All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2002) - S05E03 - Holy Mackerel_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:05,380 [BELLY SLAP] 2 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,550 Guess what song I'm playing. 3 00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:15,010 I have no idea. 4 00:00:15,050 --> 00:00:16,390 You're not even gonna try? 5 00:00:16,430 --> 00:00:17,510 No. 6 00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,390 Okay. So when our kid comes home and says, 7 00:00:19,430 --> 00:00:22,100 "Mom, this reading thing's too hard. 8 00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:23,350 I don't want to try," 9 00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,400 you're gonna be okay with that? 10 00:00:26,230 --> 00:00:28,940 You're playing your belly. 11 00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:31,110 Just guess. 12 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,280 Dancing Queen? 13 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:39,530 Okay, try again. 14 00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:42,870 But this time, pull your head out of your ass. 15 00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,370 I don't know, just tell me. 16 00:00:44,410 --> 00:00:46,170 It's clearly I love Rock n' Roll. 17 00:00:46,210 --> 00:00:49,750 *I love rock n' roll! so put another dime * 18 00:00:49,790 --> 00:00:51,550 -*In the jukebox, baby* -Oh, yeah. I hear it now. 19 00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:54,340 BOTH: *I love rock n' roll* 20 00:00:54,380 --> 00:00:55,220 Yeah. 21 00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:56,470 -Right? -CARRIE: Yeah. 22 00:00:56,510 --> 00:00:57,590 Now I'm gonna slow things down 23 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,060 with a song I know the ladies love-- 24 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:02,430 Devil Went Down to Georgia. 25 00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:13,320 * My eyes are gettin' weary* 26 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,700 *My back is gettin' tight* 27 00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:17,570 *I'm sittin' here in traffic* 28 00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:20,490 *On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 29 00:01:20,530 --> 00:01:26,330 *But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do* 30 00:01:26,370 --> 00:01:30,130 *Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 31 00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:33,420 *'Cause, baby, all my life* 32 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:37,590 *I will be drivin' home to you* 33 00:01:47,730 --> 00:01:49,150 CARRIE: All right, so after this, 34 00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:51,440 we gotta go to the post office and then the drugstore. 35 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,320 I have to pick up my father's prescription. 36 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:54,780 I haven't picked it up for 2 weeks, 37 00:01:54,820 --> 00:01:57,150 and I caught him blinking uncontrollably. 38 00:01:58,150 --> 00:01:59,490 What's wrong? 39 00:01:59,530 --> 00:02:00,780 I'm just really depressed 40 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,580 that we're having fish for dinner. 41 00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:04,790 We talked about this. 42 00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:07,500 You need to start eating healthy at some point. 43 00:02:07,540 --> 00:02:11,210 It's either now, or later, through a tube. 44 00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:14,170 Tube later, Steakums now. 45 00:02:17,130 --> 00:02:19,090 [PAGER BEEPING TO THE TUNE OF "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"] 46 00:02:19,130 --> 00:02:21,510 My boss said he was gonna page me this weekend 47 00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:24,140 and tell me whether or not I got my raise. 48 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:29,140 Great. "Monday's bagel should be poppy." 49 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,360 Ihateit here. 50 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,520 Can we go? 51 00:02:34,570 --> 00:02:36,030 No. We have to get dinner. 52 00:02:36,070 --> 00:02:38,450 Look, there's a special on mahi-mahi. 53 00:02:38,490 --> 00:02:39,950 You'd like it. It tastes just like steak. 54 00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:41,240 You know what? I'll get excited 55 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,910 when there's a fish that tastes like Doritos. 56 00:02:45,580 --> 00:02:48,000 Isn't that Father McAndrew? 57 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:48,910 Oh, man, it is. 58 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,000 Oh, great. We never go to church. 59 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,540 Now we're seeing him here in a fish market. 60 00:02:52,580 --> 00:02:54,040 How embarrassing is that? 61 00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:57,300 Why? It's not like it's a nudie fish market. 62 00:02:57,340 --> 00:02:59,340 Doug, Carrie! 63 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,340 -Oh, hi! -Look who it is! 64 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:03,640 How have you both been doing? 65 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,060 -Good. -Great. We're doing really great. 66 00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:06,140 Hey, nice sweat suit. 67 00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:07,930 What, are you wrasslin' with the devil? 68 00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:11,560 Is the devil funny to you, Doug? 69 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:12,850 No, no. I didn't-- I didn't-- 70 00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:16,520 -Just teasing. Ha ha ha! -Oh, good one! 71 00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:17,900 I was known as the class clown 72 00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:20,900 back at our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow. 73 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,200 Well, you still got it. 74 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,240 Yeah. 75 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:24,320 Good to see you. 76 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,660 Good to see you, too. 77 00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,370 Of course, I'd also love to see you both 78 00:03:27,410 --> 00:03:29,450 in church sometime. 79 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,000 -Absolutely. -Yes, we should do that... 80 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:32,250 -without a doubt. -At some point. 81 00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:34,290 -Yeah. -Yeah. 82 00:03:36,540 --> 00:03:39,050 How about this Sunday? 83 00:03:39,090 --> 00:03:40,920 That'd be great. 84 00:03:43,430 --> 00:03:45,970 [**] 85 00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:49,640 [ALARM BUZZING] 86 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,270 [ALARM STOPS] 87 00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:54,440 No, no, no, no! Come on. 88 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:55,900 Don't snooze it again. 89 00:03:55,940 --> 00:03:58,270 It's church time. Time to get holy! 90 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,650 Ohh. I can't believe you got us into this, 91 00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:02,450 just 'cause you couldn't keep your big, fat 92 00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:04,070 twinkie-hole shut. 93 00:04:06,370 --> 00:04:07,410 Let's go, Mama. 94 00:04:07,450 --> 00:04:09,330 No. I don't want to go. 95 00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:10,620 Take someone else. 96 00:04:10,660 --> 00:04:12,960 Get a hooker and dress her up like me. 97 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,670 I may try that some night when you're out of town, 98 00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:17,040 but not on the Lord's day. 99 00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:20,880 I got to tell you-- 100 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,010 I'm kind of glad we ran into Father McAndrew. 101 00:04:23,050 --> 00:04:25,590 I think it's about time we started going to church. 102 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,140 Think about it. How great will it be? 103 00:04:27,180 --> 00:04:28,970 Someday we'll be going to church 104 00:04:29,010 --> 00:04:31,060 with our kids by our side. 105 00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:32,980 Little Doug will be there with his freckles 106 00:04:33,020 --> 00:04:34,890 and his little tooth missing in the front, 107 00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:37,060 and little Carrie's got her pink dress on-- 108 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,150 Okay, you know what? I'm gonna start crying. 109 00:04:39,190 --> 00:04:40,940 I mean it. Shut up. 110 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,690 Oh, good, you're up. I'm pretty bored. 111 00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,650 I was hoping we could do that thing 112 00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,280 where the two of you drive me around 113 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,160 until I doze off. 114 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,740 We can't, Dad. We're going to church. 115 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,950 What have you got, bingo? 116 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,040 It's Sunday, Arthur. 117 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,870 People go to church on Sunday. 118 00:04:54,910 --> 00:04:57,170 If by people, you mean suckers. 119 00:04:57,210 --> 00:04:58,790 You know, that's kind of offensive. 120 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,170 I happen to take my church pretty seriously. 121 00:05:01,210 --> 00:05:02,510 Fair enough. 122 00:05:02,550 --> 00:05:05,720 Say hello to the Easter bunny for me. 123 00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,310 [DOORBELL RINGS] 124 00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:15,060 Hello, sir. 125 00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:18,230 You're not my Chinese food, but hello. 126 00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:19,190 I'm Walt Urbanski. 127 00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:21,270 I work at Downey Hills Real Estate. 128 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,780 Ooh. Pish-posh. 129 00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:25,860 I just wanted to give you my card. 130 00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:27,030 If you're ever, uh, interested 131 00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:28,820 in putting this house up for sale, 132 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,030 you could do very well. 133 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,080 It's a seller's market right now. 134 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,080 Really? 135 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,040 Oh, yeah. I assume you are the owner. 136 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,710 Well, I'm certainly not some old man 137 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:39,210 who lives in the basement. 138 00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:40,920 I tell you... 139 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,210 you set up an open house, 140 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:45,670 this property would practically sell itself. 141 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,840 Huh. 142 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,390 Well, what do I need you for? 143 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,890 [ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING WITHIN] 144 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:02,570 [SIGHS] 145 00:06:02,610 --> 00:06:05,150 CARRIE: All right. Where do you want to sit? 146 00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:06,700 DOUG: Let's go up front. I want to make sure 147 00:06:06,740 --> 00:06:08,200 Father McAndrew knows we're here. 148 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,070 I don't want to sit up front. 149 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,370 I don't want to get pulled up on stage. 150 00:06:13,410 --> 00:06:14,450 Pulled up on stage? 151 00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:16,620 It's not a magic act. 152 00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:18,080 Have you been to church, ever? 153 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,830 All right. Let's just sit over there. 154 00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:28,510 [NEW HYMN BEGINS] 155 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:52,660 All right, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 156 00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:53,950 Meet you by the car in five minutes. 157 00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:55,290 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 158 00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:57,200 You can't leave in the beginning of mass. 159 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,370 You had no problem leaving in the beginning 160 00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:00,830 ofCabaret. 161 00:07:00,870 --> 00:07:03,540 John Stamos was in it. 162 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,510 [**] 163 00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:13,050 Arthur, what's going on? 164 00:07:13,090 --> 00:07:14,390 I'm having an open house. 165 00:07:14,430 --> 00:07:15,680 Care for some brie? 166 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,020 Doug and Carrie are selling the place? 167 00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:19,850 Don't mention Doug and Carrie. 168 00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:21,060 As far as anyone's concerned, 169 00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:23,060 I'm the owner here. 170 00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,810 Are you telling me that you're showing their home 171 00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:26,360 without them even knowing it? 172 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,980 Trust me. If I get a good offer, 173 00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,070 the kids'll be delighted, 174 00:07:29,110 --> 00:07:30,320 then they'll get a bigger house, 175 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,820 and I'll get to live in a real room 176 00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:34,820 instead of that glorified bomb shelter. 177 00:07:34,870 --> 00:07:36,530 No, no, Arthur, I'm sorry. I can't let you do this. 178 00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:37,660 You're gonna get me in trouble. 179 00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:38,790 Hey, you're not involved. 180 00:07:38,830 --> 00:07:40,080 No, no, I am involved, 181 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,410 because I'm supposed to be walking you right now, 182 00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,250 which means that you're my responsibility, 183 00:07:43,290 --> 00:07:45,000 and I'm gonna get fired! Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God! 184 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,000 All right, all right! Get a hold of yourself! 185 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,510 I can't get a hold of myself! 186 00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:51,010 I'm gonna get in trouble! I have tell Doug and Carrie! 187 00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,090 All right. All right. 188 00:07:52,130 --> 00:07:53,800 What's it gonna take... 189 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:57,600 to keep those pretty lips shut? 190 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:58,770 You want money? 191 00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:00,270 You don't have any money. 192 00:08:00,310 --> 00:08:02,020 What about Rolos? You like Rolos? 193 00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:04,480 I have a whole bunch downstairs! 194 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,690 I do love Rolos. But, no, Arthur, no. 195 00:08:06,730 --> 00:08:07,690 That is not appropriate-- 196 00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:09,360 Hey. Ahem. 197 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,400 Hi. 198 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:11,610 Hi. 199 00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:13,860 Can you tell me what year the house was built? 200 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,410 Uh... 201 00:08:15,450 --> 00:08:17,950 1776! 202 00:08:17,990 --> 00:08:19,330 Really? I thought this neighborhood 203 00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:21,750 wasn't around till the 1930s. 204 00:08:21,790 --> 00:08:23,370 Well, this was originally 205 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:26,750 a trading post for beaver pelts. 206 00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:28,290 What are you talking about? 207 00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:29,710 All right, Professor, it's a seller's market. 208 00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:31,050 Hit the bricks! 209 00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:34,930 Bye-bye! Come on! Walk, walk, walk, walk! 210 00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:38,560 Any other questions? 211 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,680 And for the sick and infirm in our parish, 212 00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:45,730 especially Catherine Donnelly who had hip surgery this week, 213 00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:47,230 we pray to the Lord. 214 00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:49,400 ALL: Lord, hear our prayer. 215 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,190 FATHER McANDREW: And, please, take a moment to pray 216 00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:55,030 for whatever else you'd like to ask of our Heavenly Father. 217 00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:09,040 I'm done. 218 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,590 Keep going. 219 00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:11,920 What? 220 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,220 I don't have anything else to pray for. 221 00:09:14,260 --> 00:09:16,630 Think of something. 222 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,270 [PAGER BEEPING "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"] 223 00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:38,740 I got my raise. 224 00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:42,040 CHOIR: *Hallelujah* 225 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,950 *Hallelujah* 226 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,080 *Hallelujah, Hallelujah* 227 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:49,420 *Halle-lujah* 228 00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:58,010 I am wiped. I'm gonna hit it. 229 00:09:58,050 --> 00:09:59,340 Yeah, me, too. 230 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,760 -Good night. -Good night. 231 00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:17,450 What's happening here? 232 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,860 I'm praying. 233 00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,530 I'm sorry, what? 234 00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:23,580 I'm saying my prayers. 235 00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:26,330 What, just because... 236 00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:27,580 of being in church today? 237 00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,210 Yeah. I liked what I saw, 238 00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:31,330 so I thought I'd give it a whirl. 239 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,920 Wow! I am really impressed. 240 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,050 Thank you. 241 00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:37,090 And a little turned on. 242 00:10:37,130 --> 00:10:38,220 It's a whole new side of you-- 243 00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:39,470 the good girl side. 244 00:10:39,510 --> 00:10:41,010 All right. Can I get back to my praying? 245 00:10:41,050 --> 00:10:42,890 Absolutely. 246 00:10:42,930 --> 00:10:44,760 You're a good girl. 247 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,060 [HUSKY VOICE] A good girl... 248 00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,930 Doug. 249 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,730 Sorry. 250 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,980 So what'd you, uh... what'd you pray for? 251 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,490 I can't tell you. Then it won't come true. 252 00:10:58,530 --> 00:11:01,660 Okay, it's not like blowing out your birthday candles. 253 00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:03,870 All right. I prayed for Mrs. Donnelly, 254 00:11:03,910 --> 00:11:05,330 you know, the one who broke her hip? 255 00:11:05,370 --> 00:11:06,830 Well, that's sweet. 256 00:11:06,870 --> 00:11:08,410 Yeah. And I prayed for these Gucci shoes 257 00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,040 I love to go on sale. 258 00:11:11,290 --> 00:11:12,790 What? 259 00:11:12,830 --> 00:11:14,420 Yeah, they're black with these silver strappy things, 260 00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:16,090 but they're a little out of my price range, 261 00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:17,960 so...you know. 262 00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:21,180 Uh, you know... 263 00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:23,970 y-you can't pray for shoes. 264 00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:25,350 Why not? 265 00:11:25,390 --> 00:11:27,600 Because you're not supposed to pray for petty things. 266 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,930 Well, at church today I prayed for my raise, 267 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:30,940 and I got that. 268 00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:32,560 That's what you were praying for? 269 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,070 Okay, you obviously have no idea 270 00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:36,270 what you're doing here. 271 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:41,450 Uh...an extra 100 bucks a week says I do. 272 00:11:41,490 --> 00:11:42,700 Okay. How can I explain this to you? 273 00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:45,080 -Let's pretend I'm God. -Oy. 274 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,620 Well, gee, I'd love to end world hunger, 275 00:11:47,660 --> 00:11:49,620 but I'm too busy looking for cheap shoes 276 00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:51,790 for Carrie. Oh, well! 277 00:11:51,830 --> 00:11:54,460 Okay, you know what? I believe that you can pray 278 00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,840 for the important things, and you can also pray 279 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,460 for the not-so-important things. 280 00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,420 God's a pretty bright guy. He can figure it out. 281 00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:00,670 That's how you think it works? 282 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,510 Yeah, that's how I think it works. 283 00:12:02,550 --> 00:12:03,800 You have no idea what you're talking about. 284 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,550 You don't even know how to pray right. 285 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,220 You're kneeling by the bed like a 5-year-old. 286 00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,480 I will pray any way I want to. 287 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,190 Fine. Pray the way you want... 288 00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:13,480 if you want to look like a moron. 289 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:14,730 What is your problem? 290 00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:16,190 My problem is you're using God 291 00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:17,480 as your own personal genie! 292 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,480 -I am not! -You are, too! 293 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:20,860 You think that if you want a pair of shoes, 294 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,490 all you do is pray for them and, poof, 295 00:12:22,530 --> 00:12:23,780 there's new shoes. 296 00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:25,320 Well, that's not the way it works, okay? 297 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,370 This...does not equal 298 00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:29,620 this! 299 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:35,630 I...did not do anything wrong. 300 00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:37,710 Once again, let's pretend I'm God-- 301 00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:39,710 Okay, you know what? Don't do God again. 302 00:12:39,750 --> 00:12:42,050 You do about the worst God I've ever heard. 303 00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:43,550 You know what? That's it. You're done. 304 00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:45,260 You're done praying. It's over. 305 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,720 Excuse me? 306 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,390 Yeah, that's right. I forbid it. 307 00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:51,140 Oh, you forbid it. Okay. You know what? 308 00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:53,390 I just thought of a few more things 309 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,980 I want to pray for. 310 00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:56,310 Oh, really? What, is there a... 311 00:12:56,350 --> 00:12:57,440 lipstick out there 312 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,150 that you actually don'thave? 313 00:13:00,190 --> 00:13:01,570 Okay, you know what? 314 00:13:01,610 --> 00:13:02,940 Try praying with this in the background. 315 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,740 -["THEME FROM DALLAS" PLAYING ON TV] -Oh! 316 00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:06,360 Look at that,Dallas. 317 00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:08,620 Oh, yeah, bring it! 318 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,500 -Yeah. -[TURNS TV OFF] 319 00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:13,830 OK, you know what? 320 00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:14,710 Fine. 321 00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:15,960 I will just use my prayers 322 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:20,460 -to cancel out your prayers. -Oh, bring it! 323 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,880 Oh, I'm bringin' it. 324 00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:25,260 You're goin' down. 325 00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:35,230 This is it. 326 00:13:35,270 --> 00:13:36,270 This is our house. 327 00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:38,730 I know. I know! 328 00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,650 I think we'd like to make an offer. 329 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:44,740 Well, as you know, Mr. Ling, 330 00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:46,240 this is a seller's market, 331 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:47,740 so bring the big number. 332 00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:49,780 I'm in no mood to dance. 333 00:13:50,950 --> 00:13:52,830 I think we're willing to come pretty close 334 00:13:52,870 --> 00:13:54,200 to the full asking price. 335 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,250 You know what else you're pretty close to? 336 00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:58,330 The door. See ya! 337 00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:01,750 I want this house. 338 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,090 Okay. Okay. Um... 339 00:14:03,130 --> 00:14:05,220 I think we can give you the asking price, 340 00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:08,430 but there's a few things I'd like to see fixed up. 341 00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:09,930 Well, for the full price, 342 00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:12,970 I'll throw in a fat houseboy named Douglas! 343 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,940 BOB [OVER TV]: Jets, deep in the hole on their own 10, 344 00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:21,560 trailing by 5 with a minute to go. 345 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,110 Come on! 346 00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:25,490 Douglas, any chance we'll be reshingling the roof 347 00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:26,860 in the next 2-3 weeks? 348 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,280 -No. -Okey-doke. 349 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:31,160 BOB [OVER TV]: Testaverde dropping back... 350 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,540 and he is sacked back at the 2! 351 00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:35,500 SECOND ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]: And you know he had Chrebet 352 00:14:35,540 --> 00:14:37,080 wide open over the middle. 353 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,960 Someone should get Vinny some glasses-- 354 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,790 kinda like the frames you got there. 355 00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,500 What do you got there, Bob? 356 00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:45,460 BOB [OVER TV]:Whatever they are, even Isaw Chrebet 357 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,380 from up here! Ha ha ha! 358 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:50,680 Stop bantering! Not funny! 359 00:14:52,050 --> 00:14:53,810 Hey, sweetie. 360 00:14:53,850 --> 00:14:56,560 I just picked up my new shoes. 361 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:57,810 What? 362 00:14:57,850 --> 00:15:00,400 Yeah. Those Gucci shoes I prayed for? 363 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,360 40% off. I only asked for 30. 364 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,820 I'm on a roll. 365 00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:07,400 You know what? You're sick. 366 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,650 You really have a problem. 367 00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:12,160 No. What I got is an open-toed slingback 368 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,030 at a bargain price. 369 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,410 BOB [OVER TV]: Well, this is it! Fourth down! 370 00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:17,790 No time-outs left. 371 00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:19,330 Jets need the touchdown. 372 00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:21,170 SECOND ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]: Bob, what the Jets need 373 00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:23,710 is a miracle. 374 00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:37,680 Oh, my God! 375 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,020 You're praying for the Jets! 376 00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:40,520 -No, I'm not. -Yes, you were! 377 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,060 You were praying for the Jets to win! 378 00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:44,690 No. No. I was praying for them to cover the spread. 379 00:15:44,730 --> 00:15:46,780 That's a whole other thing! 380 00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,110 You are such a hypocrite. 381 00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:49,650 You get on my back about shoes, 382 00:15:49,690 --> 00:15:51,150 and you're praying for a football game? 383 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,860 Oh, please. Shoes are way more petty 384 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,030 than a football game. 385 00:15:54,070 --> 00:15:56,790 Is not! Can you wear a football game? 386 00:15:56,830 --> 00:16:00,330 Can you spend an entire Sunday watching shoes? 387 00:16:00,370 --> 00:16:02,460 Yes, I can. 388 00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,130 ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]: Testaverde wings it out 389 00:16:04,170 --> 00:16:05,540 to Coles on the sideline-- 390 00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,050 Whoa! And the defender tripped! 391 00:16:07,090 --> 00:16:10,050 Coles all alone! He is waltzing in for 6. 392 00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:14,260 Jets win! This is unbelievable! 393 00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:20,060 [LOW VOICE] We tell no one of this. 394 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,230 HOLLY: Arthur! 395 00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:28,570 What--Arthur, what are you doing? 396 00:16:28,610 --> 00:16:29,610 The lings are outta control. 397 00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:32,320 They want everything up to code. 398 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,450 If I can just get past this disclosure phase, 399 00:16:34,490 --> 00:16:35,660 I'm home free. 400 00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:37,280 What about disclosing the fact 401 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,910 -that you don't own this house. -You're very clever. 402 00:16:38,950 --> 00:16:39,950 Why don't you use those brains 403 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,500 to help me put a good spin 404 00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:43,250 on this termite situation? 405 00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:44,120 No, no, Arthur, 406 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,250 I am not gonna be part of this. 407 00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:48,090 Hey, you're either with me or against me. 408 00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:49,710 -I'm against you. -That's not an option. 409 00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:51,510 You just gave it to me as an option! 410 00:16:51,550 --> 00:16:54,880 Look, you have to stop this, okay? You're my responsibility. 411 00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,930 I just lost the Berenson sheepdogs. 412 00:16:56,970 --> 00:16:58,930 I cannot afford to lose you, too. 413 00:16:58,970 --> 00:17:01,140 So just stop it, stop it, stop it, 414 00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:03,850 stop it, stop it, stop it, stop-- 415 00:17:06,350 --> 00:17:07,360 Was that vodka? 416 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,730 Oh, sorry. 417 00:17:09,770 --> 00:17:11,030 Okay. I just have to 418 00:17:11,070 --> 00:17:13,150 cover this puddle under the water heater. 419 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,950 Damn. 420 00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:18,660 You look like you're built for lifting. 421 00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,240 Help me out. 422 00:17:21,330 --> 00:17:24,120 [**] 423 00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:29,500 All right. So you liked the mahi-mahi last time. 424 00:17:29,540 --> 00:17:31,170 You want to go for it again? 425 00:17:31,210 --> 00:17:34,920 Mahi-mahi's for mehee-mehee. 426 00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:38,300 Look. It's Father McAndrew again. 427 00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,970 Oh, crap! What, does the guy live here? 428 00:17:41,010 --> 00:17:42,470 What is your problem? 429 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,020 Carrie, he'll come over here, take one look at us, 430 00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:45,850 and know we've been praying for football and shoes 431 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,560 and that parking spot we just got. 432 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,230 Carrie. 433 00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:52,110 Doug? 434 00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:53,610 Hey, I got it. They have it. 435 00:17:53,650 --> 00:17:55,320 Tartar sauce. Yeah. 436 00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:57,320 Well, it was wonderful to see you last Sunday. 437 00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:00,080 And you should know, thanks to your prayers, 438 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,950 that Mrs. Donnelly 439 00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:04,250 -is doing much better. -BOTH: Oh... 440 00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:07,000 Actually, you know, not justourprayers. 441 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,500 It's not like we have... special powers or anything. 442 00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:13,000 So will I be seeing you at my 5:30 mass today? 443 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,880 Hey, try and keep us away. 444 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:15,970 [DING] 445 00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:17,430 Oh! There's my number. 446 00:18:17,470 --> 00:18:19,550 Can't say mass on an empty stomach. 447 00:18:19,590 --> 00:18:21,890 Mm-mmm. No. Okay. 448 00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:23,970 Bye-bye. 449 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,730 See? We healed Mrs. Donnelly. 450 00:18:25,770 --> 00:18:26,850 You feel better now? 451 00:18:26,890 --> 00:18:27,980 Oh, no. 452 00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,400 What's the matter? 453 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,770 Father McAndrew's circling the mahi-mahi. 454 00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:33,190 -So? -So there's only one piece left! 455 00:18:33,230 --> 00:18:34,860 So we'll get something else. 456 00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:36,070 Carrie, I just found out there's a fish 457 00:18:36,110 --> 00:18:37,200 that tastes like meat. 458 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,030 There's no turning back now. 459 00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:41,910 So what should we do? 460 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,420 I think I'll have the, um... 461 00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,090 halibut. 462 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,890 Please include in your prayers 463 00:19:00,930 --> 00:19:03,850 Father McAndrew, who is violently ill 464 00:19:03,890 --> 00:19:06,350 with salmonella poisoning. 465 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:28,790 Okay. What just happened here, really? 466 00:19:28,830 --> 00:19:30,420 We poisoned our priest. 467 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:33,420 No.Wedid not poison our priest. 468 00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:34,710 The halibut did. 469 00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:36,130 Oh, wake up, Carrie. 470 00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:37,800 We're on a praying spree-- taking down everyone 471 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,260 in our path. 472 00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:40,840 We're like the Bonnie and Clyde of prayer. 473 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,470 All right, let's calm down. 474 00:19:42,510 --> 00:19:44,100 Bonnie and Clyde, they robbed banks. 475 00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:45,310 They killed people. 476 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,220 We asked God for a piece of fish. 477 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,270 What happened today was a sign, okay? 478 00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:50,640 We should leave prayer to the people 479 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:51,770 who know how to use it. 480 00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:53,360 Doug, if it were a sign, 481 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,320 Father McAndrew wouldn't be the one punished. 482 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,740 We would be. There would be locusts or frogs or... 483 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,110 or hail! 484 00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:02,320 ARTHUR:Flood! 485 00:20:10,870 --> 00:20:13,040 [OMINOUSLY] I'll see you in hell. 486 00:20:39,940 --> 00:20:42,030 Mmm... 487 00:20:42,070 --> 00:20:43,110 Morning. 488 00:20:43,150 --> 00:20:44,820 Mmm...morning. 489 00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:46,410 [GIGGLES] 490 00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:52,500 I have your tea. 491 00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:54,370 Just set it here. 492 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:55,380 Thank you. 493 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,960 That'll be all, Douglas. 494 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,630 Thankyou,Mr. Ling. 495 00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:10,100 Oh, what could have been. 496 00:21:12,430 --> 00:21:15,850 [**] 34734

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