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1
00:00:03,330 --> 00:00:05,130
SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
2
00:00:05,170 --> 00:00:07,500
*My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:09,500
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:09,550 --> 00:00:12,420
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:18,220
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:22,390
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,400
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:29,690
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,570
CARRIE: Hon, there is a charge
on our credit card bill
10
00:00:36,610 --> 00:00:41,870
for 88.50 for NMG.
What is that, NMG?
11
00:00:41,910 --> 00:00:46,250
Maybe, uh, nutmeg groceries?
12
00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:50,750
Okay, first of all.
Nutmeg is one word.
13
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,470
And even more importantly
what the hell
14
00:00:53,510 --> 00:00:55,840
is nutmeg groceries?
15
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,300
Okay, you know,
you don't promote teamwork
16
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:00,220
when you trash my input.
17
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,390
I'm gonna call
that credit card company.
18
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,390
What is taking so long
with those sandwiches?
19
00:01:04,430 --> 00:01:05,810
Excuse me.
I'm an artist.
20
00:01:05,850 --> 00:01:07,810
Let me paint
my picture...
21
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:09,190
with bacon.
22
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,400
"For a question
about your bill, press one."
23
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,490
No, no.
24
00:01:13,530 --> 00:01:15,280
-Don't press any buttons.
-What?
25
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:16,910
You make believe
you have a dial phone.
26
00:01:16,950 --> 00:01:19,410
It gets you right
through to the operator.
27
00:01:19,450 --> 00:01:20,740
-Really?
-Yeah.
28
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:21,830
It's the telephone
equivalent
29
00:01:21,870 --> 00:01:23,870
of the handicapped
parking sticker.
30
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,330
God love you,
you got savvy.
31
00:01:27,370 --> 00:01:29,540
Yeah. You know
what else I got?
32
00:01:29,580 --> 00:01:30,590
Lunchy.
33
00:01:30,630 --> 00:01:32,550
Hallelujah.
34
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:35,380
Lunch!
35
00:01:36,590 --> 00:01:37,840
Ohh, great.
36
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,510
Your little plan
backfired.
37
00:01:39,550 --> 00:01:42,140
Now I'm
in voice-prompt hell.
38
00:01:44,770 --> 00:01:46,890
Two.
39
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,650
Come on out! Lunch!
40
00:01:50,270 --> 00:01:52,570
-Hiya, kids!
-Hey.
41
00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:56,610
Uncle Stu,
how you doing?
42
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,490
In honor of your visit,
I made one of my specialties.
43
00:01:58,530 --> 00:01:59,610
I hope you like BLTS.
44
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:02,580
Ooh, I couldn't
love 'em more.
45
00:02:03,870 --> 00:02:05,160
One.
46
00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:09,250
English.
47
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:11,710
What's that all about?
48
00:02:11,750 --> 00:02:13,500
I don't know. That's how
she talks on the phone.
49
00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:16,920
You know, it was
really nice for Arthur
50
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,470
to let me stay in his room
while he was away.
51
00:02:19,510 --> 00:02:20,550
You all right
down there?
52
00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:21,720
Are you kidding me?
53
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,970
It's like staying
in a hotel. Ha ha ha!
54
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:25,680
You know what
that man did?
55
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,310
He left me a mint
on my pillow.
56
00:02:28,350 --> 00:02:29,850
Actually, that might've
fallen out of his mouth
57
00:02:29,890 --> 00:02:31,650
while he was napping.
58
00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:33,690
You're a rascal,
you know that?
59
00:02:33,730 --> 00:02:36,780
Ha ha ha!
60
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,780
Mmm.
61
00:02:39,820 --> 00:02:40,950
Wow.
62
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,660
You know,
63
00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:46,750
this might be the best thing
I've ever eaten.
64
00:02:46,790 --> 00:02:48,500
Hey, dad.
What's up, Doug?
65
00:02:48,540 --> 00:02:49,540
Hey, Danny.
66
00:02:49,580 --> 00:02:50,500
Taste this sandwich.
67
00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:52,330
-I just ate.
-Taste it!
68
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:54,500
Dad, do you want to sell
your condo or not?
69
00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:55,880
We got the realtor
meeting us at 1:30.
70
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:59,340
Look, your cousin made
this sandwich. Take a bite.
71
00:03:02,260 --> 00:03:03,510
So?
72
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:04,930
It's good.
73
00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:07,850
It's good?
It's just good?
74
00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:09,430
It's great, okay, dad?
75
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:10,520
What do you want
from me?
76
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:11,900
Well, let me tell you
something.
77
00:03:11,940 --> 00:03:14,440
If your pizzas were half
as good as this sandwich,
78
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,730
maybe your shop
wouldn't have gone under.
79
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,360
My biggest fan here.
80
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,570
-Can we just go?
-Okay, okay.
81
00:03:22,610 --> 00:03:25,660
Dougie, have you got
a baggie for this ambrosia?
82
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,540
Yeah, sure.
83
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:28,700
Thanks.
84
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,920
Ah, zip-loc.
The best.
85
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:33,710
Yeah.
86
00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:36,250
Dougie, I'm gonna see you
at work tomorrow, right?
87
00:03:36,290 --> 00:03:37,380
Ride in your truck?
88
00:03:37,420 --> 00:03:38,380
Sure.
89
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:39,550
-Hey, thanks.
-There you go.
90
00:03:39,590 --> 00:03:41,340
-I'll see you.
-Okay.
91
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:42,880
Take care now.
92
00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:45,680
I work at I.P.S.
too, dad.
93
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:49,560
STU:Hey, look at this.
94
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,690
We're higher than the SUVs,
95
00:03:51,730 --> 00:03:54,350
and that's really
saying something.
96
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,810
Ah, Dougie,
97
00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:58,730
you're king of the road.
98
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,530
I'm just
so proud of you, Doug,
99
00:04:00,570 --> 00:04:02,320
what you've done
for yourself.
100
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,700
Thanks a lot,
Uncle Stu.
101
00:04:04,740 --> 00:04:06,780
I know your father
was always riding you
102
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:09,290
to take over
his hardware store.
103
00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:11,910
Yeah.
It wasn't for me.
104
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,370
I always knew there
was something better
105
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,580
out there.
106
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,960
DAD: Well, you see, son,
caulk and spackle
107
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,510
are actually
pretty different.
108
00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:22,300
Then, of course,
there's putty,
109
00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:24,430
which is a whole
another animal completely.
110
00:04:24,470 --> 00:04:26,010
MAN: I.P.S.
111
00:04:26,050 --> 00:04:27,470
I have a package
for you.
112
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:32,600
[HARPS STRUMMING]
113
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:33,980
DAD: Come on, Dougie.
Pay attention.
114
00:04:34,020 --> 00:04:37,060
For example, if you have
a hole in your wall,
115
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,820
that's a spackle job.
116
00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:40,400
DIFFERENT MAN:
Hello?
117
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:41,530
Got your sandwiches.
118
00:04:41,570 --> 00:04:44,650
[HARPS STRUMMING]
119
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:50,950
STU: So what you're saying is,
what you really want to do
120
00:04:50,990 --> 00:04:52,410
is run a sandwich shop?
121
00:04:52,450 --> 00:04:53,620
Yeah, but you know
when you're a kid
122
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,000
you have crazy dreams,
123
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:58,460
but this--this here--
this is fine.
124
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:00,460
O'BOYLE [OVER RADIO]:
Heffernan?
125
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,800
Uh, yes,
Mr. O'Boyle?
126
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,010
O'BOYLE [OVER RADIO]:
What's going on?
127
00:05:03,050 --> 00:05:04,670
That Star Warspinball machine
128
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,840
was supposed to bedelivered before noon.
129
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:09,470
Yes, sir. I'm sorry.
Just running a little late.
130
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,140
O'BOYLE [OVER RADIO]:Yeah?We'll I'm here fielding some
131
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:14,640
very angry phone callsfrom some very geeky people.
132
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,730
Put down the doughnutsand start driving, huh?
133
00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:18,940
Okay.
134
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:22,690
Doughnuts.
135
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,450
He kids me
about my weight.
136
00:05:25,490 --> 00:05:27,530
We laugh. We do.
137
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:32,790
Damn it, I can't hold my tongue.
138
00:05:32,830 --> 00:05:36,120
You shouldn't let
that man boss you around.
139
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,580
This is-my boss,
it's in the title.
140
00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:42,840
What? Was he smarter that you?
Is he better than you?
141
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:50,470
Testing,
Mr. O'Boyle?
142
00:05:50,510 --> 00:05:52,180
No, he's not. No.
143
00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:54,060
You know
what you should do?
144
00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,980
You should open
that sandwich shop
145
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:57,690
and work for yourself.
146
00:05:57,730 --> 00:05:59,190
-What?
-Yeah.
147
00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:02,150
You shouldn't have to take
any orders from this idiot.
148
00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:05,030
You should be taking sandwich
orders from your customers.
149
00:06:05,070 --> 00:06:07,570
That's your dream.
That's your gift.
150
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:11,660
I--I--I couldn't
do that.
151
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,710
CARRIE: Hey--
152
00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:18,040
your clothes
are everywhere.
153
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,830
what happened? They explode
off your body?
154
00:06:23,710 --> 00:06:25,880
What are you doing?
155
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:26,920
Thinking.
156
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,840
About sports
or boobies?
157
00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:31,720
Neither. Sandwiches.
158
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,720
How did I
leave that out?
159
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,100
Not sandwiches to eat.
160
00:06:35,140 --> 00:06:38,690
I'm thinkin' about sandwiches
as a way of life.
161
00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:41,770
You know my thing,
how I always wanted to open
162
00:06:41,810 --> 00:06:42,860
my own sandwich shop.
163
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:44,070
Oh, yeah. Yeah,
164
00:06:44,110 --> 00:06:45,900
you haven't talked
about that for a while.
165
00:06:45,940 --> 00:06:48,570
You think that's something
I can do, you know, someday?
166
00:06:48,610 --> 00:06:49,820
Sure.
167
00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:50,820
Really?
168
00:06:50,860 --> 00:06:52,910
Yeah, my man
can do anything
169
00:06:52,950 --> 00:06:54,870
he puts his mind to.
170
00:06:54,910 --> 00:06:57,080
Hey, you thought about
taping your remote controls
171
00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,750
to that ping-pong paddle so you
wouldn't lose them, right?
172
00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:03,880
I did, didn't I?
173
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,590
How great would it be?
174
00:07:05,630 --> 00:07:08,720
We get--we get free sandwiches
whenever we wanted, free soda.
175
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:09,760
You know, there'd be a TV there.
176
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,590
You'd put the game on.
177
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,760
Sounds a lot like downstairs.
178
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,260
But I'm with you.
I'm with you.
179
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,850
You know what
I think I should do?
180
00:07:16,890 --> 00:07:19,480
I should start putting
a few dollars away each week.
181
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,020
You know, maybe sell my bike.
182
00:07:22,060 --> 00:07:24,940
I don't think that triathlon
thing's gonna shake out.
183
00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:29,690
And then
a few years down the line,
184
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,650
really try and get this thing
off the ground, you know?
185
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:35,620
"Doug's:
A place for sandwiches."
186
00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:37,240
You know,
you're kind of sexy
187
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,660
when you talk all
ambitious and stuff.
188
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,080
Really?
189
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,630
Did I happen to mention
that I'm bottomless right now?
190
00:07:54,050 --> 00:07:55,640
SPORTSCASTER:Passes itto Anderson in the corner.
191
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,010
They're gonna spread it out.
192
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,640
Doug, would you mind
cracking my back?
193
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,100
Very much.
194
00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:04,150
Come on.
Stand up. Stand up.
195
00:08:04,190 --> 00:08:05,360
We go back to back.
196
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,650
We interlock arms,
and you lift.
197
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:10,440
All right,
just so you know,
198
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,030
this is the last time
our asses will ever touch.
199
00:08:15,410 --> 00:08:18,030
Oh, yeah!
200
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,540
There it is.
Crack!
201
00:08:21,580 --> 00:08:23,250
Oh!
202
00:08:23,290 --> 00:08:24,370
Whoo!
203
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,710
Now, I'm gonna lie
on my stomach and--
204
00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:27,250
We're done.
205
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,590
Hey, kids,
I got great news.
206
00:08:31,630 --> 00:08:33,590
That Korean couple
bought my condo.
207
00:08:33,630 --> 00:08:35,680
-Hey!
-Congratulations.
208
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,720
I did great on the sale.
209
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,100
They didn't want me
to paint it
210
00:08:39,140 --> 00:08:41,140
or fix the plumbing
or anything.
211
00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:44,100
They missed
all the problems.
212
00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:45,190
Nice work, dad.
213
00:08:45,230 --> 00:08:47,400
STU: Yeah,
but the bigger news is,
214
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:48,690
after I left my realtor,
215
00:08:48,730 --> 00:08:52,530
I went past a falafel joint.
It was for lease.
216
00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:53,950
Okay.
217
00:08:53,990 --> 00:08:57,240
So guess what I'm gonna do
with my windfall?
218
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,080
I'm gonna back you, Dougie.
219
00:09:00,660 --> 00:09:02,290
S-s-sorry. What?
220
00:09:02,330 --> 00:09:04,620
Yeah, so you can open
your sandwich shop.
221
00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:08,170
You're the talent.
I'm the money.
222
00:09:08,210 --> 00:09:09,630
Great.
223
00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:12,090
Really? I--I was--
I was thinking
224
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:14,590
I'd do that
down the line somewhere.
225
00:09:14,630 --> 00:09:16,010
"Down the line"?!
226
00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:18,550
Dougie, you're young.
You're strong.
227
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,640
You'll never be able
to make better sandwiches
228
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:22,720
than you can right now.
229
00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:26,640
Wow. Maybe you're right.
230
00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:28,020
Carrie, this is
the whole thing
231
00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:29,230
we were talking about
last night.
232
00:09:29,270 --> 00:09:30,400
It can actually happen.
233
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,610
Yeah. Yay.
234
00:09:35,070 --> 00:09:37,610
But--but, honey, we
can't take Stu's money.
235
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,120
That's his nest egg.
236
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,990
But what else
am I gonna do with it?
237
00:09:41,030 --> 00:09:42,580
Come on.
238
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:44,750
What do you say?
239
00:09:44,790 --> 00:09:47,330
I--I don't know
what to say
240
00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:49,580
except white wheat,
or rye?
241
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:53,760
That's my brother's boy.
242
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:59,140
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
243
00:10:00,430 --> 00:10:02,680
Possible name
for Italian sub:
244
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,480
the Hammy Aiello.
245
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,690
Call Danny's people.
Get that set up.
246
00:10:10,690 --> 00:10:12,230
Hey, honey,
what are you doing up?
247
00:10:12,270 --> 00:10:13,650
I--I couldn't sleep.
I got all these ideas
248
00:10:13,690 --> 00:10:15,780
for the sandwich shop
I had to get 'em down.
249
00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:17,030
Everybody loves egg nog.
250
00:10:17,070 --> 00:10:18,740
Serve it all year 'round.
Huh?
251
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:20,200
That's great.
252
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:21,490
Carrie,
it's amazing.
253
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:23,120
All these ideas are just
channeling through me.
254
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,490
I don't even know where
they're coming from.
255
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:25,830
Oh! Halloween
special...
256
00:10:25,870 --> 00:10:28,670
the Herman
muenster.
257
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:30,330
See what
just happened?
258
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:33,170
Yeah, ok, well, you got all
the funny sandwich names down,
259
00:10:33,210 --> 00:10:36,420
but how you doing with, like,
learning about bookkeeping,
260
00:10:36,460 --> 00:10:38,050
insurance,
state licensing?
261
00:10:38,090 --> 00:10:39,630
-Squagel.
-I'm sorry. What?
262
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,050
A squagel--
a square bagel.
263
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,390
A squagel
and a schmear.
264
00:10:46,850 --> 00:10:48,310
Uh-huh.
265
00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:51,100
"Squagel"--okay,
I like "squagel,"
266
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,150
but, um, can we
talk for a minute
267
00:10:53,190 --> 00:10:55,320
about your
squaycheck?
268
00:10:57,650 --> 00:10:59,110
You gonna do
this whole thing
269
00:10:59,150 --> 00:11:00,700
while still working
at I.P.S.? I mean.
270
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:01,870
I didn't tell you
all this?
271
00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:03,280
No.
272
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,780
I looked into it,
and the union allows you
273
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:07,540
to take 6 months off
unpaid.
274
00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:09,830
No pay, huh?
275
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:12,380
I know it's scary.
I'm a little scared, too,
276
00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:14,500
but you know how I know
it's gonna work out?
277
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:15,800
Because of you.
278
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,880
-Me?
-Yeah. I mean All these years
279
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:21,890
you've been on me about takin'
more initiative and everything.
280
00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:23,800
-Have I?
-Yeah.
281
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,510
You know, all that
"get off your fat ass" stuff.
282
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:30,140
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
283
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,230
Well, if you'll notice,
I am off said fat ass
284
00:11:33,270 --> 00:11:35,270
and she's a-stayin' airborne...
285
00:11:36,690 --> 00:11:38,610
and it's all thanks to you.
286
00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:41,860
That's sweet, honey.
287
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:46,160
So in appreciation,
I present to you...
288
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,450
The Carrie.
289
00:11:48,910 --> 00:11:52,250
Wow. What's in it?
290
00:11:52,290 --> 00:11:55,210
Eye makeup
and a pickle.
291
00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:56,380
I'm kidding.
292
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:01,420
It's good.
Try it. Carrie,
293
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,720
taste "The Carrie."
294
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,810
Hmm. Okay.
295
00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:10,140
DOUG: Huh? Huh?
296
00:12:10,180 --> 00:12:11,230
Mm-hmm.
297
00:12:11,270 --> 00:12:13,440
I'm yummy.
298
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,650
Wait till you try
yourself on a squagel.
299
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,440
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
300
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:25,660
Hey, guys.
301
00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:27,160
-Hey.
-Hey, Carrie.
302
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:28,450
-Find a good game?
-Ah, we got killed.
303
00:12:28,490 --> 00:12:30,750
I've never seen
a Hasidic kid dunk before.
304
00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:33,160
Moishe got game.
305
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,290
So, uh, what you got
going on tonight?
306
00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:37,500
-You got a hot date?
-Nah.
307
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:39,460
It's rough out there.
I got nothing.
308
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:40,590
Well, your fortune's
gonna change
309
00:12:40,630 --> 00:12:42,380
once I open
my sandwich shop.
310
00:12:42,420 --> 00:12:43,470
Oh, yeah? How's that?
311
00:12:43,510 --> 00:12:44,800
Because you'll be
in with the owner,
312
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,550
which means you can just
duck behind the counter
313
00:12:46,590 --> 00:12:47,850
and grab a soda
whenever you want.
314
00:12:47,890 --> 00:12:49,810
Chicks dig that.
315
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,640
Sounds like it's gonna be
a swingin' joint, my man.
316
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,230
Let's get
this party started.
317
00:12:53,270 --> 00:12:54,940
Yeah. All right, bro.
I'm gonna take a shower.
318
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:56,560
Is it ok if I use
your loofah?
319
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,770
I promise not to use it
on the parts we discussed.
320
00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:01,650
-That's fine, hon.
-Okay.
321
00:13:01,690 --> 00:13:03,950
All right.
See you, nephew.
322
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,820
Deacon, listen, we don't have
a lot of time.
323
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,200
I just want to ask you
a question off the record.
324
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,870
Do you really think that Doug
can run his own sandwich shop?
325
00:13:12,910 --> 00:13:14,330
-Sure.
-Really?
326
00:13:14,370 --> 00:13:15,710
And be successful?
327
00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:16,880
Oh, no.
328
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,300
Then what are you
encouraging him for?
329
00:13:20,340 --> 00:13:21,340
Because I'm his best friend.
330
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,840
I tell him
what he wants to hear.
331
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,670
Like when he asked me if he
looked good in those overalls.
332
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,510
You were the one who
told him they looked good?
333
00:13:27,550 --> 00:13:30,350
He wore those for
an entire summer!
334
00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:31,770
I don't know.
Maybe I'm wrong.
335
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:34,430
Maybe he can pull it off.
He makes a good sandwich.
336
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,850
Deacon, he has
no business sense.
337
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:40,230
I mean, he wants to stick
ads on traffic signs.
338
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:42,690
"Stop...at Doug's."
339
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,610
That could cause
fatal accidents.
340
00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:49,320
Thank you. That's why
you have to talk to him.
341
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:50,830
Look, I'm not
talking to him.
342
00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:53,240
Deacon, you have to.
343
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,700
If you can see the future,
344
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,670
it's your responsibility
to change it.
345
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,750
It's like shooting
baby Hitler.
346
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,420
Wait a minute.
You're his wife.
347
00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:03,880
Why don't you
tell him?
348
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,880
Because I'm already on record
saying I believe in him.
349
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,050
Well, why'd you
do that?
350
00:14:08,090 --> 00:14:09,430
Because it's like
when your kid says
351
00:14:09,470 --> 00:14:10,760
he wants to be president,
you don't say,
352
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,850
"No, Tommy.
You're a moron."
353
00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:15,560
you encourage him
because you don't think
354
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,060
it's ever
really gonna happen.
355
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:18,310
Well,
I got news for you.
356
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:20,560
Tommy's running
for president.
357
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,980
Not if you stop him.
358
00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:24,440
Look, why me?
359
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,030
Please? I can't hurt
his feelings like this.
360
00:14:27,070 --> 00:14:28,910
I mean, he's naming
a sandwich after me.
361
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:30,700
So? He already
named one after me.
362
00:14:30,740 --> 00:14:32,580
The Deacon: Pastrami,
corned beef,
363
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:33,990
Swiss cheese,
French dressing.
364
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,000
I got to level with you.
This sounds a whole lot
365
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,790
like the Spence
without the onions.
366
00:14:37,830 --> 00:14:40,540
Deacon, come on. He's meeting
with the man tomorrow.
367
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,960
He's gonna sign a lease.
I'm running out of time.
368
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,840
I'll tell you what. If the
overalls make a comeback,
369
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,840
I'll be that bad guy.
That's the best I can do.
370
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:48,760
I already
burned them!
371
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,760
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
372
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:58,690
So, the soda machine
works perfectly.
373
00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:02,060
And there's a brand-new
CO2 cartridge in there.
374
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,980
Co2? Not bad.
375
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,190
Hey, honey, check it out.
I'm wiping down the counter
376
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,400
after a hard day's work.
377
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:09,450
That's great, honey.
378
00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:10,700
Hey, sorry, kids,
we're closed,
379
00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:12,280
but, hey,
stay off the drugs!
380
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,370
Ha ha ha!
381
00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:16,120
Just keep me
laughing, Dougie,
382
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:17,500
that's all I ask.
383
00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:19,410
DOUG : All right. I guess
I'm ready to put a little
384
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,210
bet on a horse
called me.
385
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:23,000
-Where do I sign?
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
386
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,710
Doug, don't you want to ask
a few more questions first?
387
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,170
Like what?
388
00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:29,010
Like which soda distributor
gives you the best deal.
389
00:15:29,050 --> 00:15:31,180
How do you calculate
your payroll taxes?
390
00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:34,010
Do you offer your part-time
employees health insurance?
391
00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:36,470
I happen to know a few things
about the restaurant business.
392
00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:40,230
Oh, okay. Well, I'll be sure
to read the book you wrote,
393
00:15:40,270 --> 00:15:42,400
especially
chapter 11.
394
00:15:43,770 --> 00:15:45,480
I kid, man.
I kid out of love.
395
00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:47,940
Come with me to the back.
396
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,940
I'll show you
the storage area.
397
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:51,530
Then we can get
the paperwork going.
398
00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:53,030
Okay.
399
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,420
This must be
tough for you.
400
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:12,930
What do you mean?
401
00:16:12,970 --> 00:16:16,180
Well, I'm sure you have
a million ideas
402
00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:17,760
for great businesses,
403
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,310
and here, your own father's
giving Doug all his money.
404
00:16:20,350 --> 00:16:23,850
That--that can't
feel good.
405
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,900
Well, you know,
his money.
406
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,530
I'm happy for Doug.
407
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:29,980
Oh, yeah, me, too.
408
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:34,570
But...what about Danny
in all this?
409
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:36,780
When is it Danny's turn?
410
00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:40,000
What can I do
anyway?
411
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,040
I don't know.
I guess if it was me,
412
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,420
I would talk to my father
before that lease got signed.
413
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:46,790
I'd say...
414
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,840
"Dad, I'm your son.
415
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:53,090
Damn it, back me
and not Doug."
416
00:16:53,130 --> 00:16:55,300
But, you know, whatever.
It's none of my business.
417
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,100
I can't, okay?
418
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:03,310
I'm gonna
go wait outside.
419
00:17:03,350 --> 00:17:05,440
DOUG: All right, well, the
back area seems to be in order,
420
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,060
and, oh, by the way,
I just learned
421
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,360
who we're sharing
a dumpster with:
422
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,320
The corrective
shoe king.
423
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:11,900
Yeah, I just saw
his highness
424
00:17:11,940 --> 00:17:13,030
out in the alley
taking a leak.
425
00:17:13,070 --> 00:17:15,950
STU: Ha ha ha!
He's marvelous.
426
00:17:15,990 --> 00:17:18,200
All right, I got
all the papers.
427
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,620
Per your request,
the meat spit will stay.
428
00:17:21,660 --> 00:17:23,040
So if you're
ready to sign...
429
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,290
All right,
let's do it.
430
00:17:24,330 --> 00:17:25,420
Great.
431
00:17:28,290 --> 00:17:30,130
CARRIE:
Wait, wait! Um, Doug,
432
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:33,210
can I just talk to you
in there for one sec?
433
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:34,340
Okay.
434
00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:39,970
What's going on?
435
00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:41,510
I got to be honest
with you, okay.
436
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,060
I really don't have a good
feeling about this place.
437
00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:45,270
What? Why?
438
00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:49,150
Well, first of all,
what is that smell?
439
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,150
-What smell?
-Whoo!
440
00:17:52,190 --> 00:17:53,530
You're not gettin' that?
441
00:17:53,570 --> 00:17:56,990
It smells like something
just died in here.
442
00:17:57,030 --> 00:17:59,200
All right, Carrie, what--
what's really goin' on?
443
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:04,200
Okay, well, first, let me say,
I love you a whole lot.
444
00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:09,000
Dad, I'm your son, damn it.
445
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,630
Back me and not Doug.
446
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,010
Me? The problem
is me?
447
00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:16,010
Look, it's not you
in general.
448
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:17,430
It's you in this situation.
449
00:18:17,470 --> 00:18:18,590
You said
you believed in me.
450
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,100
So I guess all
that stuff about,
451
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:21,890
"Oh, you can do anything
you set your mind to,"
452
00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:23,350
that was a big
bunch of crap, huh?
453
00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:28,600
Crap is a strong word.
It was more like hooey.
454
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:30,940
Okay, well, you know what?
This is a real eye-opener.
455
00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:35,030
My wife doesn't
believe in me. Hmm!
456
00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:36,360
Doug, it's not just you.
457
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,360
Come on, I couldn't be
everything I wanted to be.
458
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:40,240
I mean, I could never be
an astronaut.
459
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:43,660
Uh-huh, okay, so me making
a go of a sandwich shop
460
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:45,120
is as likely
as you walking
461
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,250
on the surface
of the moon.
462
00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:50,290
Okay.
463
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:53,550
Listen to me. You have
a million great qualities,
464
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:56,720
just not the sharpest
business sense.
465
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,380
Really? Well, we'll just
see about that.
466
00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:02,050
What's--what's going on?
467
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,640
Oh...
468
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,430
Dougie, I can't back
your sandwich shop.
469
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,640
What?
470
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:11,060
I'm so sorry, but I'm
gonna go with Danny
471
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:15,320
because he's my son,
and I love him.
472
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,190
And I love you.
473
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,280
I know.
474
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:20,740
So come on, son.
475
00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:23,160
Let's go talk about
your new ideas.
476
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,580
Oh. I'd like that,
dad.
477
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:27,580
I'll see you tonight, kids.
478
00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:31,460
Oh, hey, Carrie, thanks
for making this happen.
479
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,970
Well, I think I finally
figured out
480
00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:43,600
what the smell is.
481
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,310
The stink of betrayal.
482
00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:55,520
I can't run a business.
483
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:58,610
I was born
to run a business.
484
00:19:58,650 --> 00:20:00,490
DAD:Dougie,watch the counter.
485
00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:01,740
I got to finishunpacking
486
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,240
these faucet handlesback here.
487
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,990
Is this coupon
still valid?
488
00:20:05,030 --> 00:20:07,290
MAN: I need to return this,
but I don't have a receipt.
489
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:08,660
Can you take it off
my charge card,
490
00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:10,000
or do I have to get
a store credit?
491
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,620
MAN: This car key works fine.
492
00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:16,130
Now, let's see, that's
76 cents. Here's $1.01.
493
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,350
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
494
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,140
That's two dimes
you just gave me.
495
00:20:27,180 --> 00:20:28,810
I gave you $1.01.
496
00:20:28,850 --> 00:20:31,520
You understand? $1.01.
497
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:43,610
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
498
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,650
Face on a cap.
499
00:22:00,690 --> 00:22:02,570
Face on a cap.
500
00:22:02,610 --> 00:22:04,900
Face on a cap!
501
00:22:06,990 --> 00:22:10,080
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
35389
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