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00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:05,130
SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
2
00:00:05,170 --> 00:00:07,340
*My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:09,250
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:12,470
*On the QueensboroBridge tonight*
5
00:00:12,510 --> 00:00:17,640
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:21,770
*Is cash my check anddrive right home to you*
7
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,310
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:30,320
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:37,570
CARRIE:Dad, will youplease drop it?
10
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,700
-ARTHUR:I won't!
-CARRIE:You're being insane!
11
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,660
I just want to be
properly groomed.
12
00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:43,460
That's the opposite
of insane!
13
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:45,540
This has nothing to do
with grooming.
14
00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:46,710
It has to do with you
15
00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:48,500
trying to get your hair
dyed for free.
16
00:00:48,540 --> 00:00:50,250
-Tinted!
-On your left.
17
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,710
The point is, I am not
schlepping you
18
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,670
to some beauty school
in Brooklyn
19
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,220
just so that you can
save a few bucks.
20
00:00:56,260 --> 00:00:57,800
It's not to save
a few bucks.
21
00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:01,560
I wanna help the Paul Lemond
students learn their craft!
22
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,520
Need the butter,
thanks.
23
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,690
Douglas, do you think
my request is so insane?
24
00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:11,270
Go ahead, tell him, Doug.
Tell him how insane it is.
25
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:12,530
I don't want
any trouble.
26
00:01:12,570 --> 00:01:14,190
Okay. All right.
You know what, dad?
27
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,240
Fine. If you want
to go so badly,
28
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,570
here is money for a cab.
Go to Brooklyn.
29
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:19,910
Get a Mohawk,
have a ball.
30
00:01:19,950 --> 00:01:21,620
I don't want
your filthy lucre--
31
00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:23,660
Okay. Your lucre's
in my toast.
32
00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:25,250
CARRIE: Well,
I am not driving you,
33
00:01:25,290 --> 00:01:26,750
so if you want
to go,
34
00:01:26,790 --> 00:01:28,710
you're gonna have
to hitchhike.
35
00:01:28,750 --> 00:01:30,590
So some trucker
can have his way with me?
36
00:01:30,630 --> 00:01:32,170
Ho ho! You'd love that!
37
00:01:32,210 --> 00:01:34,260
CARRIE:Yeah, I'd love itif he drove off with you.
38
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:36,380
ARTHUR:How dare you!
39
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,600
CARRIE:What the hellis wrong with you?
40
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,770
ARTHUR:Perhaps you should beasking that of yourself.
41
00:01:45,810 --> 00:01:47,270
And we're back.
42
00:01:47,310 --> 00:01:50,770
Why would you try to
dye your own hair? Why?
43
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:53,400
Because you wouldn't
drive me to Brooklyn!
44
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:54,860
[SOFTLY] Excuse me.
I just need a beer.
45
00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:56,780
And congratulations,
dad,
46
00:01:56,820 --> 00:01:58,360
you've managed
to ruin my sink.
47
00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,700
And why black hair dye?
48
00:02:00,740 --> 00:02:02,620
I mean,
what's that about?
49
00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:04,790
The drugstore was
out of summer auburn.
50
00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:07,580
Besides, I think
I look quite dashing.
51
00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:09,290
CARRIE:Dashing?
52
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,790
You're dripping
like bad mascara.
53
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,920
You should know!
54
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,880
Why wouldn't you just
take the $20 I gave you
55
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,800
and call a cab, hmm?
Why?
56
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,300
ARTHUR: It was a matter
of principle!
57
00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:22,760
CARRIE: Principle?
Oh, okay,
58
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,260
what principle
is that, dad?
59
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:26,270
I pay for your room,
your food, your clothes--
60
00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:27,930
what principle
won't allow you
61
00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:30,770
to take my money
for your hair?
62
00:02:32,310 --> 00:02:34,440
Oh, couldn't even get
the bat off
63
00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:36,820
your shoulder
on that one, huh?
64
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:43,370
[DOOR OPENS]
65
00:02:43,410 --> 00:02:45,580
Because my room,
food, and clothing
66
00:02:45,620 --> 00:02:47,830
do not grow
out of my head.
67
00:02:47,870 --> 00:02:50,210
That'sthe difference.
68
00:02:53,710 --> 00:02:55,130
Well, well.
69
00:02:55,170 --> 00:02:58,470
Nowwho can't get the bat
off their shoulder?
70
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,300
Good night!
71
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:04,970
[DOOR CLOSES]
72
00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:06,470
Turn the light off, hon.
73
00:03:06,510 --> 00:03:08,520
Turn the light off?
Turn the light off?
74
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:09,930
-Yeah.
-Did you happen to notice
75
00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:11,980
that a lunatic
just came in our room?
76
00:03:12,020 --> 00:03:13,610
And now he's gone,
77
00:03:13,650 --> 00:03:15,770
so can you
turn the light off?
78
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,320
-Carrie!
-What are you so upset about
79
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,690
all of a sudden?
This kind of thing happens
80
00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:21,990
-almost every day.
-And it's not natural.
81
00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:23,700
Other people
don't live like this.
82
00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:25,450
I know, 'cause I
see them on my route.
83
00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:26,700
Okay, they're happy.
They smile,
84
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:27,870
they sing, Carrie.
85
00:03:27,910 --> 00:03:29,700
We don't sing!
86
00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,370
What do you want me
to do, Doug?
87
00:03:31,410 --> 00:03:33,880
He's just a crazy,
difficult old man.
88
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,420
Yeah, well, there must
be things you can do
89
00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:36,920
-with crazy old people.
-What?
90
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,710
Like get him his own corner
on 48th street?
91
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,260
I don't know. All I'm saying
is I can't take it anymore.
92
00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:45,260
Look. I'm gonna
lay it on the line here.
93
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,430
If you wanna keep
getting this,
94
00:03:47,470 --> 00:03:50,430
you're gonna have to do
something about that.
95
00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:54,900
Okay. Which way
you leaning here?
96
00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:57,860
All right, Doug.
Maybe you're right.
97
00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:01,030
We could take him to see
a therapist or something.
98
00:04:01,070 --> 00:04:02,530
Therapist?
99
00:04:02,570 --> 00:04:03,740
I was thinking
more along the lines
100
00:04:03,780 --> 00:04:06,740
of a...big cage.
101
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,580
Why don't we
try this first?
102
00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:10,330
Yeah, but therapists--
aren't they expensive?
103
00:04:10,370 --> 00:04:11,910
No, we'll just take him
for one session,
104
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,040
just so the guy can get a sense
of who he is, you know?
105
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:15,380
What goes on in his mind
106
00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:17,090
and give him some
really good drugs.
107
00:04:17,130 --> 00:04:18,920
Drugs. Yeah, yeah.
That's good.
108
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,630
That's what they do
with cranky old people now.
109
00:04:20,670 --> 00:04:22,840
-They dope 'em up.
-Yeah.
110
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,430
Let's bring him in,
get him altered.
111
00:04:25,470 --> 00:04:27,010
I'll check into it
tomorrow, okay?
112
00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:28,430
-Okay.
-All right.
113
00:04:28,470 --> 00:04:30,350
Let's go back to sleep.
114
00:04:32,980 --> 00:04:37,610
DOUG: Hey, as long
as we're up, you, uh,
115
00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:39,020
-you want some of this?
-Good night, honey.
116
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,530
All right, good night.
117
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:54,330
So, Arthur, how do you feel
about being here?
118
00:04:54,370 --> 00:04:57,710
I despise it with every fiber
of my being.
119
00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:02,170
Psychiatry is for the weak
and the decadent.
120
00:05:02,210 --> 00:05:04,170
Then why did you
agree to come?
121
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:07,390
I was promised
a steak dinner.
122
00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:11,010
A fancy steakhouse,
not sizzler!
123
00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:15,140
Who exactly was that
directed towards?
124
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,770
My daughter
and son-in-law,
125
00:05:16,810 --> 00:05:19,810
who are obviously observing me
in the waiting room
126
00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:21,860
through this
two-way mirror.
127
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,360
Hmm!
128
00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:29,120
It's a regular mirror,
129
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:32,120
and the waiting room
is over there.
130
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,330
Fine. We'll play it
your way.
131
00:05:36,410 --> 00:05:38,460
Well, as long
as you are here,
132
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:41,040
is there anything
you'd like to talk about?
133
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,300
Nothing you want to hear,
my friend.
134
00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:45,050
What do you think
I want to hear?
135
00:05:45,090 --> 00:05:48,550
Oh, I suppose all the usual
moaning and crying.
136
00:05:48,590 --> 00:05:50,890
[SARCASTICALLY]
"Oh, doctor, please help me.
137
00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:52,850
I was an unhappy child.
138
00:05:52,890 --> 00:05:57,100
I wanted to kill my father
and make love to my mother."
139
00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:03,530
Damn, you're good.
140
00:06:06,190 --> 00:06:07,990
But my most frequent
childhood fear
141
00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:10,490
was that I would
lose my voice,
142
00:06:10,530 --> 00:06:12,580
that one day
I would try to speak
143
00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:14,410
and no sound
would come out.
144
00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:15,540
Aha.
145
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,920
Does that mean I'm gay?
146
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,380
No.
147
00:06:22,420 --> 00:06:26,260
It could mean you feel like
you're not always being heard.
148
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:28,340
Yes, of course.
149
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:30,260
Which is perhaps
why you developed
150
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:32,180
a tendency to scream.
151
00:06:32,220 --> 00:06:34,310
Amazing. How did
you know I scream?
152
00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:37,430
From before,
when you screamed at me.
153
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,230
Sorry again about that.
154
00:06:39,270 --> 00:06:42,400
I didn't realize you were
just making notes on your pad.
155
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,820
I thought you were
drawing my caricature.
156
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,990
Let's talk more about this issue
of not being heard.
157
00:06:49,030 --> 00:06:52,280
Can you remember a specific
incident from childhood
158
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,330
when you felt that way?
159
00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:56,450
Oh, can I ever.
160
00:06:56,490 --> 00:07:01,170
It involved something
very, very close to my heart.
161
00:07:05,340 --> 00:07:08,470
SKITCH: Hey, Arthur,
do those dumb things even work?
162
00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:10,840
I'm looking at your
skeleton as we speak.
163
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,050
Getting those glasses
164
00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:13,850
was the happiest
moment of my life.
165
00:07:13,890 --> 00:07:16,260
-You mean up to that point?
-No. Ever.
166
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:24,230
Hey, Arthur, I thought dad says
you couldn't have those.
167
00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:25,900
Where did you get
the money anyhow?
168
00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:27,320
Don't tell him.
169
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,360
I won it pitching pennies
against Whitey Dugan.
170
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:30,990
Damn.
171
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,240
[DOOR OPENS]
172
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,240
Hi, dad.
173
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,540
Hey, there, Skitchy!
How's it going?
174
00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:41,000
-Good.
-Hi, dad.
175
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,170
Arthur.
176
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:46,040
Say, what's that
on your head?
177
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:47,630
These are just
my regular glasses.
178
00:07:47,670 --> 00:07:49,460
Really?
They always had those spirally
179
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:52,010
circle things
on the lenses?
180
00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:53,010
Sure.
181
00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:54,180
Don't lie to me, boy.
182
00:07:54,220 --> 00:07:55,640
I can check
with your optometrist.
183
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,220
They're
X-ray glasses.
184
00:07:57,260 --> 00:07:58,310
He bought them
with the money
185
00:07:58,350 --> 00:08:00,140
he won pitching
pennies.
186
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,310
What?
187
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,020
Et tu,Skitch?
188
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:04,900
I thought I told you any money
you win pitching pennies
189
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:07,110
goes right to Skitchy's
college fund, huh?
190
00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:09,400
They were just
15 cents, dad!
191
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,240
Please, dad,
don't throw 'em in the trash.
192
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:13,910
Oh, don't worry.
I won't.
193
00:08:13,950 --> 00:08:15,160
Happy birthday,
Skitch.
194
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,240
-Thanks, dad.
-Now go to your room!
195
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,290
I hate it here!
196
00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:24,040
Those glasses meant
the world to me,
197
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,460
but you couldn't
hear that, could you?
198
00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:27,210
Instead you had
to give them to Skitch,
199
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:29,710
your beloved,
your golden boy!
200
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:32,380
Skitch is a smart kid.
He's going places.
201
00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:33,630
He's gonna be
arrested 9 times
202
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,640
for stealing
women's shoes.
203
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:39,010
Hey, you want to join yourself
in that bedroom?
204
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:42,350
You can't intimidate me
anymore, dad.
205
00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:43,440
Oh, God.
206
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,020
Get back here!
207
00:08:45,060 --> 00:08:46,520
You want
a piece of me?
208
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,520
You're gonna have to come
through my psychiatrist.
209
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:51,070
Ooh, what have we here?
210
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,610
Big fancy Park Avenue
headshrinker, huh?
211
00:08:53,650 --> 00:08:54,700
What's the matter?
212
00:08:54,740 --> 00:08:56,360
Couldn't make it
as a real doctor?
213
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,740
I'm just here
to observe.
214
00:08:57,780 --> 00:09:01,080
Oh, are you, Mary?
215
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:05,120
Uh, let's
get out of here.
216
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:14,470
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
217
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:15,680
DR. TABER:
Well, Arthur and I
218
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,430
have had a very
interesting hour.
219
00:09:17,470 --> 00:09:19,260
I think, perhaps,
there are ways
220
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,220
to bring about an improvement
in the situation
221
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:22,430
you've been having
at home.
222
00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:24,600
Hey, listen, if there's
anything we can do
223
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,690
to help Arthur
feel better,
224
00:09:26,730 --> 00:09:28,270
please, you know,
just say the word.
225
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:30,190
Absolutely.
226
00:09:30,230 --> 00:09:33,690
So is the pharmacy
in the lobby still open, or...
227
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,110
Yes. Why?
228
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:36,700
Well, if you can write
a prescription now,
229
00:09:36,740 --> 00:09:40,200
he'll be much happier
by tonight. Ha ha!
230
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,120
-May I continue?
-Please.
231
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,370
Arthur,
by his own admission,
232
00:09:44,410 --> 00:09:46,540
is a man who struggles
with not being heard.
233
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:48,170
The more he feels like
he's not being heard,
234
00:09:48,210 --> 00:09:51,590
the louder he screams,
literally and figuratively.
235
00:09:51,630 --> 00:09:53,130
As you know,
he is a screamer.
236
00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:56,220
Not in
the gay sense.
237
00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:59,470
DR. TABER: Anyway, a pattern
has obviously developed
238
00:09:59,510 --> 00:10:01,680
wherein Arthur assumes
that the two of you
239
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:05,810
will consider his desires
to be extreme or frivolous,
240
00:10:05,850 --> 00:10:08,440
and thus he tends to live
241
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,360
down to your expectations.
242
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,650
Do you understand?
243
00:10:14,690 --> 00:10:16,570
Uh, yeah.
I do. We do.
244
00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:18,150
[CLEARS THROAT]
245
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,450
So, uh, does the pharmacy
take insurance, or...
246
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,370
You're not gonna write him
a prescription, are you?
247
00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:29,790
My only prescription...
248
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:32,500
is more validation
for this man.
249
00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:35,340
Listen to him.
Hear him.
250
00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:38,090
Let him be who he is.
251
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:55,400
Hey, dad. Whatcha got
going on here?
252
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,280
Making candles.
253
00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,490
Candles?
254
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:01,660
Yes, I always wanted
to make and sell them
255
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:03,200
out of my own home.
256
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,370
Okay, first of all,
myhome.
257
00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:09,160
Second of all, I eat
spaghetti out of that.
258
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:10,370
Well, well.
259
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:13,460
I'm not feeling very
validated right now.
260
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:16,710
No. No. No, no, dad.
We support you all the way.
261
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,590
And by the way,
we do validate.
262
00:11:18,630 --> 00:11:20,180
We just want to make sure
263
00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:21,840
that this is something
you really, really want to do.
264
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,390
It is.
265
00:11:23,430 --> 00:11:24,550
Okay, then.
266
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:33,440
Oh, um, just try to watch out
for, you know...
267
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,230
burning the house down.
268
00:11:35,270 --> 00:11:36,570
Roger that!
269
00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:38,320
Okay.
270
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,610
"Let's take him
to a therapist."
271
00:11:40,650 --> 00:11:42,200
Wow! You're smart.
272
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,410
All right, I thought the guy
would just medicate him.
273
00:11:44,450 --> 00:11:46,410
Did I know he was
a "validation" quack?
274
00:11:46,450 --> 00:11:47,740
I say we just bail
on this right now.
275
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,290
We can't. I'm the one
who made him go to a shrink.
276
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:51,710
If we blow off
what the guy says now,
277
00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:53,330
my dad will never
listen to me again.
278
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,750
Things will
just get worse.
279
00:11:54,790 --> 00:11:56,290
There's a man
with glaucoma
280
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,840
pouring hot wax
in our kitchen.
281
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,670
How much worse
could it get?
282
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,880
ARTHUR: Anyone want a candle
283
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:04,470
that looks sort of like
Melvyn Douglas?
284
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,810
I do!
285
00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:12,310
Mind if I hang this
over the mantel?
286
00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:15,360
Permission to start
a bluegrass band.
287
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,190
Don't mind me.
This is just for my documentary.
288
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:25,370
I'd like to get a large parrot
and name it Douglas.
289
00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:30,370
FYI, the Lippman's will be
spending the night.
290
00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:34,670
I'd like to get
another parrot that lives,
291
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,840
and call it Douglas II.
292
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:40,670
Actually, perhaps
I should wait until I get
293
00:12:40,710 --> 00:12:44,220
the rest of Douglas the first
off the side of the garage.
294
00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:51,930
-Hey, Arthur.
-Hello.
295
00:12:56,020 --> 00:12:58,270
Hey, how's the, uh, bluegrass
band working out for you?
296
00:12:58,310 --> 00:12:59,440
You got any gigs
lined up?
297
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,440
No. It never
really got going.
298
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,820
Mickey cracked his tooth
blowing into the jug.
299
00:13:03,860 --> 00:13:04,950
Uh-huh.
300
00:13:04,990 --> 00:13:06,320
Hey, so when am I getting
my candle
301
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,200
in the shape of Rusty Staub?
302
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:09,830
Uh, that's
not gonna happen.
303
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:12,700
Unfortunately,
hot wax and hairy forearms
304
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,830
are a volatile mix.
305
00:13:14,870 --> 00:13:17,460
Right, right.
306
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:19,630
Hey, how's Douglas II doin'?
307
00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:24,760
I'm sorry.
308
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,760
Hey, look, Arthur, is there
anything else you need
309
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,680
or, you know,
anything you want to buy
310
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,430
or build or immerse
yourself in?
311
00:13:31,470 --> 00:13:32,560
'cause we're here
to listen.
312
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:35,770
No. No. I'm quite fine.
Thanks.
313
00:13:35,810 --> 00:13:37,850
Think I'll go grab
a little nap.
314
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,360
Ha ha!
315
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,610
-That shrink is a genius.
-What?
316
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:46,740
He knew what
he was doing all along.
317
00:13:46,780 --> 00:13:47,950
We just kept
validating Arthur
318
00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:49,620
until he punched
himself out.
319
00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:51,030
I can't even describe
to you
320
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,620
how I feel
right now.
321
00:13:52,660 --> 00:13:56,460
Carrie, I swear to you,
I've never been happier.
322
00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:58,920
I've never
been more miserable.
323
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,390
The adjustments
you've been making at home--
324
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:13,770
the listening,
the validating--
325
00:14:13,810 --> 00:14:15,020
that's not working?
326
00:14:15,060 --> 00:14:17,100
Well, it's working
for my father, I guess.
327
00:14:17,140 --> 00:14:18,850
Now that we give him
everything he wants,
328
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,270
he doesn't want anything.
329
00:14:20,310 --> 00:14:21,650
No more crazy demands,
330
00:14:21,690 --> 00:14:23,780
no more screaming,
no more fighting.
331
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:25,150
It's what Doug's
always wanted.
332
00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:26,820
He's happy,
but I'm miserable.
333
00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:28,410
Well,
let's explore that.
334
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,200
Hey, doc,
listen to me, okay?
335
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,950
I don't need to send
your kid to college
336
00:14:31,990 --> 00:14:33,990
to find out
what I already know.
337
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,290
And what is that?
338
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:37,370
That I like to fight.
339
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,830
Obviously, on some level,
340
00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:40,290
I enjoyed fighting
with my father,
341
00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:42,000
and now that we don't fight,
I miss it.
342
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,000
If you knew that,
why'd you come to see me?
343
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:47,840
Um, well, I was hoping
that you could, um...
344
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,430
prescribe me something,
you know,
345
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:51,680
to kind of take
the sting out of it.
346
00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:55,310
Uh-huh. Well, since
we have the whole hour,
347
00:14:55,350 --> 00:14:58,020
why don't we talk about
your fighting issue?
348
00:14:58,060 --> 00:14:59,390
Wow. You really
don't like to take
349
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,770
that prescription pad
out of the holster, do you?
350
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,900
Fine!
351
00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:07,490
I'll talk
about my "fighting issue."
352
00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:08,820
what do you want,
353
00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:10,160
like a childhood memory
or something?
354
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,320
It's up to you.
355
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,780
Ugh. Okay. Fine.
356
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,370
Sheena Easton sucks.
357
00:15:17,410 --> 00:15:19,330
She does not.
She's the best.
358
00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:20,790
You're stupid.
359
00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:22,250
I'm not stupid, Carrie.
You are.
360
00:15:22,290 --> 00:15:25,880
Youare. And that outfit,
not your best look.
361
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,010
You see? I liked to fight
even as a kid.
362
00:15:30,050 --> 00:15:31,130
Are you convinced now?
363
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,840
Well, I see
what you're saying,
364
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,180
though I find it
interesting you picked
365
00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:36,010
this particular memory
to use as an example.
366
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,270
I picked it because
it was Lucy McDonald's
367
00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:39,390
birthday party.
368
00:15:39,430 --> 00:15:41,310
She was my best friend.
Let's go back.
369
00:15:41,350 --> 00:15:42,350
Not just yet.
370
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,770
Why? So you
can finish eating?
371
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,520
That cake
is 22 years old.
372
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:46,780
It's good,
373
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,860
and I'm not really
a cake guy.
374
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:51,490
What's happening
over there?
375
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,370
Please let this be
a Barbie dream house.
376
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:55,280
Please, please, please.
377
00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:57,080
I hope it's not.
378
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:58,290
Why did you say that?
379
00:15:58,330 --> 00:16:00,040
I thought Lucy
was your best friend.
380
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,750
She was. I don't know why
I said that.
381
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:07,380
A Barbie dream house!
Yay!
382
00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:09,090
[WHISPERING]
Damn.
383
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:11,880
Why are you upset?
384
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,800
'Cause Lucy
got what she wanted.
385
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,890
But you love her.
You should be happy.
386
00:16:15,930 --> 00:16:17,060
Well, I'm not.
387
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:19,930
What is wrong with you?
388
00:16:19,970 --> 00:16:23,100
LUCY: Aah!
A bee! A bee!
389
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,770
Now you're happy?
That's demented!
390
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,530
She's demented!
391
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,570
LUCY: Help!
He's gonna sting me!
392
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:33,200
He's gonna sting me!
393
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,200
[LAUGHING]
394
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,410
Actually,
it is kind of funny.
395
00:16:37,450 --> 00:16:40,040
"He's gonna sting me!
Aah!"
396
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,130
Oh, my God.
397
00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:51,210
I'm only happy when
other people are miserable,
398
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:53,340
and I'm miserable
when they're happy.
399
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:54,840
Is that it?
400
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:58,810
I'm afraid
we're out of time.
401
00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:06,440
I'm really not
following you at all.
402
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,940
It's very simple.
403
00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:10,150
You are a happy person
by nature,
404
00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:11,360
and I am not.
405
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,610
Okay. Look.
You are here,
406
00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:15,450
and I am here.
407
00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:18,030
When my father was
acting like a maniac,
408
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,240
that made you unhappy,
409
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,240
which brought you down
to here--
410
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:24,160
closer to me--
which made me happier
411
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,290
because now I had
some company.
412
00:17:26,330 --> 00:17:27,500
How you doing so far?
413
00:17:27,540 --> 00:17:28,960
-Keep going.
-Okay.
414
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,460
Now that my father's
calmed down,
415
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:31,960
you are back up here,
416
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,420
and I am stuck down here
by myself.
417
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:36,220
You are happy, I am not,
and I hate that.
418
00:17:36,260 --> 00:17:41,220
So when I'm unhappy,
that makes you happy?
419
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:45,100
Well, not happy,
but happier.
420
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:47,520
I'm not gonna lie to you.
421
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,480
I'm a little shaken
by that.
422
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,320
And you should be.
That's my point.
423
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:52,480
Don't you see?
424
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,150
-No.
-Doug, I am not fit
425
00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:55,860
to be with you.
You're sane
426
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:57,990
and healthy
and nice, and I'm evil!
427
00:17:58,030 --> 00:18:00,990
Carrie, hey.
Would I marry evil?
428
00:18:01,030 --> 00:18:02,290
Don't--
don't touch me.
429
00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:06,920
My wife won't let me
touch her.
430
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,500
Does she usually?
431
00:18:08,540 --> 00:18:10,500
Yes.
432
00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:12,210
Yes. It's just
the thing is,
433
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:15,300
she's convinced now
that everything is her fault--
434
00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:18,010
that she's a bad person
or something.
435
00:18:18,050 --> 00:18:19,930
-Do you agree?
-No.
436
00:18:19,970 --> 00:18:21,550
No. She's great.
I mean, I love her.
437
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,350
Then what do you think
the problem is?
438
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:26,520
I was kinda hoping
for the 80 bucks,
439
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,520
you'd tellme.
440
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:31,150
I can't do that.
441
00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:33,020
Does that make you
angry with me?
442
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:35,190
What? No, no, no.
443
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,190
Are you sure?
444
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,610
Yeah. No.
I'm-I'm sure.
445
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:40,530
Really? Because your neck
is starting to perspire.
446
00:18:40,570 --> 00:18:42,910
Look. I'm not angry.
Leave me alone.
447
00:18:45,580 --> 00:18:47,540
I said, leave me alone!
448
00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:50,210
Hey, Mr. Mazzio told us
to clean the erasers.
449
00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:51,710
That's all I'm doing.
450
00:18:51,750 --> 00:18:54,380
*Cleaning the erasers,cleaning the erasers*
451
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:55,460
Cut it out!
452
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:56,720
What's the matter,
Heffernan?
453
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,590
You're afraid of someone
smaller than you?
454
00:18:58,630 --> 00:18:59,680
You could kick my ass
455
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,300
if you weren't
such a chicken.
456
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:04,180
I don't want any trouble.
457
00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:06,520
Why am I taking crap
from that little runt?
458
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,980
I don't know.
Maybe you are a chicken.
459
00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:10,060
What?
460
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:12,060
Hey, punch him
in the face.
461
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,690
I don't wanna.
You punch him.
462
00:19:13,730 --> 00:19:15,030
I'm not punching him.
Get in there
463
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,690
-and punch him in the face.
-No!
464
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:17,940
Is that who you
grew up to be?
465
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,030
An I.P.S. Driver?
Loser.
466
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:23,370
Okay. You know what?
That's it.
467
00:19:23,410 --> 00:19:24,580
Get in there
and fight him.
468
00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:26,240
Quit shoving me!
469
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,040
Oh, jeez!
470
00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:33,040
Aah!
471
00:19:35,630 --> 00:19:38,670
-Aah!
-Aah!
472
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,680
[CRASH]
473
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:50,770
What a freak show, huh?
474
00:19:50,810 --> 00:19:54,230
-Aah!
-Aah!
475
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,280
[THUD]
476
00:19:58,320 --> 00:19:59,990
I don't judge.
477
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:03,780
Wait!
478
00:20:03,820 --> 00:20:05,700
That's it.
I finally figured it out.
479
00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:07,330
Idohave anger,
480
00:20:07,370 --> 00:20:09,160
but I don't like
confrontation with other people,
481
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,370
so I take it all out
on myself!
482
00:20:12,580 --> 00:20:14,630
Knock it off!
483
00:20:14,670 --> 00:20:16,000
Sorry.
484
00:20:21,050 --> 00:20:23,180
DOUG: So it turns out, by
avoiding all the confrontation
485
00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:24,640
that's been going on
around here,
486
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,260
I actually caused
the two of you
487
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,640
to have more conflict
with each other.
488
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,430
So, really, it's my problem
at the root of all this.
489
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,270
Oh, please!
If you two are happy
490
00:20:33,310 --> 00:20:34,480
with the new situation,
491
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,230
then clearly, I'm the one
with the problem.
492
00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:39,440
-Who says I'm happy?
-I thought you were.
493
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:40,530
Are you kidding?
494
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:42,030
Being agreed with
and validated?
495
00:20:42,070 --> 00:20:43,570
I don't know
who I am anymore!
496
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,660
I'm suicidal!
497
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:48,330
But, dad, if we go back
to the way things were,
498
00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:49,540
then you and I
will feel better,
499
00:20:49,580 --> 00:20:51,580
but then Doug
will be unhappy again.
500
00:20:51,620 --> 00:20:54,120
We can't have that.
He's a good man.
501
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:55,670
But, Arthur,
I don't want to stay happy
502
00:20:55,710 --> 00:20:57,170
if the two of you
are unhappy.
503
00:20:57,210 --> 00:21:00,260
You're right.
That would be very unfair.
504
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,630
All right. So what
we're dealing with here is,
505
00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:05,180
basically, only two
of us can be happy
506
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:06,850
at the same time.
507
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:09,140
What do we do?
508
00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:10,350
So they're gonna
keep fighting,
509
00:21:10,390 --> 00:21:13,770
and I'm gonna come
for therapy once a week.
510
00:21:13,810 --> 00:21:15,520
How's Thursdays at 6:00?
511
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,650
It's perfect.
512
00:21:17,690 --> 00:21:19,690
I'd also like to write
you a prescription.
513
00:21:19,730 --> 00:21:21,610
That'd be great.
Thanks.
514
00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:31,120
So why do you think food
has become
515
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,080
such an important factor
in your life?
516
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:37,040
-Gee, I don't know.
-That's a good one.
517
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,590
I guess, 'cause, you know,
518
00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:43,720
food doesn't call you names
or say you're stupid.
519
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,130
It's always good.
520
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:48,220
Yes.
Thank you.
521
00:21:48,260 --> 00:21:52,220
Sometimes I feel like food
is the only friend I have.
522
00:21:53,930 --> 00:21:55,600
Hey.
Come here.
523
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,650
Get off me, lard ass!
524
00:21:59,110 --> 00:22:01,650
You are so dead
after this session.
525
00:22:07,990 --> 00:22:10,160
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