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00:00:02,830 --> 00:00:06,210
[**]
2
00:00:06,250 --> 00:00:08,170
-["SPORTSCENTER" PLAYING ON TV]
-CARRIE: Hey, Dad.
3
00:00:08,210 --> 00:00:11,340
Kids, I made
the most incredible discovery.
4
00:00:11,380 --> 00:00:14,680
What, that I can't see
SportsCenter through you?
5
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:16,010
No, this.
6
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,850
I stumbled on
a little slice of heaven
7
00:00:17,890 --> 00:00:19,510
called The Dollar Store.
8
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,350
Guess how much
I paid for this?
9
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:24,810
-I don't know, how much?
-A dollar!
10
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:26,060
Wow!
11
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:29,440
Not sure you needed
the Jheri Curl, though.
12
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:32,070
For a dollar,
how could I not need it?
13
00:00:32,110 --> 00:00:34,110
I'm telling you, Douglas,
you should go there.
14
00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:35,700
The prices are unbeatable.
15
00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:39,160
Mmm. Unless you go down
to The 99 Cent Store.
16
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,490
-The what?
-The 99 Cent Store.
17
00:00:41,540 --> 00:00:42,870
It's exactly like
The Dollar Store,
18
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,580
only everything's
a penny cheaper.
19
00:00:46,670 --> 00:00:49,790
Those bastards
saw me coming a mile away!
20
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,590
That was fun.
21
00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:59,220
* My eyesare gettin' weary*
22
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,640
*My back is gettin' tight*
23
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,560
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
24
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,560
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
25
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:11,980
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
26
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:16,110
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
27
00:01:17,740 --> 00:01:19,660
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
28
00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:23,830
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
29
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:30,670
[**]
30
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:36,880
Okay, boys,
breakfast is served.
31
00:01:38,510 --> 00:01:41,050
I thought you were goin'
to Dunkin' Doughnuts.
32
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,260
Change in plans.
33
00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:45,270
Ling Gardens
is now open 24/7.
34
00:01:45,310 --> 00:01:47,980
Okay, just because a restaurant
is open 24-hours-a-day,
35
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:49,980
doesn't mean
you have to eat there
36
00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:51,310
24-hours-a-day.
37
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,610
That's exactly
what it means.
38
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,820
Oh, how sad it that?
39
00:01:55,860 --> 00:01:57,740
All those loaders
going after
40
00:01:57,780 --> 00:01:59,780
the one open
driver spot.
41
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,200
Look at 'em filling out
their applications.
42
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,990
They're adorable.
43
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,790
You just want to squeeze 'em,
you know?
44
00:02:05,830 --> 00:02:08,250
I wish I could keep
a tiny little loader at home
45
00:02:08,290 --> 00:02:09,830
as a pet.
46
00:02:09,870 --> 00:02:11,710
My kids would love that.
47
00:02:11,750 --> 00:02:13,000
And Sanchez,
I don't even think
48
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:16,260
his feet
can reach the pedals.
49
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:17,510
Watch this.
50
00:02:17,550 --> 00:02:18,970
Hey, Sanchez,
what'd you say
51
00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:20,640
your favorite kind of bagel
was again?
52
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:21,970
The plain.
53
00:02:22,010 --> 00:02:22,760
Was it sesame?
54
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,720
The plain.
The plain!
55
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,270
Hey, look.
Your cousin Danny's
56
00:02:31,310 --> 00:02:32,690
grabbing'
an application.
57
00:02:32,730 --> 00:02:35,150
-DOUG: Oh, crap!
-What?
58
00:02:35,190 --> 00:02:36,780
Now he's gonna be
all over me to help him out
59
00:02:36,820 --> 00:02:39,030
and write him a letter
of recommendation.
60
00:02:39,070 --> 00:02:40,240
Hey, buddy.
61
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,990
Hey, where the heck
is all the soy sauce?!
62
00:02:42,030 --> 00:02:43,780
This is crazy.
I gotta go back.
63
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,540
There's soy sauce
right here.
64
00:02:45,580 --> 00:02:46,870
Yeah, I know, I know.
That's what I'm saying.
65
00:02:46,910 --> 00:02:48,960
There's too much.
I gotta bring some back.
66
00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:54,210
I don't know,
we exchanged numbers,
67
00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:55,630
but he hasn't called me.
68
00:02:55,670 --> 00:02:57,300
Maybe I should just
give him a call.
69
00:02:57,340 --> 00:02:58,420
Don't you dare!
70
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,050
If this Tito fellow
can't see
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00:03:00,090 --> 00:03:01,180
how special you are,
72
00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:02,260
then he's not worth it.
73
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,720
-I guess.
-You're smart, successful,
74
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,260
and other than being
a little light
75
00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:07,390
in thebazoom,
76
00:03:07,430 --> 00:03:09,020
very attractive.
77
00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:12,400
Okay, now you've
got me blushing.
78
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:13,560
You know, Arthur,
79
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:14,810
at first you were
just this person
80
00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:16,570
that I walked,
but I gotta say,
81
00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:17,780
now you've become
so much more.
82
00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:20,610
You've become
kind of like family.
83
00:03:20,650 --> 00:03:23,570
Now you've
gotmeblushing.
84
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:24,740
Well, I better go.
85
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:26,410
Cupcake's sending up
warning signals.
86
00:03:26,450 --> 00:03:27,490
Oh, yes.
87
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,410
That certainly was Cupcake.
88
00:03:29,450 --> 00:03:31,080
Bye.
89
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,620
Good-bye.
90
00:03:35,290 --> 00:03:37,590
I was just paid
a wonderful compliment.
91
00:03:37,630 --> 00:03:39,760
Holly said I was
like family to her.
92
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,760
Wow. She have a basement?
93
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:48,810
Don't worry, Douglas,
I love it here.
94
00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:52,850
-Hey.
-Hey.
95
00:03:52,890 --> 00:03:54,980
Listen, the wind is
blowing our trash can
96
00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:56,440
down the middle
of the street.
97
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:57,650
I know. I saw it.
98
00:03:57,690 --> 00:03:59,900
Those things get rolling
pretty good, huh?
99
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,200
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
100
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,040
Hello. Oh, hey, Danny.
101
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,750
[WHISPERING]
I'm not here!
102
00:04:10,790 --> 00:04:12,710
Uh, no,
he's not here.
103
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:14,460
He's um...
104
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,670
Out jogging.
105
00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:22,130
He's at Jack in the Box.
106
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:24,840
Yeah.
107
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:26,970
Oh, that's great, Danny.
108
00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:29,260
I'm sure you'll get it.
109
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:30,220
Yeah, yeah.
110
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,470
He'll be happy
to do that for you.
111
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,350
Okay, honey. Bye-bye.
112
00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:35,690
What is your problem?
113
00:04:35,730 --> 00:04:36,900
Did you just say to him
114
00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:38,480
I'd write a letter
of recommendation?
115
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,150
Yeah. Why is that
such a big deal?
116
00:04:40,190 --> 00:04:41,820
Beca--he only wants
to be a driver
117
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,150
'cause I'm a driver!
118
00:04:43,190 --> 00:04:46,070
-He's copying me again.
-Copying you?
119
00:04:46,110 --> 00:04:48,740
Yeah. When we were kids,
I got a Reggie Jackson mitt.
120
00:04:48,780 --> 00:04:50,540
2 weeks later,
he got one.
121
00:04:50,580 --> 00:04:51,830
When I dropped out
of junior college,
122
00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:53,910
hedropped out
of junior college.
123
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,120
Then just last month,
I went on that juice diet
124
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,380
...he did.
125
00:04:57,420 --> 00:05:00,050
Did he gain 10 pounds
on it?
126
00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:01,550
Look, you know what?
There's no point
127
00:05:01,590 --> 00:05:02,630
in even discussing this,
128
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,010
because the bottom line is
129
00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:06,010
-Danny's not right for this job.
-Oh, why's that?
130
00:05:06,050 --> 00:05:07,510
Because when it comes
to driving,
131
00:05:07,550 --> 00:05:09,550
he just
doesn't have...it.
132
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,930
Okay, and by "it,"
133
00:05:10,970 --> 00:05:13,930
do you mean
a driver's license?
134
00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:18,020
Uh, excuse me, it's
a class-C license.
135
00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:19,940
And don't knock it.
It's paid for slightly less
136
00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:21,520
than half of all of this.
137
00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:22,860
Just be a good guy
138
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:24,740
and write the letter
for your cousin.
139
00:05:24,780 --> 00:05:26,450
-Here...
-[SIGHS]
140
00:05:26,490 --> 00:05:28,070
Unbelievable.
141
00:05:30,450 --> 00:05:32,790
Does dumb ass
have a hyphen?
142
00:05:32,830 --> 00:05:34,910
Give it to me.
143
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,330
O'BOYLE:
All right,
144
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,210
I'd like to introduce
the newest driver
145
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,750
to the IPS family,
Danny Heffernan.
146
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,920
You're now a member
of an elite force, son.
147
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:48,890
With great honor comes
great responsibility.
148
00:05:48,930 --> 00:05:50,470
Make us proud.
149
00:05:50,510 --> 00:05:51,720
All right, next item.
150
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,260
One of you pinheads
broke my stapler.
151
00:05:53,310 --> 00:05:54,350
Until further notice,
152
00:05:54,390 --> 00:05:56,180
my stapler is off-limits.
That's it.
153
00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:58,350
Hit the streets,
everybody. Heffernan,
154
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,190
show your cousin
the ropes.
155
00:06:04,570 --> 00:06:06,740
Hey, thanks a lot for writin'
that letter, buddy.
156
00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:08,360
So, what's the dealio?
157
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:09,610
Am I gettin'
a good truck?
158
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:10,870
What's my route?
Where am I goin'?
159
00:06:10,910 --> 00:06:12,450
You know what?
Your first delivery
160
00:06:12,490 --> 00:06:15,450
is to Shut It Up
Industries.
161
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:18,670
You're not a loader
anymore.
162
00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:20,210
You're a driver.
Act like one.
163
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:21,670
Right.
164
00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:23,130
All right,
here she is.
165
00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:24,550
So, what's
the first thing you do
166
00:06:24,590 --> 00:06:25,840
when you get in
in the morning?
167
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,170
Uh, perimeter check.
168
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:30,050
Tire pressure, door gates,
and fluid levels.
169
00:06:31,180 --> 00:06:33,050
Oh, boy.
170
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,180
What? That's what
it says in the manual.
171
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:38,440
I know what it says
in the manual, okay?
172
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,730
I'm here to teach you
173
00:06:39,770 --> 00:06:42,860
what's not in the manual.
All right?
174
00:06:48,820 --> 00:06:50,990
Do you hear that?
Come here.
175
00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:54,160
You know what that is?
176
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:59,000
Uh...
We Will Rock You?
177
00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:03,960
No. Listen!
178
00:07:05,590 --> 00:07:07,760
You got
a rivet missing.
179
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,170
Mm-hmm. Hey,
can I have the keys now,
180
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,970
-or are you just gonna--
-The keys.
181
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:13,350
[LAUGHS] He wants the keys.
He wants the keys.
182
00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:16,140
You just don't get it,
do you?
183
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:17,890
You know,
this job is a lot more
184
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:20,560
than just driving
a truck.
185
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:21,770
What else is it?
186
00:07:21,810 --> 00:07:22,850
Customer relations!
187
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,190
You know,
when I first started,
188
00:07:24,230 --> 00:07:25,730
there was this lady,
Mrs. Janowski.
189
00:07:25,770 --> 00:07:27,650
She would hardly open
the door for me.
190
00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:29,150
Now she bakes me
sugar cookies
191
00:07:29,190 --> 00:07:31,450
in all different shapes.
You know, your stars,
192
00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:32,820
your squares,
your hearts.
193
00:07:32,860 --> 00:07:35,700
Okay, now that you've explained
to me what a shape is,
194
00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:36,990
can I hit the road, or...?
195
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,500
Are you questioning
my training methods?
196
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,580
No. No, no, no. Heh.
197
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,380
Tap the truck,
get a cookie.
198
00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:44,540
Got it!
199
00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:45,840
You know what?
I knew
200
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,630
making you a driver
was a big mistake.
201
00:07:47,670 --> 00:07:49,630
Mistake?
Why'd you write
202
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:50,800
that letter
of recommendation?
203
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,300
I didn't.
Carrie did.
204
00:07:52,340 --> 00:07:53,930
-What?
-Yeah. The truth is,
205
00:07:53,970 --> 00:07:55,600
I don't think
you can handle this job.
206
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,510
It's driving
and walking.
207
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,270
Get over yourself.
208
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:02,850
Okay, if it's so easy,
hotshot,
209
00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:04,150
why don't you
take my route today,
210
00:08:04,190 --> 00:08:05,480
and I'll take
the trainee route?
211
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,400
I'll talk to O'Boyle
right now and make it happen
212
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:08,270
if you want me to.
213
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,070
-Fine.
-Okay. Here you go.
214
00:08:10,110 --> 00:08:11,700
Welcome to Zone 8.
215
00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:13,070
Or as you'll be calling it...
216
00:08:13,110 --> 00:08:16,200
[FAKING CRYING]
"I can't do it."
217
00:08:20,330 --> 00:08:22,870
Hey, Arthur,
you were right about Tito.
218
00:08:22,910 --> 00:08:24,250
He called me
last night begging me
219
00:08:24,290 --> 00:08:25,710
to go out
with him again.
220
00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:26,840
Well, if there's
one thing I know,
221
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,420
it's how to get a man.
222
00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:30,630
Okay, Arthur, ready
for your walk?
223
00:08:30,670 --> 00:08:31,720
You betcha.
224
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,010
Oh, I got you
a little something
225
00:08:33,050 --> 00:08:35,680
just to say thanks
for being so nice.
226
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,390
Well, what is this?
227
00:08:37,430 --> 00:08:40,390
"World's greatest
grandfather."
228
00:08:40,430 --> 00:08:42,770
You know, you're like
a grandfather to me.
229
00:08:42,810 --> 00:08:44,980
Agrandfather?!
230
00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:47,730
Why don't you just
kick me in the marbles?!
231
00:08:47,770 --> 00:08:49,270
What?
Why are you mad?
232
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,070
Because I'm not
like a grandfather.
233
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:52,990
I'm like afather
to you!
234
00:08:53,030 --> 00:08:55,160
I didn't mean to say
that you were old or anything.
235
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,740
It has nothing
to do with age.
236
00:08:56,780 --> 00:08:57,910
It's about stature.
237
00:08:57,950 --> 00:08:59,080
What?!
238
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,160
Grandfathers are
a dime a dozen.
239
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,080
That's why everyone
gets 2 of them.
240
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,870
Fathers are
the real McCoy.
241
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,380
They're the wind
beneath your wings.
242
00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:11,170
If you can't see
that I'm your wind,
243
00:09:11,210 --> 00:09:13,130
then you're dead to me!
244
00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:24,230
Oh...got too rough
for you out there, huh?
245
00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:26,190
You quit in the middle
of the day.
246
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:27,560
[BABY TALKING]
What's the matter,
247
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,150
the packages too heavy?
248
00:09:29,190 --> 00:09:33,280
You couldn't see over
thesteewing wheel?
249
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:35,530
Yeah, you were right, Doug.
250
00:09:35,570 --> 00:09:38,070
I couldn't do your route
as fast as you.
251
00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:40,780
I could only do it
46 minutes faster
252
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,910
than you've ever done it.
253
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,410
Heh heh heh heh.
254
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:46,670
Ooh, hear that tappin'?
255
00:09:46,710 --> 00:09:50,000
That's the sound of this loader
dustin' your ass!
256
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,630
That's gotta hurt!
257
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,310
HOLLY: Think of it
this way.
258
00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:04,350
What would you
rather be, a piano,
259
00:10:04,390 --> 00:10:05,680
or agrandpiano?
260
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,350
A canyon,
or aGrandCanyon?
261
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,690
An Ole Opry,
or aGrandOle Opry?
262
00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:14,360
I ain't buyin'
your soap, lady.
263
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,740
Arthur, Arthur, listen.
264
00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:17,280
I'm sorry that the trophy
hurt your feelings.
265
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,240
Just give it to me
and I'll take it back.
266
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,450
Why, you want
to swap it out
267
00:10:20,490 --> 00:10:22,830
for a world's best
fourth cousin trophy?
268
00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:25,120
No, Arthur, I just want
to get this over with
269
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,540
so we can go
on our walk.
270
00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:27,870
Well, it's not
gonna be over
271
00:10:27,910 --> 00:10:30,460
until you admit what's obvious
to everyone else!
272
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:31,960
Fine. Fine. You're
like a father to me.
273
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,840
You areexactly
like a father to me!
274
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:36,670
I am?
275
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:37,880
Yes.
276
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,430
Come here.
277
00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:43,050
Feels good, doesn't it?
278
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,100
[SIGHS]
279
00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:46,850
That's it,
let it out.
280
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,900
Hey, babe.
281
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:54,940
You!
282
00:10:54,980 --> 00:10:55,980
What's the matter with--
283
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,240
-Aa-aa-aah!
-Doug...
284
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,030
Aaa-eee-aah!
285
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,530
What is going on
with you?
286
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,780
You just had to help
287
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,450
your precious
little Danny, didn't you?
288
00:11:06,490 --> 00:11:08,160
Why? What happened?
Did he screw up or something?
289
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,540
No, no, he did great.
290
00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:11,460
He did my route faster
than I've ever done it.
291
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,670
He did better than you?
292
00:11:12,710 --> 00:11:14,540
I don't know why
you're so shocked.
293
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:15,800
According
to your letter,
294
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,550
he's
"infinitely talented."
295
00:11:17,590 --> 00:11:19,550
Oh, come on, I had
to writesomething.
296
00:11:19,590 --> 00:11:22,470
I couldn't say
he was a stumpy loser.
297
00:11:22,510 --> 00:11:23,600
I can't believe this.
298
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,350
Well, what's
the big deal anyway?
299
00:11:25,390 --> 00:11:26,600
It was his first day.
300
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:27,810
I got smoked
by a rookie.
301
00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:29,980
I'm a disgrace
to my shorts!
302
00:11:30,020 --> 00:11:31,060
You know what?
303
00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:32,810
Give these to someone
who deserves 'em.
304
00:11:32,850 --> 00:11:34,480
I gotta be honest
with you.
305
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,110
I don't think anyone
deserves these.
306
00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,530
Doug, come on.
Don't get down on yourself.
307
00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:41,950
You're
a great driver.
308
00:11:41,990 --> 00:11:43,780
-No, I'm not.
-Yes, you are.
309
00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:45,580
No, I'm not! You can't be
great at something
310
00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:47,450
if you're not as good
as a stumpy loser.
311
00:11:47,490 --> 00:11:49,870
Unless it's
a stumpy loser contest.
312
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,750
It's okay, baby. Really.
313
00:11:53,790 --> 00:11:55,130
No, it's not. Look...
314
00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:58,760
God...if he can just waltz
in there on his first day
315
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,630
and do better than me,
then...
316
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,720
what does it all mean?
I mean...
317
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,140
why do we even bother
gettin' up?
318
00:12:06,180 --> 00:12:08,560
Well, you have other things
in your life
319
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,270
other than driving.
320
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:11,430
Like what?
321
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,940
Well...
you have me...
322
00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:18,070
and your health...
sort of.
323
00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:21,280
You know what it is?
324
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,740
It's like...
325
00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:25,740
I--I could take pride
in my work.
326
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:27,490
Before today,
I really thought
327
00:12:27,530 --> 00:12:28,830
I brought something
special to the job.
328
00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:32,410
Something that nobody else
but me could bring.
329
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,210
Really?
330
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:35,670
Yeah.
331
00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:38,290
You know, sometimes,
at the end of the day,
332
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,670
you know, after I had
a great run,
333
00:12:40,710 --> 00:12:44,510
I actually thought God
put me on this earth
334
00:12:44,550 --> 00:12:46,800
to get people their packages.
335
00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:49,930
-Really?
-Yes!
336
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,100
Look, Doug, I'm sorry,
don't take this the wrong way,
337
00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:54,850
but maybe you're expecting
a little too much
338
00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:57,810
out of your
truck driving job.
339
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,530
I mean, I don't get
any fulfillment from my job.
340
00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:01,740
What about last week?
341
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:02,860
You said you had
a great day at work.
342
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:03,950
Oh, I wore
some tight pants
343
00:13:03,990 --> 00:13:06,160
and got some
good feedback.
344
00:13:07,490 --> 00:13:09,990
I wouldn't suggest
that for you.
345
00:13:11,580 --> 00:13:12,950
Look, come--
Honey, I--
346
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,410
I don't know
what to say.
347
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,040
I mean, we're not
doctors, you know.
348
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,210
We're not saving lives
with what we do.
349
00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:20,960
We have jobs,
you know?
350
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,840
We punch in,
we cash our checks,
351
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:26,760
and then we come home
to each other.
352
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,720
And that should
be enough, okay?
353
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,680
I'm gonna go change.
354
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:37,230
[SIGHS]
355
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,320
-[TELEVISION ON]
-WOMAN:Oh, Johnny...
356
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,730
my sister Linda--
357
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,450
-[SPINNER SPINNING]
-WOMAN:Big money! Big money!
358
00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:47,780
MAN:Unemployed?Need a job quick?
359
00:13:47,820 --> 00:13:49,950
Well, becomea truck driver.
360
00:13:49,990 --> 00:13:52,410
No education?No problem.
361
00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:55,710
No experience?No problem.
362
00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:59,790
If you can sit down,you can be a driver.
363
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,300
Don't worry, guys,
we'll get going
364
00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:06,630
as soon as
we pick up Arthur.
365
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:07,840
Arthur?
366
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:08,930
[BICYCLE BELL RINGS]
367
00:14:08,970 --> 00:14:11,100
Right here,
darling.
368
00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:12,430
What's going on?
369
00:14:12,470 --> 00:14:13,600
You told me once
370
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,810
you never learned
to ride a bike,
371
00:14:14,850 --> 00:14:17,020
and I intend
to teach you.
372
00:14:17,060 --> 00:14:19,690
Oh, Arthur, that's sweet,
but you really don't need--
373
00:14:19,730 --> 00:14:21,770
Am I like a father
to you or not?!
374
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:23,650
You're like a father to me.
You're like a father to me.
375
00:14:23,690 --> 00:14:25,900
-Well, climb aboard.
-Okay.
376
00:14:25,940 --> 00:14:29,280
Now, I set up a series
of cones for you in the alley.
377
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,450
You'll notice the degree
of difficulty increases
378
00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:35,700
as you approach
Queens Boulevard.
379
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:40,670
Godspeed!
380
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,340
Hi.
381
00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:49,470
Hey, man.
382
00:14:49,510 --> 00:14:51,090
What are you doing?
383
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,430
Reading a book.
384
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,430
Okay...
385
00:14:58,390 --> 00:14:59,850
You know what?
386
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:01,940
Let me
ask you something.
387
00:15:03,310 --> 00:15:06,650
Do you like
our jobs here?
388
00:15:06,690 --> 00:15:09,490
I mean, are you proud
of what you do?
389
00:15:09,530 --> 00:15:12,370
I drive boxes
around Queens.
390
00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:16,080
I know, but when
you do it well,
391
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,460
do you think you're making
some small difference
392
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,580
in the world?
393
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,750
I drive boxes...
394
00:15:23,420 --> 00:15:25,710
around Queens.
395
00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:27,420
Then why are you here?
396
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,510
What do you even
do this for?
397
00:15:28,550 --> 00:15:29,760
Uh, paycheck,
benefits,
398
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,180
I don't know
how to farm...
399
00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:34,010
I mean, what are you
looking for, player?
400
00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:36,970
You know what? Forget it, man.
Go back to yourbook.
401
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:42,520
What?
402
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:43,810
Oh, yeah,
403
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,730
little change
in the schedule there.
404
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,690
Uh, you--you gave Danny
my route.
405
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:51,150
Well, I gotta go
with the hot hand, Doug.
406
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,700
You just drive
the trainee route
407
00:15:52,740 --> 00:15:54,120
a few more weeks,
huh?
408
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,490
And tell Palmer
stop with the readin'.
409
00:15:56,530 --> 00:15:58,040
It's creepin' me out.
410
00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:03,040
Hey, you know, there are
2 unwritten rules at IPS.
411
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,630
Eyes forward
at the urinal,
412
00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:06,800
and you never steal
another guy's route.
413
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,130
And you broke 'em both.
414
00:16:09,170 --> 00:16:10,550
I didn't steal
your route, okay?
415
00:16:10,590 --> 00:16:12,220
And at the urinal,
again,
416
00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:15,260
I thought I saw a quarter
next to your foot!
417
00:16:17,140 --> 00:16:19,060
You are so out of line
on this!
418
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,180
How am I out of line?
419
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:21,770
Best drivers get
the best routes.
420
00:16:21,810 --> 00:16:23,400
You taught me that.
421
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,730
Oh...so now you think
422
00:16:24,770 --> 00:16:26,060
you're a better driver
than me?
423
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,190
Look, I don't want
to fight, all right?
424
00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:30,110
I just want to have some
of Mrs. Janowski's
425
00:16:30,150 --> 00:16:32,240
fresh-baked
sugar cookies
426
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,570
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
on my first day.
427
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:36,530
That's it, man.
428
00:16:36,570 --> 00:16:39,080
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey!
429
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:42,160
You two have a problem,
you settle it the IPS way.
430
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:45,250
Tonight, Old Dugan Road.
8:00 sharp.
431
00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:47,540
Oh, yeah! That's what
I'm talking about.
432
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:50,760
Uh, actually, I got
an allergist thing at 7:30.
433
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,220
I might be a little late.
434
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:56,800
All right. Tonight.
Old Dugan Road. 8:00-ish!
435
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:01,140
[**]
436
00:17:16,610 --> 00:17:17,700
Hey, did you, uh--
437
00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:18,950
you soup me up
under there?
438
00:17:18,990 --> 00:17:20,910
Oh, no. I couldn't
figure out how.
439
00:17:20,950 --> 00:17:23,790
But you're good
on wiper fluid.
440
00:17:23,830 --> 00:17:25,330
Good luck, brother.
441
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:35,510
Doug.
442
00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:37,300
-What are you doing here?
-I called the depot
443
00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:38,970
and they told me
what was going on.
444
00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:40,760
Carrie, you're not
stopping me. I'm doing this.
445
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,140
I didn't come
to stop you, okay?
446
00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:44,480
I just came
to give you this.
447
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:46,770
A packet of tartar sauce?
448
00:17:46,810 --> 00:17:48,270
Yeah.
You brought it home
449
00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:50,070
from your first
lunch break
450
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,190
of your first day
at IPS.
451
00:17:52,230 --> 00:17:54,940
Remember back when
you used to eat fish?
452
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:58,200
Oh, yeah. Captain Eddie's
tartar sauce.
453
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,820
Yeah. You asked me
to keep it
454
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:02,490
because of the fortune
on the back. Read it.
455
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:06,410
"The most important thing
in life is drive."
456
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,250
Yeah. Remember you said
it was like a sign
457
00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:10,340
that you were meant
to do this?
458
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,050
And, you know what?
You were right, Doug.
459
00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:13,340
Your job is important.
460
00:18:13,380 --> 00:18:16,170
I'm just sorry I didn't
see that sooner.
461
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,470
Are those my Isotoners?
462
00:18:18,510 --> 00:18:20,180
I couldn't find mine.
463
00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:22,180
Okay, let's get going,
guys.
464
00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:24,560
All right. Hey,
good luck. Good luck.
465
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:25,850
All right, now, listen.
466
00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:28,560
You kick that stumpy
loser's ass! Okay?
467
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:30,730
Hi, Danny.
468
00:18:30,770 --> 00:18:33,230
[ENGINES START; REVVING]
469
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,700
Go on the drop!
470
00:18:38,740 --> 00:18:41,910
[ENGINES REVVING]
471
00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:09,080
-[ENGINE WON'T START]
-DANNY: No...no!
472
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,580
Having some problems
there, ace?
473
00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:11,830
No, no. I'm fine.
474
00:20:11,870 --> 00:20:13,960
[ENGINE WON'T CATCH]
475
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,000
You ain't gonna
start it like that.
476
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,210
I--I know
what I'm doing.
477
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:20,380
Stop pumping the gas!
It's fuel injection.
478
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,760
It floods if you pump it.
You should know that!
479
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,840
Stop yelling at me!
480
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,140
Well, you're
doing it wrong.
481
00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:27,180
You're right. Damn it!
482
00:20:27,970 --> 00:20:30,520
Aw...I can't do this.
483
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:32,600
You win.
484
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:33,810
You're the better driver.
485
00:20:33,850 --> 00:20:35,400
You've always been
the better driver.
486
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,610
What are you talking about?
You beat me at my own route.
487
00:20:37,650 --> 00:20:39,980
I cheated, okay?
488
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:42,610
I started early
and worked through lunch.
489
00:20:42,650 --> 00:20:44,990
I didn't even deliver
all my packages.
490
00:20:45,030 --> 00:20:46,410
Your truck was empty
when you brought it back.
491
00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:48,740
Yeah, well,
my apartment's not.
492
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:49,870
What?!
493
00:20:49,910 --> 00:20:51,330
It's just...
494
00:20:51,370 --> 00:20:53,460
you've always been better
than me at everything.
495
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:56,330
Just once I wanted
to beat you atsomething.
496
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:59,000
But I'm just
a stupid loader,
497
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,420
and that's all
I'll ever be.
498
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,670
Oh, stop your cryin',
would you?
499
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:06,510
You're a driver for the
International Parcel Service!
500
00:21:06,550 --> 00:21:07,930
Have some pride, man.
501
00:21:07,970 --> 00:21:11,020
Now open the choke
and put it in neutral.
502
00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:13,600
-I can't.
-[SHOUTING] Do it!
503
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:19,320
There. Now turn
the ignition key,
504
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,940
and just tap
the accelerator.
505
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:24,030
-[ENGINE STARTS]
-All right.
506
00:21:24,070 --> 00:21:25,860
Now put it in reverse.
507
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:27,820
Okay.
508
00:21:28,990 --> 00:21:30,910
Why'd I put it
in reverse?
509
00:21:30,950 --> 00:21:32,620
'Cause now you're
goin' backwards, friend.
510
00:21:32,660 --> 00:21:35,370
[TIRES SCREECH]
511
00:21:42,590 --> 00:21:44,920
Arthur, look!
I'm doing it!
512
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,180
I'm doing it!
513
00:21:46,220 --> 00:21:48,010
Very good, honey.
514
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:55,100
[**]
35884
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