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1
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[**]
2
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:08,380
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
3
00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:11,340
Hello.
4
00:00:11,380 --> 00:00:12,420
Mm-hmm.
5
00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:14,720
Oh, hold on a second.
I'll get him.
6
00:00:16,510 --> 00:00:18,180
Arthur, phone!
7
00:00:18,220 --> 00:00:19,510
ARTHUR: Who is it?
8
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,770
It's Louis DiRobertus
from some law firm.
9
00:00:22,810 --> 00:00:24,600
ARTHUR:
Tell him to drop dead.
10
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,020
Okay, I'm not gonna
tell him to drop dead.
11
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:31,860
ARTHUR: Then tell him
to go to hell.
12
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:33,820
Not telling him that,
either.
13
00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:34,860
ARTHUR:
Then you go to hell.
14
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:37,030
You go to hell!
15
00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:38,830
ARTHUR: Drop dead!
16
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:43,540
Sorry. Wrong number.
17
00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:46,960
* My eyesare gettin' weary*
18
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,630
*My back is gettin' tight*
19
00:00:49,670 --> 00:00:51,590
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
20
00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:54,510
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
21
00:00:54,550 --> 00:00:58,760
*But I don't care,'cause all I wanna do*
22
00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:04,100
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
23
00:01:05,730 --> 00:01:07,400
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
24
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:11,570
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
25
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:24,160
I'm not gonna tell him
to go to hell, Dad!
26
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,160
ARTHUR:
Then you go to hell!
27
00:01:26,210 --> 00:01:27,330
Oy!
28
00:01:27,370 --> 00:01:29,000
Try again tomorrow.
29
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:30,500
Okay, bye.
30
00:01:30,540 --> 00:01:31,840
That lawyer again?
31
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,250
Yeah.
32
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,630
Why does he keep calling?
What'd your father do, anyway?
33
00:01:34,670 --> 00:01:36,510
I don't know, but I'm thinking
we'd better be ready
34
00:01:36,550 --> 00:01:39,510
to throw him in the car
and just drive.
35
00:01:39,550 --> 00:01:41,100
Oh, man. You think
he knocked someone up
36
00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:43,720
and they're hunting him
down for child support?
37
00:01:45,430 --> 00:01:46,730
No.
38
00:01:46,770 --> 00:01:48,810
How creepy
would that be?
39
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:50,770
Arthur's demon spawn
40
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:53,110
running around
out there.
41
00:01:53,150 --> 00:01:54,730
Eww.
42
00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:57,950
Um...he is my father,
remember?
43
00:01:59,910 --> 00:02:01,240
Oh, yeah.
44
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,160
Still.
45
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,500
Kids, I'm heading out
to the movies.
46
00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:06,750
Got a sandwich
up my sleeve,
47
00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:10,130
and a Mr. Pibb
in my breast pocket.
48
00:02:10,170 --> 00:02:11,920
Do I look lumpy?
49
00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:16,670
No more than usual.
50
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,050
Uh, Dad,
before you go, uh...
51
00:02:19,090 --> 00:02:21,010
what's the story with this
lawyer who keeps calling?
52
00:02:21,050 --> 00:02:23,050
Are you in some kind
of trouble or something?
53
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:25,060
Trouble? Oh, no.
Not at all, darling.
54
00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:26,980
It's just about
some outstanding paperwork
55
00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:29,690
for the house I own
over on Borcher Avenue
56
00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:31,440
with my half-brother Skitch.
57
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,770
Well, have a good evening.
58
00:02:37,820 --> 00:02:40,070
CARRIE: Borcher Avenue.
59
00:02:40,110 --> 00:02:42,700
Oh! Okay, that must have been
his aunt's house.
60
00:02:42,740 --> 00:02:43,870
She died, like, 10 years ago,
61
00:02:43,910 --> 00:02:45,240
and she didn't have any kids,
62
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:48,910
so she must have left it
to my dad and Skitch.
63
00:02:50,210 --> 00:02:52,250
He owns a house?
64
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:55,750
Yeah, but I guess
he never did anything with it,
65
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,340
because he hates
my uncle Skitch,
66
00:02:57,380 --> 00:03:01,380
likeTom and Jerryhate,
you know what I'm saying?
67
00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:03,850
He owns a house?
68
00:03:04,510 --> 00:03:06,010
Yes.
69
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,720
The man who's stolen
hundreds of dollars
70
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:08,980
in change from me
71
00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:12,230
19 cents at a time
owns a house?!
72
00:03:12,270 --> 00:03:13,650
Yes. Will you relax, Doug?
73
00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:15,230
It's not like he ever
could have lived there.
74
00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:17,110
I mean he hasn't talked
to my uncle Skitch
75
00:03:17,150 --> 00:03:18,860
in, like, 20 years.
76
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:22,030
The man who's walked in on us
having sex 9 times--
77
00:03:22,070 --> 00:03:25,030
and me twice--
owns a house?!
78
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,000
Would you stop
making yourself crazy?
79
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:30,910
I mean, the good news
is maybe we'll get
80
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,420
a little inheritance
some day, all right?
81
00:03:33,460 --> 00:03:34,920
Now,
I'm gonna go change.
82
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,300
Will you take the chicken
out of the freezer?
83
00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:45,300
[MOUTHING WORDS]
84
00:03:48,850 --> 00:03:51,180
Chicken's
defrosting nicely.
85
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:54,520
I also took the liberty
of setting the table.
86
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:55,770
Now--
87
00:03:55,810 --> 00:03:57,730
He's not moving out, Doug.
88
00:03:58,570 --> 00:03:59,780
Why not?!
89
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,530
Because he's an old man, okay?
90
00:04:01,570 --> 00:04:04,860
We can't just expect to throw
him in an empty house by himself
91
00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:07,080
and hope he survives.
92
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,290
Why not?!
93
00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:12,540
Because, Doug, when we left him
alone in this house,
94
00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:13,920
he started a small fire,
95
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,380
and managed to change
our long distance carrier.
96
00:04:17,420 --> 00:04:18,710
Look, okay.
How about this?
97
00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:19,960
What if he didn't
live there alone?
98
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,380
What about if he went
with his brother--
99
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:24,760
what's his name?
Snitch, Satch.
100
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,180
-Skitch.
-Yeah!
101
00:04:26,220 --> 00:04:27,850
Where's he at? The brothers
could live together.
102
00:04:27,890 --> 00:04:29,680
Did you hear
a word I said?
103
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,020
My father won't even
talk to him.
104
00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:34,980
Oh, like, we talk to each other
so much really?
105
00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:36,650
Look, Carrie, even if
they don't get along,
106
00:04:36,690 --> 00:04:37,810
you know, they could
put a piece of tape
107
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,190
down the middle
of the house--
108
00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:40,150
each take a side.
109
00:04:40,190 --> 00:04:42,440
It worked
for the Brady kids.
110
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,820
Oh, really?
Did Peter ever call Greg
111
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:46,990
a son of a bitch
rat bastard?
112
00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:49,870
He may have,
I didn't see every episode.
113
00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,750
Uh, I'm pretty sure you did.
114
00:04:52,790 --> 00:04:55,830
Look, can't
we just get 'em together
and see if they can hash it out?
115
00:04:55,870 --> 00:04:57,500
No, we can't. I tried.
116
00:04:57,540 --> 00:04:59,210
-When?
-A couple of years ago.
117
00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:01,340
I was going across
the George Washington Bridge,
118
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:03,340
I ran into Skitch,
he's a toll taker there,
119
00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,590
I got his number,
I gave it to my father,
120
00:05:05,630 --> 00:05:08,890
who crumpled it up
and swallowed it.
121
00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:13,770
He owns a house!
122
00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:15,600
Carrie, do you understand
what's going on here?
123
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:16,980
It-it's like we've been stranded
124
00:05:17,020 --> 00:05:19,190
onGilligan's Island
for the past five years,
125
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:20,690
and this whole time,
there's a boat
126
00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:22,730
on the other side
of the lagoon!
127
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,740
Okay, so first
it'sthe Brady Bunch,
128
00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:27,740
now it'sGilligan's Island.
What's next?
129
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:29,660
I Dream of Jeannie,
Doug?
130
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:30,740
Actually, yeah,
131
00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:32,290
'cause I wish
he would move out.
132
00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:35,040
Okay, listen to me.
133
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,410
I agree,
134
00:05:36,460 --> 00:05:39,420
if my dad and Skitch
were to become best friends
135
00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:43,550
and move in together,
it would be fantastic.
136
00:05:43,590 --> 00:05:45,470
But it's never
gonna happen.
137
00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:47,970
Let me take a crack at it.
138
00:05:48,010 --> 00:05:49,470
-No!
-Why not?!
139
00:05:49,510 --> 00:05:51,180
Doug, come on. If you bring
this up to my father,
140
00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:53,810
he's just gonna go crazy,
so I am begging you.
141
00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:56,140
Please leave this alone.
142
00:05:56,180 --> 00:05:57,980
[**]
143
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,820
ARTHUR: Swell of you to take me
to the circus, Douglas.
144
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:04,320
Sure, buddy. Hey,
how about when that clown
145
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:08,070
went to throw that bucket
of water on you, huh?
146
00:06:08,110 --> 00:06:10,160
It turned out to be confetti.
147
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,370
-He had me! He really had me!
-The look on your face.
148
00:06:13,410 --> 00:06:14,790
[LAUGHTER]
149
00:06:14,830 --> 00:06:16,370
Ahh, well...
150
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:18,580
time to hop across
the ol' G.W. Bridge
151
00:06:18,620 --> 00:06:20,000
and head on home.
152
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,670
Hey, why don't you
shimmy over
153
00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:23,670
to that exact change lane
over there?
154
00:06:23,710 --> 00:06:25,920
I always got
plenty of change on me.
155
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,800
I know you do.
156
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:29,930
No, I think we'll
stay here in lane 9.
157
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:32,510
It's my,
uh, lucky number.
158
00:06:32,550 --> 00:06:34,140
Wait a minute.
159
00:06:34,180 --> 00:06:37,430
I know for a fact
that 5 is your lucky number.
160
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,480
What's going on here?
161
00:06:46,230 --> 00:06:47,780
$6.00 please.
162
00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:50,820
Hey, S. Spooner,
wait a second.
163
00:06:50,860 --> 00:06:52,910
Isn't that
your half-brother Skitch?
164
00:06:52,950 --> 00:06:56,290
You know damn well it is,
you fat turncoat!
165
00:06:56,330 --> 00:06:57,450
That you, Artie?
166
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,620
Hey, how you doing?
167
00:06:58,660 --> 00:06:59,830
Let me out of this car.
168
00:06:59,870 --> 00:07:01,370
Arthur, I got the child
safety locks on.
169
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:04,250
I think I can get past
child safety locks.
170
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,210
Just open it, Douglas!
171
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,760
-[HORN HONKS]
-So how you been, Artie?
172
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,550
You never call.
173
00:07:11,590 --> 00:07:13,180
[SINGING NONSENSE]
174
00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:14,890
Would you just talk
to your brother?
175
00:07:14,930 --> 00:07:17,060
So you must be Carrie's
husband, right?
176
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,890
Yeah, yeah. Doug Heffernan.
Nice to meet you.
177
00:07:18,930 --> 00:07:20,060
Nice to meet you.
178
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:21,520
So where are you fellas
coming from?
179
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:22,600
The circus?
180
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:23,980
-Yeah, yeah.
-[HORN HONKS]
181
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:25,270
Uh, you know what?
We're gonna whip around.
182
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,730
We'll see you
in about 25 minutes.
183
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,860
-See you, Artie!
-Okay.
184
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:30,030
[**]
185
00:07:35,490 --> 00:07:38,330
There are the fellas.
186
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:39,830
That's $6.00.
187
00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:42,000
Oh, uh, can you break a 20?
188
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,670
I can only give you singles.
Is that all right?
189
00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:45,750
You don't have any fives?
190
00:07:45,790 --> 00:07:47,920
Why are we back here?!
191
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,170
So you can talk to this man.
192
00:07:49,210 --> 00:07:50,880
Now, come on, he seems
very, very nice.
193
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,510
Nice? Thanks to him I went
all the way through school
194
00:07:53,550 --> 00:07:55,390
being called "Monkey Boy."
195
00:07:55,430 --> 00:07:56,510
Come on, Artie.
196
00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:57,930
You had those long arms,
197
00:07:57,970 --> 00:07:59,310
and you didn't
help your cause
198
00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:02,600
riding around
on that tricycle everywhere.
199
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,810
I don't know. Monkey Boy sounds
pretty cool to me, you know?
200
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,110
Almost like a superhero.
201
00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:09,530
And this looks like a job
for Monkey Boy!
202
00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:12,070
Well, I was his victim
in a thousand other ways, too.
203
00:08:12,110 --> 00:08:14,160
I was bullied.
I was scapegoated.
204
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,320
I was constantly
being sneezed on!
205
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,660
Oh, all right,
206
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:20,830
I admit I did some pretty
stupid things to you.
207
00:08:20,870 --> 00:08:22,370
Why?
208
00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:23,620
Why?!
209
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:24,750
[HORN HONKS]
210
00:08:24,790 --> 00:08:26,380
You chew on that.
Be right back.
211
00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:28,630
[**]
212
00:08:31,420 --> 00:08:33,800
I did those things because
it was the only way
213
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,930
I could get
Dad's approval.
214
00:08:35,970 --> 00:08:36,970
Oh, yeah?
215
00:08:37,010 --> 00:08:38,890
Well, what about
after he died?
216
00:08:38,930 --> 00:08:41,640
You made fun of me
in your eulogy, for God's sake!
217
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:44,810
I thought that's what
he would have wanted.
218
00:08:44,850 --> 00:08:45,900
That's $6.00.
219
00:08:45,940 --> 00:08:47,060
[TRUCK HORN HONKS]
220
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,730
Oh, we got a semi.
Gotta go.
221
00:08:48,770 --> 00:08:50,230
[TIRES SQUEAL]
222
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,610
-You did so!
-I did not.
223
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:52,780
-You did!
-Never!
224
00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:54,860
-At least 5 times.
-Twice.
225
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,990
[HORN HONKS]
226
00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:04,580
[HORN HONKS]
227
00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:07,500
Okay, that was a $6.00
awkward pause.
228
00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:12,590
Now, you two have had
your ups and downs,
229
00:09:12,630 --> 00:09:17,550
but the bottom line
is you're half-brothers.
230
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:21,640
Do you understand
what a special bond that is?
231
00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:24,270
I never had
a half-brother.
232
00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:27,150
I had a full sister,
and it sucked.
233
00:09:27,190 --> 00:09:28,440
Now, come on, guys.
234
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,770
What do you say
you bury the hatchet...
235
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,440
before it's too late?
236
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,780
[HONK]
237
00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:37,820
I'm sorry
for everything.
238
00:09:37,860 --> 00:09:38,990
You were the best
half brother
239
00:09:39,030 --> 00:09:41,240
a guy could have
asked for.
240
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,410
I was?
241
00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:44,790
Sure you were.
242
00:09:44,830 --> 00:09:46,540
Damn it, Artie,
243
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:47,620
I love you.
244
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:51,250
-[HONKING]
-All right.
245
00:09:52,170 --> 00:09:54,590
I love you, too,
Skitch.
246
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,720
Come here, you.
247
00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:08,900
That'll be $6.00.
248
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:11,190
[**]
249
00:10:20,030 --> 00:10:21,370
Wow.
250
00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:23,330
This is sweet.
251
00:10:24,450 --> 00:10:27,660
Hey, look at this place,
Skitchy.
252
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,790
Really takes me back.
253
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:32,880
Hey, remember when we used
to play hide-and-seek in here?
254
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,670
Oh, sure.
We had lots of fun.
255
00:10:34,710 --> 00:10:36,510
Hey, if you guys decide
to move in together,
256
00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:39,680
you can play hide-and-seek
whenever you want.
257
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,300
Oh, please.
258
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:45,270
At our age, we'd be lucky
if we played once on weekends.
259
00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:48,230
So what do you think,
Skitchy?
260
00:10:48,270 --> 00:10:49,810
Should we do this?!
261
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,860
It'd be a hell of a step up
from the room I'm renting
262
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:53,400
over that Chinese joint.
263
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,110
I knew I liked
the way you smelled.
264
00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,200
Let's do it.
265
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,990
Great. Come on!
Ah!
266
00:11:01,030 --> 00:11:03,030
Let's go check out
the old backyard!
267
00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:05,200
The old backyard.
268
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,540
CARRIE: Hello!
269
00:11:11,580 --> 00:11:12,710
Doug?
270
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:13,880
Welcome!
271
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,550
What--I--I just
came over from work.
272
00:11:15,590 --> 00:11:17,800
I got your message.
What the hell is going on?
273
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,300
Well, Arthur and I
274
00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:21,300
happened to be coming back
from the circus,
275
00:11:21,340 --> 00:11:22,550
and when we got
to the bridge--
276
00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:23,600
Oh, Doug!
277
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,010
Would you let me finish,
Carrie, okay?
278
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,220
Yeah, we found Skitch.
279
00:11:26,260 --> 00:11:27,390
And you know what?
They made up,
280
00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:28,810
and they want
to live together.
281
00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:29,890
They want to!
282
00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:31,730
I told you
to leave this alone.
283
00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:33,100
No, no,
what you said was,
284
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,270
if they could work it out,
that would be fantastic,
285
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,440
and I made it happen!
286
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,230
You shouldn't be
yelling at me.
287
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,240
You should be carrying me
out of here on your shoulders.
288
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,370
Not literally.
You would die.
289
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,410
I don't know.
I mean, come on.
290
00:11:45,450 --> 00:11:47,580
Look at this place.
It's a disaster.
291
00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:50,910
It's filthy. The--
the walls are crumbling.
292
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,250
The carpet's ripped.
Come on.
293
00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:56,750
It's probably just protecting
beautiful hardwood floors.
294
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,420
Better yet. Cement.
295
00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:00,470
That ain't going
anywhere right there.
296
00:12:00,510 --> 00:12:01,760
All it needs is a little TLC.
297
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:02,970
I can fix it.
298
00:12:03,010 --> 00:12:04,510
I don't know, I mean,
even if you did,
299
00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:06,600
I don't want my dad living
this far away from us.
300
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:07,760
It's 6 blocks!
301
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:10,430
I've eaten sandwiches
longer than that.
302
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,690
I don't care. I just--
I don't think it's a good idea.
303
00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:14,730
Why not?
Give me one reason why not.
304
00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:17,520
Because I don't think it's
the right thing for my father.
305
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,070
Okay, first of all,
I got to tell you,
306
00:12:19,110 --> 00:12:21,240
I think it's great
for your father.
307
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,490
And second of all,
what about you and me?
308
00:12:23,530 --> 00:12:25,490
I mean, isn't it time
we started thinking about us?
309
00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:27,280
Do you understand
what's going on here?
310
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:31,620
This is our chance to finally
get off the island.
311
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:33,620
The boat is just there
waiting.
312
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:36,250
It's like I'm the Professor
and you're Mary Ann.
313
00:12:36,290 --> 00:12:39,210
All we gotta do is hop
on board and sail away!
314
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:41,550
Sail away with me!
315
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:44,720
Wait a second.
316
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,300
You're the Professor?
317
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,760
Okay, I'm the Skipper.
318
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:53,390
Come on.
What do you say?
319
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,060
I don't know.
I mean, do you think my dad
320
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:57,270
would really be happy
here with Skitch?
321
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,770
Are you kidding me...
322
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:25,970
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
323
00:13:26,010 --> 00:13:27,590
Where you going
with that, chief?
324
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,680
Oh, I was gonna take
Aunt Rita's room.
325
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,310
Oh, sorry.
Already got that one.
326
00:13:32,350 --> 00:13:33,770
That's all right.
327
00:13:33,810 --> 00:13:36,190
I'm the little brother,
so I'll take the smaller room.
328
00:13:36,230 --> 00:13:38,810
Uh-uh-uh-uh.
329
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:41,480
Uh, I already turned that
into my art studio.
330
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,320
I need a place
to do my painting.
331
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,530
You paint?
332
00:13:44,570 --> 00:13:47,110
Sure. By numbers.
333
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,490
So where am I
supposed to sleep?
334
00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:51,870
The sewing room.
335
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:53,830
What?
336
00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:56,160
There's barely room
for a bed in there,
337
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,750
and there's no windows.
338
00:13:57,790 --> 00:14:00,670
Look, Artie, sometimes
I can't sleep at night.
339
00:14:00,710 --> 00:14:03,250
I need to be
near my paints.
340
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:04,760
You haven't
changed a bit!
341
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,260
I don't have to put up
with this.
342
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,430
I don't have to live
in a lousy sewing room.
343
00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:11,390
It just so happens
I have a basement.
344
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:29,700
CARRIE: All right.
So what do you got?
345
00:14:29,740 --> 00:14:31,120
Like 8 1/2 feet.
346
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,540
Oh, good. So we'll, uh,
put the desk there
347
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:35,790
and the bookcase
over there.
348
00:14:35,830 --> 00:14:38,670
Okay. And where precisely
will we be...
349
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,750
throwin' down?
350
00:14:40,790 --> 00:14:43,460
We have the old
fold-out couch for that,
351
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:45,210
and that will be
right here.
352
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,630
Sure all that stuff's
gonna fit here?
353
00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:47,800
Yeah. Well,
once we get the bed
354
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,340
and all this other
crap out of here,
355
00:14:49,380 --> 00:14:50,720
we'll have
a lot of space.
356
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,760
Okay. Don't laugh
when I say this:
357
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,270
old-fashioned
popcorn machine.
358
00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:59,140
Gotta say,
not hating it.
359
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,020
[SIGHS]
360
00:15:12,450 --> 00:15:15,870
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
361
00:15:18,870 --> 00:15:20,330
DOUG: Hey, Deac,
I got another one.
362
00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:24,170
*Ebony and Ivory*
363
00:15:24,210 --> 00:15:29,170
*Live togetherin perfect harm*
364
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,340
*Ony*
365
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:33,430
I don't care if you are buying
me dinner at Applebee's.
366
00:15:33,470 --> 00:15:37,520
I'm doing you a favor,
and I can leave anytime I want.
367
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,890
You're doing great,
but it's lunch.
368
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:42,650
Right over there, boys.
369
00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:45,020
-Oh.
-There you go.
370
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,400
So you actually
play this thing?
371
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,030
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
372
00:15:49,070 --> 00:15:52,280
Maybe Arthur and I
can get an act together.
373
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,780
I'll be the organ grinder,
he'll be the monkey.
374
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,490
We'll get him
a little round cap.
375
00:15:56,530 --> 00:15:59,620
Nobody will know
the difference.
376
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:01,670
Come on, Monkey Boy.
377
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:04,130
Let's go make these fellas
some sandwiches,
378
00:16:04,170 --> 00:16:07,000
and maybe I'll find
a banana for you.
379
00:16:10,630 --> 00:16:12,550
Skitch is kind of rough,
isn't he?
380
00:16:12,590 --> 00:16:14,180
What are you talking about?
381
00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:16,890
I don't know.
The way he treats Arthur.
382
00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:18,390
He's just playing with him.
383
00:16:18,430 --> 00:16:20,980
It's hilarious.
It's like they're a comedy team.
384
00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:24,270
Arthur's been taking one gut
punch after another all day.
385
00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:25,610
He's the straight man.
386
00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:27,690
Whatever, man. I just
think it's kind of funky.
387
00:16:27,730 --> 00:16:29,440
It's not funky,
it's happy, okay?
388
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:30,860
Everybody's happy,
389
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:32,570
so if you feel the need
to create some sort of problem
390
00:16:32,610 --> 00:16:37,490
between my father-in-law
and my...half-uncle-in-law,
391
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,660
then maybe
you should just go.
392
00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:41,500
All right. See ya.
393
00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:44,540
Actually, we've still
got to move the beds.
394
00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:47,170
[**]
395
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,630
-Hey.
-Hey.
396
00:16:50,670 --> 00:16:53,380
How's life
over at Phi Delta Spooner?
397
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:55,800
Excellent.
398
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:56,930
I got to tell you, honey,
399
00:16:56,970 --> 00:16:58,010
you were right
about this whole thing.
400
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,680
I mean, I feel
like a huge weight
401
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,600
has been lifted
off my head.
402
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,690
You know,
I danced a jig today.
403
00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:06,480
That's right.
Right there on the subway.
404
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,060
A guy gave me a dollar.
405
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,110
You done good, baby.
406
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:13,610
You know me.
I aim to please.
407
00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:16,820
No, sir.
I aim to please.
408
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,120
I have 5 years
to make up to you,
409
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:23,460
so after you drop this stuff
off at my dad's tonight,
410
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,460
it's all about Dougie.
411
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,420
Really?
412
00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:33,630
That's right. I got a drum
of chocolate pudding,
413
00:17:33,670 --> 00:17:36,090
and I ain't afraid
to use it.
414
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,430
[**]
415
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:46,810
Hello!
416
00:17:46,850 --> 00:17:49,360
SKITCH: Get the door,
will ya!
417
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,110
Costco delivery.
418
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:57,280
I come bearing cereal, pasta,
419
00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,660
and the last bottle
of shampoo you'll ever need.
420
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:01,790
Thank you.
421
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:03,330
Wow. The place looks great.
422
00:18:03,370 --> 00:18:05,540
All that's left is for you guys
to sit back, relax,
423
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:06,920
and enjoy
the good life, huh?
424
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,380
Ri-i-ight.
425
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:09,380
SKITCH: Hey, Bonzo,
426
00:18:09,420 --> 00:18:13,340
my bath isn't
gonna draw itself.
427
00:18:13,380 --> 00:18:15,010
Okay. You guys seem like you're
in the middle of something,
428
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:15,920
so I'm going to take off.
429
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,680
-Good night.
-Okay.
430
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:21,300
SKITCH: Why the hell don't
I hear the water running?
431
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,610
You know that's
shampoo and conditioner in one?
432
00:18:37,530 --> 00:18:39,240
Yes, I do, I do.
433
00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:44,080
[SIGHS]
434
00:18:48,830 --> 00:18:51,000
Arthur, come here.
435
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:57,050
Look, I don't think
you should be living here
436
00:18:57,090 --> 00:18:58,680
with this guy.
437
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,800
So what do you propose
I do?
438
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:04,930
Well, I think
you should just...
439
00:19:04,970 --> 00:19:08,060
Do you own any other properties
in the area?
440
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:11,400
A home? A piece of land
we could park a trailer on?
441
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,860
No.
442
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:15,280
Okay, fine.
You should--
443
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,900
You should come home
with us.
444
00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:18,400
But what about my room?
445
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:22,620
You've already turned it into
your popcorn and sex grotto.
446
00:19:23,950 --> 00:19:25,370
I don't care about that, okay?
447
00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:26,830
You shouldn't be
living here with this guy.
448
00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:29,330
You should be home
in your own room,
449
00:19:29,370 --> 00:19:33,080
living with the people who...
450
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,750
well, the people
who love you.
451
00:19:34,790 --> 00:19:36,170
-Really?
-Yeah.
452
00:19:36,210 --> 00:19:39,090
Great.
I'll get my things,
453
00:19:39,130 --> 00:19:40,840
tell that son
of a bitch good-bye,
454
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,260
and you, me, and Carrie
455
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:44,430
will spend a wonderful
evening together.
456
00:19:44,470 --> 00:19:45,760
Oh, uh, whoa.
457
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:46,850
What?
458
00:19:46,890 --> 00:19:49,310
Tonight's not great. Um...
459
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,690
You think you might be able to
stick it out just one more day?
460
00:19:53,730 --> 00:19:55,610
-Okay. All right.
-Okay.
461
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:58,190
[**]
462
00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:01,950
[WHISPERING]
Yeah, I know
I said today,
463
00:20:01,990 --> 00:20:05,030
but could we push it
back to tomorrow?
464
00:20:05,910 --> 00:20:08,040
All right.
465
00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:12,330
[LOW VOICE]
Really want you home,
big guy,
466
00:20:12,370 --> 00:20:15,710
but could you just
wait till Monday?
467
00:20:16,630 --> 00:20:18,000
Fine.
468
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:22,930
SKITCH: Artie, did you take
one of my Fig Newtons?
469
00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:25,180
Oh, God.
470
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:28,810
Tell you what.
471
00:20:28,850 --> 00:20:30,350
Give me a call
the first of next month,
472
00:20:30,390 --> 00:20:34,310
'cause I really want to make
this movin' back thing happen.
473
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:35,810
CARRIE: Doug, you coming?
474
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,150
Be right there.
I got to go.
475
00:20:48,870 --> 00:20:51,410
I'm back.
476
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,620
Deal with it.
477
00:21:04,090 --> 00:21:05,510
This pudding is delicious.
478
00:21:05,550 --> 00:21:07,550
You have any more?
479
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,430
We got a lot.
480
00:21:11,390 --> 00:21:15,520
[**]
33688
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