All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2004) - S06E16 - Damned Yanky_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,250 --> 00:00:06,210 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,890 Doug, looking at your watch every 30 seconds 3 00:00:15,930 --> 00:00:17,680 is not gonna make the Chinese food 4 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:19,680 come any faster. 5 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,180 [DOORBELL RINGING] 6 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:26,060 You hate that, that just rang, don't you? 7 00:00:29,270 --> 00:00:32,320 Oh! You could not smell better. 8 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:33,860 All right, what's the damage? 9 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,360 24.50. 10 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,370 All right. 11 00:00:37,410 --> 00:00:38,620 Carrie, 12 00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:40,200 can you get your purse? 'Cause I'm out of cash. 13 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,160 I don't have any cash. I thought you went to the ATM. 14 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,910 I thought you went to the ATM. 15 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,040 -You, uh, take credit cards? -No. 16 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,040 This is not happening. 17 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,000 All right, you stay there. 18 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,420 Don't take her away. 19 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:56,300 Uh, what are you doing? 20 00:00:56,340 --> 00:00:57,550 I'm lookin' for money. 21 00:00:57,590 --> 00:00:59,720 When was the last time you dropped 24.50 22 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,140 under the cushions? 23 00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:04,310 When is the last time you got off your ass and helped? 24 00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:07,100 Maybe he'll take something else, 25 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,610 like a trade or something. 26 00:01:08,650 --> 00:01:11,070 Oh, yes, a good idea. That's a good idea. 27 00:01:11,110 --> 00:01:13,400 All right. 28 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,240 What are you doing? 29 00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:23,620 Don't you worry what I'm doing. 30 00:01:23,660 --> 00:01:25,370 You just get the forks. 31 00:01:25,410 --> 00:01:27,750 Or maybe you pay me next time. 32 00:01:27,790 --> 00:01:29,130 Oh. 33 00:01:29,170 --> 00:01:31,130 Okay. 34 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,130 Thanks. 35 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,470 I knew Chinese food way before I knew you. 36 00:01:42,510 --> 00:01:46,020 SINGER: *My eyes are gettin' weary* 37 00:01:46,060 --> 00:01:48,600 *My back is gettin' tight* 38 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,520 *I'm sittin' here in traffic* 39 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,440 *On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 40 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:59,320 *But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do* 41 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,740 *Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 42 00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:06,330 *'Cause, baby, all my life* 43 00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:11,330 *I will be drivin' home to you* 44 00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:26,430 Doug, did you notice that we have 45 00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:28,690 4 bottles of shampoo in the shower 46 00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:29,850 that are all empty? 47 00:02:29,890 --> 00:02:31,810 -Yeah, I saw that. -If you saw that, 48 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,770 how come you didn't throw them away? 49 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,570 Uh, 'cause I wanted to give you the chance to see 'em 50 00:02:35,610 --> 00:02:38,450 so we could have this fun conversation. 51 00:02:38,490 --> 00:02:39,950 Just take them to the recycler, okay? 52 00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:42,740 Take the garbage out, too. 53 00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:46,700 I got a sharp pain in my side this morning. 54 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,200 I must have pulled something last night. 55 00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,620 I told you, it's killing me. 56 00:02:49,660 --> 00:02:51,880 Okay, Doug, do you really want to play this card 57 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:54,790 to get out of a 4-foot walk to the garbage can? 58 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,260 'Cause there's a cat show coming up-- 59 00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,090 Okay! All right! 60 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,680 Ahhh, it's hurting. 61 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,230 -I'm feelin' it. I'm feelin' it. -Uh-huh, uh-huh. 62 00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:15,400 [CRASH] 63 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,110 DOUG: Oh, God! 64 00:03:20,990 --> 00:03:23,110 Okay, Doug, lying in garbage, 65 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,990 that's real mature. 66 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,080 Oh, I like the tuna can hat. 67 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:29,160 That's a good look. 68 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,540 Now get up, Doug. 69 00:03:31,580 --> 00:03:33,580 Doug? 70 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,710 Doug? 71 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,630 Dr. Garcia, how is he? 72 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:42,880 He's gonna be fine. 73 00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:44,140 Luckily his appendix hadn't burst yet, 74 00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:45,720 and we got it out just in time. 75 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:46,810 Oh, thank God. 76 00:03:46,850 --> 00:03:47,890 Listen, he wanted me 77 00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:50,270 to bring it home for him in a jar. 78 00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:51,270 If that's a problem, 79 00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:52,560 you could just put a radish in there. 80 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,190 He won't know the difference. 81 00:03:54,230 --> 00:03:55,940 Anyway, I'm just gonna need him back here next week 82 00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:57,480 to take the stitches out. 83 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:58,780 Okay. Can I see him? 84 00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:00,190 Sure. He's probably still sleeping 85 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,360 the anesthesia off. 86 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,110 If you need anything, just buzz Candace. 87 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,410 Okay. Thank you. 88 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,450 Doug? 89 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,830 Sweetie? 90 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:20,340 The doctor said you're gonna be fine, honey. 91 00:04:20,380 --> 00:04:22,470 Ohh. 92 00:04:22,510 --> 00:04:25,470 I feel awful about this. 93 00:04:25,510 --> 00:04:26,640 I know I should have believed you 94 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:27,890 when you said you were in pain. 95 00:04:27,930 --> 00:04:32,020 It's just that... you lie to me so much. 96 00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:37,520 Will you ever forgive me? 97 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,320 Yeah... 98 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,150 Candace. 99 00:04:41,190 --> 00:04:42,320 Candace the nurse? 100 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,490 Honey, you want me to get the nurse for you? 101 00:04:44,530 --> 00:04:47,030 So hot, Candace. 102 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,490 Doug, it's Carrie. 103 00:04:49,530 --> 00:04:51,370 Laura... 104 00:04:53,330 --> 00:04:55,710 Oh, that's good, Inez. 105 00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:58,840 That tickles. 106 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,260 Aw, come on, Jenna. 107 00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:07,760 Yeah... 108 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,180 that's it, Car... 109 00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:12,600 come on, Car... 110 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,930 ...roline. 111 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,900 Okay. 112 00:05:18,940 --> 00:05:21,400 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 113 00:05:23,570 --> 00:05:25,740 Carrie! 114 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,200 Carrie, is lunch ready? 115 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:30,580 [TO HERSELF] Sure, you know my name 116 00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:32,830 when you want food. 117 00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,870 -Oh, hi. -Hi. 118 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,130 This Band-Aid's been itching me. 119 00:05:39,170 --> 00:05:42,050 -Let me get that for ya. -Ow! 120 00:05:42,090 --> 00:05:43,550 -What are you doin'? -Well, you were just pickin' 121 00:05:43,590 --> 00:05:46,720 at it like a little girl, okay? It was annoying. 122 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,720 You've been snapping at me all day. What's up? 123 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:53,180 Why don't you ask Inez what's up? 124 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:56,600 Inez? You mean the girl from LensCrafters? 125 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:57,940 You tell me. 126 00:05:57,980 --> 00:05:59,850 What are you talking about? 127 00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:01,400 Okay. Well, while you were in the hospital 128 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:02,900 after the surgery, when you were sleeping, 129 00:06:02,940 --> 00:06:05,070 you were moaning all these girls' names. 130 00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:06,530 -What? -CARRIE: Yeah. 131 00:06:06,570 --> 00:06:08,150 "Oh, Candace! 132 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,570 "Oh, Inez! 133 00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:11,490 Ooh, Tanya." 134 00:06:11,530 --> 00:06:13,580 Sickening. 135 00:06:13,620 --> 00:06:15,750 No, those weren't girls. 136 00:06:15,790 --> 00:06:18,080 I was having a dream where I was helping someone 137 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,080 name a litter of puppies. 138 00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:26,170 Oh. 139 00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:31,680 Well, apparently 2 puppies named Britney and Christina 140 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,890 were making out with you in a limo. 141 00:06:36,770 --> 00:06:40,020 That's 'cause I had treats in my pocket. 142 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,320 I--fine. Look, 143 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,990 maybe I was having some kind of crazy dream, 144 00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:53,830 but you--you know I love you! 145 00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:56,620 You know I'm totally attracted to you. 146 00:06:56,660 --> 00:06:58,460 It's just, like any guy, 147 00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,170 once in a while a... 148 00:07:00,210 --> 00:07:03,000 image of another woman just pops into my head, 149 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,540 for, like, a second! 150 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:07,800 But you're m'lady. You're m'hon-ay. 151 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,130 Oh, that's funny, 152 00:07:09,170 --> 00:07:12,640 'cause your hon-ay's name didn't come up. 153 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,350 Yeah. There was a Car... 154 00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:16,430 roline... 155 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,680 and, uh, a car... 156 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,560 wash girl, 157 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,980 but no "Carrie." 158 00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:25,610 That's 'cause I don't need to fantasize about you, okay? 159 00:07:25,650 --> 00:07:27,190 You're the living fantasy 160 00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:29,530 -that I'm honored to share my-- -CARRIE: Oh, would you shut up? 161 00:07:29,570 --> 00:07:32,240 Look, I know it's normal, okay? But, I mean, 162 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,870 there I was in the hospital room feeling sorry for you, 163 00:07:34,910 --> 00:07:36,280 and the next thing I know, you're fantasizing 164 00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:39,410 about cheating on me with all these skanks! 165 00:07:39,450 --> 00:07:40,790 It hurts! 166 00:07:40,830 --> 00:07:41,830 I wasn't cheating, okay? 167 00:07:41,870 --> 00:07:43,540 Doug, we're married, okay? 168 00:07:43,580 --> 00:07:44,920 I'm your wife, 169 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,540 and you're doing stuff in your head with them. 170 00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:48,760 How is that not cheating? 171 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,010 -It's just not. -How? 172 00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,510 You're not... 173 00:07:52,550 --> 00:07:53,760 there. 174 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,010 I'm not there. What, I'm not in the room? 175 00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:57,470 I'm not in the country, what? 176 00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,520 You're not... 177 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,560 alive. 178 00:08:04,060 --> 00:08:05,860 Okay, so let me get this straight. 179 00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:07,980 In your fantasies, 180 00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:10,530 you kill me? 181 00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:12,400 No. No,Idon't. 182 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:15,950 It's the rare disease that kills you. 183 00:08:16,870 --> 00:08:19,740 Or the bolt of lightning. 184 00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,000 Definitely not me. 185 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,250 Ow! That wasn't ready to come off yet! 186 00:08:23,290 --> 00:08:25,880 I can't believe what I'm hearing here! 187 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:26,960 Let me explain, okay? 188 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,380 Please, Doug. Explain to me 189 00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:30,510 why I shouldn't be upset that you want me dead! 190 00:08:30,550 --> 00:08:32,050 DOUG: Look, I don't want you dead, all right? 191 00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:33,720 You got it all wrong. I mean... 192 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,510 the truth is, 193 00:08:35,550 --> 00:08:37,220 I love you so much 194 00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:40,720 that I could never even imagine cheating on you, 195 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,930 so the only way I can have any fantasies at all 196 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,690 is if you're... 197 00:08:44,730 --> 00:08:47,270 up there. 198 00:08:50,940 --> 00:08:53,990 So to avoid the guilt of adultery, 199 00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:55,910 you choose murder? 200 00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:57,950 Again, not murder. 201 00:08:57,990 --> 00:08:59,450 In my fantasies, 202 00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:03,120 you're always taken from me tragically. 203 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,920 I'm devastated. 204 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,590 I give myself 2 years to grieve. 205 00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:10,000 After that, 206 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:13,300 even your friends are like, "You gotta move on." 207 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:17,010 And would one of those friends be Lisa, 208 00:09:17,050 --> 00:09:20,260 my friend you're always checking out? 209 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,930 She may be one of those consoling me, yes. 210 00:09:22,970 --> 00:09:25,190 And do you end up sleeping with her? 211 00:09:25,230 --> 00:09:27,600 God sakes, it's been 2 years! 212 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,560 Oh, my God! Okay. 213 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:30,980 So what I'm getting here 214 00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:32,400 is I'm electrocuted 215 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:33,900 and you're boffing my friends. 216 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,780 No, no, it's usually not your friends! 217 00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:37,280 That's not typical at all. 218 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,490 -What is typical, Doug? -Ohh! 219 00:09:38,530 --> 00:09:40,120 Do you really wanna open this box? 220 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,490 Yes, I think I do. 221 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:43,750 All right, fine. 222 00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:45,580 Like... 223 00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:47,750 I'm in the park, 224 00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:50,130 grieving... 225 00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:52,050 just trying to heal, 226 00:09:52,090 --> 00:09:54,460 trying to quiet the endless scream 227 00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:57,130 in my soul... 228 00:09:57,180 --> 00:10:00,350 when a chick in a sports bra comes over to me. 229 00:10:01,890 --> 00:10:03,890 -Uh-huh. -But it's innocent, you know? 230 00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:05,060 We just start talking, 231 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:06,180 and then I introduce her to Bobby. 232 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,650 -Who's Bobby? -He's our son. 233 00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:09,810 We have a son? 234 00:10:09,850 --> 00:10:11,190 He's the part of you that lives on. 235 00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:12,820 All right, I don't wanna hear any more. 236 00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:14,780 Wait! You know what? There's a lot of judging me here. 237 00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:16,110 What about you? 238 00:10:16,150 --> 00:10:17,780 You know, you fantasize about other men, right? 239 00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:19,160 Yeah, occasionally I'm definitely 240 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,280 gonna step it up now! 241 00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:25,080 I'm serious. Like, when you and Keanu 242 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,910 are getting it on, where am I? 243 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,330 What do you do with me? 244 00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:30,500 CARRIE: You're around! I'm just cheating on you. 245 00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:34,170 I'm not pushing you down a flight of stairs! 246 00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:35,340 I don't push you down stairs! 247 00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:38,050 You trip on Bobby's skateboard! 248 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,180 CARRIE: Oh, bite me! 249 00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:43,220 Well, I certainly see where he gets his mouth from! 250 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:58,740 What are these? 251 00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:02,700 These are the sex fantasies you're allowed to have. 252 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:10,580 You... 253 00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:12,830 wrote fantasies for me? 254 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,800 Yeah. Look, I know I got upset last night, okay? 255 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,590 People fantasize. I get it, 256 00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:18,840 but I just... 257 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,130 can't let you kill me anymore. 258 00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:23,510 It's just not right. 259 00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:24,800 That doesn't mean 260 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:26,430 you can write fantasies for me. 261 00:11:26,470 --> 00:11:28,310 -You're my wife! -So? 262 00:11:28,350 --> 00:11:29,430 So? 263 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,270 Do I let my cardiologist order for me 264 00:11:31,310 --> 00:11:33,100 at Der Wienerschnitzel? 265 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:36,360 Look, Doug, I happen to have provided you 266 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,280 with alternatives I think 267 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:39,610 are quite sensuous. 268 00:11:39,650 --> 00:11:41,570 Okay, see, "sensuous" 269 00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:44,660 is a red flag already, right there. 270 00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,280 Let's see what you got, though. 271 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:49,000 Oh, boy. 272 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:51,460 "You are alone. 273 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,420 "Carrie is away on a business trip 274 00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:55,750 forVoguemagazine." 275 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:01,550 "You go to a florist to buy Carrie flowers. 276 00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:04,510 The florist reminds you of Carrie." 277 00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:05,800 Okay, first note: 278 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,890 little too much Carrie. 279 00:12:07,930 --> 00:12:09,520 All right, that was my first one. 280 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,520 They get better. Keep going. 281 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,690 "You follow a trail of rose petals 282 00:12:13,730 --> 00:12:15,610 to a canopied bed." 283 00:12:15,650 --> 00:12:17,940 [BLOWING RASPBERRY] 284 00:12:19,650 --> 00:12:23,030 "You ride a horse across a field..." 285 00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:28,030 [BLOWING LONGER RASPBERRY] 286 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:36,290 Okay, I'm pretty sure this one was aDharma and Greg. 287 00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:37,380 Doug, come on! 288 00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:38,840 I worked hard on these, okay? 289 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,670 The least you can do is have an open mind. 290 00:12:40,710 --> 00:12:42,420 This is crazy! I mean, look at this! 291 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,840 I--I'm on a horse. 292 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,390 I'm biking through wine country. 293 00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:47,260 Why I am so active? 294 00:12:50,890 --> 00:12:52,520 Do you know in my own fantasies, 295 00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,890 I rarely get out of a chair? 296 00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:58,520 Look, 297 00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:01,690 these are your fantasies now, okay? 298 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:05,740 And you better start using them, 299 00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:08,530 'cause if I find out I'm dead, 300 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:09,990 you're dead. 301 00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:17,080 "You take her hand in yours 302 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,670 "as the gondolier looks discreetly away. 303 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,340 "You stroke her hair 304 00:13:23,380 --> 00:13:26,260 and she whispers, amore." 305 00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:31,350 Damn! 306 00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:32,930 -Ohh! -Oh, it gets better. 307 00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:36,310 I'm about to pick up a mandolin and start singing. 308 00:13:36,350 --> 00:13:37,440 Hey, if these Carrie fantasies 309 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,900 aren't quite working for you, 310 00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:41,400 maybe you could have your mom fire off a few. 311 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:42,980 [BOTH LAUGHING] 312 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,690 You guys are funny. Laugh it up, you know? 313 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:45,900 But Carrie's making me do these. 314 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,360 Making you? How's Carrie gonna know 315 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,410 what you're fantasizing about? 316 00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:49,660 She knows things, okay? 317 00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:51,080 I mean, how did she know I was the one 318 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,410 who got Russian dressing on our wedding album? 319 00:13:53,450 --> 00:13:54,410 I think a lot of people 320 00:13:54,450 --> 00:13:56,580 could've connected those dots. 321 00:13:56,620 --> 00:13:58,080 That's not even the point. All right? 322 00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,960 Look, Carrie's feelings were really hurt about this. 323 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,590 I just can't blow her off. 324 00:14:01,630 --> 00:14:03,760 All right? I feel too guilty. 325 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,800 Some of these aren't that bad. 326 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:09,260 Hey, this one's got her nail girl Tina in it. 327 00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,350 She's pretty hot. 328 00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:12,140 All right. Good luck with that. 329 00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:13,220 I'm gonna hit it. 330 00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:14,770 Yeah, me, too. 331 00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:17,940 Hey, can I, uh, borrow this one? 332 00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:19,150 Which? 333 00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:21,690 The one with, uh, Meredith Baxter-Birney. 334 00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:25,740 I'll get it back to you when I'm done. 335 00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:28,950 My gift to you. 336 00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:30,570 Thank you. 337 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:31,910 Oh, and if anything with Judith Light 338 00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:33,280 comes across your desk, uh, 339 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:35,000 shoot it my way, will ya? 340 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,460 All right, Tina, 341 00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,250 let's see what you got. 342 00:14:47,010 --> 00:14:48,680 Oh, Doug, I'm glad you're here. 343 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:49,880 Can you pay Tina? 344 00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,640 Um, I'm meeting Donna Karan. 345 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,140 We're gonna play darts at Calvin Klein's place. 346 00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:55,470 Oh. Sure. 347 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,600 Great. Thanks. 348 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:01,860 Oh, and I won't be back for a few hours. Okay? 349 00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:06,030 Ahem. 350 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:07,860 Whoops. I... 351 00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:09,990 seem to have forgotten my wallet. I-- 352 00:15:10,030 --> 00:15:12,370 I don't know how I'm gonna pay you. 353 00:15:12,410 --> 00:15:16,040 Well, that's very bad news. 354 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:18,790 Is there any other way 355 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:21,040 we could, uh, work this out? 356 00:15:22,210 --> 00:15:25,210 I'm sure we can think of something. 357 00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:29,220 Uh... 358 00:15:29,260 --> 00:15:30,760 What's the matter? 359 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,510 It's just... 360 00:15:33,550 --> 00:15:34,970 my wife. 361 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:41,190 She said she won't be back for hours. 362 00:15:41,230 --> 00:15:42,400 Right. 363 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,860 Ohh, I--I can't-- I--I--look, I--I-- 364 00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,150 I just need a minute here. 365 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:54,870 [BRAKES SQUEAL] 366 00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:58,040 [GLASS BREAKING] 367 00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,540 Oh, my God! What was that? 368 00:15:59,580 --> 00:16:00,870 My wife. She's dead. 369 00:16:00,910 --> 00:16:02,750 Now where were we? 370 00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:08,340 I thought you said you weren't going to kill me! 371 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,340 I didn't mean to! 372 00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:11,680 CARRIE: Well, you know what? We had a deal. 373 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,050 Now your little party's over with. 374 00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:15,550 Out. 375 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,560 Out! Look to me. Out. 376 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,430 [WOMEN LAUGHING AND TALKING] 377 00:16:19,470 --> 00:16:21,230 Who's back there? 378 00:16:21,270 --> 00:16:22,640 Nobody. 379 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,100 [WHIMPERS] 380 00:16:29,230 --> 00:16:30,780 Who are they?! 381 00:16:30,820 --> 00:16:32,740 My friends? 382 00:16:32,780 --> 00:16:34,030 These-- 383 00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:35,490 these are the women you fantasize about. 384 00:16:35,530 --> 00:16:37,450 These are your regulars! 385 00:16:37,490 --> 00:16:38,950 Actually, she's not a regular. 386 00:16:38,990 --> 00:16:40,910 I saw her on a billboard this morning. 387 00:16:40,950 --> 00:16:42,750 All right, well, you know what? Let's go, ladies. 388 00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:43,790 Out. Let's go. 389 00:16:43,830 --> 00:16:46,250 Party's over. Time to go. 390 00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:48,960 Let's go, hee haw. 391 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,380 Oh, uh-huh. Nice. Yeah. 392 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:54,510 You, too, food court. 393 00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:56,550 I see ya. I see ya. 394 00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:58,680 Uh-huh. Oh, there's sports bra. 395 00:16:58,720 --> 00:16:59,890 That's nice, yeah. 396 00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:01,890 Village people make a comeback? Okay. 397 00:17:01,930 --> 00:17:03,480 That's great. 398 00:17:06,310 --> 00:17:09,320 Is that one of your mom's friends? 399 00:17:10,570 --> 00:17:12,570 You're sick! 400 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,530 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 401 00:17:19,490 --> 00:17:21,910 Get out of my brain. 402 00:17:21,950 --> 00:17:23,120 What are you talking about? 403 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,870 I tried one of your little fantasies. 404 00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:26,210 It didn't work, and now that you're in here, 405 00:17:26,250 --> 00:17:27,580 none of my old fantasies work either. 406 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:29,250 You chased everyone away! 407 00:17:29,290 --> 00:17:30,170 Look, 408 00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:31,880 I just don't want you to kill me. 409 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,800 I don't think that's too much to ask! 410 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,130 I am tired of apologizing for this. 411 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,970 Killing off your spouse in your fantasies 412 00:17:38,010 --> 00:17:39,140 is the most natural, 413 00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:41,470 beautiful thing in the world! 414 00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:43,100 Why can't you see that? 415 00:17:43,140 --> 00:17:45,060 Hey, Doug. How are those stitches doing? 416 00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,980 Oh, they're, uh-- they're good. 417 00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,440 He hasn't been biting at 'em, has he? 418 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,730 [LAUGHS] No. 419 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,730 Just a couple of minutes to get 'em out. 420 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,150 And while you wait, you can enjoy 421 00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:56,030 a very old Peoplemagazine. 422 00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:58,780 Oh! [LAUGHS] Okay. 423 00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:00,200 Bye. 424 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,220 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 425 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,020 Mrs. Heffernan? 426 00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:34,070 I'm afraid the stitch removal didn't go well. 427 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,700 What do you mean? 428 00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,700 What I'm trying to say is... 429 00:18:38,740 --> 00:18:40,450 your husband... 430 00:18:40,490 --> 00:18:41,910 is dead. 431 00:18:41,950 --> 00:18:44,240 [GASPS] 432 00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:47,000 Honey! 433 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,790 I loved you so much! 434 00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:51,040 [SOBS] 435 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,960 A woman as beautiful as you 436 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,300 should not be crying. 437 00:18:55,340 --> 00:18:56,800 Why? 438 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:57,970 What should I be doing? 439 00:18:58,010 --> 00:18:59,090 Dancing! 440 00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:01,050 Uno, dos, tres, cuatro! 441 00:19:01,090 --> 00:19:04,430 [SALSA MUSIC PLAYING] 442 00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:07,560 SINGERS: [SINGING IN SPANISH] 443 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,020 [SINGING IN SPANISH] 444 00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:12,440 -SINGERS: [SINGING IN SPANISH] -[SINGING IN SPANISH] 445 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,610 SINGERS: [SINGING IN SPANISH] 446 00:19:17,650 --> 00:19:19,070 [SINGING IN SPANISH] 447 00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:22,570 -SINGERS: [SINGING IN SPANISH] -[SINGING IN SPANISH] 448 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,120 [SINGING IN SPANISH] 449 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,250 SINGERS: [SINGING IN SPANISH] 450 00:19:27,290 --> 00:19:29,710 -[SINGING IN SPANISH] -SINGERS: [SINGING IN SPANISH] 451 00:19:32,580 --> 00:19:35,670 [SINGING IN SPANISH] 452 00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:44,850 [SALSA MUSIC PLAYING] 453 00:19:44,890 --> 00:19:48,220 [SINGING IN SPANISH] 454 00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:52,350 [SALSA MUSIC PLAYING] 455 00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:57,440 SINGERS: [SINGING IN SPANISH] 456 00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,650 [SINGING IN SPANISH] 457 00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:08,580 DOUG: Carrie. 458 00:20:08,620 --> 00:20:09,790 -Carrie! -Huh? Yes. 459 00:20:09,830 --> 00:20:11,040 I'm done. Everything's fine. 460 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,460 Oh, well, that's great, sweetie! 461 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:15,540 "Sweetie"? 462 00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:16,880 What's up with-- 463 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,090 you're not mad anymore? 464 00:20:18,130 --> 00:20:20,090 No. No, I was just sitting here 465 00:20:20,130 --> 00:20:22,180 thinking about, uh, 466 00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:24,220 how much I love you. 467 00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:26,100 Come on, let's go get some ice cream. 468 00:20:35,310 --> 00:20:38,730 [INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER TELEVISION] 469 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,160 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 470 00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:19,820 Who are you? 471 00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:23,150 I'm Josephine. Your wife sent me. 472 00:21:23,190 --> 00:21:24,650 Oh. 473 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,780 Doug Heffernan. Hi. 474 00:21:32,540 --> 00:21:34,620 Oh, what the hell. 475 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:41,460 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 31814

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