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1
00:00:02,620 --> 00:00:06,540
[**]
2
00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,180
Hey, hon, come on.
It's almost 8:00.
My show's on.
3
00:00:18,220 --> 00:00:21,770
Un-un-uh, there'll be
no boob tube tonight.
4
00:00:21,810 --> 00:00:22,890
Wow, Battleship.
5
00:00:22,930 --> 00:00:24,190
Where'd you dig
this out from?
6
00:00:24,230 --> 00:00:25,940
Well, I was
in the attic
looking for Twister,
7
00:00:25,980 --> 00:00:28,270
which I was hoping
we could play naked...
8
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,740
and I stumbled upon this,
9
00:00:31,780 --> 00:00:33,780
which we could
also play naked.
10
00:00:34,950 --> 00:00:37,030
Um, don't think
I wanna play naked.
11
00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:39,160
How about no shirts?
12
00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:43,040
Okay, fair enough.
13
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,210
Let's get cracking.
Come on.
14
00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:45,370
All right, well,
I gotta warn ya,
15
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,710
I used to rock
at this game.
16
00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:48,250
Yeah, you better pack
a swimsuit, sweetheart.
17
00:00:48,290 --> 00:00:49,590
You're going down.
18
00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:51,800
Yeah, okay, bring it.
19
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:52,760
All right,
it's all you.
20
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:53,840
All right,
here we go.
21
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:54,970
B-5.
22
00:00:55,010 --> 00:00:56,720
Miss. C-7.
23
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,720
Miss. E-2.
24
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:00,720
Miss.
25
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:01,720
E-7.
26
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:02,930
Miss.
27
00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:03,980
E-2.
28
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:06,730
Miss.
29
00:01:06,770 --> 00:01:07,900
A-9.
30
00:01:07,940 --> 00:01:08,940
Miss.
31
00:01:08,980 --> 00:01:10,480
F-1.
32
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,490
Miss.
33
00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:17,450
TV now.
34
00:01:17,490 --> 00:01:18,780
Yeah.
35
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,040
*My eyes aregettin' weary*
36
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,710
*My back is gettin' tight*
37
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:27,580
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
38
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:30,420
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
39
00:01:30,460 --> 00:01:34,590
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
40
00:01:36,090 --> 00:01:40,140
*Is cash my checkand drive right home to you*
41
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:43,560
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
42
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:47,730
*I will bedrivin' home to you*
43
00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:02,080
[CLEARS THROAT]
44
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,620
Excuse me.
45
00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:06,580
Where's your
Raymond Burr section?
46
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:08,250
Um, we don't have one.
47
00:02:08,290 --> 00:02:10,790
Uh, what's the title
of the movie you're looking for?
48
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,090
I'm not sure,
49
00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:14,420
but there's a wonderful
scene on an airplane,
50
00:02:14,460 --> 00:02:18,090
and early in the picture,
the hero mails a letter.
51
00:02:18,130 --> 00:02:20,470
It was about, uh, yea big.
52
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,470
And it was
with Raymond Burr?
53
00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:26,470
Possibly.
54
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:29,140
Okay, I got
7 excellent choices.
55
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,770
You pick any one
you want.
56
00:02:30,810 --> 00:02:34,690
Okay, more than half of these
involve Chucky.
57
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:37,650
I'll take that
as a polite pass.
58
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:39,490
Okay, and no,
no, and no.
59
00:02:39,530 --> 00:02:41,530
Come on, these are
all stupid guy movies.
60
00:02:41,570 --> 00:02:43,700
Uh, I think
you owe an apology
61
00:02:43,740 --> 00:02:46,490
to Miss Lara Croft:
Tomb Raider.
62
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:48,750
No, I saw the trailer.
It looks stupid.
63
00:02:48,790 --> 00:02:51,790
Hmm, sounds like someone wishes
she were raiding tombs.
64
00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:54,290
Doug, tonight, I want
to see a romantic movie
65
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,760
about 2 people
who fall in love.
66
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,590
Well, then how about
Lethal Weapon?
67
00:02:58,630 --> 00:03:00,130
What, these guys
weren't in love?
68
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,430
All right, Doug,
put 'em back.
69
00:03:01,470 --> 00:03:02,470
Come on, Carrie.
70
00:03:02,510 --> 00:03:03,760
It's not happening.
Let it go.
71
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,140
Well, I found
our picture,
72
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:07,810
Raymond Burr in
Destination: Istanbul.
73
00:03:07,850 --> 00:03:08,890
No, Dad,
tonight, I wanna--
74
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:10,310
According to
Leonard Maltin,
75
00:03:10,350 --> 00:03:12,900
it's Burr's
finest role!
76
00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:14,520
Fine.
77
00:03:19,030 --> 00:03:20,900
[**]
78
00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:26,660
[PEOPLE CHEERING ON TV]
79
00:03:29,370 --> 00:03:30,830
[SIGHS]
80
00:03:30,870 --> 00:03:33,330
Hey, Deac, you ever have
the whole back side
81
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:36,000
of both thighs
go completely numb?
82
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,510
No.
83
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:41,010
Huh.
84
00:03:42,340 --> 00:03:43,340
I wouldn't
worry about it
85
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,430
unless it's
happening a lot.
86
00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:47,220
No, no, no, no, no.
87
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,230
What would you
consider a lot?
88
00:03:51,270 --> 00:03:52,270
Shh, shh, shh!
89
00:03:52,310 --> 00:03:53,480
Hey, we're
talking here.
90
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:54,770
I wanna hear this.
I wanna hear this.
91
00:03:54,810 --> 00:03:56,860
MAN:Deep in the forestof no trees,
92
00:03:56,900 --> 00:04:00,030
on the first dayof the eternal equinox,
93
00:04:00,070 --> 00:04:02,530
a child is bornwho will ask the question
94
00:04:02,570 --> 00:04:07,030
that will change the courseof Grunian history forever.
95
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,080
CHILD:Why must welive in darkness?
96
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,120
MAN:The Warriors of Grun:Chapter One,
97
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:15,250
opens next Fridayat a theater near you.
98
00:04:15,290 --> 00:04:16,710
Oh, my God!
99
00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:19,000
We are so there!
100
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,050
Couldn't be
more not there.
101
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:27,350
You never read
theTrilogy of Grun?
102
00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:29,010
It's a--it's a classic.
103
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:32,100
It's been translated into,
like, 50 different languages.
104
00:04:32,930 --> 00:04:35,270
He was doing
so well.
105
00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:36,270
He has a girlfriend,
106
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,400
started dressing
better,
107
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,650
and now this.
108
00:04:39,690 --> 00:04:41,070
This movie's
gonna be huge,
109
00:04:41,110 --> 00:04:42,490
and I'm gonna be
at the first show
110
00:04:42,530 --> 00:04:45,610
if I have to camp out
for a week.
111
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:48,370
Have you ever actually
met this girlfriend?
112
00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:51,410
Hey, guys.
113
00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:52,540
-Hey!
-Hey!
114
00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:53,830
Honey...
115
00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:55,370
would you do me a favor
and unload these for me?
116
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,420
I'm gonna go change.
117
00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:57,790
What'd you get
for dinner?
118
00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,420
Uh, some salad fixings
119
00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:01,250
and a nice piece
of halibut.
120
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:02,420
Halibut?
121
00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:04,800
Yeah, my dad wanted it.
It's good.
122
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:08,350
Yeah, it's the ocean's
answer to pork chops.
123
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:09,930
This is so annoying.
124
00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:11,260
What?
125
00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:13,390
Carrie doesn't listen
to me about anything.
126
00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:15,560
This morning, I told her
5 things I wanted for dinner,
127
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,230
but Arthur wanted halibut,
bam, we get halibut,
128
00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:20,270
and then last night,
I wanted to rentLethal Weapon,
129
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,610
but no, Arthur wanted
to get something else.
130
00:05:22,650 --> 00:05:24,990
So we gotta spend 2 hours
watching some fat guy
131
00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:27,030
chasing his own letter
to Istanbul.
132
00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:28,990
It's so unfair!
133
00:05:29,030 --> 00:05:30,830
You sound
like my kid.
134
00:05:30,870 --> 00:05:32,290
What do you mean?
135
00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:34,000
Well, he always complains
that his little brother
136
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,790
gets his own way
all the time,
137
00:05:35,830 --> 00:05:37,040
so you know what
he started doing?
138
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,670
He started tricking
the little guy
139
00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:40,960
into asking for the stuff
he really wants.
140
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,460
Now I got a 4-year-old
hitting me up
141
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:45,260
for a Victoria's Secret
calendar.
142
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:53,100
Arthur!
143
00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:01,690
Hello, Douglas.
144
00:06:01,730 --> 00:06:03,820
King Arthur,
how goes it?
145
00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:04,980
Did Carrie get me my fish?
146
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:06,950
Uh, yeah,
I think so.
147
00:06:06,990 --> 00:06:09,410
Ah, halibut, very healthy
for the prostate.
148
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:12,990
If I had one, it would be
lubed to a fare-thee-well.
149
00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:15,700
Yeah.
150
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,370
Uh, you know,
you haven't told me
151
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:18,830
any of your World War II
stories in a long time.
152
00:06:18,870 --> 00:06:20,670
You were over
in Italy, right?
153
00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:22,500
Uh-huh.
154
00:06:22,540 --> 00:06:25,630
I actually have a photo taken
of myself with Mussolini.
155
00:06:25,670 --> 00:06:27,720
He's upside down,
of course.
156
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,340
Oh, yeah.
157
00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:30,720
That must have been
pretty wild, though, huh?
158
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,350
I mean, gosh,
being over there,
159
00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:35,430
all the history,
the art...
160
00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:37,180
the pizza.
161
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,690
The hookers weren't
too shabby, either.
162
00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,060
[LAUGHS]
163
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:43,020
I bet you they
weren't too shabby!
164
00:06:43,060 --> 00:06:45,400
Now, back
to the pizza.
165
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,030
Actually, I remember
the night before our assault
166
00:06:48,070 --> 00:06:50,570
on the German stronghold
in Montecasino.
167
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:52,530
We were just expecting
our usual K-rations,
168
00:06:52,570 --> 00:06:54,830
but then this little
baker showed up
169
00:06:54,870 --> 00:06:58,040
with a wagon full of
freshly baked pizza pies.
170
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,460
Mmm, I bet you they tasted
pretty good, huh?
171
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:01,880
Oh, did they ever.
172
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:06,090
When I bit into that warm,
crispy slice of heaven,
173
00:07:06,130 --> 00:07:08,050
it was like...
174
00:07:08,090 --> 00:07:10,180
Like all the misery
and horror of war
175
00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:13,510
just suddenly
disappeared?
176
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:14,720
Yes.
177
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,810
Hi, Dad.
178
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:18,930
I want pizza!
179
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,150
It's okay with me.
I don't care.
180
00:07:27,570 --> 00:07:30,200
[**]
181
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:38,330
I want cheese steaks!
182
00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:49,920
I want to try the new
Chinese place down the block!
183
00:07:53,970 --> 00:07:56,470
I want Bose speakers
in our car!
184
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,810
I want fried chicken...
185
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,320
and waffles.
186
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:19,490
I wanna watch
Crank Yankers!
187
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,130
[LAUGHS] Oh, yeah.
188
00:08:31,170 --> 00:08:33,130
Warriors of Grun,
huh?
189
00:08:33,170 --> 00:08:35,260
3 days and counting,
am I right?
190
00:08:35,300 --> 00:08:36,850
Yeah.
191
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,180
Is this the line?
192
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,810
No, that's the line
for the movie that
193
00:08:41,850 --> 00:08:43,690
starts in 10 minutes.
194
00:08:43,730 --> 00:08:45,810
So I'm--I'm
first in line?
195
00:08:45,850 --> 00:08:47,610
Oh, sweet!
196
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,490
Hello, Dark Lord
of Grun.
197
00:09:00,410 --> 00:09:03,870
Your faithful servant
is first.
198
00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:08,590
[**]
199
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,840
Hey.
200
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,220
Darling,
question for you.
201
00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:21,140
Do you find me
sexually attractive?
202
00:09:30,610 --> 00:09:33,070
Well,Dad...
203
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,360
Yes, I know
you're my daughter.
204
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,820
Can't you put that
aside for one moment
205
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,370
and answer
a simple question,
206
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:42,410
am I sexy?
207
00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:43,910
No, I can't!
208
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:46,040
Why are we even
talking about this?
209
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,580
Well, usually, when I go
to the senior center,
210
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,960
I get quite a few admiring
glances from the ladies,
211
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,800
but today, zippo.
212
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,920
Even in the pale
blue sweat suit?
213
00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:56,510
I was surprised, too.
214
00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:58,010
So just tell me.
215
00:09:58,050 --> 00:09:59,720
Have I gotten heavier?
216
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,010
You look fine.
217
00:10:01,050 --> 00:10:02,180
No, I put on weight.
218
00:10:02,220 --> 00:10:03,640
How can I not have
with all the junk
219
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,060
I've been eating lately?
220
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:06,810
So why don't you
just eat a little better?
221
00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:08,230
Funny, I always
intend to,
222
00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:09,690
but then Douglas
starts talking to me
223
00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:11,150
about this and that,
224
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:13,150
and suddenly I'm slumped
in front of the TV,
225
00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:16,490
and I'm eating something
terribly unhealthy.
226
00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:19,950
I want pizza!
227
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:20,950
Chinese!
228
00:10:20,990 --> 00:10:21,950
Cheese steaks!
229
00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:22,950
Cotton candy!
230
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,120
Fried chicken!
231
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,960
That sneaky bastard!
232
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:31,330
[**]
233
00:10:32,630 --> 00:10:33,840
Hey, babe.
234
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,010
Hey, hon.
How was work?
235
00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:36,920
Good, good.
236
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,590
Listen, um,
I'm pretty beat.
237
00:10:39,630 --> 00:10:40,640
I don't feel like cooking.
238
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:42,720
Is it okay
if we just order in?
239
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,010
Oh, yeah, sure.
240
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,470
What are you
in the mood for?
241
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:49,560
Well, I, uh, passed by
this new place on my way home.
242
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,810
Looks kind of fun.
243
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:54,690
"The Vegan Café
and Juice Hut."
244
00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:56,230
You okay with that?
245
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,940
Yeah, little different,
246
00:10:57,990 --> 00:10:59,820
but if that's what
my little lady wants,
247
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:00,990
I'll give it a go.
248
00:11:01,030 --> 00:11:02,070
Oh, you're so sweet.
249
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,240
All right,
I'm gonna go change.
250
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:04,410
-You look over the menu.
-Will do.
251
00:11:04,450 --> 00:11:05,830
-Okay.
-Okay.
252
00:11:05,870 --> 00:11:08,000
[FOOTSTEPS]
253
00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:12,040
[WHISPERING]
Arthur!
254
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:14,290
"No oil, no butter.
255
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,590
We only cook
with love."
256
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,510
Arthur!
257
00:11:22,010 --> 00:11:22,970
Is it dinnertime yet?
258
00:11:23,010 --> 00:11:25,970
Yeah, yeah, come on.
259
00:11:26,010 --> 00:11:27,140
Some day, huh?
260
00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:29,060
City life,
I'll tell ya.
261
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:30,810
Sometimes I wish we just lived
in the country,
262
00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:32,850
you know,
lived on a ...
263
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,900
a farm.
264
00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:35,980
Wait a second.
265
00:11:36,020 --> 00:11:37,440
Didn't you
live on a farm?
266
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:38,320
Yes, I did,
267
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,150
from the ages
of 7 to 10,
268
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,660
then again at 43.
269
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:45,160
Wow, I bet you had
a lot of animals, huh?
270
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:49,000
Oh, yes, we had
a veritable barnyard.
271
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,580
What kind, exactly?
272
00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:51,830
Everything. Goats.
273
00:11:51,870 --> 00:11:53,380
Hmm, goats.
274
00:11:53,420 --> 00:11:54,500
What else?
275
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:55,590
Chickens.
276
00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:56,840
Chicken.
277
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:57,960
I had chicken
for lunch.
278
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,670
Go on.
279
00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:01,680
Well, uh, horses, pigs--
280
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:02,930
Pigs? Pigs?
You had pigs?
281
00:12:02,970 --> 00:12:04,180
Oh, we had about
a dozen of them.
282
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:05,600
You know, they're
actually quite loyal
283
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,600
and intelligent animals.
284
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,930
And not
bad eatin', huh?
285
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,480
Well, sure.
286
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,190
We would marinate the ribs
in a honey whiskey sauce,
287
00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:18,150
then slow-cook 'em
over an open pit
288
00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:19,940
till the meat
was so tender
289
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:22,030
it was practically
falling off the bone.
290
00:12:22,070 --> 00:12:24,410
Mmm, I bet you can
still taste it, huh?
291
00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:25,780
Oh, can I!
292
00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:28,950
Yeah, you wanna taste some
tonight for dinner?
293
00:12:28,990 --> 00:12:30,040
No can do.
294
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,290
I'm on a very strict diet.
295
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:33,870
What?
296
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,080
Okay, you ready
to order, honey?
297
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,920
Uh, yeah, um,
298
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,630
I'll go with
the grilled soy cheese.
299
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:46,300
[**]
300
00:12:53,390 --> 00:12:54,730
Everything was
so great, you know?
301
00:12:54,770 --> 00:12:57,150
I was working Arthur
like a finger puppet,
302
00:12:57,190 --> 00:12:58,690
and out of nowhere,
he goes on this diet.
303
00:12:58,730 --> 00:13:01,570
Now I can't eat
anything anymore.
304
00:13:01,610 --> 00:13:04,530
You do realize you're
eating a hot dog right now?
305
00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:05,820
Yeah, I know that.
306
00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:07,530
I'm talking about
when I eat at home.
307
00:13:07,570 --> 00:13:09,280
You know, Carrie always
wants to eat healthy.
308
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,410
Now Arthur does, too.
309
00:13:10,450 --> 00:13:11,700
It's 2 to 1.
I'm being outvoted.
310
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:13,080
Well, you either gotta
keep eating healthy
311
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,620
or get 2 other fat guys
to move in with you. Heh.
312
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,750
That's funny.
That's good.
313
00:13:20,210 --> 00:13:21,550
Hey, where's
my hot dog?
314
00:13:21,590 --> 00:13:23,260
All right, it's coming.
315
00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:28,050
Here.
316
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:29,600
Thanks.
317
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:30,930
Did we really have to come
all the way down here
318
00:13:30,970 --> 00:13:31,850
to give you this?
319
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:33,810
I mean, the cart
is 10 feet away.
320
00:13:33,850 --> 00:13:36,060
I can't move.
I'm first in line.
321
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,480
There is no line.
322
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,820
People could come.
323
00:13:41,860 --> 00:13:43,900
So you really slept
out here all night?
324
00:13:43,940 --> 00:13:45,320
Yeah.
325
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,650
Little rough.
326
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,030
Little rough.
327
00:13:49,070 --> 00:13:51,120
Pretty sure
someone touched me.
328
00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:54,080
-[CELL PHONE RINGS]
-Oh.
329
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,330
Hold on.
330
00:13:56,370 --> 00:13:57,750
Hello.
331
00:13:57,790 --> 00:13:59,500
Yeah, no, Mom,
I can't take you right now.
332
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:01,500
I'm a little busy.
333
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:05,720
I--well, wouldn't
the paramedics be faster?
334
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:06,840
Oh, okay, okay,
335
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,180
all right, okay,
I'm coming--coming.
336
00:14:08,220 --> 00:14:11,100
Guys, I gotta
take my mom to the doctor.
337
00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:13,390
Could you guys just
hold my place--
338
00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:15,520
No.
339
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,520
-Deac?
-Yeah, "no" sounded about right.
340
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:18,600
Oh, please!
341
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,020
I've been here
2 days.
342
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,480
I'm gonna be gone
for a couple hours.
343
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,110
You know what, Deac?
You owe me.
344
00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:25,190
I've done a lot
of stuff for you.
345
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,490
Yeah, like what?
346
00:14:26,530 --> 00:14:28,320
Like when Kelly
kicked you out
347
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:32,080
and I let you move into
my apartment 3 months rent-free
348
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,870
and created a home
for you and your kids.
349
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,370
Have fun, guy.
350
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:41,750
[**]
351
00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:49,260
Can I help you?
352
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:51,220
What?
353
00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:52,550
Oh, God, Arthur, you--
354
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:53,720
I didn't recognize you
from the back.
355
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,140
You look so lean.
356
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:57,230
I thought you were
the Sparkletts delivery guy.
357
00:14:57,270 --> 00:14:58,310
Really?
358
00:14:58,350 --> 00:14:59,560
Absolutely.
359
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:03,150
Well, I have been
dieting like a madman.
360
00:15:03,190 --> 00:15:04,650
And it shows.
361
00:15:04,690 --> 00:15:06,570
End of story, end of diet!
362
00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:08,240
Now let's talk
about our favorite
363
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,070
South American countries.
364
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,160
Mine's Chile.
365
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,370
-Hey, guys.
-Hey.
366
00:15:13,410 --> 00:15:14,620
What's up?
367
00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:15,910
Actually,
Douglas was saying
368
00:15:15,950 --> 00:15:18,410
I might want to
ease up on my diet.
369
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,500
Oh, was he?
370
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,330
Yes, what do you
think, darling?
371
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,840
Hmm, uh,
372
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,590
I've gotta be honest
with you, Dad.
373
00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:28,550
I don't think you're, uh,
quite there yet.
374
00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:30,010
Really? I do.
375
00:15:30,050 --> 00:15:32,720
Mmm, I don't know.
Turn around.
376
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:39,390
Mmm, still seeing a lot
of butter on the biscuit.
377
00:15:40,810 --> 00:15:42,020
What rear end
are you looking at?
378
00:15:42,060 --> 00:15:44,060
Right there,
Jiggles Magoo.
379
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:46,480
Are you kidding?
You know what I want
for Christmas?
380
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:47,610
That ass wrapped
in bicycle shorts.
381
00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:48,940
No, he doesn't, Dad.
382
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,570
He doesn't want your ass
for Christmas.
383
00:15:50,610 --> 00:15:52,160
I do, I do.
384
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,620
Doug, I know what
you've been doing, all right?
385
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:54,780
I know you've been
using my father
386
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,620
to get the food
that you want.
387
00:15:56,660 --> 00:15:57,870
What?
388
00:15:57,910 --> 00:16:00,290
Oh, come--
Don't play dumb.
389
00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:02,330
Is this true, Douglas?
390
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,540
So I guess
my summer in Bologna
391
00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:08,460
meant nothing to you.
392
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,760
Excuse me.
393
00:16:16,430 --> 00:16:17,640
Tonight's dinner's
your call.
394
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,680
I'm easy.
395
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,430
You know, this whole thing
is really your fault.
396
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,690
-Excuse me?
-Yeah.
397
00:16:23,730 --> 00:16:25,190
I only did all that
because--you know what?
398
00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:26,770
I never get any of the things
I want around here.
399
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,070
I don't get
the food I want.
400
00:16:28,110 --> 00:16:29,480
I don't get
the videos I want.
401
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,820
I let Arthur
live inmyhouse,
402
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:33,280
and he gets anything
he asks for,
403
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,530
and I'm your husband,
and I get nothing!
404
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:37,490
Really?
405
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,490
[WHISPERING]
Yeah.
406
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,160
You get nothing?
407
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,210
'Cause I--'cause I'm--
I'm kind of thinking back here,
408
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,170
and I'm remembering ordering
a lot of pizzas for you
409
00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:48,000
and watching a lot
of Stallone movies
410
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,260
that I'm pretty sure
weren't my idea.
411
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,010
Oh, and then there was
that lizard that I let you buy
412
00:16:52,050 --> 00:16:53,970
that may...
or may not still be
413
00:16:54,010 --> 00:16:55,970
in this house somewhere.
414
00:16:56,010 --> 00:16:58,430
And I'm sorry. I'm confused.
415
00:16:58,470 --> 00:17:00,850
Was it my idea
to drive 10 hours
416
00:17:00,890 --> 00:17:04,060
to the Ultimate Fighting
Championship in Dayton, Ohio?
417
00:17:05,310 --> 00:17:06,440
No...
418
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,070
but you controlled
the radio most of the way.
419
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:12,860
Okay, so what are we talking
about here, Doug, huh?
420
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:15,360
What things haven't
you gotten your way on?
421
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,620
List them for me.
422
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:19,620
I guess it was...
423
00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:22,290
that video that
Arthur wanted and...
424
00:17:22,330 --> 00:17:24,250
then the halibut.
425
00:17:24,290 --> 00:17:26,710
So, 2 things?
426
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,210
Well, 2 in a row.
427
00:17:30,710 --> 00:17:33,010
[**]
428
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:46,100
Deac?
429
00:17:46,140 --> 00:17:48,060
Oh, hey, guys.
What--what's up?
430
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,480
What's up, man?
We're going to check out
431
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:50,570
the Jet Li movie.
432
00:17:50,610 --> 00:17:51,730
What you doing?
433
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:53,400
Uh, nothing, just, uh...
434
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,740
just chillin'.
435
00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:58,280
What's up with
the wizard, man?
436
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,830
Uh, that's actually--
uh, it's a friend's.
437
00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:02,160
[LAUGHS] Hold up.
438
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,000
Are you lined up
for that Grun thing?
439
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:05,370
No, no, man.
I told you, I'm just holding
440
00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:06,790
a place for my friend.
441
00:18:06,830 --> 00:18:08,460
Palmer's all
Gruned up.
442
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:09,920
[BOTH LAUGH]
443
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,840
All right, then.
444
00:18:15,630 --> 00:18:17,760
Um...wait up, guys.
445
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,300
[**]
446
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,230
Hey, Arthur.
447
00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:28,140
Hello.
448
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,650
You want
some ice cream?
449
00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:32,070
No, no.
450
00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:35,030
This cottage cheese
is all I'm allowed.
451
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,570
You don't need to diet, okay?
You look great.
452
00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:40,780
Don't, Douglas.
453
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,160
My body image
is topsy-turvy right now.
454
00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:47,660
Look, I'm really sorry
about everything, okay?
455
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:48,960
If it makes you feel
any better,
456
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,750
Carrie's really
mad at me, and...
457
00:18:50,790 --> 00:18:51,920
she's not letting it go.
458
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,210
How bad is it?
459
00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:55,170
Well, she won't
talk to me,
460
00:18:55,210 --> 00:18:56,920
she won't look me in the eye,
and I'm pretty sure
461
00:18:56,970 --> 00:19:00,220
there won't be any shimmy-sham
in the near future.
462
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:04,100
My second wife Lily
used to shut the gate
463
00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:05,930
on me pretty good, too.
464
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:10,810
Really?
465
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,060
Why don't you tell me
about that?
466
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,070
I want you to have
sex with Douglas!
467
00:19:19,570 --> 00:19:22,070
And I want pizza!
468
00:19:31,710 --> 00:19:33,670
It was all right, man.
469
00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:34,750
Kind of--[LAUGHS]
470
00:19:34,790 --> 00:19:35,840
Wah-taah!
471
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,630
It was good.
472
00:19:41,550 --> 00:19:43,720
Let's go that way.
473
00:19:46,470 --> 00:19:47,890
I'm in the front
of the line.
474
00:19:47,930 --> 00:19:48,980
Been here a few days.
475
00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:50,020
I'm just going
to go back up, and--
476
00:19:50,060 --> 00:19:51,730
Nice wand. Excellent.
477
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:54,230
Oh, vorpal sword. Brilliant.
478
00:19:54,270 --> 00:19:56,860
Yeah.Mach tow.All right.
479
00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:58,490
Knee boots--work it.
480
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:01,280
I'm in front
of the line...yeah.
481
00:20:05,410 --> 00:20:08,830
[**]
32220
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