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1
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:05,380
[BELLY SLAP]
2
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,550
Guess what song
I'm playing.
3
00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:15,010
I have no idea.
4
00:00:15,050 --> 00:00:16,390
You're not even gonna try?
5
00:00:16,430 --> 00:00:17,510
No.
6
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,390
Okay. So when our kid
comes home and says,
7
00:00:19,430 --> 00:00:22,100
"Mom, this reading thing's
too hard.
8
00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:23,350
I don't want to try,"
9
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,400
you're gonna be okay
with that?
10
00:00:26,230 --> 00:00:28,940
You're playing
your belly.
11
00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:31,110
Just guess.
12
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,280
Dancing Queen?
13
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:39,530
Okay, try again.
14
00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:42,870
But this time,
pull your head out of your ass.
15
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,370
I don't know,
just tell me.
16
00:00:44,410 --> 00:00:46,170
It's clearly
I love Rock n' Roll.
17
00:00:46,210 --> 00:00:49,750
*I love rock n' roll!so put another dime *
18
00:00:49,790 --> 00:00:51,550
-*In the jukebox, baby*
-Oh, yeah. I hear it now.
19
00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:54,340
BOTH:
*I love rock n' roll*
20
00:00:54,380 --> 00:00:55,220
Yeah.
21
00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:56,470
-Right?
-CARRIE: Yeah.
22
00:00:56,510 --> 00:00:57,590
Now I'm gonna slow
things down
23
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,060
with a song I know
the ladies love--
24
00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:02,430
Devil Went Downto Georgia.
25
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:13,320
* My eyes aregettin' weary*
26
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,700
*My back is gettin' tight*
27
00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:17,570
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
28
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:20,490
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
29
00:01:20,530 --> 00:01:26,330
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
30
00:01:26,370 --> 00:01:30,130
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
31
00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:33,420
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
32
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:37,590
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
33
00:01:47,730 --> 00:01:49,150
CARRIE: All right,
so after this,
34
00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:51,440
we gotta go to the post office
and then the drugstore.
35
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,320
I have to pick up
my father's prescription.
36
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:54,780
I haven't picked it up
for 2 weeks,
37
00:01:54,820 --> 00:01:57,150
and I caught him
blinking uncontrollably.
38
00:01:58,150 --> 00:01:59,490
What's wrong?
39
00:01:59,530 --> 00:02:00,780
I'm just
really depressed
40
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,580
that we're having
fish for dinner.
41
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:04,790
We talked about this.
42
00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:07,500
You need to start eating
healthy at some point.
43
00:02:07,540 --> 00:02:11,210
It's either now,
or later, through a tube.
44
00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:14,170
Tube later,
Steakums now.
45
00:02:17,130 --> 00:02:19,090
[PAGER BEEPING TO THE TUNE
OF "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"]
46
00:02:19,130 --> 00:02:21,510
My boss said he was
gonna page me this weekend
47
00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:24,140
and tell me whether
or not I got my raise.
48
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:29,140
Great. "Monday's bagel
should be poppy."
49
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,360
Ihateit here.
50
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,520
Can we go?
51
00:02:34,570 --> 00:02:36,030
No. We have to
get dinner.
52
00:02:36,070 --> 00:02:38,450
Look, there's a special
on mahi-mahi.
53
00:02:38,490 --> 00:02:39,950
You'd like it.
It tastes just like steak.
54
00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:41,240
You know what?
I'll get excited
55
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,910
when there's a fish
that tastes like Doritos.
56
00:02:45,580 --> 00:02:48,000
Isn't that
Father McAndrew?
57
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:48,910
Oh, man, it is.
58
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,000
Oh, great.
We never go to church.
59
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,540
Now we're seeing him here
in a fish market.
60
00:02:52,580 --> 00:02:54,040
How embarrassing
is that?
61
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:57,300
Why? It's not like
it's a nudie fish market.
62
00:02:57,340 --> 00:02:59,340
Doug, Carrie!
63
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,340
-Oh, hi!
-Look who it is!
64
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:03,640
How have you both
been doing?
65
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,060
-Good.
-Great. We're doing
really great.
66
00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:06,140
Hey, nice sweat suit.
67
00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:07,930
What, are you
wrasslin' with the devil?
68
00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:11,560
Is the devil
funny to you, Doug?
69
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:12,850
No, no. I didn't--
I didn't--
70
00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:16,520
-Just teasing. Ha ha ha!
-Oh, good one!
71
00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:17,900
I was known
as the class clown
72
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:20,900
back at our Lady
of Perpetual Sorrow.
73
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,200
Well, you still got it.
74
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,240
Yeah.
75
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:24,320
Good to see you.
76
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,660
Good to see you,
too.
77
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,370
Of course, I'd also
love to see you both
78
00:03:27,410 --> 00:03:29,450
in church sometime.
79
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,000
-Absolutely.
-Yes, we should do that...
80
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:32,250
-without a doubt.
-At some point.
81
00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:34,290
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
82
00:03:36,540 --> 00:03:39,050
How about this Sunday?
83
00:03:39,090 --> 00:03:40,920
That'd be great.
84
00:03:43,430 --> 00:03:45,970
[**]
85
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:49,640
[ALARM BUZZING]
86
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,270
[ALARM STOPS]
87
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:54,440
No, no, no, no!
Come on.
88
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:55,900
Don't snooze it again.
89
00:03:55,940 --> 00:03:58,270
It's church time.
Time to get holy!
90
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,650
Ohh. I can't believe
you got us into this,
91
00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:02,450
just 'cause you couldn't
keep your big, fat
92
00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:04,070
twinkie-hole shut.
93
00:04:06,370 --> 00:04:07,410
Let's go, Mama.
94
00:04:07,450 --> 00:04:09,330
No. I don't want to go.
95
00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:10,620
Take someone else.
96
00:04:10,660 --> 00:04:12,960
Get a hooker
and dress her up like me.
97
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,670
I may try that some night
when you're out of town,
98
00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:17,040
but not on the Lord's day.
99
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:20,880
I got to tell you--
100
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,010
I'm kind of glad we ran
into Father McAndrew.
101
00:04:23,050 --> 00:04:25,590
I think it's about time
we started going to church.
102
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,140
Think about it.
How great will it be?
103
00:04:27,180 --> 00:04:28,970
Someday we'll be
going to church
104
00:04:29,010 --> 00:04:31,060
with our kids
by our side.
105
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:32,980
Little Doug will be there
with his freckles
106
00:04:33,020 --> 00:04:34,890
and his little tooth
missing in the front,
107
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:37,060
and little Carrie's
got her pink dress on--
108
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,150
Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna start crying.
109
00:04:39,190 --> 00:04:40,940
I mean it. Shut up.
110
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,690
Oh, good, you're up.
I'm pretty bored.
111
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,650
I was hoping
we could do that thing
112
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,280
where the two of you
drive me around
113
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,160
until I doze off.
114
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,740
We can't, Dad.
We're going to church.
115
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,950
What have you got,
bingo?
116
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,040
It's Sunday, Arthur.
117
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,870
People go to church
on Sunday.
118
00:04:54,910 --> 00:04:57,170
If by people,
you mean suckers.
119
00:04:57,210 --> 00:04:58,790
You know, that's
kind of offensive.
120
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,170
I happen to take my church
pretty seriously.
121
00:05:01,210 --> 00:05:02,510
Fair enough.
122
00:05:02,550 --> 00:05:05,720
Say hello to
the Easter bunny for me.
123
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,310
[DOORBELL RINGS]
124
00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:15,060
Hello, sir.
125
00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:18,230
You're not my Chinese
food, but hello.
126
00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:19,190
I'm Walt Urbanski.
127
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:21,270
I work at Downey Hills
Real Estate.
128
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,780
Ooh. Pish-posh.
129
00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:25,860
I just wanted
to give you my card.
130
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:27,030
If you're ever, uh,
interested
131
00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:28,820
in putting this house
up for sale,
132
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,030
you could do very well.
133
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,080
It's a seller's market
right now.
134
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,080
Really?
135
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,040
Oh, yeah. I assume
you are the owner.
136
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,710
Well, I'm certainly
not some old man
137
00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:39,210
who lives
in the basement.
138
00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:40,920
I tell you...
139
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,210
you set up
an open house,
140
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:45,670
this property would
practically sell itself.
141
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,840
Huh.
142
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,390
Well, what do
I need you for?
143
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,890
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING WITHIN]
144
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:02,570
[SIGHS]
145
00:06:02,610 --> 00:06:05,150
CARRIE: All right.
Where do you want to sit?
146
00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:06,700
DOUG: Let's go up front.
I want to make sure
147
00:06:06,740 --> 00:06:08,200
Father McAndrew
knows we're here.
148
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,070
I don't want
to sit up front.
149
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,370
I don't want to get
pulled up on stage.
150
00:06:13,410 --> 00:06:14,450
Pulled up on stage?
151
00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:16,620
It's not a magic act.
152
00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:18,080
Have you been
to church, ever?
153
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,830
All right. Let's
just sit over there.
154
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:28,510
[NEW HYMN BEGINS]
155
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:52,660
All right, I'm gonna
go to the bathroom.
156
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:53,950
Meet you by the car
in five minutes.
157
00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:55,290
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
158
00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:57,200
You can't leave
in the beginning of mass.
159
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,370
You had no problem leaving
in the beginning
160
00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:00,830
ofCabaret.
161
00:07:00,870 --> 00:07:03,540
John Stamos was in it.
162
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,510
[**]
163
00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:13,050
Arthur,
what's going on?
164
00:07:13,090 --> 00:07:14,390
I'm having
an open house.
165
00:07:14,430 --> 00:07:15,680
Care for some brie?
166
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,020
Doug and Carrie
are selling the place?
167
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:19,850
Don't mention
Doug and Carrie.
168
00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:21,060
As far as
anyone's concerned,
169
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:23,060
I'm the owner here.
170
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,810
Are you telling me that
you're showing their home
171
00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:26,360
without them
even knowing it?
172
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,980
Trust me.
If I get a good offer,
173
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,070
the kids'll be delighted,
174
00:07:29,110 --> 00:07:30,320
then they'll get
a bigger house,
175
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,820
and I'll get to live
in a real room
176
00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:34,820
instead of that
glorified bomb shelter.
177
00:07:34,870 --> 00:07:36,530
No, no, Arthur, I'm sorry.
I can't let you do this.
178
00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:37,660
You're gonna
get me in trouble.
179
00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:38,790
Hey, you're not
involved.
180
00:07:38,830 --> 00:07:40,080
No, no, I am involved,
181
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,410
because I'm supposed to be
walking you right now,
182
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,250
which means that
you're my responsibility,
183
00:07:43,290 --> 00:07:45,000
and I'm gonna get fired!
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
184
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,000
All right, all right!
Get a hold of yourself!
185
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,510
I can't get a hold
of myself!
186
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:51,010
I'm gonna get in trouble!
I have tell Doug and Carrie!
187
00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,090
All right. All right.
188
00:07:52,130 --> 00:07:53,800
What's it gonna take...
189
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:57,600
to keep those
pretty lips shut?
190
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:58,770
You want money?
191
00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:00,270
You don't have
any money.
192
00:08:00,310 --> 00:08:02,020
What about Rolos?
You like Rolos?
193
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:04,480
I have a whole bunch
downstairs!
194
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,690
I do love Rolos.
But, no, Arthur, no.
195
00:08:06,730 --> 00:08:07,690
That is not appropriate--
196
00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:09,360
Hey. Ahem.
197
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,400
Hi.
198
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:11,610
Hi.
199
00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:13,860
Can you tell me what year
the house was built?
200
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,410
Uh...
201
00:08:15,450 --> 00:08:17,950
1776!
202
00:08:17,990 --> 00:08:19,330
Really? I thought
this neighborhood
203
00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:21,750
wasn't around
till the 1930s.
204
00:08:21,790 --> 00:08:23,370
Well,
this was originally
205
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:26,750
a trading post
for beaver pelts.
206
00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:28,290
What are you
talking about?
207
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:29,710
All right, Professor,
it's a seller's market.
208
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:31,050
Hit the bricks!
209
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:34,930
Bye-bye! Come on!
Walk, walk, walk, walk!
210
00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:38,560
Any other questions?
211
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,680
And for the sick
and infirm in our parish,
212
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:45,730
especially Catherine Donnelly
who had hip surgery this week,
213
00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:47,230
we pray to the Lord.
214
00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:49,400
ALL: Lord,
hear our prayer.
215
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,190
FATHER McANDREW: And, please,
take a moment to pray
216
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:55,030
for whatever else you'd like
to ask of our Heavenly Father.
217
00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:09,040
I'm done.
218
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,590
Keep going.
219
00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:11,920
What?
220
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,220
I don't have anything
else to pray for.
221
00:09:14,260 --> 00:09:16,630
Think of something.
222
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,270
[PAGER BEEPING
"SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"]
223
00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:38,740
I got my raise.
224
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:42,040
CHOIR: *Hallelujah*
225
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,950
*Hallelujah*
226
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,080
*Hallelujah, Hallelujah*
227
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:49,420
*Halle-lujah*
228
00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:58,010
I am wiped.
I'm gonna hit it.
229
00:09:58,050 --> 00:09:59,340
Yeah, me, too.
230
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,760
-Good night.
-Good night.
231
00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:17,450
What's happening here?
232
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,860
I'm praying.
233
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,530
I'm sorry, what?
234
00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:23,580
I'm saying my prayers.
235
00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:26,330
What, just because...
236
00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:27,580
of being in church
today?
237
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,210
Yeah. I liked
what I saw,
238
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:31,330
so I thought
I'd give it a whirl.
239
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,920
Wow! I am really
impressed.
240
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,050
Thank you.
241
00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:37,090
And a little
turned on.
242
00:10:37,130 --> 00:10:38,220
It's a whole new
side of you--
243
00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:39,470
the good girl side.
244
00:10:39,510 --> 00:10:41,010
All right. Can I get
back to my praying?
245
00:10:41,050 --> 00:10:42,890
Absolutely.
246
00:10:42,930 --> 00:10:44,760
You're a good girl.
247
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,060
[HUSKY VOICE]
A good girl...
248
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,930
Doug.
249
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,730
Sorry.
250
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,980
So what'd you, uh...
what'd you pray for?
251
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,490
I can't tell you.
Then it won't come true.
252
00:10:58,530 --> 00:11:01,660
Okay, it's not like blowing
out your birthday candles.
253
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:03,870
All right.
I prayed for Mrs. Donnelly,
254
00:11:03,910 --> 00:11:05,330
you know, the one
who broke her hip?
255
00:11:05,370 --> 00:11:06,830
Well, that's sweet.
256
00:11:06,870 --> 00:11:08,410
Yeah. And I prayed
for these Gucci shoes
257
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,040
I love to go on sale.
258
00:11:11,290 --> 00:11:12,790
What?
259
00:11:12,830 --> 00:11:14,420
Yeah, they're black
with these silver
strappy things,
260
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:16,090
but they're a little
out of my price range,
261
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:17,960
so...you know.
262
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:21,180
Uh, you know...
263
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:23,970
y-you can't pray
for shoes.
264
00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:25,350
Why not?
265
00:11:25,390 --> 00:11:27,600
Because you're not supposed
to pray for petty things.
266
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,930
Well, at church today
I prayed for my raise,
267
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:30,940
and I got that.
268
00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:32,560
That's what
you were praying for?
269
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,070
Okay, you obviously
have no idea
270
00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:36,270
what you're doing here.
271
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:41,450
Uh...an extra 100 bucks
a week says I do.
272
00:11:41,490 --> 00:11:42,700
Okay. How can I
explain this to you?
273
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:45,080
-Let's pretend I'm God.
-Oy.
274
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,620
Well, gee, I'd love
to end world hunger,
275
00:11:47,660 --> 00:11:49,620
but I'm too busy
looking for cheap shoes
276
00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:51,790
for Carrie. Oh, well!
277
00:11:51,830 --> 00:11:54,460
Okay, you know what?
I believe that you can pray
278
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,840
for the important things,
and you can also pray
279
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,460
for the not-so-important
things.
280
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,420
God's a pretty bright guy.
He can figure it out.
281
00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:00,670
That's how you think
it works?
282
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,510
Yeah, that's how
I think it works.
283
00:12:02,550 --> 00:12:03,800
You have no idea
what you're talking about.
284
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,550
You don't even know
how to pray right.
285
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,220
You're kneeling by the bed
like a 5-year-old.
286
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,480
I will pray
any way I want to.
287
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,190
Fine.
Pray the way you want...
288
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:13,480
if you want to
look like a moron.
289
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:14,730
What is your problem?
290
00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:16,190
My problem is
you're using God
291
00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:17,480
as your own
personal genie!
292
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,480
-I am not!
-You are, too!
293
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:20,860
You think that if you
want a pair of shoes,
294
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,490
all you do is pray
for them and, poof,
295
00:12:22,530 --> 00:12:23,780
there's new shoes.
296
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:25,320
Well, that's not the way
it works, okay?
297
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,370
This...does not equal
298
00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:29,620
this!
299
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:35,630
I...did not do
anything wrong.
300
00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:37,710
Once again,
let's pretend I'm God--
301
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:39,710
Okay, you know what?
Don't do God again.
302
00:12:39,750 --> 00:12:42,050
You do about the worst
God I've ever heard.
303
00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:43,550
You know what?
That's it. You're done.
304
00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:45,260
You're done praying.
It's over.
305
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,720
Excuse me?
306
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,390
Yeah, that's right.
I forbid it.
307
00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:51,140
Oh, you forbid it.
Okay. You know what?
308
00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:53,390
I just thought of
a few more things
309
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,980
I want to pray for.
310
00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:56,310
Oh, really?
What, is there a...
311
00:12:56,350 --> 00:12:57,440
lipstick out there
312
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,150
that you actually
don'thave?
313
00:13:00,190 --> 00:13:01,570
Okay, you know what?
314
00:13:01,610 --> 00:13:02,940
Try praying with this
in the background.
315
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,740
-["THEME FROM DALLAS"
PLAYING ON TV]
-Oh!
316
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:06,360
Look at that,Dallas.
317
00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:08,620
Oh, yeah, bring it!
318
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,500
-Yeah.
-[TURNS TV OFF]
319
00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:13,830
OK, you know what?
320
00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:14,710
Fine.
321
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:15,960
I will just use my prayers
322
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:20,460
-to cancel out your prayers.
-Oh, bring it!
323
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,880
Oh, I'm bringin' it.
324
00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:25,260
You're goin' down.
325
00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:35,230
This is it.
326
00:13:35,270 --> 00:13:36,270
This is our house.
327
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:38,730
I know. I know!
328
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,650
I think we'd like
to make an offer.
329
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:44,740
Well, as you know,
Mr. Ling,
330
00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:46,240
this is
a seller's market,
331
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:47,740
so bring
the big number.
332
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:49,780
I'm in no mood
to dance.
333
00:13:50,950 --> 00:13:52,830
I think we're willing
to come pretty close
334
00:13:52,870 --> 00:13:54,200
to the full asking price.
335
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,250
You know what else
you're pretty close to?
336
00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:58,330
The door. See ya!
337
00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:01,750
I want this house.
338
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,090
Okay. Okay. Um...
339
00:14:03,130 --> 00:14:05,220
I think we can
give you the asking price,
340
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:08,430
but there's a few things
I'd like to see fixed up.
341
00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:09,930
Well, for the full price,
342
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:12,970
I'll throw in a fat
houseboy named Douglas!
343
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,940
BOB [OVER TV]:
Jets, deep in the holeon their own 10,
344
00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:21,560
trailing by 5with a minute to go.
345
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,110
Come on!
346
00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:25,490
Douglas, any chance we'll
be reshingling the roof
347
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:26,860
in the next 2-3 weeks?
348
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,280
-No.
-Okey-doke.
349
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:31,160
BOB [OVER TV]:
Testaverde dropping back...
350
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,540
and he is sackedback at the 2!
351
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:35,500
SECOND ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]:
And you know he had Chrebet
352
00:14:35,540 --> 00:14:37,080
wide open over the middle.
353
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,960
Someone should getVinny some glasses--
354
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,790
kinda like the framesyou got there.
355
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,500
What do you got there,Bob?
356
00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:45,460
BOB [OVER TV]:Whateverthey are, even Isaw Chrebet
357
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,380
from up here! Ha ha ha!
358
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:50,680
Stop bantering!
Not funny!
359
00:14:52,050 --> 00:14:53,810
Hey, sweetie.
360
00:14:53,850 --> 00:14:56,560
I just picked up
my new shoes.
361
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:57,810
What?
362
00:14:57,850 --> 00:15:00,400
Yeah. Those Gucci shoes
I prayed for?
363
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,360
40% off.
I only asked for 30.
364
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,820
I'm on a roll.
365
00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:07,400
You know what?
You're sick.
366
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,650
You really have
a problem.
367
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:12,160
No. What I got
is an open-toed slingback
368
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,030
at a bargain price.
369
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,410
BOB [OVER TV]:
Well, this is it! Fourth down!
370
00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:17,790
No time-outs left.
371
00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:19,330
Jets need the touchdown.
372
00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:21,170
SECOND ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]:
Bob, what the Jets need
373
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:23,710
is a miracle.
374
00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:37,680
Oh, my God!
375
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,020
You're praying
for the Jets!
376
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:40,520
-No, I'm not.
-Yes, you were!
377
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,060
You were praying
for the Jets to win!
378
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:44,690
No. No. I was praying
for them to cover the spread.
379
00:15:44,730 --> 00:15:46,780
That's a whole other thing!
380
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,110
You are such a hypocrite.
381
00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:49,650
You get on my back
about shoes,
382
00:15:49,690 --> 00:15:51,150
and you're praying
for a football game?
383
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,860
Oh, please.
Shoes are way more petty
384
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,030
than a football game.
385
00:15:54,070 --> 00:15:56,790
Is not! Can you wear
a football game?
386
00:15:56,830 --> 00:16:00,330
Can you spend an entire
Sunday watching shoes?
387
00:16:00,370 --> 00:16:02,460
Yes, I can.
388
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,130
ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]:
Testaverde wings it out
389
00:16:04,170 --> 00:16:05,540
to Coles on the sideline--
390
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,050
Whoa!And the defender tripped!
391
00:16:07,090 --> 00:16:10,050
Coles all alone!He is waltzing in for 6.
392
00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:14,260
Jets win!This is unbelievable!
393
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:20,060
[LOW VOICE]
We tell no one of this.
394
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,230
HOLLY: Arthur!
395
00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:28,570
What--Arthur,
what are you doing?
396
00:16:28,610 --> 00:16:29,610
The lings
are outta control.
397
00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:32,320
They want everything
up to code.
398
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,450
If I can just get past
this disclosure phase,
399
00:16:34,490 --> 00:16:35,660
I'm home free.
400
00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:37,280
What about
disclosing the fact
401
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,910
-that you don't own this house.
-You're very clever.
402
00:16:38,950 --> 00:16:39,950
Why don't you
use those brains
403
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,500
to help me put
a good spin
404
00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:43,250
on this termite
situation?
405
00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:44,120
No, no, Arthur,
406
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,250
I am not gonna
be part of this.
407
00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:48,090
Hey, you're either
with me or against me.
408
00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:49,710
-I'm against you.
-That's not an option.
409
00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:51,510
You just gave it to me
as an option!
410
00:16:51,550 --> 00:16:54,880
Look, you have to stop this,
okay? You're my responsibility.
411
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,930
I just lost
the Berenson sheepdogs.
412
00:16:56,970 --> 00:16:58,930
I cannot afford
to lose you, too.
413
00:16:58,970 --> 00:17:01,140
So just stop it,
stop it, stop it,
414
00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:03,850
stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop--
415
00:17:06,350 --> 00:17:07,360
Was that vodka?
416
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,730
Oh, sorry.
417
00:17:09,770 --> 00:17:11,030
Okay. I just have to
418
00:17:11,070 --> 00:17:13,150
cover this puddle
under the water heater.
419
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,950
Damn.
420
00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:18,660
You look like you're
built for lifting.
421
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,240
Help me out.
422
00:17:21,330 --> 00:17:24,120
[**]
423
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:29,500
All right. So you liked
the mahi-mahi last time.
424
00:17:29,540 --> 00:17:31,170
You want to
go for it again?
425
00:17:31,210 --> 00:17:34,920
Mahi-mahi's
for mehee-mehee.
426
00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:38,300
Look. It's Father
McAndrew again.
427
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,970
Oh, crap! What,
does the guy live here?
428
00:17:41,010 --> 00:17:42,470
What is your problem?
429
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,020
Carrie, he'll come over here,
take one look at us,
430
00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:45,850
and know we've been praying
for football and shoes
431
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,560
and that parking spot
we just got.
432
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,230
Carrie.
433
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:52,110
Doug?
434
00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:53,610
Hey, I got it.
They have it.
435
00:17:53,650 --> 00:17:55,320
Tartar sauce. Yeah.
436
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:57,320
Well, it was wonderful
to see you last Sunday.
437
00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:00,080
And you should know,
thanks to your prayers,
438
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,950
that Mrs. Donnelly
439
00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:04,250
-is doing much better.
-BOTH: Oh...
440
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:07,000
Actually, you know,
not justourprayers.
441
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,500
It's not like we have...
special powers or anything.
442
00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:13,000
So will I be seeing you
at my 5:30 mass today?
443
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,880
Hey, try and keep us
away.
444
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:15,970
[DING]
445
00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:17,430
Oh! There's
my number.
446
00:18:17,470 --> 00:18:19,550
Can't say mass
on an empty stomach.
447
00:18:19,590 --> 00:18:21,890
Mm-mmm. No. Okay.
448
00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:23,970
Bye-bye.
449
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,730
See? We healed
Mrs. Donnelly.
450
00:18:25,770 --> 00:18:26,850
You feel better now?
451
00:18:26,890 --> 00:18:27,980
Oh, no.
452
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,400
What's the matter?
453
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,770
Father McAndrew's
circling the mahi-mahi.
454
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:33,190
-So?
-So there's only one piece left!
455
00:18:33,230 --> 00:18:34,860
So we'll get
something else.
456
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:36,070
Carrie, I just
found out there's a fish
457
00:18:36,110 --> 00:18:37,200
that tastes like meat.
458
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,030
There's
no turning back now.
459
00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:41,910
So what should we do?
460
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,420
I think I'll have
the, um...
461
00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,090
halibut.
462
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,890
Please include
in your prayers
463
00:19:00,930 --> 00:19:03,850
Father McAndrew,
who is violently ill
464
00:19:03,890 --> 00:19:06,350
with salmonella poisoning.
465
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:28,790
Okay. What just
happened here, really?
466
00:19:28,830 --> 00:19:30,420
We poisoned
our priest.
467
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:33,420
No.Wedid not
poison our priest.
468
00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:34,710
The halibut did.
469
00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:36,130
Oh, wake up, Carrie.
470
00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:37,800
We're on a praying spree--
taking down everyone
471
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,260
in our path.
472
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:40,840
We're like the Bonnie
and Clyde of prayer.
473
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,470
All right,
let's calm down.
474
00:19:42,510 --> 00:19:44,100
Bonnie and Clyde,
they robbed banks.
475
00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:45,310
They killed people.
476
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,220
We asked God
for a piece of fish.
477
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,270
What happened today
was a sign, okay?
478
00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:50,640
We should leave prayer
to the people
479
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:51,770
who know how to use it.
480
00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:53,360
Doug, if it were a sign,
481
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,320
Father McAndrew wouldn't
be the one punished.
482
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,740
We would be. There would be
locusts or frogs or...
483
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,110
or hail!
484
00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:02,320
ARTHUR:Flood!
485
00:20:10,870 --> 00:20:13,040
[OMINOUSLY]
I'll see you in hell.
486
00:20:39,940 --> 00:20:42,030
Mmm...
487
00:20:42,070 --> 00:20:43,110
Morning.
488
00:20:43,150 --> 00:20:44,820
Mmm...morning.
489
00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:46,410
[GIGGLES]
490
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:52,500
I have your tea.
491
00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:54,370
Just set it here.
492
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:55,380
Thank you.
493
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,960
That'll be all,
Douglas.
494
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,630
Thankyou,Mr. Ling.
495
00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:10,100
Oh, what could have been.
496
00:21:12,430 --> 00:21:15,850
[**]
34734
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