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1
00:00:02,830 --> 00:00:06,500
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:09,710
Hey, do you know
where the scissors are?
3
00:00:09,750 --> 00:00:11,510
[SIGHS]
4
00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:17,470
Doug, we have lived in this
house for 9 years, okay?
5
00:00:17,510 --> 00:00:20,600
The scissors have always
been in the same place,
6
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:25,270
and yet you continue
to ask me where they are.
7
00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:27,860
Not to mention
the spatula,
8
00:00:27,900 --> 00:00:29,940
the pot holders,
the pens.
9
00:00:29,980 --> 00:00:31,530
Well, I'll tell you
something, honey.
10
00:00:31,570 --> 00:00:35,530
I have been a tour guide in
my own kitchen long enough.
11
00:00:35,570 --> 00:00:38,320
Too many precious
moments have been wasted
12
00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:39,990
showing you
where things are!
13
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,290
Just learn! Learn!
14
00:00:42,330 --> 00:00:43,910
I mean,
what if I died?
15
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,790
How would you
flip a pancake?
16
00:00:45,830 --> 00:00:49,090
How would you--how would you
ever cut anything ever again?
17
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,550
Would you
just sit here weeping
18
00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:55,380
and soiling yourself until
somebody came in to help you?
19
00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:56,680
No, you wouldn't.
You would...
20
00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:00,810
[GASPS] remember
where something is.
21
00:01:00,850 --> 00:01:02,890
Yeah. So come on,
honey. Please.
22
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,020
Just this once.
23
00:01:04,060 --> 00:01:05,810
Find where
the scissors are.
24
00:01:05,850 --> 00:01:08,190
Find 'em.
Go ahead, baby.
25
00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:09,730
Go get 'em.
26
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,730
Go ahead.
27
00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:23,620
-I got 'em.
-CARRIE: You got 'em.
28
00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:27,830
You got 'em.
Now, was that so hard?
29
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:29,790
-Not really, no.
-Okay.
30
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,930
What do you need now?
31
00:01:37,970 --> 00:01:40,220
Tape.
32
00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:43,260
SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
33
00:01:43,310 --> 00:01:46,230
*My back is gettin' tight*
34
00:01:46,270 --> 00:01:47,890
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
35
00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:50,860
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
36
00:01:50,900 --> 00:01:56,400
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
37
00:01:56,440 --> 00:02:02,030
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
38
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,580
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
39
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:08,160
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
40
00:02:18,510 --> 00:02:20,090
Well, hey, Major,
whatcha got there?
41
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,260
I made you a valentine,
Aunt Carrie.
42
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,520
Oh, that is so sweet...
43
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,560
and out of my jury summons.
44
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,400
Okay. I will put it
right here
45
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,690
next to my snowflake
mortgage payment.
46
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,530
-What's that?
-Hmm.
47
00:02:38,570 --> 00:02:39,700
This is coffee, baby.
48
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:41,910
I want some.
Coffee! Coffee!
49
00:02:41,950 --> 00:02:43,580
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no, baby.
50
00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:44,990
No, no, no.
This is a grown-up drink,
51
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,450
just like the big vodka
I'm gonna have
52
00:02:46,490 --> 00:02:49,040
after your parents
pick you up.
53
00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:56,500
Doug. He has
my lipstick again.
54
00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:57,920
I told you
to hide those.
55
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,880
I do,
but he finds them.
56
00:03:01,970 --> 00:03:05,390
Hey, whatcha--whatcha
got there, Kirb?
57
00:03:05,430 --> 00:03:07,180
Apricot shimmer.
58
00:03:09,310 --> 00:03:10,350
Okay.
59
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:12,230
Do you think it's pretty?
60
00:03:12,270 --> 00:03:13,230
I think it's, uh,
61
00:03:13,270 --> 00:03:15,230
pretty great
as a missile
62
00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:16,320
on our battleship.
63
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:17,400
Look at that. Fire one!
64
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,110
[IMITATES EXPLOSIONS]
65
00:03:20,150 --> 00:03:22,070
Blood, guts, death.
66
00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:23,990
Man things.
67
00:03:24,030 --> 00:03:25,160
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
68
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,580
-Hey, y'all.
-Hey.
69
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:27,620
Boys behave themselves?
70
00:03:27,660 --> 00:03:28,950
Oh, yeah.
They were fine.
71
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,540
Bubblegum went right
into the carpet.
72
00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:33,170
Anyway, it's okay.
73
00:03:33,210 --> 00:03:35,960
He didn't try to put on
lipstick again, did he?
74
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,880
In his defense,
it is pretty.
75
00:03:40,630 --> 00:03:42,430
KELLY: Listen,
we really appreciate
76
00:03:42,470 --> 00:03:43,590
you guys taking the boys again.
77
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:44,760
Yeah, I'll tell you.
78
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:45,930
Having some alone time
once a week
79
00:03:45,970 --> 00:03:47,180
has been huge for me
and Kel.
80
00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:48,770
Oh, please. We're
happy to help out.
81
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:49,970
DOUG: Yeah, plus,
once a week,
82
00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:51,390
we get to be
the kind of family
83
00:03:51,430 --> 00:03:53,770
that you usually
only see on TV.
84
00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:56,860
Do that thing
I taught you.
85
00:03:56,900 --> 00:03:59,610
[IMITATES GARY COLEMAN]
What you talking about, Douglas?
86
00:03:59,650 --> 00:04:01,070
The kid's a machine.
87
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,860
-We really owe you guys.
-Yeah.
88
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,910
Darling, I need to borrow
some bronzing cream,
89
00:04:05,950 --> 00:04:09,660
an overnight bag,
and a major credit card.
90
00:04:11,290 --> 00:04:12,370
What for, Dad?
91
00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:15,130
That's my personal
business!
92
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,750
Okay. You want
to help us out?
93
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,630
Take that guy off our
hands once in a while.
94
00:04:20,670 --> 00:04:22,050
ALL: [LAUGH]
95
00:04:22,090 --> 00:04:25,470
Got to throw you
a big fat "no" on that one.
96
00:04:25,510 --> 00:04:27,010
-Thanks again, you guys.
-Thanks a lot.
97
00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:29,310
MAJOR: Bye!
98
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,350
-Night.
-Bye-bye.
99
00:04:40,940 --> 00:04:42,440
What are you doing?
100
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,570
Apparently, somebody didn't
like his macaroni and cheese,
101
00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:46,990
so he hid it
in the change jar.
102
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,530
Actually, I think
that was your dad.
103
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:50,620
I saw him
in that area.
104
00:04:50,660 --> 00:04:52,750
Oy.
105
00:04:52,790 --> 00:04:54,290
Uh, speaking of your dad,
106
00:04:54,330 --> 00:04:57,330
I was thinking about what you
said before to Deacon and Kelly.
107
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,840
What?
108
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,340
That thing about maybe them
taking him off our hands
109
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:03,170
once in a while.
110
00:05:03,210 --> 00:05:04,090
I was kidding.
111
00:05:04,130 --> 00:05:05,800
I know you were
kidding, but...
112
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,180
think about it
for a second.
113
00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:09,350
I mean, we watch Kirby
and Major all the time, right?
114
00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:10,510
They're children.
115
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,270
So? We don't
have any children.
116
00:05:12,310 --> 00:05:14,060
We have a crazy old man.
117
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,520
I mean, why does society
118
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,520
say that baby-sitting
is normal,
119
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,730
but old-people-sitting,
that's taboo?
120
00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:25,450
-Huh.
-See what I'm saying?
121
00:05:25,490 --> 00:05:27,200
Yeah. I never thought
of it that way before,
122
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,370
but you may be on to
something here, Butch.
123
00:05:30,410 --> 00:05:31,870
Thank you.
124
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:35,710
I mean, how different is my
father from a child, anyway?
125
00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:37,080
I mean, he acts out.
126
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,040
He screams when
he doesn't get his way.
127
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,800
When it thunders,
he climbs into bed with us.
128
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,000
You know something?
129
00:05:43,050 --> 00:05:44,880
We deserve
some alone time
130
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:47,090
just as much
as Deacon and Kelly.
131
00:05:47,130 --> 00:05:49,260
Our marriage
isn't perfect, either.
132
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,430
Far from it.
133
00:05:51,470 --> 00:05:52,560
I mean, sometimes I wake up
134
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,430
and I just wanna
run away from you.
135
00:05:56,350 --> 00:05:59,560
I feel
the same way!
136
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:00,810
Of course you do!
137
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,190
And you know what?
It's not just about
138
00:06:02,230 --> 00:06:03,900
us baby-sitting
Major and Kirby.
139
00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,360
I mean, what about
all the other things?
140
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:06,740
The--the birthday parties
141
00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:08,910
and all the school plays
we had to suffer through.
142
00:06:08,950 --> 00:06:10,200
Meanwhile,
have Deacon and Kelly
143
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,530
ever been to one
of Arthur's things?
144
00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:14,080
No!
145
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,080
When he got
his swimming certificate--
146
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,290
and how about when he was
in that senior center production
147
00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:19,170
ofCats?
148
00:06:19,210 --> 00:06:21,460
Where were they?
Too busy.
149
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,000
Ooh, that was rough.
150
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,260
Remember when that one cat broke
her hip duringMemories?
151
00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:32,930
Okay. The point is we present
Deacon and Kelly
152
00:06:32,970 --> 00:06:36,350
with a very reasonable request,
and what do we get back?
153
00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:39,600
Gotta throw you a big fat "no"
on that one.
154
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,480
Yeah! I'll tell you one thing.
This is happening, friend.
155
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,020
Oh, I know
it's happening.
156
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:47,740
You don't have to tell me
it's happening, friend!
157
00:06:47,780 --> 00:06:50,740
We're not mad
at each other here, right?
158
00:06:50,780 --> 00:06:52,320
-No.
-Good.
159
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:54,580
'Cause I got a little
lost there for a second.
160
00:06:59,910 --> 00:07:01,000
Okay. They
just pulled up.
161
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,000
Okay. It's showtime.
162
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,540
Dad? Could you come
up here for a minute?
163
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,210
All right, kids. Come on.
Parents are here.
164
00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:07,550
Doug, help them
get packed up.
165
00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:08,920
Okay. You know what, Kirb?
166
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,510
Why don't you get G.I. Joe
out of that blouse
167
00:07:10,550 --> 00:07:12,430
and back into his khakis?
168
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:15,430
Time for dinner?
169
00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:16,720
Uh, not exactly.
170
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,930
It's just you haven't
fed me since breakfast,
171
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,600
and I'm starting to hear
a low-pitched hum.
172
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,980
You will be eating
in no time.
173
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:26,650
[DOORBELL RINGS]
174
00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:28,320
Hey. How you doing?
175
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,780
CARRIE: How was
your afternoon?
176
00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:31,650
You get some
good alone time in?
177
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:32,860
It was great.
We spent the whole day
178
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:34,530
at the modern
museum of art.
179
00:07:34,570 --> 00:07:36,620
Ouch.
180
00:07:36,660 --> 00:07:38,160
So, uh, where
you headed now?
181
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,500
We're gonna take the kids
to this new Italian place.
182
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:43,000
Oh, you know, that's right.
Kirby mentioned that.
183
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,330
You know
who loves Italian food?
184
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,340
Arthur, you love
Italian food, don't you?
185
00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:48,050
I'd eat anything
at this point.
186
00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:50,470
Just end
this experiment.
187
00:07:51,630 --> 00:07:53,090
Hey! Crazy idea.
188
00:07:53,130 --> 00:07:54,720
You love
Italian food.
189
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,510
You're going to an
Italian restaurant.
190
00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:59,270
Maybe Deacon and Kelly
can give you a lift.
191
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:00,850
Heck.
While you're there,
192
00:08:00,890 --> 00:08:02,270
why don't you guys
just sit together,
193
00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:04,440
okay? Would ya,
could ya?
194
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,740
What-What can I say?
195
00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:16,370
-Sounds like a thumbs up to me.
-Okay. Well, have a good time.
196
00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:17,910
Here you go.
Glad this worked out.
197
00:08:17,950 --> 00:08:19,450
Go on, Dad.
Have a good time.
198
00:08:19,490 --> 00:08:22,250
-All right.
-Go ahead. Skedoodle.
199
00:08:22,290 --> 00:08:24,830
And you behave yourself.
I want a good report on you.
200
00:08:24,870 --> 00:08:27,880
Ha ha ha.
Oh, Kel, one second.
201
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,630
Here are his pills
and his doctor's number
202
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:31,210
and a list of foods
he can't eat.
203
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,550
Don't let him order
anything spicy.
204
00:08:33,590 --> 00:08:35,590
Thanks.
205
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,640
DOUG: Okay. Tub's ready.
206
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,850
CARRIE: Sweet.
207
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,690
DOUG: We got the house
to ourselves.
208
00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:49,730
Time to get
a little clean...
209
00:08:49,770 --> 00:08:52,360
and a little dirty.
210
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,200
So, uh, who should,
uh, get in first?
211
00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:58,490
CARRIE: Um,
I'm thinking you.
212
00:08:58,530 --> 00:09:00,370
DOUG: All right.
213
00:09:00,410 --> 00:09:01,910
[SPLASH]
214
00:09:01,950 --> 00:09:03,580
[SPLASH]
215
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:06,710
[HUGE SPLASH]
216
00:09:09,790 --> 00:09:13,670
DOUG: Oh, all right.
Come on in.
217
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,470
CARRIE:
I'm not ready.
218
00:09:16,510 --> 00:09:18,430
[SPLASH]
219
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:20,600
-DOUG: Okay.
-CARRIE: This is nice.
220
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,390
DOUG: Yeah.
221
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:26,020
All right.
Let's get down to business.
222
00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:28,060
[ZIPPING]
223
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:31,780
CARRIE: Hey! Wait, you gotta
watch your [INDISTINCT]
224
00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:33,740
DOUG: Okay. Sorry.
225
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,620
CARRIE:
Uh, that's the hot water.
226
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:40,580
Turn it off.
227
00:09:40,620 --> 00:09:41,870
Yeah. Hurry up.
228
00:09:41,910 --> 00:09:43,620
DOUG: Uh, okay.
I'm not used to using my foot
229
00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:46,500
-as a hand.
-CARRIE: That's the wrong way.
230
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:47,960
DOUG: I know that, now.
231
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,790
CARRIE: It's scalding me.
232
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,590
DOUG: Save yourself.
233
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:59,340
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
234
00:10:01,890 --> 00:10:04,640
So, after we eat,
what's on tap?
235
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,730
A jazz club?
236
00:10:06,770 --> 00:10:09,480
Amateur night
at the Apollo?
237
00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:13,980
Again,
miniature golf.
238
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,150
Wonderful.
239
00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:16,440
I think we're
ready to order.
240
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,740
Okay. What can I
get you folks?
241
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:19,990
The boys
will have ravioli,
242
00:10:20,030 --> 00:10:21,280
and I would love
a house salad
243
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,450
and a spinach lasagna.
244
00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:25,200
Same for me.
How about you, Arthur?
245
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:29,370
I think I'll try the spicy
sausage with peppers.
246
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,670
Uh, Arthur...
247
00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:34,170
What's the matter?
248
00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:36,050
Well, Carrie said he's not
supposed to have anything spicy.
249
00:10:36,090 --> 00:10:38,510
Oh. Hey, why don't you
order something else?
250
00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:39,840
Very well.
251
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,390
I will have...
252
00:10:41,430 --> 00:10:45,140
the spicy sausage
with peppers.
253
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:48,810
Arthur.
254
00:10:48,850 --> 00:10:51,480
Well, it was
worth a try.
255
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:52,860
Seriously, uh,
256
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:55,780
bring me the spicy sausage
with peppers, will you?
257
00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:56,860
Would you stop?
258
00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:58,030
I'm a grown man!
259
00:10:58,070 --> 00:10:59,200
Why can't I
have what I want?
260
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,530
Because you can't!
261
00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:02,030
You know, instead
of giving me grief,
262
00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:03,530
I would think you would
be more upset
263
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:07,450
about why we have been seated
next to the kitchen!
264
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,080
Is it because
we're black?!
265
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,420
Just get
what you want.
266
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,340
Thank you.
267
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,430
How's the spicy sausage
with peppers?
268
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,410
How's his stomach...
et cetera?
269
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,580
[WHIMPERS]
270
00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:49,580
I can't believe they
let him have spicy food.
271
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,250
Are you okay?
272
00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:55,500
Talk to me, baby.
273
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:58,000
Carrie, I saw
things down there
274
00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,510
that no man
should ever see.
275
00:11:59,550 --> 00:12:02,680
I know. I know. You just gotta
put it out of your mind.
276
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,720
I can't.
277
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,220
ARTHUR: Can I have
some more milk of magnesia?
278
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,560
I'm starting
to percolate again.
279
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:12,560
Bring it
right down, Dad.
280
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:13,810
ARTHUR: No!
281
00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:17,820
I will not let my daughter
see me like this.
282
00:12:17,860 --> 00:12:19,480
Send Douglas.
283
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:26,990
Hey, come on in.
284
00:12:27,030 --> 00:12:28,950
Hey. I know
it's pretty short notice
285
00:12:28,990 --> 00:12:30,620
to dump the kids
on you again,
286
00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:32,870
but these Beyonce tickets
just fell into our lap.
287
00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:34,620
Nothing like
a Beyonce concert
288
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,670
to keep
a marriage strong.
289
00:12:36,710 --> 00:12:40,170
We do the same thing with
monster truck rallies.
290
00:12:40,210 --> 00:12:42,590
Hey, thanks for taking
my dad off our hands
291
00:12:42,630 --> 00:12:44,130
on Saturday night.
292
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:47,220
Oh, don't be silly. We had
a great time. Right, babe?
293
00:12:47,260 --> 00:12:48,930
He's something.
294
00:12:48,970 --> 00:12:51,020
Yeah, the only thing is,
and maybe you guys just forgot,
295
00:12:51,060 --> 00:12:53,600
uh, but you let him
have spicy food,
296
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,310
and, well, we were up
with him all night.
297
00:12:56,350 --> 00:12:57,520
Yeah. Um...
298
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:59,020
we told him that
he couldn't have it,
299
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:02,990
and, you know, he made a big
scene and started yelling, so--
300
00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:06,820
so...you just
let him yell.
301
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,450
Didn't really wanna do that
in a crowded restaurant.
302
00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:12,410
And I could understand
that, Kell,
303
00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:13,710
um, I do.
304
00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:16,920
But it's just that
when Major and Kirby
305
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:20,960
are yelling for stuff,
which they do a lot,
306
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,880
um, we can also just
forget the rules
307
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:26,760
and say, "sure, you can use
that drill to play dentist,"
308
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,970
but we don't.
309
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:32,100
You know what?
Next time he yells,
310
00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:33,430
just give him
a piece of taffy.
311
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,770
That'll buy you
45 minutes.
312
00:13:40,730 --> 00:13:41,940
Next time?
313
00:13:41,980 --> 00:13:44,360
Yeah. We're taking
your kids this time,
314
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,070
next time,
you take Arthur.
315
00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:48,780
Right.
316
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,700
It is right.
317
00:13:52,910 --> 00:13:54,000
You know what?
We should probably go
318
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,330
if we're gonna
make that show, so--
319
00:13:55,370 --> 00:13:56,330
Okay.
320
00:13:56,370 --> 00:13:57,500
You two
take it easy.
321
00:13:57,540 --> 00:13:58,920
We'll see you
in a few hours.
322
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,130
Be good.
323
00:14:00,170 --> 00:14:01,670
All right, I'm gonna
get the burgers going,
324
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:04,260
and you guys just
pick out a video, okay?
325
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:06,090
-Okay.
-Okay.
326
00:14:06,130 --> 00:14:08,260
CARRIE: Did you catch
the attitude coming from them?
327
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:09,300
DOUG: Hard to miss.
328
00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:10,430
You know
what I think?
329
00:14:10,470 --> 00:14:11,600
I don't think
they just let my dad
330
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,260
have spicy food
because he was yelling.
331
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,930
They wanted him
to have it.
332
00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:17,100
They figured they'd make it
so tough on us
333
00:14:17,140 --> 00:14:19,100
that we wouldn't ask them
to take Arthur again.
334
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,440
Right! And meanwhile, we're
so good with their kids.
335
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,530
We're freakin' great.
336
00:14:23,570 --> 00:14:25,740
-Aunt Carrie?
-What is it now?
337
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:27,700
Can I have some mayonnaise
on my hamburger?
338
00:14:27,740 --> 00:14:29,780
Yes, you can have mayonnaise
on your hamburger.
339
00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:30,990
Can we have
coffee, too?
340
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,580
No, sweetie.
Remember I told you--
341
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:36,830
BOTH: Coffee! Coffee!
Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!
342
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:45,670
Okay. Go get me your sippy
cups. Hurry up.
343
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,140
All right!
All right.
344
00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:57,980
Settle down.
345
00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:59,100
What is it
with you guys?
346
00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:01,190
Aunt Carrie
gave us coffee.
347
00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:06,360
BOTH: Coffee! Coffee!
Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!
348
00:15:09,530 --> 00:15:11,700
Here you go.
349
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,870
What does
"caliente"mean?
350
00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:21,330
It means "delicious."
351
00:15:21,370 --> 00:15:23,130
Hmm.
352
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:27,010
"And then, eyes
widening in horror,
353
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:29,090
"he saw
the wordredrum
354
00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:31,680
"reflecting dimly
from the glass dome
355
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,300
"now reflected twice.
356
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,970
"and he saw that
it spelledmurder.
357
00:15:36,010 --> 00:15:38,680
Danny Torrance screamed
in wretched terror."
358
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,730
Aah!
359
00:15:42,850 --> 00:15:45,730
Look what they bought meat radio shack!
360
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,790
Are we gonna
do anything tonight?
361
00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:02,210
Oh, yeah. We're
gonna do something.
362
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:04,920
Just don't know
what yet, babe.
363
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,840
But it will be good.
364
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,010
All right.
So, what do you got?
365
00:16:14,050 --> 00:16:15,550
Wanna do the coffee
thing again?
366
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,020
Okay. That is
so 2 weeks ago.
367
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:23,850
ARTHUR:Douglas! Did youborrow my argyle socks?
368
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,110
No.
369
00:16:29,150 --> 00:16:33,150
Your feet are 8 sizes
bigger than mine.
370
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,910
I can't believe they
bought him a megaphone.
371
00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:38,410
Well, when we sent them home
with that ferret,
372
00:16:38,450 --> 00:16:41,080
we knew they'd come back
at us pretty hard.
373
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:44,170
Oh, man. This thing's
getting crazy.
374
00:16:44,210 --> 00:16:46,330
Maybe we should just
be the bigger couple
375
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,420
and stop asking them
to take Arthur.
376
00:16:48,460 --> 00:16:49,750
What?!
377
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,300
And give up
our alone time?
378
00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:54,970
Honey, are you really
enjoying it that much?
379
00:16:56,510 --> 00:16:57,760
It is what it is,
you know,
380
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,600
but that's
not the point!
381
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,770
Okay? There is
a principle here.
382
00:17:01,810 --> 00:17:04,100
We can't just give up
when we know we're right.
383
00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:06,440
ARTHUR:
Update on the socks.
384
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,980
They were in the dryerthe whole time.
385
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,280
All right, if we're
gonna keep doing this,
386
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,320
then we gotta go
for a knockout punch.
387
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:15,280
Okay? Something they
can't get up from.
388
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,070
Okay.
389
00:17:27,710 --> 00:17:29,210
[DOORBELL RINGS]
390
00:17:29,250 --> 00:17:30,250
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
391
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,300
I'll get it.
392
00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:37,470
Hey!
How's it going?
393
00:17:37,510 --> 00:17:38,970
We're here
for our children.
394
00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:40,470
Hi, mom.
Hi, dad.
395
00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:41,640
Hi, baby.
396
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:42,810
Hey, bud.
How you doin'?
397
00:17:42,850 --> 00:17:46,140
You doin' all right?
Cool. All right.
398
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,520
Um...where's
your brother?
399
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:49,770
I don't know.
400
00:17:49,810 --> 00:17:51,150
Kirby? I think he
scampered upstairs.
401
00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:54,150
We haven't
seen him in a while.
402
00:17:54,860 --> 00:17:56,650
-Kirby?
-Kirby?
403
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,030
-Kirby?!
-Kirby!
404
00:17:58,070 --> 00:18:00,870
DOUG:
Oh, uh, check the bedroom!
405
00:18:00,910 --> 00:18:03,120
Right by the makeup.
406
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:08,040
DEACON: Oh, my God!
He looks like Liza Minelli!
407
00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:12,300
I think we all know
why we're here.
408
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:13,920
I think we do.
409
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,260
This whole thing
has gotten way out of hand,
410
00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:17,930
and it's hurting
the people we love.
411
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:29,690
Well, look, we didn't
mean to hurt anybody,
412
00:18:29,730 --> 00:18:31,190
but you guys
started it
413
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:33,190
when you gave
my dad spicy food.
414
00:18:33,230 --> 00:18:36,440
And you ended it by giving my
kid an extreme makeover.
415
00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:39,860
KELLY: The point is you're
the kids' godparents
416
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,030
and they love
spending time with you,
417
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:42,030
so we wanna
work this out.
418
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,330
We wanna
work it out, too,
419
00:18:43,370 --> 00:18:45,000
but it has to work out
for all of us.
420
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,370
KELLY: I agree.
421
00:18:46,410 --> 00:18:47,620
So we have come up
422
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:50,920
with what we think is a very
reasonable proposal.
423
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,460
Lay it on us.
424
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:53,880
You keep
taking the kids,
425
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,170
we stop taking Arthur,
426
00:18:55,210 --> 00:18:58,050
but...when
the four of us go out,
427
00:18:58,090 --> 00:19:00,090
we pick up
2 out of every 3 checks.
428
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,510
And that beanbag chair
in our place that Doug likes,
429
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,180
it's all yours.
430
00:19:09,140 --> 00:19:12,770
That chair was leaking beans
last time I saw it.
431
00:19:12,810 --> 00:19:15,150
I'll patch it up.
432
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,200
No. This has to be
about you taking Arthur.
433
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,780
Yeah, and just as much
as we take the kids.
434
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,410
That's ridiculous.
435
00:19:25,450 --> 00:19:26,330
Ridiculous?
436
00:19:26,370 --> 00:19:27,620
You guys have
a good evening.
437
00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:30,870
Wait. Take it easy.
Take it easy. Come on.
438
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,710
Sit down.
439
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,590
All right,
we'll take Arthur,
440
00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:39,470
but it can't be as much
as you take the kids.
441
00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:40,630
It's just too weird.
442
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,640
Well, how often?
How many times a month?
443
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:54,770
-Okay.
-Oh, come on.
444
00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:56,270
It was just
an opening figure.
445
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,320
It's a one
with a question mark.
446
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:00,570
All right.
447
00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:02,110
Maybe we can take him
2 or 3 times a month,
448
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,700
but he's just so crazy.
449
00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:05,660
Well, look, I don't know why
he's so crazy when you get him.
450
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:08,700
I mean, he does take his blue
pill at 6:00 every day.
451
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:09,790
Well, it ain't
doin' the job.
452
00:20:09,830 --> 00:20:11,040
Okay, look.
How about this?
453
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,210
If we take him,
you gotta give him
454
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:13,460
more than one pill.
455
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:17,130
Well, how many more
are we talking here?
456
00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:26,600
That many?
That'll kill him!
457
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,640
We don't know that.
458
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,060
How about we
bump it up to 2?
459
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:38,270
And a shot
of cough syrup.
460
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,480
Done.
461
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,150
So we're back in the
best friends business?
462
00:20:41,190 --> 00:20:42,280
I think so.
463
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,410
I'm glad we got
this over with,
464
00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:44,910
'cause you two
fight ghetto.
465
00:20:44,950 --> 00:20:46,910
-Hey, I'm not--
-You started with the--
466
00:20:46,950 --> 00:20:48,700
just so you know,
467
00:20:48,740 --> 00:20:50,910
we are very aware
you're talking about us,
468
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:53,080
and we don't
appreciate it.
469
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:54,870
To show my displeasure,
470
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,000
I've polished off
a full platter
471
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,800
of the spicy
garlic shrimp.
472
00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:05,800
You've got 12 minutes.
473
00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:17,690
[DOORBELL RINGS]
474
00:21:20,110 --> 00:21:21,320
-Hey guys.
-Hey.
475
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:22,780
Hey honey,
Doug and Carrie are here.
476
00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:24,360
-How was the movie?
-Great.
477
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,740
How are things going
with my dad?
478
00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:27,070
Oh, great.
479
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,530
Here's the little fella.
480
00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:32,830
He fell asleep
during Scarface.
481
00:21:32,870 --> 00:21:34,250
Aww.
482
00:21:34,290 --> 00:21:36,920
Okay. We'll just put him
in his pajamas when we get home.
483
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,170
All right.
484
00:21:43,380 --> 00:21:46,720
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
34054
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