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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,360
This programme contains
some strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature
2
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,080
You're on the market research team.
Say you love it, get 100 quid.
3
00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:10,760
Your boss offered me a full time
position. I'm divorcing your dad.
4
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,880
I'm asking him to hang
this sign since three months!
5
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,520
How about we put some of your stuff
away?
6
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:16,680
Honestly, I'll be out of here
before you know it.
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00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:41,520
Badala Zamana
by Zohra
8
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,640
Aaagh! Ow!
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00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,880
SONG CONTINUES
10
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,840
Aaagh!
11
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,440
Now I've said it, I can't stop. Right.
12
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,720
It's actually quite easy, isn't it?
Like, I love you.
13
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,640
I really love you. I love you, Guy.
14
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,080
I love you, too. No, seriously,
I fucking love you.
15
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,800
Mm-hm.
Excuse me? I love this guy.
16
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,160
Oh, God.
17
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,280
Jamma, I think
you're saying it a bit too much now.
18
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,160
Oh, what? It's losing its meaning?
19
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,360
Mmm, a little bit.
20
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,160
Shall I replace it with
something else?
21
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,240
Can you?
22
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,600
Yeah. All right.
23
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:07,440
I...hey-a-lamav-you...
24
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,200
Hell... of...a... view?
25
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,680
Helluva view, that's nice,
I like that.
26
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,200
OK, would you still love me... Mmm?
27
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,800
...if I spent the rest
of the day like this?
28
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,480
It's not ideal, is it?
But, yeah, I would. Really?
29
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,080
Mm-hm. You're weird. Am I? Yeah.
30
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,920
And what about if my ears were
like this, would you still love me?
31
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:28,760
Whoa! How are you doing that?
32
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:31,320
I don't have any cartilage in them.
What the fuck?
33
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:33,960
Oh, there we go, that lamp for your
side of the bed. No.
34
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,360
No, no, no. I've got a flat viewing
at Winnie's later, so all good.
35
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,800
Ah, OK. OK, what
if every time you had an orgasm...
36
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:45,760
Mmm. ..I was like,
"Fuck the police"?!
37
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,520
Guy.
38
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,080
Dan.
39
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:51,960
Hey.
40
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,520
Oh! I was enjoying that.
41
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:55,840
Are you Guy's new...?
42
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,280
Yeah, this is Jamma.
43
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,400
Jamma, this is Dan.
44
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,440
Hey, how's it going?
45
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:01,920
How's Custard?
46
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,440
Pretty unfazed by the whole thing, actually.
47
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:05,680
Just had three puppies.
48
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,480
Wow, three puppies.
49
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:14,320
Um, sorry, er, so Dan and I
used to...
50
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,840
Oh! Hmm. Oh, shit.
51
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,600
He's hot.
52
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:23,400
I mean, he's fit too, isn't he?
So it makes sense.
53
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,520
If anything,
I'm letting the team down.
54
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:26,960
Trust me...
55
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,560
...you're not.
56
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,000
Er... OK. Well, we should probably
make a move, then, right?
57
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,200
I thought you were gonna...?
58
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,840
No, I think we've seen everything
we need to see here, haven't we?
59
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,200
OK, yeah. Yeah? Let's go.
It's really good to see you, Dan.
60
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,560
You, too. Take care. You, too.
61
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,360
I think he was flirting with me.
62
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,080
His ex? Hmm. That doesn't make
sense. I know.
63
00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,680
No-one ever flirts with me.
But this is how it works.
64
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,920
Now you're in a relationship,
everyone's gonna want you.
65
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:04,200
That's not true. Mm-hm.
66
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,520
WOLF-WHISTLE
67
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,000
Did he just...? Told you.
68
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,200
Thank you.
69
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,360
Do I go after him? No.
70
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,200
A guy in your hand is worth two
guys in your bush.
71
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,120
Winnie, I'm not gonna cheat on Guy.
72
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,560
Jam Jar, of course you are.
73
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,080
Everyone with self-esteem issues cheats.
74
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,120
Are you coming?
75
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,400
Oh, I like it already. And the best
thing is, no neighbours.
76
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,040
Oh, party house! Yeah.
77
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,160
And party we shall.
78
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:44,240
It's a lovely flat...
79
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,960
...school... classroom.
80
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,320
So, how come you don't want to live
with your boyfriend?
81
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,800
I just don't want to ruin it,
you know?
82
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:54,040
And, like, his house is very nice
and orderly and tidy.
83
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,960
Are you not tidy?
Oh, no, no, no, I am tidy.
84
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,320
Yeah, no, I clean as a hobby.
85
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:00,920
PHONE BUZZES
86
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,240
Sorry. So sorry, it's my mum.
87
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,520
Oh, no, no, take it.
88
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,720
Should always make time for family.
Yeah, man.
89
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,160
Hey, Mum, kind of busy right now.
90
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,600
Your dad is a useless coward mouse!
91
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,920
Shut up!
Shut the fuck up!
92
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,360
I'm throwing him out! What, again?
Mum.
93
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,880
He bought a singing machine.
94
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,440
It has a light-up panel.
95
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:24,520
MUM SHOUTS BACK IN URDU
96
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,680
Yeah, karaoke night? Sounds great.
97
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,160
Ta-ta, bye-bye for now!
98
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,000
So... how did you all meet?
99
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,880
Basil found me on Gumtree,
where I find all my relationships.
100
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,720
Rob and I met at Cambridge,
101
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,160
and Julia and I at a protest for
migrant rights.
102
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,080
You know, Jamma's family
nearly got deported.
103
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,040
Oh, that must have been traumatic.
104
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,680
Not as traumatic as getting pubes,
am I right?
105
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,800
So what's your best quality
as a housemate?
106
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,520
Jamma can make his eyebrows dance.
107
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,560
I can, actually, yeah. Show them.
108
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,400
Winnie, I'm not gonna bore
everyone with...
109
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,920
Show them. Give me a beat.
110
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,560
SHE BEATBOXES
111
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,560
And he can do it
with his butt cheeks, too.
112
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,880
No, I'm not gonna...
No-one wants to see that, Winnie.
113
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,480
I do. Basil does.
114
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,360
Oh, you ain't never seen
a butt like this.
115
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:25,480
Butt, b-butt, butt, butt,
butt, butt, b-butt, butt, butt.
116
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,000
Butt b-butt, butt, butt.
117
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,560
Butt, butt, butt, butt, butt...
118
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,640
SHE IMITATES HONKING HORN
119
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,080
Yay!
120
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,520
I can make a really good
jacket potato.
121
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,960
So I should show you the room.
The room, yeah, let's, yeah.
122
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,280
Oh, OK.
123
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:51,920
Here it is. Oh.
Rent, it's 900 before bills.
124
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,200
Wow. Yeah, great.
125
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,440
It's amazing. It's so me.
126
00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:01,040
Er, who was here before? A couple.
127
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,920
Didn't end well.
128
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,360
It never does, right?
129
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,320
Right.
130
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,280
So, I should give you my number...
131
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,840
...you know, in case you have
any questions about the room.
132
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,560
Yeah, yeah, erm... Sorry.
133
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,360
Cheeky boys, get a room!
134
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,080
Preferably this one.
135
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:42,840
Erm, Rob says he's got a few more questions.
136
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,000
Yeah, er... yes.
137
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,840
WOLF-WHISTLE
138
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,000
HORN BEEPS
139
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,800
What's your number?
140
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:01,480
Oh, mate, come back! I'm taken!
141
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,400
Nah, money's a bourgeois convention.
142
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,320
You know, that's where I'm
putting my vote.
143
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,480
I'm voting for my chakra,
144
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,880
that's where I'm voting.
145
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,560
Hi, yeah, that's...
146
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:20,960
He's done, yeah.
147
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,720
He's done here, yeah. Thank you.
148
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:26,400
OK, look, if you're really gonna
do this, then let's do it together.
149
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,680
I'm just here to get a case
study for art school.
150
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:31,480
Oh, so you're doing it ironically?
151
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:32,680
Yes.
152
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,040
Great.
153
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,560
You know this is like
a serious career?
154
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:40,400
..you want to hide
from all your problems.
155
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,880
OK, look, why don't
we market ourselves like brothers?
156
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,400
We are brothers.
People love that shit.
157
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,200
Cain and Abel, Mario and Luigi,
Wallace and Gromit.
158
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,280
Gromit's a dog.
159
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,240
We can help each other get
the good campaigns
160
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,360
cos you don't want a dud campaign.
Hmm, like yoghurt. Yeah.
161
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:57,400
No, no, sorry, no,
162
00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,880
that actually was really respected
in the end cos of me. Hmm.
163
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:06,640
Do not go in there.
164
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,080
So, you got the tactic, yeah?
165
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,200
You big me up, I big you up.
166
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,840
I don't know what to say for you, though.
167
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,520
Come on, man, just say,
"I've known Jamma my whole life.
168
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,160
"He was born to do this campaign,
it's so him."
169
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,680
Etc, etc, OK?
170
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:26,720
Well done for settling in,
171
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,200
we'll be moving offices
every six months from now on.
172
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,040
Why? It keeps ideas fresh.
173
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,760
Le Peau Peau face cream,
174
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,440
high-end retainer client based
in Paris,
175
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,120
needs two people to fly
out for the pitch.
176
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,600
If nobody minds,
I'd like to volunteer myself.
177
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:45,600
I've got great skin. I actually lost
my virginite in Paris,
178
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:48,560
so I would quite like to return
and find it.
179
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,800
I think Isaac would be great
on this, but maybe with, like,
180
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,800
an older brother figure
to show him the ropes.
181
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,520
Hey? What do you say, bro?
182
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,560
I'll make my decision
by the end of play.
183
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,840
Now, we've got
a lot of new clients coming in...
184
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,200
You're supposed to big me up.
185
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,560
It was implied. ..so we really need
to bring our A game.
186
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:11,560
Which brings me onto the Ekko
chamber. Immersive headwear,
187
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:16,720
a way to experience podcasts
without distractions.
188
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,240
No, thank you.
189
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,480
I've known Jamma my whole life.
He was born to do this campaign,
190
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,600
it's so him, etc, etc.
Shut up, shut up. Great!
191
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:27,320
All yours, Jamma.
192
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,640
Bad luck, Jam Jar.
193
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,880
Well done, bro. Cheers, yeah.
194
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,280
PHONE PINGS
195
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,040
It was great to meet you.
196
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,400
When are you free?
197
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,640
PHONE PINGS AGAIN
198
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,560
It's Basil, by the way.
199
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:56,640
So, the honeymoon's over,
now the real work begins.
200
00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:59,600
How was the Galapagos Islands?
I hated it.
201
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:02,880
Because of the sunburn?
202
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,360
Oh, God, can you tell?
203
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,920
OK, come on, you two.
204
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:12,920
Maggie, Hannah, let's use
the communication framework.
205
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,400
Maggie, you go first.
206
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,920
"When you do X, I feel X."
207
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,520
"I would like X..."
208
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,320
Oh, yeah, OK.
209
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,440
When you touched me, Hannah,
210
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,000
it was painful.
I didn't want to have sex.
211
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,840
It was painful for me, too.
212
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,400
I just did it because I thought
it was what you wanted.
213
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,440
And what did you want, Hannah?
214
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:45,200
After-sun. Me, too.
215
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,720
BOTH START TO LAUGH
216
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,200
Ow! Ow! Sorry.
217
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,400
Sorry.
218
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,800
All right, thank you very much.
Thank you. Take care.
219
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,080
I'll see you next time, OK?
Thank you. All right. Bye.
220
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,520
God.
221
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:02,280
MUFFLED SCREAM
222
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:07,920
HE SIGHS
223
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,680
Love the great outdoors.
I didn't hear you come in.
224
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:11,960
Yeah, just, just now.
225
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,840
You been cycling? Yeah. Yeah?
226
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,680
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
227
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:21,320
Aah! It's Marmite.
228
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,600
Marmite? Mm-hm. Marzipan.
229
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,200
Marzipan?
230
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:28,880
Nervousness, betrayal, deceit.
231
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,840
What did you say?
It's like wood smoke.
232
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,920
You smell like a feral goat.
233
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,360
Can I ask you a question?
234
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,160
Of course you can.
235
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:43,680
Say your clients...
236
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,920
No, Jamma,
we're not talking about my clients.
237
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,800
Yeah, no, but, like, hypothetically.
Mm-hm.
238
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:52,280
Right, for ease, let's call them
Maggie and Hannah.
239
00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,120
Jamma!
What? So you were listening?
240
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,520
I know, I'm... You can't do that,
it's so unethical. I'm sorry.
241
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,840
Hey, I'm on your side,
they're a pain in the arse.
242
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,200
Listen, if you're gonna talk about
my clients hypothetically,
243
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,760
at least do something like change
their names. Totally.
244
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:11,600
OK. Say Haggie got Mannah...
245
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,200
I mean, that's perfect, isn't it?
...a puppy, right?
246
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:18,200
But, while they were in the
Galapololagos Islands or whatever,
247
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,920
Mannah discovered a new species of puppy.
248
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,920
That don't mean
she don't love the puppy back home.
249
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,520
Yeah, I think
I know what you're getting at.
250
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,000
Yeah. Custard.
251
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,280
What? The other dog.
252
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,240
You're wondering why Dan got custody.
253
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,000
Custody of Custard? Yeah.
254
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:40,800
I mean, there were just many
issues in the relationship.
255
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,880
Well, what kind of issues?
256
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:46,160
Well, like... trust.
257
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,960
PHONE PINGS
258
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,760
You should get that,
it's probably me.
259
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,440
PHONE PINGS AGAIN
260
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:57,320
Thanks.
261
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,080
Obviously, I'm fully aware
my ex is very attractive.
262
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,640
Not as hot as you, though.
263
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,040
Really? I didn't really notice.
264
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,720
What ex? Oh, oh, him.
265
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:09,000
Yeah, no, I don't, I don't really
see that kind of stuff. Thanks.
266
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,920
So, anyway, he would be flirting
with anything that moved,
267
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,960
getting numbers behind my back.
268
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,080
PHONE BUZZES AGAIN
269
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,560
What a dick. Poor guy.
270
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,200
And Basil?
271
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,240
What?
272
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,400
Pass me the basil.
273
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,720
PHONE PINGS AGAIN
274
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,600
Oh, my God. I'll get that!
It's fine.
275
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,520
You need to stop ignoring your mum.
276
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,440
It's an emergency,
I need you home now! No...
277
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:54,640
You look, he's humiliating us
in front of the whole neighbourhood!
278
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,120
How is this an emergency? Jamal!
279
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,400
Get out!
280
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,680
It's fine, Mum, look,
he's getting out. Look.
281
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,280
SHE SHOUTS IN URDU
282
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,920
OK, get the spare key, Mum.
283
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,640
OK, there's a technique.
284
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,080
It's called "communication
framework", all right?
285
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,920
So, you say, "When you do X,
I feel X. I would like X."
286
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,520
You would like eggs? No, not eggs.
287
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,360
I like eggs. Look, forget the eggs.
288
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:40,760
Mum, just tell me what happened.
289
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,760
Yeah, appreciate
the Gola pencil case.
290
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,880
{\an8}What's this got to do
with the karaoke machine?
291
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,400
{\an8}Congratulations. Thank you.
292
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,480
A singing machine!
293
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,400
Yeah, OK, and how do you feel?
294
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,640
Donkey.
295
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,920
You feel "donkey"?
He's a coward mouse.
296
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,200
No, Mum, that's not how you feel.
That's how I feel.
297
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,400
You're doing it wrong.
I need to go toilet.
298
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,280
No, no, no. Mum, "I would like..."
299
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:31,000
I would like him to stop making me
embarrassed in front of my public.
300
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,480
Great, good.
OK, Dad, what would you like?
301
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,720
I would like...
302
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,160
...singing machine.
303
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,680
SHE RANTS IN URDU
304
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,480
HE ARGUES BACK
305
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,080
Everyone...
306
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,960
Good news, that tactic worked.
307
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:57,440
Me and the boss spoke and... she
wants us to do the Paris campaign.
308
00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,440
Paris? We got Le Peau Peau? Yeah, me
and... and Pat.
309
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,760
What do you mean, Pat?
310
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,920
She said he's the perfect big
brother figure.
311
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:07,000
Wait, what? Anyway, got to go learn French.
312
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,520
No, no, Isaac.
I'm literally your big brother.
313
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,320
Singing machine!
314
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,080
SHE CONTINUES RANTING
315
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:25,080
Dad, man, just get
a refund for the stupid machine.
316
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,960
A smart suit, yeah? Promise me.
317
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,240
Mum, just let him move back in.
318
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,080
The car's starting to smell.
319
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:54,560
You think living together helps?
He hasn't touched me in 20 years.
320
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,920
Have you tried telling him
you love him?
321
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,040
Love?
322
00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,080
Love is not enough, Jamal.
323
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,880
PHONE PINGS
324
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,600
Do you wanna get a drink?
325
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,760
Ahem.
326
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,360
Hey.
327
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,160
I need to talk to you.
328
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,200
I'm having an affair. What?
329
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,480
It's a guy I met at the house
viewing, his name is Basil.
330
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,320
I know, what kind of dickhead name
is Basil?
331
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,400
OK, Jamma, slow down.
332
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,280
No, he's been texting me,
trying to hook up. And have you?
333
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,760
No... Right. ..but I just,
I knew this would happen.
334
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:48,760
As soon as I say, "I love you,"
I let you down.
335
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,440
But you haven't slept with anyone?
336
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,480
No, no,
but it's really hard not to, OK?
337
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,760
Everyone is literally throwing
themselves at me.
338
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,160
Anything else?
Mate, I'm not interested.
339
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,560
See what I mean?
340
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,800
It's like suddenly everyone's
realised I'm drop dead gorgeous.
341
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,120
Jamma, do you know what? I think
that maybe...
342
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,280
Oh, what, what? You don't
believe people find me hot?
343
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,840
I'm not saying that. OK. No...
344
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,920
Oh, look, Mr Basil Brush
has left a voice note.
345
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,360
Let's listen to this filth,
shall we?
346
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:17,560
Hey, you're not replying,
347
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,520
so I'm gonna have to say this in a
voice note.
348
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,640
We decided to go in a different direction
349
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,680
with the housemate situation,
that's why I wanted to meet.
350
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,920
We thought it was more ethical
to tell you in person.
351
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,440
It's full of subtext.
352
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:29,800
Anyway, no subtext,
353
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,800
just wanted to let you know
that it's nothing personal.
354
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,000
We loved your butt dance.
Butt dance? OK, do you know what?
355
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,960
Forget it.
What about your ex-boyfriend, then?
356
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,160
At the furniture shop,
he was giving me the eyes.
357
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,440
He was trying to get back at me.
For what?
358
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,720
You know I said
that, in our relationship,
359
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,400
myself and Dan had issues
with trust?
360
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,280
Well, at the end of the day,
it was me that broke that agreement.
361
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,080
What do you mean?
362
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,880
I slept with someone else.
363
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:01,440
Why didn't you tell me?
364
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,640
Because I didn't want to
lose your trust...
365
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,600
...and now you're upset with me.
366
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,640
So, let me get this right.
367
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:18,120
Dan wasn't flirting with me
because he found me hot?
368
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,680
He was being manipulative.
369
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,040
Probably a bit of both, though, right?
370
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,920
No. OK.
Great, so no-one finds me hot.
371
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,640
Well, I do. Yeah, I know you do -
that doesn't count.
372
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:38,080
Look, I... I don't care
about your previous relationships,
373
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:39,760
I just know that I love you,
374
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:43,560
but I don't want to pretend
that we don't find other people hot.
375
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,960
Yeah, absolutely. So, let's just
keep the dialogue open
376
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,560
and keep this light and sexy, yeah?
377
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,840
Yeah. Yeah?
378
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:04,120
Do you still love me? Helluva view.
379
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:14,440
RHYTHMIC THUMPING
380
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,360
Fuck the police!
381
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:29,720
GUY LAUGHS
382
00:21:29,770 --> 00:21:34,320
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