All language subtitles for The.Brothers.2001

(GUNSHOT)

What do you think
your dreams mean,
Jackson?

They're about relationships,
commitments.

Do you think a commitment
with a woman is death?

Yeah. Yeah, right.
See, you meet
somebody, right?

You guys are
having a good time,

you're vibing
with each other,

then love drags its ass
up into it, you know?

(LOVE DON'T LOVE ME PLAYING)

* Time

* I still don't know the
reason after all this time

What do you think
women want from you?

Well, that's easy.
They want money,
multiple orgasms

and beautiful shoes
that don't hurt like hell.

(CHUCKLES)
That's really sexist,

except for the part
about the shoes.

* Something happens
every time I get a chance

* I feel the rhythm but
I just don't know the dance

* I want to move with you
but something holds me back

* I'm holding back, yeah

* All I ever needed
I could never find

I'll be 29 on
my next birthday.

Why does that bother you?

'Cause it's one step
from the big 3-0.

You see, I...
I can't keep blaming

my lack of a serious
relationship on being
a kid anymore, you know?

I broke up with three women
in the last two months,

and that...
That's not too cool.

* Someone teach my heart
to fall In love again

* That all I have to fear
is fear itself

Maybe you should
become celibate.

Put the physical
behind your greater
spiritual self.

Uh, yeah, sorry, Doc,
but my greater spiritual
self needs the booty.

(MAN VOCALIZING)

* Oh, why?

* Yeah

I have an assignment for you.

I want you to get
back out there
and date some more.

In fact, try to meet
a woman tonight.

Oh, no, I'm shooting hoops
with the fellas tonight.

Then we hang.
It's kinda like
a weekly tradition.

Then, do it whenever.

But next time,
open up your heart to her.

Try being a friend
before you become
a lover.

Okay. I think
I can handle that.

* It must be

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* No, it don't love me

JUDGE: Motion to
suppress, denied.

Motion for evidentiary
hearing, denied.

Motion for continuance,
denied.

All of my motions
denied, Your Honor.
May I ask why?

Your affidavit wasn't
based on credible facts.

This court will
not tolerate that.

Motions denied.

(GAVEL STRIKES BENCH)

Thank you, Your Honor.

(WHISPERS) Bitch.

What did you say?

(METAL DOORS CLOSING)

(BUZZER BUZZES)

WOMAN: Come on,
Shawshank. Let's go.

The judge is
springing you.

(CHUCKLES)
It's about goddamn time.

That woman is crazy.

Come on.

You're lucky
you ain't working
for her cranky ass.

Yes, Sheila, I am
meeting the brothers
after work for our game.

Yes, (STAMMERS)
we are going to
the club afterwards.

Now, how's my baby
gonna miss me when
she's gonna be asleep?

SHEILA: (YELLING)
What if I ran the streets
like some little hood rat?

I have a job, too,
you know.

You shouldn't
talk like that.
You need Jesus.

Uh, these are your
European earnings
reports that just came in.

Mmm, lovely.
I'll look at
them tonight.

Um, is there anything
else I can do for you?

No, Sandra, thank you.
I'm straight.

Nothing?

No, (STAMMERS)
I'm straight.
Nothing at all?

I'm cool. I'm cool.
Take care of
yourself, okay?

(PHONE RINGING)
Yes. Terry White.

Hey, baby.

Yeah, I'm packing up right
now to get outta here.

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's all set
for tonight.

Hey, baby,
you got nothing
to worry about.

I got... Oh, shit!
Baby, I gotta go.

Sandra, Sandra, please.
We are in an... No!

Okay, she's gonna need
to take her medicine and,
uh, keep her throat warm.

Oh, thanks.

So, Doctor, would you
like to meet my sister?

She's really great.

Um... Uh...

I'm kind off the
market right now.

Hey! You ain't got
time for me now, huh?

What?
You had time to
have sex with me.

Now, all of a sudden
you're busy.

(INDISTINCT YELLING)

(SIGHS)

* Yeah, I got my bag

* That Big Brother B
got my bag

* Yeah, you know
we got it like that

* Yeah, come on,
get my bag

See ya.

* Yeah, I got my bag

(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(WHOOPING)

Oh!
Yeah!

Yo, Derrick,
I'm telling you,

I did not think you
saw me on that angle.

I do what I can, baby.
I do what I can.

That was luck.
It won't happen again.

(CHUCKLING)

Y'all wanna hear
some crazy shit that
happened to me today?

What's up?

I'm packing up my stuff,
getting ready to come out
here with y'all, right?

I turn around and
there's this temp
standing in front of me.

I'm not gonna lie.
She was banging.

This girl rushes me and
jumps on my shit, man.

What?
Can a brother get
an application?

Oh, this nigga lying.
He's lying.
Hey, D,

how long you
know me, baby?
(ALL LAUGHING)

I don't lie
about my shit.

All right.
That shit happens
to me all the time.

So how was it,
Terry? (LAUGHS)

I didn't do it.
(SCOFFS)

Hey, what, are you
AC Green now?

TERRY: Hey, that ain't funny,
but I'm serious, man.

I lectured her ass
about compromising
a brother at work,

and then I just
walked away.

I'm sorry, I would
have waxed that ass
all over the office.

There would have been
Xeroxes of my nuts
on everybody's desk.

Yeah, but see,
the problem is
you need help, bro.

(LAUGHS)
You nasty.

No, see, me and my
girl, BeBe, we got
something solid.

I mean, it feels
real good.

So I'm gonna make
a declaration right
here, right now.

From this moment forward,
I'm a one-woman man.

(SCOFFS) Come on,
Terry, after just two
months of dating?

I mean, that's gotta be
some kind of record
for being whipped.

Oh, wait a minute.
I know you're not talking
about being whipped.

Come on, Terry,
we know you, man.
You can't change.

I mean, what about
when you was talking
to the girl and her mom,

and then they both
found out?
I remember that.

Okay, you know what,
you can laugh
if you want to.

I'll admit it, I did it.
But that was
a long time ago.

I'm not like
that anymore.
You know what?

If you're changing,
Terry, I'm changing, too.

It's about time.
As of right now,
I'm through with sisters.

(CHUCKLES)
Oh, here we go again.

Come on,
that's a broken record.
I'm serious this time, man.

I mean, you know Carla,
right? The judge?

She locked me up
because she's an evil,
bitter, black woman.

Okay, Brian, Brian,
did you forget that
you had sex with her,

you dumped her
and then you called her
a bitch in the courtroom?

Did you forget that?
So what's your
damn point, man?

That maybe she had
a few other reasons
to do what she did.

The boy's ignorant.
No.

All the sisters I deal
with bring me drama.

No matter what you do,
it ain't good enough for 'em.

I'm tired of
the fake hair.

Oh, and excuse me,
that's my baby's father.
The excess weight.

It's like they're
giving out government
cheese sandwiches

with fake hair
and babies.
(GROANS)

Now, what does
that tell you?

Man, that tells me
that you're a dumb-ass,
man. Wake up.

You give up on sisters,
you're giving up
on yourself.

Word!
Hold up.
Hold up.

I think Brian
may have a point.

Thank you.
Whoa, whoa, hey!

Come on, Jack.
A woman's color
doesn't matter.

It's what's inside
that counts.
Ah, see?

Now, did your
wife tell you that
before or after

she unscrewed your dick
and put it in her purse?

TERRY: Don't listen to him, D.
Don't listen to him.

We here, Jack.
No, no, no,
we're not there.

I'm not going out
on the sisters like
you, Brian, okay?

My thing is, see,
I just haven't found
the right one.

Just gotta look
harder, you know.

See, now I can dig that.
What I'm saying,
though, fellas,

let's keep it real.

We're single, black,
professional men.

We're the cream
of the crop, right?

And I got to keep
it real for you, Brian.

We are the cream
of the crop.

You the black sticky shit
on the bottom of the barrel.

(ALL LAUGHING)
My point is, fellas,

that we deserve the best.

And right now,
the sisters ain't
up to the job.

Oh, no, no, see you're wrong.
That's why when I met Sheila,
I just snapped her right up.

BRIAN: That and she got
pregnant on your ass.

That's true, D.
That's true.
DERRICK: No, no, no, no, no.

It didn't have nothing
to do with that.

We were gonna
get married anyway
'cause we were in love.

Love. Now there is a
word you should look
up in the dictionary.

It's after "ignorant"
and just before
"stupid," stupid.

(LAUGHS)
(ALL HOOTING)

* I'm trying to
get it fun tonight

* Whoa

* Was it any fun tonight?

* Whoa

* I wanna tear
it up tonight

* Whoa

We'll be at the bar.

Where's Terry?
He's missing.

Probably went back
to work to work on that
little temp if he's smart.

No, no, he will be here.
Trust me. He will be here.

Oh, damn.

Come on, B,
why'd you do that?

I told you
I'm done with them.

Hey, man,
she looks
kinda cool.

Just go and work your
Brian magic, man.

(SIGHS) You want
me to work it?
Work it.

All right. All right.
Check it out.
Check it out.

Um, excuse me.
I'm sorry about that
little thing over there.

Mmm-hmm.
I had the worst
day in court. Oh.

Oh, so you're a lawyer.
Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I used to work
for a lawyer.
Really?

Yep.
Cool. Hey,
I'm Brian.

I'm LaMuzindah.

La Moo what?
LaMuzindah.

Ah.
It means,
"Goddess of light."

Oh, okay. Cool.
You know, do your thing.

You know what?
You just look so...
So nurturing to me.

Hmm.
Do you have any
kids, you know?

Oh, um, well,
actually, I do.

You wanna see
some pictures of
Tanesha and Tenaka?

I got 'em right here.
Just one second.
I'm gonna get them.

No, no. Slow down
with the kids.

Have a nice evening.

Tanesha and Tenaka.

The defense
rests, fellas.

Forget you, then.

(CLEARS THROAT)
Fellas, fellas, fellas.
Sorry I'm late.

Excuse me, bartender.
I need some of your
best champagne

and five glasses
to go around.

Champagne?
Yes, yes.

It's always so
crowded in here.

Yo, Terry, it's nice
of you to bring a date.

Right, right.
Well, listen up.

Tonight is
a little different.

Ready to do this?
Mmm-hmm.

BeBe and I...

We're getting married.
Pow!

(TERRY AND BEBE LAUGH)

Okay.
Whoa.

Hey, hey,
hey, Terry, look,
congratulations, baby.

Hey, good luck.
Oh, thank you.

Congratulations, T.
Thank you, my man.

Damn, there
goes my buzz.

Brian, what is
your problem?

Now hold on,
baby. It's okay.
Let me get this.

Oh, I'm gonna slide
on out y'all way.
None of my business.

Look, Brian,

you and I,
we have never
liked each other.

Okay, that's cool,
but understand this.

I will not take any
shit off of you.

I'm at the gun range
twice a week

and I'm licensed
to correct a nigga.

TERRY: All right,
come on now, baby.

I'm going to
the ladies' room.

Did she just
take my drink?

Yo, man, how you
gonna diss my girl right
in front of me like that?

Yo, Terry, I'm sorry,
man. I was shocked.

Me, too.
Shocked you didn't
get your ass whipped.

Terry, you always were
the one who said that
you were gonna get married,

what, two minutes before
you dropped dead.
That's what you said.

Yeah, man, I do remember
that, but that was
a long time ago, man.

I have changed.

Look, fellas, I'm about
to be 29 years old
in a minute.

I think it's about
time I settled down.

Wait, wait, now,
29, that's not old,
though, right?

No, it's not old.
But how long are you
supposed to wait, man?

Wait a minute,
I thought this is
what we wanted.

Didn't we talk about this?
You know, love, happiness
and all that other shit.

Look, Al Green,
love and happiness
is one thing, my brother,

but we're talking about
marriage here, man.

Take it from me.
Marriage is not something
you just jump into, Terry.

Eighty, I mean, you know,
you're wearing a diaper,
slobbering on yourself.

Jack, come on, man,
you are not old.

Now will you shut
your old ass up?

And two months
is barely enough time

to know if the
booty is right.

Whoa, whoa, stop
all this nonsense.

What is this?
Piss on Terry Night?

Now, come on, Terry,
look, we're your friends.

We just want
what's best for you.

No, no, no, wait,
D, check this stuff.

BeBe is a good woman.
I love this girl.

I'm sure you do,
but, man...
All right.

She does her own thing.
She makes good money
at the phone company.

She got a job, yeah.
She got a job.

She's fine as hell.
Hey, hey!

Nobody said
nothing about that.

Thank you. Shit.

T, you're my boy.
I love you.
I'm happy for you.

Congratulations.
That's what
I'm talking about.

Thank you, J.
Hey, me, too.
Best of luck, baby boy.

TERRY: Appreciate that, D.

Yo, Terry, you know
this is fucked up, right?

(LAUGHS) But you my man.
Congratulations.

Congratulations, man.

(SCOFFS)
I don't know why
(LAUGHS)

but I'm gonna accept
that stupid shit from you.

Now I see the
champagne has arrived.

Now we do need
to be drinking it.

Yeah, a toast.
I got the toast.

To our boy,
Terry, here

and his beautiful girl,
wearing the hell
out that red dress.

(LAUGHS) Okay!
May they have
love, happiness...

ALL: And all that other shit.

JACKSON: All right.
ALL: All right.

Whee!
Dr. Smith?

Dr. Smith? Dr. Smith!
JACKSON: Hey!
How you doing?

I went down the
slide by myself.

JACKSON: Do you
want a lollipop?

How is she doing?
Is she feeling better?

(LAUGHS) She's
doing much better.
How you been?

I've been all right.

I was just wondering
if maybe she...

Don't just stand there.

Do something.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
Oh, that's good.

(CHUCKLING)
That's perfect.

I like that.

Jackson Smith.
How you doing?

I'm Denise.

Um, so what,
do I have potential,
or what?

So, you know that
little girl, Jack?

Yeah, she's
one of my patients.

I'm a doctor.

(LAUGHS)
Why do you say
it like that?

Like what?
Like, (IMITATING)
"I'm a doctor."

Like "I'm Zeus,
king of the gods."

Oh, no, no,
I didn't mean
it that way.

I know you didn't.
Um, I'm a freelance
photographer.

But I guess you
could see that.

An artist.
I like that.

What does your
boyfriend think about
you being an artist?

That's smooth.
But I, uh, don't
have a boyfriend,

and I'm not
looking for one.

Good, 'cause I don't
have a girlfriend,

and I'm not
looking for one.

Good.

(BOTH GRUNT)

(SIGHS) Oh, my God, girl.
You are going to wear me out.

(GRUNTING)
Don't you ever
get tired?

Nope. (CHUCKLES)
(EXHALING FORCEFULLY)

You know, I shouldn't
even be doing this
until after we get married.

I'm a good girl.
(LAUGHS)
(CHUCKLES)

Okay, good girl.
That was real cute
and everything,

but trust me,
if you weren't giving
me some loving,

we might not be
getting married.
Shut up, Terry!

I'm just keeping it
real, but I got needs.

Yeah, you got needs.

Yeah, you know daddy's
just playing with you.

(BOTH MOANING)

Mmm, you know what?
What?

We need to get those
invitations out in
the next couple days.

Oh, and my parents
are going to be flying
in a few weeks before.

Oh, and the wedding planner
needs to know how many...
Hey, hey, hey!

Will you hush?
Can we stay in
the moment?

I know all of that.
Who do you think
got this party started?

(CHUCKLES)

Girl, I cannot
wait to make you
Mrs. Terry White.

(SIGHS)

Hey, whoa, okay,
now wait a minute.

You promised me that
gun would never make
it up in this house.

I know. I'm sorry, baby.
I forgot to take it
back after the range.

You know I hate
that damn thing.

I know.
Don't be mad.

I got something
to make it up to you.

Oh, yeah?
What you got?
(CHUCKLES)

Oh, baby girl, come on.
Hey, look, as much
as I like it,

unless you got some Viagra,
Mr. Chubby needs
a couple of minutes.

No, he doesn't.
Why not?

I got skills.
Well, hey. (CHUCKLES)

Come on, hey. Okay.

(EXCLAIMS)

Hey, girl, we got to get
Janel some new books
to read her to sleep.

I got Dr. Seuss
coming out of my ass.

I know. She did
the same thing to me.

So, I suppose Terry's
having a bachelor party

with lots of naked ho's
running around there.

Yes, he is.

You know, I never
thought Terry would fall.

He got me feeling like
an old married man.

All this excitement over
Terry is a bunch of
trouble for nothing.

First of all, he is
not the husband type.

He and that Brian have
been bed-hopping ever
since we've known them.

Terry ain't shit.

And he's gonna
give that up? Please!

A crack-head would
have a better chance

at a weight-lifting
contest, okay?

(LAUGHING)
You are funny!

Boy, that was a good one.
Crack-head, weights.

You crack me up.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Well, it sounds like
the coast is clear.

Yeah.

(BOTH MOANING)

You go and
express yourself.

Let me get
that for you.
Oh, no! No, no.

No? No?

Come on, baby,
what is wrong now?

I'm just not ready.

What do you mean
you're not ready?
Sheila, you promised!

But I've been thinking,
and I just...

I can't do it right now.

Oh, Sheila, come on now.
We've been married
for three long years.

I know, but...
But what?

It's nasty.

What the... (INAUDIBLE)

You know, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna calm down.

Come on now.
Come here.
Oh, yes.

Yes, I know.
(MOANING)

You're all tense
and everything.

Look it... Relax.
Relax.

Relax your jaws, too.
Relax.

Yes. Yes.
(MUMBLING)

See? Speak
into the mike.

That's...
See? See?

No, no, no, no.
No? Oh, damn it!

You got me as
hard as Chinese
arithmetic in here,

and you're bullshitting.
Derrick, wait!

Derrick, wait!
That's some bullshit.

Derrick, why did
you come in here?

What are you doing?
Why are you drinking
at this hour?

Because I am a grown man
and I cannot get head
from my own wife!

Why don't you just go
into our daughter's room
and yell it to her?

Look, Sheila.
We have talked
about this.

We went to the counselor.
We bought the books.
You said you were ready.

I know. I know.
But I was eating
a banana earlier today,

and I gagged on it.

Just don't gag
on my banana,

we can get this
show on the road.

Derrick, honey, I can't.

See, I do it to you.

But I don't ask you to.

You do not
stop me either.

Okay, well, fine.
You don't have to
do it anymore.

See, that's the difference
between you and me, Sheila.

See, I don't mind doing it.
I even like it.

So, if I had a dick,
would you suck it?

What kind of
question is that?

You ain't no man,
and I ain't no woman.

Just answer the question.
If I had a dick,
would you suck it?

Yes. Yes, I would
suck your dick,

wearing a Viking hat
and a Little League
chest protector.

Derrick, baby, come here!

No, no.
Baby. Derrick.
Derrick, honey, please.

Just... All my life,
I was taught that good
girls just don't do that.

My mother used to
tell me if I did that,
I would get cancer.

I am dealing with some
serious psychological
barriers here.

Your mama?
Girl, your mama
sucked so much dick,

she walk around
on her knees.

My mother is a saint!

She must be
Saint Suck-a-Dick.

Your mama is senile.

See, my mama
got an excuse.

Your mama fucked
up for no reason.

You hit me with that
pillow again, I'll...
What? What? What?

What, you gonna hit me?
Go ahead. Beat me, Ike.
Beat me.

I'm gonna go
watch television.

I don't wanna talk
about this anymore.

All right, have a banana.
Hell, get freaky with
a peach for all I care.

Derrick,
we have a daughter.

Are you going to
advise her to go down
on her boyfriends?

Yes, I am. Right after
I tell her that sucking
dick don't cause cancer.

Nasty old thing!

Oh! "Suck my dick.
Suck my dick. Suck my dick.
Suck my dick."

It's good for your skin.

So, you've known
me for a while,

and all of a sudden
you ask me out.

(CHUCKLES) What
took you so long?

(SIGHS) Well, you
could say I went
looking for love

in all the wrong
damn places.

(CHUCKLES)

Listen, um...

Jesse.
Jesse.

Right. Right.
Right. (LAUGHS)
(CHUCKLES)

I got some work to
do, baby, so I...

Oh, sure, I can go.
I have an early
class tomorrow, so.

Right. Right.
What is that you teach?

Self-defense classes.

Karate. (LAUGHS)
Karate.

Karate. Yeah,
I remember.
I remember.

Look, Brian, I know
this is sort of spur
of the moment and all,

but if you ever wanna
hook up again,
just call me.

Hey, hey, hold up.
Hold up. Just sit.
Relax.

You know,
just relax.
Okay.

Um, I have this
amazing bottle of wine.
Would you like some?

Sure. Where is it?
In the kitchen.

Let me get...
Oh, no, I got it.

(EXHALES FORCEFULLY) Oh.

Can you make me a sandwich
while you're in there?

JESSE: Okay.

(MOCKINGLY) Okay.

Oh, loving this.
That's what I'm
talking about.

You know, um,

Denise, I hope
you don't feel nervous
about us, you know,

doing it like this
on the first date.

Why would I be nervous?

Well, 'cause I picked
you up, and I got
you into bed like this.

I don't want you to
feel self-conscious
about that.

Really? Oh, okay.
Well, how about this?
Yeah.

How about I picked you
up and got you in bed
on the first date?

So, that would kinda make
you a little slut puppy
now, wouldn't it?

(LAUGHS) I like that,
but you can't call
a man a slut puppy.

And why's that?
It's redundant. (CHUCKLES)

No, actually,
the only reason why
I brought that up is

'cause I kind of
have this issue.

What's that?

Well, it's like,
you know, it's...

(LAUGHS) Forget it.
Forget I even
brought that up.

DENISE: Jackson, you okay?

What? Huh?

I can't talk about this.

Do you know
why I became
a photographer?

Because you get to capture
all of life's moments.

All of the turning points
and freeze them.

Well, think of us
as a picture.

And if you tell
me your problem,

we'd be kind of making
a turning point together.

(CHUCKLES)

You crazy, you
know that, right?

Yeah, everybody says that.

But I like that.
I like that.
Yeah?

Okay, it's like this.

Once I meet
a woman, right?

And I get to know
her a little bit,
and we become intimate.

When we get into the
relationship part of it,

and we start talking
about commitment,

I just freeze up.

Yeah, see, and the
only way I know how
to save myself is to

cut the woman
out my life.

Damn.
Well, I see how
that's a problem.

But you know,
we all have
problems, Jackson.

You know, if life
were simple, we'd...

We'd all be doing
something else,
don't you think?

(CHUCKLES) So wait.
So wait. You telling me that

you're not just
gonna get up,
get your clothes on

and run like hell
up out of here?

No, no, no.

No, there's a lot
of interesting things

I could do with
a man like you.

See, I thought you
were crazy before,

but I know
you're crazy now.

Well, I'm just a sucker
for a naked man.

Come on, man.
You got it.
Come on, man.

Yeah!

So, when do you
start school, Cherie?
In June.

I'm gonna go early
so I can find
a place to live.

Oh, I envy you.
There are so many
fine men in college.

Excuse me?

Not that I
care at all.
(LAUGHS)

(JACKSON MOANS)
Public intimacy?

I have never seen
my brother like this.

Girl, you must have
kryptonite in your pu...

Possession.

Oh. (LAUGHS)
Hey!

Hey, there are my
beautiful children.

How you doing,
sweetie? Hey!

Where's the rest
of your outfit?

And you would
be talking to?

You. I'm talking to you.
You shouldn't be
dressing like that.

How very Freudian
of you, Son.

Now I know
I look good.

You look fine,
Miss Smith.
(SIGHS)

Thank you, baby.
Yes, you do, Mother.

Mmm, you know
I was only 18 when
I had Jackson.

Okay,
not this story.

Mmm-mmm. I was nothing
but a baby myself.

Took me 10 months
and 20 hours of labor
just to get him here.

And he ain't been
nothing but trouble...

...nothing but trouble
ever since.

Yes, for the 100th
time, we know,
all right? (LAUGHS)

Now, it's not about me.
It's about Cherie.
She's starting school.

Hey, did you guys have
your, you know, female
conversation about men yet?

Oops, I'll do it
right now. Sorry.

Come here, baby.

Cherie, a man only
needs three things.

Well, two of
them is money.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

That's cute.
That's... That's cute.

You know, Denise, you're
much nicer than the other
women Jackson usually dates.

Oh.
Mama, please.

Mmm-mmm, don't fight
the truth, Son.

It'll make you
grow old fast.

Not that I would know
with my fine self.

Okay, you know what?
I know better than
to argue with women,

so I'm gonna
go over here.

You guys can talk about
me behind my back.

I'll be cool.
I'll be all right.

Hey, nobody
talking about you.

We're talking about me.

Damn.
Come on, y'all.

Can you believe
Jack, Mama?

Asking you to tell me
about men as if there's
some sort of secret.

Well, there is.
Really?

Mmm-hmm, and
I know what it is.

Wait. Not that I need
to know or anything,
but, uh, what is it?

Well, it's
really very simple.

There's one sure way
to tell if a man
really loves you.

Come here.

When it's late and you're
all hugged up on the
sofa and eating food

and watching TV, and
you're just all over
each other.

(LAUGHS)

Well, if he will give you
his last piece of food,

the very last bite,
baby, that's love.

I like that.
I like that.

Me, too.
It's got sacrifice,
protection,

the sensuality
of eating.

I learned all that
in my psych class.

Well, I learned it
the hard way.

Hey, look what
the wind blew in.

FRED: Congratulations, baby.

Thank you, Daddy.
(CHUCKLES)

And this is
my girl, Denise.

Hi, Denise.
Fred Smith.
Glad to meet you.

Yes.

CHERIE: So where
have you been?
We've been waiting.

FRED: I'm sorry, baby.
I was busy.

I had to make a few
stops before I got here.

LOUISE:
You look good, Fred.

Almost as good as me.
(CHUCKLING)

Maybe I'll clear a dance floor
and teach you a thing or two.

Well, I'll be around.

Fred!

Hey!
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

FRED: Uh, everybody,
this is my date, Ursula.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Uh, Ursula don't
speak no English.

Well, we got to do something
about our weak-ass
immigration laws.

I need another drink.
Excuse me.

Ursula, champagne?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(GIGGLES)

So, you don't
speak no English.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)
Hmm.

So the words "stank ho"
wouldn't mean nothing to you.
(GASPS)

C'est quoi?
"Stank ho"?

No, not "stanque hou,"
"stank ho."

Ho?
Dead ho.
Ignorant ho.

No, Mama.
Have a good time.
French ho.

Enjoy yourself.
Whatever.

(URSULA INQUIRES IN FRENCH)

Bringing that bitch
up in here.

(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

MAN 1: This ain't my car, man.

MAN 2: Look at it.
Look at it.

This ain't no game show.
This is my man's car.
I'm watching it.

Tyrel said
you kicked his boys
out the house, Ma.

What's up with that?
I did what I had to do.

He had them fools
in my house
drinking and smoking.

And you know
that ain't right.

See what I
mean? Issues.

MAN: Yo, Brian.

Some of my boys wanna
steal your car for ya.

I can hook it up.
No, man, no insurance
scams, T-Boy.

Get outta here.

Don't shoot the
messenger, nigga.

Tyrel, I want you to tell
your friends that this
house is off-limits.

Mama, let's just talk
about this, okay?

Ain't nothing
to talk about.

That boy is 17 years old.

He had some women
up in this house acting
a fool and having sex.

Ma, I told you,
me and Leshana
was not having sex.

We was just
watching TV.
Oh, yeah, right.

I guess, it was just
raining condoms outside
your bedroom window.

What condoms?
Or maybe two squirrels
was freaking with it.

Mama!
Yo, Brian.

What, motherfucker?

They're gonna give you
40% of this shit, man,
let's do this thing.

Get outta here, man.
Don't you see...

I'm sensing some
hesitation on your part.
I'll go for 50-50.

I don't like him
outside my house, Brian.

He's just... He's just
watching my car, Mama.

It doesn't matter.
She don't like
nobody up in here,

except for them old-ass
ladies from church

who be coming here
smelling like old
cheese and hot garbage.

Uh-uh. Oh, no,
you did not say that!

He did not say that!

I am two minutes away
from whipping your butt!
Tyrel, just go outside.

Just go outside,
all right?
Just watch my car.

Watch my car.

It's really good
to see you, Denise.

(SCOFFS) I don't know
how good it is, Fred.

So what do you think
we should do about it?

Nothing. We're not
gonna do anything.

You know, he doesn't
have one damn picture
of you in his house.

It's too late for
regrets, Denise.

You and I can't
change what happened
between us.

So I think we
should just tell him.

No. No, I'll do it.

I'll do it in my
own time, though.
Fine.

Hey.
Hey!

You trying to
steal my girl?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Uh, you know what?
I'm gonna go before your
mom kills that girl.

I'll take Ursula her drink.

Nice meeting you, Fred.
Nice to meet you.
All right.

Can I talk to you
for a minute?

Yeah.

So, why'd you bring
another woman
over to the house?

Hey, Son, (LAUGHS)
I have my own life now.

You know what
I'm saying?

What do you think
about Denise?

Oh, she seems nice.

Are you guys serious?

Yeah, it's going
pretty good.

That's good.
I'm happy for you.

Now, you know Mama's
gonna be upset about
this for at least a week.

Come on, Son.

Your mother and
I are divorced.

And she understands that.

Yeah, but I still don't
get it, you know.

How can two people
live together and share
together for 25 years

and then just leave?

You know why
your mother and
I split, Son.

You know,
Terry's getting married.

Little Terry?
Well, he's big
Terry now.

(LAUGHS)
That's good news.
I'm happy for him.

Uh-oh. Now,
come on, tell me.

You're not thinking
about taking that
fall, too, are you?

Oh, hell, no.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You know, marriage,
that's not for me.

Oh, come on now.
You can't judge by looking
at me and your mother.

Your mother and I
had some great years
together, Son.

And who knows,
your luck might be
better than mine.

You know they say
talent skips a generation.

I'll remember that.

Hey, why don't you
come down and visit
your old man sometimes?

You know I'm always
at one of the dealerships.

Yeah, I'll do that.

I'm looking
forward.

Hey, baby.
Dad, where is it?

In the driveway.
Come on, let's go!

Come on, Jack.
Check this out.

Oh, Daddy!

(GIRLS SQUEALING)

You guys, get in!
Get in!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
back up. Back it up.

I don't want to
see you around here.

GIRL: I get to
ride in front.

I don't want any boys
in here, you understand?

CHERIE: Mmm-hmm, whatever.
And stay on
the main streets.

Don't drive down
through the 'hood, huh?

CHERIE: (LAUGHS) Okay.

I worry about you.
CHERIE: Daddy.

Mama, I want you to let
Tyrel come live with me.

No.

I told you before
I'm not letting him go.

Why not?
He's my brother.

Half-brother.

All I'm saying, Mama,
is that the boy
is not happy here.

Okay? It's not like
his daddy's around...

Don't even bring up
that fool to me.

He left me for
some white woman.

She's Hawaiian.
If she ain't black,
she white.

See, that's what
I'm talking about, Mama.
That's just ridiculous.

A fact of life.

That's crazy.
Latino women?

A white woman
with a taco.

Oh, so I just guess
Asian women...

Are white women who no
speak the goddamn English.

You know what?
The both of you is
just like your daddies.

Full of it.

I done heard that
my whole life.

How long you gonna
look at us and see them?

I know what they did
is wrong, Mama, but me
and Tyrel, we didn't do it.

Can't we get
a little love?

I raised you.
That's love.

Oh, really?
Then prove it, Mama.

Can you give your son
a kiss and a hug?

You're too old
for that now.

You can't do it,
can you?

You acting crazy.
Just stop it.

Mama, when was
the last time you
gave me a hug?

What was it,
10 years ago?

What, right after
Tyrel's father left?

Mama, 10 years
is a long time.

Come on, Mama,
I'm waiting.

Give me love, mama.

(CRYING)
Get outta my house
with this nonsense.

When Tyrel gets
old enough, Mama,

he's gonna come live
with his big brother.

He can get his
love from me.

You can believe that.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

(FAINT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHATTERING ON TV)

Mama? Hey, now,
how you doing?

Oh, hey, Son.
(LAUGHS)

Look how pretty
you look today.

Well, I don't look dead.
That's all I care about.

Now, come on, Mama.
Don't say stuff like that.

You're gonna live forever.

What the hell are you
talking about, Derrick?

Everybody dies.

I swear I drank too
much when I carried you.

Mama, you were
drinking when you
were pregnant with me?

Well, yeah.

It's not like I
was operating heavy
machinery or nothing.

Look, uh, Mama,

I want you to come live
with me and my family.

When did you get married?

Three years ago, Mama.
You were right there,
remember?

(LAUGHS) Yeah, that's right.
We ate chicken.

Yes, we did. (LAUGHS)

How's my grandbaby?

Janel? Oh,
Janel is wonderful.

Hey, James and Amber and I...

James and Amber, those
are your other children.

I know who they are.

Boy, are you high
or something?

No. No, ma'am. No.

Look, we just don't think
you belong here anymore.

I like it here.

I know, Mama,
but I miss you.

And you know
what, Janel,

she would love having
her grandmother
around the house.

(SCOFFS)
And your wife?

Well, I'm working on that.

I bet you are.
We don't like each other.

Now, Mama.

Evil witch.
Oh.

No, I think I'm gonna
stay right here.

Now, look, Mama, that was
fine when you and daddy
were here together,

but now daddy's gone
and, well, you...

Oh, Mama,
(STAMMERS) I'm sorry.

Yeah, things were
a lot different when
your father was alive.

Hey, look, I am supposed
to be taking you to lunch.

You come over here...
(CHUCKLING)

...with your fine
brown frame.

You a mess.

You think I don't
really know you running
numbers out here?

This ain't fooling
nobody, come on.

Who's collecting my money?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

So, you have no idea
who flattened the tires
on your car?

No. And you know what,
it could be anybody.

Lawyers make
a lot of enemies.

I bet it was a woman.

No.
That's how we
get back at men.

You know, a car is just
a big old dick with wheels.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Counselor.

Hi, Judge.
Um, I'm having
my lunch here.

You filed a motion
with the Chief Judge

to have me permanently
barred from all your cases.

Yes, I did, and I think
you'd agree that I'm right
after what happened.

Hmm.

Hi. I'm Judge
Carla Williams.

Hi. I'm Jesse.

Hmm, are you
a lawyer, too?

No, I'm sort of
a teacher.

Teacher. What's the pay
these days for teachers?

BRIAN: Carla, there is
no reason for this.

Right. Sorry.

Have a nice lunch.
Thank you.

(LAUGHS) What's her problem?

I have no idea.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Excuse me.
What did you say?

BRIAN: Carla, why are
you making a scene?

(SHUSHING)

I'm not making a scene.

I'm merely having
girl talk. Right?

Now what did you say?

I said...
Oh, shit!

What's your problem?

My problem is
tired-ass men like this
(STUTTERING)

and women like you
who get the whole world
given to them.

But no, no, no,
you have to
have our men, too.

Get that finger
out of my face.

Or else what, hmm?

What are you
going to do, huh?

What are you
going to do?

(JESSE EXCLAIMS)

(CARLA SCREAMS)

Damn!
MAN: What is going on?

Carla!

Yo, bro, take Buffy
the Negro-Slayer

and get the hell
out of my spot.

I was just trying...
Uh-uh-uh.

Come on, Jesse.
Let's just go.

I cannot believe you.
Just get in the car.

Why are you
mad at me?

You just assaulted
a judge, Jesse.

What, she curses
us both out,

jabs her finger
into my face and
you're yelling at me!

You had no right
to hit that woman.

That was childish,
all right.

I've got a reputation.
You made me look
stupid in there.

You know what?
You ain't no different.

What do you
mean "different"?

(SIGHS) Nothing.
Let's just go.

You thought I'd be
different from her just
because I'm white?

I didn't say that.
You know what you are?

You are a self-centered,
arrogant fool.

And let me tell
you something.

Black and white women
have one thing in common.

We don't like
bullshit men.

And that's you,
the bullshit man.

You better get out my face.
Hey, hey, hey,
you want some, too?

Come on, I got one
ass-kicking left,

and it's got your
name all over it.

I don't have time for this.
Come on.

I do not need the drama,
Miss Jackie Chan.

I'll kick your ass
all up and down
this parking lot.

This white girl's got
something for you,

and you'd better
come get it,
chicken shit.

See ya.
(CLUCKING)

(GUNSHOT)

(TOUCH-TONES BEEPING)

(LINE RINGING)

DENISE: Hello?
Hey.

Hey, baby,
you still working?

No. No,
I'm not at work.

Listen, um,
why don't you come over?

(SEDUCTIVELY) Derrick.

Derrick.

We have been mad
at each other
for too long.

It is time for some
serious making up.

Yeah.

Hey.

(WHEEL OF FORTUNE PLAYING)

* ...genuine
and unbelievable

* Which word
best describes

* If I had to spend
a wheel of fortune to

* Describe what you are
I'd spin

* Yes, I'd spin
* I'd pick an L

* Then I'd buy an O
Then I'd pick a V

* Then I'd buy another
vowel which is E

* 'Cause to me these
L-E-T-T-E-R-S

* Best describe
what you are yes to me

* If I had to spin
once again

* I'd pick a Y

* Then I'd say
I'd like to solve

* Lovely

* If I had to spend
a wheel of fortune to

* Describe what you are
I'd spin

* I'd spin
* I'd pick an L

Derrick!

Come on, baby.

I'm really going to give
it to you this time.

(MOANS)
Give me what, Sheila?

Oh, well, first,
let's do it the
regular way.

Oh, no, no, no.
Not interested.
We can talk about...

No, no, no.

What the hell is
this, Derrick?

You haven't touched
me for weeks.

Because I'm tired.

I don't believe
this shit.

Is that all that's
important to you,

somebody going
down on you?

You... You just don't
get it, do you?

(SIGHS)
We are married.

This is not
just about sex.

It is about the way we
feel about each other.

You mean everything
to me, Sheila.
What do I mean to you?

No, no, this
is about sex.

See, that's all you
men care about.

No, this is
about the way

I've let you control
this relationship
and this family.

Well, that's over now.

My mama's coming
to live with us.

Oh, no, she's not.

I've told the home I'm
terminating her lease.

She is coming just as
soon as I can get her here.

You did not consult with me,
and I didn't agree to this.
No, I didn't have to.

I looked in the mirror and
I consulted my damn self.

You are just doing
this to spite me

because I won't give you
the type of sex you want.

You are nothing but
a nasty, freaky freak...

You know, I married you
because you were pregnant

and never once did I
question your motives.

We agreed that it was
the best thing to do.

Oh, did we? Or did you
come to me crying, saying,

(CRYING MOCKINGLY)
"My life is over.
What are we gonna do?"

Are you trying to say that
I got pregnant intentionally
just to hook you?

What I am saying is
that my mama is coming
to live with us.

Get used to it.

You hit me with that pillow,
it's gonna take some of
them NATO peacekeepers

to pull my foot
out of your ass.
Now, go on.

Fine, Derrick.

Do we have any more
triple-A batteries?

I think I used
them all the last
time this happened.

I don't play, woman.
I quit school
'cause of recess.

So, my cousin says his
place in Florida is gonna
be empty next month.

You trying to, uh,
shack up with me?

Oh, hell, yes.

See, then we
could do it all
over South Beach.

We can christen
every single pier.

(LAUGHS)

Jack, there's something
that's been on my mind.

Something I need
to tell you.

What?

(FALTERS)

I don't even know
how to start.

Let me help
you this time

because there's something
I wanna tell you.

Now, remember how
you were telling me
about those pictures?

I remember.

Well, at first I
didn't understand what
you were talking about.

But I understand now
what you meant,

about how a person can
make a turning point
in their lives

where it changes
everything about them.

And I've changed
like that, Denise.

I've changed like
that because of you.

I want you to know,
Denise, that I am not
afraid of a good woman

and all that she
can bring to a man.

And I'm not afraid to tell
you I love you, Denise.

Now, did that make it
just a little bit easier

for you to say what
you wanted to say?

Yeah. Um, it did.

Actually, it's not even
important anymore.

I love you too, Jackson.

Good.

Really good.

You gonna eat that?

Hmm? Oh.

Yeah.

(SIGHS) This it right
here. It's blazing.

The spices and shit
was just right.

Mmm, mmm.

LOUISE: Here, baby.

Oh, Louise, thank you
so much for letting me
have my shower here.

Terry's mother loved it.

No problem, sweetie.

Fred's throwing
Terry's bachelor party,

and I'm not about
to be outdone.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Hey, Denise,
you okay?

Hmm?

Oh, God,
I'm sorry, um...

I was just thinking
that lately Jackson

has been saying all
of the right things,

but I don't know
if he means any of it.

Well, why do
you say that?

Jackson told me
that he loved me.

Hey!
How sweet!

And then he ate the
last piece of chicken
while we watched a movie.

(ALL GROANING)
Not good.
Not good.

Hey, hey, hey,
maybe I can get
Terry to talk to him,

find out what
he's thinking.

He's got his head on
straight these days.

Mmm, yes, Terry's gonna
make a fine husband.

Now, y'all know that
the brothers are
not going for that.

Yeah, I was probably
just overreacting.
I mean, It happens.

Maybe Jackson was
just hungry, right?

Not likely, baby.
It's a subconscious thing.

I don't know why
women always pay for
men's emotional failures.

We do do that.
We do.

Mmm-hmm, don't we.

Well, I know one reason.

ALL: What?

Well, damn. If we're
gonna get deep,
let's go sit down.

Right, bring
the strawberries.
I got the strawberries.

Getting married,
I need to learn something.
Grab that champagne.

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

All right, Denise,
I love my brother,

but if he's giving you
mixed messages,

just tell him to get
his shit together.

Ooh, that was my
baby that said that.

SHEILA: And you
know she's right.

That's what I do to Derrick.
That's why we're so happy.

You gotta stand
up to him.

DENISE: No,
I know. I know.

Jackson is a good
man, I give him that.

But I have worked
too damn hard
to shape him

into the man I've grown
to know and love,

and I'm not doing
that shit again.

Well, I'm not limiting
myself to brothers.

I mean, I'll consider all men,
even those who are not black.

Like hell you will!

But, Mama...
Uh-uh, who
taught you that?

Life.

Brothers date all kinds
of women all the time.

Why should we sit
around like idiots

waiting for them
to bestow their
favors upon us?

Screw that.

A white man has
all the equipment
and twice the cash.

Okay, I heard you.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

I wouldn't know
anything about that.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

And while we're
on the subject of
other men, Mama,

you need to get
yourself a man and stop
pining away for Daddy.

Uh-oh!
Okay, that's enough.

I need some champagne.
No, you've been drinking
too much, come here.

This is a new century.

You know, women are saying
goodbye to dependency.

I don't need a man.
I have myself.

Oh. (LAUGHS)

You know, I wasn't sure
till this very second,

but my baby's
still a virgin.

(ALL LAUGHING)

You know what
you have to do, Mama.

You need to
reject your pussy.

(GASPS)
Oh, my God!

No, she didn't.
Okay, now, uh-uh.

That's a little bit
too much me in you.

Now just sit
down somewhere.

That word was
created by men

in order to objectify
a woman's sexuality

and turn us
into property.

If you accept
that you have one,
then they own you.

I don't.
I reject my pussy.

ALL: Oh!
I can't believe
she said the P-word.

All right. Well,
if that's the case,

why don't you give me
yours? 'Cause I could
use an extra one.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Okay, okay, fine,
but you know what?

Don't say I didn't try
to educate y'all.

Oh, we hear you, Cherie.

BEBE: Look, Denise,

I think you just need
to sit down and really
tell him how you feel.

The direct approach
is always the best one.

I'm not trying to
scare this man,

and y'all know
I have a tendency

to kind of come across
a little strong sometimes.

Denise, a woman is strength.

Not just the giver of life
and all that, but more.

You see, men
don't even know
who they are

until they know
what kind of
woman they want.

Or for that matter,
if they even
want a woman.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

But whatever he chooses,
it starts with us.

Hmm?

So be fearless
with my son.

Don't be timid with love,

'cause we invented the shit.

All right.
Thank you.

Ladies,
to the sisters.

ALL: To the sisters.

Yes!

Miracles and
blessings, ladies.

Miracles and blessings.

(LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

Okay,
don't wait up, Mama.

Oh!
Bye-bye.

Uh, Louise, can
I ask you something?

More about Jackson?

No, this is...
This is about me.

Okay. Come on.

(LAY IT DOWN PLAYING)

* You need somebody
to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair
and show you exactly
where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast
Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down

Oh, yeah, bring it
to daddy. Oh, yeah.

Spank me.

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player
like you wide open

* No, I never
had that before

* So if you out here
that's what I'm looking for

* 'Cause I keep
getting these girls
with no energy

* I try to tell 'em what to do
but they don't listen to me

* I'm good on top
That's what they say

* I wanna do it in your drop
That's what they say

* I bet I'll make you say stop
That's what they say *

Turn around.
(EXCLAIMING)

Well, well, well,
the husband to be.

Yes, yes, yes.

B, what are you doing
sitting here by yourself?

Mmm, drinking.

I can see, but you need
to come out by the pool

'cause as you can see,
it is a stone-cold groove.

I need to talk
to you, Terry.

Cool. what's up?

Uh, without her.
You know, excuse me.

All right, baby, don't
go too far now with
my two little friends.

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

Ooh, did you see her?
She can breathe.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

So what's up,
kid? Speak.

Why are you
doing this, Terry?

Oh, come on, B.
How many times we
gotta talk about this?

I told you.

Because I think it's
about time I grew up.

Don't do it.
Don't do it, Terry.

The brothers,
we got a friendship,

a bond.

And you, under the
guise of growing up,
as you put it,

you about to
throw it all away.

And I'm looking
out for us, Terry.

I'm protecting the brothers.

(LAUGHS) Uh-uh.

You know what
your problem is?

You never could hold
your liquor and you
talk too damn much.

Come on, man.
You wanna look out for me?

Mmm-hmm.

Put the drink down
and bring your drunk ass

and let's go look
at some titties.
Come on, man.

All right, man,
when it all blows
up in your face,

don't come calling me.

I don't wanna
hear about it.

Hey, baby.
Hi.

All right, B,
that's enough.

You my boy
and I love you,
but this is real.

You jealous, man.

Yeah, yeah,
you jealous.

See, I know you.
You wish you could have
somebody to care about.

Don't try to tell
me different.

I'm gonna tell you
what I discovered,

and it's why I'm doing
what I'm doing, man.

This world is full
of amazing women

waiting for brothers like
us who got it together.

But it takes courage
to step up like that, B.

Courage.

(SCOFFS) See,
look at you.

You don't know
nothing about that

'cause you can't seem
to see past your
raggedy-ass dick.

I don't know, man.
You know, maybe for
you this is all there is.

(SCOFFS) Goddamn, man,
and if that's the truth,

man, I feel even
worse for you.

Look, you're drunk.

There's a party going
on here for me.

Half booty, butt-naked women
running all over the place.

I'm gonna try to
enjoy myself. I'm out.

My dick is not raggedy!

It's big.

Don't be shy.
I'm very flattered
that you picked me.

Some nice-looking
women out there.

Yeah, yeah, well...
(CHUCKLES)

I just wanted to,
uh, you know.

Yeah, I know.
What kind do you want?

I do everything.

"Everything."
What a wonderful word.

(LAUGHS)

I can even get a friend
if you really wanna
have some fun.

No, no, that, uh...

Ooh, that ain't
gonna be necessary.

Hey, you know what?
How about some head?

Well, I guess
you do know
what you want.

Yeah, yeah.

It ain't for me.
It's for him.

He's only got one eye.

(LAUGHS)
Oh, lord, he gives me
such trouble sometimes.

Be careful now.
He kinda swell up
when you make him mad.

Poke you in the forehead.

Hard to go to work
with a big dick scuff
mark on your head.

So you just be cool.
(BOTH LAUGHING)

You know, wait, wait.

(SIGHS)

You change your mind?
You want something different?

Oh, no, no.

Look, I can't do this.

You're a beautiful girl,
but I'm here with you,

and all I'm
thinking is that

I wish you were my wife.

A man can't make
his dick do what
his heart can't handle.

That is very profound.

That'll be $50.

$50 for almost
doing something?

You must be
a Republican.

(MONEY RUSTLING)

But I like your style.

Thanks.

Oh, shut up.

Oh!

Whoa! Wait here!
Wait, wait, don't go.

What's up, D?
Did you do it?

Nah, nah,
I couldn't do it.

Couldn't do what?
Nothing.

Uh, look, I'm gonna
go hang out in front.

Please, tell me
he couldn't do her.

He's not talking about that
thing that walked outta here.

Good lord.
Mmm-mmm-mmm.

This is what I'm talking
about right here.
This is it, man.

This is nice of your dad
to let us use his place, too.

What a party!
A man after
my own heart.

Yo, damn. He's still
freaky, though, huh?

He got all the women
for the party, too.

Mmm.
Dirty old bastard. (LAUGHS)

Did your girl get on your
case about coming here
with all these women?

Brian, come on, man.
This is me. You know
I handle mine, okay?

Don't lie to me, boy.

I ain't talking
about it.
(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
Oh, baby!

I will beat your
drunk ass, man.
This shit's Italian.

Man, I've just
had a little bit
to drink, man.

Yeah, but you're drunk.
You're drunk.

Hey, I'm nice.

I'm nice.
I've been thinking
about some stuff, Jack.

What do you think
about this one?
Oh, that's good.

You know, if we
didn't need sex
(GROANS)

we really wouldn't
want women.

(LAUGHS)
Man, you got issues.
You know that, right?

You just gotta
think about it, man.

Just think about what
I'm saying to you, baby.

You know, Brian,
you're gonna have to
stop this cynical attitude.

You know what I'm saying?
I mean, look at me.
I was a lost cause, man.

You know, I was having
nightmares and shit
about commitment.

Uh-huh.

Then I met Denise,
and she turned
my life around.

No, she turned
your ass out, Jack.

Hey, hey, call
it what you like,
but I'm happy.

(CHUCKLES)

What about you, Brian?

(SCOFFS) I'm drinking,
man. I'm cool.

I just wanna have some
fun at this party.

We've only been here
a couple of hours.
You know what I mean?

Hey, I'll meet
you downstairs.

I'll see you
in a sec.

Yeah. (SIGHS)

(PHONE RINGING)

(OVER ANSWERING MACHINE)
Hey, this is Fred.
State your case.

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

Hi, Fred. It's Denise.

Thanks for being
so understanding.

I've decided to tell
Jackson about us.

Call me when you get
this message. Bye.

(RECEIVER CLICKS)

(DIAL TONE)

Hey, baby. You know,
I was hungry.

I thought we could
go get something to...

I heard the message
you left at my father's
place tonight.

Jackson, I was
gonna tell you.

Oh, you were gonna tell me.
Oh, okay, so, uh, so when
were you gonna tell me?

On our honeymoon?

What about Father's Day?
Does that sound about
right, Father's Day?

Give me a chance to explain.

There's no need to
explain, okay, 'cause
I know what happened.

It happened because
you're a woman

with no discretion
about herself,

uh, personally,
emotionally and sexually.

Did you just
call me a ho?

Hey, hey, now,
I did not say that word.

But it does seem to be
floating around somewhere
up in here, don't it?

Okay. Okay, look.
You have every right
to be angry, Jackson.

But listen to me.
Your father and
I got together

long before you
and I ever even met.

He is my father.
It doesn't matter when
you slept together.

Oh, is that
what you think?

Oh, come on now, okay.
We slept together on the
first date, remember that?

Now, my father, he's
an old-school player.
I know he hit it.

You don't know
what the hell
you're talking about.

Oh, I don't know what
I'm talking about?

So what're you saying?
He didn't hit it?

Okay, Jackson,
let's not do this.

Let's not let this
come between us.

Come on now,
Denise, all right?
It's real simple.

All you gotta say
is, "No, Jackson,
he didn't hit it,"

or, "Yes, Jackson,
he hit it."

(SCOFFS) You are
so blinded by your
dislike for Fred

that you wouldn't
believe a damn thing
I said to you anyway.

Fred?

Okay, well, I think
I just got my answer
about you and Fred.

Okay, you want an answer?

Yeah, I want an answer.
All right, here you go.

Fred and I met
a long time ago,

went out on a few
dates, but we did
not have sex, okay?

You didn't have sex?
No.

Did you kiss him?

Yes.
Oh, okay,

so now we're getting
somewhere. Okay, okay.

So did, uh...
Oh, no, no. I'm not about
to be interrogated about this.

Yeah, that's
what I thought.

You made a commitment
to me for the first
time in your life.

What are you just gonna
walk away from all of that?

No. I'm walking away from
a woman who lied to me.

All right?
Who deceived
and hurt me.

That's what I'm
walking away from.

I'm not gonna give you
what you want, Jackson.

I'm not gonna let
you just dump me.

Oh, you're not gonna
just let me dump you.

Okay, what, you
wanna dump me?
Is that what you wanna do?

No. no. I'm gonna
make you do what's
really in your heart.

I'm gonna make
you love me.
(LAUGHS)

(STAMMERS) That's cute.
That little reverse
psychology trick.

You know, but try that
on a brother with a GED.

All right?
'Cause it gets
none right here.

There's no trick to it,
Jackson. It's the truth.

You need me in your
life just as much as
I need you in mine.

So, you can take me
with all of my flaws,

or we can just both
be miserable.

Hey.

Okay, look,
I know that you're
scared, Jackson.

I know that every time
someone has said
"I love you" in your life,

it's turned out bad.

Okay, now you don't know
what you're talking about.

Your mother,
all your old girlfriends.

Your father.

I know I should have
told you about all of
this a long time ago.

But don't use that
as an excuse to go back
to the way you were.

Come on. Please.

Let yourself out.

(LOVE DON'T LOVE ME PLAYING)

* Mmm-hmm, yeah

* All I ever needed
I could never find

* All I ever wanted
was to get it right

* Somebody tell me
what is wrong with me

* I wasn't sure
but I know now I believe

* That it must be

* Must be

* Love don't love me

* Don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Oh, why?

* I know exactly what
is missing in my life

* Something for sure
and something pure,
maybe a wife

* But then I'm out the door
before the morning light

(ALL SHOUTING)
Oh!

* So I pray

(EXCLAIMING)

* I'm so afraid I'm
always gonna be this way

* Relationships only
to pass the time away
(ARGUING)

* Fear of commitment
is a habit hard to break

* I must say

* Yeah

* All I ever needed
I could never find

* All I ever wanted
was to get it right

* Get it right

* Somebody tell me
what is wrong with me
* Wrong with me

* I wasn't sure
but I know now I believe

* I believe

* That it must be
What the fuck!

* It must be

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Don't love me

* All I ever wanted
was some happiness

* Happiness

* Take it to a level
that's above the rest

* I wanna know how
it's supposed to be

* I wanna feel
something real
but I believe

* I believe

* That it must be

* It must be

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* No, no, no

Hey, hey, hey, Sheila,
open the door!

Hey, uh, my
key don't work.

Yes. I changed the locks.
I don't know you anymore.

When you're the man
that I married,
then you can come back.

Open the door, woman!
I live here, too!

Okay, how about
you stay here and
I'll go call LAPD?

You know they're real
sympathetic to black men
in domestic situations.

I'm not scared of
the police! Open the...

Boy, you...
Woman, you lucky
I just got saved.

(HORN HONKING)

Shut the fuck up!

Hey.
Hey.

What you doing
all dolled up?

Well, you know
how I am.

I wine 'em,
I dine 'em,

and bam,
it's all over.

(LAUGHS)

What you doing here?

I just stopped
by for a minute.

Who you got
coming over?

Now, instead of being
all up in my business,

how come you ain't out
somewhere trying to get
back together with Denise?

Oh, believe me,
you don't wanna know,

'cause she is
definitely not the one.

Ooh, you looked
just like your daddy
when you said that.

And you just found
a way to make me leave.

Your father's coming
by here tonight.

How long has this
been going on?

Since your sister's party.

He came back
to apologize for
bringing that girl.

And you know
I was looking good.

Well, let me tell you
something about daddy

and your little
golden girl, Denise.

They had a thing
together.

I know.
You know?

And you don't care?

No.

'Cause nothing happened
between them.

It was before
she met you.

And your father is
charming and handsome
and all those things.

And did it ever occur to you
that she might have seen

the same qualities
in you, Jackson?

I can't believe she
sucked you in with that
"nothing happened" stuff.

She's not the one
who told me.

She tried,
but I didn't let her.

Your father had already
told me everything.

Oh, nobody cared
enough to tell me.

(BOTH SIGH)

Well, what makes
you think that
you can trust him

anymore than
I can trust her?

He didn't have
to tell me, Jackson.

And I know him.

Mama, you're gonna have
to stop seeing Daddy.

And do what?

Hmm?

You're gone.
Your sister's leaving.

I'm throwing parties
here every other night
just to have people around.

Your father and I
are comfortable with
each other, Jackson.

And I do have
my needs.

Oh, Mama,
not the needs.

(LAUGHS)

Now, I know that
you still love him,

but you're gonna
have to let him go.

No. I won't let him go.

We had a marriage,
love and children.

And nothing is
stronger than that.

Okay, and then what?

He's gonna come around here
and get you all excited
about getting back together.

And he's just
gonna run and break
your heart again.

Maybe.

But I can handle that.

That girl loves you.

What you gonna
do about it?

I gotta go.

DR. THELMA:
So, do you still
think about her?

Yep, every day.

Do you still think
that she and your father
were sexually intimate?

I don't know.

Probably not.

Well, if that's the case,
then why don't you
go back to her?

Talk it out?

I just don't have it in me.
You know, I get too mad,
too scared.

Let's explore that.

You know what, Doc?
No offense, but this is
gonna be my last session.

You're giving up?
I mean, I...

I know love's supposed
to be this beautiful thing,

but I just can't
get with it.

I go up, love goes down.
I go left, love goes right.

I say I'm ready,
love says, "Not yet.
She dated your father."

Maybe there is
love out there,
but it's running from me.

I can't keep
chasing it.

Jackson.

Is that the kind
of existence you want?

Life without
love in it?

MAN: Come on, baby!
Take it! Get up!

(ALL SHOUTING)

MAN: Damn!

You just got beat
by a girl for game.

My bad, man.

Yo man, you need
a dress, man, the way
you've been playing.

Yo, D. Yo, kid,
I'm sorry to hear about
you and Sheila, man.

Yeah, well, I was, too,
but that's life.

No, man,
that's just women.

Oh, come on.
Oh, come on.
Shut up.

Come on, man, they
always trying to jam up
a brother like that,

and they always complain
like we're the bad guys,

writing all those
man-hating books like
Waiting to Exhale.

But check this out.
I'm gonna write a book.

It's called Breathe, bitch.
(EXHALES)
Uh-uh, man.

Boy, you are retarded.

You always gotta use
that word like it's
synonymous with women?

I use the word 'cause
it applies, man.

You need to
check yourself.

How many times
I gotta tell ya?

You better start showing
the ladies some love, man.

I mean, come on,
all the shit you be doing,
(LAUGHS)

you ain't got no business
calling women names, man.

Oh, really?
Really.

Bitches, by Terry White.

Oh, no, no, no.
Not the poem.

That was like when
I was 10 years old, B.

(CLEARS THROAT)

"I would trade my life

"And all its riches

"To rid my life
of all the bitches

"To watch a game
Just eating and drinking

"To say, 'Yo
get out of my face'

"When she asks
'Baby, what you thinking?'

(CHUCKLING)

"To hang with my boys

"And not worry a bit

"To get me a little ass
and get on with my shit.

(IN SPANISH ACCENT)
"To have a good life, baby.
Free from affliction.

"Barefoot, pregnant and in
the motherfucking kitchen."

Okay, you are stupid.

"But, hey
They got the booty

"Now, that's the hitch

"And us without them
Now ain't that a bitch?"

There are issues.
Thank you very much.

(HOOTING)
I know you're feeling
me right now.

I know y'all feeling
me right now.

You know, you will never
work for Hallmark that way.

(LAUGHS)

Where have you been?
I mean, I'm going crazy.

Okay, just calm down and
tell me what's going on.

I don't know. I think she's
having some kind of a fit.
I think it's about Daddy.

See, I knew it.
I'm gonna put
an end to this shit.

ALL: Surprise!

(MAN HOOTING)

Oh, I'm sorry,
big brother.

(ALL CHEERING)

It was so easy
to fool you.

(LAUGHING) That's because
you getting old, baby boy.

Your mind is the
first thing to go.

And you know what
goes after that.

Happy birthday,
baby. Aw!

Happy birthday, Son.

All right.

J, J, J, J,
where's your walker, man?
Where's your walker, man?

Oh, man, what's up?
Happy birthday, man.

Oh, wait. Something
done fell out.
Don't hurt him.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Get you some of
them blue slacks that's
tight in the front.

* You like what I like

* I like what you like

* You hurt if I hurt

* If I were like you were

Hey, you okay, Son?

You been moping
around all night.

If I didn't know any better,
I'd think you were having
an early mid-life crisis.

Something like that.

(CHUCKLES)

Hell, I'd trade places
with you in a heartbeat.

Shoot. Wait till you
get to be my age.

That's when your body
really starts to go crazy.

(LAUGHS) You start losing
the hair on your head

and growing it
in your nose.

Why didn't you tell
me you dated Denise?

She asked me not to.

I mean, you seemed
to like Denise,

and I didn't see
any reason for me
to stand in the way.

I believe you young
guys call that, uh,
"player-hating."

Look, why don't we
talk about this later,

after everybody's
gone, okay?

Why don't we talk about
why you're sleeping
with my mother?

Louise and I have
an arrangement.
That's all.

Damn it, Son.
I'm sorry, okay?

That's the first thing
you've said all night
that I agree with.

'Cause you know
what I realized?
I'm just like you.

'Cause I can't do right
by a woman either.

Okay.

Okay.

I deserved that.

I mean, I haven't been
much of a friend
or a father lately.

I know that.

See, I hate it
when you do that.

When I do what?
Rationalize your
faults like that.

Can't you just have
one moment of shame
about your shit?

What has gotten into you?
You. That's what's
gotten into me.

I inherited your eyes,
your nose and your ugly
contempt for women.

You don't
mean that, Son.
Oh, oh, yes, I do.

You broke up this family
with your arrogance
and your selfishness.

Somehow it's just
gotten into me.

It's been
a long night, Jack.

I think you've
had a little too
much to drink...

You know what,
get out of my face.

I don't wanna talk
to your ass anymore.

No, no, Son.
I'm talking to you.

Because you've
been drinking,

I'm gonna pretend
I didn't hear that.

Really?
Really.

Stay the fuck out my life.

Did you hear that?

Let me tell you
something, boy.

I am still your father.
And you do not talk...

LOUISE: Fred. Hey, Fred.

Come on.
Dance with me, baby.

(LAUGHS) Hey!
Come on, now.

* You say you
love me, lady

* Girl, I hope you do

* Only you can save me

* My life equals you

* Kiss me,
drive me crazy

All right, baby.

* Would you do
that for me, lady?

* Lady

* You say you
want my babies *

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

So Terry's not coming?

Nah. He, uh...
He hooked up
with BeBe.

They're meeting with the
wedding planner tonight.

See, it's
starting already.

See, you put your boys
on the back burner.

Then more and more,
you just don't care.

The next thing you know,
you're wearing an apron,
washing dishes

and you got a feather
duster up your ass.

Why do all your stories
end with a feather duster
up somebody's ass?

What is...
Ah, this guy.

Don't listen
to him.

Ah, damn.
Hey, look, Jack,

turn around slowly
and look who
just walked in.

Hi, guys.

Denise. Hey, um,

you wanna go
somewhere and talk?

No, and I don't really
think that's gonna be
a good idea.

Ooh.

This is Ceyno.

Ceyno, that's
Jackson, uh,

Derrick, and that
would be Brian.

Denise, I see our
people, honey. Let's go.

Oh, that's right.

You know what?
Nice to see you
guys again.

He's not her type.
Is he white?

Look, she's just
trying to get me mad,

(SCOFFS) but I'm
not even stressing out.

No, no, I think
he's Asian.

You know what,
it's the oldest trick
in the book, right?

She brings
some other cat up in here.
She don't care about you.

I pretend like she
don't care about me.
I'm not buying it.

Maybe he's Latino
or one of them Indians.

What difference does it
make what race he is?

So Jack could know how
pissed off he should be.

But Jackson is
not mad, all right?

I just wanna go talk
to him for a minute.

Whoa, whoa, scooter.
Come on, now. Hey, hey.

Don't do that, man.
That's what she wants
you to do, Jack.

Yeah. Besides,
the boy might know
karate. Right, Brian?

Very funny, Derrick.
You know what we
should do, fellas?

There's a lot of
ladies up in here.

Let's get our
little party on.
You're right about that.

I'm feeling you with
that right there.

DERRICK: Hey, uh, you know,

it is an epidemic in here.

Check this out.
What?

Oh, I know she didn't
just diss me like that.

Coming up in here
with Amistad.

(IN AFRICAN ACCENT)
Give us free.

This joint is hot
tonight, let me tell you.

Hey, that's it. I'm out.
Can we get this check?

Okay, it's coming.

No, man,
I ain't leaving.

Jesse ain't running
me out of here.

You know what I just realized?
I am separated from my wife

and yet I'm doing better
than both of you two.

(LAUGHING)
BOTH: Shut the fuck
up, all right?

Don't me mad at me.
I didn't tell y'all
to do this.

Well, all right.
The separation
agreement is complete.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hey, what's up, man?
You all right?

No. No,
I'm not all right.

What's going on, man?
Talk to me.

Hey, have a drink.

(GROANS)

Terry, no, man, no.

J, man, look,
I can't do it.

(SIGHS)
I can't do it, J.

Look, I was cool
until a few days ago.

But, man, I was at work.
I looked at the calendar.

I realized this wedding
is two weeks away, man.

Two weeks.

Nah, man, I can't.
I'm making a big
mistake marrying BeBe.

It's just cold feet, man.
You'll get over that.

Mmm-mmm,
it's not cold feet.

I'm telling you.
I'm not ready, J.

Terry, why? You're
supposed to have your
shit together, man.

I know.

J, I did, man. I did.

You know,
I thought it was time.
You know what I'm saying?

I don't know, man.
I think I was doing this

'cause I was trying
to make myself believe

I could move
on with my life.

But, man, every time
I looked in the mirror,

I realized that
shit wasn't true.

So how did BeBe take
it when you told her?

You didn't tell her?
Yeah, I told her, J.
Of course I told her,

when I left her a message
on her machine, man.

On her answering machine?

Terry, you left
a message on her
answering machine?

Yeah, yeah, I left
her a message, man.

Why don't you back off
me just a little bit?

Hey, don't scream at me, okay?
This is your fucked-up shit.

(SIGHS) All right, I...
My bad. My bad.

Look, she already
heard the message.

She called me
10 times today.

Man, you got anything
stronger than this shit here?

You know what?
I'm calling the fellas.

No, no, don't call
nobody, man.

Hey, at a time
like this, you need
to be with your boys.

J, don't call Brian
'cause I already know

what his sorry
ass is gonna say.

(LAUGHS) I knew it.
I knew it. I knew it.

Whoo!

Brian, fuck you.

I'm sorry, Terry,
but I did, man.
I know you.

You don't wanna
get married. Come on.

And the way you dropped her
on the answering machine,
that was brilliant.

Move on, Brian.
Have some sympathy
for the man.

Hey, hey, hey, Terry?
I know how you feel.

Look, um, I never
told you fellas this,

but the only reason
I married Sheila was
'cause she was pregnant.

Oh, we knew that.
Come on, man.

All right, look,
the point is,

we fell in love later
and the shit was good.

Yeah, I had second thoughts,
thirds and fourths, too.

Terry, you've got to search
your soul and find a reason
to go back to that girl.

BRIAN: Derrick, please.
How can you even say that
after what Sheila did to you?

All right, all right,
so I made a mistake.

But I made that
mistake like a man.

I stood up for what
was right at the time,

and Terry here
should do the same.

No, no, see,
then he'd be cheating
BeBe and himself.

You need to think
about this, Terry.

Come on, Jack.
What kind of
friends are you two?

Terry's gotta do
the right thing here.

Terry needs to
run like hell.

You need to shut your
woman-hating ass up.
Yo, yo, yo.

(ALL ARGUING)

I'm just telling
the truth, man.
Brian.

My bad, my bad, my bad.
I'm gonna do this for
Jack, all right? Cool.

You know what?
I apologize.
I'm sorry.

Yeah, me, too.

Denise dated my father
before we hooked up.

Goddamn! Ooh, shit!

Get outta here, J.
For real?

Denise boned your father?

No. She said it was
just a date, but, uh,
she kept that shit from me.

When I found out,
I couldn't take it.

I just had to
cut her loose.

Yo, man. I don't
blame you for that.

Yeah, but I thought
I had something special
with Denise, you know?

I lost it.

Ain't no loss, Jack.
If she boned your
father, she's a ho.

Man, what the fuck
is wrong with you?

(ALL ARGUING)
What are you
talking about?

Yo, B, this is your boy.
Show some respect.

I'm just keeping
it real, man.

Why I can't
speak my mind?

I got shit to say
out here tonight.

You ignorant, man.
Forget it, man.
Whatever, man.

Whatever. I mean,
you know what, Jack?
I apologize, all right?

Anybody else got
some revelations?

My wife wouldn't
go down on me.

What?
Shut up.

You might wanna
keep that to yourself.

TERRY: Get the hell
out of here.

Look, either the relationship
wasn't strong enough

or she didn't care,
but either way,
I got dry dick.

I'm telling you,
I'm scared to
zip up my pants,

I'll fuck around
and go off like
a firecracker.

Yo, that's irreconcilable
differences for your ass.

BRIAN: They gotta start
putting that straight
in the wedding vows.

I mean, love, honor, obey
and slob the damn knob.

For sure.

Hey, yo, fellas,
you know what?
I've been doing some thinking.

We come out here,
we talk a whole lot of shit,

complaining about
the honeys,

what they want,
what they don't want.

I mean, you know,
maybe the ladies
ain't the problem.

You know what I'm saying?
Maybe we're the problem.

(SCOFFS) Get
out of here, man.

What the hell
type of shit are
you talking about?

Just feel me on this, D.

All I'm saying is
maybe we need

to check our own shit
just a little bit.

If you don't come your
shabbado-for-electric-
boogaloo ass on.

Hey, whatever. You go home
and spank your monkey.
That's some lonely shit.

That's why you
got desert dick.

JACKSON: So, how's
BeBe doing, man?

She's terrible.

I think she came by
the apartment this morning,
crying and screaming.

I mean, carrying on.

Man, I had to run out
the back door just
to avoid her ass.

She was acting
all kind of crazy, J.

Well, I can't blame her,
Mr. Telephone Man.

You probably called
her ass collect, too,
didn't you?

You ain't funny,
man. Shut up.
(LAUGHS)

Then she followed
my black ass to work.

Had me hiding out
in the janitor's closet.

You're gonna have to stop
doing that shit, man.
I'm serious.

You owe that woman the
respect of telling her
face-to-face what the deal is.

Man, I know this and I will,
but you not hearing me.

BeBe was on some
different shit, J.

Look, I'm gonna talk to her,
but she needs to chill out.

I just need a little
more time, that's all.

Yeah, a little time.
All right.

Yo, man, we're gonna
get carjacked in a minute.
Where are you taking me?

Man, we got to get
Brian's issued ass.
For what?

Man, his car
is all jacked up.

Shit, you know how many
times I told his punk ass

to move up out
this neighborhood?

Nah, it's not the
neighborhood, man.

Some woman
is stalking him.

Get the fuck
out of here.
No. Yes, I'm serious.

And the messed-up
part about it, man,

he's messed over
so many women,

he don't even know
which one it is.

SHEILA: Ooh, ugly!
Ugly! Ugly!

These are not photos
I put in my magazine.

I don't know where
you got these from.

Hire a good photographer.
You're in charge
of hiring that.

Could you guys excuse me
for a minute? Thank you.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I just, uh, thought
I'd come by and say hi.

No reason we can't
be civil to each other.

Hey, for what it's worth,
I'm sorry about all those
nasty things I said.

I mean, we gotta be around
each other for the baby,

so, uh, I was hoping
we could be adults
about it when we do.

All right.

I went out last weekend
with my girlfriends
to a club.

Kind of a freedom
celebration-type thing.

Freedom?

I don't think
I should hear this.

(STAMMERS) And this
guy asked me to dance.

What guy?
Just some guy and
he asked me to dance

and I just started crying.
It freaked him out.

Then, you know,
my girlfriends told me it was
natural to feel that way.

And then they started
telling me stories
about their exes.

And, baby, these women have
been disrespected in ways
you couldn't even imagine.

And I'm sitting there,
I'm thinking to myself,

"All my husband wanted
was to make love to me

"and to take care
of his mother,"

and I just
felt so stupid.

What are you
saying, Sheila?

I'm saying
I was wrong, Derrick.

And I love you so much.

You mean the world to me,
and I didn't realize
how much that was worth.

You know, I...

I tried to hurt you
by bringing Mama
to live with us

without talking it
over with you.

Yes, you did.

Hey, I apologize.

Okay.

And if it's okay with you,

can I be your
husband again?

Oh, baby, I forgot
how cute you are
when you get mushy.

(MOANING)

Okay, wait, wait.
Go lock the door.
Lock the door.

Lock the door.

Don't you threaten me
with a good time.

(BOTH MOANING)

(PANT UNZIPS)

Oh, shit.

(EXCLAIMS)
Hell, no.

Jack.

(LAUGHING)
Oh, wow!

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
TERRY: B!

Goddamn.

What's up, fellas?

Hey, I like
the paint job, man.

Yeah, it's kind
of sweet, kid.

Come on, man.
You always in your drawers.
Get dressed.

All right, man.
Let me get out
this suit.

You gotta get a maid.

For real.

Hey, I had one.
It didn't work out.

You had sex with her,
didn't you?

Uh, she was fine.

(GUNSHOT)

Get down, get down,
get down!

B, I told you
to move out
the damn projects.

Why you yelling
at me, man?

I ain't the nut out there
shooting up the neighborhood.

Hey, you guys need
to stop arguing
and call the cops.

BEBE: Terry!

I wanna talk
to you, honey.

That's your bitch.

(GUNSHOT)

Oh, my God.
That is BeBe, man.

Your woman's
trying to kill us?

Terry, go out there
and talk to her.

What am I going
to tell her?

How many bullets
to put in my ass?
I ain't going nowhere.

Man, I ain't going
out like no punk.

I'm gonna go out there
and let that girl know
how I feel.

(GUNSHOT)

It feels better
right here.

Man, how many
times I told you

she won first place
in a marksman contest?

Great. You have to go
piss off the bitch
from The Matrix.

BEBE: Terry,
come on, baby. I...

(GUNSHOTS)

Love...

You.

What the hell's
going on?

We gonna be
here all day.

Nah, somebody had
to hear them damn shots.
They'll call the police.

In this neighborhood?
Are you crazy?

A gunshot's
like a doorbell.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm gonna go talk to her.

What?

Look, if she wanted
to shoot us,

she would have
shot us by now.

I'm gonna go out there
and talk her down.

BRIAN: Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.

J, wait a minute. Wait.

Damn, look,
I got us in this mess,
I'm gonna get us out.

No. No, no, Terry.
She is mad at you.
I'll do it.

Cool.

What?

(SIGHS)

TERRY:
Be careful, Jack.

BEBE: Terry, baby!

BRIAN: What the hell
is she doing here,
Terry?

TERRY: She's been following
me around all week.
She's bugging out.

BeBe.

BeBe.

Hey... Oh!

Damn.

It's me, Jackson.

I don't want you, Jackson.
I want Terry!

All right, BeBe,
just listen to me
for a minute, okay?

Terry, get your weak ass
out here before I shoot
your friend's dick off!

Hey, hold...
Hey, wait.

Listen, now, you don't
wanna do something
you're gonna regret.

Now, listen, BeBe,
I know how you feel.

Men don't know shit.

No, I do know.

See, right now,
(STAMMERS) you're feeling
like you're nothing.

(COCKS GUN)

Oh, okay.

Look, see, you look
out into the world

and all you can see
is just the person
that you want,

the love that you
thought was yours.

See, I know because
I've made women
feel that way, BeBe.

And for the first time,
it's come back on me.

It made Denise leave me.

See, I let all my problems
and all my bullshit

blind me for something
I've been looking for
my entire life.

Now I feel like
somebody dropped
a mountain on my heart.

What the fuck
you talking about, Jack?

I'm talking about
love, BeBe.

Now, if you really
love Terry,
and I know you do,

then losing you will
hurt him more than anything
that you could ever do.

But he's got to
find that out
for himself.

Okay?

So just...

It's... It's okay.

It's okay.

All right?

Just give me the gun.

It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay.
All right?

(SOBBING)

It's gonna be okay.

It'll be okay.

(SIGHS)

BeBe, I'm sorry.

BeBe, I'm sorry.

Y'all know who
gonna fix this shit?

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

* Baby, all I wanna know

* Is how you came
to love me so

* 'Cause every time
I look at you

* I can see it
in your eyes

(GUESTS CHEERING)

* What did I do

* To be worthy of you

* I guess
it was meant to be

* You and me

* Please hold out your hand

* I hope you do understand

* There's nothing
in this world
that I really need

* Except your company

Thank you.

* You're my dream
come true

* And I'll spend
my life with you *

Man, I thought
I'd never see this day.

Me neither.

But I'm loving it.

Yeah, me, too.

Well, I'm gonna
go meet some men.

No use wasting the dress.
You know what I'm saying?

No, wait a minute.
Hey, wait. Hold...

(SIGHS)

Something else.

Hey, Son.

I just wanted to, uh,
say thank you before it
got all crazy around here.

Thank you for what?

Let's just say you, uh,

woke me up,

helped me to turn
my eyes back to
what's important in life.

You know, they say, uh,
a father should be wiser
than his son.

I'm just glad this time
it turned out not to be true.

LOUISE: Oh, look at this.
Look at this.

(LAUGHS)

I love when my men
are affectionate.

Aw! Oh!

Gotta do this
again, man.

Yeah.

Oh!

I love you, Ma.
I love you, too.

Yo, what's up?
Hey, man.
Your brother's getting big.

Yeah, yeah.
You know what?

I finally talked my mom
into letting him stay
with me, too, man.

Cool.
Yeah.

Hey, well, J,
you the man
of the hour.

Moms and pops are doing
their thing. You got
to be feeling pretty good.

JACKSON: Yeah, man.

Congratulations, Big Jack.
That's how you do it.

Man, I'm looking
at your dad
and your mom.

I'm just like,
"Man, I can't believe
he's doing it again."

I mean, look at him.
He looks happy, don't he?

B...
I'm just saying.

(BOTH LAUGH)

DERRICK: Just like
me and mine.

I don't wanna brag,
but let's just say

a young brother's getting
all he can stand these days.

ALL: Whoa!

Back up off me now.

TERRY: That's my man.
Let's have a brother's
toast on that.

You know,
I gotta hold out, man.

I gotta go find BeBe,
make sure she's not
having any flashbacks.

You know what I mean?
I'm gonna go give her
some love.

Wait a minute.
Hey, Sheila,
get away from BeBe.

We don't need them
kind of problems.

I see a little something
special right there
that I need to talk to.

Oh, okay, right.
So, can you handle this?

I got it, man.
Do your thing.

I'll talk to you later.
All right.

(CHUCKLES)

(INDISTINCT)

Excuse me.

Uh, may I fill your glass?
You sure can.

DENISE: On that note,
I'm gonna go get
something to drink.

SHEILA: Get me
another champagne.

Honey, if I had
a gun the time
I married Derrick...

MAN: Ooh!

Denise.

Hey.

I need to
talk to you.

You know, I don't wanna
do this, Jackson, right now.

And the only reason
I'm here is 'cause your
mom asked me to come.

Okay, wait, wait, wait.
I have to tell you what's
been happening to me.

Okay, now, it took me
a while to get it,

but I found out where
we both went wrong.

So now it's your turn
to give me a chance.

I'm sorry. I can't.

Okay, wait.

You said you were gonna
make me love you. Remember?

You were right.

No. No, Jackson,
I was wrong.

You know, I was wrong
about the whole thing.
And it's too late anyway.

Look, I gotta go,
and there's no more
cake left anyway.

Wait. Just...

You can have mine.

It's good?

That's maybe the best thing
I've ever eaten in my life.

I don't know.
Maybe we can talk...

(BRIAN CLEARING THROAT)

Like we ain't right here.
Hello.

Hello.

Do you need a minute?

Uh-huh.
Yes.

Yeah. But don't
go too far, okay?

Never.

Oh, there they go.

Here we go.

Sprung!

Hello, hello.

Hey, Jackson,
what the hell
was that, bro?

You know what, Brian?
You wouldn't understand.
Let's do this.

All right, come on, now.
What y'all wanna drink to?

To love. No question.

Oh, hell, no.
Do something else.

Here it is. I got it.
To us, fellas.

Yeah.
To the brothers.

ALL: To the brothers!

* Your love is so magnificent

* A true love

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

* I thank God every day
You're heaven-sent

* It's you

* Stop chasing them skirts
till I'm back to work

* Stopped hanging at the club
Even went to church

* It's you

* And I just wanna
describe your love

* Oh, yeah, girl

* Like a hot summer day
with the windows down

* Got the top dropped
with my friends around

* That's how good

* That's how good
your love feels to me

* Yeah

* Yeah

* Eatin' Mama's home cooking
Now I'm a whole man

* A 70s jam and a slow dance

So, if I had a dick,
would you suck it?

Yes, I would suck your dick
with a midget and a throw
pillow attached to my ass.

You know, I'm gonna go.
I gotta go give shit. Okay.

You gotta go shit.
(LAUGHING)

See, it's all that messing
with them gold-digging
booger bass.

That's what it is.
(LAUGHS)

Try for big daddy.
Come on now.

Just bob and weave
on the ball head,
champion.

Girl, I would suck
your dick till
your head caved in.

I reject my pussy.
Say it again.

I reject my pussy.
The pussy?

Say, "Hi, Barnabas."
No.

(INDISTINCT)

Sheila, you got me hard
as three Jaguar payments.
This is bullshit.

Yeah, early for a fuck,
late for everything else.

Girl, it's good
for your complexion.

You didn't think your mama's
skin looks so good 'cause she
got Indian in her, do you?

Look, honey,
I'll show you
my technique.

Okay, do it, do it, do it.

Give me that bottle.

(LAUGHING) I can't!

That ain't no firewood
you messing with.

Stop when you
smell the smoke.

(WHOOPS) Misery is
a motherfucker, ain't it?

Girl, your mama
sucks so much dick,

she's got kneepads
sewn on all her dresses.

You could do it.
Come on.

Don't be scared
of the one-eyed serpent.

(YELLS)

Yes, I would suck
your dick wearing a
seventh-grade jockstrap,

doing the ham bone
to the theme from
Green Acres.

You wouldn't have
to use that Noxzema
if you do it right!

What? Oh!

You getting
some muscles, ain't ya?

If I had a picture of Queen
Latifah taped to my head
and a sparkler in my ass.

Baby!

Oh! I'll be right back.

Your mama's a freak.

Hell, I'd have been
your daddy, but
the line was too long.

Dead ho,
question-mark ho.

Have a good time.

French?
LOUISE: No,
not French. English!

You don't understand
none of that?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

I oughta kick
that bitch's ass.

Eating a half bag
of Pop Rocks

and watching
the director's cut
of Dusty's Treehouse.

Hey, don't be scared.
That ain't no eclipse.
It's just me.

(BOTH MOANING)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

(MOANING)

Oh! Suki, suki now.

Anybody else got
some refelat...

Anybody got
some revelations?

I'm scared to zip up my pants.
I will fuck around and
start to spark...

(MUMBLING)
What I'm saying is,
my dick...

(LAUGHING)

Oh, thanks for coming.
Oh, that was lovely.

* G-L-O-V-E

* You need somebody
to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair
and show you exactly
where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast
Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down

* Talk to ya, walk with ya
Through every single motion

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player
like you wide open

* No, I never
had that before

* So if you out here
that's what I'm looking for

* 'Cause I keep
getting these girls
with no energy

* I try to tell 'em what to do
but they don't listen to me

* I'm good on top
That's what they say

* I wanna do it in your drop
That's what they say

* I bet I'll make you say stop
That's what they say

* Once you get 'em in the sack
there won't be none of that

* It'll be a whole lot
of backing away

* A whole lot of acting
and not enough play
for this Boy J

* What I need in my life
is a wife that have
the house jumping

* Like the gentlemen's club
on Monday night

* When I come home,
honey doing tricks

* She doing back flips
with no lights on

* Meet me at the door
with the double G

* Saying, "If you're free!"

* You need somebody
to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair
and show you exactly
where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast
Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down

* Talk to ya, walk with ya
Through every single motion

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player
like you wide open

* You need somebody
to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair
and show you exactly
where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast
Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down

* Talk to ya, walk with ya
Through every single motion

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player
like you wide open *