Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:07,060
SINGER: *My eyesare getting weary*
2
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,560
*My back is getting tight*
3
00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:11,480
*I'm sitting herein traffic*
4
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,530
*On the QueensboroBridge tonight*
5
00:01:14,570 --> 00:01:20,330
*But, I don't care'cause all I want to do...*
6
00:01:20,370 --> 00:01:25,960
*Is cash my checkand drive right home to you*
7
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,580
*'Cause baby,all my life*
8
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:32,340
*I will be driving hometo you*
9
00:01:47,350 --> 00:01:49,020
Hey, there
are the boys!
10
00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:49,770
-Hi.
-How's it goin'?
11
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:50,980
Man,
am I glad to see
12
00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:52,480
some real
flesh-and-blood humans.
13
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:53,860
10 hours of sitting
alone on the couch
14
00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:56,490
can do strange things
to a man.
15
00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:58,820
-Right.
-Absolutely.
16
00:02:02,370 --> 00:02:03,580
I'm gonna
grab a beer.
17
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:05,700
Make a phone call.
18
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,790
God, I love
Friday afternoons.
19
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,170
You know, I feel
like an artist
20
00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:13,210
and the weekend that lies ahead,
that's my canvas.
21
00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:14,380
So, what've
you got planned?
22
00:02:14,420 --> 00:02:16,840
A lot of naps.
How about you?
23
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,970
Actually, I told O'Boyle
I'd work a half day tomorrow.
24
00:02:20,010 --> 00:02:22,850
You volunteered to work
on a Saturday?
25
00:02:22,890 --> 00:02:24,510
Loser!
26
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,850
Hey. Kelly's got
the kids this weekend,
27
00:02:26,890 --> 00:02:28,060
and going to work
beats sitting at home
28
00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:29,850
in my apartment
and listening to the echo
29
00:02:29,890 --> 00:02:32,230
of what a family
used to sound like.
30
00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:36,480
Loser.
31
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,900
Anyway, I should
get rolling.
32
00:02:40,110 --> 00:02:41,110
Hey.
33
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,200
Hey.
34
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,580
Deacon.
35
00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:45,990
-Hey, Carrie.
-Come here.
36
00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:49,410
Come on.
37
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:50,540
Ahh!
38
00:02:50,580 --> 00:02:54,170
Oh, yeah!
That's the good stuff.
39
00:02:54,210 --> 00:02:56,500
All right, get on
out of here, you big lug.
40
00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:57,630
Go on.
41
00:02:57,670 --> 00:02:59,220
Right, uh...
42
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:00,760
See ya.
43
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,050
Do you have
to hit on him
44
00:03:03,090 --> 00:03:04,220
right in front
of me?
45
00:03:04,260 --> 00:03:05,680
Shh.
46
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:07,560
[DOOR CLOSES]
47
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:08,890
They're getting back
together.
48
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:09,730
Who?
49
00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:11,060
Who? Who do you think?
50
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:13,060
Van Halen?
51
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:14,900
Deacon and Kelly.
52
00:03:14,940 --> 00:03:16,020
What're you
talking about?
53
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:17,570
He didn't say
anything about it.
54
00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:18,900
Because he doesn't
know about it yet.
55
00:03:18,940 --> 00:03:20,450
I just had lunch
with Kelly in the city,
56
00:03:20,490 --> 00:03:21,910
and she said she's done
finding herself,
57
00:03:21,950 --> 00:03:23,740
learning who Kelly is,
blah, blah, blah,
58
00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:25,200
and she is ready
to come home,
59
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:26,950
so when she drops the
kids off Sunday night,
60
00:03:26,990 --> 00:03:29,330
she's gonna tell them
she wants to stay.
61
00:03:29,370 --> 00:03:30,580
My, God.
That's great.
62
00:03:30,620 --> 00:03:31,960
Great? Come on!
That's fantastic!
63
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,630
It is! They finally get
their family back together.
64
00:03:34,670 --> 00:03:35,920
Man, seeing those kids
65
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,710
pack up their little
underoos every weekend,
66
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,130
that was rough.
67
00:03:39,170 --> 00:03:41,090
Yeah. You know who had it
rough? You and me, pal.
68
00:03:41,130 --> 00:03:43,430
Hanging out with all those
other couples the last 2 years.
69
00:03:43,470 --> 00:03:45,800
I hated one
more than the next.
70
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,100
Remember the Pernworths?
71
00:03:47,140 --> 00:03:49,970
Oh. "Doug, wanna see
my radio-controlled boat?"
72
00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:51,980
Bbblttt! No!
73
00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:53,980
No!
74
00:03:54,020 --> 00:03:55,270
God.
75
00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:56,400
So, why
is Kelly waiting
76
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:57,440
till Sunday night
to tell him?
77
00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:58,780
She's gotta
take the kids
78
00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:02,110
to visit
her mother upstate.
79
00:04:02,150 --> 00:04:04,070
Maybe I should go over there
and tell him myself.
80
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:06,950
-What?! You can't do that.
-Why not?
81
00:04:06,990 --> 00:04:08,370
Because it's between
Deacon and Kelly.
82
00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:09,790
It's
a private thing.
83
00:04:09,830 --> 00:04:11,200
Meanwhile, Deacon's
gotta be miserable
84
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:13,620
-for the whole weekend?
-It's 2 days.
85
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,710
Let me paint
a picture for you, okay?
86
00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:17,290
Tonight he's lonely.
87
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,960
He drinks himself to sleep
holding a lit cigarette.
88
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,300
He wakes up
in the morning dead!
89
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,840
He doesn't
drink or smoke.
90
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,890
Ah, okay.
But he shaves, right?
91
00:04:26,930 --> 00:04:28,970
So he's crying while he's
shaving. [IMITATES CRYING]
92
00:04:29,010 --> 00:04:31,640
Then cuts his throat!
Dead!
93
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:32,890
That's not
gonna happen.
94
00:04:32,930 --> 00:04:34,190
He's eating a sandwich--
95
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,270
Doug!
96
00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:37,650
Carrie, I'm serious.
Look, I mean...
97
00:04:37,690 --> 00:04:39,020
the guy's
been a wreck, okay?
98
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,820
We've got a chance
to help him out here.
99
00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:42,190
Why let him suffer?
100
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,240
[SIGHS]
101
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,110
All right.
You know what?
102
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,620
You wanna go tell your friend
the good news, go tell him.
103
00:04:48,660 --> 00:04:49,990
All right.
104
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,370
I'll do it tomorrow.
Traffic's brutal right now.
105
00:04:55,370 --> 00:04:57,460
[DOORBELL RINGS]
106
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:58,500
[RING]
107
00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:00,090
Coming.
108
00:05:01,250 --> 00:05:02,090
Howdy-doo!
109
00:05:02,130 --> 00:05:03,380
Hey, man.
What you doin' here?
110
00:05:03,420 --> 00:05:04,760
Just doin'
the Saturday errands.
111
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,300
Thought I'd come over here,
see if I could
112
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,220
lift your spirits.
113
00:05:10,140 --> 00:05:13,520
Although your spirits
seem pretty lifted.
114
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,770
Yup. Got a little company
coming over in a few minutes.
115
00:05:16,810 --> 00:05:17,850
Oh, yeah? Who?
116
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,610
Oh, you're not
gonna believe it, man.
117
00:05:19,650 --> 00:05:20,770
This morning
I had a pickup
118
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,280
at the Airport
Marriott, right?
119
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:23,990
So I'm standing
in the lobby, waiting,
120
00:05:24,030 --> 00:05:26,860
and I glance over,
and there, checking in,
121
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:30,080
smiling at me,
is this crazy hot stewardess.
122
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,490
So we start talking.
You know, whatever, whatever.
123
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:33,790
And she's, like,
124
00:05:33,830 --> 00:05:34,870
[BRITISH ACCENT]
"Oh, I just got transferred
125
00:05:34,910 --> 00:05:35,910
"to the European route.
126
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,290
"I'm going
to London tomorrow
127
00:05:37,330 --> 00:05:38,880
and I won't be back
for at least a year."
128
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,380
And I'm, like,
"That's cool. That's cool.
129
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:43,590
So, uh, how you gonna
spend your last day here?"
130
00:05:43,630 --> 00:05:45,670
and she says--
get this--
131
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,590
"Any suggestions?"
132
00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:50,300
Ha ha ha!
133
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,100
I mean...
I'm in my delivery uniform,
134
00:05:53,140 --> 00:05:55,020
she's in her stewardess uniform,
135
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:58,100
it was like the
first scene in a porno.
136
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,190
So, long story short,
137
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,980
we're going to the Met game
this afternoon,
138
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,980
and then afterwards
she's cooking me dinner
139
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:07,070
here, in my apartment.
140
00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:11,830
It's on, baby!
Ha ha ha ha!
141
00:06:13,370 --> 00:06:14,580
Huh!
142
00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:16,410
It's--it's wild, Doug.
143
00:06:16,450 --> 00:06:17,460
I've been
through such hell,
144
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,170
and then today,
out of nowhere,
145
00:06:19,210 --> 00:06:22,500
a little somethin'-somethin'
from the man upstairs.
146
00:06:22,540 --> 00:06:24,090
And this
somethin'-somethin'
147
00:06:24,130 --> 00:06:27,090
is definitely leavin'
the country tomorrow?
148
00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:28,680
Yeah. Why?
149
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,140
Ooh. Bye.
150
00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:36,600
How'd it go?
151
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,730
Great. Stopped off
at the Walgreen's,
152
00:06:38,770 --> 00:06:40,150
and you'll
be happy to know
153
00:06:40,190 --> 00:06:43,650
somebody's nose hairs
will not survive the night.
154
00:06:43,690 --> 00:06:45,610
No, how'd it go
at Deacon's?
155
00:06:45,650 --> 00:06:46,860
Oh, that.
156
00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:49,610
Uh, I decided not
to tell him after all.
157
00:06:49,650 --> 00:06:51,450
You didn't
tell him?
158
00:06:51,490 --> 00:06:52,820
Nah.
159
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,950
All right, I need some kind
of cheese to step forward.
160
00:06:55,990 --> 00:06:57,040
Well, what happened?
161
00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:58,540
Why'd you
change your mind?
162
00:06:58,580 --> 00:06:59,790
I don't know.
163
00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:01,330
I was thinking about
what you said, you know,
164
00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:03,130
about how it's really
Kelly's place to tell him.
165
00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:04,540
That was
quite persuasive.
166
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:08,130
Sometimes your shrill tone
masks a very good point.
167
00:07:08,170 --> 00:07:10,050
Doug, I just got off
the phone with Kelly,
168
00:07:10,090 --> 00:07:11,470
and she liked
the idea of, you know,
169
00:07:11,510 --> 00:07:12,640
you going over there
170
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,300
and setting the table
for her.
171
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,850
All righty, then
I'll set a kick-ass table
172
00:07:16,890 --> 00:07:18,180
first thing
tomorrow morning.
173
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:19,890
Doug, come on.
I don't understand.
174
00:07:19,930 --> 00:07:21,690
Why'd you
change your mind?
175
00:07:21,730 --> 00:07:22,810
You're the one
who didn't want your friend
176
00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:24,860
to be miserable
all weekend.
177
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:26,780
-He's hangin' in there.
-Doug!
178
00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:29,030
[DOORBELL RINGS]
179
00:07:29,690 --> 00:07:30,650
Hey! Me again.
180
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,910
Hey,
what's goin' on?
181
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:33,110
You got a sec
'cause, uh, actually,
182
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,780
I do want to talk
to you after all.
183
00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:36,330
[BRITISH ACCENT] Okay, I think
we're getting food at the game
184
00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:38,040
'cause that lunch meat
in your fridge
185
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,250
has seen better days.
186
00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:41,920
Oh, hi.
187
00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:46,880
All right.
188
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,720
Ah, Douglas,
just the man I want to see.
189
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:54,840
Perhaps you could
help me finish up
190
00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:56,890
my crossword puzzle.
191
00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:58,560
Not right now, Arthur.
192
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,020
But I'm
tantalizingly close.
193
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,350
The final clue
is"I dream of Jeannie
194
00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:05,310
star Larry blank."
195
00:08:06,610 --> 00:08:07,730
Hagman.
196
00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:08,940
That's what I thought,
but apparently
197
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:12,450
the first 3 letters
are B, X, X.
198
00:08:14,530 --> 00:08:15,820
Anything?
199
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,580
Will you please--I--I got
something on my mind here.
200
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:19,950
Then don't you think
you should
201
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,620
talk about it, son?
202
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,540
Maybe you're right.
203
00:08:24,580 --> 00:08:25,750
You got a second?
204
00:08:25,790 --> 00:08:27,000
Of course.
205
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,380
Today I was over at--
206
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:29,750
Time's up!
207
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,130
Marvelous gag,
isn't it?
208
00:08:31,170 --> 00:08:34,130
Learned that from
an old army buddy.
209
00:08:35,970 --> 00:08:37,510
Anyway...
210
00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:39,560
you know Deacon and Kelly
have been separated
211
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,520
for a couple years now,
right?
212
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:43,350
Well, Kelly's finally ready
to get back together,
213
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,850
but Deacon
doesn't know that yet.
214
00:08:44,890 --> 00:08:46,980
And I went over there today
to tell him that,
215
00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:49,230
but... I didn't.
216
00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:50,900
Why not?
217
00:08:50,940 --> 00:08:51,990
Well...
218
00:08:52,030 --> 00:08:53,240
don't say anything
to Carrie,
219
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:54,820
but it turns out Deacon
met this stewardess
220
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:56,820
who's leaving the country
for good tomorrow,
221
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,910
and he's got
a chance to, you know,
222
00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:02,660
be with her tonight.
223
00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:04,080
Suddenly this story
224
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,130
turns erotic
and fascinating.
225
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,840
So I figured after
all he's been through,
226
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,090
he deserves
a night like that.
227
00:09:13,130 --> 00:09:14,920
But if I tell him
about Kelly coming back,
228
00:09:14,970 --> 00:09:16,800
he's gonna feel too guilty
to go through with it.
229
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,260
So I didn't
say anything.
230
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,010
But now I'm just struggling
with whether or not
231
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,140
I made
the right decision.
232
00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:22,680
What do you think?
233
00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:27,480
The girl's
a stewardess, you say?
234
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:30,480
Yes, and smoking hot.
235
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,400
Aren't they all?
236
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,820
Not really, no.
237
00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:36,910
Well, fret not,
my boy.
238
00:09:36,950 --> 00:09:39,120
Your instincts were
right on the money.
239
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,780
-You think so?
-Absolutely.
240
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,200
If Deacon
is in the dark
241
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,250
about his wife's
desire to reconcile,
242
00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:46,620
there are no moral
chains around him.
243
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:47,710
He's free to frolic
244
00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,790
with a sensuous
stranger tonight
245
00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:50,960
and rekindle
246
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,300
the flames of
matrimony tomorrow.
247
00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:55,050
As long as he
changes his sheets,
248
00:09:55,090 --> 00:09:57,380
it's a fairy tale
ending!
249
00:09:58,680 --> 00:09:59,800
Thanks, Arthur.
250
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:00,970
That really makes me
feel a lot better.
251
00:10:01,010 --> 00:10:03,140
That's what I do!
252
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,980
-Hello, darling.
-Hi, daddy.
253
00:10:11,020 --> 00:10:13,070
Ooh, a pink box.
254
00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:16,320
Are we being treated
to some delicious baked goods?
255
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,990
No. Sorry. It's a cake
for Deacon and Kelly.
256
00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:20,450
I wanted to get them
a little something
257
00:10:20,490 --> 00:10:21,870
for getting
back together.
258
00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:23,330
Had them spell out
"true love"
259
00:10:23,370 --> 00:10:25,040
in those little
candy hearts.
260
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,080
Kind of silly, eh?
261
00:10:29,750 --> 00:10:33,500
Oh, God!
I'm a monster!
262
00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:36,380
Huh?
263
00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:38,170
I'm an accomplice
to something terrible.
264
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:40,180
I should just paint
a scarlet "A" on myself.
265
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:42,640
"A" for adultery!
266
00:10:43,930 --> 00:10:46,020
Then after
this incident passes,
267
00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:49,020
I suppose it could
stand for Arthur.
268
00:10:49,060 --> 00:10:51,560
That worked out well.
269
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,290
Hi, honey.
270
00:11:06,330 --> 00:11:07,830
Hi.
271
00:11:07,870 --> 00:11:09,080
Whatcha doing?
272
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,210
Just watching
the Met game.
273
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:12,960
Oh. Can I
get you anything?
274
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,840
Coffee, tea,
275
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,960
maybe a complimentary
headset?
276
00:11:23,970 --> 00:11:24,930
Uh-oh.
277
00:11:24,970 --> 00:11:28,140
Yeah. I heard about
the stewardess,
278
00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:29,600
and you're gonna
wish your exits
279
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,810
were here and here,
280
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:35,110
'cause I'm about
to kick your ass.
281
00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:36,440
That's funny.
282
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,110
-Ow!
-What is wrong with you?!
283
00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:39,610
Arthur! Arthur!
284
00:11:39,650 --> 00:11:43,110
Oh, don't blame him.
This isn't his fault.
285
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,200
Why did he
even tell you?
286
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:45,450
An hour ago,
he agreed with me.
287
00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:47,330
Because, as you
pointed out many times,
288
00:11:47,370 --> 00:11:48,620
he's insane.
289
00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:51,080
But at least he has
a shred of decency in him,
290
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,290
unlike you.
291
00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:53,670
Will you
let me explain?
292
00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:55,710
Please explain to me
how you casually decided
293
00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:57,800
to help your best friend
cheat on his wife.
294
00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,630
Okay. First of all,
it wasn't casual.
295
00:11:59,670 --> 00:12:01,300
It was a very
difficult decision.
296
00:12:01,340 --> 00:12:02,800
Oh, I'm glad
you chewed on it
297
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,970
before you came down
on the side of adultery.
298
00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:06,430
Second of all,
it's not adultery,
299
00:12:06,470 --> 00:12:07,930
because they're
not back together.
300
00:12:07,970 --> 00:12:10,310
She's coming back.
He wants her back.
301
00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:12,770
So basically,
they are back together.
302
00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:14,150
But they're not actually
back together
303
00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:16,020
until Deacon knows
they're back together,
304
00:12:16,060 --> 00:12:18,440
which is supposed to
happen Sunday night.
305
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:19,820
Just because we
found out in advance
306
00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:21,150
doesn't give us
the right
307
00:12:21,190 --> 00:12:22,490
to travel
back in time
308
00:12:22,530 --> 00:12:24,700
and change
their destiny. Carrie,
309
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:26,530
you don't mess with
the fabric of time.
310
00:12:26,570 --> 00:12:27,660
If there's one
thing we learned
311
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:29,160
inBack to The Future,
312
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,830
it's that.
313
00:12:33,370 --> 00:12:36,000
This is
your explanation?!
314
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:37,170
You rang, Douglas?
315
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:39,460
-Nothing. Forget it.
-While I'm up here,
316
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:40,800
maybe we can put
our heads together
317
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,300
and finish up
this crossword.
318
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:44,180
Get out!
319
00:12:46,050 --> 00:12:47,470
Who are you
calling?
320
00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:49,060
I'm not
calling anybody.
321
00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:50,220
You're calling Deacon
322
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,520
to stop this unholy thing
before it happens.
323
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:53,980
He's not home.
They're at the Met game.
324
00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:56,400
Oh, so that's why
you were watching the Met game,
325
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,650
to spy on your handiwork.
326
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,030
You got it. Yeah.
It's a deep fly ball,
327
00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:02,440
way back, sailing
high over the couple
328
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,280
humping
in the bleachers.
329
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,450
You know what?
330
00:13:05,490 --> 00:13:08,030
You are going over there
after the game.
331
00:13:08,070 --> 00:13:09,700
No, I am not.
332
00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:11,200
Doug, I don't
understand you.
333
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:12,370
What's going on
with you?
334
00:13:12,410 --> 00:13:13,660
You could be destroying
a marriage here.
335
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,040
It's not gonna
hurt the marriage.
336
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,420
She's leaving the country
for good tomorrow.
337
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:18,460
She'll be
out of Deacon's life
338
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:20,000
before Kelly
walks back in.
339
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,050
We don't have the right
to travel back in time--
340
00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:23,510
Will you stop
with that already?
341
00:13:23,550 --> 00:13:25,800
There's no time travel
involved here, okay?
342
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,090
Just have
the guts to admit
343
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,800
that this is about you
wanting your best friend
344
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:32,680
to bang a stewardess.
345
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:33,930
Fine. You know what?
I admit it.
346
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,480
After what Kelly's
put him through,
347
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,400
I think he deserves this,
and you know what?
348
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,560
Letting it happen
is my gift to him.
349
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:40,820
This is your idea
of a gift?
350
00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:42,780
Yeah. A gift
to celebrate the end
351
00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:44,240
of a horrible 2 years.
352
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,860
Did you get him
a gift? No.
353
00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:50,080
Okay, so Deacon
getting his wife back,
354
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,330
his kids, that's not
enough of a gift.
355
00:13:52,370 --> 00:13:53,660
He needs more
of a gift than that.
356
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,080
They're different
kinds of gifts.
357
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,040
That's why you get more
than one gift for Christmas.
358
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,580
For God's sake, Carrie,
Jewish people
359
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,000
give 8 gifts
for Hanukkah.
360
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,590
Oh, okay. So according
to your logic,
361
00:14:02,630 --> 00:14:04,340
would it be okay
if Deacon slept
362
00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:06,760
with 7 other women
tonight?
363
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,300
No, 'cause
he's not Jewish.
364
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,100
The stupidest conversation
I've ever had.
365
00:14:14,140 --> 00:14:16,270
No. The stupidest conversation
I've ever had,
366
00:14:16,310 --> 00:14:18,520
and besides, Kelly's
been with a million guys
367
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:19,810
since she left him.
368
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:21,940
Excuse me. She's been
with exactly 2 guys,
369
00:14:21,980 --> 00:14:23,780
and she only slept
with one of them.
370
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:25,650
He was an orthodontist.
371
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:28,570
What the hell does that have
to do with anything?
372
00:14:28,610 --> 00:14:30,660
Just that she regretted it.
It was weird.
373
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:32,620
The guy cried or something.
I don't know.
374
00:14:32,660 --> 00:14:34,910
The point is that
when that happened,
375
00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:36,450
she didn't know what
was gonna happen
376
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,120
with her
and Deacon, okay?
377
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:39,210
Today is the day
378
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:40,540
before they're
getting back together.
379
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,630
So if the sex
goes past midnight,
380
00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:44,250
it'll be
the same day.
381
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,460
The sex probably
won't go past midnight.
382
00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:47,800
Yeah. Don't be so sure.
383
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:48,970
Some people can actually
pull that off.
384
00:14:49,010 --> 00:14:52,350
Oh, I see all the guns
are out now!
385
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:53,970
You know what, you can insult me
all you want.
386
00:14:54,010 --> 00:14:55,560
I'm still not going
over there and telling him.
387
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,230
I'm just not.
388
00:14:58,180 --> 00:14:59,390
All right.
389
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,980
Look, Doug, okay.
390
00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:04,150
I admit that Deacon being
with this girl tonight
391
00:15:04,190 --> 00:15:06,360
probably won't destroy
their marriage,
392
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,860
and, yes,
maybe in some way,
393
00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:10,450
he probably
does deserve it.
394
00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:12,450
But I just feel like
395
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:14,490
not telling
Deacon about Kelly
396
00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:17,500
is just wrong.
Honey, it's wrong,
397
00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:19,250
and I know
in your heart
398
00:15:19,290 --> 00:15:21,210
you know that, too.
399
00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:24,670
I don't know. Maybe.
400
00:15:24,710 --> 00:15:26,760
Come on, honey.
After the game,
401
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,090
we'll go over there,
402
00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:30,260
and we'll tell him,
all right?
403
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,180
[SIGHS]
All right, fine.
404
00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:36,390
Okay, good.
I'll bet he thanks you.
405
00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:39,730
Oh, yeah. I expect to get
a very hearty handshake.
406
00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:40,890
When's
the game over?
407
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,150
I don't know.
A couple hours at least.
408
00:15:43,190 --> 00:15:44,520
Doug?
409
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,190
What?
410
00:15:46,230 --> 00:15:47,690
It's raining.
411
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:48,780
So?
412
00:15:48,820 --> 00:15:50,780
It's raining!
413
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:55,370
There's an Abbott
and Costello movie on.
414
00:15:55,410 --> 00:15:57,700
"Due to today's rain,
415
00:15:57,740 --> 00:15:59,000
the game will be
completed tomorrow
416
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,710
as a doubleheader."
Oh, my God!
417
00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:02,040
They're probably at
his apartment right now.
418
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,040
She's probably unpinning
her little wings
419
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,920
as we speak.
420
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,840
He doesn't even realize
the mummy's right behind him.
421
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,260
CARRIE: Doug!
422
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:17,930
[RING]
423
00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:19,470
I hope we're
not too late.
424
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,140
Yeah, me, too.
425
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:25,400
[RING]
426
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,570
Can you hear the doorbell
from the bedroom?
427
00:16:28,610 --> 00:16:30,240
I don't know.
428
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:32,650
Well,
what do you think?
429
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:33,860
I don't know.
It's been a while
430
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,490
since we had
a slumber party.
431
00:16:36,530 --> 00:16:37,990
All right,
just use your key.
432
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,250
-I don't have a key.
-Oh, don't give me that.
433
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,500
I know you guys
swapped house keys,
434
00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:44,370
like, 5 years ago.
435
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,750
Oh, right.
436
00:16:45,790 --> 00:16:47,590
My "please burst in
if I'm ever nailing
437
00:16:47,630 --> 00:16:49,590
a stewardess" key.
Right.
438
00:16:49,630 --> 00:16:51,510
Just open it.
439
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,220
I don't think
they're here.
440
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,600
Do you think they're
in the bedroom,
441
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,020
you know, doing it?
442
00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:07,310
How the hell
should I know?
443
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,190
Check it out!
444
00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:12,860
[SNIFFS]
445
00:17:14,650 --> 00:17:16,070
Doug.
446
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:20,330
Hello?
447
00:17:20,370 --> 00:17:23,660
Deac? Hot stewardess?
448
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,250
-Ha ha ha!
-I'm sorry.
449
00:17:25,290 --> 00:17:27,290
But I've never seen
anyone run so fast
450
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:28,500
from a little rain.
451
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:30,920
Come on. This shirt is suede.
It's $60, baby.
452
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,630
Well, actually,
I'm not sorry
453
00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:36,510
the game
got rained out.
454
00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:39,350
Gives us more time
for dinner
455
00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:40,930
and whatnot.
456
00:17:40,970 --> 00:17:43,140
I like the sound
of whatnot.
457
00:17:43,180 --> 00:17:45,640
Ha ha ha!
458
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,350
How's it going?
459
00:17:52,230 --> 00:17:53,990
What were you
doing in there?
460
00:17:54,030 --> 00:17:56,150
I heard that the Met
game got rained out,
461
00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,580
so I came over here
to close your windows.
462
00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:04,160
Okay, once again,
what were you doing in there?
463
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:08,210
Actually, I need to talk
to you a second alone.
464
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,750
Why don't I
just wait inside?
465
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,880
Thanks.
466
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,170
Oh, don't be scared.
467
00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:16,300
The white woman coming out
of the bathroom
468
00:18:16,340 --> 00:18:17,340
will be my wife.
469
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:18,430
Right.
470
00:18:18,470 --> 00:18:19,640
Okay.
471
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:24,770
Hi. I'm Melanie.
472
00:18:24,810 --> 00:18:27,060
Wow.
473
00:18:27,810 --> 00:18:28,940
So that's
pretty much it.
474
00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:30,190
Kelly's coming back
tomorrow.
475
00:18:30,230 --> 00:18:32,730
She loves you,
and she wants to stay married.
476
00:18:32,770 --> 00:18:34,820
You know?
Yeah, that's it.
477
00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:36,530
That's the whole deal
right there.
478
00:18:36,570 --> 00:18:38,360
Great news,
huh, Deac?
479
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,990
Deac, you there,
buddy?
480
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,000
I love my wife.
481
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,460
The fact that
she's coming back
482
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:54,000
is the best news
I could ever hope to get.
483
00:18:55,340 --> 00:18:56,630
That being said,
484
00:18:56,670 --> 00:18:58,300
you realize
you told me
485
00:18:58,340 --> 00:19:02,890
at the worst
possible time, don't you?
486
00:19:02,930 --> 00:19:04,140
Yes. Yes, I do.
487
00:19:04,180 --> 00:19:05,560
Then why the hell
did you tell me now?!
488
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,810
I'm sorry. Carrie made me.
489
00:19:06,850 --> 00:19:08,060
The only worse time
you could've picked
490
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:09,350
is if you waited
another half hour
491
00:19:09,390 --> 00:19:11,060
and popped out from
under the covers.
492
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,190
I fought for you!
493
00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:13,900
I fought for you,
and I told her
494
00:19:13,940 --> 00:19:15,940
you've been through hell
and you deserve this,
495
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:18,740
and then she said some stuff,
and here we are.
496
00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:20,610
Oh, man.
497
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,910
So what are you gonna do?
498
00:19:21,950 --> 00:19:23,620
I don't know.
I can't even think straight.
499
00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:26,750
In my mind, I'm seeing my family
all back together for Christmas
500
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:27,950
except instead of a tree,
501
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,210
we're decorating a naked
stewardess.
502
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:34,290
Deac, that is
a million-dollar idea.
503
00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:39,170
Hey.
504
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,550
Did you guys
have your talk?
505
00:19:41,590 --> 00:19:42,590
Yeah.
506
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,510
Oh.
507
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:45,930
Oh, what?
508
00:19:45,970 --> 00:19:47,640
Nothing. I was just in there
with Melanie,
509
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,060
and, uh,
she ain't ugly,
510
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:52,600
that's
for darn tootin'.
511
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,150
What are you saying?
I shouldn't have told him?
512
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:55,440
No, no. You did
the right thing.
513
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,440
Definitely. You definitely did
the right thing,
514
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,610
although she
could not be nicer.
515
00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:02,820
She actually gave me some
free coupons for an upgrade.
516
00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:04,370
What the hell
is she doing to me?
517
00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:06,200
I don't know. What the hell
are you doing to him?!
518
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,870
Nothing,
nothing, nothing.
519
00:20:07,910 --> 00:20:09,080
I'm just thinking.
520
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,080
They still are
technically separated,
521
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,250
and Kelly
did have her thing
522
00:20:12,290 --> 00:20:14,080
with
the orthodontist.
523
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,380
She slept
with Dr. Gottleib?!
524
00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:18,000
Kind of. It was
not a big deal.
525
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,510
Listen, Deacon,
you're an adult.
526
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:21,380
You're capable of making
your own decisions.
527
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:22,800
We should have
never interfered.
528
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:23,970
Just do
what feels right, okay?
529
00:20:24,010 --> 00:20:25,640
Come on, babe.
530
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:29,220
We were never here.
531
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:32,270
The last 5 minutes
never happened.
532
00:20:32,310 --> 00:20:34,350
You're just getting back
from the Met game.
533
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,690
The Mets won.
534
00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:37,110
You've got
a beautiful woman
535
00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:39,320
in your apartment
waiting for you.
536
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:40,570
And go.
537
00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:49,490
[EXHALES]
538
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,960
Oh, are these
your kids?
539
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,590
They're adorable.
540
00:21:02,590 --> 00:21:04,470
Aw, crap.
541
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:13,770
You know, Deacon,
542
00:21:13,810 --> 00:21:15,400
I actually think
this time apart
543
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,400
was the best possible
thing for us, don't you?
544
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,360
We both got out there
and got to live a little.
545
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:21,900
I had my experiences,
546
00:21:21,940 --> 00:21:24,740
you had yours.
547
00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:26,410
Hey, by the way,
can you take Kirby
548
00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:28,160
to his appointment
at Dr. Gottleib's
549
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,080
on Thursday?
550
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:31,580
[GLASS SHATTERS]
551
00:21:34,330 --> 00:21:36,620
DEACON: We're gonna
need a new mirror.
552
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,000
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
38178
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof