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SINGER: * My eyesaregettin' weary *
2
00:00:04,710 --> 00:00:07,340
* My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:09,300
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:12,050
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:17,680
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:22,060
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,150
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:25,190 --> 00:00:30,110
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,790
What the--
10
00:00:40,830 --> 00:00:42,160
Doug, wake up.
11
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,710
Unh.
12
00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:45,370
Doug, wake up.
Something's going on.
13
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,710
-Wake up!
-Unh!
14
00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:48,420
Honey, wake--
15
00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:51,130
Doug! Doug, stop!
16
00:00:51,170 --> 00:00:52,590
Aah!
17
00:00:52,630 --> 00:00:55,090
There's red flashing
lights outside.
18
00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:57,590
It's probably
a dance party.
19
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,600
-Go back to sleep.
-No.
20
00:01:01,430 --> 00:01:04,270
No, there's an ambulance
across the street.
21
00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:06,560
Some of the neighbors
are coming out.
22
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,730
Oh, I see the Ferrignos.
23
00:01:07,770 --> 00:01:09,230
Come on, let's go see
what's going on.
24
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:13,110
All right you go.
I'll guard the bedroom.
25
00:01:13,150 --> 00:01:15,610
You want to send
your wife outside alone
26
00:01:15,650 --> 00:01:16,740
at 3:00 in the morning?
27
00:01:16,780 --> 00:01:18,320
Okay,
you've got an ambulance
28
00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:19,450
and the Incredible Hulk
out there.
29
00:01:19,490 --> 00:01:20,530
I think you'll be okay.
30
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:23,450
-Come on. Come on!
-Stop it.
31
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,250
Hey, Lou.
32
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,630
Hey, guys.
33
00:01:33,670 --> 00:01:34,760
What's going on?
34
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,420
-Paul died.
-[GASPS]
35
00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:38,180
Oh, my God!
Paul died?
36
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:39,550
That's terrible.
37
00:01:39,590 --> 00:01:40,890
Who was that again?
38
00:01:42,510 --> 00:01:44,470
He lived across
the street there.
39
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,180
Oh! Oh, is he the guy
that always walks up
40
00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:47,640
and down the block
barefoot?
41
00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,310
MAN: No, that's me.
42
00:01:52,190 --> 00:01:53,690
So, uh,
was it sudden?
43
00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:55,490
No, he'd been sick
for a while.
44
00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:56,780
You know what?
45
00:01:56,820 --> 00:01:59,450
I'm gonna put on some
coffee for everyone.
46
00:01:59,490 --> 00:02:01,660
All right, man.
Catch you later.
47
00:02:03,330 --> 00:02:05,330
"Catch you later"?
48
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,750
A man just died.
49
00:02:08,790 --> 00:02:10,290
Hey, life goes on,
and I'm still gonna catch
50
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,840
-Lou later.
-Ugh!
51
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,300
[SIGHS] All right,
come on. Let's go back in.
52
00:02:17,340 --> 00:02:19,510
-What? No.
-Why?
53
00:02:19,550 --> 00:02:20,800
We're not gonna be
the first neighbors
54
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,510
to go in.
It's tacky.
55
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,180
Sorry, it's
a little nippy out here
56
00:02:26,220 --> 00:02:28,890
if you know what I mean,
and I think that you do.
57
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,400
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
58
00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:45,910
Douglas,
is this a good time
59
00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:48,910
to bring you up to speed
on my psoriasis?
60
00:02:52,290 --> 00:02:54,840
You know, I was hoping
you'd ask me that.
61
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,340
It's a great time.
62
00:02:56,380 --> 00:02:57,960
Well, she's
heading South.
63
00:02:58,010 --> 00:03:00,840
What do you
suggest I do?
64
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,890
Arthur,
I'm not a doctor.
65
00:03:02,930 --> 00:03:04,850
Tell me something
I don't know.
66
00:03:04,890 --> 00:03:06,350
A doctor.
That's rich.
67
00:03:06,390 --> 00:03:07,850
Okay, you know what?
68
00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:10,850
I'll give you $50
if you go back downstairs.
69
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:12,270
If I want
your money,
70
00:03:12,310 --> 00:03:13,400
I'll take it while
you're sleeping.
71
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,480
Just give me
the crossword.
72
00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:18,530
Hey, dad.
How's it going?
73
00:03:18,570 --> 00:03:20,320
Not so good.
I may have to borrow
74
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:21,990
one of your
knitting needles.
75
00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:24,370
Well, I don't know
what you need it for,
76
00:03:24,410 --> 00:03:26,410
but throw it out
when you're done.
77
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,040
Good call
on that one.
78
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,870
Yeah, listen. I had
a thought. No biggie.
79
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,880
I just wanted
to run it by you.
80
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,920
Let's buy
the dead guy's house.
81
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,380
But I like this house.
82
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,680
No, look. I don't
want us to move there.
83
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:42,760
I want us to buy it
84
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,430
before it
goes on the market,
85
00:03:44,470 --> 00:03:46,510
and then we sell it real
fast for a big profit.
86
00:03:46,550 --> 00:03:47,850
We flip it.
87
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:51,310
I know nothing
about that stuff.
88
00:03:51,350 --> 00:03:54,020
Yeah, but I do. This is
how my boss got started.
89
00:03:54,060 --> 00:03:55,730
You think he
just fell into some big
90
00:03:55,770 --> 00:03:58,400
billion-dollar
real estate company?
91
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,900
Well, actually, he did,
but his father,
92
00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:03,410
his father started
with just one house.
93
00:04:03,450 --> 00:04:04,570
Okay, so let him buy it.
94
00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:07,490
No, come on, listen.
I talked to Lou,
95
00:04:07,530 --> 00:04:09,700
and he said
the guy's only relative
96
00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:11,580
is some 80-year-old
cousin Eloise
97
00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:12,750
who lives upstate,
she doesn't know
98
00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:14,040
what houses go
for around here.
99
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,000
We can get the house
for a steal.
100
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,380
So now you want to take
advantage of an old lady?
101
00:04:20,590 --> 00:04:22,970
And help her
to move on.
102
00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:25,430
I don't know. Something about
this just doesn't sound right.
103
00:04:25,470 --> 00:04:27,350
Doesn't sound right.
How does "speedboat" sound?
104
00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:28,810
That sound right?
105
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,900
-I'm listening.
-Okay.
106
00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:38,940
Well, if we get this house,
we can have the money.
107
00:04:38,980 --> 00:04:41,320
You can finally
get your boat.
108
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:45,490
Really? Could I name it
the Sara Lee?
109
00:04:45,530 --> 00:04:46,740
-Doug--
-Look, Carrie's a nice name,
110
00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:48,580
but not for a boat, okay?
I mean,
111
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,910
"Oh, if you really loved me,
you'd name it Carrie."
112
00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:54,540
Well, I'm not gonna,
so get over it.
113
00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:56,540
-Wow.
-Sorry.
114
00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:59,130
In my head I've had this
fight a lot.
115
00:04:59,170 --> 00:05:02,510
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
116
00:05:04,550 --> 00:05:05,880
[FRONT DOOR OPENS]
117
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:08,090
Hey, Arturo.
Is Doug home yet?
118
00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:10,680
-Afraid not.
-Oh. What's that for?
119
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:12,060
I signed up
for a drug trial,
120
00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:14,640
but I can't seem to
read the small print.
121
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,480
How sharp are
those beady eyes?
122
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,520
20/20.
123
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:21,780
Let's see. Oh.
"Take one pill each morning
124
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:23,030
for a period
of 3 weeks."
125
00:05:23,070 --> 00:05:25,360
-Sounds simple enough.
-No, hang on.
126
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,950
"Some users may
experience nausea,
127
00:05:27,990 --> 00:05:29,620
dry mouth, cramping--"
128
00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:31,580
Hold on. They didn't say
anything about cramping
129
00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:33,120
in their adorable
cartoon ad.
130
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,670
Well, most drugs
have side effects.
131
00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:39,830
I did a trial one time
for a peanut allergy medication.
132
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,670
Oh, my God,
my windpipe closed up.
133
00:05:41,710 --> 00:05:43,840
They had to rush me
to the emergency room.
134
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:45,920
They said if I'd gotten there
10 minutes later,
135
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,510
I'd be dead.
136
00:05:47,550 --> 00:05:51,010
-We're talking about me now.
-Oh, sorry. Um...
137
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,010
I wish I could know for sure
about these side effects
138
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:55,060
before I start
popping pills.
139
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:56,690
What are you taking
them for anyway?
140
00:05:56,730 --> 00:05:59,020
Uh, Psoriasis.
Way downtown.
141
00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:00,940
Oh, man!
142
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:05,940
-That's--that's rough.
-Heh heh!
143
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,860
I think my mom
has the same thing.
144
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,530
Hmm.
145
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:10,950
Is that so?
146
00:06:10,990 --> 00:06:12,870
You know, when Spence said
you wanted to see me,
147
00:06:12,910 --> 00:06:14,910
I was
a little surprised.
148
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:18,120
I mean, you never invited me
out for coffee before.
149
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,790
Well, better late
than never.
150
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:22,040
Heh heh heh!
151
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,550
No, no!
This one is yours.
152
00:06:23,590 --> 00:06:25,050
Oh.
153
00:06:25,090 --> 00:06:26,550
Apropos of nothing,
you're not allergic
154
00:06:26,590 --> 00:06:29,510
to Potassium
Benzoate, are you?
155
00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:31,090
I don't think so.
156
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:33,430
Then bottoms up.
157
00:06:42,980 --> 00:06:46,150
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
158
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,330
Hey, guys.
Glad you could make it.
159
00:06:55,370 --> 00:06:57,160
-Hey.
-Oh, well, when you told me
160
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,370
there was gonna
be a memorial
161
00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:00,580
right here
in this house,
162
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:04,040
I told Doug,
"We just have to go."
163
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,340
Those were
her exact words.
164
00:07:08,380 --> 00:07:10,260
Oh, it's so sad to think
that's he's not gonna sit
165
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:13,090
in front of this
fireplace again.
166
00:07:13,140 --> 00:07:15,430
Does it work?
167
00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:17,020
I think so.
168
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,350
A working fireplace.
169
00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,060
You know how big that is?
170
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:24,230
Oh, my God. I think I feel
hardwood floors under here.
171
00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:25,570
Okay, okay, okay.
You know what?
172
00:07:25,610 --> 00:07:27,440
You might want to bring down
the happy a little.
173
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,030
Okay, all right.
174
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,490
Ahem.
175
00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:35,160
-Hello. I'm Eloise.
-Oh! Hi.
176
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,080
Oh, hi.
177
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,120
-Doug and Carrie Heffernan.
-Yes.
178
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,870
Oh. Were you
friends of Paul?
179
00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:45,960
Yeah, we live
across the street.
180
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,050
From Paul.
181
00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:50,590
So sorry
about your loss.
182
00:07:50,630 --> 00:07:51,930
Heffernan...
183
00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:54,590
Oh, you left
a lovely note.
184
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:55,930
Thank you.
185
00:07:55,970 --> 00:07:58,010
CARRIE: No, thank you
for having
186
00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:01,020
such a wonderful,
wonderful cousin.
187
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:02,190
Yes.
188
00:08:02,230 --> 00:08:05,360
With a wonderful,
wonderful house.
189
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,610
Ah, what's to become
of this house?
190
00:08:10,110 --> 00:08:12,950
Seriously, Eloise what's
to become of it? Ahem.
191
00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:14,240
Pardon me?
192
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:15,530
Well, I don't know if
you're gonna keep it
193
00:08:15,570 --> 00:08:18,370
or, I don't know,
sell it?
194
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:20,080
Whatever you decide to do,
we just want you to know,
195
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,910
that we're here
for you.
196
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,210
Although you may
have a little trouble
197
00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:27,340
unloading it
with that smell. Whoo!
198
00:08:27,380 --> 00:08:30,010
Did he die
in this room or what?
199
00:08:30,050 --> 00:08:33,130
Heh heh heh! Rank!
200
00:08:36,430 --> 00:08:39,060
Thank you very much
for coming.
201
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:40,350
Excuse me.
202
00:08:40,390 --> 00:08:41,600
Sure.
203
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:45,440
What the hell
was that?
204
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,560
What? I was trying to help out.
I was being bad cop.
205
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,520
Bad cop? There's
no cop at all.
206
00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:50,940
Well, you gotta
tell me that stuff!
207
00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:52,190
Ugh!
208
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:56,700
LOU: Everyone, if I could
have your attention.
209
00:08:56,740 --> 00:08:58,700
I thought it'd be nice
if we went around the room
210
00:08:58,740 --> 00:09:01,200
and shared some
memories of Paul.
211
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,420
Bobby, why
don't you begin?
212
00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:08,290
Sure, I'd love to.
213
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,250
The thing I remember
most about Paul
214
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,010
is the way he always
had time for everybody.
215
00:09:13,050 --> 00:09:16,340
I mean, he showed my son how
to build model airplanes,
216
00:09:16,380 --> 00:09:17,720
and he'd tell stories
217
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,140
of how he flew
in World War II.
218
00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:24,390
I like to think he's somewhere
up there flying right now.
219
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:25,640
MOURNERS: Aw!
220
00:09:29,190 --> 00:09:31,150
Doug?
221
00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:33,490
Oh, we're going
counterclockwise?
222
00:09:34,650 --> 00:09:37,160
I think that's
bad luck. I really do.
223
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,450
It's okay, Doug.
Go ahead.
224
00:09:39,490 --> 00:09:43,290
Okay. All right, uh...
225
00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:44,540
Paul.
226
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:50,170
Paul. What can I say
about my man Paul?
227
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:55,340
He did love his model planes.
228
00:09:55,380 --> 00:09:57,470
Yeah, he loved them.
229
00:09:57,510 --> 00:09:59,510
Loved them a lot.
230
00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:02,140
But not just
model planes.
231
00:10:02,180 --> 00:10:05,600
He loved model cars.
232
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,480
Model boats.
233
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,560
All kind of models.
234
00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:14,690
He dated models.
235
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,780
Yeah, I know
what you're thinking.
236
00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:18,780
You know, "He's 100.
237
00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:20,820
Why are models
dating him?"
238
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,620
I'm gonna tell you why.
Uh, it's because, uh,
239
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:25,580
he respected them,
240
00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:27,500
and they sensed that
241
00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:29,370
uh, because models have...
242
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:33,170
unbelievable instincts.
243
00:10:33,210 --> 00:10:35,380
And, yes, it ended
badly sometimes,
244
00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:37,670
but he did not hit them.
245
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,220
It is not true. It is
never--it was never true!
246
00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:44,220
Bottom line is--ahem.
247
00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:46,220
Good neighbor,
248
00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:48,310
dated models,
249
00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:50,400
loved Bobby's son.
250
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,310
You're up.
251
00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:03,660
Arthur,
I've so been enjoying
252
00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:06,580
our little
get-togethers here. Heh!
253
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,330
Although...
254
00:11:09,370 --> 00:11:13,590
does their coffee taste
bitter to you?
255
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:14,840
-You know?
-Sitting across from you,
256
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,380
I don't even notice.
257
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:18,550
Oh! Heh!
258
00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:21,380
So, anything new?
259
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:24,140
Oh, same old, same old.
How about you?
260
00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:25,220
Any cramps,
261
00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:27,140
dry heaving?
262
00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:29,600
What? No. No.
263
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,270
Why would you ask that?
264
00:11:31,310 --> 00:11:33,650
Well, I just want to know
everything there is to know
265
00:11:33,690 --> 00:11:35,440
-about Veronica Olchin.
-Oh!
266
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,230
Does she like silk sheets
or satin?
267
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,740
Do you like eggs sunny-side up
or scrambled?
268
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:46,450
Do you have swelling in one
or both of your breasts?
269
00:11:46,490 --> 00:11:49,450
Oh, Arthur.
270
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,170
This is a family place.
271
00:11:53,790 --> 00:11:55,460
Seriously.
272
00:11:59,550 --> 00:12:02,720
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
273
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:04,390
-Hello?
-Hey, honey, listen.
274
00:12:04,430 --> 00:12:05,850
I just pulled up the comps
for the neighborhood.
275
00:12:05,890 --> 00:12:08,770
If we get this house,
we are gonna make a killing!
276
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:10,850
Sweet.
'Cause I've been boat shopping,
277
00:12:10,890 --> 00:12:13,440
and they be's a lot of money.
278
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,690
Well, we's gonna have
a lot of money.
279
00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:18,610
-Wait a minute.
-CARRIE [ON PHONE]: What?
280
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:20,360
What's Lou doing
over at Paul's?
281
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,740
He's--he's watering
their flowers.
282
00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:24,240
Why would
he be doing that?
283
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:26,320
Oh, my God.
I bet you he's trying
284
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,160
to buy the house
and then flip it, too!
285
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,290
CARRIE [ON PHONE]: What? No,come on. He's not that savvy.
286
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:31,660
Not that savvy?
He's a giant!
287
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:34,580
With a giant brain
to match!
288
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,540
Oh, my God.
Maybe you're right.
289
00:12:36,580 --> 00:12:38,170
Remember, he was walking
around the memorial
290
00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:39,500
like he owned the place.
291
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,880
Go over there and find out
what his game is.
292
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,220
Oh, I'm going.
I'm going right now.
293
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,890
-Hey, Lou.
-Hey, Doug.
294
00:12:51,930 --> 00:12:53,270
What you doing?
295
00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:54,690
Just watering
Paul's flowers.
296
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:57,440
Oh, well,
isn't that neighborly?
297
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,320
It's just, uh, Paul
really loved his garden.
298
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,360
I thought maybe someone
should look after it.
299
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:02,650
Aww.
300
00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:04,820
You listen
and you listen good.
301
00:13:04,860 --> 00:13:06,280
Don't go up
against us
302
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,700
because you'll lose
every time.
303
00:13:14,370 --> 00:13:16,210
-Hey.
-Where have you been?
304
00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:17,460
Lou's probably got
the house by now.
305
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:19,500
Oh, probably not
because...
306
00:13:19,540 --> 00:13:21,340
we got it!
307
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,550
-What?
-Yes, that's right!
308
00:13:22,590 --> 00:13:24,340
After we hung up,
I called Eloise.
309
00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:26,840
I made her an offer, and she
accepted it! We got the house!
310
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,640
-We got the house.
-We got the house!
311
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:30,220
Come on.
312
00:13:33,930 --> 00:13:35,390
You know what, honey?
313
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,230
This is a start of
a whole new life for us.
314
00:13:38,270 --> 00:13:39,690
Yeah.
315
00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:41,900
Now let's go get that giant
freak off our property.
316
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,200
-Hey.
-Hey, there she is!
317
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,910
All right. Mmwah!
318
00:13:52,950 --> 00:13:54,750
Oh, look at this place.
Who wouldn't want to buy it?
319
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,620
Huh? I dare you
to tell me.
320
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,080
I cannot tell you.
I lose the dare.
321
00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,630
Mm-hmm!
That's right.
322
00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:01,630
So did anybody come
by, look at it yet?
323
00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:03,090
Uh, no.
324
00:14:03,130 --> 00:14:06,260
-No. That's okay!
-It's totally okay!
325
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,930
Nobody sells a house
after the first 2 weeks.
326
00:14:07,970 --> 00:14:09,970
No, nobody! I mean,
well, people do,
327
00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:11,640
but that's okay!
Ha ha ha!
328
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:13,970
-It's great! It's great.
-Yeah!
329
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,180
By the way, I, uh, talked
to the electrician,
330
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,810
and he said to fix the wiring
331
00:14:18,850 --> 00:14:19,850
and patch up the hole,
332
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,770
it's gonna run us
$1,800.
333
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,190
Wow. That's weird because
I talked to the plumber,
334
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:25,820
and he said the leak in
the upstairs bathroom
335
00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,320
is gonna run us
1,800, too.
336
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:28,740
-Really?
-Yeah.
337
00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:30,070
Well, that's a coinky-dink!
Heh heh heh!
338
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,870
-Spooky!
-Ha ha ha!
339
00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:34,290
BOTH: Mmwah!
340
00:14:34,330 --> 00:14:35,700
All right.
341
00:14:37,290 --> 00:14:39,710
We're never gonna sell
this place, are we?
342
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:41,380
-Not ever.
-I knew it!
343
00:14:41,420 --> 00:14:43,210
I just knew you--it was a
big mistake
344
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,090
with the whole, "We'll just
flip it! We'll flip it!"
345
00:14:45,130 --> 00:14:46,760
What? That's the way
my boss got rich!
346
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:47,970
Well, here's
the difference.
347
00:14:48,010 --> 00:14:50,840
He's smart,
you're dumb as ass!
348
00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:55,020
Well, you know what?
This is all your fault really.
349
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,310
-What?!
-Yeah, that's right!
350
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:57,850
You rushed me into
making an offer with,
351
00:14:57,890 --> 00:14:59,190
"Lou's watering
the plants.
352
00:14:59,230 --> 00:15:00,810
He's gonna buy the house.
He's got a big brain!"
353
00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:02,150
Do not try to pin
this all on me.
354
00:15:02,190 --> 00:15:03,440
This is all
your evil plan.
355
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,150
Oh, it's just
business, Doug.
356
00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:07,690
You know, actually, we got
exactly what we deserved.
357
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,400
We pretended to care
about some dead guy
358
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,910
whose name we don't even know.
I still don't even know it!
359
00:15:11,950 --> 00:15:14,740
I wanna say Pete, but I'm
pretty sure I'm wrong.
360
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:18,080
Okay, lower your voice.
The neighbors will hear us.
361
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,870
We are the neighbors!
362
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,720
By the way, you promised me
a boat. I'm getting my boat.
363
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,720
-Oh, no, you're not.
-Oh, yes, I am,
364
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:31,800
and I'm naming it
after you.
365
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,800
The Dumb as Ass.
366
00:15:36,180 --> 00:15:38,890
Well, let me tell you
something, Captain Sandwich,
367
00:15:38,930 --> 00:15:40,390
the only reason
why I did this
368
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,440
is so we finally had a
shot at some real money.
369
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,360
It's always about money with
you. You're obsessed!
370
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,190
Well, maybe I wouldn't
be if I married a man
371
00:15:46,230 --> 00:15:47,900
who had one ounce
of ambition!
372
00:15:47,940 --> 00:15:49,990
Oh, well, then maybe you
should've married somebody else.
373
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:51,360
Well, too late
for that now.
374
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,280
No, it's not. Hey, you know,
we get divorced, huh?
375
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,530
I'll divorce you
right now.
376
00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:57,790
Oh, I will divorce
the crap out of you!
377
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,380
Let's--let's
just regroup, okay?
378
00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:05,210
-Come on.
-All right.
379
00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:08,250
Now let's just fix
what we can fix
380
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,380
and sell the house for what
we can and just get back
381
00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:15,350
to our normal,
poverty-stricken lives.
382
00:16:15,390 --> 00:16:17,810
I would love that.
383
00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:20,100
I'm sorry
for what I said.
384
00:16:20,140 --> 00:16:21,890
I know you are.
385
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,020
You would never divorce me,
right?
386
00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:25,810
No.
387
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,270
No.
388
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,490
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
389
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:43,370
That's it.
Finish it all.
390
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:46,880
You know, this coffee
is starting to grow on me.
391
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,250
Mm-hmm.
392
00:16:48,290 --> 00:16:51,300
Is anything else
growing on you?
393
00:16:53,010 --> 00:16:56,220
Ooh! by the way, I have to
cancel our date tomorrow.
394
00:16:56,260 --> 00:16:59,260
-I'm going out of town.
-What?
395
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,390
Well, I'll only
be gone for a week.
396
00:17:01,430 --> 00:17:03,440
Well, a lot can
happen in a week.
397
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,190
What if your hair
falls out
398
00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:07,520
or you have
difficulty blinking?
399
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,400
I'll never know.
400
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,570
Arthur, you know, I really
enjoy being with you,
401
00:17:13,610 --> 00:17:16,910
but I must say some of your
questions are awfully strange.
402
00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:19,240
You know,
you gals amaze me.
403
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,620
You're always saying we men
are afraid of intimacy,
404
00:17:21,660 --> 00:17:24,000
but I ask you for
one stool sample,
405
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,330
and suddenly
I'm the bad guy.
406
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,130
What is going on here?
407
00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:32,920
-I'm doing a drug trial.
-What?
408
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,340
I was afraid of
the side effects,
409
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:37,180
so I've been putting the
pills in your coffee.
410
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:41,930
Oh, my--how dare you?
411
00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:44,270
How dare me?
412
00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:46,480
I've been plying you
top-of-the-line
413
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,020
experimental drugs,
414
00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:51,020
and now you're leaving
me in the lurch!
415
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,150
And to think I actually
thought you cared about me
416
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,570
when all the time
I was just your lab rat!
417
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,950
I understand you're upset,
but just tell me one thing.
418
00:17:59,990 --> 00:18:01,280
What?
419
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,500
Would you say your
psoriasis is much better,
420
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:06,040
somewhat better,
or no change at all?
421
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,340
CARRIE: Here we have a lovely
working fireplace,
422
00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:16,170
perfect for roasting
marshmallows
423
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,890
when little-little Michael
has some sleepovers.
424
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:19,890
It's Malik.
425
00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:21,350
Malik.
Right.
426
00:18:21,390 --> 00:18:23,100
Either way,
he's a little stud.
427
00:18:23,140 --> 00:18:24,890
Good thing I'm not gonna be
his teacher when he's 13.
428
00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:28,190
You know what I'm saying?
Ha!
429
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:29,310
You know? Ha-ha!
430
00:18:29,350 --> 00:18:31,650
-Hey!
-Hey, honey. This is Larry
431
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:33,530
and Vanessa Taylor
and their son Malik.
432
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:36,900
How you doing? Whoa! Don't want
to mess with this guy.
433
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,320
Can we look at
the kitchen again?
434
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,530
Sure. Go ahead and take it
for a test drive.
435
00:18:40,570 --> 00:18:42,240
Heh heh!
436
00:18:45,540 --> 00:18:47,040
Honey, I think
they're interested.
437
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,540
That's great. What about
all the wire repairs
438
00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:51,500
-and the plumbing repairs?
-All done.
439
00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:53,500
You're kidding.
What did it cost us?
440
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:55,050
Not as much
as you think.
441
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,590
That's great!
How much?
442
00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,680
[MUMBLES]
443
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,390
Sorry,
what was it?
444
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,100
$75.
445
00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:04,350
75--it was supposed
to cost us like 4 grand.
446
00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:06,270
Who the hell
did it for 75?
447
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,310
Barefoot guy.
448
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,980
Barefoot guy?
449
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:12,560
Did he even
really fix anything?
450
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,230
Oh, fix, not fix.
451
00:19:14,270 --> 00:19:17,280
Why do you always gotta slap
a label on everything?
452
00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:19,950
Carrie,
we cannot do this.
453
00:19:19,990 --> 00:19:21,240
We are not screwing
over these people.
454
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:22,570
What? The old lady
screwed us over,
455
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,330
so we're gonna screw
over somebody else.
456
00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:26,950
It's the circle of life.
457
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,660
-Carrie?
-Yes?
458
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,540
I think we'd like
to put in an offer.
459
00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:33,040
Really?
460
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,630
LARRY: This is a great house.
461
00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:36,250
And that little room
off the master
462
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,340
is gonna be perfect
for the baby.
463
00:19:38,380 --> 00:19:39,510
Baby?
464
00:19:39,550 --> 00:19:42,300
LARRY: Yeah, we got one
on the way.
465
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,720
Uh, actually,
466
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,430
Doug and I
have been talking,
467
00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:50,600
and we don't think this is
the right house for you.
468
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,350
Why not?
469
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:53,480
Oh, we
just don't think
470
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,360
you're gonna
be happy here.
471
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,110
Is this because
we're black?
472
00:19:57,150 --> 00:19:58,650
-What? No!
-No, no, no!
473
00:19:58,690 --> 00:20:00,360
Then what's
the problem?
474
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,160
CARRIE: The house has a million
things wrong with it.
475
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,410
It's a very
bad house.
476
00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:05,990
It was fine
a few minutes ago.
477
00:20:06,030 --> 00:20:07,990
Look, we're telling
you the truth, okay?
478
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,200
Oh, you
don't believe--
479
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,330
can I borrow this
for a second?
480
00:20:10,370 --> 00:20:12,170
-Okay.
-All right, thank you.
481
00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:14,500
How's this for
fine craftsmanship?
482
00:20:17,420 --> 00:20:19,800
Actually, that wall
is pretty solid.
483
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:21,510
Honey, uh, why don't you show
them the broken pipes?
484
00:20:21,550 --> 00:20:23,220
That'll prove
we love black people.
485
00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:26,350
Yes! Yes! Good idea!
486
00:20:26,390 --> 00:20:29,180
Okay, everybody,
you better take cover.
487
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,060
DOUG: Get up there, girl.
Hit it.
488
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,100
Okay, all right.
489
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:34,480
-Come on.
-I'm trying, baby.
490
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,060
-Just jab at it. That's it, see?
-I'm jabbing.
491
00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:38,190
DOUG: Yeah, bad house.
492
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,280
Shame on you.
493
00:20:48,450 --> 00:20:50,410
You better
watch your back.
494
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:58,550
[SIGHS]
495
00:21:17,060 --> 00:21:18,860
So should we
take the offer?
496
00:21:18,900 --> 00:21:20,940
I don't know. We're
getting killed here.
497
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,740
What other choice
do we have?
498
00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:25,160
[SIGHS] All right.
499
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,030
-Let's do this.
-Okay.
500
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:33,660
Lou, we've decided to
accept your offer.
501
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:35,210
Great.
502
00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:38,040
We still think
you're low-balling us.
503
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:39,710
Oh, I am.
504
00:21:42,710 --> 00:21:44,840
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
35570
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