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1
00:00:02,710 --> 00:00:05,210
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:08,710 --> 00:00:10,510
Man, this is messed up--
3
00:00:10,550 --> 00:00:11,920
telling us we're
going to Cooper's,
4
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,090
then dragging us
to the mall.
5
00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:14,510
We're going
to Cooper's, okay,
6
00:00:14,550 --> 00:00:17,010
as soon I get Carrie
her anniversary present.
7
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:19,560
You should get her
a massaging foot soaker.
8
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,020
I got one, and my feet
are like butter.
9
00:00:22,060 --> 00:00:24,310
Okay, thanks for
ruining butter for me.
10
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:26,860
Come on. Do you
have any idea
11
00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:28,020
what you're
gonna get her?
12
00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:29,520
I know exactly
what I'm getting her.
13
00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:31,110
She actually circled
the earrings in this ad.
14
00:00:31,150 --> 00:00:33,530
Then she sketched out
a map of the mall
15
00:00:33,570 --> 00:00:34,570
so I don't get lost.
16
00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:37,160
Look, see the "X"
at Cinnabon there.
17
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,870
"You are probably here."
18
00:00:39,910 --> 00:00:41,700
Fredrico DeMali?
19
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,250
No. Doug Heffernan.
20
00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:45,170
Oh, no. I was asking
21
00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:47,540
if you'd like to try
our new Fredrico DeMali cologne.
22
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:48,920
Oh! No. No, thanks.
23
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,710
I'm good with
my Midnight Steel.
24
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:52,800
Midnight Steel?
25
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,720
Isn't that
kind of nineties?
26
00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:56,630
Actually, eighties.
27
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,050
Come on, try it.
I mean, you wouldn't still wear
28
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,220
the clothes you wore
in the eighties, would you?
29
00:01:01,260 --> 00:01:04,390
All right, yeah.
I'll take a blast. Sure.
30
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,940
[SNIFFS] Wow!
That smells awesome.
31
00:01:09,980 --> 00:01:12,230
Goes great with
your body chemistry.
32
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,650
-Really?
-She's right.
33
00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:14,570
That's a winner.
34
00:01:14,610 --> 00:01:16,280
Oh, my god.
You smell yummy.
35
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:19,870
Okay, I'll take
the biggest bottle you have.
36
00:01:19,910 --> 00:01:23,410
SINGER: * My eyesare gettin' weary*
37
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:26,040
* My back is gettin' tight*
38
00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,750
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
39
00:01:27,790 --> 00:01:30,750
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
40
00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:36,420
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
41
00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:40,550
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
42
00:01:42,140 --> 00:01:44,140
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
43
00:01:44,180 --> 00:01:48,730
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
44
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,360
Oh! 10 of clubs!
45
00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,660
Miracle card. Gin!
46
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,660
That's 80 bucks
you owe me.
47
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:05,950
I know. You don't have
to rub my face in it.
48
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,210
Douglas, he's rubbing it
in my face again.
49
00:02:08,250 --> 00:02:09,620
Hey, don't know what "it" is,
50
00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:12,250
but I hope I'm upstairs
before the rubbing starts.
51
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,260
Okay. One more game,
double or nothing.
52
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:17,590
No, Arthur,
I'm not playing
53
00:02:17,630 --> 00:02:18,930
until you pay me
the 80 bucks.
54
00:02:18,970 --> 00:02:20,840
I told you before
just put it on my tab.
55
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,180
Why can't you
get that through
56
00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:24,390
that pineapple-shaped
head of yours?!
57
00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:25,850
Okay, you know what?
58
00:02:25,890 --> 00:02:28,020
When you win,
I pay right away,
59
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:30,810
and when I win, you don't pay,
and you insult my head.
60
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:34,690
Are you insinuating I'm
not good for the money?
61
00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,610
No, I'm not insinuating.
I'm saying you don't pay.
62
00:02:36,650 --> 00:02:39,240
Then you are
insinuating it!
63
00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:42,910
Hey, there,
lucky lady.
64
00:02:42,950 --> 00:02:45,450
Hey, honey. Listen, I was
thinking for our anniversary,
65
00:02:45,490 --> 00:02:47,040
we should go to Chez Henri.
66
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,790
It's this really romantic
French restaurant.
67
00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:52,210
Or we do a bunch
of Jell-O shots
68
00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:54,250
and bowl drunk.
69
00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:57,260
We did that
for my birthday.
70
00:02:58,630 --> 00:03:00,590
Come on, baby.
Do it for me.
71
00:03:00,630 --> 00:03:01,890
All right. Okay.
72
00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:04,180
-All right! All right!
-Oh, great! Thank you!
73
00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:07,270
-Okay.
-Ugh!
74
00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:08,890
What is that smell?
75
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:10,190
Oh, I was
at the mall today,
76
00:03:10,230 --> 00:03:12,440
and I treated myself
to a new cologne.
77
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,860
Fredrico DeMali.
78
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:18,150
Gotta be honest
with you, honey.
79
00:03:18,190 --> 00:03:19,860
That one's rough.
80
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,910
No, no. You just
gotta get in there.
81
00:03:21,950 --> 00:03:23,700
Yeah, I was in there. Okay?
82
00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:26,580
Now, Midnight Steel. Now,
that's your scent, honey.
83
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:28,580
All right, now,
for our anniversary,
84
00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:30,250
I think you should wear
the blue suit.
85
00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:31,500
The brown one's nice,
86
00:03:31,540 --> 00:03:33,920
but it still has
grass stains on it.
87
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,170
How did you do that again?
88
00:03:35,210 --> 00:03:36,750
Okay, you know what?
For the last time,
89
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,000
I was
at that funeral,
90
00:03:38,050 --> 00:03:40,630
and a softball game
broke out. Okay?
91
00:03:40,670 --> 00:03:42,800
-It happens.
-All right.
92
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:49,890
What are you
doing, hon?
93
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:50,980
I want you to get
the full effect.
94
00:03:51,020 --> 00:03:52,350
All right?
Just let it mix
95
00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:54,650
with my body chemistry.
96
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,320
And I already told you
that cologne:
97
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,440
swing and a miss.
98
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:03,240
That's not what
other people say.
99
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,530
What other people?
100
00:04:04,570 --> 00:04:06,780
Oh, Deacon and Danny,
and, oh, well, this girl
101
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,540
at the mall said
I smelled yummy.
102
00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:09,740
Well, I don't care
103
00:04:09,790 --> 00:04:12,620
what some skank
at the mall thinks. Okay?
104
00:04:12,660 --> 00:04:14,790
You don't wear cologne
for other women.
105
00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:16,790
You wear it for me.
That's why I have you wear
106
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,800
Midnight Steel,
because I like it.
107
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:21,130
All right, so take
the cologne back to the mall
108
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:24,680
and get your money back.
Okay, babe? Thanks.
109
00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:29,890
ARTHUR: Ah, Spencer.
110
00:04:29,930 --> 00:04:31,220
Oh, Arthur.
What did you want me
111
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:32,810
-to come down here for?
-You said you wanted me
112
00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:34,940
to pay you back,
so I'm paying you back.
113
00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:36,230
All right.
Where's my money?
114
00:04:36,270 --> 00:04:38,730
I'm not paying you
in money. That's crass.
115
00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:41,400
I'm paying you
with the magical bliss
116
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,150
that is American cinema.
117
00:04:43,190 --> 00:04:45,110
Yeah, Arthur, I'd rather
just have my money.
118
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,660
Well, I'd rather
be drinking mai tais
119
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:47,780
with the Lennon Sisters,
120
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:49,370
but that ain't
gonna happen, either.
121
00:04:49,410 --> 00:04:50,990
-Now follow me.
-Wait, Arthur,
122
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,450
the entrance
is right here.
123
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,750
That's the sucker's
way in.
124
00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:59,040
[WHISPERING]
Arthur, I'm not doing this.
125
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,710
It's illegal.
It's stealing.
126
00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:02,050
It's not stealing.
They build this
127
00:05:02,090 --> 00:05:03,880
into the price,
like shoplifting.
128
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,010
What if we
get caught?
129
00:05:05,050 --> 00:05:08,220
Oh, sprout some figs,
will you?
130
00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:09,260
Let's do it.
131
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,850
Okay, as soon
as the usher's gone,
132
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:12,140
we'll grab our seats.
133
00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:14,270
So there's no confusion,
I'm an aisle man.
134
00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:16,100
Yeah, whatever.
135
00:05:16,810 --> 00:05:19,360
Okay, let's do it.
136
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:25,740
Hey.
137
00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:27,360
What's up, Crime Dawg?
138
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:29,740
How come you never
do that for me?
139
00:05:29,780 --> 00:05:32,450
-Huh?
-You know, nicknames.
140
00:05:32,490 --> 00:05:35,870
Crime Dawg, Doug Town,
D-Unit.
141
00:05:35,910 --> 00:05:37,370
How come you never
do it for me?
142
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,580
What do you
wanna be called?
143
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,670
Well, I'm not supposed
to come up with it.
144
00:05:40,710 --> 00:05:41,800
You're supposed
to come up with it.
145
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,880
I don't wanna
come up with it.
146
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,050
Well, why not?
You do it for him.
147
00:05:45,090 --> 00:05:47,050
Just come up
with a nickname for me.
148
00:05:47,090 --> 00:05:50,010
How about Whiny Beyotch?
149
00:05:51,470 --> 00:05:53,890
Thank you.
150
00:05:53,930 --> 00:05:56,940
-Here's your hot wings.
-Oh. Cool.
151
00:05:56,980 --> 00:05:59,520
Hmm. Hey, what happened
to that great cologne
152
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:00,770
you had on yesterday?
153
00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:02,860
Oh, I decided
not to wear it today.
154
00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:05,900
I went back to my old
Midnight Steel.
155
00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:09,110
Oh, yeah.
My dad wears that.
156
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:11,870
You're not wearing
the DeMali anymore?
157
00:06:11,910 --> 00:06:13,870
Oh, no. You know what?
Carrie didn't like it.
158
00:06:13,910 --> 00:06:16,040
Well, if the scent's
up for grabs, I'll take it.
159
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,040
It's all yours,
man. Enjoy it.
160
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,790
Ha! Boy,
when I was married,
161
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:21,080
we had our own troubles,
162
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:23,750
but my wife never
told me how to smell.
163
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,710
No, she was too busy
"taking naps"
164
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,090
with the gardener.
165
00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:30,300
She wasn't taking "naps"
with the gardener, all right?
166
00:06:30,340 --> 00:06:33,760
She was taking "naps"
with the landscaper.
167
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,430
The gardener was the lookout.
168
00:06:36,470 --> 00:06:39,310
Anyway, I'm sorry Carrie
banned DeMali from you,
169
00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:42,560
but, hey,
your loss is my gain.
170
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:43,940
And he wasn't
just a landscaper.
171
00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:45,320
He was also
a licensed contractor.
172
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,820
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, back it up here.
173
00:06:47,860 --> 00:06:49,740
She doesn't
ban me from things.
174
00:06:49,780 --> 00:06:51,070
Okay? I decide.
175
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:53,160
Okay, so one day,
you woke up
176
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:56,750
and decided to throw out
your PlayStation?
177
00:06:56,790 --> 00:06:58,460
No, that was Carrie,
but she was right.
178
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:01,830
I was headed for some
serious thumb trouble.
179
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,130
Well, how about
the football pool,
180
00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:07,210
the go-cart, and
your red cowboy boots?
181
00:07:08,130 --> 00:07:10,010
I loved
those boots.
182
00:07:10,050 --> 00:07:13,140
And you loved
your mustache.
183
00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:14,850
Yeah.
184
00:07:14,890 --> 00:07:16,810
Yeah.
185
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:18,020
Oh, my God.
Little by little,
186
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:20,390
she's been
taking over my world.
187
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,850
It's not really
little by little.
188
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,190
It's more like big,
decisive chunks.
189
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,360
How long have you guys
known this was going on?
190
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:31,400
Guess it's been about
10 years this Friday.
191
00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:33,160
Well, let me tell you both
something. Okay?
192
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,700
It ends here.
I'm sorry, man,
193
00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:36,160
but I'm taking
my scent back,
194
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,790
and I'm going home
right now
195
00:07:37,830 --> 00:07:39,870
to take
my life back...
196
00:07:39,910 --> 00:07:42,580
right after
I finish my wings.
197
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,090
You and I have
to have a little talk.
198
00:07:50,130 --> 00:07:52,680
Yes, we do, Doug.
Do you know what I found
199
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,890
in your pants pocket
in the hamper today?
200
00:07:54,930 --> 00:07:56,970
The car insurance
payment
201
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,270
that I asked you
to mail 3 weeks ago!
202
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:01,350
Now, tomorrow at work,
I'm gonna have to spend
203
00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:03,520
my entire lunch hour
on the phone
204
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,520
with the insurance company
to straighten this out.
205
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:06,900
So do me a favor.
206
00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:09,360
I will mail out all the bills
from now on. Okay?
207
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,860
As a matter of fact,
don't touch the mail
208
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,240
at all, ever. Okay?
209
00:08:16,070 --> 00:08:19,200
Oh, you can run,
but you cannot hide.
210
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,290
All right,
I'm headed out,
211
00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:27,880
and I will pick up
your suit
212
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,500
from the dry cleaners
on my way home. Okay?
213
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:30,880
Mmm! Wow, great.
214
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,630
Sounds like I'm gonna be
the sharpest-dressed guy
215
00:08:32,670 --> 00:08:33,800
at Chez Henri.
216
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,140
You know,
in my weight class.
217
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:38,300
All right, I'm late.
I gotta go. Love you.
218
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:05,370
SINGER: * I love your smell*
219
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,880
* I lovethe scent of you*
220
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,380
* Suits so well*
221
00:09:09,420 --> 00:09:12,630
* The adolescentromance of you*
222
00:09:12,670 --> 00:09:15,260
* I love the waywhen you walk by*
223
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,550
* My sinuses swell*
224
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,600
* I love your smell,I love your smell*
225
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,560
* I love your smell*
226
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,100
* I like to sniffevery sweet*
227
00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:27,270
* And sensual inchof you*
228
00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:29,060
* Don't bathe too much*
229
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:32,280
* I even lovethe unwashed stench of you*
230
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,570
* Please don't freak,'cause when you reek*
231
00:09:34,610 --> 00:09:37,200
* You tell my geneswe'll mix real well*
232
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,740
* I love your smell,I love your smell*
233
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,120
* I love your smell*
234
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,330
* I like your stink*
235
00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:46,540
* I like the funk of you*
236
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:51,590
* I like to think aboutthe aromatic hunk of you*
237
00:09:51,630 --> 00:09:56,130
* Aromatherapy hasno more power to compel*
238
00:09:56,170 --> 00:09:57,720
* Besides your smell*
239
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:02,350
* I love your smell,I love your smell*
240
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:08,850
Man, I can't believe
you stood up
241
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:09,850
to Carrie like that.
242
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,230
I didn't think
you had it in you.
243
00:10:11,270 --> 00:10:15,070
Oh, I got it
in me and on me.
244
00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:18,240
I am DeMali-licious.
245
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,570
So she wasn't even mad?
246
00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:21,370
I didn't give her
a chance to get mad.
247
00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:22,530
I said, "I'm wearing
the cologne,
248
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:26,000
and deal with it,
woman."
249
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,290
So what's next?
250
00:10:27,330 --> 00:10:29,540
You gonna bring back
those red cowboy boots?
251
00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:31,290
Hey, I want 'em back,
they're back.
252
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:33,340
My feet, my rules.
253
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:34,550
Here you go.
254
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:36,720
Mmm, mmm! These wings
smell good.
255
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,970
Not half as good
as you.
256
00:10:39,010 --> 00:10:42,510
Well, in about 2 minutes,
I'm gonna smell like both.
257
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,400
What's
the usher doing?
258
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,440
He's groping
an old lady.
259
00:10:56,480 --> 00:11:00,160
No. He's helping her
to a seat.
260
00:11:01,450 --> 00:11:03,580
So is this
instead of paying me
261
00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:05,910
the money
you borrowed?
262
00:11:05,950 --> 00:11:08,660
He takes the price
of the ticket off of your tab.
263
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,420
Oh, no, no. Arthur,
I'm low on rent. I need cash.
264
00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:13,080
Well, bring
your landlord down,
265
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:15,300
and you can pay off
your rent in movies.
266
00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:18,880
No. He won't take
anything but cash.
267
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:20,720
Trust me.
268
00:12:00,550 --> 00:12:03,010
That usher
keeps staring at us.
269
00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:04,470
He's staring at you
because your head
270
00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:06,180
is shaped
like a pineapple.
271
00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:07,720
My--
272
00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:11,430
my head is not shaped
like a pineapple.
273
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,350
If anything, it's shaped
like a honeydew.
274
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,730
Oh, you wish.
275
00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:16,360
I'm gonna go
to the concession stand
276
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,650
-and get some candy.
-No need.
277
00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:21,530
A. Spooner is
open for business.
278
00:12:21,570 --> 00:12:23,740
You expect me
to buy candy from you?
279
00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:25,070
No, you don't actually
buy it.
280
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,570
He just knocks
the price off your tab.
281
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,870
Milk Duds, please.
282
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,710
-Excuse me.
-Evening, my good sir.
283
00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:34,330
How goes the ushering?
284
00:12:34,370 --> 00:12:36,500
Fine. Listen,
I don't recall
285
00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:38,290
seeing you three
come in.
286
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,880
We like to keep
a low profile.
287
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,720
[WHISPERING]
We're celebrities.
288
00:12:44,340 --> 00:12:46,050
Enjoy the show.
289
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,900
Hey, babe.
290
00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:03,740
Hey.
291
00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:10,790
Wow. That's a nice pen
over here.
292
00:13:10,830 --> 00:13:12,910
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah, real nice. I like it.
293
00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:14,540
Well, good.
You can keep it.
294
00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:16,790
Cool!
295
00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:25,130
CARRIE: [CLEARS THROAT]
296
00:13:27,510 --> 00:13:28,890
Hey, babe, why don't
you come over here
297
00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:31,470
and read
the sports section?
298
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:33,810
Sounds good. Just, uh,
299
00:13:33,850 --> 00:13:35,190
gonna grab
a snack first.
300
00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:37,690
Just gettin' a snack.
301
00:13:44,530 --> 00:13:47,740
Mmm! So good.
302
00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:27,110
-Oh, Doug?
-Yeah?
303
00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:28,070
Don't forget to rub
304
00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:30,780
some peanut butter
on your wrists.
305
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,960
I like peanut butter.
306
00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:40,710
I can't believe you!
307
00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:43,170
Sneaking around,
wearing the cologne
308
00:14:43,210 --> 00:14:45,760
that I specifically
asked you not to wear.
309
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,590
I only wore it when I knew
you wouldn't be around,
310
00:14:47,630 --> 00:14:49,180
and then when I came home,
I washed it off,
311
00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:50,890
and I put on
the stuff you liked.
312
00:14:50,930 --> 00:14:52,720
I mean, it
never affected you.
313
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,970
Oh, I see.
So if I went out
314
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,680
and had an affair,
that'd be okay
315
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,350
as long as I washed
afterwards?
316
00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:00,520
Absolutely! I assumed
317
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,770
you've been doing that
for years!
318
00:15:02,810 --> 00:15:04,650
Doug,
this is not funny.
319
00:15:04,690 --> 00:15:07,070
DOUG: Oh, come on.
320
00:15:07,110 --> 00:15:08,650
I know you want me
to feel bad about this,
321
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:09,950
but I don't.
Okay,
322
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:11,490
you control every aspect
of my life,
323
00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:12,660
and I'm sick of it.
324
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:14,490
What?!
That's ridiculous.
325
00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:15,790
No, it isn't, Carrie.
326
00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:17,870
You tell me
what to wear,
327
00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:19,000
what I can eat,
328
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,620
what presents
to get for you,
329
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:21,790
even what I say.
330
00:15:21,830 --> 00:15:22,920
That is not true.
331
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,670
Oh, no? Then why
aren't I allowed
332
00:15:24,710 --> 00:15:25,800
to say the expression,
333
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,840
"for all
intensive purposes," hm?
334
00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:35,140
Because it's "intents
and purposes," moron.
335
00:15:35,180 --> 00:15:38,680
Look, Doug, come--
honey, listen to me.
336
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,520
I know you like
the cologne,
337
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:41,980
but I asked you
not to wear it
338
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:43,190
out of respect for me,
339
00:15:43,230 --> 00:15:45,020
because that's what
a marriage is about:
340
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:46,320
respect.
341
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:47,860
I'm the one who has to
sacrifice all the stuff.
342
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:50,110
-That's what it feels like.
-That's not true!
343
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:51,820
How about
when we first met?
344
00:15:51,860 --> 00:15:55,280
Huh? I had a certain look
that men found attractive.
345
00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:57,330
Slutty?
346
00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:01,250
That was the look, yes.
347
00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:03,710
Point is you told me
it made you insecure,
348
00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:04,710
so I gave it up.
349
00:16:04,750 --> 00:16:06,040
You should've given
it up.
350
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,550
You looked like
a Van Halen groupie!
351
00:16:07,590 --> 00:16:09,010
And you used
so much hair spray,
352
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:10,760
we couldn't light
a match for a week.
353
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,380
It was like--
354
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,600
The point is, Doug,
I stopped for you.
355
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,060
You know what?
I like this cologne,
356
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,390
and I'm taking a stand.
357
00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:22,560
Oh, this is where
you're gonna take a stand--
358
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,270
on how you smell?
359
00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:25,560
How about taking a stand
360
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,070
on securing
our financial future
361
00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:30,940
or finally getting healthy
so you can live past 40?
362
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,030
Nah, sticking
with smell.
363
00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:35,530
Okay, you know what, Doug?
You're right.
364
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:36,950
We shouldn't
control each other.
365
00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:39,290
You know, tomorrow night
is our tenth anniversary,
366
00:16:39,330 --> 00:16:42,540
and I am going to have
dinner at Chez Henri,
367
00:16:42,580 --> 00:16:43,750
and you don't
even need to show up.
368
00:16:43,790 --> 00:16:45,670
Oh! Oh, believe me,
I'm showing up.
369
00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:48,460
5 of those 10 years
are mine!
370
00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:50,460
And you know what?
371
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,090
For all intensive
purposes,
372
00:16:52,130 --> 00:16:55,090
this conversation,
she's over.
373
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:57,800
-Hey! Hey!
-[SCREAMS]
374
00:17:04,850 --> 00:17:07,770
Um, I'll take
the Sour Patch Kids.
375
00:17:07,810 --> 00:17:10,110
Okay, cross $4.00
off my tab, please.
376
00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:11,860
Yesterday
these were $3.00.
377
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:15,320
All right, fine!
$4.00. Gosh!
378
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,320
Okay, they're dimming
the lights.
379
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:22,370
Usher's making
his last pass through.
380
00:17:25,330 --> 00:17:27,380
[SNIFFS]
381
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,390
Oh!
382
00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:40,720
Well, well, well.
What have we here?
383
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,890
-They made me do it.
-He made us do it!
384
00:17:42,930 --> 00:17:45,100
I just wanted
my rent money.
385
00:17:45,140 --> 00:17:47,230
Let me ask you,
what tipped you off?
386
00:17:47,270 --> 00:17:48,560
I smelled
that cologne.
387
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:50,020
Oh, good going,
Arthur.
388
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:52,860
Smells good.
What is that?
389
00:17:58,070 --> 00:17:59,320
If I scored you
a bottle,
390
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:02,040
would you let me
skate on this one?
391
00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:06,370
Ah!
392
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:18,890
[FRENCH ACCENT]
Good evening, sir.
393
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,140
Hi. Heffernan,
party of two.
394
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,310
-Mm-hmm.
-My wife's coming from work,
395
00:18:23,350 --> 00:18:25,310
so she'll be here
in a couple minutes.
396
00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:26,980
Right this way.
397
00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:30,520
I see you
noticing the boots.
398
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:31,770
Yes.
399
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:34,320
Yeah. It's gonna make
a little statement,
400
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:37,530
you know?
Show the wife who's boss.
401
00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:39,610
-How delightful.
-Yes.
402
00:18:46,910 --> 00:18:49,870
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
403
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,540
-Ahem. Thank you.
-Yes.
404
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:55,670
You look nice.
405
00:18:55,710 --> 00:18:58,220
Yeah, you know what?
I feel nice.
406
00:18:58,260 --> 00:19:01,050
Kind of takes me back
to when we first met.
407
00:19:01,090 --> 00:19:02,890
Right. It's like
a stroll down memory lane.
408
00:19:02,930 --> 00:19:04,680
Yeah--
409
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:10,230
Oh. I see
you found them.
410
00:19:10,270 --> 00:19:11,520
Yes, I did.
411
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,360
By the way, there's
a dead squirrel in the attic.
412
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,190
Good to know.
413
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:19,740
Oh, you know what?
I feel like I'm losing
414
00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:21,450
a little height here.
415
00:19:21,490 --> 00:19:24,450
I'll just go ahead
and fix that right now.
416
00:19:24,490 --> 00:19:27,370
-[CHUCKLES]
-Carrie, don't you do that.
417
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:28,790
I will do it.
418
00:19:28,830 --> 00:19:31,960
And don't you
control me, Doug. Heh!
419
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,540
Ah, okay. You want
to play it that way?
420
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,300
-Yeah.
-You know what?
421
00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:40,590
Feeling a little low
on DeMali.
422
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,430
-Don't be ridiculous.
-Oh, is that ridiculous?
423
00:19:42,470 --> 00:19:45,140
-CARRIE: Yeah.
-Mm-mm-mm-mm-mmm!
424
00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:47,890
-Oh, really? Okay.
-Oh, please.
425
00:19:47,930 --> 00:19:49,180
-Please don't do this.
-I'll do this.
426
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:51,100
Stop yourself.
Yeah, look at that, huh?
427
00:19:51,140 --> 00:19:53,900
-Ooh, your menu's stinky.
-Stop being ridiculous!
428
00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:55,980
Aah! Ow!
429
00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:02,780
-Ow!
-Ahem.
430
00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:04,320
Ohh.
431
00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:12,670
-What are we doing here, Doug?
-I can't see.
432
00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:18,880
Honey, look,
433
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,300
I'm sorry if I--
434
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:22,220
if I come off controlling,
it's just because
435
00:20:22,260 --> 00:20:24,470
I love you and I just want
what's best for you.
436
00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:29,560
I love you, too.
I'm sorry.
437
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:33,310
How about this?
438
00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:35,560
If I go back
to my old cologne,
439
00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:38,820
can I get
my PlayStation back?
440
00:20:38,860 --> 00:20:40,490
Will the boots go
back in the attic?
441
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:42,950
Soon as you get rid
of the squirrel.
442
00:20:42,990 --> 00:20:45,660
-Deal.
-Okay.
443
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:46,780
Happy anniversary.
444
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:49,740
Happy anniversary.
I love you.
445
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,750
Let's just
have a nice meal.
446
00:20:51,790 --> 00:20:53,330
Okay.
447
00:20:53,370 --> 00:20:55,210
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to ask you to leave.
448
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:56,420
-Yeah, saw it coming.
-Okay.
449
00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:59,500
Okay, all right.
Sorry about that.
450
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,380
Yeah.
451
00:21:06,590 --> 00:21:07,760
Here you go, sir.
452
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,060
I'll take that
when you're ready.
453
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,520
So have you enjoyed
your dinner?
454
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,190
Oh, it was fabulous, Arthur.
455
00:21:18,230 --> 00:21:19,570
Best meal I ever had.
456
00:21:19,610 --> 00:21:21,400
It's the least I can do
after letting you two
457
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:22,900
take the fall
at the movie theater.
458
00:21:22,940 --> 00:21:24,650
[CHUCKLES] Well,
this more than makes up for it.
459
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,410
Yeah. As far as I'm concerned,
we are even.
460
00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:28,370
Yeah, your slate is clean.
461
00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:31,160
Good.
462
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,790
Now every man for himself.
463
00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:40,630
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
33098
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