All language subtitles for All.of.Us.S04E17.It.Was.Fun.While.It.Lasted.1080p.Hulu.WEB-DL.AAC.2.0.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

Okay, Jackie,
let's bag a hottie.

Red dress, 3 o'clock.
Go fish.

Dude, what do you
have her doin'?

Lady fishin'.

See, I throw out my bait,
have Jackie offer the rounds

then I get a catch.

Dirk, why don't you just go
over there and talk to 'em?

First, I have to make sure
they're not sober.

Okay, okay.
So what's the big news?

I'm going to have a baby.

Oh, my God! That's great.

‐ Who's the daddy?
‐ I don't know yet.

You don't know?
Can you narrow it down?

You know what,
it doesn't even matter

if you're havin' a love child.

[baby voice]
You are gonna be well..

‐ Yes, you are.
‐ Michele, Michele.

‐ I'm not pregnant yet.
‐ Oh.

But remember how happy I was

when your brother's baby
was around.

I decided I want one.

I'm gonna get pregnant.

[laughs]
Oh, my.. Does your man know?

[laughs]
Now you know I don't have a man.

‐ I'm going to the sperm bank.
‐ A sperm bank?

Can you not say it
like you just won bingo?

I'm sorry. A sperm bank?

Yes, a sperm bank.

Look, I know
it's a little extreme

but so many things in my life

is pointing me
towards having another child.

And let's face it,
my biological clock

doesn't have a snooze button.

At your age,
who are you tellin'?

See if they bite in table 2.

Okay, how do you choose
what bait to use?

I send over either a horny bull
or sex on the beach.

That way, she knows
exactly what I'm all about.

Right. And then when you go
to the free clinic

you'll knows exactly
what she's all about.

Yo, I think you got a bite.

Reel it in, Fisherman Dirk.

Reel it in easy
'cause you don't wanna

pull out her dentures.

Cut the line. C‐cut the line.
Jackie, cut the line.

Cut the line.

♪ Hey ♪
♪ And even though ♪

♪ We're stressed sometimes ♪

♪ It's all of us now ♪

♪ Here we go ♪
♪ Here we go ♪♪♪

I'm almost done.

I see you have
very specific requests

for the donor's criteria.

"Absolutely must be taller
than 5'11"."

Oh, I don't want a short baby.

"But no taller
than 6'4" and a half."

Ooh, I don't want a giant
coming out of me either.

Okay. That's it.

‐ Ah.
‐ Here they are.

So I'll leave you
to peruse the profiles

and if any of them
interests you, let me know.

Okay.

Oh, this is crazy.

How am I supposed to choose
the father of my child

based on a bunch of profiles
in a computer?

I mean, all these guys
could be freaks.

I'll make you a pretty baby,
Neesee, with good hair.

I like to pull the wings
off of little insects.

What's wrong with a short baby?

Okay, stop tripping.

Just take your time,
pick the best one.

Okay, I, I think
I like this one.

Ooh, ouch! I thought
we took him out of the system.

‐ Huh?
‐ Just kiddin'.

[laughs]

I'll print out the full profile
and you can take it home.

Thank you.

Oh, uh, this is a recipe
for jerk chicken.

Oh, I didn't mean to print that.

We have a new system
and we've been having

problems with it all day.

Let me get you what you want.

Hey, Robert, now you were
clownin' my lady fishin'?

‐ Guess what I caught.
‐ Crabs?

The catch of the day.

Baby, come meet Robert.

‐ This is Jill.
‐ How you doing, Jill?

‐ Nice to meet you.
‐ You too. Oh, my..

I'm, I am a huge fan
of this show.

And you and Dirk together,
you're so much fun to watch.

I mean, I never miss an episode.

‐ Oh, she's a fan.
‐ A super fan.

Ooh, baby, I'm gonna go
grab some coffee.

'Cause after last night,
I can barely keep my eyes open.

Barely keep my eyes open?

‐ Oh!
‐ No, that's the thing.

We met at the restaurant
last night after you left

and hung out all night talkin'.

Okay, wait a minute, you hung
out with a girl all night

and you didn't do
the thing‐thing?

Hey, we connected deeper
than the physical.

Robert, we made love
with words.

It was beautiful.

‐ Are you high?
‐ Yes, I am.

I'm high of this pretty woman
right here.

Aww.

Baby, I thought
you might like a cup.

Is, um, two sugars
and just a touch of cream okay?

‐ That's exactly how I like it.
‐ Oh.

‐ You know me so well.
‐ I know I do. I know, I know.

Hey, Jill,
you better watch yourself

'cause you don't know
where his nose has been.

I can't help it.

It's just, it's really great

to be with somebody sane.

Yeah, unlike my last boyfriend,
Hutch.

He broke this guy's camera

just for taking pictures of me
in my bikini.

I can't say I blame him.

He was the photographer
at my Swimsuit Fashion Show.

Yeah, that dude got issues.

I finally said I have had enough

when he burned his name
in my lawn.

Which is crazy, 'cause I live
in an apartment complex.

Yeah, that's the crazy part.

[whispers]
Dirk, run.

No history of family diseases,
no mental conditions.

‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ College‐educated.

Ooh, big feet.

Oh, and I was very specific
about that point.

He sounds
like the perfect donor.

Yeah, but what does it tell me
about the man inside?

You know, if he's gonna be
the father of my child

I wanna know what kind of spirit
he has, you know.

Hey, mom.
Can I make a sandwich?

Oh, he is so cute.

[baby voice]
Hello, Bobby.

‐ Hello, Miss Michele.
‐ Oh, and his manners.

Come here and give me a hug.
Come here. Mm, mm, mm.

[baby voice]
Oh. Oop, I cut your nose.

I cut your nose.
Yes, I do, yes, I do.

Lady, really, are we gonna go
through this every time?

Are you gonna be this cute
every time?

Now he is precious.

And that is my point.

You know,
Robert drives me crazy

but he has a good heart,
and from that, we made Bobby.

But this guy,
he's just words on paper.

I mean, what do I
really know about him?

Well, you know
his name's Benjamin Thibodeaux.

He was born March 19.

Ooh, he's a Pisces.

Well, how do you know that?

It says right here on the sheet.

It says "For personnel only.

‐ Private and confidential."
‐ Let me..

Mom, can I have cake frosting
for dinner?

Uh, uh, yeah.

Score!

They said that they were havin'
problems with their computer.

I'm not supposed to have this.

But you do.

We should look him up
on the internet.

Uh‐huh, yeah.
And then I can go meet him, huh?

‐ Okay.
‐ Oh, yeah.

Oh, no, wait, wait.
Stop, stop, stop.

What?

Sperm donors are anonymous
for a reason.

Who knows what that reason is?

But I just don't think
it's for you to find out.

No, I mean,
it's not morally right.

You know, it will weigh
too heavily on your conscience.

You know what?
As your friend, I forbid you.

[laptop chimes]
Ha! I found him.

[laughs]
And he works at a bank.

‐ Oh, what's he look like?
‐ Oh, no, no, no. No.

You didn't wanna see this.
See, you said this was wrong.

There's no picture,
but I got an address.

[laughs]

Okay, so I'm just gonna go by

take a peek and leave.

Man, I called
all the strip clubs in the area.

No one's seen Mr. Black.

Hey, Dirk,
where have you been, man?

‐ You missed rehearsal.
‐ We went to the zoo.

They do brunch with the animals.
It's amazin'.

They have trained hawks
bringing you napkins.

Okay, have a good day at work,
my snow leopard.

Call you later,
my short‐tailed chinchilla.

We gave each other
endangered species names.

'Cause love is an endangered
species, Robert.

Jill, why are you
doing this to me?

Hutch, what are you doing here?

‐ I followed you.
‐ Who is this?

‐ Her man.
‐ Ah, ex‐man.

‐ Are you still stalking me?
‐ Still?

I mean, don't we still
love each other?

That's why we got these tattoos.

I got the rainbow
and you got the..

‐ Heart of gold.
‐ Heart of gold, yeah.

Honey,
I am getting that removed.

‐ Like hell you are.
‐ Now you better back up.

No, you better back up
off my girl.

I saw y'all kissin' at the zoo.

And I'm not going to get started
on what y'all was doin'

by the peacocks.

And you call yourself
a Christian.

Yo, she broke up with you

so I suggest you get out of here
before I beat you

with this crocodile
and make some shoes.

Hey, hey,
l‐look, this is not the time

or place for this, fellas.

Jill, you,
just say you don't want me.

‐ Say it to my face.
‐ I don't want you.

I don't believe you.

You gotta understand somethin',
brother.

We talk on the phone
almost every night.

There's still love here!

Jill?

Oh, Hutch, let's go talk.

‐ Honey, I'll be right back.
‐ Are you sure?

'Cause I'm not afraid
to handle this.

I‐it's okay. It's okay.

Okay, let's go.

Unh‐unh. Mm, mm.

Can I tell you somethin',
snow leopard?

Okay, if there's anything
that needs to be extinct

it's this relationship.

Look, you don't know her story.

You don't know
what she's been through.

‐ Do you?
‐ A little bit.

Look, Robert, don't judge.

Look, I am not judgin', Dirk

but we all know
how these things end.

A Bronco Chased Down The 405.

Then dude's gonna come out
with a book "I Didn't Kill Dirk

But If I Had, This Is How
I Would Have Did It."

Oh, Miss James, have a seat.

Thanks, Cheryl.

‐ Ben Thibodeaux.
‐ Oh, I know.

Uh, because it's on your door.

Yes.

‐ Is everything okay?
‐ Oh, yeah. So far, so good.

So, Miss James, you're applying
for a business loan

to expand your restaurant.
What do you have in mind?

Oh, I was, um, thinking about
adding a patio in the back

so people could have
a nice, quiet Sunday brunch

with, I don't know,
uh, their mother.

You know, speaking of which,
do you love your mother?

Miss James, what does that
have to do with anything?

Does this bank have somethin'
to hide, Mr. Thibodeaux?

‐ No.
‐ Then answer the question.

[laughs]

Um, yes,
I love my mother very much.

Now let's just go over
your application then.

Uh, marital status.

‐ "Happily divorced."
‐ Mm‐hmm.

I‐I've never seen that before.

Oh, well,
you've never met my ex before

but you'd understand if you did.

But, uh, what about you?

‐ Me?
‐ Mm.

‐ Uh, I'm married, but looking.
‐ Huh?

I'm just kidding.
I've never been married.

[laughs]

‐ You got a good sense of humor.
‐ Yeah.

But do you have a good heart?

Um, yeah, I jog every day

do a little cardio,
keep my cholesterol down.

Uh, no, um,
I mean, are you a good person?

‐ I'd like to think so.
‐ Yeah.

Well, back to your loan here,
um..

Your restaurant
had a really good year.

That's gonna lower
your interest rate.

And you know,
speakin' of interest

you know,
do you have any bad habits

hobbies or childhood acnes?

Miss James, childhood acne
isn't an interest?

I know, but did you?

Yeah, I made my way
through a few Stridex pads.

I'd ask you the same thing

but I know that a pimple
wouldn't dare appear

on a face that beautiful.

Thank you. Not for nothing.

You have the most beautiful
eyelashes I've ever seen.

Uh, uh, you‐you know,
this loan process

is getting a little confusing,
you know.

I'm just gonna take a couple
of these brochures.

Ooh, look at this family.
They look so happy.

Did you give 'em their loan?

Uh, Miss James,
there is one question

you didn't answer
on your loan application.

Would you like to go out
to dinner sometime?

What? That's down there?
Let me see.

No, I was actually
trying to be smooth

but I really would like
to take you out.

[chuckles]

Um, I'd like that.

‐ I mean, no. I‐I can't.
‐ Why? You're seeing somebody?

‐ Uh, no.
‐ Then you don't want to?

‐ No, I do.
‐ So you're saying yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Just tell 'em to stall, okay?

Yo, Dirk, where you been, man?
The show's about to start.

Well, I'm here now.
So why are you trippin'?

I'm trippin'
because this is your third time

bein' late this week.

Hey, I had to help Jill

get her TV
out of Hutch's apartment.

It's one
of those wall‐mount joints

so I had to get my drill bit,
get up‐‐

Dirk, what are you doing
with this girl?

And how did you know
it wasn't Hutch's TV?

'Cause she said so.
My girl wouldn't lie.

Yeah, well,
I'm sure that's what

her other boyfriend
likes about her too.

Hey, she's a lot better
than the girlfriend you have.

Nobody.

And I'm beginning to see why.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means that those who can, do.

And those who can't, try to tell
their best friends what to do.

You know what, I already have
a kid and I don't need another.

‐ Whatever. Whatever.
‐ Whatever. Whatever.

‐ Whatever. Whatever.
‐ Whatever. Whatever.

(male announcer)
'...Robert James
and Dirk Black.'

[audience cheering]

‐ Hi.
‐ So how was the banker?

Are you going
to accept his deposit?

[scoffs]
It depends on how our date goes.

‐ You didn't.
‐ I did.

But if you would have seen him

you would have done
the same thing.

What, what happened

to just take a peek and leave?

Oh, it's one date

but if it doesn't work,
then fine.

But if Ben is gonna be
the father of my child

I wanna get
all the information I can.

Somethin' tells me
that you like him.

Well, tell somethin'
to mind its own business.

Hey, mom. Dad's show is on.
Can we watch it?

Oh, yeah, baby, sure.

‐ Hey, baby‐‐
‐ Anh‐anh.

My ex gives relationship advice
for a livin'.

I know, it's the dumb
leadin' the stupid.

So the dog did that
to the shoe

and now my grandmama
doesn't like her.

Yeah, we know what that is,
don't we? Drama.

Exactly. So what do I do?

I'll tell you what.
You came to the right place.

That's right.
We're here to help.

Yeah, and Dirk knows
all about drama.

Tell him, Dirk.

I don't want to. Next question.

No, no, no, no next question.

We do a show
where we ask people to come on

and open up about their lives.

This is a healing environment.

And we're all family, right?

(audience)
'Yeah!'

I said I don't wanna talk
about it.

Okay, then I'll talk about it.

Dirk is datin' this girl
who has a crazy ex‐boyfriend

and he's about to get
himself killed.

I don't think
my girl would go that far.

Dale, it's not your turn
to talk, it's Dirk's.

Why you puttin' my business
in the street, man?

Jill's off limits.

Oh, Jill's off limits.

Why? 'Cause is she
the one, Dirk, hmm?

Are you really gonna take
this girl home to meet your mom?

‐ I might.
‐ Are you gonna take Hutch too?

Hey, stay in your lane, Robert.

You know what,
come to think about it.

This kind of behavior
runs in your family, Dirk.

I mean, your mother's
been married four times.

You've been married four times.

What you trying to do,
break her record?

(audience)
'Oh!'

This is the best episode ever.

Ooh, ooh. Uh, steak or ice?

‐ Ice!
‐ Well, alright.

Ouch.

‐ It's not funny, Neesee.
‐ Oh, yeah, it's funny.

And you deserve it.

You know,
especially the way you talked

about his relationship
in front of everyone.

And then you brought up his mom.

Come on, you know how sensitive
he is about that.

Look, Dirk is trippin'
right now, okay?

He's missin' work.
He's makin' himself look bad.

He's making me look bad, Neesee.

All of this for a girl
he barely even knows.

So I thought
a little bit of tough love

would knock some sense into him.

Hmm, look like
he tough‐loved you first.

Well, you know
you was supposed to support him.

Neesee, why would I support him

when he's doin' somethin'
so stupid?

Because he is your best friend.

And the last time I checked,
you only had one of those.

‐ Well‐‐
‐ No, Bobby doesn't count.

Neither do I.

Look,
none of your family members.

I have to tell you,
you hit like a bitch.

Want me to tell you
you land like one?

Look, man, I was thinking
about what happened yesterday

and I wanna apologize.

I mean, you're a grown man

and what you do
is your business

and I crossed the line.

Okay.

Anything you wanna say to me?

What?

You think I owe you an apology?

Pretty much.

Okay, so you come up here,
say some stuff

you probably don't even mean

and I'm supposed to say
I'm sorry.

‐ The hell with that, man.
‐ What?

Listen, the only reason
why you're even here

is because your ex‐wife,
who you still treat

like your real wife,
probably said what you did

was messed up,
so you came to patch things up.

Okay, look, Dirk, this is not
about me and Neesee.

Okay, so my bad.

I'm not allowed to criticize

your relationships.

You got it under control, right?

I'm the one that doesn't know
what he's doing.

Crazy Dirk.
Been‐divorced‐four‐times Dirk.

Thank God Robert's here
to give me all the answers.

‐ Is that what you think?
‐ No, that's what you think.

You're so busy
counting my divorces

you forgot yours is a joke.

Still hit like a bitch.

[theme music]