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1
00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:04,500
SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
2
00:00:04,540 --> 00:00:07,130
*My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:09,170
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,970
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:12,010 --> 00:00:17,600
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:23,180
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:24,980
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:31,150
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,860
SINGER:*Yo! Come on,move this*
10
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:38,780
*Shake that body*
11
00:00:39,990 --> 00:00:42,830
*Shake that body*
12
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,790
*Shake that body*
13
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:49,960
*Come on and move this*
14
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:53,970
*Shake that body for me*
15
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:56,680
*Shake that body for me*
16
00:00:58,430 --> 00:00:59,800
What's up?
17
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,560
Hey.
18
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,730
What you got
going on there?
19
00:01:06,770 --> 00:01:08,150
These? You mean,
my old jeans
20
00:01:08,190 --> 00:01:09,560
that haven't fit
since tenth grade
21
00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:12,230
and haven't been
comfortable since eighth?
22
00:01:13,070 --> 00:01:15,150
Honey, I am
so proud of you
23
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,280
for sticking
to this diet.
24
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:21,240
No carbs, no sugar,
no boobies.
25
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,910
Okay, still some boobies.
26
00:01:24,950 --> 00:01:28,000
But much smaller ones.
Booblettes.
27
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:29,080
Look at this.
28
00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:30,250
I am hugging you,
29
00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:33,050
and my hand is
actually touching...
30
00:01:33,090 --> 00:01:35,090
my other hand!
31
00:01:35,130 --> 00:01:36,260
Mwah!
32
00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:37,590
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Put it in reverse there,
33
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:38,760
kitten, all right?
34
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,930
Took me 40 minutes
to put these jeans on.
35
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,470
Besides, Deacon's
on his way over.
36
00:01:42,510 --> 00:01:44,220
Whoa, whoa,
wait a minute.
37
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:47,600
You're gonna--
you're wearing those?
38
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,060
Like, outside?
39
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:50,310
Yeah, why not?
40
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,900
Well, because those
are acid-washed jeans,
41
00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:56,530
and it's 2003 out there.
42
00:01:56,570 --> 00:01:58,450
So? My fat clothes,
they don't fit anymore.
43
00:01:58,490 --> 00:02:00,240
All right. Well, we're gonna go
to the mall later today, okay,
44
00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:01,530
and get you
some new clothes.
45
00:02:01,570 --> 00:02:02,950
You know what, great.
We could pick up
46
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,120
some stuff for the trip.
47
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,450
Oh, yeah. Now you're thinking.
48
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,790
All right, tell me
where we're going, already.
49
00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:07,830
No. It's a surprise.
50
00:02:07,870 --> 00:02:08,920
Just tell me.
Hershey Park?
51
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,170
Hershey park? No.
52
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,380
This is a trip
to celebrate my thinness.
53
00:02:12,420 --> 00:02:15,670
So, where are we going--
Salad World?
54
00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:18,800
You're just gonna
have to keep wondering.
55
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,800
Are we going up north?
Are we going down south?
56
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,050
Are we
going east, west?
57
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,350
Will you need
a bathing suit?
58
00:02:23,390 --> 00:02:25,930
Will you need
a spacesuit? Hmm.
59
00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:27,140
All right.
Well, I'll see you later.
60
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:28,690
I'm gonna
go to the gym.
61
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:29,730
All right, bye.
62
00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:31,480
Bye, baby.
63
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:37,990
Looking at you
from behind,
64
00:02:38,030 --> 00:02:42,740
with your buzz-cut hair
and your chiseled buttocks,
65
00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:47,410
one might mistake you for
a voluptuous lady trucker.
66
00:02:49,710 --> 00:02:51,120
Okay, you know what?
You've been talking
67
00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:53,080
about my buttocks
for 5 days now.
68
00:02:53,130 --> 00:02:56,840
Either make your move
or walk away.
69
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:57,920
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
70
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,130
Come in!
71
00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:00,470
Hey, guy. Arthur.
72
00:03:00,510 --> 00:03:01,260
Hello.
73
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:03,760
Wow, acid-washed jeans.
74
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:07,180
What, are you going to
a R.E.O. Speedwagon concert?
75
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:08,390
I got news for you.
76
00:03:08,430 --> 00:03:10,190
They're coming back,
and so are these.
77
00:03:10,230 --> 00:03:11,390
Spero wants to know
78
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:12,770
if you wanna shoot
some hoops later.
79
00:03:12,810 --> 00:03:14,060
I can't, man.
Carrie's taking me shopping
80
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:15,320
for vacation clothes.
81
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,940
Oh, your trip. Right.
Where you going?
82
00:03:16,980 --> 00:03:18,650
We're going to this awesome
lodge up in the mountains.
83
00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:22,280
I took her there 10 years ago.
We had a great time.
84
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,910
She gave me this massage
with these oils.
85
00:03:24,950 --> 00:03:26,080
[WHISPERING] Deac...
86
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:30,540
she was basting me
like a turkey.
87
00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:33,380
Okay, all I asked was
where you were going.
88
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:37,130
Uh, listen, Arthur.
89
00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:39,460
If the hotel calls
about the reservation,
90
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:41,300
just write down
the confirmation number,
91
00:03:41,340 --> 00:03:42,380
but don't
tell Carrie, okay?
92
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:43,720
It's a surprise,
all right?
93
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,970
And put it in my top drawer.
You got it?
94
00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:47,260
I didn't hear
a word you said,
95
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:51,230
you slinky
son of a bitch.
96
00:03:51,270 --> 00:03:54,730
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
97
00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:57,610
Number 3
should be open.
98
00:03:57,650 --> 00:03:59,070
Here's your key, and I'll go
grab you that sweater.
99
00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:00,610
Thank you.
100
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,250
What are you doing?
101
00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:11,580
What?
102
00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:13,250
You can't come in
the dressing room with me.
103
00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:14,710
Why not?
104
00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:18,210
I don't know. People'll think
we're doing something.
105
00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:21,170
-Are we?
-Oy.
106
00:04:21,210 --> 00:04:22,170
Hey, Carrie!
107
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,340
Hey, Amy. What's up?
108
00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:24,630
Nothing. Just doing
some shopping.
109
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:26,260
Yeah? Hey, are you
going to that stupid
110
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,970
computer training thing
at the office tomorrow?
111
00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:29,220
No. I got out of it,
112
00:04:29,260 --> 00:04:31,270
told them I had
a dentist appointment.
113
00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:32,640
Funeral!
114
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,940
[LAUGHS]
115
00:04:33,980 --> 00:04:35,190
Hey, Amy.
116
00:04:35,230 --> 00:04:37,610
Oh, my God. Doug.
117
00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:40,030
Look at you!
You look amazing!
118
00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:41,150
Doesn't he?
119
00:04:41,190 --> 00:04:42,070
How'd you do it?
120
00:04:42,110 --> 00:04:43,650
I just
cut out carbs.
121
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:47,530
I wish I'd known there was
an all-bacon diet 10 years ago.
122
00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:50,450
Turns out I was knocking on the
door the whole time.
123
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:53,200
All right, let's
check you out here.
124
00:04:53,250 --> 00:04:54,290
How much
did you lose?
125
00:04:54,330 --> 00:04:56,000
Like 40 pounds.
126
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,380
You are my hero.
127
00:04:57,420 --> 00:04:59,460
Your police officers,
your firefighters,
128
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,550
they're your heroes.
129
00:05:00,590 --> 00:05:03,260
I just look fantastic.
130
00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:04,630
All right. Well,
if you like these--
131
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:06,050
although, I guess,
you know what?
132
00:05:06,090 --> 00:05:07,800
Hero's not totally wrong.
133
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,300
Here's that sweater
you wanted.
134
00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:10,310
Oh, thanks.
135
00:05:10,350 --> 00:05:12,310
This guy just
lost 40 pounds.
136
00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:13,640
Wow! Really?
137
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,230
I would never peg you
as an overweight guy.
138
00:05:15,270 --> 00:05:17,310
I mean, you look like you
play football or something.
139
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,440
I did used to.
And I watch a lot.
140
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:20,770
Uh, you know what?
141
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,230
I think he's gonna need
these in a bigger size.
142
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,780
No, no, no.
They're supposed to be snug.
143
00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:25,530
And look how cute
they are on him.
144
00:05:25,570 --> 00:05:26,820
He looks
adorable.
145
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:27,990
Doesn't he?
146
00:05:28,030 --> 00:05:30,870
[CHUCKLES]
147
00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:34,000
[CHUCKLES]
148
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,500
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
149
00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:39,330
Doug, you working out, man?
You look ripped.
150
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,960
That's funny.
Usually you hit on her.
151
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,010
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
152
00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:49,890
Looking good, Mr. Heffernan.
153
00:05:53,810 --> 00:05:56,980
Well, your bad cholesterol
is down, good cholesterol is up.
154
00:05:57,020 --> 00:05:59,480
Your blood pressure's
under control.
155
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,150
And your body mass index
is nearing the normal range.
156
00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:03,570
You keep this up,
157
00:06:03,610 --> 00:06:07,030
you're gonna add another
20 years on to your life.
158
00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:09,410
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
159
00:06:12,990 --> 00:06:14,950
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
160
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,250
-Oh, hey, guys.
-Hey, Holly.
161
00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:21,880
I thought you were out
walking my dad.
162
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:24,380
Oh, I was, but he came back
here to change.
163
00:06:24,420 --> 00:06:27,260
He wore socks with sandals
to the park, and...
164
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,720
well, some of the kids
got pretty cruel.
165
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,180
-Okay.
-All right, hon,
166
00:06:31,220 --> 00:06:32,550
I'm going upstairs,
gonna throw the G-string on
167
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,390
and see what
the hype's about.
168
00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:39,560
Doug looks
really great.
169
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,060
Yeah. He dropped
a few pounds.
170
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:42,560
I bet he did.
I've been trying
171
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,940
to get rid of Turner and Hooch
here for quite a while,
172
00:06:44,980 --> 00:06:47,150
but all it takes
is one kegger,
173
00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:50,410
and boom, look who's
wearing overalls.
174
00:06:50,450 --> 00:06:51,360
Right.
175
00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:52,530
Yeah. But he
really looks good.
176
00:06:52,570 --> 00:06:53,830
Yeah,
you mentioned it.
177
00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:55,040
-No, but it's--
-Okay, you know what?
178
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,160
I don't understand
why everybody
179
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:57,950
wants to throw him
a parade.
180
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,290
I mean, he's not the first
person to drop a few pounds.
181
00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:01,580
What about Oprah?
182
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:05,210
All of a sudden, she's what,
yesterday's news?
183
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:06,960
No. I think about Oprah
all the time.
184
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,840
I just don't get it.
185
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,970
Why does everybody make such
a big deal about it?
186
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:12,220
Well, it's just
that people are
187
00:07:12,260 --> 00:07:13,680
used to seeing you
together, you know?
188
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:14,970
And you're so gorgeous,
189
00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:16,140
it was like
you're up here,
190
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:17,520
and he was kinda,
like, down here.
191
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,310
But now
it's like...eh?
192
00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:22,850
Eh-eh-eh.
193
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:27,480
I mean, you're
practically equals.
194
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:32,490
Yeah, okay, put your hands down
before I smack 'em down.
195
00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:34,620
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
196
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,450
CARRIE:
Doug, breakfast!
197
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:40,580
Where are we headed?
198
00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:43,460
Is it in America
or in a foreign land?
199
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:48,170
Or in a foreign land
in America, like Epcot.
200
00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:50,920
Well, wherever it is,
sit down and eat
201
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:55,930
your special
going-on-vacation pancakes.
202
00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:58,890
Carrie, you know
I can't have pancakes.
203
00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:00,680
They're full
of carbs.
204
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,850
Are they?
205
00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:04,060
Yeah.
206
00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:05,900
I think
you're wrong.
207
00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:06,980
I'll take 'em.
208
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,230
Dad, these
are for Doug.
209
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,860
I told you, I can't
eat them, all right?
210
00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:12,450
I'm trying to eat healthy
and stay in shape.
211
00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:14,780
Eating disorder.
212
00:08:14,820 --> 00:08:17,030
I said I'd take them.
I'm starving.
213
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:20,540
You've already had
3 bowls of cream of wheat.
214
00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:22,040
Because I'm starving.
215
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,500
Thank you for making my point
and for embarrassing me.
216
00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:29,090
-Hey.
-Hey, guys.
217
00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:31,920
Thank you so much for staying
here while we're away.
218
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,550
Oh, no, it's no problem.
It worked out, actually.
219
00:08:33,590 --> 00:08:36,550
Turns out our place
is being flea-bombed.
220
00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:39,010
Okay, so, anything we need
to know before you leave?
221
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,560
Um, yeah. Just do me a favor
and don't use my soap.
222
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,520
That skeeves me, okay?
223
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,900
Actually, you know what?
I'll just worry
224
00:08:45,940 --> 00:08:47,230
that you did use it,
225
00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:48,570
so do what you want.
I'm just gonna throw it
226
00:08:48,610 --> 00:08:49,900
away anyway.
227
00:08:49,940 --> 00:08:51,570
All right.
And one more thing.
228
00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:54,950
Here's a list of appliances
my dad can't use.
229
00:08:54,990 --> 00:08:59,410
Okay. "Dishwasher,
oven, can opener."
230
00:08:59,450 --> 00:09:02,620
how'd he get in trouble
with a whisk?
231
00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:03,790
He runs with it.
232
00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:05,460
It's a whole thing.
233
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:08,380
Now, listen.
Do not let my dad drive the car.
234
00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:09,960
He'll say that he's allowed to,
but he's not.
235
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,420
All right, the Heffernan train
is leaving.
236
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:14,260
But where
is it going? Hmm?
237
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,590
You have to stop
doing that.
238
00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:17,340
Okay, I will.
Or will I?
239
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,800
Doug!
240
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:22,310
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
241
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:40,120
Can I take
this thing off now?
242
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,990
No. You'll ruin
the surprise.
243
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,580
Doug, I've been
wearing this thing for 4 hours.
244
00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:47,620
Yeah, it's called building
the anticipation.
245
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,330
Like sex.
246
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:54,130
Yeah, Doug, 'cause when we have
sex it always lasts for four
hours.
247
00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:55,630
[LAUGHING] I get it.
248
00:09:55,670 --> 00:09:57,800
'Cause it doesn't.
249
00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,350
You keep me young, Carrie.
250
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,060
All right, now,we're pulling into
251
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,100
a gas station.But don't worry.
252
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,980
This is not wherewe're spending our weekend.
253
00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:14,400
Or is it?
254
00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:18,410
Ha ha ha!
255
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,660
Hey, guy.
How's it goin'?
256
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,330
It's goin'.
257
00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:27,790
Great. Could you fill it up?
Super unleaded?
258
00:10:27,830 --> 00:10:29,750
Okay.
259
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:43,850
Here ya go.
260
00:10:43,890 --> 00:10:45,770
Hey, question for ya.
261
00:10:46,850 --> 00:10:48,600
I'm taking her
up to the lake.
262
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:52,110
I wanna know if this
is the best route.
263
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:54,900
The only reason
I'm whispering is because
264
00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:57,320
I don't want her to know
where she's going.
265
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,110
Is she okay?
266
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,870
Oh, yeah.
She's fine.
267
00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:04,160
Leave it on.
268
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,500
So should I take
the 414 or the 28?
269
00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:09,370
414's better.
270
00:11:09,410 --> 00:11:12,250
Aw, thanks, guy.
There you go.
271
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,840
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
272
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,300
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
273
00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:35,770
Oh. Ahem.
274
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:36,900
What?
275
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:38,230
Well, we haven't
really discussed
276
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,320
who'd be
getting the bed.
277
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:44,160
Okay. Then let's,
uh, discuss it now.
278
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,830
I'm gettin' it.
279
00:11:46,950 --> 00:11:49,450
Just like that,
you get it?
280
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,500
A lot of people
would call that presumptuous.
281
00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:54,920
Well, a lot of people
also sleep in a bed,
282
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,460
but you ain't
one of 'em.
283
00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:02,010
You know what?
I'm getting in!
284
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:03,130
Fine, bring it.
285
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,390
I will.
286
00:12:04,430 --> 00:12:07,140
Well, good.
What's taking so long?
287
00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:10,480
If you think
I'm gonna let
288
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,850
one uncomfortable
camp experience
289
00:12:12,890 --> 00:12:14,100
keep me
out of this bed,
290
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,480
you are wrong.
291
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,860
All right.
I'm getting in,
292
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:19,690
and I'm not
getting out.
293
00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:21,240
Great.
294
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:29,950
You still wanna
stay? Because...
295
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,580
I sleep freestyle.
296
00:12:36,290 --> 00:12:38,550
You know what?
297
00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:45,300
So do I.
298
00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:50,180
[SIGHS] Ooh,
that's good. Yeah.
299
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,990
We may have wandered down
a bad road here.
300
00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:05,740
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
301
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:06,820
Douglas, Carrie.
302
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,990
-Hey, Arthur.
-Hey.
303
00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:10,490
Oh, that's right.
304
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:14,580
It's the ne'er-do-well cousin
and his foppish roommate.
305
00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:15,670
Welcome.
306
00:13:15,710 --> 00:13:16,920
Thanks.
307
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,340
Oh, that's strange.
308
00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:22,550
I can't seem
to find my car keys.
309
00:13:22,590 --> 00:13:24,840
Oh, well. I'll just
grab the extra set
310
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,220
from the coffee can.
311
00:13:26,260 --> 00:13:29,140
Arthur, Doug and Carrie said
you couldn't drive.
312
00:13:29,180 --> 00:13:31,310
What? No.
They're kidding.
313
00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:32,640
Didn't sound like
they were kidding.
314
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:35,390
Their humor is subtle
like Jack Paar's.
315
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,100
Arthur,
the answer's no.
316
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,310
You don't understand.
317
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,860
I'm trying
to impress Brenda Sicklick
318
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,190
down at the senior center.
319
00:13:41,230 --> 00:13:43,030
If I don't have wheels,
I don't have a chance.
320
00:13:43,070 --> 00:13:45,950
I'm sorry.
I can't help you.
321
00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:48,110
Daniel, I appeal to you
322
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:52,540
as the arguably
manlier of the two.
323
00:13:52,580 --> 00:13:53,620
Please.
324
00:13:53,660 --> 00:13:55,040
It's just down
to the senior center.
325
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,120
Is it really
that big a deal?
326
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,370
Yes, it is
that big a deal.
327
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,960
Carrie and Doug
specifically said no.
328
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,040
What if it's
an emergency?
329
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,500
-No.
-I don't know.
330
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:03,420
He could probably drive
if it's an emergency.
331
00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:05,800
He can't drive
if it's an emergency.
332
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,590
Fine. Should you
start bleeding profusely,
333
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,220
I'll just sit and stare at you,
as per your wishes.
334
00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:14,970
It's fine. You can drive
if it's an emergency.
335
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:15,980
Sweet.
336
00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:17,520
As a token
of my thanks,
337
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:20,310
I should like to make you
fine gentlemen some eggs.
338
00:14:21,690 --> 00:14:24,530
Could you point me
toward the whisk?
339
00:14:24,570 --> 00:14:27,360
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
340
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,280
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
341
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,910
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
342
00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:37,330
So, did I do good?
Were you surprised?
343
00:14:37,370 --> 00:14:39,870
Yeah. So surprised.
344
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,960
It's beautiful here.
345
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,960
I'm so glad
we're finally here.
346
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,130
Me, too.
347
00:14:46,170 --> 00:14:48,170
Can you believe
I got us the same room?
348
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,260
Hmm?
349
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:52,930
I got us the same room
as last time.
350
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:59,480
What last time?
351
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,310
Last time
we were here.
352
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,150
We were never here.
353
00:15:06,190 --> 00:15:08,030
Come on, stop it.
354
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:11,820
Stop what?
We were never here.
355
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:14,830
Yes, we were. We were here,
like, 10 years ago.
356
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,750
Remember?
We became best friends
357
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:18,960
with Jesse
the room service guy
358
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,880
'cause we didn't leave the room
the entire weekend.
359
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:30,970
No.
360
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,850
I said I could
stay here forever
361
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:36,720
because I don't
need anything in the world
362
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:40,140
except you and food
rolled in on a cart.
363
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,020
And you laughed.
364
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,110
No.
365
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,700
We saw a raccoon and named it
MC Hammer because it had
366
00:15:55,740 --> 00:15:58,200
extra furry legs.
367
00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:01,370
Like Hammer pants.
368
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:04,500
No.
369
00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:12,090
You gave me
a special massage.
370
00:16:13,550 --> 00:16:17,220
With the herbal oils
in the bathroom.
371
00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,430
Doug...
372
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,350
I was never here.
373
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,360
Oh.
374
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,780
I think I was here alone.
That's what it was.
375
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:38,160
Oh, my God!
I can't believe you!
376
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,740
You were here
with someone else!
377
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:40,910
No! No! It was
definitely you!
378
00:16:40,950 --> 00:16:42,250
I distinctly
remember,
379
00:16:42,290 --> 00:16:43,580
'cause it was
the last time I was thin!
380
00:16:43,620 --> 00:16:45,170
You were never
thin with me!
381
00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:46,540
Yes, I was!
382
00:16:46,580 --> 00:16:48,000
Doug, I think I'd remember
if you were thin, okay?
383
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,300
I would remember
everybody coming up to you,
384
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:50,920
going, "Oh, my God!
You look so great!
385
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,300
You look so fantastic!
386
00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:54,430
You're the skinniest man
in the whole wide world!"
387
00:16:54,470 --> 00:16:56,550
Never happened!
388
00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:58,760
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
389
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:01,890
Get the door.
390
00:17:01,930 --> 00:17:02,850
Room service.
391
00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:03,940
Hey, great.
Thank you.
392
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:07,650
All right.
Here we go.
393
00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:09,400
Doug?
394
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:14,280
Jesse.
395
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:15,610
How you doin', man?
396
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:16,740
Good. Good. You?
397
00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:18,160
Pretty good.
Pretty good.
398
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,870
You know, still doing
the room service thing.
399
00:17:19,910 --> 00:17:20,830
Great. That's great.
400
00:17:20,870 --> 00:17:21,910
Is Beth here with you?
401
00:17:21,950 --> 00:17:24,620
CARRIE: Oh, my God.
402
00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:26,580
Right.
Beth McGurtrie.
403
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:27,960
That makes
a lot of sense.
404
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,000
Yeah.
No, hi, Jesse.
405
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,460
Beth hasn't been with him
for 10 years.
406
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,470
Carrie Heffernan.
Hi.
407
00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:37,760
Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
408
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,180
Doug, we'll
catch up later.
409
00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:40,850
Yeah.
410
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:48,650
-That was Jesse.
-Yeah, got that.
411
00:17:48,690 --> 00:17:49,770
So, you, uh--
you hungry?
412
00:17:49,810 --> 00:17:51,400
No, I'm not
hungry, Doug.
413
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:52,860
I'm devastated.
414
00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:54,690
Let's just--
let's go home.
415
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,610
No, come on.
Look, I'm sorry, okay?
416
00:17:56,650 --> 00:17:57,820
I screwed up, but...
417
00:17:57,860 --> 00:17:59,160
I obviously remembered it
as being you
418
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,490
because I had
such an amazing time.
419
00:18:01,530 --> 00:18:05,160
Amazingly weird time.
420
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,710
The kind of time
you wish you could do over again
421
00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:10,250
with someone
you really love.
422
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:14,170
And now God has
given us that chance.
423
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:17,970
Come here.
424
00:18:18,010 --> 00:18:19,760
No. Get off.
425
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,140
Come on.
Let's just stay, all right?
426
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:22,640
We got the mountains.
We got the lake.
427
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:26,520
We got a beautiful,
romantic, nonrefundable room.
428
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:30,900
Yeah, the same room you were
in with Slutty McRubdown.
429
00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:33,070
Come on,
can't we just stay
430
00:18:33,110 --> 00:18:37,200
and enjoy ourselves?
I love you.
431
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,570
Fine.
432
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,530
[BED SQUEAKS]
433
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:46,040
[BED SQUEAKING]
434
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:49,250
I see you two
broke in the bed.
435
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,590
You know what?
I like this room better.
436
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:04,310
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
437
00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:06,310
It's a beautiful day
out there.
438
00:19:06,350 --> 00:19:08,390
Have you guys
canoed here before?
439
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,890
Yeah, once.
440
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:11,230
But I hated it.
441
00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:14,070
It was, uh--it was
with the wrong person. You know?
442
00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:17,490
This one, she's the one I wanna
go rowing through life with.
443
00:19:17,530 --> 00:19:19,280
Ha ha ha!
444
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:20,740
Do you have
someone you love?
445
00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:22,160
-No.
-No.
446
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,660
I guess there's
not much of a personal life
447
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:26,040
in the canoe game, right?
448
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,620
You're married to
Lake Chapawawa. Am I right?
449
00:19:31,790 --> 00:19:32,920
Anywho.
450
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,250
All right. Well,
let's get going here.
451
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:37,760
Here, honey.
That's yours right there.
452
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,340
All right.
453
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,050
-All right.
-Whoa. Whoa.
454
00:19:42,090 --> 00:19:43,010
It's the perfect storm.
455
00:19:43,050 --> 00:19:44,640
All right, Doug.
Please.
456
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,140
Okay.
457
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:48,930
Ah! This is nice.
458
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,310
Rowing the boat, huh?
459
00:19:51,350 --> 00:19:52,480
Hey!
460
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,110
*Row, row,row your boat*
461
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,690
Now the girls.
462
00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:57,280
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
*Row, row, row, your boat*
463
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,280
*Gently downthe stream*
464
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,400
[LOW-PITCHED VOICE]
*Merrily, merrily, merrily*
465
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:04,530
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
*Row, row, row, your boat*
466
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:05,740
Everybody!
467
00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:07,950
*57 bottles of beerin the boat*
468
00:20:07,990 --> 00:20:10,290
*57 bottles of beer*
469
00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:13,080
*You take one down,you pass it around*
470
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:17,340
*56 bottles of beerin the boat*
471
00:20:17,380 --> 00:20:20,090
[SIGHS]
This is the life, huh, babe?
472
00:20:20,130 --> 00:20:21,420
Yeah, I guess.
473
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,340
Whoa! Sounds like
somebody's ready to sing.
474
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:26,680
*56 bottlesof beer in the--*
475
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,680
all right, gotta save something
for the row back.
476
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:32,980
Oh, great idea.
477
00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:34,310
There's this little
secluded spot.
478
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:38,150
Very quiet,
very romantic.
479
00:20:38,190 --> 00:20:39,530
We should go there.
480
00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:40,650
Oh, really?
481
00:20:40,690 --> 00:20:43,360
How do you know about
that spot, Doug?
482
00:20:44,950 --> 00:20:47,160
You know what?
That spot sucks.
483
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:48,990
We're gonna find
a better spot.
484
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,580
You know what?
Doug, I'm sorry
485
00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:51,830
I even said anything.
486
00:20:51,870 --> 00:20:52,910
Go to the spot.
487
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,370
No! No, no, no!
Stop it.
488
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:55,630
We're not gonna go to the spot.
We'll find another one.
489
00:20:55,670 --> 00:20:58,000
Doug, I said go to the spot!
It's fine!
490
00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,670
No! Stop it!
491
00:20:59,710 --> 00:21:01,090
CARRIE: Oh,
this is mature.
492
00:21:01,130 --> 00:21:02,510
-Stop it!
-This is very mature.
493
00:21:02,550 --> 00:21:05,260
Stop it!
Stop being mad at me, okay?!
494
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:06,930
I'm just out here,
trying to have a good time
495
00:21:06,970 --> 00:21:08,010
with you!
496
00:21:08,050 --> 00:21:09,390
Now start singing!
It's fun!
497
00:21:09,430 --> 00:21:11,390
*55 bottles of beerin the boat*
498
00:21:11,430 --> 00:21:15,100
*55 bottles of beer*
499
00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:17,730
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
34608
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