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1
00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:04,420
SINGER:
*My eyes are gettin' weary*
2
00:00:04,460 --> 00:00:07,170
*My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,210 --> 00:00:09,090
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:09,130 --> 00:00:11,920
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:17,600
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:22,390
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:23,350 --> 00:00:24,980
*'Cause, baby, all my life*
8
00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:29,270
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:34,740 --> 00:00:36,160
CARRIE: Are you sure
you don't want to get
10
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:37,530
that lobster cocktail
thingie?
11
00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:39,870
I already ordered
the clam chowder.
12
00:00:39,910 --> 00:00:41,240
So? Get both.
13
00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:43,660
I told you, in honor of
my first paycheck in months,
14
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:47,710
I am treating, and I expect you
to do some damage.
15
00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:50,960
You do realize you're poking
a hornets' nest here?
16
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,130
I do. But we are
celebrating.
17
00:00:53,170 --> 00:00:54,590
And listen to this.
18
00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:56,050
If you behave,
19
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,850
I will take you to that
stupid Chris Tucker movie
20
00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:00,260
where he plays
a big baby.
21
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:03,520
-Little Homey?
-CARRIE: Mm-hmm.
22
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,520
Wait a second. Just 'cause
you're taking me out
23
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,400
for a fancy night
on the town
24
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,810
You do realize
that doesn't automatically mean
25
00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:13,320
you get the,
uh shma-booty.
26
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,400
Now, listen.
You can either give it to me
27
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:18,070
or I can take it.
It's your choice.
28
00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:19,200
Here we go.
29
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,030
-Thank you.
-Careful. Bowl's hot.
30
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,200
Okay.
31
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:23,950
-Um, guy.
-Yeah?
32
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,500
Do you have any
of those, uh,
33
00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:28,500
crackers that are shaped
like little baby oysters?
34
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,090
-Uh, guy.
-Yeah?
35
00:01:33,130 --> 00:01:35,550
Uh, it's a pretty big bowl.
36
00:01:44,470 --> 00:01:45,430
Oh...
37
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,140
There's one of the girls
I work with.
38
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,770
Emily. Emily.
39
00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:49,980
Oh, hey, Carrie.
40
00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:52,110
-Hi!
-Hi!
41
00:01:52,150 --> 00:01:53,730
Uh, Emily,
this is my husband Doug.
42
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,860
And that's Emily. We work
on the 40th floor together.
43
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:57,030
Hi. How you doin'?
44
00:01:57,070 --> 00:01:58,280
Oh, and this is
my husband Peter.
45
00:01:58,320 --> 00:01:59,450
-Hi, Peter.
-How do you do?
46
00:01:59,490 --> 00:02:00,910
Carrie works for
Mr. Douchet.
47
00:02:00,950 --> 00:02:02,240
Oh. How's that
going?
48
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,660
It's going good.
It's going good.
49
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:06,370
Although I wish he would
ease up on the cologne a little.
50
00:02:06,410 --> 00:02:08,040
Yeah, it is
kind of strong.
51
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,580
Kind of?
You know, the other day
52
00:02:09,620 --> 00:02:12,290
I saw a fly
land on his shoulder.
53
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:14,960
2 seconds later...dead.
54
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,050
[LAUGHING]
55
00:02:16,090 --> 00:02:17,220
Hey, why don't you guys
join us?
56
00:02:17,260 --> 00:02:18,470
We just got
a nice big table.
57
00:02:18,510 --> 00:02:20,050
Oh, actually,
we just got our food
58
00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:21,390
Yeah, that's be great.
Let me just grab this.
59
00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:24,760
-No.
-Uh-huh, great, okay?
60
00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:27,930
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
61
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:33,610
Whoa, whoa!
Guy, what are you doing?
62
00:02:33,650 --> 00:02:34,480
What?
63
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,780
You're taking
all the cheese.
64
00:02:36,820 --> 00:02:38,190
It came up with the chip.
65
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,450
Yeah, 'cause you grabbed
the nucleus.
66
00:02:41,490 --> 00:02:42,490
What?
67
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,870
Every pile of nachos
has one main chip
68
00:02:44,910 --> 00:02:47,250
that holds the whole thing
together--the nucleus.
69
00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:49,540
You don't take the nucleus.
You work around it.
70
00:02:49,580 --> 00:02:51,370
You honor it.
71
00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:54,460
That's nachos 101, man.
72
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:57,670
Can I eat this or someone's
gonna throw a punch?
73
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:00,840
Oh, hey, guys.
74
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,010
-Hey.
-Hey.
75
00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:03,680
Honey, good news.
Emily and Peter
76
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,010
have 2 extra tickets
to Mark Russell tonight,
77
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,890
and they want to take us.
78
00:03:07,930 --> 00:03:09,520
Who the hell
is Mark Russell?
79
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,310
He does these
politically based
80
00:03:11,350 --> 00:03:13,100
song parodies.
He's hilarious.
81
00:03:13,150 --> 00:03:15,270
He's got this one
about Newt Gingrich--
82
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,440
he--[LAUGHING]
83
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,690
He totally rips him
a new one.
84
00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:21,740
You know what?
That sounds like fun.
85
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:24,200
-Let's do it.
-Really? Thank you.
86
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:25,530
But we're supposed
to go to Cooper's tonight
87
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,200
to watch
that ultimate fighting thing.
88
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,620
You need 4 people
to get a booth.
89
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,660
Look, I got a chance to hang out
with my wife
90
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:33,380
and her new work friends,
all right? Just back it down.
91
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:36,710
Love you.
92
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,380
Love you, too.
Lookin' forward to it.
93
00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:41,630
Uh, you do realize
you just went
94
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,640
from 2 psychos
fighting in a cage
95
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,260
to a guy in a bow tie
singing about inflation.
96
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,930
Ha ha! I forgot
about that one.
97
00:03:48,970 --> 00:03:51,390
That one's great.
Ha ha ha!
98
00:03:51,430 --> 00:03:52,770
Calm down? You know what?
I know what I'm doing.
99
00:03:52,810 --> 00:03:54,480
Really? 'Cause from
where I'm sitting,
100
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,820
you just got steamrolled
like a cartoon character.
101
00:03:57,860 --> 00:03:59,780
Look, Carrie just got
a new job, and that's great.
102
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,700
The bad news is, now there's
a whole new building
103
00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:03,610
full of these
Manhattan chuckleheads
104
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,780
she's gonna want
to make friends with.
105
00:04:05,820 --> 00:04:07,240
Oh, she loves that.
106
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,580
"Oh, let's make new friends.
Let's open up our world."
107
00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:12,160
You know what? I don't
want to open up our world.
108
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,420
I want to close our world,
109
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:16,920
build a dome over it.
110
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,500
Well, if you don't want
to meet any new people,
111
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:19,840
why'd you agree
to go out with them?
112
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,510
Because Carrie
can't know about the dome.
113
00:04:22,550 --> 00:04:24,090
So what I like to do is...
114
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:27,510
happily agree to go out
with these people, you know...
115
00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:30,640
and then let's just say,
by the end of the evening...
116
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,560
they no like Dougie
so much.
117
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,350
ALL: [LAUGHING]
118
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,480
Oh, thanks for taking us
tonight, you guys.
119
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:39,570
EMILY: Oh, sure.
120
00:04:39,610 --> 00:04:41,820
Mark Russell
never disappoints.
121
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,150
I had no idea
there were so many words
122
00:04:43,190 --> 00:04:44,820
that rhyme
with bipartisan.
123
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:46,610
[LAUGHING]
124
00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:48,490
Wow, I really
love this house.
125
00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:50,540
Oh, thank you.
It's just a placeholder
126
00:04:50,580 --> 00:04:52,250
until I hit the lottery.
127
00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:54,210
Actually...I think
I'm a placeholder
128
00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:56,830
till she hits
the lottery.
129
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,290
Honey, you want to
get some coffee?
130
00:04:58,340 --> 00:04:59,540
Oh, yeah, yeah.
All right,
131
00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:01,460
you guys just talk
amongst yourselves.
132
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,550
Ohh,
what a great night, huh?
133
00:05:03,590 --> 00:05:04,920
-Yeah, it was.
-Yeah, yeah.
134
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:05,970
Yeah.
135
00:05:06,010 --> 00:05:07,300
[SIGHS]
136
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:08,800
-[SIGHS]
-Can I, uh,
137
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,680
-ask you guys a question?
-Oh, sure.
138
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:15,100
Is this a lot of hair,
right here? Seriously.
139
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:19,520
'Cause some people
say I'm hairy,
140
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,030
but I don't think
I'm hairy enough, you know?
141
00:05:22,070 --> 00:05:24,490
Like, especially in the
winter, the cold months.
142
00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:25,570
Yeah, what do you think?
143
00:05:25,610 --> 00:05:27,860
I, uh--I don't, um...
144
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,240
I'm sure you're fine.
145
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:30,530
You want to touch it?
It's very soft.
146
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,160
-No.
-Go ahead.
147
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,330
Seriously. Touch it.
It's like a puppy, I swear.
148
00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:35,660
It's a little puppy.
149
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,710
Yeah. No bitey.
No bitey.
150
00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:39,630
Uh...I don't think
I want to do that right now.
151
00:05:39,670 --> 00:05:43,050
You know, sometimes I think
about shaving it all off
152
00:05:43,090 --> 00:05:46,220
and just stuffin' it in
a pillowcase and sleepin' on it.
153
00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:47,300
Hey.
154
00:05:47,340 --> 00:05:48,590
-There she is. Hey.
-Hey.
155
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:49,840
CARRIE:
I hope you guys don't mind.
156
00:05:49,890 --> 00:05:52,510
All I could find
were these Oreos.
157
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,270
Yeah. Um, actually,
we have to scoot.
158
00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:57,100
-Yeah.
-Come on, hang out.
159
00:05:57,140 --> 00:05:58,480
Yeah, I'm sorry.
160
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,230
I forgot the baby-sitter
needs us home by 11:00.
161
00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:01,610
By 11:00.
She did say that.
162
00:06:01,650 --> 00:06:03,690
CARRIE:
Oh, okay. All right.
163
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,780
Well, let's do this
again, you guys.
164
00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:07,860
EMILY: Yeah,
we'll check our schedule!
165
00:06:11,910 --> 00:06:12,870
That was fun.
166
00:06:12,910 --> 00:06:15,080
Thatwasfun.
167
00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:19,120
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
168
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,760
[POOL BALLS CLINK]
169
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,390
Okay, I win again.
170
00:06:30,430 --> 00:06:31,800
You just scratched.
171
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,430
Obviously you're not
familiar with the rules
172
00:06:33,470 --> 00:06:35,390
of North European
billiards.
173
00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:38,560
I can't believe
you brought Arthur here.
174
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,900
We needed a fourth to get
the booth. What's the big deal?
175
00:06:40,940 --> 00:06:42,310
The big deal is,
when he gets into a fight,
176
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,150
I'm the one who's gonna
have to stop it,
177
00:06:44,190 --> 00:06:46,990
andthisis too damn pretty.
178
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:48,990
Who was the light beer?
179
00:06:49,030 --> 00:06:50,450
Oh, that'd be me.
180
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:51,740
Watching the old waistline.
181
00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:54,780
Gotta fit into my bikini
for the summer, right?
182
00:06:54,830 --> 00:06:57,500
Right. And 2 Heinekens.
183
00:06:58,750 --> 00:06:59,790
Damn, that was rough.
184
00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:01,960
[LAUGHING]
185
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,840
Yeah, guy. A little tip
when you try to pick up chicks--
186
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,550
don't make them
picture you in a bikini.
187
00:07:05,590 --> 00:07:07,130
[LAUGHING]
188
00:07:07,170 --> 00:07:08,590
Can I borrow some cash?
189
00:07:08,630 --> 00:07:11,430
No more money, Arthur. You
stink at pool. Deal with it.
190
00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:13,600
I'll play you right now
for a million dollars.
191
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:17,020
You already owe me 8 million
from pinball. Sit down.
192
00:07:21,690 --> 00:07:23,190
ARTHUR: [SIGHS]
193
00:07:23,940 --> 00:07:26,070
I'm hot.
194
00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:27,610
Then take off
your sweater.
195
00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:30,070
Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
196
00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:34,030
Fine. Then be hot.
197
00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:37,160
Okay, you win.
Enjoy the show.
198
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,630
Do you want some help
with that, Arthur?
199
00:07:45,670 --> 00:07:49,010
ARTHUR: I think I can take off
my own sweater, thank you.
200
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:56,390
Is someone gonna
help me, or what?
201
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,390
Come here.
Come here.
202
00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:02,600
Give me that,
203
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,350
and...there.
204
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,900
That was terrifying.
205
00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:09,400
I'm gonna need
a men's room pronto.
206
00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:12,900
Here are your wings.
207
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:13,990
Thanks.
208
00:08:14,030 --> 00:08:15,370
Was that your grandfather?
209
00:08:15,410 --> 00:08:17,830
Who, him?
No, that's just some guy.
210
00:08:17,870 --> 00:08:19,200
Oh. You know,
so many people
211
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,040
take the elderly
for granted,
212
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,920
it's really sweet seeing you
take care of him like that.
213
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,130
It is?
214
00:08:25,170 --> 00:08:26,540
Sure. It shows
you have a big heart.
215
00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:28,460
I like that.
216
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,050
Oh, ho.
217
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:31,550
She likes that. Huh!
218
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:35,220
-Okay, false alarm.
-Oh, hey, there's the man.
219
00:08:35,260 --> 00:08:36,550
-Come here. You got a little--
-Huh?
220
00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:39,060
--uh,shmutzon your face.
221
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:44,350
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
222
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,730
Oh, you're sick, Emily?
223
00:08:47,770 --> 00:08:49,230
That's too bad.
224
00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:51,740
Hey, maybe it's from smelling
Mr. Douchet's cologne,
225
00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:53,190
right? Ha ha!
226
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:54,570
Oh, okay, you gotta go?
227
00:08:54,610 --> 00:08:57,200
All right. Okay. Bye-bye.
228
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,200
-Crap.
-What's the matter, babe?
229
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,080
Emily and Peter
blew us off again tonight.
230
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:05,830
Really? That's weird.
231
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:07,920
They said they had to
go bird shopping.
232
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,000
Who goes bird shopping
on a Saturday night?
233
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:13,920
Who goes bird shopping?
234
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,720
People like birds.
235
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:16,930
I almost got a parrot once,
236
00:09:16,970 --> 00:09:19,350
till I found out
they live to be 80.
237
00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:22,180
I don't need my pet
outliving me.
238
00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:23,890
I just don't
understand it.
239
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,560
I mean, I thought
we all hit it off.
240
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,100
How can they
not like us?
241
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,730
I don't know.
I mean...
242
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:30,770
there are people
out in the world
243
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,490
who don't like
squirt cheese.
244
00:09:34,650 --> 00:09:37,990
But we all gotta share
this big, spinning rock.
245
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:40,660
I mean, you were funny.
246
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:41,910
I know they likedyou.
247
00:09:41,950 --> 00:09:44,410
Well, that's true.
I'm--I'm electric.
248
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:49,000
Do you think
it was me?
249
00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:52,170
No.
250
00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:53,380
My God, was it me?
251
00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:55,920
No, no, no.
You're fun and...feisty.
252
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:56,970
What do you mean,
I'm feisty?
253
00:09:57,010 --> 00:09:58,970
Like I came on
too strong?
254
00:09:59,010 --> 00:10:01,300
Not at all.
You didn't, no. I mean...
255
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:02,510
-although...
-What?
256
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,100
-No, no, no--
-What? Just tell me!
257
00:10:04,140 --> 00:10:05,480
-It's nothing!
-Tell me!
258
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:06,520
Okay, you--
259
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:09,150
you remember at dinner
when you...
260
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:11,980
asked the busboy, like,
3 times for lemons?
261
00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:15,490
I thought I saw Peter and Emily
throw each other a look, like...
262
00:10:15,530 --> 00:10:16,990
"Okay..."
263
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:20,030
CARRIE: Oh, my God.
I can't believe it.
264
00:10:20,070 --> 00:10:21,780
Hey, I love it when you
mix it up with the help,
265
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:26,710
but maybe they're just not
hip enough to "get" you.
266
00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:28,580
You know,
it's their loss.
267
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:30,040
I just thought
this would be a great way
268
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,040
to open up our world
a little bit, you know?
269
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,340
Yeah, but, you know,
270
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:36,300
we got a great world
right here in Queens,
271
00:10:36,340 --> 00:10:39,010
with great friends
who...
272
00:10:39,050 --> 00:10:41,390
love us for who we are.
273
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,470
You're right, Honey.
274
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:49,690
Thanks, babe.
275
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:56,230
And all is quiet
in the dome.
276
00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:00,820
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
277
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,450
[COPY MACHINE RUNNING]
278
00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:07,700
Oh, hey, Emily.
279
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,290
Hey, Carrie.
280
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:15,210
I just got,
like, 70 more.
281
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,420
So, did you guys
end up, uh,
282
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:22,430
getting
that bird or...
283
00:11:22,470 --> 00:11:23,680
Oh, no. No.
284
00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,560
We looked around,
but we couldn't agree on one.
285
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,430
Yeah, it's hard.
286
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:34,230
Emily, uh...
287
00:11:34,270 --> 00:11:37,070
-can I ask you a question?
-Sure.
288
00:11:37,110 --> 00:11:39,400
Um...did I do anything
the other night
289
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,150
to offend you in any way?
290
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,110
-No, no. Not at all.
-'Cause I know
291
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,620
I can be
opinionated sometimes,
292
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,580
and I talk
before I think, and I--
293
00:11:46,620 --> 00:11:48,580
Carrie,
I think you're great.
294
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,790
-Really.
-You do?
295
00:11:50,830 --> 00:11:52,580
-Yeah.
-Oh.
296
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:55,420
Then you guys want to
get together this weekend?
297
00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:58,550
Yeah, um...
I don't think so.
298
00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:01,590
Okay. I mean,
if you like me so much,
299
00:12:01,630 --> 00:12:04,180
how come you never want
to hang out with us?
300
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:06,890
Carrie...it's not you.
301
00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:09,350
Did you lift your shirt
302
00:12:09,390 --> 00:12:12,310
and make them touch
your belly hair?!
303
00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:15,440
What?!
304
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,690
-Did you?
-I lifted my what and made who--
305
00:12:17,730 --> 00:12:20,530
I--I--I--I can't even
follow what you're saying!
306
00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:23,200
You lifted your shirt
and made Peter and Emily
307
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,280
-touch your belly hair!
-Oh, yeah, okay, yeah,
308
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,370
and then
I threw on a G-string
309
00:12:26,410 --> 00:12:28,450
and gave Peter
a lap dance. Yeah.
310
00:12:28,490 --> 00:12:30,700
Oh, yeah, okay, Doug, what
are you saying, Emily's lying?
311
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,540
-Why would she lie?
-Oh, come on. Yeah--
312
00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:35,290
I lifted up my shirt,
and I made them touch me.
313
00:12:35,330 --> 00:12:36,960
That's what I did.
314
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,000
Oh, God.
315
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,550
10 years together,
Carrie.
316
00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:43,300
10 years.
You think you know a person.
317
00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:44,800
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
318
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:48,510
This--this stings a little.
This--this stings...
319
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:51,140
All right, l-look,
I know it sounds crazy,
320
00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:52,180
but why would she...
321
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,480
DOUG: I don't know,
you know,
322
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,480
but maybe it's because
you guys work together
323
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,650
and she didn't want
to hurt your feelings,
324
00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:59,020
so she blamed me.
325
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,650
It's all right.
I'm a big boy.
326
00:13:00,690 --> 00:13:02,400
I can take it.
327
00:13:03,190 --> 00:13:05,410
Honey, I am so sorry.
328
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:07,030
No, no, no, no, no.
No, you know what?
329
00:13:07,070 --> 00:13:11,330
I'm sorry that you have
to put up with people like her.
330
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:13,120
I just don't know
what's going on with me.
331
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,580
It's like I can't
read people anymore.
332
00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:16,830
Is it because I've been
out of work for so long?
333
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,960
We can analyze this
till we're blue in the face.
334
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,670
Point is, it's behind us.
335
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,130
You know what?
336
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,720
You are right?
337
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,600
Screw Emily Kornbluth.
338
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,060
-Yeah!
-There are plenty of people
339
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,930
at my office
we could hang out with.
340
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,690
ALL: [LAUGHING]
341
00:13:37,730 --> 00:13:39,230
So how much would it take
for you guys
342
00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:41,440
to get it on
in front of me, huh?
343
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:48,070
DOUG [LOUDLY]: *Aah...*
344
00:13:48,110 --> 00:13:52,040
*Aah...*
345
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,410
[SMACKING AND LICKING LOUDLY]
346
00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:58,670
May I?
347
00:13:58,710 --> 00:14:00,420
Thank you.
348
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:14,140
Come on.
We've all wondered
349
00:14:14,180 --> 00:14:17,890
what human flesh
tastes like, right?
350
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:21,270
So, seriously...
you in?
351
00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:27,070
[FALSETTO]
*Pretty, so pretty*
352
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:29,780
*Pretty boy*
353
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,290
There you go, big guy.
354
00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:41,790
How's that feel?
355
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,210
ARTHUR: It really hurt
to begin with,
356
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,590
but I'm not hatin' it.
357
00:14:44,630 --> 00:14:46,670
How long can you go
without feeling uncomfortable?
358
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,970
As low as the law allows,
my friend.
359
00:14:50,010 --> 00:14:52,430
Oh, I'll be back
in just a second.
360
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,310
Hey, Kate,
how's it goin'?
361
00:14:58,350 --> 00:14:59,270
Oh, hey.
362
00:14:59,310 --> 00:15:01,520
Yeah. Just, uh,
knockin' one back
363
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,570
with my old pal Arthur.
364
00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:06,480
God, his own family keeps him
locked in a basement all day.
365
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:08,650
It's sad.
366
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,280
Damn it, I said I wasn't
gonna cry about this.
367
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,160
Oh, yeah, but, you know, it
looks like you and your friend
368
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,700
take really good care
of him.
369
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,200
What?
370
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:21,000
Yeah, I guess looking
after him is a lot of work.
371
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,540
It doesn't feel
like work, though.
372
00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:26,210
It feels a lot more
like love.
373
00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:27,710
I love you, too, Daniel.
374
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,970
Now, give me a nice crisp
[INDISTINCT] like Desi Arnaz.
375
00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:33,800
What are
you doing?
376
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,180
Arthur's hair
was a little messy,
377
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:37,020
-so I'm fixing it.
-Okay, leave him alone.
378
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:39,350
-This is my thing.
-No. Well, now it's our thing.
379
00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:41,230
-But, no, it isn't.
-Yeah. Why don't you go away,
380
00:15:41,270 --> 00:15:43,060
-all right? I'm doing his hair.
-Uh, hey, look at the time.
381
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,730
I gotta feed you.
Here.
382
00:15:44,770 --> 00:15:46,400
-Have a breadstick.
-I don't want a breadstick.
383
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:47,780
-Yes, you do.
-Sesame seeds
384
00:15:47,820 --> 00:15:49,030
make my gums inflamed.
385
00:15:49,070 --> 00:15:50,610
-This way.
-Hey, come eat.
386
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:51,820
Hey, now stop it!
387
00:15:51,860 --> 00:15:53,370
The two of you
have been grooming me.
388
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:54,950
You've been feeding me...
389
00:15:54,990 --> 00:15:58,160
letting me sit on your lap.
390
00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,250
What gives?
391
00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:00,290
It's just...
392
00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:02,210
it turns out women
kind of like it
393
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:04,460
when they see us
taking care of you.
394
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,880
So I'm only here so you can
use me as old man bait?
395
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,380
You make me sick.
396
00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:11,680
Now,
finish my Desi
397
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,800
and then I'm out of here.
398
00:16:17,140 --> 00:16:19,060
Hey, did I tell you that Kelly's
on the steering committee
399
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:21,850
for Kirby's middle school?
400
00:16:21,890 --> 00:16:23,600
No, but back
that story up,
401
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,560
because I don't want
to miss a thing.
402
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:28,360
Come on, man.
I'm in trouble here.
403
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,570
She's trying to make friends
with this couple she met there--
404
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:32,200
George and Viola.
405
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,570
I need to know how this
whole dome business works.
406
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:38,870
Ah, so somebody wants
a little help from the master.
407
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,040
Yeah, yeah.
Walk me through this.
408
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,210
How do I make
these people disappear?
409
00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:44,830
Well, the first thing you do
is you go out with them.
410
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:46,080
Okay, you be charming
411
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,790
and pretend
you're having a great time.
412
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,590
Then when Kelly leaves the room,
you make your move.
413
00:16:51,630 --> 00:16:52,760
What do I do?
414
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,260
Well, there are
a lot of options.
415
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:57,800
But I'm gonna start you off
with a basic shirt lift.
416
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,470
You mean like this?
417
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:05,480
You know what?
You don't have a ton of hair.
418
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,810
You might want
to go nipple.
419
00:17:09,610 --> 00:17:11,150
All right, fine.
420
00:17:11,190 --> 00:17:12,530
Anything else?
421
00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:15,160
Sometimes I like to throw
in a crazy look, like...
422
00:17:18,490 --> 00:17:19,740
that really works?
423
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:22,500
I have yet to find
a glitch in the system.
424
00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:25,920
Everybody hates me, I hate
them, and I am quitting.
425
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,500
That's it. I've had it.
426
00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:31,500
Okay, there's
the first glitch.
427
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:37,300
Hey, babe.
You're not really thinking
428
00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:39,050
about quitting your job,
are you?
429
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,640
Yeah, I am. Okay? I'm looking
through the want ads right now.
430
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:42,890
I refuse to work with people
431
00:17:42,930 --> 00:17:44,810
that I have to beg
to be my friend, all right?
432
00:17:44,850 --> 00:17:46,440
I'm a very sweet
and nice person.
433
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,860
They can all bite me.
434
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,270
You just had a bad day.
435
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,900
Hey, you know what? I know
what'll cheer you up.
436
00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:53,780
How about we
grab some Chinese, huh?
437
00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:55,070
-No. I'm not hungry.
-Come on.
438
00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:56,650
We could make fun
of Mr. Chang's lisp,
439
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,240
order some thweet
and thour thoup.
440
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,530
No. You know what?
I'm just gonna go to bed.
441
00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:06,710
Look, you just got
this job. You can't quit.
442
00:18:06,750 --> 00:18:07,870
You know what?
Find someone else.
443
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,250
-We'll go out with them.
-No.
444
00:18:09,290 --> 00:18:11,090
I know it'll work out
this time. I know it.
445
00:18:11,130 --> 00:18:12,710
Really? How do you
know that, Doug?
446
00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:15,670
Because this time, you won't
yell at a busboy about lemons,
447
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:20,010
and I won't
"lift my shirt."
448
00:18:20,050 --> 00:18:21,550
Come on. You work with,
like, a million people.
449
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,310
There's gotta be someone
there we can go out with.
450
00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:27,690
Well, I kind of know
the Newsstand Lady
451
00:18:27,730 --> 00:18:28,980
that works in the lobby.
452
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:30,270
Perfect. There we go--
453
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,400
me, you, Newsstand Lady,
Mr. Newsstand Lady
454
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,740
all paint the town.
455
00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:36,950
-Okay.
-All right?
456
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:38,360
Now let's talk
Mr. Chang's, huh?
457
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:40,990
Thweet and thour thoup,
thethame chicken--
458
00:18:41,030 --> 00:18:42,870
and anything else?
459
00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:45,370
Thpare ribth?
460
00:18:45,410 --> 00:18:46,410
That's my girl.
461
00:18:46,450 --> 00:18:49,580
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
462
00:18:51,580 --> 00:18:52,750
There you go, Whitey.
463
00:18:52,790 --> 00:18:55,130
It seems you had
some marshmallow on your chin.
464
00:18:55,170 --> 00:18:56,880
You put it there.
465
00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:00,300
You want your 5 bucks,
then shut up!
466
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:04,430
[CHUCKLES] Just, uh, taking care
of my old friend here.
467
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,890
Arthur, uh,
we just came by
468
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:11,190
to say we're sorry.
469
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:12,980
Yeah, we didn't mean
to hurt your feelings.
470
00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:15,610
Buzz off. I got my own thing
working right now.
471
00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:18,190
Wait--wait a minute.
472
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,660
You're doing exactly
what you yelled at us for.
473
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:21,910
Doing what?
474
00:19:21,950 --> 00:19:24,450
Never mind what I'm doing!
Just look pathetic.
475
00:19:24,490 --> 00:19:27,750
He's using you because women
are attracted to men
476
00:19:27,790 --> 00:19:29,830
who take care
of the elderly.
477
00:19:29,870 --> 00:19:31,290
Really?
478
00:19:31,330 --> 00:19:34,840
Then I'm gonna call
my Uncle Carl.
479
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,210
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
480
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:42,010
At first we just
sold newspapers.
481
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:45,640
Then I got the idea
to sell gum and candy.
482
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,020
Then I put in
the chip rack,
483
00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:49,520
and knock on wood,
484
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:53,100
next month, we're getting
a chap stick dispenser.
485
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,520
Wow. It's a good time
in our lives.
486
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,280
Well, I'm gonna get
some more coffee.
487
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,860
How are you guys?
You okay? Cheryl? Dennis?
488
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,450
-Uh, good.
-We're fine.
489
00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:05,530
Okay. Well, just let me know
if anything bothers you.
490
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:06,870
Okay?
491
00:20:06,910 --> 00:20:08,080
All right.
492
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,620
Hey, you guys
ever play Balderdash?
493
00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:11,790
Hmm?
494
00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:13,120
The board game.
495
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:16,540
You make up fake
dictionary definitions.
496
00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:17,800
It's hilarious.
497
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,300
We're in a league
every Tuesday and Friday.
498
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:21,550
Maybe you could join.
499
00:20:21,590 --> 00:20:26,010
"If you love words,
you'll love Balderdash."
500
00:20:26,970 --> 00:20:30,060
CHERYL: Yeah.
And Dennis here,
501
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:32,730
He always makes
this incredible chili.
502
00:20:32,770 --> 00:20:34,480
It is delicious.
503
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,400
No meat.
504
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,650
All tofu.
505
00:20:38,690 --> 00:20:39,860
And...
506
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:42,990
we get totally drunk.
507
00:20:43,030 --> 00:20:44,160
On fun!
508
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,160
Ha ha ha ha ha!
509
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,660
Is this a lot of hair
right here? Seriously.
510
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:52,330
Huh?
511
00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:56,000
Hey...
512
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,710
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
513
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:17,440
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
36588
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