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1
00:00:03,540 --> 00:00:05,080
SINGER: * My eyesare gettin' weary*
2
00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:07,340
* My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:09,210
* I'm sitting herein traffic*
4
00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:12,510
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:12,550 --> 00:00:17,680
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:22,140
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,190
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:25,230 --> 00:00:29,230
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
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00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,410
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
10
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,630
All righty.
11
00:00:54,670 --> 00:00:58,470
I'm thinking something cocoa.
12
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:03,770
Oh, no.
13
00:01:04,770 --> 00:01:07,100
Oh, for the love of Pete!
14
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,230
Don't panic. Don't panic.
15
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:11,570
All right.
What else we got here?
16
00:01:11,610 --> 00:01:15,200
Fiber, fiber, fiber.
Bran, bran.
17
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,160
Thank you, Arthur.
18
00:01:18,450 --> 00:01:20,280
Okay. Keys.
19
00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:23,240
Purse.
20
00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:24,540
Sunglasses.
Okay, bye, honey.
21
00:01:24,580 --> 00:01:25,580
DOUG: Sweetie, uh...
22
00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:27,170
trying to keep it
together here
23
00:01:27,210 --> 00:01:29,250
and know that
I'm not mad at you,
24
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,290
I'm mad at the situation.
25
00:01:32,340 --> 00:01:34,670
We're out of Cocoa Puffs.
26
00:01:34,710 --> 00:01:37,220
So? There's a whole cabinet
full of cereal there, hon.
27
00:01:37,260 --> 00:01:40,140
DOUG: Mmm, thank you,
but I'm plenty regular. Um...
28
00:01:42,890 --> 00:01:44,430
See, you told me
if I wanted something,
29
00:01:44,470 --> 00:01:46,600
to put it on the shopping list,
which I did.
30
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,730
If you can look here, see?
Cocoa Puffs, 4 boxes.
31
00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:53,400
I'm doing my part.
32
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:54,440
I'm just not understanding
33
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:57,530
where we're going
off the tracks.
34
00:01:57,570 --> 00:01:58,700
Let me tell you
something, Doug.
35
00:01:58,740 --> 00:02:00,620
I had a total
of 4 hours sleep,
36
00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:02,620
and that's because I spent
the other 20 hours
37
00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:04,740
working on
3 different projects.
38
00:02:04,790 --> 00:02:06,580
And it's all stuff that
I haven't done before,
39
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:08,790
so if I hear the words
cocoa or puff
40
00:02:08,830 --> 00:02:10,290
one more time,
41
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,590
you will be eating
my fist for breakfast.
42
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,840
I'm just saying
the list was your idea.
43
00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:21,890
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
44
00:02:21,930 --> 00:02:23,470
All right, gang,
it's story time,
45
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:27,480
so cell phones off,
Heffernan on.
46
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,390
All right, you know that guy
I'm delivering to,
47
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:30,480
the guy who's
becoming a woman?
48
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,400
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
49
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,320
Well, the beard
is still there,
50
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:38,450
but as of yesterday,
the boobs are in.
51
00:02:38,490 --> 00:02:39,650
Big ones?
52
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,950
DOUG: No. No. He went
small and perky.
53
00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:44,370
Damn. If you're gonna do it,
how do you not go huge?
54
00:02:44,410 --> 00:02:45,740
DOUG: Exactly!
I mean, I'm a "B" cup
55
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:46,910
and I've done nothing.
56
00:02:46,950 --> 00:02:48,500
ALL: [LAUGHING]
57
00:02:48,540 --> 00:02:49,910
Anyway, that's not even
the funniest part of it.
58
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:51,500
The funniest part is
while he's signing,
59
00:02:51,540 --> 00:02:52,920
the whole time he's
squeezing them together
60
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,460
and leaning in,
and I'm giving him nothing,
61
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:55,840
-you know?
-Hey, guys, guys.
62
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,880
I want to introduce you
to Tim Murphy.
63
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,840
-Hey.
-What's up, man?
64
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,260
Guy, what
are you doing?
65
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:02,640
I'm in the middle
of my story.
66
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,430
I'm just introducing
my new trainee.
67
00:03:04,470 --> 00:03:05,930
You're training somebody?
68
00:03:05,970 --> 00:03:08,850
Ha! What's your
first lesson gonna be,
69
00:03:08,890 --> 00:03:11,730
how to drive a 14-foot truck
under a 13-foot underpass?
70
00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:13,310
ALL: [LAUGHING]
71
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,690
All right.
The sign was covered
72
00:03:14,730 --> 00:03:15,730
with ivy, all right?
73
00:03:15,770 --> 00:03:16,900
It was, like,
a year ago.
74
00:03:16,940 --> 00:03:18,530
When are you
gonna let that go?
75
00:03:18,570 --> 00:03:20,360
Probably when somebody
does something stupider,
76
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,990
so never.
77
00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:23,820
Hey, but at least he got to
drive back to the depot
78
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,450
in a convertible, you know
what I'm sayin'?
79
00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:30,910
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
80
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,010
Hi! I'm Michelle.
81
00:03:42,050 --> 00:03:43,970
They sent me
from upstairs.
82
00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:46,300
I just told Patty that
the specs aren't ready yet.
83
00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:48,350
MICHELLE: Oh, no.
84
00:03:48,390 --> 00:03:49,720
I'm your assistant.
85
00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:50,770
My what?
86
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:52,310
Your assistant?
87
00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:54,560
No, I don't...
have an assistant.
88
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:55,940
I aman assistant.
89
00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:57,610
MICHELLE: Ms. Boone said
you could use
90
00:03:57,650 --> 00:03:58,900
some extra help.
91
00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:02,860
Okay. Is this
a practical joke?
92
00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:04,530
Did Debbie put you
up to this because I said
93
00:04:04,570 --> 00:04:07,740
her ankle boots
made her look slutty?
94
00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:10,290
No. Here's
the assignment memo.
95
00:04:12,540 --> 00:04:15,540
Ohh! So you're
really my assistant?
96
00:04:15,580 --> 00:04:16,580
MICHELLE: Yes.
97
00:04:16,630 --> 00:04:18,380
So what can I
do for you?
98
00:04:18,420 --> 00:04:19,880
Um, okay, hold on.
I'm new at this.
99
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,510
I'll find something.
100
00:04:21,550 --> 00:04:23,510
MICHELLE: Looks like you
could use some more coffee.
101
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:24,880
Yes, yes, I should've
thought of that.
102
00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:25,890
Yeah. Cream and sugar.
103
00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:27,050
-Okay.
-Okay.
104
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,720
And make it snappy.
105
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,310
I'm kidding.
I was just doing a thing.
106
00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:31,560
-Nah.
-Yeah. All right.
107
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,060
Okay, so I'm looking at him,
108
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,940
and I never thought
I'd say this to another man,
109
00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:38,690
but I was like, "Dude,
you gotta put on a bra."
110
00:04:38,730 --> 00:04:40,360
You know, either that
or go up a button,
111
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,780
'cause it's so annoying,
you know?
112
00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:43,780
Speaking of annoying,
we had that guy on our route
113
00:04:43,820 --> 00:04:45,490
sounded just like
Gilbert Gottfried.
114
00:04:45,530 --> 00:04:46,740
"You want me to sign this?
115
00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:49,780
"Okay. Should I
have a lawyer present?
116
00:04:49,830 --> 00:04:53,000
"The thing is, I don't
trust you people!
117
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,750
That's the deal!"
118
00:04:56,790 --> 00:04:58,420
That was
a good impression.
119
00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:01,050
Yeah, that was a real treat.
All right, anyway, uh...
120
00:05:01,090 --> 00:05:02,050
so the guy's staring at me--
121
00:05:02,090 --> 00:05:03,720
Who else
do you do?
122
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,130
Can you do
Eartha Kitt?
123
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:07,640
You guys like Adam Sandler?
124
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,100
All right. Here's
some Adam Sandler for you.
125
00:05:09,140 --> 00:05:11,850
Hey, so you guys
are very nice people.
126
00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:13,810
I've had a great time
on my first day.
127
00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:15,940
I just don't know
what IPS stands for.
128
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:17,850
I think it stands for
"immature people sitting
129
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,360
around doing nothing."
130
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,070
Hee hoo hoo ha ha
hoo hoo hoo hoo!
131
00:05:21,110 --> 00:05:22,650
That is dead on,
man.
132
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:25,650
TIM: Oh, thanks, buddy.
You're too kind! Danke!
133
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:26,740
[MEN LAUGH]
134
00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:29,870
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
135
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,790
What's that?
Lunch Thursday?
136
00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:34,540
I don't know. I'm gonna have
to check with my assistant.
137
00:05:34,580 --> 00:05:36,000
Tell you what,
why don't you have
138
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,790
your assistant
call my assistant?
139
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:40,670
What's that?
You don't have an assistant?
140
00:05:40,710 --> 00:05:43,130
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
141
00:05:43,170 --> 00:05:44,710
-Hey, honey.
-Hey, you remember last week,
142
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,010
I made that delivery
and that little dog
143
00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:47,090
bit my ankle?
144
00:05:47,130 --> 00:05:48,800
Doug, you are
not gonna believe
145
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:49,970
what happened to me
at work today.
146
00:05:50,010 --> 00:05:51,970
They gave me
an assistant!
147
00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:53,600
That's great.
Nobody deserves it
148
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:54,770
more than you.
149
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:59,810
Now, what's a funnier
animal than a dog?
150
00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:01,190
What are you
talking about?
151
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,940
I need a great story
to tell the guys tomorrow,
152
00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:05,490
so I need a funnier animal.
153
00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:07,110
-I don't know.
-Just name an animal!
154
00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:08,700
All right.
An eagle.
155
00:06:08,740 --> 00:06:10,490
Okay. Uh...
156
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:13,450
you want to explain to me
how an eagle's
157
00:06:13,490 --> 00:06:15,450
gonna bite my ankle?
158
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,750
You know what, Doug?
I don't have time for this.
159
00:06:17,790 --> 00:06:20,960
Why don't you call
my assistant
160
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,880
and set up a meeting?
161
00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:26,420
I got it. Would it be all right
if I told that story
162
00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:28,550
about when you got that
ultrasound of your ovary?
163
00:06:28,590 --> 00:06:29,930
No. You cannot
tell that story.
164
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:31,050
What are you, an idiot?
165
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,640
DOUG: Come on!
It looked like Shrek!
166
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:34,720
Uhh!
167
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:38,640
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
168
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,690
Okay. I delivered
the TRDs
169
00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:41,860
to the third floor,
170
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,190
picked up the
lease applications,
171
00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:45,860
and here's your fruit
salad, no grapes.
172
00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:48,490
Wow! That was
a productive 10 minutes.
173
00:06:48,530 --> 00:06:49,700
MICHELLE: So what should
I do now?
174
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:51,030
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
175
00:06:51,070 --> 00:06:53,450
Damn it! All right,
here's something you can do.
176
00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:54,740
Get me
a pair of work boots
177
00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:56,910
so I can kick the crap
out of this computer.
178
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,500
MICHELLE: Anything
I can help with?
179
00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:00,750
Oh, no. These are
budget breakdowns.
180
00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:02,170
They're
pretty complicated.
181
00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:03,960
Oh, I've done those
before.
182
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,550
Let me
take a look.
183
00:07:06,590 --> 00:07:07,800
Okay.
184
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,510
You know, you should
do it in 2 columns.
185
00:07:10,550 --> 00:07:11,970
It's much faster.
186
00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:14,100
Oh. Like that?
187
00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:19,560
No. It's actually
more like this.
188
00:07:20,850 --> 00:07:22,230
Okay. Then you
just cut and paste
189
00:07:22,270 --> 00:07:23,770
and hit Control-K,
which brings you
190
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:24,860
to the bottom line,
191
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:27,900
which gives you
your total.
192
00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:29,240
Huh!
193
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:30,780
And then you just drag
and drop the tax rates
194
00:07:30,820 --> 00:07:32,490
-and you're finished.
-Oh.
195
00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:33,780
You want me to do
another one?
196
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,080
Yeah, yeah. Why don't
you just go ahead
197
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,990
and try a few more there?
198
00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:40,210
All right. I'm glad
you're all gathered,
199
00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:42,960
'cause you're about to
hear the tale of a driver,
200
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:47,630
a swollen ankle,
and get this--an iguana.
201
00:07:47,670 --> 00:07:49,840
Hey, Doug,
you mind?
202
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,260
Show's
about to start.
203
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:53,800
What show?
204
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,760
[IMITATES AL PACINO
IN SCENT OF A WOMAN]Hoo hah!
205
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,810
I hope
you boys are ready
206
00:07:57,850 --> 00:08:00,810
for retired Colonel
Frank Slade,
207
00:08:00,850 --> 00:08:04,150
reporting
for duty. Hoo hah!
208
00:08:04,190 --> 00:08:06,230
Hey, that's pretty funny.
How old is that movie?
209
00:08:06,270 --> 00:08:08,020
Was it, like, early
eighties or something?
210
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:11,820
You're overthinking,
Heffernan. Just enjoy it.
211
00:08:11,860 --> 00:08:13,530
Hey, guys.
Guys, watch this.
212
00:08:13,570 --> 00:08:18,660
All right. Christopher Walken
as an IPS driver. Go.
213
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:20,290
All right.
214
00:08:20,330 --> 00:08:21,830
[IMITATES CHRISTOPHER
WALKEN] Listen...
215
00:08:21,870 --> 00:08:23,750
the address on your
package is smudged.
216
00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:26,960
[LAUGHTER]
217
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:30,090
Is that a 2 or a 7?
I don't know.
218
00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:32,340
It's a quandary that's
perplexing me. Come on!
219
00:08:32,380 --> 00:08:35,220
[LAUGHTER]
220
00:08:35,260 --> 00:08:37,930
Boy, there's some real
laughs around here.
221
00:08:37,970 --> 00:08:40,640
Danny, can I talk to you
for a second, man?
222
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,680
Ah! What can I
do you for?
223
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,560
You know lunchtime
is my time.
224
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:45,850
Why are you pushing
the new guy?
225
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,610
You want to know why?
226
00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:51,860
Because the sign
was covered with ivy.
227
00:08:54,610 --> 00:08:55,660
So that's
what this is about?
228
00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:56,820
Yeah, it is. Yeah.
229
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,830
See, Tim doesn't
take shots at me.
230
00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:01,160
There are no victims
in his comedy.
231
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,580
It just makes you
feel good.
232
00:09:11,670 --> 00:09:15,340
Hey, did I ever tell you
Carrie's ovary looks like Shrek?
233
00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:18,350
That's your wife, man.
234
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,140
Why would you tell me
something like that?
235
00:09:23,310 --> 00:09:24,980
'Cause it's funny.
236
00:09:40,450 --> 00:09:41,580
Hey, Carrie,
237
00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:42,740
we're heading out
for happy hour.
238
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,080
-You want to come?
-Oh, thanks.
239
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,410
I'm pretty swamped here.
240
00:09:46,790 --> 00:09:48,250
Oh, too bad.
241
00:09:48,290 --> 00:09:50,590
It's dollar shooters
at Tooty McGee's.
242
00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:51,590
Maybe next time.
243
00:09:51,630 --> 00:09:53,130
-Okay.
-Okay.
244
00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:55,130
Carrie, I could finish these
if you want to go.
245
00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:58,300
Oh, I couldn't
ask you to do that.
246
00:09:58,340 --> 00:09:59,590
Could I?
247
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,260
I'd be happy to.
248
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,140
Really? Okay, thanks.
249
00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:05,770
Hold up, Lisa!
250
00:10:05,810 --> 00:10:09,060
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
251
00:10:10,650 --> 00:10:12,770
Hey, baby. I got
taquitos for dinner.
252
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,320
Is that okay?
253
00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:19,320
[IMITATES CLINT EASTWOOD]
Taquitos give me gas...
254
00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:25,700
so you gotta ask
yourself one question.
255
00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,710
Do you feel lucky, punk?
256
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:34,170
Why are you
calling me "punk"?
257
00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:36,800
I'm doing an impression
of somebody.
258
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,680
Oh. Who? My dad?
259
00:10:41,590 --> 00:10:44,100
No.
260
00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:46,730
My friends
call me Clint.
261
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:52,360
Eastwood.
262
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,400
[NORMAL VOICE]
Clint Eastwood!
263
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:54,690
How do you
not get that?!
264
00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:56,230
No, no. I'm sorry,
honey. I'm sorry.
265
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,780
I had 5 shooters.
266
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:00,700
[IMITATES COLUMBO]
Excuse me, ma'am.
267
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:02,570
I'm sorry
to bother you there,
268
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:06,540
but you said
you had 5 shooters,
269
00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,710
and there were 6 shooters
at the crime scene.
270
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:10,580
That's all I'm saying.
271
00:11:11,580 --> 00:11:13,500
Why are you
talking like that?
272
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:17,420
You mean, why am I talking
exactly like Columbo?
273
00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:18,720
What are you doing?
274
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,220
I don't know.
275
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:22,800
Why don't you ask Dee
from What's Happenin'?
276
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,140
[IMITATES DEE]
Ooh, you in trouble, Raj!
277
00:11:27,310 --> 00:11:30,440
I'm tellin' mama!
278
00:11:32,810 --> 00:11:36,570
Hey, now you're just
creepin' me out.
279
00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:41,280
The thing is,
Danny's new trainee,
280
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,410
he does all
these impressions
281
00:11:42,450 --> 00:11:44,320
and the guys love it.
282
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,120
I don't know. It's just
that I'm the funny guy
283
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,410
at work, you know?
284
00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:48,500
Really?
285
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:49,830
-Yes!
-I know.
286
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,170
Look, forget it,
all right?
287
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:53,920
I'm sorry
I brought it up.
288
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,340
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
289
00:11:57,380 --> 00:11:59,670
No. I mean, you are funny.
290
00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:01,590
That's one of the reasons
why I fell in love with you--
291
00:12:01,630 --> 00:12:03,890
because you always
make me laugh...
292
00:12:03,930 --> 00:12:06,760
but not by doing
lame impressions.
293
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,140
Just by being yourself.
294
00:12:11,350 --> 00:12:13,850
Maybe--
maybe you're right.
295
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:18,270
So, Warren,
how was your day?
296
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,570
Ahem!
297
00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:21,240
[HIGH VOICE]
Well, today I delivered
298
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,200
to a lumber yard.
299
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,570
[NORMAL VOICE] Whoa!
300
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,620
That sounds pretty cool.
301
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:34,210
[HIGH VOICE]
Yeah. It was like going
302
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:36,500
to a family reunion.
303
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:43,720
Get it? Because
I'm made of wood!
304
00:12:45,220 --> 00:12:47,260
Wood lumber yard!
305
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,350
So...
306
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,900
What else is in the news?
307
00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:01,190
This is
physically painful.
308
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:06,280
[MICHELLE TYPING]
309
00:13:09,530 --> 00:13:12,660
Okay. Here are
the budget breakdowns.
310
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:14,370
Ah! Great job.
311
00:13:14,410 --> 00:13:16,290
That's what
I'm here for.
312
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:17,330
[KNOCKS]
313
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,460
Yeah.
314
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:20,340
Here are
the budget breakdowns.
315
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:21,340
Great job!
316
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:23,470
Eh! That's
what I'm here for.
317
00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:25,840
You know, Carrie, you've always
been a good assistant,
318
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,760
but lately, the quality
of your work
319
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,510
has really skyrocketed.
320
00:13:29,550 --> 00:13:31,640
It's like all of a sudden
you get it.
321
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:35,270
Yeah. I feel like
I get it. Heh heh heh!
322
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,480
Hey, Deac, tomorrow
at lunchtime,
323
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,690
round up the guys, 'cause
the amazing Flame-o
324
00:13:41,730 --> 00:13:45,450
-is gonna be spittin' fire.
-Doug--
325
00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:46,860
DOUG: No, it's easy.
I just coat my mouth
326
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,530
with lighter fluid,
then it's like
327
00:13:48,570 --> 00:13:51,450
rrrr-oosh!
328
00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:53,450
Now, that's
entertainment.
329
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,830
All right, brother.
Sit down.
330
00:13:55,870 --> 00:13:57,500
-Why?
-Well, we need to talk.
331
00:13:57,540 --> 00:13:58,750
Now, what's up
with you, man?
332
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,630
Just the new driver Tim.
333
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:04,760
I mean, everyone knows
334
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,880
I'm the funny guy
around here,
335
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,550
but then he comes in
with his impressions
336
00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:10,640
and he just
steals my thunder.
337
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:12,970
It's messed up. You know
what I'm saying?
338
00:14:13,010 --> 00:14:15,270
You know,
I'm pretty funny.
339
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,600
-What?
-Well, you said
340
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:19,900
you were the funny guy,
but, you know,
341
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:21,610
I get some laughs
around here, too.
342
00:14:21,650 --> 00:14:24,570
Maybe nervous ones.
You're like 7 feet tall.
343
00:14:24,610 --> 00:14:26,570
At least I didn't go out
and buy myself a puppet.
344
00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:29,030
I didn't buy it.
It's a rental...Lurch.
345
00:14:32,410 --> 00:14:33,910
Hey, my boy Tim
just radioed in.
346
00:14:33,950 --> 00:14:36,290
He's on a record pace
for Zone 6.
347
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:39,710
-Yeah?
-Fast and funny. Ha ha!
348
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:41,710
And you might want to be here
when he gets back.
349
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:45,420
He's gonna do a medley
of every Baldwin brother.
350
00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:46,970
Cool.
351
00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:58,440
[DISGUISED VOICE]
Zone 6, Zone 6,
352
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,520
come in, Zone 6.
353
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,860
Dispatch for Zone 6.
354
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,610
TIM [OVER RADIO]:
Yeah. Go, dispatch.
355
00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:05,780
Yeah. Murphy's got
a couple late-night
356
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:07,440
pick-ups for you.
357
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:10,410
First I'm gonna need you
to go into Manhattan,
358
00:15:10,450 --> 00:15:13,530
125 MacDougal Street.
359
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,700
Then you gotta
come back out
360
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,790
on the Triborough Bridge
361
00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:20,580
and head on
over to La Guardia.
362
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,960
TIM [OVER RADIO]:
Okay. What terminal?
363
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,340
Air...Jordan.
364
00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:29,380
TIM [OVER RADIO]:
Dispatch, that routing sounds
365
00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:30,510
a little off.
366
00:15:30,550 --> 00:15:31,630
Oh, that routing
sounds a little off?
367
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,760
Does it sound
a little off?
368
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,010
Let me tell you something
there, Murphy.
369
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,470
You've been working
here one day.
370
00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:38,100
I've been dispatcher
for 27 years.
371
00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:41,480
TIM [OVER RADIO]:
Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry.
372
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,110
That's all right, kid.
I know you're nervous.
373
00:15:45,690 --> 00:15:48,360
Now, how familiar
are you with New Jersey?
374
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,820
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
375
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,830
So, Danny,
where's your trainee?
376
00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:03,210
He'll be here.
377
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:04,920
Really? Well, it looks
like Rich Little
378
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,170
is Rich Little late.
379
00:16:08,210 --> 00:16:10,170
[FRIENDS CHUCKLE]
380
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,550
It looks like
his next impression
381
00:16:11,590 --> 00:16:14,050
is gonna be of a guy
looking for a new job, right?
382
00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:15,890
[IMITATES ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER]
Yi-e-yi!
383
00:16:15,930 --> 00:16:19,220
Would you like paper
or plastic? Yi-e-yi!
384
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:22,770
[FRIENDS CHUCKLE]
385
00:16:24,020 --> 00:16:25,810
Hey, I ever tell
you guys the story
386
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,900
of a hot cup of coffee,
a giant pothole,
387
00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:30,900
and a scar down south?
388
00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:37,080
Hey, guys, a call just
came in about Tim. He's--
389
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,410
He's what? He's lost,
390
00:16:38,450 --> 00:16:40,290
and he's calling his
mommy to pick him up?
391
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:42,370
[FRIENDS LAUGH]
392
00:16:42,410 --> 00:16:44,080
No. He's in the hospital.
393
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,420
DANNY: Huh? What happened?
394
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:47,380
He was somewhere in Jersey,
and he got jumped.
395
00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:49,000
What the hell was he
doing in Jersey?
396
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:50,130
I don't know,
but a bunch of guys
397
00:16:50,170 --> 00:16:51,210
pulled him out of his truck
398
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,970
and beat him
pretty severely.
399
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,020
Hey, Carrie.
400
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,140
Oh, morning, Miss Boone.
401
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:04,440
I've got a project I'd like
you to take a shot at.
402
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,100
It's normally something
I'd handle,
403
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,070
but you've proven
you're up to the challenge.
404
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:11,190
-What do you say?
-Uh...
405
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:12,490
well...
406
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,200
bring it on.
407
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:17,820
-Great.
-CARRIE: Okay.
408
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,040
Sorry I'm late, Carrie,
but I just found out
409
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:25,210
my boyfriend's been
transferred to Denver.
410
00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:27,960
Oh, you poor thing!
411
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,000
Would getting right to work
take your mind off of it?
412
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,470
No. I'm going with him.
413
00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:36,510
We're planning
on getting married,
414
00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:38,220
so I'm sorry,
415
00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:41,470
but Friday's gonna
have to be my last day.
416
00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:43,560
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
417
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,560
Back it up!
418
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:46,980
Why? What's wrong?
419
00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,400
CARRIE: Do you even know
this guy?
420
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,070
I mean,
where'd you guys meet?
421
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,070
In ninth grade.
422
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,940
Ninth grade?
Now, what is this,
423
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:58,240
an arranged marriage
by the village elders?
424
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,870
You gotta play the field
a little bit, you know?
425
00:18:00,910 --> 00:18:02,450
But I don't want
to play the field.
426
00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:06,290
CARRIE: You know, I didn't want
to have to tell you this,
427
00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:08,250
but remember when
you brought him here?
428
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:11,500
He hit on me.
429
00:18:11,540 --> 00:18:13,420
-What?
-Yeah. Yeah.
430
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,630
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
431
00:18:14,670 --> 00:18:17,340
I just--I just don't
want you to get hurt.
432
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:19,090
You know
what doesn't hurt?
433
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:21,260
A hard day's work.
434
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,560
You know, Carrie,
435
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,600
I've got a lot of
sick days saved up,
436
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,350
so I think
I'll use them
437
00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:28,980
and make today
my last day.
438
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:31,650
Okay. I'm gonna level
with you, all right?
439
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:34,230
I've been given
an incredible opportunity
440
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,950
based on your talent
and hard work.
441
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:38,410
So how about this?
442
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:42,160
Stay, and I'll give you
the big desk.
443
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,490
Huh?
444
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,080
Bye, Carrie.
445
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:46,200
Okay, fine, go.
446
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,120
I think I can handle
my work on my own,
447
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,460
thank you.
448
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:57,170
I have no idea
what I'm looking at here.
449
00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:02,720
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
450
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,020
That's it. They pull me
out of my truck,
451
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:06,430
I turn into Sam Kinison.
452
00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:08,390
I'm sittin' there
goin', you know,
453
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,940
I don't think there's
anywhere on this route
454
00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:12,310
where I'm supposed
to pick up a beating!
455
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,190
Oh! Ohh!
456
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:16,400
You jerks.
457
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:17,940
Oh, man.
458
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,950
Half dead and he's still
slaying us.
459
00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:23,410
We love you, man.
460
00:19:23,450 --> 00:19:25,330
What were you doing
in Jersey, anyway?
461
00:19:25,370 --> 00:19:26,410
Dispatch sent me.
462
00:19:26,450 --> 00:19:27,540
But I guess some guy
463
00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:28,750
was playing a joke
on me, so...
464
00:19:28,790 --> 00:19:31,080
-Some joke.
-DANNY: What a jerk.
465
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,130
Can you
believe that?
466
00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:39,090
DANNY: Listen, champ,
467
00:19:39,130 --> 00:19:40,510
we're gonna let you get
some rest, all right?
468
00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:41,680
-All right.
-You're an inspiration.
469
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:42,760
Thanks. Thanks
for coming down.
470
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:43,760
Feel better,
brother, right?
471
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,100
-Thank you.
-Take care.
472
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:47,060
Thank you
so much.
473
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:49,020
All right,
I'll talk to him.
474
00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:50,230
You're still
going to hell,
475
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:51,690
but give it a shot.
476
00:19:53,810 --> 00:19:57,030
Hey, man, what have you
got there, a sprain?
477
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:59,110
No. It's a shattered
elbow and my ligaments
478
00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:00,240
are all torn up.
479
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,490
But they're gonna
give me a year
480
00:20:01,530 --> 00:20:02,660
of physical therapy.
And I'll be able
481
00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:04,370
to get back
to about 60% mobility.
482
00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:06,790
60? That's great.
483
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:09,330
Hey, when you hit 70,
sell.
484
00:20:09,370 --> 00:20:12,290
-Huh?
-Nothing. Nothing. Um...
485
00:20:12,330 --> 00:20:16,130
look, Tim, this is
all because of me.
486
00:20:17,420 --> 00:20:19,130
What do you mean?
487
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:22,300
It was me on the radio.
I sent you to those places.
488
00:20:22,340 --> 00:20:23,760
-That was you?
-DOUG: Yeah, but I swear to you,
489
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,350
I never meant for you
to get hurt.
490
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,470
I was just
trying to get you fired.
491
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,350
What? What did I do
to you?
492
00:20:30,390 --> 00:20:34,480
Well, you were
gettin' laughs at lunch.
493
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:35,560
So?
494
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:38,270
So, it was just that...
495
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,150
I'm the funny guy
at lunch.
496
00:20:41,190 --> 00:20:42,360
-Really?
-DOUG: Yes!
497
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,200
Why's everybody
fighting me on this?
498
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,490
Look--anyway, it was
a really stupid thing to do,
499
00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:49,160
and I'm so, so sorry.
500
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,620
And I would totally
understand
501
00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:52,330
if you reported me
to Mr. O'Boyle
502
00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:55,040
and had me stuck
on the night shift,
503
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:59,550
but I think I know
a cool guy when I see one.
504
00:20:59,590 --> 00:21:04,130
Tienesbeardo
y losboobos.
505
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,140
[LAUGHS]
506
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:08,140
Senor Doug,eres muy comico.
507
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,610
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
508
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,070
Huh.
509
00:21:25,110 --> 00:21:27,620
They finally cut the ivy
off that sign.
510
00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:34,870
[CRASHING]
511
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,710
DANNY: Oh, great.
512
00:21:42,590 --> 00:21:45,720
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
36094
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