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1
00:00:39,910 --> 00:00:41,580
Good luck
with your wrapper.
2
00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:46,290
SINGER: *My eyes aregettin' weary*
3
00:00:46,330 --> 00:00:48,750
*My back is gettin' tight*
4
00:00:48,790 --> 00:00:50,670
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
5
00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:53,840
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
6
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:58,090
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
7
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,560
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
8
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:06,640
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
9
00:01:06,690 --> 00:01:11,270
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
10
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,120
[TV PLAYS]
11
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:23,040
So, Saturday night,
huh?
12
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:24,700
Saturday night.
13
00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:25,960
This is sweet.
14
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,960
It do not get
better than this.
15
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,750
It do not.
16
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,220
So is this just a phase,
17
00:01:41,260 --> 00:01:44,600
or is this...
pretty much it for us?
18
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,060
What do you wanna do?
19
00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:48,810
Something a little bit
more action-packed.
20
00:01:48,850 --> 00:01:51,110
You wanna go hit amateur
night at a strip club?
21
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,740
I think
there's a middle ground.
22
00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:59,740
Um...hey,
let's go see a movie.
23
00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:02,740
A movie?
I like your spunk!
24
00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:05,080
Well, let's go, bub.
We are goin' to the movies!
25
00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,040
I am excited.
And you know what?
26
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,080
I'm gonna wear that new
underwear you bought me.
27
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,250
I look forward
to that.
28
00:02:12,290 --> 00:02:14,250
Since we're going, let's
call Deac and invite him.
29
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,920
Uh...not gonna happen.
30
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,130
He's, uh, he's not ready
to start goin' out yet.
31
00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:20,340
Come on. It's been 2 months
since Kelly left him.
32
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,180
He's gotta
have a movie in him.
33
00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:25,180
Look, we can call him,
but I'm telling ya,
34
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,560
he's not even answering
his phone anymore.
35
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,850
And you gotta hear
his machine.
36
00:02:29,890 --> 00:02:30,940
Brutal.
37
00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:32,560
[RING]
38
00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:33,940
ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hi. This is Deacon.
39
00:02:33,980 --> 00:02:36,070
I'm not here right now.
40
00:02:36,110 --> 00:02:37,820
Ahem.
41
00:02:37,860 --> 00:02:40,200
[VOICE BREAKS]If you'recalling for Kelly...
42
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,990
or my children...
43
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:47,250
they're at her mother'sat 732-555-1012.
44
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,750
[WHISPERS]I--I gotta go.
45
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:54,920
Just act normal.
46
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,090
[MACHINE BEEPS]
47
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,720
Hey, buddy, it's, uh,
it's Doug and Carrie.
48
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,260
Hey, fella!
49
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:06,720
Anyway, uh, look, man,
I know you're there,
50
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,100
so just pick up the phone.
Come on, man, huh?
51
00:03:09,140 --> 00:03:12,150
We're going to the movies,
and we wanna invite you along.
52
00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:13,270
Come on, man,
it's movie time.
53
00:03:13,310 --> 00:03:14,980
*Da da da da da da-da*
54
00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:17,360
Tss-tss-tss-tss-tss-tss!
55
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:18,740
The raisinettes
are playin' trumpet,
56
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:21,070
and, hey,
surround sound, huh?
57
00:03:21,110 --> 00:03:24,820
[ECHOING]
Whoa-oa...whoa-oa...
58
00:03:24,870 --> 00:03:27,290
Whaaaaaaa...
59
00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:33,000
Eeeeeeeeeeeeee...
60
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,080
[HIGH VOICE]
Ding-a-ling-a-ling-
61
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,710
a-ling-a-ling.
62
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,220
[DOORBELL RINGS]
63
00:03:45,260 --> 00:03:47,010
Hey, guy!
64
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,890
See, honey, I told you we
shouldn't have worn pants.
65
00:03:48,930 --> 00:03:50,770
Now we've embarrassed
him, huh?
66
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:53,060
-I kid. What's going on?
-Ha ha! Hey!
67
00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:56,650
Well, I guess we know
68
00:03:56,690 --> 00:03:59,320
who the neat freak
in the relationship was, huh?
69
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:00,650
Did you get
our message?
70
00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:02,320
Yeah, you guys
are, what--
71
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,860
getting some raisinettes
or something?
72
00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:06,030
We called to ask you
to the movies.
73
00:04:06,070 --> 00:04:08,740
Now we're takin' you
by force.
74
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,120
I'm kinda in the middle
of a project right now.
75
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:11,370
-What are you doing?
-I'm going through
76
00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:12,960
these old pictures,
seeing if Kelly
77
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,920
ever looked happy with me.
78
00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:19,050
I don't think she did.
79
00:04:19,090 --> 00:04:21,260
She was. She just had
a very sour face in general.
80
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,840
Yeah, that's true.
She frowned at everything.
81
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,930
Oh, yeah. If she won
the lottery, she'd be like,
82
00:04:25,970 --> 00:04:27,680
"Yeah, I won!"
83
00:04:29,930 --> 00:04:31,100
Uh-huh.
84
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,980
Come on.
We're serious.
85
00:04:33,020 --> 00:04:34,350
Go to the movies
with us.
86
00:04:34,390 --> 00:04:35,480
Yeah, come on, man.
87
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,110
Hey, I'll let you
feel me up,
88
00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:40,110
and then I'll let ya have
a run at Carrie. Come on!
89
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,740
It's just--you know what?
Hanging out with a couple
90
00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:45,110
right now is just
not a great idea.
91
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,450
Where you going?
92
00:04:46,490 --> 00:04:48,200
I'm getting my box
of pictures from the honeymoon.
93
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,290
I mean, if I get lucky, maybe
I'll find a smirk, I don't know.
94
00:04:52,870 --> 00:04:55,170
Doug, come on, we gotta
get him out of here.
95
00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:56,330
You heard him.
He won't go.
96
00:04:56,370 --> 00:04:57,830
All right, maybe
he won't go out with us,
97
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,000
but why don't you
take him out? I'll bail.
98
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,710
I mean, look at this place.
It's getting pretty scary.
99
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:06,220
Cereal in a frisbee?
Come on!
100
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:08,930
Actually, that was mine
from 2 weeks ago.
101
00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:11,100
Please, just take him out.
Go somewhere.
102
00:05:11,140 --> 00:05:12,270
-Go Where?
-I don't know.
103
00:05:12,310 --> 00:05:13,850
-Go to a nightclub.
-A nightclub?
104
00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:15,350
Yeah. Come on,
you used to love clubs.
105
00:05:15,390 --> 00:05:18,230
You used to be
like big, fun club guy.
106
00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:19,770
Yeah, but now I'm
big fall-asleep-
107
00:05:19,810 --> 00:05:20,980
with-crumbs-
on-my-chest guy.
108
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,230
People change.
109
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,240
Well, you're not
doing this for you.
110
00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,950
You're doing this
for Deacon.
111
00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:28,450
Come on, honey, we gotta
get him out of here
112
00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:30,780
before he humps
the photo album!
113
00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:34,250
Fine. I'll take him out.
114
00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:35,960
Hey, Deac, buddy,
come on, man.
115
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,750
You and I are gonna
go out without Carrie.
116
00:05:37,790 --> 00:05:39,080
Let's go!
117
00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:42,300
Okay. I think it's gonna
have to be another night.
118
00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:43,380
-Why?
-'Cause he just put
119
00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:44,460
his pajamas on.
120
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,970
Actually, I think
121
00:05:46,010 --> 00:05:48,090
he might have just
put Kelly's pajamas on.
122
00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:56,350
Carrie, I'm gonna
need you to read this,
123
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:57,940
and every time
you see the words
124
00:05:57,980 --> 00:06:00,150
"Hamburger patty,"
highlight it in blue.
125
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,110
Okay.
126
00:06:02,150 --> 00:06:04,030
Also, have you
met Lila?
127
00:06:04,070 --> 00:06:05,320
Uh, Lila. No.
128
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,900
She's Thompson's
new assistant.
129
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,070
I gotta tell you,
she looks exactly like you.
130
00:06:09,110 --> 00:06:10,160
-Really?
-Yeah.
131
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,990
It's incredible.
Really.
132
00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:17,000
Okay.
I believe you.
133
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,960
I'm not kidding, Carrie.
134
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,210
Well,
I--I can't comment.
135
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:24,050
I haven't seen her.
136
00:06:24,090 --> 00:06:26,090
Well,
you wanna see her?
137
00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:28,130
Here. That's her.
138
00:06:32,470 --> 00:06:36,810
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
139
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,900
All right.
The club scene.
140
00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:43,110
It's all comin' back.
141
00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:45,610
So gimme some guidelines
lady-wise.
142
00:06:45,650 --> 00:06:46,940
What do you like?
What do you need?
143
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,450
You like big boobs,
little boobs?
144
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:51,200
Full-figured, skinny, skanky?
Talk to me, goose.
145
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:54,950
I'd like anyone
who won't take my kids
146
00:06:54,990 --> 00:06:56,120
in the middle of the night
and move to Jersey,
147
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,040
that's what I'd like.
148
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,420
Will you forget about that?
All right, come on.
149
00:07:00,460 --> 00:07:02,580
Now, look. I want you
to have one conversation
150
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,960
with a pretty girl.
That's all I'm asking.
151
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,090
Candy shop is open.
Pick yourself a lolly.
152
00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:14,890
I don't know. I guess
they're kinda cute.
153
00:07:14,930 --> 00:07:17,180
There you go.
Perfect.
154
00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:19,020
Look at 'em
sitting there.
155
00:07:19,060 --> 00:07:22,520
They have no idea how
their lives are about to change.
156
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,110
They're
helpless antelopes.
157
00:07:25,150 --> 00:07:27,860
We're
lions in the grass.
158
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,570
Let the hunt begin.
159
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,080
So go ahead.
160
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,330
I thought
you were going.
161
00:07:41,370 --> 00:07:43,040
Me? I don't need
to meet women.
162
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,880
Well, you just said
tell me who you like.
163
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,880
That's what the pimp says before
he goes and gets you the girl.
164
00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,510
I'm not your pimp,
I'm your white sidekick.
165
00:07:52,550 --> 00:07:54,470
Now you go.
166
00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:56,050
No, I don't want to.
Let's get outta here.
167
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:59,060
No, fine, okay, I'll do it,
all right? Jeez!
168
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:02,100
Man...it's been a while
since I've done this.
169
00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:04,060
My heart is pumpin'.
170
00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:05,940
What was my old
routine again?
171
00:08:05,980 --> 00:08:08,940
Oh, yeah, shake it out,
untuck, and roll.
172
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:12,360
Hey there.
173
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,030
I don't know
if you ladies watch
174
00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:17,530
professional roller derby,
but...I'm Doug Heffernan.
175
00:08:20,290 --> 00:08:22,000
*It's gonna get ya*
176
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,670
*Rhythm is gonna get ya*
177
00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:26,380
*Rhythm is gonna get ya*
178
00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:28,290
*Tonight*
179
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:30,090
[SHOUTS]
*Oh-ey-oh-ey*
180
00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:31,590
*Oh-ey-oh-ey*
181
00:08:31,630 --> 00:08:33,050
*Oh-ey--*
182
00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:35,050
All right.
What time is it?
183
00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:37,100
It's quarter to 2:00.
Whassup?
184
00:08:37,140 --> 00:08:38,970
Wow. How'd it go?
185
00:08:39,010 --> 00:08:40,100
Oh, it was great.
186
00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:42,430
I was dancin',
had a few beers,
187
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,600
met a drunk dude who kept
high-fivin' me all night.
188
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,520
You see? You were
fighting me on this,
189
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,730
and it went great.
190
00:08:48,770 --> 00:08:50,360
Yeah. Oh, and by the way,
it turns out
191
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,690
when you're happily
married and you're not
192
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,400
desperate to pick
someone up,
193
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:56,610
the chicks just start
flyin' atcha. Ha ha ha.
194
00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:02,620
Atchaor at Deacon?
195
00:09:04,330 --> 00:09:05,500
Carrie, don't worry
about it. Come on.
196
00:09:05,540 --> 00:09:06,620
It was great for Deacon.
197
00:09:06,670 --> 00:09:08,250
He got out.
He got his feet wet.
198
00:09:08,290 --> 00:09:09,960
I learned what type
of woman he likes, which is,
199
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,300
P.S., bootylicious.
200
00:09:13,340 --> 00:09:15,090
That's good.
You did good, honey.
201
00:09:15,130 --> 00:09:17,260
Thanks. So we're
gonna kick it back
202
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:18,510
there on Thursday.
203
00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:20,310
What? You're
going back there again?
204
00:09:20,350 --> 00:09:21,970
Yeah, what'd you think,
I was gonna get him
205
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:25,060
remarried in one night?
I'm good, but I'm not that good.
206
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,600
All right, it's late.
I'm going to bed.
207
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,520
Come on! Stay
down here with me.
208
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:32,280
I'm up now!
Let's party.
209
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,030
Come on, partyyy!
210
00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:40,410
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
211
00:09:40,450 --> 00:09:42,580
Mr. Thompson's office.
Oh, no, she left.
212
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:44,580
I'm his
new assistant Lila.
213
00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:46,460
He's in court
this morning.
214
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:47,540
All right,
I'll tell him you called.
215
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:49,000
Bye-bye.
216
00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:11,190
[COUGHS]
217
00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:16,240
[SNEEZES]
218
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,450
Oh, bless you.
219
00:10:17,490 --> 00:10:18,700
Thank you.
220
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:31,380
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
221
00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:35,050
All right. Tonight, I wanna
see some progress, guy.
222
00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:37,220
Tonight,
it's all about you.
223
00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:39,380
This is your time.
This is your town.
224
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:41,470
-You ready?
-Not really, b--
225
00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:43,180
Good. Let's go.
226
00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:44,310
Hey, man,
what's going on?
227
00:10:44,350 --> 00:10:45,430
Hey, man--
228
00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:46,770
Hey, Eddie!
Tonight, you're buying!
229
00:10:46,810 --> 00:10:48,730
Hey!
230
00:10:48,770 --> 00:10:50,100
What's happening?
231
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,270
There they are,
the girls of Fordham u.
232
00:10:52,310 --> 00:10:53,520
I know
I can't afford 'em.
233
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:54,650
You?
234
00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:57,690
What's up, lizard?
Couple buds.
235
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:02,070
[REGGAE DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
236
00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:14,420
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYS]
237
00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:27,680
You havin' fun?
238
00:11:28,890 --> 00:11:30,560
What?
239
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,230
You havin' fun?
240
00:11:33,270 --> 00:11:35,150
-What?
-All right!
241
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,650
What?
242
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:56,590
Hey, Deac, wake up.
243
00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:57,750
-Huh?
-A bunch of these guys
244
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,590
are goin' out
for eggs. You up?
245
00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:01,510
What? It's 3 a.m.
We gotta work in the mornin'.
246
00:12:01,550 --> 00:12:03,510
I just wanna go home, man.
247
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,680
All right. I'm gonna go
with them, all right?
248
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,560
Hey, you did great
tonight, buddy.
249
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,400
You did great!
Hey, wait up! Shotgun!
250
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,900
[NIGHT FEVER PLAYING]
251
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,310
Hey, sweetness.
252
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:54,140
I'd like to show you
a picture my boss took.
253
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:57,690
Uh, what do you see
when you look at this picture?
254
00:12:57,730 --> 00:12:59,190
You and a girl
who looks like you.
255
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:00,730
Hey! Watch the hair.
256
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,860
Well, don't tell someone
they look like someone else
257
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:04,650
when they
very clearly don't!
258
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,280
Will you relax? Why is this
such a big deal for you?
259
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:07,620
It just is!
260
00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:08,950
Hasn't anyone
ever told you
261
00:13:08,990 --> 00:13:11,120
you look like someone,
and it offended you?
262
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:12,870
What, you mean, like,
every famous fat guy
263
00:13:12,910 --> 00:13:14,660
in any movie, ever?
264
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,710
That's different.
265
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:20,340
What's with
the getup anyway?
266
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:21,960
I'm going out
with Deacon tonight.
267
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,260
What? Again? That's
the third time this week.
268
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:25,630
Look, I'm doing this
for my friend.
269
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,260
He's suffering.
270
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:34,640
And you have to trim
your nose hair because...
271
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,900
Because I'm guiding him
through the singles scene, okay?
272
00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:39,730
I don't think he wants
a guy who's all, like,
273
00:13:39,770 --> 00:13:41,110
"Hey, what's up, ladies?
This is my friend Deacon
274
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:42,150
right here."
275
00:13:42,190 --> 00:13:43,320
"Deacon,
say hello to the girl.
276
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,700
Nice to meet you.
How you guys doing?"
277
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:48,240
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
278
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:49,910
[RING]
279
00:13:49,950 --> 00:13:50,910
Hello?
280
00:13:50,950 --> 00:13:52,040
DEACON:It's Deacon.
281
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,290
What's up, my brother?
282
00:13:54,330 --> 00:13:55,410
I was calling
to let you know
283
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:56,920
I can't go out tonight.
284
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,120
What? Why?
285
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,830
I met this girl
at church on Sunday,
286
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,040
and we're
just gonna hang out.
287
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,880
Dude,
I'm already dressed.
288
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:04,670
Sorry.
She's making me dinner.
289
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:06,260
You just met her
at church, and now
290
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,720
she's already making you
dinner? I gotta tell you, man,
291
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:09,340
you got a stalker
on your hands, friend.
292
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:10,800
What's your problem,
man?
293
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,350
My problem is,
we had plans this evening,
294
00:14:12,390 --> 00:14:14,680
and I think
you're being very rude.
295
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,270
Doug, in a second,
you may hear a noise
296
00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:19,440
that sounds likesomeone hanging up.
297
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,150
[DIAL TONE]
298
00:14:22,190 --> 00:14:23,320
Loser.
299
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,950
I'm glad Deacon canceled.
300
00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:29,200
I get my couch-Doug back.
301
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:32,740
Yeah, he's back.
302
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:37,160
I'm sorry I snapped at you
before about the picture.
303
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,670
It was just...
304
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,290
it's annoying.
305
00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:42,040
Do you know
that they actually put it
306
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,880
in the office newsletter?
307
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:45,800
Do you know
what the caption was?
308
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,880
"Mary-Kate and Ashley."
309
00:14:49,340 --> 00:14:50,390
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
310
00:14:50,430 --> 00:14:52,100
I'm just saying,
I mean, whatever,
311
00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:54,100
but people have actually
stopped me on the street
312
00:14:54,140 --> 00:14:56,100
and told me I look
like j-lo, you know?
313
00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:58,100
And one has
actually met her.
314
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,270
And this girl, trust me,
looks nothing like j-lo.
315
00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:04,110
So by simple
multiplication,
316
00:15:04,150 --> 00:15:06,820
there is no way
that I look like this girl.
317
00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:08,780
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYS]
318
00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:10,780
CARRIE: And it's not like
I need people coming up to me
319
00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:13,160
every 2 seconds and telling me
I'm beautiful or anything.
320
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,830
But I definitely don't need
people telling me
321
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:17,700
I look like people
that I don't look like.
322
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:18,870
You know
what I'm saying, hon?
323
00:15:18,910 --> 00:15:21,750
Oh, yeah. What?
You kidding me?
324
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,750
And let's say everybody
was right at the office
325
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:26,170
and I look
exactly like this girl.
326
00:15:26,210 --> 00:15:27,210
Do you know what?
327
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,050
It really
doesn't matter to me,
328
00:15:29,090 --> 00:15:32,300
because I'm beautiful
in here.
329
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:49,320
Hi, Dex.
330
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:50,990
Hey,
how's it going?
331
00:15:56,910 --> 00:15:58,950
Morning, Angie.
332
00:16:05,210 --> 00:16:08,460
Hey, whatcha got there?
You got some mail?
333
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,900
Hi, Lila!
334
00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:31,950
Hey.
335
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:33,030
How ya doing?
336
00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:35,280
Hey, new look.
337
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,160
Lila and...
slutty Lila.
338
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,500
Doug! I'm home!
339
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,380
Ow.
340
00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:52,380
Doug?
341
00:16:52,420 --> 00:16:54,050
Hello?
342
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,930
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
343
00:16:58,970 --> 00:17:00,220
DOUG:Hey, baby.I'm heading out to the club
344
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,430
after work tonight.
345
00:17:01,470 --> 00:17:04,140
Gotta go dothe cupid thang again.
346
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,940
Don't wait up. Love you.
347
00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:07,270
[MACHINE BEEPS]
348
00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:08,820
LILA:Hey, Carrie,it's Lila.
349
00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:11,110
Listen,I was thinking, tomorrow,
350
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:12,940
let's try to convinceTom in accounting
351
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,610
that I'm you!
352
00:17:14,650 --> 00:17:16,030
Bye!
353
00:17:22,580 --> 00:17:23,960
Hey, look,
354
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,040
this singles world,
it's a bumpy ride.
355
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:27,380
But the important thing is,
356
00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:29,250
you're out here
trying, buddy...
357
00:17:29,290 --> 00:17:30,920
and I'm here for you.
358
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,180
Why did you
wake me up for this?
359
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,300
You love the club scene.
360
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:39,430
I do not!
361
00:17:39,470 --> 00:17:41,100
All right? I'm
awkward and sweaty,
362
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:44,180
and many women think
I'm in junior high.
363
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,350
Do not do that
to yourself.
364
00:17:45,390 --> 00:17:48,230
You, my friend,
you're awesome.
365
00:17:48,270 --> 00:17:50,070
Now I have to meet
some people at the bar.
366
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,860
You wouldn't like them.
They're really not your type.
367
00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:54,320
But you...
368
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:55,860
you're awesome.
369
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,460
Freaks.
370
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,500
You've never seen
the terminator?
371
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:11,500
I don't believe you.
372
00:18:11,540 --> 00:18:12,630
Deacon?
373
00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:13,670
Oh, hey, girl!
374
00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:15,170
Hey,
what's going on?
375
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,510
I thought you were going
out with Doug tonight.
376
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:17,680
No. Actually,
I met someone.
377
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,010
I'm hanging out
with Wendy tonight.
378
00:18:19,050 --> 00:18:20,970
Wendy, Carrie.
Carrie, Wendy.
379
00:18:21,010 --> 00:18:23,010
-Hi.
-Hi.
380
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:26,020
So you're not suffering
at the moment?
381
00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:28,140
Suffering? No.
382
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,400
I'm a little disappointed
'cause they don't have
383
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,900
along came a spider,
but otherwise--
384
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,150
Right. Right.
385
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:33,690
-What's wrong?
-Nothing.
386
00:18:33,730 --> 00:18:36,150
I'm just pretty sure I need
to go kick cupid's ass.
387
00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:37,570
Excuse me.
388
00:18:40,530 --> 00:18:43,200
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
389
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:47,290
[CROWD CHEERING]
390
00:18:53,670 --> 00:18:54,960
That guy's awesome.
391
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:56,420
He's gonna break
the record.
392
00:19:09,350 --> 00:19:10,980
Hi.
393
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:13,270
Hey, what's going on?
394
00:19:13,310 --> 00:19:14,480
Oh, not much.
395
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,990
I just
ran into Deacon...
396
00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:18,070
on a date.
397
00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:19,150
I'm here for Spence!
398
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,450
Oh, will you stop it!
399
00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:21,990
No, it's true.
He's single, too.
400
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,280
He needs me.
That's what I do.
401
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,290
I help the single.
Where is he? Spence?
402
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,410
Oh, come on. He's outside
waiting for a cab.
403
00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:28,500
He said
you kept ditching him.
404
00:19:28,540 --> 00:19:29,750
He's drunk
out of his mind.
405
00:19:29,790 --> 00:19:31,210
Oh, come on!
406
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,750
This isn't about
your friends, admit it.
407
00:19:32,790 --> 00:19:34,420
This is about you
getting your jollies
408
00:19:34,460 --> 00:19:35,960
in at nightclubs.
409
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,210
All right, fine.
I admit it.
410
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,590
But you sent me here
to get my jollies.
411
00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:41,010
No, I sent you here
to help Deacon
412
00:19:41,050 --> 00:19:42,470
get his jollies.
413
00:19:42,510 --> 00:19:46,180
Well, it's dark. Jollies get
very mixed up in this place.
414
00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:47,680
And what's
the big deal anyway?
415
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,230
So I'm feeling good
about myself.
416
00:19:49,270 --> 00:19:51,560
Oh, so what? I'll
tell you so what, okay?
417
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,270
You--you--you feeling
good about yourself
418
00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:54,310
and me feeling lousy,
419
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,570
that's not gonna fly,
buddy,
420
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:57,030
so here's how it's
gonna go down, okay?
421
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,360
You're gonna hang up
your old chain,
422
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,780
you're gonna let
your nose hair grow,
423
00:20:00,820 --> 00:20:03,240
and we're gonna go back
to sitting on the couch
424
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,030
and feeling just okay.
425
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,740
Because that's
what marriage is.
426
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,120
All right, fine.
427
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,710
I'm coming back
to the couch.
428
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:14,080
Just gimme a second.
I gotta find my keys.
429
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,290
I think they
shot out of my pants
430
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:17,340
when I got
rocketed off the bull.
431
00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:26,220
Okay, I definitely
know you from somewhere.
432
00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:27,510
Uh...
433
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,220
Actually, I just saw you
walk in here,
434
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,390
but I thought you were
really, really hot.
435
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:33,730
-You do?
-Yeah.
436
00:20:33,770 --> 00:20:35,690
So you wanna
go out to my van?
437
00:20:36,650 --> 00:20:40,490
Oh, my God.
That is so sweet.
438
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:42,200
But, no,
I'm married.
439
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,530
But thank you.
440
00:20:43,570 --> 00:20:44,610
Okay.
441
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,120
Catch you later.
442
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:47,780
Okay.
443
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,120
Aw.
444
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,410
All right. Let's
get outta here.
445
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,080
Let's hit the couch.
446
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:55,250
Um, you know what, honey?
Since we're here,
447
00:20:55,290 --> 00:20:57,710
why don't we stay
for a song?
448
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,670
-Are you serious?
-Sure. Why not?
449
00:21:00,710 --> 00:21:02,170
All right. I'm warning ya.
I picked up
450
00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:03,630
a few new moves,
so don't be scared.
451
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,220
All right. Come on.
452
00:21:05,260 --> 00:21:08,050
Show me what you're
working with. Come on!
453
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,180
Come on.
454
00:21:09,220 --> 00:21:10,680
Oh, boy! Oh, yeah!
455
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:11,730
-Shake it! Oh, yeah!
-Watch it!
456
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:12,850
Watch the back!
Watch the back!
457
00:21:12,890 --> 00:21:14,190
Oh, yeah,
I'm watching.
458
00:21:14,230 --> 00:21:15,520
I'm watching!
There you go!
459
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:16,810
Come on! Oh, yeah!
Work it!
460
00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:19,270
-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, wow!
461
00:21:23,070 --> 00:21:25,780
[SCREAMING]
462
00:21:27,950 --> 00:21:29,490
Oh, my God! That...
463
00:21:29,530 --> 00:21:30,830
that little boy is gonna break
the junior record.
464
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:34,960
[SCREAMING]
465
00:21:36,790 --> 00:21:38,880
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
32520
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