All language subtitles for Stickmen 2001 DVDRip

Hang on, so what you're saying is that if there's
a foul shot the other team don't get two shots?

It's Kiwi rules.

All right and if I miss
the black on the last shot?

You lose the game.

Bollocks!

Ok, let's play this stupid Kiwi game then.

Settle down mate, it's just a friendly game.

Piss off. Let's put some of your Kiwi
monopoly money on it then shall we, mate?

Fuck me like a bastard, Jack.

Say please.

Please.

I gotta go. I gotta game of stick with my mates.

Now he likes the rules.

You're leaving this for a game of pool?

Yeah.

I'd say pub pool is the perfect game.

You can't fault it, it's got everything...

conflict, drama, thrill of the chase,
strategy, and a cliffhanger ending.

Sometimes the rules can be different,
but the game - the game remains the same.

Sorry boys...

We just lost 20 bucks...

well I just lost Thomas' 20 bucks.

Look sorry guys, tell you what, rack them up
and I'll buy some drinks.

Business is a little bit slow, Doug?
- Yeah, thanks for pointing that out Holden, I hadn't noticed.

You know, if only I had a few more readies,
I reckon I could pack this place out.

Here's my loan payment.

A cheque?
- Yeah, he'll take a cheque, won't he?

For your sake and the sake of this bar,
this had better not be a rubber one.

Trust me.

Three beers when you're ready please, Dave.
- Your mates had an unlucky game there.

Yeah, well their star player was late, wasn't he?

Gidday Holden.
- You right, Jack?

Fancies himself as a bit of
a player then does he?

Well you've seen him play.
Jack's magic on the table.

You reckon he's good enough
to be in Daddy's game?

Daddy's game?

Yeah. Can you get them in?

Well, what do you think?

So it's a pool tournament?
- It is the pool tournament.

Daddy has one every year.
- Whose daddy is he?

Well he's not actually anyone's daddy, Wayne.
People just call him Daddy.

Why?

It's not important. What is important, is that
you have to be chosen to play in the tournament.

An underground tournament?
- Yeah, yeah, well it's not entirely legal.

But each team puts in 500 bucks and
the winner walks away with 20 grand tax-free.

500?

I've spotted you the money.
So are you going to play?

20 grand?
You bet we'll play.

Me and Wayne.
Doubting Thomas here can be our reserve.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.
- So, what name shall I put you down as?

Stickmen.

Hey, what's the catch?

There is no catch.

Okay...

You're stranded on a desert island
and you can only have one CD...

one video and one book.
What are they?

All right, I reckon book:
Power of One.

I'd have the Encyclopedia Britannica. Take me ages
to read and I'd always be finding out something new.

Wayne, that isn't one book mate,
see that's a whole lot of books.

You can only have one book.

Says who?
- That's the rules of the game.

Ok then, I'd have the N-Q
part of the encyclopedia.

Whatever, Wayne.

Thomas, which video?
- Ah, Robocop.

Now that's a classic. Me, I'd take Die Hard,
one, not the other two. They're a bunch of arse.

Ok, CD?

Oh, it'd be a record:
Solid Gold Hits Number 27.

What?

Well man, it's got all my favourite songs, it's got:
Lucy and Ramona, The Coward and the County...

Come On Eileen,
The Devil Went Down to Georgia...

It's like someone reached inside
and touched your soul.

For me, I'd take Rodney Rude Rides Again.
Now that's the funniest fucking album ever made.

And the guy who's just a head gets a
hat for his birthday. And he says...

'Oh no, not another fucking hat!'

Anything else for you boys?

You're stranded on a desert island.
You can only have one CD...

one video and one book.

What are they?

Easy, book: The Power of One.

Video: Robocop.
CD: Solid Gold Hits Number 27.

You are so on my friend.

What's this?
- It's my phone number, numbnuts.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to...
- Yeah, yeah, save it for someone who cares.

That's my number,
if you feel like using it, I'll make a time.

Hey thanks, um...

Sara, it's there on the top.

I'm...

Thomas Doyle, I know.
See ya later, Robocop.

She's keen man.
- What about Marie?

Yeah man what about Marie?
- She's my girlfriend.

Well does she know this?
- But we live together.

Look, she's never going to find out
about a little waitress fun now is she?

I loved Linda.

One minute she was there,
the next minute she's gone.

She was my honey.

Hi honey.

I loved her... and she left me.

Hi honey.

They all leave you mate.

See, they all leave,
that's part of the game.

See there's two kinds of women:
bitches and sluts.

Well how do you tell the difference?

Well, a slut sleeps with everyone
and a bitch sleeps with everyone but you.

Jack...

you need help.

Hey hang on...
why aren't we going anywhere?

Because the taxi driver is in
there having his dinner.

Thanks for staying.

I had nowhere else to go.

So, ah, what's your name again?

Becky.

That's right.

You bastard.

Man, will you listen to this.

This guy in the States right,
constructed a special clamp to hold his gentials.

That's his cock and his balls, eh?

Yeah...

Sweet. So yeah, he built this thing so
he could hold them all in place.

While he cut the fuckers
off with a bandsaw.

Apparently, he was suffering
from a bout of depression.

Man, I bet that cheered him up.

Ah, is that a new cue?

Yeah man.

I bought it last week.

See...

It's just like yours.

There's a few scratches on it too Wayne.

Hey, nice cue.
- Thanks man.

Thomas, how's the head this morning buddy?
- Man, what were we drinking last night?

Everything.

Yeah you can laugh,
you were off your tits last night.

Yeah I dunno what happened eh, but when I woke up
this morning my entire place was trashed.

A bit of focus gentlemen, focus.

Pool tournament.

Sudden death:
We lose, we're out.

So... who are we playing first?

Dave rung me this morning. Two guys from the
Princess Bar: Jimmy and Eric. Ever heard of them?

Nah, never even heard of the Princess Bar.
- Me neither but who cares, we'll beat 'em anyway.

Hey um, so what are our odds?
- 10 to 1.

Bullshit, we're better than that.
- Yeah man but sooner or later we're
gonna come up against Caller.

Jack can beat him.
- Now we need to pay Dave back as soon as possible.

Now can you both come up with the readies?
- Give me something hard to do.

I've got a new job.

What, the zoo need another monkey?

Nah, he's test driving Lazy Boys.

It's a real job and the money's sweet and it's all
under the table so it doesn't affect my dole money.

I'll need a lift to my first night though eh.
- Yeah, no worries man.

Oh that reminds me,
I've got a course to go to today.

A course?

Yeah man... coping with redundancy.

Well boys, I could talk all day about your
career prospects but I've gotta go.

Now remember, you can
always come work for me.

What, selling water filters?
I don't think so.

Well, let me let you in on a little secret.

This job is a breeze.

And do you know why?

Because I have a great product to sell.
A product I believe in.

Redundancy is a... redundant word.

It doesn't empower.
In fact, it takes away power.

So we won't use this word.

Instead we'll use
the word: 'rebirth'.

Always start with a simple
demonstration of water purity.

And I always have our complete range
of support material to fall back on.

So I guess in truth this award
does not belong to me.

No...

this award belongs...

to Glacial Water Systems.

Thomas, can you tell the group
about your rebirth?

Well I was working a carparking building,
in the ticketing booth, when I was made redundant.

I mean, I rebirthed when I was replaced
by the Tentech Pay and Display 500.

Which is a series of interconnected service ports
placed for customer convenience.

Have you made your first steps
in coming to grips with your situation?

Well I went upstairs and pissed
in the upper mangement's tea urn.

It helped.

Nice one, mate.

Drum lessons?

Can it be that you stoop this low, Thomas?

Lower, actually: I just got asked to leave
a course on coping with redundancy.

Apparently my attitude was non-productive.

Yeah but drum lessons?

Yeah, well Animal was always my favourite muppet.

So what are you doing here?
- A management course.

I'm impressed.

Fancy a cup of coffee?

Look... I've got a girlfriend.

That's nice.
Would you like a cup of coffee as well?

Do you have any instant coffee?

What the fuck do you think?
- Get him a flat white.

You're a man of simple wants and needs aren't you?
- What do you mean?

Instant coffee,
your favourite movie is Robocop...

If you were a woman
you'd be what they call low-maintenance.

Yeah well you're not
the first person to tell me that.

So um... you got any ambitions?

Well, when I was a kid I wanted
to be a lion tamer.

And what stopped you?

I'm allergic to cats.

Ok Thomas so you've got no ambitions.

How about regrets?
You got any regrets?

No, I think I'm pretty happy with my life.

As long as I've got a pool cue in one hand,
a coin on the table and my mates by my side...

I reckon I'm happy. It's like you said:
a man of simple wants and needs.

Pool cues, beers, mates...

No mention of your girlfriend, Thomas?

Yeah, well she'd be there too.

In the pub with your mates?

Yeah...

The rules are simple: the balls you go after
are decided by the one you sink first.

Bigs or littles, spots or stripes,
overs or unders, dollies or kates.

But whatever you want to call them,
you always hit your own ball.

And you never, ever,
sink somebody elses.

This is where you're working?
- This is the place.

That's Janelle when she was younger.

Tasty, eh?

Hey Wayne,
what exactly is your new job?

I'm an escort driver.

I drive the ladies to work and I jump
in when the clients get a bit...

you know... rough.

Oh, so you get a car?

Well actually I was going to talk to you about that.
- Okay boys.

Come on through, please.

Wayne, I'd like you to meet
Tess and Lulu...

these are the girls
you'll be driving.

Are you Wayne Harris?

I'm Tess, I went to school
with your sister Kate.

Tess Carr...

Weren't you going to be a professional swimmer?
- Well that never really worked out.

At least all those hours holding your
breath weren't entirely wasted.

Be nice, Lulu.

I grow tired of this motif.

What sort of car do you drive?

Oh it's a Valiant,
automatic column change, bench seat, yeah.

But it's not mine, actually it
belongs to Thomas.

You alright with your friend
driving your car?

Yeah, that's what friends are for.

Yeah.

When can you start?
- Well, any night.

But tomorrow - I've got an
important game of pool.

So you're playing in
Daddy's little pool tournament?

How did you know about it?

Are you kidding?
Daddy owns this place.

Yeah, he's got his fingers in quite
a few pies, does our Daddy.

So where are you playing?
- The Princess Bar.

What?

Jesus, are you seeing what's playing on that TV?
- Just ignore it and play.

Something isn't right.
- Yeah, like everything.

No, what I mean is doesn't this all seem a bit too gay?
- Well, yeah...

Wayne!

There's something going on here buddy.
I think they're playing up the whole gay thing.

You mean that they're not...
- They playing it up, trying to put us off.

Put your blinkers on, concentrate on the game
and forget about everything else.

Can we turn this thing off?

So, what do you do Wayne?
- Ah, no, sorry, I like girls.

No I mean, what do you
do for a living?

Ah jeez, I'm sorry.
I hope I didn't offend you, eh?

It's just this is the first time
I've met... people like you before.

People like us?
- Yeah, you know fags.

It's not your fault is it?
You're trapped in a man's body that's all.

I saw this thing about it once on TV. So I'm cool with it,
except for the taking each other up the arse thing...

Well actually, to tell you the truth,
I tried it once - with a girl.

It was so tight,
That I broke me...

You broke your what?

You know, me banjo string.

I can't believe I wore these pants for nothing.
I hate these poof pants.

The PVC really makes my legs sweat.
- Just your legs then?

Hey who are those guys?

I know Hugh. He's a pretty good pool player
but he's a real wanker and he hates my guts.

Why is that?

I sort of fucked his girlfriend once
and she left him.

I guess they're in the pool tournament too.
Must be checking out how we play, looking for weaknesses.

Spies eh?
- Sometimes it actually pays to keep your eye on the ball.

Jack, can I have word?

Nice game, you boys
are new contenders.

Now you're going to have
to meet with Daddy.

Yeah okay, I'll sort it.

Now that's more like it. This is
what a bar is supposed to have on the TV.

Lads! How did you do?
- We won.

That's my boys.
This calls for a celebration.

The Stickmen reign trumiphant.
- Ah before I forget, entrance money.

Another quiet night, eh?
- They're all quiet, mate.

If we could just get some more money from
the breweries, I could do this place up real nice.

Neon, stainless steel bar,
karaoke machine.

Make it a real class establishment,
just like that place up the road.

See, that'd bring in the women
and the women bring in the men.

And that'll bring in the money.
- Well I'll drink to that eh.

Let's drink to Dave turning this wonderful place
into another souless fucking lounge bar.

Hey mate, you're on.

I'm on.

There's two types of game
in this world my friend.

There's safe stick...

and pizazz pool.
- There's what pool?

Pizazz pool.

It's about taking the path less trodden.
Me, I'm a safety man.

Softly, softly, catchee monkey.

When he is on,
he is so on.

Hi.

Hello there.

Karen.
- Oh yes, that's right, Karen.

You really are a bastard, aren't you?
- Yep, a very sexy bastard.

We're celebrating, you want to join us?
- Oh yeah what are you celebrating, being bastards?

No, no, we just won
an important game, we did.

So what are you drinking?

Everything.

How can I resist?

It's just physics, really.

Something must have distracted me.
Silly mistake.

Hi.
- Hi.

I haven't seen you in here before.

I haven't been in here before.

You're a bit of a gun on the table, aren't you?

Well... sometimes.

Do you want to join us for a drink?

Why not? After all, I can't refuse the
king of the table, now can I?

Not playing on?
- Nah, I think I'll quit while I'm ahead.

Always playing it safe eh, Thomas?

Sara, is it?
- That's right.

Jack's the name.
This is Wayne and this is, um...

Karen, hi.
- Hi.

Looks like you've picked
the creme of the crop eh?

What can I say, they bought me a drink.
Another round?

Like this?
- Yeah, sort of.

Ok, so how do I know where to hit the white ball
so that it hits all of the other balls down.

This is Dave the Rave on the air waves.

Well that's your song.

You want to dance?

Look, I've got...
- You've got a girlfriend... it's just a dance.

I reckon that...
I said I might be drunk...

I said I might be drunk,
but I reckon...

I can't remember what I was going to say...

But why is that lately
everywhere I look I see you?

I believe you have to live life to the full.

To the hell with the consquences.
- The consquen...

Sorry, it's my fault,
it's all going a little too quickly, I know.

We're drunk,
everything always happens too quick.

I think I'm standing in something...

Shit.

What?

Shit, you're standing in some shit.

God, this is so romantic.

We're closed.

Sorry, Holden.

Hello Dave.
You're alright?

Oh well,
you know how it is.

Could do with some more
punters through the door.

Had more than my fair share
of bad luck lately.

Yeah, I was sorry
to hear about your old man.

Oh well, it happens eh?

Hey, um, how's Claire ?

She's great. She got that job
at the kindergarten teaching.

Ah cool.
She really wanted that, didn't she?

Enough of a chit-chat.
You know why I'm here.

My cheque bounced, didn't it?
- Sky high.

Why the hell you keep pouring
money into this bar, I'll never know.

It's the interest he's pilling on,
see that's what's killing me.

Dave you're never going make enough
to get out of his pocket.

Not unless you sell up.

Now Daddy wanted
to send Rosie for this job.

But I told him if anyone was going to do it,
it was going to be me.

Sorry, Dave. It's got to be a thumb.

Fuck...

Get the money Dave.
Or the next one's going to be a beating.

And it won't be me, it'll be Rosie.

Come on. I'll give you
a lift to the hospital.

You're going to need
a cast on that.

Thanks...

The break.
Every game begins with the break...

and the break is governed
by only one thing.

Chaos.

Where the hell is he ?

Your life just got
a lot more complicated, didn't it?

Don't see him advertising,
do ya?

What?

Take a look at this place.
Tucked away down this alley.

You wouldn't even know it was here.

What do you suppose he really does here?

Hello lads. A bit early to be hanging
around in alleyways isn't it?

Hey Holden.

So, any idea who we've
drawn for the next game?

Oh yeah...

Men in Black.

Men in Black.

What are they like?

Oh, they're good.

They're very, very good.

Doesn't look like Thomas is going to show.
Come on lads, Daddy's waiting.

You must be The Stickmen.
Jack and... Wayne. Right?

But where's your reserve, ah...

Thomas. Yeah he couldn't make it,
yeah he's sick.

Nothing serious I hope?
Anyway, nice to meet you.

I always like to meet the players
in my little game. It's a very ancient game...

a passion of kings and lords.

It's also my passion.

Life... it's nothing
without passion eh?

Nico here, breeds race horses.

Antony collects vintage cars.

And Michael...

Michael has some very attractive lady friends.

Ah but for me it's this game.

I like to get the players together and
give them the enticement of a pot of money.

Mix it up a bit, you know.
It brings out the fighting spirit.

So enjoy yourselves gentlemen.
And remember:

you stand to win a lot of money.

Don't worry about me.
I can afford it.

I have a few... um
business ventures on the trot.

Yeah, I've heard you got your
fingers in a few pies.

How do you...
- Don't.

I know what you're going to say,
and I'm saying, please don't say it.

I just want to know how Daddy
lost his hands.

I heard it was the Japanese mafia.

No chance of stitching them
back on in those days.

Yeah, well I head he was wiring up some car bomb.
Something to do with a Greek gang hit.

There wasn't anything left except
two bits of charcoal.

Well I head another all together, apparently
he saved a kid from getting run over by a bus.

Daddy sees this little girl in the road,
runs out, pushes her out of the way.

Bus rolls over his hands.

Crushed them into paste. Wasn't even
a fingerprint left to save.

Man, I can still feel his hook in my hand.

You can say what you like about that guy,
but that didn't feel like shaking hands with a hero.

That was fucking creepy.
I wish Thomas had been there you know.

Yeah... I wonder where the hell he got to.

You're in luck,
we've got instant coffee.

It's a joke.
- Yeah, I know.

What's wrong?

Last night...

Was last night and I've only have
one thing to say about it:

What?

You've got a lovely cock.

You're playing the Men in Black next?

They're good.
Lethal, mate, lethal.

There's something you should know...

I didn't want to go into your bar
anyway, ya wankers!

Fucking wankers in your fuck bar.
With your shit and your fuckers.

You fuckwits,
I hope you all get cancer!

Cocksuckers!

What's with the guy in the pink shirt?

If you ever see him, never, ever make
a comment about that shirt.

Why?
- The guy is a nutter.

He was some kind of martial arts expert
before he went off the deep end.

Kicked the shit out of a couple of
people at an exhibition match. Kids some of them...

So why the fuck does he wear a pink shirt?
- To get into fights.

Someone makes a comment and
he has an excuse to smack them over.

That is one mad, fucked in the head,
certified nutcase.

How did you do that?

I, um, slipped up.

Hello Marie.

Hi Tom.

Hey, um, sorry about last night,
I stayed the night at Jacks.

Marie.

I can't lie.
I, um, met someone.

Look I can see you're angry.

Look, I don't care what you did last night,
or the night before.

Every night is the same: You're out playing pool
and getting pissed with your obnoxious mates.

I've packed up all your stuff Tom.
It's in the bedroom.

What?

I think... that you should go.

No. The key - to the flat.

CD?
The Three Tenors.

Video.
Sleepless in Seattle.

Book.

Hollywood Wives.

Ah, here he is, the invisible man.
Where were you this morning?

Oh the Daddy thing.
Sorry man, I totally forgot.

So, where were you?

I stayed the night at Sara's place.

Yeah, way to go Romeo!

So, what was she like?

On a scale of one to ten, man?

What about old vinegar tits, man?
Does Marie know?

Well she kinda kicked me out
this morning.

What because you shagged around on her?
- Nah, it was like...

Look it doesn't matter,
you can crash in the spare room.

See the thing is you're better off
without the ice queen anyway.

Yeah we never liked her.
She smelt like a dental clinic.

She did.

So Thomas, when are you
going to see Sara again, eh?

Well I'm just going to tell her I like her
but that the timing is all wrong.

Well it's just not a good time for me
to be fucking around, you know?

No, I don't know.

What would you say to a little drink?

Hello, little drink.

And you're back out there Thomas.
Here's some advice from one single guy to another:

Chicks spent half of their lives
with their mind on one thing:

Love.

And us guys;
we're after the goodies.

The goodies?

The magic, man.
The candy.

The stuff that gets you up
first thing in the morning. You know?

See us guys want that.
And they want the love.

So we trade them.

See we lie to them and tell them we love them.
And in return...

they let us on the ferris wheel, baby.
- Jesus, you're a sick man Jack.

So what do they spend the other
half of their lives thinking about?

Babies, pretty much babies man...

What if they figure it out?

I'll tell you the story, okay?

I'm in this bar right.

And this guy comes up
to me and sniffs me.

What is that perfume
you're wearing he says?

I think he's being kinda creepy, you know?

And then goes like...

Like he's just realised that he's being weird.
He apologises and explains:

That it's the same pefume
as his sister wears right,

And that's her birthday coming up
and he wants to buy it for her.

Right.

He's cute.

And I think that this is the best
pick up line I've heard in ages.

So I say:

Choco Chanel.

He says 'thanks'.

And leaves.

Leaves!

The next day I see him...

buying Coco Chanel.

So what's the moral of the story Karen?

The moral of the story is that
men are fucking stupid.

That is the moral.

Are you on drugs?

I mean that is the most
fucked up story I've ever heard.

Men are stupid?
That's the moral?

Karen, that's the moral
to about a million stories.

Bingo.

Hi Wayne.

Hi Tess,
how are ya?

Sorry this is my husband Garry.

Garry, this is Wayne.

Nobody told me...
- Don't worry it's fine, Garry won't let me work unless...

he comes and waits in the car.
He's a bit overprotective.

Aren't you sweety?

Ok then, first stop Hay Street, eh?

How do I look Wayne?

Oh, you look, um...

very professional, yeah.

Can you beat them?

Easy.

You better.
You boys are my stars.

Win this...

I wipe your
debts with me clean.

Set you free.

And if we lose?

Mate of mine used to work
in a Cadbury's chocolate factory.

All chocolate.
All day.

You know it got so bad that he couldn't
face anything with chocolate in it, on it...

or even anywhere near it.

See that what happens when
you work with something day after day.

Hey... does your wife ever
get sick of you know...

Considering it's her job.
When she gets home, does it affect...

Shut up.

Sorry man.
I'm like that, eh.

I think of something
and I think, no, Wayne...

whatever you do, don't say that.

And suddenly I find myself
saying it.

And I can understand why
you want to come along.

Doesn't it just tear you up
knowing what she's doing in there...

I mean, she's probably sucking...

Shut the fuck up.

Garry is never allowed
on the job with Tess.

You weren't to know I suppose.
Oh Christ, what a stink.

I'm sorry, Janelle,
I really am.

Come on fuck knuckle.
The lady needs her beauty sleep.

Off you go!

I just came around for some...

I think...

There's something I need to tell you.

Here's your ciggies, Lu.

You're better off not having to drive
that moron Tess, you know.

She's trouble.

I'm just sorry about letting Janelle down.

She took a chance with me on this job.

Wayne...

You got the job
because you had a car.

It's Tim!

At least the night's not a complete waste.

How's it going?

Oh Lulu, are you working?

You fancy anything?

I've only got...

20 bucks and a burger voucher.

I can give you a blowjob
for that if you like.

Yeah ok.
I'm not doing anything else.

Get in.

Just drive.

Ok, truth.

What is the worst thing
you've ever done?

Oh when we were kids Jack and me stole
a bottle of altar wine from the local church.

And we used it to Michelle Johnson and
Susan Scott drunk so they'd show us their tits.

That is so bad on so many levels.

Well what's the worst thing
you've ever done?

Told someone I loved him
when I didn't.

Mm, yeah I've done that.

Yeah, well men do it all the time.

No, I just did it once.

Well I was laying in bed
with this woman right.

And we'd just had sex.

She rolls over and says to me:
'What are you thinking?'

And what were you thinking?

I was just thinking if there's
any more beers in the fridge.

Well I couldn't say that.
So I...

I said "I was just thinking
how much I love you.'

And um...

What are you thinking
right now?

I'm just thinking
how much I um..

I love ice cream.

Oh, well that a shame because
I was thinking how much I love you.

But I love you.

But I loved you first.

Actually, um, I do have
some beers in the fridge.

You want one?

Yeah, that'd be great.

So, what's Jack up to tonight?

Oh, we're playing these guys
called The Men in Black tomorrow.

They're supposed to be
pretty shit hot.

So I think he's getting some rest.

Now before we start.

Is there anyway I can talk
you out of this?

I'll take your silence as a no.

Psychology is a
big part of pool.

Messing with your
opponent's mind.

See sometimes it's more about
what's going on off the table than on it.

And a good player won't let anything
put him off that final, crucial shot.

The eight ball.

So where are these...

Men in Black.

Well how should I know?

Hello.

Kia ora.

I'm Father Benton,
and this is Father McCarhill.

Well we're looking forward
to a good game today gentlemen.

So, good luck and let's
play some pool, eh?

Freaking me out.

Don't worry, I'll take the first shot.

Please tell me you're not betting
the orphan's fund on this game?

No, no, the money goes to widows
and disabled children.

He's joking.
It's our social club money.

Aren't you guys going to cross yourselves.
Say a prayer or something?

If we were going to pray for anyone,
it would be you guys.

We'll see about that.

Let us play.

A good player could
clean up from here.

That was an excellent game.
Thank you.

It's a pity we didn't get to see you play.
If you're anything like your friend here.

I was taught at school by priests.

And um, I'm sorry but
you guys creep me out.

Well a lot of people feel that way.
It's the dog collars, isn't it?

That and the sodomy.

Actually we're phasing that out.

God bless you Wayne.

Ta.

One of you guys are Wayne?

Yeah, me.

Got a call for you,
someone called Tess.

Daddy wants another meeting.

Yeah ok well
I'll tell the boys.

Sorry mate, he's only interested
in talking to the brains of the outfit.

Ok, tell him I'll meet him.

It's gotta be now.

Sorry guys, no time to celebrate, gotta go.
Got a bit of an emergency on my hands.

Yeah me too.
Sorry buddy.

I'm a man that likes to have options.

Unfortunately, you're leaving me very few.

And you know I've given
you enough chances.

Daddy, I...

Careful Dave.

I haven't done
this in a long time.

You wouldn't want me to make
a mistake, would you?

Now, I hate having to threaten people.

Mainly because...

I'm not very good at it.

So usually I say something like:

'Pay up you little shithead,
or I'll cut your fucking nuts off.'

Crass and inarticulate.

I know it.

And I'm embarrassed about it, believe me.

But when I get angry.

Sometimes it's difficult
to find the right words.

So I usually resort
to the same old threats.

Cut your nuts off, chop off your thumbs,
hold a blowtorch to the soles of your feet.

It's tired and unimaginative.

It's clichéd.

And Dave.
You deserve much better.

So I'm going to sit down for a day or two
and think up a really unique form of retribution.

Something really special Dave.

Just for you.

And maybe...

You could use that time to see
if you could get me my money...

and divert my attentions elsewhere.

Say 48 hours and we both see
what we can come up with?

But before you go...
here's one little incentive.

Get this piece of shit
out the back door.

Hello Jack, good to see you.
Take a seat.

That's a good head of hair you've got there boy.
I bet you're a real hit with the ladies.

I want to talk about pool Jack.

Tonight I'm feeling in a very generous mood.

And I'm hoping that you'll take
advantage of my current disposition...

and um, up the stakes a bit.
Make a real game of it.

Shall we say, five grand each?

Each?

Sure. You're friends should share
in your good luck, shouldn't they?

We don't have that kind of money.

I'm sure we could work out
some kind of payment plan.

You're not going to throw this very
generous offer back in my face, are you Jack?

Come on Stickman.
Time to put your balls on the line.

You did what?

I told her she could stay at my place... just until
she's got enough money to get her to Aussie.

Hey Jack.

What's wrong with you?
- He's got a new haircut. Suits you mate.

How much did it cost?

Just found out who we
drew for the next game.

Caller.

The only way we stand a chance
is if we win the toss.

You stupid, stupid bastard.

You let her into your home?

Well I hope you're insured.

Look, Lulu, can we just please leave it alone?
- Fine.

I'm sick of wasting my breath on the subject.

Tess, of all people!
- Look I'm just sick of people giving me advice.

Advice?
I'll give you some advice Wayne:

Never trust junkies or whores.

There's only one thing they are about.
- Money?

No, themselves.
Just up here.

This guy's new so I don't how long I'll be.

Good luck then eh.

What!

Sorry.

I'll be with you in a moment my dear.
Just make yourself comfortable.

Why did you um,
specifically ask for me?

Oh, I've been watching you for quite a while.

Ah... the down trou.

This is a very kiwi rule.

See if the game finishes...

and you haven't sunk any of your balls...

you have to drop your trousers.

I'm beginning to feel a bit
uneasy about all this.

You're not getting cold feet?

Well it's just that Thomas is a really nice guy.
- And really nice guys come last, okay?

Plan still stands, right? Right?

Right.

You put the money down this morning, didn't you?
- Yeah, yeah, that's all sorted.

Shit, I'm really earning
every cent of this money.

Me too, Jack is such a pig.

Can he remember your name yet?

What's your name?
Karen. I knew that.

Anyway who cares he's still a great fuck.
- Eyes right, just there.

Hello gorgeous.

Hey.

So, what have you guys been up to tonight?

Just a bit of business.

Are you going to introduce
us to your friend?

How rude of me.

Sara, this is Graham.
Graham, this is Sara.

Are you as much fun as Karen?
- Oh, she's more fun.

Much more fun.

There's something I've got to do.

Excuse me.

Where are you going?

I've gotta go and meet Thomas.

Fuck Thomas. This will earn us enough
to get us the hell out of this place.

I don't think I can go through with it.

Hey, the money will get us to London.
It's what we've always talked about.

I'm relying on you... as my friend.
As my best friend.

Don't back out now.
- Don't play that card with me.

He'll dump on you Sara.

Mark my words, you'll be left high and dry with
no money, no boyfriend and no friends.

You do things your way and I'll do them my way.
And we'll have the money and we'll still be friends.

Will we?

Fuck you Karen.

Sorry I'm late.

Ah, that's alright I was just admiring
this stunning work of art.

Hey, ah, what's up?

There's something I've got to tell you...

well it's about this road, right, this road
we all go down and it takes us places.

The whole relationship, journey thing.

See for me it's like I'm forever
looking back and seeing my muffler.

Lying in the middle of the motorway...

and then this huge truck comes along and...

Thomas, everyone is coming from a relationship.
So the last one didn't work doesn't mean this one won't.

Oh, that's what I'm trying to say.
I want to go down this road.

I mean, I don't even know where it will take us.

Wait a minute, what's happening here?

Well, I'm guess I'm just asking
if I can move this relationship on a bit.

Just so when people ask me who you are,
I can say... you're my girlfriend.

And you can say I'm your boyfriend.

Sorta makes things a little more formal.

I'm ready for that.

Oh shit, I've got to go and met Jack and Wayne tonight.
We're playing Caller.

Caller? What sort of person calls themself Caller?

Caller is not a person.

Uhh, my god.

It's about time.
Getting this fucking prick off me.

Is he dead?

No... but I wish he was.

Nobody falls asleep on me.

You bastard.

Calm down, calm down.
He's not worth it eh?

But I am.

I won't tell Janelle about what
happened tonight if you don't, deal?

Deal.

Look it... must've been sorta
embarrassing for you.

That guy...

Wayne, I don't need your pity.

I need a drink.

Maybe you could come
and watch me play pool.

It's a bar.
You can have a drink and enjoy yourself a bit.

Yeah...

Yeah, why not?

Could be fun.

Thanks Wayne.

No worries. Just got to stop
by my place and pick up my cue.

Cool.

Where are you going?

I've gotta go, I've got a late game tonight.
Want to get in some practice.

You're the king.
You don't need any practice.

You can squeeze in a quickie, mm?

Bring your cue back to bed, Stickman.

I can't. I've got to go.

Jack, you're good enough to beat him.

But we've still got some
amazing teams to front up to.

These farmboys from over the hill,
that idiot Hugh and his mate...

and that team from Auckland. El Busternoodle.
- Bastinado.

Fucking stupid name eh?

Not really...

Bastinado means to...

to beat something...

with a stick.

I would love to practice my pool skill.

Sorry...

No, no, fucking no!

What... what is it?

She fucking ripped me off.
Tess stole all my fucking stuff.

Why am I not surprised.

At least she didn't take my cue.

But I trusted her... and she just
fucking took it all!

It's not your fault,
you didn't know her.

Yeah, that's my problem.
- What?

That's my fucking problem.

I didn't know her,
I didn't know what she was capable of.

I don't know anyone.

I don't understand people.

Too trusting,
too fucking naïve.

Wayne...

You're fine just the way you are.

You've got a good heart.

And believe me, that is a very rare thing
among people in this day and age.

Thanks.

I don't believe a word you say,
but thanks.

What about the game?

Doesn't matter.
We can't beat him, he's too good.

What is he?

Superman?

Six ball - right corner pocket.

Two ball - left centre pocket.

Eight ball - right corner pocket.

Game over.

Lucky I wasn't playing you guys eh?

Rack 'em up.

How do you feel?

Worried.

Where the hell is Wayne?

Where the fuck have you been?
- No point in talking to laughing boy.

He's knee-walking drunk.

Not another fucking hat.

Fucking hell...

Don't worry man, I'll play.

The fuck you will.

I'm playing Caller.

Piss off Wayne, this game's too important,
you don't know how much we've got riding on it.

You think you're so fucking good,
you stupid, fucking...

pin cushion.

It's time.

Let's go.

That's a challenge isn't it Holden?
It's this boy and me, right?

Oh come on, he's completely arseholed.

He's on the team. He stepped up.
Rules are rules.

For God's sake, Holden.

Shut up Jack.

Just to show how gracious I am,
deadneck here can have the first shot.

Thank you.

13 ball... corner pocket.

Son of a bitch...

9 ball - side pocket.

Wayne...

You're on overs.

12 ball - corner pocket.

Sorry, guys.

10 ball - corner pocket.

Cheers mate.

15 ball - corner pocket.

14 ball - side pocket.

11 ball - side pocket.

Drunken master.

8 ball - corner pocket.

Come here.
I have never seen you play so well buddy.

I'm not here to fuck spiders, mate.

Now that pinhead,
is what is known as a downtrou.

Rules are rules, Caller.

Hold it!

My hand!
My fucking hand!

Stay out of this Holden,
it's going nothing to do with you.

Ah... It's got everything to do with me.

Fuck off you son of a bitch.

Ok boy and girls,
everyone let's these guys go.

Says who?

Says the surgeon-fucking-general.

Thanks Holden, we owe you one.

Congratulations, you boys
are now in the semi-finals.

Right...

I wanna know who cut him.

But first...

Let's see the down trou.

Do I have to get my boys
to cut those things off?

Fucking hell Caller,
how do you piss through that thing?

The lads are through to the semi-finals.

Time to drop the bombshell.

Hugh... we need to talk.

It's about us.

This relationship, it's going nowhere.

I think that we should...

break up.

You stupid bitch.

Yeah okay.

Are you okay?

Look... I didn't mean
to run over your muffler.

Hey, are you gonna eat that croissant?

It's not you...

it's me.

Just spare me it, alright?

No wait, Thomas.

So...

got any favourites for the big game?

Yeah...

Jack, Wayne and Thomas. Stickmen.

So you think they're going to win?

Now you asked me who my favourites were...

not who was going to win.

Those boys are never going to win, Holden.

You know that I can't let them.

They came into this game
at 10 to 1.

10 to fucking 1!

A lot of big players have
put a pile of money on them.

Jesus, if they win, I'll end up paying
for it out of my retirement fund.

Bloody hell... Rosie!

Will you get that?

It's no use Thomas,
you're going to have to play in the final.

Then we're fucked.

So what?
You're just going to flag it?

Shit... I don't believe it.

I have watched how hard you guys have worked for this,
and now you're just going to throw it all away.

This is the Thunderdome of pool boys.

Four teams go in and one team comes out.

What would have happened if the 1987 All Blacks
had decided to pike out of the Rugby World Cup?

Or what if Mark Greatbatch hadn't stepped
out onto that burning field of green in 1992?

Or what if the ANZACs had just decided to flag
Gallipoli and had a billy and tea instead?

Well they wouldn't have all got killed, Dave.

Well, well, that's not important.
What's important is that you give it your best shot.

There's a lot of people relying on you.

Dave.

Did you put money on us with Daddy?

How much Dave?

Well...

If you win,
I get to keep the bar.

And if you lose...

Well, bad things happen if you lose.
Pays not to think of it really.

There's more to it than that.

I sort of bet five grand with that
hook-handed angel of death.

Five grand on us winning?

Each.

Each!

Oh, man, this is so
fucking out of control.

Jesus Dave, what did
you all get us into?

That is not the attitude.

You've got to think like winners.

You've got to go in there like you've
already got this thing in the bag.

Right?

Right?

Right.

That's the spirit.

And look on the bright side,
if you win... you win...

170 grand.

Oh, you probably don't need
that kind of pressure right now.

Look I've got you guys something and
I'd be really honoured if you wore them.

And Thomas...

I want you to have my cue.

Okay, let's do it.

Time to sign in.

Sign here.

Stick... men.

The games start in about ten minutes.
Both semis will be playing at the same time...

with the two winning teams playing
each other to decide the overall winner.

You might want to get some drinks...

Daddy's paying.
- No thanks.

So who have we drawn for the semi?

Bastinado.

I hear they're good.
Never meet them though.

Well here's your chance.
They're behind you.

Come on, Stickmen.

I'm feeling pretty shit right now.

Remember where we're going.

London, we're going to London.

On my left, the Farmers
playing the Bankers.

And on my right, Bastinado
versus The Stickmen.

Okay boys and girls, here we go.

Let's play some stick ball.

Step up to the break.

Oh shit, he's not on.

Lucky shot.

Well we may as well loosen
our belts now boys.

Fuck she's good.

Yeah, she's real good.

Yeah, Hugh here.

Nah, it's fine mate.

Not doing anything
important at the moment.

Yeah, buy 200 mate.

Yeah.

Catch you later.

That's how you do it girls.

Easy, girl.

Oh shit.

We won.

We won.

Listen up boys, we can do this...

But you're playing like shit,
and Wayne well he's just shit.

Well, it's a shame he can't
play like he did last night.

It's a long shot Jack.
- It's all we've got man.

Can we get a breather before we start the final.

You got 20 minutes.

Where we going?
- To get you a drink.

We need to talk.

You bet we do.

Rosie, take Thomas out of the game.

Did you throw the game?

What if I did?

Well... if you threw the game then it means
you don't give a fuck about the game.

It means you care about me.

And that game was really important.
It means you really care about me.

It means you care about me big time.

If you care about me big time,
I need you more than anything...

Did you throw the game?

I threw the game.

You have to go back in there and play.
Your mates can't win without you.

Yeah, you're right.

Oh fuck, that was easy.

Well don't just stand there.

Let the dog, see the rabbit.

Wait until you see this.

Jack, you're going to have to play.

Play, or forfeit the game.

Where the fuck is Thomas?

Open the door!
- Anyone! Anyone!

Game on.

Get him Tiger.

Let us in!

Hang on guys...
I've got an idea.

I'd get that looked at if I was you.

You lost another girlfriend Hugh?

Thanks Karen.

Now he remembers my name.

You've got to be joking.
That's a huge drop.

Nah, nah, we can do it
if we get to that little ledge.

Little ledge?
What little ledge?

Okay...
Just watch me.

What the fuck is going on here?

He'll never get it.

Game over.

Need a hand here mate?

Just take it nice and easy.

Remember that money that
you gave me to bet on ourselves...

I bet it on The Stickmen.

Really?

Oh my God.

We did it!

Wankers!

Nothing but net.

Both of you stop by the shop next week.

I'll have your money ready.

I'm not gonna tell you how
much I had bet on you fuckers.

What the fuck do you want?

You pay someone to cut up Jack?

Yeah, we got him cut up.

Daddy wanted us to win, didn't he?

Not like that, he didn't.

What difference does it make?
Those arseholes still won.

So what are you going
to do about it, tough guy?

Me?

Nothing.

The fuck do you want arsehole.
Fuck off!

Yeah, you and your pink shirt.
Fuck off!

And when it's all over,
the balls come back onto the table...

and another game begins.

So the losers get a chance to win...

and the winners get a chance to lose.

Subs by daunt :)