Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,620 --> 00:00:05,040
[**]
2
00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:11,210
[DOOR OPENS]
3
00:00:12,510 --> 00:00:13,630
[DOOR CLOSES]
4
00:00:18,470 --> 00:00:20,770
-Hey, babe.
-Hey. What're you doin'?
5
00:00:20,810 --> 00:00:22,100
Nothin'.
6
00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:24,730
So thirsty, God,
all day.
7
00:00:24,770 --> 00:00:26,520
So drink something.
8
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,110
That's a good idea.
9
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:39,580
[EXHALES]
10
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,420
I'm gonna go take a shower.
11
00:00:48,380 --> 00:00:51,760
[**]
12
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:05,060
Hey, welcome
to your weekend.
13
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:06,600
I got the first
of 5--count'em--
14
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:09,860
5 Planet of the ApesDVDs
loaded up,
15
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:13,110
and we are stupid
with Twizzlers.
16
00:01:13,150 --> 00:01:15,570
That's the candy of
romance, by the way.
17
00:01:16,780 --> 00:01:18,160
That's so sweet,
18
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,910
but didn't you
get my message?
19
00:01:19,950 --> 00:01:21,120
No. See. My phone's
on vibrate,
20
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,910
and I left it
in my pocket, and...
21
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,830
do you have
a cigarette?
22
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,920
Anyway...
23
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,800
I'm going to Hartford
this weekend.
24
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,220
-What?
-Yeah, my boss is sponsoring
25
00:01:38,260 --> 00:01:40,220
this "Houses
across America" thing.
26
00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:41,810
I have orientation
tomorrow,
27
00:01:41,850 --> 00:01:43,770
and then we build houses
for poor people on Sunday.
28
00:01:43,810 --> 00:01:45,930
All right.
Well, you want to go
29
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:47,270
with the 24-hour flu
again,
30
00:01:47,310 --> 00:01:48,850
or do you want something
in the mumps family?
31
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,610
Doug, stop. No, please.
It's for charity.
32
00:01:51,650 --> 00:01:53,650
Well--come--I--
33
00:01:53,690 --> 00:01:54,980
I planned
this whole weekend.
34
00:01:55,030 --> 00:01:56,610
Now I have to watch
all these by myself?
35
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,150
Excuse me,
I just finished
36
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,200
working a 60-hour
work week,
37
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:01,870
and now I got to get up
at 5:00 in the morning
38
00:02:01,910 --> 00:02:05,000
to drive 120 miles to
pound nails for no money.
39
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,710
So I am sorry
I can't sit
40
00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:09,250
and watch little monkey
movies with you, okay?
41
00:02:09,290 --> 00:02:11,130
Okay, they're apes,
not monkeys.
42
00:02:11,170 --> 00:02:13,090
-There's a difference.
-Whatever.
43
00:02:13,130 --> 00:02:14,670
Okay, you know what? It's that
kind of arrogance
44
00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:16,090
that led to them
taking over the earth.
45
00:02:16,130 --> 00:02:18,130
Okay. All right.
How about this, Doug?
46
00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:19,760
How about for once,
47
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,760
you care about another person
other than yourself?
48
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,850
Oh, ooh, I can't watch
movies with my husband
49
00:02:23,890 --> 00:02:25,350
'cause I got to build
homes for the poor.
50
00:02:25,390 --> 00:02:28,180
Who's being selfish
now, huh?
51
00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:31,020
[**]
52
00:02:33,190 --> 00:02:35,190
[SIGHS]
53
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,200
Fine.
54
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,580
-Oh, good, you're home.
-Hey, guy.
55
00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:49,870
SPENCE: What are you doing?
56
00:02:49,910 --> 00:02:52,040
Oh, Carrie had a business trip
to Hartford,
57
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,290
and, I don't know, we kinda
got into a little fight,
58
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,880
so I'm gonna go up there
and surprise her.
59
00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:56,760
At least you have something
to do this weekend.
60
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,210
Oh, would you let this go?
61
00:02:58,260 --> 00:03:00,050
We were gonna go see the
Huey Lewis concert tonight.
62
00:03:00,090 --> 00:03:02,340
Mr. Procrastinator here waited,
and now we don't have tickets.
63
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,260
Yeah, well, next time don't ask
me to do things when I'm drunk.
64
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:05,760
When are you not?
65
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:06,930
Maybe if you were
a little bit more supportive,
66
00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:08,020
I wouldn't
have to drink.
67
00:03:08,060 --> 00:03:09,980
Don't turn this
back on me.
68
00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:12,100
You guys got a lot
to work out it seems,
69
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:14,270
so why don't you--
you know what I'm saying?
70
00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:16,150
-Please.
-Hey, guy, what's that?
71
00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:18,110
What?
72
00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:19,360
Oh. That's the jacket
I wore
73
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,360
when I worked security
at Nassau Coliseum.
74
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,120
See that, right there?
75
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,990
That's a little
Jethro Tull puke.
76
00:03:29,450 --> 00:03:31,250
Man, tell you what,
77
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:32,290
if we had
another one of these,
78
00:03:32,330 --> 00:03:33,880
we could get
into the concert.
79
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,250
What do you mean?
80
00:03:35,290 --> 00:03:37,090
Don't you get it?
We wear the jackets,
81
00:03:37,130 --> 00:03:38,420
we act like
we work there.
82
00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:41,090
We're not only in,
we're backstage.
83
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,050
-You went
to see Steel Magnolias?
-Give me that, would you?
84
00:03:49,390 --> 00:03:51,100
Okay, we just spent
three hours
85
00:03:51,140 --> 00:03:54,060
learning how
to hit a nail with a...
86
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,270
I want to say hammer.
87
00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:58,730
Oh, I'm not sure. I slept
through most of that.
88
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:01,190
Hey, where was
Mr. Dugan anyway?
89
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,200
Oh, didn't you hear?
He's not coming back
90
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,370
till the thank-you
dinner on Sunday.
91
00:04:05,410 --> 00:04:06,700
What?
92
00:04:06,740 --> 00:04:08,160
Yeah, he and the other
executives
93
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,830
flew down to Miami
for another worthy cause--
94
00:04:10,870 --> 00:04:13,160
the opening of
the new Hooters hotel.
95
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,040
Wait a minute.
96
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,710
So all the suits
are in Miami,
97
00:04:17,750 --> 00:04:20,130
and all the secretaries
are here building houses?
98
00:04:20,170 --> 00:04:21,970
Yeah. Well, no.
Desiree went down with them.
99
00:04:22,010 --> 00:04:23,760
Oh, I'm sorry,
all the secretaries
100
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,850
that aren't sleeping
with Mr. Dugan are here.
101
00:04:26,890 --> 00:04:29,010
I guess there's nothing
we can do.
102
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,810
Well--
well, wait a minute.
103
00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:35,770
They're not here, so they don't
know what we're doing.
104
00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:38,230
Why don't we have
ourselves a little fun?
105
00:04:38,270 --> 00:04:40,440
Aren't we supposed to be
here to help people?
106
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,190
And who's helping you,
Dawn, huh?
107
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,360
Anybody
building you a house?
108
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,990
You live in a freakin'
studio apartment
109
00:04:45,030 --> 00:04:46,740
that smells
like a pet store, okay.
110
00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:48,410
Smells like a pet store?
111
00:04:49,950 --> 00:04:51,830
A little bit, sweetie.
112
00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:55,500
Anyway, I'm just saying,
we deserve to have a little fun!
113
00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:57,830
Don't they expect us
at the building site?
114
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,170
Yes, and we will
be there
115
00:04:59,210 --> 00:05:01,170
just long enough
to grab a few bricks,
116
00:05:01,210 --> 00:05:03,260
pose for pictures.
You catch my drift?
117
00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:06,260
Well, they're supposed
to have a great spa here.
118
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,140
Yes, yes! Come on.
119
00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:09,800
Let's make this
a girls' weekend, huh?
120
00:05:09,850 --> 00:05:11,140
We'll hit the clubs
tonight.
121
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,020
Tomorrow, we'll charge
some massages to the room.
122
00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:15,100
-What do you think?
-Oh, wait, wait.
123
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,850
What happens when
accounting sees it?
124
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,730
I'm sorry, Dawn.
What department do you work in?
125
00:05:19,770 --> 00:05:21,360
-Accounting.
-CARRIE: Mm-hmm...
126
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,320
What are you gonna do
when you see the bills?
127
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,740
-Shred'em.
-That's a girl!
128
00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:29,320
I'm gonna go take a nap.
Let's meet back here at 7:00,
129
00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:31,120
and we will slap
this town silly.
130
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,200
[LAUGHING]
131
00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:43,170
Why, hello.
132
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:45,920
Hey!
133
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,380
Surprised?
134
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,930
Yuh-huh.
135
00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:51,850
It's ape time.
136
00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:55,430
[**]
137
00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:02,360
All right. The outside
perimeter looks pretty good,
138
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,980
but, uh, keep
those channels clear.
139
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:06,240
I smell trouble.
140
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,110
What's up?
141
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:13,030
[LOUD HEARTBEAT]
142
00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:35,810
You going or not?
143
00:06:35,850 --> 00:06:38,310
-Yes, yes.
-Okay.
144
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,520
Man, I got to tell you,
145
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,270
I haven't had
a rush like this,
146
00:06:43,310 --> 00:06:45,530
since they paid me
to be in that police lineup.
147
00:06:45,570 --> 00:06:48,950
That lesbian almost
got away with murder.
148
00:06:48,990 --> 00:06:52,320
Hey, V.I.P.
Is for V.I.Me.
149
00:06:53,410 --> 00:06:55,330
And you. Come on.
150
00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:58,290
Hey, you two.
151
00:06:58,330 --> 00:06:59,370
Hang on a sec.
152
00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:01,290
Go for Keith.
153
00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:03,460
They did what
in the bathroom?
154
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,250
Well, that's
something new.
155
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,500
Okay, I'll be right there.
156
00:07:06,550 --> 00:07:08,130
Guys, I need you to bounce
a couple of drunks
157
00:07:08,170 --> 00:07:10,880
who just snuck in.
Oh, and, fellas, remember,
158
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:14,600
you're not authorized to use
excessive force, you got it?
159
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,140
Go for Keith.
160
00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:19,890
Okay, let's go look
for the free beer.
161
00:07:19,930 --> 00:07:22,480
Wait, wait. We have to go deal
with the drunks who snuck in.
162
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,560
We snuck in.
163
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,480
And I want to be one of
the drunks, so let's go.
164
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,190
We have to pretend
like we work here,
165
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,610
or we'll get thrown out.
And I want to see Huey Lewis!
166
00:07:31,650 --> 00:07:34,620
Whatever, all right?
I want to meet some groupies.
167
00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:42,540
Oh-ho.
A mother-daughter combo.
168
00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:50,130
MAN [ON TV]: You promisedto speak to Dr. Zais about me.
169
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,300
Bet you didn't think you
were gonna have
170
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,470
any fun this weekend, huh?
171
00:07:53,510 --> 00:07:55,430
No, siree.
172
00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:57,640
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
173
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,940
Hello.
174
00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:03,520
-Oh, hey, Lisa.
-Want to pause the movie?
175
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,270
You know what? I'm good.
I'm good, thanks.
176
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:10,990
Where am I?
I'm in hell.
177
00:08:11,030 --> 00:08:13,200
Doug showed up.
The first time in 13 years,
178
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:15,370
he does something romantic.
179
00:08:15,410 --> 00:08:16,570
No, no, no, no, no.
You don't leave
180
00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:18,080
without
the ringleader, honey.
181
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:21,120
I came up with this plan.
I can take it down.
182
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,540
Yeah, you just wait for me.
I'll think of something.
183
00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:25,250
Okay.
184
00:08:25,290 --> 00:08:27,960
-[SCOFFS]
-Everything okay?
185
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:31,550
Actually, no. Tch.
186
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:34,180
Bad news. Uh...
187
00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:37,220
I have another
training seminar tonight.
188
00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:38,720
Tonight?
189
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,100
It's almost 8:00.
190
00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:42,060
I know. Apparently,
they want these houses
191
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:43,690
built right.
192
00:08:45,310 --> 00:08:47,730
We cannot get any momentum
going with these movies.
193
00:08:47,770 --> 00:08:50,440
Charlton Heston hasn't even
taken off his shirt yet.
194
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:53,700
Just my luck. Heh.
195
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:56,320
Well,
when you come back,
196
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,490
this'll all be
waiting for you.
197
00:08:58,530 --> 00:09:00,580
[CLICKS TONGUE]
198
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,080
Actually, uh, honey,
you know what?
199
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,620
Uh, I'm gonna be gone
most of the night tonight,
200
00:09:06,670 --> 00:09:09,090
and then I'm on the job site
all day tomorrow.
201
00:09:09,130 --> 00:09:12,130
This is just
not fair to you.
202
00:09:12,170 --> 00:09:14,550
What are you saying,
you want me to leave?
203
00:09:14,590 --> 00:09:17,430
Wa-- Want you to leave? No.
204
00:09:17,470 --> 00:09:19,260
No, but I sure as Sam
don't want you
205
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,350
sitting in this room
all by yourself
206
00:09:21,390 --> 00:09:23,060
while I work all day
and night.
207
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,770
I don't know.
208
00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:26,440
Like, the whole drive
up here was just...
209
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,520
-for nothing.
-All for no--
210
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,110
No, baby, no.
Come on.
211
00:09:31,150 --> 00:09:35,110
Just seeing you
for a few minutes
was amazing.
212
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:38,030
Just a little dose
of Doug was all I need.
213
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:40,700
-Yeah?
-Mm-hmm.
214
00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:42,200
You sure you don't want
a double dose of Doug?
215
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,330
Heh-heh-heh-heh.
216
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:47,080
Rain check, rain check.
217
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,790
Come on, giddy up, giddy up
before you hit the traffic.
218
00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:51,500
Uh, I, uh...
219
00:09:51,540 --> 00:09:53,250
I don't even know if I--
where am I gonna--
220
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:54,460
No, baby.
You'll do great.
221
00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:55,720
Here's your luggage.
222
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,090
I love you.
223
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,470
I don't have my shoes.
224
00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:01,220
You wait there.
I'll get 'em.
225
00:10:01,260 --> 00:10:03,260
Okay, baby.
This has been amazing,
226
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,390
and you're aces, okay?
227
00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:06,560
Love ya.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
228
00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:20,200
Can I help you?
229
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,450
Ah, yes, my wife is
staying here and I'd, ah,
230
00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:23,990
I'd like to surprise her
with a massage tomorrow.
231
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,540
-Certainly, sir.
-And if you send a guy,
232
00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:28,580
no better looking
than this, okay?
233
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:30,580
Uh, and your wife's name?
234
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,960
Oh, it's
Carrie Heffernan.
235
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,590
Hmm, looks like she's
already booked for a massage.
236
00:10:38,630 --> 00:10:40,470
-Really?
-Two, actually.
237
00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:43,720
She has an avocado citrus wrap
at 9:30
238
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,560
and hot stone therapy at 3.
239
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,690
You know, you probably got her
mixed up with somebody else
240
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:50,560
because I know she's
working tomorrow, so...
241
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,480
No, I booked
the treatments myself.
242
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,730
And I remember, because she said
if one of the hot stones
243
00:10:54,770 --> 00:10:58,450
burned her, she would,
"take me down."
244
00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:02,160
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
245
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,240
CARRIE: I know. All right,
now listen you guys,
246
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,040
when we hit the club,
nobody pays for her
247
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,660
own drinks or dances
with anyone over 25.
248
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,000
-Got it?
-BOTH [LAUGHING]: Okay!
249
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,080
Hey, listen,
pop a few buttons
on this blouse.
250
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,250
This ain't church, honey.
251
00:11:13,290 --> 00:11:15,250
Carrie, you're fun
when you're bad!
252
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,050
CARRIE: Just gettin'
started, honey.
253
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:29,980
Heh, heh, all right,
hurry back.
254
00:11:32,770 --> 00:11:34,520
Hey, man. What happened
to your eye?
255
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:38,570
I had to give the drummer's
monkey his antibiotics.
256
00:11:39,650 --> 00:11:43,740
Hey, great job
with Mr. Jingles.
257
00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:45,950
Anyway, now we have a situation
with the bass player.
258
00:11:45,990 --> 00:11:47,790
He won't come out of his
dressing room until we get him
259
00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:50,580
7 boysenberry-scented
candles.
260
00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:53,540
Here, put it
on Huey's credit card.
261
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,630
He likes to get
the miles.
262
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,050
What are you
doing with that?
263
00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:03,050
Oh, uh, well, the keyboard
player said that
264
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:05,680
he wouldn't come out of his room
until he had some shrimp.
265
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,520
He likes it half-eaten.
266
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,560
Go for Keith.
267
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,600
Well, jam something
in it until I get there.
268
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,110
Okay, your turn to work.
Go get the candles.
269
00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:20,110
Come on, man.
The daughter passed out.
270
00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:21,950
I'm about to make some real
headway with the mother.
271
00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:24,610
-That's not fair.
-How about this?
272
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:26,320
Tomorrow night we'll come
back for the second show,
all right?
273
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,330
I'll take care
of the monkeys
and the drunks,
274
00:12:28,370 --> 00:12:30,040
and you can just
have a great time.
275
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,160
All right.
276
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,000
CARRIE:
Whoo! Ah!
277
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,670
What was in those shots
those firemen bought us?
278
00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:38,290
I don't know.
I'll ask them.
279
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,710
Should I not have given
them my room key?
280
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,550
-It's too late now.
-Yeah.
281
00:12:44,590 --> 00:12:46,800
Okay, so we'll meet
at the spa at 11.
282
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,310
Hey, better idea.
Bloody Mary's at 10?
283
00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:51,270
[LAUGHING]
284
00:12:55,060 --> 00:12:57,020
Well, hello, Randall.
285
00:12:57,060 --> 00:13:00,650
You got 5 floors
to give us a lap dance.
286
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,040
-Surprise!
-Oh, my God!
287
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:16,040
Hey, baby. What are
you doing back here?
288
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:17,790
I got half-way
down the turnpike
289
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:21,090
and I realized, I can't
leave my baby by herself.
290
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,880
But I said you can go.
291
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,590
Hey, I've been
married a while
292
00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:29,600
and I know that
go means stay.
293
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:35,020
And this time it
really just meant go.
294
00:13:36,390 --> 00:13:38,900
Well, whatever, I'm
stickin' to you like glue.
295
00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:42,690
Okay, but, baby, I told
you I'm going to be
296
00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:45,860
on the job site
tomorrow, remember?
297
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:48,950
Yeah, me too,
I signed up!
298
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,910
-What?
-Yeah, we're gonna build
299
00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:55,620
that house together
and bonus, with me,
300
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:58,120
you get a little
plumber's butt. Rt-rt!
301
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,880
Hey, sleepy head.
302
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:04,920
That hot tar isn't going
to mix itself now.
303
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,840
-Okay, I'll be right there.
-Thank you.
304
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,090
All righty.
305
00:14:08,130 --> 00:14:10,640
You better watch
your back, perky.
306
00:14:11,890 --> 00:14:14,430
Hey, do you have
any aspirin?
307
00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:15,770
Three dollars.
308
00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:17,690
You do know this
is for charity, right?
309
00:14:17,730 --> 00:14:19,900
I'm doing this out of
the goodness of my heart.
310
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:21,360
-Three dollars.
-Fine,
311
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,730
here's your three dollars.
312
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,990
There's my lady.
313
00:14:28,030 --> 00:14:30,120
By the way, I asked around,
that spackle in your hair,
314
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,450
is gonna come out with
a little bit of turpentine.
315
00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:34,330
-Thank you, honey.
-Okay. And by the way,
316
00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:35,950
we're putting up
the dry-wall now
317
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,330
so I'm gonna need you to
hold it steady while I...
318
00:14:37,370 --> 00:14:39,750
-[DRILL WHIRRING]
-...lock her down! Lock it--
319
00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:41,080
Hey, while I got
this out,
320
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,380
why don't I check out
your chompers, huh?
321
00:14:43,420 --> 00:14:45,920
-Doug, stop.
-Somebody has not been flossing.
322
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,130
Please, I have
a headache.
323
00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:50,300
Oh, you have a headache.
I didn't know.
324
00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:52,350
Know what'll probably
make you feel better?
325
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:54,720
Your hot stone massage
at 3:00.
326
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,310
-What?
-DOUG: Yeah.
327
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:58,100
I don't know what
you're talking about.
328
00:14:58,140 --> 00:14:59,850
Oh, please.
I know all about it.
329
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:01,150
The booze
and the dancing.
330
00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:03,900
The smoking in
a non-smoking room, yeah.
331
00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:06,360
-Damn it!
-Yeah, I can't believe you.
332
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,990
All right, look Doug,
I've been working hard
333
00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:10,360
okay, I just wanted
a weekend to let loose.
334
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,780
So you lie
to your husband?
335
00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:13,830
Just to go wild
in Hartford?
336
00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:16,240
Okay, look, I lied to you,
okay, I am sorry.
337
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,290
But that was once, you
lie to me all the time.
338
00:15:18,330 --> 00:15:21,170
That's right,
difference is,
I'm good at it.
339
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:23,080
Your lies are
like tissue paper.
340
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:26,380
Mine are like that house,
built on a solid foundation.
341
00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:28,920
Although that staircase
I don't think is my best work.
342
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,890
WOMAN: Hey Carrie, we're
waiting for that hot tar!
343
00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:33,800
Okay, coming.
344
00:15:35,140 --> 00:15:36,810
[DRILL WHIRRING]
345
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:46,070
Yeah, uh, I don't
just work security.
346
00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:47,940
My main gig is hiring
the girls
347
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,240
to be in the videos.
348
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:52,160
Oh, hey buddy,
where've you been?
349
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,990
Where have I been?
I've been elbow deep
350
00:15:54,030 --> 00:15:55,370
in Huey Lewis' toilet.
351
00:15:55,410 --> 00:15:57,370
Whoa, you are a fan.
352
00:15:57,410 --> 00:15:59,200
Hey listen, I'm not
missing tonight's show.
353
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,540
You're on the clock.
354
00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:04,210
Hey, guys, super job
on the toilet.
355
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:07,170
Huey actually used
the word immaculate.
356
00:16:07,210 --> 00:16:10,510
Well, thanks, Keith, but
that's not why I do it.
357
00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:13,760
-But it's nice to hear.
-Wait, no, no, listen,
358
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,050
I cleaned the toilets
359
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,060
and I re-vamped
the check-in procedure.
360
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:18,560
He didn't do anything,
he doesn't even work here.
361
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,140
-What?
-Yeah, he's a phony.
362
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,890
He got that jacket
from his cousin.
363
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,190
Barry, this guy's gone,
364
00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:28,070
and remember,
no excessive force.
365
00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:33,360
Hey, we're still on for
Saturday though, right?
366
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,120
Excuse me.
367
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,830
Oh, my God, Huey Lewis.
What are you doing here?
368
00:16:40,870 --> 00:16:42,410
It's my concert.
369
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,370
Look, I gotta tell you,
I'm your biggest fan.
370
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,830
I have all of your albums.
371
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,960
I could probably sing
every one of your songs.
372
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,340
Yeah,
well, please don't.
373
00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:50,920
Now listen, I saw what
you did over there.
374
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,920
I know, can you
believe that guy?
375
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:55,180
You ratted out your friend,
and where I come from...
376
00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:56,850
The Bay Area.
377
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:59,180
Yeah, back there,
that makes you a rat.
378
00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:00,890
And we don't like rats.
379
00:17:00,930 --> 00:17:03,140
So beat it, before the News
and I kick your ass.
380
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:05,190
But, no wait...
381
00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:07,360
Huey, listen,
I'm your biggest fan!
382
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,480
I cleaned your toilets
the way you like.
383
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:12,110
Huey Lewis is gonna kick
my ass. Pretty cool, right?
384
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,160
All right, let's make
your appearance with Mr. Dugan
385
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,460
and get the hell
out of here.
386
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,040
All right, fine, but
for the next 20 minutes
387
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,080
can you just pretend that
you're happily married?
388
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:28,880
Okay, how's this?
389
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,300
All right, stop it,
he's coming, just stop.
390
00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:34,880
Hey guys, thank you so much
for all the hard work.
391
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,260
The Larkin family
appreciates it and so do I.
392
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:39,470
Ah, well,
Doug and I should be
thanking you for...
393
00:17:39,510 --> 00:17:42,310
Hey guys, thank you so
much for all the hard work.
394
00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:44,890
The Larkin family
appreciates it and so do I.
395
00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:46,940
-Can we go now?
-In a minute, Doug.
396
00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:48,980
If I could have
your attention please?
397
00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:52,150
I'd like to introduce the man
responsible for all this.
398
00:17:52,190 --> 00:17:55,490
Our wonderful boss,
Mr. Andrew Dugan.
399
00:17:55,530 --> 00:17:59,570
-[CLAPPING]
-Thank you, Desiree.
400
00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:04,330
Building this home was
an amazing accomplishment,
401
00:18:04,370 --> 00:18:07,250
but, it's just
the beginning.
402
00:18:07,290 --> 00:18:09,330
That's where
the giving tree comes in.
403
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,300
If you want to help
some more, take a leaf.
404
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:16,170
Each leaf has a household item
you can buy for the Larkins.
405
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:19,090
All that's left
for the Larkins to supply,
406
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,970
is the love.
407
00:18:21,010 --> 00:18:22,180
[AUDIENCE AHHS]
408
00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:23,680
A giving tree, huh?
409
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,930
Too bad they don't have
a taking tree for you.
410
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:29,520
Instead of helping, you're going
Coyote Uglywith your friends.
411
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,360
Please, like
you're so nice?
412
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,110
The only reason why you
did this was to spite me.
413
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:36,530
At least my spite builds.
Your spite only destroys.
414
00:18:36,570 --> 00:18:39,490
Oh, come on, I'm 10 times
more generous than you are.
415
00:18:39,530 --> 00:18:40,990
Are you kidding?
Are you serious?
416
00:18:41,030 --> 00:18:42,330
-Yeah, I am serious.
-Oh, please, come on.
417
00:18:42,370 --> 00:18:44,950
Please, you brother.
Yeah, right.
418
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,040
Okay, how about this,
I'm gonna buy the Larkins
419
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,620
-something so choke on that.
-Oh, I don't care.
420
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:50,330
I'll get them two
wishes right there.
421
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,130
I'll take the whole
friggin' branch, Doug.
422
00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:53,420
You don't scare me, man.
423
00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:54,960
OLDER WOMAN:
Oh, my!
424
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:57,920
I get to buy
them a washer-dryer.
425
00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:04,470
Washer-dryer, I thought
it was little stuff
426
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,640
like an ice cream
scooper.
427
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,100
What did we get
ourselves into here?
428
00:19:09,140 --> 00:19:10,560
Come here,
come here.
429
00:19:13,270 --> 00:19:14,980
What does yours say?
What does yours say?
430
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,480
Okay, it says a...
431
00:19:18,150 --> 00:19:19,280
a toaster.
432
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:20,410
Oh, that's not so bad.
433
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,570
And a riding mower.
434
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:25,240
What?
435
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:27,500
With satellite radio,
this is crazy.
436
00:19:27,540 --> 00:19:29,080
Oh, my God,
437
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:33,500
I have to get a laptop
and a sleeper sofa.
438
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,130
What are we gonna do?
439
00:19:35,170 --> 00:19:36,420
We're gonna put 'em back,
that's what we're gonna do.
440
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:38,210
We can't put them back,
people will see you.
441
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,720
-Create a distraction.
-How?
442
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:43,220
-Take your top down.
-Would you stop!
443
00:19:43,260 --> 00:19:44,470
All right, go now.
444
00:19:44,510 --> 00:19:45,560
Everybody's talking
to the guy who fell
445
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,430
off the roof,
go, go now.
446
00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:49,430
Hey, nice to see
you guys again.
447
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,100
Great job on that
gazebo, by the way.
448
00:19:51,140 --> 00:19:53,480
That was
wonderful work.
449
00:19:59,570 --> 00:20:01,650
[COUGHING]
450
00:20:08,450 --> 00:20:10,120
What happened here?
451
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,670
My honey was trying to reach
for a good one and he fell.
452
00:20:12,710 --> 00:20:14,630
-Are you okay?
-Yeah, I'm all right.
453
00:20:14,670 --> 00:20:17,000
Pick another one, I'm sure
there are some great ones left.
454
00:20:21,550 --> 00:20:23,550
Come on, toaster.
455
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,600
Toaster...
456
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,470
Hey, let's see what
you've got there. Here.
457
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:32,140
Oh, I gotta tell you,
the Larkins are gonna be
458
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:35,020
very happy
drinking coffee
459
00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:38,320
in front of their brand new
flat screen TV.
460
00:20:45,450 --> 00:20:47,200
Hey man, listen,
I'm sorry.
461
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:48,830
I got a little
carried away before.
462
00:20:48,870 --> 00:20:50,450
Oh, that's okay.
463
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,000
You should of told me right away
you were from Ottawa.
464
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,830
I love Canadians.
465
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:57,210
I know, I read it
466
00:20:57,250 --> 00:20:59,130
on your blog.
467
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,880
Well, anyway,
welcome to the team.
468
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:01,880
And we'll talk again
469
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:03,090
right after you
mop the stage.
470
00:21:03,130 --> 00:21:05,590
Sweet! I better
get back to work.
471
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,720
Okay.
472
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,520
Hey, uh, I've got your food.
Can I come in?
473
00:21:17,270 --> 00:21:19,070
[MONKEYS SHRIEKING]
474
00:21:19,110 --> 00:21:21,900
SPENCE: Get your stinkin'
paws off me,
475
00:21:21,940 --> 00:21:24,110
you damn dirty ape!
476
00:21:25,950 --> 00:21:28,620
[**]
34963
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof