 --> 00:15:17,375
I mean, Jesus wasn't
a completely judgy little narc, was he?
347
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,416
Actually, yeah, he kinda was.
348
00:15:19,417 --> 00:15:22,249
Here, take this. If you're gonna go
to high school with Elijah,
349
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:25,291
you might as well
scoop out your pussy and put it on ice.
350
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:26,708
You're probably right.
351
00:15:26,709 --> 00:15:27,790
Wait, I am?
352
00:15:27,791 --> 00:15:31,291
Yeah, it seems like
exploring bodies on dirty carpets
353
00:15:31,375 --> 00:15:35,791
is a big part of this experience,
and I'm not sure I wanna miss out on that.
354
00:15:35,875 --> 00:15:38,791
Well, fuck damn,
you've never agreed with me before.
355
00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:41,791
I don't know what to say,
other than we should move.
356
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,833
It looks like Pumbaa's about to blow.
357
00:15:43,916 --> 00:15:45,916
- [moans]
- Oh no, babe, your pants!
358
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,291
Don't worry, babe, I'm wearing a condom.
359
00:15:48,375 --> 00:15:49,425
Interesting.
360
00:15:49,458 --> 00:15:52,500
[Ocean] Hello, my darlings.
361
00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:54,166
This is Matthew.
362
00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:57,333
And Matthew, this is the B-High Quee-Choi.
363
00:15:57,416 --> 00:16:01,750
So, you think you have what it takes
to be in the Quee-Choi?
364
00:16:01,833 --> 00:16:02,916
Holy shit, Matthew.
365
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,583
- The stakes, they've never been higher.
- Um...
366
00:16:05,666 --> 00:16:08,458
- Do something incredible, please.
- Ohh...
367
00:16:08,541 --> 00:16:11,583
Well, are you gonna introduce yourself?
368
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:12,875
Okay.
369
00:16:12,958 --> 00:16:16,166
My name is Matthew MacDell...
370
00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:19,708
Wh-What are you doing?
I said incredible, not weird.
371
00:16:19,791 --> 00:16:22,083
My pronouns are he/him
372
00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:25,666
And my last school was a shit show
373
00:16:26,375 --> 00:16:31,083
My ex-boyfriend fucked a couch cushion
374
00:16:31,084 --> 00:16:33,915
[Ocean and choir]
His name is Matthew MacDell
375
00:16:33,916 --> 00:16:35,958
His pronouns are he/him
376
00:16:36,041 --> 00:16:40,333
His last school was a shit show
377
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,875
And his ex-boyfriend
Fucked a couch cushion...
378
00:16:43,958 --> 00:16:45,875
Oh my God, Matthew, you're doing it.
379
00:16:45,958 --> 00:16:48,708
Keep singing.
We need a song in the premiere.
380
00:16:48,791 --> 00:16:51,041
[all] It's gonna be glorious
381
00:16:51,125 --> 00:16:53,291
It's gonna be grand
382
00:16:54,041 --> 00:16:55,841
This boy has found his people
383
00:16:55,916 --> 00:16:58,625
Yes, he's made it to the promised land
384
00:16:58,708 --> 00:17:01,500
In this castle, you can be a king
385
00:17:01,583 --> 00:17:03,708
Or a sad and lonely pawn
386
00:17:03,709 --> 00:17:06,499
[Ocean and choir]
Yes, Big Mouth's going to high school
387
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:08,708
We're finally moving on
388
00:17:08,791 --> 00:17:11,166
[Ocean] Some, like lambs to slaughter
389
00:17:11,167 --> 00:17:13,999
- Will be helpless and afraid
- [choir] Lambs to slaughter
390
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,957
[Ocean] While those
With a killer's instinct
391
00:17:15,958 --> 00:17:17,915
Will understand how the game is played
392
00:17:17,916 --> 00:17:19,124
[choir] Play the game
393
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,416
[Ocean] Some will never outrun misery
394
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,625
No matter how they try
395
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,040
[all] Still Big Mouth's
Going to high school
396
00:17:26,041 --> 00:17:28,916
Yes, we milked middle school dry
397
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:31,290
[choir] There's fortune
For the lucky few
398
00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:34,040
- And the life they've always craved
- [Ocean] Whoa
399
00:17:34,041 --> 00:17:37,041
[choir] Some will suffer longing
For so much more
400
00:17:37,125 --> 00:17:38,291
For so much more
401
00:17:38,292 --> 00:17:41,082
Others still will flounder
Dumb and blind
402
00:17:41,083 --> 00:17:43,457
- To escape a life depraved
- [tires screech]
403
00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:45,957
[Ocean] All these little twits
Would lose their shit
404
00:17:45,958 --> 00:17:48,708
[all] If they knew what lay in store
Yeah
405
00:17:48,791 --> 00:17:53,291
Some will find a brand new life
In the belly of the beast
406
00:17:53,375 --> 00:17:57,000
That will bring them
Sweet salvation or grim demise
407
00:17:57,001 --> 00:17:58,290
[choir] Grim demise
408
00:17:58,291 --> 00:18:00,749
[Ocean] It's gonna be
A whole new shit show
409
00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:03,125
We're gonna blow some brand-new loads
410
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:05,875
[all] On a bold adventure
We'll embark
411
00:18:05,958 --> 00:18:08,375
Until the day we jump the shark
412
00:18:08,458 --> 00:18:13,333
The Big Mouth kids
Are moving on to high school
413
00:18:13,416 --> 00:18:16,250
But not for nine more episodes
414
00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:23,250
- Not for nine more episodes
- No, no, not for nine more episodes
415
00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:25,458
[panting]
416
00:18:25,541 --> 00:18:29,125
Matthew is gone. My map is gone.
417
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:34,125
I am late for lunch,
and all the good taco meat will be gone.
418
00:18:34,208 --> 00:18:36,583
All right, Mo, this is a big decision.
419
00:18:36,666 --> 00:18:40,125
Where you sit in the cafeteria
can make or break you in high school.
420
00:18:40,208 --> 00:18:43,625
- This is ridiculous.
- Which clique will I choose?
421
00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:46,291
Will it be the greasers or the nerds?
422
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,250
- The jocks, or...
- Andrew, just put your glasses back on.
423
00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:54,208
It's Drew! And blinding myself
is the only way to avoid perving out.
424
00:18:54,291 --> 00:18:55,833
Hey, do we have eyes on Lulu?
425
00:18:55,916 --> 00:18:58,916
She's probably preparing
a devastating prank
426
00:18:58,917 --> 00:19:01,207
that will make you, like,
never trust again.
427
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,249
Wait. What makes you think
she's gonna prank me?
428
00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:05,666
- It's what I would do, sweetie.
- [groans]
429
00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:08,580
Not saying I'm going to,
but if I were to host the Oscars,
430
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,665
I'd make sure only women won,
and I'd probably have a female co-host.
431
00:19:11,666 --> 00:19:14,416
- [laughs] Wait, that's so stupid. Stop.
- I love that.
432
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:17,625
Oh my God, Nick, you're so cute.
Come sit on my lap, please.
433
00:19:17,708 --> 00:19:20,541
Well, if you insist. Here comes my butt.
434
00:19:20,625 --> 00:19:24,000
Jourdan, you've gotta try holding Nick.
He's light as a feather.
435
00:19:24,083 --> 00:19:25,541
But a sexy feather, right?
436
00:19:25,625 --> 00:19:28,583
Gabrielle, girl,
you wanna hold this little fella?
437
00:19:28,666 --> 00:19:30,750
Okay. Uh, can you put me down now, please?
438
00:19:30,833 --> 00:19:33,500
Oh no, Leah,
your little brother's getting fussy.
439
00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:35,750
Aww. Maybe he needs a widdle nap.
440
00:19:35,833 --> 00:19:39,125
Oh shit, Rick. They don't think
I'm sexy like a feather.
441
00:19:39,208 --> 00:19:40,750
They think I'm cute like a baby.
442
00:19:40,751 --> 00:19:41,749
Poop your pants,
443
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:44,880
'cause then maybe they'll have to wipe
doodoo off your peepee.
444
00:19:44,958 --> 00:19:47,708
You want me to feed you
like a baby bird, huh?
445
00:19:47,791 --> 00:19:49,458
- Chew it for me, Mommy.
- Yeah?
446
00:19:49,541 --> 00:19:51,875
- Chew it good.
- [chewing]
447
00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:56,250
Am I cuckoo bananas
or are these two cuckoo bananas?
448
00:19:56,333 --> 00:20:00,125
Uh, well, actually,
maybe you are cuckoo bananas, Elijah.
449
00:20:00,208 --> 00:20:04,166
Some people have sexual appetites,
and there is nothing wrong with that.
450
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:08,250
Missy, what is going on with you today?
Is it high school? Is it me?
451
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:13,750
It's nothing. It's just, I feel like
I want something that you...
452
00:20:13,833 --> 00:20:15,250
[gasps] Check it out, babe.
453
00:20:15,251 --> 00:20:17,832
I think Lulu
is about to fuck up that little redhead.
454
00:20:17,833 --> 00:20:21,083
Oh shit. We're about to see
if the blood matches the drapes.
455
00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:25,791
Hey, Jessi. Since you're so obsessed
with letting people take shits,
456
00:20:25,875 --> 00:20:28,345
I figured you wouldn't mind
if I took a shit on you.
457
00:20:28,346 --> 00:20:29,790
- Sure, yeah, that tracks.
- Ah!
458
00:20:29,791 --> 00:20:31,721
- Oh God. I don't like this.
- [laughter]
459
00:20:31,791 --> 00:20:32,875
[all gasp]
460
00:20:32,876 --> 00:20:33,999
Damn!
461
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,250
Aww, looks like it's gonna be really hard
462
00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:39,291
to get that chocolate sauce
out of your outfit. [laughs]
463
00:20:39,375 --> 00:20:41,041
Oh no, Jessi!
464
00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:45,041
People are gonna call you
"Hershey Squirter" or "Super Dooky."
465
00:20:45,125 --> 00:20:47,375
- Yeah, I got it, thanks.
- Or "Shit Tits."
466
00:20:47,458 --> 00:20:50,708
Don't worry, Jessi, you've given me
just the distraction I need
467
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,333
to slay the alpha.
468
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:53,665
- [laughs]
- [Lola] Hey, Lulu?
469
00:20:53,666 --> 00:20:55,832
- Yeah? What do you want, bitch?
- [grunts]
470
00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:57,458
- [grunts]
- Holy shit.
471
00:20:57,541 --> 00:20:59,583
- [Lola yells]
- [Lulu grunts]
472
00:20:59,666 --> 00:21:03,166
- [grunts]
- Classic food fight!
473
00:21:03,250 --> 00:21:05,750
[student] Woo-hoo!
474
00:21:05,833 --> 00:21:06,883
Come on, Missy!
475
00:21:06,884 --> 00:21:08,415
- No!
- [Missy] Elijah!
476
00:21:08,416 --> 00:21:09,707
- [grunts]
- What's going on?
477
00:21:09,708 --> 00:21:12,040
I don't know, man.
Just put on your fucking glasses.
478
00:21:12,041 --> 00:21:13,625
Oh Christ.
479
00:21:13,708 --> 00:21:16,458
- [Andrew screams]
- I have located the cafeteria.
480
00:21:16,459 --> 00:21:18,040
[screams]
481
00:21:18,041 --> 00:21:20,631
- Paw Patrol has entered the chat.
- Stop, no, no, no!
482
00:21:20,666 --> 00:21:22,166
- No!
- Oh shit.
483
00:21:22,250 --> 00:21:23,625
Protect the child!
484
00:21:23,708 --> 00:21:27,083
I'm not a child! I'm a little big boy!
485
00:21:27,084 --> 00:21:28,124
[both grunt]
486
00:21:28,125 --> 00:21:30,375
Get off me, you little blonde tank!
487
00:21:30,458 --> 00:21:34,541
Just know that I am doing this
with a deep sense of respect.
488
00:21:34,625 --> 00:21:36,958
- Kill her!
- Mommy wants blood!
489
00:21:36,959 --> 00:21:38,040
[groans]
490
00:21:38,041 --> 00:21:41,458
Excuse me, I'm a person!
There's a person down here.
491
00:21:41,459 --> 00:21:42,540
Oh, come on!
492
00:21:42,541 --> 00:21:46,833
Sixty-eight dollars
at Costco Optical, ruined. Aah!
493
00:21:46,916 --> 00:21:48,750
[in slow motion] Oh shit.
494
00:21:48,751 --> 00:21:51,832
- [normal speed] Oh shit.
- Ew! You fucking creep!
495
00:21:51,833 --> 00:21:54,583
Hey! Get your fucking hands
off my girlfriend's tits.
496
00:21:54,666 --> 00:21:56,166
I swear... Pumbaa, was it?
497
00:21:56,250 --> 00:22:01,166
For the first time in my lousy life,
I wasn't being a pervert.
498
00:22:01,250 --> 00:22:03,250
Mommy wants blood. Right, Mommy?
499
00:22:03,333 --> 00:22:05,708
I wanna taste the iron in his veins.
500
00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:07,791
Oh Jesus, you two have a problem.
501
00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:10,765
You're the one that's about
to have a fucking problem. Ah!
502
00:22:10,833 --> 00:22:13,291
Step away from the pervert.
503
00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:14,708
Jay! You have a sword!
504
00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:17,250
I just forged it. In the basement!
505
00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:18,666
I think I love school.
506
00:22:18,750 --> 00:22:21,166
[screams] That kid has a weapon!
507
00:22:21,250 --> 00:22:23,375
[all screaming]
508
00:22:23,458 --> 00:22:24,583
Elijah, help!
509
00:22:24,666 --> 00:22:27,250
Stay alive! I will find you!
510
00:22:27,333 --> 00:22:29,208
- We got you, Jay.
- Ah shit.
511
00:22:29,291 --> 00:22:30,666
Now bring us that foot.
512
00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:32,333
You stole my map!
513
00:22:32,416 --> 00:22:33,541
[both grunting]
514
00:22:33,625 --> 00:22:37,500
Okay. Paw Patrol
has gone completely rabid.
515
00:22:37,583 --> 00:22:40,291
- [laughter]
- Hey, it's not Paw Patrol.
516
00:22:40,375 --> 00:22:42,166
His name is Caleb, okay?
517
00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:44,666
And he doesn't do well
with unfamiliar places.
518
00:22:44,750 --> 00:22:47,166
- Okay.
- [Val] No! Ow! Ah!
519
00:22:47,250 --> 00:22:48,666
Sh, sh, sh. It's okay, Caleb.
520
00:22:48,667 --> 00:22:49,874
- [Val crying]
- It's okay.
521
00:22:49,875 --> 00:22:51,500
He took my map.
522
00:22:51,501 --> 00:22:52,582
I know.
523
00:22:52,583 --> 00:22:54,083
And you disappeared.
524
00:22:54,084 --> 00:22:55,124
I'm sorry.
525
00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:58,583
Ditching you
just felt really right in the moment.
526
00:22:58,666 --> 00:22:59,916
I'm an asshole.
527
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,083
- Oh God!
- Missy! Take my hand.
528
00:23:02,750 --> 00:23:04,458
I told you I'd find you.
529
00:23:04,541 --> 00:23:08,041
And did you see?
I stayed alive, just like you commanded.
530
00:23:08,125 --> 00:23:11,541
I'm so glad
you're gonna be my high school boyfriend.
531
00:23:11,625 --> 00:23:13,333
Me too. I take it all back.
532
00:23:13,334 --> 00:23:15,582
He may not want
anything to do with your pussy,
533
00:23:15,583 --> 00:23:17,000
but he saved your ass,
534
00:23:17,083 --> 00:23:19,375
and darling, that's hot.
535
00:23:19,458 --> 00:23:22,458
- [all chanting] Lola! Lola!
- Yes, bow to me, shitheads.
536
00:23:22,541 --> 00:23:24,791
I am your Queen Latifah!
537
00:23:24,792 --> 00:23:28,374
Hey, aren't you the chick who hit me
in the dick with a shovel last year?
538
00:23:28,375 --> 00:23:29,541
I don't know, sweetie.
539
00:23:29,625 --> 00:23:33,375
You're gonna have to be
way more specific than that.
540
00:23:34,875 --> 00:23:37,083
Well, at least I was right. Today sucked.
541
00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:39,458
[sighs] It sure did, Super Dooky.
542
00:23:39,541 --> 00:23:43,500
- Yeah, Super Dooky. Good one.
- Hey, you wanna borrow my sweater?
543
00:23:43,583 --> 00:23:46,166
Could it be? An angel from above?
544
00:23:46,250 --> 00:23:48,250
With a sweater from Zara?
545
00:23:48,333 --> 00:23:50,125
Yes. Yes, please.
546
00:23:50,126 --> 00:23:52,249
Gotta cover up these shit tits, huh?
[chuckles]
547
00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:54,708
You know, the only reason
Lulu went after you
548
00:23:54,791 --> 00:23:56,500
was because she felt threatened.
549
00:23:56,583 --> 00:23:59,375
- By me?
- Yeah. She could tell you're cool.
550
00:23:59,458 --> 00:24:01,208
- Really?
- Hot damn!
551
00:24:01,291 --> 00:24:04,208
You just got called cool by a cool girl.
552
00:24:04,291 --> 00:24:07,083
Huh. Maybe high school
won't completely suck?
553
00:24:07,166 --> 00:24:09,708
Maybe, Shit Tits. Maybe.
554
00:24:09,791 --> 00:24:11,208
Hey, Drew, or Andrew,
555
00:24:11,291 --> 00:24:13,416
- or whatever your fucking name is.
- Aah!
556
00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:16,541
Your first day of high school
is gonna be your last day alive.
557
00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:20,583
Oh, ho-ho. You're fucked, kid.
This guy looks like he means it, right?
558
00:24:20,666 --> 00:24:22,000
I'm so screwed.
559
00:24:22,001 --> 00:24:24,665
Hold on, buddy. I think
you're missing something huge here.
560
00:24:24,666 --> 00:24:27,291
You actually touched a boob. Two, even.
561
00:24:27,375 --> 00:24:28,458
But I'm gonna die.
562
00:24:28,541 --> 00:24:31,708
Right, death. But boob.
But yeah, death is bad.
563
00:24:31,791 --> 00:24:34,458
But boob is good.
But let's not forget about death.
564
00:24:34,541 --> 00:24:35,591
Oh, you're right.
565
00:24:35,625 --> 00:24:39,291
- High school is terrifying.
- You can say that again, sister.
566
00:24:39,375 --> 00:24:42,916
- High school is terrifying.
- This girl tried to burp me.
567
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:46,916
Well, maybe the only way for us
to get through this nightmare is together.
568
00:24:46,917 --> 00:24:47,999
That's right, Missy.
569
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,875
And me and my sword,
which I have dubbed Skinripper...
570
00:24:51,876 --> 00:24:52,874
[chuckles]
571
00:24:52,875 --> 00:24:54,833
...will be right there with you.
572
00:24:54,916 --> 00:24:59,250
Dream on, Brian Benben.
You're never gonna graduate.
573
00:24:59,333 --> 00:25:02,666
- What the fuck is this bullshit?
- Suck it, Jay. I'm with Kurt.
574
00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:04,958
Now you're my little brother too.
575
00:25:05,041 --> 00:25:07,541
Oh fuck! That is how it works.
576
00:25:07,625 --> 00:25:11,166
So yeah, even our changes
are going through changes, Shannon.
577
00:25:11,250 --> 00:25:15,000
But now that you're all caught up,
what's new in Shanda-land?
578
00:25:15,083 --> 00:25:18,375
Still gay for those ladies
but tragically alone?
579
00:25:18,458 --> 00:25:20,208
Lola, get out of my house.
580
00:25:20,291 --> 00:25:22,500
Pshaw. Don't flatter yourself, Shannon.
581
00:25:22,583 --> 00:25:24,208
It's just a condo.
582
00:25:24,291 --> 00:25:26,958
Take her to church, B-High Quee-Choi.
583
00:25:27,041 --> 00:25:29,083
Don't flatter yourself, Shannon
584
00:25:29,166 --> 00:25:31,875
- [choir] It's a condo, not a house...
- What the...
585
00:25:31,876 --> 00:25:33,957
[Ocean] This modest home
Where we're standing
586
00:25:33,958 --> 00:25:36,368
- [choir] It's a condo, not a house...
- Okay.
587
00:25:36,369 --> 00:25:38,707
[Ocean] I hate to spoil
Your satisfaction
588
00:25:38,708 --> 00:25:41,458
- But your address has a fraction...
- Oh, okay.
589
00:25:41,459 --> 00:25:43,624
[Ocean and choir]
'Cause you're living in a condo
590
00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:44,624
Not a house
591
00:25:44,625 --> 00:25:45,791
Not a house
592
00:25:45,875 --> 00:25:48,166
[Ocean] Got no basement, got no yard
593
00:25:48,250 --> 00:25:50,230
[choir] It's a condo, not a house
594
00:25:50,231 --> 00:25:52,874
[Ocean] Whoa
Just a half-wit security guard
595
00:25:52,875 --> 00:25:55,333
[choir] It's a condo, not a house
596
00:25:55,416 --> 00:25:57,791
[Ocean] It's a single mom empty nest
597
00:25:57,875 --> 00:26:00,125
With a view of a CVS
598
00:26:00,208 --> 00:26:03,791
Yes, it's definitely a condo
Not a house
599
00:26:03,792 --> 00:26:04,874
[choir] Not a house
600
00:26:04,875 --> 00:26:07,499
[Ocean and choir]
Oh, we're all trying to do our best
601
00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:10,041
And we all want a little bit more
602
00:26:10,125 --> 00:26:12,583
But Shannon, girl, don't kid yourself
603
00:26:12,584 --> 00:26:15,915
- Your roof is someone's floor
- [baritone] Someone's floor
604
00:26:15,916 --> 00:26:18,249
[Ocean] Community pools
And screaming babies
605
00:26:18,250 --> 00:26:20,625
Parking passes and HOA fees
606
00:26:20,626 --> 00:26:23,040
[Ocean and choir]
'Cause you're living in a condo
607
00:26:23,041 --> 00:26:24,082
Not a house
608
00:26:24,083 --> 00:26:25,832
- [choir] Not a house
- [Ocean] Oh yes
609
00:26:25,833 --> 00:26:28,963
[Ocean and choir]
It's definitely a condo, not a house
610
00:26:28,964 --> 00:26:30,207
[choir] Not a house
611
00:26:30,208 --> 00:26:32,665
[Ocean and choir]
Girl, you're living in a condo
612
00:26:32,666 --> 00:26:33,716
Not a house
613
00:26:33,791 --> 00:26:35,111
[choir] Not a house
614
00:26:35,125 --> 00:26:36,791
[Shannon] I know.
615
00:26:38,992 --> 00:26:41,090
Chirp.
616
00:26:41,091 --> 00:26:45,641
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